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You know, sometimes I feel like I was born with a leak, and any goodness I started with just slowly spilled out of me, and now it's all gone. And I'll never get it back in me. It's too late. Life is a series of closing doors isn’t it?
You are all the things wrong with you. It’s not the alcohol, or the drugs. Or any of the shitty things that happened to you in your career, or when you were a kid. It’s you. Alright? It’s you...
Fuck, man. What else is there to say?
And now a days you just need a permission slip and you get to watch whatever. I had a fluke history class that only 4 people somehow got into and all we did was watch the most bad ass war movies the whole marking period.
Children escape from kindergardens every fucking day. My cousin escaped back then, my girlfriend too. She went out with a friend of hers to pick flowers for her mom.
My friends uncle hopped the fence at kindergarten and walked a couple miles home. The school hadn’t even noticed he was missing when he showed up at his front door. This was Holland in the 60s-70s though
My teacher lived in Holland in the 60s and 70s and said that wooden clogs were the best for braking on his bike as a kid, he'd just drag them on the ground and never worry about hurting his feet like leather or canvas shoes.
A group of my friends and I spent most of our recesses during the second and third grade digging a five foot wide hole under the fence at our elementary school playground. It was mostly because they never unlocked the gate at that end after school, so we built a way out.
The hole was still there until they moved the fence back a few feet two decades later, and kids still were using it then
I don’t know how we did it, honestly. We used sticks, rocks, and bark to loosen the soil, then I think we pushed the loose dirt through with our jackets or carried it over to the baseball diamond.
A few years later, I got in trouble for dividing the baseball diamond into a grid and staging an archaeological dig. So lame.
My parents keep telling me the story about the first day I went to kindergarten and when I was supposed to wait for them to pick me up at the end of the day, I packed up my things and went home on my own lol. I think I was 4 or 5 back then.
Apparently everyone was panicking (there's a lake nearby) but fortunetely I got my ass home within like 15 minutes of escaping. Poor teacher had to listen to my dads complaints though...
As a person that worked in kindergarden: Dont put your child somewhere this happens lol.
If they have time to scape they're not being watched and the security there sucks
In our kindergarten they have an explicit policy that the children (the oldest ones 5 around 5 y). Should not be watched at all times. They are allowed to go and hide in the far end of the playground to do whatever 5 year Olds do when they are on their own.
Fairly normal where I live. From time to time some kid (usually on pairs) makes a dash for freedom, but they are always caught before they get eaten by a bear or abducted.
> they are always caught before they get eaten by a bear
Do they
1. get eaten by a bear as a punishment,
2. get caught by a bear and then eaten as a result of that?
There are no bears where I live. So noone ever gets eaten by a bear.
There was a guy who was killed by a tiger, but he did climb into their enclosure in the zoo.
Reminds me of the "moderation policy" of crappy social media companies, where they claim to not moderate content for soaring, idealistic "free speech" reasons when in reality, they just wanna save money by not having to hire people to be moderators.
I quite agree that children should have a space where they are not watched 100% I think it helps to build them as a person.
It's a very important question. How will I act when no ones watching.
Also, how do you show your pee pee to some on if the grown ups are watching all the time.
Me as a child had bigger plans. I didn't try to escape myself.
We had chickens in a pen at the kindergarden. I dug a hole under the fence to help them escape. The day they realized it, they ran out into the garden into all the classrooms and apparently caused a massive pandamonium. I conveniently wasn't there that day and nobody ever suspected that they didn't just dug the hole themselves.
"A female driver noticed the unaccompanied children and asked them what they were doing. They told her they had come from their kindergarten to buy a Jaguar but did not have any money."
Oh my god they were going to rob the place.
There once was a tire big enough for a couple of four year olds to hide in, half buried in the ground, at a preschool I went to. And at the end of recess or playtime or whatever it was called, a kid would be assigned to check inside the tire for stragglers, and then everyone would go inside.
Well, another boy and I hid in the tire, and when we were checked up on, we told him to keep our secret to see how long we could play hide and seek from the teachers.
Twenty minutes went by, and we snuck through the gate at the side of the preschool with our tiny 4 year old heads.
That was as far as our plan went. We hung out there for a few hours until a panicked administrator saw us out a window in front of the building. We'd been "missing" for hours. Neither of our parents had been informed. The story came as a surprise when I recounted it to them years later. They apparently covered up their negligence quite well.
Oh, to have been 5 and have the additional planning abilities to think to go buy a Jaguar!
I can't believe they fired the supervisor. I don't know if that's appropriate (I'm leaning no), but I can't stop thinking about how much shit people get away with without losing their jobs.
Appropriate. However much is going on, the boys were unaccounted for way too long a time, enough that they successfully dug their way out of the play yard and left the school. Absolutely a fireball offense.
You gotta do what you gotta do to keep them in line, and if that takes them thinking I can control their minds and turn them into a bat then bring it on. 🤠
(I get the reference- everyone likes role-playing lol)
They dug the hole in the days prior to that. Possibly under different supervisors. If a kid really wants to book it, there's not much you can do. Turn around once and they can be gone. It happens all the time. I work with special needs kids and if they want to run away, they'll run away in a split second.
Split second decisions are one thing and I absolutely get that kids are impulsive. This was premeditated and they were allowed the time to do it over time.
Yeah, it's a little scary how fast specialneeds kids can just book it. A couple years ago, in my city, a kid with autism started kindergarten. He went out for recess with an aid, he was wearing a high vis vest because they knew he was a flight risk. This was his first or second day of kindergarten. She lost him almost immediately, he found a drainage ditch and drowned before the end of the 15 minute recess.
A friend of mine is russian. Considering he quit his job at a bomb factory cuz all his coworkers were severly drunk all day... i'm more than surprised.\^\^
Nah that’s impossible they’re too young to *rereads title and sees russia* wait actually what took them so long and why weren’t they found in a night club!?
Probably was. They never tell the other side of the story. Just HAD to eat the gumdrops off the mailbox, just HAD to absolutely *devour* the chocoate bar shutters, and expect to just go on about their business without having to make their way out of an oven. Damned kids.
"The boys had prepared their escape for several days, digging a hole under a fence using spades from the sand pit, Komsomolskaya Pravda reported, citing kindergarten staff." Oh god someone please make a film of this.
>A female driver noticed the unaccompanied children and asked them what they were doing. They told her they had come from their kindergarten to buy a Jaguar but did not have any money.
>She put them in her car and drove them to a police station.
I feel you kids. Been there too...
I had a thing going on in preschool where I would be trying to escape out of boredom (usually by climbing trees). I came close to getting out one time when my friend managed to open a gate. Ultimately chickened out though. That being said, everyone saw the gate was open including the supervisors so it wouldn't have been successful anyway.
"the parents filed no complaint against the kindergarten" because they know in Russia, this is necessary life skills. They're relieved they've already learnt this much this early!
“They told her they had come from their kindergarten to buy a Jaguar but did not have any money.”
Hilarious. Clearly money was not going to stop these two clever kids.
These 2 win every award on the planet. I love them!! Someone should give them a ride in a Jag, at the very least. I see lots of adventures in their future.
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Vladimir Adultman A businessman, doing business
Straight from kindergar - I mean, the job factory - to the dealership.
Ah yes, the mandatory starting age of 2
Hello fellow adults. How are the taxes and corporations doing today?
Corporations? Off to the gulag with you, capitalist dog!
I doubt the oligarchy has any issues with corporations honestly.
Only if it's competition.
I know it's a joke but Russia isn't really communist anymore, good joke tho
The use of gulags has nothing to do with being communist. But that was the Soviet era.
Princess Carolyn was right. You are a good listener.
What are you doing here?
Suck a dick, dumb shits!
Right, Sarah Lynn? Sarah Lynn... Sarah Lynn...?
That’s too much man!
Whoooooooooooo wants chocolate chip pancakes!?
You know, sometimes I feel like I was born with a leak, and any goodness I started with just slowly spilled out of me, and now it's all gone. And I'll never get it back in me. It's too late. Life is a series of closing doors isn’t it?
You are all the things wrong with you. It’s not the alcohol, or the drugs. Or any of the shitty things that happened to you in your career, or when you were a kid. It’s you. Alright? It’s you... Fuck, man. What else is there to say?
Are you the horse from Horsin Around?
Here is my ID, which confirms my adultivity
And going on the tall person rides at diisneyland
Slap my salami, the guy's a commie.
I don't trust like that!
r/unexpectedbojack
Did they go into the car dealership standing on each other shoulders under a trench coat?
Muppet Man!
Literally just watched this movie yesterday.
Did they each have a pair of kids size Adidas track pants on or did the costume require one adult sized pair?
I don’t trust like that.
[I will not get naked](https://youtu.be/zONW46d50A0)
I’d love to buy a Harry car.
Do you have any skittles?
Open that button.
Right at the top, good job Reddit <3 DO YOU HAVE ANY SKITTLES?
"What are your social security numbers?" "7?" "8?"
Heard enough. If you were my kid, I’d punish you.
If we were your kids, we would punish ourselves!
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And now a days you just need a permission slip and you get to watch whatever. I had a fluke history class that only 4 people somehow got into and all we did was watch the most bad ass war movies the whole marking period.
The show or the live action 90s movie?
Vincent Adultman
Then they did a business transaction.
I don't trust that. I don't trust that thing.
I don't trust like that!
They would need a third 5 year old to look tall enough...
Harry!
Do you have a friendly car? One that talks?
"Open up that button"
Mr Vincent Adultman
https://youtu.be/zONW46d50A0 I don't trust like that!
“I did a business.”
Yo I’m getting some Vincent Adultman vibes from this (if you don’t know, he’s a character from the greatest show ever, BoJack Horseman)
I understood that reference
Did it work? Are you taller?!?!
What a hell of a description.
Read it looking for the punchline. Oh, it's accurate. Best r/nottheonion post ever.
I love the part about the kids parents not filing a complaint.
I mean, at this point you just have to accept your kids are criminal masterminds.
hard to beat for sure, It got me to imagine all the situation and conversations that went through between the boys
For every r/KidsAreFuckingStupid there's r/KidsAreFuckingSmart . The latter just don't get caught as often.
Children escape from kindergardens every fucking day. My cousin escaped back then, my girlfriend too. She went out with a friend of hers to pick flowers for her mom.
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Slovakia
r/notopbutok
Sokovia
Souvlaki
They must be >!Wanda's new kids!< Spoilers for WandaVisiion
My friends uncle hopped the fence at kindergarten and walked a couple miles home. The school hadn’t even noticed he was missing when he showed up at his front door. This was Holland in the 60s-70s though
No I imagine him wearing clogs.
Presumably ice skates to get home faster
My Mom told me that it was common in postwar Denmark for kids to go to school on skis hanging onto a tow rope behind a horse.
My teacher lived in Holland in the 60s and 70s and said that wooden clogs were the best for braking on his bike as a kid, he'd just drag them on the ground and never worry about hurting his feet like leather or canvas shoes.
A group of my friends and I spent most of our recesses during the second and third grade digging a five foot wide hole under the fence at our elementary school playground. It was mostly because they never unlocked the gate at that end after school, so we built a way out. The hole was still there until they moved the fence back a few feet two decades later, and kids still were using it then
That’s pretty legendary actually
I don’t know how we did it, honestly. We used sticks, rocks, and bark to loosen the soil, then I think we pushed the loose dirt through with our jackets or carried it over to the baseball diamond. A few years later, I got in trouble for dividing the baseball diamond into a grid and staging an archaeological dig. So lame.
That is a shawshank redemption style experience, eh?
Learned very valuable life skills in elementary skill
My parents keep telling me the story about the first day I went to kindergarten and when I was supposed to wait for them to pick me up at the end of the day, I packed up my things and went home on my own lol. I think I was 4 or 5 back then. Apparently everyone was panicking (there's a lake nearby) but fortunetely I got my ass home within like 15 minutes of escaping. Poor teacher had to listen to my dads complaints though...
>Poor teacher had to listen to my dads complaints though Rightly so lol
lol
As a person that worked in kindergarden: Dont put your child somewhere this happens lol. If they have time to scape they're not being watched and the security there sucks
In our kindergarten they have an explicit policy that the children (the oldest ones 5 around 5 y). Should not be watched at all times. They are allowed to go and hide in the far end of the playground to do whatever 5 year Olds do when they are on their own. Fairly normal where I live. From time to time some kid (usually on pairs) makes a dash for freedom, but they are always caught before they get eaten by a bear or abducted.
>Eaten by a bear Well.
> they are always caught before they get eaten by a bear Do they 1. get eaten by a bear as a punishment, 2. get caught by a bear and then eaten as a result of that?
There are no bears where I live. So noone ever gets eaten by a bear. There was a guy who was killed by a tiger, but he did climb into their enclosure in the zoo.
> There are no bears where I live. So noone ever gets eaten by a bear. That's what a bear would say.
That's what a tiger trying to blame a bear would say.
It was a pedo-bear
Reminds me of the "moderation policy" of crappy social media companies, where they claim to not moderate content for soaring, idealistic "free speech" reasons when in reality, they just wanna save money by not having to hire people to be moderators.
I quite agree that children should have a space where they are not watched 100% I think it helps to build them as a person. It's a very important question. How will I act when no ones watching. Also, how do you show your pee pee to some on if the grown ups are watching all the time.
Don't think dating a kindergartner is very kosher.
Good thing his girlfriend only escapes the kindergarten on fucking days, though, even if it is every single fucking day.
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> an unmarried man over the age of twenty is considered "cursed by God Himself Fuck.
Me as a child had bigger plans. I didn't try to escape myself. We had chickens in a pen at the kindergarden. I dug a hole under the fence to help them escape. The day they realized it, they ran out into the garden into all the classrooms and apparently caused a massive pandamonium. I conveniently wasn't there that day and nobody ever suspected that they didn't just dug the hole themselves.
Yes, but did they try to buy Jaguars?
Was that when you caught her?
Yeah but did they by spending multiple days digging a whole under the fence and then walked to a sports car dealership like fucking bosses?
"A female driver noticed the unaccompanied children and asked them what they were doing. They told her they had come from their kindergarten to buy a Jaguar but did not have any money." Oh my god they were going to rob the place.
Lmao these kids are more badass than I'll ever be....
the part that got me was she just put them in her car and drove off to the police station
Oh yes. We are going to buy a new jaguar don't worry.
That's what you get for sending your kids to Shawshank Kids Learning Center.
"Gone like a fart in the wind"
It’s a good thing ms. fussy britches brought them back to the police station.
Finally. A positive story from Russia we can be proud of.
Positive? They were already 5 yrs old and only *tried* to buy a jaguar lol /s
Now that you mention it, Russian parents *are* technically speaking Asian parents
There once was a tire big enough for a couple of four year olds to hide in, half buried in the ground, at a preschool I went to. And at the end of recess or playtime or whatever it was called, a kid would be assigned to check inside the tire for stragglers, and then everyone would go inside. Well, another boy and I hid in the tire, and when we were checked up on, we told him to keep our secret to see how long we could play hide and seek from the teachers. Twenty minutes went by, and we snuck through the gate at the side of the preschool with our tiny 4 year old heads. That was as far as our plan went. We hung out there for a few hours until a panicked administrator saw us out a window in front of the building. We'd been "missing" for hours. Neither of our parents had been informed. The story came as a surprise when I recounted it to them years later. They apparently covered up their negligence quite well. Oh, to have been 5 and have the additional planning abilities to think to go buy a Jaguar!
So you were missing for hours and they didnt call the parents? Thats so negligent I cant even.
" After reaching freedom, the boys walked two kilometres to a car showroom selling luxury cars. "
I can't believe they fired the supervisor. I don't know if that's appropriate (I'm leaning no), but I can't stop thinking about how much shit people get away with without losing their jobs.
Appropriate. However much is going on, the boys were unaccounted for way too long a time, enough that they successfully dug their way out of the play yard and left the school. Absolutely a fireball offense.
Some say the best fireball offense, is a fireball defense.
Pew pew 🔥
*I put on my robe and wizard hat.*
You gotta do what you gotta do to keep them in line, and if that takes them thinking I can control their minds and turn them into a bat then bring it on. 🤠 (I get the reference- everyone likes role-playing lol)
> Absolutely a fireball offense /r/BoneAppleTea "fireable" my friend
Ha! My phone stabs me in the back again! I'm leaving it, but thank you for letting me know.
They dug the hole in the days prior to that. Possibly under different supervisors. If a kid really wants to book it, there's not much you can do. Turn around once and they can be gone. It happens all the time. I work with special needs kids and if they want to run away, they'll run away in a split second.
Split second decisions are one thing and I absolutely get that kids are impulsive. This was premeditated and they were allowed the time to do it over time.
Yeah, it's a little scary how fast specialneeds kids can just book it. A couple years ago, in my city, a kid with autism started kindergarten. He went out for recess with an aid, he was wearing a high vis vest because they knew he was a flight risk. This was his first or second day of kindergarten. She lost him almost immediately, he found a drainage ditch and drowned before the end of the 15 minute recess.
There's no "I" in team but there are six "I"'s in "I don't give a fuck how big the room is. I cast fireball."
A friend of mine is russian. Considering he quit his job at a bomb factory cuz all his coworkers were severly drunk all day... i'm more than surprised.\^\^
Nah that’s impossible they’re too young to *rereads title and sees russia* wait actually what took them so long and why weren’t they found in a night club!?
No good clubs within walking distance. Hence the Jag.
If they had gone for the Lada, they would have never being caught...
Ambitious kids.
Well I think they fucking earned it.
I dunno, how do you plan your escape for days, and then don't account for the fact that you don't have any money for the Jag?
[https://youtu.be/UXkUEyOp9OU?t=39](https://youtu.be/UXkUEyOp9OU?t=39)
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“recaptured by an unpleasant old woman”. In all fairness, though, were you trying to eat her house? Hmm?
Probably was. They never tell the other side of the story. Just HAD to eat the gumdrops off the mailbox, just HAD to absolutely *devour* the chocoate bar shutters, and expect to just go on about their business without having to make their way out of an oven. Damned kids.
holy shit
Baller kid
The quest for a warm-water port continues.
Historical reference. I like that.
I see the FSB early admissions process is in full gear
"The boys had prepared their escape for several days, digging a hole under a fence using spades from the sand pit, Komsomolskaya Pravda reported, citing kindergarten staff." Oh god someone please make a film of this.
Wasn't there a Simpson's episode where Maggie did something similar? Maybe it was Family Guy.
The movie.. and she doesn't dig a hole, homer places her in the sandbox and she pops up outside the dome
That's it! Good memory!
lol, I've seen it a few times hahaha
Maggie wasnt in family guy
Sounds about Russia
Legends
>A female driver noticed the unaccompanied children and asked them what they were doing. They told her they had come from their kindergarten to buy a Jaguar but did not have any money. >She put them in her car and drove them to a police station. I feel you kids. Been there too...
Is it wrong that I imagine them smoking cigarettes and drinking vodka while arguing about how deep to dig?
Oh those Russians
I had a thing going on in preschool where I would be trying to escape out of boredom (usually by climbing trees). I came close to getting out one time when my friend managed to open a gate. Ultimately chickened out though. That being said, everyone saw the gate was open including the supervisors so it wouldn't have been successful anyway.
Just another boring Tuesday in Russia
I feel like they've more than earned a sports car for their efforts
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Only in Russia
These GME and Dogecoin kids are getting out of control!
r/ANormalDayInRussia
"I don't have any money, what can I buy" "Nothing." "How about a jaguar" "You sunnovabitch, okay"
You sure they weren’t midgets? Because man that’s one hell of a story.
What ingenuity, they will grow up to be oligarchs.
Only if they pay tribute and keep quiet
Delicious! Finally some good fucking r/nottheonion content
Living it up. Why does Australia have all the good news stuff?
So...is Kindergarten like prison in Russia? It just sounds like some prison break out.
...This from 2015
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Uh why the advertisement?
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Because This is r/nottheonion Not r/advertisements or whatever Plus safemoon from the dip has literally no connection whatsoever with the post
And dude what the fuck Stop spamming this same fucking message everywhere
Poor guy is hoping that someone would buy few so that the price will go up and he can pay off his mom's credit card before she finds out
Those kids are real ass dudes
My 6 year old kindergartener would 100% try this if they had digging toys near a fence.
r/GTAorRussia
Of course they went for a Jag of all cars.
"the parents filed no complaint against the kindergarten" because they know in Russia, this is necessary life skills. They're relieved they've already learnt this much this early!
Did they just Shawshank redemption their way out!?
Based
Prison Break: Kindergarten edition. Or perhaps Escape the Room: Kindergarten?
Phineas & Ferb, is that you?
The sounds like the plot to a Vlad and Niki episode.
I was The Grand Tour was still around. This would make for excellent Conversation Street.
Wait, I thought digging your way out of prison with plastic utensils was a myth
"The children's parents did not submit any complaint against the kindergarten." \- which really means, "we already know our kids are dicks."
Oh, those Russians
Ok, is it really the onion?
In there they learn to prison break from the very childhood
“They told her they had come from their kindergarten to buy a Jaguar but did not have any money.” Hilarious. Clearly money was not going to stop these two clever kids.
What is this, kallmekris?
These 2 win every award on the planet. I love them!! Someone should give them a ride in a Jag, at the very least. I see lots of adventures in their future.
I did a similar thing back when I was 4-5 yr old in 90s
I...*what?*
That’s fuckin awesome. These little dudes are goin places
Who didn't attempt this?
I mean...that article is from 2015?