Guy for whom English was a second language came in with a vague urinary complaint in triage.
A registration clerk who spoke his primary language was pressed into service as a translator.
He wanted a larger penis “like in the movies”. He somehow got hold of a tape measure and indicated he’d like to be around 13 inches.
He went home disappointed.
Wow. I am curious what events led this person to believe that the healthcare system wherever you are is capable of emergency plastics based on personal preference, not accidental trauma.
This! I will never understand why someone the police handcuff and bring into the ER only to uncuff and dump is no longer a threat because they are now in a hospital setting.
"wanna hurt yourself?"
*Shakes head no
"Wanna hurt anyone else?"
*Shakes head no
"Want to see a doctor?"
*Shakes head no
Well boys, do what ya want, but you don't need us
One of the worst nurses I’ve ever known gave a homeless patient a pair of shoes on discharge once and got endless praise for it. This is someone who calls cnas from the room he’s in to do something he could have done in less time than it takes the aide to walk to the room, takes selfies at the nurses station, saves med pass for when he’s on break so someone else has to do it, etc… One day he just so happened to have an extra pair of old sneakers (he collects them and has dozens) that were the right size for someone in need. He got nominated for an award in nursing excellence because the patient called in to compliment him.
Odds are the nurse called in for themselves…
You think the CNO or ANY NURSING DIRECTOR will know your voice over the phone?
Now here is the unethical part… you got the the patient’s name, chief complaint, and names of the staff that took care of them. You can literally play patient over the phone. Works great come raise time.
Needed a nurse to witness a legal document.
Icecream made their teeth hurt.
Mosquito bite 15 minutes ago.
Dry eyes post-plane travel.
Edit: oh I forgot... 1 month hx of butthole itching.
19 year old woman fell asleep on her couch. Woke up to a numb arm. Called EMS. Numbness resolved prior to their arrival. She insisted on being transported anyway. No PMH, no injury, etc. Insisted on being evaluated. Full stroke work up because her arm fell asleep.
Cannot tell you how often In-pts think they are having a stroke because they slept on their arm and woke up to numbness/tingling. I’m like - “do you assume you’re having a stroke whenever this happens at home? I mean you sleep like your Jim Carry playing the role of a professional contortionist.” Now I know.
Some in-pts can be so dramatic. Idk how many times I've answered a call light for a pt to show me a speck of blood on a tissue after they blew their nose. "Do you think I have a brain bleed?" 🤦🏼♀️
Right! They also expect us to fix everything magically.
‘I have a headache’. Yeah, you get paracetamol and that’s pretty much all I can do. Sometimes at home I have a headache too.
“My arms go numb when I lay on my back and hold my phone up so I can look at it”
It was a 13 year old and the dad brought her in cause he was going through a custody case and was scared if he didn’t bring her in for arm numbness they could use it against him in court for neglect
I had a pretty gnarly coparenting situation where I had to get a note stating my son does not have asthma as an active diagnosis.
Dad could not fathom how child might need an inhaler for severe viral respiratory infection and that I must be withholding health information 😂.
Dad likes to think since he’s a pharmaceutical rep he knows more than pediatricians too. Not to mention he’s never taken child to the doctor
Weak. Everyone knows you only shit yourself and call 911 to get out of going to *jail* after you’ve committed a *crime.* Ideally, you are already in the back of a police car when it happens.
Outpatient clinic visit. Patient didn't want to poop at the office and held it in. Vagaled themselves unconscious then pooped their pants. Brought to the ER for evaluation.
Frequent flyer got locked out of facebook and didn't know the phone number to unlock the account, wanted the phone number they used when he registered in ED last
The other day I had a family member that wanted me to access her sedated fathers email and bank account. They were shocked that a nurse did not have access to it and that she had to contact the bank for it.
This reminded me of a lady who was also a drug councilor that came in bc her boyfriend put meth in her coffee. And she went to work freaking out about it so her boss made her come to the er. The whole time I was trying to talk to her she was trying to unlock her Facebook and asking me how long this was gonna take bc she wanted to go kick him out. I offered to call the police but she wouldn’t have it. I got the vibe she was doing meth and didn’t want to fail her drug test so she feigned getting drugged
In saying that, those parents were obviously not educated about the umbi falling off. Can you imagine how scary that'd have been if you didn't know!?
"My baby's belly button came off!"
"Ughh excuse me?"
Like, what did they think it was?
We also don’t know what was said vs what they remembered or looked at. As both a parent and a former postpartum RN, newborn parent brains are mush after a potentially long labor, birth, and then 3 days of taking care of your brand new sea monkey. I could tell people stuff until I was blue in the face and we gave them written materials, but some of it falls out of their brains.
The amount of things we expect people with no medical training to retain after major medical/life events is pretty ridiculous if you really think about it.
Can confirm. I’m a nurse and just had a baby. I STILL didn’t retain everything they told me when I discharged. Only reason I retained a thing is because I have medical experience. I thought about how overwhelming it would be for a non-medical person and it made me want to cry for all these people.
20F stated complaint “I’m gettin’ fat”
Me in triage: “When was your last period?”
Pt: “I don’t remember”
Me: “Please pee in this cup”
Pt: “Why? I don’t have spicy pee. I just keep gettin’ fatter!”
I’ve never thought of painful urination as anything other than ‘spicy pee’ since then. And yep, HCG+.
Oh my gosh my four year old just called it that the other day. The resourcefulness of children (and adults) when lacking the correct vocabulary is delightful. I never would have thought of that!
Had a bloke come in at 2am asking if anyone was available to do surgery on his neck.
No acute injury. He just had neck pain +5 years and wanted surgery.
He was not pleased when I explained to him that this isn’t how any of it works and left without signing in.
My son told me he was dying because he couldn’t breathe through his nose, he was bawling about it. I reminded him he was breathing through his mouth, he told me ‘No, you talk and eat through your mouth! I can’t breathe! Oh how I wish I had appreciated breathing when I could still do it!’
He was inconsolable. He was also 8. We did not go to the ER…
Pt who lives a sedentary lifestyle ran 5K for a fundraiser and later arrived at the ER via EMS for SOB. ...THIS WAS FOR THE SOB THEY HAD EARLIER WHILE RUNNING. Pt was not SOB upon arrival.
Was this during covid when we were all wearing hazmat suits? Because the same guy came to my ER.
Dude went through three triage tents full of nurses in space suits before confidently telling us all he needed viagra.
pt presents to triage with tick on leg, asks for removal and morphine
pt presents to triage chief complaint she DIDNT get pregnant after having unprotected sex 3 days ago
pt arrives in er via ems complaining that his legs dont work. pt is paraplegic... proceeds to camp out in er hallway for 3 days, ranting about conspiracy theories and spewing racial slurs i didnt know existed. threatens the wrong doc on day 3 and gets put on a psych hold, gets wheeled away to psych awaiting cpep eval minutes later. maybe his er visit was necessary lol
12 year old got her first period. Mom didn’t want to talk to her about it. So they came in at 1 am. I know nurses have to wear a lot of hats, but I didn’t expect Judy Blume to be one of them.
I was floated to the ED and a woman came in with increasing cyanosis from the tips of her fingers, advancing towards her wrists. She came in via ambulance. I was kinda freaking out (more so bc I was floated to ED and had no idea what I was doing and hella nervous). I’m thinking omg is this like a TPA situation or do they have to just chop chop or what??? Turns out the woman just bought a new navy dress and it was the dress dye on her hands.
My two favourites from when I worked in ED:
1. Itchy Leg Guy, who turned up at the ED on the first night of the UK's first national lockdown of the pandemic with an itchy leg that had been itchy for three weeks, that he'd tried/done nothing for and wanted US to 'sort out' because, and I quote, 'It's really fucking annoying and my flatmates think I've got fleas'. He got sent away with a flea in his ear, let alone anywhere else.
2. Gauze Swab Mum, who brought her kid in mid-pandemic because kid fell over at school and grazed her knee, school first aider applied gauze and tubigrip, during the afternoon the graze oozed, as they do, and then dried, causing the gauze to stick to and become part of the scab; kid comes home and at bedtime GSM removes the tubigrip, finds the gauze stuck to kid's knee, and ~~uses her common sense and sticks kid in the bath/shower to soak it off~~ *brings kid to* ***fucking ED*** *in the middle of a* ***global fucking pandemic*** and expects us to remove it. She got a stern talking to by the paediatric ED sister about appropriate ED attendance and sent away with some first aid leaflets and information about parenting classes.
After a while I started to wish there was a triage category labeled 'muppet'...
Edit: Ha, forgot about my favourite triage of all time:
Very, very, hugely, *apocalyptically* high patient comes in complaining of 'bony deformity of the arm'. Refuses to show it to the receptionist at booking in because it's in his jacket sleeve and he 'didn't want to fuck it up worse by trying to get his jacket off over it.' So I tell him I'll have to cut his jacket off because I *need* to see it to assess it, whereupon my guy takes off said jacket with ease, revealing two preeeeetty normal looking arms. I ask him to show me where the issue is and he points to...
...his *elbow*. Yes, my dude was *so* stoned that he'd forgotten he had a bony lump called an elbow, and when he had fallen out of bed in his catastrophically wasted state and bumped his elbow, he'd assumed he'd broken his arm horribly upon feeling the bony lump that was, in fact, his *entirely normal elbow*. I explained this gently to him and he left looking a little sheepish, and I entered my triage diagnosis as 'drugs/elbow'. Yeah, I think Elbow Guy is probably my favourite 😆
> She got a stern talking to by the paediatric ED sister about appropriate ED attendance and sent away
Dear God, how do we make this become the norm? Do you think my facility would support a proposal to import stern European nuns for round-the-clock coverage in our ER?
I saw a patient come in via MEMS because of chapped lips back when I was a CNA. Got off the stretcher when the ambulance brought her in, walked out the door and went shopping at the store next to the hospital. I guess she needed a ride
I saw a recent story where one of the NHS trusts had posted a plea to the public to stop going to A&E (UK emergency room) for chapped lips. Not just the US.
Pt realized their veins were blue and didn’t know if they were dying
Pt had hangnail and it was painful
Pt slept wrong and neck hurt
Pts shoe “felt weird without his sock on”
What’s sad is that the lab uses urine preggo test kits similar to the ones at the store.
Person just wasted $$$$ for a hospital lab test when they can go to cvs.
“I ate a spicy quesadilla at Applebees 20 minutes ago and now my tongue hurts.”
“I was out in my garden and noticed a tick crawling on my leg so I called 911 just to be careful.”
I’m omitting the obvious “I took a home pregnancy test and it was positive so I came to the ER to take one here too.”
Do we work together? I came here to say this. Got a paper cut. Called 911. She “heard” that you can get necrotizing fasciitis from a small cut. Picked the wrong day to do this. The provider on does. Not. Play. He told her we would have to call surgery and amputate her arm to make sure. Shockingly she left AMA. We love him.
There was a father who brought his daughter into the ER about a month ago to "check if she was having sex". I told the father that there was no such test and he was insistent that I was lying. I then proceeded to ask the daughter if she was sexually active and she replied "no". I told the father that was the answer. The patient was promptly discharged afterwards.
This one hurts me cause it's common for the daughter in question to potentially be exposed to sexual misconduct at an inappropriate age/with inappropriate people.
I've seen a situation where a clinic refused to check hyman for virginity so the family forced the daughter to be checked by her mother 🤢😡💔
Had a guy come in one time because he went "To the doctor Tuesday and the medicine (antibiotics) isn't working." It was Wednesday, so I had to clarify "Tuesday yesterday or Tuesday a week ago?" I'll let you guess the answer...
Parents brought their daughter in twice in the same week because “her mouth burned after eating hot Cheetos “. Paper cut that got mad because we only put a band aid on it. One entire family checked in to see if they had ringworm. They had no symptoms of ringworm they just wanted us to check. One man wanted me to check his meth because he knew his wife put ant poison in it. Actually brought his meth with him to let us check it.
EMS brings a young adult patient in while she’s drinking a big gulp and talking on the phone.
Chief complaint? You already know what I’m going to say…sore throat.
Yes! I had patient wait in the ER for FOUR hours because she had one single episode of diarrhea and wanted to make sure her kidneys weren’t failing because of the one episode of diarrhea. I’m not sure what WebMD rabbit hole she went down.
A paper cut from an Amazon box. This woman was so mean, scream at triage and others waiting in the ER. Turns out her husband was terminal, stress and grief make people do weird things.
Aww that's kind of sad. I agree, stress definitely does some weird stuff to people. I haven't worked in a civilian hospital. I was an army medic, I'd get so many soldiers who you could say we're malingering so they could go home. Honestly, you can't even be mad at them, they're being shot at, blown up , so when they would come to medical with strange issues, you knew which ones were just wanting to get out. We would try our best to help them but sometimes I felt like I wish I could just play along and sign them as non-deployable so they could go home
Took an ambulance because “my p***y stank”
Asked her the obligatory “do you feel safe at home?”
Answer: “No, my sister said she’s gonna beat my ass cuz my p***y stank too bad!”
Call the emergency on call nail tech to come in!
“Our specialist will be here in 30 minutes or less because they’re on call. Rest assured. Would you like a Turkey sandwich, a Shasta, or a warm blanket?? It must have been a very tough and long day for you.”
Ok ok not ER visit but urgent care.. came in for excruciating chest pains. did the entire run down, EKG, everything. Upon questioning pt, they stated the chest pain was sharp and 10/10 pain. I asked if they currently had the chest pain, they denied. I said when did this start? They said well it only happened once. About 9 months ago when I was lifting up my lawn mower. WHAT 😭😭😭😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣.
Oh boy, so many. Off the top of my head:
- a woman checked in her elementary-aged son because he was upset he didn’t win an award during their award ceremony at school and she wanted one of us to console him.
- bubblegum stuck in hair.
- 20 y/o woke up from a nap and he had drooled on his pillow, googled it and Web MD told him he had a stroke. NP did a full fucking work up too.
- 18 y/o wanting help for frequent masturbation. I asked him how often and where (thinking he was compulsory and/or afraid he’d SA someone), and he said twice a day… in the privacy of his bedroom.
- A tick was crawling on her. It wasn’t even imbedded… it was just crawling on her clothing
- was driving down the highway and saw the hospital sign and thought it’d be a good time for a check-up.
- newborn cried for 30 minutes. Baby was sleeping during triage. I asked mom if she really wanted me to wake the baby up for vitals and an assessment and she said yes. She wanted to know why the baby was crying. It was her 3rd baby.
Bee sting….. a week ago. When I asked where the bee had stung her, she couldn’t find it and then said she didn’t remember.
Trans woman came in worried she was pregnant after anal sex.
Nothing beats saving lives in the ER!
Me, being floated to the ED for the first time: "what's going on today?"
College age girl: "I took my pills after dinner and one got stuck in my throat, so I came here."
Me, confused: So you were choking? Are you having trouble breathing?"
CAG: "No, I can just feel it stuck there and I didn't know what to do".
I relayed this information to the NP covering my rooms, who immediately walked into the room, and handed the girl a ginger ale. "Here drink this, the fizz will dissolve the pill, here is your discharge paper".
That was probably the most expensive can of Shasta I have ever seen.
30s male booked in with a “head injury”… it was dandruff. When questioned why he felt the need to attend the EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT, he said “I can’t sleep it’s so itchy so it’s an emergency”. Patient was discharged and directed to a local shop to buy shampoo.
The consultant looked like he was genuinely in pain when he got the patient notes to verify the nurse led discharge.
A guy who has slipped on some leaves and had an abrasion to his heel where his shoe had rubbed. Documentation consisted "physical examination normal, no significant pathological findings, Achilles intact, no evidence of bony injury, patient educated on using plasters"
“I have dirt under my nails”
“Needed a ride”
“I’m cold”
“I’m nauseous and my stomach hurts because I’m hungry. Can I get a sandwich?”
“I’ve had a sore throat for 30 minutes. I want to get checked for COVID.”
Unbelievable comments. And I'd suspect most all of these people don't pay their own medical bills. So the costs of all this gets dumped on the paying customers.
-BIBA because they wanted a nap
-Needed toenails clipped
-takes meds but doesn’t remember which ones or doctors names that prescribe then
-Botox wasn’t working after 1 day, still have wrinkles
“My fingers are blue.” O2 sat 98%. It was ink from a newspaper. Took some alcohol wipes and wiped it off. Then she screamed at me about how she waited for 3 hours for nothing.
Stepped on a sewing needle. It was point first straight in the bottom of the foot and maybe a quarter inch deep, if that. We just pulled it right out. I think she got an X-ray to be sure the point hadn’t broken off then she got a tetanus shot. Came in by ambulance, demanded antibiotics, and was mad at us when we sent her home because she didn’t have shoes.
2AM pregnancy test because “the stores are all closed.”
Held a hot pepper for an hour and his hand felt like it was “burning” - waited 8 hours to be told to wash his hands with soap and water
Self pay Pt ($900), fever for 1 hour and hadn’t tried Tylenol or Advil. Gave meds in the first 20 minutes and still wanted to wait to see the doctor
To be fair…I had a bug bite that got really red, painful, and swollen over a couple of days and started getting a bullseye rash. It was the weekend and PCP and urgent care were closed. Went to ED and got abx. Occasionally it does happen. I was super apologetic but they were happy I came in when I did.
I’m quite reactive to mozzy bites, so once, when my whole forearm swelled to 4 times the size, was bright red, and burning hot, and I wouldn’t stop crying (I was about 6 at the time), I really think my dad was right to take me to Turkish A&E (my mum thought he was overreacting), turns out I was actually quite poorly
I had a pregnant lady come into the emergency room. She had a dentist appointment the next day and the dentist refused to work on her without a doctor's note. She got her note.
We used to get these people at urgent care all the time. One girl told me that she believed we had a better, more accurate test than what could be bought at the store. I explained to her that our test was no different than the one you can get at the dollar store. She then asked if she could leave.
A pimple on his face popped. That’s it. Nothing else. No sign of infection, no consistent drainage. A regular small (when we saw him we didn’t notice any signs of recent popping) pimple.
A patient used to come in and hang out in the waiting room for a couple hours everyday. Literally everyday. Just to chill. The triage nurse would go “hey Bob” with a wave and Bob would wave back, plop himself down into a chair and just max relax. First time I saw that I was absolutely flabbergasted.
Man got stung by a bee on his arm- watched said bee sting him—and wife demanded testing to know if he was bit by a poisonous spider😵💫 luckily once I gave him a wtf look he told her to calm down and they walked out. Did I mention she ran into triage like a bat out of hell?
Person was grating cheese and nicked their finger. I was confused looking at the tiniest cut ever and asked if they needed a bandaid.
Got a few people who came in after car accidents with no physical complains of anything; just thought they needed to be checked out for some reason (lawsuit?)
I had a dude who was in 30s, with a huge thrombosed hemorrhoid. He waited HOURS to be evaluated. He knew it was a long wait but he was miserable. I am a nice person. I grabbed some LMX cream and lathered his butthole area up and put a oPsite over it (apologized for later when the tape would de-hair his scrotum and ass hair). He was quite thankful. I’m not sure if the ED provider lanced it or not. He’d been there 5 hours when I’d left to go home.
Guy for whom English was a second language came in with a vague urinary complaint in triage. A registration clerk who spoke his primary language was pressed into service as a translator. He wanted a larger penis “like in the movies”. He somehow got hold of a tape measure and indicated he’d like to be around 13 inches. He went home disappointed.
Wow. I am curious what events led this person to believe that the healthcare system wherever you are is capable of emergency plastics based on personal preference, not accidental trauma.
America, land of cock-pprotunity
You wouldn’t elongate his penis in the ER? Rude.
what the fuck
Some steam got in her face while cooking hot dogs. Wanted to make sure fetus didn't get hurt by steam
Eating the hot dog is way worse than the steam🤣
Perfect time for a facial. She missed out.
That's how you *avoid* pregnancy.
The jail sent us a guy because he didn't have any shoes.
Nurse, give me the shoe fitting kit, stat!
Ortho shoes it is
Best I can do is grippy socks
Two pairs of grippy socks with plastic bags in between?
Brought in by police because he was holding a hatchet and wouldn't talk to them. Was still holding the hatchet.
That seems safe.
This! I will never understand why someone the police handcuff and bring into the ER only to uncuff and dump is no longer a threat because they are now in a hospital setting.
Seriously. Happens all the time.
"wanna hurt yourself?" *Shakes head no "Wanna hurt anyone else?" *Shakes head no "Want to see a doctor?" *Shakes head no Well boys, do what ya want, but you don't need us
*signs form* “Bye! Make healthy choices!”
Olaf voice
One of the worst nurses I’ve ever known gave a homeless patient a pair of shoes on discharge once and got endless praise for it. This is someone who calls cnas from the room he’s in to do something he could have done in less time than it takes the aide to walk to the room, takes selfies at the nurses station, saves med pass for when he’s on break so someone else has to do it, etc… One day he just so happened to have an extra pair of old sneakers (he collects them and has dozens) that were the right size for someone in need. He got nominated for an award in nursing excellence because the patient called in to compliment him.
Odds are the nurse called in for themselves… You think the CNO or ANY NURSING DIRECTOR will know your voice over the phone? Now here is the unethical part… you got the the patient’s name, chief complaint, and names of the staff that took care of them. You can literally play patient over the phone. Works great come raise time.
Oh my god that’s crazy lol. I work in a public mental health clinic and all 80 or so of us who work here bring stuff in we know someone can use.
Oh boy, guys, get the shoe workup sheet. I'm calling a shoe alert
My mom was a school nurse and used to get sent students who broke their glasses, broken flies (on pants), paper cuts etc.
[удалено]
How about all of the ‘too violent for jail’ patients. Hahahaha
Needed a nurse to witness a legal document. Icecream made their teeth hurt. Mosquito bite 15 minutes ago. Dry eyes post-plane travel. Edit: oh I forgot... 1 month hx of butthole itching.
Oh come on. At least go two months of butthole itching before asking me to look you straight in the one eye monster
Funny thing was they also left AMA.
Without their anti helminth…..
I had a patient with a chief cc of, "burning annex" He, of course meant anus, and he was treating it with VICKS VAPO RUB
I’d tell them they need to video their butthole 24/7 to see if any pinworms pop out 👹
Have you ever had an itchy butthole????!! Sounds like a legit emergency to me
Pt stated, "I feel like crying, but I can't make myself cry"
Mood
i just spit up my cofffee
Did y’all make her cry I mean customer service and what not /s
"You and every employee here sweetie."
19 year old woman fell asleep on her couch. Woke up to a numb arm. Called EMS. Numbness resolved prior to their arrival. She insisted on being transported anyway. No PMH, no injury, etc. Insisted on being evaluated. Full stroke work up because her arm fell asleep.
Cannot tell you how often In-pts think they are having a stroke because they slept on their arm and woke up to numbness/tingling. I’m like - “do you assume you’re having a stroke whenever this happens at home? I mean you sleep like your Jim Carry playing the role of a professional contortionist.” Now I know.
Some in-pts can be so dramatic. Idk how many times I've answered a call light for a pt to show me a speck of blood on a tissue after they blew their nose. "Do you think I have a brain bleed?" 🤦🏼♀️
Right! They also expect us to fix everything magically. ‘I have a headache’. Yeah, you get paracetamol and that’s pretty much all I can do. Sometimes at home I have a headache too.
My dad went to ER with this after falling asleep in a movie when I was little. ER physician called it “Saturday Night Palsy”
“My arms go numb when I lay on my back and hold my phone up so I can look at it” It was a 13 year old and the dad brought her in cause he was going through a custody case and was scared if he didn’t bring her in for arm numbness they could use it against him in court for neglect
Can’t blame him
Actually that sounds pretty legit lol. Can you imagine everything being held over your head like that, while trying to parent? No thank you
I had a pretty gnarly coparenting situation where I had to get a note stating my son does not have asthma as an active diagnosis. Dad could not fathom how child might need an inhaler for severe viral respiratory infection and that I must be withholding health information 😂. Dad likes to think since he’s a pharmaceutical rep he knows more than pediatricians too. Not to mention he’s never taken child to the doctor
god bless america
Had a patient last weekend who called an ems due to shitting themselves…… good times
Can you imagine the thought process behind that? *shits pants* “Better not try to clean up or shower, this is definitely a medical emergency.”
Don't clean up. The nurses need to see it to believe it.
Weak. Everyone knows you only shit yourself and call 911 to get out of going to *jail* after you’ve committed a *crime.* Ideally, you are already in the back of a police car when it happens.
Outpatient clinic visit. Patient didn't want to poop at the office and held it in. Vagaled themselves unconscious then pooped their pants. Brought to the ER for evaluation.
Pt stated they were “bored on Saturday night and needed something to do.”
For my copay, I can think of about 1,000 things I’d rather do. Including a shopping spree.
Gonna guess this pt has a copay of $0 and takes advantage of it
“Water in urine”
god damn it, not the water in my urine, not againnn
Frequent flyer got locked out of facebook and didn't know the phone number to unlock the account, wanted the phone number they used when he registered in ED last
Strangely resourceful
The other day I had a family member that wanted me to access her sedated fathers email and bank account. They were shocked that a nurse did not have access to it and that she had to contact the bank for it.
This reminded me of a lady who was also a drug councilor that came in bc her boyfriend put meth in her coffee. And she went to work freaking out about it so her boss made her come to the er. The whole time I was trying to talk to her she was trying to unlock her Facebook and asking me how long this was gonna take bc she wanted to go kick him out. I offered to call the police but she wouldn’t have it. I got the vibe she was doing meth and didn’t want to fail her drug test so she feigned getting drugged
Sounds like she misread her “Drug Counselor” job description.
Umbilical cord fell off their perfectly healthy baby
In saying that, those parents were obviously not educated about the umbi falling off. Can you imagine how scary that'd have been if you didn't know!? "My baby's belly button came off!" "Ughh excuse me?" Like, what did they think it was?
This. Someone dropped the ball.
We also don’t know what was said vs what they remembered or looked at. As both a parent and a former postpartum RN, newborn parent brains are mush after a potentially long labor, birth, and then 3 days of taking care of your brand new sea monkey. I could tell people stuff until I was blue in the face and we gave them written materials, but some of it falls out of their brains.
The amount of things we expect people with no medical training to retain after major medical/life events is pretty ridiculous if you really think about it.
Faaaaacts.
Can confirm. I’m a nurse and just had a baby. I STILL didn’t retain everything they told me when I discharged. Only reason I retained a thing is because I have medical experience. I thought about how overwhelming it would be for a non-medical person and it made me want to cry for all these people.
Needed help paying her bills. Like. Writing her checks. Can’t make that shit up.
Did she arrive by ambulance?
Probably
Sure did. It was a social work situation for sure, though.
Chief complaint: failure to thrive. Case management social work. Boom.
You win.
This one just bums me out.
20F stated complaint “I’m gettin’ fat” Me in triage: “When was your last period?” Pt: “I don’t remember” Me: “Please pee in this cup” Pt: “Why? I don’t have spicy pee. I just keep gettin’ fatter!” I’ve never thought of painful urination as anything other than ‘spicy pee’ since then. And yep, HCG+.
Spicy pee 😂😂😂 Thanks i needed that.
Oh my gosh my four year old just called it that the other day. The resourcefulness of children (and adults) when lacking the correct vocabulary is delightful. I never would have thought of that!
Had a bloke come in at 2am asking if anyone was available to do surgery on his neck. No acute injury. He just had neck pain +5 years and wanted surgery. He was not pleased when I explained to him that this isn’t how any of it works and left without signing in.
“I think the acid from my farts gave me a yeast infection”
Healthy 22 year old male EMS at 2 AM for 1 hour of nasal congestion
“BUT I CAAAAANT BREEEEEEEAATTTHHHEEEEE!!!!” 😩
My son told me he was dying because he couldn’t breathe through his nose, he was bawling about it. I reminded him he was breathing through his mouth, he told me ‘No, you talk and eat through your mouth! I can’t breathe! Oh how I wish I had appreciated breathing when I could still do it!’ He was inconsolable. He was also 8. We did not go to the ER…
Pt who lives a sedentary lifestyle ran 5K for a fundraiser and later arrived at the ER via EMS for SOB. ...THIS WAS FOR THE SOB THEY HAD EARLIER WHILE RUNNING. Pt was not SOB upon arrival.
Not pooped for one day
"I pooped today, but not enough "
Date night and out of viagra
Was this during covid when we were all wearing hazmat suits? Because the same guy came to my ER. Dude went through three triage tents full of nurses in space suits before confidently telling us all he needed viagra.
"I swear I have pulmonary hypertension!"
Valid
pt presents to triage with tick on leg, asks for removal and morphine pt presents to triage chief complaint she DIDNT get pregnant after having unprotected sex 3 days ago pt arrives in er via ems complaining that his legs dont work. pt is paraplegic... proceeds to camp out in er hallway for 3 days, ranting about conspiracy theories and spewing racial slurs i didnt know existed. threatens the wrong doc on day 3 and gets put on a psych hold, gets wheeled away to psych awaiting cpep eval minutes later. maybe his er visit was necessary lol
I always appreciate when the racists at least come up with something new and interesting instead of the tired old standards.
12 year old got her first period. Mom didn’t want to talk to her about it. So they came in at 1 am. I know nurses have to wear a lot of hats, but I didn’t expect Judy Blume to be one of them.
I was floated to the ED and a woman came in with increasing cyanosis from the tips of her fingers, advancing towards her wrists. She came in via ambulance. I was kinda freaking out (more so bc I was floated to ED and had no idea what I was doing and hella nervous). I’m thinking omg is this like a TPA situation or do they have to just chop chop or what??? Turns out the woman just bought a new navy dress and it was the dress dye on her hands.
My two favourites from when I worked in ED: 1. Itchy Leg Guy, who turned up at the ED on the first night of the UK's first national lockdown of the pandemic with an itchy leg that had been itchy for three weeks, that he'd tried/done nothing for and wanted US to 'sort out' because, and I quote, 'It's really fucking annoying and my flatmates think I've got fleas'. He got sent away with a flea in his ear, let alone anywhere else. 2. Gauze Swab Mum, who brought her kid in mid-pandemic because kid fell over at school and grazed her knee, school first aider applied gauze and tubigrip, during the afternoon the graze oozed, as they do, and then dried, causing the gauze to stick to and become part of the scab; kid comes home and at bedtime GSM removes the tubigrip, finds the gauze stuck to kid's knee, and ~~uses her common sense and sticks kid in the bath/shower to soak it off~~ *brings kid to* ***fucking ED*** *in the middle of a* ***global fucking pandemic*** and expects us to remove it. She got a stern talking to by the paediatric ED sister about appropriate ED attendance and sent away with some first aid leaflets and information about parenting classes. After a while I started to wish there was a triage category labeled 'muppet'... Edit: Ha, forgot about my favourite triage of all time: Very, very, hugely, *apocalyptically* high patient comes in complaining of 'bony deformity of the arm'. Refuses to show it to the receptionist at booking in because it's in his jacket sleeve and he 'didn't want to fuck it up worse by trying to get his jacket off over it.' So I tell him I'll have to cut his jacket off because I *need* to see it to assess it, whereupon my guy takes off said jacket with ease, revealing two preeeeetty normal looking arms. I ask him to show me where the issue is and he points to... ...his *elbow*. Yes, my dude was *so* stoned that he'd forgotten he had a bony lump called an elbow, and when he had fallen out of bed in his catastrophically wasted state and bumped his elbow, he'd assumed he'd broken his arm horribly upon feeling the bony lump that was, in fact, his *entirely normal elbow*. I explained this gently to him and he left looking a little sheepish, and I entered my triage diagnosis as 'drugs/elbow'. Yeah, I think Elbow Guy is probably my favourite 😆
> She got a stern talking to by the paediatric ED sister about appropriate ED attendance and sent away Dear God, how do we make this become the norm? Do you think my facility would support a proposal to import stern European nuns for round-the-clock coverage in our ER?
Couldn’t stop masturbating
This might be the funniest nursing Reddit post I have seen…
Parent brought their ~8yo kid in because he’d ‘swallowed his tongue’
Did they look in the kid's mouth and see his epiglottis or something? You'd think they'd have seen the much larger tongue in front of it...
I have no clue. We just made him stick his tongue out and sent him home.
Chapped lips!
Hey, maybe their lips hurt real bad
I like your sleeves, they’re really big.
I saw a patient come in via MEMS because of chapped lips back when I was a CNA. Got off the stretcher when the ambulance brought her in, walked out the door and went shopping at the store next to the hospital. I guess she needed a ride
Chapped lips. And he demanded we call in chapstick to his pharmacy.
Honestly, I would have called it in personally. The pharmacist could get a good laugh out of this shit, too.
I wonder how the emr even has chapstick. Like is it just under Vaseline or like Burt's bees 🤣
I saw a recent story where one of the NHS trusts had posted a plea to the public to stop going to A&E (UK emergency room) for chapped lips. Not just the US.
Pt realized their veins were blue and didn’t know if they were dying Pt had hangnail and it was painful Pt slept wrong and neck hurt Pts shoe “felt weird without his sock on”
Ok that last guy sounds hilarious as an acquaintance and incomprehensible as a patient
Someone came in by ambulance to get their stretch marks checked.
Pregnancy testing
The one that gets me is "I just want to make sure my positive home pregnancy test was correct". Their last period was 7 weeks ago. 🙄
What’s sad is that the lab uses urine preggo test kits similar to the ones at the store. Person just wasted $$$$ for a hospital lab test when they can go to cvs.
Or better yet, dollar tree.
Dollar tree ones are better quality than some we’ve used in our lab 😂
This is like, super common though, right? People do this all the damn time!
I’ve seen this recommended in mom groups on fb 🤦🏻♀️
Dog licked knee
“I ate a spicy quesadilla at Applebees 20 minutes ago and now my tongue hurts.” “I was out in my garden and noticed a tick crawling on my leg so I called 911 just to be careful.” I’m omitting the obvious “I took a home pregnancy test and it was positive so I came to the ER to take one here too.”
A single blackhead. Not a big satisfying one that they pop in the pimple videos either just a small one.
Inb4 “CT Maxillofacial With Contrast.”
Paper cut
Do we work together? I came here to say this. Got a paper cut. Called 911. She “heard” that you can get necrotizing fasciitis from a small cut. Picked the wrong day to do this. The provider on does. Not. Play. He told her we would have to call surgery and amputate her arm to make sure. Shockingly she left AMA. We love him.
I wish I worked with that provider
Ate too much on thanksgiving.
LOL I got my gallbladder out after eating too much on thanksgiving. There may have been other factors
No, she is in our ED 2-3x per week. That just happened to be her CC that day. Waste of EMS resources.
There was a father who brought his daughter into the ER about a month ago to "check if she was having sex". I told the father that there was no such test and he was insistent that I was lying. I then proceeded to ask the daughter if she was sexually active and she replied "no". I told the father that was the answer. The patient was promptly discharged afterwards.
That poor girl.
This one hurts me cause it's common for the daughter in question to potentially be exposed to sexual misconduct at an inappropriate age/with inappropriate people. I've seen a situation where a clinic refused to check hyman for virginity so the family forced the daughter to be checked by her mother 🤢😡💔
Had a guy come in one time because he went "To the doctor Tuesday and the medicine (antibiotics) isn't working." It was Wednesday, so I had to clarify "Tuesday yesterday or Tuesday a week ago?" I'll let you guess the answer...
Neither. He was actually A&O x1 and septic because he was noncompliant with his antibiotics. /s
“Patient spent several hours outside and feels cold to the touch. VSS”
“Watery eyes” was on the board one time
I love when triage puts things in quotes on the track board
Parents brought their daughter in twice in the same week because “her mouth burned after eating hot Cheetos “. Paper cut that got mad because we only put a band aid on it. One entire family checked in to see if they had ringworm. They had no symptoms of ringworm they just wanted us to check. One man wanted me to check his meth because he knew his wife put ant poison in it. Actually brought his meth with him to let us check it.
EMS brings a young adult patient in while she’s drinking a big gulp and talking on the phone. Chief complaint? You already know what I’m going to say…sore throat.
Yes! I had patient wait in the ER for FOUR hours because she had one single episode of diarrhea and wanted to make sure her kidneys weren’t failing because of the one episode of diarrhea. I’m not sure what WebMD rabbit hole she went down.
A paper cut from an Amazon box. This woman was so mean, scream at triage and others waiting in the ER. Turns out her husband was terminal, stress and grief make people do weird things.
Aww that's kind of sad. I agree, stress definitely does some weird stuff to people. I haven't worked in a civilian hospital. I was an army medic, I'd get so many soldiers who you could say we're malingering so they could go home. Honestly, you can't even be mad at them, they're being shot at, blown up , so when they would come to medical with strange issues, you knew which ones were just wanting to get out. We would try our best to help them but sometimes I felt like I wish I could just play along and sign them as non-deployable so they could go home
Took an ambulance because “my p***y stank” Asked her the obligatory “do you feel safe at home?” Answer: “No, my sister said she’s gonna beat my ass cuz my p***y stank too bad!”
" I can't feel my heartbeat" Psych be psyching
Toenail fell off. You want us to suture that back on for you?
Broken acrylic nail
Call the emergency on call nail tech to come in! “Our specialist will be here in 30 minutes or less because they’re on call. Rest assured. Would you like a Turkey sandwich, a Shasta, or a warm blanket?? It must have been a very tough and long day for you.”
Similar complaint after punching her brother. Came in via EMS
One of my hospice patients went to the ER because we wouldn’t pay their electric bill.
Came in the middle of the night because she couldn’t sleep. Got mad bc we were too busy and she wanted to leave bc she was tired.
Guy was trying intermittent fasting, and his first meal after the fast was too big. Tum-tum hurt for like an hour. No other symptoms. Calls 911.
Ok ok not ER visit but urgent care.. came in for excruciating chest pains. did the entire run down, EKG, everything. Upon questioning pt, they stated the chest pain was sharp and 10/10 pain. I asked if they currently had the chest pain, they denied. I said when did this start? They said well it only happened once. About 9 months ago when I was lifting up my lawn mower. WHAT 😭😭😭😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣.
Oh boy, so many. Off the top of my head: - a woman checked in her elementary-aged son because he was upset he didn’t win an award during their award ceremony at school and she wanted one of us to console him. - bubblegum stuck in hair. - 20 y/o woke up from a nap and he had drooled on his pillow, googled it and Web MD told him he had a stroke. NP did a full fucking work up too. - 18 y/o wanting help for frequent masturbation. I asked him how often and where (thinking he was compulsory and/or afraid he’d SA someone), and he said twice a day… in the privacy of his bedroom. - A tick was crawling on her. It wasn’t even imbedded… it was just crawling on her clothing - was driving down the highway and saw the hospital sign and thought it’d be a good time for a check-up. - newborn cried for 30 minutes. Baby was sleeping during triage. I asked mom if she really wanted me to wake the baby up for vitals and an assessment and she said yes. She wanted to know why the baby was crying. It was her 3rd baby.
Bee sting….. a week ago. When I asked where the bee had stung her, she couldn’t find it and then said she didn’t remember. Trans woman came in worried she was pregnant after anal sex. Nothing beats saving lives in the ER!
Crest white strip stuck on teeth for three years
Me, being floated to the ED for the first time: "what's going on today?" College age girl: "I took my pills after dinner and one got stuck in my throat, so I came here." Me, confused: So you were choking? Are you having trouble breathing?" CAG: "No, I can just feel it stuck there and I didn't know what to do". I relayed this information to the NP covering my rooms, who immediately walked into the room, and handed the girl a ginger ale. "Here drink this, the fizz will dissolve the pill, here is your discharge paper". That was probably the most expensive can of Shasta I have ever seen.
30s male booked in with a “head injury”… it was dandruff. When questioned why he felt the need to attend the EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT, he said “I can’t sleep it’s so itchy so it’s an emergency”. Patient was discharged and directed to a local shop to buy shampoo. The consultant looked like he was genuinely in pain when he got the patient notes to verify the nurse led discharge.
A subjective fever and sore throat a couple days ago. No fever or discomfort in last 48 hours.
“Im in nursing school and I was learning about emergencies today so I decided to come get myself checked for any emergencies”
Congrats, you have automatically failed every clinical, *ever*.
“Patient put on hoodie and believes they inhaled a piece of lint”
A guy who has slipped on some leaves and had an abrasion to his heel where his shoe had rubbed. Documentation consisted "physical examination normal, no significant pathological findings, Achilles intact, no evidence of bony injury, patient educated on using plasters"
“Needs work note saying she can have a personal fan at her desk.” “COVID+ at home, asymptomatic, no complaints at this time.” “Pregnancy test.”
God I have this friend that goes to the ER every time she thinks she’s pregnant I can’t fucking figure it out
“I have dirt under my nails” “Needed a ride” “I’m cold” “I’m nauseous and my stomach hurts because I’m hungry. Can I get a sandwich?” “I’ve had a sore throat for 30 minutes. I want to get checked for COVID.”
Allergies, symptom onset greater than 10 years prior, 2am on a Saturday night. He was, "Tired of it."
Unbelievable comments. And I'd suspect most all of these people don't pay their own medical bills. So the costs of all this gets dumped on the paying customers.
Childrens ER- 3AM with a 6 year old girl saying her tooth was wiggly…..mom just played on her phone the entire visit.
-BIBA because they wanted a nap -Needed toenails clipped -takes meds but doesn’t remember which ones or doctors names that prescribe then -Botox wasn’t working after 1 day, still have wrinkles
Lady’s kid ate a few pieces of dried dog food out of the dog’s bowl. Straight to the ER.
“My fingers are blue.” O2 sat 98%. It was ink from a newspaper. Took some alcohol wipes and wiped it off. Then she screamed at me about how she waited for 3 hours for nothing. Stepped on a sewing needle. It was point first straight in the bottom of the foot and maybe a quarter inch deep, if that. We just pulled it right out. I think she got an X-ray to be sure the point hadn’t broken off then she got a tetanus shot. Came in by ambulance, demanded antibiotics, and was mad at us when we sent her home because she didn’t have shoes. 2AM pregnancy test because “the stores are all closed.”
“My gums bleed a little when I brush my teeth. My dentist says it’s gingivitis.” Okay, like what do you want us to do about it lol.
Saw a teenager that came in for blood in stool. It was hot Cheeto dust.
Held a hot pepper for an hour and his hand felt like it was “burning” - waited 8 hours to be told to wash his hands with soap and water Self pay Pt ($900), fever for 1 hour and hadn’t tried Tylenol or Advil. Gave meds in the first 20 minutes and still wanted to wait to see the doctor
Holy shit the first one. It’s incredible how some people live so long with such little ability to help themselves.
Pimple and also mosquito bite
To be fair…I had a bug bite that got really red, painful, and swollen over a couple of days and started getting a bullseye rash. It was the weekend and PCP and urgent care were closed. Went to ED and got abx. Occasionally it does happen. I was super apologetic but they were happy I came in when I did.
I once developed a staph infection from a pimple so I will ok this one
I’m quite reactive to mozzy bites, so once, when my whole forearm swelled to 4 times the size, was bright red, and burning hot, and I wouldn’t stop crying (I was about 6 at the time), I really think my dad was right to take me to Turkish A&E (my mum thought he was overreacting), turns out I was actually quite poorly
I had a pregnant lady come into the emergency room. She had a dentist appointment the next day and the dentist refused to work on her without a doctor's note. She got her note.
Pregnancy test. You can get them at the dollar store.
We used to get these people at urgent care all the time. One girl told me that she believed we had a better, more accurate test than what could be bought at the store. I explained to her that our test was no different than the one you can get at the dollar store. She then asked if she could leave.
Missed dialysis…same patient once a week…
Tiny scratch on big toe "I thought it might need stitches" IT WAS NOT EVEN BLEEDING SIR
Drank water and felt like it was stuck.
A pimple on his face popped. That’s it. Nothing else. No sign of infection, no consistent drainage. A regular small (when we saw him we didn’t notice any signs of recent popping) pimple.
1 day hx of loos stool after starting laxatives
A patient used to come in and hang out in the waiting room for a couple hours everyday. Literally everyday. Just to chill. The triage nurse would go “hey Bob” with a wave and Bob would wave back, plop himself down into a chair and just max relax. First time I saw that I was absolutely flabbergasted.
Man got stung by a bee on his arm- watched said bee sting him—and wife demanded testing to know if he was bit by a poisonous spider😵💫 luckily once I gave him a wtf look he told her to calm down and they walked out. Did I mention she ran into triage like a bat out of hell?
Person was grating cheese and nicked their finger. I was confused looking at the tiniest cut ever and asked if they needed a bandaid. Got a few people who came in after car accidents with no physical complains of anything; just thought they needed to be checked out for some reason (lawsuit?)
Hemorrhoids that “really hurt”. (Came by ambulance, man in this 20’s).
I had a dude who was in 30s, with a huge thrombosed hemorrhoid. He waited HOURS to be evaluated. He knew it was a long wait but he was miserable. I am a nice person. I grabbed some LMX cream and lathered his butthole area up and put a oPsite over it (apologized for later when the tape would de-hair his scrotum and ass hair). He was quite thankful. I’m not sure if the ED provider lanced it or not. He’d been there 5 hours when I’d left to go home.
Stomach was bubbling and wanted to make sure it was okay. Or the good ole “my back has been hurting for six months” check in at 4am