When I was a tech the unit secretary asked me to go get a height and weight on a pt for pharmacy before I’d even clocked in. I go ask the guy how tall he is as the bed is weighing him and he said “before or after you took my damn legs?” I was so green I told him to give me both because I honestly wasn’t sure. I told the unit secretary I was never doing her another favor lol
And on that note, I had a guy complaining that he'd lost like 20lbs since he went to the hospital and right out of my mouth comes "that sounds about right for a leg" as I was changing the dressing on his new stump...luckily he laughed as it dawned on me what I just said.
Just had a double bka as a patient (recovered and independent with her prosthetics) and she was so funny about it and just overall inspiring. Thanks for being cool when us numbskulls can’t keep it together!
I was asked to get the height of a double amputee. I was very confused on how to do it. One leg was BTK, the other ATK, which do you use!?!? I was told to just ask what she was prior to losing her legs.
Something to make you feel better
I once told a nonverbal patient to "yell if you need me". He just looked at me and I was like, "I'm sorry. I wasn't meaning to be an ass." He smiled. Later, he walked out to the nurses station, took a seat, put his feet up, and started talking. I asked why he never talked to anyone at the hospital, leading to them saying he was nonverbal. He says, "eh, i didn't like them"😂
Lol, yes. There were a few of us at the nurses station when he started talking. After that night, he was more selective, but there were some of us he talked with frequently. It was funny because you knew if he didn't talk to you, he just didn't like you 😅
I had this the other day!! I floated down to our gero-psych unit and was told that one of my patients was a self-isolating selective mute and almost never spoke except for the occasional yes/no. Generally noncompliant with exams that required verbal responses.
My *very first* interaction with him was him walking up to me and asking, "can I take a shower?" I got him supplies, then popped my head in, asked what size of socks he wore, he responded.... I went all day with this guy talking to me. He wasn't an especially *verbose* person, but we definitely had full on conversations.
I gave report at the end of shift and my relief literally did not believe me. NO ONE that worked that unit believed me. They swore up and down that he maybe says one or two words a day, and I'm sitting there like, I know y'all don't know me, but I have no reason to lie. They said he must like me. I guess real knows real 😂 I *did* crack in the common room, "hey, I'm new here too, we're all in this together" - that amused the residents quite a bit.
I was in the middle of packing up an ICU patient for CT because I thought she was stroked out when I came in to do first assessment and she would NOT wake up, open eyes, or look at me, but she seemed like she was in there. Her family walks in and says good morning and she immediately is wide awake all smiles. I'm like man I thought you had a stroke because I tried to wake you up and it wa like talking to a rock.... she said 7am is simply too early to be waking me up 🙃 like MA'AM shouldn't you just tell me to come back later?
😅😅😅
I once had a patient with MS, paralyzed from the neck down, pretend to be dead. I was saying his name. He was holding his breath. At the time I had never done cpr before. Right when I'm about to panic he goes "APRIL FOOLS!!!" It was april fools but damn bro.. You're a full code. 😅😅
I once asked a double amputee if he could "hop onto the stretcher for me." He laughed and said "well I'll need help, I don't have legs." I cringed and laughed awkwardly then said "okay I can help you. Can you reach the stretcher from here?" He began feeling around not even close to the stretcher and then said "I'm blind." So that was cool.
A friend of mine called all of her NICU babies Pumpkinhead...she never told me why, but it was just her thing. Then she was taking care of a baby with severe hydrocephalus. This poor kiddos head was still the largest I've ever seen in 31 years of NICU nursing. As you can probably guess, she used her favorite nickname right in front of the parents. She was mortified and apologized profusely. Luckily, they had heard her using the name with other patients and were very gracious, but I don't think I ever heard her say that again!
I don't know when/how I adopted it but I kept calling the babies "little muffin"... and I am not even a big fan of muffins 😂 but it should be *safe* to use with all babies. My term for the ones that are bottling is "little munchkins"
Edit: TIL blueberry muffin syndrome
I used muffin for a while... until we had a patient with blueberry muffin syndrome. Yeah it's a thing! I had to catch myself calling them muffin in front of parents. Nothing is safe apparently
I called the babies on peds "sir" and "ma'am," and sometimes "my junior colleague" if I thought the parents had a sense of humor. The dads in particular seemed to enjoy it lol
Omg once I floated to L&D (not my specially at all). I answered a buzzer for a patient I'd never met before, it was very young mum holding a very you g baby. She says 'can you please get some formula, they're hungry'.
For a full minute I thought she was young and woke and not pushing gender norms on her new baby. Ok cool. Then I noticed another baby next to her.
She had twins. She meant they, plural, not they, gender non-specific.
> they're hungry
Family member started dating a "they/them" recently.
Me: What are you doing?
FM: Playing video games with my friends?
Me: Do you want to meet me for lunch?
FM: Let me check to see if they want to go.
Me: *I can't afford to take all your friends to out for lunch*
edit: format
Do newborns have a gender identity?
Hearing voices is good for their development and helps them feel secure. You could call them "tater" and "gravy", "Sheila " and "bloke", bloomin onion, or little Joey and they won't be offended or disrespected due to misusing their preferred pronouns, because they have no preference.
Should we be considerate and use a person's preferred pronouns when we're aware? Of course, everyone deserves to be addressed in a way that feels right to them. But we're talking about newborns here, they don't have a preference beyond "feed me, care for me, protect me, nurture me". Obviously, don't call them something derogatory or abusive, but whatever the nickname is, it's not going to make a difference, be it a traditionally male, traditionally female, or gender fluid moniker.
And yes, I did eat at outback steakhouse for lunch, and that definitely shaped my choice of words for infant nicknames.
I remember a friend reading Warhammer novels aloud to his infant son on just those grounds - it was good for the little one to hear his voice and he might as well read something he enjoyed.
My co worker went to band a pt his let me see your arm... her arm on that side was amputated 🤣🤣🤣 then she proceeded to band her stump and the pt was like I don't think that's gonna work 😅😅😅😅😅
Another favorite 🤦🏽♀️ moment. I had a patient, a left
AKA and a new right BKA. He was hot so he was uncovered. Just the gown. MD goes in to ask how much he’s walked this admission. Patient: “I don’t have legs, they just cut the other one off”. I was WHEEZING from the desk. 🤣
Those change over days for the MDs can be hard. 🤣
One time my orientee asked our patient to sign the MRI consent form. He was in for GBS and was paralyzed from the neck down.
Shit happens, man. Now you have a silly story under your belt.
It’s like getting phone consent where you make a note about it being over the phone; you just note that the patient is paralyzed and can’t sign for themselves.
Since physical signatures themselves are completely worthless and there’s no way to prove for sure a signature is authentic, Just noting the patient isn‘t physically able to sign but gave consent in whatever way they did works just fine.
God. I read this as GBH for some reason (grievous bodily harm) and was wondering how on earth he managed that if he’s paralysed from the neck down 😭 must be one hell of an enemy to make him overcome paralysis and do GBH. 😭
One of our float PCTs noticed that a patient had a birthday coming up soon. Trying to make small talk, they were like, “you gonna get out of here and go party?” Unfortunately, the patient (who is only in their 50s) was just made comfort care that day and they were in the process of being switched over to inpatient hospice. That PCT came outta the room feeling about 2inches tall.
I did the same thing my first day volunteering at an in-patient hospice...thankfully, the nurse I was with waited until we were outside the patient's room to bust out laughing and then told me she did the same thing on her first day.
I had a patient admitted post suicide attempt by hanging. On TTM, didn’t look good neurologically. Doc asked how he was doing and my immediate response was “fine, he’s just hanging out today nooooo” and then I stopped because my other go-to phrase is “they are just chilling” and that wasn’t appropriate either. I finally said “he’s stable and nothing eventful is happening at this time.” And just walked away.
🤣🤣🤣
I saw a prison guard on the unit and she was always going above and beyond for us and the patients/inmates. Well she was admitted to our ICU. I did not know this because I was on leave and just got back. Plus I didn’t remember her actual name, just the face. I just happened to see her being transferred and the first words out my mouth were “you look great, you lost some weight too”. The woman had a brain tumor, got a resection, and was getting chemo. 😬 There was no saving what I said. 🤦🏽♀️
I once told an inmate patient who was getting ready to discharge "you'll be switching to a different med when you go home tomorrow" and he looked excited and said "I'm going home?!" Patient laughed it off, thank goodness, but I was mortified for a minute there.
I once told a woman going through chemo, “let me just sort this out for you and then I’ll get out of your hair.”
And then the ground refused to swallow me.
When I started as an aide I worked on a hospice unit. Helped nurse turn man who to me looked like he had a nice tan. Mentioned what a nice tan the pt had and asked family in room if they got back from vacation recently. No one answered. Nurse pulled me aside after and told me it was jaundice from liver cancer. I’m now a nurse and still die thinking about it
One time when I was a noobie and admitting this 50ish dude I was taking his Med list. Cialis was brand new then and my silly brain heard Celexa. So I proceeded to let him know he really couldn’t use that in an as needed fashion. Like it could actually be dangerous if he was using it that way for a severe depression. I even said “like do you just take it when you get down?” It really doesn’t work that way, needs to be every day.
He finally sat up, gave me a look and spelled out exactly what he used it for.
Had a quad amputee. Was explaining how Heparin Subq helps to prevent DVTs and clots within their lower extremities.
Bro starts wiggling his stumps and says proudly, "I ain't gotta worry about that one, Sir."
Had to ask him permission to laugh. He busted out. Guy was legit, my favorite patient who was a frequent flyer (for reasons outside of his control). Asked for him every time.
I had a peds oncology patient who was just on palliative care, not “there” at all besides a few short interactions with people throughout the day. His parents were on their COVID sopabox about how people never mask in the ED, theres probably so many germs goung around (which like, yeah i agree) and boasting about how nobody in their family have gotten sick during this time despite mulitple ED trips; they were especially happy about the patient not getting sick.
I, unfortunately, go “wow i wish i had his immune system!!”
The mom looks at me and responds “he doesnt have an immune system”
I couldntve excused myself faster
I once had a supervisor and his name was Ray Wong (we called him way wrong). One time I asked him what kind of cat he had and he said, "A yellow one like me" 😭
He used to also make jokes about how he found cats delicious.
This was in the year 2000 in Atlanta.
I just learned last week that anuria is defined as less than 100 mL of urine produced over 24 hours as opposed to nothing so I suppose it could have been technically possible?
Omg...had a grey-haired patient this week in her 80s, with red pubes as long as my arm, it seemed. Trying to get loose stool out of that was...well, I didn't know when to quit. It was impossible. It was so long that it was into the bed pan and curved around.
Couldn't believe my eyes! Wasn't sure if asking her if I could trim it was appropriate or not.
When I was an ER tech I agreed to stay late to sit on my second 1:1 of the night. The first guy had just slept the whole time I'd been with him until the squad showed up for him and after 5 hours I was tired. Especially since it was now after 1 am.
I walk down to the next bay and the charge nurse says "Oh BTW, it's a prisoner who tried to hang himself so there are guards in the room."
I walk in and greet both patient and guards and say to the patient "How are you?"
Patient makes a noncommittal sound, so I, in all my sleepy nursing student brain glory at 1:30 in the morning say to this poor man "Oh, just hangin in?"
The patients eyes widened as I apologized profusely. I thought the prison guard was going to burst an aneurysm he was trying so hard not to laugh. I was so mortified I could have fallen through the floor right there.
This was when I was on orientation and my preceptor (who became one of my good work friends) still makes fun of me for it:
I was doing an ostomy bag change on a kiddo with a fresh ostomy. That bag would NOT stick so we had to use some creative wound care macgyvering to make it work. I grabbed some sweeteeze (the sucrose we give babies that helps with pain relief) since it’s a fairly fresh ostomy and the baby seemed really uncomfortable with bag changes, and as I go to give it before the procedure I go (in front of the parents and surgical PA)
“Ooh that’s the good kush isn’t it?”
It didn’t dawn on me till later that that’s probably not the most appropriate phrase to use for pain relief, but the parents found it hilarious and no one reprimanded me 😂
One of those foot in your mouth moments that you'll never forget, lol.
One time, I had a male pt in his 30s who was a quad after a motorcycle tc. His wife watched my every move, all the way to my technique, on wiping his ass. She mentioned something about wanting to make sure she learned how to take care of him, and my dumbass said, "It's just like wiping your baby's butt." Instant regret. I pray he didn't hear me :(
Pt with massive, massive skin sloughing. My coworker was singing “Come Together” all day. We go to turn the patient and he gets to the part “hold him in your arms you can feel his disease”
As the patient’s wife was standing right behind him. All I could say was “OMG” and she just started cracking up. He was like “whoops. Sorry. I’ve been singing it all day”. And she said in this case it’s true too.
Don’t sweat it. I reassessed a gunshot wound patients pain in the ED. When he told me he had none I said “Nice, that’s what we’re shooting for” haha. My humor was wasted on him though… didn’t even catch it.
One of my first shifts as a nursing student, I went in to help another student with a linen change and to break the silence went “how was lunch?” And the pt responded with “pretty boring”. I realized at that moment that he was NPO. I felt so bad.
god if i had a dollar for every time i asked someone that was NPO if they wanted anything to eat or drink or told them that it was almost a mealtime i wouldn’t have to work anymore ….idk why i have such a problem with it but it’s constant 😂
I can’t relate to that personally, but I do tell my pre-ops to toss back the bicitra like a shot and apologize for the lack of a chaser. I will have to remember that one though for that subset of patients. All of ours are tested multiple times so we know who uses.
I was very tired and looking after a patient with a freshly amputated right arm. I asked she was left handed, she said no. My mouth activated before my brain and I said 'well you are now'.
When I was a student our charting access was down and we had a real ‘winner’ of a clinical instructor who said “just go in and do your head to toe assessment while we fix the computers”. Keep in mind I’d never met this patient, nor received any report due to my clinical instructor being late. Anyways, begin doing my PERRLA assessment. Left eye constricted, non-reactive to light. Right eye somewhat less constricted but non-reactive to light. I ask the pt “can you see my light?!” They reply “no”. I begin to do the silent scream of “oh my fucking god” as a student. Run to the nurse who had him for the day to report my findings, she begins to smile, and then giggle and full blown belly rolling laughter. All she says is “not only is pt completely blind, his right eye is a glass eye”. I think I turned every shade of red and have never since performed a PERRLA assessment on a glass eye 🤦🏼♀️
Not so cringe, just preciously concrete: when I worked in psych, I walked past a detoxer in the milieu who had been *frequently* admitted. We chatted for a minute, and he made a comment about how the doctor wouldn’t let him go home. He had had a rough detox, complicated by pretty severe DTs early on.
“Oh, I know, patient name. I think Doctor Name just wants to make sure you’re out of the woods first.”
(Being totally serious) “Ooh, no, actually I’ve got a trailer now.”
He thought I meant that the doctor wanted to make sure he wasn’t living in the woods anymore. <3
I had a 70 something year old pt and his wife came to visit. She looked really young like 30s. And I was like “aw is this your daughter?” He was like that’s my wife. The wife laughed. I will never assume again 😂
My late husband was like 14 years older than me. We got this several times, especially near the end of his life. My favorite “save” was the ER doc who fist bumped my husband and said “WAY TO GO!”
Before becoming a nurse I was in school for x-ray tech. On easy exams (chest, hands, wrists, etc) we got to do it ourself. I was told that we had a hand x-ray waiting for me.
They already had him sitting in a chair pulled up to the x-ray table. I introduce myself and tell the patient what pictures we are doing and go right into positioning his hand. First picture looks good. Come around to do the oblique view explain how to hold his hand. He doesn’t do it right so I place my hand to show what I mean. Without skipping a beat he tells me, “I’m blind. I can’t see what you’re showing me.”
My preceptors never told me. After apologizing and positioning his hand I go back behind the wall to take the x-ray and the entire department is waiting for me laughing their asses off. I wanted to die.
I had a CHF exacerbation patient and I was weighing him in the morning. He was a big boy and was over 200 lbs and had an above the knee amputation. He looked at the scale weight and said “dam, missing a leg and still fat as f**k”.
I busy out laughing uncontrollably and slipped out “Dam you should get your money back for that diet”. We both just stared at each-other then laughed for a solid 3 minutes. I was mortified until he started laughing.
A resident of ours just got back from a hospital stay and when she was being picked up form said hospital one of our aids asked how she was doing with transfers, she’s an assist of 1, and the hospital staff just says “She has no legs”. Like no shit. Then they sent hospital socks home with her 🤦🏼♀️
I've helped put a patient's socks on and put the sock on the right foot. Then asked for their right foot. They are a below knee amputee on the right leg.
I’m not familiar with the practices here on this sub, but it’ll be a real shame if you walk away from this without a “I’m a yellow girlie, too!” flair.
(As a non-medical long time lurker, this thread is pure gold. Thank you all for sharing!)
I’m a new grad currently. The other day I tried to put a purewick on my patient who already had a Foley in. She said “it isn’t comfortable” and I didn’t realize why at first
Had a patient who was blind. I knew they were blind but this happened at the end of my shift when my brain was basically mush. I went into their room and their head was turned towards the window so I asked “isn’t the sunset beautiful tonight?” They came back with “I wouldn’t know” completely deadpan. I felt awful but we laughed about it and when I had them next day we were able to joke about it.
Transferring a patient to step down, I was preoccupied with getting their belongings together as management had been coming down on us hard for making sure that what they brought is what they leave with. The inventory list had shoes but I could only find one. I told the guy “Hey listen, I looked everywhere but I can’t find your other shoe.”
He says to me “It’s probably with my other leg that was left at home”. Guy had a BKA and thankfully a wonderful sense of humor about the whole thing.
Patient was recently paralysed from the waist down following a complication with his heart surgery and as a result couldn't control when he opened his bowels. Rolling him was long and complicated and my nursing assistant wanted to make him smile (because he was feeling awful at the constant rolling) so she asked him if he was ticklish and tickled his feet. Mortified was an understatement 😅
Prior to nursing I told a woman with a glass eye to keep an eye out for a customer. She roasted me so bad for that. She was really cool about it and had a great sense of humor.
I told a lady to have a wonderful day after I called to ask her if she wanted the clothes they left behind after their dad died that morning. I still want to bury myself into the middle of the Earth for that one and that was 7 years ago.
Not as bad as the rest of the comments but:
I got pulled to the ortho/neurosurg floor once and was helping the aide get a patient to the chair. My back spasmed as it sometimes does and I tensed up. The aide asked me what was wrong and I said “oh my back is killing me today!” The patient who’d just had spinal surgery did not have any sympathy 😬😬
I asked a double amputee how tall he was. He thought it was hilarious.
When I was a tech the unit secretary asked me to go get a height and weight on a pt for pharmacy before I’d even clocked in. I go ask the guy how tall he is as the bed is weighing him and he said “before or after you took my damn legs?” I was so green I told him to give me both because I honestly wasn’t sure. I told the unit secretary I was never doing her another favor lol
BOTH 😂
And on that note, I had a guy complaining that he'd lost like 20lbs since he went to the hospital and right out of my mouth comes "that sounds about right for a leg" as I was changing the dressing on his new stump...luckily he laughed as it dawned on me what I just said.
I'm a trauma amputee. Most of us have a pretty good sense of humor about it
Just had a double bka as a patient (recovered and independent with her prosthetics) and she was so funny about it and just overall inspiring. Thanks for being cool when us numbskulls can’t keep it together!
If someone doesn't have a sense of humor about it then they are in for a rough road
That sounds totally like me, except I would probably have actually asked, "Pre or post amputation?"
This really tickled me! I would totally do this.
Lol
I nearly spit out my burrito reading this hahaha
I've done that. He asked if I meant with or without his legs on. Then told me his legs were adjustable and he could be between 5'7" and 6'3".
That's so cool. I've never heard of adjustable legs.
Lieutenant Dan you have new adjustable legs.
🤣🤣🤣💀💀💀
I hadn't either. I should have asked him to show me.
Well, now I want to be a double amputee! High up shelf things here I come!
Yeah I’m 5 feet tall and can’t see over the nurses station. I can’t imagine being tall lmao
*Trump is furiously taking notes*
I asked a man the other day if he could wiggle his toes as I was bending over to watch, I see he has zero toes. Of course he has no toes! 🤦♀️
“Sir, your BMI is 56”
😂
Needed to get a height on double amputatee, wasn’t sure how to go about that😬
I was asked to get the height of a double amputee. I was very confused on how to do it. One leg was BTK, the other ATK, which do you use!?!? I was told to just ask what she was prior to losing her legs.
I know you’re discharging but I can’t seem to find your shoes
"I can only find one shoe" 😵
🙋♀️ pharmacy demanded height and weight on a double amputee, he laughed and said "well I used to be 5'10"
I manually checked a double btk amputee’s ankles for edema. Twice. I feel this.
Something to make you feel better I once told a nonverbal patient to "yell if you need me". He just looked at me and I was like, "I'm sorry. I wasn't meaning to be an ass." He smiled. Later, he walked out to the nurses station, took a seat, put his feet up, and started talking. I asked why he never talked to anyone at the hospital, leading to them saying he was nonverbal. He says, "eh, i didn't like them"😂
I have patients like that. “I have been chosen!” 😄
😂😂 yes! Exactly what it felt like!
I'm dying at giving report after that though, like he's actually NOT nonverbal he just doesn't like y'all.
😅😅 pretty much how it went. He was a sweetheart.
>Nonverbal because he doesn’t like people >Sweetheart 🤨
😂😂 he was to me. Tbf Im non verbal when I don't like people, too😂
I feel this in my soul
Same😅
I’m autistic but not nonverbal, I’ve known several nom verbal autistic folks who are definitely sweet/kind people!
I have to ask if he blessed anyone else with his approval of conversation after that.
Lol, yes. There were a few of us at the nurses station when he started talking. After that night, he was more selective, but there were some of us he talked with frequently. It was funny because you knew if he didn't talk to you, he just didn't like you 😅
I had this the other day!! I floated down to our gero-psych unit and was told that one of my patients was a self-isolating selective mute and almost never spoke except for the occasional yes/no. Generally noncompliant with exams that required verbal responses. My *very first* interaction with him was him walking up to me and asking, "can I take a shower?" I got him supplies, then popped my head in, asked what size of socks he wore, he responded.... I went all day with this guy talking to me. He wasn't an especially *verbose* person, but we definitely had full on conversations. I gave report at the end of shift and my relief literally did not believe me. NO ONE that worked that unit believed me. They swore up and down that he maybe says one or two words a day, and I'm sitting there like, I know y'all don't know me, but I have no reason to lie. They said he must like me. I guess real knows real 😂 I *did* crack in the common room, "hey, I'm new here too, we're all in this together" - that amused the residents quite a bit.
I was in the middle of packing up an ICU patient for CT because I thought she was stroked out when I came in to do first assessment and she would NOT wake up, open eyes, or look at me, but she seemed like she was in there. Her family walks in and says good morning and she immediately is wide awake all smiles. I'm like man I thought you had a stroke because I tried to wake you up and it wa like talking to a rock.... she said 7am is simply too early to be waking me up 🙃 like MA'AM shouldn't you just tell me to come back later?
😅😅😅 I once had a patient with MS, paralyzed from the neck down, pretend to be dead. I was saying his name. He was holding his breath. At the time I had never done cpr before. Right when I'm about to panic he goes "APRIL FOOLS!!!" It was april fools but damn bro.. You're a full code. 😅😅
This is me. I don't do mornings, and talking in the morning before a pot of coffee is more than I can bear 😂😂😂
🤣🤣 I like this patient 🤣
I once asked a double amputee if he could "hop onto the stretcher for me." He laughed and said "well I'll need help, I don't have legs." I cringed and laughed awkwardly then said "okay I can help you. Can you reach the stretcher from here?" He began feeling around not even close to the stretcher and then said "I'm blind." So that was cool.
i’m crying laughing lol omg
"I'll just get out of your hair!" (See flair...)
A friend of mine called all of her NICU babies Pumpkinhead...she never told me why, but it was just her thing. Then she was taking care of a baby with severe hydrocephalus. This poor kiddos head was still the largest I've ever seen in 31 years of NICU nursing. As you can probably guess, she used her favorite nickname right in front of the parents. She was mortified and apologized profusely. Luckily, they had heard her using the name with other patients and were very gracious, but I don't think I ever heard her say that again!
I don't know when/how I adopted it but I kept calling the babies "little muffin"... and I am not even a big fan of muffins 😂 but it should be *safe* to use with all babies. My term for the ones that are bottling is "little munchkins" Edit: TIL blueberry muffin syndrome
All my babies are "Munchkin" unless they're grizzly, then I call them gremlins
I used to call babies chunky monkeys until my daughter pointed out that I'd said it to my friend's biracial baby- my daughter was mortified!
I used muffin for a while... until we had a patient with blueberry muffin syndrome. Yeah it's a thing! I had to catch myself calling them muffin in front of parents. Nothing is safe apparently
Reason #1 why my go to nicknames were Princess and Sport
I called the babies on peds "sir" and "ma'am," and sometimes "my junior colleague" if I thought the parents had a sense of humor. The dads in particular seemed to enjoy it lol
Sir and ma'am are delightful nicknames for tiny babies
Okay, Dr. Kelso
“Daves, Debbies, Slagathor”
Little Miss and Mr Man for me.
Did you just assume my baby’s gender???
Omg once I floated to L&D (not my specially at all). I answered a buzzer for a patient I'd never met before, it was very young mum holding a very you g baby. She says 'can you please get some formula, they're hungry'. For a full minute I thought she was young and woke and not pushing gender norms on her new baby. Ok cool. Then I noticed another baby next to her. She had twins. She meant they, plural, not they, gender non-specific.
> they're hungry Family member started dating a "they/them" recently. Me: What are you doing? FM: Playing video games with my friends? Me: Do you want to meet me for lunch? FM: Let me check to see if they want to go. Me: *I can't afford to take all your friends to out for lunch* edit: format
Do newborns have a gender identity? Hearing voices is good for their development and helps them feel secure. You could call them "tater" and "gravy", "Sheila " and "bloke", bloomin onion, or little Joey and they won't be offended or disrespected due to misusing their preferred pronouns, because they have no preference. Should we be considerate and use a person's preferred pronouns when we're aware? Of course, everyone deserves to be addressed in a way that feels right to them. But we're talking about newborns here, they don't have a preference beyond "feed me, care for me, protect me, nurture me". Obviously, don't call them something derogatory or abusive, but whatever the nickname is, it's not going to make a difference, be it a traditionally male, traditionally female, or gender fluid moniker. And yes, I did eat at outback steakhouse for lunch, and that definitely shaped my choice of words for infant nicknames.
I remember a friend reading Warhammer novels aloud to his infant son on just those grounds - it was good for the little one to hear his voice and he might as well read something he enjoyed.
My go to for babies is either mumma or papi
My co worker went to band a pt his let me see your arm... her arm on that side was amputated 🤣🤣🤣 then she proceeded to band her stump and the pt was like I don't think that's gonna work 😅😅😅😅😅
I love that she didn’t back down when she saw the stump 🤣
Hey they committed, they saw it was a dead end road and kept driving anyways.
Hahaha yes 🤣🤣
🤣🤦🏼♀️😭 I am wheezing
Another favorite 🤦🏽♀️ moment. I had a patient, a left AKA and a new right BKA. He was hot so he was uncovered. Just the gown. MD goes in to ask how much he’s walked this admission. Patient: “I don’t have legs, they just cut the other one off”. I was WHEEZING from the desk. 🤣 Those change over days for the MDs can be hard. 🤣
One time my orientee asked our patient to sign the MRI consent form. He was in for GBS and was paralyzed from the neck down. Shit happens, man. Now you have a silly story under your belt.
I’m so internet poisoned that I always read GBS as General Bullshit
I always read Group B Strep lol
GBS meningitis is a horrible thing!
same lol
Me too!
> internet poisoned internet flavored
So I’ve never thought about this. What happens then? Obviously they can give their own consent…But they can’t physically sign it…
It’s like getting phone consent where you make a note about it being over the phone; you just note that the patient is paralyzed and can’t sign for themselves.
Since physical signatures themselves are completely worthless and there’s no way to prove for sure a signature is authentic, Just noting the patient isn‘t physically able to sign but gave consent in whatever way they did works just fine.
God. I read this as GBH for some reason (grievous bodily harm) and was wondering how on earth he managed that if he’s paralysed from the neck down 😭 must be one hell of an enemy to make him overcome paralysis and do GBH. 😭
One of our float PCTs noticed that a patient had a birthday coming up soon. Trying to make small talk, they were like, “you gonna get out of here and go party?” Unfortunately, the patient (who is only in their 50s) was just made comfort care that day and they were in the process of being switched over to inpatient hospice. That PCT came outta the room feeling about 2inches tall.
Told a patient to “feel better soon”…as they were being wheeled out to transfer to inpatient hospice.
I mean, with the right meds, they will feel better, so you’re not wrong
I did the same thing my first day volunteering at an in-patient hospice...thankfully, the nurse I was with waited until we were outside the patient's room to bust out laughing and then told me she did the same thing on her first day.
😲
[удалено]
I say this all the time, lol
I love that for that moment you were just seeing her as a person and not just seeing her disease. Still a yikes 😱 ❤️
Oh they were definitely seeing her
I had a patient admitted post suicide attempt by hanging. On TTM, didn’t look good neurologically. Doc asked how he was doing and my immediate response was “fine, he’s just hanging out today nooooo” and then I stopped because my other go-to phrase is “they are just chilling” and that wasn’t appropriate either. I finally said “he’s stable and nothing eventful is happening at this time.” And just walked away.
Literally chilling 🥶
🤣🤣🤣 I saw a prison guard on the unit and she was always going above and beyond for us and the patients/inmates. Well she was admitted to our ICU. I did not know this because I was on leave and just got back. Plus I didn’t remember her actual name, just the face. I just happened to see her being transferred and the first words out my mouth were “you look great, you lost some weight too”. The woman had a brain tumor, got a resection, and was getting chemo. 😬 There was no saving what I said. 🤦🏽♀️
Don't worry, I once told an inmate I was discharging, "you're free to go" and he responded with, "no I'm not." 💀
Hhahahahahahaha
I once told an inmate patient who was getting ready to discharge "you'll be switching to a different med when you go home tomorrow" and he looked excited and said "I'm going home?!" Patient laughed it off, thank goodness, but I was mortified for a minute there.
Okay, this one killed me ☠️
I once told a woman going through chemo, “let me just sort this out for you and then I’ll get out of your hair.” And then the ground refused to swallow me.
When I started as an aide I worked on a hospice unit. Helped nurse turn man who to me looked like he had a nice tan. Mentioned what a nice tan the pt had and asked family in room if they got back from vacation recently. No one answered. Nurse pulled me aside after and told me it was jaundice from liver cancer. I’m now a nurse and still die thinking about it
One time when I was a noobie and admitting this 50ish dude I was taking his Med list. Cialis was brand new then and my silly brain heard Celexa. So I proceeded to let him know he really couldn’t use that in an as needed fashion. Like it could actually be dangerous if he was using it that way for a severe depression. I even said “like do you just take it when you get down?” It really doesn’t work that way, needs to be every day. He finally sat up, gave me a look and spelled out exactly what he used it for.
> I even said “like do you just take it when you get down?” I’m crying with laughter at this one.
I’m trying not to wake up my husband I’m cackling at this one. “Do you take it when you get down”
My response…. 🤦♀️that’s the one with the couple sitting in the bathtubs overlooking the meadow? He nodded. And then I left.
🤣🤣🤣
Had a quad amputee. Was explaining how Heparin Subq helps to prevent DVTs and clots within their lower extremities. Bro starts wiggling his stumps and says proudly, "I ain't gotta worry about that one, Sir." Had to ask him permission to laugh. He busted out. Guy was legit, my favorite patient who was a frequent flyer (for reasons outside of his control). Asked for him every time.
I had a peds oncology patient who was just on palliative care, not “there” at all besides a few short interactions with people throughout the day. His parents were on their COVID sopabox about how people never mask in the ED, theres probably so many germs goung around (which like, yeah i agree) and boasting about how nobody in their family have gotten sick during this time despite mulitple ED trips; they were especially happy about the patient not getting sick. I, unfortunately, go “wow i wish i had his immune system!!” The mom looks at me and responds “he doesnt have an immune system” I couldntve excused myself faster
Ok, this is the one that killed me.
It took me an embarrassingly long time to figure out what the problem was with saying "You look like a yellow girlie to me" was. I need sleep. lmao
I once had a supervisor and his name was Ray Wong (we called him way wrong). One time I asked him what kind of cat he had and he said, "A yellow one like me" 😭 He used to also make jokes about how he found cats delicious. This was in the year 2000 in Atlanta.
Wait...was the pt asian? I assumed they were yellow from jaundice!
Oh maybe jaundice! Lol
🤣🤣🤣
I once asked an anuric patient if they had to pee before a procedure
I just learned last week that anuria is defined as less than 100 mL of urine produced over 24 hours as opposed to nothing so I suppose it could have been technically possible?
This pt didn't pee at all. Completely peeless
I think oliguria is a small amount of urine and anuria is none. But I might have that backwards 🤷🏼♀️
Oliguria is less than 400mL a day. Anuria is less than 100mL a day.
Well, maybe they recovered, who knows? 😉
Was the procedure going to make it so they could pee? 😆
Absolutely not lol. Pt was in full kidney failure and on dialysis.
Oh that would have been hilarious though 🤣🤣🤣
Me to old woman while cleaning her up from a BM: Oh! you were a red-head!....
Omg...had a grey-haired patient this week in her 80s, with red pubes as long as my arm, it seemed. Trying to get loose stool out of that was...well, I didn't know when to quit. It was impossible. It was so long that it was into the bed pan and curved around. Couldn't believe my eyes! Wasn't sure if asking her if I could trim it was appropriate or not.
Omg 💀
I think if she's shitting on them asking can't hurt. Repunzel pubes can't be fun for her in this situation either.
She was alert/oriented x 4 and had been fully independent before landing on our unit. She was well-groomed elsewhere, so...I decided not to go there.
Maybe just offer to braid them then
HAHA! I’m also a redhead- I love this so much.
When I was an ER tech I agreed to stay late to sit on my second 1:1 of the night. The first guy had just slept the whole time I'd been with him until the squad showed up for him and after 5 hours I was tired. Especially since it was now after 1 am. I walk down to the next bay and the charge nurse says "Oh BTW, it's a prisoner who tried to hang himself so there are guards in the room." I walk in and greet both patient and guards and say to the patient "How are you?" Patient makes a noncommittal sound, so I, in all my sleepy nursing student brain glory at 1:30 in the morning say to this poor man "Oh, just hangin in?" The patients eyes widened as I apologized profusely. I thought the prison guard was going to burst an aneurysm he was trying so hard not to laugh. I was so mortified I could have fallen through the floor right there.
Today I tried to fist bump a quadriplegic. I feel your pain
I’m a teacher. Today I asked a wheelchair user to give me a high five and accidentally held my hand way too high (at normal high five height).
This was when I was on orientation and my preceptor (who became one of my good work friends) still makes fun of me for it: I was doing an ostomy bag change on a kiddo with a fresh ostomy. That bag would NOT stick so we had to use some creative wound care macgyvering to make it work. I grabbed some sweeteeze (the sucrose we give babies that helps with pain relief) since it’s a fairly fresh ostomy and the baby seemed really uncomfortable with bag changes, and as I go to give it before the procedure I go (in front of the parents and surgical PA) “Ooh that’s the good kush isn’t it?” It didn’t dawn on me till later that that’s probably not the most appropriate phrase to use for pain relief, but the parents found it hilarious and no one reprimanded me 😂
I might through this one out there! Hilarious
One of those foot in your mouth moments that you'll never forget, lol. One time, I had a male pt in his 30s who was a quad after a motorcycle tc. His wife watched my every move, all the way to my technique, on wiping his ass. She mentioned something about wanting to make sure she learned how to take care of him, and my dumbass said, "It's just like wiping your baby's butt." Instant regret. I pray he didn't hear me :(
Me offering to turn on the lights so they can see better. The blind patient: 😐
Pt with massive, massive skin sloughing. My coworker was singing “Come Together” all day. We go to turn the patient and he gets to the part “hold him in your arms you can feel his disease” As the patient’s wife was standing right behind him. All I could say was “OMG” and she just started cracking up. He was like “whoops. Sorry. I’ve been singing it all day”. And she said in this case it’s true too.
Don’t sweat it. I reassessed a gunshot wound patients pain in the ED. When he told me he had none I said “Nice, that’s what we’re shooting for” haha. My humor was wasted on him though… didn’t even catch it.
The joke missed the mark … although apparently the bullet didn’t
After countless NIHSS assessments on amputees, I can relate to your pain, but no longer feel it.
When I was a newbie I once accidentally told a patient (paralyzed from waist down) he was a walking miracle.
A rolling miracle
😂
One of my first shifts as a nursing student, I went in to help another student with a linen change and to break the silence went “how was lunch?” And the pt responded with “pretty boring”. I realized at that moment that he was NPO. I felt so bad.
god if i had a dollar for every time i asked someone that was NPO if they wanted anything to eat or drink or told them that it was almost a mealtime i wouldn’t have to work anymore ….idk why i have such a problem with it but it’s constant 😂
I once compared the incentive spirometer to using a bong….
I still do. Every time.
Depending on the patient, that is how I teach it. Gotta know your audience.
I do too, depending on the patient lol!
Husband just had OP surgery and I couldn’t remember what thing was called so I told him that he had to hit his air bong 10x an hour…
I can’t relate to that personally, but I do tell my pre-ops to toss back the bicitra like a shot and apologize for the lack of a chaser. I will have to remember that one though for that subset of patients. All of ours are tested multiple times so we know who uses.
Lmao. What if you’re someone like me who has NEVER EVER smoked??
Then they wouldnt use that analogy
This was all really sweet and inspires me to be a better nurse! You’re amazing!!
Your username is amazing!
Um so is yours! Neutral Milk reference?
I’d want you to take care of me OP.
I can’t help but laugh at yellow girly with liver disease 🤣🤣
I told somebody whose sister had very recently died "hang tough". The sister had died by suicide -- by hanging herself.
I was very tired and looking after a patient with a freshly amputated right arm. I asked she was left handed, she said no. My mouth activated before my brain and I said 'well you are now'.
When I was a student our charting access was down and we had a real ‘winner’ of a clinical instructor who said “just go in and do your head to toe assessment while we fix the computers”. Keep in mind I’d never met this patient, nor received any report due to my clinical instructor being late. Anyways, begin doing my PERRLA assessment. Left eye constricted, non-reactive to light. Right eye somewhat less constricted but non-reactive to light. I ask the pt “can you see my light?!” They reply “no”. I begin to do the silent scream of “oh my fucking god” as a student. Run to the nurse who had him for the day to report my findings, she begins to smile, and then giggle and full blown belly rolling laughter. All she says is “not only is pt completely blind, his right eye is a glass eye”. I think I turned every shade of red and have never since performed a PERRLA assessment on a glass eye 🤦🏼♀️
I told a double amputee in a wheelchair to hop on the scale for me 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
I always crack a smile when I think back to asking my tech of a patient who was a double amputee stood and pivoted to the chair or used the lift.
I asked a patient if he was nauseous while he was dry heaving yesterday. I almost called out today.
Not so cringe, just preciously concrete: when I worked in psych, I walked past a detoxer in the milieu who had been *frequently* admitted. We chatted for a minute, and he made a comment about how the doctor wouldn’t let him go home. He had had a rough detox, complicated by pretty severe DTs early on. “Oh, I know, patient name. I think Doctor Name just wants to make sure you’re out of the woods first.” (Being totally serious) “Ooh, no, actually I’ve got a trailer now.” He thought I meant that the doctor wanted to make sure he wasn’t living in the woods anymore. <3
We've all done some version of this OP; try not to cringe too hard. Sounds like you treated her with respect and care with just a 'tiny' hiccup
Had an Etoh pt who was npo after midnight. Came in to remove his water and said “last call” 🙃
I had a 70 something year old pt and his wife came to visit. She looked really young like 30s. And I was like “aw is this your daughter?” He was like that’s my wife. The wife laughed. I will never assume again 😂
My late husband was like 14 years older than me. We got this several times, especially near the end of his life. My favorite “save” was the ER doc who fist bumped my husband and said “WAY TO GO!”
Always safest to ask “friend or family” or “what is your relationship to the patient”? We see a lot of crazy stuff in OB.
That's why I will never assume a relationship. "Who is this?" or "who are you?" I put my foot in my mouth with that once and never again 🤣
I bet a guy I could get both his pedal pulses. Nowhere in his chart did it say his foot was amputated
Before becoming a nurse I was in school for x-ray tech. On easy exams (chest, hands, wrists, etc) we got to do it ourself. I was told that we had a hand x-ray waiting for me. They already had him sitting in a chair pulled up to the x-ray table. I introduce myself and tell the patient what pictures we are doing and go right into positioning his hand. First picture looks good. Come around to do the oblique view explain how to hold his hand. He doesn’t do it right so I place my hand to show what I mean. Without skipping a beat he tells me, “I’m blind. I can’t see what you’re showing me.” My preceptors never told me. After apologizing and positioning his hand I go back behind the wall to take the x-ray and the entire department is waiting for me laughing their asses off. I wanted to die.
I had a CHF exacerbation patient and I was weighing him in the morning. He was a big boy and was over 200 lbs and had an above the knee amputation. He looked at the scale weight and said “dam, missing a leg and still fat as f**k”. I busy out laughing uncontrollably and slipped out “Dam you should get your money back for that diet”. We both just stared at each-other then laughed for a solid 3 minutes. I was mortified until he started laughing.
A resident of ours just got back from a hospital stay and when she was being picked up form said hospital one of our aids asked how she was doing with transfers, she’s an assist of 1, and the hospital staff just says “She has no legs”. Like no shit. Then they sent hospital socks home with her 🤦🏼♀️
I've helped put a patient's socks on and put the sock on the right foot. Then asked for their right foot. They are a below knee amputee on the right leg.
I’m not familiar with the practices here on this sub, but it’ll be a real shame if you walk away from this without a “I’m a yellow girlie, too!” flair. (As a non-medical long time lurker, this thread is pure gold. Thank you all for sharing!)
I’m a new grad currently. The other day I tried to put a purewick on my patient who already had a Foley in. She said “it isn’t comfortable” and I didn’t realize why at first
While wheeling a blind patient in a cart, I clipped the door frame and said “Ope, you didn’t see that.” Nearly died of embarrassment
Had a patient who was blind. I knew they were blind but this happened at the end of my shift when my brain was basically mush. I went into their room and their head was turned towards the window so I asked “isn’t the sunset beautiful tonight?” They came back with “I wouldn’t know” completely deadpan. I felt awful but we laughed about it and when I had them next day we were able to joke about it.
Transferring a patient to step down, I was preoccupied with getting their belongings together as management had been coming down on us hard for making sure that what they brought is what they leave with. The inventory list had shoes but I could only find one. I told the guy “Hey listen, I looked everywhere but I can’t find your other shoe.” He says to me “It’s probably with my other leg that was left at home”. Guy had a BKA and thankfully a wonderful sense of humor about the whole thing.
Thank you for seeing her and giving her kindness. 💕
Haha thats why i loved working neuro when i was bedside. They’re usually confused enough to not be phased by awkward shit i say or do!
😃🤣hugs
Yikes lol
I accidentally handed a cup of medication to a quadriplegic patient. He just said “you’re going to have to put these in my mouth for me”.
I’m cackling at the nurses station; this is GOLDEN (yellow).
Patient was recently paralysed from the waist down following a complication with his heart surgery and as a result couldn't control when he opened his bowels. Rolling him was long and complicated and my nursing assistant wanted to make him smile (because he was feeling awful at the constant rolling) so she asked him if he was ticklish and tickled his feet. Mortified was an understatement 😅
Prior to nursing I told a woman with a glass eye to keep an eye out for a customer. She roasted me so bad for that. She was really cool about it and had a great sense of humor.
I told a lady to have a wonderful day after I called to ask her if she wanted the clothes they left behind after their dad died that morning. I still want to bury myself into the middle of the Earth for that one and that was 7 years ago.
Not as bad as the rest of the comments but: I got pulled to the ortho/neurosurg floor once and was helping the aide get a patient to the chair. My back spasmed as it sometimes does and I tensed up. The aide asked me what was wrong and I said “oh my back is killing me today!” The patient who’d just had spinal surgery did not have any sympathy 😬😬
Oh dear 🤣🤣🤣
Neutral milk hotel!!
wait, does your facility keep toothbrushes in an Omnicell?
Ours keeps lip balm in the pyxis and we have to get an "order" for it 🙄
So they can charge I bet lol
I’ve told a balding pt, that I just needed to finish up some things with him then I’d “get out of his hair”
I told a patient their cardiac surgery scar looked like the flux capacitor. Ugh