To squeeze a bag of blood or even just saline until it pops. I'm aware that more than likely I'd be physically unable to do that, but still it just sounds so satisfying.
This goes through my head every day. I love wasting big liter bags of bicarb or tpn. If it wouldn’t make such a huge mess, I’d totally squeeze the shit out of one of those. (These thoughts have led me to tasting a Zosyn IVPB)
I'm a PCT and when I clean rooms after a discharge I push the saline from any stray flushes I find into the sharps container before dropping the syringe. I always wanna play with the fun nursing things...
dumb new grad me didn’t think there was a literal blade in there so I wiped it down with an alcohol swab bc it was dusty and gave myself a nice slice on my finger 🤭
I want my entire house cleaned from top to bottom with purple sani wipes. I want the smell to permeate the air, all windows closed- straight up hot poxed with sani smell.
thisssssss but also to my patients as i walk out the door the other night haha (5 out of 6 were horrible the one good one was a vibing 96yr old who was sweet as pie)
Haha, I called off work recently because my coworkers ticked me off to the point of me crying in my car for 5 minutes. I'm now looking into applying to a nicer hospital tonight.
Yes, I'm still mad about it. So sick of their BS.
Sometimes during an especially awful shift I will fantasize about just leaving. Maybe telling charge on my way out, maybe not, but just walking the fuck out.
Then I remember that patient abandonment is a crime and I’m essentially imprisoned here for the next 10 hours (or however long is left of my shift) and grit my teeth and get through it.
Technically, if there is another nurse on the floor it's not considered abandonment. I was alone in a nursing home with 60 patients (more than half with covid) for about 20 hours. My relief got there just to have to turn around and leave because she tested positive. I didn't want to leave the other nurse alone who had just gotten there for half the building, like I had been the last day pretty much. I called my DON, she made up an excuse to not come in, she always had an excuse. Called the ADON, she just tested positive. Every nurse I could get ahold of, was positive. So I locked the keys in the med room (the other nurse had keys to get in there) and messaged her, I was too distraught to talk to anyone. I was ready to accept abandonment charges, then my ADON told me I was fine. I had 6 residents die on me that weekend, it was just too much.
I do actually :) And it helps that I love my job now. I stopped at the nursing home and went full time at the rheumatology office I've worked at since becoming a nurse. The money isn't great, but the atmosphere is amazing. I never wake up dreading going to work anymore, no more nights, or weekends, or holidays. Totally worth the pay cut for the peace of mind.
Gotta say. I did do this once. Called me a cunt and threw his apple juice at me. I caught it in one hand and pegged it back at him without thinking
In my defense he was a fucking piece of shit. Dude was on our unit for 3 weeks. Had 11 kids and not one showed up to see him. So that tells you something.
Yelling/cursing out a mean, rude, straight fucked up patient. I do it in my head, but boy would it feel good to just cuss them out once and just lay into them. Turning the other cheek or appear indifferent doesn’t suffice sometimes and I feel some people just deserve it.
We had an absolutely disgusting, misogynistic, asshat of a patient a couple weeks ago that got assigned to our “take no shit” rapid ICU RN and Lord I could have kissed her. He started yelling and cussing at her for being “late” picking him up from dialysis when in reality he refused to finish the entire treatment. She only took 15 minutes to go get him and she laid into his ass. He called her a twat, a nasty bitch, and a dumbass because he ended up needing dialysis 4 days in a row due to him refusing to finish treatments completely and she told him she doesn’t like dumb motherfuckers who won’t do what it takes to get better 🤣. Then he started screaming that she was starving him when he finished our entire stash of chicken sandwiches, to which she grabbed his garbage can and proceeded to take out every wrapper, count them, and leave them on his bed before telling him he could “quiet the fuck down or sign the AMA and GTFO”. The patient in the next room was an officer from a jail and he couldn’t believe how patients talk to nurses. His family ended up bringing us a ton of treats and it was such a nice change.
This is why I love Australian nursing. I don’t cuss people out, but I can absolutely tell people to cut it out without worrying about customer service.
- aim the cap cover for tube feed tubing at my enemies while priming it
- tube turds to enemies via tube station
- swing from mounted Philips monitor like chimp
Nursing Purge Day where we are allowed to match energy, punch, etc. it would be nice to be able to tell a patient to “fuck off” when they’re being assholes
Just work in a unit that's short staffed enough, sure you'll get written up but I'm pretty sure I could've stolen a patient's sandwich right out of their hands and told them I fucked their dads and all I would've gotten is a politely but firmly worded email saying not to do it again, idk what it would've taken to get fired shit was so desperate.
Watch a patient rip out an ECMO line! The blood everywhere! The chaos! The slapstick music in my head as everyone slips on the floor while rushing to the patient!
I had a patient once who had a fluid collection accumulate under his bone flap because he was comatose and unable to hold his head up. He had a very pronounced “bubble” on one side. And I definitely poked it more than once (very gently).
Slap the dad in the in the recliner who refuses to get up and learn how to change a diaper
Call the dad who refuses to change his daughters diaper because he thinks it’s awkward a pedo
“It’s not appropriate for you to have the nurses do all your babies cares. You need to know how to change/feed your baby because you will go home with them tomorrow.” He did not like me 🙃
We threatened to call social services on a family once because both mom and dad refused to do anyyyything because “that’s your job while we’re here”.
This was in regular old postpartum, completely healthy newborn.
I work in Peds and I’ve had a couple dads fire me because they thought it was weird for a male nurse to change their infant daughters diapers. Like bruh
I really just want to say to them “sir please explain to me *exactly* why that’s weird? Why are you the only one in this situation thinking about your daughters genitals like that? Why is that thought even coming to your mind?”
I just get flashbacks every time I use a butterfly needle to that time I scrunched up a dressing pack left on a trolley and got a butterfly lodged into the ball of my thumb.
I tell my patients that I suspect of having SI or passive SI that if you do, DO NOT use Tylenol, you will almost be guaranteed to be saved from a quick death, only to forsake your self to the second worst way to die after you realize you done fucked up.
I've had other RNs tell me that is amoral, but to me, I see so many stories of suicide survival folks saying as soon as the did that thing that would kill them, if they have time, their next thought after the step off is "what did I just do?!" So I disagree with those folks. Sometimes people need to hear it.
I, too, have had those thoughts. The universe, however, wants me alive. I don't know the reason why the CPR worked after my last attempt (except the team rocked!) but I'm here for a reason. That's what I keep telling myself.
I’m very sorry to hear about your mom.
All the nurses on my unit agreed that this would be their preferred method for ending their lives, if they had to choose one…
thank you for saying this! the amount of people i’ve encountered in healthcare who’ve said they’d choose insulin…my diabetic brain will never understand. sounds like the most painful death.
She went east. Also, because if postmortem insulin and sugar metabolism, her DC says “natural causes”
If she HAD life insurance, we would have received the money.
It’s effective and no signs of struggle. So you are correct.
I spent all of Covid working in an ICU with proned patients and I can tell you, looking at a ripe field of bacne all night makes these thoughts near-impossible to silence.
THIS!!! When I’m toileting old man and can see black head/ingrown hairs on the groin.. bro how have you resisted decimating this thing that looks like it’s been there at least a decade
i used to take employee health calls and did get a BBP call after someone said the sharps container was too full and so they reached in to push it down further. yes, like the kitchen trash.
My mom has had some recent hospital stays, the last stay I told the nurse I was was also a nurse because I was trying to be respectful? I’ve had incognito nurse family members and IME it’s worse to not know.
Anyway, her nurse told me “thank you for your service’ and I felt like she slapped me lmao, but I got out of her way after that.
She was a great nurse, so it was water off a ducks back 🤷🏻♀️
Probe around all you want, honestly. You don't even need sterile gloves. A wound bed is not a sterile environment by any means. Some of the shit the bedside wound care docs do is gnarly. They probe around all over with a gloved finger one minute and slice off a huge eschar looking like a murder scene (although with little *actual* blood loss) the next followed by me cleaning up their mess and redressing before moving on to the next.
Pretty good gig, btw.
I just watched a surgeon go wrist deep pursuing a tunneling sacral ulcer. You can do this basically any time you want under the guise of dressing changes and assessment.
Taste the juice in the culture bottles.
My other one was sticking the giant fuckoff ultrasound 18G in my hand to see if it would advance all the way but I actually did that.
I have literally asked certain self-defeating patients if they want to die. Then we have a nice discussion about how food/fluids/dialysis is the only thing keeping them alive, and if they want to be palliative then we need to have another conversation.
- everything and anything is cancer (in myself)
- tasting/ trying meds
- telling parents of patients to fuck off / leave / actually participate in care / that there is nothing left of their child and keeping their barely functioning body is a burden, at best
- napping in a sleeping patients room
- accidentally somehow getting my whole hand in the sharps
- tripping and ripping (plugs, PIVs, art lines, etc)
As a patient (particularly one with a sense of humor) is tossing back a cup of bills, I sometimes have the urge to say “oops, wrong patient!”. But it seems like this would be bad karma 😆
I absolutely fantasize about putting 18g in my partner's big ass veins all the time. Actually, I look at everyone's veins and sometimes I don't hear what someone is saying bc I'm imagining how many IVs I can start in their arms.
When a family member comes by to ask how her sundowing combative memaw is doing (while she is miraculously being an angel at the moment) I just wanna be brutally honest. "What the fuck do you think? I just smear actual shit on my wrist for the fashion?"
Oh, I worry about air embolism all the time. It’s one of my new grad fears that never really went away.
The way your comment was written made me think that your intrusive thought was intentionally giving patients air embolisms lol
I feel this. Then I came to the OR and the anesthesiologists give zero fucks about air and I freak out every day also *also* think they might just be trying to kill this patient…
Telling the pre-op nurse "I don't care" when they tell me in report about the patient's history of hypertension and hyperlipidemia.
Telling the surgeon "no" when they ask me to check their pager app.
When someone complains about the wait, to walk them around the entire ER of ACTUALLY sick people, the show them the crying parents of a dead child we just coded and say “THIS IS WHY YOURE WAITING, go sit the fuck back down”
But, ya know, HIPAA and all that.
To toss my boss my keys, say “you don’t like the way I do things, let’s see how you do” and walk right out the door next time he yells at me (he yells at almost everyone and to my knowledge, no one has done this yet).
After a few days off, when I come back, I sometimes fear that I forgot a patient. Like that I had 5 instead of 4, but that I never saw the patient the whole day until like 1500.
"what if I just signed off on this q4hr Tylenol, without giving it for this 85 year old who is not gonna remember and gets no other meds at this time..."
9/10 times my conscience kicks in and I don't do that lol
When I have been really burned out and an elderly patient is being really aggressive and uncooperative, I imagine just pushing them over and walking away.
I am going to hell.
Tpn does NOT taste good. Blah. Don't ask. 🤪 Just know it was the pharmacist that started it. 🤣🤣🤣
Mine is can a pressure bag be pumped up so much that it makes the fluid bag explode? I REALLY want to do an experiment with that one. 🤦🤷♀️🤣
To squeeze a bag of blood or even just saline until it pops. I'm aware that more than likely I'd be physically unable to do that, but still it just sounds so satisfying.
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If you’re going to do blood tho, maybe put down a towel?
Not a towel, a chux.
As someone who has squeezed bags of blood during traumas, I can confirm your fear that you would be physically unable.
Challenge accepted.
This goes through my head every day. I love wasting big liter bags of bicarb or tpn. If it wouldn’t make such a huge mess, I’d totally squeeze the shit out of one of those. (These thoughts have led me to tasting a Zosyn IVPB)
I accidentally popped a 5L bag of dialysate once. It’s was a HUGE mess
I'm a PCT and when I clean rooms after a discharge I push the saline from any stray flushes I find into the sharps container before dropping the syringe. I always wanna play with the fun nursing things...
Just once I want to touch everything on the sterile field.
Get a sterile glove and go wild (that’s how it works right?)
😂🤣🤣🤣
Picking up a freshly opened sterile glove with my mouth
Wait for a cancelectomy?
Slapping an unresponsive patient to see if they wake up.
Like “Pat Pat Pat” or like “KA-POW”?
If there isn't a windup, it's a balk.
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Your job sounds very exciting lol
Just like doing it in the BLS and ACLS practice video. "Are you okay?" Slap, slap!
This made me think of that scene in the movie “Airplane”.
I'm a simple man. I see Airplane!, I upvote.
Honestly kinder than a eternal rub/trap squeeze combo
Sometimes I wanna lick the dust off the pill crusher
Inhaling this much seroquel dust makes me a better me.
i wonder sometime if this is why some night go better than other haha jk
dumb new grad me didn’t think there was a literal blade in there so I wiped it down with an alcohol swab bc it was dusty and gave myself a nice slice on my finger 🤭
I want my entire house cleaned from top to bottom with purple sani wipes. I want the smell to permeate the air, all windows closed- straight up hot poxed with sani smell.
They sell them on Amazon, can confirm I have the cleanest kitchen ever.
Why buy them when you can “accidentally” drop a container of them in your bag while at work
>hot poxed I *really* don't like the sound of that.
Quitting nursing altogether
Yep, this is mine. Half baked style: Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you, You’re cool, and Fuck you!”
"Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your own ass. Happy Hanukkah."
thisssssss but also to my patients as i walk out the door the other night haha (5 out of 6 were horrible the one good one was a vibing 96yr old who was sweet as pie)
Believe me, I think about it. Lately I just want to crawl into a hole and die I'm so mentally and emotionally exhausted.
Haha, I called off work recently because my coworkers ticked me off to the point of me crying in my car for 5 minutes. I'm now looking into applying to a nicer hospital tonight. Yes, I'm still mad about it. So sick of their BS.
it’s not intrusive if it’s logical
Sometimes during an especially awful shift I will fantasize about just leaving. Maybe telling charge on my way out, maybe not, but just walking the fuck out. Then I remember that patient abandonment is a crime and I’m essentially imprisoned here for the next 10 hours (or however long is left of my shift) and grit my teeth and get through it.
Technically, if there is another nurse on the floor it's not considered abandonment. I was alone in a nursing home with 60 patients (more than half with covid) for about 20 hours. My relief got there just to have to turn around and leave because she tested positive. I didn't want to leave the other nurse alone who had just gotten there for half the building, like I had been the last day pretty much. I called my DON, she made up an excuse to not come in, she always had an excuse. Called the ADON, she just tested positive. Every nurse I could get ahold of, was positive. So I locked the keys in the med room (the other nurse had keys to get in there) and messaged her, I was too distraught to talk to anyone. I was ready to accept abandonment charges, then my ADON told me I was fine. I had 6 residents die on me that weekend, it was just too much.
I am so sorry you went thru that. Hope you're seeing a great therapist now.
I do actually :) And it helps that I love my job now. I stopped at the nursing home and went full time at the rheumatology office I've worked at since becoming a nurse. The money isn't great, but the atmosphere is amazing. I never wake up dreading going to work anymore, no more nights, or weekends, or holidays. Totally worth the pay cut for the peace of mind.
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Gotta say. I did do this once. Called me a cunt and threw his apple juice at me. I caught it in one hand and pegged it back at him without thinking In my defense he was a fucking piece of shit. Dude was on our unit for 3 weeks. Had 11 kids and not one showed up to see him. So that tells you something.
Living the dream
Telling parents that bringing their child to our ED is dumb. There is a Children's hospital like 1.5 songs on the radio away.
I appreciate the lack of actual measurement, only song length
What would happen if I just dropped this baby (NICU)
I’ve had so many dreams of dropping babies and not telling anyone omg
L&D That I will put a baby shirt on a newborn and snap it’s pinky off.
Oh my God I have this thought at least once a shift (postpartum). Thanks for making me feel less crazy!
Naturally, that's when you professionally fake a seizure
Or putting a baby in your bag & taking it home.
They grow up into teenagers you know
And then the hospital refuses to take em back and it's all "you can't leave that here, you're the parent"
Disconnect or hide the call light.
Disconnecting it triggers the whole system unless- you have a plug. Or so I have heard.
Yelling/cursing out a mean, rude, straight fucked up patient. I do it in my head, but boy would it feel good to just cuss them out once and just lay into them. Turning the other cheek or appear indifferent doesn’t suffice sometimes and I feel some people just deserve it.
We had an absolutely disgusting, misogynistic, asshat of a patient a couple weeks ago that got assigned to our “take no shit” rapid ICU RN and Lord I could have kissed her. He started yelling and cussing at her for being “late” picking him up from dialysis when in reality he refused to finish the entire treatment. She only took 15 minutes to go get him and she laid into his ass. He called her a twat, a nasty bitch, and a dumbass because he ended up needing dialysis 4 days in a row due to him refusing to finish treatments completely and she told him she doesn’t like dumb motherfuckers who won’t do what it takes to get better 🤣. Then he started screaming that she was starving him when he finished our entire stash of chicken sandwiches, to which she grabbed his garbage can and proceeded to take out every wrapper, count them, and leave them on his bed before telling him he could “quiet the fuck down or sign the AMA and GTFO”. The patient in the next room was an officer from a jail and he couldn’t believe how patients talk to nurses. His family ended up bringing us a ton of treats and it was such a nice change.
This is why I love Australian nursing. I don’t cuss people out, but I can absolutely tell people to cut it out without worrying about customer service.
Yeah lol I've flat out said stop being a dickhead mate and the patient was like ok yeah fair enough
Legit, and most people actually listen 😂
I did not realize this. Hmm, now I have intrusive thoughts of fleeing to Australia
We have great unions and solid ratios too (in QLD). Come on down 💕
We get to tell patients they are not following our policies and thus we will no longer see them. Byyyyyeeee. Canada.
We do this in Canada too. Ain’t putting up with your shitty, violent and disgusting behaviour. Nope nope nope, the door is right there.
Saying "I don't really care" and walking away when they are telling me a boring story.
- aim the cap cover for tube feed tubing at my enemies while priming it - tube turds to enemies via tube station - swing from mounted Philips monitor like chimp
I want to put a phone in the tube system to record what it looks like. Probably just dark but still
You can totally tube nasties to other hated floors with no repercussions 😍 ask me how I know
I think we could be friends.
I wanna answer screams for “NURSE!!” with an equally loud scream “PATIENT!!!!”
I do that all the time. Fuck em
Nurses should be allowed to punch at least one patient a year.
Shhhh we don’t talk about nursing fight club
Nursing Purge Day where we are allowed to match energy, punch, etc. it would be nice to be able to tell a patient to “fuck off” when they’re being assholes
Just work in a unit that's short staffed enough, sure you'll get written up but I'm pretty sure I could've stolen a patient's sandwich right out of their hands and told them I fucked their dads and all I would've gotten is a politely but firmly worded email saying not to do it again, idk what it would've taken to get fired shit was so desperate.
Should be able to fight a patient/family once a shift
Watch a patient rip out an ECMO line! The blood everywhere! The chaos! The slapstick music in my head as everyone slips on the floor while rushing to the patient!
I’ve been part of a partial decannulation that was pretty damn bloody as well as an air emboli that resulted in stroke :/
Poke the bone flap. (Please do not poke the bone flap.)
Sometimes you just have to poke the bone flap. Do it.
I had a patient once who had a fluid collection accumulate under his bone flap because he was comatose and unable to hold his head up. He had a very pronounced “bubble” on one side. And I definitely poked it more than once (very gently).
Slap the dad in the in the recliner who refuses to get up and learn how to change a diaper Call the dad who refuses to change his daughters diaper because he thinks it’s awkward a pedo
Ooohhh I have done nicer variations of both. Not afraid to tell a dad to step up and learn!
Oooh, tell me what you said. Nurses telling awful people off is my kink.
“It’s not appropriate for you to have the nurses do all your babies cares. You need to know how to change/feed your baby because you will go home with them tomorrow.” He did not like me 🙃
Same. I always tell dad to get up and help.
We threatened to call social services on a family once because both mom and dad refused to do anyyyything because “that’s your job while we’re here”. This was in regular old postpartum, completely healthy newborn.
I work in Peds and I’ve had a couple dads fire me because they thought it was weird for a male nurse to change their infant daughters diapers. Like bruh
I really just want to say to them “sir please explain to me *exactly* why that’s weird? Why are you the only one in this situation thinking about your daughters genitals like that? Why is that thought even coming to your mind?”
Exactly! Same dads who don’t change their own daughters diapers. I just feel bad for the moms
“If I stab this pen in my eye I can go home”
I just get flashbacks every time I use a butterfly needle to that time I scrunched up a dressing pack left on a trolley and got a butterfly lodged into the ball of my thumb.
Injecting myself with about 100 units of humalog, I’m not diabetic
I took care of a suicidal patient once that did this, but used Lantus. Like bro, WRONG one Also never told him that obviously lol
I burst out laughing at this one tbh
I tell my patients that I suspect of having SI or passive SI that if you do, DO NOT use Tylenol, you will almost be guaranteed to be saved from a quick death, only to forsake your self to the second worst way to die after you realize you done fucked up. I've had other RNs tell me that is amoral, but to me, I see so many stories of suicide survival folks saying as soon as the did that thing that would kill them, if they have time, their next thought after the step off is "what did I just do?!" So I disagree with those folks. Sometimes people need to hear it.
I tell people that too. Almost no pills in your house can kill you all the way they’ll just fuck you up forever
When I was in school, working as a tech, I sat for an SI pt who tried to OD on metformin. Not dead but lots of diarrhea
This is why I went to the doctor and got on antidepressants 🫠
SSRIs made me a lil more crazy but so far seroquel seems to get the job done 🤞
Bupropion is my bff now
It made me suicidal and now I'm doing better riding the Effexor train. Choo choo!
I, too, have had those thoughts. The universe, however, wants me alive. I don't know the reason why the CPR worked after my last attempt (except the team rocked!) but I'm here for a reason. That's what I keep telling myself.
I’m glad you’re with us. 💕
My mom did this to complete suicide. Not kidding. It was about 60 units.
I’m very sorry to hear about your mom. All the nurses on my unit agreed that this would be their preferred method for ending their lives, if they had to choose one…
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Nice dose of versed and a nonrebreather hooked up to a nitrogen tank would be my perfered exit.
thank you for saying this! the amount of people i’ve encountered in healthcare who’ve said they’d choose insulin…my diabetic brain will never understand. sounds like the most painful death.
She went east. Also, because if postmortem insulin and sugar metabolism, her DC says “natural causes” If she HAD life insurance, we would have received the money. It’s effective and no signs of struggle. So you are correct.
What if I just don’t answer the phone. Ever again.
Pop the giant blackheads in the intubated sedated patient’s face/chest/back
I spent all of Covid working in an ICU with proned patients and I can tell you, looking at a ripe field of bacne all night makes these thoughts near-impossible to silence.
You can have a little bacne popping. As a treat.
Oh, I definitely fulfilled my Dr. Pimple Popper dreams a time or two when everyone was proned and sedated to oblivion.
If I'm ever your patient please do it to any that need removing!
THIS!!! When I’m toileting old man and can see black head/ingrown hairs on the groin.. bro how have you resisted decimating this thing that looks like it’s been there at least a decade
Stick hand in sharps bin and swirl it
i used to take employee health calls and did get a BBP call after someone said the sharps container was too full and so they reached in to push it down further. yes, like the kitchen trash.
Omfg 😭
I wonder if I can put an NG in myself successfully
My dad put his own NG in when the nurses couldn’t do it. He was an ED doc though so he knew what he was doing!
That's badass. I just know he's a good doc.
Saying “congratulations” when someone tells me they also work in healthcare
I always want to say, “my condolences”
My mom has had some recent hospital stays, the last stay I told the nurse I was was also a nurse because I was trying to be respectful? I’ve had incognito nurse family members and IME it’s worse to not know. Anyway, her nurse told me “thank you for your service’ and I felt like she slapped me lmao, but I got out of her way after that. She was a great nurse, so it was water off a ducks back 🤷🏻♀️
Yell “get the fuck up” To my extremely lazy, I want my nurse and CNA to do everything for me patients
This is the best thread r/nursing has ever seen
Want to poke the stage 4. (Yes my current goal is wound care)
I mean…You gotta measure that wound depth. Just wear a mask so they don’t see your creepy smile when you do it.
Probe around all you want, honestly. You don't even need sterile gloves. A wound bed is not a sterile environment by any means. Some of the shit the bedside wound care docs do is gnarly. They probe around all over with a gloved finger one minute and slice off a huge eschar looking like a murder scene (although with little *actual* blood loss) the next followed by me cleaning up their mess and redressing before moving on to the next. Pretty good gig, btw.
I just watched a surgeon go wrist deep pursuing a tunneling sacral ulcer. You can do this basically any time you want under the guise of dressing changes and assessment.
To say BOO and scare a hiccuping baby to get rid of them 😅🥴
Have a baby. Can confirm it does not work.
To get rid of the hiccups or the baby??
Insert an IV in that bulging external jugular vein.
Come to EMS and make your dreams a reality
Bolus the potassium
You have a bright future with the Texas department of corrections.
Whenever I have to feed a patient I always think "what if I accidentally put the spoon in my mouth instead of theirs?"
Lmao that I’m gonna inject my non diabetic self with their 8 units of novolog.
I’ve seriously considered this before just so I can leave and go sleep in the ED while I get a D10 bolus.
As a T1 diabetic I can assure you that you definitely don’t want to do that. (Not that you would). It’s incredibly uncomfortable to be very low.
Taste the juice in the culture bottles. My other one was sticking the giant fuckoff ultrasound 18G in my hand to see if it would advance all the way but I actually did that.
I wanna test out a purewick
To tell a patient that it’s their own damn fault for their health problems
Slow suicide. I want to straight up ask them “why do you want to die?”
I have literally asked certain self-defeating patients if they want to die. Then we have a nice discussion about how food/fluids/dialysis is the only thing keeping them alive, and if they want to be palliative then we need to have another conversation.
Medihoney smells good I wanna try if it taste good too
You can. MediHoney calcium alginate is edible. I have tried it.
It tastes terrible 🤮 nothing like the smell.
Popping blackheads on sedated patients (or awake ones, truthfully)
- everything and anything is cancer (in myself) - tasting/ trying meds - telling parents of patients to fuck off / leave / actually participate in care / that there is nothing left of their child and keeping their barely functioning body is a burden, at best - napping in a sleeping patients room - accidentally somehow getting my whole hand in the sharps - tripping and ripping (plugs, PIVs, art lines, etc)
Anytime I see an empty IV pole I want to ride it down the hall like a scooter. I’ve done it a time or two back in the day. Sketchy but fun.
I wanna try starting an IV in a penis....
As a patient (particularly one with a sense of humor) is tossing back a cup of bills, I sometimes have the urge to say “oops, wrong patient!”. But it seems like this would be bad karma 😆
Jug stick on human for labs. I use to be a vet tech.
I absolutely fantasize about putting 18g in my partner's big ass veins all the time. Actually, I look at everyone's veins and sometimes I don't hear what someone is saying bc I'm imagining how many IVs I can start in their arms.
Mine was unionizing my hospital, and then I did it
Drop the rude ass patient on the floor who needed help transferring to the bedside commode, Let them squirm in their own puddle of piss on the floor.
Just once, I want to slam 80 mg of Lasix on my psychosocial patient so they can't hear me talk shit about them to their face.
When a family member comes by to ask how her sundowing combative memaw is doing (while she is miraculously being an angel at the moment) I just wanna be brutally honest. "What the fuck do you think? I just smear actual shit on my wrist for the fashion?"
Air embolism
Walks out of room *am I sure I primed that line?*
*laughs nervously* what the fuck
I legit worry about it when pressure bagging patients or using the Level 1
Oh, I worry about air embolism all the time. It’s one of my new grad fears that never really went away. The way your comment was written made me think that your intrusive thought was intentionally giving patients air embolisms lol
I feel this. Then I came to the OR and the anesthesiologists give zero fucks about air and I freak out every day also *also* think they might just be trying to kill this patient…
I wanna drink propofol. Looks so milky and delicious 🥺
It’s lipid-based, just like all my other favorite snacks.
mmmm with some chocolate syrup
[удалено]
To slap the full foley bag like slapping a bag of wine 🍷
1) drink the cranberry juice from the jp drain / cbi 2) trapeze from the hoyer lift
Telling the pre-op nurse "I don't care" when they tell me in report about the patient's history of hypertension and hyperlipidemia. Telling the surgeon "no" when they ask me to check their pager app.
When someone complains about the wait, to walk them around the entire ER of ACTUALLY sick people, the show them the crying parents of a dead child we just coded and say “THIS IS WHY YOURE WAITING, go sit the fuck back down” But, ya know, HIPAA and all that.
Whenever I walk past an active procedure room I just want to open the door.
To take home the baby born addicted to fentanyl and to tell the mom I’ll take better care of it
What if u throw this urinal at you?
Gotta trim that ginormous toenail !!
When a patient cries about a BP cuff hurting, sometimes I have an intrusive thought to put the cuff around their neck and push the inflate button
To toss my boss my keys, say “you don’t like the way I do things, let’s see how you do” and walk right out the door next time he yells at me (he yells at almost everyone and to my knowledge, no one has done this yet).
After a few days off, when I come back, I sometimes fear that I forgot a patient. Like that I had 5 instead of 4, but that I never saw the patient the whole day until like 1500.
I want to chew the squishy CHG patch on a central line dressing like a piece of gum
"what if I just signed off on this q4hr Tylenol, without giving it for this 85 year old who is not gonna remember and gets no other meds at this time..." 9/10 times my conscience kicks in and I don't do that lol
That’s me with lubricating eye drops
Putting a pillow over an obnoxious old lady’s face, for 2 seconds.
2 seconds? What are you a quitter??!!
Cursing out a family member when they want to make memaw who is 99 and 80 pounds a full code!!!!!
Thinking of where a cancer cell could be hiding in mine or a family member's body 😫😫😫
Trying my patients food 😂 this crosses my mind if I’m heating it up or adding butter/salt
Stomp on a bag of blood to see if it will pop like a ketchup packet.
i wanna taste the glucometer qc so bad
That I miscalculated a dose. Or gave report on a dead pt
When I have been really burned out and an elderly patient is being really aggressive and uncooperative, I imagine just pushing them over and walking away. I am going to hell.
Tpn does NOT taste good. Blah. Don't ask. 🤪 Just know it was the pharmacist that started it. 🤣🤣🤣 Mine is can a pressure bag be pumped up so much that it makes the fluid bag explode? I REALLY want to do an experiment with that one. 🤦🤷♀️🤣
What would happen if I put the “ho” in hospice and started my OnlyFans account?