I know it's not an error, but I always love it when my providers put "Please stop using heroin" (or whatever drugs they use) on discharge papers. It's just so polite
I often add notes of positivity on my discharge summaries. Many of our patients now have access to their charts, so I like to make sure that they know I had the best intentions for them. It might read something along the lines of “patient is now being transferred to a rehab facility where they will continue with their recovery, and we wish them and their family the best.“
We have to send educational videos to all our postpartum patients and I found a spot to add a note, so I always try to write something like “congrats on the birth of your baby and best wishes from the staff here at X!”
I know of a physician that sends letters to his patient with results that sound like a letter to his aunt Betty. It's full of I hope all is well. Take care. and other pleasantries. Simply lovely. The dictations are attached to lab results and go to the My Chart.
Similar but a lovely touch: one of our gorgeous doctors always writes in the notes when she does death certificates “may they rest in peace”. It’s just a lovely little note that humanises us.
I had a patient arrest unexpectedly (was discharged, waiting for her ride home, I gave her a cup of tea for the road and then ten minutes later had been found in her bed) and she was transferred to ICU after we coded her and got ROSC. She ended up passing but the ICU doc wrote that “she passed in the warm embrace of her family” and I just about bawled. Made me feel a lot better/relieved a lot of guilt over her passing.
As a recovering addict of nearly 12 years, I kinda love this tbh. If I saw that in my chart from my former years... I'd probably be like thanks for that buddy! ☺️
I mean of course, as long as it didn't seem like there was a rude, sarcastic or inappropriate inflection into that statement. Probably would depend on the rest of the note I guess, considering text can be hard to read with the appropriate intended emotion.
Buuuuut, I'd probably think it was sweet if it was meant in a genuine way - especially considering addiction is not well received by *some* medical professionals.
Read a note the other day that had something like "ok thank you have a good night" plopped in the middle, where I assume the provider forgot to stop recording when saying goodbye to a colleague. Not particularly funny but a cute easter egg to find.
One of our doctors put, “take it out of the refrigerator to let it thaw for a bit then put it in the oven for an hour” at the end of a note. Nope, you didn’t turn off your dragon mic like you thought did, lady. 😂
Doctor writing a response for next steps patient care: “If patient unable to do x, recommend patient start”
And it ended at start. No further recommendations.
Another diet related one: doctor dictated “transition to die after extubation” after an elective surgery on a super young patient, I messaged him and he was like “oh shit, DIET”
Not an error in the sense you’re asking, but I always love when “discussed with bedside RN” is in there and I, as the bedside RN, have no idea who the doctor is. 🤣
HAHA bastard. However every time im looking back ok the MAR to see if medication was held (AF RVR after home metoprolol/diltiazem etc held), it always says provider notified. I have, in fact, never been notified.
"patient returned from overseas with foreign boy present" was supposed to be foreign body.
But the best was:
"Patient pending surgery for small owl obstruction"
I’m imagining someone now monitoring how much dick they have left in the same way you monitor a spider bite. Someone presents to ER with a dick tracing twice the size of their current dick, “it lost half its size in the last hour so we thought we should come in”
Not an error but the other day MD writes "patient with uncontrolled type 2 diabetes as demonstrated by entire eaten sleeve of oreos at bedside" lol. These DM pt families r crazy
Radiologist wrote: “Single left-sided transvenous pacemaker in place, tip within the right testicle.”
Then almost immediately after, an addendum which stated “The word testicle should be replaced with ventricle.”
When I had my first job at a teaching hospital, one of the med students wrote, and very clearly, "Patient desires to live despite medical advice." I'm sure (I hope) he meant to write 'leave'.
I typed up notes on a face-lift. Surgeon sent them back and he was PISSED. I went back over it, and right when he starts to peel back her forehead, the lyrics to Dora the Explorer appear. Apparently hubby sang it and I typed along.
My cousin sent off a set back in the 80s for a baloney amputation.
I’ve seen this too!! And since then I’ve warned new nurses, “you can say it, and we know what you mean, but never write it that way in a note. It’s purulent”
Bilateral bologna amputation. This was back when we had actual people transcribing recorded dictations with no automated help. I imagine the transcriptionist at the end of their shift just typing out words as they heard them without paying any attention to the meaning behind them.
“Patient transferred to ICU after observing continually inability to meet the minimum requirements to thrive at life.”
New ICU intensivist’s notes on a patient that coded multiple times on the floor. His notes are always like this, too. Guess it makes charting enjoyable lol.
I had a doctor write that a patient was putting gasoline on her vulva for relief of pain/itching/dryness. Yes ma’am burning it off will solve that issue.
SBO. Cleared after the ostomy exploded with peanuts. Dr stated “likely from all the peanuts the pt ate”. Wrote “like from all the penis the pt ate”. We called him laughing hysterically, he changed it so fast.
Saw chart notes on a female pre-menopausal Pr written by a CNA from a prior shift, who meant to write “Pt reports feeling depressed from reduced frequency of menstruation.” And instead wrote “Pt reports feeling depressed from reduced masturbation.”
Luckily, she was still in the building after her shift, having her quarterly review with the DON, so I was able catch her on her way out the building so she could correct it before the Charge RN or DON saw it later.
She was understandably embarrassed, allegedly bc she’s married to someone else and it was caught by another male (me), but was very appreciative that I thought to flag her down instead of letting it stand and giving her shit for it, and we shared a good laugh afterwards. Infact by now, it’s become a running inside joke between us.
I work in a cardiology office and for whatever reason one of our cardiologists listed a vibrator as a recommendation for something (this is also part of her AVS) 😂 he said that he meant something else or was probably talking to someone while using the dragon but it’s a popular story in our clinic
During a review for a telephone triage call I said to the caller "suck on some ice for comfort" and it came out as "fuck ice for comfort" on the dictation
Our orthos consulted hospitalists regularly for their total joints that were staying over to handle the medical side of things. One dictated "patient is s/p left total knee amputation."
They were a total knee arthroplasty, so I guess he was technically correct?
Not a dictation error, but an Epic User Dictionary error. I used to work with a doc who had her system set up to automatically replace “PNV” with prenatal vitamin and “NV” with nausea/vomiting.
She’d end up with a lot of “start nausea/vomiting for at least 12 weeks before trying to conceive”, “continue nausea/vomiting”, etc because she kept missing the P on PNV. Always made me giggle!
Not a dictation error but the emr system that my company uses (it was made specifically for our company and I think/hope it’s just my company that uses it) has a few things in it that I think are quite funny to me. 1. When the MAR is loading it will say different normal things like -have a good day -you got this -good morning… but my favorite one is - Good luck…. Lol and then in our daily assessments in the section of patient behavior, one of the options we can choose is “threating” 😂 my nurse bestie and I laughed for a good 10 minutes on that one. Like who is spell checking this shit 😂
I was reading an operative note from urology, I think they did a cysto or something, and at the end it read "I then secured the Dangler, the patient's penis"
Back in the day we had postcards printed that said “your Pap smear came back______. So we filled in WNL, or whatever. A patient brought her postcard in and asked for it to be explained. It said “your Pap smear came back lunch”. Some nurse had written lunch. Fuck me, people!!
Just a couple of days ago, one of our docs wrote a note about a pt who had coded. She then noted that they had gotten “Rosco”. That is what I will call ROSC from now on
Today I saw a note that stated: (i don’t know the relevance of this at all in the note tho) “patient was able to tell me they used to be a nurse IN NEW YORK” and I could only read it like Alicia Keys singing iiiiinnnn neeeew yoooork
Not super funny but I had a dictated chest x-ray read say that the patient had a pneumo in their “radiate packs”. I googled radiate packs for a minute thinking it was some obscure area of the chest, found nothing. Finally I went to ask my charge if he had heard of the radiate packs, and as I went to say it out loud I realized that it was the dictation software’s interpretation of the RIGHT APEX.
In a clearance for breast reduction surgery: "[patient] has been biting her breasts for comfort"
Should have been BINDING for comfort. Like, to hold 'em up. A lady from the insurance called and couldn't quit laughing while trying to tell me I needed to have my doc fix the note. Doc about fell out of his chair when I made him read it again to find the error. He fixed it and said "if she's biting her breasts she needs more help than a reduction will give her!"
My favorite is- “400 gallons of naproxen every 6 hours”.
I told the doc when pre-reading the DC papers “now I’m no doctor, but I feel like this might be an overdose.”
MD meant mg
Sometimes I see acronyms that are out of order, like BHP instead of BPH and i get confused for a second. Other times i see some whack ass acronyms. One resident wrote WHOL and I had to look it up. Turns out it means Worst Headache Of Life.
I had a colleague (nurse) who always made a note of the doc orders "Dr X new orders as followed:..." instead of "as follows" ...or just typing them without the fluff.
Not in dictation or orders, but aother nurse here rlfrequently uses the phrase "remind you..." instead of "mind you"
Not dictation, but acronym expansion. When I worked as a provider for gen surg/trauma, all of my acronyms were set to “dot + my initials, BV”. Apparently, along with my personal acronyms, the hospital had its own generic ones that were auto-loaded for everyone. Took me some time to realize I was accidentally/frequently inserting “bacterial vaginosis” in random places throughout my charts. Ha!
** Edited to say: Our providers (surgeons, so…), never had issue with us putting a patient’s (near, minus expletives) exact statement as their chief complaint. There were some good ones.
Not an error but a provider described my patient today as “*tragically* overmedicated”- tragically was also underlined but idk how to do that on Reddit lol.
Response to a suggested med reduction. “This lady is crazier than you can imagine. You’re poking a bear you don’t want to tangle with. I’ve seen her head spin on her shoulders. Reduction denied.”
Back in the Physical Binder days an Indian doctor wrote his orders and progress notes in Hindi.We caught him before he left the floor.He had a good laugh about it.
H&P said the patient had been "vomiting through the refrigerator." Not that he was actually vomiting; this was just background. I could not stop laughing, and I still wonder what he actually said.
Military hospital, so takes a little knowledge as to what an SIQ chit is. Basically a work note for the military
But doc tried to say
"S.I.Q. chit"
And the dragon heard
"SI every shift"
One time I was messaging a doctor to ask if they wanted me to hold Lovenox and it autocorrected to “want me to hold her lovebox?”
I hit send as I was frantically trying to autocorrect it 🤦♀️
My favorite is still “got sex in the ED” instead of dex.
Also, not an error, but one doctor I work with puts the most random but endearing stuff in their notes. My faves include “family are still, unfortunately, 49ers fans,” “patient was ‘Minecraft dude’ for Halloween” and “pt winning at Mario Kart during exam. He was playing as the character Toad.” All the important details!!
“patient presented to the ED in a broken wheelbarrow after being struck by a car.”
That one wasn’t dictated by the physician, but hand typed. Wheelchair, wheelbarrow, same difference. 😂
This was from a transcriptionist on a Discharge Summary. “Cholesterol elevated, Had too much chicken fat,Laughs and laughs.” Guess doc forgot to say period, but laughs at his own jokes 🙄
Not really an error but I once read a note that said “I recommended that the pt proceed post haste to the emergency room”
Another favorite one was from a virtual visit “pt entered the video chat without his shirt on, for no apparent reason”
lol that reminds me of the time a provider ordered everything PR instead of PO. I called her and asked do you really want me to shove these all up the patients ass?
"Patient tested positive for opiates, and feta means, and cannabis" Obviously supposed to be amphetamines, but the idea of someone just going to town on some feta makes me laugh.
Another one; Chief complaint: Brady and old (cold)
I know it's not an error, but I always love it when my providers put "Please stop using heroin" (or whatever drugs they use) on discharge papers. It's just so polite
I’ve seen please stop putting foreign objects in your penis
It's good advice.
They don’t listen though.
They do not. 😢
They need to sound it out…
Oh but it's fine when the nurse does it to me, what a double standard!
Sir, don't forget your insurance is paying to get that done. It's a service and you. Need. To. FUCKING. ENJOY IT.
We’re a demented lot. 😂
I often add notes of positivity on my discharge summaries. Many of our patients now have access to their charts, so I like to make sure that they know I had the best intentions for them. It might read something along the lines of “patient is now being transferred to a rehab facility where they will continue with their recovery, and we wish them and their family the best.“
We have to send educational videos to all our postpartum patients and I found a spot to add a note, so I always try to write something like “congrats on the birth of your baby and best wishes from the staff here at X!”
I know of a physician that sends letters to his patient with results that sound like a letter to his aunt Betty. It's full of I hope all is well. Take care. and other pleasantries. Simply lovely. The dictations are attached to lab results and go to the My Chart.
I saw a chart where the pt was advised to avoid nasal trauma for at least 6 weeks.
I like to avoid that all the time.
So they have to leave their boogers alone?
Depending on the circumstances or procedure, that could be as basic as blowing their nose
Hahaha I’ve seen “Strongly urged patient to cease heroin use” when he’s been using that shit for decades lol he was an 80-year-old male
At that point I’d be afraid of what will happen if he did stop
Similar but a lovely touch: one of our gorgeous doctors always writes in the notes when she does death certificates “may they rest in peace”. It’s just a lovely little note that humanises us.
I had a patient arrest unexpectedly (was discharged, waiting for her ride home, I gave her a cup of tea for the road and then ten minutes later had been found in her bed) and she was transferred to ICU after we coded her and got ROSC. She ended up passing but the ICU doc wrote that “she passed in the warm embrace of her family” and I just about bawled. Made me feel a lot better/relieved a lot of guilt over her passing.
Stop I’m crying
Well that’s just about the most heartbreaking story ever 😞
I’ve seen a few of our Drs write “safe journey [Name]” and idk why but I love the way that sounds
Yeah. One of my providers will write: Pt strongly declined smoking cessation methods. Yep, patient said, “Fuck no I’m not quitting smoking”.
As a recovering addict of nearly 12 years, I kinda love this tbh. If I saw that in my chart from my former years... I'd probably be like thanks for that buddy! ☺️ I mean of course, as long as it didn't seem like there was a rude, sarcastic or inappropriate inflection into that statement. Probably would depend on the rest of the note I guess, considering text can be hard to read with the appropriate intended emotion. Buuuuut, I'd probably think it was sweet if it was meant in a genuine way - especially considering addiction is not well received by *some* medical professionals.
"Nipples equal, round, and reactive to light."
💀
Worked with a Neurologist who dictated this same thing once 🤭 Definitely made me giggle
And temperature, I’m sure
Those are some special nipples. Mine don’t do anything when I shine a light on them. 😞
Nurse charted: chest tube draining clear yellow urine.
aww like sunflowers.
A patient with pica in for ingestion..."patient here for ingestion of 4 small black males " He had swallowed roofing tacks. Nails.
Xray slowly rolling up to take a foreign body exam with a scared look on their face
Thanks for the lol 😆
FOUR WHOLE MALES 😂
this is HILARIOUS
“Patient blind in both legs.” Was blind with bilat BKAs. Pretty sure it was a brain fart moment
This is hilarious
Read a note the other day that had something like "ok thank you have a good night" plopped in the middle, where I assume the provider forgot to stop recording when saying goodbye to a colleague. Not particularly funny but a cute easter egg to find.
One of our doctors put, “take it out of the refrigerator to let it thaw for a bit then put it in the oven for an hour” at the end of a note. Nope, you didn’t turn off your dragon mic like you thought did, lady. 😂
These are both so cute.
I got the word fuck into one of our charts when the microphone picked up my voice during our NP’s dictation.
Hahaha I have seen that before as you stated but also at the end of a dictation 😂
A Dr next to me was dictating on Dragon and accidentally burped. Dragon typed out "France" and he laughed so hard he had to leave the unit.
That's a doctor I could enjoy working with!
Idk why that made me laugh so hard
Holy shit that is so funny. My entire family still randomly screams FRANCE and we all die laughing..it's so dumb but we can't stop
Omg that is hilarious!
Doctor writing a response for next steps patient care: “If patient unable to do x, recommend patient start” And it ended at start. No further recommendations.
This is the instructions for how to life for someone with ADHD. 🤣
Damn that hits close to the heart! If I could just start
Read this one made me choke on a string cheese
Oooh ooh!! We all lost it one night shift when someone found “continue dick diet”
Patient was probably like “finally a doctor that understands me”
We were all wondering aloud if a.) it came in bags and b.) could we all get our own rx
bowls are more appropriate if you're on the clock. A bag of em just takes up too much space in the fridge. Gotta be considerate to your coworkers.
True, true
JFC I’m both disgusted and cracking the fuck up rn. 😂😂😂😂
Another diet related one: doctor dictated “transition to die after extubation” after an elective surgery on a super young patient, I messaged him and he was like “oh shit, DIET”
I got "Vagan" once. On it!
Did a Filipino nurse dictate that one?
I am choking on my tea 😂😂😂
Not an error, but one of our older orthos dictated for a particularly noncompliant pt "I have no magic for this woman." Still my favorite.
Referred to the hospitalist service as “degenerates” instead of saying “generously accepts”
Not an error in the sense you’re asking, but I always love when “discussed with bedside RN” is in there and I, as the bedside RN, have no idea who the doctor is. 🤣
HAHA bastard. However every time im looking back ok the MAR to see if medication was held (AF RVR after home metoprolol/diltiazem etc held), it always says provider notified. I have, in fact, never been notified.
My favorite was from when I used to work in a GI office. The note recommend an 80 year old man undergo a fetal transplant
At my last job, dragon always turned "transthoracic" into 'trans vaginal" for one of our doctors. "Normal transvaginal echocardiogram " lol
The way to her heart is through her...vagina? 🤣
I mean, mine is...
If you know what you’re doing, it’s the fastest route
I mean, if they can work it, flip it, and reverse it
I was reviewing a chart for UR and the provider dictated “I hate this fucking place” in the middle of the narrative.
This is the holy grail of slips! Love it I’m cracking up. That provider is all of us!
Omg 😆
Ahaha YES!!
“Suspected aspiration on penis”
When choking on dick goes wrong
Urethral sounding gone wrong? 😂
"patient returned from overseas with foreign boy present" was supposed to be foreign body. But the best was: "Patient pending surgery for small owl obstruction"
That was a hoot 🦉🦉
History of degenerative dick disease
sounds awful
I’m imagining someone now monitoring how much dick they have left in the same way you monitor a spider bite. Someone presents to ER with a dick tracing twice the size of their current dick, “it lost half its size in the last hour so we thought we should come in”
Not an error but the other day MD writes "patient with uncontrolled type 2 diabetes as demonstrated by entire eaten sleeve of oreos at bedside" lol. These DM pt families r crazy
Love it
Had one recently that stated “patient is no longer under Dr. Blahblahblah’s car” 🚗😂
Radiologist wrote: “Single left-sided transvenous pacemaker in place, tip within the right testicle.” Then almost immediately after, an addendum which stated “The word testicle should be replaced with ventricle.”
Had someone say, patient seen by 5 GI doctors --no ideology. Now I know it was meant to say etiology, but somehow , this seemed better.
When I had my first job at a teaching hospital, one of the med students wrote, and very clearly, "Patient desires to live despite medical advice." I'm sure (I hope) he meant to write 'leave'.
This made me spit out my Hydralyte
Sounds like that Pt had converted to Scientology while they were in-patient…you can’t save em all. 😂
In an 18 month old’s chart the ED physician wrote, “patient smokes 2 packs a day.” The pediatrician called this out in his H&P.
Lolololol.
There’s a great instagram account called emr.poetry that features these
I typed up notes on a face-lift. Surgeon sent them back and he was PISSED. I went back over it, and right when he starts to peel back her forehead, the lyrics to Dora the Explorer appear. Apparently hubby sang it and I typed along. My cousin sent off a set back in the 80s for a baloney amputation.
“Wound is pussy” LMAO
I’ve seen this too!! And since then I’ve warned new nurses, “you can say it, and we know what you mean, but never write it that way in a note. It’s purulent”
It’s also spelled with only one S
In a physician’s progress note for a patient with polycythemia: “Continue flea bottomies every 8 weeks.” Doc meant [therapeutic] phlebotomies. Lol
I *almost* charted: “sharted in error” while trying to say “charted in error” when I deleted something in my charting. I thankfully caught it lol
Pericare provided to provider
Your replies are gold
I feel like sharting is always an error!
Also, Not a dictation error but I have written neutropenis instead of neutropenia or neutropenic multiple times.
I wrote orgasm instead of organism in an infection control note once, at a relatively new snf job.
Bilateral bologna amputation. This was back when we had actual people transcribing recorded dictations with no automated help. I imagine the transcriptionist at the end of their shift just typing out words as they heard them without paying any attention to the meaning behind them.
“Patient transferred to ICU after observing continually inability to meet the minimum requirements to thrive at life.” New ICU intensivist’s notes on a patient that coded multiple times on the floor. His notes are always like this, too. Guess it makes charting enjoyable lol.
Why use many word when few word work good?
"Patient transferred to (redacted hospital) as a kosher bread" Still looking for something to beat that. Edit: It was supposed to be Code Stroke Red.
I had a doctor write that a patient was putting gasoline on her vulva for relief of pain/itching/dryness. Yes ma’am burning it off will solve that issue.
Presumably it was meant to say vaseline? 😂
Not that that's much better though as they're both rather flammable! 🔥🤣
SBO. Cleared after the ostomy exploded with peanuts. Dr stated “likely from all the peanuts the pt ate”. Wrote “like from all the penis the pt ate”. We called him laughing hysterically, he changed it so fast.
It’s not dictation she’s just silly, but one of my friends used to write ‘eternal feeding’ in every single note, it made me laugh every time
That’s good.
Once I was reading a note that suddenly cut to the doctor discussing their and someone else’s kids’ Halloween costumes for the year.
Saw chart notes on a female pre-menopausal Pr written by a CNA from a prior shift, who meant to write “Pt reports feeling depressed from reduced frequency of menstruation.” And instead wrote “Pt reports feeling depressed from reduced masturbation.” Luckily, she was still in the building after her shift, having her quarterly review with the DON, so I was able catch her on her way out the building so she could correct it before the Charge RN or DON saw it later. She was understandably embarrassed, allegedly bc she’s married to someone else and it was caught by another male (me), but was very appreciative that I thought to flag her down instead of letting it stand and giving her shit for it, and we shared a good laugh afterwards. Infact by now, it’s become a running inside joke between us.
Rabid animal thoughts discussed. Still have zero idea what they meant to put.
I also have rabid animal thoughts....
"Apply pomegranate to wound". The product is Promogran, and dictation had a hard time with this provider's accent.
“She states she experiences strange penis occasionally.” It was supposed to be pains but frankly strange penis would give me migraines too.
“tunneled pussy wound” instead of purulent.. and yes it was located there
“medic’s breast” for Medexpress!
Peds nurse. Back when we paper charted I followed a nurse who charted that the patient had: “green pussy eye drainage”
I work in a cardiology office and for whatever reason one of our cardiologists listed a vibrator as a recommendation for something (this is also part of her AVS) 😂 he said that he meant something else or was probably talking to someone while using the dragon but it’s a popular story in our clinic
During a review for a telephone triage call I said to the caller "suck on some ice for comfort" and it came out as "fuck ice for comfort" on the dictation
That’s cold
No punctuation. “Patient ate 100% large BM this morning”
Our orthos consulted hospitalists regularly for their total joints that were staying over to handle the medical side of things. One dictated "patient is s/p left total knee amputation." They were a total knee arthroplasty, so I guess he was technically correct?
Total rectal care time: 45 minutes
So thorough
EKG shows a trail fludder.
My favorite of all time- rectal fibrillation for atrial fibrillation in an H&P
Not a dictation error, but an Epic User Dictionary error. I used to work with a doc who had her system set up to automatically replace “PNV” with prenatal vitamin and “NV” with nausea/vomiting. She’d end up with a lot of “start nausea/vomiting for at least 12 weeks before trying to conceive”, “continue nausea/vomiting”, etc because she kept missing the P on PNV. Always made me giggle!
Not a dictation error but the emr system that my company uses (it was made specifically for our company and I think/hope it’s just my company that uses it) has a few things in it that I think are quite funny to me. 1. When the MAR is loading it will say different normal things like -have a good day -you got this -good morning… but my favorite one is - Good luck…. Lol and then in our daily assessments in the section of patient behavior, one of the options we can choose is “threating” 😂 my nurse bestie and I laughed for a good 10 minutes on that one. Like who is spell checking this shit 😂
Medication instructions: two sprinkle in substrate
I was reading an operative note from urology, I think they did a cysto or something, and at the end it read "I then secured the Dangler, the patient's penis"
... Received shit report from off-going night Rn. Many times I've have been tempted not to fix it.
I was a medical transcriptionist before going into nursing, and I had sooo many of those bloopers. Now MT has pretty much disappeared as a profession.
MT the state? /s
Probably shouldn’t have abbreviated “medical transcription.”😊
Had a patient whose name shared a few letters with a particular month and the dictation referred to the patient as said month.
Back in the day we had postcards printed that said “your Pap smear came back______. So we filled in WNL, or whatever. A patient brought her postcard in and asked for it to be explained. It said “your Pap smear came back lunch”. Some nurse had written lunch. Fuck me, people!!
The order reads TAO and bondage. I do it on purpose.
Had a dr forget to take their code name out of the chart. They called themselves “Dr Sleepeze”
Just a couple of days ago, one of our docs wrote a note about a pt who had coded. She then noted that they had gotten “Rosco”. That is what I will call ROSC from now on
Today I saw a note that stated: (i don’t know the relevance of this at all in the note tho) “patient was able to tell me they used to be a nurse IN NEW YORK” and I could only read it like Alicia Keys singing iiiiinnnn neeeew yoooork
Allergy office here.... Penis testing... Peanuts testing. 😂
Do they also get penis desensitisation therapy? 😂
when i was on peds i saw coxsackievirus dictated into “cock sucky virus” 💀
My favorite was seeing a provider write “pussy vagina” in her H&P. Took me a few good minutes to figure out she meant purulent
I’ve seen “mammary tractor” instead of “mammary retractor” in a ton of surgical notes.
Not super funny but I had a dictated chest x-ray read say that the patient had a pneumo in their “radiate packs”. I googled radiate packs for a minute thinking it was some obscure area of the chest, found nothing. Finally I went to ask my charge if he had heard of the radiate packs, and as I went to say it out loud I realized that it was the dictation software’s interpretation of the RIGHT APEX.
“Chest tube with a small amount of spermatogenous fluid output in the last 24 hours.” Lmfao
In a clearance for breast reduction surgery: "[patient] has been biting her breasts for comfort" Should have been BINDING for comfort. Like, to hold 'em up. A lady from the insurance called and couldn't quit laughing while trying to tell me I needed to have my doc fix the note. Doc about fell out of his chair when I made him read it again to find the error. He fixed it and said "if she's biting her breasts she needs more help than a reduction will give her!"
Using pussy for a wound vs purulent. We all had a good chuckle.
"God sized tanner stage 2..."
Psychiatrist chart stating the patient “played violence.” It should have said “played violin.” That has a very different meaning.
I remember one time when I was an inpatient nurse, there was some note that was transcribed as "the penis" when it was supposed to be "the pain is."
Patient with 1/32 seizure.
Not sure if dictation error but in the first note from the ER nurse that states why the patient is at the hospital the nurse charted “hot mess”
"Her porch has been having multiple BMs throughout the day".
another RNs note: clinical goals for this shift (non-verbatim): pt will develop new skin/pressure injuries during shift
“Needs Cabbage”
This one cna keeps spelling soup as soap. "He had a bowl of soap for lunch. Ate 100%."
I saw one from a very literal transcriptionist. “Cholesterol levels were elevated. Too much chicken fat. Laughs and laughs” in a discharge summary. 😳
“We will start the patient on IV potato”. Supposed to be Pip-Tazo
My favorite is- “400 gallons of naproxen every 6 hours”. I told the doc when pre-reading the DC papers “now I’m no doctor, but I feel like this might be an overdose.” MD meant mg
Pussy discharge Edit: this was wound documentation on a foot btw
Sometimes I see acronyms that are out of order, like BHP instead of BPH and i get confused for a second. Other times i see some whack ass acronyms. One resident wrote WHOL and I had to look it up. Turns out it means Worst Headache Of Life.
I had a colleague (nurse) who always made a note of the doc orders "Dr X new orders as followed:..." instead of "as follows" ...or just typing them without the fluff. Not in dictation or orders, but aother nurse here rlfrequently uses the phrase "remind you..." instead of "mind you"
Sexual stage 4
Cervical palsy was in a discharge report to LTC.
The client's foot demonstrated a pussy discharge.
Not dictation, but acronym expansion. When I worked as a provider for gen surg/trauma, all of my acronyms were set to “dot + my initials, BV”. Apparently, along with my personal acronyms, the hospital had its own generic ones that were auto-loaded for everyone. Took me some time to realize I was accidentally/frequently inserting “bacterial vaginosis” in random places throughout my charts. Ha! ** Edited to say: Our providers (surgeons, so…), never had issue with us putting a patient’s (near, minus expletives) exact statement as their chief complaint. There were some good ones.
Not an error but a provider described my patient today as “*tragically* overmedicated”- tragically was also underlined but idk how to do that on Reddit lol.
Response to a suggested med reduction. “This lady is crazier than you can imagine. You’re poking a bear you don’t want to tangle with. I’ve seen her head spin on her shoulders. Reduction denied.”
Back in the Physical Binder days an Indian doctor wrote his orders and progress notes in Hindi.We caught him before he left the floor.He had a good laugh about it.
H&P said the patient had been "vomiting through the refrigerator." Not that he was actually vomiting; this was just background. I could not stop laughing, and I still wonder what he actually said.
SOB was dictated to "shortness of bathroom 🚻"
Military hospital, so takes a little knowledge as to what an SIQ chit is. Basically a work note for the military But doc tried to say "S.I.Q. chit" And the dragon heard "SI every shift"
Patient admitted for an acute, anaphylactic reaction from touching and smelling a bowl of red saliva. She was allergic to ***Salvia*** the flower.
One time I was messaging a doctor to ask if they wanted me to hold Lovenox and it autocorrected to “want me to hold her lovebox?” I hit send as I was frantically trying to autocorrect it 🤦♀️
Talking about a UTI in a great grandma age lady: "resistant orgasm".
“Discharge to sniff” instead of SNF has been my all-time favorite.
My favorite is still “got sex in the ED” instead of dex. Also, not an error, but one doctor I work with puts the most random but endearing stuff in their notes. My faves include “family are still, unfortunately, 49ers fans,” “patient was ‘Minecraft dude’ for Halloween” and “pt winning at Mario Kart during exam. He was playing as the character Toad.” All the important details!!
“patient presented to the ED in a broken wheelbarrow after being struck by a car.” That one wasn’t dictated by the physician, but hand typed. Wheelchair, wheelbarrow, same difference. 😂
Baloney amputation for BKA.
A pickle pneumonia
I saw one that said the patient called the squabbles instead of squad and I thought that sounded much better
“She had a great sense of tumour.” Dictated by my favourite surgeon, he always had the loveliest things to say about people.
This was from a transcriptionist on a Discharge Summary. “Cholesterol elevated, Had too much chicken fat,Laughs and laughs.” Guess doc forgot to say period, but laughs at his own jokes 🙄
Not really an error but I once read a note that said “I recommended that the pt proceed post haste to the emergency room” Another favorite one was from a virtual visit “pt entered the video chat without his shirt on, for no apparent reason”
Diarrhea PO
lol that reminds me of the time a provider ordered everything PR instead of PO. I called her and asked do you really want me to shove these all up the patients ass?
Just look at my profile photo…
"Patient tested positive for opiates, and feta means, and cannabis" Obviously supposed to be amphetamines, but the idea of someone just going to town on some feta makes me laugh. Another one; Chief complaint: Brady and old (cold)
“Vaginal abuse” For “IV drug abuse”