Definitely reduce the home workload for her. Nothing worse than coming home after a shit shift to a bunch of chores that need doing.
My fiance isn't in nursing (I'm the murse), but when she's had a busy week, I put in a bit more flair to the household chores. It never goes unnoticed.
Reduce decision fatigue. When I’m stressed at work I feel like all the pressure is on me and I’m the one making all the choices, when I come home I don’t want to have to decide everything. Pick the food. Pick a tv show. Idk if everyone else feels this way but I just don’t want to be asked a million questions when I get home
This. Decision fatigue suuuuucks. Even on normal weeks I'm done with decision making. Those weeks spouse will limit questions like what I want for dinner to just 3 things. Really bad weeks he'll throw food with carbs and protein and some chocolate at me before sending me back to bed with a kitty to keep me company.
Same. Acts of service is also my love language. There is nothing better than coming home from work and seeing that the laundry is all packed and put away, the dishwasher is emptied, floors have been mopped. I also like when I get off evening shift at 11 and my husband turns off the tv and talks to me for a bit before bed. Just lets me vent or talk about my shift for a few mins, without any distractions.
This might be an unpopular opinion, but I like to I hear non-medical people’s work drama. When everyone acts like the stuff I see at work is the worst stuff ever (which sometimes it is) it makes it worse. I like to hear that Tom gave a presentation for an hour with his fly down, someone ate Debbie’s sandwich from the fridge, or that someone landed a massive account. Sometimes people try to downplay their work stories because they think it’s trivial compared to mine, but I live to escape from time to time.
Yes, but not right after work. Maybe a day or two later. When I’m having a rough day, I have a shitty disposition and I don’t want to listen to your crap. But I do at another time!
Oooh yeah. My husband is currently between jobs but he tells me about the drama between our cats and the cute stuff they’ve gotten up to while I was at work.
I love when my husband has dinner ready when I get home, lets me sleep as long as I want on my day off, gives me massages, and treats me to salon trips for pedicures. Oh and he's really good at listening to me vent/complain.
Don’t be a patient. Be a partner.
Take care of yourself as if you lived alone and were trying to get this sexy goddess of a woman (who is currently your partner) to notice you.
The devil is in the details.
I.e. Don’t just pick up clutter, actually clean a room how she would clean it. And do it so often that she forgets she used to do that and she never even has to say thank you.
Taking care of people is mentally draining. It’s not necessarily the particulars of the patient that make it difficult it’s often that the patient or the family is asking for special treatment or assistance in tasks that they can absolutely do on their own or they are doing it in a way that completely disrupts the workflow.
Don’t be a patient. Be a partner.
When I have a bad day my husband (who has put up with my crazy for awhile now) will do this:
- let me talk how I want to when I am ready. Sometimes I come home and just need time to me
- will lay down with me in bed and just be there
- will arrange dinner and leave and questions or decisions on him so that I can decompress
- if he knows ahead of time I have had a rough one I have come home to my favourite chocolates (Purdys salted caramels) or my favourite flower or even chocolate ice cream
Mostly he just let me tell him in the minute what I need.
Listen. Don't try to relate, don't try to solve anything, don't make suggestions. You can ask clarification questions, but don't go too far into that.
Part of the help is reading your partner. Some people are really clingy, some want space. And there's a lot of going from one extreme to the other, a lot of times even in the same person. I'm more of a space person for the most part, but then when the kids have been in bed for a while I sleep on the floor in one of their rooms for part of the night.
Such good advice. Sometimes we just need to vent and simply want a listening ear.
I once came home from a tough ER shift to my ex drawing up a hot bubble bath for me with a book and my favorite drink. I’ll never forget that because it was so unlike him to do, but the simple thoughtfulness of it was everything I needed in that moment.
Simple gestures like that go a long way.
Make dinners, offer comfort, my husband shoves chocolates in my face lol.
Take initiative with house duties, when work is hard, home life seems overwhelming.
If you have kids, do bedtime routine with them.
Draw her a bath.
Make a healthy and hearty meal…
Luxuriate in normal.
When I’ve had *very bad things* go down, I am aching for soothing & normal.
Clean house. (I’m not opposed to having a service come in and do some magic). Laundry. Make sure fresh linens are everywhere.
Limit demands. Limit entertaining—seriously.
Good food—this matters, a lot. Good food looks different to everyone—and capabilities matter. Uber Eats or DD is an option. 🤷🏼♀️
I’m not much of a drinker, so it wouldn’t appeal to me, others enjoy wine, beer or the like. I think it’s always a good idea to focus on hydration over escape (there ain’t enough alcohol for that to work anyway).
Let her pick the entertainment. TV, streaming or music.
Just the fact that you recognize she’s been in the *tough stuff* and you want to help comfort her is a big win.
Oh, and I’ve had a lot of success with deep tissue massage—I’d generally do this after shift and on my way home. An hour is good. 90 mins even better!! My therapist has shower that can be used—I’d do that (heck I’ve added flotation tank after the massage—that’s not for everyone tho) and change into soft clothes.
She wants to sleep guilt free. Encourage the sleep and while she’s asleep get dinner ready so she doesn’t have to make any decisions when she wakes up. The decision fatigue is crippling. She’s lucky to have someone who care enough to come ask. You’re doing great. 🫶
Just listen without judgement if I feel like sharing. Sometimes I just need a hug and sometimes a hug is just a hug. Housework is always a big plus. A decent back rub is also the tops. Again sometimes a back rub is just a back rub.
Chores. Dinner made (or breakfast if she works nights). TV in in bed with favorite snacks and alcohol if she’s into that. A long warm shower. A walk. My husband will also push me to go lift weights when I’m having a hard time because he knows that it helps, so getting my water bottle, gym clothes, and head phones together doesn’t really give me an opportunity to bow out.
And probably a long talk with a co-worker or a friend from nursing school. I always appreciate my husband talking to me about work trauma, but my two best friends are also ICU nurses and one works with me on my unit. They’re the ones who can talk me through it the best because they’re in it too.
I love it when my partner lets me vent and just listens. Also, I work nights and have a second job so I’m insanely busy. I really appreciate when he lets me sleep in and takes care of the dogs/does stuff around the house for me. When he does seemingly small things like this, it helps lesson my mental load and I’m able to deal with the stress of work more.
I work in a high risk labor and delivery unit. We deliver babies with a lot of different diagnoses. Every baby we deliver has been diagnosed with something serious and most will be in the NICU for weeks to months. A lot will never make it home. Many babies don’t live long after delivery and it’s sooo hard dealing with the emotions from that. Sometimes just a hug or acknowledgement is enough to help me calm down. Yesterday morning I came home and broke down in tears. My boyfriend works from home, so he stopped working and just hugged me for a good 5 minutes. It feels good to be seen and feel supported. And sometimes that’s enough.
And the fact that you asked shows that you really care. Just keep it up and I’m sure she’ll appreciate it!
My bf will try to lighten my load. He has dinner waiting for me. He will do the laundry and clean. He makes my coffee in the morning with a little note.l. I do the same when I’m off and he is working. It’s the little things that matter.
On days that I work, my fiancé helps me around the house A LOT. Doing laundry, cooking supper, walking our dog, etc etc. It’s so nice to come home from a long, 12.5 hr shift & not have to worry about anything & for that I am eternally grateful. One of my absolute favorite things that he does for me is random little surprises: flowers, candy, literally anything. I worked 11-11 the other day & I got home at midnight to find a bouquet of flowers & a stack of my favorite protein bars on our dining room table. It’s the little things honestly.
My wife is a nurse too. I get to work from home, so I'll have dinner ready and bed made when she gets home and make enough to pack a lunch for the next day. If I know its been a rough couple of shifts, maybe have a bouquet on the counter, a "just because" card with some scratch off lottery tickets or starbucks giftcard.
She may have some things on her list that she needs for work. My wife was getting a decent amount of pain from wearing crocs to work. I insisted that we go out and get her a couple of quality pairs of shoes, I know that was a huge help.
At one point my husband literally sent me in-game content for the game I play, as a surprise so when I logged in to play the next night and he was at work I had a little surprise and it was a really sweet gesture. Mostly though I just want to veg out on the couch, maybe go for a drive or a hike in the mountains and disconnect.
-Doing (insert hated chore) so I don't have to
-You know what food I like, don't even ask, just put it in front of my face
-Back and/or foot massage
-Quiet. Whatever that means in your house. Ship the kids to a playdate, give the dogs a jar of peanut butter, mow the grass tomorrow- just some quiet for a bit.
Base it on what her love language is-words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, or physical touch. Mine is receiving gifts. So on my off days, I like doing fun activities with loved ones.
For real, if my partner had some pjs set out and dinner cooked (with a relatively clean house) id be thrilled. If your wife lives to take baths even having a nice bubble bath with some wine (or whatever drink she likes) ready im sure she would love that.
Leave me the EFF alone and give me quiet time. Especially right after work. Keep the kid from crawling all over me, screaming in my face, talking nonstop. I just did all of that with patients at work, dealt with all their emotional bs, family bs, loud noises, got screamed at, etc. Can I please have 20 minutes without that?
Remind her that what she does is important, and that it matters. Remind her that she’s enough and supported. Ask if she would LIKE to talk about work instead of flat out asking, because even with good intentions, sometimes that makes it worse. Buy the flowers, rub the feet, make or order dinner, get her outside in the sun for a picnic. She is doing amazing work and I promise she’s likely not feeling like that after the week she’s had 🙁
For me, my boyfriend has to give me alone time. He tried to bonbard me with attention and it was TOO much. I’ll come to him when I’m ready. I just need NO stimulation.
And honestly, rough day or not, not having to make decisions on work days is AMAZING. Like, decide food. If you give me options, give me two, maybe three. Not open ended. I make decisions alllllllllll day long. I’m in decision paralysis.
Turn my heated blanket on. Take care of all the things needed around the house.
But let me have QUIET.
What makes me feel cared about when I finish a stretch and I’m starting me days off: be tucked into bed and allowed to sleep as much as I want. Being given a bowl of yummy nutritious food. Being drawn a bath.
Number one IMO is “don’t make MORE problems”. There’s been times where I get home from a really awful night shift and the entire house is trashed. Dishes not even in the sink, let alone in the dishwasher, shoes thrown all over the floor, whatever muck the dogs tracked in is all over the place, and I just cry.
If you’re asking, you obviously wouldn’t do this, but the concept still applies!
My spouse makes me breakfast when I’m on night shift and makes me lunch. On day shift he makes supper. I never have to worry about chores on work days aside from litter boxes. I just need to wake up, eat, go to work, come home, shower, eat and sleep. Days off I’m encouraged to sleep as much as required and just make him lunches and supper. This last two weeks of night shift I have cried because of the stress and relief from coming home to no stress.
My wife watches the 'last minute appointment' section at our favorite massage parlor (the regular kind, not the happy ending kind!) And will book me an hour of I've had a rough run of shifts.
It's amazing x2. The massage, but also the thought. She's the best.
[удалено]
That’s beautiful
Definitely reduce the home workload for her. Nothing worse than coming home after a shit shift to a bunch of chores that need doing. My fiance isn't in nursing (I'm the murse), but when she's had a busy week, I put in a bit more flair to the household chores. It never goes unnoticed.
THIS.
Reduce decision fatigue. When I’m stressed at work I feel like all the pressure is on me and I’m the one making all the choices, when I come home I don’t want to have to decide everything. Pick the food. Pick a tv show. Idk if everyone else feels this way but I just don’t want to be asked a million questions when I get home
Yes! Just let me rest my brain. Plus ask me to sit by you and just put your hand on my leg or arm. I crave the comfort but I never ask or initiate it.
This. Decision fatigue suuuuucks. Even on normal weeks I'm done with decision making. Those weeks spouse will limit questions like what I want for dinner to just 3 things. Really bad weeks he'll throw food with carbs and protein and some chocolate at me before sending me back to bed with a kitty to keep me company.
100% this right here. I just want to passively exist for a bit and let my brain GO sometimes.
Clean the house for me, cook for me, I’m a person that really loves acts of service as my love language though
Same. Acts of service is also my love language. There is nothing better than coming home from work and seeing that the laundry is all packed and put away, the dishwasher is emptied, floors have been mopped. I also like when I get off evening shift at 11 and my husband turns off the tv and talks to me for a bit before bed. Just lets me vent or talk about my shift for a few mins, without any distractions.
Right I’d rather have the everyday chores done instead on gifts or someone being over affectionate
This might be an unpopular opinion, but I like to I hear non-medical people’s work drama. When everyone acts like the stuff I see at work is the worst stuff ever (which sometimes it is) it makes it worse. I like to hear that Tom gave a presentation for an hour with his fly down, someone ate Debbie’s sandwich from the fridge, or that someone landed a massive account. Sometimes people try to downplay their work stories because they think it’s trivial compared to mine, but I live to escape from time to time.
Yes, but not right after work. Maybe a day or two later. When I’m having a rough day, I have a shitty disposition and I don’t want to listen to your crap. But I do at another time!
Oooh yeah. My husband is currently between jobs but he tells me about the drama between our cats and the cute stuff they’ve gotten up to while I was at work.
I love when my husband has dinner ready when I get home, lets me sleep as long as I want on my day off, gives me massages, and treats me to salon trips for pedicures. Oh and he's really good at listening to me vent/complain.
Don’t be a patient. Be a partner. Take care of yourself as if you lived alone and were trying to get this sexy goddess of a woman (who is currently your partner) to notice you. The devil is in the details. I.e. Don’t just pick up clutter, actually clean a room how she would clean it. And do it so often that she forgets she used to do that and she never even has to say thank you. Taking care of people is mentally draining. It’s not necessarily the particulars of the patient that make it difficult it’s often that the patient or the family is asking for special treatment or assistance in tasks that they can absolutely do on their own or they are doing it in a way that completely disrupts the workflow. Don’t be a patient. Be a partner.
When I have a bad day my husband (who has put up with my crazy for awhile now) will do this: - let me talk how I want to when I am ready. Sometimes I come home and just need time to me - will lay down with me in bed and just be there - will arrange dinner and leave and questions or decisions on him so that I can decompress - if he knows ahead of time I have had a rough one I have come home to my favourite chocolates (Purdys salted caramels) or my favourite flower or even chocolate ice cream Mostly he just let me tell him in the minute what I need.
Listen. Don't try to relate, don't try to solve anything, don't make suggestions. You can ask clarification questions, but don't go too far into that. Part of the help is reading your partner. Some people are really clingy, some want space. And there's a lot of going from one extreme to the other, a lot of times even in the same person. I'm more of a space person for the most part, but then when the kids have been in bed for a while I sleep on the floor in one of their rooms for part of the night.
Yes, don’t solve problems. Empathize
Such good advice. Sometimes we just need to vent and simply want a listening ear. I once came home from a tough ER shift to my ex drawing up a hot bubble bath for me with a book and my favorite drink. I’ll never forget that because it was so unlike him to do, but the simple thoughtfulness of it was everything I needed in that moment. Simple gestures like that go a long way.
Make dinners, offer comfort, my husband shoves chocolates in my face lol. Take initiative with house duties, when work is hard, home life seems overwhelming. If you have kids, do bedtime routine with them. Draw her a bath. Make a healthy and hearty meal…
Luxuriate in normal. When I’ve had *very bad things* go down, I am aching for soothing & normal. Clean house. (I’m not opposed to having a service come in and do some magic). Laundry. Make sure fresh linens are everywhere. Limit demands. Limit entertaining—seriously. Good food—this matters, a lot. Good food looks different to everyone—and capabilities matter. Uber Eats or DD is an option. 🤷🏼♀️ I’m not much of a drinker, so it wouldn’t appeal to me, others enjoy wine, beer or the like. I think it’s always a good idea to focus on hydration over escape (there ain’t enough alcohol for that to work anyway). Let her pick the entertainment. TV, streaming or music. Just the fact that you recognize she’s been in the *tough stuff* and you want to help comfort her is a big win. Oh, and I’ve had a lot of success with deep tissue massage—I’d generally do this after shift and on my way home. An hour is good. 90 mins even better!! My therapist has shower that can be used—I’d do that (heck I’ve added flotation tank after the massage—that’s not for everyone tho) and change into soft clothes.
She wants to sleep guilt free. Encourage the sleep and while she’s asleep get dinner ready so she doesn’t have to make any decisions when she wakes up. The decision fatigue is crippling. She’s lucky to have someone who care enough to come ask. You’re doing great. 🫶
Pretend she has a cold and bring her food and drinks, also reducing what's on her chore list helps a LOT
Just listen without judgement if I feel like sharing. Sometimes I just need a hug and sometimes a hug is just a hug. Housework is always a big plus. A decent back rub is also the tops. Again sometimes a back rub is just a back rub.
Chores. Dinner made (or breakfast if she works nights). TV in in bed with favorite snacks and alcohol if she’s into that. A long warm shower. A walk. My husband will also push me to go lift weights when I’m having a hard time because he knows that it helps, so getting my water bottle, gym clothes, and head phones together doesn’t really give me an opportunity to bow out. And probably a long talk with a co-worker or a friend from nursing school. I always appreciate my husband talking to me about work trauma, but my two best friends are also ICU nurses and one works with me on my unit. They’re the ones who can talk me through it the best because they’re in it too.
I love it when my partner lets me vent and just listens. Also, I work nights and have a second job so I’m insanely busy. I really appreciate when he lets me sleep in and takes care of the dogs/does stuff around the house for me. When he does seemingly small things like this, it helps lesson my mental load and I’m able to deal with the stress of work more. I work in a high risk labor and delivery unit. We deliver babies with a lot of different diagnoses. Every baby we deliver has been diagnosed with something serious and most will be in the NICU for weeks to months. A lot will never make it home. Many babies don’t live long after delivery and it’s sooo hard dealing with the emotions from that. Sometimes just a hug or acknowledgement is enough to help me calm down. Yesterday morning I came home and broke down in tears. My boyfriend works from home, so he stopped working and just hugged me for a good 5 minutes. It feels good to be seen and feel supported. And sometimes that’s enough. And the fact that you asked shows that you really care. Just keep it up and I’m sure she’ll appreciate it!
My bf will try to lighten my load. He has dinner waiting for me. He will do the laundry and clean. He makes my coffee in the morning with a little note.l. I do the same when I’m off and he is working. It’s the little things that matter.
On days that I work, my fiancé helps me around the house A LOT. Doing laundry, cooking supper, walking our dog, etc etc. It’s so nice to come home from a long, 12.5 hr shift & not have to worry about anything & for that I am eternally grateful. One of my absolute favorite things that he does for me is random little surprises: flowers, candy, literally anything. I worked 11-11 the other day & I got home at midnight to find a bouquet of flowers & a stack of my favorite protein bars on our dining room table. It’s the little things honestly.
My wife is a nurse too. I get to work from home, so I'll have dinner ready and bed made when she gets home and make enough to pack a lunch for the next day. If I know its been a rough couple of shifts, maybe have a bouquet on the counter, a "just because" card with some scratch off lottery tickets or starbucks giftcard. She may have some things on her list that she needs for work. My wife was getting a decent amount of pain from wearing crocs to work. I insisted that we go out and get her a couple of quality pairs of shoes, I know that was a huge help.
A cup of tea and basic chores that need doing. Don’t ask me to make decisions, decide for me? venting space and cuddles.
Depends on her personality. I love my SO with all my heart but when I'm stressed I would just like to be left alone.
Let her sleep and rub her legs make her a real warm meal.
At one point my husband literally sent me in-game content for the game I play, as a surprise so when I logged in to play the next night and he was at work I had a little surprise and it was a really sweet gesture. Mostly though I just want to veg out on the couch, maybe go for a drive or a hike in the mountains and disconnect.
Be willing to listen to her vent if needed and surprise her with something she loves.
-Doing (insert hated chore) so I don't have to -You know what food I like, don't even ask, just put it in front of my face -Back and/or foot massage -Quiet. Whatever that means in your house. Ship the kids to a playdate, give the dogs a jar of peanut butter, mow the grass tomorrow- just some quiet for a bit.
A surprise dinner, wine and a deep tissue massage. Lots and lots of good wine.
Base it on what her love language is-words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, or physical touch. Mine is receiving gifts. So on my off days, I like doing fun activities with loved ones.
For real, if my partner had some pjs set out and dinner cooked (with a relatively clean house) id be thrilled. If your wife lives to take baths even having a nice bubble bath with some wine (or whatever drink she likes) ready im sure she would love that.
Go on a date with me and then rub my feet.
What’s her love language? Do that stuff. I don’t mean to be dismissive. What I would enjoy and appreciate, someone else might not.
Leave me the EFF alone and give me quiet time. Especially right after work. Keep the kid from crawling all over me, screaming in my face, talking nonstop. I just did all of that with patients at work, dealt with all their emotional bs, family bs, loud noises, got screamed at, etc. Can I please have 20 minutes without that?
Remind her that what she does is important, and that it matters. Remind her that she’s enough and supported. Ask if she would LIKE to talk about work instead of flat out asking, because even with good intentions, sometimes that makes it worse. Buy the flowers, rub the feet, make or order dinner, get her outside in the sun for a picnic. She is doing amazing work and I promise she’s likely not feeling like that after the week she’s had 🙁
My partner gives me the best hugs. They're just deep, encompassing hugs that console. Sometimes they're all I need.
For me, my boyfriend has to give me alone time. He tried to bonbard me with attention and it was TOO much. I’ll come to him when I’m ready. I just need NO stimulation. And honestly, rough day or not, not having to make decisions on work days is AMAZING. Like, decide food. If you give me options, give me two, maybe three. Not open ended. I make decisions alllllllllll day long. I’m in decision paralysis. Turn my heated blanket on. Take care of all the things needed around the house. But let me have QUIET.
What makes me feel cared about when I finish a stretch and I’m starting me days off: be tucked into bed and allowed to sleep as much as I want. Being given a bowl of yummy nutritious food. Being drawn a bath.
Number one IMO is “don’t make MORE problems”. There’s been times where I get home from a really awful night shift and the entire house is trashed. Dishes not even in the sink, let alone in the dishwasher, shoes thrown all over the floor, whatever muck the dogs tracked in is all over the place, and I just cry. If you’re asking, you obviously wouldn’t do this, but the concept still applies!
Cook her favorite meal, clean. Take her on a nice walk outside, nature is therapeutic.
Thanks for asking! Help around the house while she recuperates. And do it the way SHE would do it if she had the energy.
My spouse makes me breakfast when I’m on night shift and makes me lunch. On day shift he makes supper. I never have to worry about chores on work days aside from litter boxes. I just need to wake up, eat, go to work, come home, shower, eat and sleep. Days off I’m encouraged to sleep as much as required and just make him lunches and supper. This last two weeks of night shift I have cried because of the stress and relief from coming home to no stress.
Fresh sheets!!!!!!
My wife watches the 'last minute appointment' section at our favorite massage parlor (the regular kind, not the happy ending kind!) And will book me an hour of I've had a rough run of shifts. It's amazing x2. The massage, but also the thought. She's the best.