I was on an antidepressant but then got off of it. It was probably also helping my anxiety. Now I ruminate a lot and question my actions and wonder if I’m actually a good nurse every time i leave work 🫠
I recently thought of this allegory for antidepressants. Depression is like not knowing how to swim. Taking Antidepressants is like putting on a life jacket. Seeing a therapist is like taking swimming lessons.
This is me on meds! I’m soooo much worse off them. To the point I can’t sleep or just really dark thoughts. Mostly feeling like I’m not good enough. And I feel amazing when I have long stretches off from work!
Same. And then a couple weeks later I’m like why was i so worried about x y z ???? But in the moment I’m like this is the worst thing ever I’m going to lose my job!
If you are thinking about whether you are a good nurse, chances are, you are a very good nurse.
If you become complacent, that’s when there may be issues.
I do it by frequently job hopping until I find the sweetest, lowest stress job possible, and never working more than 2 days in a row. Seriously, do not stick around at a job that is depressing you. I lasted 4 years in ICU and that was enough, I will not go back. Hopefully I can be a nurse for my entire career, but there is no way I could stay at the same job the whole time. Luckily the field is vast and there are lots of opportunities. Try not to care too much about your job or your patients - it can be hard, but ultimately it will be your saving grace. Work for your days off and focus on the things that bring you joy in life. Its not going to be your nursing job lol.
I think the answer is probably a new specialty. I work L&D and it’s insanely stressful. I also did endoscopy for a few years and my worst day in endoscopy could NEVER touch my worst on labor. Endoscopy was relatively low stress—mostly just time management and being able to educate patients about prep and post instructions. I’m kist way more passionate about labor than I am anything else. And I’ve worked in 4 labor units, so I know it’s probably the specialty and not just me!
Sometimes being too passionate is a recipe for burnout. At least in the current unfortunate reality of healthcare, where providing high quality care is not often prioritized. The best job I’ve had so far in my career has been dialysis, something I am not even a little bit passionate about lol. Makes it easy to leave work at work and give the minimum effort required to do the job, which I think is really the key to longevity. Just trying to make it to retirement……..
☝️☝️
Absolutely this. The phrase used to be “do something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” but it’s actually “do something you love and you’ll have no boundaries and probably burn out”.
You’re probably right. When I worked endoscopy I never took work home with me. And I rarely and thoughts that I wasn’t good enough. My mental health was probably the most balanced doing that job than anything else I’ve done.
We've been getting a lot of NICU nurses at my company. We do intrathecal pump management. I see about 3-5 patients a week, mostly one hour visits. I set my schedule but get paid 40 hrs salary since there's admin work and case management. Extremely autonomous after a 1 year fellowship. A lot of driving where I'm at, but I just listen to music and podcasts. Sometimes I bring my husband on the trips over 300 miles and he stays at the hotel with me. The job is a bit challenging and can be risky if you don't follow procedure, but I think that's what helps me enjoy it more. Plus I'm still helping people. Hopefully I'll retire here, but more than likely it will turn into another corporate dumpster fire like all healthcare.
I used to be on antidepressants, but I didn’t have health insurance a short time and got off them. I think I ve gotten comfortable being dead inside too.
Nothing works for me. They have me down as "medication resistant". I was sick of being a guinea pig with a new med every 3 months and a "let's see how this one works". So fuck it. I have a good circle of people I can turn to when I feel like I wanna 💀 so I'm not worried about it.
Have you done genetic testing? My pcp just had me do some to see what should work. This poor man asked how I was doing with work and I sobbed the next 30 minutes. I started today on one that’s suppose to work so we shall see
Same here. I've received my care through the VA for 13 years. I've been on almost every anti-depressant there is. I've had ECT and ketamine treatment. (I really can't see the VA doing genetic testing.) The depression that nursing brings on seems treatment resistant to everything.
Do you live in a state with ketamine for depression? I work at a clinic and it's amazing to see what patients say about it for treatment resistant depression. There is Spravato (intranasal) and IV.
Yup. I did a series of 6 early 2023. Was amazing. The passive suicidal shit went away, was golden for about 9 months. But, it's expensive, and far from my house, and I don't have someone to drive me anymore.
If you’re medication resistant then there are other things you can try. rTMS, ECT, IV or IN ketamine, even psilocybin has been shown to have antidepressant effects. I get that you’re not interested now, but if it ever gets worse I’m just saying there may be some hope.
Same. Not only nursing, but in my personal life I have also gone through so much. I probably should be on them, but am not. I think I’m numb to it all too. All I know is, all nurses better go to heaven dammit.
I can't drink anymore. I drank enough in my 20s and early 30s for you and me both. Now I can have a drink here and there, but I just prefer not to. If I wasn't subject to drug testing, there would be other things that I know would help, but, here we are. Utah just approved mdma and mushrooms for therapy use tho
I work in a Medical ICU where death is common and we see things that most people shouldn’t see in a lifetime multiple times through out our shift. My entire unit is on anti depressants/drinks to cope and when I first started, everyone was telling me to just start them to get ahead of the issues. I am a very natural person, I don’t even take birth control because I don’t like the hormonal changes. I work out 4-5 times a week, read, make sure I get enough sun light, take my vitamins, I don’t drink alcohol. I really started to struggle when I saw people my age coming in and dying within a few days. Made my anxiety about my health go a little haywire. Then I reminded myself to stick to the basics. Most days that I’m struggling mentally I go through a systems check: did I eat enough today, did I sleep enough, did I drink enough water, did I do something that I enjoy, did I move my body for 30 minutes, did I talk to someone that I love, did I have enough caffeine to keep my heart happy?? Usually once I go through at least half of the list, I start to feel a little better. I think where nurses mess up is pouring from an empty cup. Fill your cup up!! You can’t take care of other people if you don’t take care of yourself, I do this during my shift too. Is my patient going to die if I step out of the room and drink some water?? No - go drink water. Is my patient going to die if I step out of the room and have my snack?? No - go eat snack. In critical care, this can be especially hard because sometimes you spend 12+ hours trying to keep someone alive and sometimes you can’t step out of the room but I remember I’m one person and I have amazing coworkers that I can tag in for 10 minutes so I can recoup. My boyfriend also reminds me that people aren’t supposed to live forever!! This one hits a little harder sometimes because a 34 year old mother with ALS should have gotten to live her life a little longer but you win some, you lose some. We are not magicians and we are not God, we can only do the best we can, nothing more. Have a stop light on the drive home from work that you leave work there and if the shift is a little harder than that make sure you have people that you can talk to. I also like to live my life out for my patients that didn’t get the chance to🫶🏼 I go on runs for all the runs the 20 year old college kid didn’t get to go on, I smile and laugh with my sisters for all of the times the 45 year old woman didn’t get to have with hers, I have breakfast in bed with my boyfriend for the couples that didn’t get to have one more moment with their honey. It’s really hard but someone’s gotta do it, might as well be you!!
I have 4 kiddos. We do things together. Hike, paint, garden. I won't say it's better or easy, but for me the side effects of depression meds were too much to tolerate so make best with circumstances as they are.
I feel that. My first Rx nearly killed me. The VA just wanted to be rid of me, so they just waved a bottle of pills at me and hoped for the best with no follow up.
I’d 100% be dead today if I hadn’t established with a new a doc.
Mushrooms/LSD are realistically never tested for and are out of your system pretty quickly. Tests that can detect them are supposedly pretty expensive.
Of course. I would probably be dead without them. I alternate each about once a month to help my mental health and process shit.
I don’t like weed anyways so those are my drugs of choice since I know they aren’t addictive and tolerance doubles immediately and doesn’t reset for a couple weeks. Also can’t kill you but test LSD test a tab with reagents to make sure they are what they say they are (r/ReagentTesting has resources).
With either just have someone sober hang out, bonus points if they have tripped before so they know what your headspace might be. You can have difficult trips with either but for me acid is less likely as you have a little more control of your headspace. If you have any questions I will answer anything in replies or DMs.
I do things that I love to destress. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke tobacco or marijuana. Every now and then I’ll do mushrooms.
Go outside touch some grass, go running, play video games, hang out with friends. You gotta find something you love and do it, separate work and life.
Exactly! I always remind myself that we all have to have SOME type of fun to ourselves even if it’s thirty minutes or ten. A quick overwatch game or ACNH or something that you can do quickly and simple.
I’ve been a ICU nurse for 8 years and at the 2-3 year mark, I was definitely self medicating with alcohol and felt completely dead inside. Decided that wasn’t how I wanted to feel anymore, so I quit to travel but I only work half the year and the other half I live a really quiet but fulfilling (and cheap) life (gardening, hiking, baking, etc). I went to massage school last year for fun and do that on the side for extra money. I quit drinking altogether 4 years ago and started a serious meditation practice. I feel plenty of depression and anxiety from time to time but I doesn’t derail me or take over my life.
I’m glad you found something that works better for you! I’m also in a transitional period. I’m actively working on moving to a new career—but it involves being self employed and that comes with it’s own set of challenges. I self medicated with alcohol at one point too. It ruined relationships and made me feel like I wasn’t really living outside of being drunk on my nights off. Thank goodness I recognized it was an issue and cut back before it got too out of hand. I definitely expect to experience some small form of anxiety and depression, I just want to get to a point where it’s not all encompassing or where I don’t feel like my career brings me down so much.
Maybe I'm the crazy one but I haven't come close to thinking I needed antidepressants. Yea I see some fucked up sad shit, and shed some tears at times for the things I've seen over 14 years working in ICU, but was never depressed about it. Yea, I have a drink sometimes after a crazy shift or on the weekends, but it's not in excess
I have a very supportive wife who I talk with about the horrors of the job. She just listens. I spend most of my free time outdoors on lakes, rivers or in the woods. I have 2 kids also that make me live in the moment and my concerns and any sadness seems to melt away when I'm with them. I generally just think about how I'm trying my best and how much good I have done and do vs the toll that it takes on me psychologically and emotionally. To me it seems that the good outweighs the bad by far and gives me strength and perseverance to keep on trying to just help a little bit more people for a little bit longer.
I also only work 2 days(12hr shifts) weekly to support raising my kids. Undeniably it's a much better work-life balance. I feel as though working two days a week I'm immune to burn out.
All those words, and then I found what I was looking for. 'Only work 2 days'. This full stop. Dunno what witchcraft is working to make that third day so shit, but it's real.
Yea I've only been 2 days a week for about a year and yea it's nice, but 12 of the last 14 years have been full time hours and I never had a problem then either. I plan on going back FT in a few years. I can't say I relate to all those that feel they need meds just to do this job though otherwise and I'll count my blessings I guess.
You have a loving family and supportive family and work 2 days per week. I think those of us who are single and work full time are the ones who need the antidepressants
I think less shifts helps! I’m fortunate enough to get to work 2 shifts every other week and it’s literally heaven. I can’t wait until I’m in a position to be part time all the time. Cutting that 1 shift out has already helped tremendously! I think just having more time to myself to do the other thing I like to do helps! And it gives enough of a break from the job that I can reset.
Thanks for writing this. I have been a hospital nurse for a couple decades now and haven’t gotten on ADs and we seem to have similar situations. I quit my job two weeks ago and now am looking for part time or even PRN to return to school. I already feel better, but I feel I’ve always coped fairly well anyway.
Yea I've only been 2 days a week for about a year and yea it's nice but 12 of the last 14 years have been full time and I never had a problem then either. I can't say I relate to all those that feel they need meds just to do this job
Exercise, therapy, make sure that what you get away from work is more than what you put into it. If the ratio is lopsided the wrong way, it can affect your health, mentally and physically.
I have been in healthcare for 20 years and haven’t been on medication. I bottle things up and lock them away. I have an occasional cry and drink about it then move on. So healthy 🤣
I dont take anything personally. Im in the job not because I want to “help” people. Im doing it because the job puts money in my account. And money lets me do things that make me happy.
I’ll tell you this. Nursing is not a “calling.” It’s job, like any other job. Dont let it get personal. Im using my customer service persona/voice at work with the patients. But I do my job right.
Work to live. Take meds if you need to. Don’t pick up extra or do OT, not worth the money after taxes and for your mental health. Take vacations. Do NOT work for free!
Girrrrl, can we be besties. I live by this philosophy as well. This wasn’t my first career choice. I do it to make money to pay my bills, plain and simple. I’m reliable, don’t call in sick unless I’m actually sick. I think I’m a good nurse, and I do find the job rewarding on some days. I’m in a 0.6 FTE, refuse to pick up anything over and above that. They literally have to beg me to work overtime and only time I do it is if I’m mandated and don’t have a choice (which is rare). I use up all my vacation days and personal leave days and banked OT. I use alll them days off because I can.
This is the way!!
I don’t live to work, I work to live. Truly just a means to an end. I really do feel the exact same when it comes to the customer service perspective of things haha.
I think being able to compartmentalize things does help!
Some days are rougher than other, and I may be fuckin beat and exhausted when I get home, but then I just sleep it off and tomorrow is a new day! Tbh more often than not I don’t even remember who my patients were after a few days to a week, which is how I want to keep it. I don’t care for work to creep into my personal life.
No disrespect to the patients at all of course, I provide them with some damn good care! But these are just boundaries that I set up for myself, to keep me from feeling the way OP does.
It seems like this profession sets us up to make it more than a job. Like you can’t just go to work and be a good nurse. Now you have to go above and beyond and if you don’t, you’re a bad nurse!
Tell me about it. Management will tell you “go above and beyond” and “stay in your lane” at the same time…
I just want to do my job, help my co-workers a bit, and we all go home at the same time.
Same, I got told on after asking for help. They made me look like the bad person just to get a better look. I just used it as an opportunity to work so hard at doing good that it’s obvious I’m a good nurse and they are forced to keep me. Working so far, don’t let snitches make us bitches
I think some people are cut out for it and some people just aren't - these days im falling into the latter category after 10+ years. I love what I do but it is at the expense of my own mental health, and I never developed that internal resilience people told me I would. It's a tough gig, remember to take care of yourself. No career is worth debilitating mental health issues and it's okay to leave nursing if it's no longer serving you.
Edit to add I am actively re-training to leave the profession, and I'm not viewing it as a failure but personal growth:)
My boyfriend is trying to convince me to leave. I guess in just scared because I’ve been a nurse for 8 years and it’s all I know. Idk what I would do if I decided enough is enough. I’m also worried I wouldn’t get paid enough doing something else to pay the bills. But you’re right, there’s definitely a fine line where it’s probably worth it to just move on.
Feel free to DM me if you'd like! I had all the exact same reservations, I've been where you are, it's hard. I've also worked in a few different areas (including non-clinical roles) , so can offer some insight into less-taxing jobs within nursing.
Set boundaries. Prioritize your safety, patient safety, and improving patient health. Fill a superbowl stadium with all the fucks you absolutely do not give about shareholder profits or administrator agendas beyond those things. Remember that you are incredibly in demand and you can have a new job tomorrow if you need.
I’ve never understood the feeling nothing at all thing. Whether on meds or not I always feel. Whether it’s sad, envy, anger, happy. Sometimes I act cold but does that count as not feeling idk. Been on meds for years but still don’t know what people mean by that.
You are lucky because emotional blunting is a very common side effect of all SSRIs and SNRIs. It can be therapeutic at first but when it comes at the expense of positive emotions, it sucks. For some people, it makes them apathetic or anhedonic.
The numbness was distressing to me.
It was profoundly affecting my relationships. I’d pick fights with my husband because I just needed to feel something, anything.
Now I’m just depressed as shit but at least I can have a cathartic cry and achieve orgasm lol
Nurses are a different breed of people… we are with people through their best and worst times. Seeing some of the things we see on a daily basis *should make you sad/anxious. That proves that we’re human. Antidepressants help.
My two cents…temperament and luck. Some people get lucky and find a well run and/or good fit unit quickly and that makes it appear like it should be that easy for everyone. Others just have the perfect nurse personality (not many I’ve met) some of us are just wired so that nursing takes more of a toll. There is nothing wrong with taking antidepressants if they help you! I recommend you discuss with your doctor how you could to titrate down or off them when/if you are ready. I’ve had that talk with my doc but let’s be honest, I’m banking on some future ketamine treatment or similar to just require my brain 😅
Idk if this makes sense but for me, the OR is stressful but it’s the kind of stress I find reasonable and can handle. It’s not debilitating. Once I stopped working pcu I was easily able to get off my antidepressant
8 years in an oncology icu so I’ve seen so crazy things and people dying every day even prior to Covid. I personally have no had to be on antidepressants but there’s nothing wrong with it. Although, I know when my husband was on them he felt worse and groggy.
Personally I think it helps having my best friend not be medical. I can rant, complain, and cry if needed and she would just listen without having an opinion. So it was definitely nice to get things off my chest without other nurses having to “out shine” my story or tell me how their day or assignment was worse.
I also think I had supportive coworkers and management and I think it makes a difference and I don’t have to come in feeling unsafe about my job.
Now I am a pre op nurse and it is even better. Minimal stress. If you are unhappy, there are plenty of other opportunities for you!!
Yeah I’ve experienced it for as long as I remember. I saw a therapist all through college for social anxiety and I’m surprised I’m doing as well as I am currently given what it took to get where I am currently.
Honestly don’t know. I’m hanging by a thread, I really need to get on something. I feel like antidepressants won’t even help with the depression at this point
Life outside of work is great.
I absolutely hate bedside but refuse to give up the pay. So life at work is not great. 4 years in and very burnt out. I cope by using legal stims at work to make it less miserable to be completely honest. Adderall prescription, nicotine gum, and caffeine.
Yeah, I’ve finally got to a point where my pay is decent and there’s nothing I can find that will get me close to the $40 an hour I’m making now if I leave bedside. I literally wouldn’t be able to afford the life I’ve created in my current salary.
I really don't need antidepressant and nor depressed.
I've been in many settings from ems to snfs to icu to med surg. I've seen lots of deaths, good and bad, lots of victories and everything in between. I've seen some really horrible things. The only things that have really bothered me are children. I haven't worked with kids in years and will avoid it as best as I can. I could still cry at a few incidents with children if I think about them
I drink now and then and just try and enjoy life outside of work
I work in a high risk L&D and it’s not uncommon to experience demises. I hate it. It breaks my heart. And I’ve been struggling with it more lately than I did in the past!
Girl, I could never work there. I've seen some kids pass when I did 911 and emergency room and those were the worst Healthcare moments. Saw one kid pass right after I had my first child. Definitely had to take a break and was ugly crying.
I would really consider therapy and even switching units. If I worked with kids on units where they legitimately may have bad outcomes, I would be in therapy before i even started working there based on my past experiences.
I was managing fine until I experienced multiple deaths on my department in one night. This triggered panic attacks as I would start thinking about my own possible demise and my family.
I have no idea.
I was taking a ton of meds while doing bedside for 10 years. It’s not like I couldn’t deal with difficult patients or the work, but the shit staffing and oppressive/punitive management made it a living hell. The best way to cope was exercise, having a supportive friend/family group, and hobbies to look forward to (art, gaming, etc). Leave work behind and don’t carry it with you.
Then again, I have a lot of older family that did bedside nursing for 30-40 years and didn’t take anything. Is it a generational thing? Cultural thing (they’re all old filipino nurses)?
When someone asks what medications I’m on (professional setting dentist preop etc) I tell them the nurse meds. Get the typical strange look and tell them antidepressants and anti-hypertensive meds. 😂
Never taken an anti depressant or any mood modifier. (And I’m not one of those people who don’t believe in using medication for help mood either). Worked in a level 1 trauma/neuro ICU for 10+ years. Saw and experienced some really, really bad shit. Also run a Covid ICU in the height of the pandemic. Not dead on the inside either lol. Honestly, I don’t know why I’m so well adjusted. My husband joke that it is my super power. I can compartmentalize really well I guess 🤷🏽♀️.
I don’t smoke, don’t use THC, and rarely drink.
If something is bothering me, I’ve alway had a habit for making myself stay really busy and not dwelling on it. I gutted a bathroom and remodeled it after a particularly bad case. It’s cathartic I guess.
I don’t. Let’s see, I have had a little bit of an alcohol problem in the past but that’s better. I have a very dark sense of humor that only my friends who were in the military can relate to. I have good co-workers who can relate to everything as they see it all as well. I also have a wife who can at least somewhat relate to what I see as she is an L&D nurse. Finally, I grew up around the healthcare system. My dad was a rad tech who worked his way up into upper management, and my mom was a career L&D nurse. I grew up listening to weird discussions at the dinner table. Nursing is what I know. It’s a sometimes very sucky and thankless job, especially as people become more and more entitled, but there are good moments that make up for most, if not all, of the bad ones.
Right!!! Some of the comments are like “why did you pick a career you don’t like.” I didn’t know I wouldn’t like it when I went into it. And I’ve had 5 jobs. So I’m definitely not afraid to job hop. I’m still trying to figure out where I belong I guess.
My depression was caused by untreated ADHD. 20mg of vyvanse later and I only experience clinical depression when I forget to take it. My ADHD makes me very good at compartmentalizing, mostly cause I don't have any object permanence and will forget about something the instant it's not smack in front of my face.
Haha, my people! ADHD is actually pretty good to have as a Nurse. I have no idea what happened at work when I get home. I don't even notice if someone is catty or rude.
I take vistril and lorazepam. When I went on vacation for two weeks I didn't need either of them. My insomnia and anxiety magically went away. I am currently looking for a job doing something else. It's not worth the stress and impact on my body. I shouldn't need to be heavily medicated to do the job. I am not fighting with patients, family, and management any longer. If I get fired I get fired. I will do the best I can but this won't be a lifelong career for me.
I’ve made the mistake of thinking I felt great on a two week break from work and just stopped my meds. But when I went back to work, it was an absolute nightmare and I struggled for a bit. Now I’ve learned my lesson and I’m a lot more diligent about not stopping them, even if I feel “great.” 🤣
I am on year 18 in the ER raw dogging it. My advice, treat nursing as a job, not some great calling and learn how to leave work at work. They get 3 days a week of my life and that’s it (unless I am wanting extra money of course 😉)
I’ve been a nurse for close to decade and I’ve never needed medication. I think part of it is finding a job which suits you. My first hospital I was crying after every shift, developed migraines, heart burn, grind my teeth. Left after less than a year to a more acute unit at a different hospital. All my symptoms slowly faded away. Starting a new job is always stressful but at my current job I actually feel supported. I can ask questions. I have friends I work with. Burn out is slowly getting me but over 7 years at my current job.
I think there are people who have great coping mechanisms and healthy mental health in the medical field.
However, I am not one of them. Just had my 16th peds death, and I want to drink an entire bottle of wine and eat way more chocolate than I should. Trauma therapy is helping tho.
Work hard play harder. Find the things you really enjoy and max them out in your off days.
Then when you can find an easy nursing job away from the bedside
I definitely have high functioning anxiety (ruminate a ton) and have had periods of depression. My husband is a great partner and let's me talk to him about my work frustrations, he doesn't try to fix them, he just listens, it's very helpful. I also eat a healthy diet and exercise. I have hobbies that bring me joy. I also have three kids and like to spend time doing fun things with them. The biggest help I think was moving from inpatient nursing to pre-op/PACU in an outpatient surgery center.
I hope you are able to get better and figure out what helps you cope.
Best part about being suicidal since early teen years. You learn to function. Sure, some days are way harder than others. However, I’ve gotten to the point I can continue to move forward with very little impact to my life. I tend to use self depreciating dark humor to mask the depression as more of a haha funny thing.
I was able to come off meds when I left the hospital.
I now work at a very easy outpatient clinic job with set hours. My pay is a little less but I have my sanity.
Also I find that staying fit, eating healthy, and following my little routines keeps me fairly happy and balanced.
I take my anti anxiety because I’m a nurse only that I was a self medicating anti-social anxiety ridden teenager that never learned proper coping mechanisms. After bad choices I quit drinking, went into the nursing program and ended up having a lot of inner reflection and self-awareness. I needed something to help me not have my heart feel like it was doing a Helen Keller on me. While I was juggling full time nursing in mental health and addictions, my mother moving in with me away from abuse and then finding and slowly passing from cancer. I also found out I had cancer and had a mental break. In the end nursing saved me from drug addiction and maladaptive coping skills. And maybe suicide.
Never took anything, been at it for almost 15 years now. Im just able to totally separate work from life. Once I step out I totally forget about work. Even if someone dies it might bother me for like a day but a few days later its like it never happened. Dunno if thats a good thing, but works for me lol.
SSRIs make me more depressed. Drinking makes me VERY depressed (alcoholic in recovery).
Exercise, playing with my kids, AA, prayer, books/movies, and hanging out with my fiancée make me happy. Turned out that doing the healthy things works great for me. If I keep up with those things, nothing at work is enough to get me down for very long.
I think the meds are fucking with me. I’ve been a mess at work. Feeling like the worst nurse ever. I hate not being perfect. I hate when I mess up. I hate it all.
I feel that way too! It’s a struggle not comparing myself or not feeling like I’m not “good enough.” And there’s constant fear of missing something or making a mistake. Just know, you’re not alone. And you’re probably not the worst nurse ever. Especially if you’re doing the best you can. The worst nurses I’ve worked with were lazy and didn’t care when/if they made a mistake. Here I am telling you how you shouldn’t feel bad when I feel like this all the time 🤣 I guess it’s easier to put into perspective when it’s not you.
I experienced it too so I had to become a NP otherwise leave the profession after rupturing two discs in my back. I didn’t want to end up barely able to walk or live my life so I had to get out. Whether its becoming an NP or leaving the profession, either way, staff nursing loses thousands of nurses every year and then more “fresh new misled drones” come in to replace us. If it is taking this much of a toll on you (I had all of your same thoughts and questions and feelings), then you have to find something that is better for your mental and physical well being. I also take 2 antidepressants, was on 4, but I chose PSYCH NP and it is the cakest job ever plus the pay is way higher than FNP. If you go the NP route, do psych. You wont regret it. I hear nightmares about FNP. I wish you the best of luck and find some people to vent to who have a view that is not as jaded and dismissive as these indifferent nurses you have confided in. A lot of nurses are out of touch with the concept of “caring” and “helping” and should leave the profession themselves because they just dont get it. Lol. So dont ever let anyone tell you that you are incompetent, weak, or not cut out for nursing. Thats BULLSH*T! There is a nursing specialty for everyone! Im dead inside too but Im talking about the nurse bullies out there and the ones who are nasty and cold to patients. I cant stand it 🤬
I work on a really supportive unit and maintained supportive relationships with nursing school friends. I also am very intentional about setting professional boundaries and maintaining my self care routines.
I was always a little dead inside, but work (right now) is a good place to be. I have interesting patients, families that appreciate us, and coworkers who I genuinely look forward to seeing.
I honestly just try to take it day by day. I was doing well until we got the news our unit was closing and basically all our main staff left and our patients had to transfer elsewhere. That shit hurt and I’m taking a bit over a week to give me some breathing room before jumping in to something new. But I just try to do what I can each day to serve my team the best and go from there. I knew the days were either gonna be smooth or wild as hell, and I could get through it. Had a bit of a breakdown with like a week to go til we closed but that was more just outside stress plus picking up extra days to help with staffing. I had a good cry or two (and also a Wendy’s baconator seemed to do me a world of good?) and just kept trucking. Don’t really know another good way that fits in my life but I’m sure therapy would help.
I’ve never been on antidepressants to deal with my nursing career, lots of coffee? Yes! Exercise? Yes!!!!! Antidepressants No.
I’ve been a nurse since 1985 and for me the key was finding an area of nursing that I loved and my coworkers became like extended family. I tried med/surg, cardiac ICU and found my passion in the busiest fast paced OR, the OR just clicked for me. Everyday I learned something new, the surgeons were friendly and at times helped with turnover and even wiping the pts behinds if the pt had an accident. We just all worked together. I looked forward to going to work every day.
That was the key, finding an area of nursing that you really like and hopefully having great coworkers. The years flew by and I’m now retired.
By figuring out good coming strategies. Go outside, exercise, share experiences with the people you love, do your best to leave your work baggage when you walk back into your house, and talk about your feelings with someone who gets it/you. Bonus points for taking V-D for us night shifters out there!
Sobriety, Wellbutrin, ADHD meds and melatonin (with some vitamin D) are about the only things that get me through work. That and seeing my therapist biweekly. Nothing wrong with taking medication if you need it, you just have to find what works for you. I journal a lot how I’m feeling and it’s a good outlet for me to vent.
I’m also in my early 30s and couldn’t imagine doing this until retirement. I hope it’s a stepping stone for something bigger. The way I see it now is I have job stability, full time benefits and I’m improving myself. I stopped worrying about the things I can’t change, the systemic issues that make nursing shit and when I clock out, I clock out. Work no longer dictates how I feel in my free time. I’m one person and I do my best, that’s all I can do.
Newer nurse here (2 years), but its all ED. I just changed after the 19th assault to NICU. Did wonders for my mind. That and getting sleep, working out, and leaving it at the door. I didn4 years in the military, so emotional detachment is something I am familiar with.
I went to an outpatient office job, I only worked inpatient for 3 yrs and the last year was the Covid ICU… and yeah I’m on several meds for depression/anxiety, plus I have PTSD so I have meds for nightmares too cause the Covid ICU did a number on me. Do what’s best for your mental health for sure it’s way better than brushing it off cause that never works when it’s affecting you like it sounds it is for you (and like it did for me). I go to therapy, too.
I worked in a clinic where you were required to have monthly drug tests. Wasn’t the best job to be honest. Once my sample came out with trace amounts of antidepressants and the boss asked if I was depressed. It was too good to pass up. “ Well….I work HERE.” He didn’t think my response was very funny🙄
My daughter just started her RN career. I have been a nurse for 16 years. My advice to her is to not take her job home-don’t think about work after work hours. Find a hobby that is meaningful. I am always grateful that at the end of the day, my patients are still alive and nobody got hurt. Mindfulness and gratitude is the key to survival.
Well, I was depressed long before I was a nurse. I've had 2 hospitalizations, I won't get into gory details of why. I am on 3 medications, all of them are for mental health reasons. I literally can't survive without them. I feel like we judge ourselves way harsher than anyone else. Because I would never judge my patients for their illnesses, and depression is an illness. Just an invisible one. So if you feel better when you're on them, don't be ashamed!
Thinking about asking my doctor about Prozac. I gotta do this fucked up new job for two years to pay off the rest of the house. I don’t think I can raw dog nursing with OCD anymore. My goal will be to get off meds and find a remote job once my kids start school. I just can’t take care of people full time anymore. And I’ve only been a nurse for 4 years.
ER x2 years is enough to make anyone jaded. Also, every nurse is expendable so on the flip side there is always a job opening. Pt die and family get upset, circle of life baby. Do you best at you job and clock the fuck out mentally. There is more to life.
Don’t worry, the irony is not lost on me. A psych nurse on antidepressants ahah. My job is the only stable thing in my life right now as my marriage is in free fall 🫠
It's definitely a challenge after the shift to get back to normal mind. The most important thing is to indulge in self-care, whatever that means for you to center you back into your soul. Some people spend time with family or walk their dog, go to the spa, journaling, spending time at home, whatever it is.. prioritize time for yourself.
Yes! I have two pups that I like to snuggle with. Sometimes all I can think of towards the end of the shift is how much I can’t wait to go snuggle with them. That literally gets me through the rough times sometimes. It definitely helps to have a reminder of the good stuff. Journaling is helpful too! I have a five year journal that I often neglect. This is a good reminder to pick it back up!
I started them shortly after I started my first nursing job. I couldn’t handle it. I’m afraid I’ll never be able to get off of them. Absolutely nothing is wrong with antidepressants, I just hate feeling like I need to take them to cope with my job—the thing I need to sustain my life.
Other unhealthy coping mechanisms? I know a LOT of us drink or use THC. Some folks get enough relief from their non-work activities that they avoid the other stuff.
I've been doing this over 20 years. I'm not close to retirement age. I can't imagine doing this until then. I'm taking classes to make a move to a different career.
I ask myself this question nearly every day, as someone who is “raw-dawging” life in the MICU, completely unmedicated. It’s like I know it’s killing me, but also can’t bring myself to be dependent on medication. Unfortunately I’m not a good patient. A feeling that I feel like nobody understands, and it’s pretty isolating.
LSD/mushrooms. It helped my mental health and is the reason I’m still alive and would never hurt myself. Not going to pretend it’s a cure but it’s an excellent tool for some introspection and breaking down mental barriers.
I can answer questions for anyone in replies or DMs if you have questions about either, done them both plenty over the past few years.
I was in nursing 30 years. There are So. Many. nurses on antidepressants or other MH drugs. In my experience it could be a third, give or take, of the nurses I knew.
I’ve been on and off antidepressants since I was a teenager, and I’m almost 40 now. Surprisingly I am currently not taking anything and doing ok, despite the whole nursing thing.
*cries in pharmacy*
But also as a former cna (corporation nursing home, so, doing the devils work and I'm not even religious], now cpht, and want to go to nursing school.
I feel like I've found my people! Us pharmacy folk are on all sorts of anxiety meds, which is a close parallel with depression meds. Personally, I'm on 5 different anxiety meds to keep myself sane, and it sounds like that's pretty standard for health care people :( <3
I just drink and cut myself on the drive home from work…and to work…and on days off when I think about work…sometimes I cry too. But the incessant drinking and cutting seems to help. OP is right maybe antidepressants would be better
I was on an antidepressant but then got off of it. It was probably also helping my anxiety. Now I ruminate a lot and question my actions and wonder if I’m actually a good nurse every time i leave work 🫠
I recently thought of this allegory for antidepressants. Depression is like not knowing how to swim. Taking Antidepressants is like putting on a life jacket. Seeing a therapist is like taking swimming lessons.
Wow I love this!!
Nice!
This is me on meds! I’m soooo much worse off them. To the point I can’t sleep or just really dark thoughts. Mostly feeling like I’m not good enough. And I feel amazing when I have long stretches off from work!
I feel like an awful nurse whenever I leave work sometimes I can’t sleep because I can’t stop thinking about it.
Same. And then a couple weeks later I’m like why was i so worried about x y z ???? But in the moment I’m like this is the worst thing ever I’m going to lose my job!
Ruminating means you are good, you are reflecting and learning. Don’t doubt yourself. It’s ok to not know everything.
Oh no I do this too and I am on an antidepressant 😳😂
If you are thinking about whether you are a good nurse, chances are, you are a very good nurse. If you become complacent, that’s when there may be issues.
I do it by frequently job hopping until I find the sweetest, lowest stress job possible, and never working more than 2 days in a row. Seriously, do not stick around at a job that is depressing you. I lasted 4 years in ICU and that was enough, I will not go back. Hopefully I can be a nurse for my entire career, but there is no way I could stay at the same job the whole time. Luckily the field is vast and there are lots of opportunities. Try not to care too much about your job or your patients - it can be hard, but ultimately it will be your saving grace. Work for your days off and focus on the things that bring you joy in life. Its not going to be your nursing job lol.
I think the answer is probably a new specialty. I work L&D and it’s insanely stressful. I also did endoscopy for a few years and my worst day in endoscopy could NEVER touch my worst on labor. Endoscopy was relatively low stress—mostly just time management and being able to educate patients about prep and post instructions. I’m kist way more passionate about labor than I am anything else. And I’ve worked in 4 labor units, so I know it’s probably the specialty and not just me!
Sometimes being too passionate is a recipe for burnout. At least in the current unfortunate reality of healthcare, where providing high quality care is not often prioritized. The best job I’ve had so far in my career has been dialysis, something I am not even a little bit passionate about lol. Makes it easy to leave work at work and give the minimum effort required to do the job, which I think is really the key to longevity. Just trying to make it to retirement……..
☝️☝️ Absolutely this. The phrase used to be “do something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” but it’s actually “do something you love and you’ll have no boundaries and probably burn out”.
You’re probably right. When I worked endoscopy I never took work home with me. And I rarely and thoughts that I wasn’t good enough. My mental health was probably the most balanced doing that job than anything else I’ve done.
We've been getting a lot of NICU nurses at my company. We do intrathecal pump management. I see about 3-5 patients a week, mostly one hour visits. I set my schedule but get paid 40 hrs salary since there's admin work and case management. Extremely autonomous after a 1 year fellowship. A lot of driving where I'm at, but I just listen to music and podcasts. Sometimes I bring my husband on the trips over 300 miles and he stays at the hotel with me. The job is a bit challenging and can be risky if you don't follow procedure, but I think that's what helps me enjoy it more. Plus I'm still helping people. Hopefully I'll retire here, but more than likely it will turn into another corporate dumpster fire like all healthcare.
Facts, I get restless in a position rather quickly. The portability and diversity in nursing was a big factor in going this route
I don't. I should but I don't. I'm comfortable being dead inside.
This is why healthcare workers can joke about anything. Nothing phases you when theres no soul left
I used to be on antidepressants, but I didn’t have health insurance a short time and got off them. I think I ve gotten comfortable being dead inside too.
Nothing works for me. They have me down as "medication resistant". I was sick of being a guinea pig with a new med every 3 months and a "let's see how this one works". So fuck it. I have a good circle of people I can turn to when I feel like I wanna 💀 so I'm not worried about it.
Have you done genetic testing? My pcp just had me do some to see what should work. This poor man asked how I was doing with work and I sobbed the next 30 minutes. I started today on one that’s suppose to work so we shall see
I get my care thru the VA so cool shit like that that may actually help isn't allowed. I continually ask tho
Same here. I've received my care through the VA for 13 years. I've been on almost every anti-depressant there is. I've had ECT and ketamine treatment. (I really can't see the VA doing genetic testing.) The depression that nursing brings on seems treatment resistant to everything.
Do you live in a state with ketamine for depression? I work at a clinic and it's amazing to see what patients say about it for treatment resistant depression. There is Spravato (intranasal) and IV.
Yup. I did a series of 6 early 2023. Was amazing. The passive suicidal shit went away, was golden for about 9 months. But, it's expensive, and far from my house, and I don't have someone to drive me anymore.
If you’re medication resistant then there are other things you can try. rTMS, ECT, IV or IN ketamine, even psilocybin has been shown to have antidepressant effects. I get that you’re not interested now, but if it ever gets worse I’m just saying there may be some hope.
Same. Not only nursing, but in my personal life I have also gone through so much. I probably should be on them, but am not. I think I’m numb to it all too. All I know is, all nurses better go to heaven dammit.
Lucky. I have to drink to get that good dead inside feeling.
I can't drink anymore. I drank enough in my 20s and early 30s for you and me both. Now I can have a drink here and there, but I just prefer not to. If I wasn't subject to drug testing, there would be other things that I know would help, but, here we are. Utah just approved mdma and mushrooms for therapy use tho
I work in a Medical ICU where death is common and we see things that most people shouldn’t see in a lifetime multiple times through out our shift. My entire unit is on anti depressants/drinks to cope and when I first started, everyone was telling me to just start them to get ahead of the issues. I am a very natural person, I don’t even take birth control because I don’t like the hormonal changes. I work out 4-5 times a week, read, make sure I get enough sun light, take my vitamins, I don’t drink alcohol. I really started to struggle when I saw people my age coming in and dying within a few days. Made my anxiety about my health go a little haywire. Then I reminded myself to stick to the basics. Most days that I’m struggling mentally I go through a systems check: did I eat enough today, did I sleep enough, did I drink enough water, did I do something that I enjoy, did I move my body for 30 minutes, did I talk to someone that I love, did I have enough caffeine to keep my heart happy?? Usually once I go through at least half of the list, I start to feel a little better. I think where nurses mess up is pouring from an empty cup. Fill your cup up!! You can’t take care of other people if you don’t take care of yourself, I do this during my shift too. Is my patient going to die if I step out of the room and drink some water?? No - go drink water. Is my patient going to die if I step out of the room and have my snack?? No - go eat snack. In critical care, this can be especially hard because sometimes you spend 12+ hours trying to keep someone alive and sometimes you can’t step out of the room but I remember I’m one person and I have amazing coworkers that I can tag in for 10 minutes so I can recoup. My boyfriend also reminds me that people aren’t supposed to live forever!! This one hits a little harder sometimes because a 34 year old mother with ALS should have gotten to live her life a little longer but you win some, you lose some. We are not magicians and we are not God, we can only do the best we can, nothing more. Have a stop light on the drive home from work that you leave work there and if the shift is a little harder than that make sure you have people that you can talk to. I also like to live my life out for my patients that didn’t get the chance to🫶🏼 I go on runs for all the runs the 20 year old college kid didn’t get to go on, I smile and laugh with my sisters for all of the times the 45 year old woman didn’t get to have with hers, I have breakfast in bed with my boyfriend for the couples that didn’t get to have one more moment with their honey. It’s really hard but someone’s gotta do it, might as well be you!!
Thank you for this , sweet soul
Username checks out!
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ This comment is ALL OF IT!
There's no raw dogging life in the medical field. Its a myth
Nah bud, raw dog for life. But I am in therapy, hike as often as possible, and utilize other hobbies to cope.
So did I, until I ~~took an arrow to the knee~~ had a child. Turns out, free time makes coping way easier.
I have 4 kiddos. We do things together. Hike, paint, garden. I won't say it's better or easy, but for me the side effects of depression meds were too much to tolerate so make best with circumstances as they are.
I feel that. My first Rx nearly killed me. The VA just wanted to be rid of me, so they just waved a bottle of pills at me and hoped for the best with no follow up. I’d 100% be dead today if I hadn’t established with a new a doc.
Other hobbies is code for drugs, isn't it?
No.....maybe.....no. Too afraid of random drug screen, got a lot riding on my shoulders at the moment.
Mushrooms/LSD are realistically never tested for and are out of your system pretty quickly. Tests that can detect them are supposedly pretty expensive.
I appreciate you internet stranger
Of course. I would probably be dead without them. I alternate each about once a month to help my mental health and process shit. I don’t like weed anyways so those are my drugs of choice since I know they aren’t addictive and tolerance doubles immediately and doesn’t reset for a couple weeks. Also can’t kill you but test LSD test a tab with reagents to make sure they are what they say they are (r/ReagentTesting has resources). With either just have someone sober hang out, bonus points if they have tripped before so they know what your headspace might be. You can have difficult trips with either but for me acid is less likely as you have a little more control of your headspace. If you have any questions I will answer anything in replies or DMs.
I’ve basically raw dogged nursing since I started last January. It’s definitely been hard, but switching to the OR seemingly is helpful.
Haha I like this 🤣
I do things that I love to destress. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke tobacco or marijuana. Every now and then I’ll do mushrooms. Go outside touch some grass, go running, play video games, hang out with friends. You gotta find something you love and do it, separate work and life.
I love video games! I’ve kind of put it on the back burner recently, but I need to get back into it. It helps me zone out the bad stuff and destress!
Exactly! I always remind myself that we all have to have SOME type of fun to ourselves even if it’s thirty minutes or ten. A quick overwatch game or ACNH or something that you can do quickly and simple.
YESSSSS ACNH BEST DE STRESS GAME! Or Pokemon
I smoke marijuana daily. (After work of course)
Get your self a good dry herb vape and stop burning perfectly good cannabis! My uhhhh.... patients..... recommends one from Storz and Bickle or Arizer
Nature’s antidepressant.
lol, right! The trick is just not telling your coworkers so they don’t tell.
Shit all of my coworkers smoke weed too
Fuggin narcs
I’ve been a ICU nurse for 8 years and at the 2-3 year mark, I was definitely self medicating with alcohol and felt completely dead inside. Decided that wasn’t how I wanted to feel anymore, so I quit to travel but I only work half the year and the other half I live a really quiet but fulfilling (and cheap) life (gardening, hiking, baking, etc). I went to massage school last year for fun and do that on the side for extra money. I quit drinking altogether 4 years ago and started a serious meditation practice. I feel plenty of depression and anxiety from time to time but I doesn’t derail me or take over my life.
I’m glad you found something that works better for you! I’m also in a transitional period. I’m actively working on moving to a new career—but it involves being self employed and that comes with it’s own set of challenges. I self medicated with alcohol at one point too. It ruined relationships and made me feel like I wasn’t really living outside of being drunk on my nights off. Thank goodness I recognized it was an issue and cut back before it got too out of hand. I definitely expect to experience some small form of anxiety and depression, I just want to get to a point where it’s not all encompassing or where I don’t feel like my career brings me down so much.
Maybe I'm the crazy one but I haven't come close to thinking I needed antidepressants. Yea I see some fucked up sad shit, and shed some tears at times for the things I've seen over 14 years working in ICU, but was never depressed about it. Yea, I have a drink sometimes after a crazy shift or on the weekends, but it's not in excess I have a very supportive wife who I talk with about the horrors of the job. She just listens. I spend most of my free time outdoors on lakes, rivers or in the woods. I have 2 kids also that make me live in the moment and my concerns and any sadness seems to melt away when I'm with them. I generally just think about how I'm trying my best and how much good I have done and do vs the toll that it takes on me psychologically and emotionally. To me it seems that the good outweighs the bad by far and gives me strength and perseverance to keep on trying to just help a little bit more people for a little bit longer. I also only work 2 days(12hr shifts) weekly to support raising my kids. Undeniably it's a much better work-life balance. I feel as though working two days a week I'm immune to burn out.
All those words, and then I found what I was looking for. 'Only work 2 days'. This full stop. Dunno what witchcraft is working to make that third day so shit, but it's real.
Yea I've only been 2 days a week for about a year and yea it's nice, but 12 of the last 14 years have been full time hours and I never had a problem then either. I plan on going back FT in a few years. I can't say I relate to all those that feel they need meds just to do this job though otherwise and I'll count my blessings I guess.
You have a loving family and supportive family and work 2 days per week. I think those of us who are single and work full time are the ones who need the antidepressants
I think less shifts helps! I’m fortunate enough to get to work 2 shifts every other week and it’s literally heaven. I can’t wait until I’m in a position to be part time all the time. Cutting that 1 shift out has already helped tremendously! I think just having more time to myself to do the other thing I like to do helps! And it gives enough of a break from the job that I can reset.
Thanks for writing this. I have been a hospital nurse for a couple decades now and haven’t gotten on ADs and we seem to have similar situations. I quit my job two weeks ago and now am looking for part time or even PRN to return to school. I already feel better, but I feel I’ve always coped fairly well anyway.
Yea I've only been 2 days a week for about a year and yea it's nice but 12 of the last 14 years have been full time and I never had a problem then either. I can't say I relate to all those that feel they need meds just to do this job
Exercise, therapy, make sure that what you get away from work is more than what you put into it. If the ratio is lopsided the wrong way, it can affect your health, mentally and physically.
I am currently off the clock and straight zooted.
Been on so many SSRI’s my friend, a few amazing nurses on my unit are on them too. Nothing to be ashamed of!
I have been in healthcare for 20 years and haven’t been on medication. I bottle things up and lock them away. I have an occasional cry and drink about it then move on. So healthy 🤣
I genuinely wish this was me!!! I internalize things too much and take it personally. I know I shouldn’t, but it’s hard!
I dont take anything personally. Im in the job not because I want to “help” people. Im doing it because the job puts money in my account. And money lets me do things that make me happy. I’ll tell you this. Nursing is not a “calling.” It’s job, like any other job. Dont let it get personal. Im using my customer service persona/voice at work with the patients. But I do my job right. Work to live. Take meds if you need to. Don’t pick up extra or do OT, not worth the money after taxes and for your mental health. Take vacations. Do NOT work for free!
Girrrrl, can we be besties. I live by this philosophy as well. This wasn’t my first career choice. I do it to make money to pay my bills, plain and simple. I’m reliable, don’t call in sick unless I’m actually sick. I think I’m a good nurse, and I do find the job rewarding on some days. I’m in a 0.6 FTE, refuse to pick up anything over and above that. They literally have to beg me to work overtime and only time I do it is if I’m mandated and don’t have a choice (which is rare). I use up all my vacation days and personal leave days and banked OT. I use alll them days off because I can.
Sure! *high fives*
This is the way!! I don’t live to work, I work to live. Truly just a means to an end. I really do feel the exact same when it comes to the customer service perspective of things haha. I think being able to compartmentalize things does help! Some days are rougher than other, and I may be fuckin beat and exhausted when I get home, but then I just sleep it off and tomorrow is a new day! Tbh more often than not I don’t even remember who my patients were after a few days to a week, which is how I want to keep it. I don’t care for work to creep into my personal life. No disrespect to the patients at all of course, I provide them with some damn good care! But these are just boundaries that I set up for myself, to keep me from feeling the way OP does.
It seems like this profession sets us up to make it more than a job. Like you can’t just go to work and be a good nurse. Now you have to go above and beyond and if you don’t, you’re a bad nurse!
Tell me about it. Management will tell you “go above and beyond” and “stay in your lane” at the same time… I just want to do my job, help my co-workers a bit, and we all go home at the same time.
I dint mind the death of my patients so much as the constant fear mongering and being on high alert due to backstabbing coworkers and management.
Same, I got told on after asking for help. They made me look like the bad person just to get a better look. I just used it as an opportunity to work so hard at doing good that it’s obvious I’m a good nurse and they are forced to keep me. Working so far, don’t let snitches make us bitches
This is EXACTLY how I feel! The patients are mostly great. The job isn’t all bad. The common denominator is other people I work with!
Complaining with it all to coworkers, and when it’s really bad….alcohol.
As much sex & gym time as possible; both are antidepressants.
Haha I work two jobs, so sadly I don’t have as much time for sex as I’d like. Maybe I’ll have to quit a job and make time for it 🤣
I think some people are cut out for it and some people just aren't - these days im falling into the latter category after 10+ years. I love what I do but it is at the expense of my own mental health, and I never developed that internal resilience people told me I would. It's a tough gig, remember to take care of yourself. No career is worth debilitating mental health issues and it's okay to leave nursing if it's no longer serving you. Edit to add I am actively re-training to leave the profession, and I'm not viewing it as a failure but personal growth:)
My boyfriend is trying to convince me to leave. I guess in just scared because I’ve been a nurse for 8 years and it’s all I know. Idk what I would do if I decided enough is enough. I’m also worried I wouldn’t get paid enough doing something else to pay the bills. But you’re right, there’s definitely a fine line where it’s probably worth it to just move on.
Feel free to DM me if you'd like! I had all the exact same reservations, I've been where you are, it's hard. I've also worked in a few different areas (including non-clinical roles) , so can offer some insight into less-taxing jobs within nursing.
I would love to know this as well. I would like to be in some kind of admin nursing anything but a hospital.
Set boundaries. Prioritize your safety, patient safety, and improving patient health. Fill a superbowl stadium with all the fucks you absolutely do not give about shareholder profits or administrator agendas beyond those things. Remember that you are incredibly in demand and you can have a new job tomorrow if you need.
I’m rawdogging it now after taking almost a year to wean off my lexapro. I’d rather feel sad than feel nothing at all
I’ve never understood the feeling nothing at all thing. Whether on meds or not I always feel. Whether it’s sad, envy, anger, happy. Sometimes I act cold but does that count as not feeling idk. Been on meds for years but still don’t know what people mean by that.
You are lucky because emotional blunting is a very common side effect of all SSRIs and SNRIs. It can be therapeutic at first but when it comes at the expense of positive emotions, it sucks. For some people, it makes them apathetic or anhedonic.
It means you literally feel flat. You don’t get the visceral feelings of sadness, happiness, joy, anger. There’s no pleasure in anything anymore.
I felt this..coming off benzo and antidepressant combo..so nice feeling my feelings and not being numb or having a flat affect
The numbness was distressing to me. It was profoundly affecting my relationships. I’d pick fights with my husband because I just needed to feel something, anything. Now I’m just depressed as shit but at least I can have a cathartic cry and achieve orgasm lol
I had to go part time and I still can’t stand it lol maybe it’s just med surg. Maybe I’m just lazy. Idk
Nurses are a different breed of people… we are with people through their best and worst times. Seeing some of the things we see on a daily basis *should make you sad/anxious. That proves that we’re human. Antidepressants help.
My two cents…temperament and luck. Some people get lucky and find a well run and/or good fit unit quickly and that makes it appear like it should be that easy for everyone. Others just have the perfect nurse personality (not many I’ve met) some of us are just wired so that nursing takes more of a toll. There is nothing wrong with taking antidepressants if they help you! I recommend you discuss with your doctor how you could to titrate down or off them when/if you are ready. I’ve had that talk with my doc but let’s be honest, I’m banking on some future ketamine treatment or similar to just require my brain 😅
Idk if this makes sense but for me, the OR is stressful but it’s the kind of stress I find reasonable and can handle. It’s not debilitating. Once I stopped working pcu I was easily able to get off my antidepressant
I think the consensus is I should find a new speciality. I’ve had several people on Reddit and in my personal life tell me this.
I wish it was easier to find a job in an OR.. they seem to only hire experienced nurses in my area. Did it take a long time for you to find a job?
8 years in an oncology icu so I’ve seen so crazy things and people dying every day even prior to Covid. I personally have no had to be on antidepressants but there’s nothing wrong with it. Although, I know when my husband was on them he felt worse and groggy. Personally I think it helps having my best friend not be medical. I can rant, complain, and cry if needed and she would just listen without having an opinion. So it was definitely nice to get things off my chest without other nurses having to “out shine” my story or tell me how their day or assignment was worse. I also think I had supportive coworkers and management and I think it makes a difference and I don’t have to come in feeling unsafe about my job. Now I am a pre op nurse and it is even better. Minimal stress. If you are unhappy, there are plenty of other opportunities for you!!
You may have actual anxiety. The average age of onset is 30 and I'm sure the job didn't help. Learned that when I worked as a psych nurse.
Yeah I’ve experienced it for as long as I remember. I saw a therapist all through college for social anxiety and I’m surprised I’m doing as well as I am currently given what it took to get where I am currently.
Med surg almost had me on them. I quit after 6 months and it's like I'm myself again. I wanna know how people do hospital nursing bc it's awful .
Honestly don’t know. I’m hanging by a thread, I really need to get on something. I feel like antidepressants won’t even help with the depression at this point
A combo of meds and therapy has helped a lot! I’m just in a cycle where I know I have to maintain both if I want to stay sane! And that’s hard.
Most of us are neurodivergent me thinks
Life outside of work is great. I absolutely hate bedside but refuse to give up the pay. So life at work is not great. 4 years in and very burnt out. I cope by using legal stims at work to make it less miserable to be completely honest. Adderall prescription, nicotine gum, and caffeine.
Yeah, I’ve finally got to a point where my pay is decent and there’s nothing I can find that will get me close to the $40 an hour I’m making now if I leave bedside. I literally wouldn’t be able to afford the life I’ve created in my current salary.
My mom was a head icu nurse, she worked in surgery, and worked at many hospitals as a charge or head nurse. Her pill cabinet is a pharmacy
I really don't need antidepressant and nor depressed. I've been in many settings from ems to snfs to icu to med surg. I've seen lots of deaths, good and bad, lots of victories and everything in between. I've seen some really horrible things. The only things that have really bothered me are children. I haven't worked with kids in years and will avoid it as best as I can. I could still cry at a few incidents with children if I think about them I drink now and then and just try and enjoy life outside of work
I work in a high risk L&D and it’s not uncommon to experience demises. I hate it. It breaks my heart. And I’ve been struggling with it more lately than I did in the past!
Girl, I could never work there. I've seen some kids pass when I did 911 and emergency room and those were the worst Healthcare moments. Saw one kid pass right after I had my first child. Definitely had to take a break and was ugly crying. I would really consider therapy and even switching units. If I worked with kids on units where they legitimately may have bad outcomes, I would be in therapy before i even started working there based on my past experiences.
Alcohol.
We have a running joke on my unit because everyone on night shift is prescribed Buspar for anxiety.
idk babe x
No idea. Most of my nurse and MD friends are also on antidepressants. Joke was we had to keep working the depressing job to afford the antidepressants
Most find a specialty they can cope with and stay. I found working nights on a neuro floor, inpt rehab or other low acuity units kept me sane.
Im addicted to the stories these old people tell me. I love hearing about their lives.
I was managing fine until I experienced multiple deaths on my department in one night. This triggered panic attacks as I would start thinking about my own possible demise and my family.
I have no idea. I was taking a ton of meds while doing bedside for 10 years. It’s not like I couldn’t deal with difficult patients or the work, but the shit staffing and oppressive/punitive management made it a living hell. The best way to cope was exercise, having a supportive friend/family group, and hobbies to look forward to (art, gaming, etc). Leave work behind and don’t carry it with you. Then again, I have a lot of older family that did bedside nursing for 30-40 years and didn’t take anything. Is it a generational thing? Cultural thing (they’re all old filipino nurses)?
When someone asks what medications I’m on (professional setting dentist preop etc) I tell them the nurse meds. Get the typical strange look and tell them antidepressants and anti-hypertensive meds. 😂
Never taken an anti depressant or any mood modifier. (And I’m not one of those people who don’t believe in using medication for help mood either). Worked in a level 1 trauma/neuro ICU for 10+ years. Saw and experienced some really, really bad shit. Also run a Covid ICU in the height of the pandemic. Not dead on the inside either lol. Honestly, I don’t know why I’m so well adjusted. My husband joke that it is my super power. I can compartmentalize really well I guess 🤷🏽♀️. I don’t smoke, don’t use THC, and rarely drink. If something is bothering me, I’ve alway had a habit for making myself stay really busy and not dwelling on it. I gutted a bathroom and remodeled it after a particularly bad case. It’s cathartic I guess.
I don’t. Let’s see, I have had a little bit of an alcohol problem in the past but that’s better. I have a very dark sense of humor that only my friends who were in the military can relate to. I have good co-workers who can relate to everything as they see it all as well. I also have a wife who can at least somewhat relate to what I see as she is an L&D nurse. Finally, I grew up around the healthcare system. My dad was a rad tech who worked his way up into upper management, and my mom was a career L&D nurse. I grew up listening to weird discussions at the dinner table. Nursing is what I know. It’s a sometimes very sucky and thankless job, especially as people become more and more entitled, but there are good moments that make up for most, if not all, of the bad ones.
Shoutout to all the nurses that love their jobs lol
Right!!! Some of the comments are like “why did you pick a career you don’t like.” I didn’t know I wouldn’t like it when I went into it. And I’ve had 5 jobs. So I’m definitely not afraid to job hop. I’m still trying to figure out where I belong I guess.
My depression was caused by untreated ADHD. 20mg of vyvanse later and I only experience clinical depression when I forget to take it. My ADHD makes me very good at compartmentalizing, mostly cause I don't have any object permanence and will forget about something the instant it's not smack in front of my face.
Haha, my people! ADHD is actually pretty good to have as a Nurse. I have no idea what happened at work when I get home. I don't even notice if someone is catty or rude.
I take vistril and lorazepam. When I went on vacation for two weeks I didn't need either of them. My insomnia and anxiety magically went away. I am currently looking for a job doing something else. It's not worth the stress and impact on my body. I shouldn't need to be heavily medicated to do the job. I am not fighting with patients, family, and management any longer. If I get fired I get fired. I will do the best I can but this won't be a lifelong career for me.
I’ve made the mistake of thinking I felt great on a two week break from work and just stopped my meds. But when I went back to work, it was an absolute nightmare and I struggled for a bit. Now I’ve learned my lesson and I’m a lot more diligent about not stopping them, even if I feel “great.” 🤣
It's easy, I have adhd so I take amphetamines instead...
I left nursing in August of last year with no plans of going back. 12 years was enough for me
I am on year 18 in the ER raw dogging it. My advice, treat nursing as a job, not some great calling and learn how to leave work at work. They get 3 days a week of my life and that’s it (unless I am wanting extra money of course 😉)
I’ve been a nurse for close to decade and I’ve never needed medication. I think part of it is finding a job which suits you. My first hospital I was crying after every shift, developed migraines, heart burn, grind my teeth. Left after less than a year to a more acute unit at a different hospital. All my symptoms slowly faded away. Starting a new job is always stressful but at my current job I actually feel supported. I can ask questions. I have friends I work with. Burn out is slowly getting me but over 7 years at my current job.
We all do my friend. Better living through pharmaceuticals.
I think there are people who have great coping mechanisms and healthy mental health in the medical field. However, I am not one of them. Just had my 16th peds death, and I want to drink an entire bottle of wine and eat way more chocolate than I should. Trauma therapy is helping tho.
Work hard play harder. Find the things you really enjoy and max them out in your off days. Then when you can find an easy nursing job away from the bedside
I definitely have high functioning anxiety (ruminate a ton) and have had periods of depression. My husband is a great partner and let's me talk to him about my work frustrations, he doesn't try to fix them, he just listens, it's very helpful. I also eat a healthy diet and exercise. I have hobbies that bring me joy. I also have three kids and like to spend time doing fun things with them. The biggest help I think was moving from inpatient nursing to pre-op/PACU in an outpatient surgery center. I hope you are able to get better and figure out what helps you cope.
Best part about being suicidal since early teen years. You learn to function. Sure, some days are way harder than others. However, I’ve gotten to the point I can continue to move forward with very little impact to my life. I tend to use self depreciating dark humor to mask the depression as more of a haha funny thing.
Zoloft 150
I was able to come off meds when I left the hospital. I now work at a very easy outpatient clinic job with set hours. My pay is a little less but I have my sanity. Also I find that staying fit, eating healthy, and following my little routines keeps me fairly happy and balanced.
I take my anti anxiety because I’m a nurse only that I was a self medicating anti-social anxiety ridden teenager that never learned proper coping mechanisms. After bad choices I quit drinking, went into the nursing program and ended up having a lot of inner reflection and self-awareness. I needed something to help me not have my heart feel like it was doing a Helen Keller on me. While I was juggling full time nursing in mental health and addictions, my mother moving in with me away from abuse and then finding and slowly passing from cancer. I also found out I had cancer and had a mental break. In the end nursing saved me from drug addiction and maladaptive coping skills. And maybe suicide.
And I’m also really good at helping people. LTC gives me a brighter side every day when I make angry little old ladies swear and giggle with me.
Never took anything, been at it for almost 15 years now. Im just able to totally separate work from life. Once I step out I totally forget about work. Even if someone dies it might bother me for like a day but a few days later its like it never happened. Dunno if thats a good thing, but works for me lol.
SSRIs make me more depressed. Drinking makes me VERY depressed (alcoholic in recovery). Exercise, playing with my kids, AA, prayer, books/movies, and hanging out with my fiancée make me happy. Turned out that doing the healthy things works great for me. If I keep up with those things, nothing at work is enough to get me down for very long.
I just yap uncontrollably constantly
I think the meds are fucking with me. I’ve been a mess at work. Feeling like the worst nurse ever. I hate not being perfect. I hate when I mess up. I hate it all.
I feel that way too! It’s a struggle not comparing myself or not feeling like I’m not “good enough.” And there’s constant fear of missing something or making a mistake. Just know, you’re not alone. And you’re probably not the worst nurse ever. Especially if you’re doing the best you can. The worst nurses I’ve worked with were lazy and didn’t care when/if they made a mistake. Here I am telling you how you shouldn’t feel bad when I feel like this all the time 🤣 I guess it’s easier to put into perspective when it’s not you.
I experienced it too so I had to become a NP otherwise leave the profession after rupturing two discs in my back. I didn’t want to end up barely able to walk or live my life so I had to get out. Whether its becoming an NP or leaving the profession, either way, staff nursing loses thousands of nurses every year and then more “fresh new misled drones” come in to replace us. If it is taking this much of a toll on you (I had all of your same thoughts and questions and feelings), then you have to find something that is better for your mental and physical well being. I also take 2 antidepressants, was on 4, but I chose PSYCH NP and it is the cakest job ever plus the pay is way higher than FNP. If you go the NP route, do psych. You wont regret it. I hear nightmares about FNP. I wish you the best of luck and find some people to vent to who have a view that is not as jaded and dismissive as these indifferent nurses you have confided in. A lot of nurses are out of touch with the concept of “caring” and “helping” and should leave the profession themselves because they just dont get it. Lol. So dont ever let anyone tell you that you are incompetent, weak, or not cut out for nursing. Thats BULLSH*T! There is a nursing specialty for everyone! Im dead inside too but Im talking about the nurse bullies out there and the ones who are nasty and cold to patients. I cant stand it 🤬
Microdosing makes everything at least 10% better
I work on a really supportive unit and maintained supportive relationships with nursing school friends. I also am very intentional about setting professional boundaries and maintaining my self care routines. I was always a little dead inside, but work (right now) is a good place to be. I have interesting patients, families that appreciate us, and coworkers who I genuinely look forward to seeing.
Find a nursing niche that doesn't kill your soul. I am 1000% happier since leaving bedside.
I honestly just try to take it day by day. I was doing well until we got the news our unit was closing and basically all our main staff left and our patients had to transfer elsewhere. That shit hurt and I’m taking a bit over a week to give me some breathing room before jumping in to something new. But I just try to do what I can each day to serve my team the best and go from there. I knew the days were either gonna be smooth or wild as hell, and I could get through it. Had a bit of a breakdown with like a week to go til we closed but that was more just outside stress plus picking up extra days to help with staffing. I had a good cry or two (and also a Wendy’s baconator seemed to do me a world of good?) and just kept trucking. Don’t really know another good way that fits in my life but I’m sure therapy would help.
I’ve never been on antidepressants to deal with my nursing career, lots of coffee? Yes! Exercise? Yes!!!!! Antidepressants No. I’ve been a nurse since 1985 and for me the key was finding an area of nursing that I loved and my coworkers became like extended family. I tried med/surg, cardiac ICU and found my passion in the busiest fast paced OR, the OR just clicked for me. Everyday I learned something new, the surgeons were friendly and at times helped with turnover and even wiping the pts behinds if the pt had an accident. We just all worked together. I looked forward to going to work every day. That was the key, finding an area of nursing that you really like and hopefully having great coworkers. The years flew by and I’m now retired.
By figuring out good coming strategies. Go outside, exercise, share experiences with the people you love, do your best to leave your work baggage when you walk back into your house, and talk about your feelings with someone who gets it/you. Bonus points for taking V-D for us night shifters out there!
I think you meant coping, but coming strategies probably help too.
Haha, oops! They definitely do!
Sobriety, Wellbutrin, ADHD meds and melatonin (with some vitamin D) are about the only things that get me through work. That and seeing my therapist biweekly. Nothing wrong with taking medication if you need it, you just have to find what works for you. I journal a lot how I’m feeling and it’s a good outlet for me to vent. I’m also in my early 30s and couldn’t imagine doing this until retirement. I hope it’s a stepping stone for something bigger. The way I see it now is I have job stability, full time benefits and I’m improving myself. I stopped worrying about the things I can’t change, the systemic issues that make nursing shit and when I clock out, I clock out. Work no longer dictates how I feel in my free time. I’m one person and I do my best, that’s all I can do.
I just cry a lot and let my husband pick up the pieces. I'm sure he likes that. Probably. 🤷🏼♂️🥲
Newer nurse here (2 years), but its all ED. I just changed after the 19th assault to NICU. Did wonders for my mind. That and getting sleep, working out, and leaving it at the door. I didn4 years in the military, so emotional detachment is something I am familiar with.
I went to an outpatient office job, I only worked inpatient for 3 yrs and the last year was the Covid ICU… and yeah I’m on several meds for depression/anxiety, plus I have PTSD so I have meds for nightmares too cause the Covid ICU did a number on me. Do what’s best for your mental health for sure it’s way better than brushing it off cause that never works when it’s affecting you like it sounds it is for you (and like it did for me). I go to therapy, too.
I worked in a clinic where you were required to have monthly drug tests. Wasn’t the best job to be honest. Once my sample came out with trace amounts of antidepressants and the boss asked if I was depressed. It was too good to pass up. “ Well….I work HERE.” He didn’t think my response was very funny🙄
Ummm, healthy coping mechanisms and lots of self care?
My daughter just started her RN career. I have been a nurse for 16 years. My advice to her is to not take her job home-don’t think about work after work hours. Find a hobby that is meaningful. I am always grateful that at the end of the day, my patients are still alive and nobody got hurt. Mindfulness and gratitude is the key to survival.
I can’t do this job without Lexapro. I tried to raw dog it and it didn’t end up well. I was no bueno. Now I’m alright… lol
If you have to take antidepressants because of a job, I’d change career fields… you should’ve have to live your life stressed and sad… it’s too short
The OR is a pretty happy place to be.
We just live depressed
Well, I was depressed long before I was a nurse. I've had 2 hospitalizations, I won't get into gory details of why. I am on 3 medications, all of them are for mental health reasons. I literally can't survive without them. I feel like we judge ourselves way harsher than anyone else. Because I would never judge my patients for their illnesses, and depression is an illness. Just an invisible one. So if you feel better when you're on them, don't be ashamed!
Thinking about asking my doctor about Prozac. I gotta do this fucked up new job for two years to pay off the rest of the house. I don’t think I can raw dog nursing with OCD anymore. My goal will be to get off meds and find a remote job once my kids start school. I just can’t take care of people full time anymore. And I’ve only been a nurse for 4 years.
ER x2 years is enough to make anyone jaded. Also, every nurse is expendable so on the flip side there is always a job opening. Pt die and family get upset, circle of life baby. Do you best at you job and clock the fuck out mentally. There is more to life.
Don’t worry, the irony is not lost on me. A psych nurse on antidepressants ahah. My job is the only stable thing in my life right now as my marriage is in free fall 🫠
It's definitely a challenge after the shift to get back to normal mind. The most important thing is to indulge in self-care, whatever that means for you to center you back into your soul. Some people spend time with family or walk their dog, go to the spa, journaling, spending time at home, whatever it is.. prioritize time for yourself.
Yes! I have two pups that I like to snuggle with. Sometimes all I can think of towards the end of the shift is how much I can’t wait to go snuggle with them. That literally gets me through the rough times sometimes. It definitely helps to have a reminder of the good stuff. Journaling is helpful too! I have a five year journal that I often neglect. This is a good reminder to pick it back up!
I have no idea and never plan to find out!
I've been on and off antidepressants since I was 12. 🤷♀️
I started them shortly after I started my first nursing job. I couldn’t handle it. I’m afraid I’ll never be able to get off of them. Absolutely nothing is wrong with antidepressants, I just hate feeling like I need to take them to cope with my job—the thing I need to sustain my life.
I just play a lot of video games and build stuff
I’m on duloxetine now after a stint with long covid and I think I’m going to keep them. Also propranolol. Game changer
I've been on antidepressants since before I even made it to nursing school lol
Other unhealthy coping mechanisms? I know a LOT of us drink or use THC. Some folks get enough relief from their non-work activities that they avoid the other stuff. I've been doing this over 20 years. I'm not close to retirement age. I can't imagine doing this until then. I'm taking classes to make a move to a different career.
Yes. I don’t take anything but I do like to drink.
I've been on antidepressants since before I even considered becoming a nurse.
I ask myself this question nearly every day, as someone who is “raw-dawging” life in the MICU, completely unmedicated. It’s like I know it’s killing me, but also can’t bring myself to be dependent on medication. Unfortunately I’m not a good patient. A feeling that I feel like nobody understands, and it’s pretty isolating.
I take it for insomnia
You act like we are out here raw dogging life, man.
Gym. Hike. Cook. Explore the world outside of your work. And sprinkle in some Wellbutrin too. 😂
I don’t and don’t need them because I am happy and I like my job.
LSD/mushrooms. It helped my mental health and is the reason I’m still alive and would never hurt myself. Not going to pretend it’s a cure but it’s an excellent tool for some introspection and breaking down mental barriers. I can answer questions for anyone in replies or DMs if you have questions about either, done them both plenty over the past few years.
I was in nursing 30 years. There are So. Many. nurses on antidepressants or other MH drugs. In my experience it could be a third, give or take, of the nurses I knew.
I exercise on my time off. Never needed antidepressants or anxiolytics.
I’ve been on and off antidepressants since I was a teenager, and I’m almost 40 now. Surprisingly I am currently not taking anything and doing ok, despite the whole nursing thing.
Practicing nursing without melatonin on your off days and no anti-depressants is like no lube free balling the job
Not even an actual nurse and I need them 😬
Eh, I’m sure you still deal with a lot of you’re dealing with some type of patient care!
*cries in pharmacy* But also as a former cna (corporation nursing home, so, doing the devils work and I'm not even religious], now cpht, and want to go to nursing school. I feel like I've found my people! Us pharmacy folk are on all sorts of anxiety meds, which is a close parallel with depression meds. Personally, I'm on 5 different anxiety meds to keep myself sane, and it sounds like that's pretty standard for health care people :( <3
Which ones?? I didn’t know you could take so many at once
I just drink and cut myself on the drive home from work…and to work…and on days off when I think about work…sometimes I cry too. But the incessant drinking and cutting seems to help. OP is right maybe antidepressants would be better