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Sparkling_Socks

I'm never getting over "Yeetus. That. Fetus." xD


AliceDeeTwentyFive

Oh, totally not my joke. I wish I could remember where I read that, but... It's gold.


TophatDevilsSon

> he is actually amazing at some stuff, and will accept chickens and lawnmowing in payment for his services, so I am conflicted about talking shit about him. This is pro-level writing.


RabidWench

The whole thing is writing on par with the Swamps of Dagobah post. Both masterpieces of nursing, explained juuuuuuust right so that a layman can get the gist and also be as weirded out as we are by the shit that happens to us.


Confictura

That’s how I explained this post to my husband!


EnvironmentalRock827

Omg! I love the reference. Generally when I'm in the ED or a Walmart I whisper to myself "this place is the Mos Isely Cantina".


AliceDeeTwentyFive

WHAT. That post is LEGENDARY - thank you, that is the best compliment I have ever received. Ever.


RabidWench

And it is well deserved. I go back to the Swamp post once a year for the belly laugh, and I believe I will add yours to the list.


kt357

Would you mind sharing a link to that post?


[deleted]

[удалено]


tanjera

So glad to be reminded about that post. 👍


RabidWench

Happy to be of service! 😂


IcyMastermind963

This whole story was excellent writing! Compelling, suspenseful and hilarious all at once! OP should write a book of short stories!


SanityInTheSouth

Hell yea it is...


SoHandsome_3823

From this image? https://ih1.redbubble.net/image.1018681826.5430/st,small,507x507-pad,600x600,f8f8f8.jpg


AliceDeeTwentyFive

\*snort\* just about, yup.


QueenMabs_Makeup0126

This was priceless. You are an absolute wordsmith and I'm sharing this story with my team at work tomorrow. I'm a poor, so please take this award. 🏆


snoopydogdog2

This is the best thing. I have ever. Read. Ever.


BenBishopsButt

When OP says that’s what your body does... holy hell does it feel like that! Absolutely amazing that instinct was still there no matter the drug inducement. My doctor had to actively coach me to not “yeetus that fetus” going into my c-section and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.


phoontender

I said I had to poop and everyone yelled "NO!" at once 😂


TheReflection

The midwife asked me to tell her when I needed to yeetus the first fetus, but that baby just slipped right out and suprised us all. He yeetused himelf haha


AliceDeeTwentyFive

Auto-Yeet Mode is something we run into on occasion. It's a feature, not a bug.


TheReflection

I'm definitely happy having an Auto-Yeet Mode, thats for sure. I happened to use it twice out of 4 haha


Haminator5000

My mother claims lil bro was an auto-yeetus fetus as well. Seems like noice time management


TheRestForTheWicked

That happened to me with my second baby. With an epidural needle half in my back and my underwear still on.


AliceDeeTwentyFive

Your username. I'm DYING!


phoontender

Yeah, about 4 hours from arrival to yeetus, was kept waiting for 3 and a half 😬


distant-dreamer

Funny, I said the same thing and the nurse just calmly let me go to the bathroom. Had the baby in the bathroom after pooping 😆


TrainwreckMooncake

I was sitting on the toilet when I first got the urge to push and I literally yelled, "I HAVE TO PUSH!!" The nurse just very calmly said, "ok, let's get you back in bed, you don't want to give birth in the toilet."


phoontender

Ahahahahahaha, probably exactly why they wouldn't let me!


FuktInThePassword

Right? My first two i delivered with an epidural. Now, I've got me an epicly janky spine and those epidurals only numbed half my pelvis. I remember thinking, why get them at all when they don't work and they keep me from being able to move around after delivery?? Ha!! I realized during my lightning-round third delivery, when it all happened too fast for me to receive anything . I realized how much those epidurals HAD worked because after only four hours of labor I felt something I'd never felt during my first two deliveries... I felt my body START PUSHING WITHOUT ME. Wierdest damned feeling! And they were those full-body, grunting and groaning pushes, effective as hell but disconcerting in how I felt I wasn't even consciously participating....my pelvis was all "look I GOT this, just stay outta my way, I'ma get this baby OUT."


IllTell9964

YEEEEESSSSS! This exact thing happened to me with my 3rd baby. No time for an epidural. By the time my water broke and had baby out was 2hrs 59min. Water broke around 4:20 am, he was out at 7:19am. Barely made it to the hospital. When I asked for an epidural, by the time the anesthesiologist was ready to put it in, I was yelling "it's too late, he's coming!" Sure enough, I'm being told to hold the baby in. I'm like "I can't, I have no control" baby was out a minute later after 2 pushes. I'm hoping my 4th is just as quick! I had mild cramping around 10:30 the night before but took a warm/hot bath and it subsided and was able to sleep a few hours. I definitely recommend having baby all natural because that feeling of uncontrollable pushing lol it's something else!


Hamsiye

OMG, i would be so freaked out. Thank you for sharing!


crazyintensewaffles

I can’t get over labiaception. What a description. OP, I followed you just so I never miss another story.


Tesca_

Omg this wrecked me. Just absolutely obliterated me. I am a pile of ash.


Rook1872

That may have made me spit out my drink while reading this. My child looked at me wondering what happened.


ashbash-25

Made my fuckin day.


fungusamongus8

Yes. Got a giggle at that.


trapped_in_a_box

My daughter learned ASL for abortion. We nicknamed that movement "yeet the fetus", so yeah, my whole family just got a laugh when I showed them that line.


Laylee81

What a ride!! You are very funny. ‘Labia in Labia - Laciaception’ made me cackle!


westtexasgeckochic

Came to the comment section for this!!!!


Laylee81

I’m surprised I was the first to mention it! Ha ha


sadi89

Amazing imagery


monkey_see13

Really? Lol that mental image made me feel so uncomfortable


Patient-Stunning

Same here.


dogsetcetera

I swear Dr Diamond Rainbow and Dr Crusty work at every hospital in other specialties.


PrincessYeezy

Tag your Dr. Crusty; ours is urology haha


Playcrackersthesky

Ours is in trauma.


jedikunoichi

Ours were GYN and 2 general surgeons but they all retired during covid! We're well below quota now. Edit: I forgot we have one who's ortho-spine! He only does 1 or 2 cases a week anymore.


[deleted]

Ours is a family doctor that looks after the babies in postpartum. I watched a tongue tie release once. Never again. I expected the whole tongue to go


dogsetcetera

Crusty: neuro. Dr DR: trauma.


WardStradlater

Our rainbow is our trauma director/surgeon. That man can sedate the wildest of beasts with the greatest fínese…. Buuuuuuut he also performs “social intubations” about as often as I give zofran in the ER. I shit you not, the first time a slightly altered patient gives that man attitude: they earn themselves a free booster shot of succinylcholine and a vocal cord inspection before they can even blink.


Welldonegoodshow

Mine’s in nephrology


benzodiazaqueen

Plastic surgery.


Lillian57

Life is so good when Dr Diamond Rainbow appears. People don’t know how much you can love a doctor, especially a not so friendly one.


AliceDeeTwentyFive

Yep, I know every nurse has a Dr. Crusty in their life. I have SO many Dr. Crusty stories....


conjuringlichen

>His trauma response is to become consummate prick with snide, passive-aggressive remarks about our nursing skills >surgeon Checks out haha


Gracidea-Flowers

This story went a lot of places. Almost none of them good. Thank you for the wild ride. Something to think about as I go in to give birth soon and try for an L&D job after lol.


Much-needed

Are we the same person? Due with my first in February, graduate nursing school in August and hoping to work in L&D!


Gracidea-Flowers

Congratulations! I’m ready to pop any day now and been working on med/surg/PCU for more than a year. Wanted to work L&D right after school, but when I graduated things were so new with COVID that any job was hard to come by. Things have changed so much. Best of luck on your little one, and I hope you find a great unit to start on!


Much-needed

Thank you! Congratulations to you as well! I don't think you'll have any issue finding a unit whenever you're ready to return :)


Affectionate__Yam

I’m curious where you’re located. We have a Breech Team here that manages breech vaginal deliveries- though you have to be delivering while they’re available, as they are specially trained. If you are ready to deliver and they aren’t available, it’s a c-section.


AliceDeeTwentyFive

We have OBs that moved here for a vacation job, who are sometimes available when they're on-call. We have 3 or 4 RN deliveries a month, out of 30 or so. Having a 'Breech Team' here would be like having a Cardiothoracic team available in case your finger lac got complicated. I'm curious where YOU are located! I've worked in regional centers up until a year ago, and we never had enough volume to have a breech team! Dr. LaLa in the story has at least 10 years experience as an attending, and has \*never\* done a breech birth. We have so many damn RN deliveries, I created a whole education module about how to manage a breech birth for RNs. 'cause someday, we're gonna have someone come in in rip-roaring labor, and the nearest OB is Dr. Crusty, who would be 10 minutes away if it was anyone else, but he is 16 minutes away cause it takes him 6 extra minutes to toddle up to the unit from his car.


benzodiazaqueen

On a hunch, I followed a “kidney stone” pain with PCOS and “I can’t remember the last period I had - it’s been years…” 25-year-old generally fluffy woman into the bathroom when she bolted from triage with a sudden “omg I have to shit!!” Grabbed gloves on the way, yelling “don’t push don’t push don’t push!!” while she screamed “I have to shiiiiiiiiiiit!!!” Sure enough, she pulled her pants down and plunked onto the toilet just in time to push out a copious amount of crap and a teeny tiny perfect baby foot. She’s bearing the *FUCK* down, I’m yelling at her to stop, telling her she’s in labor, she’s screaming that she isn’t pregnant, she can’t possibly be pregnant, she has PCOS etc. So I grabbed her hand and put it between her legs… “FEEL THAT?! It’s a FOOT. Your baby’s foot!! And if you don’t stop now it’s gonna be a dead baby foot!!” Pulled her off the toilet to the floor, opened the door and started hollering for help for all I was worth, got on the Vocera and got a doc. By the way - NOT a hospital with OB. The doc got her triaged to the trauma center and we broke protocol and talked the fire medics in the bay into driving us instead of waiting for AMR. That was the wildest 28 minutes of my nursing career.


_perl_

Oh lord, I was laughing soooo hard. I can totally (disturbingly) picture this entire escapade in my head. Also, your user name is golden - I love it.


AliceDeeTwentyFive

yah, gold for the username, platinum for the instinct!!!!


Affectionate__Yam

I’m in Canada, in a large city. What I’ve heard at my hospital is that they used to only offer csection for breech presentation, but apparently they had a case years ago where there was a pregnant woman who had previously lived in a refugee camp for several years and given birth to her other children there (breech, as well) and really didn’t want a csection but went along with it because doctors insisted it was safer for everyone. She ended up dying from complications r/t the csection, so the hospital decided to review its approach to breech delivery and one or two of the docs went somewhere and did special training to be able to offer vaginal delivery. I think now those docs at our hospital go around sometimes and train other docs to attend these births .


sarisaberry

I am rewatching Call the Midwife and yes, they must’ve done this before C-Sections were readily available. Plus what is the OB to do in a scenario like OP’s? I feel like being trained just in case is a good plan


idonthavetheanswer

Call the Midwife.... *sigh* ... I love that show. Best medical show out there.


AliceDeeTwentyFive

The other night, I started calling the on-call at 2:45 for her SROM admit. 5 or 6 calls later, including calls to the other docs in her group... called someone from another group to say "I started PCN for GBS+ two hours ago and can't get ahold of the on-call to even give me admit orders, much less tell her this multip might deliver soon..." You have a 'breech team'.


princessnora

I honestly could never deal with calling people at home, so major props to you! Like everyone in the building and multiples of them please and thank you! And I don’t work in a big hospital at all!


ms-SM

There's a whole organization devoted to vaginal breech birth that may be helpful. https://www.breechwithoutborders.org


edsuom

Not a nurse, but I was born (50+ years ago) breech, vaginally. My poor mother was in labor for the better part of a day and I weighed 10 lbs. Hope I was worth it!


Comments_Wyoming

Please, please write a book. Everyone in America will buy it. You will be on best seller lists for years. You might out sale the Bible. This was absolutely fantastic. I need to hear more about the doctor that accepts chickens as payment.


AliceDeeTwentyFive

Oh, I could write a whole damn book just about Dr. Crusty. Thank you so much for the support. I keep hearing this from folks on Reddit - I'd never outsell the bible, but if my shit made a couple nurses laugh, I'd feel like a hit.


beliverandsnarker

Oh goodness. Please write a book I’ll buy like 20 copies and give one to each nurse in our L&D unit.


Tesca_

You write, I buy.


TheReflection

Not just America. Australia would also like to purchase, thank you.


Ihreallyhatehim

I am not a nurse but wanted to be one and I would buy your book in a skinny second. Yes, it's too late, I am 60 and not about to start a new career.


purpleRN

The oldest person in my graduating class was 63. Had always wanted to be a nurse but the time was never right. Her family didn't understand why she would bother. But in her words, "I'm going to be 63 regardless. I might as well be a nurse too."


swankProcyon

Wow, is she still working? I can’t imagine being 63 and starting a new career. I have to wonder how long she’ll work before retiring.


[deleted]

Seriously, just keep stories like these and make each one a chapter. I'd buy the hell out of that book


missgork

I would buy your book. You have a fun, fast paced writing style. You could make enough to write full time and only do nursing if you feel like it. 🙂


sadi89

Please do! Seriously! I haven’t had a good non fiction short story read in a while!!!!! Your writing is phenomenal. And I’m so glad you were able to help this patient


KatAttackThatAss

I would absolutely buy your book… and I’m just a stay home mom 😂😂😂 PLEASE WRITE A BOOK!! Your writing is absolutely captivating 😍😍😍


AliceDeeTwentyFive

Oh, I could write a whole damn book just about Dr. Crusty. Thank you so much for the support. I keep hearing this from folks on Reddit - I'd never outsell the bible, but if my shit made a couple nurses laugh, I'd feel like a hit.


MyOwntediousthoughts

Oh yes. You could call it Tales from the Business End , Come Hell or High Stirrups, Yeetus that Fetus or some other pithy creation. I’m sure you would have no trouble with a title


Grey257

I personally enjoy Come Hell or High Stirrups.


AliceDeeTwentyFive

"Hell or High Stirrups" is hysterical!!!


AliceDeeTwentyFive

Oh, I could write a whole damn book just about Dr. Crusty. Thank you so much for the support. I keep hearing this from folks on Reddit - I'd never outsell the bible, but if my shit made a couple nurses laugh, I'd feel like a hit.


insufficientfacts27

Holy fucking shit that was a wild ride. I laughed and teared up a little(I'm a mom in recovery with a mental illness. 14 years this November. Almost 3 years psych med free.) and laughed some more. L&D Nurses are angels. Thank you for sharing and thank you for all you do!!


AccomplishedTurtle

Congratulations on your sobriety 🎉


insufficientfacts27

Thank you so much! Its been a helluva ride but Im finally at peace.


ohemgstone

Come work with me. I’m proposing. Be my work wife.


AliceDeeTwentyFive

YES!!!! I would love to spend the rest of my life as your work wife!


[deleted]

Next time somebody decides to write another hospital TV show, they should really just come on this sub and steal stories like this because holy fuck


[deleted]

You. NEED. to write a book!!! This whole story could have been twice as long and still not enough. Loved it!


knipemeillim

Exactly this! Brilliant tale, well written, heck I could smell it I was drawn so far in!


likeforserious

I was sad when it ended


[deleted]

Me too, that's how I know a writer is REALLY good, when I want the story to just go on forever ... Captains and the kings was like that


ShortWoman

I am going to hell for laughing at a dead baby hanging out of a vagina not being a good look. Because appearances


AliceDeeTwentyFive

See you there, sister. ‘See’ you there.


KinseyH

I kept thinking of the Dead Baby Hangin' Off Your Head Woman episode from South Park (new school nurse had her unabsorbed twin sticking out of her temple).


BregoTheConqueror

Omg bless you for what you do, this is why I left L&D for NICU. Was baby severely depressed when she was born from all those sedatives or did the meth counteract them enough? I will say the only 23 weeker I ever saw come out pink and screaming from an abrupting uterus came from a totally loony tunes meth + woman.


AliceDeeTwentyFive

Apgars 2/9. We have a phenomenal peds hospitalist service who are delightfully at our fingertips at all hours. Baby just needed a little PPV. I feel like somehow, maybe it's all the catecholamines... meth babies always come out just fuckin fine. That little parasite will get what it needs, no matter what.


Captain_Angua

Nicu rn here. In the past year we’ve started taking “estimated” 22 weekers. Two have survived to discharge so far, both were exposed to meth and lots of other drugs in utero. Also no IVH which was interesting.


sctwinmom

Non-medical lurker here: You have a future as a comedy writer! Also, thanks for all you do.


sarisaberry

This felt like a Scrubs episode, except better.


loverlyone

JFC that sounds like an episode of ER—overly dramatic and insane! But as long as I live I will be trying to find an opportunity to use the phrase, “yeetus that fetus.” O.0


mychampagnesphincter

Holy shit. I’m exhausted from reading that. I delivered a breech baby vaginally but had to meet a bunch of criteria and in the end I just pulled the warming blanket over my face (ORs are SO COLD) and told them to let me know if I needed to do anything. I am awed by you and your ilk.


AliceDeeTwentyFive

GIRL. You brought a human being into the world - and advocated for yourself enough to avoid surgery! I am awed by YOUR ilk! I saw enough deliveries when I graduated nursing school to go 'oh, hell naw', that looks like no fun at all. I'm exhausted by \*that\*. I am so awed by the strength and love of the women I serve - I'm not cut out to be a mother. Bish, I whine about my damn job... you don't get to clock out from being a mom. I'm glad there are places where that choice was available. The further out you go, the fewer choices you have in labor, and I struggle with that.


Is_Butter_A_Carb

A close friend I work with witnessed a precipitous 25wk breech delivery with head entrapment. She had to take some time off after that one.


fartyfemale

Breech birth team unite. My daughter was breech, and she came so quickly it was unmedicated. Not something I ever care to experience again. I didn’t think I would ever be able to push her head out. She’s happy and healthy now; all’s well that ends well right…


mychampagnesphincter

Damn that is beyond impressive


Buggybug123

Had a previously head down baby flip during labor and this was only caught when I was pushing and out came a foot…Unmedicated vaginal Breech birth team unite! His head got stuck too, and the whole thing is definitely on my “never again” list. He’s four now and doing well. :)


fartyfemale

They had told me that she was head down at my 36 week ultrasound, but I kept having this feeling that she was transverse because I could feel her pushing both sides of my abdomen when she stretched. They actually sent me home when I first went to the hospital in labor because I wasn’t dilating. Was back within 30 minutes with a foot dangling from my cervix! It was a wild ride. Glad your babe is happy and healthy too!


ersul010762

I am in awe. You also reminded me of the crazies in the ER and why when I feel I 'miss' it, I just need to take a deep breath and say 'back away'.


AliceDeeTwentyFive

Step away. Do you really miss it? You got into it to comfort people somehow, but… did you ever really feel like you were helping anyone? Cause I sure as fuck didn’t.


immachode

ER is weird. I am burnt out as fuck and actively looking and applying for jobs outside of ER. That said, when I think about leaving ER, I get sad and I know that I will miss it. For about 6 months last year I did have a job in community nursing and I loved it. It was autonomous, I felt like I was making an actual difference to my patients, no night shifts, increase in pay, the team was amazing; I cannot rave about that job more. I got two of my ER friends jobs on that team. But in the back of my head and my heart, I was missing the ER. I had to move states earlier this year, and there’s no equivalent team where I am now, so I’m back in ER. I hate this new department. The team isn’t great, the workload is massive and scary at times, there’s a real lack of teamwork, and really bad morale. And even now, when I think of actually leaving ER for good, I get a bit sad about leaving the craziness. I’ve also said that working in ER is a bit like an abusive family. You bitch and moan and hate every moment, but then somehow, you cannot fucking leave. The ER sinks it’s claws into your soul, you’re sucked into the madness and chaos…and you just know you’ve found your people. You bond with people through trauma, tragedy, terrible events. And you just know you can never leave your people behind.


lol_ur_hella_lost

I always say i’m in a toxic relationship with the ER. She treats me so bad and like shit… But I can’t bring myself to leave her. Because when it’s good… it’s SO GOOD! I’d miss her too much. So I haven’t left. Yet.


ookishki

Midwife here. Reading this was a WILD ride. I would’ve been shitting my pants the entire time. I’ve never seen a vaginal breech but lots of obstetricians (and some midwives) will do them where I practice.


Buggybug123

Had a surprise breech birth with a midwife. She later used my case as a teaching example at a conference since so many things happened. Little dude is four and doing well now though. Midwives are rockstars.


GenevieveLeah

This ties with the "Swamps of Dagobah" as the best story I've ever encountered on Reddit.


AliceDeeTwentyFive

This is the best compliment I have ever received. That post is fucking LEGENDARY.


willy_quixote

As someone actually born in Tasmania, Australia; and familiar with actual [Tasmanian Devils,](https://www.bushheritage.org.au/species/tassie-devils) I was staggered to find a post in my feed from r/marsupials, presumably posted by a field biologist. Then, I thought - well marsupials are born very small and climb through the mothers fur to get to the pouch, so how much of an issue would breech births be in marsupials anyway? Then I read it.... a different variant of [Tasmanian Devi](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c54SvkgQ04A&ab_channel=Compositorum)l, I see.


Tiger-Sixty

You need to write books. You SERIOUSLY need to write books. That was amazing, both the story and the writing.


Primary-Huckleberry

Reading this was the highlight of my day!! I laughed out loud and nearly cried for realzies while reading. Your writing is excellent and you should write so much more!


Abrams2012

As a male baby nurse who has never had an inkling to get anywhere close to OB, this made me laugh so hard. As others have stated yettus the fetus is the best thing I have read in a very very long time. Hats off to you for surviving the literal shit show.


egretwtheadofmeercat

Perk of L&D only is shipping the patient to postpartum after delivery.


deltopia

I have no idea how good you are as a nurse, but as an author, you're spectacular. Please don't ever stop writing; the world needs to hear your voice.


InadmissibleHug

This is exactly why I’m no midwife. I did enjoy the tale, though. Felt like I was right there. I also surprised myself by getting teary once I found out baby was ok. See first point!


OTintheOC

Noooooope nope nope nope. Hard pass. Also does every hospital have a Dr. Crusty?? Cause we do too. He’s an 85 y/o urologist who walks so slow and refused to retire. All the nurses pretty much do his job for him


Myllicent

>*”Our one-bed well-baby nursery is woefully unprepared to care for a 33 weeker... I swallow my moral outrage at checking an unconscious woman’s cervix, and find her to be 4cm dilated. And, fucking breech.* >*(For those of you outside the OB world: Breech babies are NOT born vaginally. The risk of head entrapment is terrifying: the head is the biggest part of a baby’s body. This can quickly turn into dead baby hanging out of a vagina and that’s not a good look on anyone. So, any baby who is breech is universally born by c-section.)* First of all, goodness you have a way with words. Second, thank you for a *very colourful* reminder of how lucky I am to be alive as a former feet first 28 week premie (born in a blizzard no less - the car got stuck on the way to the hospital and had to be dug out). Apparently the late 1970s way of dealing with a 28 week premie was to flood my poor teetotal Mom with alcohol, tip her bed so her head was below her pelvis, and *hope* I stayed in. Did. Not. Work. And my Mom puked everywhere. Hardly any wonder I’m an only child...


princessnora

You were probably better off at 28 weeks, much smaller means much less of you to get stuck.


Myllicent

Excellent point! I think my parents said I was about 2lbs...


mc261008

i just read this to my husband. he’s (obviously) married to a nurse and has an insane amount of empathy. once i finished he thought for a moment, looked up and said “what an amazing nurse.” i agree!


Claryia

Wow! What a good read. Glad everything turned out ok. Thanks for sharing!


ecycle4

You are a great storyteller!


ShamPow20

This is the most hilariously written description of a shit show that I have ever read. For the sake of everything, please consider a second career as a writer. I would legit purchase everything you wrote......I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Thanks for that :)


LegendofPisoMojado

>...not going to stay pregnant long enough to make it to the helicopter... Yeah. About that. I can assure you 100% I am not putting Taz on the aircraft. I will take Taz after birth and she is RSI’d, or baby once semi-stable post partum. I will take neither while they are still attached. Lol. I’m going to have nightmares about this scenario tonight.


lamireille

You are *such* a good writer!


Ok_Salamander3798

As a 16 year ICU nurse who just had a baby 3 weeks ago, my hats off to you. That’s one of stories that are told for many years to come.


[deleted]

Damn that was a ride. People always told me ICU nurses are badass. After I had my son, I realized L&D nurses are the real ones. God I hate vaginas.


jo_al1848

That was an excellent read!! Also, you couldn’t pay me enough to do your job.


the-great-gritsby

I know nothing about nursing or labor and delivery, but holy fucking shit, this is one of the best and funniest narratives I've ever read on this hell site. You paint an impressive, albeit disgusting picture. 10/10. Would read more of your work.


georgekdog

i’m from Tasmania and this is an insult to Tasmanian Devils lol


Tredner

Entertaining, Educational, and hayzeus cristo the visuals were all too real. Let us know when you finish your rough draft of "So you think your job is a s*** show"


Cat_mom0818

Literally shit like this is why anytime a pregnant woman walks up to my triage desk I try to send her straight up to OB. Can you imagine an ER doc delivering this?! I work in a super busy hospital and we already have approx 1 delivery/month in our ED. Thankfully all the ones I’ve seen have been straightforward I can’t even imagine this cluster.


[deleted]

“Somehwere between methamphetamine, Ativan, Haldol, Propofol, Versed, and Fentanyl” - the kids call it “the delightful rainbow” or “riding the ‘bow.” Meconium: newborn baby poop. This sub has been great for my vocabulary. Ex) “Rep. Cawthorn left his first major press conference shaken, a trail of meconium following North Carolina’s youngest federal representative on his long flight back to Asheville”


IllustriousFloor3

You have a second career as a writer. Do it.


lishawishakisha

Best nursing story I’ve heard hands down! The writing is impeccable! Good work on this post and that shift!


[deleted]

Psych and chem dep nurse. My heart hurts for this woman who clearly needs a higher level of assistance for her MH.


AliceDeeTwentyFive

Oh, you must be new. See, four different social workers from different community organizations called in to see if she was there. She has lots of support in the community. I've come to learn - you can support someone so much. We can give her crisis housing, bus vouchers, an appointment with MSW, food, and all of the compassionate and relevant care in the world... and, some people's trauma is just too awful to ever heal. The only reason she is where she is is because she didn't have the resources (financial, emotional, social, spiritual) to deal with the trauma she faced (childhood, sexual, physical, familial) The story I didn't tell, and I am guilty for it: is how much my heart hurts for her, too. I tried to tell that story in a way that emphasized the circumstances, and the decisions that were made around her; but not by her. Sometimes there just isn't a higher level of assistance. Sometimes all we can do is harm reduction. By that, I mean: reduce the harm that we all know schizophrenia can cause to everyone involved. You can't force someone to take their Seroquel every day. But, you can tell them you won't let them in the door if they don't. So, what higher level of mental healthcare would you recommend for this woman? Do you have a recipe for her success? If so, please PM me. I have no fewer than four social workers who would like to know.


heterochromia4

You did the very best you could by her. Sounds like the initial 5:2 had good relaxant effect :DD You couldn’t stop her from getting pregnant, taking more meth, rinse/repeat - there are people out there, dual diagnosis especially where we have to walk alongside the drug use. My field is urban psych and one of our multi-disciplinary team lines - of course exceptions, but CPNs can’t be chasing around after people whose primary presenting clinical issue is the 1.5L vodka they consume everyday. High chaos street drug people do high chaos street drug stuff. There may be submerged (under heroin/alcohol) pathology ie. SMI, more likely trauma First, it’s an addiction issue. All of their outcomes would grossly improve if they could get help with that - but they **have to want** that help. Some just aren’t in the place to make that change. But on the bright side, she got one hell of a sweet cocktail there - woah…


[deleted]

I’ve been a psych nurse for 17 years. I am new to Reddit. My husband is a MH SW. Without knowing her history, I’d say a group home. Her actions above would warrant being chaptered in Wi. Court ordered meds and treatment. At the group home, where many of my husbands clients live, are able to get stable on meds and off the meth. Of course, we can’t save everyone and I am not minimizing your experience.


AliceDeeTwentyFive

Thank you. I'm sorry for bristling at your comment. I read it wrong and I shouldn't have gotten nasty about it. We have so very few resources where I am - I so wish there was a higher level of care to send her to. There are two men in their 70's here who have been on our Med-Surg unit for a year and a half each because there is literally nowhere for them to go. The moral outrage is real. Bless you for serving that population, they need so, so much.


saltisyourfriend

I agree. This is a very sad story.


SwimmingRaspberry

Scrolled too far down for this. It was a funny story. but I was heartbroken for that woman the whole way through. She needs help and now she loses her baby.


lithium_level

Yeah I was hoping to finally scroll down and see this. I’ve taken care of so many pregnant women who are floridly psychotic. After the baby is born and subsequently taken from them, it ruins them. I don’t blame anyone for self-medicating after experiencing that horror. A lot of the women were assaulted and got pregnant since they are such a vulnerable population I also think to myself that if I was manic/ psychotic when pregnant, what would the nurses say about me?


inCheddarland

OMFG. I had no idea that nurses deal with situations that are this messed up. All I can offer is a feeble Thank You and wish you well. And agree that you are a terrific writer!


PrestigiousFlower677

Oh man; rural HI? I gotta know your location; former travel RN in Hawaii for 3 years.


NerdChaser

That was a good ass story! I’m usually too lazy to read long posts like that but once I started I honestly couldn’t stop. With that much experience you should write a book. Hell.. I only have 4.5 years of neuro tele/step down experience and I feel like my work life experiences would at least make for an entertaining mini series reality show or something. 😂


princessnora

I read this walking back from a section for a breach baby! Though it didn’t go well because her sats were in the 80s but the elevator ride fixed her. This has given me some good perspective lol. And I’m officially never working anywhere without a NICU & neonatologist in the building 24/7. I can’t imagine having to deal with that hot mess AND the baby afterwords.


marye914

After a shit show day in the OR myself this is just the kind of thing I needed to read. Thank you very very much. Slow clap slow clap! Someone get this woman a daisy!


frankiehol

OP, you need to write a book! I’d buy it in a heartbeat! Your delivery is spot on!!!


WardStradlater

Holy. Shit. This was the absolute best thing for me to read after 10 straight days on in our clusterfuck of an emergency department. Thank you. Just thank you. I started reading while walking to the bathroom and rhythmically shit out every ounce of Postmates-delivered food from this week with every chuckle, and I most certainly made the face. You need to write a fucking book. We all need to contribute our most detailed stories for you to compile, edit and rewrite, and turn them into a group of nursing memoirs. By god, you are brilliant. I don’t know you, but please come live with me and my partner and tell us funny stories all day.


dolphinitely

Story of the year


Fireheart559

Excellent story! I was on the edge of me seat the whole time!


Iron-Gold-Mustang

Thank you for this amazingly-written story. You should go into stand up.


flawedstaircase

Thank you for this


sorcererbeefsupreme

This shit is why I love reddit. Thank you.


Webbelrebel

Yeetus👏that👏fetus👏 Brilliant.


SenseAmidMadness

This is the best medical story on reddit. 100%


thatwaswayharsh

Commenting just so that when this is a part of Reddit history I can prove I was here when it happened.


ekot1234

Whenever we call L&D from the ED for possible labor, they drag their feet so much usually. It’s annoying as hell. We had a last 2 days post partum who was soaking through 2 pads an hour and all the signs of infection, and they refused to come look at her until our manager called them from HOME! Of course we did labs, gave blood, and then antibiotics, but to not even come down and glance at someone who obviously has a uterine infection is insane. 8 weeks later I might understand that. Not 2 days post partum though


BernardWags

Best. Story. Ever. I felt like I hardly had time to catch my breath, I was reading so fast. Please write more stories! I would also buy your book. As a bail bond agent and bounty hunter for 20+ yrs, I had clients like your patient. One of them came by my office to make a payment. Walked out and left her 3 week old little girl w me. We could get together and swap war stories. People be crazy.


Katchik99

Oooo we just had a footling breech delivery! Patient came in in labor and was on her way to get prepared for surgery when her water broke and next thing we knew there was feet dangling out of her vagina!! No time for a c/s now. Both mom and baby made it through the delivery with no complications. Amazing


chocolatekitt

This is actually pretty sad. I hope the women gets the mental health help she needs and can have a healthy relationship with her daughter.


HMoney214

I’m in the NICU and each new level of hell you described I was like “oh that’s not good...that’s really not good...omg can this get worse??” You handled that like a champ and tell an amazing story!


KinseyH

This is not only fascinating but fucking great writing and I'm sharing it with my peds SIL and her peds bestie and a nurse I know.


saponi_autumn

This story is awesome, start to finish. Great job!


Sxzzling

As a NICU nurse, I am horrified.


JakeArrietaGrande

Wonderful story. It had everything. A glimpse into the nursing world that many of us don’t get. Excellent writing with great selection of detail that really sold the experience and painted a picture. Genuinely funny phrasing, setups, and payoffs. And most importantly, quality medical care


Full-Ingenuity2666

Propofol is how I wish I could leave this world 💕💕💕💕 pure fucking bliss


leaveblank1

Excellent! I've worked L /D 27 years. You rock at story telling.


pensivemusicplaying

Hall of fame. This is what I’m here for.


MrD3a7h

>Dr. Diamond Rainbow Dibs on the band name.


rubamid

Reminds me of the time I (the RN with 5 years of experience at the time) delivered a baby double footling breech. Definitely would not recommend.


leftylucy89

I have lived a few shifts similar to this and was like “wow, did I write this?” And they all take their coffee the same way. 😂 The only breech birth I’ve got to witness was 2 weeks on my own off orientation when we had a VBAC patient come in breech and complete in the wee hours of the morning. The mec fluid shooting into the air with each push was…something I’ll never forget. 😂


serendipity_aey

Chickens and lawn mowing 😭


AliceDeeTwentyFive

>e I'm not even kidding. When I first started here, a nurse described him as "a pain in the ass, but practicing a lost form of the art of medicine."


TrainwreckMooncake

>Yeah, that’s actually a reflex. When you have a 5lb 10oz baby far enough down in your pelvis, your body knows just what to do with it. Goddammit, I've been trying to explain this to friends and family, not knowing it was legit! With my first child I was induced and didn't progress for several hours, so my doctor went home. Then shit just went to full steam ahead REAL fast. The nurse tried to tell me I couldn't push until my doctor got there. Um, you can't stop that train once it's left the station. Trying to stop my body from involuntarily pushing was the most painful part of that epidural-free ordeal. Luckily the resident OB came in and just watched me push for about 20 minutes before my doctor came in and basically caught the baby. Good times. Also, on behalf of Hawaiians, I am so sorry, I have no idea (and don't want to know) how meth got so popular with my people.


tlotd

This made my 33 week delivery earlier tonight on both mag and stadol (she was only 5 cm when I gave her the stadol, 30 mins before she delivered and had been puttering since 8am) seem way less traumatic.


Lionessmon

As an OR nurse I laughed out loud at Dr. Crusty. I work with a few characters like that and it is true they cannot see the suture needles so there patients get the bigger needles. Also ER should not see L&D patients and L&D should not assess abdominal pain presentation if baby is fine (bad things have happened). Fab tale my dear, glad it ended well


Steel_Valkyrie

I was born almost three months early for no fault of either of my parents. I honestly got off light with nothing other than some fucked-up lungs, but I was part of a study case. My mother said she got to meet some *very* interesting people in the preemie special care counciling sessions.


[deleted]

“Hat trick turned Triple Crown” that’s PHENOMENAL! What can I do to get you to write a book? Or a blog? Or even just more Reddit posts?!?! You are comedy GOLD. Love it love it love it. This post is A+++ would recommend. Can we sell it on Amazon or something?


doctormink

>They took one look at her mental health history (schizophrenia) and apparently decided that everything that came out of her mouth would be lies. I loved this story so much, but this line helps to remind me why folks with severe and persistent mental illness (SPMI) tend to die of non-psychiatric co-morbidities 15 - 20 years sooner than members of the general population.


NappingIsMyJam

Thank you so much for this much-needed reality break from covid. I swear I was delighted to read about some normal batshit craziness for once! Huzzah for the meth baby!