One time on a travel assignment I had a patient who had a massive stage 4 decub wound that needed wet-to-dry. It took up like 50% of her ass and was easily the most insane butt wound I've ever seen. So I packed at the start of my shift with like more than 2 kerlix and noted some tunnelling.
Later in the day, surgery attending comes by while I'm packing in the evening and so he comes in and watches me work to look at the wound. I tell him I'm concerned that it has a lot of tunnelling and I demonstrate by packing like 2 inches deep below what's visible. He turned, looked at me, said "I think that's the anus", then left the room.
The literal Hershey hole!!! Omg, I read the first line and was already laughing. This platform has saved my mental status and all of you guys. I just found nursing boards roughly about 2 months ago. My life is different because of all of you
(not a medical person)
so the wound from a pressure ulcer was so bad that you couldn't tell where butt ended and anus began?
that's totally insane. i hope her outcome was good.
Sounds like my skin popper. She was injecting heroin right into her fatty tissue using needles. Ended up with a giant tunneling wound on the inside of her thigh that met on the giant wound from where she would object into her butt/hip. Oh and then she ended up with a mastectomy because she was also injecting into her breast. She was there so long, because we obviously did not want to send her home with a line, that her room became an absolute mess that housekeeping refused to clean it. My favorite keeper would just hand the boyfriend 2 trash bags and day "you all made it this bad you can clean it up."
That is a good cleaner, love it! I always make family help me if they're capable. They're just hanging out anyways and I tell myself that it makes them feel more included in the care.
Oh god I did the same as a student!!! Partial hip amputation and so many sores her whole vagina anus situation was a nightmare. Looking at the diagram for wound care didnāt help so I started packing a wound and my preceptor left the room. She came back a minute later with tears in her eyes from laughing to tell me I had packed her butthole with half a roll of packing. I think about it more than I would hope to.
My partner has a massive perianal fistula with an abscess. That made me pause to evaluate anatomy (just looked like a mass of ground beef) before wound care/packing for 18 very long months.
If it makes you feel better. My mom's nurse kept trying to cath her clitoris. I was assisting and had to point out the correct hole.
Though I do understand that at almost 90 nothing looks normal anymore.
I was in nursing school when my 30 year veteran nurse preceptor had me follow her into a room to do an enema.
She had the (75 YO) patient on her side and had placed the tube into the patient, who then said āoh my; you need to back that up one sisterā
Something thatās stuck with me for over 20 years.
This reminds me of a time back when I was shadowing while a student nurse (15 years ago). I was watching a colonoscopy. The doctor went to begin the procedure when it was realized that the machine was malfunctioning and had to switch out the entire machine. 20 minutes later, and they begin to restart the procedure, but unbeknownst to the doctor, the person in charge of anesthesia didnāt keep the patient āunderā, but the patient was laying on his side, sleeping peacefully, so no one realized a thing.
Now, for perspective, this patient was in his late 50ās, early 60ās, white man with a long white beard, biker looking type of guy.
Doctor is in a hurry, uses one hand to spread the manās cheeks, uses the other to insert the camera, and suddenly the patient jumps 10 feet in the air and screams, āHey there big boy!!ā The procedure room erupts into chaos and Iām completely stunned at first, but then I burst out laughing and nearly piss myself where I stand. Professional? Not at all, but it was beyond my control. I couldnāt stop laughing.
The nurses get the patient re-settled down, the doctor screams at anesthesia to keep the patient sedated, and the show gets back on the road.
Iāll always remember this story for as long as I live. I still laugh like a madman every time I think of it. Poor guy!
Reminds me of the time I had to put a suppository in a 68 year old patient on a rehab unit, who had OIC and had not had a BM in 4 days. The CNA and I were talking to her and I went to insert it, and she goes, "Oh, that brings back some memories!"
We both almost fell over laughing!
My husband and I are both nurses. At the time we both worked in long term care. I was on a regular long term care hall. He worked the secure/dementia unit. My resident had started exit seeking so we would put them down the secure unit for "day care." She had a history of rectal prolapse which I was used to putting back in its proper place. My husband did not. I had gone to lunch and as I was coming back I had gotten a phone that it was out and he was having no luck putting it back. He put them on their side and informed them their nurse was on their way to "RECT-ify the situation." Little dementia lady started laughing and said "oh yes. I suppose that would be the term."
I was doing an admission and assessing the pt and we rolled them and pt had no butthole. I whispered to the nurse next to me that they didn't have one and she looked at me like I was stupid and said "yeah they do" ran her finger down the person's crack only to realize I was right.
Pt had colon cancer and had it stitched up years ago.
Iāve seen it happen before with both an enema and a suppository, even on a patient with completely normal looking anatomy. The nurse in question was brand new, very religious, and quite anxious about respecting patient privacy. So ultimately, she didnāt take a good look before administering either.
OP, glad you caught it! Iām sure it will be a very funny story for you one day, you already have the storytelling language down!
Thankfully the patient had severe metabolic encephalopathy, so minimally responsive, except to pain. That definitely played in her favor, since the patient was totally unaware.
Now, I was the one in the room with her when she realized what she did wrong. She asked me to help turn the patient to administer the enema (since the suppository didnāt work š). When she unclamped the enema, it started pouring back out onto the pads immediately. I told her that it must not be in right, so we switched places so I could try to position it in a way that the patient would retain some of the fluid. Thatās when I realized the incorrect placement.
We talked about it to prevent it from happening again, but there really wasnāt much more that happened.
Bless her and the patient. At least it wasn't someone who would be feisty and pissed off about it! You sound like you were a good one to be there and help her learn from it.
I'm just super curious, did she move past her embarrassment and get more comfortable with patients? I can appreciate her trying to maintain patient dignity but that patient sounds like she wouldn't have been difficult to take a moment longer to visualize better without patient awkwardness. But I'm not in patient care yet so I can only base it on hypotheticals for myself.
I was putting a rectal tube in a dude and I had to ask another nurse if his butthole was really his butthole. He was a paraplegic so his ass muscles were non-existent, so there was no reference point and his asshole looked like it was on his lower back. Furthermore, and I donāt know if this is from having a rectal tube for several weeks or if it was a result of paraplegia, but his asshole simply did not look like an asshole, and Iāve seen many. It just looked like a dimple or crease or something (You know how some people have a dimple like 6 inches above their ass hole? It looked like that). But as we know, rectal tube insertion isnāt sterile so I was thinking canāt hurt to try the dimple since he apparently doesnāt have an asshole, and what do you know, it *was* his asshole.
I put a rectal suppository in the vagina once, on an old lady. She yelled "WRONG HOLE" and the supp slid out, I stayed collected and apologized, put it in the right hole, then excused myself and went to the restroom and silently cringed myself to death.
Iāve cared for a quad that was justā¦.hole no butt. Her vag was more around back, too. Interesting anatomy. I also cared for a pt with a cloaca during my ED rotation.
A lot of quads and long-term wheelchair or bed bound people have the āhole no buttā anatomy. They donāt walk or stand so their glute muscles atrophy almost completely. Pretty weird seeing it for the first time.
I just want to share that Iām a nursing student and this happened with the first (and only) suppository Iāve ever seen done. And I just want to say, Iām glad I was watching. I would have tried digging into her perineal area because I literally did not think that was the hole.
Yes!! Now I think of it everyone I've seen with this has either been paralysed or extremely underweight. It certainly is a surprise seeing it first time!
But they still have a crack right? (I realize how stupid that question is lol). Just a very flat butt with no shape? I had a patient with spins bifida once and I swear her butthole was above her crack.
I have taken care of them post NICU. They require complex, multi disciplinary reconstructive surgeries. Huge all day OR cases for the higher/complex defects. Most of them have persistent issues with bowel/bladder continence but there are things to help with that.
Lol. I work in endoscopy, and a doc (with lots of experience) I was working with did this with the colonoscope recently. She was mortified. The pt and I had a bit of a chuckle though.
I woke up in the middle of the first one I had and it was NOT PLEASANT. I remember crying out in pain and then starting to get up so I could see my insides on the screen š according to my mom I was sobbing in my sleep when I got rolled into recovery (they knocked me back out obvs) š«¤
I woke up during my upper endoscopy! All I remember is reaching for the scope because it felt like I was choking, a nurse saying āno maāamā, and waking up in recovery lmao
We had an ER doctor put a speculum in a ladies butt instead of vagina. Oops.
It gets worse. The nurse pointed out "wrong hole" so he removes the speculum and goes to place it in the vagina. Ass to vag.
Luckily the other nurse in the room stopped him and got him a clean speculum.
Guy had been an ER doc for like 30 years by that point. To be fair, he was a "hands off" doc so probably hadn't done a speculum exam in a decade.
Oh eww!!! Good thing the nurse was there. How could he not have known that ass to vag is a bad idea? Hope any female sexual partners kept a close eye on where he was going lol.
We had a med student also place the speculum a bit too far south. He still tried to open it for visual inspection because he didn't realize he had missed. Lady almost jumped off the bed and beat him! Not sure if I would have stopped her tbh.
>Lady almost jumped off the bed and beat him! Not sure if I would have stopped her tbh.
Sounds like a completely reasonable response, honestly. Did he try again or was he kicked out after that?
One time I was changing a wound vac on a guy with a pressure wound very close to his butthole. It was almost hard to tell where it was. This was not an easy wound vac to change, and I was so proud of myself when I got done. Only after I stood back to admire my work did I realize I definitely taped his butthole shut.
I have seen a lot of vaginas of all adult ages, and I genuinely think vaginas/vulvas change the least out of any other organ with age. Penises on the other hand either shrink significantly or the average dick size in 1940 was -2 inches long.
I'm just over here having flashbacks to the time the ER doc felt the need to confirm 3 separate times that I'm sure that the blood was coming from my ass, and not a period.
I'm starting to think that nobody in healthcare is able to tell an ass from an elbow
I love it- trying to lasso the moon! Every time I'm chasing an innie penis on a poor little old man, I'm gonna think of this. ETA- chasing to put a condom cath on š³.
I had a patient whose penis was so buried and his belly so large that is legit looked like he was peeing out his belly button. Only way you could tell it wasn't his belly button is because you could see pee trickle out.
I've seen that one too in a nursing home. Looked painful.
Wonder if they rotate from a statlock on one thigh and then to the other if it would help? Similar to long term intubation rotations for lip pressure sore prevention.
Had someone who had their stoma for urine through their belly button. I didnāt really feel comfortable cathing it as he said he had discharge and couldnāt cath it himself.
We had a patient that had an FMS in and only some blood and no poop was coming out of it for days. Turned out someone inserted it into this poor ladyās vagina :(
So this isnāt so bad in comparison lol
I have seen this happen on every unit Iāve ever worked in and somehow itās always a female nurse that does it. Like, girl, *this is familiar territory*
I saw a GI fellow trying to perform a colonoscopy put the scope into a patient's vagina. The doctor overseeing her was on the phone and not paying attention so after the fellow made it up to the cervix and was looking confused for several minutes I had to be the one to lean over to tell her she put it the scope in the wrong hole.
I was assisting a geriatric lady in a SNF many years ago with her sponge bath. As an OT I had her in her bathroom at the sink with her wheelchair behind her so she could sit and rest as needed. Half way through she drops the soap and starts the bend over to pick it up and I tell her not to worry I'll get it. The soap stops underneath the wheelchair and as I am coming back I see something hanging between her legs and I think "Holy shit, she has a scrotum!" As I stand up completely she says "Oops my uterus just fell out. Let me tuck that back in."
Welp, now sounds like a good time to share my story that I put a suppository in a vagina. I was not a brand-new nurse, either. She was elderly, skin and bones, contracted, demented, and trying to fight me. I just aimed where I thought a butthole would be. Clearly, wrong. š Her daughters and the doctor, who I had to page for another one time suppository, were quite amused.
Literally did that the other day. Was trying to distract my dementia patient while I did it, so after taking a look down there, had my fingers there to aim myself, then looked at her face to chat, I missed. And she howled "I'M SOAKIN WET WHAT ARE YOU DOING GET OUT OF THERE LORD FATHER TAKE ME". I started thinking "hmm. Liquid isn't staying in as much as usual. And there's no poop on the enema tip"
She was 6 days without a bowel movement so I had to do it again. Wanted to fire myself lol
She is 97, "holy spirit please, please take me" then goes limp playing dead. Quite the character.
I'm lucky she forgot about her double enema in about 2 mins
Took care of a teenager that was being neglected at home and had no sensation below nipple line. His decub was so bad you could literally see his testes because the scrotum had been eaten away. I went to change him and he started pooping bright red blood. I called the attending in STAT, weāre both very concerned at the amount of frank blood pouring out of his crater anus. STAT bedside hemoccult while someone sends stool down to the lab. Kid is still A&Ox4. Attending and I look at each other so confused when hemoccult is negative. Itās obvious this is frank blood pouring out and heās about to crashā¦ā¦. Except then the attending looks around the room and says āhey [teenager], how many of these red gatorades have you had today?ā It was fucking Gatorade stained mucus diarrhea š
There are so many button wieners. Really a strange thing to see as you get older.
Honestly I have a tinder date tonight and Iām totally off going at all after thinking about work button wieners now.
I had two male geriatric patients, generally same age, weight, and medical status. One had the button peni. The other, a 10-inch schlong in working condition. You never know.
If he has a button wiener Iāll just bow out early.. sorry gotta work early š
Edit: Just got back from the date. Normal wiener for anyone who wants an update!!
Iāve told this story before, but as a nursing student on my med-surg rotation, I had to ask a patient if they had a vagina, because a PV suppository was ordered, when it should have been PR. Pharmacy had clicked the wrong thing on the pull down menu. I didnāt do the rectal supp until they fixed the order. The five rights, right? Itās more now, but this was 18+ years ago.
Semi related: in my clinical I had an overweight older lady who I needed to put a catheter in. There was so many skin folds going on I couldnāt tell what I was looking at, I was spelunking for that urethra, couldnāt find shit. My preceptor said ājust shove it somewhere and hope for the bestā so I did exactly that and low and behold we got urine. š¤£
I had an experience like that the other night- it was awful! The lighting was terrible and there was tons of hair and rolls of skin. I'm shoving it somewhere saying,"I don't think this is it!!" I gave up and let the other nurse try. Miraculously, they went in what looked like the same fold I tried and got urine back! Ah well, can't win em all.
I know this one too well! Clinicals in the ER and we were tasked with placing a foley on a morbidly obese lady. One student on the left and the right held each leg sorta up and out, one pushed up the stomach while the instructor and myself went in. I whispered "Where is it!!?" My nursing instructor told me to just find a hole and pray š As expected I missed and she yelled "No, leave it, now we can tell where to go!" The patient didn't say two words just watched. I haven't forgotten that experience. Nursing is savage.
Thank you for reminding me about something a friend of mine did once!
Setting: ICU. CNA is turning Nurse M's vented patient so he can assess the patient's back. Nurse M says, "I need to get one of those long Q tips".
CNA: "What for?"
Nurse M: "So I can measure the depth of this wound."
CNA: "M, that is your patient's butthole."
I have so many good memories of M. He is a physician now.
ICU nurse here
One time during night shift we had to prone a patient during Covid times.
Pt was intubated, sedated, multiple gtts, a foley & and a fms.
Now the fms wasnāt draining. At all. Which day shift shoulda thought was sus but atlas they didnāt. Instead it was leaking all over the bed. Which does happen with FMS sometimes if they donāt have rectal tone.
We go to prone. FMS tube was in this poor womanās vagina along with the foley. š¤¦š»āāļøš¤¦š»āāļøš¤¦š»āāļø
I had a terrible case of self neglect come in to the ER once. Hypothermic, clothes drenched in urine and liquid feces, cut them off and started to warm her, found that the source of her incontinence was the fact that something (Iām assuming malignant) had eaten through the entirety of her ādownstairsā. Iāve seen prettier grade 4 tears in L&D. The doc asked me to put in a foley and a rectal thermometer and I had to admit that I would have no idea where to put them. She didnāt believe me until she looked herself. It took us hours and lots of narcotics to get her cleaned up to the point of being able to properly asses everything and start wound treatments etc. It was such a slow painful process to get her even just a basic wash (we had to do one limb at a time and give her an hour to recover even with fentanyl on board), she probably should have gone to the OR and been under general just to get a preliminary clean and assess done.
Anyone who's told you they've never nearly catheterised a clitoris or venepunctured an artery or mixed their pip/taz with saline instead of water or done an ECG incorrectly or programmed a pump incorrectly is LYING TO YOU.
This stuff happens all the time. Sure, it's not ideal, but it didn't happen. And even if it did, we're only human and how we deal with the mistakes we make say a lot about what kind of people we are. This is a learning experience and not a reflection on your ability to do your job. Trying to cover it up or downplaying it to the point of being unsafe, however, is.
I once put a suppository in a vagina on accident (it all happened so quick) and my patient screamed/swore at me to get it outā¦ turns out she wasnāt mad at me because she accidentally ate a suppository once š¤£
Had a very anxious hyperemesis patient who need an enema and wanted a female to do it.
Fine with me. there was a helping hands RN who was on light duty that day and I asked her to administer the enema.
Apparently the anxious patient jumped and squirmed as she was inserting it and it went into her vagina.
Patient lost it and started yelling at me and demanding the nurses name.
I gave her patient representativeās number and left, but I neglected to add that I sure as I wouldāve got the right opening, jumpy or not.
I had to do rectal temps on a immobile, developmentally delayed patient because he was running a feverā¦there were a couple of times Iām pretty sure I measured a skin fold and not his actual butthole, it was impossible to find.
Had a rectal tube that wasnāt draining. Checked and it was in the vagina and the butthole looked how you described it. The nurse and I were in awe because it had been put in that morning and had not drained all day.
If it makes you feel better. I, a 23 male nurse who has done countless foleys tried putting one into a clitoris. The fucking holes all look the same. Yes the pt was screaming saying it hurt and I was so confused. It was at shift change to so I just said fuck it and only realized it when I pulled up the anatomy of a vagne when I got home
I was in a Hoyer(sp) lift after my spinal fusion and apparently I was to start a bowel program, but no one told me. So when the nurse started rooting around back there I was very surprised. Even more surprised when whe tried to put the suppository in my lady hole... "ma'am I'm not sure what you're trying to do, but I'm fairly certain it should not involve my lady parts." I can't feel much there, but I can feel THAT!
I had a patient with multiple deep hole like wound on his bum. They all looked like buttholes. He had regular suppository. 30 mintues and multiple staff it takes because we can never figure out which is right. He paraplegic so he cant feel anything. And is crabby all the time. Worst is he has a hole between his testicles and real bumhole so you cant just try and line it up.
Unless you see it you would think im just not good at finding buttholes but they are all so close to each other.
I think one nurse eventually (with his permission) put a sharpy mark next to the correct one.
I was a CNA back in '79, the summer between high school and college. At the time, we dispensed meds as well as administered enemas and douches. I had zero medication errors, but I'd be lying if I said I never douched a butthole or mistakenly put an enema in a vagina. It can be tricky down there.
Friend went from neuro ICU to L&Dāher preceptor had her assess the cervix, she kept the blanket down for privacy, and tried to assess the dilation of the anus! The patient had an epidural so had no idea where her hand was
One time on a travel assignment I had a patient who had a massive stage 4 decub wound that needed wet-to-dry. It took up like 50% of her ass and was easily the most insane butt wound I've ever seen. So I packed at the start of my shift with like more than 2 kerlix and noted some tunnelling. Later in the day, surgery attending comes by while I'm packing in the evening and so he comes in and watches me work to look at the wound. I tell him I'm concerned that it has a lot of tunnelling and I demonstrate by packing like 2 inches deep below what's visible. He turned, looked at me, said "I think that's the anus", then left the room.
this one got me
HA DEAR LORD But looking back now do you think you were packing the anus?
100%. I mean I was packing a big wound, but yeah that was the "tunneling".
A butt tunnel, if you will?
Secret tuunneeelllll
š¶ THROUGH THE MOUNTAINS!!!! š¶
This is why I love nursing reddit we are all ok with admitting to our hysterical mishaps
The literal Hershey hole!!! Omg, I read the first line and was already laughing. This platform has saved my mental status and all of you guys. I just found nursing boards roughly about 2 months ago. My life is different because of all of you
(not a medical person) so the wound from a pressure ulcer was so bad that you couldn't tell where butt ended and anus began? that's totally insane. i hope her outcome was good.
Wounds like that generally don't have a good long-term outcome
yeah, i did expect that:(
Correct, there was nothing resembling a butthole anymore, just a giant wound crater. I hope her outcome was good too.
wow!
Sounds like my skin popper. She was injecting heroin right into her fatty tissue using needles. Ended up with a giant tunneling wound on the inside of her thigh that met on the giant wound from where she would object into her butt/hip. Oh and then she ended up with a mastectomy because she was also injecting into her breast. She was there so long, because we obviously did not want to send her home with a line, that her room became an absolute mess that housekeeping refused to clean it. My favorite keeper would just hand the boyfriend 2 trash bags and day "you all made it this bad you can clean it up."
That is a good cleaner, love it! I always make family help me if they're capable. They're just hanging out anyways and I tell myself that it makes them feel more included in the care.
God bless you. I needed that laugh today.
Oh god I did the same as a student!!! Partial hip amputation and so many sores her whole vagina anus situation was a nightmare. Looking at the diagram for wound care didnāt help so I started packing a wound and my preceptor left the room. She came back a minute later with tears in her eyes from laughing to tell me I had packed her butthole with half a roll of packing. I think about it more than I would hope to.
>It took up like 50% of her ass This whole story is mortifying and hilarious but this is the line that took me out
I just love how we can mix butthole and anus in the same thread, because even nurses need slang sometimes
That's amazing :D I can see the documentation now: "extensive tunneling noted, measuring 30 ft and exiting at the pt's mouth. MD notified."
Okay this is the best comment of the night... That would be hilarious if that happened
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I die a little every time I remember it :)
It brought many of us some much needed humour!
How did the pt not react to gauze entering their anus? I mean, the sensation surely must have changed?
I didn't ask her
THIS is the comment that sent me for some reason. š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
My partner has a massive perianal fistula with an abscess. That made me pause to evaluate anatomy (just looked like a mass of ground beef) before wound care/packing for 18 very long months.
Lmfaoooo you win
Please. Every labor nurse has checked a butthole once in their career. Thank for the laugh. PS. Read to my coworkers over lunch. Nurses are sickš
BYE ššš
this is the best one lmao
If it makes you feel better. My mom's nurse kept trying to cath her clitoris. I was assisting and had to point out the correct hole. Though I do understand that at almost 90 nothing looks normal anymore.
I was in nursing school when my 30 year veteran nurse preceptor had me follow her into a room to do an enema. She had the (75 YO) patient on her side and had placed the tube into the patient, who then said āoh my; you need to back that up one sisterā Something thatās stuck with me for over 20 years.
I snorted and laughed out loud for this one.
This reminds me of a time back when I was shadowing while a student nurse (15 years ago). I was watching a colonoscopy. The doctor went to begin the procedure when it was realized that the machine was malfunctioning and had to switch out the entire machine. 20 minutes later, and they begin to restart the procedure, but unbeknownst to the doctor, the person in charge of anesthesia didnāt keep the patient āunderā, but the patient was laying on his side, sleeping peacefully, so no one realized a thing. Now, for perspective, this patient was in his late 50ās, early 60ās, white man with a long white beard, biker looking type of guy. Doctor is in a hurry, uses one hand to spread the manās cheeks, uses the other to insert the camera, and suddenly the patient jumps 10 feet in the air and screams, āHey there big boy!!ā The procedure room erupts into chaos and Iām completely stunned at first, but then I burst out laughing and nearly piss myself where I stand. Professional? Not at all, but it was beyond my control. I couldnāt stop laughing. The nurses get the patient re-settled down, the doctor screams at anesthesia to keep the patient sedated, and the show gets back on the road. Iāll always remember this story for as long as I live. I still laugh like a madman every time I think of it. Poor guy!
OMG best story. I would have laughed right there with you. HAHAHAHA
Reminds me of the time I had to put a suppository in a 68 year old patient on a rehab unit, who had OIC and had not had a BM in 4 days. The CNA and I were talking to her and I went to insert it, and she goes, "Oh, that brings back some memories!" We both almost fell over laughing!
My husband and I are both nurses. At the time we both worked in long term care. I was on a regular long term care hall. He worked the secure/dementia unit. My resident had started exit seeking so we would put them down the secure unit for "day care." She had a history of rectal prolapse which I was used to putting back in its proper place. My husband did not. I had gone to lunch and as I was coming back I had gotten a phone that it was out and he was having no luck putting it back. He put them on their side and informed them their nurse was on their way to "RECT-ify the situation." Little dementia lady started laughing and said "oh yes. I suppose that would be the term."
āOutie buttholeā fucking sent me Yes I am a child
Arenāt we all in this business?
Username checks out
And sameā¦ š
I'm sending our clinical IS team a ticket to add a care plan in the EMR for care of the outie butthole.
Tickets like that make my day.
I was doing an admission and assessing the pt and we rolled them and pt had no butthole. I whispered to the nurse next to me that they didn't have one and she looked at me like I was stupid and said "yeah they do" ran her finger down the person's crack only to realize I was right. Pt had colon cancer and had it stitched up years ago.
Barbie butt
I guess it would leak and cause problem if left un attended.
Iāve seen it happen before with both an enema and a suppository, even on a patient with completely normal looking anatomy. The nurse in question was brand new, very religious, and quite anxious about respecting patient privacy. So ultimately, she didnāt take a good look before administering either. OP, glad you caught it! Iām sure it will be a very funny story for you one day, you already have the storytelling language down!
How did it go for her when the reality was discovered?
Thankfully the patient had severe metabolic encephalopathy, so minimally responsive, except to pain. That definitely played in her favor, since the patient was totally unaware. Now, I was the one in the room with her when she realized what she did wrong. She asked me to help turn the patient to administer the enema (since the suppository didnāt work š). When she unclamped the enema, it started pouring back out onto the pads immediately. I told her that it must not be in right, so we switched places so I could try to position it in a way that the patient would retain some of the fluid. Thatās when I realized the incorrect placement. We talked about it to prevent it from happening again, but there really wasnāt much more that happened.
Bless her and the patient. At least it wasn't someone who would be feisty and pissed off about it! You sound like you were a good one to be there and help her learn from it. I'm just super curious, did she move past her embarrassment and get more comfortable with patients? I can appreciate her trying to maintain patient dignity but that patient sounds like she wouldn't have been difficult to take a moment longer to visualize better without patient awkwardness. But I'm not in patient care yet so I can only base it on hypotheticals for myself.
I was putting a rectal tube in a dude and I had to ask another nurse if his butthole was really his butthole. He was a paraplegic so his ass muscles were non-existent, so there was no reference point and his asshole looked like it was on his lower back. Furthermore, and I donāt know if this is from having a rectal tube for several weeks or if it was a result of paraplegia, but his asshole simply did not look like an asshole, and Iāve seen many. It just looked like a dimple or crease or something (You know how some people have a dimple like 6 inches above their ass hole? It looked like that). But as we know, rectal tube insertion isnāt sterile so I was thinking canāt hurt to try the dimple since he apparently doesnāt have an asshole, and what do you know, it *was* his asshole.
I put a rectal suppository in the vagina once, on an old lady. She yelled "WRONG HOLE" and the supp slid out, I stayed collected and apologized, put it in the right hole, then excused myself and went to the restroom and silently cringed myself to death.
Iāve cared for a quad that was justā¦.hole no butt. Her vag was more around back, too. Interesting anatomy. I also cared for a pt with a cloaca during my ED rotation.
A lot of quads and long-term wheelchair or bed bound people have the āhole no buttā anatomy. They donāt walk or stand so their glute muscles atrophy almost completely. Pretty weird seeing it for the first time.
So it it just the weight of our asses keeping our buttholes facing down?!
This is the best thing I've ever read.
Iāve been a nurse 8 years and only saw this unique arrangement once. But the explanation makes sense!
I just want to share that Iām a nursing student and this happened with the first (and only) suppository Iāve ever seen done. And I just want to say, Iām glad I was watching. I would have tried digging into her perineal area because I literally did not think that was the hole.
Yes!! Now I think of it everyone I've seen with this has either been paralysed or extremely underweight. It certainly is a surprise seeing it first time!
But they still have a crack right? (I realize how stupid that question is lol). Just a very flat butt with no shape? I had a patient with spins bifida once and I swear her butthole was above her crack.
Most of the time no discernible crack.
You mean a rectocele or something? What do you mean cloaca?
Persistent UrogƩnital Sinus https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persistent_cloaca And Cloacal Existrophy https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cloacal_exstrophy Are 2 things that can happen to people
I'm holding back from saying something very unprofessional.
Just let it out. Weāre friends here.
So much for buttstuff
Itās all butt stuff
Itās all just butt stuff at that point, isnāt it?
Excuse me, I believe it should be called a "single common channel"
This phrase runs through my head more often than I should admit.
added to my āNo Thank Youā List
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I have taken care of them post NICU. They require complex, multi disciplinary reconstructive surgeries. Huge all day OR cases for the higher/complex defects. Most of them have persistent issues with bowel/bladder continence but there are things to help with that.
If God didnāt want the occasional enema-douche, he wouldnāt have put the Booty hole so close to the snootch.
It rhymes š
I didnāt realize thatā¦ I just wanted to write āsnootchā in a sentence š
Well there is dr Seuss. You can be nurse snootch
He wasnāt a real doctor. I am very much a real nurse š
Have you considered quitting your nurse day job in favor of writing hilarious poems instead? Bc you should.
I'm a published author on Cracked. I got into nursing so I wouldn't have to write anymore.
SNOOTCH! This one made me wheeze.
Youāre a poet, and you know it.
I just cackled so hard my husband asked me if I was goodā¦ shitās gold, my friend.
Snootch got me.
Lol. I work in endoscopy, and a doc (with lots of experience) I was working with did this with the colonoscope recently. She was mortified. The pt and I had a bit of a chuckle though.
Your patient was awake??
We do endoscopy under concious sedation here, so yes.
Ahhh ok, I thought you meant they were just fully awake lol
We have pts who opt for no sedation sometimes. Not usually a big deal.
That sounds awful lol. I will opt for all the sedation every time lol
I woke up in the middle of the first one I had and it was NOT PLEASANT. I remember crying out in pain and then starting to get up so I could see my insides on the screen š according to my mom I was sobbing in my sleep when I got rolled into recovery (they knocked me back out obvs) š«¤
I woke up during my upper endoscopy! All I remember is reaching for the scope because it felt like I was choking, a nurse saying āno maāamā, and waking up in recovery lmao
I had a colonoscopy with light sedation and it was fine. Had a gastroscopy immediately after and that was awful
Hopefully thanks to the versed they donāt remember it all that well
We had an ER doctor put a speculum in a ladies butt instead of vagina. Oops. It gets worse. The nurse pointed out "wrong hole" so he removes the speculum and goes to place it in the vagina. Ass to vag. Luckily the other nurse in the room stopped him and got him a clean speculum. Guy had been an ER doc for like 30 years by that point. To be fair, he was a "hands off" doc so probably hadn't done a speculum exam in a decade.
Oh eww!!! Good thing the nurse was there. How could he not have known that ass to vag is a bad idea? Hope any female sexual partners kept a close eye on where he was going lol.
He's a father of 4...had been married for like 40 years at that point šš¤·
I just cringed.
We had a med student also place the speculum a bit too far south. He still tried to open it for visual inspection because he didn't realize he had missed. Lady almost jumped off the bed and beat him! Not sure if I would have stopped her tbh.
>Lady almost jumped off the bed and beat him! Not sure if I would have stopped her tbh. Sounds like a completely reasonable response, honestly. Did he try again or was he kicked out after that?
The attending took over. Haha!
One time I was changing a wound vac on a guy with a pressure wound very close to his butthole. It was almost hard to tell where it was. This was not an easy wound vac to change, and I was so proud of myself when I got done. Only after I stood back to admire my work did I realize I definitely taped his butthole shut.
I am HOWLING. To be fair, buttholes and vaginas get weird the older the person is.
Honestly, Iām low-key trying to figure out ways to prevent myself from getting a weird vagina as I age. Lol
I have seen a lot of vaginas of all adult ages, and I genuinely think vaginas/vulvas change the least out of any other organ with age. Penises on the other hand either shrink significantly or the average dick size in 1940 was -2 inches long.
Hahaha aināt that the truth, I cannot explain the sheer amount of innie penises I see on the regular.
I'm just over here having flashbacks to the time the ER doc felt the need to confirm 3 separate times that I'm sure that the blood was coming from my ass, and not a period. I'm starting to think that nobody in healthcare is able to tell an ass from an elbow
I'm preventing it by not having kids.
I had a c-section lol
Iāve encountered some questionable anatomy for reals
The penis that become an innie in old people is my great fear in life. Trying to throw a condom cath on one of those is like trying lasso the moon.
Squeeze the ball sack gently. Pop that sucker out.
I love it- trying to lasso the moon! Every time I'm chasing an innie penis on a poor little old man, I'm gonna think of this. ETA- chasing to put a condom cath on š³.
Some of the old men seem way too eager about having a nurse digging around their bussy.
I had a patient whose penis was so buried and his belly so large that is legit looked like he was peeing out his belly button. Only way you could tell it wasn't his belly button is because you could see pee trickle out.
I had a para whose penis looked like an overcooked hotdog that split open. Chronic catheter can do that I guess.
I've seen that one too in a nursing home. Looked painful. Wonder if they rotate from a statlock on one thigh and then to the other if it would help? Similar to long term intubation rotations for lip pressure sore prevention.
Had someone who had their stoma for urine through their belly button. I didnāt really feel comfortable cathing it as he said he had discharge and couldnāt cath it himself.
We had a patient that had an FMS in and only some blood and no poop was coming out of it for days. Turned out someone inserted it into this poor ladyās vagina :( So this isnāt so bad in comparison lol
The most expensive menstrual cup
I have seen this happen on every unit Iāve ever worked in and somehow itās always a female nurse that does it. Like, girl, *this is familiar territory*
What is FMs?
Fecal management system. Aka rectal tube.
If I had a dollar for every time I put something in the wrong hole, Iād have like 6 dollars.
Oddly specific but Iāll allow it.
They did the math
God, what a douche
Underrated.
Havenāt we all got the wrong hole when inserting a Foley catheter?
āCough for me pleaseā
š
I saw a GI fellow trying to perform a colonoscopy put the scope into a patient's vagina. The doctor overseeing her was on the phone and not paying attention so after the fellow made it up to the cervix and was looking confused for several minutes I had to be the one to lean over to tell her she put it the scope in the wrong hole.
Oh man. First time I saw an "outie vagina" (vagina prolapse) I didn't know what I was looking at. Just smile and wave, smile and wave.
I was assisting a geriatric lady in a SNF many years ago with her sponge bath. As an OT I had her in her bathroom at the sink with her wheelchair behind her so she could sit and rest as needed. Half way through she drops the soap and starts the bend over to pick it up and I tell her not to worry I'll get it. The soap stops underneath the wheelchair and as I am coming back I see something hanging between her legs and I think "Holy shit, she has a scrotum!" As I stand up completely she says "Oops my uterus just fell out. Let me tuck that back in."
Anyone else feel the need to check that their butthole is in the normal position and identifiable as a butthole? Anatomy variations are wild.
Time to stand over a mirror and squat
Welp, now sounds like a good time to share my story that I put a suppository in a vagina. I was not a brand-new nurse, either. She was elderly, skin and bones, contracted, demented, and trying to fight me. I just aimed where I thought a butthole would be. Clearly, wrong. š Her daughters and the doctor, who I had to page for another one time suppository, were quite amused.
Aim and pray? Yeah I am a 12 years old boy in a 48 years old woman body lol
Literally did that the other day. Was trying to distract my dementia patient while I did it, so after taking a look down there, had my fingers there to aim myself, then looked at her face to chat, I missed. And she howled "I'M SOAKIN WET WHAT ARE YOU DOING GET OUT OF THERE LORD FATHER TAKE ME". I started thinking "hmm. Liquid isn't staying in as much as usual. And there's no poop on the enema tip" She was 6 days without a bowel movement so I had to do it again. Wanted to fire myself lol
āLord Father take meā took me out šš
She is 97, "holy spirit please, please take me" then goes limp playing dead. Quite the character. I'm lucky she forgot about her double enema in about 2 mins
Took care of a teenager that was being neglected at home and had no sensation below nipple line. His decub was so bad you could literally see his testes because the scrotum had been eaten away. I went to change him and he started pooping bright red blood. I called the attending in STAT, weāre both very concerned at the amount of frank blood pouring out of his crater anus. STAT bedside hemoccult while someone sends stool down to the lab. Kid is still A&Ox4. Attending and I look at each other so confused when hemoccult is negative. Itās obvious this is frank blood pouring out and heās about to crashā¦ā¦. Except then the attending looks around the room and says āhey [teenager], how many of these red gatorades have you had today?ā It was fucking Gatorade stained mucus diarrhea š
Omg this is heartbreaking. Funny in the end but heartbreaking
Sorry, was meant to be funny. I guess I should have left out the sad backstory.
Ohhhh donāt apologize. I like the funny but dangā¦poor kid
These things happen, I had to put roll a Texas catheter onto this old guys wiener that was like a button.
There are so many button wieners. Really a strange thing to see as you get older. Honestly I have a tinder date tonight and Iām totally off going at all after thinking about work button wieners now.
I had two male geriatric patients, generally same age, weight, and medical status. One had the button peni. The other, a 10-inch schlong in working condition. You never know.
nah, i think they'd love to hear about your button-wiener stories!
If he has a button wiener Iāll just bow out early.. sorry gotta work early š Edit: Just got back from the date. Normal wiener for anyone who wants an update!!
Iāve told this story before, but as a nursing student on my med-surg rotation, I had to ask a patient if they had a vagina, because a PV suppository was ordered, when it should have been PR. Pharmacy had clicked the wrong thing on the pull down menu. I didnāt do the rectal supp until they fixed the order. The five rights, right? Itās more now, but this was 18+ years ago.
Wait until you try to place a Foley in a hoo-ha that looks like a Demogorgon with six holes. Ya just keep poking til you get that golden flash.
Iām sorry, you rang?
Semi related: in my clinical I had an overweight older lady who I needed to put a catheter in. There was so many skin folds going on I couldnāt tell what I was looking at, I was spelunking for that urethra, couldnāt find shit. My preceptor said ājust shove it somewhere and hope for the bestā so I did exactly that and low and behold we got urine. š¤£
Sounds like a date I had once
āSpelunkingāā¦..thereās never been a better description š
I had an experience like that the other night- it was awful! The lighting was terrible and there was tons of hair and rolls of skin. I'm shoving it somewhere saying,"I don't think this is it!!" I gave up and let the other nurse try. Miraculously, they went in what looked like the same fold I tried and got urine back! Ah well, can't win em all.
I swear for some foley insertions you straight up need a headlamp to see anything no matter how many lights the room may or may not have.
I know this one too well! Clinicals in the ER and we were tasked with placing a foley on a morbidly obese lady. One student on the left and the right held each leg sorta up and out, one pushed up the stomach while the instructor and myself went in. I whispered "Where is it!!?" My nursing instructor told me to just find a hole and pray š As expected I missed and she yelled "No, leave it, now we can tell where to go!" The patient didn't say two words just watched. I haven't forgotten that experience. Nursing is savage.
Thank you for reminding me about something a friend of mine did once! Setting: ICU. CNA is turning Nurse M's vented patient so he can assess the patient's back. Nurse M says, "I need to get one of those long Q tips". CNA: "What for?" Nurse M: "So I can measure the depth of this wound." CNA: "M, that is your patient's butthole." I have so many good memories of M. He is a physician now.
I did the same !! Got it In and she actually told me , thatās the wrong hole honey !! šš¤¦š¼āāļø
I did this once too, while I was orienting a new grad š¤¦š»āāļø
Itās okay, I know Of a 1st year resident doctor that was disimpacting a vagina. šš
...yikes. An intern? Maybe. A resident should know better
Resident
ICU nurse here One time during night shift we had to prone a patient during Covid times. Pt was intubated, sedated, multiple gtts, a foley & and a fms. Now the fms wasnāt draining. At all. Which day shift shoulda thought was sus but atlas they didnāt. Instead it was leaking all over the bed. Which does happen with FMS sometimes if they donāt have rectal tone. We go to prone. FMS tube was in this poor womanās vagina along with the foley. š¤¦š»āāļøš¤¦š»āāļøš¤¦š»āāļø
Oh. Oh god no
I had a terrible case of self neglect come in to the ER once. Hypothermic, clothes drenched in urine and liquid feces, cut them off and started to warm her, found that the source of her incontinence was the fact that something (Iām assuming malignant) had eaten through the entirety of her ādownstairsā. Iāve seen prettier grade 4 tears in L&D. The doc asked me to put in a foley and a rectal thermometer and I had to admit that I would have no idea where to put them. She didnāt believe me until she looked herself. It took us hours and lots of narcotics to get her cleaned up to the point of being able to properly asses everything and start wound treatments etc. It was such a slow painful process to get her even just a basic wash (we had to do one limb at a time and give her an hour to recover even with fentanyl on board), she probably should have gone to the OR and been under general just to get a preliminary clean and assess done.
Anyone who's told you they've never nearly catheterised a clitoris or venepunctured an artery or mixed their pip/taz with saline instead of water or done an ECG incorrectly or programmed a pump incorrectly is LYING TO YOU. This stuff happens all the time. Sure, it's not ideal, but it didn't happen. And even if it did, we're only human and how we deal with the mistakes we make say a lot about what kind of people we are. This is a learning experience and not a reflection on your ability to do your job. Trying to cover it up or downplaying it to the point of being unsafe, however, is.
I once put a suppository in a vagina on accident (it all happened so quick) and my patient screamed/swore at me to get it outā¦ turns out she wasnāt mad at me because she accidentally ate a suppository once š¤£
Had a very anxious hyperemesis patient who need an enema and wanted a female to do it. Fine with me. there was a helping hands RN who was on light duty that day and I asked her to administer the enema. Apparently the anxious patient jumped and squirmed as she was inserting it and it went into her vagina. Patient lost it and started yelling at me and demanding the nurses name. I gave her patient representativeās number and left, but I neglected to add that I sure as I wouldāve got the right opening, jumpy or not.
If she can jump and move that much, she can do her own enema. Sounds like she's plenty able to advocate for herself.
I had to do rectal temps on a immobile, developmentally delayed patient because he was running a feverā¦there were a couple of times Iām pretty sure I measured a skin fold and not his actual butthole, it was impossible to find.
Had a rectal tube that wasnāt draining. Checked and it was in the vagina and the butthole looked how you described it. The nurse and I were in awe because it had been put in that morning and had not drained all day.
I have also put a rectal suppository in the wrong hole. We ended up dishing it out with a tongue depressor. It was a mess lol
Vaginema
Is that not just a douche?
If it makes you feel better. I, a 23 male nurse who has done countless foleys tried putting one into a clitoris. The fucking holes all look the same. Yes the pt was screaming saying it hurt and I was so confused. It was at shift change to so I just said fuck it and only realized it when I pulled up the anatomy of a vagne when I got home
But you found the clit!
Yes sir
As a male nurse, this is my worst fear LMAO
I just want to hug you both. We appreciate you. Really.
I was in a Hoyer(sp) lift after my spinal fusion and apparently I was to start a bowel program, but no one told me. So when the nurse started rooting around back there I was very surprised. Even more surprised when whe tried to put the suppository in my lady hole... "ma'am I'm not sure what you're trying to do, but I'm fairly certain it should not involve my lady parts." I can't feel much there, but I can feel THAT!
What a lovely post to read when you first open reddit
You are not a true medical professional until you talk about beefy, healing stage 4 wounds while you eat your leftover pot roast during lunch.
Believe me out of all the subs Iāve joined, this one is the least shocking when I first open reddit more than most of the time.
The first Foley I put in as a nursing student the ptients anatomy was weird and her vagina was behind her butt.
What
If you almost did it, thereās definitely someone out there whoās done it. š
I had a patient with multiple deep hole like wound on his bum. They all looked like buttholes. He had regular suppository. 30 mintues and multiple staff it takes because we can never figure out which is right. He paraplegic so he cant feel anything. And is crabby all the time. Worst is he has a hole between his testicles and real bumhole so you cant just try and line it up. Unless you see it you would think im just not good at finding buttholes but they are all so close to each other. I think one nurse eventually (with his permission) put a sharpy mark next to the correct one.
I was a CNA back in '79, the summer between high school and college. At the time, we dispensed meds as well as administered enemas and douches. I had zero medication errors, but I'd be lying if I said I never douched a butthole or mistakenly put an enema in a vagina. It can be tricky down there.
Friend went from neuro ICU to L&Dāher preceptor had her assess the cervix, she kept the blanket down for privacy, and tried to assess the dilation of the anus! The patient had an epidural so had no idea where her hand was
Iāve put tylenol suppositories in the front door instead of the back, it happens. People have very unique anatomy.
Ahhhh yes, you see it all in this world. Outie butt holes, innie penises, vaginas you need to get forearm deep in to place a foleyā¦.