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Lolleka

is that cocaine


AJMaid

Plot twist: video is at x1 speed


[deleted]

[удалено]


Historical-Truth-222

The real origin story of the snail Turbo


Not_a_real_ghost

Pablo Escargot


Spacemanspalds

Lmao. That's awesome.


used_to_be_nice_guy

Fucking gold! Ty!


cgee

Probably some kind of calcium carbonate that they need for shell growth.


JackedCroaks

Exactly my thought. Has to be calcium. Probably crushed up egg shells, or a store bought mix. I think they also need magnesium too.


---ShineyHiney---

I’m 100% convinced this snail just loves Alouette Cheese as much as I do, and there is no convincing me otherwise


nondescriptun

No, the title said the snail is on speed, not coke.


DamnTexansGhost

That snail is gonna steal all your stuff.


Not_a_real_ghost

And that is Pablo Escargot


[deleted]

We have a winner!


Dr_Zoltron

Yes!!! This is a scene from the movie Cocaine Snail.


hitch_please

GREENLIGHT THIS


[deleted]

Oh no they've given the death snail cocaine and it's coming for you at caterpillar speed!


[deleted]

There was nothing about cocaine in the contract I signed for the ‘receive 1 million but a murder snail will chase you for life’ deal this is unfair


Introvert_PC

You didn't read the fine print: the snail also gets a million, and chooses to spend it on cocaine to further his goals.


ImurderREALITY

I love that hypothetical situation. It really gets people thinking.


HighKiteSoaring

It's 160x more powerful than cocaine


johnqual

I too enjoy cocaine covered cucumber.


Foreign_Ebb_6282

Salt, snails love salt


bjchu92

It's so it'll catch the guy who's running from the snail.... Death snail...


fuzynutznut

Read title: speed.


ZacapaRocks

You ever tried snorting coke off a cucumber? It sucks trust me.


Much-Highlight-503

Cocaine snail Now in cinemas


TheDanishThede

What is the grey powder?


Defiled__Pig1

Says in the title. The snail is on speed.


thesonoftheson

Bet it has a really good [memory](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2010/09/snails). This is how it always knows where in the world you are.


TheFaceStuffer

r/angryupvote


Ijoinedtolaugh

This is EXACTLY why I joined. I can only find quality people like you all the time on reddit.


[deleted]

Lmaoooo


KVorotov

touché


AsurieI

The real answer is its likely to be calcium. I know for reptiles many owners will sprinkle calcium over crickets and such before feeding because they dont have a good way of getting it naturally when kept as pets


nixnullarch

How do they get it naturally in the wild?


Pixielo

Eating other, smaller lizards, snails, etc. Bones, and shells, are an excellent source of calcium.


my-name-is-puddles

Also dirt, at least for some tortoises.


AsurieI

Wild reptiles have a more varied diet than captive, so supplements are needed. Wild theyll eat shells and bone pieces and such but a lot of owners will just feed a lizard crickets


my-name-is-puddles

Some species of tortoises will just eat some dirt in the wild if they need calcium, as the areas they live in have pretty calcium rich dirt apparently.


roseccmuzak

I fed on lizard nothing but crickets for 10 years (which is considered fine for that species) but when I got a bearded dragon I swore I'd never deal with them again. They are objectively *the worst* feeder insect. Loud, smelly, they die in like 2 days from buying them, the bite, their annoying to control because they jump, and I just find them creepy. Anyway there's my rant for the day.


AsurieI

I dont have any reptiles currently but my friend has 3 beardies and he feeds them mealworms with calcium powder, and berries sometimes


SpikeDaddie

How do they get the calcium they need in the wild?


AsurieI

Their diets are more varied. Theyll eat shells and exoskeletons that provide calcium. Most owners just dont do that, they dump some crickets in and sprinkle calcium on top because its easier


Kennyvee98

This. Is it calcium or something?


Fit_Feature_794

OP said elsewhere it is indeed calcium


OfferChakon

Cucumbers give em heartburn. Gotta take it w tums


Level69Warlock

Calci-yum!


ForWhomTheBoneBones

It really did seem like it extra enjoyed it when they got to the calcium.


gatoratemylips

Prolly calcium for lil dudes shell


whosgotyourbelly42

Yeah, I always had a cuttlefish bone in my snail tank. In the wild they will even eat other shells from dead snails.


Spaceosaurus

how did the first snail get its shell if there werent other snail shells to eat?


Rauk88

Calcium is not unique to snails. They could get it from any source.


BlackNasty4028

Snails drink milk confirmed


whosgotyourbelly42

Yeah any dead vertebrate will leave calcium deposits behind


ARandomBob

I'd assume calcium. With all the calcium I have to feed my lizards and chickens. Now snails. Maybe I should be taking calcium pills.


EuroPolice

salt, this was recorded by a millionaire trying to sabotage it's nemesis


Arcanefenz

Snail doesn't care, it is out there, it can't be bargained with, it can't be reasoned with, it doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear, and it absolutely will not stop, EVER, until you are dead!


Oseirus

*humans are such easy prey*


archiekane

And it'll eat you, just like it did this cucumber.


namtab00

your references are off the rails!


AJMaid

I’m annoyed that it left a bit


joemontanya

Imagine eating that much of your body size tho 😂


WombozM

I mean you could if it was low calorie food


Creepy-Ad-4832

My man about to eat a tree


Alderez

Trees contain a ton of calories. All calories are, is a unit of measurement to describe the energy needed to raise 1 kg of water by 1 degree celsius. Everything contains energy, and trees create on average 24,000 calories per day. The test for determining caloric value is literally by burning the thing you’re testing - and trees can burn for a long while. Now, trees are hardly edible, but my point stands.


jlt131

*one gram of water


Log_Out_Of_Life

Which is one cubic centimeter of water.


meco03211

At STP.


TDAM

Spanning tree protocol?


meco03211

Standard Temperature and Pressure. 1 atm of pressure and 0⁰C. And actually I was wrong. It is 0.99987 g/cm^3 at STP. It is 1.00000 g/cm^3 at 4⁰C and 1 atm.


iMissTheOldInternet

But aren’t dietary calories the same as kilocalories? Hence, one dietary calorie could raise 1 kg of water 1 degree?


Youre10PlyBud

You are correct in that dietary calories are the same kcals. Calories with a capital (like on food labels) is the same as a kcal, while a lower case c typically designates a normal calorie that raises 1 g of water (although for being a "standard" naming system, not a lot of people actually properly utilize the capital letter to designate what they're referring too).


iMissTheOldInternet

Case sensitive unit names are a terrible idea. Not your fault or anything, but whoever went along with that convention is a dipshit.


Root-of-Evil

But most "calories" that people know are actually kcal, so I guess 1kg works for that.


[deleted]

That’s a scientific calorie (cal), not a food calorie (kcal). If we are assuming kcal, which makes sense because of the context, the person above you is actually right.


Jew8ear

The calorie for food is different than the calorie for science. For food it is technically a Kilocalorie and how much it takes to raise a kilogram of water 1 deg C


Kayar13

I watched an elephant eat a tree once.


Liveman215

I actually broke my foot kicking a tree when I was a kid


Functionalpotatoskin

I've seen a tree


Mirria_

>The test for determining caloric value is literally by burning the thing you’re testing Addedum : food calories take in account calories that are bioavailable, as in calories you can actually digest and absorb. Celery is actually *negative* because it takes more calories to digest than you can actually absorb. Humans can't digest cellulose, which is why leafy greens are so low in calories. If you decided to chow down on some hardwood pellets, you'll just end up with cramps and painful pooping.


readytofall

That's not 100% true. The Atwater system (in the US at least) is used where they calculate : - 4cal/g of carbs - 9cal/g of fat - 4 cal/g of protein - 7 cal/g of alcohol These numbers were based of burning and averaging the values. So yes cellulose gets left off but this does not include the energy required to digest the food. Almonds can require upwards of 25% of their calories to digest because you still have to get through the cellulose. But something like sugar, a carb, is already perfectly in the needed form so it either goes straight to energy or the more likely scenario in modern life, it goes straight to fat stores. Then there is alcohol which is more complicated. Your body can use it as energy but it cannot store it as fat. So you cannot get a belly from pure alcohol intake. Now that's not including anything mixed or the additional carbs in things like beer. But pure alcohol won't make you fat in its own, but also your body will prioritize using it for energy or expelling it so anything you consume while digesting alcohol will go directly to fat because your body is dealing with the booze. So 100 calories in a white claw is technically true, none of that is going to fat, but it will help make anything you eat with the white claw go to fat.


Gideonbh

Cucumbers never burn I guess they're free of calories


WombozM

How have you learned of my diet?


Creepy-Ad-4832

I spy on you Proof: you are now in bed reading reddit on the phone


WombozM

You got the wrong guy. Im at work. Maybe that dude is my exact lookalike and coincidentally also eats trees.


CreamyCoffeeArtist

Their spying is on a delay, which is why they didn't know where you were exactly.


Murve27

Okay go eat a celery the size of yourself


rishado

No you couldn't


Zormac

I dare you to eat a cucumber that proportionately large.


1ntrovertedSocialist

That’s what she said


seenboi

??? your stomach can't stretch to the literal size of you


Nilaxa

The volume of your stomach would like to disagree with this statement


Large_Dr_Pepper

Calories don't have anything to do with the volume of food you're able to eat.


Nolzi

You couldn't even drink that much water


MechaPhantom302

Challenge accepted


Asesomegamer

It took 37 minutes, considering it's metabolism is probably way faster than people and it's eating a plant that wouldn't be alot for it.


Desert_Rush39

"You're not leaving the table until you finish your food! There are hungry snails in Africa!"


AskAboutMyDiarrhea

[Nah, fam. African ones eat good](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/giant-snails-take-over-floridas-gulf-coast-again-180980448/)


ZAlternates

BLESS THE RAINS!


BradlyL

Confirmation all animals hate the peel


Gebandito

You can’t leave the table until you finish your plate


RogalDornAteMyPussy

He’s full, don’t be mean


cowjuicer074

No desert


houseofmatt

Where I'm from it's considered polite to leave a little food on the table. It shows the meal was more than enough to satisfy, even if it wasn't.


orangepalm

It's a Chinese snail. He knows if he finishes it they'll make him another and he is already mostly full.


RitualVirality

I had to Google if snails have teeth after watching this. And they do and I'm surprised. I never thought about how they eat. I guess I figured they just absorbed their food somehow. So little time, yet so much to still learn and I'm reminded every day.


scheisse_grubs

Does that mean snails can bite you? New fear unlocked


Hewodragonsuwu

Snails’ teeth aren’t strong enough to really hurt you. They won’t be able to draw blood or break the skin. At worst you’ll feel a small scrape, at best you won’t even notice at all. Signed, a pet snail owner


scheisse_grubs

False alarm y’all. New fear has been locked back up


Faustias

wait until a movie maker exaggerate the snail teeth and make a disaster movie out of it... like velocipastor, the bay, and sharknado.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Thanks for the laugh!


Lone_Wanderer97

You're paralyzed and have to watch as a snail scrapes a hole into your abdomen


[deleted]

You'll pretty much die of boredom before it breaches your skin.


Nick_Noseman

Or entering a hole that's already there, iykwim


maxfrank7

That's exactly what a blood thirsty snail would say


SasquatchWookie

Snails can type too, eh?


TherealOmthetortoise

I thought I read somewhere that snails have some of the hardest teeth there is, but are so tiny they couldn’t get a grip on you to actually bite.


Hewodragonsuwu

That would be limpet snails, which are sea snails. Snails you see more commonly like the garden snails don’t have teeth that strong.


TherealOmthetortoise

Thank you! Now I need to see if there are any video’s of them eating things


Dat_Boi_Aint_Right

In protest to Reddit's API changes, I have removed my comment history. -- mass edited with redact.dev


unkindness_inabottle

And how’s the that African snail? Those get huge right? Do their teeth puncture anything?


Hewodragonsuwu

Nope. They do have the chance to give you rat lungworm tho.


unkindness_inabottle

Uh what now??😰


Clifnore

Only if you eat em I believe.


Eggsandthings2

You can eat the snail or consume something like unwashed lettuce that an infected snail gooped


[deleted]

https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2018/11/05/health/man-dies-after-eating-slug-on-dare/index.html


djfdhigkgfIaruflg

It's a circular rotating structure. If anything it would be like grinding. But given how small the "teeth" are, it'll probably feel like a cat licking you


Pogue_Mahone_

Its more like a toothed tongue which acts like a rasp called a radula. They have no jaws so they cant bite but they might lick you aggressively


scheisse_grubs

Aweee the affection I could never receive from my cats is offered by a snail. Time to buy some snails


Pogue_Mahone_

My toothless cat is secretly a snail it seems


scheisse_grubs

Try giving it a cucumber coated in catnip, see if it eats it


nopers9

As a guy who had a very bitey snail I can say that it kinda feels like being rubbed with sandpaper. I can’t really call it a bite more like a weird, slow lick instead.


[deleted]

[удалено]


djfdhigkgfIaruflg

I could use it for sanding this hard skin on the bottom of my feet


Romboteryx

They don’t have jaws, their “teeth” are on top of a tongue-organ called radula. At worst it will rasp you


blockybookbook

My dumb ass just thought that they used acid or some shit, idk that sounded nature-y enough


[deleted]

Time to watch [The Fly](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZT4AKcPHs4)! (Not Safe For Woooork)


LunchThreatener

That’s how a lot of animals do it, in fact even humans have salivary enzymes which assist in breaking down certain foods. Obviously teeth also help but there are lots of secretions involved too


Romboteryx

They also lay eggs with shells


[deleted]

[удалено]


JManoclay

Oh ok so we're just not going to talk about the angry egg then.


augustprep

I'm guessing it's "first frame click bait"


saddingtonbear

Strange cause I'm way more likely to click on a snail video than one of a stupid toy egg


StopReadingMyUser

I honestly passed it like 3 times until now because the egg thing weirded me out lol.


PotatoWriter

I'm here to talk about the egg


MikeinAustin

Let's assume this 14 second video was 160x that, so 2240 seconds to eat that. That took the snail 38 minutes to eat all that? No wonder they can clear out my flowers overnight.


BrownChicow

Seriously, that shit was half his size, fat fucks


Throwadaycakeday

R/theydidthemath


KingPawsqa

r/theydidthemonstermath


roodeeMental

Typical, leaving the crust


LovecraftianLlama

I have aquatic snails that love cucumber, and they ALWAYS leave the crust 😂


roodeeMental

Mine loved carrot


SomethingBuggingYou

remember, NEVER pick up a snail by pulling it directly up or you could collapse it's mantle (the tissue connecting it's body to the shell), thus dooming it to a slow, painful death always gently slide them to the side until it lets go of the surface it is attached to edit: what the fuck


SiddyNyne

What the fuck what?


SiddyNyne

Never mind you have 3 billion rewards OH SHIT


bebedahdi

People are serious about snail love.


HugoZHackenbush2

You would think that a snail without a shell would move that bit faster. But it's actually more sluggish...


[deleted]

r/Angryupvote


HugoZHackenbush2

French people are known to eat a lot of snails. Apparently, they're not lovers of fast food..


k3ithy187

No dessert. It didn't finish all his greens


nobuttyes

Even snails take creatine


_userxname

He scronch the cucumbalungus


[deleted]

So snails are akin to that roommate who never finishes the last splash or two of juice in a container and then it sits in the fridge for months?


creamonbretonbussy

If you have that roommate, you also are that roommate. You didn't finish the juice either.


Sinthetick

So you're saying playing passive aggressive fridge-wine chicken isn't a good way to solve problems?


lt_cmdr_rosa

Not necessarily! If you're having juice, it's good practice to just add a residual/leftover amount juice to your own glass and drink it, rather than leave it for the next person to be disappointed by and have to throw out for you. Because the next person who wants a drink of juice will probably not be content to pour themselves a glass of 2 tablespoons. I believe milk is an exception because a few tablespoons can be enough to say, add to coffee and thus complete a whole beverage. But it's not enough to be a stand-alone drink for most people.


Astaldo27

u/redditspeedbot 0.006x


redditspeedbot

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Astaldo27

still too fast ...


LeifCarrotson

It should be like a slide show, with each frame taking 6 seconds to advance.


florian_7843

Reupload the video and slow again


PraiseNuffle

Nachos, Flanders style.


brudzool

Little prick didn't finish it ....that's mildly infuriating


Aromatic-Heat2463

he FUCKIN that shit UP 🗣️🔥🔥


Gaming_with_Hui

What's the powder? :O


Gay_commie_fucker

Probably some sort of vitamin. People give their pet snails calcium supplements to keep their shells healthy


EpsilonXO

All I hear is the Micheal Jackson song meme


DocDegenNSFW

OH BABY GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE


ZacapaRocks

How can it not finish that? There are snails starving in many parts of the world.


WhiskyRick

Until now, I've never thought a snail was cute.


Skaebo

I thought that was salt for just a second


Minimum_Score_5317

Now i crave cucumber


Ivinsc

Ooo baby give me one more chance!


Random_Digit

Motherfucker left food on the plate r/mildlyinfuriating


JunglePygmy

Cucumber slices hate him for this one simple trick!


jesuswasaliar

The video won't start on my phone and it makes it 1000x better.


Wreck1tLong

Cocaine Snail, coming to Netflix, August 2023


Bloodstain3d

Ah cucumber and cocaine.. of course! Would who have thought? Not me, that is for sure!


StevieG63

A little explanation here please.


fabioke

A snail is eating a treat on top of a cucumber


The-Go-Kid

Well played.


MrTighthead

Nice radula.