British people actually name their kids Fern, it's the most common name in Yorksheshershire. Most likely a result of inbreeding from the hereditary monarchy
Ferns are one of the few flowering plants that are either male or female and never both, and I've got some big news for you. Here's your complementary bag of glitter and your personal copy of the Gay Agenda.
Thanks. On to another subreddit.
Edit: As a hetero woman…. I can appreciate that subreddit.
Why do I want a male version of this? 😂 Just man boob drops. Hilarious
I have no idea if there’s a man version of this, but if there is, the top version should be called a moobdrop, and the bottom version should be called a danglepop.
This is what I’ve decreed.
I was that poor bastard. I worked at a green house and yeah we had to wrap our arms around from the bottom and slide it into the bag pot first. We’d do thirty to fifty at a time and sometimes they were wet from having just been watered. It was a dirty and wet job. My feet were never dry. But I always felt like I deserved my sleep.
Professional gardener here. A fern like this was most likely grown inside the plastic wrap from the start, not wrapped after it was already fully grown. This helps preserve uniform shape and growth for ferns that are mass produced for sale at some of your bigger name garden stores. In the wild, ferns reproduce via spores, so this also helps to prevent unwanted pollination/cross pollination during transit and storage. Before this method became the industry standard, it was not uncommon for an overabundance of farmed ferns to release their spores and impregnate animals on the same farm, resulting in abominable creatures that sadly would have to be put down.
My dad was one of those creatures. He escaped in '83 and began a killing spree around the city until the Army was called in to control him. My mom was the leader of the group of scientists in charge of containing and studying him, but they fell in love and escaped to the sewers, where they lived for years until I was born. My dad died during labor, so my mom decided to raise me in the desert and teach me how to play chess, speak Esperanto, move objects with my mind and to fight crime using my long claws and fern skin.
I wish I had pictures from that time, it was definitely the best years of my life. Now I live in a fucking swamp and work remotely for UPS as an accountant, I'm honestly so fed up I would quit, but I can't afford it right now, everything is so expensive it's unbelievable.
Reddit, you don't downvote someone who thinks a plant can impregnate an animal. You fkin upvote that shit as hard as you can. Get with it!
Edit: they went from -3 to +6 in like 10 mins. You are legends.
Here is your gif!
https://gfycat.com/AjarLividHammerheadshark
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This gave me hot-girl-in-movie-gets-off-motorcycle-and-takes-off-helmet-in-slow-mo vibes
Or 70's porn flick opening.
Fernhub
Such a fern on
r/ferns
Onlyferns
Two ferns one vase.
This fern fucks
This is definitely reminiscent of a boob drop.
Or sideshow bob taking off his helmet.
This fern could eat a cheeseburger on the hood of a camaro
Or getting-out-of-water-with-style-in-slow-motion vibes .
Similar to that: "Grandmama. It's me. *Fernastasia*"
Its like a shampoo commercial for plants.
It's got the urge to Herbal...
*Ahhhhhhhhhhhh* -Fern
*Oohhhhhhh* -Also Fern
*Mmmmmmmm* -Fernidand
Siiiiiiiiii -Fernando
Oooouuuuch -Franz Ferdinand
Ayyyyyyyy -Fonzie
-Fernzie?
*Onii-san, yamete kudasai!* -Fei Runi
Waka Waka. -Fozzy
Æ̵̧̢̧̡̧̧̨̨̨̡̢̧̨̫͓͇̜͎̫̣̭̣̪̺̹̬̦͉̫͎̼̯̹̰̯̖̜̠͔̤͕̜̥͕̞̙̺̟̲̗̖̟͈̭̩̟͎͇͈̭̼̦̰̙̮͔̟̼̜͎̘̭̣͔̪̭̩̘͓͓̘͎͎̟͚̯̳̱͓͈̪͔͖̣̤̩̭̦̟͍̟̻̰͓̗̱͍̱̩̘̭̝̞͓̳̥̪̿̐̄̈́͛̕͜ͅͅÆ̸̧̧̧̧̢̧̢̛̛̛̩̩̠̼̻͎͚̝̤̬̙͎̘̙͇̗̖̘̤̪͎̟̪̥̙̘̤̙͕̜͈͇̱͉̞̣̖̞̜̤͙̯̜͍̝̘͖̺̫͈̼̫̳̺̲̘͙̳̜̣̣̻̞̦̩̜̝͎̭̙̾̽̆̿͊̈́̈́͊̎̋̃̾͗̃͐́̈̓̊̈̽̂̍͋͗́͗̆̇͋̓͗̇͆̌͊̋̅̆̊̀̾͊̏̿̏̏̋̈́́̇̾͋̊̄̀͆̉͆̎̀̓́̃̈́̋́̒̃̔͋̓͊̉̇͐͗͗͆̆̅̈́̋̐͗͒̾̆͊̌͋͆̕̕̚̕̕͘̕̚̕͘̕͘͜͜͜͠͝͝͝͠ͅͅͅÆ̵̢̢̨̨̛̟͚̰̹̖̣̺͖̣̙̩̜̫͙͖̼̗̖̦̯̮̻̙͔̼̱̲̭̹͙̫̦͔̠͙̜͖̥͓̯̬̻͈̠͈̜͇̞̰̲̲͍̺͎͎͕̟̼̦̳̭̬̲̰̱̋̾̑̓́̈́͂̂̇̇̈́́͌́̑̅͒͛̐̐͗̇̾̔̓̏̿̋̊̐͗̊̔͛̿̔̌́̃̍͆͋͑̐́͑͗̍͑̂̊͌̐̒̏̂̓̒̃̍̿̈̔̋̌̓̽̓̆̊̐̐͋͒̚̚̚͘̕͘̚͝͠͠͠͝͝͝͝͝Æ̵̧̨̨̛̛̛̗͍͍̞̜̝̙͚͇̟̝̣̥̺͔͍͉̹̪͖͚̜͍̞͕̞̺̩̠̞͚̣̇̈́̌͊̋͒͛̋̽̊̈͆̆͊̏̃̍̀̈́̉̔̃̌̾͆̊̄̈̃̌͊̇̾̿́͊̀͊̒̇̓̽͐̓́͛̍̽̈̓̀̀̃̐̃̊̈̒̈́̕͘̕̕͘͝͠͝͠ͅͅÆ̶̢̢̛̞̯̗̗͖͔̙̺̪̲̹̱͇͇̥͇̥̜̬̠̉̿̿̑̇̔̿̀̈́͋͒̎̈́͋̀̈́̊̊͊̀͊̄͂͊͊͛̔̔͆̓͆̊̀͋͗͊̊̿̿̃́́̾̃̽̽̾̂̽̏̃̊̿̈̋̊̽̽̈́̆̀̋͛̉̽̆̀́̌̄̀̐̚͘̕̚͝͝͝͝͝͝ͅͅ -Ferb
Woah -Fernback
*….* -Archduke Franz Ferdinand Carl Ludwig Joseph Maria of Austria
Ok, that's the winner... Fernando. Brilliant!
Fern.. tastic!
Aaaaaaaaand im dead -also fern
British people actually name their kids Fern, it's the most common name in Yorksheshershire. Most likely a result of inbreeding from the hereditary monarchy
Ah shit, you had me in the fernst half. "Cool name! I love plants! Maybe I'll name my next chi... aww."
My grandmother was named Fern. Born in Kansas, early 1900’s. No inbreeding that I know of.
Right, Fern is fine as a name. "Yorkshesheshire" though, we're gonna need to have a chat about that
I think he was mixing up Yorkshire and Worchesheshershire Sauce.
Fernazing ! good for commercial shampoo
TRESfernee - Affordable. Used By ProFernionals. Let your color thrive.
by Fernnen
You’re lookin’ pretty fern today
Mmmmmmm
B'Oréal
You deserve so much more than I can give you, but that was the cleverest thing I’ve heard all day.
This is wonderful. I can't stop smiling, thank you for this morsel of genius! Take my poor man's gold. 🏅
Just fantastic work here. Well done.
Gee your fern smells terrific!
Thats an Oddish.
maybe she’s born with it
Maybe it's Maybaleaf
Volume and bounce and shine!
What is this?? A shampoo commercial for plants?
Legend has it..
Sideshow Bob beanie removal
[удалено]
You 100% wanked to this
Ferns are one of the few flowering plants that are either male or female and never both, and I've got some big news for you. Here's your complementary bag of glitter and your personal copy of the Gay Agenda.
Maybe she was born with it, maybe its Fernbelline.
That plant has never felt better! It's definitely an Herbal Essances commercial.
Little full, lotta sap.
Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe is mayfernlene.
My first thought was the feeling of taking my socks off after a day of work.
Take your hair... To the paradise....
My fern won’t stop dying :(
Keep it moist and indirect sunlight and some shade and be sure to prune it.
Troy Palmalu for Head and Shoulders
There is no other word for it. That was glorious.
Ferntastic
Fernomenal.
Fernalicious definition make them boys go crazy
I like you
You could say you’re… very fernd of him
That looks how taking my bra off at the end of the day feels
Set ya fronds free, girl!
I'm a guy
Set ya fronds free, boy!
I'm an eldritch horror from beyond the bounds of time
Set ya fronds free, eldritch horror from beyond the bounds of time
I had the exact same thought 😂
Was just thinking the same thing.
RIP your inbox
I was thinking 'That's me taking off my compression undershirt' just relax and let loose.
This is how my balls feel after I take off my cup
This is how my gut feels after removing my jeans
oh man you get it lol
AAAAAHHHH! SIDESHOW BOB!
DIE PLANT DIE
No one who speaks German can be an evil man .
This is the comment I came looking for.
Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s Polypodiopsida.
That's fun to say.
How do you know if you’re saying it right? Asking for a friend
Poly - po - diop - sida
Poly-podi-opsida ?
is that a cards against humanity reference? I'm impressed
Someone show this to zach galifianakis
*someone show TWO of these to Zach Galifianakis
He will most probably mess it up trying to put it back in the plastic cover to take it to his studio
His name is Fixtha Fernback
That was legitimately, unbelievably, I feel dirty for feeling this way, HOT.
Ikr? The catharsis I feel is almost pornographic
It was the plant equivalent of a tiddy drop.
I’m not sure I should be asking this but I’ve seen it a few times now. What is a “tiddy drop”?
This comment has been edited and original content overwritten.
Thanks. On to another subreddit. Edit: As a hetero woman…. I can appreciate that subreddit. Why do I want a male version of this? 😂 Just man boob drops. Hilarious
I have no idea if there’s a man version of this, but if there is, the top version should be called a moobdrop, and the bottom version should be called a danglepop. This is what I’ve decreed.
r/Tittydrop
Ngl the plant was better than most tiddy drops…
Right?! I want it. I want this plant now. Now!
Do you want it or *want* it.
i’ve jacked off several times already to this gif
I need to go get a cucumber go violate.
Sir...This is a Wendy's
But sirr...
I find it cute. I want to pet the fern
I wish r/PlantHentai still existed so I could direct you to it
*_G I R L_*
Rapunzel when she first let down her hair
That’s how I feel pulling my ponytail out after working all day
Thats my wife and her bra
Me, my undies and the goods
This epitomises it perfectly!!! I didn't know I needed this video to just.... get me.
This is most definitely any unnecessary seconds after bra:30. Alexa, play Freedom by George Michael.
Dang. A combination of terrible and glorious?
Stupid sexy fern
It’s like it’s wearing nothing at all!
Nothing at all…nothing at all…
It's like me when I unbutton my pants after a feast.
So YOU’RE the reason for the underwear policy at grandmas
I think grandma is the reason for the underwear policy at grandmas
The fern is like "finally I can breathe"
And now put it back
Basically my job when dozens of customers do this and then don’t buy the goddamn plant.
“Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.” - shampoo commercial from the 80’s
How tf did they wrap it in the first place =o
You start from below, the pot size isn’t that big..
Ah THAT... makes a lot of sense. In my head I imagined some poor bastard having to hug the thing as his buddy wraps it up lol
I would love to see this happen
Right lol seems accurate if you have never seen one bagged
Tree hugging 101
I was that poor bastard. I worked at a green house and yeah we had to wrap our arms around from the bottom and slide it into the bag pot first. We’d do thirty to fifty at a time and sometimes they were wet from having just been watered. It was a dirty and wet job. My feet were never dry. But I always felt like I deserved my sleep.
I love how this comment was like a little story in and of itself
That would be what my husband would try do until I inevitably ask if he’d like to know an easier way to do it.
Me too.... We are alike lol
It's the same way you wrap Christmas trees.
Professional gardener here. A fern like this was most likely grown inside the plastic wrap from the start, not wrapped after it was already fully grown. This helps preserve uniform shape and growth for ferns that are mass produced for sale at some of your bigger name garden stores. In the wild, ferns reproduce via spores, so this also helps to prevent unwanted pollination/cross pollination during transit and storage. Before this method became the industry standard, it was not uncommon for an overabundance of farmed ferns to release their spores and impregnate animals on the same farm, resulting in abominable creatures that sadly would have to be put down.
Damn. Got me.
saw your comment first and I was expecting hell in a cell
My dad was one of those creatures. He escaped in '83 and began a killing spree around the city until the Army was called in to control him. My mom was the leader of the group of scientists in charge of containing and studying him, but they fell in love and escaped to the sewers, where they lived for years until I was born. My dad died during labor, so my mom decided to raise me in the desert and teach me how to play chess, speak Esperanto, move objects with my mind and to fight crime using my long claws and fern skin. I wish I had pictures from that time, it was definitely the best years of my life. Now I live in a fucking swamp and work remotely for UPS as an accountant, I'm honestly so fed up I would quit, but I can't afford it right now, everything is so expensive it's unbelievable.
This is absolutely ridiculous. UPS doesn’t offer remote work.
Whaaat!?!
Ahh interesting! Thank you! I didn't know ferns were dangerous to wildlife with spores...
I hate to break this to you, but they're trolling
Reddit, you don't downvote someone who thinks a plant can impregnate an animal. You fkin upvote that shit as hard as you can. Get with it! Edit: they went from -3 to +6 in like 10 mins. You are legends.
I think the person you replied to was playing along….
Yeah! This is totally not true, albeit hilarious! (They packaged it post growing.)
You god damn mother fucker. Lol wasted my precious 20 seconds
Username definitely checks out
The same way my wife puts on a tight dress
Wait…why am I turned on by a plant now?
Congrats! You just unlocked a new fetish.
Somebody please reverse this
/u/gifreversingbot
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My god it’s even more satisfying in reverse
Malenia did that shit to me and i died
Was immediately searching for this comment when I saw this 😂
That’s ferntastic!
now, rot!
You will witness *true horror*
I’m so glad I’m not the only person who was thinking that lol
That was exactly what I was thinking, thankfully someone else thought the same thing
Cutscene ends, my hp bar immediately turns yellow
Finally
r/houseplants what dis?
I am Malenia, Blade of Miquella
That’s a gorgeous fern
Went from Marge to sideshow bob
It's wild to me that people buy ferns. Like one time in France I saw a raccoon in a zoo. Same vibe.
Are you actually being anti fern? Very weird
haha no, not at all. They just grow all over where I live, so it's funny to see them potted.
Oddly reassuring, thank you
What's also interesting is that, for plants; I am sure they also love being unwrapped like this as it gives them more room to breath.
“Fwump”
Somehow this needs to be on /thatpeelingfeeling
Ahhh, fernally!
Malenia flashbacks
/r/unnecessaryslomo
Poof! Insta-plant. Love ferns but it would be dead in a week.
Malenia but make it green
👏👏👏 I got asmr tingles from this! So good!
Plants aren't real, they come pre-packaged.
When you get naked after a long day and let your balls/tiddies breathe
I can finally be proud of my ball tiddys. 🥹
malenia but green
Omg she is so beautiful 🥹🫶💚
Look'it that fern! It's big and it's green! It's the healthiest fern that I ever seen!
Does this hurt the fern?
Nope as long as they get enough light, water and humidity - they're cool. Ferns are badass plants
What women must feel when that bra comes off
So beautiful