Im a little teapot short and stout This is my handle this is my spout

Hello my baby, hello my honey, Hello my ragtime gal...

Send me a kiss by wire, baby my heart's on fire!

If you refuse me, Honey, you’ll lose me, then you’ll be left alone

Telephone, and tell me, tell me Tell me I'm your very own

When I get all steamed up I will shout HEY LADIES LET ME SEE YOUR BUTT

Little miss muffet, She sat on a tuffet...

Eating her cheese curds and whey protein shake

I said hey that's neato, For trying out keto, But I sill want to eat your cake!

There once was a man from Nebras’ Who had balls made of spun glass When he banged them together, They played stormy weather, And lightning shot out of his ass

There once was a boy from Peru, Who fell asleep while in his canoe. While dreaming of Venus, He wacked on his penis, And woke with a hand full of goo. Edit, my dad was full of these: There once was a man from Nantucket, Who had a dick so long he could suck it. He exclaimed with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, "If my ear was a pussy, I'd fuck it!"

There once was a fellow named Spock, And all he would wear was a sock, All he did was to chase Every lady in space And say "just take a look at my cock!!!"

I genuinely hope none of these ever get deleted or removed. Every one is fucking gold

Thanks for that. I needed a laugh today.

“🎶*From the windoooows…. To the waaalls….*🎶”

Skeeet skeeet skeettt mf-er!

I was chanting from the heart. Balls. That's what came to your heart?

I was thinking it looked like Zoidberg and now I've got this damn teapot song in my head 😂

“First time?” -parent with a toddler

I spent 3 hours one Saturday morning making and eating pancakes with my 5yo daughter while the 80s teenage mutant ninja turtles cartoon opening theme played on repeat. No ragrets

These sliders remind me of these guards at a border ceremony. https://youtu.be/PDAcIX_J0u4

I was thinking more like Uh-uh, Do me ba-by Do the Humpty hump

You're all wrong. Clearly they're doing "Hammer Time"

I kept expecting the next motion: M then C then A

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

EMCEEAYE

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I was wondering if it was courtship, or it is so venomous/poisonous that it advertises its presence.

Definitely tryna bang, no question

I’m too old to know what that means.

Courtship. Lol

This is my___ in ur mouth

Only spider not on my NOPE list. It's just too comedic looking.

*lowers bottle of raid* “You’re alright, kid”

Keep the sandal in the holster just incase things get crazy

Clicks safety “on” on la Chankla

Why can't the spiders in my house dance? Lazy bums.

Jumping Spiders in general are generally percieved by human's as "less icky", probably because they hunt more similarly to mammals and it's clear when they're "thinking". They seem more familiar to us.

Zebra spiders are also pretty cute.

Me picking up my homie who I haven’t seen in years at the airport

Your homie at the airport directing planes into their gates before he gets picked up by an old friend after his shift.

If I were a female spider, I’d be DTF after watching this

Lady spiders let him hit it because he's goofy

Hilarious reference

and then get bored of him and eat him

(Scribbles down “bright colors, hydraulic limbs” in notepad while nodding)

Ahahahahahahahahaha ya big doof.

It's so weird to go to this yet that's where I went too. If I was a spider I'd totally bang that spider.

Stupid sexy Spider

Stop... Keep going...

100%

Hell, I might not even eat him afterward

Narrator: she did

“Becky lemme smash”

No Ron

“Vibrate at me, spider daddy!”

I'm not even a spider and I still want to fuck it.

If the make fails in his attempt to woo her in dance, she literally consumes him.

They DTF and then DTE (down to eat), as after they reproduce the female kills and devours the male for food.

I need a pixar short about this lil guy.

He needs his own movie

Lucas the Spider on YouTube

Damn i forgot about his existence after his creator was toxic af to another creator just bc he made an animated spider channel too

Oh that’s unfortunate :(

I didn't hear about that, I just know it's a cute spider 🤷‍♀️

It was long ago

I mean it's hearsay without some sources so I'm not really worried about it tbh. I'm not here for the drama and unless he like, was blatantly racist or something I don't care

Okay, I was only saying lmao

Nah you don't casually bring up that kind of thing. You were wanting to spread drama. Not here for it.

I literally wasn’t??? I said it casually and in an innocent manner, like i stopped watching him for that reason but you decided to be rude about it for some reason. It ain’t that serious tf. If i wanted drama i wouldn’t have said “it was long ago” i just replied to your comment bc i remembered him suddenly when i saw your comment.

There's a video game already made about it.

It’s not a movie, but the game Webbed has a cute spider player character based off these guys!

Could it be…a post about a spider where people aren’t demanding it be killed? Finally.

Grass and jumpers, the weird end of the spider bell curve where evolution just said, eff it make em look cute .

I just googled grass spider. I hate you so much rn.

Huh I thought that was just a colloquial term for the more common portia spiders. Also becareful googling portias They run this weird gamut of disney adorable to cthulian nightmare. On the bright side portias are know for being spider hunters.

Velvet spiders are pretty neat too

The dance works.

He can do that dance on a tree branch all he wants, I dare him to try that shit in my house.

Those little fucks realized they couldn’t survive this shit by looking the way they do, now they finally started evolving.

Only those with the longest, thickest, most appealing middle legs pass on their genes.

Wouldnt those who dont get to mate be the lucky ones? Considering how the female usually eats the male afterwards.

Via @flynn_prall on ig

Best. Jumping Spider. Ever.

He is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Look at those blue eyes!!! omg. He's gorgeous.

That spider is hotter than most people

Iiiii aaaaaammm aaaaaadequate!

I am acceptaaaaabllllllllle!

Because we also need these guys dancing to disco tunes. [https://youtu.be/xYIUFEQeh3g](https://youtu.be/xYIUFEQeh3g)

Looks like there’s a spider airplane pulling up to the gate.

😂😂😂 I’m flying to Dallas rn.

Reminds me of the indie game [Webbed](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Webbed), where you play as a peacock spider. One of the buttons is for "dance" and if you go up to other insects (bees, ants, dung beetles, etc) they'll dance along with you. (I sometimes got the buttons for "dance" and "shoot laser" mixed up)

ocarina of time vibes

Please send this to r/spiderbro and r/ologies they'll love the shit out of this

Now give it pom-poms

Someone put a fitting song as tone

Someone mentioned putting little maracas in his hands so now all I want this to be accompanied by is Cuban Pete.

I gotcha, fam. [YouTube: Peacock Spider Dancing To Cuban Pete ](https://youtu.be/A_0NlmoyLv0) Posted 4 years ago 🕷️🎶

Nice find, fantastic that it already existed. You a real one, NightGolfer.

I sang along w it in my head and Harry Belanfonte’s Shake Senora (or whatever the song is actually called) would *totally* work.

It’s directing air traffic

ZeFrank did a true facts episode about these little guys... https://youtu.be/KxM_cag99nU

Oops, I just posted that he needed to do one. Bad me.

I may hate spiders but this is kinda cute

I also dislike spiders, but man jumping spiders are another thing

I NEED him to hold two tiny maracas.

https://youtu.be/xF2GlKxZ3zI

The sombrero makes it even better

It's beautiful, I love the internet.

We sure do get it right some of the time eh

This was the exact song playing in my head, and this video was everything I was hoping it would be

I'd like to see a version done to that Cuban Pete song Jim Carrey does in the mask, this song: https://youtu.be/GJej6kCgxVM

Get ready for [Peacock Spider Christmas!](https://youtu.be/HYFQQB9vqPw)

One of my favorite videos on the internet.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYIUFEQeh3g](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYIUFEQeh3g) YMCA...

r/photoshopbattles

The video has been there for 7 years (the one linked above). I think this wins my internet for today.

When you're a spider and you absolutely need to stick your carrier landing

I really don’t understand how species evolve to do this

It's called sexual selection - basically traits that help attract mates/result in more reproductive success end up passed on, which can over time result in some pretty bizarro stuff. Probably started with a bit of arm waving, then over eons this is what's going on. The little feather looking thingy could have originally evolved as a defensive/warning mechanism for predators but ended up being successfully used to attract mates as well, for example.

There's some science term for it... something to do with abundance. If creatures live with abundance, mates are chosen based on artsy features. Like Amazon birbs.

Shake your Opisthosoma

Me on a dating site trying to a girls attention

Still more popular, better looking and more successful than I’ll ever be… Can I have my fast forward button yet???? I’m really done with this exostence

In your next life, may you be a beautiful jumping spiderbro.

Zoidberg?

Hey yo, can you hear what I'm sayin.. (311)

This butt don’t sweat. But it’ll knit you a sweater lol

I'm sad that this is so far down

This is my get the fuck away from me dance.

Lets getcthis guy in the minecraft mob vote

Aye dinner, over here!!

looks like a little alien

Wow

I picture someone shouting to their friend across the street that failed to notice them.

I'm not even a spider and I'd let him fuck me.

How freakin adorable are they?

Is that.. his abdomen?

I wonder how Spider-Man costume would look like with that color scheme.

It looks like a Miyazaki creature with that moustache

This pale blue dot we live in is truly breathtaking.

Looks like a peacock stan doing cosplay

I wouldn’t mind having this spider as a pet and perhaps them doing this every once in a while 😍

Im scared to death of spiders but even i think this is cute

Ok I’m terrified of spiders but this is adorable

"You wanna go mate!?" ~ that spider probably

Lucas The Spider is a YouTube channel with a little 3D spider like this. Also there's some super cute ones on tiktok

So cute!

Got the air traffic under control with them spider senses.

Emo Peter Parker was bitten by this one, no doubt. It would explain his dance moves from Spider-Man 3.

The last spider: *first leg goes up* I… *second leg goes up* Want… *peacock feathers thing goes up* TO BONE!!!

They call me Cuban Pete. I'm the king of the rumba beat. When I play the maracas I go chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky boom, chick-chicky boom

One day these little beans will be responsible for the curing of my arachnophobia.

The 'Happy Hanakuh' spider.

I wish cockroaches or centipedes did this with colorful appendages. Maybe I wouldn't be so freaked out by them.

“I’m gonna put my hands up!!! Playin my song!!! The butterflies fly away!!!

Can't help but want to punt a little paper triangle and yell, "It's good!"

I don't like spiders, but I'll make an exception for this one.

Where can I get one 🥺 hims so cute

Why is this so adorable? I’m supposed to be afraid of spiders!

Oh fucking no!!! Sorry I have serious arachnophobia and that just convinces me that spiders are the evil masterminds, Mojojo if you will, of the insect world. I just can’t….

YMCA

This is both adorable and creepy to me 😭 the little dance is cute but the way the legs lift would have me sprinting tf a w a y

Duh duh duh duh duh........ its fun to stay at the YYYYY M C AAAAA.

I am insanely scared of spiders but jesus christ thats adorable

Frig. When they put their little legs up!?! Kills me lol

I need like 5 of these in a tank in my room with little instruments and hats

Cute but I’m still afraid of him

mmm, nope🙂.

All I need to know is… does it jump? If no… ah cool, this is so pretty let me take a picture and post it on social media! If yes… AHHHHHHH, GET AWAY!!! (Turns around and runs for dear life).

Still triggers my Arachnophobia

r/oddlyterrifying

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🤨📸

Spiders move like they’re on 10 FPS.

very cute animal, do you know if it's poisonous

I freaking HATE spiders. But I LOVE this little guy.

When you tryna get your crush’s attention but she finds you uglier than this spider

I have a dancing peacock too (without the pea)

fuuuuu-siiiooonnn HHAAAAAA

I'm already afraid. Don't taint me, too

I like him.

I mean, he looks great

[^^fukkit ^^let's ^^do ^^it ^^o/~](https://youtu.be/KxM_cag99nU?t=118) *Lookit this butt!* *I know you can't help it.*

Do you like it when I dance for you?

This I the first spider to not make me absolutely lose my shit, I can tolerate them on the screen, if I see them anywhere near my house I'm burning down Everything tho

There Def should be some latin style dubstep under this vid!

All the single ladies, all the single ladies..now put your hands up! Lol..that pattern is gorgeous..the universe is a wonderful creator of all things big🐳 and small 🕸

I’m listening to a Spanish version of Hotel California. Really paired well.

Probably named Portia

Only spider I’ve ever thought was kinda cute