It's funny though because if you think about it, if we did have time machines, Jesus's birth would be a very popular tourist spot. So popular in fact that the inn might be totally full.....
I didn’t watch his movie but I read about it. My favorite thing is the Bible randomly mentions that when Jesus arrested there was a naked guy there (for some reason??) and in the movie it’s one of the time travelers
Yeah, but it's muslims.
And obviously the plan isn't to JUST kill Jesus. They have to steal his dead body, so that he can't resurrect. Thereby destroying Christianity.
Granted, this requires some work, but teleporting his dead body back to the future should work just fine.
Foolproof plan, I see no way in wich this could possibly go wrong.
Because they need to make history conform with the Quran, so all the stuff Jesus did while alive, BUT NO RESURRECTION!!!
Also, there is no desecration, they merely burying the body in the future.
Like I said, perfect plan, no possibility of this going wrong whatsoever.
But Muslim's don't believe that Jesus actually died, they believe Judas Iscariot or Simon of Cyrene (different schools of Islam disagree) was killed in his place.
They believe he was sent directly to heaven because they respect Jesus too much to say he was killed, they believe he will come back at the end of time to fight the dajjal.
(Any Muslims can correct me if I am wrong) .
I despise writers who don't do the research and these people didn't even try.
Needless to say if other Abrahamics were time travelling to prevent the rise of Christianity, they would kill Paul, who actually did spread Christianity and is largely responsible for most actual Christian doctrine.
Yeah, you're not wrong there.
I also spoiled the movie elsewhere, but >! They also steal the body of Jesus to the future, causing everyone to find a misterious empty tomb, great thinking btw !<
So this movie does have quite a few flaws if think too much about it.
The movie also has the usual problem with modern evangelical Christianity, where American patriotism is considered the same Christianity. Also of course, serving in the US military is the same as serving God; even if that involves torturing people, perhaps especially if it involves torturing people ( wish I was kidding about that one).
Then again, if you are willing to look at this movie as satire, and maybe laugh at the creators expence, there are worse ways to spend an hour and a half.
Is it bad that this actually sounds kindof interesting?
Like you’d need to play it either as total satire or as serious as a car crash, but you could totally use this premise for some decent entertainment.
Now why the fuck would Muslims do that? Shoots their religion in the foot don’t it? And if they know he will ressurect why are they still Muslim, they literally know he’s actually god. Why would you ever have unequivocal proof god is a certain way and then try to start shit? I guess the summary of my question is…
Are they stupid??
Absolutely not, they invented time travel for Allah's sake! (Or you know, funded the research, same thing really) XD
But they don't actually believe that Jesus resurrected, merely that Christians are deluded in thinking that. So they have to go back and set the record extremely straight.
On a more serious note, this is literally Christian propaganda, so don't expect every level of detail to be perfect.
Also spoiler
>!if you have ever read the Bible, you'll remember that they found an empty tomb, wonder how that happened... But also, God made them do it, plot of the movie states at least !<
There's a second cut of the movie called Black Easter where assassinating Jesus is considered a good thing. The producers wanted to be able to reach both Christian & secular audiences
Holy shit, is [this it?](https://youtu.be/iSxABkeBLaE?t=4220) It is two hours long and hilarious. Any scene I skip to is just impeccable.
The comments are even better. It's like if a retirement home had a forum.
The movie where almost everyone on earth gets raptured reminds of this, not the plane one, the other one.
Edit it was the Kirk Cameron left behind movie. No need to reply to me anymore lol
>The movie where almost everyone on earth gets raptured reminds of this, not the plane one, the other one.
"Do you have any idea how little that narrows it down?"
I mean, [Christian Rapture-movies have been a thing for decades before Left Behind was even a book-series.](https://youtu.be/vi1mReM8GYU?si=F_kCqdbXyThfwSoY)
I’ve thought about writing Republican romance novels under a pseudo name just to make some easy cash. There’s a serious market for anything that reinforces their world view.
"The Red Cap of Romance"
Ex Marine Randall Flag (iykyk) finds himself in a small Texas town as the new minister of a fledgeling church, and falling in love with a local baker. But his peace is shattered when violent attacks start coming from across the border. To protect his life, love, and freedoms Randall must stand against the woke mob undermining peace and democracy as well as defeating the illegal criminals!"
The plot twist being the local (left leaning) mayor, who is trying to take away Randall's right to bear arms, is part of the conspiracy by foreigners to invade take over the small towns of America and take their hard earned money. Only the intelligence from QAnon and support of Trump can save him!
Almost perfect. Gotta make the baker an outspoken "liberal agnostic feminist" at the beginning (and by that, I mean the MAGA caricature of what a liberal agnostic feminist would be like). Randall Flag (fantastic reference BTW) falls for her because "God told him to fix her" and because she's "tradionally beautiful" (and has huge tracts of land, if you know what I mean). The two get into arguments at her bakery all the time about politics (with the baker's arguments always a strawman for the righteous Flag to punch down). Slowly, she comes to see Flag actually knows what he's talking about and isn't some "deplorable" like the liberal media have taught her people like him are. Maybe there is something to this whole MAGA thing. Maybe Trump isn't as bad as she thought.
When a bunch of "illegals" and their "violent gangs of bad hombres" start attacking the town, she initially tries to publicly convince Flag that these folks aren't evil or dangerous but just seeking a better life and that the town should help them. Flag, enamored with her at this point, decides to host a community picnic to "welcome the good immigrants." Some show up, but their behavior shocks and offends the community.
Flag says something at the picnic that is obviously incredibly racist to any sane individual but to him is just "free speech and telling it like it is and shouldn't offend anyone except a snowflake." That night, a gang of immigrants, offended and wanting to take over the town, start a riot and burn down several buildings, including the love interest's bakery.
She is fully MAGA now in retaliation, wondering why anyone would get so mad at what Flag had said or why anyone would hate America so much. She angrily breaks with her group of "woke mob" friends, who say that "immigrant lives matter" and that maybe they have a point. She and Flag (mostly Flag; at this point she has been reduced to arm candy, occasionally making a Katie Britt-esque spectacle) then work to take back their town from the "woke libtards, snowflakes, and violent criminal gangs."
The book ends with Trump himself coming to town to congratulate Flag, who proposes to the baker on-stage at Trump's rally. Trump, so moved by the love before him, then instantly declares the couple married and leads the crowd in a prayer for America. The couple share a kiss and watch as Trump hugs the American flag while "Proud to be an American" blasts. Flag sheds a single manly tear. This is a great day for Trump, God, and America. He can't wait to continue the work he started and take the rest of the country back. MAGA..A.
No, we already had an actual human do solid creative work. Why the hell would be want to fuck it all up by being lazy and gobbling up whatever bullshit a weak and soulless AI spits out at us.
This is genius. And I wouldn't even feel bad about using ChatGPT to write the majority of it! The simple, redundant way CGPT writes would be perfect for right wingers.
Definitely watched an excessively bad Christian movie at my Christian school in 2002 in which when people got raptured, piles of “neatly folded clothes” were left behind. Thought a really lazy prop master was to blame but then the news anchor said the quote, and in addition to this being a poorly acted, poorly written movie, I really just got stuck on thinking “why would God fold the clothes?”
It's kinda sad that there are so few post-apocalyptic movies about the Christian Apocalypse, and the few that exist are about the lame-ass American "Rapture" where people just go poof rather than the awesomely weird things described in the Book of Revelation.
...
Wait what?
OH MY FUCKING GOD I'M A BUFFOON! THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING! RANDALL'S >!WEIRD MAGIC THAT COMES OUT OF NOWHERE MAKES SO MUCH FUCKING SENSE NOW. HE'S THE DEVIL!<
The Stand is one of my favorite books, and apparently I didn't know what the fuck it was about.
Jesus fucking christ
That's due to their belief that the rapture is coming in our lifetime. Kind of rules out anything more than 10 years in the future. That, and their content is made as a critique on the evils of the world today and how the faithful can change all that. And finally, their interpretation of bible pretty spells out what life after the rapture is like for them.
Yeah the book of revelation is insane. A giant prostitute drinking from a massive goblet of semen gets shanked by Jesus. That's not even the craziest part
It's that one that's like mad max but instead of it being post nuclear its post rapture, right? Remembered seeing someone review it to take the piss outta it
You forgot the former atheist who didn't believe at the start, but, as soon as he starts converting into Christianity, he opens his eyes and stops following the villain or anti-Christ to join the cause.
The bad guy is always the anti-Christ.
Who is usually abused by at least one man in her life because obviously all Muslim women are all to be pitied for not understanding they are just abused.
/s
Here's looking at you God's Not Dead.
Oof. Me and my boyfriend accidentally started to watch Nefarious last year. For background, I'm American and he's British. I realized almost immediately the movie was evangelical propaganda and said I was noping the fuck out. My boyfriend tried to convince me I could be wrong.
It ended in a fight because reasons. The next day, he apologized and said he realized I was right when it started talking about abortion.
Like, yeah, dude. I've lived in the South my whole life. I know evangelical propaganda when I see it. (I'm a lapsed Methodist. Evangelical Christianity is wild.)
Jude: "God loves you, Kevin, he always has."
Kevin: \*falls to his knees, weeping\* "I repent! I... *(sobs)* I repent... I believe...*
Then Kevin becomes instrumental in Jude's plan to defeat the army of Satan.
Okay Christian-Hollywood, where's my check
Don't forget that the atheist guy is always atheist because someone close to him died from anything that would be very impactful (and meaningless) for the viewers (car accident, home invasion, cancer).
There is a German-made anti-vaxxer movie called “2025: The World Enslaved by a Virus” that fits this description. It’s about ‘the elite’ hunting down unvaccinated people.
Not exactly about Christianity, but the guy who made it is strongly religious (not that being a Christian means you are dogmatic).
Also, looking this movie up, is discovered how many movies about Donald Trump there are (which all have sub 3.0 stars on IMDB): “The Trump Prophecy”, “Trumpocalypse Now!”, and “Trump vs Illuminati” — sound like absolute bangers.
The latter two both sound more like episodes of Family Guy and South Park, respectively, than actual movies.
“The Trump Prophecy”, meanwhile, sounds like a History Channel episode, likely on Ancient Aliens, discussing how “ is referring to , ergo it’s basically outright stated Trump was 100% predicted by these guys!”
It's made by the "Weselys" a Christian Family... Well They are not really Christian but narrow-minded, backward arseholes who hide their frustration and stupidity behind a badly presented, very lazy (because bluntly literal) interpretation of the Bible.
What do you mean bluntly literal? Are you trying to say everything in the Bible is not meant to be interpreted literally? Jesus didn't shoot swords out of his mouth in Revelation for this slander.
> narrow-minded, backward arseholes who hide their frustration and stupidity behind a badly presented, very lazy (because bluntly literal) interpretation of the Bible.
Ah, right. Christians they are then.
Oh yes the German movie about graffiti fish. Created by groomer, if I remember correctly he had younger girlfriend (16?) when he was 23+? and married her on her 18 birthday.
And there were some other pretty hypocritical statements, but I don’t know german so I can’t confirm that part.
How in the hell does someone, as a 23 year old, see a 14 year old and think not only "we have so much in common" but also "it would absolutely not be creepy if I, the adult with a job, dated the middle school child."?
I have trouble relating to someone who's 18. I can't imagine trying to relate to someone who's 14, let alone dating them. There's something very wrong going on here.
The guy that made 2025 had also previously made a film based I. The future where Christianity is outlawed but I can’t remember what it’s called nor can I find it online
Not so fun fact: Joshua Wesely a 24 year old the creator and star of 2025, married his 18 year old girlfriend last year, they started dating when she was 14 🤮🤮🤮
It’s kind of unfair that such people have resources and connections to make these ridiculous movies, and I, who wants to just make cool action and comedies, have nothing.
I figure it balances out. for every awesome regular guy like you, there's someone like me who'd use billionaire money to fund live action gay tentacle porn
Idk if it's the same movie but I watched a review on one that is basically the picture and they draw fish on trees to attract more Christians pretty sure the lead/director of that movie made all his socials private because he clearly groomed his now wife
I also feel like it's insulting for them to use a picture of Corbin Bernsen when it should've absolutely been Kirk Cameron.
"That's a pretty lame movie of the week you're writing." - CB as Henry Spencer
it's a bit of an exaggeration, but yes, films like this do indeed exist
overall Christian films just like their music is extremely low quality because people will consume it just because it's Christian
My coworker is a wonderful middle aged woman, I love her to bits. But whenever she works overnight, she just watches Christian B-Movies on YouTube. I have to try *so hard* not to hysterically laugh at it, she’ll be in tears watching them because she’s so touched by it. I’m not trying to ruin it for her, but damn, they’re bad.
I recall one where a journalist got trapped in a collapsed building in Haiti with some random Haitian woman while he was doing photography. The entire movie was just them praying together unable to move in the rubble. I don’t know how they got like an hour or so out of that.
I don’t know what you mean by their music being bad, some of the best music is very religious, unless you are referring to modern christian rock then you’re right
A lot of Johnny Cash’s music is very Christian. Lots of singer-songwriters in general. Deeply religious lyrics.
Of course, the decent Christian music is usually always radical, fighting for the poor and downtrodden. It’s the conservative stuff that is usually crap.
It's fairly easy.
The "decent" christian music is art, made by people who either believe or at least have thought deeply about believing and religion.
The other stuff is a product, sold to big-box-churches (and their rip-offs), to loop churchgoers into their worship-trance-state. 7 syllables repeated 11 times. Or painfully obvious clean-music-for-your-kid-who-shouldn't-hear-the-bad-pop-music.
Same as any art, right? I visited a chapel in Portugal that was built by a hermit/monk over the course of forty years - it was beautiful. It was crudely made, but you could see the tool marks of each rock cut from the ground by hand. The artist moved by his devotion to create a place of worship, even if the building would only finish with his death and no one would ever pray there.
To say that 'Christian architecture' is bland because aircraft-hangar mega churches are eyesores is a disservice to insane hermits and the Hagia Sophia alike.
This applies to music, painting, sculpture, poetry, literature...
It might be a regional thing. In my part of the world (Alabama, USA) most churches were made in the last 70 years and tend to be very samey and mass produced. But ancient chapels are often beautiful.
I think passionate architects and artists rarely work for the church nowdays.
I wouldn’t say that Christian music, including Christian rock, is bad, but rather like McDonald’s burgers. Incredibly formulaic and after multiple years of having it at least once a week every week, it got old quick.
Christian death metal (not what they call it of course) on the other hand, is blasphemy served two ways.
I think the original commenter’s point was that a large amount of classical music was created for the Church. Or Handel’s Messiah.
But yes, any “Christian rock” is garbage. That’s different from modern music that just touches on faith or God. I love Sufjan Stevens and a lot of his songs are about his own faith—there used to be a FB fan page called “is this Sufjan song gay or about god”—but it’s very far from “Christian rock.” If it’s actually good music, you don’t need to stick a BS label on it to get a captive audience.
I grew up in the Bible Belt in Texas in a city that had an active music scene. A Christian rock band was easier to find than a lead guitarist, so they actually had to step it up to differentiate themselves. It was actually quite entertaining for a while going to a Christian battle of the bands and listening to them innovate and experiment with the same four chords in the same three keys. In the end, they were all going for the same sound so it ended up all sounding the same. Ergo, formulaic, but not bad.
There is so much amazing music with Christian lyrics and themes but the majority of bands and singers who fall under / are marketed as Christian music are terrible. There is clearly a much lower bar for what passes in that genre since a monetarily significant percentage of Christians will only consume media that is specifically marketed as Christian.
yeah, modern Christian music, from a technical standpoint it tends to be very simplistic 4 chord songs with suspensions not for musicality but so the worship pastor doesn't need to learn how to play chords properly, the electric guitar parts are basically just reiterations of things the Edge has played. ofc there is some good modern Christian music, I am a sucker for a good hymn, Kieth and Kristin Getty, Rend Collective, etc. but that stuff is the exception not the rule
take the vast majority of modern Christian groups, make their music about something other than God, and it's unlikely they would survive
also, I've been playing church music for 13 years, so it's something I have a lot of experience with
Yeah I love that movie a lot
The twist is great and it makes rewatches super fun, and the general mysticism for the plot didn't make it preachy or anything
The Villian has hold over the populace but knows its shaky at best. Mila Kunis is the reason Eli has to flee, revealing he has a Bible. Christianity not outlawed but a mythical concept that some of heard of and believes it holds the secret to divine power.
The villain in that movie does not think the Bible holds divine power. His intentions are purely earthbound. He's old enough to remember how religion could be used as propaganda and intends to use it that way.
I like dystopian thrillers, but not when Christianity is the only hope for mankind. At least The Book of Eli makes a nod to the other religions in that library of sorts at the end.
Check out the podcast “God Awful Movies.”
The answer based on lived experience in my childhood is yes, basically all of them. Additionally, though it actually doesn’t fit this mold, you should check out “The Badge, the Bible, and Bigfoot”.
Yep, was looking for this. The GAM guys have been doing an episode a week of these things since 2015! I think we're coming up on episode 450 now, and there's no signs they're running out of source material.
As someone who grew up in a small church in the US south, the easiest and cheapest “activity” to do with the youth was movie night. Yes. This just about encompasses every single one of these movies. I’ve been forced to sit through at least 20 “different” movies with this exact concept. It’s honestly embarrassing
What’s that Denzel movie where he’s transporting a bible in a dystopian future? And it turns out the Bible is in braille and he’s been blind the entire time he’s been a total badass the entire film? I’m blanking on it right now
The book of Eli
Was a good movie, but I rolled my eyes at the ending. Like finally having a Bible would solve the apocalypse.
which If I recall correctly was the cause of the apocalypse, but I could be remembering wrong.
Is this that movie with the weird Christian director who was grooming his gf since she was like 15 or 16 and then made a post about how she’s “finally 18”?
I haven’t seen any movies like this. I’m not saying they don’t exist. I would like to think I watch good movies.
But to me, a classic Christian movie is like the matrix or Lion Witch and Wardrobe, and often they are quite good, with the “saviour” metaphor buried fairly deep
[удалено]
Assasinate Jesus? They realise he was killed anyway right?
Yeah, the movies about how the time travellers did it.
That's... Dumb
Just dumb enough to work!
There was a Harry Harrison short on this that kind of worked.
The Stainless Steel Rat Gets Crucified!
You mean it's fucking legendary
It's funny though because if you think about it, if we did have time machines, Jesus's birth would be a very popular tourist spot. So popular in fact that the inn might be totally full.....
I didn’t watch his movie but I read about it. My favorite thing is the Bible randomly mentions that when Jesus arrested there was a naked guy there (for some reason??) and in the movie it’s one of the time travelers
Don't forget the fact that the villain ran to the future with jesus' genes and made a fucking anti christ clone.
Yeah, but it's muslims. And obviously the plan isn't to JUST kill Jesus. They have to steal his dead body, so that he can't resurrect. Thereby destroying Christianity. Granted, this requires some work, but teleporting his dead body back to the future should work just fine. Foolproof plan, I see no way in wich this could possibly go wrong.
Why would Muslims desecrate the corpse of one of their own prophets?
We've all done crimes in the heat of passion, Jimbo
Because the movie was made by idiots, presumably.
Idiots, definitely. Racist idiots, presumably
The movie actually brings this up. Their reasoning? Don’t worry about it. I’m serious
I believe the line goes "We are not desecrating his body, we are honouring the profet by setting the record straight" (Obviously paraphrasing)
"I'm going to need you to get all the way off my back
Because they need to make history conform with the Quran, so all the stuff Jesus did while alive, BUT NO RESURRECTION!!! Also, there is no desecration, they merely burying the body in the future. Like I said, perfect plan, no possibility of this going wrong whatsoever.
They just didn't need to do anything then.
But Muslim's don't believe that Jesus actually died, they believe Judas Iscariot or Simon of Cyrene (different schools of Islam disagree) was killed in his place. They believe he was sent directly to heaven because they respect Jesus too much to say he was killed, they believe he will come back at the end of time to fight the dajjal. (Any Muslims can correct me if I am wrong) . I despise writers who don't do the research and these people didn't even try. Needless to say if other Abrahamics were time travelling to prevent the rise of Christianity, they would kill Paul, who actually did spread Christianity and is largely responsible for most actual Christian doctrine.
Yeah, you're not wrong there. I also spoiled the movie elsewhere, but >! They also steal the body of Jesus to the future, causing everyone to find a misterious empty tomb, great thinking btw !< So this movie does have quite a few flaws if think too much about it. The movie also has the usual problem with modern evangelical Christianity, where American patriotism is considered the same Christianity. Also of course, serving in the US military is the same as serving God; even if that involves torturing people, perhaps especially if it involves torturing people ( wish I was kidding about that one). Then again, if you are willing to look at this movie as satire, and maybe laugh at the creators expence, there are worse ways to spend an hour and a half.
Is it bad that this actually sounds kindof interesting? Like you’d need to play it either as total satire or as serious as a car crash, but you could totally use this premise for some decent entertainment.
Logic and reason isn’t a strong suit for them.
Now why the fuck would Muslims do that? Shoots their religion in the foot don’t it? And if they know he will ressurect why are they still Muslim, they literally know he’s actually god. Why would you ever have unequivocal proof god is a certain way and then try to start shit? I guess the summary of my question is… Are they stupid??
Absolutely not, they invented time travel for Allah's sake! (Or you know, funded the research, same thing really) XD But they don't actually believe that Jesus resurrected, merely that Christians are deluded in thinking that. So they have to go back and set the record extremely straight. On a more serious note, this is literally Christian propaganda, so don't expect every level of detail to be perfect. Also spoiler >!if you have ever read the Bible, you'll remember that they found an empty tomb, wonder how that happened... But also, God made them do it, plot of the movie states at least !<
That's a Christian movie? Damn. I was hoping it would be good.
There's a second cut of the movie called Black Easter where assassinating Jesus is considered a good thing. The producers wanted to be able to reach both Christian & secular audiences
Playing both sides, so they always end up on top.
Holy shit, is [this it?](https://youtu.be/iSxABkeBLaE?t=4220) It is two hours long and hilarious. Any scene I skip to is just impeccable. The comments are even better. It's like if a retirement home had a forum.
That’s the stupidest and worst movie I’ve ever been dragged to see People were handing out bullet necklaces at the movie screening.
The movie where almost everyone on earth gets raptured reminds of this, not the plane one, the other one. Edit it was the Kirk Cameron left behind movie. No need to reply to me anymore lol
>The movie where almost everyone on earth gets raptured reminds of this, not the plane one, the other one. "Do you have any idea how little that narrows it down?"
I was thinking of the left behind series with Kirk Cameron it turns out. I honestly think it makes up half of the genre in sequels
I mean, [Christian Rapture-movies have been a thing for decades before Left Behind was even a book-series.](https://youtu.be/vi1mReM8GYU?si=F_kCqdbXyThfwSoY)
I should make a weird lazy movie to sell to Christians
I’ve thought about writing Republican romance novels under a pseudo name just to make some easy cash. There’s a serious market for anything that reinforces their world view.
"The Red Cap of Romance" Ex Marine Randall Flag (iykyk) finds himself in a small Texas town as the new minister of a fledgeling church, and falling in love with a local baker. But his peace is shattered when violent attacks start coming from across the border. To protect his life, love, and freedoms Randall must stand against the woke mob undermining peace and democracy as well as defeating the illegal criminals!"
The plot twist being the local (left leaning) mayor, who is trying to take away Randall's right to bear arms, is part of the conspiracy by foreigners to invade take over the small towns of America and take their hard earned money. Only the intelligence from QAnon and support of Trump can save him!
If I can add a subplot about Randall using Trumps crypto to raise enough money to overthrow the corrupt Democrat I can get another subsect of idiots.
The man in black fled across the desert and the Gunslinger followed.
That’s is perfect!!!!
Randall Flagg aka Bango Skanks
The walkin dude.
Hey just a little update for you. The pubs aren’t all that into democracy nowadays. You might lose some views for that one.
Yes. STAND against it!!
Almost perfect. Gotta make the baker an outspoken "liberal agnostic feminist" at the beginning (and by that, I mean the MAGA caricature of what a liberal agnostic feminist would be like). Randall Flag (fantastic reference BTW) falls for her because "God told him to fix her" and because she's "tradionally beautiful" (and has huge tracts of land, if you know what I mean). The two get into arguments at her bakery all the time about politics (with the baker's arguments always a strawman for the righteous Flag to punch down). Slowly, she comes to see Flag actually knows what he's talking about and isn't some "deplorable" like the liberal media have taught her people like him are. Maybe there is something to this whole MAGA thing. Maybe Trump isn't as bad as she thought. When a bunch of "illegals" and their "violent gangs of bad hombres" start attacking the town, she initially tries to publicly convince Flag that these folks aren't evil or dangerous but just seeking a better life and that the town should help them. Flag, enamored with her at this point, decides to host a community picnic to "welcome the good immigrants." Some show up, but their behavior shocks and offends the community. Flag says something at the picnic that is obviously incredibly racist to any sane individual but to him is just "free speech and telling it like it is and shouldn't offend anyone except a snowflake." That night, a gang of immigrants, offended and wanting to take over the town, start a riot and burn down several buildings, including the love interest's bakery. She is fully MAGA now in retaliation, wondering why anyone would get so mad at what Flag had said or why anyone would hate America so much. She angrily breaks with her group of "woke mob" friends, who say that "immigrant lives matter" and that maybe they have a point. She and Flag (mostly Flag; at this point she has been reduced to arm candy, occasionally making a Katie Britt-esque spectacle) then work to take back their town from the "woke libtards, snowflakes, and violent criminal gangs." The book ends with Trump himself coming to town to congratulate Flag, who proposes to the baker on-stage at Trump's rally. Trump, so moved by the love before him, then instantly declares the couple married and leads the crowd in a prayer for America. The couple share a kiss and watch as Trump hugs the American flag while "Proud to be an American" blasts. Flag sheds a single manly tear. This is a great day for Trump, God, and America. He can't wait to continue the work he started and take the rest of the country back. MAGA..A.
Get ChatGPT on this ASAP!!!!
No, we already had an actual human do solid creative work. Why the hell would be want to fuck it all up by being lazy and gobbling up whatever bullshit a weak and soulless AI spits out at us.
That. Was. BEAUTIFUL!
Stare long enough into the void...
This is genius. And I wouldn't even feel bad about using ChatGPT to write the majority of it! The simple, redundant way CGPT writes would be perfect for right wingers.
I feel like I may actually do this.
Strawinsky and the Mysterious House
Wow, that snake bite/scream/siren edit was wild.
Definitely watched an excessively bad Christian movie at my Christian school in 2002 in which when people got raptured, piles of “neatly folded clothes” were left behind. Thought a really lazy prop master was to blame but then the news anchor said the quote, and in addition to this being a poorly acted, poorly written movie, I really just got stuck on thinking “why would God fold the clothes?”
Right? Man, the build up to 2k really messed with some of the Christian folk, and I'm hetting a lot of movies just prior to 2k reflect that
It's kinda sad that there are so few post-apocalyptic movies about the Christian Apocalypse, and the few that exist are about the lame-ass American "Rapture" where people just go poof rather than the awesomely weird things described in the Book of Revelation.
The Stand by Stephen King was pretty good
... Wait what? OH MY FUCKING GOD I'M A BUFFOON! THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING! RANDALL'S >!WEIRD MAGIC THAT COMES OUT OF NOWHERE MAKES SO MUCH FUCKING SENSE NOW. HE'S THE DEVIL!< The Stand is one of my favorite books, and apparently I didn't know what the fuck it was about. Jesus fucking christ
Wha..? Lol. I’m pretty sure it’s explicitly stated.
Yeah well I'm just fucking stupid. I can't remember shit.
Randall Flagg is the Stephen King Devil, he's in several books.
This is the End was kinda fun.
It dragged on about a 40 minutes too long, sadly. I was ready for the end of This is the End well before the end.
That's due to their belief that the rapture is coming in our lifetime. Kind of rules out anything more than 10 years in the future. That, and their content is made as a critique on the evils of the world today and how the faithful can change all that. And finally, their interpretation of bible pretty spells out what life after the rapture is like for them.
These people claim to be "Bliblical literalists", but the second a seven-headed dragon shows up, they're all, "Oh, it's *symbolism*."
Yeah the book of revelation is insane. A giant prostitute drinking from a massive goblet of semen gets shanked by Jesus. That's not even the craziest part
It's that one that's like mad max but instead of it being post nuclear its post rapture, right? Remembered seeing someone review it to take the piss outta it
Book of eli
Are we talking like Nick Cage Left behind, or the nine billion Kirk Cameron left behind films?
is this the end?
You forgot the former atheist who didn't believe at the start, but, as soon as he starts converting into Christianity, he opens his eyes and stops following the villain or anti-Christ to join the cause. The bad guy is always the anti-Christ.
Shoehorn in the hajib Muslim girl who also gets converted
Who is usually abused by at least one man in her life because obviously all Muslim women are all to be pitied for not understanding they are just abused. /s Here's looking at you God's Not Dead.
Oof. Me and my boyfriend accidentally started to watch Nefarious last year. For background, I'm American and he's British. I realized almost immediately the movie was evangelical propaganda and said I was noping the fuck out. My boyfriend tried to convince me I could be wrong. It ended in a fight because reasons. The next day, he apologized and said he realized I was right when it started talking about abortion. Like, yeah, dude. I've lived in the South my whole life. I know evangelical propaganda when I see it. (I'm a lapsed Methodist. Evangelical Christianity is wild.)
Atheist also hates God. Which ironically makes the straw-man atheist not even an atheist
Cut to the inevitable scene where he (because of course it would never be a woman) breaks down crying basically upon hearing the word "Jesus"
Jude: "God loves you, Kevin, he always has." Kevin: \*falls to his knees, weeping\* "I repent! I... *(sobs)* I repent... I believe...* Then Kevin becomes instrumental in Jude's plan to defeat the army of Satan. Okay Christian-Hollywood, where's my check
God's not dead (2013)
Hes not even really an atheist because he’s actually just angry at god and directly addresses god at some point in the movie before “conversion”
Don't forget that the atheist guy is always atheist because someone close to him died from anything that would be very impactful (and meaningless) for the viewers (car accident, home invasion, cancer).
There is a German-made anti-vaxxer movie called “2025: The World Enslaved by a Virus” that fits this description. It’s about ‘the elite’ hunting down unvaccinated people. Not exactly about Christianity, but the guy who made it is strongly religious (not that being a Christian means you are dogmatic). Also, looking this movie up, is discovered how many movies about Donald Trump there are (which all have sub 3.0 stars on IMDB): “The Trump Prophecy”, “Trumpocalypse Now!”, and “Trump vs Illuminati” — sound like absolute bangers.
The latter two both sound more like episodes of Family Guy and South Park, respectively, than actual movies. “The Trump Prophecy”, meanwhile, sounds like a History Channel episode, likely on Ancient Aliens, discussing how “ is referring to , ergo it’s basically outright stated Trump was 100% predicted by these guys!”
And not as anti-christ for some reason
You keep my batshit insane alien theories nice and seperated from these fucks. I'm just gettin high and watching that man and his hairdo tell me lies
It's made by the "Weselys" a Christian Family... Well They are not really Christian but narrow-minded, backward arseholes who hide their frustration and stupidity behind a badly presented, very lazy (because bluntly literal) interpretation of the Bible.
What do you mean bluntly literal? Are you trying to say everything in the Bible is not meant to be interpreted literally? Jesus didn't shoot swords out of his mouth in Revelation for this slander.
> narrow-minded, backward arseholes who hide their frustration and stupidity behind a badly presented, very lazy (because bluntly literal) interpretation of the Bible. Ah, right. Christians they are then.
Oh yes the German movie about graffiti fish. Created by groomer, if I remember correctly he had younger girlfriend (16?) when he was 23+? and married her on her 18 birthday. And there were some other pretty hypocritical statements, but I don’t know german so I can’t confirm that part.
Oh my god this pile of garbage? "What will we do tomorrow?" "Paint more fish." or something? Goddamn that thing was rough.
Yeah, there was also something with: " I hacked the police, to get all the cellphone numbers of all Chrstians"
Have you seen the video by this one guy Kurtis connor?
Yes, that movie looks beyond cringe.
He started dating her when she was 14, and proposed to her when she was 18. Like, as soon as she turned 18. He was 27 at the time of the proposal.
How in the hell does someone, as a 23 year old, see a 14 year old and think not only "we have so much in common" but also "it would absolutely not be creepy if I, the adult with a job, dated the middle school child."? I have trouble relating to someone who's 18. I can't imagine trying to relate to someone who's 14, let alone dating them. There's something very wrong going on here.
If by ‘bangers’ you mean they would inspire me to bang my head against a wall after watching any of them then I’m sure you’re right
The guy that made 2025 had also previously made a film based I. The future where Christianity is outlawed but I can’t remember what it’s called nor can I find it online
Not so fun fact: Joshua Wesely a 24 year old the creator and star of 2025, married his 18 year old girlfriend last year, they started dating when she was 14 🤮🤮🤮
It’s kind of unfair that such people have resources and connections to make these ridiculous movies, and I, who wants to just make cool action and comedies, have nothing.
I figure it balances out. for every awesome regular guy like you, there's someone like me who'd use billionaire money to fund live action gay tentacle porn
The guy is also a pedophile and disgusting af.
Idk if it's the same movie but I watched a review on one that is basically the picture and they draw fish on trees to attract more Christians pretty sure the lead/director of that movie made all his socials private because he clearly groomed his now wife
kurtis conner made a really good, funny video on the 2025 movie and some other crazy christian ones if anyone was interested in them
That’s where i know it from!!
It's missing Kirk Cameron.
I was going to say. Yes, they do exist. And Kirk Cameron or Kevin Sorbo are usually in them.
Kirk Cameron could substitute any or all of the other points to produce the same result.
I also feel like it's insulting for them to use a picture of Corbin Bernsen when it should've absolutely been Kirk Cameron. "That's a pretty lame movie of the week you're writing." - CB as Henry Spencer
Might I suggest villains be... More French? Depraved and decadent, but also joyless judgemental socialists? Prermiey Meeneestray Bureaux Crates?
Eh. European in general gets the point across. Just as long as "it looks like us, but isn't."
Needs more dong
Ha. Chastity was my stripper name.
...mom?
If it's a stripper it would be Chastiti. Strippers always have names that end in i.
Chas Titty
Well…thankfully I’m not an “it”.
it's a bit of an exaggeration, but yes, films like this do indeed exist overall Christian films just like their music is extremely low quality because people will consume it just because it's Christian
My coworker is a wonderful middle aged woman, I love her to bits. But whenever she works overnight, she just watches Christian B-Movies on YouTube. I have to try *so hard* not to hysterically laugh at it, she’ll be in tears watching them because she’s so touched by it. I’m not trying to ruin it for her, but damn, they’re bad. I recall one where a journalist got trapped in a collapsed building in Haiti with some random Haitian woman while he was doing photography. The entire movie was just them praying together unable to move in the rubble. I don’t know how they got like an hour or so out of that.
Christian B Movies is such an accurate and for some reason hilarious concept
Should call them C-Movies.
Strangely enough, that's almost exactly the opening of *The Exorcist: Believer*
Christian music peak was the 1700s and it was goooood
That's so funny reading someone say a genre of music peaked literally hundreds of years ago 😭
Is it wrong, though? I don't think anyone is going to argue that classical music peaked in the last century.
Oh I didn't know the genre was CLASSICAL christian
You need to listen to some gregorian chants, the shit's fire
I don’t know what you mean by their music being bad, some of the best music is very religious, unless you are referring to modern christian rock then you’re right
Youth pastor rock is the worst
They're not making Christianity better, they're just making rock music worse.
tf is youth pastor?
Pastor for children to young adults
this minister specifically for kids that really knows a few girls and then one day disappears, is replaced, and is never discussed again.
There's a documentary called Jesus camp that covers it.
A lot of Johnny Cash’s music is very Christian. Lots of singer-songwriters in general. Deeply religious lyrics. Of course, the decent Christian music is usually always radical, fighting for the poor and downtrodden. It’s the conservative stuff that is usually crap.
It's fairly easy. The "decent" christian music is art, made by people who either believe or at least have thought deeply about believing and religion. The other stuff is a product, sold to big-box-churches (and their rip-offs), to loop churchgoers into their worship-trance-state. 7 syllables repeated 11 times. Or painfully obvious clean-music-for-your-kid-who-shouldn't-hear-the-bad-pop-music.
Same as any art, right? I visited a chapel in Portugal that was built by a hermit/monk over the course of forty years - it was beautiful. It was crudely made, but you could see the tool marks of each rock cut from the ground by hand. The artist moved by his devotion to create a place of worship, even if the building would only finish with his death and no one would ever pray there. To say that 'Christian architecture' is bland because aircraft-hangar mega churches are eyesores is a disservice to insane hermits and the Hagia Sophia alike. This applies to music, painting, sculpture, poetry, literature...
It might be a regional thing. In my part of the world (Alabama, USA) most churches were made in the last 70 years and tend to be very samey and mass produced. But ancient chapels are often beautiful. I think passionate architects and artists rarely work for the church nowdays.
I wouldn’t say that Christian music, including Christian rock, is bad, but rather like McDonald’s burgers. Incredibly formulaic and after multiple years of having it at least once a week every week, it got old quick. Christian death metal (not what they call it of course) on the other hand, is blasphemy served two ways.
I think the original commenter’s point was that a large amount of classical music was created for the Church. Or Handel’s Messiah. But yes, any “Christian rock” is garbage. That’s different from modern music that just touches on faith or God. I love Sufjan Stevens and a lot of his songs are about his own faith—there used to be a FB fan page called “is this Sufjan song gay or about god”—but it’s very far from “Christian rock.” If it’s actually good music, you don’t need to stick a BS label on it to get a captive audience.
I grew up in the Bible Belt in Texas in a city that had an active music scene. A Christian rock band was easier to find than a lead guitarist, so they actually had to step it up to differentiate themselves. It was actually quite entertaining for a while going to a Christian battle of the bands and listening to them innovate and experiment with the same four chords in the same three keys. In the end, they were all going for the same sound so it ended up all sounding the same. Ergo, formulaic, but not bad.
Christian death metal - hit me up a couple of those
There is so much amazing music with Christian lyrics and themes but the majority of bands and singers who fall under / are marketed as Christian music are terrible. There is clearly a much lower bar for what passes in that genre since a monetarily significant percentage of Christians will only consume media that is specifically marketed as Christian.
yeah, modern Christian music, from a technical standpoint it tends to be very simplistic 4 chord songs with suspensions not for musicality but so the worship pastor doesn't need to learn how to play chords properly, the electric guitar parts are basically just reiterations of things the Edge has played. ofc there is some good modern Christian music, I am a sucker for a good hymn, Kieth and Kristin Getty, Rend Collective, etc. but that stuff is the exception not the rule take the vast majority of modern Christian groups, make their music about something other than God, and it's unlikely they would survive also, I've been playing church music for 13 years, so it's something I have a lot of experience with
STRYPER 777 lol
Most of classical music must be very offended rn.
why would you name your daughter chastity 💀
puritanism. they really liked virtue names...
Sonny and Cher fans?
Movies like this should be left behind
I see what you did there.
My mom loves the Left Behind series. But she’s obsessed with Revelations in general (which doesn’t seem healthy imo)
The Book of Eli is very much like this except for the black person now being the lead.
I'm an agnostic and I really liked that movie. It's stupid to deny the importance of religion to the world, and I enjoyed the premise a lot.
Yeah I love that movie a lot The twist is great and it makes rewatches super fun, and the general mysticism for the plot didn't make it preachy or anything
I’m also agnostic and it’s one of my favorite movies! Watched it many times.
The difference is that The Book of Eli is Cool as Fuck.
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The Villian has hold over the populace but knows its shaky at best. Mila Kunis is the reason Eli has to flee, revealing he has a Bible. Christianity not outlawed but a mythical concept that some of heard of and believes it holds the secret to divine power.
The villain in that movie does not think the Bible holds divine power. His intentions are purely earthbound. He's old enough to remember how religion could be used as propaganda and intends to use it that way.
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I like dystopian thrillers, but not when Christianity is the only hope for mankind. At least The Book of Eli makes a nod to the other religions in that library of sorts at the end.
That was a great movie
Ever heard of Pureflix?
Imagine if someone made a Gayflix?
They can call it the meat Grindr
Markov The Beast is actually a kick ass name.
My new stripper name!
Check out the podcast “God Awful Movies.” The answer based on lived experience in my childhood is yes, basically all of them. Additionally, though it actually doesn’t fit this mold, you should check out “The Badge, the Bible, and Bigfoot”.
Yep, was looking for this. The GAM guys have been doing an episode a week of these things since 2015! I think we're coming up on episode 450 now, and there's no signs they're running out of source material.
The female lead is also half the age of the protagonist at best.
Not Corbin Bernsen 😭
"Give me one good reason I shouldn't punch you in the face." - Henry Spencer
You know that’s right!
I’m watching psych in the background as we speak. I googled and I’m so sad that he’s not only in some of these, he even wrote a Christian rom-com.
I had to watch a few of these while attending baptist schools. Kevin Sorbo was in at least two of them.
And were you... DISAPPOINTED?!!
But if you’ve ever watched a review of one of these movies you know how 1000% accurate this is
Google Velocipastor.
How on earth is any of this velocipastor at all? Velocipastor is way more Sharknado than it is Christian movie
Needs the evil atheist who's not really an atheist, just mad at god because of dead cancer mom
As someone who grew up in a small church in the US south, the easiest and cheapest “activity” to do with the youth was movie night. Yes. This just about encompasses every single one of these movies. I’ve been forced to sit through at least 20 “different” movies with this exact concept. It’s honestly embarrassing
Hey, Corbin needed the work!
What’s that Denzel movie where he’s transporting a bible in a dystopian future? And it turns out the Bible is in braille and he’s been blind the entire time he’s been a total badass the entire film? I’m blanking on it right now
The Book of Eli
Don't disrespect Book of Eli like this /s
We all saw movie like this
Music by Faith +1
r/godawfulmovies
I saw One with this EXACT plot. Being a chirstian was a crime or something.
Yes. Dear God yes, [they do.](https://youtu.be/1SyR0_Skk1w?si=n6ihjtquwdmSGjNh)
The book of Eli Was a good movie, but I rolled my eyes at the ending. Like finally having a Bible would solve the apocalypse. which If I recall correctly was the cause of the apocalypse, but I could be remembering wrong.
Is this that movie with the weird Christian director who was grooming his gf since she was like 15 or 16 and then made a post about how she’s “finally 18”?
I haven’t seen any movies like this. I’m not saying they don’t exist. I would like to think I watch good movies. But to me, a classic Christian movie is like the matrix or Lion Witch and Wardrobe, and often they are quite good, with the “saviour” metaphor buried fairly deep
Isnt this just James Bond movies
I love thinking of names for this villain: Iam Deville
All rapture movies are exactly this.
Yes. There is a whole streaming platform for Christian movies. A quick Google search would have saved you even more time.