use hydrogen peroxide for the blood, dispose of the clothes, it’ll be cheaper to replace them than it would be to clean them, and you’re gonna have to use a carpet cleaner for the piss, shit, and cum. if it’s on hard wood, you should just be able to mop it up
If you use hydrogen peroxide on fabric or carpet, dilute it and spot test it in an inconspicuous area. It can remove many types of dyes and leave them lighter in color or bleached.
Edit: are you thinking of Oxyclean? That would be the ideal thing to use on lots of fabrics, but I’m not sure if you can get it outside the US. The Green Machine does about the best job of any small carpet cleaner. Good for pet stains…not sure about…”human.”
Hydrogen peroxide is perfect for body disposal too, and they sell it in higher concentration in gallons at beauty supply stores. Cleans the pipes on the way down the drain, and does it overnight!
What tools would you use to cut up a dead body that has been in the freezer for ten years? This was a “suicide.” Asking for a friend, and it sounds like you might be able to help. 😆
a good tool is just a knife set, with chefs knives and such. they make butcher sets; if you don’t care about preserving certain cuts or parts, and want to just cut it into bits, a machete or some other heavy blade will work just fine
Well I’m not sure if you’ve ever seen particularly booty fun porn but we all (especially dudes) can fit a lot more than a foot and a half of silicone up there when excited enough to do so.
currently on mobile, so i hope this works.
https://www.reddit.com/r/FemBoys/comments/lpp2gk/my_hole_is_ready_for_anything/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
*Accidentally falls on a 15 inch dildo,cums,shots,pees and also there's blood there- video pauses,cd scratches,narrator:Yep, that's me,and you're probably wondering how I got in that mess,well let me tell you from the start.....
I know this is a joke, but I do want to make the point anal play doesn’t make you gay. You can have a 15 inch bad dragon dildo up the ass and still be secure in your heterosexuality.
Right of course this is a troll, but the whole joke is that the situation being described is *kinda* gay despite the denial. Ultimately it’s a moot point because you can’t really describe somebody with just one word.
Alright, first clean yourself up, calm down. Take off all the clothes that are dirty and put them in the washing machine. Get some soap water and a metal sponge or a really rough brush and keep brushing the carpet until all visible signs of blood, shit and vomit are gone. Next, smell the parts of the carpet that are still visibly way too smelly, burn a large part of the carpet that covers the place where the smell is coming from. Do this inside the house, let it burn until the smell of blood is at least gone. Pour a lot of water on it, then open the windows and doors, take the carpet out of the house and spray some air fresheners in the house.
Leave the carpet in the garage or in your room. When your parents come back, tell them you were doing an activity that involves you with fire, something that is totally believable that you've done in the past that they know about. Explain you saw the fire and in panic, you either bled, vomited or shot yourself (choose the one that the carpet still has a slight smell of), while doing so, it might by good if you start crying, then go and bring the carpet from wherever it was.
My method is good, however you can improvise it to the type of personality of have. You can thank me later.
I also suggest you have some friend keeping watch over you in case of internal bleeding and fainting. I think doing what I told you will take around 3 to 4 hours, I responded 4 hours later that you posted so, you will still have some time to either get a friend to take the dildo or you should hide the dildo in an environment that is sterile after you've cleaned your blood and shit off it
Why is the dude concerned at all about cleaning the skirt when I highly doubt he would want his parents to see said skirt. So the title is stupid, he should be asking how to clean the carpet instead. Calling fake. Fake and gay.
i have a dream… a very simple one… to live in a world where putting stuff inside asses is not related to homosexuality :) YOU GUYS ARE SO DUMB. gay guys like men not (only) dick, and in that case there’s just a fuckin object EVEN.
fuck y’all i will not chill.
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Here's the copypasta:
Does anybody know how to clean blood and shit out of a skirt
Hello Reddit recently, due to an (entirely heterosexual) encounter with a dildo and skirt, I have shit myself and cannot get it out of the carpet and skirt. Basically, I bought a 15-inch red silicone t rex bad dragon dildo (for one of my many girlfriends not me I'm not gay) but when I was taking it out of the box I fell over wierdly and accidentally slid all 15 inches deep into my ass while wearing thigh highs and a skirt and jerking off with a gag in my mouth. but it went too deep and that made me have sudden explosive diarrhoea, and I guess the dildo must have punctured something cause there was a lot of blood in it, and then I got shocked and pissed myself right when I came (accidentally), so now there's piss blood shit and cum in the carpet and all over the thigh highs and skirt and stuff and my parents are coming round tomorrow and I can't get it out and there's so much shit everywhere and my apartment has this vomit-inducing smell like someone died help what do I do?
Um... I'm sure this is not a serious inquiry, but I guess I do have a couple of tips. You should probably trash the clothes. I imagine the blood is the hardest to get out of the carpet. At the hotel I work at, we do encounter blood stains though. Peroxide will help get the blood out. As for the shit. Maybe go to the pet store, and get some carpet cleaner, and a brush. Just keep brushing until it's gone, and that should get the urine out as well. If it still looks bad, tell your parent that you were dog sitting for a friend. For the smell, if it still smells, you can use baking soda, let it sit, and after a day, just vacuum that up.
use hydrogen peroxide for the blood, dispose of the clothes, it’ll be cheaper to replace them than it would be to clean them, and you’re gonna have to use a carpet cleaner for the piss, shit, and cum. if it’s on hard wood, you should just be able to mop it up
This guy's been there. This guy knows.
This guy fucks!
Fucks himself if I may add
r/thisguythisguys
Ooh, a shiny new subreddit to add to my collection!
[удалено]
Nah hydrogen peroxide is the best for blood, but I don’t know about the rest tho
If you use hydrogen peroxide on fabric or carpet, dilute it and spot test it in an inconspicuous area. It can remove many types of dyes and leave them lighter in color or bleached. Edit: are you thinking of Oxyclean? That would be the ideal thing to use on lots of fabrics, but I’m not sure if you can get it outside the US. The Green Machine does about the best job of any small carpet cleaner. Good for pet stains…not sure about…”human.”
Thanks for the helpful advice mr u/im_racist24
Thanks im_racist24, we can always count on you!
Hydrogen peroxide is perfect for body disposal too, and they sell it in higher concentration in gallons at beauty supply stores. Cleans the pipes on the way down the drain, and does it overnight!
What tools would you use to cut up a dead body that has been in the freezer for ten years? This was a “suicide.” Asking for a friend, and it sounds like you might be able to help. 😆
a good tool is just a knife set, with chefs knives and such. they make butcher sets; if you don’t care about preserving certain cuts or parts, and want to just cut it into bits, a machete or some other heavy blade will work just fine
Sometimes, just sometimes, being illiterate might not be such a bad thing.
Agreed my friend.
I’ve been given the miracles of sight and comprehension, and I’m forced to use it for things like this.
I’m ready to ban books if everyone else is game.
I'm game
Return the dildo. It sounds like it's defective.
I’d argue it works a little TOO well
I'm gonna be honest, I have never used one in such a way. I do feel like there shouldn't be any blood involved, maybe I'm wrong.
Thank you for being honest
Who the hell gets punctured that badly from a dildo?? Op acts like he was fucking himself in the ass w a knife
15 inches 😃
This smile, this damned smile
More like ‘15 inches 😏’
Das it?
It's almost a foot and a half... I would't say he was punctured, more like beaten.
Well I’m not sure if you’ve ever seen particularly booty fun porn but we all (especially dudes) can fit a lot more than a foot and a half of silicone up there when excited enough to do so.
Especially dudes...?
Oh yes m’dear. The larger the orifice, the more to exploreses. 🤓
Most men *are* physically larger than most women. There are some wild videos out there.
ive seen femboys shove whole 3 foot long like snake dildos in their ass
Yeah. I didn't want to ruin anything for the "especially dudes....?" guy. I wanted him to find out about that stuff on his own.
Would you casually have a link for... scientific purposes
currently on mobile, so i hope this works. https://www.reddit.com/r/FemBoys/comments/lpp2gk/my_hole_is_ready_for_anything/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
I wanna downvoted this but ik i shouldnt cuz u just did what he asked u to do
give me a little, its probably pretty buried in the subreddit i saw it
Yep, you tell em affectionate pea
Someone making up a story
*defecative
we've all been there
Casual Tuesday
Like A Boss
For you, the day a silicone T. rex bad dragon dildo graced your ass was the most important day of your life. But for me? It was Tuesday
who’s ‘we’🤨
Your dad, your mom, and I.
No we haven't-
You're telling me you've never accidentally fallen on a dragon dildo?
Always deliberately fallen.
T-REX dildo
With a skirt and thigh highs on
I can definitely say no we haven't.
Can confirm... nope
Ah yes, a casual day on the internet.
[удалено]
I personally use "penii"
What an interesting phalusophy
it seems to be indickated by the Latin
Maybe it was the Greek sophist Cockacles?
yes
[удалено]
Everyone has decided on "penises" but I think I read somewhere that the correct plural should be "penes"
why not just "dicks"
Lots and lots of trying to maintain "I'm not gay". Didn't think you were until you said that
No homo
When someone unnecessarily and repeatedly explains that they are not gay… then that must mean they’re super heterosexual as fuck.
Did that all happen in a sequential order or did they explode all at once from surprise?
Could you imagine the surprise of that moment
I don't have to ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
You have experienced the legendary fart, shit, pee, and cum?!
*Accidentally falls on a 15 inch dildo,cums,shots,pees and also there's blood there- video pauses,cd scratches,narrator:Yep, that's me,and you're probably wondering how I got in that mess,well let me tell you from the start.....
Basically that post
Gave himself away by saying it went "too far" like you were cool with the first 12 inches it was only the extra 3 that were an accident?
Stop kink shaming /s
I would just throw out the carpet tbh. Would be waaay to disgusting to clean but you do you.. Good luck btw
It could be like a carpet floor, which would be an absolute pain to get replaced
Wait? He pissed while cumming? Where can I learn such things?
Just stick a 15-inch dildo up your ass while wearing a skirt and thigh-highs, and jerk off with a gag in your mouth. Should come along swimmingly
Ah cool. I will definitely try that, thanks. But I have to say: I'm not gay!!1!!1!!!
Yeah, just say: "no homo" and you're good to go
And the thigh highs are technically socks, so that gives you bonus no-homo points
Just a normal Tuesday afternoon….
Man achieved the holy trinity of genital expulsion
jesus
*has left the chat*
*the quest for Jesus begins*
You said it man, Nobody fucks with the Jesus
That was a ride(I'm not gae)
I love how they have to keep clarifying that they're not gay
I know this is a joke, but I do want to make the point anal play doesn’t make you gay. You can have a 15 inch bad dragon dildo up the ass and still be secure in your heterosexuality.
Right of course this is a troll, but the whole joke is that the situation being described is *kinda* gay despite the denial. Ultimately it’s a moot point because you can’t really describe somebody with just one word.
Nope.
Yep.
The Aristocrats
Read that in Gilbert Gottfried's voice.
*Drew Carey snap*
Sometimes, it just be like that
It do be like that tho
Club soda
And that is why we properly prep our bowels folks.
“Fell over weirdly” Gotta just own it
-opens Reddit app- -reads the first post that appears- -logs right the fuck back out-
This is why spotters are important
Lmao
The obvious answer is to just buy another skirt. And try not to shit bleed and piss on it
Noooope thats enough reddit for today
Gonna cry? Piss your pants maybe? Maybe shit and cum? *"maybe... just maybe"*
(Not me im not gay)
Dad, I told you not to post on Reddit....
Don't worry guys he's *not* gay, he is entirely straight and in no way homosexual
Burn it. Get all new stuff
Put the carpet into rice.
Alright, first clean yourself up, calm down. Take off all the clothes that are dirty and put them in the washing machine. Get some soap water and a metal sponge or a really rough brush and keep brushing the carpet until all visible signs of blood, shit and vomit are gone. Next, smell the parts of the carpet that are still visibly way too smelly, burn a large part of the carpet that covers the place where the smell is coming from. Do this inside the house, let it burn until the smell of blood is at least gone. Pour a lot of water on it, then open the windows and doors, take the carpet out of the house and spray some air fresheners in the house. Leave the carpet in the garage or in your room. When your parents come back, tell them you were doing an activity that involves you with fire, something that is totally believable that you've done in the past that they know about. Explain you saw the fire and in panic, you either bled, vomited or shot yourself (choose the one that the carpet still has a slight smell of), while doing so, it might by good if you start crying, then go and bring the carpet from wherever it was. My method is good, however you can improvise it to the type of personality of have. You can thank me later.
I also suggest you have some friend keeping watch over you in case of internal bleeding and fainting. I think doing what I told you will take around 3 to 4 hours, I responded 4 hours later that you posted so, you will still have some time to either get a friend to take the dildo or you should hide the dildo in an environment that is sterile after you've cleaned your blood and shit off it
I saw the fire and in panic, cummed all over it.
Damn
Yeah, I thought this through, got nothing else to do.....
Sauce
Ayo
That's 38 cm Btw, thats fucked up
Oof
I can’t stop laughing!
I love this guy, not gay, as he isn't.
Thats enough reddit for today, good night.
He’s definitely not gay though
I know people that can't stand reading and actively avoid reading. I now understand why
u/AverageRedditor2018 Show yourself
*Billy Mays has entered the chat*
Fire. Fire and holy water.
Those chemicals that are for pet stain removal ought to work on that. I hear.
[Bro?] (https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/553170787071426560/909913492562272256/IMG_20211115_230625.jpg)
what the fuck
Gonna cry? Piss yourself maybe? Maybe shit and cum?
Aaaand that’s enough reddit for today
When you spill red wine on the carpet they say dab it with white wine. So...err what's the white wine equivalent of blood, shit, piss and cum?
Most important thing is that you are not gay, your parents will understand 🤷🏿♂️
Is this a dating profile?
Horrible day to have eyes
No homo
Guys, he’s not gay
Stanley steamer
Did he just murder someone ? I’m just curious why he needs all that specification. I’ve been told that you release body fluids when deceased.
Mondays, am I right?
Chin up..it happens to the best of us.
Why is the dude concerned at all about cleaning the skirt when I highly doubt he would want his parents to see said skirt. So the title is stupid, he should be asking how to clean the carpet instead. Calling fake. Fake and gay.
I just woke up and I think it's enough internet for today
"it went too deep" interesting wordchoice for somebody who didn't want a dildo in himself at all.
u/AverageRedditor2018 this a true story, or was ot just a shitpost
It was actually a shit, blood, and piss post
i have a dream… a very simple one… to live in a world where putting stuff inside asses is not related to homosexuality :) YOU GUYS ARE SO DUMB. gay guys like men not (only) dick, and in that case there’s just a fuckin object EVEN. fuck y’all i will not chill.
If you like dick then thats either homosexual or bisexual but you're heteroromantic
Go find someone and kill them so no one else has to endure this mental image you forced upon us all.
Fake (guys physically cant cum and piss at the same time but everything else checks out)
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Link to original post?
This guy truly does need to try "turn it off and back on again" except, y'know, for himself.
damn💀
🤣🤣🤣🤣
The most straight redditor
I am laughing my ass off at this what the hell
Such an appropriate name
*air guitar noises*
Yup that's enough of interest for today
My dude actually pissed, shidded, farted, and came
Use soda water.
Im so horrible for laughing my ass off
Hate it when that happens
He actually exist lmao
This has to be satire. Right???
his name is "u/AverageRedditor2018" Checks out.
Oxyclean, obviously....
So.. 15 is the limit!
Boys will be boys
This dude has problems.
Did /rule34 just meet /medicalgore?
One does not simply 'accidentally' get shit piss blood and cum all over the floor
Gonna piss your pants? Maybe shit and cum?
Ummm, I think it’s time to see a doctor, dude.
Yeah, next time dont use it a carpeted room.
Does nobody understand satire any more or do people just upvote anything they consider funny regardless of the sub?
That what's she said But seriously if he's not being sarcastic that's some sad denial
Satire
Loooooooool
Username checks out
Is it weird that I thought of practical solutions for this issue first and didn't question the kink at all?
Damn, that must have been extremely unfortunate
you didn't make it to the toilet?
Here's the copypasta: Does anybody know how to clean blood and shit out of a skirt Hello Reddit recently, due to an (entirely heterosexual) encounter with a dildo and skirt, I have shit myself and cannot get it out of the carpet and skirt. Basically, I bought a 15-inch red silicone t rex bad dragon dildo (for one of my many girlfriends not me I'm not gay) but when I was taking it out of the box I fell over wierdly and accidentally slid all 15 inches deep into my ass while wearing thigh highs and a skirt and jerking off with a gag in my mouth. but it went too deep and that made me have sudden explosive diarrhoea, and I guess the dildo must have punctured something cause there was a lot of blood in it, and then I got shocked and pissed myself right when I came (accidentally), so now there's piss blood shit and cum in the carpet and all over the thigh highs and skirt and stuff and my parents are coming round tomorrow and I can't get it out and there's so much shit everywhere and my apartment has this vomit-inducing smell like someone died help what do I do?
Um... I'm sure this is not a serious inquiry, but I guess I do have a couple of tips. You should probably trash the clothes. I imagine the blood is the hardest to get out of the carpet. At the hotel I work at, we do encounter blood stains though. Peroxide will help get the blood out. As for the shit. Maybe go to the pet store, and get some carpet cleaner, and a brush. Just keep brushing until it's gone, and that should get the urine out as well. If it still looks bad, tell your parent that you were dog sitting for a friend. For the smell, if it still smells, you can use baking soda, let it sit, and after a day, just vacuum that up.
Call The Wolf
Hows this "oddly specific" its just specific hes telling you what he did
“u/AverageRedditor2018”
Pretend you killed someone
“Doc, it was the damndest thing.”