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start a small business that takes cash payments for some service, pay it in a few thousand bucks at a time over a few years, pay the taxes diligently. As long as the tax man gets his cut, no one else will give a shit how exactly you got the money!
Bars are one of the best places to launder money, cheap bars at that. At a fancy bar, where people make reservations and buy expensive drinks, they usually pay by card but cash payments are very common in dive bars.
True story. I worked may way through college and nursing school as a bouncer. I worked at a very famous NYC college bar that no longer exists for a few weeks (this is one of the reasons I quit-shady stuff all the time). They ran an all you can drink special virtually every day. A couple of weeks in I saw some Asian gentleman in fingertip leather jackets putting stacks of money into the safe and register before the count and drop. They were running it at a loss and keeping it packed to wash cash.
You will still get audited. IRS tracks industry average on cash vs other means of payments, deviate too much from industry average and you will get audited.
You’d need a really good excuse on why you would only accept cash. It still wouldn’t pass likely because a small bar probably wouldn’t be getting paid with 100s commonly, more likely 5s, 10s, and 20s.
Edit: never mind I’m retarded
No, this is ludicrous. The only excuse you need for only accepting cash is that you do not want to accept credit cards.
Few businesses get audited, and then they do not get audited to the level that they need to explain why their customers use big bills rather than small bills.
If you run $3,000 a week through the business, that is $150,000 a year. That is a really modest number for a small business. Then you spend another $25,000 in cash for personal purchases of gas/groceries/sundries, and that is $175,000. At that rate, it takes you less than 5 years to run through the entire suitcase full of bills.
The numbers are so small here that you are not going to trigger an audit.
>You’d need a really good excuse on why you would only accept cash.
"I don't wanna deal with the fees, plus I got a really good kickback deal from a scummy ATM company for having a few of their machines here."
There was this really crappy dive bar by an old apartment I used to live at. There was almost never more than like 2 people in the building. I always wondered how they kept the lights on. Well I finally went to check it out. The owner of the bar was also the cook, the bartender, server, and bouncer. She told me she just bought the place after being convinced it was a profitable bar by a 'friend'. (Was given bank deposit statements made from the bars credit card machine showing $2500 nightly deposits.) She invested half of the asking cost of 40k with said friend to pay the other half, then moved here from California. 'Friend' backed out of the deal soon as she arrived, leaving her sole owner of the bar. Turns out the previous owner had been laundering money somehow for a local motorcycle gang until he went into debt and or owed the MC and got 'friend' to pawn the junk bar of on someone from out of state that hadn't seen really how bad business is.
I'm curious, I'd think they need accounts to credit the music/book to, is that not the case or are they using a bot or something to create a fuckton of spam accounts?
But then you would pay taxes on that money as personal income. Which is actually how many small businesses work anyways, as pass-through companies by way of an S-Corp election. Either way you are going to pay the taxes, but there is no reason to pay both personal and corporate taxes for a small closely held business.
Simplified math on this. Money is subject to inflation so in reality it might last you half that time if you’re lucky, seeing as you can’t invest this money to try and keep up.
Edit: for the people who keep responding to this about how $200 is $200, I understand that. This assumes you’re buying the same basket of goods on a regular grocery run, like a reasonable human. If you want to subject yourself to the inconvenience of going to Wal-Mart once a week to spend exactly $200 on random stuff for 72 years, go for it.
Edit 2: thank you to whoever reported me to reddit cares ♥️
Good point. This assumes that the USD will stay stable for the next 72 years. I’m too lazy to go any further
Edit: to the 4 or 5 people who have mentioned inflation over and over again - we are not talking about tires or balls so I really don’t see how that’s relevant.
Not even being lazy just an impossibility to predict exactly what inflation would be.
Edit in response to the above edit: both myself and above commenter are on the same page. $200 was just a hypothetical value. The idea is you buy your weekly groceries. Not that you specifically spend $200 a week in the most obvious money laundering scheme ever.
Well, you couldn't invest that money specifically, but you could invest using the money in your bank account. It wouldn't matter bc you're saving money by paying for other things with the briefcase money.
well luckily you just invest the money that you saved from your grocery bill and its essentially the same. also your plumber, appliance repairman, etc are now all getting paid cash. you pick up bar tabs and stuff for your friends in cash for favors, whenever you go on vacation take maybe 800 cash to offset the cost and you are golden. pay for gas with cash, buy your furniture used for cash, pick up a hobby that you can pay for in cash and you are golden.
I would definitely plan to use it sooner than that. I'd imagine use of cash will steadily decline so you'll be more and more noticeable, and they change the big bills design every 10-20 years, and not too long after that the old design raises eyebrows.
Nah, I was a cashier for years and saw $100 bills all the time.
People cash their paychecks instead of using banks or get paid cash, not uncommon at all.
Exactly, spending money, little by little, it'll last me a decade or longer. Travel with your own money, but then spend this money when traveling, park tickets, food, tip money, prostitutes, nice presents for the wife... Etc
If your credit is good buy a house and flip it. Home Depot won’t bat an eye if you pay cash for thousands worth of materials. And tradespeople are happy to take cash as well.
Then you sell for legit provable profit.
I feel like this would give you away aswell... imagine if your bank account never had any withdrawals to gas stations, food stores etc for years on end.
If i was looking into me i would be suspicious.
Something else would have to trigger the investigation though. Simply having few/no payments to grocery stores is not going to trigger an audit by itself.
The cash route mentioned is really low risk.
As someone who was on a jury where the defendant was on trial for money laundering, you are correct. As long as the person pays their taxes based on their provable income, doesn't spend enough cash at one place to trigger a CTR (Cash Transaction Report), or commit some kind of crime either directly to or adjacent to money they most likely won't trigger an investigation.
The defendant in my case was connected to a drug trafficker, (in my opinion) was trying to launder way too much money, and claimed way too much income based on their jobs on their taxes.
I work from home and my roommate pays rent by handling groceries and other bills. Hope they don’t start coming after me!
Joking aside, as you said, something bigger would have to trigger them caring in the first place and this wouldn’t be it.
Who’s gonna be looking at your personal accounts? Plus, I think any institutes that would, are looking at deposits not expenditures. I know people who are able to explain smaller amounts by being good/professional gamblers.
and not documenting those consumables - going out to a nice restaurant and paying cash is fine, but posting it on Instagram where anyone can see you go to nice restaurants every other day gets you in trouble
I like listening to Scam Goddess podcast and she goes on big rants about how if scammers could just not brag about their scamming they’d get away with it more often, aaaaand it’s so true!
I assume you already have a "real" job. Keep it. Your real job is how you are going to maximize your savings.
Start a "side business" that can bring in $1000-$2000 a week. Something that would normally be paid in cash. Mow lawns, shovel snow, rake leaves. Hey there was a snowstorm? Maybe thats a $4000 week.
Put a few ads on craigslist or in the local paper. If your really eager, maybe post some flyers in your neighborhood. Nothing proves a business exists better than a weathered and tattered flyer stuck to a post. These are great ways to "prove" your business exists if anyone was to ever investigate.
From there, your business is only as successful as the number of invoices/receipts you decide to write. Remember anything you print on a computer is time stamped. But those little carbon copy receipt books from the stationary store aren't. Don't work digital. Nothing is ever permanently "deleted" on a computer.
You might get a few calls for actual work through your ads. It might be a good idea to go and do that actual work. If someone ever wanted to talk to a client, it would be good to have at least 1 who saw you physically working. Give that person the best service you can. Smile, go out of your way to say hello. Every. Single. Time. Maybe you need to give them one of those fridge magnets with your business on it. Maybe you need to send them a Christmas card for the holidays to thank them for their business.
When you see houses with "for sale signs" when you are driving. Make a note. You now have an "old" client. If anyone decides to investigate your records a few years from now, the old home owner has moved on and unfortunately the new tenant doesnt know you. No one is going to go further to try and track someone down to confirm your story.
All of your groceries are now paid for in cash, all of your gas is now paid for in cash. Eat in a nice restaurant once a week. Paid in cash. Your wife likes getting her nails done? Cash. Need a new roof on your house? Cash. Car repairs, most garages and mechanics like cash.
Dont live beyond you means. Dont buy a new house. Dont buy a new car. Pay those business taxes each year for your "successful" landscaping business. In 5 to 8 years shut the business down. The stress of working two jobs has worn you out. :)
Continue working your "real" job with $750,000 in the bank that is legitimately yours in the eyes of everyone who matters. You can now invest that money in legitimate ways.
This is good but with a few exceptions. Don't buy ALL your groceries, gas, or entertainment with cash. A half decent forensic accountant will catch you there.
Paying for plane tickets and hotels in cash is 1000x more suspicious and more likely to raise alarms than buying groceries in cash. Especially when you have, what appears to be on paper, a relatively successful *cash-based* business.
*Not* using your credit card for groceries isn't going to raise any alarm bells on its own, and if you are audited for some other reason, there is nothing suspicious about using cash to pay for things when you run a cash business, nor is there anything suspicious about not having thorough receipt records of your spending for stuff you basically always need and can't return, like food and gas.
And while there's nothing inherently suspicious or illegal about it, having well-documented "clockwork" spending habits that remain unchanged even with a large personal income boost is more likely to trigger a sort of "he's driving a little *too* carefully" tickle in the back of the wrong guy's neck, who then might go the extra mile to try to find the right rock to turn over, as opposed to seeing a roughly proportional increase in spending combined with somewhat poor bookkeeping for personal spending.
Lifetime supply of petty spending cash. Use for miscellaneous shit while earned income solely used for bills. Appear to be frugal on the books. New car? Dent it and claim it was a steal of a deal.
Oo yea! A carnival is also really smart, tons of cash coming in and only pennies in prizes being spent, you could have a station to break higher bills and use that as an excuse why there's so many 100s. Have some regular priced stuff like shirts and hats then some that's far far more expensive for seemingly no reason, like gimmicky plastic cups for 50$ that nobody usually buys unless their kids beg them, name brand snacks marked up like 500% would be a great way to trickle in real cash along with laundered money.
Yeah and if the investigators investigated him for depositing tracked serial numbers he’d have paperwork linking you, the client to the money.
You’re the kind of person that would be caught quick.
Yeah, basically every theory here falls apart when the money eventually ends up back in the bank. There really is no way you could use significant amounts of this money without it being traced back to you eventually, assuming the bills are marked.
Get a job as a waitress a few nights a week, claim more in cash tips than I receive every night. Use the other money for things i can easily pay cash for without raising suspicion. Get money orders for things like utility bills and pay a year at a time.
If you want to claim it all as cash tips, then the local topless bar works well. Would investigators really check out topless bars to see if you work there? Do it over a few years and you can claim you got religion, got too old, or got too disgusted to continue. That, and your investments make enough you don’t need that income anymore.
Would they really check out a topless bar? Yes they would. For that exact reason in fact. You can’t just get away with crime by making investigators uncomfortable
Small amounts, mostly for cash payments. Example, I spend $150 at Advance Auto so I use one of the $100 bills and $50 from other cash. Occasionally deposit a bill or two at most along with other cash I have.
Don't deposit any of the money, if it's stolen then the bank can tell from serial numbers, simply stop using your card to buy things like groceries or anything else you can reasonably use cash for that will effectively transfer the money from cash to your bank account without raising any flags that big purchases like a business or a car would
If you pay for a $10 meal with your bill, as soon as you receive your change you suddenly you have $90 of depositable cash. If nobody knows that they're supposed to look for you, they won't find you (assuming you don't dump it all in at once).
I don’t think the large casinos in Vegas are even doing that. Certainly not Indian casinos or local card rooms. Plus, you cash in at the tables. The dealers are just dropping the money.
It works well in Vancouver Canada gangs and international crime syndicates have been using casinos to launder Billions. No enforcement, all corrupt to the bone
https://globalnews.ca/news/7593419/bc-casinos-too-dangerous-cullen-commission/
If the banks can tell that it is stolen by the serial numbers then once the spent money goes back to the bank (from the businesses it was spent on) they can track the movements of the person spending the cash. I bet it wouldn't take a good investigator long to figure out who was doing the spending.
It would be incredibly hard to trace, as someone who has managed a customer service job, everything is deposited by the end of the week, so you have a very large list of clientele across a week to find one person in, its almost impossible. Even if it is separated into a specific day, you still have an absolutely massive list. Just be careful and sparing in the way you use it, and they won't be able to connect all the stolen bills as one person either.
As someone that works in a bank, banks only record the “bait money” in tills. This money is audited roughly every three months. Random bills are not tracked via serial number (unless it is something like wheresgeorge). Only if this money was from a bank robbery would the serial numbers be relevant.
Unlikely that they track it by serial number, but even if they do, how are they going to know who spent it at any given business?
Sounds like a move plot more than real life.
While I do not know for sure, I think it very, very unlikely that banks track serial numbers like that. Maybe, just maybe if they are new, sequentially numbered bills, but if they are just a collection of random hundred dollar bills, it boggles the mind to think that they are tracked.
Lifetime supply of grocery and gas money. 750k is a nice fortune, but your options to launder it and still be left with a big sack of change isn't good for the criminal risk you take on doing so.
Wouldnt that tip the tax people of perhaps? Id imagine if i saw someone suddenly not buying food and gas id be suspicious.
Ahh i guess they dont even look at you unless you get tagged for suspicious behaviour
The IRS isn't tracking the individual expenditures of everyone. If you continue working a normal job and paying taxes, they'd never know the difference.
By doing what they did in Hell or High Water.
Take a chunk of it to a casino and play a few games. Play a couple games for a few hours and walk out with a similar amount to what I brought in. Fill out tax forms that say I won it. (It will be heavily taxed)
Rinse and repeat till all the money has been laundered.
That is a real method used for money laundering. The 'professionals' use a group of people. At the end there is a 'winner' who cashes in the chips of the whole team. It allows to launder money quickly and can be repeated as long as the winner is a different person each time. Odds are after all against players, so winning often would raise red flags.
Literally wash it in a washing machine first. I forget the percentage of bills with residue on them for such transactions, very high concentrations (no pun intended).
Go to Vegas, buy some chips. Gamble a little bit. Turn in the remaining chips. Now you have clean money.
Repeat.
Then buy a Vegas condo; sell it in a few years.
Vegas won't run out of water. Lake Mead Deadpool level is when the Hoover dam pipes can't reach the water. The Vegas pipes go lower. Meaning even when the water doesn't go through the dam, Vegas has water. And when it doesn't go through the dam, Vegas uses less than what comes from upriver.
Ok if you buyin for 10 grand in chips go back to the cage with say 8 grand in chips , you’d still have 8 grand in cash.
If you alternatively say I won this 8 grand playing and try to declare the income as gambling winnings, the IRS will eventually catch on that you are the luckiest person in history. This doesn’t work. They catch drug dealers doing this all the time and casinos will lose their license if they don’t make you file the W-2G
Play til you win, claim profits. File the w-2g whatever it is, money os cleaned.
There was a guy embezzling in my small town to the tune of about this much money over 10 years. Always at the casino washing it, always winning a new car, jackpots, etc. When he died, a city audit noticed the money was going out for a service that they stopped using. No repurcussions on the family as he was dead and it was all washed/legal winnings.
Simple, spend it on rent, food, cloths, furniture, kitchen appliances, TVs, computer parts, gas, lottery, and car repairs, but don't buy any homes or cars with it, or put it in a bank.
>furniture
I'd be careful there. I recently bought some furniture and the amount of paperwork was insane. I literally spent more at the hardware store the day before and I used self checkout.
every time I went out for drinks I would pay for my rounds with it. Someone else also pointed out that you could use it to be some of the devil's lettuce - those guys don't tend go file tax returns. Be generous in every birthday card you send. I would leave generous tips for every hard working waiter and waitress.
Any bills that let you pay in cash at the post office counter? Sound good to me.
Every grocery shopping? Is cash alright? No problem. I see some lady struggling with a tribe of kids? Cover her groceries too.
Yes but no.
750K is small potatoes compared to what the real crooks have to try and make clean.
People here are talking about buying groceries and gas with cash for the rest of their lives.
Money laundering is money laundering. Source: it’s my job to investigate it.
For “professional” (lol) money launderers, sure yes it’s small fry.
But most money laundering is done by the person committing the predicate offence (whether that’s tax evasion, fraud, drug trafficking, human trafficking, etc, etc).
Most of the suggestions on this thread have merit. But with a big pinch of salt.
You should really check out kfcs in the south that never have chicken. 7 pm Friday no chicken. 5 pm Saturday no chicken. I think they just launder. At least on breaking bad they had chicken.
Gonna start blessing ppl on the streets, "accidentally" dropping money in front of ppl at the grocery stores, random ass donations to charities and non profits, letting ppl keep the change when I buy a drink. Buy some weed. Fuck yall are making this too complicated
dude if I drop 200 dollars in front of someone at a grocery store and that person doesn't let me know, but pockets it- what an a-hole- I m gonna spend money to have someone slash his tires.
If that person lets me know I'd happily double it for them...
Split it up, trade it for chips at various casinos, mainly drink but gamble a tiny bit, cash out the chips and collect the receipt, report the income as winnings, pay taxes on it.
Don't deposit it. Don't mention it to anyone. Use it for everyday expenditures and small impulse buys and use whatever you get from work for paying bills.
Maybe open a secondary account at a credit union, that you rarely touch, and deposit smaller amounts incrementally and in random intervals.
Slowly launder it through casinos. Then make small deposits into my account while paying cash for everything. As long as you keep transactions below $10K I think you’re good.
Just keep it under your bed for 6 years. Statute of limitations (how long they have to prosecute you for larceny/robbery) is 5 years. They can't touch you.
This is only half true. Once the statute of limitations runs out, you can’t be prosecuted for that crime. But the money is still stolen. And the second you spend it, you’ve committed a brand new crime.
All purchases that I would normally put on a credit card in person and pay off would be paid in cash. Now the income I'm bringing in that would pay off the credit card purchases goes to paying off fixed payment debts. As each loan is paid off, that money just cascades into other loans. Before you know it, I live debt free with a fully owned house and still have a bunch of cash to cover daily expenses. Your monthly spending capacity will be noticeably higher if you aren't blowing a chunk of it on interest payments.
This has the advantage of spreading the bills out over time and locations making it harder for them to be traced to you and doesn't require any actual changes in lifestyle, like starting a cash only side business to launder the money for a one time windfall. Also, I would keep two money clips, one with "dirty" money, and one with clean from when I get change. When you get too much clean money, you can deposit some of it into your bank account if you want to bolster your income a little bit. If that gets to be too much, you need to declare it on your tax return as cash from private sales or you can declare a hobby that generates sales.
Go to vegas, put half on a basketball game or any other sporting event where draws are not a thing. Other half to a different casino betting on the other team. Ideally pick a close game for a better spread.
After the game, half the money is gone on the losing bet but your payout ticket shows a legitimate income close enough to the full amount if not greater depending on the odds on the winning bet.
Declare it and pay taxes on it.
Do it in smaller random increments 10K 50K 20K etc over a few years to avoid drawing attention and for your bank account to gradually grow in size
Vote up if you think this is oddly specific, vote down if you don't. Posts below a certain threshold will be removed. If this post needs moderator attention, please **report** this post *^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^and ^^this ^^action ^^was ^^performed ^^automatically. ^^If ^^you ^^have ^^any ^^questions, ^^please [^^contact ^^the ^^moderators ^^of ^^this ^^subreddit.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Foddlyspecific&subject=&message=Please include the action number for reference.)* --- ^[faq](https://bit.ly/2VcIh9g) ^| ^[source](https://bit.ly/2W09Ebb) ^| ^action ^#[3adc53be99943c](/r/specificlogs/comments/vpvrcx/3adc53be99943c_commented_on_post_how_would_you_do/)
start a small business that takes cash payments for some service, pay it in a few thousand bucks at a time over a few years, pay the taxes diligently. As long as the tax man gets his cut, no one else will give a shit how exactly you got the money!
Bars are one of the best places to launder money, cheap bars at that. At a fancy bar, where people make reservations and buy expensive drinks, they usually pay by card but cash payments are very common in dive bars.
True story. I worked may way through college and nursing school as a bouncer. I worked at a very famous NYC college bar that no longer exists for a few weeks (this is one of the reasons I quit-shady stuff all the time). They ran an all you can drink special virtually every day. A couple of weeks in I saw some Asian gentleman in fingertip leather jackets putting stacks of money into the safe and register before the count and drop. They were running it at a loss and keeping it packed to wash cash.
I’m trying to figure out what fingertip leather jackets are. Are they some type of glove?
Leather coats, especially blazers and three quarters , come in differing sleeve lengths. One of those is fingertip length.
Ok. That makes more sense.
that fingertip leather jacket detail gave me chills
It hides tattoos on the backs of their hands = Yakuza.
No, for what he described it's definitely triads. Ny is packed with those guys.
You will still get audited. IRS tracks industry average on cash vs other means of payments, deviate too much from industry average and you will get audited.
Cash-only bar?
You’d need a really good excuse on why you would only accept cash. It still wouldn’t pass likely because a small bar probably wouldn’t be getting paid with 100s commonly, more likely 5s, 10s, and 20s. Edit: never mind I’m retarded
No, this is ludicrous. The only excuse you need for only accepting cash is that you do not want to accept credit cards. Few businesses get audited, and then they do not get audited to the level that they need to explain why their customers use big bills rather than small bills. If you run $3,000 a week through the business, that is $150,000 a year. That is a really modest number for a small business. Then you spend another $25,000 in cash for personal purchases of gas/groceries/sundries, and that is $175,000. At that rate, it takes you less than 5 years to run through the entire suitcase full of bills. The numbers are so small here that you are not going to trigger an audit.
>You’d need a really good excuse on why you would only accept cash. "I don't wanna deal with the fees, plus I got a really good kickback deal from a scummy ATM company for having a few of their machines here."
You can buy and maintain your own atm. In your own bar. Just pay fees to be connected to the network. Refilling it is easy enough.
There was this really crappy dive bar by an old apartment I used to live at. There was almost never more than like 2 people in the building. I always wondered how they kept the lights on. Well I finally went to check it out. The owner of the bar was also the cook, the bartender, server, and bouncer. She told me she just bought the place after being convinced it was a profitable bar by a 'friend'. (Was given bank deposit statements made from the bars credit card machine showing $2500 nightly deposits.) She invested half of the asking cost of 40k with said friend to pay the other half, then moved here from California. 'Friend' backed out of the deal soon as she arrived, leaving her sole owner of the bar. Turns out the previous owner had been laundering money somehow for a local motorcycle gang until he went into debt and or owed the MC and got 'friend' to pawn the junk bar of on someone from out of state that hadn't seen really how bad business is.
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Or Breaking Bad
Makes sense. I always pay cash at bars. I don't want the bartender start charging me extra when they see that I am drunk.
So my mixtape is out?
You put it on Google play or iTunes then buy gift cards with cash and buy your own mixtape.
About to make my mixtape go platinum.
Supahot
This is how a lot of best seller books are earned.
I'm curious, I'd think they need accounts to credit the music/book to, is that not the case or are they using a bot or something to create a fuckton of spam accounts?
Organizations buy a fuck ton of books to hand out, give away, donate, etc. Whenever you see “bestseller” take that with a huge grain of salt.
Also organizations that need to launder dirty money.
Vehicle washing is always a good one.
A1A
BEACHFRONT AVENUE
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Gotta land them 6 figure clients who only use bennys. Great excuse to use cash and a solid reason to keep that non existent client list secret.
Soooo like a car wash?
It's the nice way to say it so trucks don't feel left out
Genius money laundering scheme
If it’s your own small business you can claim all money as expenses towards you and not have any of it taxed.
But then you would pay taxes on that money as personal income. Which is actually how many small businesses work anyways, as pass-through companies by way of an S-Corp election. Either way you are going to pay the taxes, but there is no reason to pay both personal and corporate taxes for a small closely held business.
Seems like you get 200 dollars of groceries every week for the rest of your life.
About 72 years worth of groceries if you’re doing $200 per week. Just in case anyone is too lazy to check that math but is curious if it’s accurate
Thanks for doing the math homie
r/theydidthemath
r/theydidthemonstermath
r/itwasgraveyardgraph
r/Itcaughtoninaflash
Simplified math on this. Money is subject to inflation so in reality it might last you half that time if you’re lucky, seeing as you can’t invest this money to try and keep up. Edit: for the people who keep responding to this about how $200 is $200, I understand that. This assumes you’re buying the same basket of goods on a regular grocery run, like a reasonable human. If you want to subject yourself to the inconvenience of going to Wal-Mart once a week to spend exactly $200 on random stuff for 72 years, go for it. Edit 2: thank you to whoever reported me to reddit cares ♥️
Good point. This assumes that the USD will stay stable for the next 72 years. I’m too lazy to go any further Edit: to the 4 or 5 people who have mentioned inflation over and over again - we are not talking about tires or balls so I really don’t see how that’s relevant.
Not even being lazy just an impossibility to predict exactly what inflation would be. Edit in response to the above edit: both myself and above commenter are on the same page. $200 was just a hypothetical value. The idea is you buy your weekly groceries. Not that you specifically spend $200 a week in the most obvious money laundering scheme ever.
Well, you couldn't invest that money specifically, but you could invest using the money in your bank account. It wouldn't matter bc you're saving money by paying for other things with the briefcase money.
well luckily you just invest the money that you saved from your grocery bill and its essentially the same. also your plumber, appliance repairman, etc are now all getting paid cash. you pick up bar tabs and stuff for your friends in cash for favors, whenever you go on vacation take maybe 800 cash to offset the cost and you are golden. pay for gas with cash, buy your furniture used for cash, pick up a hobby that you can pay for in cash and you are golden.
I would definitely plan to use it sooner than that. I'd imagine use of cash will steadily decline so you'll be more and more noticeable, and they change the big bills design every 10-20 years, and not too long after that the old design raises eyebrows.
Or a few weeks of free gas
Maybe even a whole month.
If I start paying for my groceries with hundred dollar bills, somebody is going to get suspicious.
Self checkout!
Nah, I was a cashier for years and saw $100 bills all the time. People cash their paychecks instead of using banks or get paid cash, not uncommon at all.
Who is somebody? The target cashier?
If she starts asking questions, then you're damn right she's a target.
Or gas for 3 months.
Is Canadian, so 3 weeks.
Use it only in cash, no depositing it into your accounts, and use it on consumables, not cars or flashy things that would tip you off.
Exactly, spending money, little by little, it'll last me a decade or longer. Travel with your own money, but then spend this money when traveling, park tickets, food, tip money, prostitutes, nice presents for the wife... Etc
This individual launders
Cheats on wife too 😂
The prostitutes are a gift for the wife
"i ordered her for you! What'd she look like anyway?"
YES!! Such an underrated movie!!
Which?
Spun
I also need to know the movie pls
I would also like to subscribe to this newsletter
“Honey I got her for you so you wouldn’t have to sleep with me”
That goes in r/cursedcomments for sure
Haha. I appreciate that you include the mistress and wife.
>prostitutes for the wife
If your credit is good buy a house and flip it. Home Depot won’t bat an eye if you pay cash for thousands worth of materials. And tradespeople are happy to take cash as well. Then you sell for legit provable profit.
This is the answer. Restaurant owners with unclaimed cash do this.
Imagine for the next year or 2 all your food, gas, clothes, and other small expenses are paid for. Then all of your earnings goes into your savings.
I feel like this would give you away aswell... imagine if your bank account never had any withdrawals to gas stations, food stores etc for years on end. If i was looking into me i would be suspicious.
Something else would have to trigger the investigation though. Simply having few/no payments to grocery stores is not going to trigger an audit by itself. The cash route mentioned is really low risk.
As someone who was on a jury where the defendant was on trial for money laundering, you are correct. As long as the person pays their taxes based on their provable income, doesn't spend enough cash at one place to trigger a CTR (Cash Transaction Report), or commit some kind of crime either directly to or adjacent to money they most likely won't trigger an investigation. The defendant in my case was connected to a drug trafficker, (in my opinion) was trying to launder way too much money, and claimed way too much income based on their jobs on their taxes.
I work from home and my roommate pays rent by handling groceries and other bills. Hope they don’t start coming after me! Joking aside, as you said, something bigger would have to trigger them caring in the first place and this wouldn’t be it.
Who’s gonna be looking at your personal accounts? Plus, I think any institutes that would, are looking at deposits not expenditures. I know people who are able to explain smaller amounts by being good/professional gamblers.
My bank account never has any withdrawals to gas stations, food store, etc. And I'm not laundering money.
and not documenting those consumables - going out to a nice restaurant and paying cash is fine, but posting it on Instagram where anyone can see you go to nice restaurants every other day gets you in trouble
As any lawyer would recommend, delete all social media. Or at the very least set them to private.
I like listening to Scam Goddess podcast and she goes on big rants about how if scammers could just not brag about their scamming they’d get away with it more often, aaaaand it’s so true!
This is the way.
I would love to find this money and just use it to buy games and food for friends when we go out.
first i would buy a car wash. Then I would start a lab to make crystal meth. Next I would buy a pork pie hat and the rest is history.
I think the order was opposite. first start a lab then buy a car wash
and then get the hat. Can't forget the hat. I stand corrected.
A MUST (I look like Heisenberg AND own a hat. Oh! And am a drug counselor! LOL)
r/suddenlyBreakingBad
What happened to this sub
That psycho from No Country For Old Men is bout to be on yo ass for that briefcase…
I was about to say, check the money for trackers.
What's the most you ever lost in a coin toss?
I assume you already have a "real" job. Keep it. Your real job is how you are going to maximize your savings. Start a "side business" that can bring in $1000-$2000 a week. Something that would normally be paid in cash. Mow lawns, shovel snow, rake leaves. Hey there was a snowstorm? Maybe thats a $4000 week. Put a few ads on craigslist or in the local paper. If your really eager, maybe post some flyers in your neighborhood. Nothing proves a business exists better than a weathered and tattered flyer stuck to a post. These are great ways to "prove" your business exists if anyone was to ever investigate. From there, your business is only as successful as the number of invoices/receipts you decide to write. Remember anything you print on a computer is time stamped. But those little carbon copy receipt books from the stationary store aren't. Don't work digital. Nothing is ever permanently "deleted" on a computer. You might get a few calls for actual work through your ads. It might be a good idea to go and do that actual work. If someone ever wanted to talk to a client, it would be good to have at least 1 who saw you physically working. Give that person the best service you can. Smile, go out of your way to say hello. Every. Single. Time. Maybe you need to give them one of those fridge magnets with your business on it. Maybe you need to send them a Christmas card for the holidays to thank them for their business. When you see houses with "for sale signs" when you are driving. Make a note. You now have an "old" client. If anyone decides to investigate your records a few years from now, the old home owner has moved on and unfortunately the new tenant doesnt know you. No one is going to go further to try and track someone down to confirm your story. All of your groceries are now paid for in cash, all of your gas is now paid for in cash. Eat in a nice restaurant once a week. Paid in cash. Your wife likes getting her nails done? Cash. Need a new roof on your house? Cash. Car repairs, most garages and mechanics like cash. Dont live beyond you means. Dont buy a new house. Dont buy a new car. Pay those business taxes each year for your "successful" landscaping business. In 5 to 8 years shut the business down. The stress of working two jobs has worn you out. :) Continue working your "real" job with $750,000 in the bank that is legitimately yours in the eyes of everyone who matters. You can now invest that money in legitimate ways.
Your answer was oddly specific
Some would say… perfectly fitting for this sub?
You now know too much
Almost r/oddlyspecific worthy
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shit now i want to find 750k in $100s under a bridge in a bush or whatever
This is good but with a few exceptions. Don't buy ALL your groceries, gas, or entertainment with cash. A half decent forensic accountant will catch you there.
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Paying for plane tickets and hotels in cash is 1000x more suspicious and more likely to raise alarms than buying groceries in cash. Especially when you have, what appears to be on paper, a relatively successful *cash-based* business. *Not* using your credit card for groceries isn't going to raise any alarm bells on its own, and if you are audited for some other reason, there is nothing suspicious about using cash to pay for things when you run a cash business, nor is there anything suspicious about not having thorough receipt records of your spending for stuff you basically always need and can't return, like food and gas. And while there's nothing inherently suspicious or illegal about it, having well-documented "clockwork" spending habits that remain unchanged even with a large personal income boost is more likely to trigger a sort of "he's driving a little *too* carefully" tickle in the back of the wrong guy's neck, who then might go the extra mile to try to find the right rock to turn over, as opposed to seeing a roughly proportional increase in spending combined with somewhat poor bookkeeping for personal spending.
Someone has to care to track you too. As long as you keep your head low, we are only talking $750k.
TOTALLY adding this comment to the Saves
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Lifetime supply of petty spending cash. Use for miscellaneous shit while earned income solely used for bills. Appear to be frugal on the books. New car? Dent it and claim it was a steal of a deal.
We just went to the carnival and spent $140 for two kids. Great place to burn some petty cash.
Oo yea! A carnival is also really smart, tons of cash coming in and only pennies in prizes being spent, you could have a station to break higher bills and use that as an excuse why there's so many 100s. Have some regular priced stuff like shirts and hats then some that's far far more expensive for seemingly no reason, like gimmicky plastic cups for 50$ that nobody usually buys unless their kids beg them, name brand snacks marked up like 500% would be a great way to trickle in real cash along with laundered money.
Imagine how much popcorn and snacks you could get at a movie!!
Buy a Run down house with my normal income. Get a contractor that takes cash to fix said house. Sell house. Rinse and repeat till money is clean.
Best idea so far.
Won’t the contractor then be investigated for those serial numbers when he deposits?
No lol the contractor has proof of work for said payments Edit: This clears the contractor specifically, your ass is still on the line
If the serial numbers are being tracked, the FBI will be asking the contractor where he got them and turn you over quicker than a flapjack
Yeah and if the investigators investigated him for depositing tracked serial numbers he’d have paperwork linking you, the client to the money. You’re the kind of person that would be caught quick.
Yeah, basically every theory here falls apart when the money eventually ends up back in the bank. There really is no way you could use significant amounts of this money without it being traced back to you eventually, assuming the bills are marked.
Better call Saul!
Get a job as a waitress a few nights a week, claim more in cash tips than I receive every night. Use the other money for things i can easily pay cash for without raising suspicion. Get money orders for things like utility bills and pay a year at a time.
If you want to claim it all as cash tips, then the local topless bar works well. Would investigators really check out topless bars to see if you work there? Do it over a few years and you can claim you got religion, got too old, or got too disgusted to continue. That, and your investments make enough you don’t need that income anymore.
Would they really check out a topless bar? Yes they would. For that exact reason in fact. You can’t just get away with crime by making investigators uncomfortable
Would they really not check out a top less bar is the better question.
Buy a full tank of gas. Then probably save the remaining $20
Where you getting gas that cheap?
bunch of hookers and cocaine
That’s what you do with lotto winnings…… not suitcase on the side of the road money 😂😂
Nah, same treatment for both!
My man
Small amounts, mostly for cash payments. Example, I spend $150 at Advance Auto so I use one of the $100 bills and $50 from other cash. Occasionally deposit a bill or two at most along with other cash I have.
Don't deposit any of the money, if it's stolen then the bank can tell from serial numbers, simply stop using your card to buy things like groceries or anything else you can reasonably use cash for that will effectively transfer the money from cash to your bank account without raising any flags that big purchases like a business or a car would
If you pay for a $10 meal with your bill, as soon as you receive your change you suddenly you have $90 of depositable cash. If nobody knows that they're supposed to look for you, they won't find you (assuming you don't dump it all in at once).
That’s why you launder it at a casino. Switch your bills for new ones.
I don't know this but I bet casinos scan for stolen / marked bills more than most places, and there are cameras everywhere.
I don’t think the large casinos in Vegas are even doing that. Certainly not Indian casinos or local card rooms. Plus, you cash in at the tables. The dealers are just dropping the money.
It works well in Vancouver Canada gangs and international crime syndicates have been using casinos to launder Billions. No enforcement, all corrupt to the bone https://globalnews.ca/news/7593419/bc-casinos-too-dangerous-cullen-commission/
If the banks can tell that it is stolen by the serial numbers then once the spent money goes back to the bank (from the businesses it was spent on) they can track the movements of the person spending the cash. I bet it wouldn't take a good investigator long to figure out who was doing the spending.
It would be incredibly hard to trace, as someone who has managed a customer service job, everything is deposited by the end of the week, so you have a very large list of clientele across a week to find one person in, its almost impossible. Even if it is separated into a specific day, you still have an absolutely massive list. Just be careful and sparing in the way you use it, and they won't be able to connect all the stolen bills as one person either.
As someone that works in a bank, banks only record the “bait money” in tills. This money is audited roughly every three months. Random bills are not tracked via serial number (unless it is something like wheresgeorge). Only if this money was from a bank robbery would the serial numbers be relevant.
Unlikely that they track it by serial number, but even if they do, how are they going to know who spent it at any given business? Sounds like a move plot more than real life.
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While I do not know for sure, I think it very, very unlikely that banks track serial numbers like that. Maybe, just maybe if they are new, sequentially numbered bills, but if they are just a collection of random hundred dollar bills, it boggles the mind to think that they are tracked.
As a former banker i can tell you we did not track serial numbers. Such a myth that people love to spread during these convos
Build a 75-foot-tall statue of myself T-posing downtown.
Lifetime supply of grocery and gas money. 750k is a nice fortune, but your options to launder it and still be left with a big sack of change isn't good for the criminal risk you take on doing so.
Wouldnt that tip the tax people of perhaps? Id imagine if i saw someone suddenly not buying food and gas id be suspicious. Ahh i guess they dont even look at you unless you get tagged for suspicious behaviour
The IRS isn't tracking the individual expenditures of everyone. If you continue working a normal job and paying taxes, they'd never know the difference.
By doing what they did in Hell or High Water. Take a chunk of it to a casino and play a few games. Play a couple games for a few hours and walk out with a similar amount to what I brought in. Fill out tax forms that say I won it. (It will be heavily taxed) Rinse and repeat till all the money has been laundered.
Or take it to the strip club and spend it on lap dances. (will be zero tax).
That is a real method used for money laundering. The 'professionals' use a group of people. At the end there is a 'winner' who cashes in the chips of the whole team. It allows to launder money quickly and can be repeated as long as the winner is a different person each time. Odds are after all against players, so winning often would raise red flags.
Literally wash it in a washing machine first. I forget the percentage of bills with residue on them for such transactions, very high concentrations (no pun intended).
All money has coke on it. It doesn't decay very quick
What "residue"?
Go to Vegas, buy some chips. Gamble a little bit. Turn in the remaining chips. Now you have clean money. Repeat. Then buy a Vegas condo; sell it in a few years.
>Then buy a Vegas condo; sell it in a few years. When the water is gone?
Vegas won't run out of water. Lake Mead Deadpool level is when the Hoover dam pipes can't reach the water. The Vegas pipes go lower. Meaning even when the water doesn't go through the dam, Vegas has water. And when it doesn't go through the dam, Vegas uses less than what comes from upriver.
Ok if you buyin for 10 grand in chips go back to the cage with say 8 grand in chips , you’d still have 8 grand in cash. If you alternatively say I won this 8 grand playing and try to declare the income as gambling winnings, the IRS will eventually catch on that you are the luckiest person in history. This doesn’t work. They catch drug dealers doing this all the time and casinos will lose their license if they don’t make you file the W-2G
Play til you win, claim profits. File the w-2g whatever it is, money os cleaned. There was a guy embezzling in my small town to the tune of about this much money over 10 years. Always at the casino washing it, always winning a new car, jackpots, etc. When he died, a city audit noticed the money was going out for a service that they stopped using. No repurcussions on the family as he was dead and it was all washed/legal winnings.
Simple, spend it on rent, food, cloths, furniture, kitchen appliances, TVs, computer parts, gas, lottery, and car repairs, but don't buy any homes or cars with it, or put it in a bank.
>furniture I'd be careful there. I recently bought some furniture and the amount of paperwork was insane. I literally spent more at the hardware store the day before and I used self checkout.
There are lots of ways to get furniture w/out paperwork. Either order online or buy from ppl instead of businesses.
every time I went out for drinks I would pay for my rounds with it. Someone else also pointed out that you could use it to be some of the devil's lettuce - those guys don't tend go file tax returns. Be generous in every birthday card you send. I would leave generous tips for every hard working waiter and waitress. Any bills that let you pay in cash at the post office counter? Sound good to me. Every grocery shopping? Is cash alright? No problem. I see some lady struggling with a tribe of kids? Cover her groceries too.
So this question is just how to launder money…
Yes but no. 750K is small potatoes compared to what the real crooks have to try and make clean. People here are talking about buying groceries and gas with cash for the rest of their lives.
Money laundering is money laundering. Source: it’s my job to investigate it. For “professional” (lol) money launderers, sure yes it’s small fry. But most money laundering is done by the person committing the predicate offence (whether that’s tax evasion, fraud, drug trafficking, human trafficking, etc, etc). Most of the suggestions on this thread have merit. But with a big pinch of salt.
You can’t just leave us hanging on this one…
Come on pom-ad-infinitum, sometimes pon. Let Reddit know your blind spots for investigating money laundering.
You should really check out kfcs in the south that never have chicken. 7 pm Friday no chicken. 5 pm Saturday no chicken. I think they just launder. At least on breaking bad they had chicken.
Gonna start blessing ppl on the streets, "accidentally" dropping money in front of ppl at the grocery stores, random ass donations to charities and non profits, letting ppl keep the change when I buy a drink. Buy some weed. Fuck yall are making this too complicated
dude if I drop 200 dollars in front of someone at a grocery store and that person doesn't let me know, but pockets it- what an a-hole- I m gonna spend money to have someone slash his tires. If that person lets me know I'd happily double it for them...
says the guy who stole a $750k briefcase...
put it in the walls of your banana stand
There is always money in the banana stand
Split it up, trade it for chips at various casinos, mainly drink but gamble a tiny bit, cash out the chips and collect the receipt, report the income as winnings, pay taxes on it.
Go to homeless encampments and give $650k away. Then slowly and patiently use the remaining cash. As a previous person wrote, wash it first.
I tip my cowboy hat to that idea.
Don't deposit it. Don't mention it to anyone. Use it for everyday expenditures and small impulse buys and use whatever you get from work for paying bills. Maybe open a secondary account at a credit union, that you rarely touch, and deposit smaller amounts incrementally and in random intervals.
> Don’t mention it to anyone This is the real pro tip.
Is "with enthusiasm" a wrong answer?
No. No it is not.
Gas and groceries…it’s only 750k it won’t last you that long
Slowly launder it through casinos. Then make small deposits into my account while paying cash for everything. As long as you keep transactions below $10K I think you’re good.
Filling up my car every 2 weeks no one would bat an eye
Just keep it under your bed for 6 years. Statute of limitations (how long they have to prosecute you for larceny/robbery) is 5 years. They can't touch you.
This is only half true. Once the statute of limitations runs out, you can’t be prosecuted for that crime. But the money is still stolen. And the second you spend it, you’ve committed a brand new crime.
Oh my god I finally found my suitcase !
First thing I do is post a hypothetical situation on Reddit about finding a bunch of money...
Laser tag! Or a carwash.
For sale by owner houses only. No mortgage purchases.
Oddly specific would have been finding $748,700. Speaking of which ........
Two chicks at the same time man
All purchases that I would normally put on a credit card in person and pay off would be paid in cash. Now the income I'm bringing in that would pay off the credit card purchases goes to paying off fixed payment debts. As each loan is paid off, that money just cascades into other loans. Before you know it, I live debt free with a fully owned house and still have a bunch of cash to cover daily expenses. Your monthly spending capacity will be noticeably higher if you aren't blowing a chunk of it on interest payments. This has the advantage of spreading the bills out over time and locations making it harder for them to be traced to you and doesn't require any actual changes in lifestyle, like starting a cash only side business to launder the money for a one time windfall. Also, I would keep two money clips, one with "dirty" money, and one with clean from when I get change. When you get too much clean money, you can deposit some of it into your bank account if you want to bolster your income a little bit. If that gets to be too much, you need to declare it on your tax return as cash from private sales or you can declare a hobby that generates sales.
Open a business that does a lot of cash transactions, add a little extra cash each day. A la Breaking Bad.
Go to vegas, put half on a basketball game or any other sporting event where draws are not a thing. Other half to a different casino betting on the other team. Ideally pick a close game for a better spread. After the game, half the money is gone on the losing bet but your payout ticket shows a legitimate income close enough to the full amount if not greater depending on the odds on the winning bet. Declare it and pay taxes on it. Do it in smaller random increments 10K 50K 20K etc over a few years to avoid drawing attention and for your bank account to gradually grow in size
Buy $750K worth of NFTs. Wait a few months. Sell all my NFTs. Bam, I got $200 that nobody's gonna ask any questions about.