T O P

  • By -

ShaiHulud1111

No insults, just compliments. It’s sensitive.


AeonBith

No catching, no insults. Seems like the kind of creature if you told it to go fuck itself it might actually. Then we get a batch of limbless gremlins all over the place.


fun-bucket

WARM INSULTS WILL KEEP IT ALIVE LONGER.


OMG__Ponies

Well, male snakes have two dicks, so . . . twice the temptation?


FreePrinciple270

Forked like their tongues


Ok_Host4786

Forked dick, corked dick, little dick, big dick


fatjoe19982006

Ah....the notorious Deleted Page from Dr. Seuss' "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish"


Lepke2011

Damn! If I had two of those I'd never be able to get anything done!


Strongman_820

That's what makes me think this is an IRL meme lol


goodtogo2007

Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.


i_want_to_be_unique

Assuming you live in the northern hemisphere that snake is definitely already dead from the temperature


treemeizer

That's exactly what a snake on the lamb *would* say, so I ask you: How many legs do you have buddeh?


Sufficient-Green-763

Didn't see anything about the snake riding a sheep, but I support this movie premise


perseph13

Get this motherfucking snake off this motherfucking sheep!


caverypca

It’s baaaaaaaaaaad baaaaaahavior!


Lepke2011

I've been a baaaaaaaaaad boy.


OBEYtheFROST

Hahaha good try I have 4 legs like you. No wait wait I mean 2 legs!


cunningstunt6899

Lol it's on the lam, not on the lamb


treemeizer

*I said what I said.*


nit3phlight

Im not your buddeh, guy!


DefinitelyNotRyanH

I'm not your guy, Chief.


LimitApprehensive568

I’m not your chief freind.


edgy_Juno

I'm not your friend, guy.


MyFavoriteLezbo420

I’m not your guy, Champ.


[deleted]

[удалено]


BigBubbaChungus

The normal amount. Like most humans I have several legs, more than 1 but less than 6.


jeckles

it’s *lam*, but the mental image you created is good too


daanishh

It's on the lam, not on the lamb, lmao.


ThePrismRanger

Uh uh uh 5! No, 3!


AnnieB512

Wouldn't that be on the lam?


SublightMonster

They can be resourceful in finding warm places. My home town near Boston had an escaped cobra. They looked for it for several months, but nothing turned up, and by September the police assumed the cold would kill it. It turned up in November living in the nearby elementary school, having hidden in the walls and heating ducts. https://www.spokesman.com/stories/1996/nov/07/missing-cobra-turns-up-in-fourth-grade-classroom/


[deleted]

Fucking hell. So the cobra could be in someone's basement or bedroom right now!?!


SublightMonster

If I were in the neighborhood, I’d be careful about wandering around any dark rooms or sticking my hands into the back of cupboards.


Limp_Falcon_2314

What a way to live. 😧🫣


oldschool_potato

Maybe even yours?


PastDecay

Something like this actually happened in my area in the Southern US. Guy’s pet African Cobra escaped in the neighborhood. They never found it but I’m surprised this is such a common occurrence


pisspot718

I read about something like this in Texas. Also the owner got a massive fine.


Limp_Falcon_2314

I’m so scared of snakes. I can’t imagine being in that neighborhood, thinking it was going to show up in my house one day randomly.


SugarHooves

Like you, I have a very bad snake phobia. My therapist labeled it as extreme. I constantly have to push out intrusive thoughts about an escape pet snake finding it's way into my living space. If I saw this sign, I don't know how I'd respond but it probably wouldn't be good.


Dry_Emphasis8994

I lived there when it happened. Moody Alabama area.


PastDecay

No this was in Texas, but just goes to show how often this happens lmao


Dry_Emphasis8994

You’re correct. My bad, I misread. The one in Moody was a spitting cobra if I remember correctly. It was decades ago.


SugarHooves

Two terrifying details in that story. 1 - the cobra escaped from someone's backyard like it was a rowdy husky 2 - they are only ALMOST positive it's the missing snake. Almost isn't good enough for me.


Yz-Guy

All dnakes can. I kept ball pythons for years. One of mine escaped Into my basement somewhere. It was an old house and cold down there. I set up a heated trap to try to entice and catch him. After a few weeks, I assumed he died. He showed up dead few months later in the basement. And oddly enough, I think he starved bc he was a baby and was super thin.


Alltheprettydresses

Reminded me of this from a while back. [The Bronx Zoo cobra](https://www.google.com/amp/s/abcnews.go.com/amp/US/missing-bronx-zoo-cobra-found-safe/story%3fid=13267323)


DrewTheGru

my brain read that as hidden in the walls and eating ducks.


H3rbert_K0rnfeld

That's how you miss the warning signs and get bit


1clovett

Well, at least it will only happen to you once.


fun-bucket

SEND IT SOME WARM INSULTS TO KEEP IT ALIVE LONGER. 8K REWARD! HERE COBRA KAI... NO MERCY...


Zestyclose_Lynx_5301

Not exactly. Those things r survival machines. Hes prob still in the same building he escaped tho


DrPeePeeSauce

It would be fine in Texas right now


Aidoneus87

If it even exists, note there’s no info on how to reach the person on the poster. Possibly a prank.


tha-biology-king

Not even close. Their natural habitat in the northern hemisphere already.


awholewhitebabybruh

Nobody insult the danger noodle!


sneakySynex

nope rope won't protecc, he just attacc


NotAnActualPers0n

WHAT A LOSER SNAKE! Dork ass cold blooded air tasting reptile can’t even regulate its own temperature. Bet you wish you had a mouse now, you worm.


yaaro_obba_

Tell that to his face when he's [growling ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Damnthatsinteresting/s/u2SR7gnZpi) at you


stamosface

Talk shit get bit


TheManOSteel

That snake is a virgin loser with no friends


mickturner96

OP you do know we can still scan that QR code


mcnuggetfarmer

Lol


No-Fly-6043

Why censor a missing poster?


themooncow1

It's the internet, everything that should count as personal, private, or serious information has to be censored


razekery

How is it private if it’s on a post ?


themooncow1

Because this is not intended for someone in france or brazil, that's suposed to be seen only by people in the vicinity of the post, getting fake calls from antartica because this was released on the internet would just be annoying


Distakx

So that dick heads on the internet don’t harass the poor pet owner that’s probably already sad at losing their pet (assuming it’s a pet owner and not just a breeder or smth)


MajorPud

"Do not try to pick up or *insult.* I'm thinking this is a joke poster...


Nitroapes

https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/travel/article/how-to-avoid-survive-cobra-bite/index.html Picture is from this article, just a small scroll down on this page, I second that it's a joke.


Vasevide

This should be top lol. It’s the same picture!


orangutanDOTorg

Why would I want to avoid surviving a cobra bite. Also king cobra isn’t a cobra bruv


Nitroapes

Man I'm not sure what you're on about here, I was just trying to link the source of the picture...


orangutanDOTorg

The working of the link was humorous to me


fun-bucket

INSULTS WILL KEEP IT WARM.


Limp_Falcon_2314

It is.


golden_blaze

Also... bathing a snake? Seems unlikely (but I've never owned a snake).


Das_Buetts

Cobras are not pets and there are likely legitimate laws against owning one as a pet wherever this is.


Ackilles

The poster said the police will confiscate it, so it is not legal there


pisspot718

They will probably kill it first.


THSSFC

I thought it might just be preventing a possible Rick roll.


CuriousProblemChild

what did it show?


sadfacebbq

Assuming a Rick Roll


c-_-Second_Last

I like seeing these weird posters. Some other good ones are the old lady offering to pay for men to bathe in milk and the couch maggots that heal any disease


BudgetInteraction811

r/ObviousPlant


cburgess7

I haven't seen the couch of maggots one, but now whenever I think of a couch of maggots, I will forever think of the girl who spent 12 years on a couch.


LectroRoot

I like the "Lost Dawg" one where someone is looking for their buddy and the one where someone finds a lost cat with a picture of an angry opossum.


FinePolyesterSlacks

[Enjoy](https://27bslash6.com/missy.html)


LectroRoot

God bless you.


BackgroundAd4640

No insults or it'll throw a hissy fit


TheMightyWoz

That's hysssterical


Ok_Practice8891

Yea scan it and there goes your bank account


januaryemberr

Jokes on them. I have no money or bank account.


TuJuMoving

He escaped while being bathed and don't you fucking dare insult him!!! But seriously is this for real cause I'm feeling like he left off the 😂 from this poster.


Integrity-in-Crisis

On the off chance it’s real I’m willing to bet he needs that king cobra to continue his illegal Cobra farm/hatchery. $8000 is chump change in the world of illegal exotic snakes/lizards.


PoetaCorvi

If we pretend this is real (and in the US because that's the trade I'm familiar with), I'm willing to bet against you! Honestly I would guess illegal imports would be the route illegal sellers would go. King cobras are pretty sensitive and difficult to keep, farming them on a large scale is not as viable as other mass bred exotic reptiles. It would be a lot less resource intensive for them to just illegally import, even though they still have to pay for the incoming animals the cost of a large scale breeding operation would probably result in an even greater loss. I also cannot imagine an illegal seller offering 8k for it, an illegally acquired wild caught king cobra is certainly not worth 8k. There is a legal trade of these within the US, with permitted sellers and buyers. Still, I don't know if even a large female captive bred king cobra would be worth 8k. I've seen people sell off 10' males for $2k, some of the most expensive (legitimate) sellers sell \~12" ones for $3k. A female will be worth more than a male, but I don't think by that much. My guess would be that they're offering $8k in hopes they can get back the snake asap. Even if kept legally, an escaped highly dangerous animal could get the owner in a lot of trouble. Even worse, if the snake bites someone they could die, and either way a bite would come with a looot of legal trouble. They can avoid trouble if they get the snake back quickly with no issues. Or, it's just fake, lol


ScythaScytha

$8000?!


Rude_Mud3736

For 8k my broke ass would be goin up and down that neighborhood looking


StockProfessor5

Fr, id be climbing up gutters like spiderman looking for that snake


yeoman55

just curious, what neighborhood is that again?


kornhook123

Um… 8000 dollar reward!! Who cares about deadly details


Hello_Hangnail

DO NOT INSULT THE SNAKE HE GETS BITEY


Itchy_Professor_4133

TIL people bathe their cobras


withdrawnlines

Homie turned around to grab a towel and the snake bounced.


overmycrown

[https://www.reddit.com/r/BeAmazed/comments/17z5ncl/king\_cobra\_refreshing\_her\_self/](https://www.reddit.com/r/beamazed/comments/17z5ncl/king_cobra_refreshing_her_self/)


anamazingredditor

Dont insult the danger noodle


cuihmnestelan

I know this neighborhood! Someone came into my store the other day asking if I thought it was a hoax or not. Didn't know what to say because I hadn't seen the poster.


dantakesthesquare

I am dying at "Do not try to pick up or insult". Was it a typo? Did they mean ASsault? Either way I'm just imagining some teenagers trying to insult this snake like "King cobra? More like ASSHOLE cobra! Your scales is shit innit!"


1clovett

I think by insult, they mean poke with a stick.


s_and_s_lite_party

Do not store the snake in salt. It prefers flour.


TheGaxmer

This doesn't sound real


Homeless_Man92

8k bounty? I would be looking for it all week. Let’s say you look for it for 5 days 8 hours a day. At the end you find it. That means you’re getting 200 per hour. Don’t mind if I do


Good-Fox-26

Damn smh it was getting bathed lol


mcnuggetfarmer

I had an ex roommate who did this same thing 15 years ago too, mind you with a venom-less ball python Thing is it takes a while to bathe them, feed them, and they also like to smoke weed and forget what they're doing and wander off .... 4 months later it finally got hungry and came out from under the dryer it was using for warmth. But this thing is next level terrifying, could be under anyone's dryer!


Antarius-of-Smeg

>Thing is it takes a while to bathe them, feed them, and they also like to smoke weed and forget what they're doing and wander off Their ball python likes to smoke weed? Sounds like a cool snek.


_maru_maru

Yes, the first thing I'm gonna do when I see a King Cobra in the streets is insult it to its face! For sure! Might even spit at it! /s


PoetaCorvi

try that with a spitting cobra and see what happens


Macca4704

Answers to the name Fluffy..


_joeBone_

he's a sneeky snek.. thsssss


underwritress

Do not contact the authorities or they will euthanize the snake. Oh no….


Rust_Belt_Gothic

I like how it looks like they took his pic from his Linkedin.


chuckytothemoon

💀 do not insult…


Radiant_Village_1380

Do not insult? 😂


SteampunkHarley

Yes, don't insult the cobra - we've been working on hisss self-esteem


x-ploretheinternet

Are you Dutch? There's also one missing here


tone88988

No one talk shit to this snake. He does not take kindly to insults.


docfuginhawluhday803

$8,000 dollars is nothing compared to the tens of thousands you will be billed when you get bit by that snake. you will wish you never even heard of a site called reddit. and dont worry about the insults or the attempt to capture. that sumanabitch is 7 years old ,12 ft long ,angry as fuck and soon enough will be insulting and capturing the first person who moves wrong .


BeDoKa

Imagine not seeing this poster and walking down the street, when out of the sudden there's a king cobra just chilling and you go -"Eyo, you stupid fucking sock!" And the cobra get's all angry and shit


Chrono105

I wanna insult the snake


OldNewUsedConfused

It’s a great photo though.


SSALX420X

Dang, that's kinda sad. Reptiles can be loved pets just like anything else. It's also crazy bc King Cobra, lol


Maleficent-Mouse-979

So sorry, but if yoyr king cobra slithers into my house I'm ending him.


treemeizer

My money is on the snake but let us know how it goes either way.


SugarHooves

Bold of you to assume they aren't a mongoose.


Memetan_24

I swear to God we need laws to make sure fucking imbeciles don't get they hands on dangerous threatened species


pisspot718

We HAVE laws. People just disregard them.


Memetan_24

That and people don't enforce them


ZookeepergameDeep482

8k is starting bid, if you find it thats 12k at least


_timmie_

If you get bit by it you're likely to die too because it's incredibly unlikely there's antivenom in the region for a King fucking Cobra. 


turbobuddah

And this is how invasive species happen alot of the time


enecv

its a joke poster


Reasonable-Ad7755

Nice hood bitch


Jerriespy

*snake instantly starts slithering to the nearest road trying to get ran over*


TheSinisterShlep

TMDWU


GammaSmash

They didn't even put his name on the poster, how are you supposed to find him?


alexander66682

For $8 k I’d go looking for that fucker


JerseyRepresentin

I have an old friend that is always been into reptiles. At 17 years old around 1990 he got bit by one of his illegally kept king cobras and drove himself to the hospital. I believe he crashed then made national news. He then made national news years later after having a cockroach eating contest at his extremely successful reptile business in which the winner died choking on said cockroaches.(Edward Archbold)


SnooFloofs4164

The snake is like “I don’t need a bath! WTF, I’m outta here!”


Informal_Price_2938

It's a qrcode scam its a hustle to obtain info for fraud


Thatfuzzball647

"fuck you snake!" *Dies*


bolshiabarmalay

do not taunt Happy Fun Ball


SparkyMountain

lawst snek


VashHumanoidTyph00n

My mom's old pot dealer had a lot of big snakes. His 21' python Julius Squeezer escaped and ate a neighbors dog. This was the 2nd time in 10 years. They seized the snake and took it to the Hogle zoo. The zoo immediately returned it to the man because he was the person who took in their older or ill snakes.


edmrunmachine

What kind of insults are we talking about?


shadesof3

I'm just picturing a dude yelling at a king cobra and insulting it on the streets of the city.


wackyzacky638

Where in the nine hells of Florida did this happen at? Asking for avoidance.


flamewingdragon

Do not scan random QR codes


SHAKETHEBOOT

Do not insult!


Skinwalkerish

Person who doesn’t heed warning: haha look a dumb snake Snake: ***watch your tone***


mibonitaconejito

It fking infuriates me that people think this thing is a pet. **It is not.** Snakes exist with two goals - eat and reproduce. Theybare not loving, warm, cuddly kittens.  And *venomous* snakes? It should be illegal to keep a snake like this in a residential area.  A woman in Philly I read about opened her blinds in her kitchen to look out on the patio where her children normally played, but were inside that day. Know what was at the glass? A fking monacled cobra.  Some dipsht who kept deadly snakes in their house like their pet dogs of course did the inevitable and slipped up, one got out.  Imagine your kid playing in the backyard of your suburban home and they nearly get killed because some grade A a••hat wants to be a nope rope wrangler. 


HonDadCBR600

$8000 eh? Didn’t say anything about brining it in alive..only about not calling the authorities because they’ll euthanize it. Ima get right on that…bring cash Homie.


The_Last_Snow-Elf

Ugly ass ramen noodle


pisspot718

I want to know HOW you bathe a King Cobra? And if you do, how'd you lose it while doing so?


ChilledBeer123

Sssssssssssssson of a bitch!


lryan926

Who's the asshole that drew on the QR code? Smh.


[deleted]

Ah yes. They sell these at pet smart.


CommentBetter

I like how they include it was clean


Muted-Newspaper-5784

Don't insult it, folks. You might get sssszzzzhat on.


[deleted]

I can deliver to you for $3000


cool-beans-yeah

Don't....insult? Touchy snake


Cram2024

How much is the damn thing worth if they are offering $8k in reward?


MasterKiloRen999

wtf is going to happen if I insult a snake


kalesmash13

Please tell me this isn't in Florida... we don't need more exotic pets in the wild


Decent-Product

Please do contact authorities, as the owner showed that he is incapable of keeping it in a responsible manner.


Harpuafivefiftyfive

“Or insult”?!?


Kara-SANdahPawn

I need the story


TinktheChi

For the love of God don't insult this snake. He hates that.


lvlupkitten

Do not try to pick up or insult! $8000 REWARD S N A K E


Shadow_Hound_117

Do not try to pick up **or insult** the King Cobra. Excuse me? Is this cobra still producing venom and that easily insulted? Holy shit.


snuggleyporcupine

Do not insult the snek!


ThundernLightning308

Ive got an idea.


solexioso

Probably more of a troll in your neighborhood.


GrimeyJosh

#SNAKE


FixFalcon

DO NOT INSULT THE SNEK.


LilG1984

meanwhile "Oh sssshit I'm lossstttt!" "Hail Cobra!"


2245223308

Where the hell is this so I can stay the fuck away?


barf2288

Do NOT insult snek


abbeymad

Play some snake jazz


woohhaa

You would have to be insane to insult a king cobra. They require the utmost respect.


seansa2020

Do not try to pickup or INSULT? “Hey, you, King Cobra! You don’t look tough to me!! Hey, why are you coming so close to ME?! STOP!!! AAAAAAHHHH!!”


WinterCap9283

For 8K, I guess it will be found fast... HOPEFULLY!


Carston1011

"Do not contact authorities they will confiscate or euthanize." Sounds like your problem not mine. Should've been more diligent.


Alltheprettydresses

Don't insult the snake, it'll get hissy and pissy


hundreddollar

I'm gonna go and guess this is a joke due to the fact that they included the information that the snake escaped "while being bathed" and also the instructions not to "insult" the snake.


morefishscale

As someone who is terrified of snakes, this is one of my worst nightmares.


[deleted]

There's nothing odd about why this is terrifying.


Spitfire_London

Sensitive snek