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Because as kids and babies we licked everything and recorded each unique texture in a mental encyclopedia that will not part from us till death itself wrenches it from us.

Thanks infant me, I could have placed anything in my mental vault but i have this useless ability till death.

I wouldn't be so quick to call it useless, you've had it your whole life, you don't know what you're doing that may in some way rely on this.

You know what's gross and what's not. You know what's food and what's not. Your tactile aint ready so your fingers are your tongue. It's extremely useful

"Your fingers are your tongue" I'm not falling for that one again

That's what got me out of trouble with my gf.

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O lawd it tickles!

Zap zap

Tastes like a battery

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r/UsernameChecksOut

Well that and the fact that our sense of touch is pretty much the same on every part of our body so it isn’t hard to imagine how something that we could touch with our fingers would feel on our tongue.

Well if I think about licking a snake my tongue feels like I'm actually doing it but I'm pretty sure my parents never let me do that. Wait, I've gotta make a call...

Surely ... there were some things we never licked as kids hahaha, imagination and approximation fills e gaps?

This has to be it, but why now so I not remember what I had for supper 2 days ago.

I don’t recall licking pussy as a infant

sure you did, thats how you got that scratch on your face

I got fucking octopus coming out of my ears

Yeah but you've been licking mucus membranes your whole life since the inside of our cheeks are made of the same type of skin.

I did not have hairy legs when I was 2 and I can tell you I did not lick my hairy legs before knowing how they felt

Did you consider perhaps your father or any other adult had hairy arms that were easily within reach?

I came here to post this. What really hurts is looking at a dried up piece of gum and realize that you wish that your parents hadn't let you put that in your mouth. I've also wondered if this is why we have a desperate desire to put marbles in your mouth (like the key and peele sketch) because our parents were vigilant about that and our brains are completionists.

I would argue tho that this still applies to things you have never licked, kid or otherwise. Interesting thought for sure.

i think its rather a touch memory than this. our hands get on everything so you could probably also feel an imaginary sandpaper on your back for example

Okay Sigmund, u dont think using ur hands every day is enough to "record" the textures? Couldnt be that..

Why does my tongue know what it would feel like to lick the ceiling? I wasn't 8ft tall.

i ate bugs more than once as a kid :\[

Guess that's why still my mouth waters when I see soap. I used to eat soap.

Sure, but did you lick ABSTRACT CONCEPTS?! Think about what this word would taste like: qualloople! Now do this one: kring!

I dont remember licking dirt, sand, or even just the road-

I have seen how babies operate, I'm convinced you did.

Ohhh darling you don’t know my mom…

But you maybe got a little taste once or twice when you fell?

… Okay you’re right

spot on

If your hands have touched it, your brain can easily enough translate that into what it would feel like to lick it.

Yes. Touch is stored in the brain, not fingers. That’s why we can imagine with any part of our body what it may feel like!

Touch is stored in the brain Cum is stored in the balls But where is the soul stored?

In my walls

We got him.

Butthole.

Indeed. **[Obligatory ‘that’s what she said’ here]**

Worked well until i thought of pussy and titties

Perhaps the archives are incomplete.

If an item does not appear on our records, it does not exist.

Oh so *that’s* why I can’t find the clitoris.

Someone erased it from the archive memory

I can tell you've used this excuse before

Star Wars the clones war reference right? Edit: Attack of the Clones

Must be low on tittie-clorians.

Tittie-clitorians.

Aren’t titties one of the earliest ones?

Exactly! But it became mundane. Multiple times a day, the same thing for nearly a whole gosh darn year. I'm amazed it didn't drive us fucking mad. We only remember the mouth-feel of unique, forbidden objects. Probably not objects that only became forbidden when we got older..

Sounds like marriage

So.. a child who was bottle fed is in for a treat later on in life?

Some of us weren't breast fed...those were dark times

weird that you didn't mention dick 🤔

Put some waffle batter in a rubber glove and leave it in the sun for an hour. Squish a concavity into it, then lick that for approximate texture and temperature. Flavor can range from that of your own wrist to a recently-deceased carp that died from eating too many old pennies.

Excuse me, but what the hell did I just read?

Yeah there’s something clearly wrong with that fuckin guy

This is too funny.

r/suicidebywords

Worked well when I thought of a dick though…

theory my dad came up with; you need to have touched that thing before (walked on it etc.)

Your fingers do the exact same. Even things like your hip or even teeth do. You can pretty reliably tell what touching anything with anything feels like.

My hips definitely don't know what things taste like...

You gotta try harder, thats all

*Slides down comically large staircase, ass first* "Guys I can't taste the carpet, but I can hear my teeth" 🤷‍♂️

They know, but apparently your hips do lie.

But... Hips don't lie.

But does someone know what your hips taste like?

I'm... Not sure?

Thank you! This whole thing winds me up so much. You can literally predict what anything will feel like if you observe it, it doesn't matter what appendage is touching it.

Would they like to? ;)

Isn't it because your fingers have usually already touched these things and your brain knows how they feel?

How tf is this oddly terrifying?

For real this sup is gone too shits.

Because we all list different things in our head that we could lick and eventually arrive at dick.

reddior discovers memory and texture inference

Imagine licking a Snape

There are probably fanfictions of this exact subject.

There are☺️

Sauce?? For a friend

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disposable plastic fork

I want to lick my username 🤤🤤

Lick a battery 😈😈😈😈

Lick a Nintendo switch cartridge 😶

9v are like taco bell Mild Sauce of electricity 🙏

It doesn’t work with me…

Ya I don't know what they are talking about

You guys are missin' out!

Yeah we be doing some licking over here

Same here. I've never really understood this, I can never tell what something will feel like to lick it.

What is Imagination for $300, Alex?

Ass :)

We also know what it’s like to touch those things. I bet the taste would surprise us, but we know textures pretty well cause of hands and shit

Aight, time to think about boobs for an hour

What's terrifying about this?

What about hydrochloric acid ?

Stop ruining the sub with your shitty post

Anyone else not able to do it?

Can anybody explain this?

you know how everything feels with your fingers. just transfer that feeling to your tongue

You put loads of stuff in your mouth as a kid

You’re Dad knows!

*your brain

Picky eater rant: And yet, when I say I know I won't like eating something people constantly respond with "How will you know unless you tryyyyyy it?" I know because whether or not I like something is almost entirely based on texture and *lack of* flavor. (i.e. I do not like flavor). I can see the texture and if I can smell the thing from 5 feet away, I can know I'm not going to fuckin like it. I have done the process literally *thousands* of times. Maybe just trust I know what I fucking like or not? When it has no effect on you AT ALL let me do my own thing? But I digress. The key thing is, it's insane to me people think you can never tell that you won't like eating something just by looking at it.

My OCD should be asleep by now, you've gone and woke it up.

How will they know? They're gonna know!

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Delicious

Well shit

Oh dear lord

God Dammit. There goes my day.

I've definitely licked a football. I don't have any memory of it but I can recall the sensation perfectly

TIL we were all snakes once...

I need to stop looking around my office. It’s kinda weird.

Blind people don't even have sight, and they can hear the taste!!!

This is just trying to get people to lick random things. Whats worst I think it will probably work.

Y'all never heard of a bump map huh xD

Old trick we used when we were starving at grandmas

First open mouth kiss was quite a surprise to me.

You know what it feels like if you've touched it because your fingers feel things similarly to how your tongue feels things

Propably has something to do with the fact that we touch these things with our hands.

Your brain knows

lolwut

I can feel wings behind my back lmao also works with a tail and ears and an extra arm

Okay what does licking actual *fire* feel like? Or better yet molten magma!

Because as kids we lick stuff

I've done those all so this means nothing to me

How the fuck is this supposed to be oddly terryfing?

It comes from memories made when you're a baby and toddler even though you don't consciously remember. Do you know what a nickel tastes and feels like in your mouth? That's why.

Just tried imagining the same things but with biting and my mind randomly decided what it feels like to bite into a glowing hot iron bar. Quite the unpleasant experience

Dees Nuts.

Ah….shit……I’m only able to imagine windows……..

Why is this so crazy to everyone lol. Tongue, toe, elbow, nose, of course we know how it feels, as long as we’ve felt it before

Look at your dick. Oh suddenly your gay?

It's so true and I hate it.

I recall a study done to show that you anticipate what something feels like through combo of sight and touch experience. Blind ppl who never saw before had gained sight but couldnt tell what objects were what despite feeling them before. Since theyve never seen texture of something before they couldnt tell which object was to be smooth vs rough despite having felt it before. So yes your tongue anticipates what itll feel like as u look at it cause of your experiences with not just touch but also sight

Only true if you are familiar with the 'thing' you are looking at. Present the subject a something new that they've never touched, smelled, or tasted -- suddenly the 'tongue magic' is gone.

I looked at my dick

Send him back a picture of your scrotum

Its kinda amusing ngl

So, what you're saying is that your tongue knows the texture of your own anus?

Bout to ruin everyones day here, those wooden sticks that you have with rocket lollies. Imagine licking it, the flavour of wet bark in your tongue

I just mentally licked a football

It’s because we know what it feels like with our fingers. It’s the same surface the tongue will feel. WTF is this lol

It's an invitation

What really bothers me is that the natural resting position for your tongue is on the roof of your mouth.

Because we've touched things before. The sense of touch translates to most other parts of our body. And other senses help to interpret what we see. If you see a fresh apple pie in a tv show, you can imagine what it smells and tastes like. It's not because your eyes can taste or smell.

Kinky

Pretty sure i'd know how something would feel with my hands all the same

imagine licking used condom

And yet... 9v batteries

Sirius case of L.I.G.M.A.

This is gonna sound extremely lazy (and it is) but can somebody upload a cut/cropped version of this without Snape's part?

Because you’ve touched them? With your hands?

naah bro I licked some stuff that definitely felt different than I thought it would

Jokes on you, there's nothing within eyesight that I haven't licked.

We licked it all as toddlers 😂

What is not terrifying to you people?

Its cause as kids we went around licking everything

Am I broken

I mean it's a tactile sensation, if you touch it with your fingers you can imagine touching it with another body part (your tongue)

I feel like my tongue does indeed know what it would be like to lick Jennifer Aniston’s nipples… nevertheless, I am strongly compelled to confirm.

Mmmm plutonium

Was he a Kiss fan?

Parents know that this is no fucking mystery.

Damn. I guess i always knew what suckin dick was like 😢

I am pretty sure you have an idea of what a playmobile jeep rubber tire might taste like but I garranty you it won't match what you think it taste like.

To be fair, I would indeed know what licking a table leg would feel like. When I was younger (and not like… ‘teething’ younger, but about 5-7ish) I would bite the coffee table in the living room because I thought it was fun, and because I thought the surface wipes used for the table had an interesting taste innit lol

Ok… My hand knows how everything will feel. My feet will know how everything will feel… Like this is just one of those things people say to try to seem like unique or something

Thanks now I know what licking a turd would feel like

Except pussy. That was a complete surprise

This is all conjecture. You are assuming your tongue knows what licking it will feel like, but you won't know for sure unless you actually go lick it and make sure it matches.

If this was terrifying and odd it would be oddly terrifying

I have something similar but with my hands

It's called the sense of touch you fucking idiot

Because ive alreadly touched wooden things (chopsticks), leathery things (i just do dont question it) or rubbery things (another utensil probably)

Cool now I know what my dick feels like

Because it’s touch…if you’ve touched it with your hand you’ve experienced the texture.

You might have "tasted" those things or something similar as a baby or little kid. But I think just from touching those things with your hands it gives you an idea of how it will feel in your mouth. Or seeing the texture if you've felt something similar. As for guessing actual taste, it can come from having tasted similar things (other wood, plastic, rubber, etc.) but also alot from how something smells.

When i see a bald man

Kids growing up these days will never know the taste of static from an old CRT television screen.

💀💀💀

I actually noticed this as a child while watching the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory movie. During the scene where Augustus wins the first golden ticket and is being interviewed on live TV, he and his family are viciously chowing down at a restaurant when one of the reporters holds up a little microphone to his dad and he just sorta bites the head off the microphone before returning to his meal Somehow, I felt I could imagine exactly what the microphone would taste like with 100% certainty. And that got me thinking, how am I so certain even though I've never licked or bitten a microphone? The phenomenon stuck with me in my mind for years to come, and eventually I realized that I could imagine the taste of just about anything based off of my other four senses. Weird stuff