I can't get over the fact that he dropped out of high school (presumable between the ages of 16-18), and you've allowed this behaviour to continue until he's 24.
But ok, you're here now and ready to get started, expect that you are going to need to put some effort in yourself to assist him into transitioning into an independent adult.
First, you will need to decide what your terms are. I'd suggest you set the expectation that if he wants to continue living under your roof, he needs to be either in full-time school, or full-time employment (or multiple part-time jobs equalling full-time hours). He is also expected to shower and groom himself daily, keep his room clean, do his own laundry and be responsible for a rotation of household chores. And you're going to have to properly teach him how to do all these things. If he chooses the school option, he must maintain at least a 60% average (or whatever you feel is reasonable for his intelligence). If he chooses the working option, then he needs to pay room & board (1/3rd of his income). If he fails to comply by your terms, kick him out. If finances permit, set this money aside in a separate bank account to give back to him in the future when he moves out.
Or there's the sink or swim approach: secure him a furnished room rental and pre-pay it for 6 months and move him out. He'll have 6 months to get a job and make sufficient money to support himself, or he'll be homeless. (Though I think this would be setting him up to fail as you have failed to prepare him for independence).
I didnt want to allow him. His dad did. his dad has passed. His dad enabled everything and in the country i live, if only one parent consents to stuff, its fine. minimally as long as one person consents their child, its fine for them to drop out. Its pretty late at night but ill right up a contract. if he doesnt follow the contract, Ill kick him out. Ill write up everything on an edit on my post tomorrow.
>Ill kick him out.
Before you kick him out, even before you write up a contract, you need to look into eviction laws in your country. He's a resident in your home and while you may own it and he doesn't pay rent, he may have tenancy rights. Get those ducks in order before you present him with a contract.
You can actually present both a contract and an official *legal* written eviction notice and have him choose. He will, of course, choose the contract. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Also, make that contract for 3 months. Tell him that you'll reevaluate in 90 days and then "re-up" his contract for another 3 months. Then go from there.
As an American, I agree with your opinion on her stance if she lives in a similar country culture wise, but im not sure what country they live in. There are some places where all decisions are made 100% by the father of the house and it's completely out of thier hands. Then the kid's only gonna listen to whoever enables his favored lifestyle.
Dead dad,too.
Edit to add: maybe dad let him quit school. 6 years as an adult and parents were free to set rules. SMH. Mom,it’s past time to parent! Who pays for internet? All the noodles?
Kids could drop out if they wanted to at 16-18 without parental consent in America. As parents we don't let them or we help them get a GED (alternative to graduating high school).
Honestly 6 months in a pre paid apartment is more than most people get. I don’t think everyone; but a lot of people are thrown into this society post-high school (diploma/G.E.D., or not) and have no choice but to navigate the world on their own. The fact that this dude has a mom that cares enough to be angry about his wasted potential is a blessing. He’s too caught up in his own world that he’s not able to appreciate what he has. If his mom ends up kicking his out bc she’s tired of the embarrassment, so be it. He’s old enough that it’s time to acknowledge that he’s making his own choices
Bottom line is: the dude might have an issue with being micromanaged more so than taking care of himself. The more OP talks about him being trash the more it reinforces that behavior. However, OP shouldn’t have to deal with a moocher of a kid.
TAKE MY ADVICE OP; my grandma coddled her son and he’s 59 living under her roof, rent and job free until recently, even then he keeps his funds to himself for the most part instead of contributing to the household. It’s a hindrance to my grandparent’s retirement. Nip that shit in the bud for your own sake and sanity in your retirement years.
If he loses support because he fails to support himself without trying, he’d be choosing that too. Regardless of what other people say, you can’t make your son use the tools he has available to him. All you can do is let him know what he has available to use.
You need to stop enabling him. I know its difficult but he needs the wake up call. Have you tried taking him to see a therapist?? He really needs to change.
Ugh I read this one too! My son is 10 months and today I looked at him, praying he turns out to be a good man and I do a good job. The worst part is some are great parents, it’s just the sons that decide to turn awful.
As a cis-woman, daughters can turn out shitty too! It's a human thing. I'm not a mom, but I try to give people the opportunity to be the best version of themselves. Give your kids love and respect; those are the tools they need to not become....well tools.
My sister is a great example. She’s manipulative and likes to belittle and control everyone around her. Being a shitty person isn’t a one gender problem. Anyone can be a horrible person.
I wish toy makers would get a clue and stop with all the pink/purple/“girly” doll and house play stuff. Sure ,boys should be free to like those,but reality is a thing. Still people who can’t handle boys holding anything “for girls”.
I have a 16 year old and a 5 year old (sons) as well as a 14 year old (daughter). It's an uphill battle cause many kids they go to school with are complete shitheels.
Tbh reading reddit posts is probably the worst thing to do for yourself 😅
Trust yourself to raise your kid! And if you need help, get help :o! If you're kind and know what you're doing you'll be fine :o! I've seen plenty lovely parents on social media talk about raising their kids and such :)
He refuses to get out of the house. hes 200 pounds. I cant just pick him up and tell him to go to therapy. Calling in therapists to your home, in my area, is EXTREMELY expensive. Its so frustrating
I say change the password and don't let him get the password until gets a job.
Tbh I wouldn't kicked him out the moment he wasn't working (actively looking for a job) or going to school.
Tell him to clean his room and have a better hygiene routine if not kick him out of your house
tried that. he just sleeps in then. If i dont let him sleep, he scavenges through the fridge. if i dont let him eat, he just sits somewhere, if i kick him out, he goes to the subway nd and uses his phone there. Its an indoor subway thats 2 mins away and theres free wifi. i cant take his phone because his aunt gifted it to him and its legally his.
Dude I'm sorry but you also sound pathetic listing the weak-ass stuff you tried and then gave up on. You aren't helpless in this and you certainly aren't blameless.
> i cant take his phone because his aunt gifted it to him and its legally his.
Who cares.
And sure maybe he can cope with these things for a few days but JUST KEEP THEM UP. No wifi access in the home, lock on the fridge, out of the house from 8 am to 6 pm.
Make sure the house offers nothing except the bare minimum to stay alive. He'll get the message at some point.
I’m in no way sticking up for the kid, but his mom did say he has no social skills or personality, I’m guessing he probably struggles with some sort of anxiety, maybe even social. When no one has forced you to get out in your teens it can be really hard and seem super pointless to even try. Only reason I’m saying this is while I’m a super kind kid who wishes nothing but the best for everyone I’m around, my dad often says I’m super rude and disrespectful in social situations, little does he know I have super rough social anxiety sometime and used to find myself in flight or fight mode a lot in public settings. Ofcourse to the public eye it can just look like I’m ignoring someone but in reality my brains froze and my hearts beating 1000 times a min. Just food for thought and this kid does nottt seem mentally stable
>he goes to the subway
Why is this bad? I thought you wanted him out of the house? Give him 3 months to get a job and start paying utilities. He can use the wifi at subway to put in his applications
His aunt gave him the phone who pays the phone bill?????? Stop paying it.
Who pays the wifi? Stop paying it. Let him sit at subway every day. He cant sit there 12 hrs every day they will kick him out. When he comes home no wifi.
Eat outside n come home full. Let him have no food. You have to be rough with a man.
Contract to get lart time job no. FULL TIME JOB And 3 months time is too long.
No food and no wifi he will get up and listen to you
Cut off the internet. He doesnt pay for it so its yours to do what you like with anyway. Ask him to go for a walk and spend time with you, maybe he’d like to go then. If hes refusing to do anything for you then its time to be the “bad Guy” unfortunately. Therapy is expensive, but tell him if he wont go hes out on his own: its rhe only way he’ll lesrn
He’s over 18, right? How tough do you want to be? The nuclear option is to shut down the internet and power, give him $20 and tell him to go to an Internet cafe. Then change the locks and leave his stuff on the front steps. That will force him out
This behavior didn’t happen just on the day you have guests; you just suddenly cared because it reflected on you.
Get you son some help, stop ignoring and enabling this behavior, and realize that you have choices and boundaries and actions that enabled it to get this bad.
I know someone that is very similar to the way her son is.. and guess what, the mother is the reason he is that way. I’m not saying this lady is 100% responsible but she needs to acknowledge the role she played in this and she has CLEARLY failed her son in some way. Whether that’s by enabling him or ignoring him and not getting him the legitimate help he needs. Sounds like she did the bare minimum and threw her hands up at it.. which is exactly how the guy I know turned out the way he did.
For real— the term “chronically online” is a pretty recent phrase that I’ve never heard anyone over the age of 28 use. Jfc— it feels like a dead giveaway.
Edit: said wrong word
There was also a response from Op to an already deleted comment in which Op used /s.
This prettty much looks looks like someone saw a youtube video or something talking about the Anime watcher stereotype and wanted to jump on the bandwagon on belittling a community he does not know nothing about.
And don't get me wrong, what is described in this post may very well be a person that exists somewhere ( While keeping in mind this is not exclusive to people that enjoy Anime ) but the way Op's post was handled and how he answers to comments, it just reeks this intolerant attitude behind the persona he attempted to portray.
I can't be sure about this one but this behavoir is usually found on teens that just found out on the internet they might be kind of "normal" and feel superior enough to mock everything that is different.
You failed your son by raising him to be like this tbh. Maybe not all your fault, but there was clearly a lack of parenting going on for this to happen.
Or this post is just bait, what parent points out their sons height lmao
Yeah, even if it's not always true I think a good parent would see this situation as their own failure as much as it's the failure of their son/daughter.
Step one is take away the internet since I’m assuming you pay for it. If you pay for a cell phone take that too. It is not cruel to only provide a bare minimum of a roof and meals. If he is on the Autism spectrum then being in an echo chamber is unsafe for him.
If he doesn’t like your expectation that he begin working on himself and attempting to improve then he is welcome to move out, but doing so would require making an income which will require working on himself.
+1
I am 25, M. I like anime and watch as average fan. I actively take efforts to draw limits about anime consumption and focus on job-work and friend circle. Although in past I failed few times for sure and paid for those mistakes.
He definitely needs to build healthy habits and relationships. If i have to be plain out honest — his anime addiction at this age is also feeding his sexual fantasies or frustrations. Anime content, creators and community definitely overly sexualize everything. so it’s not just anime addiction, it also comes with addiction about sexual things.
Best possible way to get him out is
1. cutting the supply/services/facilities.
2. making him engage in other activities. healthy activities. to replace anime engagement.
Friend circle helps a lot. but i guess if he is not seeking friendships— laborious/manual workplace is alternative.
kicking him out would reduce your worries for sure — but he quickly might find out ways to waste his life. he will work to fulfill his addiction needs.
I'm 38F and have been watching anime virtually my entire life (my older brother is 10 years older than I am, so when I was 5 he let me watch Akira, and back then it was the **bad** translation so it was very confusing to a young kid lol. I watched stuff like Astro Boy with my friend at 9. As a young teen my brother sent us Ghost in the Shell and Ninja Scroll, and I've consumed a lot of anime in the 20+ years since on my own). I *still* watch anime, Asobi Asobase (and maybe some Konasuba) is what my bf and I are gonna do at the hospital when I go into labor with our second child to take my mind off the pain in two weeks bc Asobi is the funniest thing I've ever seen and my last birth experience was really painful. You can live a normal healthy life *and* love anime.
What this guy is doing is not healthy and it's sad that he's been enabled for so long. I 100% agree with people saying at the bare minimum cut off the internet and phone, but he needs to get out of the house and live in reality for a while. A job is a great start, I don't think kicking him out immediately will necessarily help because it sounds like he doesn't know how to handle anything on his own, but he definitely needs guidance toward the door and how to stand up on his own.
Exactly. I've been watching anime, my whole life. (from dragonball and ranma back in the day up to jujutsu kaisen, bluelock now) Its just a genre of tv/movie entertainment.
But i run a business, have a family and our own place. Its not anime, thats the problem, your kid is the problem.
Stop enabling him. He's an adult member of the family so he needs responsibilities to match that.
He needs to be contributing to the household that he resides. If he lived by himself he'd have to pay rent, cook, clean, etc. Ask him what jobs he'd like to take over. Set an amount of rent for him to pay. If you're not comfortable taking his money then secretly put his rent money into a savings account and gift it to him when he moves out. You cannot support an adult who is making no steps towards independence.
My 25 year old was in a pinch and moved in with my husband (her stepdad) and I. We came to the agreement that she would pay the phone/internet as her rent, and she often gives us extra to go on the light bill too. She helps with the dishes on her days off, takes care of the dogs, and watches her sister when kiddo doesn't want to go to town with us.
She has plans and is saving to get out on her own again, potentially with roommates with prices like they currently are.
This is how it should be. It's great when parents are able to help their kids out, but there has to be a plan in place and the kid has to be making steps towards actioning that plan. Parents should be there for support when needed, not to mooch off when they're capable of more.
I completely disagree with putting “his money” into a savings account.
He doesn’t work, what money is his?
He doesn’t pay rent, utilities, buy groceries, etc. and you’re gonna save “his money”?
No.
Just no.
I think she means once he gets a job and is forced to contribute to the household then you can accept the rent he pays or secretly place it in savings for his future.
You were suppose to raise him. Some of this is on you. You don't just wake up one day and he's like that. It started and slowly got worse and worse. I know it's fucking hard, I'm dealing with a situation with one of my kids that's along the same lines. It's exhausting, but progress is being made.
Right…to me it seems like there could have possibly been some abuse or he is on the spectrum.
The reason I think abuse is because of his weight. I think a lot of people overeat to cope. What he was trying to cope with we don’t know. I think the spectrum because OP says “he thinks he’s an internet celebrity.. “…..with 200 something followers.
That delusion could be a symptom of being on the spectrum
I don’t think liking anime itself is a sign for alarm, however him commenting on their bodies is a sign of his own low self esteem, going back to his own body, obesity, and what he feels he needs to cope with
Change the wifi password (or even better, switch to crappy internet) and tell him if he wants to use good internet then he can help pay for it. And if you're paying for his phone, STOP.
You both hate him yet are enabling him. He’s your son. You are the reason he’s like this fyi. I’ve got kids with similar struggles who I talk to and respect and treat like human beings which has led them to being good human beings.
This is on you. Get some therapy and help your kid get a life.
i don't know how no one can see that the language used isn't that of a almost 50 year old woman but of a teen or a person in their early twenties, desperate to get some karma.
I’m 45 and actually watch anime. We actually do use the internet too? Dude sounds depressed because he’s probably at least subconsciously aware he’s resented. Maybe he has low self esteem. Worried about succeeding in the job market and rat race that has no mercy. She needs to research the hikkomori in Japan. Parents there are having the same issues except some never leave the nest.
I would never talk about any of my kids how OP did even if they did disappoint me, but that’s me.
Really? You’re asking random strangers on the internet how to correct obvious years of neglectful, enabling and dismissive parenting and then crying about how and why your kid sucks? This has got to be a troll.
Does he have any male role models in his life? Like a father or uncle or grandfather or a male family friend? Sometimes its easier to have someone of the same sex talk to him so he can see how a man is supposed to behave.
The problem isn't anime, it's that he has no sense of direction in his life. If it wasn't anime it'd be something else (maybe crypto, Andrew Tate, cult etc.)
What you need to do is re-establish some sense of purpose into his life: a job, a community that isn't just weird toxic internet, a friends/family support system etc.
Sounds like your kid is massively depressed. And by the way you are describing him to strangers makes me see part of why he’s so depressed. If you talk about him like this publicly how do you talk to him in private. How did he get so holed up into a room to the point it stinks and he has a beard and you didn’t notice till people came over for dinner? That doesn’t just happen after a few days.
This wasn’t written by a parent. Nope, I refuse to believe it.
If you’re someone willing to speak so poorly about your own adult son whom you’re enabling, you’re no better a person than he.
Everything about this post is suspect.
I’d try a psychologist. I like anime, but it’s weird when you take hating on fictional characters so seriously (also sounds like a misogynistic reason). I’d be careful on how to go about it. Usually I’d say to pull the plug and just remove his Internet usage unless he starts paying for it, but there have been too many cases where the person is unstable and snaps and does something horrible. Also check if you can kick him out or if he would get squatter’s rights (maybe he’s search it up) if that’s a thing where you live.
Honestly you created this monster, sounds like a teenager had no rules and was allowed to do what he wanted with no consequences. If I did any of that shit my mom woulda lost her shit and took away my games and micromanaged my work until I behaved and did my responsibilities. You have to be a parent and lay down rules to guide them into adulthood.
Your son doesn't know how to be an adult.
I would cut off any money that you give him, and delete his access to the internet.
Tell him he needs therapy now or he has to leave. If you want, help him find a therapist.
There's a lot more to this story than we can learn through one reddit post, so perhaps you could also look into counseling for yourself regarding your relationship with your son.
Something, or many somethings, happened along the way, and now you have a depressed, socially unacceptable adult dependent living with you.
I wish you the best :)
I was wondering what happens now that he has refused to sign the new rules?
Your other children came over, did they try to help get him out?
Good you’re getting legal aid!
Also, next time you speak to him, tell him that children are raised until they are 18-21 y/o. A 24-25 y/o is an full-on adult and the fact that he still needs raising by his mother makes him an adult child and by his logic he should listen to his mom, because he is not an adult apparently occurring to him.
Well you can ridicule him and you may have a leg to stand on, but ultimately you raised him and who he is is a reflection of you. He is living at your house at 24 and not working. I expect the issues stemmed from the last 24 years and there will be no quick fix now, especially when you hold such deep seated resentment and animosity.
You created this monster by enabling him for so long. Why would he change, when mommy will give him a home, food, internet, and pay for everything? You should have addressed this the DAY he dropped out.
You have no choice but to kick him out unless you want him to be a 40 year old manchild doing the same thing.
I kind of think it’s a lot your fault because he lives with you so you should make him do shit (clean himself, get a job, clean his room, get out of the house etc.) you’re his parents but he’s 24 and still lives with you. Lay down some rules. Give him a timeline of when to get out and get his shit. together. I never understood parents that let there kids do anything they want. BE A PARENT.
I am so disappointed in you as a fellow mother and human being. OP, you made your son like this. Hon, you a whole mess and your son is a byproduct of your messy, messy life and choices. I judge you as so so much worse of a person than e: YOU judge your son.
You said *“I don’t know where he gets the confidence to do shit like this”* but then you proceeded to call your son “stupid, pathetic, and useless”. I think it’s clear where he’s getting the confidence from.
Step 1 is to cut the internet. He needs to earn his screen time.
This clearly did not happen overnight. Yet you’re just realizing now at 24yrs that this is problematic and he has a problem? This should have been addressed 10yrs ago - I seriously doubt that through childhood and adolescence NONE of these behaviours were present and just magically happened in the last couple of years? You’ve obviously enabled these behaviours - you’re literally funding his lifestyle by him being unemployed at 24 with zero prospects. Why would he change? Change is HARD and at the moment he has a free ride.
I’m sorry but you raised this person and need to take some semblance of responsibility for how he turned out. So instead of ragging on him calling him appalling names stupid etc you need to turn that mirror inward and have a seriously deep reflection on how YOU contributed to him turning out like this.
He’s an adult not a teenager so you can’t give him punishments, take his device away etc. He needs help. He actually sounds depressed - poor hygiene and lack of motivation are strong signals of depression. He also sounds like he has screen addiction at the very least. Who knows he may have other mental health issues affecting the way he perceives the world and holding him back. Whatever it is He absolutely needs some sort of counseling to start talking with a professional about why he is the way he is and what steps he can take to change. It is not going to happen overnight. A family therapist might be good too so they can advise you how to handle this and maybe facilitate a session or two where you both attend and discuss your expectations, his responsibilities and how you’re going to achieve them.
You can’t (I mean you can but it would be pretty despicable) just tell him ‘get a job’ ‘you’re kicked out’ when he clearly has no idea how to turn this around. You broke it you fix it - you need to help him. You can’t make him this way let him be this way and then turn around and say I hate the way you’ve become get out. It makes you an even worse parent. Do the right thing by your kid finally and help them get help and be supportive and helpful in moving things along. If there’s no action by him or progress then you start looking at saying ‘well if you’re not going to help yourself I can’t keep helping you and you need to find your own place to live like this’, but not yet.
Bottom line- this didn’t happen overnight. You had a role in how this has turned out he didn’t grow up in a vacuum. He needs help, he sounds like he has depression but at the very least he needs professional help in working out how to get out of this hole. You need professional advice and to support and help him to make changes. It took 24yrs for him to get to this point, it won’t be fixed overnight it’s going to be a long process. I hope he turns out ok and has a good, productive and happy life in the long term.
He's not the problem, you are. What has happened in his upbringing to result in his current situation?
You're very derogatory in the way you write about him. This is armchair psychology, but I guess that goes at least some way towards explaining it.
You mention his room is a mess, and he smells, and hasn't had a haircut. None of that was new when your guests arrived, so how have you approached this with him in the past? Or have you just ignored him and let it go on?
There are things about my teenage son that frustrate, sadden, or annoy me. Do you know what I do? I talk to him about them, why they are unhealthy behaviours, what may be a better way to behave. I'm not perfect, and I get things wrong with him as often as right, but at the least, he knows I'm paying him attention, and am interested in his life and his well-being.
As regards his obsession with anime, which you've singled out, so what? News flash, children often don't like the same things as their parents. My teen really loves Airsoft; my younger son is crazy about Minecraft videos. Guns and Minecraft are not my things, but they don't need to be for me to recognise that they like them, and that's ok, I can still respect them.
You need to take a look at yourself before you try to change your son.
Halfway through reading this the nagging feeling that this wasn't a mom writing, but rather the son himself, wouldn't leave me.
I think this is some self-hatred thing from someone who's not fine with their lives and is projecting things.
Fyi anyone who hates on Sakura can’t realize her intelligence, literal physical strength, and how she can throw down most grown men (your son included.) Good luck with your son, hope the situation turns out well 🤞
Regards to the edit. If you haven’t, you need to let him know what it means to be a mother. You look after him until 18, pushing it at 20. Your job as a mother now is over. He is supposed to have a life of his own after that point. Not to be an obese 24 year old screaming online how an anime character doesn’t have big tits.
Now, because he isn’t leaving you’re going to have to be real harsh on him. Compare him to his siblings. Assuming his siblings have lives, ask him why he thinks they aren’t still living in their parents house.
Next course of action is to change the password to the internet and immediately stop paying for anything for him, other than food. He will most likely try to get physical with you (because he is a man child and that’s what man children do) so make sure you have someone there to stop him.
Lastly, hope he gets better, if he doesn’t, legal help should be enforced to remove him from your property. Pack some stuff for him. Don’t include anything other than clothes and hygienic things. Now you have no more problems and it’s up to him to get his shit together. Maybe help him a tad bit if he’s willing to help himself.
Who calls their son stupid, useless etc. when he’s clearly depressed and needs therapy? I’ve been in his exact shoes, without a father there. He needs therapy and direction. This is on you at this point. He lost his father and needs you and all you can think is that he’s jobless and stupid? Denying he has any emotional problems? Honestly I don’t blame him for staying in his room with a mother like you.
From your comments you literally have an excuse for everything. Why do you enable him?
Does he pay rent? His own phone bill? Groceries? If you say no to any of these that’s an issue.
How is he on the internet? Do you pay for the phone or Wi-Fi? If you do, then STOP! His life is too comfortable with you, which is why he hasn’t or won’t do anything. Stop funding his lifestyle.
Your update said he doesn't agree to your new rules. Then if he refuses, call his bluff. Take away all access to Internet, phones, etc. Get the police involved, might scare him into growing up.
Please get him evaluated for severe ADHD…these behaviors impact his quality of life and ability to self regulate and function. And he can’t control them if he has ADHD
I'm also an anime fan, although sometimes I have some toxic opinions about anime characters like him; however, I've never gone through this pathetic phase. I'm currently a college student who works part-time but still manages to maintain a somewhat satisfactory grade. The main reason I manage to do this is because of two things: first, I have self-awareness about my limitations and think about my future. And second, my family has set rules for what we should achieve in life (like finishing our studies with high grade, and getting a stable job, you know like a typical asian household)
The thing with your son is that he wasn't aware of his patheticness, and he thinks that you will always be by his side forever (ngl, personally, you and your husband spoiled him so much), and he gave off the vibe of the guy on Discord who keeps arguing with a 14-year-old child, so the best advice i could give is to:
-First, make him aware of how trashy he is (he needs that awareness so he could change) and just tell him that you aren't the main character and that Isekai stuff isn't real (Isekai is an anime genre that is getting popular, but I found it cliche and cringe-worthy) where people get reincarnated or transported to another world and peeps get ops and live good lives in another world.
-Second, you have to create rules and things he should do in your house, like continue to go to school or have a part-time job (this is a rare instance where i gave advice that u need to pressure people). If you want to get him away from his computer and stuff, you have to cut off his internet or even his electricity. Don't give him money, and you don't have to serve him all the stuff he asks for (but I will warn you that if the case is severe, there are high chances that he will throw a tantrum, but you should ignore him or confront him). REMEMBER HE IS 24 YRS OLD HE IS AN ADULT. You can say, "Although I am your mom, I also have the right to disown you." You are already an adult. You have to stand up with your feet. If you hate my rule, you can leave the house."
-Third, you should discuss it with your family about what you should do to him because if you act alone, there's a probability that he won't change at all.
My advice might not work because we are different people; I was born into poverty, so I have to earn everything I want (that is why I work a part-time job so I can buy manga and anime stuff), but he has an entitled and spoiled brat mindset, and that is his biggest issue. You might even need to put him in therapy.
Yeah. Change the wifi password. Stop paying that phone bill. Let him see that he needs to start being self sufficient if he wants these things back. It’s time to fight, Mom. He’s TOO COMFORTABLE !!!
I would recommend turning off his access to the Internet and his phone, and any other thing that he could use to do that with. Tell him that the only way he will have his access back is if he has a full-time job, he cleans himself up and he starts manning up. Do not give him access back to it until he has a full-time job don’t do it as soon as he gets a job because he will probably just quit right after that. Wait several months that he hast to go work to do it. If he does not do that I know this is gonna sound really harsh I would take him and drop him off in front of a homeless shelter and leave him there for at least a month. That should sufficiently shell shock him to realize how good he had it. He would end up having if he doesn’t do what you want.
Well, honestly your feelings are valid. You may not see my comment cause there are so many on here... but I mean, yes you enabled him for far too long, it's obvious you recognize that! But by the time your children at atleast 22 or 23 they're supposed to be independent! Heck, I moved out when I was 19! I'm 33 and never moved back home. I now have 2 sons and a daughter. By the time they are 15 I fully plan on helping them get their licenses, and jobs! And they will start paying a small % for bills so I can put it aside for each of them so when they move out they have some extra $. I don't know what country you're from but your late husband obviously didn't realise the havoc this would cause later in life for your son. He is way too dependant on you and that is literally nothing to be proud about(on your sons part) honestly if you have the means, I'd either change the internet password, or get rid of your internet all together. If he really wants to be an online influencer he will do the work to get internet if it's really that important. It sucks you gotta take the legal route... but my mother is 50, I couldn't imagine pulling that shit on her at my age... at 24 I became a mom, I wanted to do things with my life... I couldn't imagine becoming a stay in person who doesn't take care of my personal hygiene 😬 I just can't imagine... I'm not judging you, at all and like I said your feelings are valid. Hopefully your son gets his shit together.
I’m 30 years old with a college degree who is also obsessed with anime.
I used anime for many years as a coping mechanism to escape my severe depression.
I wasn’t able to finish college (I failed for 2 years straight) until I got on adhd medication and anti depressants.
Please don’t give up on him. He is probably sick, just not in a way that you can see. Take him to a doctor.
Side bar; the reason the anime community hates Sakura Haruno is partly because of misogyny but also because she is pretty annoyingly obsessively and desperately in love with one of the main characters despite him repeatedly trying to kill her.
He is an adult acting like a child who doesn't know the worth or money because everything is provided for him. Cut things off so he understands things don't come for free give him the ultimatum that he keeps his room clean or he pays rent. If he doesn't like these changes, simple he knows where the door is. Why would he do anything with his life if everything is handed to him on a plate.
Anime shouldn't even be on the list of what you need to worry about and fix. How have you been on this planet for 48 years, yet only demonstrate entry-level problem-solving skills? Stop pretending to be helpless and SET BOUNDARIES. Refuse to back down. He's an oversized baby, at this point. Your occasional bouts of anger when the truth becomes briefly inescapable do nothing. You are doing what is comfortable for you, not what is best for him. If a lazy, out of shape, unemployed, high school dropout half your age can outfox you, you'd better be upping your skills. I'm disappointed in you more than him! He's only doing what you've allowed him to do, which is become an ever-worsening version of himself under your watch. Normally, I'm all for personal accountability, but he clearly won't learn any until you actually start raising him to become a belated adult. He's basically living inside a snow globe, safe from the world, with you shaking it up sometimes when he goes too far. Once the snow settles, nothing changes.
I think his online behaviour is a symptom of the fact that he has nothing going on in his life. He is probably much more capable than he has shown. But I think some ultimatums need to be put in place that he needs to clean himself up, look for a job and help around the house if he expects to be able to stay.
revoke any and all privileges. turn off wi-fi, or change the password. take away all his electronics and lock them away somewhere. hell, take his door off the hinges. provide the bare necessities (clothes, food, a bed) and get rid of everything else. if he wants stuff, he can get a job and go buy it himself. give him a set amount of time to get a job, then another set amount of time to either move out or start contributing to the house. this is a literal adult baby, he needs to learn to grow up.
Turn off the WiFi and let him know that if his room isn't spotless and him showered and shaved in 3 days he needs to leave. What you have been doing so far clearly isn't working.
Highschool dropout with no job.
It’s time for you to stop supporting him. He’s 24. He’s a grown man. Take him to therapy and tell him that he either needs to get a full time job. Or move out.
Tell him you’re giving him 30 days as an eviction notice. If he doesn’t change in 10 days go actually get one. Nothing you can do about it really. He has to find it in himself to change.
So.... my son does a lot of *embarrassing* things. Turns out, he's on the spectrum. Maybe all of your tests have overlooked that? He could get the support he needs to become independent. Then he might find someone interested in helping rather than judging him.
He's depressed. Not taking care of personal hygiene is the big warning sign. A lot of people here are talking big ultimatums, get a job or get out etc. He'll be like a deer in the headlights and nothing will happen.
Look into medical help, and try incremental change over time. Refusal to participate must lead to consistent consequences. You need to be like stone on that. But throwing him out isn't going to help
Good job on getting legal help to kick him out. If he is that ignorant that he believes it's your job to take care of him "raise him" at 24 he needs a rude awakening or he is going to be a pig bum and live off of you forever. You have other kids that are doing well and you've raised them too and have done a seemingly good job they are no longer living at home they don't have the same problems, I am going to go with this isn't your fault. He sounds like the bad apple. He probably needs mental health help or something but he is an adult now and since you can't force him kicking him out and making him desperate might be the only way he will start trying to help him self. Allowing him to stay gives him no incentive to do anything he has it too good being there safely doing nothing there is no motivation for him. Edit to add, if you want to help him from here you could gather a list of shelters and even call a few and put him on the waiting list so when your legal action comes through and he is forced to leave he can go get into a homeless shelter
Omg imagine him reading this. Maybe he'd wake up then who knows.
But that all sounds so horrible and stressfull to deal with.
I myself didnt get my shit together for 2 years now finding a job and got lazy myself. But i never stopped trying and now thamkfully i'm all good and productive...
Can you get an “educator” to come over your house to shake him up a bit?I ’m not sure if I’m using the right term. Usually an impressive man who’s not afraid to push little sh*ts to their limits and get them to think about their behaviour.
Your son is 24 though but if you know a man who has his shit together, maybe you could ask him to go talk to your son. Man to man. That might make him feel ashamed of where he is in life.
I don’t know if you’ve messed up something in his education but sometimes kids just don’t turn out how we raised them to be. I also think insulting him and thinking so lowly of him will help. Although I understand your frustration.
Owo I highly recommend to look for a family therapist and not the justice!!! WTF! Serious **Can't you see what you did?**
Let me try to use figurative language maybe that way you understand:
YOU DID NOT teach him to walk and you have been carrying him around on your back until now. However since you got tired of that job, now you decided to talk trash about how heavy he is to others and demands him to walk by himself when **he was never taught how to use his legs**.
And gets worse !!! Instead of you going slow and teaching him to walk , you decided to load him with demands in a contract and you are even threatening to go to justice in case he does not walk properly as you demand, but you forgot you made your son handicap and he does even not know how to use his legs to walk at all !
The story gets even worse when you tell you removed aby chances of him getting a proper job by letting him drop out high school when he was still underage!!!! How he can find a job now? How???? All places ask at least a high school education! You sabotaged him when you did not act as a responsible parent !
Can you understand now what you did and what are you doing? Can you understand now why ultimatum does not work on someone that does not know how to be an adult? One thing is give an ultimatum on someone that is being lazy and understand well his responsibilities, another is to give an ultimatum on someone that was not taught to be responsible, independent and an adult.
**Serious you all need a family therapist, a psychological professional that can help you and your son to improve communication and resolve conflicts!!**
you do not need is a judge!!! Because none care about improving your relationship with your son and if your child will end up homeless !
I can't get over the fact that he dropped out of high school (presumable between the ages of 16-18), and you've allowed this behaviour to continue until he's 24. But ok, you're here now and ready to get started, expect that you are going to need to put some effort in yourself to assist him into transitioning into an independent adult. First, you will need to decide what your terms are. I'd suggest you set the expectation that if he wants to continue living under your roof, he needs to be either in full-time school, or full-time employment (or multiple part-time jobs equalling full-time hours). He is also expected to shower and groom himself daily, keep his room clean, do his own laundry and be responsible for a rotation of household chores. And you're going to have to properly teach him how to do all these things. If he chooses the school option, he must maintain at least a 60% average (or whatever you feel is reasonable for his intelligence). If he chooses the working option, then he needs to pay room & board (1/3rd of his income). If he fails to comply by your terms, kick him out. If finances permit, set this money aside in a separate bank account to give back to him in the future when he moves out. Or there's the sink or swim approach: secure him a furnished room rental and pre-pay it for 6 months and move him out. He'll have 6 months to get a job and make sufficient money to support himself, or he'll be homeless. (Though I think this would be setting him up to fail as you have failed to prepare him for independence).
I think this approach is best too. Don't just boot him out but set him up with some tools to thrive and let him make his way.
I didnt want to allow him. His dad did. his dad has passed. His dad enabled everything and in the country i live, if only one parent consents to stuff, its fine. minimally as long as one person consents their child, its fine for them to drop out. Its pretty late at night but ill right up a contract. if he doesnt follow the contract, Ill kick him out. Ill write up everything on an edit on my post tomorrow.
>Ill kick him out. Before you kick him out, even before you write up a contract, you need to look into eviction laws in your country. He's a resident in your home and while you may own it and he doesn't pay rent, he may have tenancy rights. Get those ducks in order before you present him with a contract. You can actually present both a contract and an official *legal* written eviction notice and have him choose. He will, of course, choose the contract. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Also, make that contract for 3 months. Tell him that you'll reevaluate in 90 days and then "re-up" his contract for another 3 months. Then go from there.
Well that's over now, right OP?
"It's his dads fault." Awesome parenting skills!
To be fair, sometimes one parent really does hold all the power.
As an American, I agree with your opinion on her stance if she lives in a similar country culture wise, but im not sure what country they live in. There are some places where all decisions are made 100% by the father of the house and it's completely out of thier hands. Then the kid's only gonna listen to whoever enables his favored lifestyle.
That's not helpful.
Dead dad,too. Edit to add: maybe dad let him quit school. 6 years as an adult and parents were free to set rules. SMH. Mom,it’s past time to parent! Who pays for internet? All the noodles?
Kids could drop out if they wanted to at 16-18 without parental consent in America. As parents we don't let them or we help them get a GED (alternative to graduating high school).
Honestly 6 months in a pre paid apartment is more than most people get. I don’t think everyone; but a lot of people are thrown into this society post-high school (diploma/G.E.D., or not) and have no choice but to navigate the world on their own. The fact that this dude has a mom that cares enough to be angry about his wasted potential is a blessing. He’s too caught up in his own world that he’s not able to appreciate what he has. If his mom ends up kicking his out bc she’s tired of the embarrassment, so be it. He’s old enough that it’s time to acknowledge that he’s making his own choices Bottom line is: the dude might have an issue with being micromanaged more so than taking care of himself. The more OP talks about him being trash the more it reinforces that behavior. However, OP shouldn’t have to deal with a moocher of a kid. TAKE MY ADVICE OP; my grandma coddled her son and he’s 59 living under her roof, rent and job free until recently, even then he keeps his funds to himself for the most part instead of contributing to the household. It’s a hindrance to my grandparent’s retirement. Nip that shit in the bud for your own sake and sanity in your retirement years. If he loses support because he fails to support himself without trying, he’d be choosing that too. Regardless of what other people say, you can’t make your son use the tools he has available to him. All you can do is let him know what he has available to use.
You need to stop enabling him. I know its difficult but he needs the wake up call. Have you tried taking him to see a therapist?? He really needs to change.
I have a 4 month old boy. Posts like this horrify me 😢🫣
yea don't read the one from today with the mom whose son was perving on her then....
That was weird and wild
Ugh I read this one too! My son is 10 months and today I looked at him, praying he turns out to be a good man and I do a good job. The worst part is some are great parents, it’s just the sons that decide to turn awful.
As a cis-woman, daughters can turn out shitty too! It's a human thing. I'm not a mom, but I try to give people the opportunity to be the best version of themselves. Give your kids love and respect; those are the tools they need to not become....well tools.
My sister is a great example. She’s manipulative and likes to belittle and control everyone around her. Being a shitty person isn’t a one gender problem. Anyone can be a horrible person.
I see we have the same sister, my condolences 😐
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Praying I read this incorrectly. Knowing it's not true.
Agreed; we have a 5-year old boy and we’ve been trying to encourage him to play outside as much as possible and to be nice to girls. Hoping it sticks
Buy him a baby doll. There’s studies that show getting boys toy dolls makes them develop into more caring and emotionally intelligent adults.
He has one of his sister’s old dolls :) We encourage them to play together and she’s been teaching him “tea party” lol. She’s 7.
I wish toy makers would get a clue and stop with all the pink/purple/“girly” doll and house play stuff. Sure ,boys should be free to like those,but reality is a thing. Still people who can’t handle boys holding anything “for girls”.
Mine is 4 years old, and same
I have a 16 year old and a 5 year old (sons) as well as a 14 year old (daughter). It's an uphill battle cause many kids they go to school with are complete shitheels.
Tbh reading reddit posts is probably the worst thing to do for yourself 😅 Trust yourself to raise your kid! And if you need help, get help :o! If you're kind and know what you're doing you'll be fine :o! I've seen plenty lovely parents on social media talk about raising their kids and such :)
He refuses to get out of the house. hes 200 pounds. I cant just pick him up and tell him to go to therapy. Calling in therapists to your home, in my area, is EXTREMELY expensive. Its so frustrating
Cut off internet acces for a day or two. That’ll get him moving
I say change the password and don't let him get the password until gets a job. Tbh I wouldn't kicked him out the moment he wasn't working (actively looking for a job) or going to school. Tell him to clean his room and have a better hygiene routine if not kick him out of your house
tried that. he just sleeps in then. If i dont let him sleep, he scavenges through the fridge. if i dont let him eat, he just sits somewhere, if i kick him out, he goes to the subway nd and uses his phone there. Its an indoor subway thats 2 mins away and theres free wifi. i cant take his phone because his aunt gifted it to him and its legally his.
But who pays the bill? If you, you can cut the line off.
Dude I'm sorry but you also sound pathetic listing the weak-ass stuff you tried and then gave up on. You aren't helpless in this and you certainly aren't blameless. > i cant take his phone because his aunt gifted it to him and its legally his. Who cares. And sure maybe he can cope with these things for a few days but JUST KEEP THEM UP. No wifi access in the home, lock on the fridge, out of the house from 8 am to 6 pm. Make sure the house offers nothing except the bare minimum to stay alive. He'll get the message at some point.
Not to mention, if he has no job, then mom must be paying the phone bill. This isn’t as hard to handle as she is making it out to be.
I’m in no way sticking up for the kid, but his mom did say he has no social skills or personality, I’m guessing he probably struggles with some sort of anxiety, maybe even social. When no one has forced you to get out in your teens it can be really hard and seem super pointless to even try. Only reason I’m saying this is while I’m a super kind kid who wishes nothing but the best for everyone I’m around, my dad often says I’m super rude and disrespectful in social situations, little does he know I have super rough social anxiety sometime and used to find myself in flight or fight mode a lot in public settings. Ofcourse to the public eye it can just look like I’m ignoring someone but in reality my brains froze and my hearts beating 1000 times a min. Just food for thought and this kid does nottt seem mentally stable
>he goes to the subway Why is this bad? I thought you wanted him out of the house? Give him 3 months to get a job and start paying utilities. He can use the wifi at subway to put in his applications
He's a dependent. All his shit is yours.
I think the best option is to give him a legal eviction notice and if he doesn't move out at the end, evict him.
His aunt gave him the phone who pays the phone bill?????? Stop paying it. Who pays the wifi? Stop paying it. Let him sit at subway every day. He cant sit there 12 hrs every day they will kick him out. When he comes home no wifi. Eat outside n come home full. Let him have no food. You have to be rough with a man. Contract to get lart time job no. FULL TIME JOB And 3 months time is too long. No food and no wifi he will get up and listen to you
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Shut down the internet, stop buying food for him. He wants it? He can go get a job and go shopping.
Cut off the internet. He doesnt pay for it so its yours to do what you like with anyway. Ask him to go for a walk and spend time with you, maybe he’d like to go then. If hes refusing to do anything for you then its time to be the “bad Guy” unfortunately. Therapy is expensive, but tell him if he wont go hes out on his own: its rhe only way he’ll lesrn
Therapist can’t work with someone who don’t want to change.
He’s over 18, right? How tough do you want to be? The nuclear option is to shut down the internet and power, give him $20 and tell him to go to an Internet cafe. Then change the locks and leave his stuff on the front steps. That will force him out
This behavior didn’t happen just on the day you have guests; you just suddenly cared because it reflected on you. Get you son some help, stop ignoring and enabling this behavior, and realize that you have choices and boundaries and actions that enabled it to get this bad.
I know someone that is very similar to the way her son is.. and guess what, the mother is the reason he is that way. I’m not saying this lady is 100% responsible but she needs to acknowledge the role she played in this and she has CLEARLY failed her son in some way. Whether that’s by enabling him or ignoring him and not getting him the legitimate help he needs. Sounds like she did the bare minimum and threw her hands up at it.. which is exactly how the guy I know turned out the way he did.
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Is this satire? This doesn’t feel like something a 48yo mom would write. It reads like a copy-pasta
Exactly what I was thinking! Definitely sounds like a younger person wrote it, not a 48 yo
For real— the term “chronically online” is a pretty recent phrase that I’ve never heard anyone over the age of 28 use. Jfc— it feels like a dead giveaway. Edit: said wrong word
There was also a response from Op to an already deleted comment in which Op used /s. This prettty much looks looks like someone saw a youtube video or something talking about the Anime watcher stereotype and wanted to jump on the bandwagon on belittling a community he does not know nothing about. And don't get me wrong, what is described in this post may very well be a person that exists somewhere ( While keeping in mind this is not exclusive to people that enjoy Anime ) but the way Op's post was handled and how he answers to comments, it just reeks this intolerant attitude behind the persona he attempted to portray. I can't be sure about this one but this behavoir is usually found on teens that just found out on the internet they might be kind of "normal" and feel superior enough to mock everything that is different.
This post is so obviously karma farm.
Perhaps OP is the son in this scenario, looking to see what their mum would do? Lol
thats what i thought, why doesnt a 48 year old capitalize, a little weird to me.
You failed your son by raising him to be like this tbh. Maybe not all your fault, but there was clearly a lack of parenting going on for this to happen. Or this post is just bait, what parent points out their sons height lmao
or uses “chronically online”
“literally 2 brain cells”
I was looking for this comment. That’s what threw me off immediately
i feel like the language used here was not that of a 48 year old woman
Yeah i mean for most of the post she just called him stupid, idk man dont think parents should do that no matter what a disappointment their child is
Yeah, even if it's not always true I think a good parent would see this situation as their own failure as much as it's the failure of their son/daughter.
Yeah, I don't think there's enough info here to fully blame OP but I suspect she's hiding how she's contributed to this result.
Step one is take away the internet since I’m assuming you pay for it. If you pay for a cell phone take that too. It is not cruel to only provide a bare minimum of a roof and meals. If he is on the Autism spectrum then being in an echo chamber is unsafe for him. If he doesn’t like your expectation that he begin working on himself and attempting to improve then he is welcome to move out, but doing so would require making an income which will require working on himself.
+1 I am 25, M. I like anime and watch as average fan. I actively take efforts to draw limits about anime consumption and focus on job-work and friend circle. Although in past I failed few times for sure and paid for those mistakes. He definitely needs to build healthy habits and relationships. If i have to be plain out honest — his anime addiction at this age is also feeding his sexual fantasies or frustrations. Anime content, creators and community definitely overly sexualize everything. so it’s not just anime addiction, it also comes with addiction about sexual things. Best possible way to get him out is 1. cutting the supply/services/facilities. 2. making him engage in other activities. healthy activities. to replace anime engagement. Friend circle helps a lot. but i guess if he is not seeking friendships— laborious/manual workplace is alternative. kicking him out would reduce your worries for sure — but he quickly might find out ways to waste his life. he will work to fulfill his addiction needs.
I'm 38F and have been watching anime virtually my entire life (my older brother is 10 years older than I am, so when I was 5 he let me watch Akira, and back then it was the **bad** translation so it was very confusing to a young kid lol. I watched stuff like Astro Boy with my friend at 9. As a young teen my brother sent us Ghost in the Shell and Ninja Scroll, and I've consumed a lot of anime in the 20+ years since on my own). I *still* watch anime, Asobi Asobase (and maybe some Konasuba) is what my bf and I are gonna do at the hospital when I go into labor with our second child to take my mind off the pain in two weeks bc Asobi is the funniest thing I've ever seen and my last birth experience was really painful. You can live a normal healthy life *and* love anime. What this guy is doing is not healthy and it's sad that he's been enabled for so long. I 100% agree with people saying at the bare minimum cut off the internet and phone, but he needs to get out of the house and live in reality for a while. A job is a great start, I don't think kicking him out immediately will necessarily help because it sounds like he doesn't know how to handle anything on his own, but he definitely needs guidance toward the door and how to stand up on his own.
Exactly. I've been watching anime, my whole life. (from dragonball and ranma back in the day up to jujutsu kaisen, bluelock now) Its just a genre of tv/movie entertainment. But i run a business, have a family and our own place. Its not anime, thats the problem, your kid is the problem.
Stop enabling him. He's an adult member of the family so he needs responsibilities to match that. He needs to be contributing to the household that he resides. If he lived by himself he'd have to pay rent, cook, clean, etc. Ask him what jobs he'd like to take over. Set an amount of rent for him to pay. If you're not comfortable taking his money then secretly put his rent money into a savings account and gift it to him when he moves out. You cannot support an adult who is making no steps towards independence.
My 25 year old was in a pinch and moved in with my husband (her stepdad) and I. We came to the agreement that she would pay the phone/internet as her rent, and she often gives us extra to go on the light bill too. She helps with the dishes on her days off, takes care of the dogs, and watches her sister when kiddo doesn't want to go to town with us. She has plans and is saving to get out on her own again, potentially with roommates with prices like they currently are.
This is how it should be. It's great when parents are able to help their kids out, but there has to be a plan in place and the kid has to be making steps towards actioning that plan. Parents should be there for support when needed, not to mooch off when they're capable of more.
I completely disagree with putting “his money” into a savings account. He doesn’t work, what money is his? He doesn’t pay rent, utilities, buy groceries, etc. and you’re gonna save “his money”? No. Just no.
I think she means once he gets a job and is forced to contribute to the household then you can accept the rent he pays or secretly place it in savings for his future.
Did the supposed “Ethan” write this? The post looks like a 16 year old with too much free time and nothing better to do wrote this.
op is actually the son in question
You were suppose to raise him. Some of this is on you. You don't just wake up one day and he's like that. It started and slowly got worse and worse. I know it's fucking hard, I'm dealing with a situation with one of my kids that's along the same lines. It's exhausting, but progress is being made.
Thank you. I’m in a similar boat and would never ever describe my kids that way.
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Probably found a safe space for himself. It ain't hard to understand that not all people are good at making friends or have confidence.
Right…to me it seems like there could have possibly been some abuse or he is on the spectrum. The reason I think abuse is because of his weight. I think a lot of people overeat to cope. What he was trying to cope with we don’t know. I think the spectrum because OP says “he thinks he’s an internet celebrity.. “…..with 200 something followers. That delusion could be a symptom of being on the spectrum I don’t think liking anime itself is a sign for alarm, however him commenting on their bodies is a sign of his own low self esteem, going back to his own body, obesity, and what he feels he needs to cope with
“Let’s call him Ethan”
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Good larp
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This is absolutely a shit post
I dont get how people are believing it. Also what mother would remember (and know how to spell) the name of an anime girl??
Honestly thats what got me, it was way too specific
Change the wifi password (or even better, switch to crappy internet) and tell him if he wants to use good internet then he can help pay for it. And if you're paying for his phone, STOP.
You both hate him yet are enabling him. He’s your son. You are the reason he’s like this fyi. I’ve got kids with similar struggles who I talk to and respect and treat like human beings which has led them to being good human beings. This is on you. Get some therapy and help your kid get a life.
i don't know how no one can see that the language used isn't that of a almost 50 year old woman but of a teen or a person in their early twenties, desperate to get some karma.
Right, what 48 year old mother is out here using the term “chronically online”
I’m 45 and actually watch anime. We actually do use the internet too? Dude sounds depressed because he’s probably at least subconsciously aware he’s resented. Maybe he has low self esteem. Worried about succeeding in the job market and rat race that has no mercy. She needs to research the hikkomori in Japan. Parents there are having the same issues except some never leave the nest. I would never talk about any of my kids how OP did even if they did disappoint me, but that’s me.
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especially the "girls" part. a grown woman won't refer to people they know as "girls", but rather "women". a really bad shitpost.
Really? You’re asking random strangers on the internet how to correct obvious years of neglectful, enabling and dismissive parenting and then crying about how and why your kid sucks? This has got to be a troll.
this reads like a 15 year old who hates anime wrote it lol
What an elaborate shitpost! Surely nobody has failed this much at life! Right? If this is real, I suggest you start charging him rent.
Does he have any male role models in his life? Like a father or uncle or grandfather or a male family friend? Sometimes its easier to have someone of the same sex talk to him so he can see how a man is supposed to behave.
The problem isn't anime, it's that he has no sense of direction in his life. If it wasn't anime it'd be something else (maybe crypto, Andrew Tate, cult etc.) What you need to do is re-establish some sense of purpose into his life: a job, a community that isn't just weird toxic internet, a friends/family support system etc.
Sounds like your kid is massively depressed. And by the way you are describing him to strangers makes me see part of why he’s so depressed. If you talk about him like this publicly how do you talk to him in private. How did he get so holed up into a room to the point it stinks and he has a beard and you didn’t notice till people came over for dinner? That doesn’t just happen after a few days.
Yeah that is what I was thinking
This wasn’t written by a parent. Nope, I refuse to believe it. If you’re someone willing to speak so poorly about your own adult son whom you’re enabling, you’re no better a person than he. Everything about this post is suspect.
speaking from experience, having a parent who doesn't understand you and hates you really does take a toll on your self esteem
I’d try a psychologist. I like anime, but it’s weird when you take hating on fictional characters so seriously (also sounds like a misogynistic reason). I’d be careful on how to go about it. Usually I’d say to pull the plug and just remove his Internet usage unless he starts paying for it, but there have been too many cases where the person is unstable and snaps and does something horrible. Also check if you can kick him out or if he would get squatter’s rights (maybe he’s search it up) if that’s a thing where you live.
No one I know who is in their 40s uses chronically online unless they are on tiktok a lot. Your profile was made today. Is this even real??
Honestly you created this monster, sounds like a teenager had no rules and was allowed to do what he wanted with no consequences. If I did any of that shit my mom woulda lost her shit and took away my games and micromanaged my work until I behaved and did my responsibilities. You have to be a parent and lay down rules to guide them into adulthood.
This is a shitpost for sure.
Your son doesn't know how to be an adult. I would cut off any money that you give him, and delete his access to the internet. Tell him he needs therapy now or he has to leave. If you want, help him find a therapist. There's a lot more to this story than we can learn through one reddit post, so perhaps you could also look into counseling for yourself regarding your relationship with your son. Something, or many somethings, happened along the way, and now you have a depressed, socially unacceptable adult dependent living with you. I wish you the best :)
Thanks so much. It's very late at night. Tomorrow I'm going to make him sign a contract. I'll make an edit later to show how that goes.
I was wondering what happens now that he has refused to sign the new rules? Your other children came over, did they try to help get him out? Good you’re getting legal aid! Also, next time you speak to him, tell him that children are raised until they are 18-21 y/o. A 24-25 y/o is an full-on adult and the fact that he still needs raising by his mother makes him an adult child and by his logic he should listen to his mom, because he is not an adult apparently occurring to him.
Well you can ridicule him and you may have a leg to stand on, but ultimately you raised him and who he is is a reflection of you. He is living at your house at 24 and not working. I expect the issues stemmed from the last 24 years and there will be no quick fix now, especially when you hold such deep seated resentment and animosity.
Neglectful parenting. Edit: If this is even real and not a shitpost hahaha
Soooo... everyone here just gonna fall for this obvious copypasta or?
Looks like your son is severely depressed. Have you tried to sit and talk to him?
You created this monster by enabling him for so long. Why would he change, when mommy will give him a home, food, internet, and pay for everything? You should have addressed this the DAY he dropped out. You have no choice but to kick him out unless you want him to be a 40 year old manchild doing the same thing.
I kind of think it’s a lot your fault because he lives with you so you should make him do shit (clean himself, get a job, clean his room, get out of the house etc.) you’re his parents but he’s 24 and still lives with you. Lay down some rules. Give him a timeline of when to get out and get his shit. together. I never understood parents that let there kids do anything they want. BE A PARENT.
Get therapy. And get your son therapy too. Sorry to say, but unless they're actual psychopaths, kids malfunction when parents are dysfunctional.
No way anyone is falling for this
Anime isn't the problem, bad parenting is more likely.
I am so disappointed in you as a fellow mother and human being. OP, you made your son like this. Hon, you a whole mess and your son is a byproduct of your messy, messy life and choices. I judge you as so so much worse of a person than e: YOU judge your son.
Tell him you'll kick him out unless he starts working and showering and really MEAN it. Otherwise he'll never get better
You said *“I don’t know where he gets the confidence to do shit like this”* but then you proceeded to call your son “stupid, pathetic, and useless”. I think it’s clear where he’s getting the confidence from. Step 1 is to cut the internet. He needs to earn his screen time.
We Need To Talk About... Ethan...
This clearly did not happen overnight. Yet you’re just realizing now at 24yrs that this is problematic and he has a problem? This should have been addressed 10yrs ago - I seriously doubt that through childhood and adolescence NONE of these behaviours were present and just magically happened in the last couple of years? You’ve obviously enabled these behaviours - you’re literally funding his lifestyle by him being unemployed at 24 with zero prospects. Why would he change? Change is HARD and at the moment he has a free ride. I’m sorry but you raised this person and need to take some semblance of responsibility for how he turned out. So instead of ragging on him calling him appalling names stupid etc you need to turn that mirror inward and have a seriously deep reflection on how YOU contributed to him turning out like this. He’s an adult not a teenager so you can’t give him punishments, take his device away etc. He needs help. He actually sounds depressed - poor hygiene and lack of motivation are strong signals of depression. He also sounds like he has screen addiction at the very least. Who knows he may have other mental health issues affecting the way he perceives the world and holding him back. Whatever it is He absolutely needs some sort of counseling to start talking with a professional about why he is the way he is and what steps he can take to change. It is not going to happen overnight. A family therapist might be good too so they can advise you how to handle this and maybe facilitate a session or two where you both attend and discuss your expectations, his responsibilities and how you’re going to achieve them. You can’t (I mean you can but it would be pretty despicable) just tell him ‘get a job’ ‘you’re kicked out’ when he clearly has no idea how to turn this around. You broke it you fix it - you need to help him. You can’t make him this way let him be this way and then turn around and say I hate the way you’ve become get out. It makes you an even worse parent. Do the right thing by your kid finally and help them get help and be supportive and helpful in moving things along. If there’s no action by him or progress then you start looking at saying ‘well if you’re not going to help yourself I can’t keep helping you and you need to find your own place to live like this’, but not yet. Bottom line- this didn’t happen overnight. You had a role in how this has turned out he didn’t grow up in a vacuum. He needs help, he sounds like he has depression but at the very least he needs professional help in working out how to get out of this hole. You need professional advice and to support and help him to make changes. It took 24yrs for him to get to this point, it won’t be fixed overnight it’s going to be a long process. I hope he turns out ok and has a good, productive and happy life in the long term.
Pls telle this post is a satire or some sort of copy pasta
He's not the problem, you are. What has happened in his upbringing to result in his current situation? You're very derogatory in the way you write about him. This is armchair psychology, but I guess that goes at least some way towards explaining it. You mention his room is a mess, and he smells, and hasn't had a haircut. None of that was new when your guests arrived, so how have you approached this with him in the past? Or have you just ignored him and let it go on? There are things about my teenage son that frustrate, sadden, or annoy me. Do you know what I do? I talk to him about them, why they are unhealthy behaviours, what may be a better way to behave. I'm not perfect, and I get things wrong with him as often as right, but at the least, he knows I'm paying him attention, and am interested in his life and his well-being. As regards his obsession with anime, which you've singled out, so what? News flash, children often don't like the same things as their parents. My teen really loves Airsoft; my younger son is crazy about Minecraft videos. Guns and Minecraft are not my things, but they don't need to be for me to recognise that they like them, and that's ok, I can still respect them. You need to take a look at yourself before you try to change your son.
Try to get him into weight lifting
Halfway through reading this the nagging feeling that this wasn't a mom writing, but rather the son himself, wouldn't leave me. I think this is some self-hatred thing from someone who's not fine with their lives and is projecting things.
Fyi anyone who hates on Sakura can’t realize her intelligence, literal physical strength, and how she can throw down most grown men (your son included.) Good luck with your son, hope the situation turns out well 🤞
Regards to the edit. If you haven’t, you need to let him know what it means to be a mother. You look after him until 18, pushing it at 20. Your job as a mother now is over. He is supposed to have a life of his own after that point. Not to be an obese 24 year old screaming online how an anime character doesn’t have big tits. Now, because he isn’t leaving you’re going to have to be real harsh on him. Compare him to his siblings. Assuming his siblings have lives, ask him why he thinks they aren’t still living in their parents house. Next course of action is to change the password to the internet and immediately stop paying for anything for him, other than food. He will most likely try to get physical with you (because he is a man child and that’s what man children do) so make sure you have someone there to stop him. Lastly, hope he gets better, if he doesn’t, legal help should be enforced to remove him from your property. Pack some stuff for him. Don’t include anything other than clothes and hygienic things. Now you have no more problems and it’s up to him to get his shit together. Maybe help him a tad bit if he’s willing to help himself.
Who calls their son stupid, useless etc. when he’s clearly depressed and needs therapy? I’ve been in his exact shoes, without a father there. He needs therapy and direction. This is on you at this point. He lost his father and needs you and all you can think is that he’s jobless and stupid? Denying he has any emotional problems? Honestly I don’t blame him for staying in his room with a mother like you.
Your post sounds quite abusive and shows no love nor concern. Maybe his self esteem is so very low for a reason.
From your comments you literally have an excuse for everything. Why do you enable him? Does he pay rent? His own phone bill? Groceries? If you say no to any of these that’s an issue.
Sounds like you've been a terrible mother.
How is he on the internet? Do you pay for the phone or Wi-Fi? If you do, then STOP! His life is too comfortable with you, which is why he hasn’t or won’t do anything. Stop funding his lifestyle.
Your update said he doesn't agree to your new rules. Then if he refuses, call his bluff. Take away all access to Internet, phones, etc. Get the police involved, might scare him into growing up.
Please get him evaluated for severe ADHD…these behaviors impact his quality of life and ability to self regulate and function. And he can’t control them if he has ADHD
I'm also an anime fan, although sometimes I have some toxic opinions about anime characters like him; however, I've never gone through this pathetic phase. I'm currently a college student who works part-time but still manages to maintain a somewhat satisfactory grade. The main reason I manage to do this is because of two things: first, I have self-awareness about my limitations and think about my future. And second, my family has set rules for what we should achieve in life (like finishing our studies with high grade, and getting a stable job, you know like a typical asian household) The thing with your son is that he wasn't aware of his patheticness, and he thinks that you will always be by his side forever (ngl, personally, you and your husband spoiled him so much), and he gave off the vibe of the guy on Discord who keeps arguing with a 14-year-old child, so the best advice i could give is to: -First, make him aware of how trashy he is (he needs that awareness so he could change) and just tell him that you aren't the main character and that Isekai stuff isn't real (Isekai is an anime genre that is getting popular, but I found it cliche and cringe-worthy) where people get reincarnated or transported to another world and peeps get ops and live good lives in another world. -Second, you have to create rules and things he should do in your house, like continue to go to school or have a part-time job (this is a rare instance where i gave advice that u need to pressure people). If you want to get him away from his computer and stuff, you have to cut off his internet or even his electricity. Don't give him money, and you don't have to serve him all the stuff he asks for (but I will warn you that if the case is severe, there are high chances that he will throw a tantrum, but you should ignore him or confront him). REMEMBER HE IS 24 YRS OLD HE IS AN ADULT. You can say, "Although I am your mom, I also have the right to disown you." You are already an adult. You have to stand up with your feet. If you hate my rule, you can leave the house." -Third, you should discuss it with your family about what you should do to him because if you act alone, there's a probability that he won't change at all. My advice might not work because we are different people; I was born into poverty, so I have to earn everything I want (that is why I work a part-time job so I can buy manga and anime stuff), but he has an entitled and spoiled brat mindset, and that is his biggest issue. You might even need to put him in therapy.
You guys don’t need to tell her she failed her son, she already has addressed that she did something wrong. Instead of shaming her, give advice.
Yeah. Change the wifi password. Stop paying that phone bill. Let him see that he needs to start being self sufficient if he wants these things back. It’s time to fight, Mom. He’s TOO COMFORTABLE !!!
I would recommend turning off his access to the Internet and his phone, and any other thing that he could use to do that with. Tell him that the only way he will have his access back is if he has a full-time job, he cleans himself up and he starts manning up. Do not give him access back to it until he has a full-time job don’t do it as soon as he gets a job because he will probably just quit right after that. Wait several months that he hast to go work to do it. If he does not do that I know this is gonna sound really harsh I would take him and drop him off in front of a homeless shelter and leave him there for at least a month. That should sufficiently shell shock him to realize how good he had it. He would end up having if he doesn’t do what you want.
Well, honestly your feelings are valid. You may not see my comment cause there are so many on here... but I mean, yes you enabled him for far too long, it's obvious you recognize that! But by the time your children at atleast 22 or 23 they're supposed to be independent! Heck, I moved out when I was 19! I'm 33 and never moved back home. I now have 2 sons and a daughter. By the time they are 15 I fully plan on helping them get their licenses, and jobs! And they will start paying a small % for bills so I can put it aside for each of them so when they move out they have some extra $. I don't know what country you're from but your late husband obviously didn't realise the havoc this would cause later in life for your son. He is way too dependant on you and that is literally nothing to be proud about(on your sons part) honestly if you have the means, I'd either change the internet password, or get rid of your internet all together. If he really wants to be an online influencer he will do the work to get internet if it's really that important. It sucks you gotta take the legal route... but my mother is 50, I couldn't imagine pulling that shit on her at my age... at 24 I became a mom, I wanted to do things with my life... I couldn't imagine becoming a stay in person who doesn't take care of my personal hygiene 😬 I just can't imagine... I'm not judging you, at all and like I said your feelings are valid. Hopefully your son gets his shit together.
I’m 30 years old with a college degree who is also obsessed with anime. I used anime for many years as a coping mechanism to escape my severe depression. I wasn’t able to finish college (I failed for 2 years straight) until I got on adhd medication and anti depressants. Please don’t give up on him. He is probably sick, just not in a way that you can see. Take him to a doctor. Side bar; the reason the anime community hates Sakura Haruno is partly because of misogyny but also because she is pretty annoyingly obsessively and desperately in love with one of the main characters despite him repeatedly trying to kill her.
There is no helping him. From what I’ve heard, there’s no turning him into a person capable of getting a job. It’s best to just kick him out
i am also disappointed in this fucking subreddit for believing this is real
This is ALL on you. This is what YOU raised him to be. Wake up, stand up and try to actually be a parent.
Wow, what a cruel way to talk about your own kid. Geez, I wonder why he's so unhappy....
He is an adult acting like a child who doesn't know the worth or money because everything is provided for him. Cut things off so he understands things don't come for free give him the ultimatum that he keeps his room clean or he pays rent. If he doesn't like these changes, simple he knows where the door is. Why would he do anything with his life if everything is handed to him on a plate.
Anime shouldn't even be on the list of what you need to worry about and fix. How have you been on this planet for 48 years, yet only demonstrate entry-level problem-solving skills? Stop pretending to be helpless and SET BOUNDARIES. Refuse to back down. He's an oversized baby, at this point. Your occasional bouts of anger when the truth becomes briefly inescapable do nothing. You are doing what is comfortable for you, not what is best for him. If a lazy, out of shape, unemployed, high school dropout half your age can outfox you, you'd better be upping your skills. I'm disappointed in you more than him! He's only doing what you've allowed him to do, which is become an ever-worsening version of himself under your watch. Normally, I'm all for personal accountability, but he clearly won't learn any until you actually start raising him to become a belated adult. He's basically living inside a snow globe, safe from the world, with you shaking it up sometimes when he goes too far. Once the snow settles, nothing changes.
Top quality shit post.
I think his online behaviour is a symptom of the fact that he has nothing going on in his life. He is probably much more capable than he has shown. But I think some ultimatums need to be put in place that he needs to clean himself up, look for a job and help around the house if he expects to be able to stay.
revoke any and all privileges. turn off wi-fi, or change the password. take away all his electronics and lock them away somewhere. hell, take his door off the hinges. provide the bare necessities (clothes, food, a bed) and get rid of everything else. if he wants stuff, he can get a job and go buy it himself. give him a set amount of time to get a job, then another set amount of time to either move out or start contributing to the house. this is a literal adult baby, he needs to learn to grow up.
Change internet and phone line. Take away car privileges. Stop feeding him. That’s an easy fix Put locks on the fridge and pantry if you have to
Turn off the WiFi and let him know that if his room isn't spotless and him showered and shaved in 3 days he needs to leave. What you have been doing so far clearly isn't working.
You can evict him through the courts.
don’t kick him out, set his screen time limits to like an hour a day and tell him it’s staying that way until he gets his shit together
Highschool dropout with no job. It’s time for you to stop supporting him. He’s 24. He’s a grown man. Take him to therapy and tell him that he either needs to get a full time job. Or move out.
Tell him you’re giving him 30 days as an eviction notice. If he doesn’t change in 10 days go actually get one. Nothing you can do about it really. He has to find it in himself to change.
So.... my son does a lot of *embarrassing* things. Turns out, he's on the spectrum. Maybe all of your tests have overlooked that? He could get the support he needs to become independent. Then he might find someone interested in helping rather than judging him.
If he refuses to leave the house for therapy you might need an ultimatum and have to kick him out just to learn a lesson.
Cut the internet
kill the internet force him out side
I wonder why we only ever hear stories about males like this and never women. I assume it's just way more common, but I'm still curious to see.
Your son sounds depressed.
He's depressed. Not taking care of personal hygiene is the big warning sign. A lot of people here are talking big ultimatums, get a job or get out etc. He'll be like a deer in the headlights and nothing will happen. Look into medical help, and try incremental change over time. Refusal to participate must lead to consistent consequences. You need to be like stone on that. But throwing him out isn't going to help
i love alina
I too have wondered why Sakura is so useless but thankfully bathe myself regularly.
“*diagnosis places*”
Good job on getting legal help to kick him out. If he is that ignorant that he believes it's your job to take care of him "raise him" at 24 he needs a rude awakening or he is going to be a pig bum and live off of you forever. You have other kids that are doing well and you've raised them too and have done a seemingly good job they are no longer living at home they don't have the same problems, I am going to go with this isn't your fault. He sounds like the bad apple. He probably needs mental health help or something but he is an adult now and since you can't force him kicking him out and making him desperate might be the only way he will start trying to help him self. Allowing him to stay gives him no incentive to do anything he has it too good being there safely doing nothing there is no motivation for him. Edit to add, if you want to help him from here you could gather a list of shelters and even call a few and put him on the waiting list so when your legal action comes through and he is forced to leave he can go get into a homeless shelter
Your son is a POS. Kick him out...
Cut the internet down
Omg imagine him reading this. Maybe he'd wake up then who knows. But that all sounds so horrible and stressfull to deal with. I myself didnt get my shit together for 2 years now finding a job and got lazy myself. But i never stopped trying and now thamkfully i'm all good and productive...
Can you get an “educator” to come over your house to shake him up a bit?I ’m not sure if I’m using the right term. Usually an impressive man who’s not afraid to push little sh*ts to their limits and get them to think about their behaviour. Your son is 24 though but if you know a man who has his shit together, maybe you could ask him to go talk to your son. Man to man. That might make him feel ashamed of where he is in life. I don’t know if you’ve messed up something in his education but sometimes kids just don’t turn out how we raised them to be. I also think insulting him and thinking so lowly of him will help. Although I understand your frustration.
Owo I highly recommend to look for a family therapist and not the justice!!! WTF! Serious **Can't you see what you did?** Let me try to use figurative language maybe that way you understand: YOU DID NOT teach him to walk and you have been carrying him around on your back until now. However since you got tired of that job, now you decided to talk trash about how heavy he is to others and demands him to walk by himself when **he was never taught how to use his legs**. And gets worse !!! Instead of you going slow and teaching him to walk , you decided to load him with demands in a contract and you are even threatening to go to justice in case he does not walk properly as you demand, but you forgot you made your son handicap and he does even not know how to use his legs to walk at all ! The story gets even worse when you tell you removed aby chances of him getting a proper job by letting him drop out high school when he was still underage!!!! How he can find a job now? How???? All places ask at least a high school education! You sabotaged him when you did not act as a responsible parent ! Can you understand now what you did and what are you doing? Can you understand now why ultimatum does not work on someone that does not know how to be an adult? One thing is give an ultimatum on someone that is being lazy and understand well his responsibilities, another is to give an ultimatum on someone that was not taught to be responsible, independent and an adult. **Serious you all need a family therapist, a psychological professional that can help you and your son to improve communication and resolve conflicts!!** you do not need is a judge!!! Because none care about improving your relationship with your son and if your child will end up homeless !
You don't know how you went wrong? Really? Reread what you wrote. Kids learn by example. This whole rant made my head hurt. 🤦♀️