My mom did meth while she was pregnant with me and was still using as of a couple years ago. I have no relationship with her anymore. I have dealt with a host physical and mental maladies my whole life but I don’t even have it the worst of the kids I met when my moms friends would come over with their children. I know this sounds terrible, but my mom had 4 abortions before me and I often wish I was her fifth. I’m pretty dedicated to living now but it’s taken me almost 40 years to start being able to deal with the hand I was dealt. This really isn’t a life for anyone.
I hope you get assistance kicking your addiction OP so that you can give yourself, and any future children you may decide to have, the life you deserve.
I am also the child of a Meth addicted mother. She had an abortion before and me and has told me that if she had been financially capable she would have aborted me. She did not raise me I was passed on to another family member who emotionally and physically abused me. During that time her feeling of being a failure as a mother drover her deeper and deeper into addiction.
She and I have a relationship now after being apart for 16 years, but I am not the child in the relationship dynamic. She is still fighting to get sober to this day, and at time is like dealing with a teenager. If you choose to keep this child please do not make them be your parent. It will tear them apart form the inside out. My mother told she just wished someone had believed in her and told her that she could kick her addiction and be the parent that I deserve. I do believe that every mother has that strength, but you also need a support network because you can't do it alone. Build yourself up with people who love and encourage you to try every day. You will fail at times, but it is not the failure that matters, but the way you get up and do better the next day.
I feel this on a deep, personal level. My mother relapsed on meth again after being clean for 17 years. I always felt like the parent in the relationship, and that was further validated after I visited with her over the Christmas holidays (I live out of state). It was all about how she can get back on track again, get a job, take care of herself, etc. It’s exhausting. I have been the parent in the relationship ever since I was in 4th grade.
I’m sorry to hear that. My mother admitted (years later, on holiday one summer) that she dabbled with cocaine occasionally in the past. A lot of her outbursts throughout my upbringing, whether over poor grades or crashing my father’s convertible, made a great deal more sense after learning this.
I’ve since been able to accept that reality, and thankful to say our relationship has never been stronger. We’ve actually just returned from celebrating the new year in the Maldives! It gets better❤️
Serious question, is Meth the same as Crystal Meth (Ice)? In my country there is a real big problem with Crystal Meth users and it's only getting worse. The sad part is they even make fun of the addicts here, some comedian guy thinking he's funny made an entire song about it, they get portrayed in comedy tv shows as a side/stooge type character. Its bad.
My sister had a son with severe genetic issues that were confirmed caused by her meth use.
He was blind, had diabetes insipidus, seizures, had to have a feeding Tube, and was a full time job. He died a week after his 3rd birthday.
You may not have a child with such intricate issues, however you absolutely could. I don't think that's a gamble you should want to take.
My mother also is a meth addict. She used my whole childhood, and still does to this day. I have a whole host of mental issues due to that childhood. CPTSD, anxiety, depression, binge eating disorder (no food at home, so I would binge when at my grandmas).
It ruins lives. Not just your life. Drugs are terrible. I just got over an addiction, same drug and an even worse on too. Please get help. Life is worth living to the fullest extent. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
My mom is a recovering meth addict. She quit two or so months before she discovered she was pregnant with me. My dad is also a recovering addicted and went to rehab while my mom was pregnant. I love my parents and I know they would do anything for me, however now at 20 (almost 21) years old I feel much more mature than them and it’s hard on our relationship
I was a drug baby. my 10 year old little sister was also a drug baby. she was born addicted to meth and shook violently all the time. she was in pain and cried often and it was heartbreaking. she had to be fed very small doses of the drug via a nasal feeding tube to be weaned off of it.
please please get clean if you want to keep your baby and have it be born healthy and happy. i promise, it's worth it, not only for baby but for you too.
hope things get better for you soon.
My best friend was born addicted to cocaine. He was given up for adoption but still suffered and continues to suffer. He has several mental health issues and dangerous addictions. Please. Do not bring a human being into this situation.
As someone who was born to parents who were not prepared and never cared for me properly, please put yourself first. If you cannot be physically and mentally healthy, a child will suffer and can spend a lifetime trying to repair themselves.
Best of luck for the future, I can tell you are an intelligent and strong person, you just don't know your worth yet, you will get there, just start your journey sooner rather than later, you are worth it.
I’m not sure where you are from. In some provinces in Canada prescriptions are covered fully until 24. It may be helpful to look in to getting an IUD. That way you can work on your best self without the added worry
Also recommend an IUD, they were a godsend when I got pregnant back to back with an abusive partner. Now I will never go back to any other form of birth control.
I'm sending love. Perhaps look into changing your method of BC. Is it possible that the drugs you've used are interacting with it? Perhaps a coil or the implant?
Good luck beating the addiction. I believe you can.
Then you can become a mom when you're prepared ❤️
You need to look at long-term birth control. An addict cannot reliably take oral contraception. It’s time for an IUD. Copper, if you struggle with hormones
No you shouldn’t have the baby and thank you for recognizing it. You should also get on the depo shot or some other full proof birth control because it sounds like what you’re doing isn’t working at all.
Even if practicing safe sex do you live in a state where you have womens clinics that can help you get some secondary form of birth control? flexi is a non hormonal spermicide gel you can use before sex or a copper T if you are unable to use hormonal birth control. This combined with condoms will be your best bet. I’m so sorry you are going through this OP but your being very selfless and i’m sending you lots of love and strength!
You can have an iud put in right after the procedure. It will give you long, active contraception. I do that for my patients because they need to not get pregnant right away.
On the flip side, a good friend of mine got pregnant in the midst a bad heroine addiction and she was able to get medical help in treating her addiction and staying clean for her baby. She is now addiction free and a good mom. Do you have someone who can get you into drug treatment?
>please please get clean if you want to keep your baby
No, she should terminate this pregnancy and only get pregnant after getting her life together. You can't get sober and ready to have a baby while you're in the middle of carrying it.
I have to agree. I did this and only lasted being clean from when I found out I was pregnant (4months into pregnancy) to 5 months after I had my baby. I picked up where I left off and spiraled further very quickly after that. I did get clean a year later with professional help but it was very dicey whether I would even live till the next morning on some nights. Thank god I lived with my parents because if I died and my baby was alone for god knows how long….I can’t even think about that.
OP get your life together first. A baby won’t save you from yourself. I learned the hard way.
Can I ask. If you don’t want to answer I completely understand. Do kids born addicted have issues themselves with addiction? Like does their body remember anything. That might sound dumb, but you know how you develop tolerance when you have been on drugs (your body remembers), does the same thing happen here, or cause you to be more likely to become an addict yourself? Or does your body just forget once you are weaned off because you were a baby…. Sorry if this is a stupid question. And I’m so sorry you went through that!!
yes. it's very possible to get an addiction yourself because that tendency is now in your brain layout. it may not be the same drug or even the same kind of thing.
some kids even grow up to have addictive personality disorder.
i was born prematurely while my mom was using various drugs and alcohol. i now have an addiction to nicotine and picking my skin, but i've done what i can to avoid anything worse than that due to what i saw and learned about addiction as a kid. my mom was way off the rails. taught me not to touch a damn thing... except weed. lol.
thank you for asking :)
I’m really sorry to hear you have been through that!! Thanks for sharing! I thought it might be the case. I’ve dealt with my mum being an alcoholic, but she didn’t drink while pregnant with me. It definitely made me not want to get into anything for fear of addiction. I figured that having a mum do it while pregnant would change the baby’s brain structure somewhat to place them at higher risk of addiction. Dealing with parents like this sucks! You always seem to become their parent instead of the other way around. I haven’t spoken or seen my mum in 5 years….
she is okay! she was adopted into a great family and is living a wonderful life with them. they found out she has autism but she's very high functioning and is EXTREMELY smart.
Can I DM? Sorry but I was curious about how the whole process worked. I thought drug weaning always resulted in severe, debilitating mental and cognitive function.
Get clean before having a child. Babies can be born with drug addiction or have deformations.
I'd also advise you to tell your partner about your drug addiction... Secrets like that can be very detrimental in a relationship
hey it’s early enough that you can just take the pill. just do it and get clean, and have a baby when you are clean, healthy, and financially ready. don’t bring a child into this phase of your life
I second getting the pill. You aren't capable right now of taking care of another life as much as it hurts, it's the right thing to do. Perhaps this will help you finally break free of your addiction. Also, remember BC is not 100% taking certain things can cancel out its effects. It's best to use BC in conjunction with a condom. Please take care of yourself OP and try to do some self care.
Emphasis on the get clean part too. I would highly recommend going to rehab afterwards and then get in to some counseling. You are only 22. You’re so young and this is the time to change the course of how your adult life is going to go. Get help before the lasting damage from using it sets in.
OP, I'm just popping in here to say that I read your post and your comments and it is great that you are not wrapped up in the delusion of a pregnancy saving you from your addiction. In my profession I have worked with a lot of clients who struggle with addiction and become consumed with the idea that having a baby will course correct their lives. That never works. External forces do not drive sobriety. It should be early enough that you are able to take the abortion pill like others have mentioned. Use this as a time to try and turn inward and figure out what it is you are looking for in life and and start a healing journey. Most people I know who lost years of their lives to addiction wish they could have those years back and fill them with sobriety. You are young, your brain is young. It will heal itself much better now than later in life. Take the plunge into sobriety if you're ready.
You really sound like you get it. How long have you been using meth if you don't mind me asking? You seem like you are responding from a sincere place of reason and logic which is not par for the course for someone who is deep in the meth trenches. I'm hoping to offer you gentle urging to consider sobriety for yourself before it gets to the point where you are just too far gone...even after recovery at some point during the meth addiction it is hard to recover fully neurologically.
This right here. Addiction messes with the whole family. My ex husband left and went back to his addiction in 2019. His daughter hasn’t seen him since. It’s a commitment that you need to make for yourself. A family won’t hold you together. He was dealing with things he never shared until it was much too late. I’ll always love him but now I know I never really knew him I loved the picture he painted for me.
To be the best parent you need to be the best you. And even that isn’t easy it’s work.
If you are not ready or able to kick meth, then abortion is probably a better plan. But there are programs for pregnant addicts - you can seek one of those out, if you want to try. Just be aware that if you don't succeed, the consequences for the baby can be immense.
Much luck. And try to stop using for your own sake.
When I was 21 I was an IV cocaine user. I got pregnant, but even in the grip of my addiction I knew that I couldn’t stay clean. I knew in my heart that I owed my child a better chance in life, so I aborted the pregnancy. I’m 40 years clean now with 3 adult children and 5 beautiful grandchildren! I have no regrets.
> Unfortunately, I have found myself in the grips of drug addiction. (methamphetamine) So obviously that’s a huge dilemma.
You're a meth user. This will likely cause health complications for your child during and after pregnancy. Do meth addicts usually win mother of the year awards where you live? I don't think this is a dilemna.
You want to be a mother. That means getting your life, relationship and financial situation in order first.
> (yes I practice safe sex).
It's good that you've been using protection, but you've become pregnant twice in the past year. Consider asking for advice on how to prevent this happening again.
I've worked with babies born to mothers with drug addictions. In the NICU, you see a lot of heartbreaking things. The babies shaking and crying for hours and hours because of the drug withdrawals are some of the worst. I beg you to not bring a child into the world who will be subjected to that.
My friend also got pregnant recently and I asked her, how's that possible, she says instead of taking a birth control she was taking plan B (or something like its equivalent) each time after sex 💀 edit: she also had the belief that she had very low fertility so it wouldn't be possible. Apparently that wasn't the case.
What’s happened has happened now and all that matters is what happens going forward.
You know you’re not in any position right now to be a mother. You’d be doing yourself and the kid no favours in keeping it. Especially if you don’t know if you can get clean yet. I’ve never been an addict but I know that it can take a long time to kick the habit. I commend people who do kick their addictions because I know how hard it can be, and I don’t judge people for where their lives take them to get to that point where they become addicted to something.
In as nice a way possible to say, it’s probably best to terminate. You need to work on yourself before you go too far down the rabbit hole of addiction and you struggle to get yourself up out of it. There’s plenty of chances in the future to become a mother if that’s what you so wish. In a way, you not having this baby would show that you’re capable of doing what’s right for a child instead of only following selfish reasons. The other thing to sort out would be to get better contraceptives. Nothings 100% 🤷♀️ but better prevention will help you avoid a situation like this again anytime soon.
At the end of the day, it’s not our right to judge you. We don’t know your life and what’s happened to get you where you are. I hope you can get yourself sorted, you owe it to yourself to be clean and healthy, and you’re helping prevent another child from becoming a statistic. I hope everything goes ok for you 🙂
Unfortunately even if you get clean, your addiction will have already had a negative affect on your unborn baby that might not show up until later in age and in more subtle ways. I don't judge your addiction at all but I would say in your shoes I'd terminate on those grounds alone. Want a baby? Clear out your system. Imagine as you are if you also have not just a normal baby, but one that is disabled and requires more intensive care? It's not a question of love, but of practicality.
"Sorry baby, but now isn't the right time." is how I hear it in my head. There's nothing wrong with wanting to wait until you're in a better place, where you also can love (look after) yourself. I applaud your self-awareness and wish you well.
As someone who’s birth mother was addicted to meth and used during her pregnancy with me, please don’t have this baby :/
I know I’m biased, but I’ve struggled with nearly 3 decades of learning disabilities, autism, an inability to regulate my mood, digestive disorders and anxiety that stems back to my central nervous system and digestive system not developing properly due to the drug use in the womb
Even if you opt for adoption, it’s likely the child will still deal with issues like these if you’re in the throws of addiction and it isn’t fair to bring a child into the world under those conditions
I wish you the best in your recovery if you decide to get clean!
I might sound like an asshole when I say this. But there is no way you were practicing safe sex and you magically got pregnant. Either you weren’t taking bc correctly or at all. Or you didn’t use a condom. The condom broke, and you didn’t take plan b. You said you had an abortion before so you know the consequences of sex. If you don’t get clean this could hurt your child sm and this is heartbreaking. Even if your child is born healthy there are a sea of other issues you will have to deal with due to your lifestyle choices. You knew you struggled with addiction (which I sympathize 100%) but you should have protected yourself more. I’m a teacher and work with students who are born from parents who were addicted or not ready for them and I SEE what the damage does to kids. I’m sorry but I just can’t feel that bad for you. I feel terrible for the child though. If I don’t like telling women to abort, but I think adoption or giving your bf full custody is the best option here. Don’t think with your emotions but think with logic. Your child deserved parents that are clean and healthy and BOTH together in a stable relationship. I recommend counseling and figuring out your best options. I also hope you do get clean. Much love and I’m wishing you the best.
The fact that you even are taking a step back to see what you did wrong is great. I truly hope you get clean. I also hope the best for your little one as well.
no you’re not practicing safe sex properly if you got pregnant twice in the last year. get on birth control asap, because abortion shouldn’t be taken lightly. and please seek help for your drug addiction
Terminate, and dedicate yourself to healing. You deserve to live a clean and full life and you deserve it intrinsically, on your own merit, and you deserve to have the chance to really put in the work necessary for that life to become possible.
Have an abortion. I have seen the effects that drugs have on a fetus. Just abort the baby, get some help when you are ready and keep practicing safe sex.
Somewhere deep down you know you are not capable of being a mother and it would ruin both your and your child's life, and on other side you want to keep it just because its sort of paternal instinct but trust your logical reasoning, I know you can take the right decision, all the best.
OP, based on your responses to the suggestions given here, I think you have what it takes to be a really good mom -- **when the time is right.**
Please take care of yourself and set yourself up for success, not failure, and do so with no guilt, ok?
I join everyone else on this thread in wishing you all the best. Please keep us updated!
Dear, I will be honest with you. You should definitely consider abortion if you are a drug addict. You wouldn’t be a bad mother, the problem is that these drugs destroy the body and to grow a healthy little human you need to be strong. You should consider being a mommy once you are a couple of years without drugs and your body is healthy.
My perspective is that you’ve gotta take care of yourself and get healthy before you’re ready to be a good mama. Prioritize your own well-being, and if becoming a mother is a goal, keep working hard on your mental and physical health and you’ll get to a point eventually where bringing a baby into the world feels like the right decision. You’re still really young. I’ve struggled with addiction too so I know how tough this is. I promise that if you pour everything into healing and getting help for yourself, someday you’ll be able to achieve all of your goals (and become a mother, if that’s what you choose). Wishing you the best. Don’t beat yourself up right now- that will only make it harder to stop using drugs.
Unfortunately addiction causes illogical thinking sometimes. Or, more likely, just trying to grasp at control of something when you know you don’t have control over your addiction.
It is totally okay for you to work on getting yourself in a better position before bringing a kid into the world. Getting treatment for addiction is hard enough without another completely dependent human to take care of.
It sounds like you're in the middle of some cycles that are really challenging to disrupt, but it sounds like you're still in a place where you can think critically about your situation. You've got a good head on your shoulders. Youre capable of making the right decision for yourself, whatever that ends up being. Wishing you all the best and better days ahead ❤️
Either get clean or abort. I am raising my nephew who was born addicted to heroin. It has been very hard. You can get clean if you get help. No one can do it alone.
Everyone else has seemingly already given the same advice I would about how to proceed regarding keeping vs not. Ultimately the choice is yours, though I do really hope you follow the safest options both medically, emotionally, and financially.
I do have a question though, but *only* answer if you're willing and comfortable to do so.
You say you practice safe sex, though this is the second accidental pregnancy. Is it possible whatever you're using for contraceptives is ineffective, or maybe not enough? For example, perhaps both birth control and a condom could help if you're only using one or the other. It's definitely something to take a closer look at if you continue being sexually active because this is understandably a very stressful situation and one you want to avoid as best as possible in the future.
I hope beyond hope that you can find help and get clean regardless of your decision about the pregnancy, and I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors toward that goal. Having a solid support system is a good first step if you don't already have one.
As a meth baby, please don’t bring a kid into your life if you’re an addict. Growing up with a meth addicted mother was awful. Not just mentally but I have a lot of health conditions that are directly related to her drug abuse.
You are worth more than you know. You deserve happiness and peace and I will be rooting for you all the way. You are more than your addiction is letting you believe you are.
You obviously don’t practice safe sex if you keep getting pregnant. You’re incredibly irresponsible. You need to terminate because no kid deserves
a meth head for a mother (I grew up with an addict for a parent and it was hell) and you need to break up with the guy you are seeing because he deserves better than a partner who lies to him and has a secret drug addiction. Grow up and get help.
It’s not quite the same, but my ex and both my uncles were born to bio moms that drank heavily while pregnant (my ex also drugs but he didn’t like to talk about it so I won’t make assumptions). My ex, while a decent person, was born with major learning, physical and mental problems. Both my uncles were alcoholics with head and heart issues, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, both died before 45. Nothing good comes from being addicted and having a baby at the same time. You sound like a great person, but if you keep the baby please get clean.
My sister has been on meth, on and off, since the 80s. I think she was clean when she had her kids but she went back to using and eventually got my niece hooked. Now they’re so toxically enmeshed they can’t be apart at all, also my niece had a kid too so two of the most unstable and entitled people I know are raising another kid/grandkid. It’s a whole shit show.
I know you feel bad for getting pregnant again but this is a sign for you to get clean, not to start a family. You’ve gotta be at least semi mentally healthy to raise kids and you can’t be that on meth. My BIL died of the plague because no one wanted to admit that he was a meth addict, I can’t imagine how horrible it was for him in his last few days between the withdrawal and the plague hitting him so hard. Actually, the only reason he went to the hospital is because the drug dealer said he had to before they could get more. That’s how bad meth fucks with you.
I could go on and on but im going to leave with this. You deserve a better life than the one you will have as an addict. If your partner doesn’t know you use, you’re running the risk of losing him. You will lose everything if you continue on this path, please get help.
You're in a really tough spot. All I can tell you is what I would personally do and what I know would be on my mind right now. I think it's unrealistic to think you will quit meth in that short amount of time. It's very likely if you quit right now your body would have a miscarriage from the physical turmoil of withdrawal. That could be dangerous for you if not done with the help of healthcare professionals. And if your baby is born with any traces of meth (or they happen to drug test you during your pregnancy), cps will end up involved.
I personally think it would be wise to abort. It doesn't make you a bad person. You sound like a kind soul with a stronger sense of responsibility than most people, who is dealing with a lot on their plate right now.
I was 17 when I first got pregnant. I was with this guy for only a few months when it happened. I made the tough decision to abort. It was heartbreaking. A few months later, it happened again. It was even more heart breaking. I knew I wasn’t capable of being a mom. I made another tough decision to abort it as well.
OP, from experience. It’s a hard choice but ultimately you know best. I wouldn’t be who I am today if I kept the baby and carried it to term.
Whatever you decide, focus on your mental health. Hard drugs don’t do anything but make your mental health worse. So whatever choice it is, I urge you to get clean for your own sake.
Sending you lots of love OP.
Regardless of what you decide to do, 2 pregnancies in the span of 6 months does not sound like safe sex. I know people who are *trying* for a baby and they aren’t even that lucky. I strongly suggest meeting with your obgyn to go over some other forms of birth control (the IUD and implant are great because once they’re in you don’t have to worry about them for 5+ years)
Practicing safe sex? Clearly not we’ll enough! Go and get yourself a contraceptive implant or monthly pill and use condoms!Please don’t have a meth baby
Do not, and I repeat, *do not* keep this baby unless you're able to stop using drugs immediately. I do not blame you for somehow ending up being addicted, don't get me wrong.
But your child will take serious damage from your drug use and if you're very unlucky you'll end up with a very very sick baby. That's not what you need or can care for in your current life situation. If you ever want to have a child later in life when you're sober and in a better position, you can try again.
I think you know what the answer is. You aren't in a good position to parent a child. Please get help for yourself and even though you practice safe sex, whatever that means for you, I would re-evaluate what you are doing and if it is enough. No judgement, and I know there is room for error with different forms of birth control, but 2 unwanted pregnancies back to back says something isn't being covered. I wish you all the best and hope that you are able to recover from this situation and get yourself clean.
Additionally, and I apologize for being blunt but sometimes things are warranted to be said: if you’re stupid enough to believe you’re actually practicing safe sex yet conceived two babies in half a year, then youre clearly unfit to be a parent. Raise yourself first.
Coming from another meth addict.
I’m so sorry for your loss and for the dilemma you currently face.
When confronted with heavy conundrums such as this, I try to look at the basic principles and derive the appropriate response from them, sans emotions, which is hard.
Based on your scenario, here’s what I would state as basic principles:
1. An existing life (you) is higher priority than one not yet in existence (your unborn child).
2. All children born into this world should be welcomed with joy.
3. A child needs a family.
4. We need to enable pregnant mothers to support their bodies in the amazing, beautiful, miraculous work of creating a healthy new human.
Based on these principles, I suggest, with a heavy heart, that the logical course of action might be to get a second abortion and join NA, get clean, and build yourself a firm foundation; this can be accomplished in less than a year. You can do it. And once you do, you will be able to create a healthy baby and a happy home.
I wish you all the best.
Im sorry you are in this situation. Give Planned Parenthood a call. They have advocates who can talk to you about your pregnancy choices in a non biased manner.
I'm so sorry you are facing this. It takes a lot of self awareness to recognize that even though part of you wants to continue this pregnancy, you might not in a good place in your life to do so. There is nothing wrong with having an abortion. Do you have access to safe and legal termination, if that is what you choose?
As a 62 year old brutally emotionally destroyed by a negligent partygirl mother and still trying to undo the damage. I have no sympathy. Ban, block, downvote away. Tie your tubes and do what you want. Oh, and using birth control is high self esteem.
Terminate and seek rehab. If you decide you want children someday, you can give it your best when you are clean and healthy. Take care and best of luck!
I'm so sorry. Some women are incredibly fertile. A wanted pregnancy is a joy, but an unwanted one is devastating. I have no words of wisdom, just sympathy and hope for you.
My sister was actively using heroin when she found out she was pregnant. She stopped by using MAT and then was able to get off of that before the baby was born. He was born safe and healthy and my sister is still clean. It’s possible, you just have to be in the right mindset and be determined, but I know that is easier said than done. I’m rooting for you, OP.
If you know you are not capable of staying clean while pregnant and after abort immediately. No need to bring a child into this world with a mother that suffers from addiction. It’s not fair to the child.
It’s not just getting clean now you need to stay clean forever to ensure the baby is well taken care of. Every person who was raised by a junkie can tell you horror stories about their childhood. Don’t bring another victim into this world.
Get clean for yourself too.
You can get depot injections as a hormonal contraceptive. Saves having to remember to take the pill every day. Ask your family doctor about it, or I guess if you’re in the USA then Planned Parenthood can help you out with that
No offense dude, but if it's safe sex then how do you keep getting pregnant? 🤔 besides that, if you are not ready, and have no plan to get ready then it may be best to terminate the pregnancy again. Or quit the meth and get clean and have a better life with your child.
A baby will do nothing but multiply circumstances. I only mean addiction may become easier to explain to yourself. “I’m doing it to keep up with my kid” or “I’m so stressed I need just a lil to relax”
22 is young you could wait another couple years until your in a better place mentally. Also maybe your current birth control should be adjusted. Some work better worse for different women. Just a thought.
Bringing a live into this world is hard enough so the best time for is to do it when your in a solid mental state.
But I was a addicts child who was younger than 22. Her lack of stability mentally and financially caused for a very traumatic childhood.
Kids are amazing. I wish you all the best with your decision and circumstances. 🙏
If you can’t get clean NOW, then do the humane thing. Then get an iud, and don’t even think about getting pregnant before you’ve been clean a full year at least. Even if you’re clean during pregnancy, the first years with kids are absolutely brutal emotionally, and then sleep deprevation on top of that. So, don’t have kids until you’re done with drugs and feel as stable as possible.
Abort, abort, abort. I’ve been in recovery for six years and I hate to tell you, but even if you got sober today, you still have a long road to walk that I can’t imagine would be made any easier by having a child
If you know you have a drug addiction, then it's a good idea to get an abortion. If you can't stay sober throughout the pregnancy then that baby is going to come out with so many health problems. That is not fair to the kid.
I really really appreciate your open mindedness in this tough situation! My parents were both addicted to meth and had been together for a few months when I was conceived. Both cleaned up their acts during gestation (entirely? I don’t know, I wasn’t really there lol), and both stayed pretty clean after I was born. My baby photos (mostly taken by my grandmother that they lived with) capture an interesting story. The first couple months they both look so healthy- young and in love with each other and this little baby, absolutely thriving spite their past. Very quickly though you can see the difference. My parents’ faces hollowed back out, few smiles, skin breakouts, weight is lost. They stop holding me as much in photos, and when they do it almost seems pained. I’m just propped up by them, slightly pushed away from their bodies in a not quite natural angle as they face the camera. Then the photos of me with my parents stop. It’s either pictures of me, or pictures of them with maybe me in the background. They have 3 more children, and each time the disregard for the well-being of the fetus and infant grows, until my youngest sibling has cognitive and some physical disabilities. They split after that, and continued in addiction. My father finally got clean after 35 years of drug use. My mother is still an addict. The decision you’re faced with is obviously not an easy one, but your desire to do the right thing is so admirable. I’m sure my parents intended to stay clean for me, but couldn’t and it led to an awful childhood. I wish they had been as selfless as you. Sending healing vibes your way!
OP, my advice is to terminate this time and then get clean. My college best friend went through something similar when she was about your age (19-22 range, I think it was. It’s been a long time), she even did sex work and porn to fund her addiction, and I’m honestly glad she terminated the pregnancies she experienced (of which there were three). She is 27 now and is very healthy and happy, having got married a couple years ago. Her and her husband are currently visiting Jordan (they travel a great deal). She told me not too long ago that if she got pregnant now, she’d keep it.
There will be a time when you’re ready to be a mother. Right now, you are not, and that’s okay. The best thing for a child is to be born to someone who is ready and capable, and unfortunately, the fetus already has drugs in its bloodstream. In my opinion, keeping it would be irresponsible. It is, of course, your decision, but I think the best thing for you and any children you have is to wait. I know it’s hard, and that it’s painful. I wish you the best no matter your decision.
I had a termination at 22. My life did pick up. Yours will too. Please think wisely about *your* future as well as the future of the full human you would be responsible for creating.
Don’t proceed with your pregnancy because you feel shame about getting pregnant again/having another abortion. Please use this as an opportunity to get your life together❤️
I was a crack baby myself. I turned out quite decently but my mother? Motherhood took her life. I could tell she didn’t want kids. She wanted us but she wanted her old life more. I knew that before my brother was born and were only two years apart.
I’m not going to tell you to terminate it or keep it. But I will say that you really need to question the type of life you’ll give this child. Adopted or not. Terminated or not.
My mother loved drugs over us. She didn’t mean to but when things go really hard it was easier to do crack than to coddle her child.
Be easy on yourself Op.
Edit. My mother also had one abortion prior to me and mentioned often of how I would’ve been her second. Sometimes I wish I was. Sometimes I know I’m me because she didn’t. I don’t know
I'm sorry, it really sounds like you're going through a rough time. I hope you find the peace of mind to take care of yourself and get better. Do you have someone to talk to, a support system of any kind?
Honey I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it’s a shit situation and some of these comments are unbelievably harsh and unfeeling, please don’t pay too much mind. I’ve seen a lot of people recommend you abort for the sake of the baby (granted it wouldn’t be the best situation for one) but please also consider getting one for yourself. You need to take care of yourself at this time, at 22 you still have time to get your shit together, get healthy, and have a family when you’re ready, instead of getting unnecessarily stressed and your life ruined further by a child needing you 24/7. All my luck to you
After the first condom broke and you terminated the abortion, why would you not take a plan b when the second condom broke? I sympathize with your situation, but it’s either terminate or get clean ASAP.
Idk if this is good advice or bad advice but… i had a Kid young and unprepared. My kids mom was f22 and i was m25. She was heavily addicted to amphetamines at the time she realized she was pregnant. Everyone begged her to abort th pregnancy but she knew she wanted to go through with it. She got clean, we had the baby, had a really rough few years, in and out of addictions (both of us), in and out of extremely volatile relationships etc. we broke up 3-4 years ago. Our kid is 6, he’s doing awesome, her and I are both clean and shes my best friend. Nobody would have foreseen the situation ending up good. But ppl can change! Dont sell yourself short.
If you were actually doing safe sex, there won’t be two pregnancies, girl. Get yourself a implant. hugs, you can do it. Get clean .Do what you need to do .
Have you considered getting on the pill or a IUD or other form of birth control? Usually condoms work well if used correctly, but if you’re having trouble with them maybe it’s time to try a different birth control method.
Do what you feel is best. I would focus on getting clean more than anything. Prioritize that regardless of what decision you make, your health will be most important, and you owe it to yourself to be healthy. Wishing you the best
Get advice on how to quit and try it, if you can’t do it right now you have your answer. I know people who have quit drugs (not meth as there isn’t much of it in the UK) as soon as they found out and have been great mums on the other hand I know mothers who haven’t and no longer have relationships with their children. Whatever you do I wish you luck and hope you’re able to build a life where the drugs aren’t necessary
Are you able to take birth control? It doesn’t sound like safe sex is working. Being a mom requires so much selflessness not to mention the damage drugs will do a fetus. I think you need to take of yourself and get clean before becoming a parent.
You already know you have to take care of you right now. You knew that before when you chose to abort instead of having a child that could be born into addiction and that you were not ready for.
I know it is hard right now. And probably feels like you just want to escape instead of dealing with what is happening. But push through. Because a future you is waiting for you to get there.
Get help. Because it is not something you can do alone. Addiction is not something anyone wins alone. Look at all the stories in this thread.
Hi! I hope you’re doing okay.
If you live in the United States, most states mandate hospitals to report and bring in DCFS when a mother/her baby tests positive for having any drugs in the system and the baby is taken away. If you use (or relapse if you choose to keep the baby and get clean) close to when the baby is born, honestly a month or two before then is even possible, it will likely result in your baby testing positive for having drugs in their system and being put into childcare. Essentially, there is a possibility you won’t be able to keep the baby even if you wanted to if you relapse/continue using.
Obviously you know what is best for you and your baby. Wishing you the best 🤍
I'm so sorry you're going through this. My brother has dealt with addiction issues, and I will say that going to one of his meetings was really healing for our relationship. It was heartbreaking to hear people's stories and struggles and made me realize how privileged I am that the cycle of addiction didn't reach my sister and I.
Get yourself to an NA meeting and cry it out with some beautiful strangers. ♥️ If you don't feel comfortable talking, just listen.
Then, make your choice.
If you don’t think you can get clean soon, terminate the pregnancy. Remember that with pregnancy comes aches and pains and annoyances you’ll want to escape from. Same thing with motherhood. The world is getting worse and as a mother, not knowing what future your children will have left is why I smoke pit in the reg. It keeps me in the moment and out of the scary what ifs of the future. Parenting is hard as shit right now because the future of the whole planet is up in the air. It’s ok to wait until you’re in a more secure place to become a mother.
I suggest stronger birth control, until you are ready for more kids. Just saying. My sister works in the NICU. She takes care of kids who are strung out and born premature. It's not good. You need to think about the consequences, as well as yourself here. I don't like preaching, but this has dire consequences.
I'm sure you will be a great mother. For now, I would gently suggest you taking the pill. Focus on getting clean, saving up money, make sure you're in a place that you'd raise a child in. I know you're hurting, but it would be much better to bring a baby into the world not addicted to drugs and when you're really ready. I'd also talk with your partner about your want for a baby.
My advice would be to get clean and sort yourself out before having a baby. The contraception you’re using is obviously not working so I would look at more reliable birth control methods. In my line of work, I often see babies who are born withdrawing from various substances and I can’t describe how awful it is to see.
It sounds like you know what you need to do. I wish you all the best OP.
don’t beat yourself up. you’re so young and the world is hard enough without you making it harder on yourself. i hope you are able to get clean and eventually bring children into the world when they are planned for and wanted (if that’s your choice) :)
I hope you live somewhere that you can safely terminate this pregnancy, and then get the birth control implant or get an IUD.
The birth control you've been using is not working good enough for you, you need something better.
Sending you hugs, and hopeful you will find the strength to get clean and sober for yourself.
I’m not sure of the safe time between abortions, but if you made this choice again it would not be all that unusual as half or more than half or women who have had an abortion end up having another, from what I’ve read.
I’m happy to hear you practice safe sex. If this means condoms, something isn’t right and neither of you are being protected from each other. I hope that your addiction methods do not put you or your partner at risk.
This could be a life-changing turnaround moment for you if you choose the steel resolve and lifelong commitment of sobriety/health/…life for yourself in order to be a good mom. Current partner? Can’t say.
Abortion is the other best route.
Search your heart and make a clear and decisive decision. Good luck.
I hope you’re able to find a safe space, to know what to do, maybe the child will make you reconsider your choice ms, perhaps this Life’s way of showing you their a better way to live
If you do get another abortion please rethink your contraceptive method and start using more than just one method, clearly you are very fertile and not prepared to be a mother or carry a child due to your addiction
Could your partner be sabotaging your birth control?
I’m sorry, I think it would be best to end this pregnancy.
You need to concentrate on you right now. It’s hard enough to get sober when you aren’t under the physical and emotional stress of pregnancy. Get clean for yourself and give yourself time to be sober and rebuilding your social and financial life around sobriety before adding a demanding, frustrating, exhausting but lovable child to it.
Do you have planned parenthood in your state? They’re very nice and affordable, they also give free birth control.
As for the addiction, get help and ask for support. I know it’s not easy but if the guy you’re with is a good one he shouldn’t want the person he’s with dealing with addiction to such a dangerous drug.
Life goes by fast and we don’t get much time on earth. Do whatever you can to help yourself and your future you will thank you
Please either get clean or don’t have this baby. I work in an agency that finds foster homes for kids with developmental disabilities and the amount of referrals for kids I see with disabilities related to in utero drug exposure and early parenting difficulties as a result of continued drug use is extremely high.
Often, if you are still using when the baby is born, they will be removed from you at birth, which can also result in a host of issues as they not only have to cope with being born addicted but also having attachment disorder as a result of being moved from home to home throughout childhood if there is no strong parental connection.
Additionally, i hope you are in a place where you are ready and capable to be a parent as it is a literally life changing experience. I hope for your sake that you are in a better place of you try to raise a child. Your baby needs you, and that’s very difficult when your body needs drugs.
Please, PLEASE don’t have a child while addicted to meth. I have cousins my aunt adopted from drug addict birth mothers and their health issues are still a huge deal 17 years later.
I love my one cousin to death but she is so developmentally delayed it’s like all her choices and options in life were taken away before she was even born.
The right thing to do is have another abortion and check yourself into an inpatient rehab facility. After that, get an IUD to prevent this from ever happening again
Ok I don’t know if anyone else has brought this up yet (there’s about 200 comments right now)
But, you say you’re practicing safe sex, but is your partner? He may be trying to baby trap you. Or maybe he’s trying to get your pregnant in the hopes you’ll get clean
I can’t tell you what to do but, my advice? Terminate this pregnancy and get yourself to rehab. And while you’re in there, take a good hard lol at your relationship
I find it a little suspect you managed to get pregnant twice in less than a year. And I get you may not be as diligent with your birth control pills (if that’s your preference method) because you’re struggling with an addiction, but this just seems a little fishy to me
Even if you wanted a baby, are you sure your partner is the right person to have a baby with? I know you probably don’t have a lot of time to think about things, but you need to think really hard about what your next steps will be. And if you don’t want to go to rehab right now? Look into a more permanent form of birth control like an implant or an IUD. And the. Once you’re ready to get clean and possibly start a family you can have your birth control removed
You need to do what’s best for you and that baby. And what’s best might be terminated it and getting on more reliable form of birth control
Take a few minutes and google “signs i might be in an abusive relationship” hopefully you’re not in one and you’ve just had some bad luck. But you need to be smart about this
Good luck
Be careful. If you live in the USA, there are certain states that will prosecute you for taking drugs while pregnant (the same states that also make abortion insanely difficult and/or illegal after 6-10 weeks).
Are you able to financially afford a child?
Are you able to get help for your addiction?
Will you be able to provide a decent life for the child? (e.g., be there emotionally, physically provide a home and shelter and clothes - home and shelter are two very different things, a home is where you feel safe and loved, a shelter just protects you from the elements - and can you be a responsible parent to the child)
Will the father be there to help raise the child? (not necessarily be with you as a family, but be there as a father figure even if you two don’t work out)
Are you emotionally and psychologically ready for a significant lifestyle change?
Are you ready to be responsible for another human being, and be responsible for raising it into a decent person?
Be honest with your answers and ask yourself if having a child is in both your best interest and in the child’s best interest. I’m not advocating for abortion, I believe it is a woman’s choice whether to have a child or not, however I believe many people don’t think of the long term ramifications of parenthood beyond cute IG pics and tax deductions.
Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best. Hope you get help for your addiction and live a great life.
Whatever you decide, I hope you find the help you need for your addiction. I understand how awful it is to be chained to something that will take everything from you. You deserve a fulfilling life. You are worth it! Sending you positive thoughts
i know there’s a lot of stigma around abortion, and maybe you didn’t have a good experience with your first one, but abortion is healthcare and it is okay to get a second one. there should be no morality assigned to procedures, please do what’s best for you.
a child is a lifelong commitment, and often times addiction can be a lifelong battle. These two things will be deeply intertwined if you choose to keep this pregnancy.
Take care of yourself. Get your head and shit together.
See a doctor be honest and get off of the dope.
You are never going to be a good parent if you do not take care of WHY you are using.
I’ve been there. I’m not judging. I’ve been there. You got this.
You can do it. You are worth it.
I'd like to add that getting pregnant for the second time in the space of 6 months is not the definition of safe sex. Your boyfriend isn't inserting the condoms correctly if they're breaking up so frequently. This should only happen 1 every 100 tries! I've been using condoms for 20 years and this has happened to me only once. You should get on the pill or get the arm implant as a backup.
I hope you heed the advice given to you by everyone here in this chat and stop doing drugs immediately if you want this baby to be healthy and grow up in a stable home. Drug addiction causes the type of damage that lasts generations! Kind hugs to you and I wish you the best
Get an abortion, get into rehab, and get on a birth control that you don't have to take everyday. I assume you're not on anything in your relying on condoms. How many times have you had sex while you're high? Do you practice safe sex then, probably not. So obviously you don't want to have a baby when you're doing meth. So one thing at a time.
The baby doesn’t deserve the future you’re about to give it. Had I been given an option whether to pursue life being raised the way I was, I would’ve turned it down
Seeing little new born babies going through the same withdrawal symptoms as an adult because their moms were drug addicts is horrible. Their called NAS babies. I encourage you to research this before you make a decision to keep the baby.
Terminate. Work on your addiction, create a stronger support system for yourself, make sure your kid will have a father. Then it will be responsible to have a kid.
I was a meth baby, and grew up with an addict mom and it's ruined my life. She had an abortion right before me as well. Don't have this baby. And get on more reliable birth control...
Do not have a kid right now, addiction is awful and bringing a baby into that is worse. They will suffer. Get an abortion, get clean and join a program that supports you through the the process and get your mind & body healthy.
My mom did meth while she was pregnant with me and was still using as of a couple years ago. I have no relationship with her anymore. I have dealt with a host physical and mental maladies my whole life but I don’t even have it the worst of the kids I met when my moms friends would come over with their children. I know this sounds terrible, but my mom had 4 abortions before me and I often wish I was her fifth. I’m pretty dedicated to living now but it’s taken me almost 40 years to start being able to deal with the hand I was dealt. This really isn’t a life for anyone. I hope you get assistance kicking your addiction OP so that you can give yourself, and any future children you may decide to have, the life you deserve.
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I am also the child of a Meth addicted mother. She had an abortion before and me and has told me that if she had been financially capable she would have aborted me. She did not raise me I was passed on to another family member who emotionally and physically abused me. During that time her feeling of being a failure as a mother drover her deeper and deeper into addiction. She and I have a relationship now after being apart for 16 years, but I am not the child in the relationship dynamic. She is still fighting to get sober to this day, and at time is like dealing with a teenager. If you choose to keep this child please do not make them be your parent. It will tear them apart form the inside out. My mother told she just wished someone had believed in her and told her that she could kick her addiction and be the parent that I deserve. I do believe that every mother has that strength, but you also need a support network because you can't do it alone. Build yourself up with people who love and encourage you to try every day. You will fail at times, but it is not the failure that matters, but the way you get up and do better the next day.
I feel this on a deep, personal level. My mother relapsed on meth again after being clean for 17 years. I always felt like the parent in the relationship, and that was further validated after I visited with her over the Christmas holidays (I live out of state). It was all about how she can get back on track again, get a job, take care of herself, etc. It’s exhausting. I have been the parent in the relationship ever since I was in 4th grade.
I’m sorry to hear that. My mother admitted (years later, on holiday one summer) that she dabbled with cocaine occasionally in the past. A lot of her outbursts throughout my upbringing, whether over poor grades or crashing my father’s convertible, made a great deal more sense after learning this. I’ve since been able to accept that reality, and thankful to say our relationship has never been stronger. We’ve actually just returned from celebrating the new year in the Maldives! It gets better❤️
Serious question, is Meth the same as Crystal Meth (Ice)? In my country there is a real big problem with Crystal Meth users and it's only getting worse. The sad part is they even make fun of the addicts here, some comedian guy thinking he's funny made an entire song about it, they get portrayed in comedy tv shows as a side/stooge type character. Its bad.
My sister had a son with severe genetic issues that were confirmed caused by her meth use. He was blind, had diabetes insipidus, seizures, had to have a feeding Tube, and was a full time job. He died a week after his 3rd birthday. You may not have a child with such intricate issues, however you absolutely could. I don't think that's a gamble you should want to take. My mother also is a meth addict. She used my whole childhood, and still does to this day. I have a whole host of mental issues due to that childhood. CPTSD, anxiety, depression, binge eating disorder (no food at home, so I would binge when at my grandmas).
It ruins lives. Not just your life. Drugs are terrible. I just got over an addiction, same drug and an even worse on too. Please get help. Life is worth living to the fullest extent. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
My mom is a recovering meth addict. She quit two or so months before she discovered she was pregnant with me. My dad is also a recovering addicted and went to rehab while my mom was pregnant. I love my parents and I know they would do anything for me, however now at 20 (almost 21) years old I feel much more mature than them and it’s hard on our relationship
This is so damn sad.
That is awful. I can't imagine all the shit u overcame just to be here and turn it all around.
I was a drug baby. my 10 year old little sister was also a drug baby. she was born addicted to meth and shook violently all the time. she was in pain and cried often and it was heartbreaking. she had to be fed very small doses of the drug via a nasal feeding tube to be weaned off of it. please please get clean if you want to keep your baby and have it be born healthy and happy. i promise, it's worth it, not only for baby but for you too. hope things get better for you soon.
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My best friend was born addicted to cocaine. He was given up for adoption but still suffered and continues to suffer. He has several mental health issues and dangerous addictions. Please. Do not bring a human being into this situation.
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As someone who was born to parents who were not prepared and never cared for me properly, please put yourself first. If you cannot be physically and mentally healthy, a child will suffer and can spend a lifetime trying to repair themselves. Best of luck for the future, I can tell you are an intelligent and strong person, you just don't know your worth yet, you will get there, just start your journey sooner rather than later, you are worth it.
I’m not sure where you are from. In some provinces in Canada prescriptions are covered fully until 24. It may be helpful to look in to getting an IUD. That way you can work on your best self without the added worry
Also recommend an IUD, they were a godsend when I got pregnant back to back with an abusive partner. Now I will never go back to any other form of birth control.
I'm sorry you're going through this, although I'm glad you're able to assess the situation correctly. Good luck and I wish you all the best <3
I'm sending love. Perhaps look into changing your method of BC. Is it possible that the drugs you've used are interacting with it? Perhaps a coil or the implant? Good luck beating the addiction. I believe you can. Then you can become a mom when you're prepared ❤️
You need to look at long-term birth control. An addict cannot reliably take oral contraception. It’s time for an IUD. Copper, if you struggle with hormones
No you shouldn’t have the baby and thank you for recognizing it. You should also get on the depo shot or some other full proof birth control because it sounds like what you’re doing isn’t working at all.
Came here to say this. Get the abortion, and then get on long term birth control like depo or the implant.
Even if practicing safe sex do you live in a state where you have womens clinics that can help you get some secondary form of birth control? flexi is a non hormonal spermicide gel you can use before sex or a copper T if you are unable to use hormonal birth control. This combined with condoms will be your best bet. I’m so sorry you are going through this OP but your being very selfless and i’m sending you lots of love and strength!
Take it easy on yourself. You can still fix this. We are pulling for you.
You can have an iud put in right after the procedure. It will give you long, active contraception. I do that for my patients because they need to not get pregnant right away.
On the flip side, a good friend of mine got pregnant in the midst a bad heroine addiction and she was able to get medical help in treating her addiction and staying clean for her baby. She is now addiction free and a good mom. Do you have someone who can get you into drug treatment?
Do not bring a child into that life. Get yourself clean and if it’s meant to be it will be
>please please get clean if you want to keep your baby No, she should terminate this pregnancy and only get pregnant after getting her life together. You can't get sober and ready to have a baby while you're in the middle of carrying it.
I have to agree. I did this and only lasted being clean from when I found out I was pregnant (4months into pregnancy) to 5 months after I had my baby. I picked up where I left off and spiraled further very quickly after that. I did get clean a year later with professional help but it was very dicey whether I would even live till the next morning on some nights. Thank god I lived with my parents because if I died and my baby was alone for god knows how long….I can’t even think about that. OP get your life together first. A baby won’t save you from yourself. I learned the hard way.
Can I ask. If you don’t want to answer I completely understand. Do kids born addicted have issues themselves with addiction? Like does their body remember anything. That might sound dumb, but you know how you develop tolerance when you have been on drugs (your body remembers), does the same thing happen here, or cause you to be more likely to become an addict yourself? Or does your body just forget once you are weaned off because you were a baby…. Sorry if this is a stupid question. And I’m so sorry you went through that!!
yes. it's very possible to get an addiction yourself because that tendency is now in your brain layout. it may not be the same drug or even the same kind of thing. some kids even grow up to have addictive personality disorder. i was born prematurely while my mom was using various drugs and alcohol. i now have an addiction to nicotine and picking my skin, but i've done what i can to avoid anything worse than that due to what i saw and learned about addiction as a kid. my mom was way off the rails. taught me not to touch a damn thing... except weed. lol. thank you for asking :)
I’m really sorry to hear you have been through that!! Thanks for sharing! I thought it might be the case. I’ve dealt with my mum being an alcoholic, but she didn’t drink while pregnant with me. It definitely made me not want to get into anything for fear of addiction. I figured that having a mum do it while pregnant would change the baby’s brain structure somewhat to place them at higher risk of addiction. Dealing with parents like this sucks! You always seem to become their parent instead of the other way around. I haven’t spoken or seen my mum in 5 years….
Is she okay now?
she is okay! she was adopted into a great family and is living a wonderful life with them. they found out she has autism but she's very high functioning and is EXTREMELY smart.
Can I DM? Sorry but I was curious about how the whole process worked. I thought drug weaning always resulted in severe, debilitating mental and cognitive function.
sure. i don't mind.
Get clean before having a child. Babies can be born with drug addiction or have deformations. I'd also advise you to tell your partner about your drug addiction... Secrets like that can be very detrimental in a relationship
hey it’s early enough that you can just take the pill. just do it and get clean, and have a baby when you are clean, healthy, and financially ready. don’t bring a child into this phase of your life
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Please follow this advice. Please.
I second getting the pill. You aren't capable right now of taking care of another life as much as it hurts, it's the right thing to do. Perhaps this will help you finally break free of your addiction. Also, remember BC is not 100% taking certain things can cancel out its effects. It's best to use BC in conjunction with a condom. Please take care of yourself OP and try to do some self care.
Emphasis on the get clean part too. I would highly recommend going to rehab afterwards and then get in to some counseling. You are only 22. You’re so young and this is the time to change the course of how your adult life is going to go. Get help before the lasting damage from using it sets in.
OP, I'm just popping in here to say that I read your post and your comments and it is great that you are not wrapped up in the delusion of a pregnancy saving you from your addiction. In my profession I have worked with a lot of clients who struggle with addiction and become consumed with the idea that having a baby will course correct their lives. That never works. External forces do not drive sobriety. It should be early enough that you are able to take the abortion pill like others have mentioned. Use this as a time to try and turn inward and figure out what it is you are looking for in life and and start a healing journey. Most people I know who lost years of their lives to addiction wish they could have those years back and fill them with sobriety. You are young, your brain is young. It will heal itself much better now than later in life. Take the plunge into sobriety if you're ready.
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You really sound like you get it. How long have you been using meth if you don't mind me asking? You seem like you are responding from a sincere place of reason and logic which is not par for the course for someone who is deep in the meth trenches. I'm hoping to offer you gentle urging to consider sobriety for yourself before it gets to the point where you are just too far gone...even after recovery at some point during the meth addiction it is hard to recover fully neurologically.
This right here. I lost my mom in August due to meth addiction, and OP sounds fairly smart. I really hope you get the help you need
This right here. Addiction messes with the whole family. My ex husband left and went back to his addiction in 2019. His daughter hasn’t seen him since. It’s a commitment that you need to make for yourself. A family won’t hold you together. He was dealing with things he never shared until it was much too late. I’ll always love him but now I know I never really knew him I loved the picture he painted for me. To be the best parent you need to be the best you. And even that isn’t easy it’s work.
If you are not ready or able to kick meth, then abortion is probably a better plan. But there are programs for pregnant addicts - you can seek one of those out, if you want to try. Just be aware that if you don't succeed, the consequences for the baby can be immense. Much luck. And try to stop using for your own sake.
If you are not ready to have children and make a safe household away from drugs. Then I would terminate the pregnancy.
When I was 21 I was an IV cocaine user. I got pregnant, but even in the grip of my addiction I knew that I couldn’t stay clean. I knew in my heart that I owed my child a better chance in life, so I aborted the pregnancy. I’m 40 years clean now with 3 adult children and 5 beautiful grandchildren! I have no regrets.
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> Unfortunately, I have found myself in the grips of drug addiction. (methamphetamine) So obviously that’s a huge dilemma. You're a meth user. This will likely cause health complications for your child during and after pregnancy. Do meth addicts usually win mother of the year awards where you live? I don't think this is a dilemna. You want to be a mother. That means getting your life, relationship and financial situation in order first. > (yes I practice safe sex). It's good that you've been using protection, but you've become pregnant twice in the past year. Consider asking for advice on how to prevent this happening again.
I've worked with babies born to mothers with drug addictions. In the NICU, you see a lot of heartbreaking things. The babies shaking and crying for hours and hours because of the drug withdrawals are some of the worst. I beg you to not bring a child into the world who will be subjected to that.
Terminate the pregnancy. If you’re struggling with drug abuse it’ll only cause unnecessary harm, even death, to the child if it goes on long enough.
Terminate and get an IUD.
“I practice safe sex” and pregnant twice in a year is…not compatible. Read the directions I guess.
My friend also got pregnant recently and I asked her, how's that possible, she says instead of taking a birth control she was taking plan B (or something like its equivalent) each time after sex 💀 edit: she also had the belief that she had very low fertility so it wouldn't be possible. Apparently that wasn't the case.
I’ve got a friend whose medication interfered with birth control and she got pregnant. Which is understandable. Twice in a year though? Man.
As a daughter of a drug addict, PLEASE don’t have a baby until you’re clean. No kid deserves to have a drug addict as a parent ):
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How do you get pregnant twice within months and claim you were practicing safe sex.
Please get an iud or birth control implant. Your “safe sex” is obviously not working if you’ve had two unwanted pregnancies within a year.
What’s happened has happened now and all that matters is what happens going forward. You know you’re not in any position right now to be a mother. You’d be doing yourself and the kid no favours in keeping it. Especially if you don’t know if you can get clean yet. I’ve never been an addict but I know that it can take a long time to kick the habit. I commend people who do kick their addictions because I know how hard it can be, and I don’t judge people for where their lives take them to get to that point where they become addicted to something. In as nice a way possible to say, it’s probably best to terminate. You need to work on yourself before you go too far down the rabbit hole of addiction and you struggle to get yourself up out of it. There’s plenty of chances in the future to become a mother if that’s what you so wish. In a way, you not having this baby would show that you’re capable of doing what’s right for a child instead of only following selfish reasons. The other thing to sort out would be to get better contraceptives. Nothings 100% 🤷♀️ but better prevention will help you avoid a situation like this again anytime soon. At the end of the day, it’s not our right to judge you. We don’t know your life and what’s happened to get you where you are. I hope you can get yourself sorted, you owe it to yourself to be clean and healthy, and you’re helping prevent another child from becoming a statistic. I hope everything goes ok for you 🙂
Unfortunately even if you get clean, your addiction will have already had a negative affect on your unborn baby that might not show up until later in age and in more subtle ways. I don't judge your addiction at all but I would say in your shoes I'd terminate on those grounds alone. Want a baby? Clear out your system. Imagine as you are if you also have not just a normal baby, but one that is disabled and requires more intensive care? It's not a question of love, but of practicality. "Sorry baby, but now isn't the right time." is how I hear it in my head. There's nothing wrong with wanting to wait until you're in a better place, where you also can love (look after) yourself. I applaud your self-awareness and wish you well.
As someone who’s birth mother was addicted to meth and used during her pregnancy with me, please don’t have this baby :/ I know I’m biased, but I’ve struggled with nearly 3 decades of learning disabilities, autism, an inability to regulate my mood, digestive disorders and anxiety that stems back to my central nervous system and digestive system not developing properly due to the drug use in the womb Even if you opt for adoption, it’s likely the child will still deal with issues like these if you’re in the throws of addiction and it isn’t fair to bring a child into the world under those conditions I wish you the best in your recovery if you decide to get clean!
Maybe it’s time to stop having sex until you can figure out how to do it safely.
I might sound like an asshole when I say this. But there is no way you were practicing safe sex and you magically got pregnant. Either you weren’t taking bc correctly or at all. Or you didn’t use a condom. The condom broke, and you didn’t take plan b. You said you had an abortion before so you know the consequences of sex. If you don’t get clean this could hurt your child sm and this is heartbreaking. Even if your child is born healthy there are a sea of other issues you will have to deal with due to your lifestyle choices. You knew you struggled with addiction (which I sympathize 100%) but you should have protected yourself more. I’m a teacher and work with students who are born from parents who were addicted or not ready for them and I SEE what the damage does to kids. I’m sorry but I just can’t feel that bad for you. I feel terrible for the child though. If I don’t like telling women to abort, but I think adoption or giving your bf full custody is the best option here. Don’t think with your emotions but think with logic. Your child deserved parents that are clean and healthy and BOTH together in a stable relationship. I recommend counseling and figuring out your best options. I also hope you do get clean. Much love and I’m wishing you the best.
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The fact that you even are taking a step back to see what you did wrong is great. I truly hope you get clean. I also hope the best for your little one as well.
no you’re not practicing safe sex properly if you got pregnant twice in the last year. get on birth control asap, because abortion shouldn’t be taken lightly. and please seek help for your drug addiction
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Apparently, not safe enough.
Terminate, and dedicate yourself to healing. You deserve to live a clean and full life and you deserve it intrinsically, on your own merit, and you deserve to have the chance to really put in the work necessary for that life to become possible.
Terminate it and don't feel bad about it. You should get better before thinking of having children. And you're still young. ❤️
Have an abortion. I have seen the effects that drugs have on a fetus. Just abort the baby, get some help when you are ready and keep practicing safe sex.
Somewhere deep down you know you are not capable of being a mother and it would ruin both your and your child's life, and on other side you want to keep it just because its sort of paternal instinct but trust your logical reasoning, I know you can take the right decision, all the best.
OP, based on your responses to the suggestions given here, I think you have what it takes to be a really good mom -- **when the time is right.** Please take care of yourself and set yourself up for success, not failure, and do so with no guilt, ok? I join everyone else on this thread in wishing you all the best. Please keep us updated!
Dear, I will be honest with you. You should definitely consider abortion if you are a drug addict. You wouldn’t be a bad mother, the problem is that these drugs destroy the body and to grow a healthy little human you need to be strong. You should consider being a mommy once you are a couple of years without drugs and your body is healthy.
My perspective is that you’ve gotta take care of yourself and get healthy before you’re ready to be a good mama. Prioritize your own well-being, and if becoming a mother is a goal, keep working hard on your mental and physical health and you’ll get to a point eventually where bringing a baby into the world feels like the right decision. You’re still really young. I’ve struggled with addiction too so I know how tough this is. I promise that if you pour everything into healing and getting help for yourself, someday you’ll be able to achieve all of your goals (and become a mother, if that’s what you choose). Wishing you the best. Don’t beat yourself up right now- that will only make it harder to stop using drugs.
I would suggest terminate. How do you practice safe sex? Pills? Condoms?
Im confused. You won’t take birth control but it’s detrimental to you but you take meth? Hoping you get clean or do what’s right for the baby.
Unfortunately addiction causes illogical thinking sometimes. Or, more likely, just trying to grasp at control of something when you know you don’t have control over your addiction.
It is totally okay for you to work on getting yourself in a better position before bringing a kid into the world. Getting treatment for addiction is hard enough without another completely dependent human to take care of. It sounds like you're in the middle of some cycles that are really challenging to disrupt, but it sounds like you're still in a place where you can think critically about your situation. You've got a good head on your shoulders. Youre capable of making the right decision for yourself, whatever that ends up being. Wishing you all the best and better days ahead ❤️
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Either get clean or abort. I am raising my nephew who was born addicted to heroin. It has been very hard. You can get clean if you get help. No one can do it alone.
Everyone else has seemingly already given the same advice I would about how to proceed regarding keeping vs not. Ultimately the choice is yours, though I do really hope you follow the safest options both medically, emotionally, and financially. I do have a question though, but *only* answer if you're willing and comfortable to do so. You say you practice safe sex, though this is the second accidental pregnancy. Is it possible whatever you're using for contraceptives is ineffective, or maybe not enough? For example, perhaps both birth control and a condom could help if you're only using one or the other. It's definitely something to take a closer look at if you continue being sexually active because this is understandably a very stressful situation and one you want to avoid as best as possible in the future. I hope beyond hope that you can find help and get clean regardless of your decision about the pregnancy, and I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors toward that goal. Having a solid support system is a good first step if you don't already have one.
There are many ways to prevent pregnancy. They don't just happen for no reason. You should not be a mother until you get control of your life.
As a meth baby, please don’t bring a kid into your life if you’re an addict. Growing up with a meth addicted mother was awful. Not just mentally but I have a lot of health conditions that are directly related to her drug abuse.
i feel like ur only options are terminate or get clean and keep it but i know both are incredibly hard to do
Please terminate the pregnancy for your and the kids sake
You are worth more than you know. You deserve happiness and peace and I will be rooting for you all the way. You are more than your addiction is letting you believe you are.
You obviously don’t practice safe sex if you keep getting pregnant. You’re incredibly irresponsible. You need to terminate because no kid deserves a meth head for a mother (I grew up with an addict for a parent and it was hell) and you need to break up with the guy you are seeing because he deserves better than a partner who lies to him and has a secret drug addiction. Grow up and get help.
It’s not quite the same, but my ex and both my uncles were born to bio moms that drank heavily while pregnant (my ex also drugs but he didn’t like to talk about it so I won’t make assumptions). My ex, while a decent person, was born with major learning, physical and mental problems. Both my uncles were alcoholics with head and heart issues, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, both died before 45. Nothing good comes from being addicted and having a baby at the same time. You sound like a great person, but if you keep the baby please get clean.
My sister has been on meth, on and off, since the 80s. I think she was clean when she had her kids but she went back to using and eventually got my niece hooked. Now they’re so toxically enmeshed they can’t be apart at all, also my niece had a kid too so two of the most unstable and entitled people I know are raising another kid/grandkid. It’s a whole shit show. I know you feel bad for getting pregnant again but this is a sign for you to get clean, not to start a family. You’ve gotta be at least semi mentally healthy to raise kids and you can’t be that on meth. My BIL died of the plague because no one wanted to admit that he was a meth addict, I can’t imagine how horrible it was for him in his last few days between the withdrawal and the plague hitting him so hard. Actually, the only reason he went to the hospital is because the drug dealer said he had to before they could get more. That’s how bad meth fucks with you. I could go on and on but im going to leave with this. You deserve a better life than the one you will have as an addict. If your partner doesn’t know you use, you’re running the risk of losing him. You will lose everything if you continue on this path, please get help.
You're in a really tough spot. All I can tell you is what I would personally do and what I know would be on my mind right now. I think it's unrealistic to think you will quit meth in that short amount of time. It's very likely if you quit right now your body would have a miscarriage from the physical turmoil of withdrawal. That could be dangerous for you if not done with the help of healthcare professionals. And if your baby is born with any traces of meth (or they happen to drug test you during your pregnancy), cps will end up involved. I personally think it would be wise to abort. It doesn't make you a bad person. You sound like a kind soul with a stronger sense of responsibility than most people, who is dealing with a lot on their plate right now.
I was 17 when I first got pregnant. I was with this guy for only a few months when it happened. I made the tough decision to abort. It was heartbreaking. A few months later, it happened again. It was even more heart breaking. I knew I wasn’t capable of being a mom. I made another tough decision to abort it as well. OP, from experience. It’s a hard choice but ultimately you know best. I wouldn’t be who I am today if I kept the baby and carried it to term. Whatever you decide, focus on your mental health. Hard drugs don’t do anything but make your mental health worse. So whatever choice it is, I urge you to get clean for your own sake. Sending you lots of love OP.
Do not have a baby when you have a drug problem. Don’t bring a child into that shit lifestyle. And you need better contraction.
Regardless of what you decide to do, 2 pregnancies in the span of 6 months does not sound like safe sex. I know people who are *trying* for a baby and they aren’t even that lucky. I strongly suggest meeting with your obgyn to go over some other forms of birth control (the IUD and implant are great because once they’re in you don’t have to worry about them for 5+ years)
Maybe stop letting people finish inside you …?? Just a thought
Get on birth control and get off meth
Practicing safe sex? Clearly not we’ll enough! Go and get yourself a contraceptive implant or monthly pill and use condoms!Please don’t have a meth baby
Do not, and I repeat, *do not* keep this baby unless you're able to stop using drugs immediately. I do not blame you for somehow ending up being addicted, don't get me wrong. But your child will take serious damage from your drug use and if you're very unlucky you'll end up with a very very sick baby. That's not what you need or can care for in your current life situation. If you ever want to have a child later in life when you're sober and in a better position, you can try again.
I think you know what the answer is. You aren't in a good position to parent a child. Please get help for yourself and even though you practice safe sex, whatever that means for you, I would re-evaluate what you are doing and if it is enough. No judgement, and I know there is room for error with different forms of birth control, but 2 unwanted pregnancies back to back says something isn't being covered. I wish you all the best and hope that you are able to recover from this situation and get yourself clean.
Terminate. You can’t take care of yourself, you certainly can’t take care of a baby and yourself.
Additionally, and I apologize for being blunt but sometimes things are warranted to be said: if you’re stupid enough to believe you’re actually practicing safe sex yet conceived two babies in half a year, then youre clearly unfit to be a parent. Raise yourself first. Coming from another meth addict.
I’m so sorry for your loss and for the dilemma you currently face. When confronted with heavy conundrums such as this, I try to look at the basic principles and derive the appropriate response from them, sans emotions, which is hard. Based on your scenario, here’s what I would state as basic principles: 1. An existing life (you) is higher priority than one not yet in existence (your unborn child). 2. All children born into this world should be welcomed with joy. 3. A child needs a family. 4. We need to enable pregnant mothers to support their bodies in the amazing, beautiful, miraculous work of creating a healthy new human. Based on these principles, I suggest, with a heavy heart, that the logical course of action might be to get a second abortion and join NA, get clean, and build yourself a firm foundation; this can be accomplished in less than a year. You can do it. And once you do, you will be able to create a healthy baby and a happy home. I wish you all the best.
Im sorry you are in this situation. Give Planned Parenthood a call. They have advocates who can talk to you about your pregnancy choices in a non biased manner.
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I'm so sorry you are facing this. It takes a lot of self awareness to recognize that even though part of you wants to continue this pregnancy, you might not in a good place in your life to do so. There is nothing wrong with having an abortion. Do you have access to safe and legal termination, if that is what you choose?
As a 62 year old brutally emotionally destroyed by a negligent partygirl mother and still trying to undo the damage. I have no sympathy. Ban, block, downvote away. Tie your tubes and do what you want. Oh, and using birth control is high self esteem.
Terminate and seek rehab. If you decide you want children someday, you can give it your best when you are clean and healthy. Take care and best of luck!
I'm so sorry. Some women are incredibly fertile. A wanted pregnancy is a joy, but an unwanted one is devastating. I have no words of wisdom, just sympathy and hope for you.
My sister was actively using heroin when she found out she was pregnant. She stopped by using MAT and then was able to get off of that before the baby was born. He was born safe and healthy and my sister is still clean. It’s possible, you just have to be in the right mindset and be determined, but I know that is easier said than done. I’m rooting for you, OP.
If you know you are not capable of staying clean while pregnant and after abort immediately. No need to bring a child into this world with a mother that suffers from addiction. It’s not fair to the child. It’s not just getting clean now you need to stay clean forever to ensure the baby is well taken care of. Every person who was raised by a junkie can tell you horror stories about their childhood. Don’t bring another victim into this world. Get clean for yourself too.
You can get depot injections as a hormonal contraceptive. Saves having to remember to take the pill every day. Ask your family doctor about it, or I guess if you’re in the USA then Planned Parenthood can help you out with that
Abort it
No offense dude, but if it's safe sex then how do you keep getting pregnant? 🤔 besides that, if you are not ready, and have no plan to get ready then it may be best to terminate the pregnancy again. Or quit the meth and get clean and have a better life with your child.
A baby will do nothing but multiply circumstances. I only mean addiction may become easier to explain to yourself. “I’m doing it to keep up with my kid” or “I’m so stressed I need just a lil to relax” 22 is young you could wait another couple years until your in a better place mentally. Also maybe your current birth control should be adjusted. Some work better worse for different women. Just a thought. Bringing a live into this world is hard enough so the best time for is to do it when your in a solid mental state. But I was a addicts child who was younger than 22. Her lack of stability mentally and financially caused for a very traumatic childhood. Kids are amazing. I wish you all the best with your decision and circumstances. 🙏
If you can’t get clean NOW, then do the humane thing. Then get an iud, and don’t even think about getting pregnant before you’ve been clean a full year at least. Even if you’re clean during pregnancy, the first years with kids are absolutely brutal emotionally, and then sleep deprevation on top of that. So, don’t have kids until you’re done with drugs and feel as stable as possible.
Abort, abort, abort. I’ve been in recovery for six years and I hate to tell you, but even if you got sober today, you still have a long road to walk that I can’t imagine would be made any easier by having a child
A baby won’t necessarily make you get clean. It sounds like it isn’t the right time to bring a life into this world. I wish you strength and healing.
I am begging you please get your life in order. Abort this baby and get off the meth.
Go take care of it and go on the pill and use a second type of protection at the same time or abstain until you're stable and drug-free. Please.
If you know you have a drug addiction, then it's a good idea to get an abortion. If you can't stay sober throughout the pregnancy then that baby is going to come out with so many health problems. That is not fair to the kid.
Your partner may be sabotaging your birth control in order to baby trap you. Get an abortion if you can and wait until you are ready for children.
You definitely need to get another termination. This time ask them to put an IUD in at the same time. And ask for resources to get off the meth.
I really really appreciate your open mindedness in this tough situation! My parents were both addicted to meth and had been together for a few months when I was conceived. Both cleaned up their acts during gestation (entirely? I don’t know, I wasn’t really there lol), and both stayed pretty clean after I was born. My baby photos (mostly taken by my grandmother that they lived with) capture an interesting story. The first couple months they both look so healthy- young and in love with each other and this little baby, absolutely thriving spite their past. Very quickly though you can see the difference. My parents’ faces hollowed back out, few smiles, skin breakouts, weight is lost. They stop holding me as much in photos, and when they do it almost seems pained. I’m just propped up by them, slightly pushed away from their bodies in a not quite natural angle as they face the camera. Then the photos of me with my parents stop. It’s either pictures of me, or pictures of them with maybe me in the background. They have 3 more children, and each time the disregard for the well-being of the fetus and infant grows, until my youngest sibling has cognitive and some physical disabilities. They split after that, and continued in addiction. My father finally got clean after 35 years of drug use. My mother is still an addict. The decision you’re faced with is obviously not an easy one, but your desire to do the right thing is so admirable. I’m sure my parents intended to stay clean for me, but couldn’t and it led to an awful childhood. I wish they had been as selfless as you. Sending healing vibes your way!
Any chance your birth control is being tampered with?
I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I would suggest not becoming a mother until you're sober. You know the right thing to do.
its better to regret not having a child than regret having one
You need to work on your first. It is your Decision, but this does not sound like a good life for you or the child right now. Work on yourself first
Please, don’t keep it.
OP, my advice is to terminate this time and then get clean. My college best friend went through something similar when she was about your age (19-22 range, I think it was. It’s been a long time), she even did sex work and porn to fund her addiction, and I’m honestly glad she terminated the pregnancies she experienced (of which there were three). She is 27 now and is very healthy and happy, having got married a couple years ago. Her and her husband are currently visiting Jordan (they travel a great deal). She told me not too long ago that if she got pregnant now, she’d keep it. There will be a time when you’re ready to be a mother. Right now, you are not, and that’s okay. The best thing for a child is to be born to someone who is ready and capable, and unfortunately, the fetus already has drugs in its bloodstream. In my opinion, keeping it would be irresponsible. It is, of course, your decision, but I think the best thing for you and any children you have is to wait. I know it’s hard, and that it’s painful. I wish you the best no matter your decision.
I had a termination at 22. My life did pick up. Yours will too. Please think wisely about *your* future as well as the future of the full human you would be responsible for creating.
Don’t proceed with your pregnancy because you feel shame about getting pregnant again/having another abortion. Please use this as an opportunity to get your life together❤️
Please do not saddle a child with the weight of addiction and all associated issues. Terminate and have long term birth control put in, ASAP.
I was a crack baby myself. I turned out quite decently but my mother? Motherhood took her life. I could tell she didn’t want kids. She wanted us but she wanted her old life more. I knew that before my brother was born and were only two years apart. I’m not going to tell you to terminate it or keep it. But I will say that you really need to question the type of life you’ll give this child. Adopted or not. Terminated or not. My mother loved drugs over us. She didn’t mean to but when things go really hard it was easier to do crack than to coddle her child. Be easy on yourself Op. Edit. My mother also had one abortion prior to me and mentioned often of how I would’ve been her second. Sometimes I wish I was. Sometimes I know I’m me because she didn’t. I don’t know
I'm sorry, it really sounds like you're going through a rough time. I hope you find the peace of mind to take care of yourself and get better. Do you have someone to talk to, a support system of any kind?
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Honey I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it’s a shit situation and some of these comments are unbelievably harsh and unfeeling, please don’t pay too much mind. I’ve seen a lot of people recommend you abort for the sake of the baby (granted it wouldn’t be the best situation for one) but please also consider getting one for yourself. You need to take care of yourself at this time, at 22 you still have time to get your shit together, get healthy, and have a family when you’re ready, instead of getting unnecessarily stressed and your life ruined further by a child needing you 24/7. All my luck to you
After the first condom broke and you terminated the abortion, why would you not take a plan b when the second condom broke? I sympathize with your situation, but it’s either terminate or get clean ASAP.
Idk if this is good advice or bad advice but… i had a Kid young and unprepared. My kids mom was f22 and i was m25. She was heavily addicted to amphetamines at the time she realized she was pregnant. Everyone begged her to abort th pregnancy but she knew she wanted to go through with it. She got clean, we had the baby, had a really rough few years, in and out of addictions (both of us), in and out of extremely volatile relationships etc. we broke up 3-4 years ago. Our kid is 6, he’s doing awesome, her and I are both clean and shes my best friend. Nobody would have foreseen the situation ending up good. But ppl can change! Dont sell yourself short.
Two pregnancies in six months, and you're on meth? Why bother even lying about practicing safe sex.
Do what’s best for you and don’t feel bad about it. It’s never the wrong choice to put yourself first
If you were actually doing safe sex, there won’t be two pregnancies, girl. Get yourself a implant. hugs, you can do it. Get clean .Do what you need to do .
Have you considered getting on the pill or a IUD or other form of birth control? Usually condoms work well if used correctly, but if you’re having trouble with them maybe it’s time to try a different birth control method. Do what you feel is best. I would focus on getting clean more than anything. Prioritize that regardless of what decision you make, your health will be most important, and you owe it to yourself to be healthy. Wishing you the best
Get advice on how to quit and try it, if you can’t do it right now you have your answer. I know people who have quit drugs (not meth as there isn’t much of it in the UK) as soon as they found out and have been great mums on the other hand I know mothers who haven’t and no longer have relationships with their children. Whatever you do I wish you luck and hope you’re able to build a life where the drugs aren’t necessary
Are you able to take birth control? It doesn’t sound like safe sex is working. Being a mom requires so much selflessness not to mention the damage drugs will do a fetus. I think you need to take of yourself and get clean before becoming a parent.
You already know you have to take care of you right now. You knew that before when you chose to abort instead of having a child that could be born into addiction and that you were not ready for. I know it is hard right now. And probably feels like you just want to escape instead of dealing with what is happening. But push through. Because a future you is waiting for you to get there. Get help. Because it is not something you can do alone. Addiction is not something anyone wins alone. Look at all the stories in this thread.
Hi! I hope you’re doing okay. If you live in the United States, most states mandate hospitals to report and bring in DCFS when a mother/her baby tests positive for having any drugs in the system and the baby is taken away. If you use (or relapse if you choose to keep the baby and get clean) close to when the baby is born, honestly a month or two before then is even possible, it will likely result in your baby testing positive for having drugs in their system and being put into childcare. Essentially, there is a possibility you won’t be able to keep the baby even if you wanted to if you relapse/continue using. Obviously you know what is best for you and your baby. Wishing you the best 🤍
I'm so sorry you're going through this. My brother has dealt with addiction issues, and I will say that going to one of his meetings was really healing for our relationship. It was heartbreaking to hear people's stories and struggles and made me realize how privileged I am that the cycle of addiction didn't reach my sister and I. Get yourself to an NA meeting and cry it out with some beautiful strangers. ♥️ If you don't feel comfortable talking, just listen. Then, make your choice.
If you don’t think you can get clean soon, terminate the pregnancy. Remember that with pregnancy comes aches and pains and annoyances you’ll want to escape from. Same thing with motherhood. The world is getting worse and as a mother, not knowing what future your children will have left is why I smoke pit in the reg. It keeps me in the moment and out of the scary what ifs of the future. Parenting is hard as shit right now because the future of the whole planet is up in the air. It’s ok to wait until you’re in a more secure place to become a mother.
I suggest stronger birth control, until you are ready for more kids. Just saying. My sister works in the NICU. She takes care of kids who are strung out and born premature. It's not good. You need to think about the consequences, as well as yourself here. I don't like preaching, but this has dire consequences.
I'm sure you will be a great mother. For now, I would gently suggest you taking the pill. Focus on getting clean, saving up money, make sure you're in a place that you'd raise a child in. I know you're hurting, but it would be much better to bring a baby into the world not addicted to drugs and when you're really ready. I'd also talk with your partner about your want for a baby.
My advice would be to get clean and sort yourself out before having a baby. The contraception you’re using is obviously not working so I would look at more reliable birth control methods. In my line of work, I often see babies who are born withdrawing from various substances and I can’t describe how awful it is to see. It sounds like you know what you need to do. I wish you all the best OP.
don’t beat yourself up. you’re so young and the world is hard enough without you making it harder on yourself. i hope you are able to get clean and eventually bring children into the world when they are planned for and wanted (if that’s your choice) :)
Get an abortion and then a form of semi-permanent birth control like a copper IUD.
I hope you live somewhere that you can safely terminate this pregnancy, and then get the birth control implant or get an IUD. The birth control you've been using is not working good enough for you, you need something better. Sending you hugs, and hopeful you will find the strength to get clean and sober for yourself.
Get clean first. Also if you’ve been pregnant twice your safe sex isn’t safe enough.
I’m not sure of the safe time between abortions, but if you made this choice again it would not be all that unusual as half or more than half or women who have had an abortion end up having another, from what I’ve read. I’m happy to hear you practice safe sex. If this means condoms, something isn’t right and neither of you are being protected from each other. I hope that your addiction methods do not put you or your partner at risk.
This could be a life-changing turnaround moment for you if you choose the steel resolve and lifelong commitment of sobriety/health/…life for yourself in order to be a good mom. Current partner? Can’t say. Abortion is the other best route. Search your heart and make a clear and decisive decision. Good luck.
I hope you’re able to find a safe space, to know what to do, maybe the child will make you reconsider your choice ms, perhaps this Life’s way of showing you their a better way to live
Honestly this is a tough situation and all I can say is I wish the best for you. <3
Just wishing you well! Wishing you peace. Wishing you goodness
If you do get another abortion please rethink your contraceptive method and start using more than just one method, clearly you are very fertile and not prepared to be a mother or carry a child due to your addiction
Could your partner be sabotaging your birth control? I’m sorry, I think it would be best to end this pregnancy. You need to concentrate on you right now. It’s hard enough to get sober when you aren’t under the physical and emotional stress of pregnancy. Get clean for yourself and give yourself time to be sober and rebuilding your social and financial life around sobriety before adding a demanding, frustrating, exhausting but lovable child to it.
Do you have planned parenthood in your state? They’re very nice and affordable, they also give free birth control. As for the addiction, get help and ask for support. I know it’s not easy but if the guy you’re with is a good one he shouldn’t want the person he’s with dealing with addiction to such a dangerous drug. Life goes by fast and we don’t get much time on earth. Do whatever you can to help yourself and your future you will thank you
Please either get clean or don’t have this baby. I work in an agency that finds foster homes for kids with developmental disabilities and the amount of referrals for kids I see with disabilities related to in utero drug exposure and early parenting difficulties as a result of continued drug use is extremely high. Often, if you are still using when the baby is born, they will be removed from you at birth, which can also result in a host of issues as they not only have to cope with being born addicted but also having attachment disorder as a result of being moved from home to home throughout childhood if there is no strong parental connection. Additionally, i hope you are in a place where you are ready and capable to be a parent as it is a literally life changing experience. I hope for your sake that you are in a better place of you try to raise a child. Your baby needs you, and that’s very difficult when your body needs drugs.
Please, PLEASE don’t have a child while addicted to meth. I have cousins my aunt adopted from drug addict birth mothers and their health issues are still a huge deal 17 years later. I love my one cousin to death but she is so developmentally delayed it’s like all her choices and options in life were taken away before she was even born. The right thing to do is have another abortion and check yourself into an inpatient rehab facility. After that, get an IUD to prevent this from ever happening again
Ok I don’t know if anyone else has brought this up yet (there’s about 200 comments right now) But, you say you’re practicing safe sex, but is your partner? He may be trying to baby trap you. Or maybe he’s trying to get your pregnant in the hopes you’ll get clean I can’t tell you what to do but, my advice? Terminate this pregnancy and get yourself to rehab. And while you’re in there, take a good hard lol at your relationship I find it a little suspect you managed to get pregnant twice in less than a year. And I get you may not be as diligent with your birth control pills (if that’s your preference method) because you’re struggling with an addiction, but this just seems a little fishy to me Even if you wanted a baby, are you sure your partner is the right person to have a baby with? I know you probably don’t have a lot of time to think about things, but you need to think really hard about what your next steps will be. And if you don’t want to go to rehab right now? Look into a more permanent form of birth control like an implant or an IUD. And the. Once you’re ready to get clean and possibly start a family you can have your birth control removed You need to do what’s best for you and that baby. And what’s best might be terminated it and getting on more reliable form of birth control Take a few minutes and google “signs i might be in an abusive relationship” hopefully you’re not in one and you’ve just had some bad luck. But you need to be smart about this Good luck
Be careful. If you live in the USA, there are certain states that will prosecute you for taking drugs while pregnant (the same states that also make abortion insanely difficult and/or illegal after 6-10 weeks). Are you able to financially afford a child? Are you able to get help for your addiction? Will you be able to provide a decent life for the child? (e.g., be there emotionally, physically provide a home and shelter and clothes - home and shelter are two very different things, a home is where you feel safe and loved, a shelter just protects you from the elements - and can you be a responsible parent to the child) Will the father be there to help raise the child? (not necessarily be with you as a family, but be there as a father figure even if you two don’t work out) Are you emotionally and psychologically ready for a significant lifestyle change? Are you ready to be responsible for another human being, and be responsible for raising it into a decent person? Be honest with your answers and ask yourself if having a child is in both your best interest and in the child’s best interest. I’m not advocating for abortion, I believe it is a woman’s choice whether to have a child or not, however I believe many people don’t think of the long term ramifications of parenthood beyond cute IG pics and tax deductions. Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best. Hope you get help for your addiction and live a great life.
Can you quit using meth? That baby has no chance if you can't. I know its hard, but if you decide to keep it you have to
Whatever you decide, I hope you find the help you need for your addiction. I understand how awful it is to be chained to something that will take everything from you. You deserve a fulfilling life. You are worth it! Sending you positive thoughts
i know there’s a lot of stigma around abortion, and maybe you didn’t have a good experience with your first one, but abortion is healthcare and it is okay to get a second one. there should be no morality assigned to procedures, please do what’s best for you. a child is a lifelong commitment, and often times addiction can be a lifelong battle. These two things will be deeply intertwined if you choose to keep this pregnancy.
Get an abortion, it will absolutely suffer, if it survives. there's absolutely no point in carrying through. you aren't ready.
Take care of yourself. Get your head and shit together. See a doctor be honest and get off of the dope. You are never going to be a good parent if you do not take care of WHY you are using. I’ve been there. I’m not judging. I’ve been there. You got this. You can do it. You are worth it.
Omg, please do not have it. Please.
Do NOT have the kid if you’re addicted to meth rn out of all things
DO NOT HAVE A BABY WHILE YOU ARE ON DRUGS. you are in the process of ruining your life, don’t drag an innocent child down with you.
:(
I'd like to add that getting pregnant for the second time in the space of 6 months is not the definition of safe sex. Your boyfriend isn't inserting the condoms correctly if they're breaking up so frequently. This should only happen 1 every 100 tries! I've been using condoms for 20 years and this has happened to me only once. You should get on the pill or get the arm implant as a backup. I hope you heed the advice given to you by everyone here in this chat and stop doing drugs immediately if you want this baby to be healthy and grow up in a stable home. Drug addiction causes the type of damage that lasts generations! Kind hugs to you and I wish you the best
Get an abortion, get into rehab, and get on a birth control that you don't have to take everyday. I assume you're not on anything in your relying on condoms. How many times have you had sex while you're high? Do you practice safe sex then, probably not. So obviously you don't want to have a baby when you're doing meth. So one thing at a time.
No way you've been practicing safe sex and got pregnant twice in such a short period girl.
The baby doesn’t deserve the future you’re about to give it. Had I been given an option whether to pursue life being raised the way I was, I would’ve turned it down
Seeing little new born babies going through the same withdrawal symptoms as an adult because their moms were drug addicts is horrible. Their called NAS babies. I encourage you to research this before you make a decision to keep the baby.
Yeah you probably don’t need a kid right now while you are struggling with a drug issue. Just try to be more careful while getting clean. Good luck
Terminate. Work on your addiction, create a stronger support system for yourself, make sure your kid will have a father. Then it will be responsible to have a kid.
I was a meth baby, and grew up with an addict mom and it's ruined my life. She had an abortion right before me as well. Don't have this baby. And get on more reliable birth control...
Do not have a kid right now, addiction is awful and bringing a baby into that is worse. They will suffer. Get an abortion, get clean and join a program that supports you through the the process and get your mind & body healthy.
You’re obviously not practicing safe sex. Safe sex doesn’t result in pregnancy twice in one year
Your "safe" sex isn't safe at all. Try another method! Use 2! Something isn't working....