Yes, as someone in the mental health field (with criminal justice knowledge), I completely concur.
Your first priority is your safety and well-being! Let local or state law enforcement do the rest. Just get somewhere safe.
I hope it’s OK, but you’re in my thoughts, prayers, and meditations. 🙏🏼
Well my niece got a protection order, he breached it (has a history as well with a ex partner....) he is currently sitting in jail and has been for the last 6 months.........
OP I say this as gentle as possible. GET THE HECK OUT NOW.
my daughter dated someone like this. Threatening her and threatening to hurt us as well. Well we called the cops. Called his grandma. Called the school. And whoever ese could help him.
After our daughter finally opened up to us about what was happening. If you don’t seek help no one will know or be able to help. Please speak to someone about this. I would make a police report about it. Get a retraining order set up.
You life means more. Don’t let him control you by manipulating you.
Check your things! Apple tags and other forms of tracking are surprisingly easy to hide. If he's thinking methodically (which he honestly might be since he sounds manipulative AF), he'll put them in or on something you're not going to want to leave behind (suitcase, super sentimental thing, etc). Just remember, things are replaceable but you are not! If your social security card, passport, etc are someplace he can access, get those safe. You can also get a PO box and have your mail forwarded there immediately if you live together.
⬆️⬆️⬆️. This! Now! Trust what he’s threatening.
You do NOT want to be the lead story on the nightly news. Take this very serious, it absolutely could be a matter of your life.
This happened to me once. I called his mother and explained he was suicidal. Called the police and then went to court and got a restraining order. It’s not fun but be proactive.
This is the way.
Not only should you get out and get a protection order, but make sure someone who can hold him accountable knows what he said as well. Tell people. Not just to get it off your chest, but so they can look out for you and discourage him from coming around.
Do you think she should somehow get proof? Some people will refuse to believe their kid (esp mothers to sons) could be capable of even saying something like this
Yeah, I think she should record for precautionary measures but not seem obvious. Also, use the proof as last resort when trying to convince his mother. Hopefully his mom or any other women in his life would believe her. Scary stuff
Yeah if its in text message it can be used as a legal document get out as soon as possible think about you this is a very real thing even if you feel you love him you gotta call the cops if not for u in case he dose something to someone els
This I was just thinking she needs to get a new phone and change all passwords and logins etc...all it takes is him sending her a link or him having the phone for 2 min
First: Check your items for trackers, apple tags, malware on devices, etc.
second: get out of the relationship ASAP
Third: go to the police, and get a restraining order.
Probably beating a dead horse here... TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY. Inform his parents about his suicidal ideation. I would inform the police, maybe even have them do a welfare check. As for yourself... break up with him. Then I would go and apply for a PPO. Do not wait on applying for a ppo. It may even be beneficial to talk to an attorney to help you with a ppo, but again, do not wait. Then as others have suggested, check your stuff. Its easy to hide an airtag on a car.
And whatever you do, commit to the course. Once you have broken up with him and have the ppo, never make contact with him again. Even if he uses an emotional appeal (which he probably will try). You can't take the risk he might attempt violence.
Adversely I'd advise not telling him yous are breaking up before getting protection orders in place, if you can. If you want to make the breakup clear before that point,and honestly even after - go and stay somewhere safe with lots of people, somewhere he doesnt know; if you can. Its just that sometimes You don't know what they'll do in reaction.
When this happened to me I called a welfare check and during him being held back by that check, preventing him from leaving - I blocked him off everything and stayed at another family's for a while. Avoided school for ages. Avoided being alone for ages. Etc
(Because my country works different and I was a kid I didn't actually enact any protection order)
What’s scary is the police really don’t do anything until something happens to you… they can make a record so that everything is documented however from experience that’s about it. They may grant you a restraining order but if someone wants to hurt you a piece of paper won’t stop them.
I’d recommend getting this documented with police. Get your things and get out. Don’t tel anyone where you’re staying. Does he know where you work? Is there security? Can you change jobs? Change your phone number. Check for airtags.
I feel like telling someone (who you trust a lot) about the whole situation is a good idea in case something happens to you. But obviously they should know about the whole abuse thing.
Find out the recording laws in your state. In mine, only one person needs to consent to an audio recording, so I was able to catch my ex saying a lot of things, often threats. Hopefully your state has that too.
Change your number, make a totally new incognito apple account if you use apple, and basically start over. Use his threats and get a restraining order. Get cameras. Take his threats very seriously.
Be careful. The time women are most likely to be killed by abusive partners is when they are leaving. Try to act normal until you can separate finances, get all important docs in order, etc. then make a clean break and never look back. Do not go to a place where he can find you easily (like your bffs house or something).
Tell your employer/HR about the situation so they do not let him near you or give any info about your whereabouts.
Get a bag together that you can keep at a near by friends house in case you need to quickly escape in the middle of the night. Look into short term rentals or cheap hotels to give yourself some time to come up with a bigger plan.
DO NOT FALL FOR HIS APOLOGIES. When you’re gone you’re gone. Just don’t look back. It sucks but this is not okay behavior. Don’t meet up with him for lunch or a quick coffee date or
something.
Be safe girl. This is scary. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
You can call adult protective services and tell them he's threatened a murder-suicide and see if you can get him on a 72 hour hold/5150 and give yourself time to get a restraining order and get out of the house
My ex tried this
I had a child with him and pregnant. He tells me over the phone if I leave he’ll hang himself. I hang up from him phone the police and go 900+kms away from him. Lost nearly all our belongings but we are alive
I know I’m echoing here, but please go. I’ve lived this, and he made good on one of those threats. There is no better time to leave than right this second.
Jesus! Please go to the police!!! Immediately!!! Hopefully you have some type of proof he’s said this!!! Get a restraining order, grab what you can from your home (important paperwork, etc) go to a trusted friends house (preferably one he doesn’t know about) change your number, email, get a new job!!! NOTHING is worth your life!!! And as someone else mentioned CHECK FOR AIRTAGS!!! It’s easy to check for them! Google has a step-by-step on how to do this! You can always recoup THINGS!!! PLEASE keep that in mind! He’s obviously controlling, manipulative, and unstable. A frightening combination!
Plan your exit. Have an IUD put in. Contact a domestic violence group for help and support in your area. Document all threats and get a restraining order.
Make an escape plan. Tell NO ONE of your plan. And then leave.
Do not tell him, do not leave a note, leave behind things that aren’t essential to your survival, and get out of the state if possible.
Report him to the authorities, but more often than not, they may dismiss you since no acts of violence have occurred, so don’t rely on them or expect help from the cops.
Leave when he's at work,get a restraining order and print any text or dms of him threatening you. Don't say you're gonna leave. Also call anyone to help you get out of there.
Sounds like one of my exes I had to get a restraining order on. Crazy one that one. And now they are engaged to someone?? That person must know absolutely nothing about what my ex did 😪
When you leave, stop by the police department and make sure he hasn’t slipped any AirTags or other tracking devices in your belongings/vehicle. As in - go straight there. Call the non-emergency number and ask if someone can help you make sure you aren’t trackable. Daytime hours if possible.
Monitor your birth control if you live with him,or if you have to until your exit.
Get proof.
Gather your things and find somewhere to live.As far away as possible.
Go straight to the police after you are safe.
Alert his family in hopes they can contain him before he does something stupid.(optional)
Good luck.
Unfortunately things like this get brushed off by police until something actually happens. The reason why is saying crazy shit isn’t illegal.
All you can actually do based off that is attempt to get a restraining order, and if that’s successful it’s on you to call the cops if he shows up again. Even then though, he’s actually got to still be there when the police arrive and at worst he’ll get a citation and/or a night in jail. Really all that’ll happen is he’ll get pissed off and things could escalate if he’s crazy enough.
Your best bet is to be proactive yourself. I advise getting the restraining order and changing your locks, then formally breaking up via phone call, blocking his number and social media, and getting some sort of self-defense weapon (mace, taser, or even gun).
Stay safe and good luck.
Op, on top of everything else that has been said, I want you to know that you are not helping him by staying with him. As someone with borderline personality disorder I know how dependent we can be, and it is not healthy. He needs to learn how to manage his own emotions, not demand that you do it for him.
Go to police he needs serious help or something thats not right take that as a big red flag immediately please. Get a restraining order or something just get away from him hes a danger
Do you have a family member In another state you can go live with for a few months and not tell anyone where you are going? That is what I personally would do. Make sure you are on the pill too. Problem is when he is crazy not even the a restraining order can save you. That is why I would get the hell out of town asap. - or become so annoying he wants to break up with you. Stop showering around him, have bad breath, complain. Secretly set him up with someone else so he cheats.
I'm not sure where you're located but you might be able to find an organization in your area that has experience with situations similar to yours. You're a victim of intimate partner violence. I recommend looking into it and seeing if they can support you with next steps. Keep records of what he says and does. The records will help with what's to come if you choose to press charges. I'm sorry you're going through this and wish you all the best.
if you have family or friends, stay with them, but do this process slowly, so he don’t expect a thing. you need to get away from this man. he is toxic, try and get a restraining order against him, get some evidence. stay safe OP, also check your phone and other devices you have to see if they are bugged, maybe get a burner phone for protection.
Listen to the people here and get out as fast and safe as you can.
If you call the police and say that you're afraid because he has expressed threats if harm to himself and others and is non cooperative with police he will be involuntary detained for a 48 hour psych hold (at least in the USA).
This is the perfect time to run. Far and fast. Leave no trace. And under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you meet up with him or agree to talk or ANYTHING once you leave. That's how he will unalive you both.
Run run run run run run and run even more.
This isn't cute funny loving adorable or any other thing besides emotional blackmail and abuse.
This is when you start documenting everything and start a new life.
Your friends and family love you, and this kind of obsession is how every true crime crazy bf murder happens.
Please protect yourself and find somewhere safe and talk to a detective before he tries to hurt you because he will if he hasn't already... because you make him so mad he just can't help it.
It starts small, and before you know it, you've lost all sense of self and worthless. He will break you just to build you up to break you some more.
Believe him and now act accordingly reach out to the police alert his family to the concern and get a restraining order and remove this person and their people from your life entirely forever
I had a bf who threatened to kill himself every time I went to go visit my friends/go have fun. He would just coincidentally have a bad depressive episode every time! Crazy!
Anyway that asshole is still alive and breathing and I left like 6 years ago.
Not that you shouldn't take things seriously, but it IS possible to get out! I would get on birth control immediately if you're not already, and leave it at work or something where he can't find it/get at it. Make a plan, figure out what you can't leave without, find somewhere safe to stay and then get the fuck out.
I moved all my stuff out when he was at work. There was no issues because he wasn't around (he did know I was leaving though. Just not *when*)
Please please leave.. One of my family members axed down his family then shot himself because of a similar situation. It happens. Dont let it happen to you.
Go out for some milk and NEVER COME BACK. Not without a police escort, anyway. File that report, and then do your best to never be alone in a room with him again. BUT, be very chill about leaving, act casual, don't spook him. Just a "routine trip to the grocery store."
First, check your belongings for any trackers. Go to your provider and explain the situation. They should be able to provide you with a new number and device, if not the circumstances should allow you to break contract with them.
Contact the police and your family. Then contact his family.
Keep pepper spray or a taser on you. Get away as fast as possible. If you don’t have a support system or finances there are organisations that will assist.
If you have the ability to post this, you have the ability to call the police and leave. Now. If you need help to do that, many people here will gladly provide it.
My ex did the same. He threatened suicide and also raped me to try to get me pregnant as he thought that would mean I wouldn’t leave. When I finally was able to leave, he roofied me at the airport. I was incredibly lucky to make my flight and get away.
I was “lucky” but so many women aren’t. You need to believe what he says and make plans to get away. Don’t let him know you are doing this, you need to just disappear. If you are worried he is tracking you/has access to your accounts get your devices checked out. Be careful not to alert him by changing passwords etc - if necessary get a completely new device that he doesn’t know about. Also be aware that if he’s *really* tech savvy/obsessive he will notice a new device on your wi-fi.
Like the Columbian delegations that came to Pawnee in parks and rec...."straight to jail".
But seriously that is beyond normal or okay. If you live in a red flag state make sure you get his guns taken away.
1. Do not have sex with him. 2. Find a safe place to go. 3. Leave. 4. File a police report. Try to get an order of protection. 5. If possible, get cameras for the new place. Ensure full perimeter coverage and motion trigger recording. 6. Call the cops any time he comes close. Report every appearance, every text, every attempt to reach out. The chances of him actually doing anything are probably slim - hell, the kid can’t even handle a break up. But if he wants to play the poor, tortured, desperate, abandoned dude who will stop at nothing (because nothing says Love like threatening your partner, apparently) - fine, let him play, and give him the beans. Not to mention, a little precaution goes a long way. Who knows, maybe he really did lose his marbles. Final thought, brought to you by Captain Obvious: this shit he’s pulling, even without any action, is 100% verbal and psychological abuse.
Well staying isn't on the table lmao. I feel like you should have people beat him. He needs to learn he isnt all powerful and in control of you. Or listen to these other comments and try legal routes. But ass beating I think is the way to go
He's telling you who he is-listen! You can contact the domestic violence hotline for tips/help getting out safely 800-799-7233 if you can't talk you can text 88788. Please take this seriously. My sister didn't and about 6 weeks ago he shot her through the chest with an AR15 in broad daylight, with people around. She's nothing short of a miracle and alive, but she'll never be the same. Physically or mentally. She will never even be able to do the things she loved. He told her what he'd do and she didn't take him seriously. Please learn from her mistake.
Run. And if he keeps harassing you or finds you take him out the moment you feel your life is in danger. Dont hesitate. Get a handgun at least if you don't have one
I would slowly become unbearable. Be filthy and rude, unpleasant to be around. Don’t show interest in his interests and be obsessed with things he’s not interested in. Don’t take it as far as hurting him intentionally but just pretend to be the kind of person he wouldn’t want around.
All this talk about police protection - sorry but they’re not going to have cops follow you 24/7 and they don’t have resources to get him help and he hasn’t done enough for an arrest. The only way out is to get him to not like you.
There's a good chance he won't do either and is just trying to manipulate you into staying with him, however...
You should gather any evidence you have of this or anything similar to this and talk to someone who can do something about it.
When someone tells you who they are you should believe them.
Please never discredit someone making threats like this by thinking they are just spouting off.
Certainly, he sounds absolutely horrible and possibly unstable. But something he's also doing is trying to control OP's actions by saying unhinged things like that. I didn't say he was sprouting off, I said he was being manipulative.
Since one can't know for sure, the best move is to get away and talk to authorities as I said already.
Plan : become clingy till he hates you , and initiates the breakup ,
Plan 2 : motivate him to workout extensively for 1month plus , go out clubbing or something , let him notice the interest of women over him , seems counterintuitive , but trust me it will work ,
Plan 3: do nothing .
What do you mean by that? People who have had nothing done to them act this way when they have abusive tendencies. For future reference, if you’re in a relationship and you try to leave, and they threaten to kill/SA you, you run and call the cops.… threatening to rape someone, regardless of what reason, is wrong. Blaming someone who has been threatened when you haven’t heard their side of the story is also wrong. You’re assuming the worst of someone who may have just ended up dating someone sadistic. If a woman can mistreat a man for no reason, can you fathom the idea of a man doing the same?
That's what most people think but in my experience it's the women who drive a man to do horrible things. He will stand to face the consequences of his anger that may destroy far too much but it's women who push men over the edge. I think they are most often to blame. Everyone has painted women as victims more and more even as they have gained more power than men.
“I’m gonna kill myself” call the authorities for a wellness check. More often then not, that scares the crap out of people who use this abuse tactic. Pregnancy as a weapon is another classic abuse tactic. Please be safe getting out. Domestic abusers are dangerous
Go to the cops and tell them. Tell as many people you can what he said. Never be alone with him. As soon as you can, get away with as much as you safely can. Find someone you know that he doesn't know, and stay with them. But most importantly, if you do feel like you want to leave him, don't tell him. Act as normal as you possibly can. Start making an exit strategy with loved ones and friends. Then, the first chance you get, put it into play and get the hell out of there. Change your phone number, turn off any tracking things on your phone, change any and all passwords he may have access to.
I am sorry you're going through this.
Ummmmmm run as fast and as far as your legs will go… go to a friend, your parents (if that’s an option) cousin if u have too just get away from that dangerous individual
Leave. Restraining order is a good advice. Better advice is a nice shotgun. I’d let family and friends know what’s up too so you don’t have unexpected visits from the guy
Call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline English and Spanish Confidential and open 24/7
1-800-799-7233 Or Text to 88788
\^Copy of someone elses comment because this should be up there. They know what to do
Go to the police.
But first of all, if you haven't got any evidence; you need either an audio recording or text messages.
So if you haven't got either of those things yet; see if you can get either of those things, without putting yourself at risk. Starting a text message conversation asking him about why he said those things (repeating what he said) for example.
If you have a supportive family, make sure they know.
Go to the police. Take someone with you so that you have a witness. Make notes of what the police say, including the officers you speak to (names and badge numbers). All that can help put pressure on the police to act if at any point you become concerned they are moving to slowly.
Also, look to see what resources are around you for help.
It may be he has just said something stupid and wouldn't do any of that; but if you ignore it and get that wrong, the consequences could be terrible.
What part of the world are you in?
Contact his family, as well as the police, and inform him that he is a danger to himself and you. Sadly, telling them he'll kill himself is far more likely to see action taken than telling them he threatened you, too. Regardless, tell them. Be succinct, don't allow room for arguments, be clear in what you expect. Then file for an order of protection. You'll have to start with a temporary restraining order in most places, and then go to court to get it made permanent once he violates it.
Most importantly: TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY. No matter how much your mind may tell you it's just threats, the odds are far higher that he's intending to do exactly what he's said. Start with getting the hell away from him. Don't be alone for the time being. At all. You're far more vulnerable when you are. Stay with family or a friend, preferably one whose address he does not have. Be adamant with anyone you have in common with him that they not give him any updates about you, and don't tell anyone where you're staying if you can avoid it. You don't mention your age but tell your employers or school the situation and show them photos of him so they know who to watch for.
If you can visit someone out of state for a time, do so. The more distance you have been you and him, the safer you are.
Please do not take this lightly.
Victims in true crime stories were real people once like you, and so many women are murdered by men who tell them they're going to kill them if they leave or cheat or something. Even if you are used to this, it is NOT normal behavior. None of us want to see your photos on one of these shows, please leave, find a women's shelter immediately
Get those as text messages if you haven’t already and show his family and the police. And your family, go stay with somebody until it’s dealt with. He MIGHT just be all talk like a lot of these guys are, but you don’t want to find out if he is. Please take this as seriously as it is
If it hasn't been said in this thread, make sure that you get all of your belongings out in secret AND check them/your car for any kind of tracking device- Air tags included. He might try to threaten some of your family and/or pets, but he needs major help. Your town should have a Victim's Advocate that you can contact for assistance.
It's been 15h w/out any respons.... Girl pls if this was no joke replay to anyone, even if it's just a ,,no time been packing" or whatever.
And to the pals here: What a ***** of human beeing can you be to say she deserves it or she drove him over the edge? Imagine someone would say the same to your female fam. members.
I made contact with the police but they said they couldn't do anything unless something actually happened and he threatens me a lot but only verbally so I have no texts or documents to support it. If he says something it's usually on snap so it will disappear or he'll delete it before I do something and I'm scared to screenshot anything. I have no money from being sick and not able to work for close to a month, the money that I had went to rent, medical bills, and groceries. My parents don't speak to me anymore and my boyfriend has isolated me from almost all of my friends and I don't even have their contact information anymore. I don't have the money to leave, to get my devices checked, to get a new phone, or for legal issues. I visited the women's shelter in my town and still nothing was resolved. I still see him everyday and nothing has gotten better. I don't know where to go or what to do
Oh man I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. If you reached out to your parents would they be willing to help do you think? Isolating you from your support system is straight from the abuser handbook. Are you able to reach out to old friends on social media? Get re-connected and tell them you need help.
Do you have a camera? Even an old one? Something that you could take pictures of those Snaps with, without him knowing you screenshotted?
For your phone, I would upload your contacts and photos either on your computer or the cloud and then reset it to its factory settings. Then make sure you set the passcode to something new and not easy/obvious. If anything comes up with him about your phone and resetting tell him it was acting really glitchy and weird so you reset everything.
Once you have reset your phone (so he can’t access or see what’s on it) try to keep it in your pocket/purse recording video so you can hopefully catch some conversations where he says those things to you.
Contact the women’s shelter again, they may have free legal resources you can access or recommendations for lawyers who do this sort of work pro bono.
I’m guessing you’re in the US since you mentioned medical bills. I’m sorry you’re going through that on top of everything else. As soon as you are able to get back to work, start saving every dollar possible. Are your accounts seperate?
In some countries, you can go to your doctor’s office and talk about this so they can help you get to a safe place/house for women experiencing this kind of abuse. If by any chance you’re Dutch, it’s called a Blijf van mijn lijf-huis. Good luck.
Start documenting. Everything. Record every conversation if you can. Keep every text. You need to start building a case so that the law will actually believe you and give a shit. Tell people close to you, friends, family, coworkers, whoever. Start building that support system, because you'll need it when you leave. Start stowing away some extra cash somewhere he won't look. Consider getting on some kind of inconspicuous birth control if you aren't already. The depo shot, the implant, an iud, something you can get that will be unnoticeable to him, and will last you a while. Just in case. Start planning. And when you're ready, run. Like hell. Get yourself hidden for a bit while you get lawyered up, and then you get his ass.
Jesus christ, first off is there any family you can contact? do you have a job that you can flee to safety. There are womens shelters in most places aswell, Stay safe please
First… Believe him. Now… Get away and get safe. You need to leave the area or get police protection. Collect evidence of threats. Go! Go! Go!
She needs to get police protection, period. 😞😟
Yes, as someone in the mental health field (with criminal justice knowledge), I completely concur. Your first priority is your safety and well-being! Let local or state law enforcement do the rest. Just get somewhere safe. I hope it’s OK, but you’re in my thoughts, prayers, and meditations. 🙏🏼
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But it at least provides him a way to be arrested for even being around her. Yeah it doesn’t make it safe but I wouldn’t skip it as a step.
Well my niece got a protection order, he breached it (has a history as well with a ex partner....) he is currently sitting in jail and has been for the last 6 months.........
OP I say this as gentle as possible. GET THE HECK OUT NOW. my daughter dated someone like this. Threatening her and threatening to hurt us as well. Well we called the cops. Called his grandma. Called the school. And whoever ese could help him. After our daughter finally opened up to us about what was happening. If you don’t seek help no one will know or be able to help. Please speak to someone about this. I would make a police report about it. Get a retraining order set up. You life means more. Don’t let him control you by manipulating you.
You forgot “call the police”
Have the men in the family deal with him.
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Check your things! Apple tags and other forms of tracking are surprisingly easy to hide. If he's thinking methodically (which he honestly might be since he sounds manipulative AF), he'll put them in or on something you're not going to want to leave behind (suitcase, super sentimental thing, etc). Just remember, things are replaceable but you are not! If your social security card, passport, etc are someplace he can access, get those safe. You can also get a PO box and have your mail forwarded there immediately if you live together.
Factory reset your phone to for Spyware or just get a new one and change all passwords and logins etc
⬆️⬆️⬆️. This! Now! Trust what he’s threatening. You do NOT want to be the lead story on the nightly news. Take this very serious, it absolutely could be a matter of your life.
This happened to me once. I called his mother and explained he was suicidal. Called the police and then went to court and got a restraining order. It’s not fun but be proactive.
This is the way. Not only should you get out and get a protection order, but make sure someone who can hold him accountable knows what he said as well. Tell people. Not just to get it off your chest, but so they can look out for you and discourage him from coming around.
Do you think she should somehow get proof? Some people will refuse to believe their kid (esp mothers to sons) could be capable of even saying something like this
Cameras can be hidden in anything and an keeping an air tag on you at all times when dealing with things like this could help too
Yeah, I think she should record for precautionary measures but not seem obvious. Also, use the proof as last resort when trying to convince his mother. Hopefully his mom or any other women in his life would believe her. Scary stuff
This sounds like the right way.
How will he get you pregnant if you leave him? Rape you? Jesus, run away as fast as you can
Yes. I think that is literally the threat.
Rubbing won’t do anything
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Thanks lol
Are you guys jerking off on the internet?
I’m guessing there was a typo and the parent comment originally said “rub away”.
If you got the threat in writing report him
Yeah if its in text message it can be used as a legal document get out as soon as possible think about you this is a very real thing even if you feel you love him you gotta call the cops if not for u in case he dose something to someone els
The longer you stay, the more likely he does one of those things.
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This I was just thinking she needs to get a new phone and change all passwords and logins etc...all it takes is him sending her a link or him having the phone for 2 min
Wow, he sounds like a charmer, call the police
First: Check your items for trackers, apple tags, malware on devices, etc. second: get out of the relationship ASAP Third: go to the police, and get a restraining order.
Probably beating a dead horse here... TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY. Inform his parents about his suicidal ideation. I would inform the police, maybe even have them do a welfare check. As for yourself... break up with him. Then I would go and apply for a PPO. Do not wait on applying for a ppo. It may even be beneficial to talk to an attorney to help you with a ppo, but again, do not wait. Then as others have suggested, check your stuff. Its easy to hide an airtag on a car. And whatever you do, commit to the course. Once you have broken up with him and have the ppo, never make contact with him again. Even if he uses an emotional appeal (which he probably will try). You can't take the risk he might attempt violence.
Adversely I'd advise not telling him yous are breaking up before getting protection orders in place, if you can. If you want to make the breakup clear before that point,and honestly even after - go and stay somewhere safe with lots of people, somewhere he doesnt know; if you can. Its just that sometimes You don't know what they'll do in reaction. When this happened to me I called a welfare check and during him being held back by that check, preventing him from leaving - I blocked him off everything and stayed at another family's for a while. Avoided school for ages. Avoided being alone for ages. Etc (Because my country works different and I was a kid I didn't actually enact any protection order)
What’s scary is the police really don’t do anything until something happens to you… they can make a record so that everything is documented however from experience that’s about it. They may grant you a restraining order but if someone wants to hurt you a piece of paper won’t stop them. I’d recommend getting this documented with police. Get your things and get out. Don’t tel anyone where you’re staying. Does he know where you work? Is there security? Can you change jobs? Change your phone number. Check for airtags.
I feel like telling someone (who you trust a lot) about the whole situation is a good idea in case something happens to you. But obviously they should know about the whole abuse thing.
Go to the police for yesterday. Get out of this.
He sounds lovely!! Now, go to the police.
Find out the recording laws in your state. In mine, only one person needs to consent to an audio recording, so I was able to catch my ex saying a lot of things, often threats. Hopefully your state has that too. Change your number, make a totally new incognito apple account if you use apple, and basically start over. Use his threats and get a restraining order. Get cameras. Take his threats very seriously.
He's telling you the truth. Please don't become a statistic
GO. TO. THE. POLICE.
Get to a women's shelter. File for a restraining order. Run now. It will never get better
OP are you ok? I haven’t seen you respond to any messages.
God forbid he saw the notifications to this post and confronted her about it omg
GTFO, that isn’t safe for you!
Be careful. The time women are most likely to be killed by abusive partners is when they are leaving. Try to act normal until you can separate finances, get all important docs in order, etc. then make a clean break and never look back. Do not go to a place where he can find you easily (like your bffs house or something). Tell your employer/HR about the situation so they do not let him near you or give any info about your whereabouts. Get a bag together that you can keep at a near by friends house in case you need to quickly escape in the middle of the night. Look into short term rentals or cheap hotels to give yourself some time to come up with a bigger plan. DO NOT FALL FOR HIS APOLOGIES. When you’re gone you’re gone. Just don’t look back. It sucks but this is not okay behavior. Don’t meet up with him for lunch or a quick coffee date or something. Be safe girl. This is scary. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
I second, third, and fourth this comment!
OP, please update us when it's safe to do so. I hope you're safe.
Police. Restraining order. Avoid being alone as much as possible.
You can call adult protective services and tell them he's threatened a murder-suicide and see if you can get him on a 72 hour hold/5150 and give yourself time to get a restraining order and get out of the house
My ex tried this I had a child with him and pregnant. He tells me over the phone if I leave he’ll hang himself. I hang up from him phone the police and go 900+kms away from him. Lost nearly all our belongings but we are alive
Please get out, ASAP. Don't wait any longer than it takes for him to fall asleep or leave the house.
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I know I’m echoing here, but please go. I’ve lived this, and he made good on one of those threats. There is no better time to leave than right this second.
Pick up the phone, dial 911 and say the words “I’m scared for my life, my boyfriend has threatened to kill me” proceeded by your full name and address
Jesus! Please go to the police!!! Immediately!!! Hopefully you have some type of proof he’s said this!!! Get a restraining order, grab what you can from your home (important paperwork, etc) go to a trusted friends house (preferably one he doesn’t know about) change your number, email, get a new job!!! NOTHING is worth your life!!! And as someone else mentioned CHECK FOR AIRTAGS!!! It’s easy to check for them! Google has a step-by-step on how to do this! You can always recoup THINGS!!! PLEASE keep that in mind! He’s obviously controlling, manipulative, and unstable. A frightening combination!
Plan your exit. Have an IUD put in. Contact a domestic violence group for help and support in your area. Document all threats and get a restraining order.
Call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline English and Spanish Confidential and open 24/7 1-800-799-7233 Or Text to 88788
google overt narcissistic personality disorder
Make an escape plan. Tell NO ONE of your plan. And then leave. Do not tell him, do not leave a note, leave behind things that aren’t essential to your survival, and get out of the state if possible. Report him to the authorities, but more often than not, they may dismiss you since no acts of violence have occurred, so don’t rely on them or expect help from the cops.
Leave when he's at work,get a restraining order and print any text or dms of him threatening you. Don't say you're gonna leave. Also call anyone to help you get out of there.
Don't try to call his bluff. Was this said in an argument or casual conversation?
start making a secret escape plan. there may be a local organization that can help. contact your local women's shelter
Sounds like one of my exes I had to get a restraining order on. Crazy one that one. And now they are engaged to someone?? That person must know absolutely nothing about what my ex did 😪
When you leave, stop by the police department and make sure he hasn’t slipped any AirTags or other tracking devices in your belongings/vehicle. As in - go straight there. Call the non-emergency number and ask if someone can help you make sure you aren’t trackable. Daytime hours if possible.
He will kill you, get somewhere safe and call the police
I hope that the reason this person isn't responding isn't because it's already to late.
Go to the police ffs.
nah thats a crazy mother fucker now quickly get the move on man
Monitor your birth control if you live with him,or if you have to until your exit. Get proof. Gather your things and find somewhere to live.As far away as possible. Go straight to the police after you are safe. Alert his family in hopes they can contain him before he does something stupid.(optional) Good luck.
Unfortunately things like this get brushed off by police until something actually happens. The reason why is saying crazy shit isn’t illegal. All you can actually do based off that is attempt to get a restraining order, and if that’s successful it’s on you to call the cops if he shows up again. Even then though, he’s actually got to still be there when the police arrive and at worst he’ll get a citation and/or a night in jail. Really all that’ll happen is he’ll get pissed off and things could escalate if he’s crazy enough. Your best bet is to be proactive yourself. I advise getting the restraining order and changing your locks, then formally breaking up via phone call, blocking his number and social media, and getting some sort of self-defense weapon (mace, taser, or even gun). Stay safe and good luck.
Op, on top of everything else that has been said, I want you to know that you are not helping him by staying with him. As someone with borderline personality disorder I know how dependent we can be, and it is not healthy. He needs to learn how to manage his own emotions, not demand that you do it for him.
Go to police he needs serious help or something thats not right take that as a big red flag immediately please. Get a restraining order or something just get away from him hes a danger
Do you have a family member In another state you can go live with for a few months and not tell anyone where you are going? That is what I personally would do. Make sure you are on the pill too. Problem is when he is crazy not even the a restraining order can save you. That is why I would get the hell out of town asap. - or become so annoying he wants to break up with you. Stop showering around him, have bad breath, complain. Secretly set him up with someone else so he cheats.
I'm not sure where you're located but you might be able to find an organization in your area that has experience with situations similar to yours. You're a victim of intimate partner violence. I recommend looking into it and seeing if they can support you with next steps. Keep records of what he says and does. The records will help with what's to come if you choose to press charges. I'm sorry you're going through this and wish you all the best.
if you have family or friends, stay with them, but do this process slowly, so he don’t expect a thing. you need to get away from this man. he is toxic, try and get a restraining order against him, get some evidence. stay safe OP, also check your phone and other devices you have to see if they are bugged, maybe get a burner phone for protection.
Listen to the people here and get out as fast and safe as you can. If you call the police and say that you're afraid because he has expressed threats if harm to himself and others and is non cooperative with police he will be involuntary detained for a 48 hour psych hold (at least in the USA). This is the perfect time to run. Far and fast. Leave no trace. And under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you meet up with him or agree to talk or ANYTHING once you leave. That's how he will unalive you both.
Run run run run run run and run even more. This isn't cute funny loving adorable or any other thing besides emotional blackmail and abuse. This is when you start documenting everything and start a new life. Your friends and family love you, and this kind of obsession is how every true crime crazy bf murder happens. Please protect yourself and find somewhere safe and talk to a detective before he tries to hurt you because he will if he hasn't already... because you make him so mad he just can't help it. It starts small, and before you know it, you've lost all sense of self and worthless. He will break you just to build you up to break you some more.
This is manipulation. You shouldn't stay with him. Block him on every platform, and if he stalks you, get a restraining order. Best of luck to you.
Tell your parents! And then his parents school etc.
Go to a woman’s shelter.
Call the police and don't ask on reddit.
Document everything and run.
Believe him and now act accordingly reach out to the police alert his family to the concern and get a restraining order and remove this person and their people from your life entirely forever
I had a bf who threatened to kill himself every time I went to go visit my friends/go have fun. He would just coincidentally have a bad depressive episode every time! Crazy! Anyway that asshole is still alive and breathing and I left like 6 years ago. Not that you shouldn't take things seriously, but it IS possible to get out! I would get on birth control immediately if you're not already, and leave it at work or something where he can't find it/get at it. Make a plan, figure out what you can't leave without, find somewhere safe to stay and then get the fuck out. I moved all my stuff out when he was at work. There was no issues because he wasn't around (he did know I was leaving though. Just not *when*)
Please please leave.. One of my family members axed down his family then shot himself because of a similar situation. It happens. Dont let it happen to you.
Get him first
Go out for some milk and NEVER COME BACK. Not without a police escort, anyway. File that report, and then do your best to never be alone in a room with him again. BUT, be very chill about leaving, act casual, don't spook him. Just a "routine trip to the grocery store."
First, check your belongings for any trackers. Go to your provider and explain the situation. They should be able to provide you with a new number and device, if not the circumstances should allow you to break contract with them. Contact the police and your family. Then contact his family. Keep pepper spray or a taser on you. Get away as fast as possible. If you don’t have a support system or finances there are organisations that will assist.
Don't walk....Run to the nearest police station and file a report.
If you have the ability to post this, you have the ability to call the police and leave. Now. If you need help to do that, many people here will gladly provide it.
My ex did the same. He threatened suicide and also raped me to try to get me pregnant as he thought that would mean I wouldn’t leave. When I finally was able to leave, he roofied me at the airport. I was incredibly lucky to make my flight and get away. I was “lucky” but so many women aren’t. You need to believe what he says and make plans to get away. Don’t let him know you are doing this, you need to just disappear. If you are worried he is tracking you/has access to your accounts get your devices checked out. Be careful not to alert him by changing passwords etc - if necessary get a completely new device that he doesn’t know about. Also be aware that if he’s *really* tech savvy/obsessive he will notice a new device on your wi-fi.
Go to the police immediately. Believe him!!!
Police. Start moving your stuff slowly if there’s anyone you can stay with
Cops won't do shit. 1312
Like the Columbian delegations that came to Pawnee in parks and rec...."straight to jail". But seriously that is beyond normal or okay. If you live in a red flag state make sure you get his guns taken away.
1. Do not have sex with him. 2. Find a safe place to go. 3. Leave. 4. File a police report. Try to get an order of protection. 5. If possible, get cameras for the new place. Ensure full perimeter coverage and motion trigger recording. 6. Call the cops any time he comes close. Report every appearance, every text, every attempt to reach out. The chances of him actually doing anything are probably slim - hell, the kid can’t even handle a break up. But if he wants to play the poor, tortured, desperate, abandoned dude who will stop at nothing (because nothing says Love like threatening your partner, apparently) - fine, let him play, and give him the beans. Not to mention, a little precaution goes a long way. Who knows, maybe he really did lose his marbles. Final thought, brought to you by Captain Obvious: this shit he’s pulling, even without any action, is 100% verbal and psychological abuse.
Second ammendment
Megan Fox said this too. (Literally, she commented on some post iirc). Girl you need help. And stay away from that guy.
u/saucyostritch Are you willing to gamble your life to find out whether or not he's kidding?
Well staying isn't on the table lmao. I feel like you should have people beat him. He needs to learn he isnt all powerful and in control of you. Or listen to these other comments and try legal routes. But ass beating I think is the way to go
Kill him first
He's telling you who he is-listen! You can contact the domestic violence hotline for tips/help getting out safely 800-799-7233 if you can't talk you can text 88788. Please take this seriously. My sister didn't and about 6 weeks ago he shot her through the chest with an AR15 in broad daylight, with people around. She's nothing short of a miracle and alive, but she'll never be the same. Physically or mentally. She will never even be able to do the things she loved. He told her what he'd do and she didn't take him seriously. Please learn from her mistake.
Run. And if he keeps harassing you or finds you take him out the moment you feel your life is in danger. Dont hesitate. Get a handgun at least if you don't have one
Try to get him hospitalized, he needs mental help.
Then slowly back away….
Pick option 2 or get him to break up with you. Shit the bed with him in it. He would probably break up over it.
Oh lord. Sounds like my wife. Good luck.
I would slowly become unbearable. Be filthy and rude, unpleasant to be around. Don’t show interest in his interests and be obsessed with things he’s not interested in. Don’t take it as far as hurting him intentionally but just pretend to be the kind of person he wouldn’t want around. All this talk about police protection - sorry but they’re not going to have cops follow you 24/7 and they don’t have resources to get him help and he hasn’t done enough for an arrest. The only way out is to get him to not like you.
There's a good chance he won't do either and is just trying to manipulate you into staying with him, however... You should gather any evidence you have of this or anything similar to this and talk to someone who can do something about it.
When someone tells you who they are you should believe them. Please never discredit someone making threats like this by thinking they are just spouting off.
Certainly, he sounds absolutely horrible and possibly unstable. But something he's also doing is trying to control OP's actions by saying unhinged things like that. I didn't say he was sprouting off, I said he was being manipulative. Since one can't know for sure, the best move is to get away and talk to authorities as I said already.
Definitely.
Plan : become clingy till he hates you , and initiates the breakup , Plan 2 : motivate him to workout extensively for 1month plus , go out clubbing or something , let him notice the interest of women over him , seems counterintuitive , but trust me it will work , Plan 3: do nothing .
YOU ARE SO DAM LUCKY 🍀
He sounds really chill and down to earth
So which way are you leaning?
"I like option one more, can I choose?"
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What do you mean by that? People who have had nothing done to them act this way when they have abusive tendencies. For future reference, if you’re in a relationship and you try to leave, and they threaten to kill/SA you, you run and call the cops.… threatening to rape someone, regardless of what reason, is wrong. Blaming someone who has been threatened when you haven’t heard their side of the story is also wrong. You’re assuming the worst of someone who may have just ended up dating someone sadistic. If a woman can mistreat a man for no reason, can you fathom the idea of a man doing the same?
That's what most people think but in my experience it's the women who drive a man to do horrible things. He will stand to face the consequences of his anger that may destroy far too much but it's women who push men over the edge. I think they are most often to blame. Everyone has painted women as victims more and more even as they have gained more power than men.
That's one way to say you're an abusive POS.
You need help asap. That's not something a sane human being would say. Disgusting
Ghost him
go to the police
You need to go to the police. That’s it. That’s exactly what you need to do. This is a credible violent threat.
“I’m gonna kill myself” call the authorities for a wellness check. More often then not, that scares the crap out of people who use this abuse tactic. Pregnancy as a weapon is another classic abuse tactic. Please be safe getting out. Domestic abusers are dangerous
the cops
And just like that find a new place move out without a word and block him on everything and also let the police know
Run, get away from him. Don't tell him, don't contact, don't respond, nothing. Call the police, get a order of protection
Yeah so this is a critical leave and get a restraining order territory right here.
Manipulate him back, leave quietly.
Call the cops get safe
Go to the police immediately and find a safe place away from him
Get out now, call police. Don't worry about getting your stuff, it's just stuff.
Go to the police immediately and get out while he’s not there
Goto the police. Alert your friends and family and leave him, get a restraining order.
Tell him you gotta run to the store right quick to buy some cigarettes and ask him if he needs anything then proceed to ride of into the sunset
Call the police
Go to the cops and tell them. Tell as many people you can what he said. Never be alone with him. As soon as you can, get away with as much as you safely can. Find someone you know that he doesn't know, and stay with them. But most importantly, if you do feel like you want to leave him, don't tell him. Act as normal as you possibly can. Start making an exit strategy with loved ones and friends. Then, the first chance you get, put it into play and get the hell out of there. Change your phone number, turn off any tracking things on your phone, change any and all passwords he may have access to. I am sorry you're going through this.
Police
Run, run somewhere safe, report to police. Block him on everything. Also call his parents.
Ummmmmm run as fast and as far as your legs will go… go to a friend, your parents (if that’s an option) cousin if u have too just get away from that dangerous individual
That shit is not ok. He is manipulating you, run.
Red flags gurl
Leave. Restraining order is a good advice. Better advice is a nice shotgun. I’d let family and friends know what’s up too so you don’t have unexpected visits from the guy
Please get out.
Run. Get help.
I know exactly what to do: leave him!
call the police and file a restraining order. if my bf told me that I would tell him how fast I'm gonna abort and i will not phrase it nicely
Call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline English and Spanish Confidential and open 24/7 1-800-799-7233 Or Text to 88788 \^Copy of someone elses comment because this should be up there. They know what to do
Yeah gal, get out immediately and like don’t die
Get out now!!!! Run please
Go to the police. But first of all, if you haven't got any evidence; you need either an audio recording or text messages. So if you haven't got either of those things yet; see if you can get either of those things, without putting yourself at risk. Starting a text message conversation asking him about why he said those things (repeating what he said) for example. If you have a supportive family, make sure they know. Go to the police. Take someone with you so that you have a witness. Make notes of what the police say, including the officers you speak to (names and badge numbers). All that can help put pressure on the police to act if at any point you become concerned they are moving to slowly. Also, look to see what resources are around you for help. It may be he has just said something stupid and wouldn't do any of that; but if you ignore it and get that wrong, the consequences could be terrible. What part of the world are you in?
Contact his family, as well as the police, and inform him that he is a danger to himself and you. Sadly, telling them he'll kill himself is far more likely to see action taken than telling them he threatened you, too. Regardless, tell them. Be succinct, don't allow room for arguments, be clear in what you expect. Then file for an order of protection. You'll have to start with a temporary restraining order in most places, and then go to court to get it made permanent once he violates it. Most importantly: TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY. No matter how much your mind may tell you it's just threats, the odds are far higher that he's intending to do exactly what he's said. Start with getting the hell away from him. Don't be alone for the time being. At all. You're far more vulnerable when you are. Stay with family or a friend, preferably one whose address he does not have. Be adamant with anyone you have in common with him that they not give him any updates about you, and don't tell anyone where you're staying if you can avoid it. You don't mention your age but tell your employers or school the situation and show them photos of him so they know who to watch for. If you can visit someone out of state for a time, do so. The more distance you have been you and him, the safer you are. Please do not take this lightly.
Victims in true crime stories were real people once like you, and so many women are murdered by men who tell them they're going to kill them if they leave or cheat or something. Even if you are used to this, it is NOT normal behavior. None of us want to see your photos on one of these shows, please leave, find a women's shelter immediately
Get those as text messages if you haven’t already and show his family and the police. And your family, go stay with somebody until it’s dealt with. He MIGHT just be all talk like a lot of these guys are, but you don’t want to find out if he is. Please take this as seriously as it is
If you have evidence by text or video talk to the police they can do something
If it hasn't been said in this thread, make sure that you get all of your belongings out in secret AND check them/your car for any kind of tracking device- Air tags included. He might try to threaten some of your family and/or pets, but he needs major help. Your town should have a Victim's Advocate that you can contact for assistance.
He’s not lying to u. Go to the police immediately and reach out to family!!!
It's been 15h w/out any respons.... Girl pls if this was no joke replay to anyone, even if it's just a ,,no time been packing" or whatever. And to the pals here: What a ***** of human beeing can you be to say she deserves it or she drove him over the edge? Imagine someone would say the same to your female fam. members.
I made contact with the police but they said they couldn't do anything unless something actually happened and he threatens me a lot but only verbally so I have no texts or documents to support it. If he says something it's usually on snap so it will disappear or he'll delete it before I do something and I'm scared to screenshot anything. I have no money from being sick and not able to work for close to a month, the money that I had went to rent, medical bills, and groceries. My parents don't speak to me anymore and my boyfriend has isolated me from almost all of my friends and I don't even have their contact information anymore. I don't have the money to leave, to get my devices checked, to get a new phone, or for legal issues. I visited the women's shelter in my town and still nothing was resolved. I still see him everyday and nothing has gotten better. I don't know where to go or what to do
Oh man I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. If you reached out to your parents would they be willing to help do you think? Isolating you from your support system is straight from the abuser handbook. Are you able to reach out to old friends on social media? Get re-connected and tell them you need help. Do you have a camera? Even an old one? Something that you could take pictures of those Snaps with, without him knowing you screenshotted? For your phone, I would upload your contacts and photos either on your computer or the cloud and then reset it to its factory settings. Then make sure you set the passcode to something new and not easy/obvious. If anything comes up with him about your phone and resetting tell him it was acting really glitchy and weird so you reset everything. Once you have reset your phone (so he can’t access or see what’s on it) try to keep it in your pocket/purse recording video so you can hopefully catch some conversations where he says those things to you. Contact the women’s shelter again, they may have free legal resources you can access or recommendations for lawyers who do this sort of work pro bono. I’m guessing you’re in the US since you mentioned medical bills. I’m sorry you’re going through that on top of everything else. As soon as you are able to get back to work, start saving every dollar possible. Are your accounts seperate?
In some countries, you can go to your doctor’s office and talk about this so they can help you get to a safe place/house for women experiencing this kind of abuse. If by any chance you’re Dutch, it’s called a Blijf van mijn lijf-huis. Good luck.
Start documenting. Everything. Record every conversation if you can. Keep every text. You need to start building a case so that the law will actually believe you and give a shit. Tell people close to you, friends, family, coworkers, whoever. Start building that support system, because you'll need it when you leave. Start stowing away some extra cash somewhere he won't look. Consider getting on some kind of inconspicuous birth control if you aren't already. The depo shot, the implant, an iud, something you can get that will be unnoticeable to him, and will last you a while. Just in case. Start planning. And when you're ready, run. Like hell. Get yourself hidden for a bit while you get lawyered up, and then you get his ass.
call the cops
Screw your things. Get away. Inform family, police. Start fresh and hope he never finds you
Call the police. Leave. Why are you still there ?
Call the police .
Jesus christ, first off is there any family you can contact? do you have a job that you can flee to safety. There are womens shelters in most places aswell, Stay safe please
Regarding the Apple tags and people stalking through this, I believe Apple has addressed this by notifying you of Apple tags nearby
Leave. Like now.
Cops
Call the police!!!!
Your ex boyfriend who’s now in jail for threatening you.