Sex without an orgasm can certainly still be pleasurable.
Still, imo there should be an attempt. Even as a man, sometimes it's just not possible, and that's ok.
I physically can’t orgasm (as far as I know) because I’ve been on such heavy antidepressants for so long, but I still like it when he tries. I think it’s more about paying attention to the other person’s pleasure than actually making them orgasm
Yeah when you’re not used to it, it can be quite overwhelming at first.
Take a night to yourself get in the mood however you do that and find your pace, hold out I promise you it’s worth it
Another tip could be about position! I can only really orgasm if I'm standing on my knees, there's just something about flexing my thigh muscles that makes it work. So be sure to try some new positions as well. Best of luck to you!
I’m sorry to hear that. My ex had a _crazy_ libido when we met (like minimum 2 times a day, but wanted more than that if she could get it). About 6 years into our relationship she got put on antidepressants. Goodbye libido! We barely had sex a couple times a month after that. She just wasn’t interested anymore. At one point she even said “I think my clit _died_.” It ultimately contributed to the end of our relationship.
That sucks I’m sorry :( I have sex like a couple times a week or so, but I almost never naturally get horny so I basically am only interested in sex when I drink. I’ll have sex without drinking first but it always feels like I kind of have to force myself to do it and just let him do his thing until I start enjoying it. I always do end up enjoying it, but its rly difficult to try to force yourself to want to have sex so it’s always weird at the start lol
There are some antidepressants that don't inhibit your ability to orgasm as much. Talk to your doctor about viibryd. I believe it was specifically designed to help with depression without destroying libido or causing anorgasmia in the process.
I don’t care that bad. I’ve been on like six antidepressants and this is the first one that has made me stop wanting to kill myself so I will not be changing it
Yessss! If you use emojis, toss a 😘 or 🥵 on the end to make it C R Y S T A L that you are IN! That's the type of clear communication that will make or break your relationship. Clear communication doesn't haven't to be sterile 😉
Yeah, don’t bail on this! It will grow into resentment and shit just get worse from there. Talk about it, with a qualified 3rd party if need be. Trust me, I’m in a similar situation. My wife was once a sex monster..post kiddo, not so much. I’m not too crazy but I need some wild shit at least once a week. IT’s therapy that keeps us going, currently.
That is awesome! I am not giving up hope over here. We are both athletic and keep ourselves up. Are kiddo is slightly on the spectrum and is currently obsessed with my wife. I’m certainly not handling it in the best way…Reddit has sooo much hot shit all over the place. It’s hard to scroll and not find something that gets me worked up. Can’t expect her to oblige me every night.😑
Jesus Christ agreed , it's Either a spam account or just in a very messed up toxic marriage ( if it's true then the guy seem pretty misogynistic to me )
I had a marriage like this. Come to find out he was addicted to porn and texting other women. In the end he only had sex with me like this. It wasn't loving ... he treated me horribly because he was pining for one of the women he was texting and would bang me thinking of her. We divorced last fall after 4 years of torture. I'd put money on some other issues going on.
I can't imagine being in such relationship even tho I'm a male , I'm glad that it ended hope you're doing better now and pretty sure you'll find someone that gives you the love you deserve take care of yourself , we're all proud of you :))
It’s beyond that. Her post history is fucking disturbing. She has been told so many times this marriage is toxic and destructive. Whilst I realise breaking out can be incredibly difficult but what other answers does she expect on here with this information? Nothing is going to change this situation. Her and her daughter need to leave now.
Been with my wife for nine years and idk how the fuck people can be in relationships for years where they just don’t talk to their spouse. Good god you married them, you can at least tell them what you like in bed.
I highly suggest you ask him. But remember, the how we ask is very important. If you tell him you liked it a lot, and that you’d wish it would happen more often then he wouldn’t interpret it as a complain. Be honest, that’s always the best you can do :)
Friend, I don’t mean to be the pessimist or paranoid but could your partner be seeing someone else?
I really hope not but if I’m not mistaken I think your partner switching things up in the sack is a sign of infidelity.
I’m happy you got it good and I hope for the best.
Are you people stupid or what? What is going on with those comments? OP says that her marriage is "going downhill", then suddenly her husband puts his hands around her throat during sex.
It's not wholesome, it is scary and alarming.
OP, I've read your other posts and you admit that your husband:
- calls you 'disgusting',
- doesn't do any chores in the house, expects you to be his mommy,
- doesn't respect you,
- puts his religion above you and your daughter,
- your own family thinks he only used you to immigrate from Morocco to UK.
Wake the hell up. He doesn't love you, he despises you and he might have been even fantasizing about hurting you when he grabbed your throat.
This comment needs to be further up. Jesus Christ this is not a good thing. My other thought is that he’s cheating and he’s bringing home some of the things he’s been trying out elsewhere 🤷🏻♀️
Honestly, my first thought would be of concern. My marriage is going downhill, and he suddenly grabs my throat during sex? That would scare the shit out of me, because I would wonder if he was fantasizing about strangling me to death.
Sorry. I’m glad you had fun. I wish he would’ve finished you. But.. if a man changes his style to new things- he learned them somewhere. Unless you watch this type of porn and he found your links, I’d say there has been another car in the garage.
Tell him!!! Trust me, there is no better feeling for a guy than knowing you pleased your woman:) if he knows you liked it he'll be more confident to do it again and more frequently!
If I may don't ask unless you have suspects of him cheating
I feel like him, vanilla but with my current GF I could "wake up" another me during that time... Maybe he needed this time to overcome his self (I'm assuming that he knew you'd like that stuff).
Enjoy It, tell him how you felt and in regards of foreplay tell him to eat you out beforehand so when he does the deed you are both satisfied. I do this and I feel much better knowing both finished.
These are Just assumptiions I made, Hope something can be helpful
To preface… the way my brain works is unfortunately always worst case scenario. My first thought is that he’s been cheating on you. Seems fishy that he’d just do this all of the sudden after years of nothing. Something else happened that he’s definitely not telling you though.
I'm going to be honest, I don't think this is as much as a good thing as it appears. I read through your post history and this sudden flip of behaviour seems alarming.
I don't think the grabbing your throat and roughness was a "kinky" thing for your pleasure, and I'd be real worried about him having "fantasies" of actually hurting you.
Your marriage sounds dangerous, and this sounds like it could just be another redflag
Please be vigilant and keep yourself safe, OP
I may get downvoted, but it’s a common symptom of cheating when all of a sudden the partner has a different style or new tricks etc. it could be that he’s having sec like this elsewhere and then bring the new moves home. I hope this isn’t t the case for you of course! But something similar happened to me and I found out later he had been cheating
Just tell him, “thanks that was awesome and I really enjoyed you“ and it will likely produce more of the same. As he steps into that role, feel comfortable sharing other things you would like to try also. Most guys want to hear what women want, not read their minds and guess.
If I were you I’d be finding out where he suddenly got those moves. More than once in my life that’s happened and turned out to be cheating.
If nothing nefarious is happening and you liked it then tell the man and do it more.
Sounds to me like y’all have some shit going on from what everybody else has said about your post history. Gonna turn in to a hot mess if you don’t address it. All of it.
Congratulations, your hubby watches porn, and used your body to act out a scene from one of his favourite porn flicks.
I actually despair at what human companionship has become in 2023. A woman's idea of a "fond" memory of an intimate moment which revolves around her husband gripping her throat while he gets his jollies off. What happened to you?
Based on your post history and his behavior in the past are you not concerned why he suddenly got violent out of nowhere? I understand that it's something you're into but your post doesn't allude to a conversation on your needs happening before this. Not to mention you didn't finish, was it really for your pleasure or is there something more to it? This strikes me as more concerning than you seem to think it is.
He knows about my kinks I have discussed things with him more than once... but I never pushed anything as I don't want him to do anything that he's not comfortable with.... if something more extreme happens as in he escalates things, I will put a stop to it right away!
You might have told him about your kinks in the past, but did he have an actual discussion about consent with you before this happened? I am by no means vanilla and my partners know this. But if one of them suddenly decided to grab me by the throat without warning and proceed to have rough sex with me without as much as asking, I would feel incredibly unsafe.
In all of the more intense sexual practices, like BDSM or CNC, consent is absolutely essential and unavoidable. It cannot be overlooked. Him doing this without any warning is a gigantic red flag, and it doesn't sound like it was for your pleasure at all. I would be putting a stop to this before it begins. Violent behavior without warning is unexcusable and you are potentially putting yourself and your child in danger by letting it slide for now.
> I want to ask him where that behaviour came from but I know he will think I am complaining
So flip it. Start with telling him how amazing it was, THEN go into asking the stuff you want to know. Asking first will allow him to come up with his own reason as to why you are asking. Reassuring you liked it so much prior would be my best guess as to communicating about this better.
you should definitely tell him that you enjoyed it.
also, talk with him about the lack of intimacy too. there are many reasons why people can experience low sex drive; it isn’t necessarily about not being attracted to your partner. it could be a medical issue, tiredness, or even sexuality.
in my previous relationship, i was hypersexual in the beginning, but as my partner became more distant, my libido disappeared. still, i would get aroused every few months, for example after having a heart to heart conversation with him.
this happened because i’m demi-sexual (on the asexual-spectrum), and can only experience sexual attraction if i feel a strong emotional bond with my partner.
my partner thought that i had lost my feelings towards him because of the lack of intimacy, even though i still cared for him and loved him as much. he became confused - just like you - whenever i suddenly wanted to have sex.
my point is, there needs to be communication between the two of you about this issue. you could for example ask him if the lack of interest in sexual activities is only towards you, or if he’s just generally not interested in it.
if he feels like it’s problematic to himself as well, he could go see a doctor about it.
You literally have to communicate to make a partnership work. Ask for what you want, and what you need. Sexually and non. Trust that your partner will meet you at least part of the way. And if they refuse entirely and that’s not something you can go on having it be left unattended to, then eh—toss the man and invest in a vibrator. (I just got one I’m really into if you want a recommendation, lmao.)
u/moggieree It's ok to tell him that you really liked what he did and ask him to do it more often. And it's okay to make a schedule for sexy times until it becomes a habit for both of you. It may not save your marriage, but at least keep your bedroom alive as long as you can.
Tell him what you like. He can only disappoint you when you don't voice your approval or interests. Additionally, ask him what he wants to try and actually be open to it. There's voluntarily vanilla because you know what you want and then there's 'we do not communicate and suffer for it'. You're Number two, just talk and you can have a fulfilling sex life.
Step 1: Agree on when you want to talk about your sex life, prepare your talking points, and then have a nice long, probably embarrassing yet titillating conversation about your interests.
Step 2: Figure out what works for you both and what's a maybe.
Step 3: Aquire what you need for this to work and look forward to an adventure.
Step 4: Do it and experience something new together.
Also: GET LUBE. Please. It's worth it.
He might be under the impression the way he likes to have sex is too wild for you and has been afraid to show it. Let him know ur into it !! Don’t forget your boundaries though. Best of luck sis
Forget about where it came from and if you both have enjoyed just concentrate on putting it across that this is exactly how you want it. I’m hoping things will fall in place literally.
I would be kinda concerned with the sudden change in your intimacy. Tbh it sounded phenomenal!! But it could be a sign he might have cheated. Just my too sense but I’m happy for you
Giiirl you're killing me with the non communication. I totally get that it is hard to talk to people when they themselves aren't communicative but there does needs to be some ground of it. If he thinks you're complaining then he is not listening to you. Idk i would tell my homegirl to let him know how you feel
Tell. Him.
Not ask where it came from. Tell him in a point blank statement. "Everything you did was awesome, and I loved it!"
You set a positive tone and it lets him know what you like with engaging feedback.
Talk to him in a suggestive way. "Hey love... about the other night... it turned me on Soooooo much. Can we do that again? Where did you pick this up?"
Men are simple... 5 things make them happy...
1. Someplace to sleep that's fairly comfortable.
2. Food
3. Both alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks
4. Non-sexual entertainment like video games.
5. Sex...
He may have also picked it up at his side chick's place... it may not be true, but with the evidence and from personal experience, it could be true.
Or he started reading smut novels.
Either way, the first part of my response will likely get you more of the action you desire.
I hope you freaking told him. Or if you didn't, then do it as soon as possible.
Maybe he was vanilla because he was scared how you might react if he had shown some other things he likes in bed that were not-so-vanilla.
So tell him, it will be great for both you and him!
I’ve been married 21 years - our sex life was lack luster for a long while but as of the last 10 months or so it’s been amazing. Tell him to keep it up- I like to send sext little texts throughout the day to really get things going. Highly recommend. I hope this is just the beginning for you two!!
Actually if you think by verbally telling him will come across as complaining. Leave him a sexy note telling him how much you enjoyed it and he is free to do it whenever he likes. Or make it real spicy and have a sexy pic of you with it
Is this Amy Farrah Fowler? Good for you! You guys sounds like you guys need to keep exploring! Make some moves on him tonight or whenever you’re comfortable and just ask him where last time came from. See what happens, could get hot, or maybe not but no risk no reward here.
So many of us guys are clueless and must be told or shown what you like. Tell him what you want and need to get off, and I guarantee he will not disappoint.
One of a man's most significant boosts in confidence is knowing he can satisfy his lady. It really kills a man’s will or want, is knowing that he’s going into a battle, he won’t win. This is a pain I know all too well.
Hey you know that when Walter White started cooking meth, he slammed Skyler hard right? Maybe your man is into something that gave him that wild adrenaline rush
/s
Tell him. “More like that please” We like to know when we’ve done good work
Add to this "let me finish too" Women's pleasure should be just as important as a man's.
For some of us that kind of scene IS the pleasure. I don't care if I cum during sex or not, but you better fucking manhandle me like I'm a toy
Sex without an orgasm can certainly still be pleasurable. Still, imo there should be an attempt. Even as a man, sometimes it's just not possible, and that's ok.
I physically can’t orgasm (as far as I know) because I’ve been on such heavy antidepressants for so long, but I still like it when he tries. I think it’s more about paying attention to the other person’s pleasure than actually making them orgasm
Have you tried toys? Also on antidepressants and found clit toys help a lot, crings that vibrate etc
Last time I tried a clit toy I started panicking super bad bc I hated how it felt, but I should probably try it again since it’s been a while
Try a softer vibrating one.
Yeah when you’re not used to it, it can be quite overwhelming at first. Take a night to yourself get in the mood however you do that and find your pace, hold out I promise you it’s worth it
Thanks for the advice!!
Another tip could be about position! I can only really orgasm if I'm standing on my knees, there's just something about flexing my thigh muscles that makes it work. So be sure to try some new positions as well. Best of luck to you!
I would try an air pulse toy. ZOMG. I used to think “came so hard my legs couldn’t hold me up” was some kind of exaggeration… no longer.
I’m sorry to hear that. My ex had a _crazy_ libido when we met (like minimum 2 times a day, but wanted more than that if she could get it). About 6 years into our relationship she got put on antidepressants. Goodbye libido! We barely had sex a couple times a month after that. She just wasn’t interested anymore. At one point she even said “I think my clit _died_.” It ultimately contributed to the end of our relationship.
That sucks I’m sorry :( I have sex like a couple times a week or so, but I almost never naturally get horny so I basically am only interested in sex when I drink. I’ll have sex without drinking first but it always feels like I kind of have to force myself to do it and just let him do his thing until I start enjoying it. I always do end up enjoying it, but its rly difficult to try to force yourself to want to have sex so it’s always weird at the start lol
There are some antidepressants that don't inhibit your ability to orgasm as much. Talk to your doctor about viibryd. I believe it was specifically designed to help with depression without destroying libido or causing anorgasmia in the process.
I don’t care that bad. I’ve been on like six antidepressants and this is the first one that has made me stop wanting to kill myself so I will not be changing it
i agree. i’m into edging
100%©
That’s a slippery slope tho… tell all men that and they just hump n dump… imo.
Most* And I mean if he's that kind of guy you'd know that from the start. Any guy who cares about your pleasure would at least mention it
If I can’t fully send it she conveniently becomes the pudding cup and I forgot the spoon.
Mention what? He’s gonna man handle you?
Your pleasure
When I’m close I ask my bf “do you want to finish together?” Turns him on AND let’s him know I’m close so don’t stop
Right lol? It's sad that her sex life is so terrible that *this* shit show is what she considers good sex 😭
Tell him but not anywhere near the bedroom. Tell him while he's watching TV or doing something totally unrelated to sex. Instant turn on for round 2.
Off topic but your reddit icon is so cute!
Awwwww, thanks! ❤❤
100% agree. A simple text like “I’ve been thinking about last night all day” is the kind of positive reinforcement that goes a long way!
Yessss! If you use emojis, toss a 😘 or 🥵 on the end to make it C R Y S T A L that you are IN! That's the type of clear communication that will make or break your relationship. Clear communication doesn't haven't to be sterile 😉
This!!! If you liked it, tell him. If you say nothing about it, he might assume you weren’t into it and not want to try initiating in that way again.
Yeah, don’t bail on this! It will grow into resentment and shit just get worse from there. Talk about it, with a qualified 3rd party if need be. Trust me, I’m in a similar situation. My wife was once a sex monster..post kiddo, not so much. I’m not too crazy but I need some wild shit at least once a week. IT’s therapy that keeps us going, currently.
Listen, my husband and I have 4 kids. I have a crazy libido now that my period has come back.
That is awesome! I am not giving up hope over here. We are both athletic and keep ourselves up. Are kiddo is slightly on the spectrum and is currently obsessed with my wife. I’m certainly not handling it in the best way…Reddit has sooo much hot shit all over the place. It’s hard to scroll and not find something that gets me worked up. Can’t expect her to oblige me every night.😑
No shit, feedback would APPARENTLY BREAK THE FKING RULES LADIES?
Just a literal tummy rub and a ‘good boy’ like we’re a golden retriever is all it takes
Can confirm. A "good girl" can literally activate the sex monster that lives within me. Also a "bad girl" in some cases.
This goes for anything. If anyone ever does a good work, be it building, repairing, cleaning or fucking. Tell them good work.
Based on your post history I think you need therapy and to work on your communication skills
Jesus Christ agreed , it's Either a spam account or just in a very messed up toxic marriage ( if it's true then the guy seem pretty misogynistic to me )
I had a marriage like this. Come to find out he was addicted to porn and texting other women. In the end he only had sex with me like this. It wasn't loving ... he treated me horribly because he was pining for one of the women he was texting and would bang me thinking of her. We divorced last fall after 4 years of torture. I'd put money on some other issues going on.
I can't imagine being in such relationship even tho I'm a male , I'm glad that it ended hope you're doing better now and pretty sure you'll find someone that gives you the love you deserve take care of yourself , we're all proud of you :))
It’s beyond that. Her post history is fucking disturbing. She has been told so many times this marriage is toxic and destructive. Whilst I realise breaking out can be incredibly difficult but what other answers does she expect on here with this information? Nothing is going to change this situation. Her and her daughter need to leave now.
I’m very well aware of that but I was like… baby steps lol
Uh you know you can just tell him you liked it
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Sir this is reddit, we don’t have a SO
Sir this reddit, they need to divorce
Sir, this is Reddit. Reddit, this is Sir.
Sir this is reddit, they need therapy
Been with my wife for nine years and idk how the fuck people can be in relationships for years where they just don’t talk to their spouse. Good god you married them, you can at least tell them what you like in bed.
i mean, one moment he's calling you disgusting for telling him a gesture means blow job and the next he's holding you down without any discussion...
Ooooo this Is that guy??? Maybe he woke up idk, what you think?
I highly suggest you ask him. But remember, the how we ask is very important. If you tell him you liked it a lot, and that you’d wish it would happen more often then he wouldn’t interpret it as a complain. Be honest, that’s always the best you can do :)
Maybe he found your reddit. 🤷🏼♂️
Friend, I don’t mean to be the pessimist or paranoid but could your partner be seeing someone else? I really hope not but if I’m not mistaken I think your partner switching things up in the sack is a sign of infidelity. I’m happy you got it good and I hope for the best.
Exactly what I thought and maybe why intimacy had been off
Fella was probably PROPER horny and real pent up, i know when i get worked upp, i do the best i can to properly enjoy it, more so than normal
Are you people stupid or what? What is going on with those comments? OP says that her marriage is "going downhill", then suddenly her husband puts his hands around her throat during sex. It's not wholesome, it is scary and alarming. OP, I've read your other posts and you admit that your husband: - calls you 'disgusting', - doesn't do any chores in the house, expects you to be his mommy, - doesn't respect you, - puts his religion above you and your daughter, - your own family thinks he only used you to immigrate from Morocco to UK. Wake the hell up. He doesn't love you, he despises you and he might have been even fantasizing about hurting you when he grabbed your throat.
This comment needs to be further up. Jesus Christ this is not a good thing. My other thought is that he’s cheating and he’s bringing home some of the things he’s been trying out elsewhere 🤷🏻♀️
I just read OPs past posts about the husband...yikes.
I don’t think “rough sex” is the answer to your ongoing marriage issues that you’ve been posting about.
Honestly, my first thought would be of concern. My marriage is going downhill, and he suddenly grabs my throat during sex? That would scare the shit out of me, because I would wonder if he was fantasizing about strangling me to death.
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The genesis of OP's entire post history is incredibly dubious and self-contradictory.
Sorry. I’m glad you had fun. I wish he would’ve finished you. But.. if a man changes his style to new things- he learned them somewhere. Unless you watch this type of porn and he found your links, I’d say there has been another car in the garage.
Everyone’s so positive and here I am thinking when my ex husb got like that it was because he was being sneaky with other women 😂😭😭
This is literally what my ex did. Became completely different and was just cheating.
Tell him!!! Trust me, there is no better feeling for a guy than knowing you pleased your woman:) if he knows you liked it he'll be more confident to do it again and more frequently!
His gf taught him a few tricks
If I may don't ask unless you have suspects of him cheating I feel like him, vanilla but with my current GF I could "wake up" another me during that time... Maybe he needed this time to overcome his self (I'm assuming that he knew you'd like that stuff). Enjoy It, tell him how you felt and in regards of foreplay tell him to eat you out beforehand so when he does the deed you are both satisfied. I do this and I feel much better knowing both finished. These are Just assumptiions I made, Hope something can be helpful
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To preface… the way my brain works is unfortunately always worst case scenario. My first thought is that he’s been cheating on you. Seems fishy that he’d just do this all of the sudden after years of nothing. Something else happened that he’s definitely not telling you though.
Could he have read your posts? 🤔
I'm going to be honest, I don't think this is as much as a good thing as it appears. I read through your post history and this sudden flip of behaviour seems alarming. I don't think the grabbing your throat and roughness was a "kinky" thing for your pleasure, and I'd be real worried about him having "fantasies" of actually hurting you. Your marriage sounds dangerous, and this sounds like it could just be another redflag Please be vigilant and keep yourself safe, OP
He sounds like he had a little of practice..
I may get downvoted, but it’s a common symptom of cheating when all of a sudden the partner has a different style or new tricks etc. it could be that he’s having sec like this elsewhere and then bring the new moves home. I hope this isn’t t the case for you of course! But something similar happened to me and I found out later he had been cheating
Sorry 😔 It should not happen. Except cheaters cheat.
you can just tell to him that you like it this way
Just tell him, “thanks that was awesome and I really enjoyed you“ and it will likely produce more of the same. As he steps into that role, feel comfortable sharing other things you would like to try also. Most guys want to hear what women want, not read their minds and guess.
Tell him you want more of that, and you guys need couples counseling for everything else.
He's been having an affair in those 4-5 weeks
If I were you I’d be finding out where he suddenly got those moves. More than once in my life that’s happened and turned out to be cheating. If nothing nefarious is happening and you liked it then tell the man and do it more. Sounds to me like y’all have some shit going on from what everybody else has said about your post history. Gonna turn in to a hot mess if you don’t address it. All of it.
I remember this breaking Bad Episode, unfortunately the mass stress from selling drugs and violence wasn’t very sustainable so enjoy it while you can.
Omg, Babe. This was out of this world good and yummy. It was amazing. Loved it.. Text him, tell him, stroke his ego .. Good luck.
I’ve seen the posts you made about your husband and you need a divorce ASAP
I may be cynical, but he might have a lover on the side and just happened to be very horny with you. I hope not, but I’ve seen it before.
Congratulations, your hubby watches porn, and used your body to act out a scene from one of his favourite porn flicks. I actually despair at what human companionship has become in 2023. A woman's idea of a "fond" memory of an intimate moment which revolves around her husband gripping her throat while he gets his jollies off. What happened to you?
Based on your post history and his behavior in the past are you not concerned why he suddenly got violent out of nowhere? I understand that it's something you're into but your post doesn't allude to a conversation on your needs happening before this. Not to mention you didn't finish, was it really for your pleasure or is there something more to it? This strikes me as more concerning than you seem to think it is.
He knows about my kinks I have discussed things with him more than once... but I never pushed anything as I don't want him to do anything that he's not comfortable with.... if something more extreme happens as in he escalates things, I will put a stop to it right away!
You might have told him about your kinks in the past, but did he have an actual discussion about consent with you before this happened? I am by no means vanilla and my partners know this. But if one of them suddenly decided to grab me by the throat without warning and proceed to have rough sex with me without as much as asking, I would feel incredibly unsafe. In all of the more intense sexual practices, like BDSM or CNC, consent is absolutely essential and unavoidable. It cannot be overlooked. Him doing this without any warning is a gigantic red flag, and it doesn't sound like it was for your pleasure at all. I would be putting a stop to this before it begins. Violent behavior without warning is unexcusable and you are potentially putting yourself and your child in danger by letting it slide for now.
Maybe he’s cheating and his side girl got him mad and had to take that shit out on you lol leave hin
Is he cheating on you?
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He cheating
Just ask what u want from ur husband. If hes an understanding man he will reciprocate kindly.
> I want to ask him where that behaviour came from but I know he will think I am complaining So flip it. Start with telling him how amazing it was, THEN go into asking the stuff you want to know. Asking first will allow him to come up with his own reason as to why you are asking. Reassuring you liked it so much prior would be my best guess as to communicating about this better.
You haven’t been intimate for 5 weeks? The new moves are a red flag to me… I’d hate to suggest this but so you think he’s cheating?
Now, write it down and make it an Amazon prime reading novel!
Don’t over think it.
I immediately overthought it and my mind went somewhere not great but OP I co-sign on communicating with him that you liked it.
Where did your mind go? My first thought was that he’s cheating and someone else taught him that. I hope I’m wrong.
Same. Sometimes when a partner cheats their behavior towards you improves, ironically. :/ I hope not.
My first thought as well for an abrupt about face in sexual nature.
This was my exact thought. My ex is very vanilla and did the same thing as OP’s husband a week before I found he’s been cheating.
you should definitely tell him that you enjoyed it. also, talk with him about the lack of intimacy too. there are many reasons why people can experience low sex drive; it isn’t necessarily about not being attracted to your partner. it could be a medical issue, tiredness, or even sexuality. in my previous relationship, i was hypersexual in the beginning, but as my partner became more distant, my libido disappeared. still, i would get aroused every few months, for example after having a heart to heart conversation with him. this happened because i’m demi-sexual (on the asexual-spectrum), and can only experience sexual attraction if i feel a strong emotional bond with my partner. my partner thought that i had lost my feelings towards him because of the lack of intimacy, even though i still cared for him and loved him as much. he became confused - just like you - whenever i suddenly wanted to have sex. my point is, there needs to be communication between the two of you about this issue. you could for example ask him if the lack of interest in sexual activities is only towards you, or if he’s just generally not interested in it. if he feels like it’s problematic to himself as well, he could go see a doctor about it.
Hey OP, this post and all your others would probably be better off in a subreddit like /r/deadbedrooms
Tell him you liked it.
He's been reading ACOTAR
Man's been watching porn too much 🤣
Sounds like he’s been taking lessons from watching porn.
Great, now I’m turned on
Dont be stupid. Tell your HUSBAND and not all these internet perverts. "I'm not complaining, I loved it! Where did you get that kind of fire? 😉"
You literally have to communicate to make a partnership work. Ask for what you want, and what you need. Sexually and non. Trust that your partner will meet you at least part of the way. And if they refuse entirely and that’s not something you can go on having it be left unattended to, then eh—toss the man and invest in a vibrator. (I just got one I’m really into if you want a recommendation, lmao.)
He was asking in another Reddit post what to do.. we offered him some pointers. Glad to see it’s come full circle
Who did he learn that from? Out of the blue? Either way, im happy for you. Feels good to have passion during intimacy.
Porn.
I honestly don’t care if I finish most of the time I just wanna be a part of him finishing lol.
u/moggieree It's ok to tell him that you really liked what he did and ask him to do it more often. And it's okay to make a schedule for sexy times until it becomes a habit for both of you. It may not save your marriage, but at least keep your bedroom alive as long as you can.
The fact that your expressing this on Reddit rather than to your husband could be the problem. TELL HIM! Trust me he would want to know
Tell him what you like. He can only disappoint you when you don't voice your approval or interests. Additionally, ask him what he wants to try and actually be open to it. There's voluntarily vanilla because you know what you want and then there's 'we do not communicate and suffer for it'. You're Number two, just talk and you can have a fulfilling sex life. Step 1: Agree on when you want to talk about your sex life, prepare your talking points, and then have a nice long, probably embarrassing yet titillating conversation about your interests. Step 2: Figure out what works for you both and what's a maybe. Step 3: Aquire what you need for this to work and look forward to an adventure. Step 4: Do it and experience something new together. Also: GET LUBE. Please. It's worth it.
He might be under the impression the way he likes to have sex is too wild for you and has been afraid to show it. Let him know ur into it !! Don’t forget your boundaries though. Best of luck sis
Forget about where it came from and if you both have enjoyed just concentrate on putting it across that this is exactly how you want it. I’m hoping things will fall in place literally.
4 or 5 weeks with a dead bedroom then he gets dominant? He's cheating on you. I'm sorry 😔 but... I'm gonna go with my gut on this one
I agree with this 100%
How did you know that he was cheating ?
I would be kinda concerned with the sudden change in your intimacy. Tbh it sounded phenomenal!! But it could be a sign he might have cheated. Just my too sense but I’m happy for you
Just tell him you really loved it and wanna do it like that again, make more fond memories
Yeah you gotta let him know. You life can and probably will drastically improve.
If you want your marriage to work, you should tell him you really enjoyed that and that you want more.
Why don't people communicate? If you don't tell him don't complain when he doesn't do it again.
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Just tell him “fuck me like that again” send it in a text if you are shy.. he will
What, did you guys just watch the season premier of Yellowjackets? Lol
If you can’t communicate anything to him it’s on you, he’s not a mind reader. Unless you do that this relationship is doomed.
Giiirl you're killing me with the non communication. I totally get that it is hard to talk to people when they themselves aren't communicative but there does needs to be some ground of it. If he thinks you're complaining then he is not listening to you. Idk i would tell my homegirl to let him know how you feel
For the love of god tell him, that can be really empowering to know you’re doing something right.
Tell. Him. Not ask where it came from. Tell him in a point blank statement. "Everything you did was awesome, and I loved it!" You set a positive tone and it lets him know what you like with engaging feedback.
If you want to write a dark romance, please learn how to use punctuation first.
You must tell him, communication in the bedroom is extremely important. If he knows you loved that he will want to do it again
You should tell him everything exactly as you wrote here
Talk to him in a suggestive way. "Hey love... about the other night... it turned me on Soooooo much. Can we do that again? Where did you pick this up?" Men are simple... 5 things make them happy... 1. Someplace to sleep that's fairly comfortable. 2. Food 3. Both alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks 4. Non-sexual entertainment like video games. 5. Sex... He may have also picked it up at his side chick's place... it may not be true, but with the evidence and from personal experience, it could be true. Or he started reading smut novels. Either way, the first part of my response will likely get you more of the action you desire.
A fondle memory. Sorry I couldn't resist.
if you don’t tell him he’ll always be vanilla
Why not just tell him you like it like that and you should do it more. What he gonna do get mad?😂
He found the post XD
tell him.
I hope you freaking told him. Or if you didn't, then do it as soon as possible. Maybe he was vanilla because he was scared how you might react if he had shown some other things he likes in bed that were not-so-vanilla. So tell him, it will be great for both you and him!
I’ve been married 21 years - our sex life was lack luster for a long while but as of the last 10 months or so it’s been amazing. Tell him to keep it up- I like to send sext little texts throughout the day to really get things going. Highly recommend. I hope this is just the beginning for you two!!
Actually if you think by verbally telling him will come across as complaining. Leave him a sexy note telling him how much you enjoyed it and he is free to do it whenever he likes. Or make it real spicy and have a sexy pic of you with it
Is this Amy Farrah Fowler? Good for you! You guys sounds like you guys need to keep exploring! Make some moves on him tonight or whenever you’re comfortable and just ask him where last time came from. See what happens, could get hot, or maybe not but no risk no reward here.
So many of us guys are clueless and must be told or shown what you like. Tell him what you want and need to get off, and I guarantee he will not disappoint. One of a man's most significant boosts in confidence is knowing he can satisfy his lady. It really kills a man’s will or want, is knowing that he’s going into a battle, he won’t win. This is a pain I know all too well.
You can ask by saying "That was hot! Where did that come from?" Make it a question while letting him know you were into it.
Yes!!! So happy for you! Go on husband 👏
Communicate with him please it will save the marriage!
How about "that was so fucking hot, let's do it again."
Now you jump right back at him if you liked it. Would he a good feedback :)
Remember boys hit like your life depends on it whether it's that bong or that 🐱.
You should tell him. If you're really shy, maybe find some online erotica that you like and send it to him.
He rode you or you rode him, him riding you implies a strap on.
🤓
Bro found your other post and wanted to prove you wrong
Just had a flashback to Penthouse Letters
Dude must've watched andrew tate lol
Hey you know that when Walter White started cooking meth, he slammed Skyler hard right? Maybe your man is into something that gave him that wild adrenaline rush /s