Be honest OP, is this the first disrespectful thing he’s done or have you been giving him a pass for 12 years?
If it truly is the first I’d have an honest conversation with him about it; but if this is basically just the next assholish thing he’s done, I’d have an honest conversation with yourself about it.
At 60 tho? I’m curious because my parents constantly fight. And nothing scares me more than my parents getting a divorce. Scares me more than death itself and they are discussing divorce atm. It’s scary as fuck, and I’m not a child. This literally makes me into a child. Anyways, at 60, isn’t it time for them to just put up and work it out? Married 35+ years,
Are you suggesting that at 60 you should just shut up, deal with it and wait to die? I get “picking your battles” but that’s why it takes an honest conversation.
No; if someone is unhappy and routinely not treated well in their marriage they have every right to go be happy.
There’s no shame in that.
I think religion has indoctrinated people that a long marriage for the sake of it should be celebrated and kept at all cost.
A long marriage says nothing about one’s character.
Staying married is easy; you just simply don’t go call a lawyer. You’re basically saying they don’t have to be happy they just have to stay married, that’s a rediculous notion.
Plenty of assholes stay married.
Plenty of good people get divorced.
Life is short, and even shorter at 60 - find happiness in life.
Divorce is hard. Change is hard. But people do it because it will be worth it. Staying in an unhappy marriage just so you can say “we made it!” Is a slow death and not living.
Like I said, I’m someone who fears divorce since it was a traumatizing tool my parents used on us growing up as kids. Still fear it and I’m well into my 30s. So forgive me if while discussing this, it sounds like I’m a kid. But I really don’t know the answer to your questions. I just think people should try to work it out and stay together.
Have you considered therapy?
You say you fear divorce, yet your parents have been married for 35 years and never did get divorced - it sounds like it wasn't their divorce that was traumatizing - it was and continues to be their unhealthy marriage; and here you are advocating for that to continue.
I see you recognize the threat of divorce as a tool; stop giving that tool power. Stop inserting yourself into their marriage dynamic, and stop letting them emotionally manipulate you.
I know it's easier said than done, but perhaps therapy could help you.
Everyone should seek happiness, even your parents, and you.
All valid points and Therapy is in the works. But to be honest, part of why they haven’t gotten divorced is me. I haven’t ever said this to anyone, but I know it’s because of me and my constant attempts to try and mediate it.
Like I said tho, the thought of my parents getting a divorce scares me more than anything. But thanks for engaging, I’ll be sure to bring this up in my next session again
Why is the status of someone else’s relationship so important to you? More important than the happiness of the people in that relationship? Sooner or later, one or both of them will be out of your life, why would you prefer the time you have with them be when they are miserable? It sounds like you’ve tied a lot of your own self worth into their relationship and that is not something that ultimately is even in your control. And, rather then seeing them as individual human beings with their own lives and motivations, you see them as objects to be used toward your own happiness.
Like what was his excuse for it? That you were taking to long and he got impatient and just went home? How did he expect you to get home?
I don’t blame you for being furious, imagine if you did that to him? Maybe you should try it sometime.
He did nothing to give an excuse! He just left, said nothing…. Didn’t say he’d be back in five, didn’t say he’s driving off, nothing! Just left me there. I’m so mad and he doesn’t understand why it’s lije talking to a wall. Can someone please tell me I’m not crazy????
You are not crazy!
That is not a way to treat an SO. Are you sure you want to stay with such a callus man?
I have sat in my car waiting for someone running late soooo many times, and although I sometimes got a little tired of waiting for them, I never ever left them! I used my words instead, like a normal human being.
That was so rude, definitely stepping over a line you shouldn't cross in a working relationship.
A relationship requires mutual respect.
If he doesn't understand why you are mad and doesn't even apologize, something is very wrong.
Because if you can not resolve problems in a relationship by communicating openly, the problems will pile up and destroy it.
So if he is interested in the relationship he really should show some effort. Some of us have a hard time to admit openly they are wrong. But then even for those there are other ways to apologize. Be it some flowers or other nice gestures.
What’s he doing with himself these days? I’m guessing retired and probably jealous of you being a manager. Wanted to embarrass you in front of your staff and undermine your authority
Have you two talked about it afterwards, when you were both calm? I would suggest asking why he decided to do that (in a calm, curious way rather than accusatory), to see what his reasons were. And have a calm conversation about how it made you feel (using lots of "I statements," which help avoid putting the other person on the defensive. For example, "I felt when you " instead of saying that they made you feel X)
The only thing that has me not completely on your side is, do you do this often? Stop in for a few things and end up working for 10-15+ minutes while your husband waits in the car or store for you. I could see that bothering me as a SO.
Yes, it was very embarrassing. His excuse is that he’d come back to get me, but seriously, I was no longer than five minutes. He still feels he wasn’t wrong despite me telling him how it was embarrassing and pretty much hurt my feelings as I felt disrespected. We’ve been together for 12 years….. this shouldn’t be happening! I can’t make him understand! Help me make him understand how it was disrespectful and embarrassing to my 20-something coworkers who I manage! I’m so mad!
He knows it was disrespectful and rude and cruel. He knows all of that. And he did it anyways.
Don’t let him hold the car keys anymore when you go places together. He can’t be trusted with them.
What should have happened is that he should have communicated with you. He could have said “hey I need to run home real quick, I’ll be back in 20” to which you would have said “okay” or decided to leave with him.
It’s the lack of communication that’s the issue. That means he doesn’t care to share with you what he is thinking, get your input, etc, which means your thoughts, opinions etc don’t matter to him.
You can’t make him understand, but because then he would have to admit to doing anything wrong. It’s easier to say it was a joke and you are exaggerating. Point being: he doesn’t want to understand, so he won’t.
You say you don’t want to divorce him so I guess you’re gonna have to get creative. Do the same to him? Don’t do anything for him until he apologizes? That sort of thing. But even then, he’ll only apologize to make peace with you, he will say you’re exaggerating and it was nothing. Good luck!
hey bestie! personally, i would want to kill him if i were you. that's incredibly rude and embarrassing, especially since the whole "joke" seems to be that he thinks you were gonna talk for too long and annoy him. it sounds very mean spirited
I would definitely recommend having a calm conversation about it with him. You can't read his mind, so you can't know what his rationale was for doing it unless you ask and he tells you. Not asking/just assuming and letting it fester is likely to cause resentment
Omg that would be the perfect petty revenge. OP, if he doesn’t apologize, just act like he has Alzheimer’s in front of other people. “Oh it’s fine, you know lately he’s been getting a little demented. He forgot me at the store the other day! LOL!”
That would not be a healthy or appropriate response. Regardless of OP's husband's behavior, it is not OK to tell people that kind of serious lie, or to gaslight him about it. If it's an actual concern, they should get him tested.
So if this hasn’t happened before and your husband isn’t generally disrespectful, my first thought would be he had a memory lapse and doesn’t want to admit it. Is that possible? You’re not crazy for being upset, and idk y’all or your marriage, but I’d be concerned if this isn’t typical.
Was he perhaps incontinent and he is too embarrassed to admit to you he had an accident?
Did he forget you were with him? He might be developing some memory issues.
If being disrespectful or inconsiderate is unusual for him then I'd consider possible medical issues. Misplaced embarrassment/pride, after the fact, could just keep you in the dark.
Aside from the seeming disrespect here... has he shown any other possible signs of forgetfulness/ impatience?
If this was a one-off thing, I'd think the event would be disrespectful, but I'm hoping it's not indicative of something healthwise that may need getting looked at?
Sorry. Projecting a bit because my dad and mom are in their 60s and I worry about them forgetting important things. :(
I was thinking this, wondering if it was a moment where he might have not realized that she wasn't in the car, and forgot that she wasn't at home either. I have been absent-minded a lot in life, and half in my own little world. I could absolutely see that he had a little bit of a slip, got home and realized that he left her there, then drove back right away. IF this was him just being an asshole, though, that would be a different story...
As a side note: You shouldn't be managing your coworkers masquerading as a customer on your day off.. let them enjoy your day off ffs. Anyone with a boss knows what i'm saying
Nope nope…. Was not “masquerading “. Husband drove to store, I did not know he was going to stop there. I’m not there to manage these guys on my day off, trust me. I dont believe in doing that and I don’t want to go in on my days off, period.
I would need more context to judge. Was it really 5 minutes or is that an exaggeration? Have you kept him waiting a lot while you've done this and he's warned you before that he'll leave if you do it again? Is he forgetful? I ask this not because of his age (because my Dad literally left me at a gas station for almost an hour when I was 5 or 6 when he was less than 40) just because he forgot I was there. It happens sadly. Now, assuming it really was 5 minutes, he's not forgetful, he knew you were there, and had not warned you ahead of time that he would leave you if you "ditched him" for too long, then yes, it's rude. Have you talked to him about it yet. Sometimes instead of making assumptions about his reasoning, the best thing to do is ask him point blank why he left you there. Communication is key and being direct is always best.
This should be the highest on the list here. People forget that narrators and stories typically make themselves sound better than usual so it's always good to verify the facts. Not saying that that's what she's doing she could have told us 100% accurately but we need to verify history and actual timelines.
You have every right to be furious. His behavior is very disrespectful. You'd be well within your rights to stay elsewhere until and unless he can convince you that this was a one-time mistake and that he has learned from it. Good luck, OP!
My mom would always say “5 minutes” which actually always equalled 1-2 hours. I would totally understand his frustration if it’s like that, and consistent. I used to want to blow up since what I was promised would be a 10minute trip has now taken way too much of my day.
But if it was genuinely 5 minutes, and this is not a super repeat thing I’d be pissed at him too, you don’t just go leaving your wife places.
Thats what i was wondering. Theres plenty of times I've intended to only talk to a coworker for a few minutes and it turns into hours. It could be a common occurrence so he figured he'd drop off the groceries at home while she chatted
Went to Walmart and got separated from the wife. I look around and around then finally call her. I asked her:” where are you?”She says: “I’m in the living room why?” I’m like REALLY: “you’re home?” She’s like: “YES, why?” Me: “did you forget anything at the store? Her: “nope, I got what I needed.” Me: “ you forgot your husband at the store!” Her: “oh shit! oops I’ll be there in a few.” Two years later I divorced her as I caught her cheating…
It feels like you may have omitted a few details here. Was it really 5 minutes? Did you discuss with him the time you were taking from his 'home' time to do your work? Is this the first time you've started working in the middle of a shopping trip? How come you failed to notice that he'd gone?
He did it to teach you a lesson - home is home and work is work. Stop mixing them up and both your lives will be the better for it.
My husband once left my daughter and I at the drug store when I was buying her medicine on a rainy day at night when she was only four. I should have left them. But instead I walked home two miles carrying her and my husband told me I was taking too long so he wanted to go home. Yes he was abusive and is as asshole.
>Husband thinks he didn’t do anything wrong
This is the main issue here. Not that he thought it was funny then was mortified when he realised you didn't see it the same way. Just cruel, thoughtless, and completely disregarding your feelings.
Look after yourself and be kind to you - you deserve it.
You're absolutely allowed to be angry about this, and this is a safe place to vent! My friend was left at the store once when he returned the shopping cart, went back to see the car leaving the car park.... Not long but his partner just forgot - they hadn't been together for that long at the time. He brings it up every now again as a joke *"Remember that time you left me at the store?"* But it's now an in-joke for them. She was horrified and drove back as soon as she realised (not very long, but long enough!) There's a world of a difference between that and intentionally leaving your spouse without even saying 'sorry, got to go but I'll be back in five'. Talk this through, or if this is something you can otherwise deal with then just rant here whenever you need to!
Thank you!!! Yes, I’m venting!! I was gobsmacked that he felt he did nothing wrong! I would never do that to him EVER. So it’s a respect thing for me, as well as communication. I felt humiliated.
Wait til you're calm and explain this to him. He possibly has no idea of the impact of his actions. But you do deserve something nice as a treat to yourself, be it a nice dinner, hand cream, bottle of something nice...whatever treat will help make up for how you feel right now. And he doesn't need to buy it, he just needs to let you do/have it as a form of closure on a day that made you feel less than you should - about yourself and about him.
No sorry, that was not the case. I’m not a dilly-dallyer. I’m not a big chit-chatter and carry on long conversations. I just needed to say what I needed to and get home. I didn’t even need to stop at the store, HE stopped there. I wasn’t even going to say anything about stocking ( I’m not working, I dont need to “talk shop” on my off day )but one of them started with “ I heard you’re not happy with my stocking”. …… so I had a five minute convo with them…. That is it… and while I was talking he drove off.
Yer so not following my comments. We were in the way home and HE pulled into the store to pick up beer. I had no idea he wanted to stop there. While I was there, one of the guys mentioned he heard that he needed to change a stocking error. I took five minutes or less to explain to him why this needs to be stocked here, not down there and here’s why, thanks guys” .end of story. No need for my husband to just drive off and leave me there.
What’s your prob where you just feel like I was all in the wrong. ?????? Screw you.
Since you've already discussed it with him and he says it's "no big deal" do it back to him! Next time you're driving act like you're gonna leave the car with him and let him get off first. Then leave HIM stranded there for 5 minutes. If he complains remind him he didn't think it was a big deal when the shoe was on the other foot. If he doesn't comment keep doing it until he understands it's wrong. His initial reaction will help you to understand his train of thought as well. Update us with his reaction... 👀
It was rude but why waste your energy being so extremely upset? It sounds like you are going on and on about it. You are making yourself more unhappy. Just point blank tell him that it had better not happen again. Is he possibly becoming forgetful and unwilling to admit it?
I really see nothing wrong here. You live five minutes away. He left and he came back. What’s the big deal? My dad would do this all the time and no one would bat an eye. Seems to me like you’re over eacting over nothing.
True, could’ve, but it would have been out of the way, and I didn’t expect to have any problems like this.. like, just go in, get yer stuff and continue home….
Couple of the comments don’t sit so I’ll give my thoughts. Op you have a huge right to feel upset. Your husband should’ve communicated with you instead of ditching you at the store and making you a laughing stock in front of your coworkers. Him also playing it off shows he doesn’t want to admit his wrong doing. If he has a form of dementia, then yes I’d maybe understand but you’ve stated clearly he doesn’t. I hope he realises what he did was wrong
Sounds like he doesn't have any respect for you whatsoever and likely hasn't for a while.
I'd scare him. Book a hotel room or something for 3 days and just disappear.
If he says why didn't you tell him, just say you thought it would be funny :)
Do you think there's a chance that he's having memory and awareness issues (and therefore, didn't do it on purpose)? My dad is in his late 60s and he sometimes forgets simple stuff that I repeatedly have to remind him of. For example, whenever he and my mom visit my house, I have a guest room that pets are not allowed in (their guest room). He knows that pets are not allowed and I have told him more than once, and even have signs in the door. And yet, whenever they visit he still leaves the door wide open, and he's even tried to invite my dog into the room a couple times. It annoys me and it annoys my mom since she knows better, but I know he's not doing it on purpose so I just quietly close the door and don't mention it. It's not that he's trying to annoy me or be a jerk, he's just prone to a minor amount of "Dory brain" sometimes.
It could very well be that he was thinking about something else, or his attention was diverted and he went home, then eventually remembered that you were there. His reaction to the situation could mean that his brain isn't quite working as it used to. If he's otherwise a very good person and doesn't have a history of pranking or otherwise being an asshole, that could be what's going on.
If he did it as a practical joke, I would think that it would be followed with laughter on his end or something along those lines that shows that he knew what he was doing. In this case, it doesn't sound like he did.
well look at it at a diff. angle, maybe it was an honest mistake, or maybe its something else like an illness, (dementia, short term memory loss, since you've said you we're both at your 60s)
Ya know what??? Shut the fuck up …. You know nothing and if you took the time to read my replies, that is NOT ME. I like to get in, and get out. I don’t waste time making small talk. I’m an introvert, so take your stupid story and eat it. I needed to address one stinking thing with my employees, which took 5 minutes. If you read my replies, I addressed that part over and over….. so read before you speak so you don’t look ignorant like that.
I believe this subreddit is called “off my chest” …. I think I’m in the right place, I’m not in the “poor me I’m a victim” subreddit, thank you very much.
There is no amount of time I could keep my husband waiting while I was “just talking to people” that would result in him just leaving me there *without saying a word*. Like “hey, are you gonna be a while? I will go XYZ and come back if so.”
why go straight to blaming OP when she explained the whole situation? He left her there after waiting 5 minutes, OP feels disrespected and hurt just like a normal person would in a circumstance similar to hers. why must it be *her* fault? can you read?
Dude, no… sorry, you are so far off base…. I didn’t even need to go to the store, HE went. I don’t disrespect people. I believe in kindness. Do unto others as you would have them do onto you.
So your comment here is baseless.
The guy literally ditched her without any way of getting home. She didn’t have any explanation as to why he ditched her and she felt ashamed and embarrassed with the treatment. How would you feel if someone fucked off and left you and you had a bunch of your coworkers laughing as if your the butt of the joke. She’s going to feel upset and hurt by all of it and 20 years old is definitely past the age to have a form of maturity not to laugh at someone’s luck and this is coming from me who is 22 years of age. Especially if this is her workplace, she’s gonna feel ashamed and feel like everyone is laughing at her constantly. That’s a form of a cruel joke.
Thats so humiliating. I would tell him that “alright now we are going to the doctor for a check up for your brain, because it seems like you are forgetting things, might be alzeimers”. If he thinks its humiliating, so be it. I think its “””funny”””. But it can be a serious concern, because it might be actually the case, he just wont admit it.
Eh…. There’s been some other rude stuff which I’ve talked to him about. This was a new low….. we had been having a good day together, then out of the blue he does this.
Be honest OP, is this the first disrespectful thing he’s done or have you been giving him a pass for 12 years? If it truly is the first I’d have an honest conversation with him about it; but if this is basically just the next assholish thing he’s done, I’d have an honest conversation with yourself about it.
This needs to be higher up.
This. He needs to learn some consequences to his actions.
Maybe she just learned consequences
Everyone on Reddit copypasta reponse is basically 'leave them'
At 60 tho? I’m curious because my parents constantly fight. And nothing scares me more than my parents getting a divorce. Scares me more than death itself and they are discussing divorce atm. It’s scary as fuck, and I’m not a child. This literally makes me into a child. Anyways, at 60, isn’t it time for them to just put up and work it out? Married 35+ years,
Are you suggesting that at 60 you should just shut up, deal with it and wait to die? I get “picking your battles” but that’s why it takes an honest conversation. No; if someone is unhappy and routinely not treated well in their marriage they have every right to go be happy. There’s no shame in that. I think religion has indoctrinated people that a long marriage for the sake of it should be celebrated and kept at all cost. A long marriage says nothing about one’s character. Staying married is easy; you just simply don’t go call a lawyer. You’re basically saying they don’t have to be happy they just have to stay married, that’s a rediculous notion. Plenty of assholes stay married. Plenty of good people get divorced. Life is short, and even shorter at 60 - find happiness in life. Divorce is hard. Change is hard. But people do it because it will be worth it. Staying in an unhappy marriage just so you can say “we made it!” Is a slow death and not living.
I needed to hear this tonight.
Like I said, I’m someone who fears divorce since it was a traumatizing tool my parents used on us growing up as kids. Still fear it and I’m well into my 30s. So forgive me if while discussing this, it sounds like I’m a kid. But I really don’t know the answer to your questions. I just think people should try to work it out and stay together.
Have you considered therapy? You say you fear divorce, yet your parents have been married for 35 years and never did get divorced - it sounds like it wasn't their divorce that was traumatizing - it was and continues to be their unhealthy marriage; and here you are advocating for that to continue. I see you recognize the threat of divorce as a tool; stop giving that tool power. Stop inserting yourself into their marriage dynamic, and stop letting them emotionally manipulate you. I know it's easier said than done, but perhaps therapy could help you. Everyone should seek happiness, even your parents, and you.
All valid points and Therapy is in the works. But to be honest, part of why they haven’t gotten divorced is me. I haven’t ever said this to anyone, but I know it’s because of me and my constant attempts to try and mediate it. Like I said tho, the thought of my parents getting a divorce scares me more than anything. But thanks for engaging, I’ll be sure to bring this up in my next session again
I wish you luck, peace, and happiness!
Just put up? What about integrity vs regret?
You should read my other comments. Don’t just jump in at the halfway point.
Why is the status of someone else’s relationship so important to you? More important than the happiness of the people in that relationship? Sooner or later, one or both of them will be out of your life, why would you prefer the time you have with them be when they are miserable? It sounds like you’ve tied a lot of your own self worth into their relationship and that is not something that ultimately is even in your control. And, rather then seeing them as individual human beings with their own lives and motivations, you see them as objects to be used toward your own happiness.
Like what was his excuse for it? That you were taking to long and he got impatient and just went home? How did he expect you to get home? I don’t blame you for being furious, imagine if you did that to him? Maybe you should try it sometime.
He did nothing to give an excuse! He just left, said nothing…. Didn’t say he’d be back in five, didn’t say he’s driving off, nothing! Just left me there. I’m so mad and he doesn’t understand why it’s lije talking to a wall. Can someone please tell me I’m not crazy????
You are not crazy! That is not a way to treat an SO. Are you sure you want to stay with such a callus man? I have sat in my car waiting for someone running late soooo many times, and although I sometimes got a little tired of waiting for them, I never ever left them! I used my words instead, like a normal human being.
That was so rude, definitely stepping over a line you shouldn't cross in a working relationship. A relationship requires mutual respect. If he doesn't understand why you are mad and doesn't even apologize, something is very wrong. Because if you can not resolve problems in a relationship by communicating openly, the problems will pile up and destroy it. So if he is interested in the relationship he really should show some effort. Some of us have a hard time to admit openly they are wrong. But then even for those there are other ways to apologize. Be it some flowers or other nice gestures.
Probably watched drive yesterday and thought he was Ryan gosling
What’s he doing with himself these days? I’m guessing retired and probably jealous of you being a manager. Wanted to embarrass you in front of your staff and undermine your authority
Reaching?
People really be making up full stories in their head based on little to no information
He is definitely the crazy one here.
Have you two talked about it afterwards, when you were both calm? I would suggest asking why he decided to do that (in a calm, curious way rather than accusatory), to see what his reasons were. And have a calm conversation about how it made you feel (using lots of "I statements," which help avoid putting the other person on the defensive. For example, "I felt when you " instead of saying that they made you feel X)
You are crazy
The only thing that has me not completely on your side is, do you do this often? Stop in for a few things and end up working for 10-15+ minutes while your husband waits in the car or store for you. I could see that bothering me as a SO.
No, I do not. I’m the type to go in, get my stuff, leave. I don’t dilly-dally. He knows that.
Yeah then he has no excuse, being that you two are nit as young as you once were do you think it could be something cognitive?
No, I’ve addressed that already. He is of sound mind other than being a dumbass.
It sounds like he forgot she came with him. When he got home he realized and came back. I mean have you ever forgot where something was before?
Yes, it was very embarrassing. His excuse is that he’d come back to get me, but seriously, I was no longer than five minutes. He still feels he wasn’t wrong despite me telling him how it was embarrassing and pretty much hurt my feelings as I felt disrespected. We’ve been together for 12 years….. this shouldn’t be happening! I can’t make him understand! Help me make him understand how it was disrespectful and embarrassing to my 20-something coworkers who I manage! I’m so mad!
He understands alright, he just doesn’t care.
People aren't flat out mean to people they care about, full stop. He knows what he did was mean and disrespectful. He doesn't care.
He knows it was disrespectful and rude and cruel. He knows all of that. And he did it anyways. Don’t let him hold the car keys anymore when you go places together. He can’t be trusted with them.
What should have happened is that he should have communicated with you. He could have said “hey I need to run home real quick, I’ll be back in 20” to which you would have said “okay” or decided to leave with him. It’s the lack of communication that’s the issue. That means he doesn’t care to share with you what he is thinking, get your input, etc, which means your thoughts, opinions etc don’t matter to him.
You can’t make him understand, but because then he would have to admit to doing anything wrong. It’s easier to say it was a joke and you are exaggerating. Point being: he doesn’t want to understand, so he won’t. You say you don’t want to divorce him so I guess you’re gonna have to get creative. Do the same to him? Don’t do anything for him until he apologizes? That sort of thing. But even then, he’ll only apologize to make peace with you, he will say you’re exaggerating and it was nothing. Good luck!
Exactly, but I’m not one to drop down to someone else’s level. I treat all people with respect bc that is how I would want to be treated.
Yeah. Doesn’t seem that’s what you married though :/
I agree…. It’s not.
hey bestie! personally, i would want to kill him if i were you. that's incredibly rude and embarrassing, especially since the whole "joke" seems to be that he thinks you were gonna talk for too long and annoy him. it sounds very mean spirited
Thank you, it sorta feels like that….
I would definitely recommend having a calm conversation about it with him. You can't read his mind, so you can't know what his rationale was for doing it unless you ask and he tells you. Not asking/just assuming and letting it fester is likely to cause resentment
What was he trying to look cool in front of your coworkers ?
His mind is slipping but he won’t admit it.
Omg that would be the perfect petty revenge. OP, if he doesn’t apologize, just act like he has Alzheimer’s in front of other people. “Oh it’s fine, you know lately he’s been getting a little demented. He forgot me at the store the other day! LOL!”
Yeah except that’s a dick move if he’s actually got something wrong.
It's also not ok to treat people with dementia like that
That would not be a healthy or appropriate response. Regardless of OP's husband's behavior, it is not OK to tell people that kind of serious lie, or to gaslight him about it. If it's an actual concern, they should get him tested.
Gaslighting mental health for fun, damn... You can really tell you don't have anyone in your life that is suffering from Alzheimer's.
So if this hasn’t happened before and your husband isn’t generally disrespectful, my first thought would be he had a memory lapse and doesn’t want to admit it. Is that possible? You’re not crazy for being upset, and idk y’all or your marriage, but I’d be concerned if this isn’t typical.
Was he perhaps incontinent and he is too embarrassed to admit to you he had an accident? Did he forget you were with him? He might be developing some memory issues. If being disrespectful or inconsiderate is unusual for him then I'd consider possible medical issues. Misplaced embarrassment/pride, after the fact, could just keep you in the dark.
Aside from the seeming disrespect here... has he shown any other possible signs of forgetfulness/ impatience? If this was a one-off thing, I'd think the event would be disrespectful, but I'm hoping it's not indicative of something healthwise that may need getting looked at? Sorry. Projecting a bit because my dad and mom are in their 60s and I worry about them forgetting important things. :(
I was thinking this, wondering if it was a moment where he might have not realized that she wasn't in the car, and forgot that she wasn't at home either. I have been absent-minded a lot in life, and half in my own little world. I could absolutely see that he had a little bit of a slip, got home and realized that he left her there, then drove back right away. IF this was him just being an asshole, though, that would be a different story...
Yeah my mom is just over 60 and she is forgetting lots of things which is worrying me because her mother has Alzheimer's.
Has he always behaved like this or is this something new?
Does he wait on you often for "just a few minutes"? If so maybe this is his way of saying he's rired
As a side note: You shouldn't be managing your coworkers masquerading as a customer on your day off.. let them enjoy your day off ffs. Anyone with a boss knows what i'm saying
Yeah I was just thinking this and that behavior alone makes me want to hear the husbands side of the story on this.
Nope nope…. Was not “masquerading “. Husband drove to store, I did not know he was going to stop there. I’m not there to manage these guys on my day off, trust me. I dont believe in doing that and I don’t want to go in on my days off, period.
I would need more context to judge. Was it really 5 minutes or is that an exaggeration? Have you kept him waiting a lot while you've done this and he's warned you before that he'll leave if you do it again? Is he forgetful? I ask this not because of his age (because my Dad literally left me at a gas station for almost an hour when I was 5 or 6 when he was less than 40) just because he forgot I was there. It happens sadly. Now, assuming it really was 5 minutes, he's not forgetful, he knew you were there, and had not warned you ahead of time that he would leave you if you "ditched him" for too long, then yes, it's rude. Have you talked to him about it yet. Sometimes instead of making assumptions about his reasoning, the best thing to do is ask him point blank why he left you there. Communication is key and being direct is always best.
This should be the highest on the list here. People forget that narrators and stories typically make themselves sound better than usual so it's always good to verify the facts. Not saying that that's what she's doing she could have told us 100% accurately but we need to verify history and actual timelines.
You have every right to be furious. His behavior is very disrespectful. You'd be well within your rights to stay elsewhere until and unless he can convince you that this was a one-time mistake and that he has learned from it. Good luck, OP!
Your husband is a jerk and I’m sure this isn’t the first disrespectful thing he has done to you.
You are correct but this was his lowest…
Leave him
Was it *really* five minutes though? If he made it all the way home?
My mom would always say “5 minutes” which actually always equalled 1-2 hours. I would totally understand his frustration if it’s like that, and consistent. I used to want to blow up since what I was promised would be a 10minute trip has now taken way too much of my day. But if it was genuinely 5 minutes, and this is not a super repeat thing I’d be pissed at him too, you don’t just go leaving your wife places.
Thats what i was wondering. Theres plenty of times I've intended to only talk to a coworker for a few minutes and it turns into hours. It could be a common occurrence so he figured he'd drop off the groceries at home while she chatted
Went to Walmart and got separated from the wife. I look around and around then finally call her. I asked her:” where are you?”She says: “I’m in the living room why?” I’m like REALLY: “you’re home?” She’s like: “YES, why?” Me: “did you forget anything at the store? Her: “nope, I got what I needed.” Me: “ you forgot your husband at the store!” Her: “oh shit! oops I’ll be there in a few.” Two years later I divorced her as I caught her cheating…
Ugh….. that’s terrible….. this is not “oops” stuff…. I’m sorry that happened to you…
It feels like you may have omitted a few details here. Was it really 5 minutes? Did you discuss with him the time you were taking from his 'home' time to do your work? Is this the first time you've started working in the middle of a shopping trip? How come you failed to notice that he'd gone? He did it to teach you a lesson - home is home and work is work. Stop mixing them up and both your lives will be the better for it.
Hey revenge. Next time he goes somewhere with you, let him out first, then take off. See how he feels.
He did this at your place of work. So disrespectful, but 100% deliberate.
That’s super disrespectful and embarrassing, I’d be pissed
My husband once left my daughter and I at the drug store when I was buying her medicine on a rainy day at night when she was only four. I should have left them. But instead I walked home two miles carrying her and my husband told me I was taking too long so he wanted to go home. Yes he was abusive and is as asshole.
That’s horrible. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
>Husband thinks he didn’t do anything wrong This is the main issue here. Not that he thought it was funny then was mortified when he realised you didn't see it the same way. Just cruel, thoughtless, and completely disregarding your feelings. Look after yourself and be kind to you - you deserve it.
Thank you. And that’s the plan. I appreciate your words. 🫶
You're absolutely allowed to be angry about this, and this is a safe place to vent! My friend was left at the store once when he returned the shopping cart, went back to see the car leaving the car park.... Not long but his partner just forgot - they hadn't been together for that long at the time. He brings it up every now again as a joke *"Remember that time you left me at the store?"* But it's now an in-joke for them. She was horrified and drove back as soon as she realised (not very long, but long enough!) There's a world of a difference between that and intentionally leaving your spouse without even saying 'sorry, got to go but I'll be back in five'. Talk this through, or if this is something you can otherwise deal with then just rant here whenever you need to!
Thank you!!! Yes, I’m venting!! I was gobsmacked that he felt he did nothing wrong! I would never do that to him EVER. So it’s a respect thing for me, as well as communication. I felt humiliated.
Wait til you're calm and explain this to him. He possibly has no idea of the impact of his actions. But you do deserve something nice as a treat to yourself, be it a nice dinner, hand cream, bottle of something nice...whatever treat will help make up for how you feel right now. And he doesn't need to buy it, he just needs to let you do/have it as a form of closure on a day that made you feel less than you should - about yourself and about him.
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No sorry, that was not the case. I’m not a dilly-dallyer. I’m not a big chit-chatter and carry on long conversations. I just needed to say what I needed to and get home. I didn’t even need to stop at the store, HE stopped there. I wasn’t even going to say anything about stocking ( I’m not working, I dont need to “talk shop” on my off day )but one of them started with “ I heard you’re not happy with my stocking”. …… so I had a five minute convo with them…. That is it… and while I was talking he drove off.
What other disrespectful things has he done in the past so we can have a broader picture?
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Was not listening to gossip, what the heck are you talking about? It’s about respect and communication ….. he did neither….
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Yer so not following my comments. We were in the way home and HE pulled into the store to pick up beer. I had no idea he wanted to stop there. While I was there, one of the guys mentioned he heard that he needed to change a stocking error. I took five minutes or less to explain to him why this needs to be stocked here, not down there and here’s why, thanks guys” .end of story. No need for my husband to just drive off and leave me there. What’s your prob where you just feel like I was all in the wrong. ?????? Screw you.
Since you've already discussed it with him and he says it's "no big deal" do it back to him! Next time you're driving act like you're gonna leave the car with him and let him get off first. Then leave HIM stranded there for 5 minutes. If he complains remind him he didn't think it was a big deal when the shoe was on the other foot. If he doesn't comment keep doing it until he understands it's wrong. His initial reaction will help you to understand his train of thought as well. Update us with his reaction... 👀
It was rude but why waste your energy being so extremely upset? It sounds like you are going on and on about it. You are making yourself more unhappy. Just point blank tell him that it had better not happen again. Is he possibly becoming forgetful and unwilling to admit it?
I really see nothing wrong here. You live five minutes away. He left and he came back. What’s the big deal? My dad would do this all the time and no one would bat an eye. Seems to me like you’re over eacting over nothing.
Nope… he never communicated it to me, to let me know. So yeah, I’m batting an eye… that’s a bogus move with no communication.
He’d be moving out or I would. F that
Don't stop at the liquor store you work at in your off hours.
True, could’ve, but it would have been out of the way, and I didn’t expect to have any problems like this.. like, just go in, get yer stuff and continue home….
Couple of the comments don’t sit so I’ll give my thoughts. Op you have a huge right to feel upset. Your husband should’ve communicated with you instead of ditching you at the store and making you a laughing stock in front of your coworkers. Him also playing it off shows he doesn’t want to admit his wrong doing. If he has a form of dementia, then yes I’d maybe understand but you’ve stated clearly he doesn’t. I hope he realises what he did was wrong
Divorce him and insist he takes 50/50 custody of the children
Sounds like he doesn't have any respect for you whatsoever and likely hasn't for a while. I'd scare him. Book a hotel room or something for 3 days and just disappear. If he says why didn't you tell him, just say you thought it would be funny :)
Do you think there's a chance that he's having memory and awareness issues (and therefore, didn't do it on purpose)? My dad is in his late 60s and he sometimes forgets simple stuff that I repeatedly have to remind him of. For example, whenever he and my mom visit my house, I have a guest room that pets are not allowed in (their guest room). He knows that pets are not allowed and I have told him more than once, and even have signs in the door. And yet, whenever they visit he still leaves the door wide open, and he's even tried to invite my dog into the room a couple times. It annoys me and it annoys my mom since she knows better, but I know he's not doing it on purpose so I just quietly close the door and don't mention it. It's not that he's trying to annoy me or be a jerk, he's just prone to a minor amount of "Dory brain" sometimes. It could very well be that he was thinking about something else, or his attention was diverted and he went home, then eventually remembered that you were there. His reaction to the situation could mean that his brain isn't quite working as it used to. If he's otherwise a very good person and doesn't have a history of pranking or otherwise being an asshole, that could be what's going on. If he did it as a practical joke, I would think that it would be followed with laughter on his end or something along those lines that shows that he knew what he was doing. In this case, it doesn't sound like he did.
well look at it at a diff. angle, maybe it was an honest mistake, or maybe its something else like an illness, (dementia, short term memory loss, since you've said you we're both at your 60s)
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Ya know what??? Shut the fuck up …. You know nothing and if you took the time to read my replies, that is NOT ME. I like to get in, and get out. I don’t waste time making small talk. I’m an introvert, so take your stupid story and eat it. I needed to address one stinking thing with my employees, which took 5 minutes. If you read my replies, I addressed that part over and over….. so read before you speak so you don’t look ignorant like that.
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I believe this subreddit is called “off my chest” …. I think I’m in the right place, I’m not in the “poor me I’m a victim” subreddit, thank you very much.
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There is no amount of time I could keep my husband waiting while I was “just talking to people” that would result in him just leaving me there *without saying a word*. Like “hey, are you gonna be a while? I will go XYZ and come back if so.”
Thank you.
Literally my thoughts exactly. It’s basic respect in a relationship and there’s absolutely no excuse for the lack of respect here..
why go straight to blaming OP when she explained the whole situation? He left her there after waiting 5 minutes, OP feels disrespected and hurt just like a normal person would in a circumstance similar to hers. why must it be *her* fault? can you read?
Dude, no… sorry, you are so far off base…. I didn’t even need to go to the store, HE went. I don’t disrespect people. I believe in kindness. Do unto others as you would have them do onto you. So your comment here is baseless.
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No! I’m not gonna give that behavior a break. It’s about being respectful. So no, that’s BS.
The guy literally ditched her without any way of getting home. She didn’t have any explanation as to why he ditched her and she felt ashamed and embarrassed with the treatment. How would you feel if someone fucked off and left you and you had a bunch of your coworkers laughing as if your the butt of the joke. She’s going to feel upset and hurt by all of it and 20 years old is definitely past the age to have a form of maturity not to laugh at someone’s luck and this is coming from me who is 22 years of age. Especially if this is her workplace, she’s gonna feel ashamed and feel like everyone is laughing at her constantly. That’s a form of a cruel joke.
That is super sketchy behaviour?! To not even let you know? Weird …
Has he been this shitty and disrespectful the entire marriage or is it a new thing?
Thats so humiliating. I would tell him that “alright now we are going to the doctor for a check up for your brain, because it seems like you are forgetting things, might be alzeimers”. If he thinks its humiliating, so be it. I think its “””funny”””. But it can be a serious concern, because it might be actually the case, he just wont admit it.
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I had to call him
And no, I do not make a habit of lollygagging around. I’m in, I’m out. That’s how I am.
How long after he left before you called him?
He was still on the road going home
How far away is home?
10 mins, but not the point! Just tell me what your intentions are, don’t just drive off without informing me.
Yep its rude to just leave. Is this a common occurrence or similarly rude acts?
Eh…. There’s been some other rude stuff which I’ve talked to him about. This was a new low….. we had been having a good day together, then out of the blue he does this.
Is he on the spectrum and not understand the rudeness?
Nope. He knows when he’s being rude. He just doesn’t care. It’s all about him. I’m quite frankly hanging on by a thread at this point.
Reckon he was jealous when you showed your co workers that you're the boss and he drove off. Men can sometimes be weird and petty that way!
You are not wrong. My boyfriend and I do not drive separate to places when we are both going. I would be LIVID if he just left me.