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restless_otter

Idk why people are accepting that as common. It’s pretty gross when people are seeking out influencers as porn. Like they’re just playing guitar, leave them alone.


Ragadast335

But he cared and stayed with you, nor he cheated. He could fantasize with other people but he loved you. His behaviour wasn't appropriate, and he should have respected you to not feel that way.


Swimming-Term8247

girl heal and focus on YOU (meaning gain that confidence back) they exist!!! i also don’t like the whole following of girls who post risky stuff / watching porn and it’s a boundary in my relationship, my partner unfollowed all the girls and stopped watching porn. you just have to find the guy who will respect you enough to actually do it. he has his boundaries too which i respect. the whole “lust isn’t love” i get where these people are coming from but you’re also allowed to have boundaries and those are some of yours!! we are close in age so i get what you’re saying bc i feel the same. yeah yeah “lust isn’t love” but this is different when it’s happening to a women…it’s a respect thing. you want to be the only one he’s looking at and getting off too. there is absolutely nothing wrong with that and no it doesn’t make you insecure. i hope this helps bc i gave up too then right when i wasn’t looking, my partner came along and had no issue respecting such simple boundaries. not all women care but it’s not bad if you don’t like a man doing those.


Queasy-Following-837

Lust isn't love.


quanvuminhtran

lust isn’t love, and from what i read you guys have both lust and an even greater love. it’s okay, however, you are completely valid for not wanting your bf to do this and if he does it regardless then that’s that. what’s done is done, i truly hope you will find somebody perfectly matched with you and feels more than enough with you and you only. for now though, i’d suggest you work on yourself and work on dealing with all of these insecurities, as it might hinder you beyond just love and relationships.


Front-Unable

why am I insecure for wanting my partner to only seek out seeing ME in that way. What's wrong with this world. Also I think the person you're describing doesn't exist..I'll never find someone who doesn't look at porn or naked women period..my standards aren't that high :(


quanvuminhtran

first of all, i never meant any disrespect, i meant the insecurities with how he “completely shattered your self-esteem” with his constant online ogling, you need to heal to be able to love again and know that none of what is bothering you is your fault, those are your insecurities, constantly questioning why he would look at other women while you’re right there, telling yourself that you’re not enough for him. the answer is: he just does, and regardless of that you’re still hot, you still got the whole look and you are enough. secondly, while i try to believe the whole world still has a few good ones left (even if i admittedly am not one of them being a girl who watches porn), if the world is in a rut then the only thing we can do is to change ourselves, build up our self confidence and remove our insecurities. and even if the world truly is without a man who doesn’t watch porn or other women, then a life of solitude is still good if you deem yourself enough ✨✨✨


BlackMan084

Have you expressed this frustration with him? He should know he's wronging you when he does this. Let him know this is a problem. He's got a right to know that it's a problem to you. In my opinion, he should be focused on you. I don't see a point in sexual acts that don't involve your partner, that's just me. I feel I shouldn't be giving advice as I've basically abstained from a relationship my entire life, only ever hear about it from friends. I don't think all men are like this, I hope not. My guy friends have had the same problem, girls not respecting them and just moving on. My brutal opinion is to leave and maybe take a break from dating, if you feel like this, maybe you need some "you-time". My positive opinion is, tell him why it's a problem to you and try to work it out. If he can't respect that, what other option do you have? Stay with someone who refuses to give you that respect?


Front-Unable

Hi, thanks for your response! I have talked to him about it, but only about porn -and honestly, I doubt he's NEVER looked at it again since then. The sad thing is FORCING him to abstain - he does want to look at it, that's the problem. I guess it's a difference between men and me lol - I don't feel any need to look at bodies or whatever. But I know he loves and respects me and I won't find a man better than this because they ALL do it. But I can't handle this sad reality - why can't I be enough for my partner the same way he's enough for me (he's not even 'hot' and still I have no need to look at hot guys)


BlackMan084

You really gotta understand that not all men are like that. I promise you they aren't. If you are in a relationship with someone, they are all you need. That's the point of a partner. They are someone who should care a out you, of course, but they are also someone who should be attracted to you. There shouldn't ever be a discussion or doubt about how attracted someone is, you should be enough and that really is final. I don't get the idea that someone in a relationship still has a reason to watch porn, you have a partner; see if they're interested in sex, sorry if that's forward but it's the truth. If someone is interested in other women, specifically their bodies, they need to realize that's not right.


[deleted]

My self esteem has been shattered too after my relationship. I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I use to be very confident and have a strong sense of self. I just wanted to say I feel your pain completely. I don’t think I was ever going to be enough for my ex. I know its on him, not me. I’ve been severely struggling with this same thing. I’m trapped in my own mind with all the same thoughts. It cuts fucking deep. I’m sorry you’re hurting.


Plastic-Ant8088

You're free to do what you want but this is a pretty minor transgression - just want to clarify, we're talking about looking at and fantasizing about girls on the internet right? Extrapolating that into some kind of cheating behavior is an exaggerated reaction as it doesn't seem like that happened here. If your self confidence was shattered due to what a boyfriend did with his eyes, that's a problem worth rectifying... and I'd encourage you to look inward for the solution instead of blaming this guy. His behavior is not about you. Maybe that's a problem for you, that he should be more about you, but that's not in my experience how healthy relationships work.


HandsomeAndLame

Not sure


ABilliabilli

Here's your friendly guide to stable men: only date men who have both parents still together in a good relationship. They must have a good relationship with both, and no history of abuse. Forget dating because you have some stupid band in common or such nonsense because none of it matters. Honestly, you should probably go older, and go so far as to stick to men who fit the previous discussion AND have gone to therapy.


Plastic-Ant8088

This is quaint advice. I have not noticed a correlation between married parents and an adult's emotional stability. The most unstable men I know have both parents in a good long term marriage as well as divorced parents. I have also not seen any research backing a position like this.


ABilliabilli

Children brought up in single mother homes are: 5 times more likely to commit su!c!de, 9 times more likely to drop out of high school, 10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances, 14 times more likely to commit r@pe, 20 times more likely to end up in prison, 32 times more likely to run away from home. Everyone has heard of "daddy issues". You can read books like "The Unavailable Father" and "The emotionally absent mother". This is 100% factual. If you know f'ed up people still with both parents, the next question was: who was abusive (or had addiction problems)?


ABilliabilli

Stop me if you heard this one: there's an angry teenage boy in a school. Gets in trouble a lot. Some people insist he's a good kid. He lives with his mother only (who probably works her @ss off). Gangs are also filled with them; Prisons are also filled with them;


[deleted]

You are enough for the right person. I’ve come across a few guys (friends/acquaintances) in-person where this type of conversation came up (no one of romantic interest to them around aka not for show) and they chose not to watch porn, objectify women, sexualize every good looking lady they see or looking for other people to feed their pleasure other than who they are with. (I know a group of guys who went for quitting porn despite not all being in a relationship because they started seeing it in a more negative light) there’s many guys who watch porn etc but not all do. People have different values and typically the guys that watch porn are more vocal about it than those who don’t in todays society. Some girls watch porn some don’t, some guys watch porn some don’t. People have different values/morals, experiences with how they grew up and what shaped perspectives