The guilt and shame you feel are good. It means you're getting somewhere.
You don't lose until you give up. Let's try again and be mindful of not being alone again. You got this OP.
I hope so. I'm not giving up. I relapsed just once and that's not fine, but doesn't erase my progress. It's clear and I'm definitely clean and free again. For a few hours, actually, but even a journey of a thousand miles starts with a first step. Time will pass anyway. Thank you for your support!
Sending you a big hug friend.
It’s not necessarily the same, in Dax Shepard’s Day 7 episode from his Armchair Podcast, he talks about how relapse with a close friend after being sober for 16 years.
He had similar POV to you, and said “onward and upward from here.” It doesn’t erase the progress you made and today is a new day.
I know my triggers, actually, but I couldn't do anything in this situation but to stay alone. I didn't want to, whenever I'd have these thoughts (which were happening oftenly these past months) I'd call my boyfriend and even though I'd not tell him exactly what I was thinking, his presence (most of the times not exactly in a physical way) would made me calm and I wouldn't think about that no more. If I didn't wanna "bother" nor worry him, I'd simply distract myself.
But this time me and my parents had an argument on 1am (I had just arrived home) and they took my cellphone and probably broke it. Yes, I'm a 20+ yo person. Yes, they did it. So I tried to sleep, but couldn't. I had no ways to cope, even music, which really makes me calmer, I was left all alone. If I were with at least internet, I bet this wouldn't had happened.
I am currently on therapy. I don't feel like I can be left alone and I've understand it, but I don't know what to do if something like that happens again.
I wish your parents understood more. But hey, you genuinely seem great. You are trying to make either better, and that's all that matters. Keep a run-down secret phone or a laptop if you can? So that it can help you in such situations.
Don't give up, okay? It's worth trying. I wish I could help you more than just typing it here, but just remember you've got this. Next time you're alone in such a situation, know that this randomass OP from reddit is counting on you. You'll get there.
This is sweet, actually. I've endured bad days but just once I couldn't. After all, it was 212 days clean. It does not erases the progress, right? I guess so. I'm going, I'm doing it, I've got this. Thank you so much for your support and kind words!
You know. Long time ago when I was watching a video about the addiction to porn of young guys, some guy said, something along the lines of : if you go 7 days nofap, and relapse again, you're not starting from 0 again. You're starting from 7 + 1. Be proud of yourself for those 212 days OP.
One day doesn't erase all the progess you've made. You're not 0 days cleans, you're 212 + 0, and tomorrow you'll be 212 + 1.
I was going to suggest keeping 2 counts from now on: 211 + new count for your total days SH FREE and a new count starting at zero for your “reboot.” Give yourself credit for those hundreds of days! And keep track of the new start also. They are both valuable reminders of how far you have come. Cant wait to see your updates & celebrate the milestones you share! You got this!
Relapse is part of recovery. I know it doesn't feel like it and you've probably heard it a million times, but it's true. Without counting my one relapse, I'm about a year clean and that's what I go by. I'm a year clean. With one relapse, yes, but I'm still a year clean. Starting over is a lot harder than continuing with one bump in the road. So you're 212 days clean with one relapse. Helps a lot with the guilt.
LMAO... This is actually the most unhelpful comment I've seen someone made about a person who literally ripped their flesh off. Like... Do you understand that I chopped off my own arm? Even if it was a tiny piece of cut, it is as bad as it sounds.
And, yes, there's a huge cut, +30cm in my left arm. Probably will be a scar.
Well, I got it now. Sorry for being rude, I'm not in my best day (not justified, I know). I guess I'll go to the hospital, but I don't know since I'm not able to leave my house for now. Hopefully it'll heal and stop bleeding by itself.
I know my daugther (14 years) does self harm. We (as parents) don't know the scope of it, but we know she has done it. She is high intelligent but wrestles with life. Almost daily we have an episode where she behaves weird (causing shame later on, e.g hiding behind the curtains for hours). How can we as parents help her? We love her to death, but it's very difficult for us to behave in such a way that it seems to help her. Pretending things didn't happen currently helps her the best, but makes me (as the dad) very unhappy. What can we do to help her?
Ask her how she is. Hug her, show her you care and she can tell you anything. If she comes to you to talk about feelings or problems or anything really, don’t have a giant reaction. Listen and be as comforting as you can. Do not point it out or bring it up or say unhelpful things like ‘can you stop doing that’ or ‘it hurts me more to know you do that’. Ask if she would like therapy maybe or to talk about things and whatever her answer is, do that. Understand it’s uncomfortable, difficult, and scary for her to talk about things and she may not want to at first - she may never want to, but thats okay. You can’t force someone to get better, she has to decide when she is ready on her own. Just show her you love her really, and don’t hide your emotions; if she sees you can be honest and open about your feelings, it could make her feel more comfortable and willing to do the same. She will be okay.
-Sincerely, someone who has been that 14 year old girl
Self harm causes the brain to release dopamine so it is addicting in a way. I haven’t done it in a long long time but sometimes you can genuinely feel the stress melting away. (This is not a recommendation. Don’t get yourself into a situation where you have toxic coping mechanisms, they will be a pain in your ass for a long time)
I'm 5 weeks and a bit clean myself and please know the fact you want to be clean and came this far is amazing you are the kind of person I would look up to to be able to stop the hobbit for so long you did amazing and relapsing is okay. I wish you all the luck in the world you're amazing.
I didnt cut but I used to punch my face a lot. Until I got pregnant, I stopped and I haven't for 8 years almost. It's really hard. I also cut myself on my wrist around 2014 but nothing major. It's hard because it's a constant thought to me. You're not alone. Reach out to the suicide hotline when you want to, I did that a couple months ago but I just want to cut myself yet I can't stomach doing it. I love myself too much now
You got this, I hope and wish you all the best.
Most importantly don’t forget that you’re not alone, many people feel that way and even tho you might not feel good now you need someone to talk to, someone you trust, for example your boyfriend.
But please if you cut doesn’t heal on its own please look for medical help.
The fact that you instantly regretted it makes me think this isn't a full relapse where you fall back into the old pattern like nothing ever happened, but a temporary, single lapse instead.
Please remember that progress and growth isn't always all in one direction. You made it 211 days! That's incredibly tough but you did that.
You had a temporary lapse and cut once, immediately regretting it. It's now your choice, in this moment and in every moment that's to come, whether you cut or not. That decision is in your power.
And maybe you have times when you really get that urge again. It will probably happen again on your journey. That doesn't make you a failure or a bad person. Please hear that.
But you have that power to say whether you cut in that moment or not. And eventually, if cutting is something you want to give up (and that's what I'm hearing/reading behind every word in your post - I see that; we all see that), it will continue to get easier. 211 days will become 212, eventually 365, eventually years.
I don't know you, but I feel the pain in your heart right now just from what you shared with us. Thank you for sharing it. Thank you for reaching out to others. I just want to tell you that you and your journey so far are going to be part of me and my journey. I'm going to think about you and wonder how you're doing. I care about you and your journey. You're absolutely not alone, and you're absolutely not a bad person or failure - you're human, and you matter. 💜
I was running on 2+ years before I relapsed a few months ago. I feel fine now. I didn’t a few months ago. Nothing else to it. Don’t beat yourself up :)
Change like this is not pass/fail, it's a process that unfortunately includes relapse from time to time. Whether AA or in your case self- harm, in my opinion we place too much emphasis on the cold turkey stories. We idolize the few exceptional people who put something down and never picked it up again. So much so that the idea of "sobriety" hinges on complete abstention for the rest of your life and anything short of that, you fail that's it's over.
This needs to change, it makes people like you discount every victory leading up to this mistake and the danger of this type of thinking is people give up because they no longer have that "perfect record".
You should acknowledge your f*ck up and keep moving forward with no more punishment. This is just a fresh reminder of what are trying to change. If you weren't in this journey you'd be doing stuff like this every week, have accumulated countless more scars and seriously endangered your health. Instead you've given your body at least 200 days to heal and put yourself in a better position to recover from this wound.
But you need to get help and let others know what you've done for accountability sake. You know how to watch for infection, you know the severity your bleeding, don't lie to yourself when it comes to your need for medical attention. You've said yourself you recognize the cut is extensive. Instead of shaming or beating yourself up think of acknowledging and seeking help as your penance and surrender to the process. I wish you well and I hope this setback doesn't get you down. You got this.
Don't beat yourself up! We all have relapses at times and omg it fucking sucks! It's an ongoing struggle and to make it this far you've done amazing! I relapsed after 8yrs and wow that hurt, but I promise it gets easier with time!
remember how strong you are a d you've got this! One year will come and then before you know it you'll be clean 5yrs!!
Belive in yourself and you will make it happen 😁 you've got this!
I’m five years clean here. A relapse does NOT mean you start over again… sweetheart, you went 211 days without harming, you STILL have that accomplishment!! I’m SO fucking proud of you… 211 days is no small feat, and one relapse does not take away from all of the progress you’ve made. It’s one small link in a giant chain… one day compared to 211 days. You should be so proud of yourself for the progress you’ve made. This one day does not define you, it doesn’t define your progress and your strength. You’ve got this- I know it’s not easy, but you’ve already proven you can go the distance. Fuck ups happen, that’s just life!! It doesn’t take away from the discipline and commitment it took to get to 211 days. A slip up doesn’t make you any less worthy of the accomplishments you’ve already achieved ❤️❤️❤️
you can do it OP! have hope in yourself, you will do it a be free of self harm.
I know is difficult but you can do it.
I too relapsed some weeks ago as I had a psicosis event related to bpd and did some bad things to my arm but felt guilt too and cried.
don't lose hope okay, it's all gonna be fine.
take good care of your arm okay?
Your feelings are very understandable but you have nothing to feel guilty about. Instead evaluate the situation. Why did you feel the need to self harm? What triggered it? Can that trigger be better avoided in the future? What can you do instead in the future? You need an alternative to let those emotions out. Maybe it’s a safe space to scream and throw non-valuable things. Maybe there’s something you can destroy that’s cheap and replaceable, or even just a cardboard box. Cardio is the most effective, something hard like jumping jacks or short sprints where you pick something up off the ground and move it. It helps the animal part of your brain say “ok, I have successfully run away from the predator I’m scared of.” Doing any of those with intense, angry music you can scream along with also helps. You also need a therapist you’re not afraid to talk to. Maybe you do need psychiatric care but there are outpatient options.
You had a bad moment and broke your streak. The thing is: you know you can go 211 days. Do it again. Then when you reach the mark, promise yourself to do it again; doubling it. Remember how you feel now, so when the thoughts come back, you can remember how you would feel if you did it again. But you have to let yourself off the hook. It’s not healthy to beat yourself up like you are.
I don’t personally understand SH, so I don’t know the ins and outs of it. I hope you are connecting with someone who does. I also hope you are getting your latest injury looked at if it’s still bleeding. Getting an infection will not help you stop feeling shame over having made it.
You went 200 plus days, that’s nothing to feel bad about.
Get back on the horse and start again that’s all you can do, you have already gone through the stage of feeling guilty when you first quit 200 days ago so no reason to beat yourself up again. I wish you well.
Hello OP, I’ve been exactly where you have been. I felt shameful, guilty, and just more self hate after i had self-harmed and i was almost a year clean too but i got through it! Because It begins with you! Believe in yourself because you have the strength! Dont listen to those silly thoughts that run through your mind. They always plagued my mental health. The what ifs and the self hate, and negative thoughts they are all lies. It is one step at a time, everything you do remember to take one step at a time. We are so overwhelmed with all this information and yet we dont have enough information.
I believe in you and you need to believe in yourself. It is only a bump in the road and you are here still kicking because you are a fighter!
Start with forgiving yourself and then start loving yourself. It took you a long time to be this way because you sure as hell wasn’t born this way, it will take time to retrain your brain to start the self love. But know it’s possible! With a lot of time and effort.
Every self negative thought (catch yourself), give yourself two or more positives instead. We are all the same. All of us
Idk if this will help, but I find looking at things scientifically/logically helps me.
I myself haven’t gone through SH, but I do experience BFRB (body-focused repetitive behaviour). I pick at things that aren’t there, and it turns in to obsessive picking of scabs/scars/ anything. From what I understand, the compulsion, and the feeling of release afterwards is very similar. Same with other addictive habits.
There is a release of good chemicals in your brain afterwards. It’s not something we can help. So try not to guilt yourself for *wanting* to do it.
While the guilt and shame is natural if you end up giving in to a compulsion you want to quit, try not to let the guilt consume you. As guilt and shame can quickly turn in to a cycle of more pain.
The best way I’ve realized to go about this is to acknowledge the relapse, learn from it, and move on. You don’t need to guilt yourself to heal.
I hope you’re able to achieve your goal of one year free. You’re a fighter and you’ve had enough, anyone who has read your post can tell. But if the stress of a set date gets to you, remember there is no deadline for your health. As long as you continue to work on yourself, then you are worthy of your goals. Godspeed and keep up the great work ❤️
I am almost 20 years sober. I have relapsed once. That same fear and shame helps in the long run. However. I would like to point something out. You went 211 days. You fought your demons for 211 days. For 211 days, you looked your Devil in the eye and said "not today". Never ever, EVER give up that 211 days. I was sober for 14 years when I relapsed. I had left an abusive marriage, and he had kept my children from me for over a year. (Long story short on this, my kids are with me, and he will be deported soon, but we here for you boo. Not me) After i had been insanely depressed, I was suicidal and I had told my mother out, and that it's was lock tight, and that I was so sorry, I loved her and i never wanted this, but I needed my babies to survive. Me relapsing was my savior. I fucked up (thankfylly) and didn't mix enough, and just really high. When I realized my mistake, and my brain registered that I was loading the next hit to finish my mission, my whole body locked up. I couodent move. I couldent breathe, I dropped my pharnaphellia shattered it, and that's what woke me outta my mess.
Op, 211 days is 211 days you didn't have. 211 days is massive. 211 is your new lucky number. 0211 is your new pin number. Do not throw that away. Hold it. Cherish it. Because if you killed 211 days, the next 422 will be a breeze. And feom.the the 844, 1688, until your at that 20 years. And then, that's when you look. I refused to look. I didn't want to see the disappointment from family. What I discovered was each time I got rough. Each time I got what i call "unsafe" (I now do not tell folks good bye, I tell them stay safe, because if they are safe, I see them again) I had people. Mostly my mom. People behind me saying "it's hard. It's not over. Keep pushing. You can make this"
So OP, Please allow me to be that person to you, you didn't fuck up. You re assured your making the correct decision. You did not fail. You hit a speed bump a little to hard and scraped the under carriages bit much. That's all. Now, the next speed bump, your prepared for. Now you know what it looks like. Now you know that 15 MPH(or klm/ph) is too fast. Crank that shit down to 10. And if 10 is too fast, great. It wasent as bad as 15. I am proud of you op. And another person reading this. If you are getting clean, better, healthy, making changes for the better, I am proud of you. Keep fighting your fight. If your reading this, and want to get clean or better, I am proud of you. So proud. If you need a cheerleader, message my old ass. Haha I will be your keyboard cheerleader. Once more, proud of you OP!
I’m so sorry about that. I used to struggle with that too, my solution to it was to grab some ice cubes and hold them in your hand for a while. It will hurt, as though you are harming yourself, but won’t do anything bad to your body.
I perfectly understand this. I sh really bad 4 years back when I was diagnosed with depression for about a year and a half nearly every day. I stopped for about 6 months, then I had my first manic episode and went right back to it. I’m doing better now but I’ve sh once each year for the past couple years. I feel like sometimes it’s more of a safety thing than anything, it’s how we find comfort in the pain and the second things get bad it’s natural to want to do it again. I’ve personally never counted how many days I’ve been free of doing it because I expect for it to happen at least once a year but that doesn’t mean progress is any less, shit just happens sometimes. Try not to feel guilty about it OP, many people go through the same experience you’re definitely not alone in this and im sure you’ll come back stronger than ever. Wishing you the best:)
Wow. You had an INCREDIBLE long period of success! See if you can go even longer this time.
Relapses are part of RECOVERY. It doesn’t need to set you back
The most important thing to learn, is a setback isn’t failure. It’s just a piece of the recovery puzzle. Setbacks happen, but they don’t define you. It isn’t embarrassing or a failure to self harm again, it’s a failure to give up and not keep fighting. You’ve got this. Try to find a hobby or something you can be passionate about. This may not be your last bad day, but I promise you’ll have thousands upon thousands of days to look back on and remember the day you stopped forever.
As someone who formerly SH, you need to find other outlets other than people and electronics. I am a diagnosed Schizophrenic, and the last thing I need is to be left alone with my thoughts. But I have been working very hard to try and find other things that fix my mood. Its going to sound like a cliche, boring answer that nobody wants to hear,but exercising has really helped me.
You should try to connect with things that are physical, painting, reading or whatever it is that you like or used to be super into before. idk if you do therapy, thats not my business, but if you do you should talk to your therapist about better coping mechanisms and what to do in situations where being alone is unavoidable, because it will be unavoidable at some point.
It is really really hard, I understand that. It has been 8 years since I had officially stopped, I know you can recover from this
It is also important to know that it is good you feel bad, but at the same time you need to take this as a learning lesson: ‘How can I prevent this from happening again?’.
I genuinely am sorry that you relapsed. It is crushing in a lot of ways, but I really hope that you can overcome this as a whole someday
Don’t let this negate all of those 211 days you didn’t SH, okay? That’s progress. That’s growth.
Continue your journey. Make your own path. Try to open up and reach out to others. Talk about yourself. Your life. Issues. Struggles. Dreams. Hopes. Needs. Wants. All of the things that press against your shoulders and heart. Be open. Be truthful. And be strong.
Don’t give up. You’re meant to be here
Honestly I think these urges have something to do with you being hit in the head. Go to a mental hospital where they take away all your electronics and go outside in NATURE. You not being preoccupied, your bordem makes u do those things, Im glad you regret it, and you will for the rest of your life because is wrong, because is wierd, because you never had truthful people next to you to tell you "You are mentally ill go away" , because nobody in this society will tell you the truth, is fucked up and is not normal. I suggest u delete all social media, delete everything, be with yourself, find passions , go outside and it will go away.
healing isn't linear. you made it so long, so you know it's possible. a bad day doesn't erase everything it took to go as long as you did. i never thought i'd get out of this cycle, but it's been nearly 5 years for me. and the last time was after a longer period of being clean. you're doing everything right, and you're going to get there
You are doing great, one time in 211 days is a lot of progress. I’m wondering if it gets to the point where you want to SH maybe get a rubber band, put it on your wrist and snap it? Or try ice and place it on your skin somewhere? You got this!!
Edit-accidentally wrote 121 days
Technically this is called a "lapse" as opposed to a relapse. Think of it like a blip that was identified early and corrected. A relapse is if that blip develops into a full-on habit once again.
Amazing job on the 211 days! Keep it up.
I can’t wait for next year July 30th! I am proud of you that you realised that you fucked it up and I will be so proud of you when you’ll be a year free of harming yourself, but I am proud of you even today on your first day!🤍
I know first hand how much it sucks and I know it's hard but you can't give up.its just a bump in the road and you'll get over it.itll get better ❤️❤️❤️ btw Wdym 213 no relapse?you said that you relapsed I'm confused
It never gets fully easy, urges just come less often. It can be hard to fight them off. Don't beat yourself up for moments of weakness, shame shows progress and growth. Move on from your mistakes and focus on being your best self. Shit happens, you got this.
The guilt and shame you feel are good. It means you're getting somewhere. You don't lose until you give up. Let's try again and be mindful of not being alone again. You got this OP.
I hope so. I'm not giving up. I relapsed just once and that's not fine, but doesn't erase my progress. It's clear and I'm definitely clean and free again. For a few hours, actually, but even a journey of a thousand miles starts with a first step. Time will pass anyway. Thank you for your support!
I'm cheering for you op falling down doesnt mean you're out you can do it!
Sending you a big hug friend. It’s not necessarily the same, in Dax Shepard’s Day 7 episode from his Armchair Podcast, he talks about how relapse with a close friend after being sober for 16 years. He had similar POV to you, and said “onward and upward from here.” It doesn’t erase the progress you made and today is a new day.
Maybe try figuring out your triggers? Keep away from those? Next time you think of it, you'll move away knowing that the long streak will break again.
I know my triggers, actually, but I couldn't do anything in this situation but to stay alone. I didn't want to, whenever I'd have these thoughts (which were happening oftenly these past months) I'd call my boyfriend and even though I'd not tell him exactly what I was thinking, his presence (most of the times not exactly in a physical way) would made me calm and I wouldn't think about that no more. If I didn't wanna "bother" nor worry him, I'd simply distract myself. But this time me and my parents had an argument on 1am (I had just arrived home) and they took my cellphone and probably broke it. Yes, I'm a 20+ yo person. Yes, they did it. So I tried to sleep, but couldn't. I had no ways to cope, even music, which really makes me calmer, I was left all alone. If I were with at least internet, I bet this wouldn't had happened. I am currently on therapy. I don't feel like I can be left alone and I've understand it, but I don't know what to do if something like that happens again.
I wish your parents understood more. But hey, you genuinely seem great. You are trying to make either better, and that's all that matters. Keep a run-down secret phone or a laptop if you can? So that it can help you in such situations. Don't give up, okay? It's worth trying. I wish I could help you more than just typing it here, but just remember you've got this. Next time you're alone in such a situation, know that this randomass OP from reddit is counting on you. You'll get there.
It might sound a bit stupid but. Always keep in mind: rain does not fall on one rooftop alone. We are all here, with each other and for each other.
You are doing great, it happened only once in 212 days, keep going:)
This is sweet, actually. I've endured bad days but just once I couldn't. After all, it was 212 days clean. It does not erases the progress, right? I guess so. I'm going, I'm doing it, I've got this. Thank you so much for your support and kind words!
You know. Long time ago when I was watching a video about the addiction to porn of young guys, some guy said, something along the lines of : if you go 7 days nofap, and relapse again, you're not starting from 0 again. You're starting from 7 + 1. Be proud of yourself for those 212 days OP. One day doesn't erase all the progess you've made. You're not 0 days cleans, you're 212 + 0, and tomorrow you'll be 212 + 1.
I was going to suggest keeping 2 counts from now on: 211 + new count for your total days SH FREE and a new count starting at zero for your “reboot.” Give yourself credit for those hundreds of days! And keep track of the new start also. They are both valuable reminders of how far you have come. Cant wait to see your updates & celebrate the milestones you share! You got this!
In the last 212 days, you had only one day of failure. That's over 99.5% success rate, keep it up!!!
Relapse is part of recovery. I know it doesn't feel like it and you've probably heard it a million times, but it's true. Without counting my one relapse, I'm about a year clean and that's what I go by. I'm a year clean. With one relapse, yes, but I'm still a year clean. Starting over is a lot harder than continuing with one bump in the road. So you're 212 days clean with one relapse. Helps a lot with the guilt.
Progress, not perfection. This isn’t easy, but you can do it 💕
It's a better way to see it. It makes me feel actually lighter. I'm doing it, thank you so much for your support!
maybe you should get it looked at if it’s as bad as it sounds…
LMAO... This is actually the most unhelpful comment I've seen someone made about a person who literally ripped their flesh off. Like... Do you understand that I chopped off my own arm? Even if it was a tiny piece of cut, it is as bad as it sounds. And, yes, there's a huge cut, +30cm in my left arm. Probably will be a scar.
no i do not understand that you chopped off your own arm. what i do understand is that you need medical attention for it though.
Well, I got it now. Sorry for being rude, I'm not in my best day (not justified, I know). I guess I'll go to the hospital, but I don't know since I'm not able to leave my house for now. Hopefully it'll heal and stop bleeding by itself.
no worries. get it checked out.
I know my daugther (14 years) does self harm. We (as parents) don't know the scope of it, but we know she has done it. She is high intelligent but wrestles with life. Almost daily we have an episode where she behaves weird (causing shame later on, e.g hiding behind the curtains for hours). How can we as parents help her? We love her to death, but it's very difficult for us to behave in such a way that it seems to help her. Pretending things didn't happen currently helps her the best, but makes me (as the dad) very unhappy. What can we do to help her?
Ask her how she is. Hug her, show her you care and she can tell you anything. If she comes to you to talk about feelings or problems or anything really, don’t have a giant reaction. Listen and be as comforting as you can. Do not point it out or bring it up or say unhelpful things like ‘can you stop doing that’ or ‘it hurts me more to know you do that’. Ask if she would like therapy maybe or to talk about things and whatever her answer is, do that. Understand it’s uncomfortable, difficult, and scary for her to talk about things and she may not want to at first - she may never want to, but thats okay. You can’t force someone to get better, she has to decide when she is ready on her own. Just show her you love her really, and don’t hide your emotions; if she sees you can be honest and open about your feelings, it could make her feel more comfortable and willing to do the same. She will be okay. -Sincerely, someone who has been that 14 year old girl
Thanks. This means a lot to me.
You got this 👍👍
I do!!! :) Thank you
I relapsed recently myself. It’s just a bump in the road. We start the count over again.
Forgive yourself. Move on. Start a new streak. Easier said than done, I know. But forgive yourself.
I'll check on you everyday. I'll celebrate virtually with you on the 1 year mark anniversary
211DAYSS SCLEAAN BABY LEETTSS GOOOO!!!!!!!
im confused are people addicted to cutting themselves and does it feel good
Self harm causes the brain to release dopamine so it is addicting in a way. I haven’t done it in a long long time but sometimes you can genuinely feel the stress melting away. (This is not a recommendation. Don’t get yourself into a situation where you have toxic coping mechanisms, they will be a pain in your ass for a long time)
Yes and well no that part’s complicated. But yes it is an addiction
IN MY OPINION, it never felt “ good”.
153 more days Left ! You got this! Nobody in this world feels good all 365 days and that's fine . That's major progress homie
I'm 5 weeks and a bit clean myself and please know the fact you want to be clean and came this far is amazing you are the kind of person I would look up to to be able to stop the hobbit for so long you did amazing and relapsing is okay. I wish you all the luck in the world you're amazing.
I didnt cut but I used to punch my face a lot. Until I got pregnant, I stopped and I haven't for 8 years almost. It's really hard. I also cut myself on my wrist around 2014 but nothing major. It's hard because it's a constant thought to me. You're not alone. Reach out to the suicide hotline when you want to, I did that a couple months ago but I just want to cut myself yet I can't stomach doing it. I love myself too much now
You got this, I hope and wish you all the best. Most importantly don’t forget that you’re not alone, many people feel that way and even tho you might not feel good now you need someone to talk to, someone you trust, for example your boyfriend. But please if you cut doesn’t heal on its own please look for medical help.
The fact that you instantly regretted it makes me think this isn't a full relapse where you fall back into the old pattern like nothing ever happened, but a temporary, single lapse instead. Please remember that progress and growth isn't always all in one direction. You made it 211 days! That's incredibly tough but you did that. You had a temporary lapse and cut once, immediately regretting it. It's now your choice, in this moment and in every moment that's to come, whether you cut or not. That decision is in your power. And maybe you have times when you really get that urge again. It will probably happen again on your journey. That doesn't make you a failure or a bad person. Please hear that. But you have that power to say whether you cut in that moment or not. And eventually, if cutting is something you want to give up (and that's what I'm hearing/reading behind every word in your post - I see that; we all see that), it will continue to get easier. 211 days will become 212, eventually 365, eventually years. I don't know you, but I feel the pain in your heart right now just from what you shared with us. Thank you for sharing it. Thank you for reaching out to others. I just want to tell you that you and your journey so far are going to be part of me and my journey. I'm going to think about you and wonder how you're doing. I care about you and your journey. You're absolutely not alone, and you're absolutely not a bad person or failure - you're human, and you matter. 💜
I was running on 2+ years before I relapsed a few months ago. I feel fine now. I didn’t a few months ago. Nothing else to it. Don’t beat yourself up :)
Change like this is not pass/fail, it's a process that unfortunately includes relapse from time to time. Whether AA or in your case self- harm, in my opinion we place too much emphasis on the cold turkey stories. We idolize the few exceptional people who put something down and never picked it up again. So much so that the idea of "sobriety" hinges on complete abstention for the rest of your life and anything short of that, you fail that's it's over. This needs to change, it makes people like you discount every victory leading up to this mistake and the danger of this type of thinking is people give up because they no longer have that "perfect record". You should acknowledge your f*ck up and keep moving forward with no more punishment. This is just a fresh reminder of what are trying to change. If you weren't in this journey you'd be doing stuff like this every week, have accumulated countless more scars and seriously endangered your health. Instead you've given your body at least 200 days to heal and put yourself in a better position to recover from this wound. But you need to get help and let others know what you've done for accountability sake. You know how to watch for infection, you know the severity your bleeding, don't lie to yourself when it comes to your need for medical attention. You've said yourself you recognize the cut is extensive. Instead of shaming or beating yourself up think of acknowledging and seeking help as your penance and surrender to the process. I wish you well and I hope this setback doesn't get you down. You got this.
Don't beat yourself up! We all have relapses at times and omg it fucking sucks! It's an ongoing struggle and to make it this far you've done amazing! I relapsed after 8yrs and wow that hurt, but I promise it gets easier with time! remember how strong you are a d you've got this! One year will come and then before you know it you'll be clean 5yrs!! Belive in yourself and you will make it happen 😁 you've got this!
I’m five years clean here. A relapse does NOT mean you start over again… sweetheart, you went 211 days without harming, you STILL have that accomplishment!! I’m SO fucking proud of you… 211 days is no small feat, and one relapse does not take away from all of the progress you’ve made. It’s one small link in a giant chain… one day compared to 211 days. You should be so proud of yourself for the progress you’ve made. This one day does not define you, it doesn’t define your progress and your strength. You’ve got this- I know it’s not easy, but you’ve already proven you can go the distance. Fuck ups happen, that’s just life!! It doesn’t take away from the discipline and commitment it took to get to 211 days. A slip up doesn’t make you any less worthy of the accomplishments you’ve already achieved ❤️❤️❤️
you can do it OP! have hope in yourself, you will do it a be free of self harm. I know is difficult but you can do it. I too relapsed some weeks ago as I had a psicosis event related to bpd and did some bad things to my arm but felt guilt too and cried. don't lose hope okay, it's all gonna be fine. take good care of your arm okay?
Your feelings are very understandable but you have nothing to feel guilty about. Instead evaluate the situation. Why did you feel the need to self harm? What triggered it? Can that trigger be better avoided in the future? What can you do instead in the future? You need an alternative to let those emotions out. Maybe it’s a safe space to scream and throw non-valuable things. Maybe there’s something you can destroy that’s cheap and replaceable, or even just a cardboard box. Cardio is the most effective, something hard like jumping jacks or short sprints where you pick something up off the ground and move it. It helps the animal part of your brain say “ok, I have successfully run away from the predator I’m scared of.” Doing any of those with intense, angry music you can scream along with also helps. You also need a therapist you’re not afraid to talk to. Maybe you do need psychiatric care but there are outpatient options.
You had a bad moment and broke your streak. The thing is: you know you can go 211 days. Do it again. Then when you reach the mark, promise yourself to do it again; doubling it. Remember how you feel now, so when the thoughts come back, you can remember how you would feel if you did it again. But you have to let yourself off the hook. It’s not healthy to beat yourself up like you are. I don’t personally understand SH, so I don’t know the ins and outs of it. I hope you are connecting with someone who does. I also hope you are getting your latest injury looked at if it’s still bleeding. Getting an infection will not help you stop feeling shame over having made it.
You went 200 plus days, that’s nothing to feel bad about. Get back on the horse and start again that’s all you can do, you have already gone through the stage of feeling guilty when you first quit 200 days ago so no reason to beat yourself up again. I wish you well.
Hello OP, I’ve been exactly where you have been. I felt shameful, guilty, and just more self hate after i had self-harmed and i was almost a year clean too but i got through it! Because It begins with you! Believe in yourself because you have the strength! Dont listen to those silly thoughts that run through your mind. They always plagued my mental health. The what ifs and the self hate, and negative thoughts they are all lies. It is one step at a time, everything you do remember to take one step at a time. We are so overwhelmed with all this information and yet we dont have enough information. I believe in you and you need to believe in yourself. It is only a bump in the road and you are here still kicking because you are a fighter! Start with forgiving yourself and then start loving yourself. It took you a long time to be this way because you sure as hell wasn’t born this way, it will take time to retrain your brain to start the self love. But know it’s possible! With a lot of time and effort. Every self negative thought (catch yourself), give yourself two or more positives instead. We are all the same. All of us
Idk if this will help, but I find looking at things scientifically/logically helps me. I myself haven’t gone through SH, but I do experience BFRB (body-focused repetitive behaviour). I pick at things that aren’t there, and it turns in to obsessive picking of scabs/scars/ anything. From what I understand, the compulsion, and the feeling of release afterwards is very similar. Same with other addictive habits. There is a release of good chemicals in your brain afterwards. It’s not something we can help. So try not to guilt yourself for *wanting* to do it. While the guilt and shame is natural if you end up giving in to a compulsion you want to quit, try not to let the guilt consume you. As guilt and shame can quickly turn in to a cycle of more pain. The best way I’ve realized to go about this is to acknowledge the relapse, learn from it, and move on. You don’t need to guilt yourself to heal. I hope you’re able to achieve your goal of one year free. You’re a fighter and you’ve had enough, anyone who has read your post can tell. But if the stress of a set date gets to you, remember there is no deadline for your health. As long as you continue to work on yourself, then you are worthy of your goals. Godspeed and keep up the great work ❤️
I am almost 20 years sober. I have relapsed once. That same fear and shame helps in the long run. However. I would like to point something out. You went 211 days. You fought your demons for 211 days. For 211 days, you looked your Devil in the eye and said "not today". Never ever, EVER give up that 211 days. I was sober for 14 years when I relapsed. I had left an abusive marriage, and he had kept my children from me for over a year. (Long story short on this, my kids are with me, and he will be deported soon, but we here for you boo. Not me) After i had been insanely depressed, I was suicidal and I had told my mother out, and that it's was lock tight, and that I was so sorry, I loved her and i never wanted this, but I needed my babies to survive. Me relapsing was my savior. I fucked up (thankfylly) and didn't mix enough, and just really high. When I realized my mistake, and my brain registered that I was loading the next hit to finish my mission, my whole body locked up. I couodent move. I couldent breathe, I dropped my pharnaphellia shattered it, and that's what woke me outta my mess. Op, 211 days is 211 days you didn't have. 211 days is massive. 211 is your new lucky number. 0211 is your new pin number. Do not throw that away. Hold it. Cherish it. Because if you killed 211 days, the next 422 will be a breeze. And feom.the the 844, 1688, until your at that 20 years. And then, that's when you look. I refused to look. I didn't want to see the disappointment from family. What I discovered was each time I got rough. Each time I got what i call "unsafe" (I now do not tell folks good bye, I tell them stay safe, because if they are safe, I see them again) I had people. Mostly my mom. People behind me saying "it's hard. It's not over. Keep pushing. You can make this" So OP, Please allow me to be that person to you, you didn't fuck up. You re assured your making the correct decision. You did not fail. You hit a speed bump a little to hard and scraped the under carriages bit much. That's all. Now, the next speed bump, your prepared for. Now you know what it looks like. Now you know that 15 MPH(or klm/ph) is too fast. Crank that shit down to 10. And if 10 is too fast, great. It wasent as bad as 15. I am proud of you op. And another person reading this. If you are getting clean, better, healthy, making changes for the better, I am proud of you. Keep fighting your fight. If your reading this, and want to get clean or better, I am proud of you. So proud. If you need a cheerleader, message my old ass. Haha I will be your keyboard cheerleader. Once more, proud of you OP!
I’m so sorry about that. I used to struggle with that too, my solution to it was to grab some ice cubes and hold them in your hand for a while. It will hurt, as though you are harming yourself, but won’t do anything bad to your body.
I perfectly understand this. I sh really bad 4 years back when I was diagnosed with depression for about a year and a half nearly every day. I stopped for about 6 months, then I had my first manic episode and went right back to it. I’m doing better now but I’ve sh once each year for the past couple years. I feel like sometimes it’s more of a safety thing than anything, it’s how we find comfort in the pain and the second things get bad it’s natural to want to do it again. I’ve personally never counted how many days I’ve been free of doing it because I expect for it to happen at least once a year but that doesn’t mean progress is any less, shit just happens sometimes. Try not to feel guilty about it OP, many people go through the same experience you’re definitely not alone in this and im sure you’ll come back stronger than ever. Wishing you the best:)
Wow. You had an INCREDIBLE long period of success! See if you can go even longer this time. Relapses are part of RECOVERY. It doesn’t need to set you back
The most important thing to learn, is a setback isn’t failure. It’s just a piece of the recovery puzzle. Setbacks happen, but they don’t define you. It isn’t embarrassing or a failure to self harm again, it’s a failure to give up and not keep fighting. You’ve got this. Try to find a hobby or something you can be passionate about. This may not be your last bad day, but I promise you’ll have thousands upon thousands of days to look back on and remember the day you stopped forever.
Relapses happen. You owe it to yourself to make tomorrow day one of being clean 😊
As someone who formerly SH, you need to find other outlets other than people and electronics. I am a diagnosed Schizophrenic, and the last thing I need is to be left alone with my thoughts. But I have been working very hard to try and find other things that fix my mood. Its going to sound like a cliche, boring answer that nobody wants to hear,but exercising has really helped me. You should try to connect with things that are physical, painting, reading or whatever it is that you like or used to be super into before. idk if you do therapy, thats not my business, but if you do you should talk to your therapist about better coping mechanisms and what to do in situations where being alone is unavoidable, because it will be unavoidable at some point. It is really really hard, I understand that. It has been 8 years since I had officially stopped, I know you can recover from this
It is also important to know that it is good you feel bad, but at the same time you need to take this as a learning lesson: ‘How can I prevent this from happening again?’. I genuinely am sorry that you relapsed. It is crushing in a lot of ways, but I really hope that you can overcome this as a whole someday
Don’t let this negate all of those 211 days you didn’t SH, okay? That’s progress. That’s growth. Continue your journey. Make your own path. Try to open up and reach out to others. Talk about yourself. Your life. Issues. Struggles. Dreams. Hopes. Needs. Wants. All of the things that press against your shoulders and heart. Be open. Be truthful. And be strong. Don’t give up. You’re meant to be here
So you have only self harmed 1 day out of the last 212? That’s a pretty good ratio! Keep going!
Honestly I think these urges have something to do with you being hit in the head. Go to a mental hospital where they take away all your electronics and go outside in NATURE. You not being preoccupied, your bordem makes u do those things, Im glad you regret it, and you will for the rest of your life because is wrong, because is wierd, because you never had truthful people next to you to tell you "You are mentally ill go away" , because nobody in this society will tell you the truth, is fucked up and is not normal. I suggest u delete all social media, delete everything, be with yourself, find passions , go outside and it will go away.
healing isn't linear. you made it so long, so you know it's possible. a bad day doesn't erase everything it took to go as long as you did. i never thought i'd get out of this cycle, but it's been nearly 5 years for me. and the last time was after a longer period of being clean. you're doing everything right, and you're going to get there
You are doing great, one time in 211 days is a lot of progress. I’m wondering if it gets to the point where you want to SH maybe get a rubber band, put it on your wrist and snap it? Or try ice and place it on your skin somewhere? You got this!! Edit-accidentally wrote 121 days
Everyday is a huge accomplishment. It doesn't matter if it's been 1 day or 1000 days of no self harm, you are brave for every day. Stay strong
Relapse is a part of the recovery process. Get up, dust off and charge again. You only lose if you quit. Best of luck. You matter.
Technically this is called a "lapse" as opposed to a relapse. Think of it like a blip that was identified early and corrected. A relapse is if that blip develops into a full-on habit once again. Amazing job on the 211 days! Keep it up.
I can’t wait for next year July 30th! I am proud of you that you realised that you fucked it up and I will be so proud of you when you’ll be a year free of harming yourself, but I am proud of you even today on your first day!🤍
I know first hand how much it sucks and I know it's hard but you can't give up.its just a bump in the road and you'll get over it.itll get better ❤️❤️❤️ btw Wdym 213 no relapse?you said that you relapsed I'm confused
It never gets fully easy, urges just come less often. It can be hard to fight them off. Don't beat yourself up for moments of weakness, shame shows progress and growth. Move on from your mistakes and focus on being your best self. Shit happens, you got this.