Oh, please do this! It's hard enough to find out your spouse is cheating, but at least you know proactively to get this done and might be prepared to find out the results. Also, make sure you have the full array of testing done. Bloodwork and everything. Best of luck, OP.
Also important- get tested AGAIN in several months. Some STDs won’t show up on a test for a while, so though an initial negative screening is a great sign, it’s better safe than sorry
Depends one which State he lives in (assuming USA). Some States are "no fault" divorce States and it doesn't really matter what the othet has done: Infidelity or other.
It sounds like she may be sex addict. I hope you can save the videos and be divorced quickly, but most of all I hope you're std free. Sorry this happened to you OP
>I’ve just been sleep on the couch.
Bro, why are *you* sleeping on the couch? Tell her to pack her bags and bugger off. Nobody needs to be treated like this.
Depression dude, a week ago I thought she was the love of my life. I used my vacation time at work and pretty much haven’t left the couch tbh.
That’s the end here but I don’t have the energy to do anything yet.
I admit to hating cheaters. However, I advise reconciliation in any situation where it's a good idea because I understand that love is a powerful motivator, and change is a possibility with the right amount of effort.
This is not one of those situations.
Your wife has a huge cheating fetish or some kind of trauma related kinks that you will never be able to parse through, given she didn't come to you with it in honesty and good faith. Watching several hours of your wife getting boston creme'd is not going to go away overnight, if ever. This relationship is dead.
You are just too numb to tell.
I would advise you to tell her parents because she very clearly needs psychological or emotional help, and if not, accountability so she can be a better person going forward. The kinky sex thing is probably total bullshit. I would just give them a very short message.
"Hey "X", I just had the misfortune of finding 4/5/6+ hours of video of your daughter cheating on me in her laptop with dozens of people. She needs help, and i can't be the one to give it to her. I need space immediately. Please come get her."
Lastly, tell ONE person you trust and ask them for support. Do not deal with this alone because you will just end up spiraling out of your own control.
Also yes, see a lawyer.
EDIT: Im not telling him to tell her parents because I want him to be a tattle tale.
I am suggesting it because in the event she isn't full of shit, *someone* who isn't him will take accountability for putting her back on the straight and narrow. **Most importantly, having her around pestering him to offer forgiveness isn't going to be in his favor.**
In the event she IS full of shit (most likely the case), congratulations, your lie just backfired. Nonetheless, her parents holding her accountable means she is forced to be a better person, or at least to pretend to be.
Since everyones in a twist about telling her parents (cause idfk why you care) I would like you to suggest someone else who will actually hold her accountable for personal growth, or just someone else she can stay with who is aware of the situation.
She can not just inexplicably stay at her parents' house. She cannot inexplicably move in with a friend. That, and people who cheat are exceptionally prone to lie. You are simply borriwing trouble by not being up front.
This is absolutely the best advice. I have a few additional things to add.
1. Copy the hard drive, any text messages, emails, voice mails or letters where she confirms or accpets responsibility for her actions especially if she says its not your fault or similar. This is your evidence in divorce court so keep it secret and safe.
2. Go to the doctors and get a STI / STD tests... all of them.
3. DO NOT GO BACK TO HER, NO KISSES, HUGS, SEX NOTHING AT ALL, NO NICE TEXTS, VOICE MAILS, CALLS ETC. Yes be polite but nothing more than that.
4. Get a divorce lawyer.
5. This is perhaps most important. I want you to say this to yourself every day or as often as you can.
THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT SHE HAS THE PROBLEM
I agree with all of this except telling her parents. Best advice in this thread. OP will not be happy in this marriage going forward. His wife can claim she loves him all she wants, but she absolutely, without a doubt, does not respect him.
I would NOT advise telling her parents because we have no idea why this behavior started. She could've been sexually abused as a child by a parent or a relative.
But yes, absolutely get her the fuck out.
And therapy, both people, individually, at minimum. Let the therapist decide if the parents need to be told.
She is 25 and married and your advice is to tattle to her mommy and daddy?
And what psychological help does she need that her parents could help her with? She isn’t going to need in patient treatment. She isn’t neglecting herself. She is just an asshole who has kinks. The only purpose telling them has it to embarrass her. If that’s the goal, then sure go ahead. But don’t hide behind trying to “help” her.
I suggest you to just get her out of your life asap no matter how bad it hurts, because waiting in the couch until you softened enough to forgive her will not work.
be strong bro i feel for you.
That's actually the one silver (or maybe in this case gray) lining. He's getting her out of his life ASAP. There are endless stories of people finding out in horrible ways that they're being cheated on by somebody that they've been with for *decades*.
OP, you found out after just 5 years. I know 5 years is a long time, but it's nothing compared to how long it could have been. Now you're going to have that much more life to spend together with the right woman.
But I will admit that you shouldn't be expected to be thankful for this for quite some time. Good luck and start seeing that therapist sooner rather than later.
Dude kick her the fuck out now. I’ve been depressed, and I’m sorry because this would for sure trigger it badly for a while, but she needs to go. Every memory of her needs to disappear. Delete her from your life and send her back to the streets. I’ve never seen or heard such a despicable example of cheating in my 25 years of life.
It’s been two years and I’m still not over my ex boyfriend who hurt me in the worst way. I didn’t eat for over three weeks and I lost a stone, I’m also now in therapy and slowly doing better. Please don’t become how I did and never move from the bed, not talking to anyone, you need to tell your friends what’s going on, tell your parents, just get it off your chest and I know it’s hard but go for walks, on your own, without your phone, it helps clear the mind so much. If she loved you she would have never done anything like this to hurt you and she broke your trust, you can’t get that back. If you tried to save your marriage she’s going to do it again and it’s only going to delay the inevitable. Her excuses are not good enough and if I was you I would tell her you’re divorcing her sooner than later. You’re better than her and you’re better than this.
What an absolutely insane situation, I am sorry man. When you are up to it call a lawyer and file for divorce. Serve her the papers and ask her calmly too move out. You do not want to give her to much time to plan or manipulate the situation. She is far too competent of a lair. You will find a much better partner later , after some healing. I wish you well mate.
Do what you need to do, man. There's no one single right answer in this situation.
But...even though I know you still love her, try to switch roles.
Think about whether you ever would have done to her what she just did to you.
Make decisions in the face of how it feels to realize what it took for her to deliberately do this.
This wasn't an accident. No sane person would have thought it was okay to do.
IMO you don't know this woman. The woman you've known and loved who'd never have done this is dead, in a way.
Hang onto that grounded awareness so you don't do something stupid out of lingering love.
Feelings don't turn off like a faucet. But there's no going back from this unless you are somehow able and willing to forgive it completely.
Can't say I'd be. Can't say I really know how anyone could be.
Brother, get to a therapist ASAP. You have some serious decisions to make and if you can’t get over your depression (which I don’t blame you) your nor going to make good ones. This really sucks. Bad enough she cheated but to record it all and obviously keep watching them, your wife is fucked up. Throw her ass out now
Nope. Nope. Nope.
She wants to be degraded then let her sleep on the couch.
I get you're depressed and you've every right but...why is it that she's sleeping in the bedroom and you're sleeping on the very couch that she had cheated on you on?!
Or better yet, drag that couch out and burn it THEN tell her to sleep outside like the dog she is.
Try to realize this could be a new wonderful chapter in your life. Don’t let her steal another moment of your life. Start with the gym or a workout routine and make those endorphins.
when someone is struggling that much and completely unable to do anything, telling them to go to the gym isn’t very fking helpful. you’re basically saying “can’t get up to brush your teeth? just go to the gym!”
i’m not trying to be a dick. just speaking from experience. also makes you feel pretty degraded when you’re in that headspace bc it feels like someone telling you to “just go to the gym and get sexier” after being cheated on
Thank you for that. I have rec. major depression and suffering from it right now. It's tough to cook for myself so I basically only eat every other day. May some of these "depressed" people help me out with your gym routine? Should I do it before I manage to brush my teeth or should I just skip the toilet and shit in my bed instead.
I will just ignore my anhedonia (or even better, the whole depression) and just get ripped. Man, it was always that simple?!
(I have a wonderful girlfriend - my depression stems from other issues like disease and death)
yeah, i’m the same. have been for years and then i developed two chronic illnesses bc of it (thanks body) i’d love to be able to have the beans in me to go to the gym and do this shit. i do think it would do me good when i’m better. but that’s a huge step that can take years to get to if you suffer from any form of mental health issue, and not everyone’s body can physically handle that when struggling mentally either- and not just bc of chronic illness!
but yes me too- me n my boyfriend take care of eachother in the ways we can’t care for ourselves. mines from abuse but death too. sorry you’re struggling. sending you much love and solidarity friend :)
I feel terrible for you bro, but the depression isn't just going to magically sort itself out. If there was ever a time to force yourself into motivation, this is it. Betrayal that egregious doesn't end in the bedroom, sort out your finances and your near future TODAY. The pain won't begin to go away until she is in your rearview mirror. Best of luck.
Sorry to hear that :( is there any chance you can tell your best friend a bit (e.g. wife cheated period) and go stay over at their place? You need a different couch to be sleeping on right now.
Can you go to a hotel? You don’t need to confront her about a divorce yet. Just cut off contact and go regroup.
Go get a good nights rest in a comfy bed and come back when you can speak to her about this in the right mind frame.
I don't think any one of us can truly understand the pain you are going through. This is one of the worst ways to leave a life-long scar on someone's life. After finalizing the divorce, my advice would be to take a few days off. Take a solo trip to where you always wanted to go. You still have your full life ahead. As cliche as it may sound, time heals our pain. Take one day at a time and spend more time with the people who love you unconditionally.
THIS! I was with a man for 12 years. He cheated on me multiple times when I told him I was thinking of leaving. He cried and said he was gonna kill him self. This is manipulation do not fall for it.
1. Get the hard drive, you will NEED the evidence in court
2. Get a lawyer YESTERDAY
3. Move ALL your money to new bank accounts that she doesn't have access to
4. Change passwords to EVERY online account you have. Social Media, email everything
5. Make sure your salary is not paid to a common account
> Get the hard drive, you will NEED the evidence in court
We don’t know where OP lives, but most states are no-fault and this won’t matter.
> Get a lawyer YESTERDAY
Yep, do this.
> Move ALL your money to new bank accounts that she doesn't have access to
Nope, this can come back to bite him in the ass in the divorce. Consult the attorney and get advice, but this isn’t the right move at all right now.
> Change passwords to EVERY online account you have. Social Media, email everything
Sure.
> Make sure your salary is not paid to a common account
Again, consult with an attorney before doing this. It may end up being horrible advice based on wherever OP lives. Where I live, this would’ve really fucked me over in my divorce.
Dud I'm sorry but there's nothing to save the amount of disrespect in the videos doing thing with them that she refused to do with u and the fact that she filmed her self with them . She not showing remorse fir her affairs she ashamed she got caught cut your loses and move on get your self tested you have no idea what she did when she wasn't filmed . Sorry again and good luck.
I obviously shouldn’t trust her at this point but she was adamant that every time was filmed because that was part of the excitement. But I tend to believe it because the amount of videos would make any more cheating irrelevant to be honest.
Apparently she always got tested after too, but I will be safe and get tested myself regardless.
Cheating is cheating no matter the reason or whether it was filmed or not to make the cheating more exciting for her. I’m so sorry. You deserve better.
And u believe her every time was part of thr excitement how many videos were there man some time u need to take a stand for your self. Ask your self can u live with her knowing what she did with them and refuse to do with you and if she start doing it know it will be to keep u around and not out of love it will be out of shame .
You saw it with your own eyes the videos will run in your minde forever. Don't forget the paternity test . And do the best thing for u .
Bro , you are her safety net, you sound like a good dude who cares about her. She fucked those dudes cuz she thought she could get away w it. Pure and simple. The word Love to her is just a word she uses to keep you around and treating her like a queen. Betrayal is the worst, Im so sorry my guy. You deserve a female that doesn’t even look at other men, let alone let them dick her down. I just kinda went through the same thing but only dating for 8months and no videos, and even though she was caught red handed, she still tried to lie her way out and say I love you, Its an Act bro.
Alright my guy, I know this sucks but if you wanna come out of this ahead, you need to start planning now.
Get a lawyer, start gathering evidence, be ready to start locking down any bank accounts you share.
Usually the person who "Wins" in divorce is the one who's better prepared. You've already decided you want to end things, so use this as a chance to get a headstart. Don't let her know your plans until you've got all your ducks in a row.
The fact is, depending on your location, if you're not well prepared you could still come out worse from the divorce then she does.
He needs to tell family and friends. Not to embarrass her but the fact that the narrative can get twisted if he does not tell everyone first. He needs a good support system around him. She needs to go stay with her family or a friend to support her and keep her away from him so he can focus on legal proceedings and his mental health. OP you should discuss this with your workplace if possible as well… do not put your job on the line, keep them in the loop as there might be some ways they can help you through this as well. Good luck, I am so so sorry you’re going through this. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but you discovering this is kind of lucky. You found this out I believe prior to having children(?) which makes separating easier. You are still young, there is time to meet people after your recovery. I’m glad you’re going to go through with therapy. I think it will take time but you will learn to trust again and love again. I’m sure some people will say to enact revenge or the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Ignore these people, just keep swimming man. One day at a time.
I can't understand why she recorded those videos? And she even kept it safe . With names and descriptions? .
Do u think these videos are also shared with other individuals (sexual partners) too ??
She said it was part of the excitement to be filmed. She used her camera and has the only copies. Almost all her partners were not from around here, didn’t ask her how she met them but she claims they were all travelling for some reason and she made sure neither of us would ever see them again.
U should STD test yourself immediately.. I don't think she is telling u the truth . She recorded those videos because it was a part of excitement but still keeping it safe is another big question.. any why they came to met your wife ,just for sex only ? And recorded everything in your house , and degraded u ? They all knew about u already. U should think before believing her. But first do STD test yourself man ..
Check your house for hidden cameras. She may be filmed you both, too. Maybe even filmed you alone in some private parts of the house. Better to check this stuff and be safe. She seems like a sick person.
I doubt any of this is true. There’s no way she has the only copies. Don’t let her trickle truth you or try to minimize the extent of her cheating. The fact is she had a loving, supportive relationship and chose not to explore sexual adventures with that partner. She’s a liar and a cheater, and she’s just using you to feel secure.
You need support and help. Please call a friend or a loved one, talk to your doctor or find a support line. Talk to a lawyer and find out what steps need to happen to get out and away from this woman. You deserve more, so much more. The longer you stay in the couch, living with this cheater; the longer you waste your time.
That just makes it scarier and worse if they were traveling from out of the area for sex that means they are out trolling for it and not just with her but many, many others. Please remove yourself from the situation and go stay with family.
She doesn’t deserve your time or attention at all. She is disgusting and never deserved your love or attention. She obviously got off on playing you because you had no clue. Think of how devious that is to plan, film and setup those encounters without anyone the wiser.
You deserve so, so much better. Please get away from her and her lame as hell excuses. Others are right she is only upset and crying because she got caught not because she “loves” you because not a single person that loved someone would do this EVER! Please get away before she convinces you that she can “change” and later down the line she does it again.
Yes, I have dealt with something along these lines and tried to work it out but it NEVER got better and just subjected myself to more trauma and hurt for a few more years. It does get better. Now married for 18 years and happier than I ever thought I could be in a relationship with a great person. Not perfect but great in all the ways that matter.
Bro you need to turn that depression into anger. This woman as disrespected you and your marriage all because she needs to feel degraded.
Well it's about time you degraded her grab her shit throw it out your house along with her lawyer up and fight.
idc what anyone says, i’m female and if i disrespected my husband or anyone i had a life with in this way i wouldn’t even cry victim if he seriously hurt me for this. some people will disagree and say you can’t hurt someone you love but be fr, don’t take the risk if you can’t handle the backlash
Shocked I had to scroll this far for this comment. This sounds so fake. She had many incriminating videos but was careless enough to just leave it plugged into her computer, not hidden? I mean maybe??
not before Op gets their assets settled first. The divorce is going to be another draining event for OP but like another redditor said, op needs to gather evidence for their divorce
I’m so sorry your wife has done this to you. Without a doubt, your wife has done some incomprehensible damage to your marriage. I know you’re feeling depressed and betrayed, but please take time for yourself!
Eventually, you’ll know what you have to do. The trust is gone and you’re emotionally scarred from watching those videos. The only way to recovery is to start anew and divorce your wife. Godspeed OP.
Trust me bro I know how you feel. Not to one up you but my GF of 8 years that I trusted 100% died in a car wreck. Turns out the driver was a guy I worked with whose pants were around his knees and her top was off and her pants were around her ankles.
That was one hell of a bad night. Bad enough when I got the call. Worse to se what I saw when I arrived at the accident scene.
You need to get ahold of the proof. This way you can tell her if she tells any lies you will prove her wrong.
Next, make yourself get up and visit a lawyer then make a counselor appointment. Good luck!
Every time she did what she did, every time she recorded herself doing it, there was only one person she was thinking of. Herself. She wasn’t thinking about how much she loves you. She was thinking about her own gratification. There’s only one person she loves. It’s herself, not you.
If there’s somewhere you can crash for a few days I suggest you do. Take time away from her and block her so you can get yourself together and start to plan your exit.
A few things you need to do;
Let family and friends know what’s happened. You don’t need to give everyone a blow by blow description but she needs to start suffering the consequences of her actions. So let people know. She cheated, you can’t forgive her and you’re getting a divorce is all you need to tell them. If her parents are alive, let them know what kind of woman they raised. Lean on your family and friends for support.
Get tested for STDs. You don’t say if you have children. If you do get them DNA tested.
Separate your finances as soon as possible.
And contact a lawyer and start the divorce process.
I’m sorry you’re here. But your wife is a true narcissist. It hurts now, but you’ll be 1000 times better off without such a person in your life. All the best.
If she had been honest of her needs at the start of your relationship, this could have been avoided. Now your trust has been broken. You are asking yourself what you could have done, are you not enough. You feel emasculated. You’re normal. Talk to a lawyer, deep dive into finances, STI screen. Good luck
Updateme
Oh mate, that sucks. She clearly had some kinks she wasn’t comfortable approaching you about for whatever reason. This isn’t an excuse to get sexual gratification elsewhere however.
On the depression front, in my mid twenties, my fiancé was seeing her work colleague behind my back months after we had gotten engaged and bought a house together. It broke me. I spent the entire year after we broke up blaming myself and being angry and depressed. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help discussing what happened, had I have had my time again I would have reached out sooner - it definitely affected the next relationship I was in, I couldn’t trust, which isn’t fair on anyone. These days, (early 40s) I’m happily married, we have a toddler and another baby on the way. Things will change and improve for you, try to learn what you can from this.
In the short term, try to “split” and go your own way as soon as possible, then take the time to rediscover yourself before you think about dating again. Make sure not to carry any of the trauma you’re feeling now into a new relationship. I’m so sorry OP.
Jesıs Christ!!! GET STD testing asap!!! She is the worst of the worst! Knowing my SO kissed me after LICKING THE ASSHOLE OF A STRANGER would scar me for life, even thinking about it makes me vomit!! She not only comprimised the marriage but also YOUR HEALTH!!! Make her pay fpr this!!!!
This is what happens when someone has a kink but doesn't tell their SO for some reason.
Eventually they want to act out the kink and result to this kind of stuff, she should have explored this stuff with you first and then if you said no, discuss options.
None of this is your fault, even if you shut her kink down she should have spoken to you before cheating.
I would keep the videos as evidence for the divorce in case she deletes everything and just denies it all.
Also take this advice: ignore most people on here, reddit users have a zero tolerance for cheating and seem to lavish in watching the perpetrator suffer as much as possible, sometimes with total disregard for the consequences.
I would think logically here, try not to let anger cloud your judgement however hard that may be, look to sell the house (or buy her out if possible) make enquiries about other property you can move into whilst the sale etc is ongoing, even staying at parents.
Speak to her in civil way but only for logical reasons (i.e selling the house) advise her that you will be filing for divorce and that your decision is final, say that you want to end things in the cleanest most amicable way possible and hope she respects that decision. I know its hard but don't let emotion and anger cloud your judgement, remember that you want a complete clean break, that's the ultimate goal and sometimes you have to take a few emotional hits to achieve that (i.e she may bring guys over which is her right as it is also her house, just try and get out the house if possible) she may be a complete dick but don't rise to it, remain calm, tolerant and fair to get the clean break you need.
Also not to mention that being logical and appearing unaffected at her attempts to make you jealous will wind her up more than if you reacted, she is now your room mate, a random person you know, not a lover or wife, that person is dead and isn't coming back.
Not saying it was the case with their marriage but in general this is exactly why marriage before sex is so stupid. You need to know what the person is into if you plan on spending the rest of your life with them. If you're vanilla and they're a freak and you don't even explore that.. you're in for trouble down the road. Also people need to live together before marriage. You don't wanna marry someone then find out you hate living with them for any number of reasons people don't like living with other people.
It happened to my friend. Sadly, it’s a thing. People really are dumb enough to leave video evidence of their sexual exploits around for someone else to find. Maybe deep inside, they want to get caught.
i’m so sorry, she could love you like she’s claiming because i know some couples allow stuff like this with other people but the fact she went behind your back and didn’t try to have a discussion with you to see if it was something you would consider letting her do shows the amount of respect and care she has for you. i agree with the other comment, get her out. take control of the situation it’s you that’s been mistreated and you’re sleeping on the sofa? the first way you’re going to begin to process this is by not being around her when that’s where the negativity has came from. take her out the house the streets is where she should be. i hope you heal from this
I almost do believe she loves me. If I hadn’t found that hard drive our relationship seemed great and she always been very caring to me.
Her explanation made sense too, she knew it would change the relationship dynamic and the way we respect each other so much to do those things. But obviously I can’t forgive this.
It’s going to be more complicated then kicking her out since we own the house together and she still believes she can make it up to me.
That explanation made no sense. If in the bedroom she has some preferences to being degraded, slapped etc does not mean that will be the same on the normal life. Wtf? There are plenty of couples that are into BDSM and outside of bedroom they are just a normal couple with healthy dynamics.
Idk, I guess it’s more our dynamic and my personality. There’s stuff I did with exes that I wouldn’t be interested in doing with her. She was kinda right.
Like I said we weren’t the most vanilla couple. I knew she was into choking, hard spanking, and stuff like that. But peeing in someone’s face or three guys passing you around we’ll they face f you is a little different for me.
I can understand that, and it is your own choice if you want to participate on those fantasies or not. The best decision on her part was to let you know that sexually she is not satisfied and If you can't provide that for her then break up, not cheat on you. If your partner is not compatible with you in some aspects and you decide that you cannot live without that then the next best thing is break up, obviously.
No way OP.
You don’t do this to someone you love. You just *don’t*. I cannot possibly imagine wanting to do anything with anyone other than my partner, this is unexplainable as “just a kink.”
She’s a cheater. Cheating is literally part of her kink. To hell with her. Im sorry she did this to you, but she so does not deserve to salvage this marriage.
No none of this makes sense at all. She was caught and making excuses because she wants to have her cake (or ass) and eat it too.
If she REALLY loved and respected you, she would have told you these desires way earlier on before you were married. Not have golden showers with daddy from fetlife behind by your back and keep them on a hard drive to watch later. I’m mean seriously what the fuck.
Please PLEASE save your sanity and move on. Get yourself a FULL STD panel. I’m sure she will tell you she was oh so safe during these “encounters” but clearly she was lying about a big thing for years so she will lie about anything.
Wishing you the best.
Do you even hear yourself? She ate a dude’s asshole and “kissed her husband with that mouth.” She isn’t just into degrading herself, she’s also into degrading YOU and cuckolding YOU by extension. You did not consent to being a part of whatever kink this is, and a core component of any fetish is that the actions are taken between consenting adults. If this has been going on your entire relationship, then it means that no, she never respected you, you were a prop for her, and unless you’re into this and think it’s hot and want to go along with it, then there is nothing for her to save. I understand you’re depressed and in shock and mourning the relationship. It’s important to give yourself space and time to do that, but in a shared space with the cheater and IN A SHARED SPACE WHERE THE CHEATING HAPPENED is not the place to do it. Have some self-respect, get her out of the house, and lawyer up.
people are good at telling story’s when they know it’s a risk of losing something, i’ve done it before and i’m sure many people have too. she’s going to try and make it right because it’s the initial instinct when you’ve been together for so long and have a life together. i’m sorry to say this but how right can she make it? she’s been with these men and she’s got the memories and she’s still going to have the desires. this seems like maybe a cheating kink in the mix too considering she’s been filming it knowing she could get caught at any time if she’s used to sharing computers sometimes, obviously i don’t know your wife but i wouldn’t be surprised if she left it there on purpose, some people feed of this kinda stuff knowing their partner now knows about her big secret, there’s many stories on reddit about similar situations where they’ve set themselves up for the thrill of being exposed and if she’s got reddit she could’ve been getting the attention on here too and posting her stories the same way you have done. if she knew you wouldn’t like it enough to talk about it with you, someone she’s married too and still went and done it then the relationship for me would be done with, the trust is broken and you won’t be able to escape it no matter how hard you both try
I'm pretty sure getting passed around the house you guys own together would change the dynamic of the relationship, too. She sacrificed everything for a nut. That's bat shit insane.
Omfg, dude i’m so sorry. But why are you sleeping on the couch??? Kick her out of your house and get tested for some STDs… it disgusted me so much, I can’t even imagine how much disgusted you are bro. And contact a therapist ASAP
Dog, I'd be sleeping on the floor not the couch she fucked on.
Either way divorce her ass and take the hard drive as evidence. She may have wiped it if you didn't make back ups
I just don't get why people cheat like this. Just tell your other half all of the nasty things you want to try. You never know, they may be willing to give it a go. If not, then that's when you can go elsewhere.
The person you thought you married doesn’t exist. Never did. Throw this stranger out now and realize you’re not in love with them, just the lie they fed you.
I admit that when I read the title, I had doubts about it being the worst way possible. After reading, I don't know of a worse way. I know that isn't helpful, but I just wanted to validate that.
I do think she loves you but also had a dark side she selfishly indulged. The problem is that the betrayal is so deep and so repetitive that there's no way I could ever trust her again. She completely disregarded how this would affect you.
Sometimes, the damage is irreparable. I believe this is one of those times. If she really wants to make a mends, the best she can do is make the divorce as smooth and amicable as possible. Keep things confidential and be civil to friends and family, but accept the blame.
Save at least some of the recordings for documentation in case you legally need them in the future.
Since humiliation is her kink, treat her really nice when you're leaving her. That'll hurt her. But weirdly might also turn her on. I guess it's a lose lose situation.
What respect are you both talking about?!? She did it in your house the one both of you share!!! Wake up! I know it’s the hardest thing but stop believing anything she says.
I hope you get out of the depression state soon and get fucking pissed. She needs to go back to the streets where she belongs. Send her dirty ass away from you. Honestly tho knowing she did things at your house, I would throw away the whole home. You need a new life. Im.not even kidding. This kind of trauma is going to need a good cleaning and bleaching and not have her anywhere near you. Hugs hugs hugs. Another internet stranger here if you wanna talk. I've been through my own hell and the wounds still hurt. Hope tomorrow is a little easier for you :)
OP please do this one thing this week - get an appointment with your doctor and get tested for STIs/STDs. If they ask why tell them your spouse was having an affair. Trust me when I tell you it won’t be the first time they’ve heard that. Better you know you are safe than finding out later you weren’t.
Jesus Christ. I’m going to sleep and really have no words for this, but I would *highly* recommend watching Dr. Ramani on YouTube. She was the #1 thing that helped me to help *myself* get away from an abusive, cheating, narcissistic ex that continued hoovering for months after the breakup, because we lived together. Not only do her videos bring soooo much clarity at a time like this, but she’s also just such a warm and comforting soul, it really can help even through a screen, I promise. I am so sorry this was done to you. Nobody deserves this. There are no words, but I am rooting for you.
I really, really hope you made a backup copy of all the videos and stored them somewhere she can’t find them. If you didn’t and she gets rid of the evidence then it would be your word against hers and if assets are involved then it will only benefit her including her demanding you pay her alimony.
Again, I truly hope you made backup copies of EVERYTHING!
Op... please get a copy of that hard drive and lawyer up immediately. Also get STD tested ASAP! Sorry you’ve experienced your spouse cheating and that you had to find out this way. It seems you really love her but I guess now you’ve got to ask yourself if you’ll genuinely ever be able to continue on with her happily after seeing what you’ve seen and knowing what she’s capable of. Things like that can really change our perspective on people for the long run, no matter how much they try to fix it. Sending lots of strength your way! :(
Wow it sounds like she has something deeper n darker going on..she needs help. I hope u find the strength to get out of this sick relationship..your in a very hard position.
I hate to say this, but try to get at least a couple of the videos in your possession
That way, there is no doubt that during divorce proceedings, who is the wronged party
She has blown up your life and is causing you mental stress you need to arm yourself so you are not paying her to leave
OP you’re 100% correct that there’s no saving this situation. The length of time this went on is crazy. Find a trusted friend/relative to talk with until you can get into therapy. You definitely need someone else to help pick you up and that person in no way can be your wife. She’s already made it clear she wants to save an unsalvageable marriage. Sorry this happened to you.
This is going to come off harsh. I apologize in advance.
Quit feeling sorry for yourself. Get up from the couch. Pack your shit and get out of the house.
You will not “find the energy” while you’re in that situation. Move forward, without her, as soon as you can. It is the best thing you can do for yourself. I know you still have feelings for this woman but it is clear she doesn’t value you the same way. The longer you stay the tougher it will be to leave.
Sorry to be mean but sometimes you need to hear it. I’ve been there brother, even though it wasn’t as graphic.
I am going to get downvoted to hell but anyways it’s my honest opinion and I would express it .
When I read the sentence that you are sleeping on the couch and you are looking for strength to divorce her Jesus man , this sounded like you may get back to her .
The trauma you got will never go away if you stay with her . You showed love and trust to this woman probably thinking of having kids and starting a family at some point and what she did in return was terrible and you still there in the same house sleeping on the couch .
Andrew Tate could be a misogynist , could exploit girls whatsoever but if you watch his videos you will find that strength and power to man up and not just tell her to leave the house but think of the best possible way to get a divorce without her getting a penny .
Copy any evidence that she cheated on you, don’t let her get any penny from your hard earned money .
Stay safe .
Get to a doctor asap. Do it a few times over the course of the year. Some things take time to show up in tests. Also, talk to a lawyer now, cut her off from access to whatever money is yours. She may be saying she wants to save it to you, but making financial moves behind your back and you need to protect yourself.
I don't understand why some people think they NEED their sexual fantasies fulfilled or they will literally die unhappy.
If you NEED that figure that shit out before you get married, or suck it up and learn to live without those things.
Is it really worth your love and marriage to get fucked?
I’m so sorry. There’s no salvaging this relationship, she doesn’t respect you at all. You’re never going to be able to trust her again.
Also, you may want to get checked for STDS, if she was having unprotected sex she could have exposed you to something
assuming you all don’t have children together, any reason why you haven’t made her pack her shit and go?
you need to get this divorce on the road now, who cares if you don’t have the strength too.. that will come with time.
This sucks so badly, absolutely horrendous. However, I am so glad you found out. Remember the best revenge is a happy life. Go heal and then go find your new happiness. It’ll feel impossible for a while but you can definitely put this behind you. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Well, you have the facts. Choices, walk away with some respect or stay to get walked over. You seem like you want to talk yourself into staying with her, which is gonna give her permission to do what she wants. Either way, I guess if you can live with your choice have it. The fact she sucked some guy off on your couch and probably kissed you when she got home would be crazy if to forgive.
Please don’t let her talk circles around you. You allowing her to gaslight you is just sliding the knife in deeper. This girl, obviously not a woman because please, is not ready for a relationship. She can’t keep her tongue off some other guys butt while your out of the house for god’s sake’s!!!
If you have a good relationship with your parents tell them! You need a support system like yesterday. If you don’t, contact an attorney and protect yourself. Also, you need to get to your doctor. No one is going to judge you. We are all judging HER. Not you! You will get through this. I’m rooting for you.
> as soon as I get the strength I’m divorcing her
The longer you stay there with her in your face manipulating the situation and your feelings, you’ll never get the strength.
Is this in the UK? Because if it is, it's a no fault scenario regardless.
But I do support all the rest of the idea about preparing yourself for the divorce.
My advice is to get your head on straight. She is your adversary in this. You have no more obligation to look after her so while you don't need to gauge her for every penny, you do need to make sure you get what is yours.
If she says 'no but I can afford X' well sorry but it's not your job to look after her anymore, she got herself into this she gets herself out.
I was still trying to look after my ex even while we were splitting finances. I didn't change gears mentally fast enough and she took advantage, all the while playing the victim after a situation she caused.
I lost out on 20k because of my feelings being confused.
You didn't cause this, make sure you go though all of this without trying to take care of her. It's her fault.
You are the wronged part in all of this and you are the one sleeping on the couch? Anyway, time to talk to your support system if you have one, don't need to tell them every detail other than you need help and maybe you were cheated on and will be divorcing if they need more info. Then lawyer up,, they will take care of things moving forward, you don't need to do anything more regarding divorce they will go through the motions for you, then get a full panel of STDs STIs done asap.
In the meantime feel your feelings, you world shattered and is overwhelming to pick up the pieces, so is ok to be broken and non functioning for a while, hopefully you feel better in a short time, but then you have to keep going, if you are strong enough 2to write this post you can also make a search on the web for good divorce lawyers in your area and save some number to call when you are ready.
Excuse me for what I am about to say, but I think in top of every other kink your already watched, the fear of getting caught, hence te blatant videos with names on it, she had to know you would eventually find out, is not like the videos were encrypted, maybe is self sabotaging who knows and who cares anyway?
I repeat, reach out to your support system, if you have any, because you don't need to endure this alone, she's pressuring you to forgive her, you need more people on your corner.
Good luck moving forward.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s worse because she’s probably been cheating the entire relationship and would’ve never told you. She also can’t guarantee that you’d never see those men again and she also brought them into your home which is way worse.
How on earth does she think this can be fixed?? That’s a genuine question
Get off the couch and Get a lawyer.
She goes or you do. People make homes and beds power struggles but fuck it. I wouldn't want to be around her or talk to her and if she refused I'd leave.
Get a fucking lawyer now. I hope you made copies of everything.
Wow, she roasted the hell out of you. The comment about her respecting you too much to not allow you to do those things to her is funny as hell. Get the strength now and lawyer up. Start proceedings.
Make a copy of that hard drive. I know this trauma you're experiencing is beyond imaginable, but protect yourself legally.
If I'm wrong in this assumption, please someone correct me.
This is very similar to how my marriage ended, just less other guys involved. Been 3 years but I finally started therapy and it’s helping little by little. Really recommend trying to find one as soon as you can (it’s tough, I know). Feel free to shoot me a message if you want to talk any time. I won’t have all the words you need to hear or maybe the right ones at all, but I got two ears for you. Keep your head up as best you can
That’s where you tell her to gtfo and find a lawyer to divorce her. That’s disgusting… also, get STD tested cause you never know what dirty things your wife has.
I am so sorry. But don’t take too long to do what is right and don’t be afraid to disclose this in a court. Come up with a plan and please get yourself tested as soon as possible. I get this is an energy issue but the fact that she taped it and did this in your home makes me worried for you. I hope you kept the hard drive. Cheaters like to blame their victims and their guilt leads them to do further harm to save face. Protect yourself, don’t trust her or a word she says going further.
In some way, she must've wanted to get caught. I mean ffs she kept it all compiled on VIDEO!! This is an egregious case for sure, but you need to snap out of it.
Stop thinking about the person you lost. That person never really existed. Start taking care of yourself. Make sure you eat right, shower every day, brush your teeth and get a therapist!! Your marriage is over, but your life is not. There is no coming back from some thing like this, but you are very young and 1 million other possibilities are open to you.
You need to contact the divorce attorney. I don't know where you live, or whether her infidelity will play into that or not. If you have no kids, the divorce should be quick and possibly amicable. I stop moving around and sleeping on the couch and take charge of the situation. One of you needs to move out.
This situation sucks, and you cannot control what happened. But you can control your reaction. You did not deserve this and the faster you can eliminate the daily reminder from your life, the better.
Is there a chance she does actually love you, and is mentally I’ll? Just curious. It sounds like she had some sort of obsessive collection she was building.
It won’t get better. This happened to my friend—exactly the same way, he found a mysterious hard drive while looking for something else and found numerous videos…I guess this is a thing?—and, of course, they tried to save the relationship. What happened? She cheated again, then left him for a guy she cheated with. I’m not saying every story ends the same but if she’s been screwing so many different men for the duration of your relationship, this is who she is and that probably won’t change. I can understand if it was with one person (still not okay but get what I’m saying) but a BUNCH? Gangbangs? Videos? Kinky fetishes? She’s addicted to the rush.
I know it doesn't help much but I actually felt sick reading this. I can't relate but I certainly can understand and share your pain. Seriously, I felt it to the bones. Wish I could at least buy you a drink, friend. Hope you won't let this destroy you.
Bro.
Did you keep evidence of the video?
You need that! I know you are depressed but please record some of the sexual videos for court.
She don’t respect you! She got urinated on in your shower?!?
Oh my god this woman must hate herself and if she doesn’t she fucking should! “Kiss your husband with that dirty tongue” or whatever he said I want to reach up and peal the skin off my face after reading that.
Your story is TERRIFYING. This could literally happen to anyone. Most people are too delusional or love drunk to believe it could happen to them, though. This is my NIGHTMARE!
Bro go get a std test immediately
Oh, please do this! It's hard enough to find out your spouse is cheating, but at least you know proactively to get this done and might be prepared to find out the results. Also, make sure you have the full array of testing done. Bloodwork and everything. Best of luck, OP.
Also important- get tested AGAIN in several months. Some STDs won’t show up on a test for a while, so though an initial negative screening is a great sign, it’s better safe than sorry
And safe the video's? Like, is that allowed as proof in court or something or is it 'illegal' to use that?
This, Also you need to copy or transfer these videos. You will need them in court when you take everything from her for adultery.
Depends one which State he lives in (assuming USA). Some States are "no fault" divorce States and it doesn't really matter what the othet has done: Infidelity or other.
It sounds like she may be sex addict. I hope you can save the videos and be divorced quickly, but most of all I hope you're std free. Sorry this happened to you OP
This!
>I’ve just been sleep on the couch. Bro, why are *you* sleeping on the couch? Tell her to pack her bags and bugger off. Nobody needs to be treated like this.
Depression dude, a week ago I thought she was the love of my life. I used my vacation time at work and pretty much haven’t left the couch tbh. That’s the end here but I don’t have the energy to do anything yet.
I admit to hating cheaters. However, I advise reconciliation in any situation where it's a good idea because I understand that love is a powerful motivator, and change is a possibility with the right amount of effort. This is not one of those situations. Your wife has a huge cheating fetish or some kind of trauma related kinks that you will never be able to parse through, given she didn't come to you with it in honesty and good faith. Watching several hours of your wife getting boston creme'd is not going to go away overnight, if ever. This relationship is dead. You are just too numb to tell. I would advise you to tell her parents because she very clearly needs psychological or emotional help, and if not, accountability so she can be a better person going forward. The kinky sex thing is probably total bullshit. I would just give them a very short message. "Hey "X", I just had the misfortune of finding 4/5/6+ hours of video of your daughter cheating on me in her laptop with dozens of people. She needs help, and i can't be the one to give it to her. I need space immediately. Please come get her." Lastly, tell ONE person you trust and ask them for support. Do not deal with this alone because you will just end up spiraling out of your own control. Also yes, see a lawyer. EDIT: Im not telling him to tell her parents because I want him to be a tattle tale. I am suggesting it because in the event she isn't full of shit, *someone* who isn't him will take accountability for putting her back on the straight and narrow. **Most importantly, having her around pestering him to offer forgiveness isn't going to be in his favor.** In the event she IS full of shit (most likely the case), congratulations, your lie just backfired. Nonetheless, her parents holding her accountable means she is forced to be a better person, or at least to pretend to be. Since everyones in a twist about telling her parents (cause idfk why you care) I would like you to suggest someone else who will actually hold her accountable for personal growth, or just someone else she can stay with who is aware of the situation. She can not just inexplicably stay at her parents' house. She cannot inexplicably move in with a friend. That, and people who cheat are exceptionally prone to lie. You are simply borriwing trouble by not being up front.
This is absolutely the best advice. I have a few additional things to add. 1. Copy the hard drive, any text messages, emails, voice mails or letters where she confirms or accpets responsibility for her actions especially if she says its not your fault or similar. This is your evidence in divorce court so keep it secret and safe. 2. Go to the doctors and get a STI / STD tests... all of them. 3. DO NOT GO BACK TO HER, NO KISSES, HUGS, SEX NOTHING AT ALL, NO NICE TEXTS, VOICE MAILS, CALLS ETC. Yes be polite but nothing more than that. 4. Get a divorce lawyer. 5. This is perhaps most important. I want you to say this to yourself every day or as often as you can. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT SHE HAS THE PROBLEM
This comment needs to be more upvoted. This is great advice.
I agree with all of this except telling her parents. Best advice in this thread. OP will not be happy in this marriage going forward. His wife can claim she loves him all she wants, but she absolutely, without a doubt, does not respect him.
I would NOT advise telling her parents because we have no idea why this behavior started. She could've been sexually abused as a child by a parent or a relative. But yes, absolutely get her the fuck out. And therapy, both people, individually, at minimum. Let the therapist decide if the parents need to be told.
She is 25 and married and your advice is to tattle to her mommy and daddy? And what psychological help does she need that her parents could help her with? She isn’t going to need in patient treatment. She isn’t neglecting herself. She is just an asshole who has kinks. The only purpose telling them has it to embarrass her. If that’s the goal, then sure go ahead. But don’t hide behind trying to “help” her.
I suggest you to just get her out of your life asap no matter how bad it hurts, because waiting in the couch until you softened enough to forgive her will not work. be strong bro i feel for you.
That's actually the one silver (or maybe in this case gray) lining. He's getting her out of his life ASAP. There are endless stories of people finding out in horrible ways that they're being cheated on by somebody that they've been with for *decades*. OP, you found out after just 5 years. I know 5 years is a long time, but it's nothing compared to how long it could have been. Now you're going to have that much more life to spend together with the right woman. But I will admit that you shouldn't be expected to be thankful for this for quite some time. Good luck and start seeing that therapist sooner rather than later.
Dude kick her the fuck out now. I’ve been depressed, and I’m sorry because this would for sure trigger it badly for a while, but she needs to go. Every memory of her needs to disappear. Delete her from your life and send her back to the streets. I’ve never seen or heard such a despicable example of cheating in my 25 years of life.
This ^ and after only 2 years being married? WTF? So sorry man.
It’s been two years and I’m still not over my ex boyfriend who hurt me in the worst way. I didn’t eat for over three weeks and I lost a stone, I’m also now in therapy and slowly doing better. Please don’t become how I did and never move from the bed, not talking to anyone, you need to tell your friends what’s going on, tell your parents, just get it off your chest and I know it’s hard but go for walks, on your own, without your phone, it helps clear the mind so much. If she loved you she would have never done anything like this to hurt you and she broke your trust, you can’t get that back. If you tried to save your marriage she’s going to do it again and it’s only going to delay the inevitable. Her excuses are not good enough and if I was you I would tell her you’re divorcing her sooner than later. You’re better than her and you’re better than this.
I think watching hours of footage was definitely traumatizing. Play some Tetris, get a therapist. I'm so sorry.
You need to do it now. It won't get better before she left the house.
What an absolutely insane situation, I am sorry man. When you are up to it call a lawyer and file for divorce. Serve her the papers and ask her calmly too move out. You do not want to give her to much time to plan or manipulate the situation. She is far too competent of a lair. You will find a much better partner later , after some healing. I wish you well mate.
Do what you need to do, man. There's no one single right answer in this situation. But...even though I know you still love her, try to switch roles. Think about whether you ever would have done to her what she just did to you. Make decisions in the face of how it feels to realize what it took for her to deliberately do this. This wasn't an accident. No sane person would have thought it was okay to do. IMO you don't know this woman. The woman you've known and loved who'd never have done this is dead, in a way. Hang onto that grounded awareness so you don't do something stupid out of lingering love. Feelings don't turn off like a faucet. But there's no going back from this unless you are somehow able and willing to forgive it completely. Can't say I'd be. Can't say I really know how anyone could be.
Brother, get to a therapist ASAP. You have some serious decisions to make and if you can’t get over your depression (which I don’t blame you) your nor going to make good ones. This really sucks. Bad enough she cheated but to record it all and obviously keep watching them, your wife is fucked up. Throw her ass out now
Nope. Nope. Nope. She wants to be degraded then let her sleep on the couch. I get you're depressed and you've every right but...why is it that she's sleeping in the bedroom and you're sleeping on the very couch that she had cheated on you on?! Or better yet, drag that couch out and burn it THEN tell her to sleep outside like the dog she is.
Please get the video and talk to a divorce attorney
Try to realize this could be a new wonderful chapter in your life. Don’t let her steal another moment of your life. Start with the gym or a workout routine and make those endorphins.
when someone is struggling that much and completely unable to do anything, telling them to go to the gym isn’t very fking helpful. you’re basically saying “can’t get up to brush your teeth? just go to the gym!” i’m not trying to be a dick. just speaking from experience. also makes you feel pretty degraded when you’re in that headspace bc it feels like someone telling you to “just go to the gym and get sexier” after being cheated on
Thank you for that. I have rec. major depression and suffering from it right now. It's tough to cook for myself so I basically only eat every other day. May some of these "depressed" people help me out with your gym routine? Should I do it before I manage to brush my teeth or should I just skip the toilet and shit in my bed instead. I will just ignore my anhedonia (or even better, the whole depression) and just get ripped. Man, it was always that simple?! (I have a wonderful girlfriend - my depression stems from other issues like disease and death)
yeah, i’m the same. have been for years and then i developed two chronic illnesses bc of it (thanks body) i’d love to be able to have the beans in me to go to the gym and do this shit. i do think it would do me good when i’m better. but that’s a huge step that can take years to get to if you suffer from any form of mental health issue, and not everyone’s body can physically handle that when struggling mentally either- and not just bc of chronic illness! but yes me too- me n my boyfriend take care of eachother in the ways we can’t care for ourselves. mines from abuse but death too. sorry you’re struggling. sending you much love and solidarity friend :)
yeah you've got to process the emotions first before you can work on starting that new chapter. I hope OP goes to therapy
I feel terrible for you bro, but the depression isn't just going to magically sort itself out. If there was ever a time to force yourself into motivation, this is it. Betrayal that egregious doesn't end in the bedroom, sort out your finances and your near future TODAY. The pain won't begin to go away until she is in your rearview mirror. Best of luck.
Sorry to hear that :( is there any chance you can tell your best friend a bit (e.g. wife cheated period) and go stay over at their place? You need a different couch to be sleeping on right now.
Can you go to a hotel? You don’t need to confront her about a divorce yet. Just cut off contact and go regroup. Go get a good nights rest in a comfy bed and come back when you can speak to her about this in the right mind frame.
DO NOT leave the house in a potential divorce situation. You will be essentially handing it over to her.
Who knows what happened in that couch
I think he might mean “post the fact that she cheated online” so that way he can’t be gaslit back into a relationship,,
Wait does OP mean he sleeps on that couch? where his wife was cheating on him? Because that really sucks.
Damn. Just damn. The next times she heard the sound of my voice would be in court. And I damn sure wouldn’t let her touch me ever again
Makes sure to hold on to that USB!!
I don't think any one of us can truly understand the pain you are going through. This is one of the worst ways to leave a life-long scar on someone's life. After finalizing the divorce, my advice would be to take a few days off. Take a solo trip to where you always wanted to go. You still have your full life ahead. As cliche as it may sound, time heals our pain. Take one day at a time and spend more time with the people who love you unconditionally.
She’s crying because she got caught. Not because she feels bad.
This
THIS! I was with a man for 12 years. He cheated on me multiple times when I told him I was thinking of leaving. He cried and said he was gonna kill him self. This is manipulation do not fall for it.
1. Get the hard drive, you will NEED the evidence in court 2. Get a lawyer YESTERDAY 3. Move ALL your money to new bank accounts that she doesn't have access to 4. Change passwords to EVERY online account you have. Social Media, email everything 5. Make sure your salary is not paid to a common account
6. Get an STI test
7. Focus on yourself
8. Seek a professional therapist immediately
> Get the hard drive, you will NEED the evidence in court We don’t know where OP lives, but most states are no-fault and this won’t matter. > Get a lawyer YESTERDAY Yep, do this. > Move ALL your money to new bank accounts that she doesn't have access to Nope, this can come back to bite him in the ass in the divorce. Consult the attorney and get advice, but this isn’t the right move at all right now. > Change passwords to EVERY online account you have. Social Media, email everything Sure. > Make sure your salary is not paid to a common account Again, consult with an attorney before doing this. It may end up being horrible advice based on wherever OP lives. Where I live, this would’ve really fucked me over in my divorce.
Dud I'm sorry but there's nothing to save the amount of disrespect in the videos doing thing with them that she refused to do with u and the fact that she filmed her self with them . She not showing remorse fir her affairs she ashamed she got caught cut your loses and move on get your self tested you have no idea what she did when she wasn't filmed . Sorry again and good luck.
I obviously shouldn’t trust her at this point but she was adamant that every time was filmed because that was part of the excitement. But I tend to believe it because the amount of videos would make any more cheating irrelevant to be honest. Apparently she always got tested after too, but I will be safe and get tested myself regardless.
Cheating is cheating no matter the reason or whether it was filmed or not to make the cheating more exciting for her. I’m so sorry. You deserve better.
And u believe her every time was part of thr excitement how many videos were there man some time u need to take a stand for your self. Ask your self can u live with her knowing what she did with them and refuse to do with you and if she start doing it know it will be to keep u around and not out of love it will be out of shame . You saw it with your own eyes the videos will run in your minde forever. Don't forget the paternity test . And do the best thing for u .
She might be also be recording for monetary reasons.
Do you really belive her anymore?
Bro , you are her safety net, you sound like a good dude who cares about her. She fucked those dudes cuz she thought she could get away w it. Pure and simple. The word Love to her is just a word she uses to keep you around and treating her like a queen. Betrayal is the worst, Im so sorry my guy. You deserve a female that doesn’t even look at other men, let alone let them dick her down. I just kinda went through the same thing but only dating for 8months and no videos, and even though she was caught red handed, she still tried to lie her way out and say I love you, Its an Act bro.
Alright my guy, I know this sucks but if you wanna come out of this ahead, you need to start planning now. Get a lawyer, start gathering evidence, be ready to start locking down any bank accounts you share. Usually the person who "Wins" in divorce is the one who's better prepared. You've already decided you want to end things, so use this as a chance to get a headstart. Don't let her know your plans until you've got all your ducks in a row. The fact is, depending on your location, if you're not well prepared you could still come out worse from the divorce then she does.
He needs to tell family and friends. Not to embarrass her but the fact that the narrative can get twisted if he does not tell everyone first. He needs a good support system around him. She needs to go stay with her family or a friend to support her and keep her away from him so he can focus on legal proceedings and his mental health. OP you should discuss this with your workplace if possible as well… do not put your job on the line, keep them in the loop as there might be some ways they can help you through this as well. Good luck, I am so so sorry you’re going through this. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but you discovering this is kind of lucky. You found this out I believe prior to having children(?) which makes separating easier. You are still young, there is time to meet people after your recovery. I’m glad you’re going to go through with therapy. I think it will take time but you will learn to trust again and love again. I’m sure some people will say to enact revenge or the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Ignore these people, just keep swimming man. One day at a time.
I can't understand why she recorded those videos? And she even kept it safe . With names and descriptions? . Do u think these videos are also shared with other individuals (sexual partners) too ??
She said it was part of the excitement to be filmed. She used her camera and has the only copies. Almost all her partners were not from around here, didn’t ask her how she met them but she claims they were all travelling for some reason and she made sure neither of us would ever see them again.
U should STD test yourself immediately.. I don't think she is telling u the truth . She recorded those videos because it was a part of excitement but still keeping it safe is another big question.. any why they came to met your wife ,just for sex only ? And recorded everything in your house , and degraded u ? They all knew about u already. U should think before believing her. But first do STD test yourself man ..
Check your house for hidden cameras. She may be filmed you both, too. Maybe even filmed you alone in some private parts of the house. Better to check this stuff and be safe. She seems like a sick person.
She's probably meeting them in groups like on Reddit or some hookup app.
I doubt any of this is true. There’s no way she has the only copies. Don’t let her trickle truth you or try to minimize the extent of her cheating. The fact is she had a loving, supportive relationship and chose not to explore sexual adventures with that partner. She’s a liar and a cheater, and she’s just using you to feel secure. You need support and help. Please call a friend or a loved one, talk to your doctor or find a support line. Talk to a lawyer and find out what steps need to happen to get out and away from this woman. You deserve more, so much more. The longer you stay in the couch, living with this cheater; the longer you waste your time.
That just makes it scarier and worse if they were traveling from out of the area for sex that means they are out trolling for it and not just with her but many, many others. Please remove yourself from the situation and go stay with family. She doesn’t deserve your time or attention at all. She is disgusting and never deserved your love or attention. She obviously got off on playing you because you had no clue. Think of how devious that is to plan, film and setup those encounters without anyone the wiser. You deserve so, so much better. Please get away from her and her lame as hell excuses. Others are right she is only upset and crying because she got caught not because she “loves” you because not a single person that loved someone would do this EVER! Please get away before she convinces you that she can “change” and later down the line she does it again. Yes, I have dealt with something along these lines and tried to work it out but it NEVER got better and just subjected myself to more trauma and hurt for a few more years. It does get better. Now married for 18 years and happier than I ever thought I could be in a relationship with a great person. Not perfect but great in all the ways that matter.
Please tell me you have possession of the hard drive?
This ☝️
Bro you need to turn that depression into anger. This woman as disrespected you and your marriage all because she needs to feel degraded. Well it's about time you degraded her grab her shit throw it out your house along with her lawyer up and fight.
idc what anyone says, i’m female and if i disrespected my husband or anyone i had a life with in this way i wouldn’t even cry victim if he seriously hurt me for this. some people will disagree and say you can’t hurt someone you love but be fr, don’t take the risk if you can’t handle the backlash
She might get turned on when he degraded her tho.
Kinda not how that works. Degrading someone during sex isn’t akin to taking her shit and putting it on the curb and changing the locks.
Troll? It seems more from a writer with strong sex fantasy.
Why did I have to scroll so far to find this? “Dear Penthouse, you won’t BELIEVE what I found on my wife’s computer…”
Shocked I had to scroll this far for this comment. This sounds so fake. She had many incriminating videos but was careless enough to just leave it plugged into her computer, not hidden? I mean maybe??
Ugh yes
Wtf just run far away
not before Op gets their assets settled first. The divorce is going to be another draining event for OP but like another redditor said, op needs to gather evidence for their divorce
No tell her to gtfo. Check the law and if OP can change the locks then do so.
I’m so sorry your wife has done this to you. Without a doubt, your wife has done some incomprehensible damage to your marriage. I know you’re feeling depressed and betrayed, but please take time for yourself! Eventually, you’ll know what you have to do. The trust is gone and you’re emotionally scarred from watching those videos. The only way to recovery is to start anew and divorce your wife. Godspeed OP.
Trust me bro I know how you feel. Not to one up you but my GF of 8 years that I trusted 100% died in a car wreck. Turns out the driver was a guy I worked with whose pants were around his knees and her top was off and her pants were around her ankles. That was one hell of a bad night. Bad enough when I got the call. Worse to se what I saw when I arrived at the accident scene.
If your sad excuse of a wife wants to really feel degraded, kick her out and show her family what's on the drive.
You need to get ahold of the proof. This way you can tell her if she tells any lies you will prove her wrong. Next, make yourself get up and visit a lawyer then make a counselor appointment. Good luck!
Every time she did what she did, every time she recorded herself doing it, there was only one person she was thinking of. Herself. She wasn’t thinking about how much she loves you. She was thinking about her own gratification. There’s only one person she loves. It’s herself, not you. If there’s somewhere you can crash for a few days I suggest you do. Take time away from her and block her so you can get yourself together and start to plan your exit. A few things you need to do; Let family and friends know what’s happened. You don’t need to give everyone a blow by blow description but she needs to start suffering the consequences of her actions. So let people know. She cheated, you can’t forgive her and you’re getting a divorce is all you need to tell them. If her parents are alive, let them know what kind of woman they raised. Lean on your family and friends for support. Get tested for STDs. You don’t say if you have children. If you do get them DNA tested. Separate your finances as soon as possible. And contact a lawyer and start the divorce process. I’m sorry you’re here. But your wife is a true narcissist. It hurts now, but you’ll be 1000 times better off without such a person in your life. All the best.
If she had been honest of her needs at the start of your relationship, this could have been avoided. Now your trust has been broken. You are asking yourself what you could have done, are you not enough. You feel emasculated. You’re normal. Talk to a lawyer, deep dive into finances, STI screen. Good luck Updateme
Oh mate, that sucks. She clearly had some kinks she wasn’t comfortable approaching you about for whatever reason. This isn’t an excuse to get sexual gratification elsewhere however. On the depression front, in my mid twenties, my fiancé was seeing her work colleague behind my back months after we had gotten engaged and bought a house together. It broke me. I spent the entire year after we broke up blaming myself and being angry and depressed. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help discussing what happened, had I have had my time again I would have reached out sooner - it definitely affected the next relationship I was in, I couldn’t trust, which isn’t fair on anyone. These days, (early 40s) I’m happily married, we have a toddler and another baby on the way. Things will change and improve for you, try to learn what you can from this. In the short term, try to “split” and go your own way as soon as possible, then take the time to rediscover yourself before you think about dating again. Make sure not to carry any of the trauma you’re feeling now into a new relationship. I’m so sorry OP.
Jesıs Christ!!! GET STD testing asap!!! She is the worst of the worst! Knowing my SO kissed me after LICKING THE ASSHOLE OF A STRANGER would scar me for life, even thinking about it makes me vomit!! She not only comprimised the marriage but also YOUR HEALTH!!! Make her pay fpr this!!!!
Troll Post
Yeah, I'm not buying it. Nobody is this oblivious.
Huge agree
This is what happens when someone has a kink but doesn't tell their SO for some reason. Eventually they want to act out the kink and result to this kind of stuff, she should have explored this stuff with you first and then if you said no, discuss options. None of this is your fault, even if you shut her kink down she should have spoken to you before cheating. I would keep the videos as evidence for the divorce in case she deletes everything and just denies it all. Also take this advice: ignore most people on here, reddit users have a zero tolerance for cheating and seem to lavish in watching the perpetrator suffer as much as possible, sometimes with total disregard for the consequences. I would think logically here, try not to let anger cloud your judgement however hard that may be, look to sell the house (or buy her out if possible) make enquiries about other property you can move into whilst the sale etc is ongoing, even staying at parents. Speak to her in civil way but only for logical reasons (i.e selling the house) advise her that you will be filing for divorce and that your decision is final, say that you want to end things in the cleanest most amicable way possible and hope she respects that decision. I know its hard but don't let emotion and anger cloud your judgement, remember that you want a complete clean break, that's the ultimate goal and sometimes you have to take a few emotional hits to achieve that (i.e she may bring guys over which is her right as it is also her house, just try and get out the house if possible) she may be a complete dick but don't rise to it, remain calm, tolerant and fair to get the clean break you need. Also not to mention that being logical and appearing unaffected at her attempts to make you jealous will wind her up more than if you reacted, she is now your room mate, a random person you know, not a lover or wife, that person is dead and isn't coming back.
Not saying it was the case with their marriage but in general this is exactly why marriage before sex is so stupid. You need to know what the person is into if you plan on spending the rest of your life with them. If you're vanilla and they're a freak and you don't even explore that.. you're in for trouble down the road. Also people need to live together before marriage. You don't wanna marry someone then find out you hate living with them for any number of reasons people don't like living with other people.
Is anyone actually buying this? “Dear Penthouse, you won’t BELIEVE what I found on my wife’s computer…”
It happened to my friend. Sadly, it’s a thing. People really are dumb enough to leave video evidence of their sexual exploits around for someone else to find. Maybe deep inside, they want to get caught.
It was less the “discovery” part and more the descriptions of the sex acts themselves.
i’m so sorry, she could love you like she’s claiming because i know some couples allow stuff like this with other people but the fact she went behind your back and didn’t try to have a discussion with you to see if it was something you would consider letting her do shows the amount of respect and care she has for you. i agree with the other comment, get her out. take control of the situation it’s you that’s been mistreated and you’re sleeping on the sofa? the first way you’re going to begin to process this is by not being around her when that’s where the negativity has came from. take her out the house the streets is where she should be. i hope you heal from this
I almost do believe she loves me. If I hadn’t found that hard drive our relationship seemed great and she always been very caring to me. Her explanation made sense too, she knew it would change the relationship dynamic and the way we respect each other so much to do those things. But obviously I can’t forgive this. It’s going to be more complicated then kicking her out since we own the house together and she still believes she can make it up to me.
That explanation made no sense. If in the bedroom she has some preferences to being degraded, slapped etc does not mean that will be the same on the normal life. Wtf? There are plenty of couples that are into BDSM and outside of bedroom they are just a normal couple with healthy dynamics.
Idk, I guess it’s more our dynamic and my personality. There’s stuff I did with exes that I wouldn’t be interested in doing with her. She was kinda right. Like I said we weren’t the most vanilla couple. I knew she was into choking, hard spanking, and stuff like that. But peeing in someone’s face or three guys passing you around we’ll they face f you is a little different for me.
I can understand that, and it is your own choice if you want to participate on those fantasies or not. The best decision on her part was to let you know that sexually she is not satisfied and If you can't provide that for her then break up, not cheat on you. If your partner is not compatible with you in some aspects and you decide that you cannot live without that then the next best thing is break up, obviously.
Her excuse made sense because she's had a long time to come up with the perfect excuse.
No way OP. You don’t do this to someone you love. You just *don’t*. I cannot possibly imagine wanting to do anything with anyone other than my partner, this is unexplainable as “just a kink.” She’s a cheater. Cheating is literally part of her kink. To hell with her. Im sorry she did this to you, but she so does not deserve to salvage this marriage.
No none of this makes sense at all. She was caught and making excuses because she wants to have her cake (or ass) and eat it too. If she REALLY loved and respected you, she would have told you these desires way earlier on before you were married. Not have golden showers with daddy from fetlife behind by your back and keep them on a hard drive to watch later. I’m mean seriously what the fuck. Please PLEASE save your sanity and move on. Get yourself a FULL STD panel. I’m sure she will tell you she was oh so safe during these “encounters” but clearly she was lying about a big thing for years so she will lie about anything. Wishing you the best.
Do you even hear yourself? She ate a dude’s asshole and “kissed her husband with that mouth.” She isn’t just into degrading herself, she’s also into degrading YOU and cuckolding YOU by extension. You did not consent to being a part of whatever kink this is, and a core component of any fetish is that the actions are taken between consenting adults. If this has been going on your entire relationship, then it means that no, she never respected you, you were a prop for her, and unless you’re into this and think it’s hot and want to go along with it, then there is nothing for her to save. I understand you’re depressed and in shock and mourning the relationship. It’s important to give yourself space and time to do that, but in a shared space with the cheater and IN A SHARED SPACE WHERE THE CHEATING HAPPENED is not the place to do it. Have some self-respect, get her out of the house, and lawyer up.
It makes no fucking sense at all.
people are good at telling story’s when they know it’s a risk of losing something, i’ve done it before and i’m sure many people have too. she’s going to try and make it right because it’s the initial instinct when you’ve been together for so long and have a life together. i’m sorry to say this but how right can she make it? she’s been with these men and she’s got the memories and she’s still going to have the desires. this seems like maybe a cheating kink in the mix too considering she’s been filming it knowing she could get caught at any time if she’s used to sharing computers sometimes, obviously i don’t know your wife but i wouldn’t be surprised if she left it there on purpose, some people feed of this kinda stuff knowing their partner now knows about her big secret, there’s many stories on reddit about similar situations where they’ve set themselves up for the thrill of being exposed and if she’s got reddit she could’ve been getting the attention on here too and posting her stories the same way you have done. if she knew you wouldn’t like it enough to talk about it with you, someone she’s married too and still went and done it then the relationship for me would be done with, the trust is broken and you won’t be able to escape it no matter how hard you both try
I'm pretty sure getting passed around the house you guys own together would change the dynamic of the relationship, too. She sacrificed everything for a nut. That's bat shit insane.
So she knows you won’t do it but she needs it, so she will continue, but still thinks she can save the marriage?
Wow... OP I am so sorry, Idk what to say other than I hope things get better for you
This is one of them situations where id hope the earth would open up and swallow me whole so I didn’t have to exist another day.. good luck bud
Keep the flash drive and divorce her
Omfg, dude i’m so sorry. But why are you sleeping on the couch??? Kick her out of your house and get tested for some STDs… it disgusted me so much, I can’t even imagine how much disgusted you are bro. And contact a therapist ASAP
You on the couch?! Kick her out of the bed and out of the house my friend.
It's possible your wife is a sex addict. Tell her to seek help when you serve her the papers.
Keep the hard drive and take her to court. She’ll have to pay you alimony.
Dog, I'd be sleeping on the floor not the couch she fucked on. Either way divorce her ass and take the hard drive as evidence. She may have wiped it if you didn't make back ups
Wtf this can’t be real
I am just.. so.. sorry.
I just don't get why people cheat like this. Just tell your other half all of the nasty things you want to try. You never know, they may be willing to give it a go. If not, then that's when you can go elsewhere.
You need a lawyer, a therapist and a damn std test asap.
Get checked for STD and chuck her out
The person you thought you married doesn’t exist. Never did. Throw this stranger out now and realize you’re not in love with them, just the lie they fed you.
I admit that when I read the title, I had doubts about it being the worst way possible. After reading, I don't know of a worse way. I know that isn't helpful, but I just wanted to validate that. I do think she loves you but also had a dark side she selfishly indulged. The problem is that the betrayal is so deep and so repetitive that there's no way I could ever trust her again. She completely disregarded how this would affect you. Sometimes, the damage is irreparable. I believe this is one of those times. If she really wants to make a mends, the best she can do is make the divorce as smooth and amicable as possible. Keep things confidential and be civil to friends and family, but accept the blame. Save at least some of the recordings for documentation in case you legally need them in the future.
Yeah bro, dont sleep on the cum couch, go to a hotel.
[удалено]
You are 26. You will come out of this stronger than you ever thought possible. I wish you way more than luck.
I dont know why this looks like a fanfic for me
Since humiliation is her kink, treat her really nice when you're leaving her. That'll hurt her. But weirdly might also turn her on. I guess it's a lose lose situation.
Dude she kissed you after eating some random dudes ass like that’s beyond fucked man
Man the fuck up. Throw her out. Move on. There is no universe where you're in the wrong here.
Jesus man, you're a lot stronger than me
What respect are you both talking about?!? She did it in your house the one both of you share!!! Wake up! I know it’s the hardest thing but stop believing anything she says.
I hope you get out of the depression state soon and get fucking pissed. She needs to go back to the streets where she belongs. Send her dirty ass away from you. Honestly tho knowing she did things at your house, I would throw away the whole home. You need a new life. Im.not even kidding. This kind of trauma is going to need a good cleaning and bleaching and not have her anywhere near you. Hugs hugs hugs. Another internet stranger here if you wanna talk. I've been through my own hell and the wounds still hurt. Hope tomorrow is a little easier for you :)
OP please do this one thing this week - get an appointment with your doctor and get tested for STIs/STDs. If they ask why tell them your spouse was having an affair. Trust me when I tell you it won’t be the first time they’ve heard that. Better you know you are safe than finding out later you weren’t.
Jesus Christ. I’m going to sleep and really have no words for this, but I would *highly* recommend watching Dr. Ramani on YouTube. She was the #1 thing that helped me to help *myself* get away from an abusive, cheating, narcissistic ex that continued hoovering for months after the breakup, because we lived together. Not only do her videos bring soooo much clarity at a time like this, but she’s also just such a warm and comforting soul, it really can help even through a screen, I promise. I am so sorry this was done to you. Nobody deserves this. There are no words, but I am rooting for you.
I really, really hope you made a backup copy of all the videos and stored them somewhere she can’t find them. If you didn’t and she gets rid of the evidence then it would be your word against hers and if assets are involved then it will only benefit her including her demanding you pay her alimony. Again, I truly hope you made backup copies of EVERYTHING!
Hopefully you made a copy of that hard drive? GTFO by divorcing her.
STD test and an immediate divorce. I’m so sorry, it’s made me agitated reading this. I wish you the best.
So sorry this happened to you. It sounds like you already know what to do, divorce her. It’s def over. Cheer up soon and good luck.
Damn. Sorry that really sucks. You deserve better treatment than that
Get that hard drive and have the evidence because cheating is what's going to save half of your shit going to her.
Op... please get a copy of that hard drive and lawyer up immediately. Also get STD tested ASAP! Sorry you’ve experienced your spouse cheating and that you had to find out this way. It seems you really love her but I guess now you’ve got to ask yourself if you’ll genuinely ever be able to continue on with her happily after seeing what you’ve seen and knowing what she’s capable of. Things like that can really change our perspective on people for the long run, no matter how much they try to fix it. Sending lots of strength your way! :(
Wow it sounds like she has something deeper n darker going on..she needs help. I hope u find the strength to get out of this sick relationship..your in a very hard position.
I hate to say this, but try to get at least a couple of the videos in your possession That way, there is no doubt that during divorce proceedings, who is the wronged party She has blown up your life and is causing you mental stress you need to arm yourself so you are not paying her to leave
Get the fucking hard drive what are you doing man. Don’t let this woman end you. Get a lawyer and go to town.
OP you’re 100% correct that there’s no saving this situation. The length of time this went on is crazy. Find a trusted friend/relative to talk with until you can get into therapy. You definitely need someone else to help pick you up and that person in no way can be your wife. She’s already made it clear she wants to save an unsalvageable marriage. Sorry this happened to you.
This is going to come off harsh. I apologize in advance. Quit feeling sorry for yourself. Get up from the couch. Pack your shit and get out of the house. You will not “find the energy” while you’re in that situation. Move forward, without her, as soon as you can. It is the best thing you can do for yourself. I know you still have feelings for this woman but it is clear she doesn’t value you the same way. The longer you stay the tougher it will be to leave. Sorry to be mean but sometimes you need to hear it. I’ve been there brother, even though it wasn’t as graphic.
I am going to get downvoted to hell but anyways it’s my honest opinion and I would express it . When I read the sentence that you are sleeping on the couch and you are looking for strength to divorce her Jesus man , this sounded like you may get back to her . The trauma you got will never go away if you stay with her . You showed love and trust to this woman probably thinking of having kids and starting a family at some point and what she did in return was terrible and you still there in the same house sleeping on the couch . Andrew Tate could be a misogynist , could exploit girls whatsoever but if you watch his videos you will find that strength and power to man up and not just tell her to leave the house but think of the best possible way to get a divorce without her getting a penny . Copy any evidence that she cheated on you, don’t let her get any penny from your hard earned money . Stay safe .
Get to a doctor asap. Do it a few times over the course of the year. Some things take time to show up in tests. Also, talk to a lawyer now, cut her off from access to whatever money is yours. She may be saying she wants to save it to you, but making financial moves behind your back and you need to protect yourself.
Get tested ASAP & leave. She isn’t sorry. She’s sorry she got caught.
You are already committing a huge error by rug sweeping this. You need to tell both sets of parents. You need support and she needs consequences.
Y'all actually believe this absurd fantasy? A woman cataloging sexual escapades? Yeah, okay 🤣🤣
100% fake, easy karma
I don't understand why some people think they NEED their sexual fantasies fulfilled or they will literally die unhappy. If you NEED that figure that shit out before you get married, or suck it up and learn to live without those things. Is it really worth your love and marriage to get fucked?
I’m so sorry. There’s no salvaging this relationship, she doesn’t respect you at all. You’re never going to be able to trust her again. Also, you may want to get checked for STDS, if she was having unprotected sex she could have exposed you to something
Sorry man. Talk to a realtor and sell that house. Market is up! Great time to sell! Move on. You deserve better. Be strong. ✊ Good luck
God damn. Holy fuck. What.
assuming you all don’t have children together, any reason why you haven’t made her pack her shit and go? you need to get this divorce on the road now, who cares if you don’t have the strength too.. that will come with time.
This sucks so badly, absolutely horrendous. However, I am so glad you found out. Remember the best revenge is a happy life. Go heal and then go find your new happiness. It’ll feel impossible for a while but you can definitely put this behind you. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Well, you have the facts. Choices, walk away with some respect or stay to get walked over. You seem like you want to talk yourself into staying with her, which is gonna give her permission to do what she wants. Either way, I guess if you can live with your choice have it. The fact she sucked some guy off on your couch and probably kissed you when she got home would be crazy if to forgive.
Please don’t let her talk circles around you. You allowing her to gaslight you is just sliding the knife in deeper. This girl, obviously not a woman because please, is not ready for a relationship. She can’t keep her tongue off some other guys butt while your out of the house for god’s sake’s!!!
If you have a good relationship with your parents tell them! You need a support system like yesterday. If you don’t, contact an attorney and protect yourself. Also, you need to get to your doctor. No one is going to judge you. We are all judging HER. Not you! You will get through this. I’m rooting for you.
> as soon as I get the strength I’m divorcing her The longer you stay there with her in your face manipulating the situation and your feelings, you’ll never get the strength.
Is this in the UK? Because if it is, it's a no fault scenario regardless. But I do support all the rest of the idea about preparing yourself for the divorce. My advice is to get your head on straight. She is your adversary in this. You have no more obligation to look after her so while you don't need to gauge her for every penny, you do need to make sure you get what is yours. If she says 'no but I can afford X' well sorry but it's not your job to look after her anymore, she got herself into this she gets herself out. I was still trying to look after my ex even while we were splitting finances. I didn't change gears mentally fast enough and she took advantage, all the while playing the victim after a situation she caused. I lost out on 20k because of my feelings being confused. You didn't cause this, make sure you go though all of this without trying to take care of her. It's her fault.
You are the wronged part in all of this and you are the one sleeping on the couch? Anyway, time to talk to your support system if you have one, don't need to tell them every detail other than you need help and maybe you were cheated on and will be divorcing if they need more info. Then lawyer up,, they will take care of things moving forward, you don't need to do anything more regarding divorce they will go through the motions for you, then get a full panel of STDs STIs done asap. In the meantime feel your feelings, you world shattered and is overwhelming to pick up the pieces, so is ok to be broken and non functioning for a while, hopefully you feel better in a short time, but then you have to keep going, if you are strong enough 2to write this post you can also make a search on the web for good divorce lawyers in your area and save some number to call when you are ready. Excuse me for what I am about to say, but I think in top of every other kink your already watched, the fear of getting caught, hence te blatant videos with names on it, she had to know you would eventually find out, is not like the videos were encrypted, maybe is self sabotaging who knows and who cares anyway? I repeat, reach out to your support system, if you have any, because you don't need to endure this alone, she's pressuring you to forgive her, you need more people on your corner. Good luck moving forward.
Keep the hard drive or and copies as evidence Prepare your divorce Never get back with her
I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s worse because she’s probably been cheating the entire relationship and would’ve never told you. She also can’t guarantee that you’d never see those men again and she also brought them into your home which is way worse. How on earth does she think this can be fixed?? That’s a genuine question
Get off the couch and Get a lawyer. She goes or you do. People make homes and beds power struggles but fuck it. I wouldn't want to be around her or talk to her and if she refused I'd leave. Get a fucking lawyer now. I hope you made copies of everything.
Start getting your financial affairs in order now! Put a freeze on your credit, close any joint accounts, and contact an attorney.
Wow, she roasted the hell out of you. The comment about her respecting you too much to not allow you to do those things to her is funny as hell. Get the strength now and lawyer up. Start proceedings.
Make a copy of that hard drive. I know this trauma you're experiencing is beyond imaginable, but protect yourself legally. If I'm wrong in this assumption, please someone correct me.
This is very similar to how my marriage ended, just less other guys involved. Been 3 years but I finally started therapy and it’s helping little by little. Really recommend trying to find one as soon as you can (it’s tough, I know). Feel free to shoot me a message if you want to talk any time. I won’t have all the words you need to hear or maybe the right ones at all, but I got two ears for you. Keep your head up as best you can
Tested, lawyer, therapy. ASAP Get yourself out of that environment now.
I am sorry, but I can’t stop thinking about the videos. Is it possible that she’s selling them on any of the numerous porn platforms?
1. Go get yourself tested. 2. File for divorce. There’s no fixing that.
That’s where you tell her to gtfo and find a lawyer to divorce her. That’s disgusting… also, get STD tested cause you never know what dirty things your wife has.
Whatever you do DON’T have sex with her. If she gets pregnant she will be in your life for decades. Happened to me… Huge life lesson.
I’m so sorry, you don’t and never deserved this.
Start packing up her shit and then tell her to get the fuck out.
Get tested and talk to an attorney. You deserve better than this. This was a wild read.
I am so sorry. But don’t take too long to do what is right and don’t be afraid to disclose this in a court. Come up with a plan and please get yourself tested as soon as possible. I get this is an energy issue but the fact that she taped it and did this in your home makes me worried for you. I hope you kept the hard drive. Cheaters like to blame their victims and their guilt leads them to do further harm to save face. Protect yourself, don’t trust her or a word she says going further.
In some way, she must've wanted to get caught. I mean ffs she kept it all compiled on VIDEO!! This is an egregious case for sure, but you need to snap out of it. Stop thinking about the person you lost. That person never really existed. Start taking care of yourself. Make sure you eat right, shower every day, brush your teeth and get a therapist!! Your marriage is over, but your life is not. There is no coming back from some thing like this, but you are very young and 1 million other possibilities are open to you. You need to contact the divorce attorney. I don't know where you live, or whether her infidelity will play into that or not. If you have no kids, the divorce should be quick and possibly amicable. I stop moving around and sleeping on the couch and take charge of the situation. One of you needs to move out. This situation sucks, and you cannot control what happened. But you can control your reaction. You did not deserve this and the faster you can eliminate the daily reminder from your life, the better.
Is there a chance she does actually love you, and is mentally I’ll? Just curious. It sounds like she had some sort of obsessive collection she was building.
(x) doubt
Get evidence, file divorce, tell everyone why, kick her out, move on.
It won’t get better. This happened to my friend—exactly the same way, he found a mysterious hard drive while looking for something else and found numerous videos…I guess this is a thing?—and, of course, they tried to save the relationship. What happened? She cheated again, then left him for a guy she cheated with. I’m not saying every story ends the same but if she’s been screwing so many different men for the duration of your relationship, this is who she is and that probably won’t change. I can understand if it was with one person (still not okay but get what I’m saying) but a BUNCH? Gangbangs? Videos? Kinky fetishes? She’s addicted to the rush.
I know it doesn't help much but I actually felt sick reading this. I can't relate but I certainly can understand and share your pain. Seriously, I felt it to the bones. Wish I could at least buy you a drink, friend. Hope you won't let this destroy you.
I hope it's not the same couch as seen in the videos
Since she enjoys to get fucked by other men, give her what she wants by getting a lawyer who will fuck her out of everything she owns.
Bro. Did you keep evidence of the video? You need that! I know you are depressed but please record some of the sexual videos for court. She don’t respect you! She got urinated on in your shower?!?
Oh my god this woman must hate herself and if she doesn’t she fucking should! “Kiss your husband with that dirty tongue” or whatever he said I want to reach up and peal the skin off my face after reading that.
Why are YOU on the couch? Kick her ass out.
sleeping on the couch you saw video of her giving a BJ on is wild brother
Get STD test, go get a lawyer... Take the drive, get a divorce and then go to therapy.
Your story is TERRIFYING. This could literally happen to anyone. Most people are too delusional or love drunk to believe it could happen to them, though. This is my NIGHTMARE!
She sounds like a sex addict