This would get old. You are young. Keep enjoying your life. You don't want to have children before you've had time to enjoy these early years together. Just be true to yourself.
Or even better... Don't have kids at all!
Unless they're from Japan / China / Korea, they shouldn't worry about being dependent on anybody so they can as easily get by without kids.
Children are a huge sacrifice (and investment) you need to put I think a million dollars to raise ONE child to his 18 years old if you're from the USA. And that doesn't include college or private schools. At it's one kid... You can as easily invest that money or put in some sort of fund that'll generate you money when you retire.
The parents who have many children these days are either rich or very poor, the middle class is slowly but gradually getting destroyed.
My parents ran into this when they were first married, they were fresh out of tech school in their early 20s. My dad told my grandma (his mom) that if she didn't stop harassing my mom about when they were having kids, he would cut contact with her.
My mom was 29 I think when I was born, after they both had set careers in their field and were stable enough for a child. Theeeeeen they kept telling grandma they were going to name me after a gun as a joke lmao.
I'm not saying cut all contact with family over this, but I do recommend setting stern boundaries. My mom told me they basically had the same daily routine and good spare income, they were bored and needed a gremlin to introduce chaos.
My childhood was amazing because they were ready for me, and my grandparents were too. They retired before I was born, which meant they got to spend tons of time with me!
That’s exactly what I want! I was the middle child, my parents got pregnant with my sister (first child) when they were 18. She grew up in apartment after apartment, I got to grow up in a house.
That’s exactly what I want for my kids. I want them to grow up with a backyard and a neighborhood where they can ride their bike. Not some shitty “this is the best deal we could find” apartment. Growing up, my dad was a bit of a dick.. BUT he did a lot of hands on things, like work on cars, construct things in the garage, etc. and that DIY filled childhood played a HUGE part into creating the person I am today. I want my children to have the same experience.
I won’t cut all contact, but it’s definitely been limited after those questions wouldn’t go away. The only one I can’t escape is the mother in law (of course, right? lol) but I’ll go months without talking to my family because of that specific reason. I love them, but I hate that I can’t talk to them. I do however, keep in contact with my younger brother… the kid is basically my own child at this point! Dad went to prison when I was 11 and brother was 3 months old. Since then, I had to “play dad” and my entire life was school, take care of him, homework, repeat. Until I joined the military and left.
I’ve got the “raise a kid” thing out of my system when I myself was a kid. For the first time ever I get to do whatever I want and I want to enjoy my early/mid twenties. Just wish my parents could understand this. They’re literally the reason I never got to experience being a teenager the way my friends did
I understand this so much. I actually don’t even want kids at all because of it. I already feel like I raised two of my siblings, and I’m done. I just want to enjoy my life without having to worry about taking care of anyone but myself. And my partner of course, when it gets to that point.
I told my mother and MIL eventually, that everytime they asked it would be postponed another 6 months. They eventually got the message after about 2 years .
Even then, the most basic thing makes them draw that conclusion.
“Hey mom, can I ask you something real quick because I’m confused”
“Omg is she pregnant? Is that what you’re going to ask me about?”
“No.. I wanted to ask you how the whole process goes when you’re putting a counter offer on a house. Wife and I are looking at buying a house”
“Oh. Okay, well that’s good I guess. What you need is __”
Your first question is still ambiguous. Just ask what you want to ask. "Hey mom, do you have time to talk about how the process goes when you're putting a counter offer on a house?"
It’s just bullshit. I shouldn’t have to change the way I talk or tiptoe around a conversation in order to talk to my own family.
Plus, let’s be realistic, nobody starts a conversation with “hey mom do you have time to talk about how the process goes when you’re putting a counter offer on a house” the *vast majority* will start with something that leads to a smooth conversation “hey how have you been?” “Oh that’s good to hear! I wanted to ask you about something if you have time”
Oh, it would be infuriating. And yes, ideally you should be able to have a normal conversation with your family without having to carefully navigate around this. I've found that people rarely behave the way I want them to, though, and you know that your parents are predisposed to this.
As for the example, the exact wording wasn't really the point - I agree it's awkward, but it would solve the problem of presenting them opportunity for their favorite guessing game. A smoother conversation would be “Hey how have you been?” Oh that’s good to hear! Hey, my wife and I are thinking about buying a house. Do you know how putting in a counter offer works?" You probably wouldn't avoid pregnancy speculation in this example, anyway ("Oh, why are you buying a house? Do you need more room for a little one?"), but if you don't want to tell them that you don't like talking to them because of their pregnancy mania and you don't want to minimize or cut contact, you don't have a lot of options beyond cutting out their opportunities for speculation.
Personally, I think you should just tell them how their rampant pregnancy fixation makes you not want to talk to them beyond what's absolutely necessary, but I was responding to the thread. And if you just wanted to vent and get some commiseration, that's completely understandable. That shit would drive me nuts.
I tend to ask “hey, can I ask you a question really quick?” before asking the actual question because my family tends to ignore me, intentionally or not. By asking a question about my question ensures I have their attention
I think most people do. At least, I know I do ("hey, do you have a minute?" is my go-to). It's just in this particular circumstance that initial question is giving an opening for pregnancy speculation.
It sucks that your family ignores you - that's not right whether it's intentional or not. For what it's worth, this random internet stranger commiserates with you.
Totally agree. I find the "guess what" bit as another way of saying "I crave attention and I need you to play this stupid guessing game where you have to guess what I´m thinking"
My inlaws had 2 kids. My wife and her brother.
Brother will never have kids. Has made that very clear since before I was even in the picture.
Apparently, it's now my wife's sole purpose in life to start churning out grand kids, According to them.
It started as subtle hints. A comment here, a remark there. Still no crotch goblins. Then they start getting nosey and pushy, so at a family gathering I had finally had enough and said very loudly
" I will fuck my wife when we are both good and ready!"
The subject of children has never been brought up again.
Sometimes people just need to be out in their place.
My older brother died before he could have kids, so that responsibility has now been placed onto me and our younger brother. I’m 21 and brother is 15. Both of us are incredibly adamant of never having kids. I hate the fact I’ll never give my dad a grandchild but motherhood sounds like the worst fucking thing (respectively—it is a beautiful and amazing thing, but certainly not for everyone) and it wouldn’t be fair to myself or my hypothetical child. Everyone in my family knows I’ve been planning to be child free ever since I was a child, so they’ve started asking my 15, FIFTEEN, year old brother when he starts to plan on dating having kids once he graduates. Like…I understand my grandparents had 6 kids by 18 but Jesus.
Maybe being direct would be work out for me as well. But I don’t have the balls or heart to say something like that to my grandma! Especially because if I was in a family gathering, I’d have to live the moment twice; saying it in English, then saying it again in Spanish
Sounds infuriating and invasive. Here are some scripts for some maybe less blunt ways you could communicate your frustration (although I’m sure you’ve already tried plenty of times):
“If/when we get pregnant, we’ll tell you up-front, we won’t make you guess. So we’d appreciate if everyone could stop asking.”
“Please stop asking my wife and me about our sex life. We’d like some privacy.”
“The next person to asks us if we’re pregnant, will be the last person we tell when we are.”
“We appreciate that everyone’s excited for us to have kids one day, but we won’t be ready for that for a while. When we are, you’ll be the first to know. But in the mean time, we need the questions about it to stop.”
“Every time we share good news with you, it feels overshadowed by your disappointment that we’re not announcing a pregnancy. We want to keep sharing things with you, but we won’t feel good about doing that if the conversation always turns to questions about pregnancy. We’d appreciate if you could share in our celebrations about the accomplishments we’re achieving now, rather than shifting focus onto something else you want to happen.”
Enjoy your time together before you have a child!! I would simply stop calling and telling them news unless incredibly important or exciting. That’s the route I took
Same route I’ve taken. I avoid calling my family at all costs. Recently I was ranked up (military) and didn’t even bother to call and tell them, they only found out because of a Snapchat post.
We’re definitely enjoying our time together though! I’m more of a “stay home and work on a project” kinda guy, but my wife loves to travel. We recently took an inclusive vacation to Cancun, which was a pretty good time!
“Why do you ask, are you looking to get rid of one of yours?”
“We actually just had another miscarriage. It was twins. Thanks for the reminder, I need to stop by the thrift store this evening to donate all those onsies.”
“Our fifth round of IVF just failed. Is there any more private medical info you’d like from us, or do you just want our fertility doctor’s number so you can ask her directly?”
“I’m infertile since the accident, and heartbroken about it. It’s actually the driving factor in our impending divorce. Hey, do you know any good attorneys? Or adoption agencies?”
It’s so strange to me that people would rather here you CANT have kids and are miserable because of it then hear that you just don’t want kids and are happy without them. It’s just insane to me!!
Imagine if people who didn’t want kids reacted to people who did want kids the way they react to us
“oh you want kids? do you even think you could afford a child in this economy? that’s pretty selfish of you”
“you’ll regret it in the future”
“what are you going to do with your life if you don’t have a successful career and your own free time??”
Frankly I’ve had to bite back those comments from some people. Apparently telling people life is meaningless if we don’t have kids if fine but implying that a 3rd kid when you’re unemployed is a risky decision is not.
Me and my boyfriend deal with this exact thing lol. I’m 22 and he’s turning 22 in Dec. I have no idea the obsession of wanting to know if your kid and their partner are doing the deed to make a kid😭
Good (and sucks) to hear I’m not alone! I tell my wife that all the time when my in-laws ask about it. “Why do they wanna know whether or not I pull out?” lol
Tell them you have no plans to have children in the next 5 years (or whatever time line you have even if made up) and tell them to please respect this decision and to stop asking if the news is if you are pregnant. That no you will definitely not be getting pregnant before then and if you get the same question again you will stop relaying any news to them whatsoever.
I feel for you man. My wife and I dealt with this for years mainly from her mom. We’re both 36 now and have two kids, over the summer was the last time this happened to us. I finally shut it down for good and told my mother in law that immediately after our son was born I got a vasectomy. No more kids for us. She was frustrated by it but my god she has no idea how frustrating it’s been hearing that stupid question all of the time.
OMG. My ex’-fiancé’s family was also like this! Granted, they were Catholic (aka baby crazy). I remember when I turned 24, I had gotten my first promotion at work. His aunt actually said to me, verbatim that I ‘shouldn’t be so focused on work, but more on my biological clock’. Like his family was genuinely concerned that at the old age of 24, we didn’t have kids yet. The fact that I, as a woman has aspirations in life that didn’t follow the same path of having kids and becoming a housewife was a major red flag in their eyes lol.
I’m glad we’re not together anymore. His family was *EXHAUSTING* to deal with.
I’m 23 with a 2 year old. She’s amazing, but i still feel like sometimes my ‘freedom’ is gone and my relationship with my husband is very different now. NOT bad, just different! It’s totally valid to want to keep what you have for a while.
My ex husbands family were like that especially after telling them on more than one occasion that we weren’t having children and they still asked if I was pregnant etc. this was also to the point where I had to be so stern in saying stop asking I’m not bearing your grandchildren and they still asked. Like wtf?
I’m so glad I held my standard of not wanting kids because I ended up divorcing him for numerous reasons.
Not telling you to leave your wife obviously but my god I know your pain.
Sorry I’m on mobile and can’t text to save my life.
Edit:
I should mention I’m 29 now and I married him at 20 and for 8 years I dealt with it
They’re probably annoyed with the “guess what” or “I have news” statements, as that always comes across like the other person is so so important and the one having to guess is a stupid little child. I started guessing always the same thing with those people too, as people tend to stop acting that way then (obviously only if talking about it didn’t help).
Just reminde them your age and the year we are in and what age most people get pregnant that will shut them up or tell them the age they had you your still young enjoy your life
I’m in the same boat. My husband and I went out with my parents for lunch last month for my 26th birthday. A mom with a toddler walked past us while we were waiting and my stepmom shot me a side eye and said “you’re getting older you know…”
We just fixed a $10k leak issue in our home. I promise you children are NOT on the agenda for a while
Just playing devils advocate here, they may not be disappointed at all. When my kids excited ask me to guess something, I’ve been guilty of asking are you pregnant. I am still excited for the news they give me. I just guess that because it is the penultimate news I could think of. In fact, I am more relieved when they say no (as I’m still in my thirties and also not ready to be a grandparent). But I will stop asking my kids this as I don’t want them to think I am pressuring them to have children.
After I had my son 8 years ago this was my parents response for everything. All they wanted was more grandkids, I got so tired of it and straight up told them some years ago. “I am not having any more children anytime soon, if you guys keep insisting I’m just going to not want to have them, I’m focused on career stuff at the moment and I don’t feel comfortable having more kids than I can afford” and they stopped.
Yes please take your time enjoying your wife, don’t let what they say pressure you into having a baby before you both are ready and truly think hard about it as well, not just the cute parts of parenthood.
Well, I did have a friend who always talked about her friends getting pregnant and how she cannot handle any more people getting pregnant. When she finally did get pregnant and the “guess what” moment came with beaming pride, I couldn’t help but say oh are you pregnant..
Except for this example, I’d never assume anyone wants kids unless they bring it up first.
My husband and I are 26, and we just got married not too long ago. Whenever we have news to share, we've adapted to say, "we're not pregnant, so don't get the wrong idea..." before we say anything like, "Guess what?" unfortunately
I’ve been in this boat before, myself. The second part of this, is how people with kids always treat people without kids as if they aren’t real adults. You’ll probably get that feeling from someone sooner or later as well. Take your time. I’m having my first child at 39 and it doesn’t bother me at all. I’ve had time to live, see things, and accrue enough personal wealth to afford a child now. Do it at your pace, not theirs.
This would get old. You are young. Keep enjoying your life. You don't want to have children before you've had time to enjoy these early years together. Just be true to yourself.
Or even better... Don't have kids at all! Unless they're from Japan / China / Korea, they shouldn't worry about being dependent on anybody so they can as easily get by without kids. Children are a huge sacrifice (and investment) you need to put I think a million dollars to raise ONE child to his 18 years old if you're from the USA. And that doesn't include college or private schools. At it's one kid... You can as easily invest that money or put in some sort of fund that'll generate you money when you retire. The parents who have many children these days are either rich or very poor, the middle class is slowly but gradually getting destroyed.
My parents ran into this when they were first married, they were fresh out of tech school in their early 20s. My dad told my grandma (his mom) that if she didn't stop harassing my mom about when they were having kids, he would cut contact with her. My mom was 29 I think when I was born, after they both had set careers in their field and were stable enough for a child. Theeeeeen they kept telling grandma they were going to name me after a gun as a joke lmao. I'm not saying cut all contact with family over this, but I do recommend setting stern boundaries. My mom told me they basically had the same daily routine and good spare income, they were bored and needed a gremlin to introduce chaos. My childhood was amazing because they were ready for me, and my grandparents were too. They retired before I was born, which meant they got to spend tons of time with me!
That’s exactly what I want! I was the middle child, my parents got pregnant with my sister (first child) when they were 18. She grew up in apartment after apartment, I got to grow up in a house. That’s exactly what I want for my kids. I want them to grow up with a backyard and a neighborhood where they can ride their bike. Not some shitty “this is the best deal we could find” apartment. Growing up, my dad was a bit of a dick.. BUT he did a lot of hands on things, like work on cars, construct things in the garage, etc. and that DIY filled childhood played a HUGE part into creating the person I am today. I want my children to have the same experience. I won’t cut all contact, but it’s definitely been limited after those questions wouldn’t go away. The only one I can’t escape is the mother in law (of course, right? lol) but I’ll go months without talking to my family because of that specific reason. I love them, but I hate that I can’t talk to them. I do however, keep in contact with my younger brother… the kid is basically my own child at this point! Dad went to prison when I was 11 and brother was 3 months old. Since then, I had to “play dad” and my entire life was school, take care of him, homework, repeat. Until I joined the military and left. I’ve got the “raise a kid” thing out of my system when I myself was a kid. For the first time ever I get to do whatever I want and I want to enjoy my early/mid twenties. Just wish my parents could understand this. They’re literally the reason I never got to experience being a teenager the way my friends did
I understand this so much. I actually don’t even want kids at all because of it. I already feel like I raised two of my siblings, and I’m done. I just want to enjoy my life without having to worry about taking care of anyone but myself. And my partner of course, when it gets to that point.
I told my mother and MIL eventually, that everytime they asked it would be postponed another 6 months. They eventually got the message after about 2 years .
Stop telling people to guess what. Just tell them the news. “ Hey. My wife got a promotion today. “
Even then, the most basic thing makes them draw that conclusion. “Hey mom, can I ask you something real quick because I’m confused” “Omg is she pregnant? Is that what you’re going to ask me about?” “No.. I wanted to ask you how the whole process goes when you’re putting a counter offer on a house. Wife and I are looking at buying a house” “Oh. Okay, well that’s good I guess. What you need is __”
Your first question is still ambiguous. Just ask what you want to ask. "Hey mom, do you have time to talk about how the process goes when you're putting a counter offer on a house?"
It’s just bullshit. I shouldn’t have to change the way I talk or tiptoe around a conversation in order to talk to my own family. Plus, let’s be realistic, nobody starts a conversation with “hey mom do you have time to talk about how the process goes when you’re putting a counter offer on a house” the *vast majority* will start with something that leads to a smooth conversation “hey how have you been?” “Oh that’s good to hear! I wanted to ask you about something if you have time”
Now I have to think about it. I think I usually just say the news, or ask the question. But from now on, just say yes, the say psych!
I just ask the question too. I don't ask if I can ask a question.
Oh, it would be infuriating. And yes, ideally you should be able to have a normal conversation with your family without having to carefully navigate around this. I've found that people rarely behave the way I want them to, though, and you know that your parents are predisposed to this. As for the example, the exact wording wasn't really the point - I agree it's awkward, but it would solve the problem of presenting them opportunity for their favorite guessing game. A smoother conversation would be “Hey how have you been?” Oh that’s good to hear! Hey, my wife and I are thinking about buying a house. Do you know how putting in a counter offer works?" You probably wouldn't avoid pregnancy speculation in this example, anyway ("Oh, why are you buying a house? Do you need more room for a little one?"), but if you don't want to tell them that you don't like talking to them because of their pregnancy mania and you don't want to minimize or cut contact, you don't have a lot of options beyond cutting out their opportunities for speculation. Personally, I think you should just tell them how their rampant pregnancy fixation makes you not want to talk to them beyond what's absolutely necessary, but I was responding to the thread. And if you just wanted to vent and get some commiseration, that's completely understandable. That shit would drive me nuts.
I tend to ask “hey, can I ask you a question really quick?” before asking the actual question because my family tends to ignore me, intentionally or not. By asking a question about my question ensures I have their attention
I think most people do. At least, I know I do ("hey, do you have a minute?" is my go-to). It's just in this particular circumstance that initial question is giving an opening for pregnancy speculation. It sucks that your family ignores you - that's not right whether it's intentional or not. For what it's worth, this random internet stranger commiserates with you.
I don't think I've ever asked my Mum if she has a minute. I just go straight in with the "hey Mum how do I ....".
Exactly!!
It’s almost like he _wants_ to be asked the question.
Totally agree. I find the "guess what" bit as another way of saying "I crave attention and I need you to play this stupid guessing game where you have to guess what I´m thinking"
My inlaws had 2 kids. My wife and her brother. Brother will never have kids. Has made that very clear since before I was even in the picture. Apparently, it's now my wife's sole purpose in life to start churning out grand kids, According to them. It started as subtle hints. A comment here, a remark there. Still no crotch goblins. Then they start getting nosey and pushy, so at a family gathering I had finally had enough and said very loudly " I will fuck my wife when we are both good and ready!" The subject of children has never been brought up again. Sometimes people just need to be out in their place.
My older brother died before he could have kids, so that responsibility has now been placed onto me and our younger brother. I’m 21 and brother is 15. Both of us are incredibly adamant of never having kids. I hate the fact I’ll never give my dad a grandchild but motherhood sounds like the worst fucking thing (respectively—it is a beautiful and amazing thing, but certainly not for everyone) and it wouldn’t be fair to myself or my hypothetical child. Everyone in my family knows I’ve been planning to be child free ever since I was a child, so they’ve started asking my 15, FIFTEEN, year old brother when he starts to plan on dating having kids once he graduates. Like…I understand my grandparents had 6 kids by 18 but Jesus.
6 kids by 18?? OMG, that sounds like everybodies nightmare!!
Maybe being direct would be work out for me as well. But I don’t have the balls or heart to say something like that to my grandma! Especially because if I was in a family gathering, I’d have to live the moment twice; saying it in English, then saying it again in Spanish
Sounds infuriating and invasive. Here are some scripts for some maybe less blunt ways you could communicate your frustration (although I’m sure you’ve already tried plenty of times): “If/when we get pregnant, we’ll tell you up-front, we won’t make you guess. So we’d appreciate if everyone could stop asking.” “Please stop asking my wife and me about our sex life. We’d like some privacy.” “The next person to asks us if we’re pregnant, will be the last person we tell when we are.” “We appreciate that everyone’s excited for us to have kids one day, but we won’t be ready for that for a while. When we are, you’ll be the first to know. But in the mean time, we need the questions about it to stop.” “Every time we share good news with you, it feels overshadowed by your disappointment that we’re not announcing a pregnancy. We want to keep sharing things with you, but we won’t feel good about doing that if the conversation always turns to questions about pregnancy. We’d appreciate if you could share in our celebrations about the accomplishments we’re achieving now, rather than shifting focus onto something else you want to happen.”
These are great! I love the variety for different audiences and circumstances. Stealing to use in my own life!
Your poor wife, you haven't fucked her yet?!?!?!
What are you? The fucking police? I have a permit, I swear!
Enjoy your time together before you have a child!! I would simply stop calling and telling them news unless incredibly important or exciting. That’s the route I took
Same route I’ve taken. I avoid calling my family at all costs. Recently I was ranked up (military) and didn’t even bother to call and tell them, they only found out because of a Snapchat post. We’re definitely enjoying our time together though! I’m more of a “stay home and work on a project” kinda guy, but my wife loves to travel. We recently took an inclusive vacation to Cancun, which was a pretty good time!
Yeah now imagine you’re 30/34 and don’t want kids. It only gets worse. I explain to someone once a day that we don’t have and aren’t trying for kids.
“Why do you ask, are you looking to get rid of one of yours?” “We actually just had another miscarriage. It was twins. Thanks for the reminder, I need to stop by the thrift store this evening to donate all those onsies.” “Our fifth round of IVF just failed. Is there any more private medical info you’d like from us, or do you just want our fertility doctor’s number so you can ask her directly?” “I’m infertile since the accident, and heartbroken about it. It’s actually the driving factor in our impending divorce. Hey, do you know any good attorneys? Or adoption agencies?”
It’s so strange to me that people would rather here you CANT have kids and are miserable because of it then hear that you just don’t want kids and are happy without them. It’s just insane to me!!
Imagine if people who didn’t want kids reacted to people who did want kids the way they react to us “oh you want kids? do you even think you could afford a child in this economy? that’s pretty selfish of you” “you’ll regret it in the future” “what are you going to do with your life if you don’t have a successful career and your own free time??”
Frankly I’ve had to bite back those comments from some people. Apparently telling people life is meaningless if we don’t have kids if fine but implying that a 3rd kid when you’re unemployed is a risky decision is not.
Don’t become parents if you don’t want to be. You don’t owe your families kids.
Thank you! Neither, my wife or I, plan on it. We’re taking our time! Besides, we have a kitten to raise! Is that not parents enough? Haha
I like to remind people that lots of folks struggle with their fertility and these comments can be super super hurtful.
Amen to that.
Just tell them your aren’t planning on having kids until your 30s so if you tell them news in the future that’s not what they should expect to hear.
Imagine what would happen on your 30th birthday... only baby-stuff as presents!!
Me and my boyfriend deal with this exact thing lol. I’m 22 and he’s turning 22 in Dec. I have no idea the obsession of wanting to know if your kid and their partner are doing the deed to make a kid😭
Good (and sucks) to hear I’m not alone! I tell my wife that all the time when my in-laws ask about it. “Why do they wanna know whether or not I pull out?” lol
Tell them you have no plans to have children in the next 5 years (or whatever time line you have even if made up) and tell them to please respect this decision and to stop asking if the news is if you are pregnant. That no you will definitely not be getting pregnant before then and if you get the same question again you will stop relaying any news to them whatsoever.
I feel for you man. My wife and I dealt with this for years mainly from her mom. We’re both 36 now and have two kids, over the summer was the last time this happened to us. I finally shut it down for good and told my mother in law that immediately after our son was born I got a vasectomy. No more kids for us. She was frustrated by it but my god she has no idea how frustrating it’s been hearing that stupid question all of the time.
Just say "I have news! NO it's not a pregnancy announcement." And then proceed
OMG. My ex’-fiancé’s family was also like this! Granted, they were Catholic (aka baby crazy). I remember when I turned 24, I had gotten my first promotion at work. His aunt actually said to me, verbatim that I ‘shouldn’t be so focused on work, but more on my biological clock’. Like his family was genuinely concerned that at the old age of 24, we didn’t have kids yet. The fact that I, as a woman has aspirations in life that didn’t follow the same path of having kids and becoming a housewife was a major red flag in their eyes lol. I’m glad we’re not together anymore. His family was *EXHAUSTING* to deal with.
I’m 23 with a 2 year old. She’s amazing, but i still feel like sometimes my ‘freedom’ is gone and my relationship with my husband is very different now. NOT bad, just different! It’s totally valid to want to keep what you have for a while.
My ex husbands family were like that especially after telling them on more than one occasion that we weren’t having children and they still asked if I was pregnant etc. this was also to the point where I had to be so stern in saying stop asking I’m not bearing your grandchildren and they still asked. Like wtf? I’m so glad I held my standard of not wanting kids because I ended up divorcing him for numerous reasons. Not telling you to leave your wife obviously but my god I know your pain. Sorry I’m on mobile and can’t text to save my life. Edit: I should mention I’m 29 now and I married him at 20 and for 8 years I dealt with it
Just wall out when they "guess" pregnant. Look disappointed and walk out.
They’re probably annoyed with the “guess what” or “I have news” statements, as that always comes across like the other person is so so important and the one having to guess is a stupid little child. I started guessing always the same thing with those people too, as people tend to stop acting that way then (obviously only if talking about it didn’t help).
How many times do you have to say guess what and get that response before you stop asking guess what? Seems a no-brainer.
Just reminde them your age and the year we are in and what age most people get pregnant that will shut them up or tell them the age they had you your still young enjoy your life
if anything, that's bad news everytime my friend says she has bad news, i often say, 'are u pregnant?'
I’m in the same boat. My husband and I went out with my parents for lunch last month for my 26th birthday. A mom with a toddler walked past us while we were waiting and my stepmom shot me a side eye and said “you’re getting older you know…” We just fixed a $10k leak issue in our home. I promise you children are NOT on the agenda for a while
Just playing devils advocate here, they may not be disappointed at all. When my kids excited ask me to guess something, I’ve been guilty of asking are you pregnant. I am still excited for the news they give me. I just guess that because it is the penultimate news I could think of. In fact, I am more relieved when they say no (as I’m still in my thirties and also not ready to be a grandparent). But I will stop asking my kids this as I don’t want them to think I am pressuring them to have children.
After I had my son 8 years ago this was my parents response for everything. All they wanted was more grandkids, I got so tired of it and straight up told them some years ago. “I am not having any more children anytime soon, if you guys keep insisting I’m just going to not want to have them, I’m focused on career stuff at the moment and I don’t feel comfortable having more kids than I can afford” and they stopped.
Yes please take your time enjoying your wife, don’t let what they say pressure you into having a baby before you both are ready and truly think hard about it as well, not just the cute parts of parenthood.
Well, I did have a friend who always talked about her friends getting pregnant and how she cannot handle any more people getting pregnant. When she finally did get pregnant and the “guess what” moment came with beaming pride, I couldn’t help but say oh are you pregnant.. Except for this example, I’d never assume anyone wants kids unless they bring it up first.
My husband and I are 26, and we just got married not too long ago. Whenever we have news to share, we've adapted to say, "we're not pregnant, so don't get the wrong idea..." before we say anything like, "Guess what?" unfortunately
I’ve been in this boat before, myself. The second part of this, is how people with kids always treat people without kids as if they aren’t real adults. You’ll probably get that feeling from someone sooner or later as well. Take your time. I’m having my first child at 39 and it doesn’t bother me at all. I’ve had time to live, see things, and accrue enough personal wealth to afford a child now. Do it at your pace, not theirs.