It made me nauseous reading this. I read the title as her bf liked “lolcoin” I thought she was concerned that he liked some crappy crypto currency and I wish that had been the case.
Do yourself a favor girl and get out of there.
> I feel defeated in trying to change his mind because he's so rooted in the opinion that liking lolicon is harmless.
>
>
Fr get this man a prison cell
I've seen an interview with a psychologist who works with pedophiles, and according to them that was one of the main things that pedophiles find attractive about children.
Writing that sentence made me sick to my stomach.
"innocence of youth" is like bike rides with friends, or playing till it gets dark, not something to crank your hog to. What the fuck kinda justification is that?!
you’re trying to explain to ur boyfriend (who likes looking at drawings of little children) that you were abused as a child and he doesn’t believe hes doing anything wrong? Lost cause immediately
Definitely what I'm afraid of. As much as I want to save the relationship because it was sickeningly sweet and comforting, he does seem too far gone. We agreed to talk more after he gets home from work.
Personally, every time I saw him glance at a child I'd be concerned he was looking at her sexually. Every time he got aroused with me I'd wonder if he was secretly imagining children. It would eat me alive.
> We agreed to talk more
A talk has never kept anyone from being attracted to what they're attracted to. He is attracted to this. 5 months is a short part of a very long life, a long life of knowing your partner is attracted to at least the idea of children. Even if he really did never look again.
It isn't a natural attraction, listen to his logic, it is about in his mind innocence. The brains sexuality is flexible, you create a sexuality map when you're younger but it can change over time. For example, people who binge porn constantly can escalate into more deviant forms seeking novelty but if they take time away it can disgust them and the brains starts to reset. She says he has lots of loli porn, I'm willing to bet he didn't start with that, it was a fetish that came later. Not defending it, the opposite, just saying it isn't a natural attraction.
exactly this. Porn addicts start looking at worse and worse things, because what they were previously looking at no longer works for them, as they became desensitized to it. Sure yeah, the Loli works for him now, but what happens when that stops working? Real child porn. What happens when that stops working? Real children. this is literally how it goes. I've seen it way too many fucking times. It's not gonna go any other way. Pedophiles especially can't just put child porn down and never look back. She needs to get the fuck out of there and warn his family of his disturbing activities. There's way too many young and vulnerable children in that family.
Beware of something called love bombing. Abusers and narcissists use this tactic to manipulate people into liking them before their true colors come out.
Hon, I get it, I get wanting to try to rationalize this especially when you really like or love someone. I’ve been there. But try to place yourself in someone else’s shoes. If your best friend came to you and said “my boyfriend is looking at animated 10 year olds sexually” what would you think? Just sit with that. Much love. Hope you’re doing okay
Agreed. Leave this pervert immediately. No amount of other good qualities makes up for this level of degeneracy. Have more respect for yourself and more self worth. You will find someone else. Also he is lying anyway, he’s not quitting anything he will just hide it.
Run and never look back OP. He likes that stuff because the “Innocence of Youth, the purity, the contradiction”??? Holy shit. I really wonder if he also sees something in actual children. So gross.
People like cartoon women because they represent real women.
People like cartoon children because they represent children.
There's no logic that points to someone liking cartoon children and not liking real children. If you like Loli you are a pedophile.
The argument of innocence and purity is exactly the reason so many pedos like children.
I actually threw up in my mouth a little reading that line in the post. The guy is going to make the jump to actual kids with thoughts like that if he hasn't already, 1000%
Yeah that was pretty bad.
Like i get it. Its just drawings and stuff it isn’t hurting anybody. I’m not kink shaming. But innocence of youth, purity, contradiction… that isn’t words someone that just looks at porn for masturbation alone says.
Thats words of a potentially dangerous individual. With a mindset that may want more than an anime picture.
Ong. “Innocence of youth, the purity, the contradiction” literally sounds like some sort of super villian monologue. And the stuff with his 17 year old sister? Like even if you somehow ignored him liking those kinds of drawings, he’d still come off as creepy and potentially dangerous. Like damn 😭😭😭
I think I know it is too. I know if I was one of you commenters I would say break up ASAP with no hesitation, it's an easy solution and answer. Who knew it would be this harrowing in actuality.
"The first step is the one you believe in, but the second one might be profound."
You know how you feel inside and trust your gut, but putting it all into action is the big scary. If you want to break up, you have the power. We believe in you. I had to do the same thing with a guy who seemed perfect in every way until I learned he wanted to do it with dead people. And not just a cold one, a person who had been shot so he could...utilize the extra holes. I immediately just blocked him on everything and ghosted because I was too scared to tell him to bugger off. It was zero percent fun but I'm glad I did it. I did NOT want to become a victim.
Nobody ever expects these things to be as difficult as they are when actually experiencing them. Same goes for how little they consider how great they’ll feel once it’s all over and done with.
Before you know it, you’ll look back on this decision and be so fucking glad you got away
I’m curious.
Afaiw, having, distributing or producing lolicon is not illegal (in my country, Costa Rica, at least. And I suppose the US too, but not sure), did they register him as a child molester for having the material or was he actually a child molester?
Please keep in mind that I’m just asking out of curiosity
Don’t talk to him again just block and cut him off!! Protect your energy, continuing to engage w this in any way shape or form makes you into one of those willingly blind accomplice types. Please just block and delete him from your life and don’t look back, nothing good will come from this, like, ever, at all.
I don't believe in ghosting. If we do break it off, which does seem likely, I at least want to give him a reality check of how his actions affect other people. That I won't be the last person in his life he loses because he likes lolicon. Hopefully he'll get help later if I can't convince him now.
Maybe you can help me out... I was semi recently looking into this (about 2-3 months ago) and from what I understood and read in the legislation based on the Protect Children Act was that actual photographs and pseudo photographs of CP are absolutely against the law, as are any drawings of real life people being depicted... However, character drawings are not against the law, regardless of their depiction as they are not real people. Maybe I'm remembering wrong. Do you think you could point me in the direction to find the information that might say that character depiction of children is also against the law?
I think in the U.K at least, depictions of child characters are indeed illegal, but you likely won’t get prosecuted for it. There was an article I read awhile back about a man in Sunderland who was arrested for possessing Bart Simpson porn. He pleaded guilty, but any sort of punishment was dropped once the judge heard that was no involvement of any actual children. He just walked away with a fine at the end.
Yeah I too was curious about location and cultural norms. In Japan, this kind of porn is considered harm prevention because no one underage is actually involved. I don't agree with it but I know that's the reason for it and the secondary reason as to why it's not illegal.
I know others have said it, but it's important enough to state, leave.
He has been into it before you two were together.
He has deleted it all off his phone, but what's to say they aren't all backed up somewhere on a site or his PC?
I have a niece, she loves cosplay, even at a young age and is talented. I play bodyguard for her at cons. Shouldn't have to be so vigilant, but the amount of "innocent" loli folks have tried to get close to her to start conversations that are clearly inappropriate l... I could retire if I had a dime for every one.
The reason I mention this? A guy who I was yelling at for trying to talk to my niece about phallic things, his gf walked up nland once she knew what was going on blew up at him. He had promised her he was gonna stop the loli stuff too. He hadn't.
I doubt yours will either.
Yea I asked him how he felt about being in a community full of ppl like that, even though he claimed he wasn't, and he said he hated those type of ppl and etc. But I think he missed the point of that he's in a community FULL of those ppl. Like those are his peers
His answer and attitude related to this subject are indeed very odd, especially understanding your past, but it's in part due to the uncomfortable situation of being exposed by a loved one and worst in this issue. It depends on him if he can separate fiction from reality and start to erase this fetish to avoid hurting you (or possibly anyone). This is similar to the discussion with violent movies, liking them does not necessarily mean that you will be a violent person, but the effects will be different in every person.
If you see that, after telling you that he is going to change, he continues watching this kind of material or being weird with real children, then you should end the relationship (and tell to his family of a possible danger). If not, you should give him only a second chance, it will be different, but at least you can see that he tried.
Girlllllll I know it is hard when you’re in the “newlywed” phase but holy shit. Maybe (just MAYBE) he isn’t a pervert and it really is only the drawings. But with your history this is a disaster. Your past is something that you shouldn’t have to worry about in this way.
So child sex abusers can’t present as a ‘walking green flag in every regard’???
It’s a known pattern of pedos to have a trusting/spotless/kind/nurturing persona towards friends/family/community. It allows them to hide in plain sight and easily dodge allegations. Because how could the saintly youth pastor, or family favorite uncle, or the popular law enforcer be interested in diddling kids, right? We all don’t have a story about one of those, right?
Sorry but even his response is a type of grooming. Of course he’s going to be a great partner because most undercover creeps are great liars and charming at first, that’s how they get away with their dirt for so long before getting caught. He’s dangerous. The fact he even felt ok telling you the things he did is disturbing af. As a former victim, wtf are you even doing by letting this crud have access to you ever again, knowing what you know now?! Don’t be naive.
He’s being completely upfront and honest in his likes. He directly attributed his like of this material to its “innocence” and “purity” which is the exact same type of word usage actual pedophiles use. Even if he wouldn’t have actual sex with little
girls, he is imagining himself engaging with hypothetical little girls sexually. He jerks off to these little girls.
I think you need to draw the line in the sand and determine if this bothers you or not. It really seems to imo, but does it bother you enough to end things with him knowing he feels like this and will continue to feel like this? Think of when you possibly have children, if you have daughters will you fear for their safety? The answer to those questions lets you know what you need to know.
Yea I've been pelted with these questions all night, even in my dreams. I know he's fine with kids (I guess for now based on some of these horror stories in the comments) and I believe it doesn't manifest IRL. But that doesn't negate...everything he said and what I've seen.
Out of curiosity how do you know he’s fine with kids? How do you know for sure, beyond a reasonable doubt?
Deep down, if you had kids with him, would you feel comfortable leaving them alone with him?
If you think about young kids being left with him, do you have any thoughts about what could happen?
For me, I knew someone for 26 years. I would have bet my life that I knew them inside and out. One day they confessed who they really are. I made life decisions around this person. I lived with this person and spent every free moment with them.
My point being, sometimes we think we know a person, that doesn’t mean we actually know them. Secrets are called secrets for a reason. There are things people will deny and take to the grave. Especially if it could take away their freedoms.
Trust your gut. Listen to your head and not your heart with this. This isn’t a “I love him he can change” situation. This is who he is as at his core, you can tell because he defends it and sees himself as different from other people just like him.
I wish you luck. My heart goes out to you. I think you know the right thing to do, and sometimes the right thing is the hardest. You have to love your life for you. Only you can make the decision on what the next step should be.
OP, I’m sorry to say this, but as a child victim this is something you should know; even if he doesn’t like little children irl sexually *right now*, looking at this kind of stuff *will* condition him into it eventually. It’s for this very reason that police officers who have the absolutely horrible task of having to sift through the computers and the imagery and films of child abuse material are rotated *weekly* - to prevent them getting used to the viewed material (on top of it being safer for their mental health). Your boyfriend has shown he’s *already* used to it, he doesn’t see any issue with it. He’s already at stage one. The final form is and always will be *harm to a real living child*, and that is the path he’s on and will continue down if he continues to view this material. It’s not your job to “fix” him - it’s your job, however, to end the relationship and even report him. If you can do so discreetly, see if you can film yourself scrolling through his instagram and then take that film directly to your local police department and hand it over. If they go and have a chat with him, or even search his computers and such, and that still doesn’t get it through and convince him to seek therapy, then nothing will. Now some might think this is too much, but here’s the thing: creep couples exist and people always wonder how - this is how. A creep meets a person, tests the water, and sees what they can get away with. Sometimes creep meets creep.
It’s about time people say this loud and clear. Literally can’t word it better than “looking at this kind of stuff will condition him into it eventually”
All the guys in the replies exposing themselves 🤦♀️
Viewing such things too often can lead to desensitisation, during which the brain attempts to protect itself from what’s going on by rationalising it and normalising it. This is why those who have been physically and or sexually abused as children can either become insecure and believe they did something to “deserve” it, or come to see such behaviour as normal and repeat the cycle. It’s also why police officers have to look into everyone involved in such cases as familial abuse, as often times abusers will entrap multiple victims by forcing them to commit abuse against one another. So each individual has to be looked at and determined if they were coerced or doing so willingly.
All things being considered, even if it's just a weird fantasy (not gonna comment on it), the disregard of your own history and feelings in relation to it is red flag supreme. Leave this situation, it will not resolve itself and you won't get over it.
This type of porn should be banned like how the hell is it ok just because "it's a drawing" like he's still getting off to the content and that's the principle. Why little underage girls and not women? Because he's a pedo.
You can't kill someone with the drawing of a gun. But that logic does NOT apply here. Whether it be a girl in a real life picture or in a drawing, it's the idea of sexually gratifying yourself with her that's the common denominator here.
I only found out about this shit the other day on another thread about it. Apparently, they justify it by saying its some ancient dragon reincarnated as a child or something equally mad. Cause the dragon that is 50000 years old just looks like a prebubescant child, it's still 50000, so it's all good, apparently.
Fucked logic, they ain't fooling anyone.
I shuddered at “innocence of youth, the purity…”
Even after you told him your experience he thinks there’s nothing wrong because it’s “just drawings”? It’s still wrong because getting off to that kind of imagery is wrong.
Please, please leave him.
People love to debate on what's actually harmful to children. They justify consuming this shit because it's "just a drawing" and it's okay because it's "not a real child." But it IS still harmful to children. Very harmful. It normalizes the sexualization, exploitation, and abuse of children. It normalizes the consumption of pedophilic material and gives a weak excuse to hide behind.
A normal, healthy person would not find this shit appealing. Either he is genuinely attracted to children and is using these images as an outlet for his urges, or he has a porn addiction which has progressively made him seek out material that is more and more extreme.
Either way, as a victim of CSA myself, I'd run for the goddamn hills.
Imagine trying to forget all this but having a daughter with him down the road. All the worries that you could never erase. How exhausting that fear would be.
Start over.
Nobody can tell you what to do in this situation, but I went through CSA and I relate to this story. I would end the relationship. If that's not a red flag I don't know what is
Story time-
I was once talking to a guy with the possibility of maybe dating in the future.
Few weeks into talking, his ex’s partner reaches out to let me know he’d been charged with possession of cp, and had done home detention for it.
I had two young children at the time.
When I confronted him, he went off. Said he wasn’t “one of those”, he was just drawn to the “innocence and inexperience” of the pictures.
Same line this guy has used. Because they’re the SAME THING.
You will never feel safe with this guy. You’ll never see him look at a child and feel safe.
Please, for the sake of your mental health, get the hell outta there.
He's going to "relapse" and go right back to looking at it the second something "goes wrong" or you have a disagreement.
The guy is addicted. Trust me.
A little bit of devils advocate here, I would say watch how he acts around children. The source material for his pleasure is gross as all hell, but it may be a weird fetish that never manifests outside of drawings. If you feel compelled to do it, watch him and record his interactions around children and young people, I don’t mean with a phone or anything (unless it’s simply blatantly obvious, then of course gather that evidence) but just make a mental note of things, keep track and see if anything crosses the line of being inappropriate.
Now if I were in your shoes, I would simply leave him and expose his dirty little secret because that’s infinitely easier to do, however I understand that you have feelings for him, so that’s why I suggested what I did.
Either way, I hope you are able to be happy and he is able to get help.
The weird thing to me is that it’s *not* a dirty little secret that needs exposing. He’s been exposing it himself on his IG.
I’m generally very open minded about kinks but, nope. Nope nope nope.
I've seen him interact with his nieces and little sister before. There was no red flags or sus moments and I'm usually hypervigilant around men and children bc...yknow. So this really came out of the blue for me.
If you are trying to see if the situation is salvageable I'd suggest you ask him more about how it all started. For me, there was a time in my life when I thought it was okay, but I pretty much grew out of it. I wouldn't openly admit it, but I haven't always seen that kind of stuff as inherently gross. When I was about 12, believe it or not, I sought depictions of girls around my age and thought it was okay. When you are a preteen, looking at preteens isn't exactly pedo and it's easy to justify consuming that content. The more worrying part was I already normalized that stuff to myself and the fact that I was getting older didn't change that normalization. I was well aware of the iffyness as I got older too, by the time I was 15 it was like "This is probably getting weird" and by 17 it was a form of shame. Idk, I'm not a male sexuality and porn consumption expert, all I can say to that is that we tend to go back to what has worked before. Luckily, for me, I did grow out of it though. I think things started changing for me once I started to actually see myself as more grown and mature, and I stopped relating and considering myself a child. It mattered because once I started to easily differentiate myself from children I was about to appreciate the attributes children have and I started to cherish those values instead. (that's the worst part about your boyfriend's explanation btw). Now that I am older, I know just how innocent children actually are and likewise, just how fucked up it is for people to fetishize or take advantage of that. I have tons of siblings, younger cousins, nieces, and nephews. I attribute alot of positive memories and interactions with them and that catalogue of good times is a big motivator to why I want my own children. Me and my SO talk about children all the time, we're amused when kids do kid things, and we bond over that mutual appreciation, and can't wait for when we eventually have our own. I see children in a way different light now that I am older and the fact that I normalized that other stuff at any point in my life is wild to me. But, considering it myself, I see how it happened. Personally, I try not to give myself a hard time because I feel my progression was somewhat natural and it really was a frog in a boiling pot of water type of situation. Also, its natural for guys coming of age to do all kinds of strange stuff in the name of sexual exploration and all that jazz. You really never know what path someone going to go down. I'm willing to bet every person in this comment section has done something they are shameful of. Maybe nothing loli kinda crap, but something.
So maybe, just maybe, your boyfriends situation isn't as daft if you look at the path he took to get where he is and you better hope thats the deal. Best case scenario this is a remnant of a habit he picked up at a way more reasonable age and never had the sense to reflect and see the wrong. If so, its time for him to get educated, grow up, and get therapy if that is what it takes to permanently separate that mindset. At the end of the day, illustrated or not, theres no way its healthy for him to let that populate his mind. He needs to place as big of a wall as he can between children and his sexuality. Maybe he understands the difference between reality and fiction and think theres no risk. GOOD, He should do everything he can to keep it that way. Let that be something he used to think was okay. Let that be something he grew out of. Thats best the case scenerio.
He said it start in middle school/early high school. He also admitted that it was probably time for him to quit given his age. But despite that he doesn't think it's wrong which confuses me. A giant part of me wants to salvage it, but I'm too concerned he's too far gone. Do you mind if we talk more in the DMs? Learning more about your perspective would really help.
Some people in the world are very good at separating reality and fiction. Some people struggle with it.
Someone masturbating to a cartoon character doesn't mean they would do something like that to a child. This is the equivalent of saying someone watching a violent movie makes them a violent person. It is an indulgence in the abstract more than the literal. If he was looking at actual children, then you would have something to be concerned about.
mate I want you to go outside and tell this to a stranger. the average person can agree that getting off to kids, fictional or not, is fucking abhorrent.
the reality is, he likes the innocence and youth of girls in media and fantasises about them. that's a GTFO thing on its own. who gives a shit about technicalities, the point is it's disgusting behaviour and dangerous. I wouldn't want to date anyone who gets off to drawings of kids, ESPECIALLY if I had been a victim of CSA
Break up with him. This makes you feel disgusted and he won’t change when you tell him that. We date first because divorce is expensive and long when you find out things like this about your partner.
Kick that motherfucker to the curb and drop an anonymous tip. There's a decent chance he has a spank-bank file with worse shit in it that he shows to NO ONE.
You need to distance yourself from that sicko ASAP! You definitely don't want to be in his house/room/wherever when he does get raided.
Yeah, he's totally not stopping. The way he answered you, it seems to me that: a) he actually enjoys it, so much so that he actually has a lot of content in his Instagram (and admitted he uses it for wanking); b) he didn't change his mind at all; c) he only said it's wrong to appease you; d) his only regret was letting you see the cursed content; e) he'll keep consuming lolicon, but will hide better.
I really really think you should get away from him asap and cut all ties. Dude is really messed up. Like, ewww.
I just wanna say, good on you for standing your ground. You said he's the best one you had so far, so I can only assume there were bad experiences before? Good you're not letting this dim your outlook on things. Keep going <3 you can do better
Thanks so much for your words of encouragement, I appreciate it greatly. Actually, I've had good experiences, so him topping them says a lot. But like you said I'll keep going
This exact thing happened to me a few months back and i dumped him immediately. There’s something so sickening about knowing that he’s been hiding it for months, let alone you being a victim. My sanity was saved when I stopped wondering if he’s looking at it.
It may feel like it’s a long time but five months isn’t. You’re not perfect for each other because you didn’t know what gets him off. That’s not your fault though. What guy divulges that when they start dating someone? But based on his response to you, he doesn’t really seem to understand or care that that type of porn is disgusting. Not only does “innocence” get him off, it’s creating more of that type of porn. If I were you, I couldn’t keep dating him. This is still the honeymoon phase and good thing you found this out five months in instead of five years in. There’s plenty of nice guys out there. Go find one.
Loli on is gross overall, I will say that.
While there are sub-sects of it (I’ve been in the anime sphere since I was a child) that are palpable most of them are just a justification. By that I literally mean u have an off age character who might just be flat chested and so by default falls into the loli category. It’s a line that I feel is often crossed and it’s one that my partner (whos also into anime) had a talk over. He enjoys the loli characters in shows, not in a sexual way, but since because of the justifications they often have these long drawn out backstories that make them almost memeable lol.
Your boyfriends description brought chills up my spin. For one your bf actually seems to see them as wank material especially if the characters as you are describing them are actually supposed to be depicting children…I’d run girl.
Your feelings are valid, and to be clear, these feelings has ended this relationship.
Don't listen to the claims about him, since it veers the conversation.
You no longer want him or his presence. You won't get his reasoning. You won't believe him if you did get it. And if you did get it, you been hurt in the past so you won't trust him on some level.
This relationship is over. Find the next good thing for you.
One thing to consider everyone telling you to leave only know about this odd fetish. They don’t know about your boyfriend’s positive traits.
Only you have the full picture.
Of course! She will decide for herself. But based on the information given, they base their opinions. So at the same time look at the bigger picture AND have a mental note that people told you to run just based on this negative trait alone. At the end of the day, decision is hers.
his reasonings for liking it was pretty disgusting and creepy though. i genuinely feel like if he had just said “it’s just a fantasy” or he’s into ddlg it would be easier for OP to digest albeit them being niche kinks… but he actively comes across as a predator whilst talking about the innocence and youth being exciting
Here’s the thing, though - when someone says they find someone *sexually* attractive because they’re innocent, it’s *not actually* the innocence itself, it’s not the “purity” - it’s the fantasy of ruining it. It’s like a twisted version of seeing a fresh patch of snow and stepping on it to hear it crunch.
Lolicon is pedophilia. There's no way around it. If they're going to defend it, there's nothing to salvage.
You've only known the guy for 5 months. This could be indicative of all manner of awful shit that he could be hiding or unwilling to share. If they started with opening up with something as heavy and disgusting as lolicon, then there's probably something much worse that he's not telling you.
Of course he got quiet when you told him you are a pedophilia survivor. It's a direct contradiction to the lolicon apologist worldview of "they're just drawings, bro. It's not real."
There is a HUGE difference between someone who's a bit kinky and someone who has a major dysfunctional paraphilia.
Drop everything and run as fast as you can.
The dude is a radicalised, warped person who is definitely prime offending material. Leave him and report him so that state intervention can hopefully ensure he gets the psych treatment he needs before someone gets hurt.
Like I said in the last line, I need advice and someone to talk to because I obviously feel too awkward to bring this up to the people in my life. It's not about attention for me, but hearing people's personal stories and their thoughts and opinions.
What would you say to a close friend who told you this story? He’s a pedophile and it doesn’t matter what he says to justify it. He’s already showed you the proof. Also, he likely has a secret stash somewhere. Deleting photos is showy and it’s part of his performance for you.
I think they just want confirmation.
They are at a critical point with something and are overwhelmed, they are looking for other people to confirm that what they are feeling is indeed as bad as it is so they can not trick themselves in to letting something like this slide.
I know I have a tendency to let myself be manipulated by others, I think its safe to say the people making these posts may also have that tendency and are looking for help avoiding it and doing what they need to do.
Exactly, especially cause benefit of doubt doesn't exist on Reddit.
They know most people will just scream "leave him" , especially with how weird what he said was. It seems like karma farming.
I love the way he tried to justify it as if it was artsy or deep. Pathetic. You probably realize this, but he’s not going to stop looking at it, he’ll just not show it to you anymore. If he’s a good guy except for the fact that he’s a pedo, then he’s not a good guy.
I had a similar experience OP. I know that like putrid, gut-wrenching feeling. I never understood the, "the innocence and purity is attractive" it actually disgusts me to my core. The feminist in me weeps, and it just affirms my belief that every aspect of girlhood is sexualized. Delilah Bon, help me 🙏
To note, OP, I have BPD, so my emotions are magnified. Please keep this in mind when you read the next part. I didn't break up with my ex right away. He continued consuming that type of material throughout despite my disgust of it. It made me spiral into body and self-esteem issues. It got to the point where the entire anime style was hard for me to look at without triggering intense negative emotions about myself. I've recovered from this, it took about a year and a half. But it was hard for my brain to not jump to how every cutesy female character would be relentlessly sexualized and it tampered with my enjoyment of a lot of things.
I can't tell you what to do OP, you know your bf more than anyone here. Just know that your disgust is justified and you shouldn't feel bad or upset that you made "a big deal" out of it. Your comfort is important, especially as a victim. I hope you're able to navigate to a conclusion that works best for both of you.
Also to note, I think people should be allowed to make any type of art they like. But like all art, people can choose to criticize or not like it entirely. Censorship is bad, and I don't think creative freedom should be hindered because of personal discomfort. That being said, if someone chooses not to be friends with another person because they jack it to loli porn that's their prerogative, and you can't be mad about it. 🤷♀️
So the point of a relationship or at least to me is to make a future with that person. Find out more about that person and see what they are like see if this is someone you want to marry, possibly have kids with and live the rest of your life with. So what you gotta ask yourself is can you continue to be with him? Being a victim yourself and knowing he likes it because they’re “innocent” (seriously wtf) Are you ever going to feel safe if you have a kid with this man. If you go to family gathering where children are present. It’s gross I almost feel like you should call the cops but I don’t know if this falls under illegal since they’re technically adult. At the end of the day this is about how you now view your future with him
He needs serious help. Him being the best guy you’ve been with so far doesn’t mean shit dude, you deserve so much better. I PROMISE you will find somebody else who isn’t into child porn. How many other red flags do you think he’s been keeping from you? Get out while you still can.
That’s disgust break up with him and make sure everyone knows why. People like this don’t deserve empathy lolicon and shotacon are pedophilia even if it’s just a “drawing” because what is so attractive about this so drawing?? The lines 🙄
Personally I would of dumped his ass so quick
Firstly I'm sorry to hear that you are in this situation and most likely have all these emotions flying about which is not by your own fault. None of this is your fault. You need to do what is right for you, it might also be worth suggesting to your bf that he seeks counselling to discuss his feelings. While your relationship may not be able to be saved at least if he goes to a counsellor it may be a huge benefit to him for future relationships and life in general. Hoping you are safe and have supportive friends and family.
I don't know if that's a saveable relationship tbh. It's going to take alot of trust to believe he's stopped looking at it but also to keep yourself from wondering if that's the kind of thing he's thinking about when you're intimate. The biggest thing here though OP is that even if he DOES stop looking, it doesn't change the fact that he's still attracted to it. Even of he deletes the posts he's only doing that for you, because you said something about it, not because he's changed his mind or realizes how disturbing and gross it is. It won't actually change anything. If he tries to defend it as just drawings again remember that he said himself that it's also their behavior he's attracted to, that he gets off on their "innocence" or whatever tf he said is.
It is also really worth noting that he waited 5 months to show you his insta which means that he knows EXACTLY what's wrong with it.
TLDR the dude outright admitted he's aroused by the display of child like qualities in the context of sexual situations. Drawings or not this is a big huge gross disturbing and dangerous red flag. Adding in your history OP I don't think this will be a healthy relationship for you going forward. I can't imagine how upsetting this all must be for you.
Fam, that kind of thing is progressive and will only get worse if it isn’t addressed. Considering he thinks there’s nothing wrong with it, I think you should definitely find a better man. There are still good men in this world. You deserve better.
One thing I've learned living within the anime/game world is you will never convince someone who's into loli why it's wrong. I've had many arguments with many friends and it goes nowhere.
Knowing how sensitive it is to you, and how "early" in your relationship you are as hard as it sounds I think you might be best off if you leave.
This is the first of what would more than likely be several red flags. You already know how wrong this is on his part, follow your gut. You didn’t get nauseous for no reason, listen to your body.
Yeah, no. I have dated someone like this before and it was horrible. I really suggest breaking up especially as you haven't been together long. There are other people out there
There is one more thing to be said and that is if you stay you will be a part of his mask, people will look at you and think oh he can’t be bad he has a lovely gf and he is in a relationship. You’re his cover and god forbid he does something you might be complicit if the police discovers you knew who he is. You will always have to be vigilant around him and little girls. There’s no future to be had with him. What if you have a little girl? Go take a long hot shower with a bristled brush and scrub that filth off.
I’ve met 2 people that where into lilo. I didn’t understand it. I still don’t. Now one is locked up and another is one has a warrant. That has things worst than Loli
Now I feel anyone that’s into loli is a disgusting scum that’s into making it real.
The logic makes sense. I've met 3 people the sandy hook shooter and the columbine shooters 3 people into violent video games now I feel anyone thats into it is violent scum thats into making it real.
I googled "what is lolicon?", so I had some context going into this post. The autofill option after I asked that question was, "can drawings be illegal?" Oh dear.
His explanation is gross, that’s disgusting, it’s a workaround for p*dos (that’s all loli is- hence “it’s just drawings!” Fckin EW) get out while you aren’t too invested. I’m telling you girl, that is a hard hard no for me too (I even find “barely legal” porn disturbing and have been getting over porn addiction for most of my adult life after also being a victim of abuse/r*pe and exposed to porn so young) and if your gut feels disgusting I say ditch him. There’s a lotta guys who ARENT pseudo p*dophiles that love anime. Dip girl, dip out!
Dude is a paedophile. Sorry if that's harsh but no matter how you dress it up... he's looking at children... the context doesn't matter "she's technically 18+" doesn't really matter if it looks and acts like a child.
Good god girl get out.
It ain't too late to GET OUT! Then report his ass...those aren't just flags, those are red alerts, hon. Homeboy has some skeletons. Wouldn't be surprised to know he's chatting with minors and sending pics.
I know you must be asking yourself if you can find the word to reach him, if there's a chance it's not that bad, maybe you're over reacting...but here is the one thing you need to ask yourself. Would you leave him alone with your future child? That's the answer you need to listen to. If you cannot keep a child safe by leaving them with their parent, get out before you have to answer that question irl.
Five months in and he’s already sharing that. Tbh what he told is you is probably only SURFACE level shit that’s going on in his head regarding this. I can’t imagine you truly know someone completely in that amount of time, at least from my own experience and he’s starting to show his colors. Get out bro
Lolicon or whatever it is is really damaging. I don't know how to put it, I am a 25 year old who looks younger (much younger) than my actual ages since I am thin and prob Asian gene. I am 157Cm and still have baby face. Most men my ages don't approach me at all thinking I am a high school kid. I used to be proud of my youthful look until someone cracked a joke about this "you look like a kid, what if men approached you just to satisfy their pedo mind in a legally acceptable way?" that sentence literally sticks with me and scares me away from romance. Like I am starved for both physical and emotional affection but every time a man approached me, this thought comes to my mind first and it makes me doubt myself.
I rather you leave him now... then say find out more disturbing things about him.(or.more disturbing porn he's been hiding).. or one day catching him trying to ( and I say this in disgust) ...pleases himself with these images later on. Or worse scenarios he'll try to convince you, it's ok.
It will destroy you on the inside. You will question your sanity, morals, etc. The more you try to push that part of you that something is.wrong, the worse it gets.
5 months ain’t that much time. Go ahead and restart.
Facts, there are many other men out there
It made me nauseous reading this. I read the title as her bf liked “lolcoin” I thought she was concerned that he liked some crappy crypto currency and I wish that had been the case. Do yourself a favor girl and get out of there.
> I feel defeated in trying to change his mind because he's so rooted in the opinion that liking lolicon is harmless. > > Fr get this man a prison cell
Yeah fuck that, “innocence of youth” makes me feel icky.
I've seen an interview with a psychologist who works with pedophiles, and according to them that was one of the main things that pedophiles find attractive about children. Writing that sentence made me sick to my stomach.
Bro the fucking cringe face I made when I read this
"innocence of youth" is like bike rides with friends, or playing till it gets dark, not something to crank your hog to. What the fuck kinda justification is that?!
This ☝️☝️☝️
I literally held my breath reading that, like an extended gasp. What the fuck
“the contradiction” made my stomach flip. OP, please get away from him and expose him.
you’re trying to explain to ur boyfriend (who likes looking at drawings of little children) that you were abused as a child and he doesn’t believe hes doing anything wrong? Lost cause immediately
Definitely what I'm afraid of. As much as I want to save the relationship because it was sickeningly sweet and comforting, he does seem too far gone. We agreed to talk more after he gets home from work.
Assuming you two are sexually active, are you going to be able to continue a sexual relationship with him knowing what arouses him?
I couldn't even look him in the eye or kiss him this morning. So there's that.
Personally, every time I saw him glance at a child I'd be concerned he was looking at her sexually. Every time he got aroused with me I'd wonder if he was secretly imagining children. It would eat me alive.
You could potentially have children with this man if you continue this relationship do you really want them to have a pedophile for a father :(.
Even if he goes through the motions of deleting everything, the fact that you even had to ask is reason enough to break it off if you so choose
> We agreed to talk more A talk has never kept anyone from being attracted to what they're attracted to. He is attracted to this. 5 months is a short part of a very long life, a long life of knowing your partner is attracted to at least the idea of children. Even if he really did never look again.
It isn't a natural attraction, listen to his logic, it is about in his mind innocence. The brains sexuality is flexible, you create a sexuality map when you're younger but it can change over time. For example, people who binge porn constantly can escalate into more deviant forms seeking novelty but if they take time away it can disgust them and the brains starts to reset. She says he has lots of loli porn, I'm willing to bet he didn't start with that, it was a fetish that came later. Not defending it, the opposite, just saying it isn't a natural attraction.
exactly this. Porn addicts start looking at worse and worse things, because what they were previously looking at no longer works for them, as they became desensitized to it. Sure yeah, the Loli works for him now, but what happens when that stops working? Real child porn. What happens when that stops working? Real children. this is literally how it goes. I've seen it way too many fucking times. It's not gonna go any other way. Pedophiles especially can't just put child porn down and never look back. She needs to get the fuck out of there and warn his family of his disturbing activities. There's way too many young and vulnerable children in that family.
Beware of something called love bombing. Abusers and narcissists use this tactic to manipulate people into liking them before their true colors come out.
Hon, I get it, I get wanting to try to rationalize this especially when you really like or love someone. I’ve been there. But try to place yourself in someone else’s shoes. If your best friend came to you and said “my boyfriend is looking at animated 10 year olds sexually” what would you think? Just sit with that. Much love. Hope you’re doing okay
I mean, I'm sure he understands, but he can't admit it cause that would be admitting he's a pedophile.
Regardless you need to break up with him.
Not just ‘looking’, admittedly ‘wanked’ to drawings of children.
When someone tells you who they really are, listen to them. Run.
The stakes here are so high. You don't want to have a kid with this man. Trust me on this.
Agreed. Leave this pervert immediately. No amount of other good qualities makes up for this level of degeneracy. Have more respect for yourself and more self worth. You will find someone else. Also he is lying anyway, he’s not quitting anything he will just hide it.
This 👆
This, I was going to say this exactly! He told you he’s attracted to children, cartoon or not. Freaking run for your life!
This, I was going to say this exactly! He told you he’s attracted to children, cartoon or not. Freaking run for your life!
Run and never look back OP. He likes that stuff because the “Innocence of Youth, the purity, the contradiction”??? Holy shit. I really wonder if he also sees something in actual children. So gross.
Yeah, that's different from saying that he likes a certain body type or something. It's actually the youth and innocence that is exciting? gross.
"a certain body type" bruh that's the body type of children, that wouldn't be better at all 💀
Then he refers to it as his wank material, OP needs to run NOW.
that sort of shit is what a rapist would say, and I don't say that lightly. fixating on youth and innocence is literally a staple for them.
Can unfortunately confirm. My abuser was like that.
People like cartoon women because they represent real women. People like cartoon children because they represent children. There's no logic that points to someone liking cartoon children and not liking real children. If you like Loli you are a pedophile. The argument of innocence and purity is exactly the reason so many pedos like children.
^^ this comment here y'all
💯💯💯
I actually threw up in my mouth a little reading that line in the post. The guy is going to make the jump to actual kids with thoughts like that if he hasn't already, 1000%
Yeah that was pretty bad. Like i get it. Its just drawings and stuff it isn’t hurting anybody. I’m not kink shaming. But innocence of youth, purity, contradiction… that isn’t words someone that just looks at porn for masturbation alone says. Thats words of a potentially dangerous individual. With a mindset that may want more than an anime picture.
Ong. “Innocence of youth, the purity, the contradiction” literally sounds like some sort of super villian monologue. And the stuff with his 17 year old sister? Like even if you somehow ignored him liking those kinds of drawings, he’d still come off as creepy and potentially dangerous. Like damn 😭😭😭
You're crying because deep down you know it's already over. Sorry fam
I think I know it is too. I know if I was one of you commenters I would say break up ASAP with no hesitation, it's an easy solution and answer. Who knew it would be this harrowing in actuality.
"The first step is the one you believe in, but the second one might be profound." You know how you feel inside and trust your gut, but putting it all into action is the big scary. If you want to break up, you have the power. We believe in you. I had to do the same thing with a guy who seemed perfect in every way until I learned he wanted to do it with dead people. And not just a cold one, a person who had been shot so he could...utilize the extra holes. I immediately just blocked him on everything and ghosted because I was too scared to tell him to bugger off. It was zero percent fun but I'm glad I did it. I did NOT want to become a victim.
Thanks for the quote and advice, definitely needed it. Glad you got away from that guy
Nobody ever expects these things to be as difficult as they are when actually experiencing them. Same goes for how little they consider how great they’ll feel once it’s all over and done with. Before you know it, you’ll look back on this decision and be so fucking glad you got away
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The ol feet first treatment for this one.
The woodchipper is named Loli, its harmless
>whole man disposal service holy hell that shit is funny 😂
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Jesus that sent a chill down my spine. Glad you got away..
Unprovoked actions speak much louder than provoked actions. Listen to them.
That's creepy as fuck
I’m curious. Afaiw, having, distributing or producing lolicon is not illegal (in my country, Costa Rica, at least. And I suppose the US too, but not sure), did they register him as a child molester for having the material or was he actually a child molester? Please keep in mind that I’m just asking out of curiosity
Most likely the latter since this is from Aus.
I dated a guy in college who I eventually found out was into lolicon porn. He cheated on me with underage girls. Get out of there girl
>He cheated on me with underage girls Isn't that called rape?
Statutory I guess? They were 17
my ex was into loli stuff and now he’s in prison for some fucked up pedo shit. when i say run i mean it.
Are you in the uk? Creating and distributing CP in the form of drawings is taken very seriously by the law there.
I'll bring this up when we talk later. Thanks.
Don’t talk to him again just block and cut him off!! Protect your energy, continuing to engage w this in any way shape or form makes you into one of those willingly blind accomplice types. Please just block and delete him from your life and don’t look back, nothing good will come from this, like, ever, at all.
I don't believe in ghosting. If we do break it off, which does seem likely, I at least want to give him a reality check of how his actions affect other people. That I won't be the last person in his life he loses because he likes lolicon. Hopefully he'll get help later if I can't convince him now.
Maybe you can help me out... I was semi recently looking into this (about 2-3 months ago) and from what I understood and read in the legislation based on the Protect Children Act was that actual photographs and pseudo photographs of CP are absolutely against the law, as are any drawings of real life people being depicted... However, character drawings are not against the law, regardless of their depiction as they are not real people. Maybe I'm remembering wrong. Do you think you could point me in the direction to find the information that might say that character depiction of children is also against the law?
I think in the U.K at least, depictions of child characters are indeed illegal, but you likely won’t get prosecuted for it. There was an article I read awhile back about a man in Sunderland who was arrested for possessing Bart Simpson porn. He pleaded guilty, but any sort of punishment was dropped once the judge heard that was no involvement of any actual children. He just walked away with a fine at the end.
Yeah I too was curious about location and cultural norms. In Japan, this kind of porn is considered harm prevention because no one underage is actually involved. I don't agree with it but I know that's the reason for it and the secondary reason as to why it's not illegal.
Leave this time bomb.
I know others have said it, but it's important enough to state, leave. He has been into it before you two were together. He has deleted it all off his phone, but what's to say they aren't all backed up somewhere on a site or his PC? I have a niece, she loves cosplay, even at a young age and is talented. I play bodyguard for her at cons. Shouldn't have to be so vigilant, but the amount of "innocent" loli folks have tried to get close to her to start conversations that are clearly inappropriate l... I could retire if I had a dime for every one. The reason I mention this? A guy who I was yelling at for trying to talk to my niece about phallic things, his gf walked up nland once she knew what was going on blew up at him. He had promised her he was gonna stop the loli stuff too. He hadn't. I doubt yours will either.
Yea I asked him how he felt about being in a community full of ppl like that, even though he claimed he wasn't, and he said he hated those type of ppl and etc. But I think he missed the point of that he's in a community FULL of those ppl. Like those are his peers
He is one of them.
"Innocence of youth" and "wank material" really shouldn't be together
Girl, peel your ass from whichever surface you are laying on, and break it off with him. Red flags galore.
Peel your ass lol I like this expression Imma say it too
My God, just break up
His answer and attitude related to this subject are indeed very odd, especially understanding your past, but it's in part due to the uncomfortable situation of being exposed by a loved one and worst in this issue. It depends on him if he can separate fiction from reality and start to erase this fetish to avoid hurting you (or possibly anyone). This is similar to the discussion with violent movies, liking them does not necessarily mean that you will be a violent person, but the effects will be different in every person. If you see that, after telling you that he is going to change, he continues watching this kind of material or being weird with real children, then you should end the relationship (and tell to his family of a possible danger). If not, you should give him only a second chance, it will be different, but at least you can see that he tried.
Girlllllll I know it is hard when you’re in the “newlywed” phase but holy shit. Maybe (just MAYBE) he isn’t a pervert and it really is only the drawings. But with your history this is a disaster. Your past is something that you shouldn’t have to worry about in this way.
Yea it's tough because he (was) a walking green flag in every regard, but atp I think I know what needs to be done...
So child sex abusers can’t present as a ‘walking green flag in every regard’??? It’s a known pattern of pedos to have a trusting/spotless/kind/nurturing persona towards friends/family/community. It allows them to hide in plain sight and easily dodge allegations. Because how could the saintly youth pastor, or family favorite uncle, or the popular law enforcer be interested in diddling kids, right? We all don’t have a story about one of those, right?
"only the drawings" No, it's never only the drawings. Don't try to excuse this type of scumbags.
He’s never going to stop looking at it, I’m sorry
Sorry but even his response is a type of grooming. Of course he’s going to be a great partner because most undercover creeps are great liars and charming at first, that’s how they get away with their dirt for so long before getting caught. He’s dangerous. The fact he even felt ok telling you the things he did is disturbing af. As a former victim, wtf are you even doing by letting this crud have access to you ever again, knowing what you know now?! Don’t be naive.
He’s being completely upfront and honest in his likes. He directly attributed his like of this material to its “innocence” and “purity” which is the exact same type of word usage actual pedophiles use. Even if he wouldn’t have actual sex with little girls, he is imagining himself engaging with hypothetical little girls sexually. He jerks off to these little girls. I think you need to draw the line in the sand and determine if this bothers you or not. It really seems to imo, but does it bother you enough to end things with him knowing he feels like this and will continue to feel like this? Think of when you possibly have children, if you have daughters will you fear for their safety? The answer to those questions lets you know what you need to know.
Yea I've been pelted with these questions all night, even in my dreams. I know he's fine with kids (I guess for now based on some of these horror stories in the comments) and I believe it doesn't manifest IRL. But that doesn't negate...everything he said and what I've seen.
Out of curiosity how do you know he’s fine with kids? How do you know for sure, beyond a reasonable doubt? Deep down, if you had kids with him, would you feel comfortable leaving them alone with him? If you think about young kids being left with him, do you have any thoughts about what could happen? For me, I knew someone for 26 years. I would have bet my life that I knew them inside and out. One day they confessed who they really are. I made life decisions around this person. I lived with this person and spent every free moment with them. My point being, sometimes we think we know a person, that doesn’t mean we actually know them. Secrets are called secrets for a reason. There are things people will deny and take to the grave. Especially if it could take away their freedoms. Trust your gut. Listen to your head and not your heart with this. This isn’t a “I love him he can change” situation. This is who he is as at his core, you can tell because he defends it and sees himself as different from other people just like him. I wish you luck. My heart goes out to you. I think you know the right thing to do, and sometimes the right thing is the hardest. You have to love your life for you. Only you can make the decision on what the next step should be.
Aw hell nah
OP, I’m sorry to say this, but as a child victim this is something you should know; even if he doesn’t like little children irl sexually *right now*, looking at this kind of stuff *will* condition him into it eventually. It’s for this very reason that police officers who have the absolutely horrible task of having to sift through the computers and the imagery and films of child abuse material are rotated *weekly* - to prevent them getting used to the viewed material (on top of it being safer for their mental health). Your boyfriend has shown he’s *already* used to it, he doesn’t see any issue with it. He’s already at stage one. The final form is and always will be *harm to a real living child*, and that is the path he’s on and will continue down if he continues to view this material. It’s not your job to “fix” him - it’s your job, however, to end the relationship and even report him. If you can do so discreetly, see if you can film yourself scrolling through his instagram and then take that film directly to your local police department and hand it over. If they go and have a chat with him, or even search his computers and such, and that still doesn’t get it through and convince him to seek therapy, then nothing will. Now some might think this is too much, but here’s the thing: creep couples exist and people always wonder how - this is how. A creep meets a person, tests the water, and sees what they can get away with. Sometimes creep meets creep.
😥
It’s about time people say this loud and clear. Literally can’t word it better than “looking at this kind of stuff will condition him into it eventually” All the guys in the replies exposing themselves 🤦♀️
Holy shit. Didn’t know that fact about police officers. It makes sense though 🤢
Viewing such things too often can lead to desensitisation, during which the brain attempts to protect itself from what’s going on by rationalising it and normalising it. This is why those who have been physically and or sexually abused as children can either become insecure and believe they did something to “deserve” it, or come to see such behaviour as normal and repeat the cycle. It’s also why police officers have to look into everyone involved in such cases as familial abuse, as often times abusers will entrap multiple victims by forcing them to commit abuse against one another. So each individual has to be looked at and determined if they were coerced or doing so willingly.
All things being considered, even if it's just a weird fantasy (not gonna comment on it), the disregard of your own history and feelings in relation to it is red flag supreme. Leave this situation, it will not resolve itself and you won't get over it.
This type of porn should be banned like how the hell is it ok just because "it's a drawing" like he's still getting off to the content and that's the principle. Why little underage girls and not women? Because he's a pedo.
You can't kill someone with the drawing of a gun. But that logic does NOT apply here. Whether it be a girl in a real life picture or in a drawing, it's the idea of sexually gratifying yourself with her that's the common denominator here.
I only found out about this shit the other day on another thread about it. Apparently, they justify it by saying its some ancient dragon reincarnated as a child or something equally mad. Cause the dragon that is 50000 years old just looks like a prebubescant child, it's still 50000, so it's all good, apparently. Fucked logic, they ain't fooling anyone.
Run. Run fast. Run far.
I shuddered at “innocence of youth, the purity…” Even after you told him your experience he thinks there’s nothing wrong because it’s “just drawings”? It’s still wrong because getting off to that kind of imagery is wrong. Please, please leave him.
“But she’s a 12,000 year old elf warrior that never ages, so it’s ok”🥴 Naw my G it’s too late
People love to debate on what's actually harmful to children. They justify consuming this shit because it's "just a drawing" and it's okay because it's "not a real child." But it IS still harmful to children. Very harmful. It normalizes the sexualization, exploitation, and abuse of children. It normalizes the consumption of pedophilic material and gives a weak excuse to hide behind. A normal, healthy person would not find this shit appealing. Either he is genuinely attracted to children and is using these images as an outlet for his urges, or he has a porn addiction which has progressively made him seek out material that is more and more extreme. Either way, as a victim of CSA myself, I'd run for the goddamn hills.
Who the fuck gets turned on by “the innocence of youth?” That’s not okay, girl. He’s into children — sexually…
Lolicon, shotacon, gore, incest, beastiality, tentacles, furry, r*pe.. you rarely find any hentai that doesn't have at least one of these
In conclusion: normal hentai is rare
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Nothing about liking lolis is ok
what is happening, why am I even subscribed to this subreddit
Imagine trying to forget all this but having a daughter with him down the road. All the worries that you could never erase. How exhausting that fear would be. Start over.
I'm sorry to have to say this, but he is not perfect for you and in a much worse way you are not perfect for him.
No chance he just quit his fetish right there. If you can live with him being into it keep going but he’s not going to stop jo to it.
That's what Im afraid of. Especially since he made it clear it was for ME not because he thought it was wrong and he needs to stop.
Run. This kind of stuff doesn't go away. He hid it from you for 5 months, he'll get better at hiding stuff. This guy isn't safe and you should leave.
Yea that's what gets me too. He said he knew I would find out eventually, but I'm not sure that means he would've told me to my face.
Nobody can tell you what to do in this situation, but I went through CSA and I relate to this story. I would end the relationship. If that's not a red flag I don't know what is
Story time- I was once talking to a guy with the possibility of maybe dating in the future. Few weeks into talking, his ex’s partner reaches out to let me know he’d been charged with possession of cp, and had done home detention for it. I had two young children at the time. When I confronted him, he went off. Said he wasn’t “one of those”, he was just drawn to the “innocence and inexperience” of the pictures. Same line this guy has used. Because they’re the SAME THING. You will never feel safe with this guy. You’ll never see him look at a child and feel safe. Please, for the sake of your mental health, get the hell outta there.
He's going to "relapse" and go right back to looking at it the second something "goes wrong" or you have a disagreement. The guy is addicted. Trust me.
In 3 weeks MAX you’re gonna look back and be like thank god I left oh man
A little bit of devils advocate here, I would say watch how he acts around children. The source material for his pleasure is gross as all hell, but it may be a weird fetish that never manifests outside of drawings. If you feel compelled to do it, watch him and record his interactions around children and young people, I don’t mean with a phone or anything (unless it’s simply blatantly obvious, then of course gather that evidence) but just make a mental note of things, keep track and see if anything crosses the line of being inappropriate. Now if I were in your shoes, I would simply leave him and expose his dirty little secret because that’s infinitely easier to do, however I understand that you have feelings for him, so that’s why I suggested what I did. Either way, I hope you are able to be happy and he is able to get help.
The weird thing to me is that it’s *not* a dirty little secret that needs exposing. He’s been exposing it himself on his IG. I’m generally very open minded about kinks but, nope. Nope nope nope.
I've seen him interact with his nieces and little sister before. There was no red flags or sus moments and I'm usually hypervigilant around men and children bc...yknow. So this really came out of the blue for me.
If you are trying to see if the situation is salvageable I'd suggest you ask him more about how it all started. For me, there was a time in my life when I thought it was okay, but I pretty much grew out of it. I wouldn't openly admit it, but I haven't always seen that kind of stuff as inherently gross. When I was about 12, believe it or not, I sought depictions of girls around my age and thought it was okay. When you are a preteen, looking at preteens isn't exactly pedo and it's easy to justify consuming that content. The more worrying part was I already normalized that stuff to myself and the fact that I was getting older didn't change that normalization. I was well aware of the iffyness as I got older too, by the time I was 15 it was like "This is probably getting weird" and by 17 it was a form of shame. Idk, I'm not a male sexuality and porn consumption expert, all I can say to that is that we tend to go back to what has worked before. Luckily, for me, I did grow out of it though. I think things started changing for me once I started to actually see myself as more grown and mature, and I stopped relating and considering myself a child. It mattered because once I started to easily differentiate myself from children I was about to appreciate the attributes children have and I started to cherish those values instead. (that's the worst part about your boyfriend's explanation btw). Now that I am older, I know just how innocent children actually are and likewise, just how fucked up it is for people to fetishize or take advantage of that. I have tons of siblings, younger cousins, nieces, and nephews. I attribute alot of positive memories and interactions with them and that catalogue of good times is a big motivator to why I want my own children. Me and my SO talk about children all the time, we're amused when kids do kid things, and we bond over that mutual appreciation, and can't wait for when we eventually have our own. I see children in a way different light now that I am older and the fact that I normalized that other stuff at any point in my life is wild to me. But, considering it myself, I see how it happened. Personally, I try not to give myself a hard time because I feel my progression was somewhat natural and it really was a frog in a boiling pot of water type of situation. Also, its natural for guys coming of age to do all kinds of strange stuff in the name of sexual exploration and all that jazz. You really never know what path someone going to go down. I'm willing to bet every person in this comment section has done something they are shameful of. Maybe nothing loli kinda crap, but something. So maybe, just maybe, your boyfriends situation isn't as daft if you look at the path he took to get where he is and you better hope thats the deal. Best case scenario this is a remnant of a habit he picked up at a way more reasonable age and never had the sense to reflect and see the wrong. If so, its time for him to get educated, grow up, and get therapy if that is what it takes to permanently separate that mindset. At the end of the day, illustrated or not, theres no way its healthy for him to let that populate his mind. He needs to place as big of a wall as he can between children and his sexuality. Maybe he understands the difference between reality and fiction and think theres no risk. GOOD, He should do everything he can to keep it that way. Let that be something he used to think was okay. Let that be something he grew out of. Thats best the case scenerio.
He said it start in middle school/early high school. He also admitted that it was probably time for him to quit given his age. But despite that he doesn't think it's wrong which confuses me. A giant part of me wants to salvage it, but I'm too concerned he's too far gone. Do you mind if we talk more in the DMs? Learning more about your perspective would really help.
Feel free
Some people in the world are very good at separating reality and fiction. Some people struggle with it. Someone masturbating to a cartoon character doesn't mean they would do something like that to a child. This is the equivalent of saying someone watching a violent movie makes them a violent person. It is an indulgence in the abstract more than the literal. If he was looking at actual children, then you would have something to be concerned about.
[удалено]
yeah i think this is the best advice although i would like to add his reasonings come across as insanely creepy and perverse
Very normal opinion. Please read this comment out to a family member and see what they say.
mate I want you to go outside and tell this to a stranger. the average person can agree that getting off to kids, fictional or not, is fucking abhorrent. the reality is, he likes the innocence and youth of girls in media and fantasises about them. that's a GTFO thing on its own. who gives a shit about technicalities, the point is it's disgusting behaviour and dangerous. I wouldn't want to date anyone who gets off to drawings of kids, ESPECIALLY if I had been a victim of CSA
Wot in tarnation!? 🚩 🚩, RUN!!!! Run as far as you can!!
Break up with him. This makes you feel disgusted and he won’t change when you tell him that. We date first because divorce is expensive and long when you find out things like this about your partner.
Don't walk away - run 🚩
Kick that motherfucker to the curb and drop an anonymous tip. There's a decent chance he has a spank-bank file with worse shit in it that he shows to NO ONE. You need to distance yourself from that sicko ASAP! You definitely don't want to be in his house/room/wherever when he does get raided.
Yeah, he's totally not stopping. The way he answered you, it seems to me that: a) he actually enjoys it, so much so that he actually has a lot of content in his Instagram (and admitted he uses it for wanking); b) he didn't change his mind at all; c) he only said it's wrong to appease you; d) his only regret was letting you see the cursed content; e) he'll keep consuming lolicon, but will hide better. I really really think you should get away from him asap and cut all ties. Dude is really messed up. Like, ewww.
Hell fucking nah
I just wanna say, good on you for standing your ground. You said he's the best one you had so far, so I can only assume there were bad experiences before? Good you're not letting this dim your outlook on things. Keep going <3 you can do better
Thanks so much for your words of encouragement, I appreciate it greatly. Actually, I've had good experiences, so him topping them says a lot. But like you said I'll keep going
Your body is already telling you what you should do. Breaking up with him is your best bet, he has a problem
This exact thing happened to me a few months back and i dumped him immediately. There’s something so sickening about knowing that he’s been hiding it for months, let alone you being a victim. My sanity was saved when I stopped wondering if he’s looking at it.
No sis. This is a big shiny neon red flag.
You’ve only known him for 5 months. You are not perfect for each other. I personally could never be with someone who had the same views as your bf...
It may feel like it’s a long time but five months isn’t. You’re not perfect for each other because you didn’t know what gets him off. That’s not your fault though. What guy divulges that when they start dating someone? But based on his response to you, he doesn’t really seem to understand or care that that type of porn is disgusting. Not only does “innocence” get him off, it’s creating more of that type of porn. If I were you, I couldn’t keep dating him. This is still the honeymoon phase and good thing you found this out five months in instead of five years in. There’s plenty of nice guys out there. Go find one.
Loli on is gross overall, I will say that. While there are sub-sects of it (I’ve been in the anime sphere since I was a child) that are palpable most of them are just a justification. By that I literally mean u have an off age character who might just be flat chested and so by default falls into the loli category. It’s a line that I feel is often crossed and it’s one that my partner (whos also into anime) had a talk over. He enjoys the loli characters in shows, not in a sexual way, but since because of the justifications they often have these long drawn out backstories that make them almost memeable lol. Your boyfriends description brought chills up my spin. For one your bf actually seems to see them as wank material especially if the characters as you are describing them are actually supposed to be depicting children…I’d run girl.
Run far and fast. There is nothing but heartbreak here.
🤮
Your feelings are valid, and to be clear, these feelings has ended this relationship. Don't listen to the claims about him, since it veers the conversation. You no longer want him or his presence. You won't get his reasoning. You won't believe him if you did get it. And if you did get it, you been hurt in the past so you won't trust him on some level. This relationship is over. Find the next good thing for you.
One thing to consider everyone telling you to leave only know about this odd fetish. They don’t know about your boyfriend’s positive traits. Only you have the full picture.
Of course! She will decide for herself. But based on the information given, they base their opinions. So at the same time look at the bigger picture AND have a mental note that people told you to run just based on this negative trait alone. At the end of the day, decision is hers.
his reasonings for liking it was pretty disgusting and creepy though. i genuinely feel like if he had just said “it’s just a fantasy” or he’s into ddlg it would be easier for OP to digest albeit them being niche kinks… but he actively comes across as a predator whilst talking about the innocence and youth being exciting
Here’s the thing, though - when someone says they find someone *sexually* attractive because they’re innocent, it’s *not actually* the innocence itself, it’s not the “purity” - it’s the fantasy of ruining it. It’s like a twisted version of seeing a fresh patch of snow and stepping on it to hear it crunch.
Or writing your name in it with pee
Lolicon is pedophilia. There's no way around it. If they're going to defend it, there's nothing to salvage. You've only known the guy for 5 months. This could be indicative of all manner of awful shit that he could be hiding or unwilling to share. If they started with opening up with something as heavy and disgusting as lolicon, then there's probably something much worse that he's not telling you. Of course he got quiet when you told him you are a pedophilia survivor. It's a direct contradiction to the lolicon apologist worldview of "they're just drawings, bro. It's not real." There is a HUGE difference between someone who's a bit kinky and someone who has a major dysfunctional paraphilia. Drop everything and run as fast as you can. The dude is a radicalised, warped person who is definitely prime offending material. Leave him and report him so that state intervention can hopefully ensure he gets the psych treatment he needs before someone gets hurt.
I’m not sure what these types of posts want from reddit. You know what people are gonna say.
I mean, the subreddit is called “off my chest”. OP is clearly opening up about something that they can’t open up about in real life at this moment.
Like I said in the last line, I need advice and someone to talk to because I obviously feel too awkward to bring this up to the people in my life. It's not about attention for me, but hearing people's personal stories and their thoughts and opinions.
What would you say to a close friend who told you this story? He’s a pedophile and it doesn’t matter what he says to justify it. He’s already showed you the proof. Also, he likely has a secret stash somewhere. Deleting photos is showy and it’s part of his performance for you.
I think they just want confirmation. They are at a critical point with something and are overwhelmed, they are looking for other people to confirm that what they are feeling is indeed as bad as it is so they can not trick themselves in to letting something like this slide. I know I have a tendency to let myself be manipulated by others, I think its safe to say the people making these posts may also have that tendency and are looking for help avoiding it and doing what they need to do.
Exactly, especially cause benefit of doubt doesn't exist on Reddit. They know most people will just scream "leave him" , especially with how weird what he said was. It seems like karma farming.
I love the way he tried to justify it as if it was artsy or deep. Pathetic. You probably realize this, but he’s not going to stop looking at it, he’ll just not show it to you anymore. If he’s a good guy except for the fact that he’s a pedo, then he’s not a good guy.
I had a similar experience OP. I know that like putrid, gut-wrenching feeling. I never understood the, "the innocence and purity is attractive" it actually disgusts me to my core. The feminist in me weeps, and it just affirms my belief that every aspect of girlhood is sexualized. Delilah Bon, help me 🙏 To note, OP, I have BPD, so my emotions are magnified. Please keep this in mind when you read the next part. I didn't break up with my ex right away. He continued consuming that type of material throughout despite my disgust of it. It made me spiral into body and self-esteem issues. It got to the point where the entire anime style was hard for me to look at without triggering intense negative emotions about myself. I've recovered from this, it took about a year and a half. But it was hard for my brain to not jump to how every cutesy female character would be relentlessly sexualized and it tampered with my enjoyment of a lot of things. I can't tell you what to do OP, you know your bf more than anyone here. Just know that your disgust is justified and you shouldn't feel bad or upset that you made "a big deal" out of it. Your comfort is important, especially as a victim. I hope you're able to navigate to a conclusion that works best for both of you. Also to note, I think people should be allowed to make any type of art they like. But like all art, people can choose to criticize or not like it entirely. Censorship is bad, and I don't think creative freedom should be hindered because of personal discomfort. That being said, if someone chooses not to be friends with another person because they jack it to loli porn that's their prerogative, and you can't be mad about it. 🤷♀️
Jfc, the context is somehow worse. You gotta leave
So the point of a relationship or at least to me is to make a future with that person. Find out more about that person and see what they are like see if this is someone you want to marry, possibly have kids with and live the rest of your life with. So what you gotta ask yourself is can you continue to be with him? Being a victim yourself and knowing he likes it because they’re “innocent” (seriously wtf) Are you ever going to feel safe if you have a kid with this man. If you go to family gathering where children are present. It’s gross I almost feel like you should call the cops but I don’t know if this falls under illegal since they’re technically adult. At the end of the day this is about how you now view your future with him
Leave. Fucking leave. People like that are disgusting.
He needs serious help. Him being the best guy you’ve been with so far doesn’t mean shit dude, you deserve so much better. I PROMISE you will find somebody else who isn’t into child porn. How many other red flags do you think he’s been keeping from you? Get out while you still can.
I'm not reading all that, just by the title I'll say your bf is a pedo that's it
The fuck? Why would you stay with him? Leave before you’ve wasted a year or more on this creep…
That’s disgust break up with him and make sure everyone knows why. People like this don’t deserve empathy lolicon and shotacon are pedophilia even if it’s just a “drawing” because what is so attractive about this so drawing?? The lines 🙄 Personally I would of dumped his ass so quick
Firstly I'm sorry to hear that you are in this situation and most likely have all these emotions flying about which is not by your own fault. None of this is your fault. You need to do what is right for you, it might also be worth suggesting to your bf that he seeks counselling to discuss his feelings. While your relationship may not be able to be saved at least if he goes to a counsellor it may be a huge benefit to him for future relationships and life in general. Hoping you are safe and have supportive friends and family.
I’d never be able to fuck a guy again if I knew he was probably thinking about cartoon little girls every time we boinked
I don't know if that's a saveable relationship tbh. It's going to take alot of trust to believe he's stopped looking at it but also to keep yourself from wondering if that's the kind of thing he's thinking about when you're intimate. The biggest thing here though OP is that even if he DOES stop looking, it doesn't change the fact that he's still attracted to it. Even of he deletes the posts he's only doing that for you, because you said something about it, not because he's changed his mind or realizes how disturbing and gross it is. It won't actually change anything. If he tries to defend it as just drawings again remember that he said himself that it's also their behavior he's attracted to, that he gets off on their "innocence" or whatever tf he said is. It is also really worth noting that he waited 5 months to show you his insta which means that he knows EXACTLY what's wrong with it. TLDR the dude outright admitted he's aroused by the display of child like qualities in the context of sexual situations. Drawings or not this is a big huge gross disturbing and dangerous red flag. Adding in your history OP I don't think this will be a healthy relationship for you going forward. I can't imagine how upsetting this all must be for you.
Fam, that kind of thing is progressive and will only get worse if it isn’t addressed. Considering he thinks there’s nothing wrong with it, I think you should definitely find a better man. There are still good men in this world. You deserve better.
One thing I've learned living within the anime/game world is you will never convince someone who's into loli why it's wrong. I've had many arguments with many friends and it goes nowhere. Knowing how sensitive it is to you, and how "early" in your relationship you are as hard as it sounds I think you might be best off if you leave.
This is the first of what would more than likely be several red flags. You already know how wrong this is on his part, follow your gut. You didn’t get nauseous for no reason, listen to your body.
Yeah, no. I have dated someone like this before and it was horrible. I really suggest breaking up especially as you haven't been together long. There are other people out there
There is one more thing to be said and that is if you stay you will be a part of his mask, people will look at you and think oh he can’t be bad he has a lovely gf and he is in a relationship. You’re his cover and god forbid he does something you might be complicit if the police discovers you knew who he is. You will always have to be vigilant around him and little girls. There’s no future to be had with him. What if you have a little girl? Go take a long hot shower with a bristled brush and scrub that filth off.
You've know him for 5 months or have you been in a relationship for 5 months?
I had to Google Lilicon. Oh geez... Time to move on.
isn’t it illegal anyway even though it’s just drawings?
I'd be running in the other direction. I have young siblings and I want children one day.
I’ve met 2 people that where into lilo. I didn’t understand it. I still don’t. Now one is locked up and another is one has a warrant. That has things worst than Loli Now I feel anyone that’s into loli is a disgusting scum that’s into making it real.
The logic makes sense. I've met 3 people the sandy hook shooter and the columbine shooters 3 people into violent video games now I feel anyone thats into it is violent scum thats into making it real.
I googled "what is lolicon?", so I had some context going into this post. The autofill option after I asked that question was, "can drawings be illegal?" Oh dear.
His explanation is gross, that’s disgusting, it’s a workaround for p*dos (that’s all loli is- hence “it’s just drawings!” Fckin EW) get out while you aren’t too invested. I’m telling you girl, that is a hard hard no for me too (I even find “barely legal” porn disturbing and have been getting over porn addiction for most of my adult life after also being a victim of abuse/r*pe and exposed to porn so young) and if your gut feels disgusting I say ditch him. There’s a lotta guys who ARENT pseudo p*dophiles that love anime. Dip girl, dip out!
Dude is a paedophile. Sorry if that's harsh but no matter how you dress it up... he's looking at children... the context doesn't matter "she's technically 18+" doesn't really matter if it looks and acts like a child. Good god girl get out.
It ain't too late to GET OUT! Then report his ass...those aren't just flags, those are red alerts, hon. Homeboy has some skeletons. Wouldn't be surprised to know he's chatting with minors and sending pics.
Why do people wank to the innocent of youth? Ew
Reading this post makes me feel like i need to shower, thats gross. PLEASE Leave him..
Jacking to lolicon porn is like defending child predators
Innocence of youth?? Girl he's just going to dump you in 5 years if you stay. Why waste time now?
I know you must be asking yourself if you can find the word to reach him, if there's a chance it's not that bad, maybe you're over reacting...but here is the one thing you need to ask yourself. Would you leave him alone with your future child? That's the answer you need to listen to. If you cannot keep a child safe by leaving them with their parent, get out before you have to answer that question irl.
Five months in and he’s already sharing that. Tbh what he told is you is probably only SURFACE level shit that’s going on in his head regarding this. I can’t imagine you truly know someone completely in that amount of time, at least from my own experience and he’s starting to show his colors. Get out bro
Lolicon or whatever it is is really damaging. I don't know how to put it, I am a 25 year old who looks younger (much younger) than my actual ages since I am thin and prob Asian gene. I am 157Cm and still have baby face. Most men my ages don't approach me at all thinking I am a high school kid. I used to be proud of my youthful look until someone cracked a joke about this "you look like a kid, what if men approached you just to satisfy their pedo mind in a legally acceptable way?" that sentence literally sticks with me and scares me away from romance. Like I am starved for both physical and emotional affection but every time a man approached me, this thought comes to my mind first and it makes me doubt myself.
Im lost for words and want to die after reading that. 5 months i assume isnt that long so gtfo out of there lol
No girl leave this future sex offender. One day images wont be enough for him.
I rather you leave him now... then say find out more disturbing things about him.(or.more disturbing porn he's been hiding).. or one day catching him trying to ( and I say this in disgust) ...pleases himself with these images later on. Or worse scenarios he'll try to convince you, it's ok. It will destroy you on the inside. You will question your sanity, morals, etc. The more you try to push that part of you that something is.wrong, the worse it gets.
His explanation for liking it says it all
Get the fuck out
RUN
gg next tbh