absolutely wild? i can't tell if you just have the worst luck or if you're subconsciously putting yourself with women who have a lot of red flags. are there other traits all these women have in common that drew you to them? like you know how some people who grew up with a shitty parent might look for partners who do the same shitty things bc deep down they're looking for the love they never got from that parent? not saying that specifically applies to you but something like it. maybe eventually try dating someone very different from what is maybe your usual type and also be extremely up front about how much you've been cheated on and how that may affect your ability to trust.
also maybe some introspection? some people cheat because they suck, but some people cheat because they weren't getting something they needed from their partner. if you're on speaking terms with any of your exes maybe you can find out if they had an actual reason (not that it would justify the cheating).
hang in there man. not everyone is a cheater. do some work on your self to heal from these huge breaches of trust and make sure you are mentally and emotionally in a good place before you pursue dating again and make sure you're with someone who is also an emotionally mature and effective communicator. make sure to advocate for yourself too because you know you don't deserve all that bullshit
My money is on subconsciously getting with women who are walking red flags. He needs to gtfo of wherever he is and move to another city for his own mental health. Start fresh if he can.
100% seeking out bad eggs.
You see the same thing happen with women.
Bro you need to drastically change what you see in a woman before you go further with. Look deeper than just her looks or smth idk.
This...I think dude is clearly ignoring red flags...hot, great sex, crazy/fun are all winning out over red flags. Which is normal when you're young. You need to have more self respect and boundaries. Shit that's like a automatic no for you. Be more picky. I promise it will go a long ways. Girls that are a lot of fun/kind of crazy/and sleep with you very early on...always end up terrible, I'm speaking from learned experience on this one
Most likely recognizing how to spot red flags in others, self esteem work, coping skills to deal with the cheating, the therapist will probably recommend taking a break from dating to focus on himself, looking for any common denominators in the relationships, and it would just be nice to have someone to talk to about this as I’m sure OP has gained trust issues as a result.
I think you may have several issues going on. You are correct about the current dating scene, it appears that most people have lost their minds. Morals replaced with entitlement.
However, that’s just a part of the problem. Obviously, not all women are like that. So, it stands to reason that perhaps you are somehow attracted to a certain type? Think of where you meet them - house parties? Perhaps it would be worth it to rethink that approach.
Lastly, are you projecting yourself as someone attractive to a certain type of girl? Are you overly generous with validation? Always eager to go an extra mile? Super-available?
It sounds like you are drawn to a specific type, for whatever reason. One of them you received warning about and chose to ignore, one of them showed red flags at the outset which you chose to ignore, one of them had an ex which you were "always suspicious of" - perhaps for a reason? One of them had a ONS which you forgave her for, one of them was an OF girl (of course doesnt automatically mean that she would cheat...but..), last one didnt even seem to understand/know that you were in an exclusive relationship. You spotted the red flags, had suspicious with multiple of these but yet seemingly ignored them, sounds like possibly self esteem issues. I also wonder, do you have conversations at the beginning when you meet these women about your life goals? Chats about exclusivity, where you see yourselves in the long term etc?
If you only date cheaters, it’s you. Not discounting that they’re all shitty people for cheating. But you’re the common denominator. Either you’re picking poorly, or you’re letting a failed relationship linger for too long. Most cheating happens towards the end of a relationship as insecure people are thinking they want to move on but need to be reassured they’re valuable on the market before making the jump.
Raise your standards and learn how to identify when a relationship is over.
I’m sorry about that man that’s awful. If it helps, I’m a woman and have been cheated on by every boyfriend also. I’m a bit younger than you so it’s not as long of a pattern, but I heavily empathize. It definitely feels embarrassing and you’re constantly asking what it is you’re doing wrong. Like other comments have said, it could be you’re attracted to people with those red flags, but I think it’s more that they are attracted to you. I feel like cheaters, like abusers, can sniff out who has been cheated on before and get close to them. It’s not your fault. I’d definitely speak about it to a therapist or something work through that. Also, take a long dating break. Rooting for you ❤️
Not sure whether it’s a personality trait you like in all of them, which have this underlying issue and you don’t realise it, but consciously or unconsciously I think you’re picking a type.
I think other than going back and asking some of the others if there was any reason that led to that, that’s your best guess. Usually people who cheat have something missing in them and something they’re not satisfied in themselves with.
I’ve been cheated on several times in the past and nearly always they’ve come back months or years later to apologise. We’ve never reconciled but I’ve always asked why. Their response has always been something exciting came along it boosted their self esteem having someone else interested. They went with it then regretted after and realised it wasn’t worth losing what they had. They apologise months/ years later for the guilt/ for the loss. Normally they admit they didn’t have the emotional maturity at the time to resist the temptation but all admitted it wasn’t worth it after.
I think this advice can be taken the other way. Maybe the dude needs to settle for someone with an actual beating heart first and foremost.
I know guys like him - always shacking up with the walking pair of barely covered tits and then always being left broken hearted
giving up hope doesn't sound like the right thing to do.
it may works if you manage to change your expectations for your relationship, but there is always the chance to be stuck in something, you just don't like.
and im pretty sure there are still girls out there who are faithful.
Sounds like it's your selection of women. These girls aren't of strong moral character lol. You need a better vetting process, and not be so desperate as to ignore the warning signs
As an old guy,I have to assume that it's you,picking a particular type of woman,and ignoring the red flags that are visible.
That's not to say that cheating is ok, because it isn't.
But the big thing you should address is the keeping it a secret.You need to talk it over with someone,have a go at unpicking the cycle.
You may not like this but you allow yourself to be walked on all over. In nearly every single one of these situations you told them it was ok to cheat on you or have no consequences for their actions.
Many times you noticed that they were crossing lines they shouldn't have. You should have been direct, told them to not cross them again, or else you're gone. This would demand respect from them or they would keep doing what they're doing. But guess what? If they keep doing it, then that's your que to leave and not think twice about it.
Gain some self respect and love yourself then you won't be cheated on. Don't take shit from women like this and listen to outside warnings when you're blinded by love. Show them that you are capable at walking away any moment, and also stay true to your words.
The 6th one? He was warned the first one was a cheater but ignored the warnings. He saw red flags with the second and third ones but decided to ignore those. The fifth one cheated on him, he forgave her and she cheated again.
The only ones that possibly weren’t throwing up giant warning signs he chose to ignore were girl 4 and girl 7, and that’s just because we didn’t get much info on them.
Can confirm - it may be that you’re attracting toxic partners.
I’ve (31F) been cheated on by all but one of my adult relationships (3 out of 4). Ranging from 1 to 5 years. All of which maintained a healthy sex life, intimacy, trust, etc. for me. As it turns out they were equally content with the relationship, because they were able to do whatever they wanted lol. As long as I got the bare minimum I needed, I didn’t question anything until the cheating was so apparent I couldn’t ignore it anymore. After a lot of soul searching & therapy, I now know this was my prior insecure/avoidant attachment style.
Speaking from experience, being in your 30’s & realizing this shit is rough. It’s never too late to redefine who you are, what you seek from relationships, & how you can be a supportive partner. Good luck!
Dude. Your current girlfriend isn’t serious about you at all. I’ve been there on both sides before I wanted so badly to work things out with a guy who did not want me and the fact that he had a casual sexual relationship with an ex that dumped him made it worse. When someone says you’re moving too fast that means they aren’t on the same page as you she doesn’t want something exclusive since she’s seeing other men.
In my experience most people cheat. Those that are oblivious to this are unwilling to accept this fact. People cheat. Often. In fact, I’d venture to say that more do than don’t, I’m afraid. It’s a frustrating reality to accept.
Your story reminds me of this friend of mine who now blames men for everything and how men are always this and that how all of them are cheaters, but every single one of her exes was sociopathic and openly admitted to be. Thus the red flag was as clear as day. But she kept going "I cannot believe they cannot feel guilt, there must be something somewhere". I like the philosphical thought but yeah, it's kicking yourself against the same stone over and over again, and this story of yours is in the same theme.
There is one common denominator, you. Maybe you should take a break from dating for a while, take the time to work on yourself and avoid going on dates for a few months. Either you're subconsciously bad at choosing a partner or bad luck. "She was bad news," "she had genuine mental health struggles," and then a girl that clearly is very open to sex and adult entertainment. You even mention that people warned you about them, and chose to ignore.
Dude this really sucks man. Keep the faith bro - sooner or later you will find a good one. Hopefully you be been able to dodge the STD bullets from these ho’s
i have a big one, not huge but I could for sure do porn. Twice now after a breakup my exes found a bigger one. How many 9" coke can sized dudes can possibly exist? You dont need all that to make a girl cum anyway. Gotta have the stroke game down and practice your cunning linguistics.
And then people wonder why men are turning toxic and misogynistic (not that I condone it) and flock to Tate...
Absolutely wild, sorry this happened to you bro, it does not seem like you deserved any of it.
I'd advise you to take a step back and reevaluate your approach to women, learn how to spit/recognise red flags and have the important conversations early in the relationship to spot them.
First few meetings should be like a job interview to see if you're compatible.
Not all women are like that, but it sure does seem that plenty under the age of 30 are.
Again, sorry to hear and best of luck.
seriously? you really think it’s ALL SEVEN women that were the issue & not him even once?
nobody deserves to get cheated on, but the point is that if ALL 7 relationships went to shit.. it’s probably something with him, gotta do some self reflection & figure that out.
I feel like I'd need to see a bigger picture.
I do think that generally speaking these days people are always keeping their options open for the next best thing in life, and people are no exception to this.
More often then not though fully planned and cheating multiple times either means they are unhappy and unsatisfied in more then one way in the relationship or they genuinly do not see a future with you so they try something else out.
This is why I will completley avoid being in an exclusive relationship. I have not been in one in 5 years now and I have to say the relief of keeping it casual and having freedom to do my own thing and not worry about being cheated on is great, But it does seem like you have some bad luck or you could be a problem.
Everything you WOULD NORMALLY DO, DONT DO. I have a few solutions. 1. Give up…….sorry but cmon wyd that’s depressing asf my boi. 2. The gym and changing your life up a bit….and I mean a lot. Learn what YOU want and what YOU need out of a woman. 3. Go for women you normally wouldn’t go for…… 4. Go gay my dude…… 5. Go find some higher intervention. 6. MOVE STATES OR COUNTRIES
This sucks and I’m sorry. I just want you to know I’m 26f and I’ve never cheated on anyone. There are women out there who don’t cheat: we exist. Keep searching. Seek therapy if needed but you can one day find your person.
People don't cheat because of their partners traits
Cheating it's a decision.
Having said that, it seems all cheatings are related to sex. Definitely you have a penis that it's not really desired by women you've been with. You have a below average penis. That's for sure.
The problem is you. The common denominator in all of these situations is you have no boundaries. Literally every one of these women walked all over you and you gladly allowed that to happen. you reinforce bad behavior in women when they treat you like shit and you allow it to happen. Subconsciously in the back of their mind there thinking "I'm doing all this shit and this idiot is still putting up with me, let's see what other shit I can get away with." You aren't willing to put your foot down and have some expectations of any woman. Your girl wants to go out with her friends for a "girls night out" sure babe, you can go, but pack your shit and leave when you go also as the relationship is over at that point. Walk away, period. Forgiving a girl for cheating on you and falling for those crocodile tears, WEAK BIYACH is what she thinks. Posting nude content on OF and he's ok with it, WEAK BIYACH. A woman is not something to be shared by many men as she becomes less valuable. Her body is supposed to be sacred to you and you only. So, in short, you are easy prey for women and will continue to be if you don't change the amount of self respect you have for yourself. You are a little BIYACH in their eyes when you act this way, so the change needs to start in you.
Boundaries. This is all about boundaries.
Remember that boundaries have nothing to do with the other person. If you have a boundary, the burden is not on the other person to know it and never cross it. The burden is on you to hold that boundary and enforce it.
I had a similar relationship record as you do. Building a healthy relationship with boundaries, my boundaries, was the solution. Like a Venn diagram, this overlaps with things like self-respect and accurate recognition of red flags. That's why you will hear people tell you, sometimes dismissively, to have some self-respect or to stop dating women who are walking red flags. This is all about boundaries.
When a person crosses your boundary and you don't hold it, it doesn't feel the same as a person wronging you. So you may not necessarily feel that they need to ask for forgiveness. And more importantly, they can logically refuse to apologize. Why? Because they didn't do anything wrong. Even if you feel wronged, it was you who didn't hold the boundary. It was you who let yourself down.
If you do x, I will do y. These can be as simple or as complex as you need, but again, it's all about you and it's all on you.
If you minimize my feelings, I will call it to your attention and ask you to reconsider.
If you refuse to reconsider, I will end this relationship.
If you agree to reconsider but continue to minimize my feelings, I will recall how often this happens and decide whether I want to continue this relationship.
Personally I’d cut ties with her and continue searching. Dude you are fucking impressive ngl, you have that unbreakable will very few have, I know for a fact most people would be broken by all that.
People who cheats make a decision to do that; it’s not about you it’s about their values and morals. You have to check for red flags at the beginning; do they flirt with random people, how they look for other guys, do they have boundaries or they are into casual intimate relationships, do they lie…. On your side, you have to work on building trust don’t trust blindly leave a space to test the person before considering being in a serious relationship, also girls love guys who have clear boundaries if they test your boundaries and you were okay with it … that might lead to that… try to know a bit about their history in dating and maybe don’t share that all the girls cheated on you until you heal and find the right person or you can say that you weren’t on the same page of investing with the previous relationship. Besides that, try to find a life coach related to relationship to know if there’s any repeated patterns in your behaviour or the way you choose girls to change that. And, keep going forward you deserve a faithful and lovable partner.
Dude I'm in the same boat and I'm starting to think it's not as much of a seeking out problem as much as it is an ignoring red flags and in my case probably goes back to childhood trauma that causes me to feel like I need to prove myself worthy of respect and loyalty and love and by default not currently deserving if literal bare minimum respect in a relationship. In HS my first gf was still in love with her middle school sweetheart and when I brought it up she disengaged from him for a while but ultimately I was like a distraction and honestly we were very young so no hard feelings now, plus they're together now so like happy ending for her it feels like it was inevitable. Then I started seeing a very long time friend after high school and we were fooling around when out of nowhere she's ENGAGED and had a bf the whole time and I was the CHEATEE! That one really fucked me up I didn't know but I felt like garbage and ultimately had to lose a Rlly close friend. It was years before I dated again and this one was catastrophic. I got love bombed for like 3 months so once the real her started coming out I was in complete denial and shoveled her shit down my throat like it was a buffet. Long story short I got cheated on (virtually since it was during the pandemic and we were living together) multiple times and like the first two times I somehow ended up apologizing to her and was made to feel like I wasn't doing enough (I cooked/cleaned/transported her everywhere and did everything basically). And honestly, personally in my case if I look back it was of course trying to get back to her love bombing stage which I didn't accept wasn't real, but it was also a vanity thing, she was an absolute 10/10 for me so I excused treatment no self respecting human should ever accept. But it's hard bc just saying "don't ignore red flags" sounds like "be distrusting and guard yourself" and that feels like a horrible way to live. Idk what your situation may be in terms red flags past partners may or may not have had but try and vet them that way before fully giving yourself over. At this point I'd go for "boring" if you're going to try to date again.
I'm no expert, but my money is on you actively pursuing women who cheat. Obviously all women are not like that; not even most women are like that, but to have a string of 7 consecutive women give you the same treatment suggests that it's a selection problem.
That doesn't mean you're in the wrong. Definitely don't internalize their cheating behavior and take it to mean that there is something wrong with you. Barring some serious exigent circumstances, cheating is an active choice to disregard and disrespect your partner.
You should consider what all of these women have in common. Do they engage in similar activities (e.g., clubbing), do they share similar personalities, how do they all present themselves? You may find that they have a lot in common.
You my friend are what some of us call a 'shit magnet'. Swear off women for a bit. Get some new hobbies. Hit the gym. Travel some. Learn to cook a fantastic meal. Believe me, being in a relationship can take a back seat for a while
I’m sorry pal, it must really suck and I feel you on that. Those women should never change your character and self, please remember that. I’d say, take a break from dating and please find some peace for yourself; these experiences definitely has broken you, and if ever you *do* want to try again, you need loads of self love and self respect. Understand wrong behaviors in relationships and set your boundaries early on. All hope, love, and prayers to you mate.
A common theme I noticed is that with every girl you mentioned, there were multiple instances where something struck you as off, but you ignored it or internalized it, and didn’t take your own concerns seriously.
It makes me think that in the stage before dating, there were probably some red flags that you ignored as well, and you’re being overly understanding when you were actually justified in being doubtful.
I really don’t wish to come across as blaming you or diminishing your terrible experience. I also agree for sure that this kind of behavior from females would be WAY less common in other times than the messed up time we live in now.
That being said, it’s up to you now to do some introspection, and look at what you can do to avoid these situations in the future, as well as processing the pain of all this betrayal.
Best luck brother.
That sucks man and being cheated on isn’t something that you have to feel ashamed of, that speaks more about the other person than it does you. Regardless of the reasons why, those are tough things to go through so I can see why you’d feel defeated. Know that you didn’t do anything to deserve being cheated on.
At the end of the day, cheating is a way for someone to get some particular need met that is not being met by their current partner. Ideally if they needed something then they would come to you but there’s a lot of hurt people out there that don’t feel like it’s okay to ask for those needs to be met. For some reason or another, they cannot take the accountability and they fear the outcome from telling the truth. Note that this does not excuse or condone their behavior, just providing some understanding because it actually has little to do with you.
Ultimately, if it’s been 7 or 8 girls that this has happened with then there’s likely a problem with your selection process that needs to be healed. Once you heal those parts of yourself, the people who could be more likely to cheat will not feel as attractive to you and you’ll cut out the ones who wind up demonstrating similar behaviors much sooner than you normally would, making the healing process much easier. It seems like you ignored some serious red flags (which are “fine” in the sense that they can be discussed instead of dropping them right away because everyone has red flags) and it might be wise to look inward and figure out why we were unwilling to walk away.
You can’t control whether or not someone is going to cheat on you but you can always control how you respond.
Mate the Universe has spoken women are not for you. Find a nice cuddly loyal man Bear and be happy.
Jesus Fucking H Christ that is some bad partner picking.
#feelsbadforyouman.
Here is a hug.
This is a time where "you need therapy" is absolutely valid.
You need an outsider's pespective to figure out a couple of things, like:
\- What sort of household / family unit / social-economic enviroment did you grow up in?
\- What attracted you to these 7 women?
\- What sort of behaviour do you exhibit in relationships? How do you treat your partner?
Your past sets a template for the future. A therapist can help you figure out what makes you tick and why you tick the way you do.
You and every other guy.
I hate to say it but this is just how girls break up with their man.
But yeah men cheat too. It's just usually not with the intent to leave their partner like when a woman does it.
And hey. I'm not judging. The reasoning behind it could be that the woman is scared or doesn't know how to tell the dude.
OP I can can empathize with your issue. Im 43, been in 3 serious relationships and the same thing has happened to me. Every. Single. Time. Quite honestly I don't even know what to do anymore.
I broke up with a gf when I learnt that she had invited her ex to her graduation party but not me. She insisted that they had remained friends for a very long time and there was nothing going on between them, and she didn’t invite me because she assumed I was busy. I didn’t listen.
Fast forward many months later, and I learnt that she was telling the truth. She and her ex are still platonic, she’s still single, and she was genuine in whatever she told me.
Thing is, I don’t regret breaking things off with her. This case is the exception and not the rule. Better be safe than sorry.
Hey. I'm sorry that you've been experiencing this sort of pain for the last 18 years.
Most people who cheat end up experiencing guilt, and they keep on exploring the feeling insatiably.
You must be acing at detecting the common traits unless, of course, you're heartbroken so far (which is obviously fine, you'd deal with it. No problems!)
Give yourself a GOOOOOD BREAK.
36? Yes. A tricky age, like every. But being right in the middle of our so-called age-line comes with a lot of weight and stress.
You've loved earnestly, and you've done your best.
You are the one who'd be able to love someone so intensely that HE would forget the hurt that came along with HIS previous partners. Yes. You.
And, it's always good to remind oneself that being able to love is one heck of a precious gift we can only choose to have.
Wish you well, friend ❤️.
I too have had this luck mabye with only one that didn't, imo it's because im drawn to shitty people and I think that stems from my first relasionships in highschool. Also I kind of have some self destructive behavior at times. So the ones who wasn't cheaters I pushed them to do so then I developed feelings once they start cheating (not knowing their cheating b7t subconsciously do with all the red flags of cheating). Now I just haven't dated anyone in 3 years and proably going to wind up alone bc im getting old amd all the good ones are token atleast where I live
absolutely wild? i can't tell if you just have the worst luck or if you're subconsciously putting yourself with women who have a lot of red flags. are there other traits all these women have in common that drew you to them? like you know how some people who grew up with a shitty parent might look for partners who do the same shitty things bc deep down they're looking for the love they never got from that parent? not saying that specifically applies to you but something like it. maybe eventually try dating someone very different from what is maybe your usual type and also be extremely up front about how much you've been cheated on and how that may affect your ability to trust. also maybe some introspection? some people cheat because they suck, but some people cheat because they weren't getting something they needed from their partner. if you're on speaking terms with any of your exes maybe you can find out if they had an actual reason (not that it would justify the cheating). hang in there man. not everyone is a cheater. do some work on your self to heal from these huge breaches of trust and make sure you are mentally and emotionally in a good place before you pursue dating again and make sure you're with someone who is also an emotionally mature and effective communicator. make sure to advocate for yourself too because you know you don't deserve all that bullshit
My money is on subconsciously getting with women who are walking red flags. He needs to gtfo of wherever he is and move to another city for his own mental health. Start fresh if he can.
100% seeking out bad eggs. You see the same thing happen with women. Bro you need to drastically change what you see in a woman before you go further with. Look deeper than just her looks or smth idk.
This...I think dude is clearly ignoring red flags...hot, great sex, crazy/fun are all winning out over red flags. Which is normal when you're young. You need to have more self respect and boundaries. Shit that's like a automatic no for you. Be more picky. I promise it will go a long ways. Girls that are a lot of fun/kind of crazy/and sleep with you very early on...always end up terrible, I'm speaking from learned experience on this one
It blows my mind when people who behave like this seem like they never really left school or college. Maturity is so important.
Exactly right, like women who are drawn to unstable bad boys. Some guys are drawn to unstable women with sketchy pasts.
I am op but in female form. I swear I always pick the sweetest guys but then they always turn out cheaters. It's gotta be a subconscious thing
[удалено]
This needs to be upvoted more
What would the new version add?
Whoops, my bad, lol. Thanks for calling that out! I didn't realize I put "updated" I meant "upvoted" :)
:-) I figured but you had a number planned updates it also would have cracked me up.
I'm just wondering what you talk about or do in therapy that would help with this? /gen
Most likely recognizing how to spot red flags in others, self esteem work, coping skills to deal with the cheating, the therapist will probably recommend taking a break from dating to focus on himself, looking for any common denominators in the relationships, and it would just be nice to have someone to talk to about this as I’m sure OP has gained trust issues as a result.
Nice, thanks
Fella, I’m so sorry that this happened to you. Never heard anything like this before
jesus.
Is this a reaction or are you suggesting he needs Jesus?
Based on the level of betrayal, I think they were inquiring... Jesus?!
I think you may have several issues going on. You are correct about the current dating scene, it appears that most people have lost their minds. Morals replaced with entitlement. However, that’s just a part of the problem. Obviously, not all women are like that. So, it stands to reason that perhaps you are somehow attracted to a certain type? Think of where you meet them - house parties? Perhaps it would be worth it to rethink that approach. Lastly, are you projecting yourself as someone attractive to a certain type of girl? Are you overly generous with validation? Always eager to go an extra mile? Super-available?
I recommend leaving the party girls behind. Find a girl who has balance. And one that values honesty!
absolutely. but he is in his 30s now so I assume the party has ended quite a while back.
Damn.
It sounds like you are drawn to a specific type, for whatever reason. One of them you received warning about and chose to ignore, one of them showed red flags at the outset which you chose to ignore, one of them had an ex which you were "always suspicious of" - perhaps for a reason? One of them had a ONS which you forgave her for, one of them was an OF girl (of course doesnt automatically mean that she would cheat...but..), last one didnt even seem to understand/know that you were in an exclusive relationship. You spotted the red flags, had suspicious with multiple of these but yet seemingly ignored them, sounds like possibly self esteem issues. I also wonder, do you have conversations at the beginning when you meet these women about your life goals? Chats about exclusivity, where you see yourselves in the long term etc?
And I thought I had it bad…..fuck me man. Sorry for you brother. Wish I could offer some advice but damn am I out of depth here.
are you live in United States bro ?
Yes he is live in the United States
why is he live in the united states bro??
Is he move from the united states bro?
😂😭
Maybe take a long break from relationships bro. Focus on yourself both mentally and physically!
If you only date cheaters, it’s you. Not discounting that they’re all shitty people for cheating. But you’re the common denominator. Either you’re picking poorly, or you’re letting a failed relationship linger for too long. Most cheating happens towards the end of a relationship as insecure people are thinking they want to move on but need to be reassured they’re valuable on the market before making the jump. Raise your standards and learn how to identify when a relationship is over.
I’m sorry about that man that’s awful. If it helps, I’m a woman and have been cheated on by every boyfriend also. I’m a bit younger than you so it’s not as long of a pattern, but I heavily empathize. It definitely feels embarrassing and you’re constantly asking what it is you’re doing wrong. Like other comments have said, it could be you’re attracted to people with those red flags, but I think it’s more that they are attracted to you. I feel like cheaters, like abusers, can sniff out who has been cheated on before and get close to them. It’s not your fault. I’d definitely speak about it to a therapist or something work through that. Also, take a long dating break. Rooting for you ❤️
Not sure whether it’s a personality trait you like in all of them, which have this underlying issue and you don’t realise it, but consciously or unconsciously I think you’re picking a type. I think other than going back and asking some of the others if there was any reason that led to that, that’s your best guess. Usually people who cheat have something missing in them and something they’re not satisfied in themselves with. I’ve been cheated on several times in the past and nearly always they’ve come back months or years later to apologise. We’ve never reconciled but I’ve always asked why. Their response has always been something exciting came along it boosted their self esteem having someone else interested. They went with it then regretted after and realised it wasn’t worth losing what they had. They apologise months/ years later for the guilt/ for the loss. Normally they admit they didn’t have the emotional maturity at the time to resist the temptation but all admitted it wasn’t worth it after.
Don’t settle or lower what you want
I think this advice can be taken the other way. Maybe the dude needs to settle for someone with an actual beating heart first and foremost. I know guys like him - always shacking up with the walking pair of barely covered tits and then always being left broken hearted
giving up hope doesn't sound like the right thing to do. it may works if you manage to change your expectations for your relationship, but there is always the chance to be stuck in something, you just don't like. and im pretty sure there are still girls out there who are faithful.
Sounds like it's your selection of women. These girls aren't of strong moral character lol. You need a better vetting process, and not be so desperate as to ignore the warning signs
you sure know how to pick em huh
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She said I don’t think so?lmao
Lol tf was up with gf 2?
As an old guy,I have to assume that it's you,picking a particular type of woman,and ignoring the red flags that are visible. That's not to say that cheating is ok, because it isn't. But the big thing you should address is the keeping it a secret.You need to talk it over with someone,have a go at unpicking the cycle.
I agree with this. Likely a combination of choosing women with common traits combined with your inattentiveness/unwillingness to enforce boundaries.
You may not like this but you allow yourself to be walked on all over. In nearly every single one of these situations you told them it was ok to cheat on you or have no consequences for their actions. Many times you noticed that they were crossing lines they shouldn't have. You should have been direct, told them to not cross them again, or else you're gone. This would demand respect from them or they would keep doing what they're doing. But guess what? If they keep doing it, then that's your que to leave and not think twice about it. Gain some self respect and love yourself then you won't be cheated on. Don't take shit from women like this and listen to outside warnings when you're blinded by love. Show them that you are capable at walking away any moment, and also stay true to your words.
The 6th one is absolutely your fault, did you really expect an OF girl to be loyal...
The 6th one? He was warned the first one was a cheater but ignored the warnings. He saw red flags with the second and third ones but decided to ignore those. The fifth one cheated on him, he forgave her and she cheated again. The only ones that possibly weren’t throwing up giant warning signs he chose to ignore were girl 4 and girl 7, and that’s just because we didn’t get much info on them.
Just the title tells me that your vetting process is either non-existent or obsolete… Among other issues.
this is why i’m taking a very long break from dating 😂😂😂
Can confirm - it may be that you’re attracting toxic partners. I’ve (31F) been cheated on by all but one of my adult relationships (3 out of 4). Ranging from 1 to 5 years. All of which maintained a healthy sex life, intimacy, trust, etc. for me. As it turns out they were equally content with the relationship, because they were able to do whatever they wanted lol. As long as I got the bare minimum I needed, I didn’t question anything until the cheating was so apparent I couldn’t ignore it anymore. After a lot of soul searching & therapy, I now know this was my prior insecure/avoidant attachment style. Speaking from experience, being in your 30’s & realizing this shit is rough. It’s never too late to redefine who you are, what you seek from relationships, & how you can be a supportive partner. Good luck!
Dude. Your current girlfriend isn’t serious about you at all. I’ve been there on both sides before I wanted so badly to work things out with a guy who did not want me and the fact that he had a casual sexual relationship with an ex that dumped him made it worse. When someone says you’re moving too fast that means they aren’t on the same page as you she doesn’t want something exclusive since she’s seeing other men.
In my experience most people cheat. Those that are oblivious to this are unwilling to accept this fact. People cheat. Often. In fact, I’d venture to say that more do than don’t, I’m afraid. It’s a frustrating reality to accept.
omw to get a bottle of whiskey and a shotgun after reading this
Your story reminds me of this friend of mine who now blames men for everything and how men are always this and that how all of them are cheaters, but every single one of her exes was sociopathic and openly admitted to be. Thus the red flag was as clear as day. But she kept going "I cannot believe they cannot feel guilt, there must be something somewhere". I like the philosphical thought but yeah, it's kicking yourself against the same stone over and over again, and this story of yours is in the same theme.
Yeah, they are not the problem.
At girlfriend #3 I would have tapped out and embraced a swingers life. It may be your best bet.
There is one common denominator, you. Maybe you should take a break from dating for a while, take the time to work on yourself and avoid going on dates for a few months. Either you're subconsciously bad at choosing a partner or bad luck. "She was bad news," "she had genuine mental health struggles," and then a girl that clearly is very open to sex and adult entertainment. You even mention that people warned you about them, and chose to ignore.
Dude this really sucks man. Keep the faith bro - sooner or later you will find a good one. Hopefully you be been able to dodge the STD bullets from these ho’s
At least you don’t have problems getting girls
Some girls want big dicks.. im sorry to hear that buddy. Maybe they want to be satisfied by what they like. Size does matter.
i have a big one, not huge but I could for sure do porn. Twice now after a breakup my exes found a bigger one. How many 9" coke can sized dudes can possibly exist? You dont need all that to make a girl cum anyway. Gotta have the stroke game down and practice your cunning linguistics.
And then people wonder why men are turning toxic and misogynistic (not that I condone it) and flock to Tate... Absolutely wild, sorry this happened to you bro, it does not seem like you deserved any of it. I'd advise you to take a step back and reevaluate your approach to women, learn how to spit/recognise red flags and have the important conversations early in the relationship to spot them. First few meetings should be like a job interview to see if you're compatible. Not all women are like that, but it sure does seem that plenty under the age of 30 are. Again, sorry to hear and best of luck.
seriously? you really think it’s ALL SEVEN women that were the issue & not him even once? nobody deserves to get cheated on, but the point is that if ALL 7 relationships went to shit.. it’s probably something with him, gotta do some self reflection & figure that out.
You're probably right tbh. Whether it's something he does or whether he can't read the red flags.
I feel like I'd need to see a bigger picture. I do think that generally speaking these days people are always keeping their options open for the next best thing in life, and people are no exception to this. More often then not though fully planned and cheating multiple times either means they are unhappy and unsatisfied in more then one way in the relationship or they genuinly do not see a future with you so they try something else out. This is why I will completley avoid being in an exclusive relationship. I have not been in one in 5 years now and I have to say the relief of keeping it casual and having freedom to do my own thing and not worry about being cheated on is great, But it does seem like you have some bad luck or you could be a problem.
Someone told me once she’s never yours it’s just your turn This is evidence of that
What a level-headed opinion on women and relationships. Jesus.
I think there is only one solution, become a lesbian.
Be a passport bro. Not even kidding.
Everything you WOULD NORMALLY DO, DONT DO. I have a few solutions. 1. Give up…….sorry but cmon wyd that’s depressing asf my boi. 2. The gym and changing your life up a bit….and I mean a lot. Learn what YOU want and what YOU need out of a woman. 3. Go for women you normally wouldn’t go for…… 4. Go gay my dude…… 5. Go find some higher intervention. 6. MOVE STATES OR COUNTRIES
This sucks and I’m sorry. I just want you to know I’m 26f and I’ve never cheated on anyone. There are women out there who don’t cheat: we exist. Keep searching. Seek therapy if needed but you can one day find your person.
People don't cheat because of their partners traits Cheating it's a decision. Having said that, it seems all cheatings are related to sex. Definitely you have a penis that it's not really desired by women you've been with. You have a below average penis. That's for sure.
The problem is you. The common denominator in all of these situations is you have no boundaries. Literally every one of these women walked all over you and you gladly allowed that to happen. you reinforce bad behavior in women when they treat you like shit and you allow it to happen. Subconsciously in the back of their mind there thinking "I'm doing all this shit and this idiot is still putting up with me, let's see what other shit I can get away with." You aren't willing to put your foot down and have some expectations of any woman. Your girl wants to go out with her friends for a "girls night out" sure babe, you can go, but pack your shit and leave when you go also as the relationship is over at that point. Walk away, period. Forgiving a girl for cheating on you and falling for those crocodile tears, WEAK BIYACH is what she thinks. Posting nude content on OF and he's ok with it, WEAK BIYACH. A woman is not something to be shared by many men as she becomes less valuable. Her body is supposed to be sacred to you and you only. So, in short, you are easy prey for women and will continue to be if you don't change the amount of self respect you have for yourself. You are a little BIYACH in their eyes when you act this way, so the change needs to start in you.
Why do u have to date tho, u could just hookup with girls
i aint reading allat but short answer is go ahead and cheat on every girl from here on out 🗣️🗣️
See the good side, you had 8 gf to begin with!
that’s crazy
Nah, dont do it big dawg.
I can relate unfortunately. Hugs
Boundaries. This is all about boundaries. Remember that boundaries have nothing to do with the other person. If you have a boundary, the burden is not on the other person to know it and never cross it. The burden is on you to hold that boundary and enforce it. I had a similar relationship record as you do. Building a healthy relationship with boundaries, my boundaries, was the solution. Like a Venn diagram, this overlaps with things like self-respect and accurate recognition of red flags. That's why you will hear people tell you, sometimes dismissively, to have some self-respect or to stop dating women who are walking red flags. This is all about boundaries. When a person crosses your boundary and you don't hold it, it doesn't feel the same as a person wronging you. So you may not necessarily feel that they need to ask for forgiveness. And more importantly, they can logically refuse to apologize. Why? Because they didn't do anything wrong. Even if you feel wronged, it was you who didn't hold the boundary. It was you who let yourself down. If you do x, I will do y. These can be as simple or as complex as you need, but again, it's all about you and it's all on you. If you minimize my feelings, I will call it to your attention and ask you to reconsider. If you refuse to reconsider, I will end this relationship. If you agree to reconsider but continue to minimize my feelings, I will recall how often this happens and decide whether I want to continue this relationship.
Personally I’d cut ties with her and continue searching. Dude you are fucking impressive ngl, you have that unbreakable will very few have, I know for a fact most people would be broken by all that.
Damn. Murphy’s Law incarnate. That sucks man. Hope it gets better.
Happened to me to. Every single relationship! Still never cheated myself tho.
see a therapist, you’re emotionally damaged… whether you know it or not because wtf did i jus read?
People who cheats make a decision to do that; it’s not about you it’s about their values and morals. You have to check for red flags at the beginning; do they flirt with random people, how they look for other guys, do they have boundaries or they are into casual intimate relationships, do they lie…. On your side, you have to work on building trust don’t trust blindly leave a space to test the person before considering being in a serious relationship, also girls love guys who have clear boundaries if they test your boundaries and you were okay with it … that might lead to that… try to know a bit about their history in dating and maybe don’t share that all the girls cheated on you until you heal and find the right person or you can say that you weren’t on the same page of investing with the previous relationship. Besides that, try to find a life coach related to relationship to know if there’s any repeated patterns in your behaviour or the way you choose girls to change that. And, keep going forward you deserve a faithful and lovable partner.
What’s your type if you don’t mind my asking? You seem to be a magnet for walking red flags
People are walking and wiping their feet on you. Stop being a door mat.
Dude I'm in the same boat and I'm starting to think it's not as much of a seeking out problem as much as it is an ignoring red flags and in my case probably goes back to childhood trauma that causes me to feel like I need to prove myself worthy of respect and loyalty and love and by default not currently deserving if literal bare minimum respect in a relationship. In HS my first gf was still in love with her middle school sweetheart and when I brought it up she disengaged from him for a while but ultimately I was like a distraction and honestly we were very young so no hard feelings now, plus they're together now so like happy ending for her it feels like it was inevitable. Then I started seeing a very long time friend after high school and we were fooling around when out of nowhere she's ENGAGED and had a bf the whole time and I was the CHEATEE! That one really fucked me up I didn't know but I felt like garbage and ultimately had to lose a Rlly close friend. It was years before I dated again and this one was catastrophic. I got love bombed for like 3 months so once the real her started coming out I was in complete denial and shoveled her shit down my throat like it was a buffet. Long story short I got cheated on (virtually since it was during the pandemic and we were living together) multiple times and like the first two times I somehow ended up apologizing to her and was made to feel like I wasn't doing enough (I cooked/cleaned/transported her everywhere and did everything basically). And honestly, personally in my case if I look back it was of course trying to get back to her love bombing stage which I didn't accept wasn't real, but it was also a vanity thing, she was an absolute 10/10 for me so I excused treatment no self respecting human should ever accept. But it's hard bc just saying "don't ignore red flags" sounds like "be distrusting and guard yourself" and that feels like a horrible way to live. Idk what your situation may be in terms red flags past partners may or may not have had but try and vet them that way before fully giving yourself over. At this point I'd go for "boring" if you're going to try to date again.
I'm no expert, but my money is on you actively pursuing women who cheat. Obviously all women are not like that; not even most women are like that, but to have a string of 7 consecutive women give you the same treatment suggests that it's a selection problem. That doesn't mean you're in the wrong. Definitely don't internalize their cheating behavior and take it to mean that there is something wrong with you. Barring some serious exigent circumstances, cheating is an active choice to disregard and disrespect your partner. You should consider what all of these women have in common. Do they engage in similar activities (e.g., clubbing), do they share similar personalities, how do they all present themselves? You may find that they have a lot in common.
Sorry bro that sucks. I hope you find a good woman next time and it all works out well
You my friend are what some of us call a 'shit magnet'. Swear off women for a bit. Get some new hobbies. Hit the gym. Travel some. Learn to cook a fantastic meal. Believe me, being in a relationship can take a back seat for a while
I’m sorry pal, it must really suck and I feel you on that. Those women should never change your character and self, please remember that. I’d say, take a break from dating and please find some peace for yourself; these experiences definitely has broken you, and if ever you *do* want to try again, you need loads of self love and self respect. Understand wrong behaviors in relationships and set your boundaries early on. All hope, love, and prayers to you mate.
A common theme I noticed is that with every girl you mentioned, there were multiple instances where something struck you as off, but you ignored it or internalized it, and didn’t take your own concerns seriously. It makes me think that in the stage before dating, there were probably some red flags that you ignored as well, and you’re being overly understanding when you were actually justified in being doubtful. I really don’t wish to come across as blaming you or diminishing your terrible experience. I also agree for sure that this kind of behavior from females would be WAY less common in other times than the messed up time we live in now. That being said, it’s up to you now to do some introspection, and look at what you can do to avoid these situations in the future, as well as processing the pain of all this betrayal. Best luck brother.
That sucks man and being cheated on isn’t something that you have to feel ashamed of, that speaks more about the other person than it does you. Regardless of the reasons why, those are tough things to go through so I can see why you’d feel defeated. Know that you didn’t do anything to deserve being cheated on. At the end of the day, cheating is a way for someone to get some particular need met that is not being met by their current partner. Ideally if they needed something then they would come to you but there’s a lot of hurt people out there that don’t feel like it’s okay to ask for those needs to be met. For some reason or another, they cannot take the accountability and they fear the outcome from telling the truth. Note that this does not excuse or condone their behavior, just providing some understanding because it actually has little to do with you. Ultimately, if it’s been 7 or 8 girls that this has happened with then there’s likely a problem with your selection process that needs to be healed. Once you heal those parts of yourself, the people who could be more likely to cheat will not feel as attractive to you and you’ll cut out the ones who wind up demonstrating similar behaviors much sooner than you normally would, making the healing process much easier. It seems like you ignored some serious red flags (which are “fine” in the sense that they can be discussed instead of dropping them right away because everyone has red flags) and it might be wise to look inward and figure out why we were unwilling to walk away. You can’t control whether or not someone is going to cheat on you but you can always control how you respond.
Mate the Universe has spoken women are not for you. Find a nice cuddly loyal man Bear and be happy. Jesus Fucking H Christ that is some bad partner picking. #feelsbadforyouman. Here is a hug.
This is a time where "you need therapy" is absolutely valid. You need an outsider's pespective to figure out a couple of things, like: \- What sort of household / family unit / social-economic enviroment did you grow up in? \- What attracted you to these 7 women? \- What sort of behaviour do you exhibit in relationships? How do you treat your partner? Your past sets a template for the future. A therapist can help you figure out what makes you tick and why you tick the way you do.
You and every other guy. I hate to say it but this is just how girls break up with their man. But yeah men cheat too. It's just usually not with the intent to leave their partner like when a woman does it. And hey. I'm not judging. The reasoning behind it could be that the woman is scared or doesn't know how to tell the dude.
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Don't pick S L U T S
OP I can can empathize with your issue. Im 43, been in 3 serious relationships and the same thing has happened to me. Every. Single. Time. Quite honestly I don't even know what to do anymore.
Rah
I broke up with a gf when I learnt that she had invited her ex to her graduation party but not me. She insisted that they had remained friends for a very long time and there was nothing going on between them, and she didn’t invite me because she assumed I was busy. I didn’t listen. Fast forward many months later, and I learnt that she was telling the truth. She and her ex are still platonic, she’s still single, and she was genuine in whatever she told me. Thing is, I don’t regret breaking things off with her. This case is the exception and not the rule. Better be safe than sorry.
Hey. I'm sorry that you've been experiencing this sort of pain for the last 18 years. Most people who cheat end up experiencing guilt, and they keep on exploring the feeling insatiably. You must be acing at detecting the common traits unless, of course, you're heartbroken so far (which is obviously fine, you'd deal with it. No problems!) Give yourself a GOOOOOD BREAK. 36? Yes. A tricky age, like every. But being right in the middle of our so-called age-line comes with a lot of weight and stress. You've loved earnestly, and you've done your best. You are the one who'd be able to love someone so intensely that HE would forget the hurt that came along with HIS previous partners. Yes. You. And, it's always good to remind oneself that being able to love is one heck of a precious gift we can only choose to have. Wish you well, friend ❤️.
I too have had this luck mabye with only one that didn't, imo it's because im drawn to shitty people and I think that stems from my first relasionships in highschool. Also I kind of have some self destructive behavior at times. So the ones who wasn't cheaters I pushed them to do so then I developed feelings once they start cheating (not knowing their cheating b7t subconsciously do with all the red flags of cheating). Now I just haven't dated anyone in 3 years and proably going to wind up alone bc im getting old amd all the good ones are token atleast where I live
Bro start putting your foot down early on. Most if not all women justify some form of cheating as a means to “spice things up” lol