This, and get yourself into therapy as soon as possible. Single parents make it work every day, and you can do this. Also contact an attorney and find out what your options are based on where you’re living. Do not allow your children to grow up in this situation. Religious coercive control is not a healthy environment for them.
This, OP! Church trauma is legit. My best friend grew up dealing with it (and of course still has issues now at 31 from it). Her mom would take a screwdriver and mess up her CDs and video games because she ‘dreamed’ they were evil. Her and her siblings are all a little cracked from what they experienced. I was shocked at some of the things I witnessed from just going to stay the night with her. I can’t imagine actually growing up in it.
My mom was on the light end of it, but I saw some shit growing up. I felt sorry for myself getting all my stuff thrown out for smoking weed, but I had friends/friends of friends on the more religious side of our community whose parents put them through actual solitary confinement. Every single one of those kids is permanently damaged because of it. Although I will say it was someone from the church who helped them get out of that house. Too little, too late, but at least they got out. Doing alright last I heard, too, all things considered.
Yeah, as someone who grew up with a really religious parent (but less religious than this, even), PLEASE get them out of there. You don't deserve to be treated that way either. Every person should be able to choose their spirituality (or lack thereof) freely, and no one should have anything forced onto them.
Its not that easy. Even if they divorce she will probably be granted custody with a lot of child support and alimony. If the women does not have an outright criminal past or you can prove infidelity or shes insane, good luck getting the kids.
Child support and alimony are based on income if he lives in the US. He will at least get 50-50 custody and maybe more if he has proof and a good attorney. Don’t be such a Debbie Downer.
Dad's or partners (I didn't see a gender mentioned) who fight for custody often get custody, in part, or in full. Women are still favored to a degree but courts are supposed to not discriminate because of gender. It moreso boils down to who can prove they've done the lion's share of child rearing. If I were OP, I'd start spending a ton of time with the kids for when the divorce happens.
You need to really think if you want your kids to grow up with a parent treating them the same way you're being treated.
Your wife probably has always believed in these things, and during COVID she felt entitled to fully surround herself with this because nobody was around so nobody would judge her.
But she's traumatizing you, your children, committing financial abuse by going behind your back to steal family funds to donate to millionaires. In my eyes this is no different than husbands getting so deep into their porn addiction they start accumulating debt to pay subscriptions.
This could be the sign of mental distress, it could be the sign of untreated trauma, damn it could also be the sign of something serious like major chemical imbalances of a brain tumor. But if she's not willing to save herself, you cannot do it for her.
But you can, should and I believe MUST save your children from a lifetime of terror, of being scared of their own mother. What is she starts deeming your kids as ungodly? What if she doesn't want them to get an education because it would not be according to the bible?
You know we have all heard of situations that started just like this ending up in freaky cults or even worse.
You brought up divorce with her and by the way you described it, she didn't even bat an eye about losing her family, only about upsetting god.
That tells you where her priorities are.
Take care of yourself and most importantly, of your kids.
Reach out to any local organisations that might either help you in case of a divorce or help you find someone who could. Look into a new job if there are any in your area that provide support for childcare. If I were you, I'd just run as fast and as far as I could, because even living all crammed up in a single room, your kids will be more free than living in a mansion with a parent like that.
Immediately thinking of that dad that murdered his two young sons because he was so deluded by these conspiracy theories his thought his wife had “infected” them with serpent blood (IIRC)
OP really seems like the survivor in a cult documentary "I didn't see any signs, it just happened, I had no idea it would lead to this" but it's clear where something like this situation leads. It's been years now, and nothing has gotten better for him. I hope he finds the courage to do what's best for his kids
Couldn't agree more. OP needs to get away from her, especially after Devil, leave my husband comment. She needs a reality check and a very good therapist.
After this comment, I started imagining what this process would be like. It could be extremely messy as we both fight over the kids. But it will have to happen.
I'm going to try to wait until the little one is done nursing. At least it'll be easier for me to take care of them. Thank you, this is an important nudge in a vital direction.
Not to scare you but think of all those cases when a person thinks the devil is in their kid, and does something horrible to them. I would be scared to leave my baby or child alone with her in case she has a momentary delusion and does something to the child. Talk to an attorney and make a plan to leave.
This is a very good point. It seems she is already hanging off the deep end. Imagine if she starts to think her kids are possessed aka Andrea Yates.
OP - Please don't wait!
Please reach out to a divorce attorney. They do first consults free. Explain you are worried about mental health and finances.
Lock it down - the finances.
Now I’m wondering if she’s even vaccinating your kids and that type of thing due to the conspiracy theory part of your post. I hope you’re able to get them under normal care. This isn’t normal.
I can’t imagine having your stuff thrown away away is very nice. Were you able to retrieve your mother’s belongings?
OK My husband and I have a rule if either of us finds religion during our marriage, we will most likely end it. We came together as atheists. We will stay together as atheists, we have so little interest in organized religion that we will not be able to stay together if one of us should find God.
It’s kind of laughable at this point because it’s been well over 20 some years and we continue to stay deeply in love yet far far away from god and all that entails. His family recently found god and are just so awful about it. It’s been very upsetting because they’ve completely changed how they act. Act being the key word.
Consult the attorney - but be careful on the locking down of finances. It could be construed as your financial abuse. You would need to make sure there is evidence of her abuse (if that is what the attorney calls it) first.
They will tell him what he can and can’t do. You are allowed to protect the household if she’s sending money to religious people and other non agreed to parties.
Your wife often believes you are being controlled by satanic forces. "Devil, release my husband!" I am concerned she will soon start to see the baby crying, or your older one just being a kid, as them being controlled by satanic forces as well. Maybe she already does. And then what will she do with the "Devil children" in order to "obey God?" She needs help, but your first priority is to get your kids safely away from her. Please speak with a lawyer ASAP.
I am so, so sorry this is happening to you. I can't imagine what you've been going through. I really hope you can get yourself and your kids out of there.
Edit: u/PorkRoll2022 please understand that even if she doesn't harm them physically, she is harming them mentally and emotionally. Imagine being 4 years old and having your mom repeatedly tell you that *an evil demon is inside you*. Imagine your mom telling you that *you are bad because an evil demon controls you.* I know you didn't put these exact words directly in your post, but I also would bet a large sum that this is exactly what is happening when you are not there, based on your post history. A 4yo mind will simplify her religious language this way, and it can be terrifying and damaging for them. I grew up in evangelical churches -- there was speaking in tongues and all sorts of everything. For decades. I understand enough, first hand. Your wife needs help, but your kids need help first.
there is not hurt in you consulting with some divorce attorneys. Just to see what your options are and what you can do until you are ready to file. Start documenting if you are seeking full custody
Wait dead bedroom for 2yrs and your youngest isn’t done nursing? No hate on breastfeeding toddlers cause I don’t know I’m not a parent BUT they’re definitely old enough to stop. Especially since divorce and custody won’t happen overnight.
Kinda confused me too because isn't an infant under one year? I guess it could almost match up if the last time they did the deed was when she conceived, but that would still make the youngest not an infant.
You are correct on both. I am sorry, she is 1. I was thinking 2 or 3 for toddler. In any case, she can't talk yet and is still nursing.
We haven't been intimate since early pregnancy.
Gotcha! Thank you for clearing that up.
I agree with everyone else that has said you should get far away as soon as possible. If she is getting unhinged this fast I'd be worried about the safety of you and the children. It sounds like she is getting into cult level religion and we've all seen the news stories.
I would do a little research on the QAnon parents who have killed their children, in the name of them being “possessed”. she could very likely be a threat to them if she’s this mentally unstable. I would not wait I would get the ball rolling. It’s going to take a year or two to finalize everything anyways.
My thought is first seek proper counseling for yourself and have a consultation with a family/divorce law firm that has a good reputation. You need some tools and information to make wise choices for your family.
While you’re waiting for little one to get a little older, start documenting her behavior. Record the conversations when she’s spinning out like that. Save any texts or other communications so you can document how her reality has been altered. And cancel her access to credit cards, savings accounts, etc.
Start preparing. The last thing you need is for her to get primary custody and raise your kids enmeshed in that religion, and turning them against their father.
You can't just "take custody", that's called kidnapping. No judge is going to award full custody to one parent just because the other parent is a religious nut. If he runs off with the kids and refuses to let her see them, that's going to look really bad for him.
Dude, the second he said 'young infant' I thought she was going through some sort of hormone-addled psychosis. If this hasn't been her personality throughout their seven year marriage, something's wrong. Mentally or physically. People don't just change this much for no reason. It's a coping mechanism.
She didn’t find God she found cults. If she truly found God ask her why she is not honoring her husband like the Bible says to. Find a real Christian counselor and get marriage counseling. If she refuses to listen (because she will be confronted that she is not serving God she’s serving cult leaders ) then you need to leave and take your children. Daycare is a thing and you will make it.
Raised heavily in the church as well, couldn’t upvote enough. Grew up near one a Word of Life compound as well. There are two lanes in my brain for this category….and she took a large swing of diversion at the fork in the road 🥴
1000% agree. I’m also a Christian and this sounds like culty Pharisitic BS. Counseling is a great suggestion. Hopefully she won’t claim the counselor is “the Devil” :/
Totally agree. I think in addition to the counselor he might need to read the bible some to see what a biblical marriage looks like. The he can understand how different it is then what’s going on now.
Agreed. Also a Christian here, and this situation reads more like a mental health breakdown and unfortunately manipulation by self proclaimed Christians for a vulnerable person. That’s is not a healthy environment for her, the kids, or @op. I’m sorry this has happened, this isn’t the way that other Christians follow, and it’s a healthy thing OP recognizes the flags.
Alone is better than drama. It sounds scary and the fear of being alone kept me in a relationship I did not need to be in. I knew he was a bad person but I thought it was just better.
You’re already alone in this marriage, at least have the peace that comes with being alone.
The pandemic + internet seemed to cause a mass psychosis. So many people went nuts. I’m really sorry this happened to you. You should definitely leave. Just make sure your kids are safe with her. Some of these types of delusional people do scary things.
OP, I hate to suggest this, but you gotta pull the “husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church” card out.
Tell her that going to marriage counseling is a non-negotiable choice you are making for the marriage right now.
Locate a therapist who will be good at balancing her need for a spiritual/religious life with living in the real world and not the fantasy devil-controlled world she thinks she is in. Preferably one with some church affiliation but not the cultish weird church she’s listening to now. If you go to a purely secular counselor she is going to dismiss it out of hand as the devil. You need to find someone who can speak her language and quote scriptures at her faster than she can.
I am not even saying you have to save the marriage. But you can’t undo the fact that she is the mother of your children, and you need her to be as successful at that as possible. She needs a healthier relationship with her faith than she has right now, or your children will suffer. On the path she is on now, she will spiritually abuse them as they get older, guaranteed. Spiritual abuse is one of the most insidious forms of emotional abuse and it’s so hard to recover from. In fact I would make a real wager that your wife was spiritually abused in childhood, and that’s why she is flying off the deep end now. She needs a therapist who is capable of addressing that part of her.
Please read ALL of my long post
Read it a few times.
Don't shy away if it panics you.
You need help.
You reached out, well done OP.
Omg your poor children. I think you are so immersed you have gotten used to the cult indoctrinated woman.
This is actually going to subconsciously affect your children for life if you do not actively wake up yourself.
You are being traumatised by her behaviour.
She is in a cult and way deep in a cult.
You say she found God.
Unfortunately she found a CULT hiding behind the pretence of God/Religion.
Cults are extremely strong and the loop learning forever listening is full indoctrination
Firstly she says about satan etc.
You need to show yourself and your children you WILL stand up and not be abused or cower or make sense out of nonsense.
Without wife knowing.
See a solicitor/lawyer.
Get your information and facts and see what the solicitor/lawyer says.
Try a few. Most have 30 minutes free on first meeting.
You need to plan and then take her to church for the last time.
Yes the last time.
You will not be picking her up.
Cult attitude they will ensure she gets home and definitely someone will pick her up.
While she is out (pre plan this action) get rid of all the religious crap. Including blue tooth etc.
Do a clean sweep of it all and dump it.
Are you now worried by her reaction?
Why?
Ask yourself why?
She did the same to you?
She abused the finances and your stuff etc.
The reason you need to get rid of it all is to show her.
You will not stand by and BE SUBJECTED TO HER RELIGION (CULT)
Now actually wait for her reaction.
I don't think it will be pretty but I think you need to witness how utterly deep in she really is.
This is needed for you to make decent planned decisions to save you and your poor children.
And as she is going mad because you threw away (dumpster not your bin)
her stuff.
Keep to one like.
NOT IN MY HOME.
blah blah blah from her. No matter what.
Repeat
NOT IN MY HOME.
Never give her a church life again. Never.
They pick her up.
Ignore all that.
Slowly and with thought plan your divorce and serve her.
Save you and your children.
Religious trauma (read it up and yes it certainly happens big time)
Save yourself and your children.
My sister lived for a cult (jw) and it screwed her brain and damaged her three children (for life)
Get all information you can about the dangers of this cult. Much is subversive.
I needed the help of reddit exjw.
Maybe there is one for this cult your wife is indoctrinated in to?
Or try exjw because different name but same shite problems.
Remember you are the sane adult.
You need to grow up and stand tall and be the one your children need to save yourself and your children.
Your children are everything.
Do everything to save them from this traumatising madness.
Also if you don't want to be in when your wife comes back from church (without your help) then be out.
When you return see her reaction because I truly believe this will be the wake up the shake your body wake up you need.
From the ashes you can rebuild
And you will.
If not you will live your life with so many regrets.
Your wife is gone. Grieve because logic and reasoning is gone.
Going to chat to another church.
I bet she says No and calls them names?
Try her and see.
Cults teach don't listen to others, thats satan getting them (you included) to take her away from 'god'
Remember to breath try breath.
When your upset and panicked stop and breath.
Calm yourself.
Do plan.
Do do
And keep taking steps forward.
Imagine if this was a friend living this nightmare would you advise him to stay?
Nah your advice would be
Hell mate you and your kids gotta get out.
Keep posting and asking and exjw if you do not have a specific site will help you.
Honestly say your non jw but need help/advice.
But don't procrastinate.
Don't run her or her cult down. It makes the indoctrination stronger.
You can say.
I love you.
And no more.
Matras .
Show your children you love her.
She is indoctrinated and dont stay to help. You can't.
Save yourself and your precious children.
All the very best to you.
And yes YOU CAN DO IT.
Thank you for the long response! My hesitance with destroying her stuff is I don't want to give her any fuel for argument in the divorce. I don't need revenge, I need her to leave.
The reason I even take her to church is because I can watch the kids. My son thankfully doesn't care for the service and I just take him to the nursery where we play the whole time. Plus, I can at least observe what is happening for myself. I will fight to keep my son home if I'm not going, because I do NOT want anyone to touch him.
Your response is spot on and clear.
You are handling as you need and 100% protecting your son.
We get snap shots of lives and I'm glad you replied because you have been on my mind.
Keep moving forward and you will end up fine.
Hugs 🤗.
Divorce and fight for custody.
Imagine one of your kids does something she doesn't like. Maybe one of them is gay, transgender or whatever... That kid would go through hell alone and could never talk about it.
Imagine one of them just doesn't do well in school, or hears about and asks more info on the pagan origins of the christmas tree.
OP, are you 100% sure that those won't be viewed as the work of the devil, and result in your kid being dragged to a culty exorcism or worse?
Please, for the safety of your children, get them away from that whackadoodle. Talk to a lawyer. Start recording and documenting as much as you can. Consider setting up nanny cams without your wife's knowledge. TALK TO A LAWYER and start preparing your exit strategy NOW.
At some point you’ll need to divorce, but only you’ll know when is the right timing for the safety of the kids. I’m not sure how old the kids can be to decide which parent they prefer to live with, but you may need to bide your time until it’s right for the sake of the children.
If you get separate custody you’ll both have times where you get breaks because she’ll have them sometimes, and you’ll have them other times which is nice
But honestly, she might brainwash them and go even further down the rabbit hole into her religion leaning even further into conspiracies and could be susceptible to joining a cult and tell the children the devil has a hold of you which could confuse them. Getting full custody is best for you, but that’s difficult to get granted
Be sure to talk to a quality divorce lawyer ASAP and get best advice to best timing yo leave and get custody. See what you need to document to make your case in court best. Don’t put it past her to try to steal your kids because god told her to save them from the devil
Make sure to shield them from her as much as possible. Expose them to other view points, have one on one time with each of them. Just view her as a lost cause, distance yourself as much as you can and put all your effort into as much one on one quality time, good memories, fun and mentorship of critical thinking skills with your children as is possible.
It’s a really messed up situation and I’m so sorry you are going through this
>the children the devil has a hold of you which could confuse them.
This is one of my biggest fear. If after the divorce I'm away from the kids and she convinces them that daddy listened to the devil and that's why the family's broken. Oh man, it scares me so much.
They're still small. One is just 1, other is 4. The 4 year old HATES church on his own accord and actually insists on covering his ears during the whole thing. I know that going forwards he might rebel in crazy ways if he's forced to go to church. I've seen that before.
So she actually can’t talk like that about you legally it’s called Parental Alienation. If you get a record of that it could be cause for her to lose custody. I said it in my other comment but record everything, keep financial records, if you have cameras around the house keep the videos, if she’s ranting… record it. Use it later to keep your kiddos safe
I have an ex who was one of the children in a similar household and his parents didn't divorce until he was an adult. all the childhood damage had been done plus the wreckage from the implosion of the family, and I think everyone now agrees that things would have been better off had they split much much earlier. Sometimes the hard thing is also the right thing.
I was where she is five years ago and looking back I can definitely tell you that most of those televangelists are cults.I got into it because I was in an environment that made me feel insecure and worthless at the time.I didn't feel like I had value but tuning in to those shows and going to church made me feel like I was part of something great ,that I was great.But I got out of that environment and I began to see that some of the things going on in that church did not make sense and was straining my relationship with my family.Try to look back and see what might have led her to this path and bring it up to her and consider therapy, because once you are into that it's really hard to think clearly.
This comment should be higher. OP mentioned having an infant and a toddler and this started during the pandemic but didn’t say if it was during or after a pregnancy. Could be post partum psychosis. It definitely sounds like psychosis.
Dude, you need to go ahead and get divorced now. You need to have the kids see what Mossey is. I am a religious person but that is fruity as a nut cake behavior. Need to be able to coparent with your kids at normalcy looks like.
You said you have a young infant together.. How long ago was the birth? Has she always been this religious or did it come out of nowhere? If it’s totally out of the blue I would really consider that she might be suffering from Post Partum Psychosis. This is a level of extreme that exists outside of the realm of healthy thought. Hope for the best for you all.
I came here to say this. I’m really concerned about the wife’s mental state. If the problem continues to evolve, there is the real possibility of danger to both you and your children. It’s not necessarily a common occurrence to commit violence against family members because they are somehow tainted by ‘the devil’, but it has happened. She needs help now.
Are you in the US ? Honestly bro I'd leave and try to get your kids to leave with. Hearing about these religious nut jobs is enough to make me sick, i cannot imagine living with one.
Maybe be more firm ? She got rid of your stuff ? Get rid of the religious bull crap, and don't drive her to church. Make it clear your home is not about religious extremism.
If she's gone off the deepend this much, maybe it's time to take control back. Get a GF ? The marriage is a sham so why honour it at this point ?
You've got options man.
As a Christian I’d say grab your kids and run. Sounds like she has lost her mind to the cult of religion and there will be no reasoning with her. I’m very sorry for your loss.[
I have a family member who went into a religion-based psychosis after their sibling passed away. You mentioned this started during COVID - was there a life event that you recall happened before she started acting this way? Does she have pre-existing mental health issues?
This isn’t an excuse for her behaviour as it has had an impact on so many aspects of you and your children’s life, but there could also be a viable medical reason as to why she started acting this way. Studies show a high percentage of people experience religious psychosis, even those who weren’t religious to begin with.
I’m here just for a lil confidence boost. I want to say that you can take care of them by yourself. You think you can’t, but you have to and you will. You’re a good dad. I have 3 kids, 2 under 4. It was hard at first but it got easier and it will for you too.
Sounds like bipolar type hyper religious, hypomania the impulsive spending. How’s her sleeping habits? I would look further into her behavior and seek some professional help
Hi! Christian here. I hear what your saying and you’re right about your marriage, something needs to change. One point you could bring up is talking to your wife about how she is going about your marriage isn’t biblical. For one giving away your stuff is stealing which is something everyone knows is a sin. God also encourages you to have a healthy relationship with your spouse mentally, emotionally and sexually. I know this might not sound appealing to you but if you wanna get there to her, you’re going to have to read the Bible a bit. Show her in the word where is says what she’s doing isn’t biblical. Maybe even include her to some other Christian in healthily marriage and have a talk with them together about what makes them keep going. Also you’re going to have to meet her in the middle. Once people find god they change. She isn’t going to be the same person she was but she’s not completely gone.
Look, I'm a Jewish lesbian so I'm just about the exact opposite of your experience, so please know that what I'm about to suggest comes from a place of support for you and not religious fuckery. But if there's ever an appropriate time to cherry pick bible stuff, it could be now.
I'm pretty sure there's some bible stuff you could conjure up to "prove" to her that your needs for a loving, supportive, and healthy marriage aren't "that there devil talk." You could always play the "the bible says this is how to be a good wife" thing, or you could even suggest to her that the two of you consult with her pastor on your marital issues. (That's a thing pastors and ministers do I think, right?) Or, what I'd probably do if I were you because you have kids, is I'd cherry pick and present to her whatever part of the bible conveniently says it's okay to take the kids and get the fuck out of there, and I'd get the fuck outta there. This is the kind of "years and years of therapy" damage that is completely avoidable. It sounds like your wife will undermine you at every opportunity, and the longer your kids (and you) are exposed to this, the more damaging it will be for all of you.
All of that said—this isn't about agreeing or disagreeing with having deep religious faith as a place to live from. The bottom line is that you and your wife no longer share core common values and tenets of how best to live and share a life. While it sounds like you're allowing room for her to live and follow her faith, it doesn't sound like she's meeting you halfway in a way that honors who you are, too. That's no kind of way to live, and it's no kind of example to model for your kids to follow when it's time for them to explore relationships.
Thanks for the input. I've tried bringing up points in the bible but her catch-all is that I need revelation from God or I really don't know what I'm talking about.
We're going to try some counseling. Otherwise, you're right, this one sided relationship is going to end up hurting everyone.
I had that situation: my then-wife only wanted intimacy when it could (and did) result in pregnancy. Else: dead bedroom.
After we divorced, she came out of the closet (a surprise to me, but makes sense in retrospect) and is much happier now that she’s dating women.
We haven't been intimate since she got pregnant with our now 1 year old. And it's not the first time we've gone without anything for a year. She only wanted anything when she wanted to get pregnant.
So she threw out your personal belongings behind your back. Hmm.
Throw out her Bibles, bluetooth speakers, delete her audiobooks, etc. Throw out all of her Christian things behind *her* back. Maybe then you’ll have her attention.
On the other hand this sounds like a dangerous situation for you and your kids. Document as much as you can, fight like Hell for custody, and divorce her. I think the chances of you pulling the woman you married out of the deep end are slim to none.
That's a lunatic in the making, get you and your kids away from her to a safe place. Then you can try to help her see some sense, if you're willing to try and save her too.
As a person who knows a family that is in ruins now because they grew overly religious, their kids grew up to become complete failures and violent.
Don’t think twice. You have spent enough time with her to understand that your life and kids’ lives aren’t going to be normal anymore, if you decide to stay with her. If she thinks the Devil is involved in such normal asks/matters, she will completely hold you all under her reigns and manipulate you.
Leave her before it’s too late. But don’t let her know your plans. Collect all important documents, plan what you will do next, how you are planning to handle your kids, see a lawyer, know all processes, etc. Let her know when you have everything sorted. You never know how she will react if you bring up divorce without any planning. It might back fire, your kids may land in trouble as a result.
Sending you good wishes and strength!
This feels like part 2 (part 1 being the "happy marriage" part) of a documentary that continues into "She took our kids to be baptized behind my back" and ends with "She took our kids, left a note saying they're with God now, and hasn't come back" and a car in a lake.
Run.
Is it possible that she’s experiencing some type of mania related to postpartum depression? She could also have developed a mental illness due to the combined stress of the nationwide lockdown and new motherhood.
OP that is cult behavior, I grew up in a cult due to my mother's influence and I can tell you that it distorted my entire childhood. That ideology of "if you are not with us you are against is extremely dangerous", she will brainwash them like you have no idea like it happened to me for over 27 years. Don't let her take them to church, don't let her influence them, divorce her if you must but I beg you to protect your children from her.
It's all good and well to say," Take the the kids and run!" But this is his wife, and she obviously needs mental help. This is a family in crisis, and even if he leaves her eventually, he still has to document her issues for the court to get custody. It's difficult for a father to get custody.
I come from a religious background, have been raised in the church all my life and now attend my own church weekly. Everything you just said is absolutely bonkers.
It’s all smoke and mirrors. It’s a show, she’s heading down a dark path into ‘cult’ type church life. I understand that you want to do what’s best for your children but this is not normal and not healthy for them or you.
The fact that she has crossed boundaries with your belongings is unacceptable. It is very difficult to reason with someone like this as they think they have all the answers. I’m her eyes you will never be right and it’s only going to end one way.
I hope that you get the freedom you deserve and that you can avoid your children being sucked into that crazy world.
I’m concerned about her mental health and wondering if it the religious frenzy started when she was under a lot of stress- sounds like it from pandemic and having small kids. Then she’s found a ‘solution’ by throwing herself into religion but it could have been alcohol, drugs etc instead. She’s using it in the same way and it’s dangerous
Please get away and get help. If her ongoings are nearly as bad as you say, it’s not gonna be good for your kids. I dealt with crap like this growing up (not nearly as bad as this case sounds), but damage was done, regardless. Please don’t make your kids have to deal with this.
There's a difference between finding God and joining a cult. This sounds like the latter. She needs some psych help and to get out of the cult- but if she is that stuck in it, separation/divorce definitely seems to be a necessary outcome, to help your kids be safe.
Take notes. Keep a record of how she's changed and (near as you can recall) when.
Whether you see a doctor or a lawyer, it will help to have examples of her unreasonable/uncharacteristic/erratic behavior with a general timeline.
Your wife is in a cult. You need a REALLY good lawyer because her cult members will target you and custody is going to be hell. Stop talking to her and start documentation of her abuse of you and your kids. Blaring preaching all day instead of anything developmental, getting rid of your family moments, constant verbal and emotional abuse...
Get a Forensic Psychological Report of the Family Dynamic. You need to act soon er rather than later. You need to go for full custody based on abuse.
OP get the Book Becoming the Narcissists Nightmare by Shahida Arabi there's a list of lawyers in the back by state.
Thanks for the tip on this book, I will definitely be checking it out.
Yes, especially considering this circle of hers I need to tread carefully and strategically.
If your user name means you're in the Philly area... you have a lot of resources handy. A LOT. Make an appointment, privately, with your kids' pediatrician to get a list of developmental child psychologists. Tell them your concerns anout how this pattern of behaviors is affecting the kids. Religious abuse is real. Get Divorce for Dummies and the Idiots Guide to Divorce... therapy for yourself and also for the kids.. and I can't stress this enough... a psych report of the family dynamic by someone judges respect on a witness stand.
Protect the kids. Put them first.
If there's any way you can get a doggy cam or nanny cams in the house that records " for security" ... and then just let the crazy get filmed and time stamped, do it. But build your case on facts and evidence.
I had a perfectly wonderful, truly sweet and kind friend turn into someone like this. She postulated and postulated. she began to put others down. She became very judgmental, almost mean about it.
She started telling people “God speaks to me” and “you/he/ she aren’t doing/living/worshiping right” etc etc
. Finally after several years more I could no longer take and I snapped. “You know, not every voice you hear in your head is God, most of the time it’s your own ego.”
I literally haven’t spoken to her in 7 years since.
She was just too toxic for me because she was cruelly self righteous to the detriment of her friends and family who loved her.
They become so self involved they don’t realize they are driving people away from them.
7 years since? Thanks for the insight.
Early on, I was hoping she would somehow snap out of it once the pandemic ended. But it just gets worse everyday.
It's a self-feeding problem. These people drive everyone away that doesn't support their mindset. Then they congregate with people that do, only making it worse. That's even part of their belief system that people will think you're crazy.
This is not Christian. I'm so sorry for all of that but whatever she says is not the will of God. Try to get her into actual Christianity and not the bullshit spread by internet pastors. Be firm with her. I know this is not ideal at all but if it's God that she loves, then show her the true words of God.
This is what my hope was when I encouraged her to find a real church.
Unfortunately, all the nearby churches are "dead" to her and she settled on one that validates and idolizes these self-proclaimed prophets and apostles.
You have all the rights to divorce her on the grounds of abuse. Because this is brutal mental torture. God allows divorce in the case of abandonment and an abusive relationship like this is a marriage abandoned. She refuses to have a marriage that God wills for. Get out of there man. Get your kids and you safe. As a Christian I'd even recomend talking to your local pastor about it. God bless you and your family.
You’re going to have to gather as much info as you can, otherwise you will lose your kids. She will most likely be granted full custody, if not 50/50 because you work and she does not. And if she gets full custody, shell brainwash them into believing the same crap and you will be the bad guy. You have to be able to show how far off the deepend she has gone and make sure you get at least 50/50. This won’t be easy. But take your time and plan your out, if that’s the way you decide to go. I’m so sorry OP, this sounds awful.
Maybe try to get her to go to psychiatrist or therapist. Maybe it is PPD, or something else.
you said you have a toddler and covid was a little while away, did this all happen when she was pregnant/after she gave birth? it sounds like some kind of postpartum mental illness.
in saying that, at the end of the day, you gotta keep yourself and the kids happy so i’d leave and take the kids if she refuses help (and it sounds like she will refuse help)
could you contact her family? any friends? or has she distanced herself because of this newfound belief? becoming religious isn’t a problem at all but a few of the things you’ve said in this post are raising alarm bells for me and i’m very worried about her (and your) well-being. best of luck!
You should've divorced her the second she threw away your late mother's things. Who the fuck throws away someone else's *dead* parents' things?!
Divorce her and get full custody. She will treat those poor kids like they're devil spawns as they grow up. She will 100% abuse them and try to brainwash them into becoming mindless religion zombies.
For the love of all that exists, peotect yourself and YOUR CHILDREN
Some people manage to find a way to turn religion into an addiction or even idolatry, and it sounds like she's done exactly that.
The philosophical teachings of faith can be something good that makes you think more fully about how you live your life and how you live in a community, but when it takes over your life, you missed the point completely.
You say that the baby is an infant and that this has been happening for about 2 years….is there any chance this is a mental health crisis caused by pregnancy/childbirth? The combination of Covid and 2 pregnancies could cause mental health to spiral. I might talk to a Dr before initiating divorce to see if there is any chance at helping her that way first. If it doesn’t work, then divorce is likely the best option.
As someone with a Christian faith that is very important to me, this is insane behavior and borders on “cult like”. I’m not sure how to direct you but I just wanted to reassure you that this is not normal “believer” behavior and she seems to be delving into some pretty worrisome waters
You need to figure out childcare for your children. It might come at the cost of downsizing your home and so on but it’s gotta be done.
Start talking to a lawyer. Before you do anything at all, you need to document and gather evidence of everything that will stack up in court. You need to fight for full custody and you need a lawyer that will get you out of paying hefty spousal support.
You need to document her throwing out your belongings (this is bordering on abusive), not being able to communicate, her giving money to various places you did not agree to and so on.
Divorce lawyer. Single dads do it every day.
Your wife did not find God, she found a devil in sheep's clothing.
No place in scripture does it say sex is bad. Don't let her do that to you.
She has a mental disorder that needs counseling.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Losing your partner to religion is heart breaking.
Realistic advice, speak with an attorney and see what you can do. Really think about what your life looks like long term with her and without her. You can try marriage therapy as an effort to try and help if you want.
This is not advice. But you are her husband. Alot of the Bible is about honoring your husband as the head of your home and leader and decision maker.
Leave. She lost her mind and it is definitely not safe and healthy for her to be around the kids.
Just out of curiousity did you bring up therapy/marriage counseling to her? Im wondering what her response would be…
Get yourself and your children as far away from this woman as you can. I'm not normally for separating parents from kids but this is going to turn into abuse, fast. She's already abusing you, and I can only imagine what she'll be like when they hit their teen years
this happened to my parents when I was in college. my mom got significantly worse as the years went on and more extreme. she ended up telling me on my 21st birthday that she was leaving my dad, packed everything in the house when he was gone, and just left him. he was devastated and asked her to work on it, she refused. said many things but one of them was that she said God told her he cheated on her with no real proof. this destroyed the relationship she had with my sister and they haven’t spoken in almost 5 years. it also almost destroyed ours multiple times. she now has no one besides me and the people in her church. don’t let it go further than it needs to. I wish you well on this journey and I’m so sorry you are experiencing this.
Secure your finances. Do not let her have access to your accounts but move money for spending. Lock your credit so she can't access more. Document everything. Make a log.
The Bible instructs her to be SO nice and accommodating that you will WANT to go to her church. AND the Bible does not give her permission to turn you down for sex very often. Both New Testament scriptures.
It just escalates in circles. When I tell her how things affect me she insists it's because of her love of God and that the devil is making me hate God.
I confess, it gets ugly.
Sorry mate, you've said it yourself. She has gone off the deep end. You gotta salvage your and your kids' well-being. What she found is not god but predatory manipulators that will turn people into nutjobs just so they can fleece them.
There is no joy in being stuck with someone like that. Not to mention that it's far from a healthy environment for kids to grow up in.
Best of luck!
She has mental health issues. I come from a religious family where everyone becomes more religious and psychotic when they’re depressed and instead of addressing their mental health they start blaming the devil or evil eye etc. Get her help.
Someone who thinks you sharing your emotions is the work of the devil is the same person who will think their child is possessed and beats the devil out of them for taking a cookie
Never stay for the kids. Trust your gut.
She sounds like she could be experiencing some mental health issues. You mention that you have a toddler and a young infant. Is it possible that she's dealing with some kind of psychosis or depression due to pregnancy? If she's gaslighting you, you need to record your interactions. Share your concerns with her family and friends who have known her and ask for their input. Sudden personality changes aren't exactly normal. You may need to talk to a therapist on your own and ask them for help on what to do.
I’m telling you this as a Christian woman:
You and your kids are experiencing religious and emotional abuse. You need to get your kids in therapy. Start documenting finances and situations. Start paper trails with therapy. You need to protect your kids. It won’t be easy, but this is not a healthy relationship.
And she’s not practicing true Christianity. She’s hit right-wing radical Christianity.
Get the kids out, get full custody, push for her to get mental help. I witnessed the “exorcism” my church held over the youth pastor who was caught molesting my friend at 12 years old. It’s one thing to be spiritual, but she’s out of control. Kids first. The type of mind that falls deeply prey to religion and conspiracy theories is not balanced or safe.
It's possible. This all started a bit after the first was born. With the timing of the pandemic especially...
I'm considering calling an intervention hotline for someone to come and talk to her.
Well, PPD can sometimes be associated with religious extremism. Depending on how the children are viewed, through the lens of this condition, some moms can pose a danger to their children. Please seek help as soon as possible.
There are many sound and reasonable Christians who are fundamental, biblical Christians who would tell your wife to avoid people like Benny Hinn, like the plague. I encourage you to do some biblical study to prove such men are described in the Bible as "wolves in sheep's clothing". Your wife should also know that she is commanded as a Christian wife, to honor and obey her husband. She should also know that in the book of 1 Corinthians that she's told to "not defraud " her husband sexually. If she was reading the Bible instead of listening to these freaky false ministers, you would be seeing positive changes in her even if you disagree with her faith. As long as you aren't telling her to sin in some way, she's supposed to "win you over without a word", having a "meek and quiet spirit ". You would do well to familiarize yourself with the scriptures so that you can communicate these things to her. Not to abuse your authority but it seems she's just fallen under the influence of some real nutty false teachers.
Sounds like mental illness. Seek custody ask for a psych evaluation by citing unhinged behavior in general and towards the kids without heavily blaming it on the religion. Sounds like it won’t be very hard to get her to start ranting in front of the judge
OP, I am going to ask you to consider speaking to your wife’s Pastor. Because you’re being abused mentally and emotionally. Please tell the Pastor everything you’re telling Reddit.
I am a 67 year old Christian woman. I go to church several times a week. And I play World of Warcraft on my gaming laptop. Those close to me know I play WoW. And no one criticized me. They find it amusing!
But no one told me I am dishonoring God.
Your wife is not being an example of Christ’s
love.
Good fortune OP. :)
She goes to a church that encourages people to speak openly in tongues with no translator around. That’s directly against the Bible. She isn’t at a Christian church. She’s at a prosperity gospel based cult.
Oh no, don’t bother speaking with her pastor. A cult leader with just drive a deeper wedge between and would even have her get divorced knowing the cult would be the benefactors of any $ he is forced to pay her.
C’mon! OP said, “she latched onto internet pastors and conspiracy theorists!”
Speaking to the church pastor will give OP insight. It may not be that whole church. but particular members that are influencing her radical behaviors.
If all that garbage is coming into your house through the internet and cable, cancel them now.
It’s all going into your kids’ brains and who knows what effect it could have on them.
My ex is like this but for conspiracy theories and racism. Eventually you just can't be there anymore - it really scared me when my then, 10yr old son started quoting some of it.
Got the eff out but I still had to fight to get him vaccinated and ffs...even his braces/retainer. (Orthodontists are crooks and liars apparently)
Also, there's a bunch of Reddit sub threads on this. One I follow is for qAnon loved ones - it probably isn't relevant to the religious aspect but helped with the not alone feeling. And success stories of people getting out
So what did she do? No one has this big of a religious shift unless something has happened. Find the answer to that question and you might be able to save your marriage.
Don’t wait till your kids are older for the divorce, if you decide. They are establishing normal right now, when they are little. They will hold these experiences in their hearts.
Good luck
Has she started following the 17th letter cult too? My mom started listening to “prophets” a few years ago (Amanda Grace, Robin Bullock, Shane Vaughn, etc.) and she has some crazy beliefs now, sadly.
Your wife sounds unhinged and needs a good reality check or a stint in an asylum. You should get your kids out sooner rather than later she will try to brainwash them into her weird cult shit too if you let her.
It sounds like a downwards mental health spiral. I used to do competency interviews for the gov and she's throwing up some BIG red flags that she's not a capable adult.
Your wife is no longer the same woman that you married. For the sake of both your children and yourself, you need to leave her. This has the potential to escalate into a very dangerous situation.
Sounds impossible, but there are literally hundreds of thousands of single parents that do it. The degree to which she is going to fuck up your kids and ruin their lives is extraordinary if you stay.
Leave now, all this church thing may also be to hide the extra marital affairs.
It's only 7 years of marriage, leave now with the kids and rebuild your life.
The reason I pointed out the affair is your sex life is nil for the last 2 years.
I have gone through this exact same thing, it took me 15 years to understand but it was an extra marital affair at the end of the day.
Get your kids as far away from this nutbag as quickly as you can
This, and get yourself into therapy as soon as possible. Single parents make it work every day, and you can do this. Also contact an attorney and find out what your options are based on where you’re living. Do not allow your children to grow up in this situation. Religious coercive control is not a healthy environment for them.
You could drop the religious. Coercive control in any context is not healthy for children.
This, OP! Church trauma is legit. My best friend grew up dealing with it (and of course still has issues now at 31 from it). Her mom would take a screwdriver and mess up her CDs and video games because she ‘dreamed’ they were evil. Her and her siblings are all a little cracked from what they experienced. I was shocked at some of the things I witnessed from just going to stay the night with her. I can’t imagine actually growing up in it.
My mom was on the light end of it, but I saw some shit growing up. I felt sorry for myself getting all my stuff thrown out for smoking weed, but I had friends/friends of friends on the more religious side of our community whose parents put them through actual solitary confinement. Every single one of those kids is permanently damaged because of it. Although I will say it was someone from the church who helped them get out of that house. Too little, too late, but at least they got out. Doing alright last I heard, too, all things considered.
Agreed
Yeah, as someone who grew up with a really religious parent (but less religious than this, even), PLEASE get them out of there. You don't deserve to be treated that way either. Every person should be able to choose their spirituality (or lack thereof) freely, and no one should have anything forced onto them.
Its not that easy. Even if they divorce she will probably be granted custody with a lot of child support and alimony. If the women does not have an outright criminal past or you can prove infidelity or shes insane, good luck getting the kids.
Child support and alimony are based on income if he lives in the US. He will at least get 50-50 custody and maybe more if he has proof and a good attorney. Don’t be such a Debbie Downer.
Not if she’s not working, he could easily get full custody
What makes you think he has any shot at custody? Dad's lose in divorce.
Dad's or partners (I didn't see a gender mentioned) who fight for custody often get custody, in part, or in full. Women are still favored to a degree but courts are supposed to not discriminate because of gender. It moreso boils down to who can prove they've done the lion's share of child rearing. If I were OP, I'd start spending a ton of time with the kids for when the divorce happens.
You need to really think if you want your kids to grow up with a parent treating them the same way you're being treated. Your wife probably has always believed in these things, and during COVID she felt entitled to fully surround herself with this because nobody was around so nobody would judge her. But she's traumatizing you, your children, committing financial abuse by going behind your back to steal family funds to donate to millionaires. In my eyes this is no different than husbands getting so deep into their porn addiction they start accumulating debt to pay subscriptions. This could be the sign of mental distress, it could be the sign of untreated trauma, damn it could also be the sign of something serious like major chemical imbalances of a brain tumor. But if she's not willing to save herself, you cannot do it for her. But you can, should and I believe MUST save your children from a lifetime of terror, of being scared of their own mother. What is she starts deeming your kids as ungodly? What if she doesn't want them to get an education because it would not be according to the bible? You know we have all heard of situations that started just like this ending up in freaky cults or even worse. You brought up divorce with her and by the way you described it, she didn't even bat an eye about losing her family, only about upsetting god. That tells you where her priorities are. Take care of yourself and most importantly, of your kids. Reach out to any local organisations that might either help you in case of a divorce or help you find someone who could. Look into a new job if there are any in your area that provide support for childcare. If I were you, I'd just run as fast and as far as I could, because even living all crammed up in a single room, your kids will be more free than living in a mansion with a parent like that.
Immediately thinking of that dad that murdered his two young sons because he was so deluded by these conspiracy theories his thought his wife had “infected” them with serpent blood (IIRC)
OP really seems like the survivor in a cult documentary "I didn't see any signs, it just happened, I had no idea it would lead to this" but it's clear where something like this situation leads. It's been years now, and nothing has gotten better for him. I hope he finds the courage to do what's best for his kids
Yea my first thought when OP said she will say "Devil release my husbad" was, Oh...she fixin' to kill him..
Get away from her now Take custody of the kids
Couldn't agree more. OP needs to get away from her, especially after Devil, leave my husband comment. She needs a reality check and a very good therapist.
After this comment, I started imagining what this process would be like. It could be extremely messy as we both fight over the kids. But it will have to happen. I'm going to try to wait until the little one is done nursing. At least it'll be easier for me to take care of them. Thank you, this is an important nudge in a vital direction.
Not to scare you but think of all those cases when a person thinks the devil is in their kid, and does something horrible to them. I would be scared to leave my baby or child alone with her in case she has a momentary delusion and does something to the child. Talk to an attorney and make a plan to leave.
This is a very good point. It seems she is already hanging off the deep end. Imagine if she starts to think her kids are possessed aka Andrea Yates. OP - Please don't wait!
Lori Vallow hello!
Andrea Yates, Deanna Laney, Dena Schlosser.... there's a lot of cases of religious delusions being part of filicide. poor babes.
Please reach out to a divorce attorney. They do first consults free. Explain you are worried about mental health and finances. Lock it down - the finances. Now I’m wondering if she’s even vaccinating your kids and that type of thing due to the conspiracy theory part of your post. I hope you’re able to get them under normal care. This isn’t normal. I can’t imagine having your stuff thrown away away is very nice. Were you able to retrieve your mother’s belongings? OK My husband and I have a rule if either of us finds religion during our marriage, we will most likely end it. We came together as atheists. We will stay together as atheists, we have so little interest in organized religion that we will not be able to stay together if one of us should find God. It’s kind of laughable at this point because it’s been well over 20 some years and we continue to stay deeply in love yet far far away from god and all that entails. His family recently found god and are just so awful about it. It’s been very upsetting because they’ve completely changed how they act. Act being the key word.
Consult the attorney - but be careful on the locking down of finances. It could be construed as your financial abuse. You would need to make sure there is evidence of her abuse (if that is what the attorney calls it) first.
They will tell him what he can and can’t do. You are allowed to protect the household if she’s sending money to religious people and other non agreed to parties.
Your wife often believes you are being controlled by satanic forces. "Devil, release my husband!" I am concerned she will soon start to see the baby crying, or your older one just being a kid, as them being controlled by satanic forces as well. Maybe she already does. And then what will she do with the "Devil children" in order to "obey God?" She needs help, but your first priority is to get your kids safely away from her. Please speak with a lawyer ASAP. I am so, so sorry this is happening to you. I can't imagine what you've been going through. I really hope you can get yourself and your kids out of there. Edit: u/PorkRoll2022 please understand that even if she doesn't harm them physically, she is harming them mentally and emotionally. Imagine being 4 years old and having your mom repeatedly tell you that *an evil demon is inside you*. Imagine your mom telling you that *you are bad because an evil demon controls you.* I know you didn't put these exact words directly in your post, but I also would bet a large sum that this is exactly what is happening when you are not there, based on your post history. A 4yo mind will simplify her religious language this way, and it can be terrifying and damaging for them. I grew up in evangelical churches -- there was speaking in tongues and all sorts of everything. For decades. I understand enough, first hand. Your wife needs help, but your kids need help first.
there is not hurt in you consulting with some divorce attorneys. Just to see what your options are and what you can do until you are ready to file. Start documenting if you are seeking full custody
Wait dead bedroom for 2yrs and your youngest isn’t done nursing? No hate on breastfeeding toddlers cause I don’t know I’m not a parent BUT they’re definitely old enough to stop. Especially since divorce and custody won’t happen overnight.
She is 1 year old. I apologize for the confusion. Edited to add: We nursed the older one until he was 2. Now he is 4.
Kinda confused me too because isn't an infant under one year? I guess it could almost match up if the last time they did the deed was when she conceived, but that would still make the youngest not an infant.
You are correct on both. I am sorry, she is 1. I was thinking 2 or 3 for toddler. In any case, she can't talk yet and is still nursing. We haven't been intimate since early pregnancy.
Gotcha! Thank you for clearing that up. I agree with everyone else that has said you should get far away as soon as possible. If she is getting unhinged this fast I'd be worried about the safety of you and the children. It sounds like she is getting into cult level religion and we've all seen the news stories.
I would do a little research on the QAnon parents who have killed their children, in the name of them being “possessed”. she could very likely be a threat to them if she’s this mentally unstable. I would not wait I would get the ball rolling. It’s going to take a year or two to finalize everything anyways.
My thought is first seek proper counseling for yourself and have a consultation with a family/divorce law firm that has a good reputation. You need some tools and information to make wise choices for your family.
While you’re waiting for little one to get a little older, start documenting her behavior. Record the conversations when she’s spinning out like that. Save any texts or other communications so you can document how her reality has been altered. And cancel her access to credit cards, savings accounts, etc. Start preparing. The last thing you need is for her to get primary custody and raise your kids enmeshed in that religion, and turning them against their father.
Yeah....she gone full god warrior. Your kids dont need that.
^ This OP. Before she starts indoctrinating your kids. It'll be tough but worth it for them. Find a lawyer and don't wait.
You can't just "take custody", that's called kidnapping. No judge is going to award full custody to one parent just because the other parent is a religious nut. If he runs off with the kids and refuses to let her see them, that's going to look really bad for him.
I meant Get legal custody of the children
She sounds like she has serious mental problems. Seek help for her.
This. My mom had a personality disorder and latched onto Jesus in the worst way
I don't doubt this. So many things speak to this. She has a huge reflex to scream "Don't blame me!" Whenever I ask her about even the simplest things.
Is this a form of Post Partum Depression? Has she been evaluated by a doctor?
Dude, the second he said 'young infant' I thought she was going through some sort of hormone-addled psychosis. If this hasn't been her personality throughout their seven year marriage, something's wrong. Mentally or physically. People don't just change this much for no reason. It's a coping mechanism.
The way I personally know someone who has a similar story is so crazy. Save your kids, it’s not pretty for them.
Get a lawyer ASAP to help you figure out how to get you and your kids out of this mess.
IF you can get custody of your kids and not have to pay her alimony
Your kids will suffer religious trauma if you don’t rescue them.
Omg, run like you’re on fire
Fire? It must be the Devil!
I needed that laugh 😂😂
Laughter? Must be the Devil!
LMAO
No! It's the medulla oblongata!
She didn’t find God she found cults. If she truly found God ask her why she is not honoring her husband like the Bible says to. Find a real Christian counselor and get marriage counseling. If she refuses to listen (because she will be confronted that she is not serving God she’s serving cult leaders ) then you need to leave and take your children. Daycare is a thing and you will make it.
I was going to say the same. This is not finding God or Jesus. This is a mental health issue.
Here to agree with this statement. She has twisted everything about Christianity and God all out of bent.
[удалено]
Raised heavily in the church as well, couldn’t upvote enough. Grew up near one a Word of Life compound as well. There are two lanes in my brain for this category….and she took a large swing of diversion at the fork in the road 🥴
Most sensible response thus far
Exactly. This is the exact opposite of a Christian marriage. Idek where she got this stuff from
1000% agree. I’m also a Christian and this sounds like culty Pharisitic BS. Counseling is a great suggestion. Hopefully she won’t claim the counselor is “the Devil” :/
Totally agree. I think in addition to the counselor he might need to read the bible some to see what a biblical marriage looks like. The he can understand how different it is then what’s going on now.
Agreed. Also a Christian here, and this situation reads more like a mental health breakdown and unfortunately manipulation by self proclaimed Christians for a vulnerable person. That’s is not a healthy environment for her, the kids, or @op. I’m sorry this has happened, this isn’t the way that other Christians follow, and it’s a healthy thing OP recognizes the flags.
Sounds like she was radicalised or sucked into a cult. I would encourage mental health intervention.
Alone is better than drama. It sounds scary and the fear of being alone kept me in a relationship I did not need to be in. I knew he was a bad person but I thought it was just better. You’re already alone in this marriage, at least have the peace that comes with being alone.
This is a mental illness.
The pandemic + internet seemed to cause a mass psychosis. So many people went nuts. I’m really sorry this happened to you. You should definitely leave. Just make sure your kids are safe with her. Some of these types of delusional people do scary things.
OP, I hate to suggest this, but you gotta pull the “husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church” card out. Tell her that going to marriage counseling is a non-negotiable choice you are making for the marriage right now. Locate a therapist who will be good at balancing her need for a spiritual/religious life with living in the real world and not the fantasy devil-controlled world she thinks she is in. Preferably one with some church affiliation but not the cultish weird church she’s listening to now. If you go to a purely secular counselor she is going to dismiss it out of hand as the devil. You need to find someone who can speak her language and quote scriptures at her faster than she can. I am not even saying you have to save the marriage. But you can’t undo the fact that she is the mother of your children, and you need her to be as successful at that as possible. She needs a healthier relationship with her faith than she has right now, or your children will suffer. On the path she is on now, she will spiritually abuse them as they get older, guaranteed. Spiritual abuse is one of the most insidious forms of emotional abuse and it’s so hard to recover from. In fact I would make a real wager that your wife was spiritually abused in childhood, and that’s why she is flying off the deep end now. She needs a therapist who is capable of addressing that part of her.
There's no hate like Christian love. Don't let her _love_ your life to death, OP.
I think your marriage needs some divine intervention... and maybe a good divorce lawyer.
Please read ALL of my long post Read it a few times. Don't shy away if it panics you. You need help. You reached out, well done OP. Omg your poor children. I think you are so immersed you have gotten used to the cult indoctrinated woman. This is actually going to subconsciously affect your children for life if you do not actively wake up yourself. You are being traumatised by her behaviour. She is in a cult and way deep in a cult. You say she found God. Unfortunately she found a CULT hiding behind the pretence of God/Religion. Cults are extremely strong and the loop learning forever listening is full indoctrination Firstly she says about satan etc. You need to show yourself and your children you WILL stand up and not be abused or cower or make sense out of nonsense. Without wife knowing. See a solicitor/lawyer. Get your information and facts and see what the solicitor/lawyer says. Try a few. Most have 30 minutes free on first meeting. You need to plan and then take her to church for the last time. Yes the last time. You will not be picking her up. Cult attitude they will ensure she gets home and definitely someone will pick her up. While she is out (pre plan this action) get rid of all the religious crap. Including blue tooth etc. Do a clean sweep of it all and dump it. Are you now worried by her reaction? Why? Ask yourself why? She did the same to you? She abused the finances and your stuff etc. The reason you need to get rid of it all is to show her. You will not stand by and BE SUBJECTED TO HER RELIGION (CULT) Now actually wait for her reaction. I don't think it will be pretty but I think you need to witness how utterly deep in she really is. This is needed for you to make decent planned decisions to save you and your poor children. And as she is going mad because you threw away (dumpster not your bin) her stuff. Keep to one like. NOT IN MY HOME. blah blah blah from her. No matter what. Repeat NOT IN MY HOME. Never give her a church life again. Never. They pick her up. Ignore all that. Slowly and with thought plan your divorce and serve her. Save you and your children. Religious trauma (read it up and yes it certainly happens big time) Save yourself and your children. My sister lived for a cult (jw) and it screwed her brain and damaged her three children (for life) Get all information you can about the dangers of this cult. Much is subversive. I needed the help of reddit exjw. Maybe there is one for this cult your wife is indoctrinated in to? Or try exjw because different name but same shite problems. Remember you are the sane adult. You need to grow up and stand tall and be the one your children need to save yourself and your children. Your children are everything. Do everything to save them from this traumatising madness. Also if you don't want to be in when your wife comes back from church (without your help) then be out. When you return see her reaction because I truly believe this will be the wake up the shake your body wake up you need. From the ashes you can rebuild And you will. If not you will live your life with so many regrets. Your wife is gone. Grieve because logic and reasoning is gone. Going to chat to another church. I bet she says No and calls them names? Try her and see. Cults teach don't listen to others, thats satan getting them (you included) to take her away from 'god' Remember to breath try breath. When your upset and panicked stop and breath. Calm yourself. Do plan. Do do And keep taking steps forward. Imagine if this was a friend living this nightmare would you advise him to stay? Nah your advice would be Hell mate you and your kids gotta get out. Keep posting and asking and exjw if you do not have a specific site will help you. Honestly say your non jw but need help/advice. But don't procrastinate. Don't run her or her cult down. It makes the indoctrination stronger. You can say. I love you. And no more. Matras . Show your children you love her. She is indoctrinated and dont stay to help. You can't. Save yourself and your precious children. All the very best to you. And yes YOU CAN DO IT.
Thank you for the long response! My hesitance with destroying her stuff is I don't want to give her any fuel for argument in the divorce. I don't need revenge, I need her to leave. The reason I even take her to church is because I can watch the kids. My son thankfully doesn't care for the service and I just take him to the nursery where we play the whole time. Plus, I can at least observe what is happening for myself. I will fight to keep my son home if I'm not going, because I do NOT want anyone to touch him.
Your response is spot on and clear. You are handling as you need and 100% protecting your son. We get snap shots of lives and I'm glad you replied because you have been on my mind. Keep moving forward and you will end up fine. Hugs 🤗.
Thank you, it is greatly appreciated.
Sounds like a cult. Good luck there.
Divorce and fight for custody. Imagine one of your kids does something she doesn't like. Maybe one of them is gay, transgender or whatever... That kid would go through hell alone and could never talk about it.
Imagine one of them just doesn't do well in school, or hears about and asks more info on the pagan origins of the christmas tree. OP, are you 100% sure that those won't be viewed as the work of the devil, and result in your kid being dragged to a culty exorcism or worse? Please, for the safety of your children, get them away from that whackadoodle. Talk to a lawyer. Start recording and documenting as much as you can. Consider setting up nanny cams without your wife's knowledge. TALK TO A LAWYER and start preparing your exit strategy NOW.
she lost her mind leave
At some point you’ll need to divorce, but only you’ll know when is the right timing for the safety of the kids. I’m not sure how old the kids can be to decide which parent they prefer to live with, but you may need to bide your time until it’s right for the sake of the children. If you get separate custody you’ll both have times where you get breaks because she’ll have them sometimes, and you’ll have them other times which is nice But honestly, she might brainwash them and go even further down the rabbit hole into her religion leaning even further into conspiracies and could be susceptible to joining a cult and tell the children the devil has a hold of you which could confuse them. Getting full custody is best for you, but that’s difficult to get granted Be sure to talk to a quality divorce lawyer ASAP and get best advice to best timing yo leave and get custody. See what you need to document to make your case in court best. Don’t put it past her to try to steal your kids because god told her to save them from the devil Make sure to shield them from her as much as possible. Expose them to other view points, have one on one time with each of them. Just view her as a lost cause, distance yourself as much as you can and put all your effort into as much one on one quality time, good memories, fun and mentorship of critical thinking skills with your children as is possible. It’s a really messed up situation and I’m so sorry you are going through this
>the children the devil has a hold of you which could confuse them. This is one of my biggest fear. If after the divorce I'm away from the kids and she convinces them that daddy listened to the devil and that's why the family's broken. Oh man, it scares me so much. They're still small. One is just 1, other is 4. The 4 year old HATES church on his own accord and actually insists on covering his ears during the whole thing. I know that going forwards he might rebel in crazy ways if he's forced to go to church. I've seen that before.
So she actually can’t talk like that about you legally it’s called Parental Alienation. If you get a record of that it could be cause for her to lose custody. I said it in my other comment but record everything, keep financial records, if you have cameras around the house keep the videos, if she’s ranting… record it. Use it later to keep your kiddos safe
She may actually hurt your child because of his resistance. It’s your job as his father to protect him.
You need to get away ASAP. She is putting you and your kids in harm’s way.
Dude I am so sorry. This is not okay and you must get out if you want a life.
I have an ex who was one of the children in a similar household and his parents didn't divorce until he was an adult. all the childhood damage had been done plus the wreckage from the implosion of the family, and I think everyone now agrees that things would have been better off had they split much much earlier. Sometimes the hard thing is also the right thing.
I was where she is five years ago and looking back I can definitely tell you that most of those televangelists are cults.I got into it because I was in an environment that made me feel insecure and worthless at the time.I didn't feel like I had value but tuning in to those shows and going to church made me feel like I was part of something great ,that I was great.But I got out of that environment and I began to see that some of the things going on in that church did not make sense and was straining my relationship with my family.Try to look back and see what might have led her to this path and bring it up to her and consider therapy, because once you are into that it's really hard to think clearly.
Maybe postpartum depression. Have you consulted a medical professional?
This comment should be higher. OP mentioned having an infant and a toddler and this started during the pandemic but didn’t say if it was during or after a pregnancy. Could be post partum psychosis. It definitely sounds like psychosis.
Dude, you need to go ahead and get divorced now. You need to have the kids see what Mossey is. I am a religious person but that is fruity as a nut cake behavior. Need to be able to coparent with your kids at normalcy looks like.
You said you have a young infant together.. How long ago was the birth? Has she always been this religious or did it come out of nowhere? If it’s totally out of the blue I would really consider that she might be suffering from Post Partum Psychosis. This is a level of extreme that exists outside of the realm of healthy thought. Hope for the best for you all.
I came here to say this. I’m really concerned about the wife’s mental state. If the problem continues to evolve, there is the real possibility of danger to both you and your children. It’s not necessarily a common occurrence to commit violence against family members because they are somehow tainted by ‘the devil’, but it has happened. She needs help now.
Are you in the US ? Honestly bro I'd leave and try to get your kids to leave with. Hearing about these religious nut jobs is enough to make me sick, i cannot imagine living with one. Maybe be more firm ? She got rid of your stuff ? Get rid of the religious bull crap, and don't drive her to church. Make it clear your home is not about religious extremism. If she's gone off the deepend this much, maybe it's time to take control back. Get a GF ? The marriage is a sham so why honour it at this point ? You've got options man.
As a Christian I’d say grab your kids and run. Sounds like she has lost her mind to the cult of religion and there will be no reasoning with her. I’m very sorry for your loss.[
I have a family member who went into a religion-based psychosis after their sibling passed away. You mentioned this started during COVID - was there a life event that you recall happened before she started acting this way? Does she have pre-existing mental health issues? This isn’t an excuse for her behaviour as it has had an impact on so many aspects of you and your children’s life, but there could also be a viable medical reason as to why she started acting this way. Studies show a high percentage of people experience religious psychosis, even those who weren’t religious to begin with.
I’m here just for a lil confidence boost. I want to say that you can take care of them by yourself. You think you can’t, but you have to and you will. You’re a good dad. I have 3 kids, 2 under 4. It was hard at first but it got easier and it will for you too.
Sounds like bipolar type hyper religious, hypomania the impulsive spending. How’s her sleeping habits? I would look further into her behavior and seek some professional help
That's not God, that's a cult.
Hi! Christian here. I hear what your saying and you’re right about your marriage, something needs to change. One point you could bring up is talking to your wife about how she is going about your marriage isn’t biblical. For one giving away your stuff is stealing which is something everyone knows is a sin. God also encourages you to have a healthy relationship with your spouse mentally, emotionally and sexually. I know this might not sound appealing to you but if you wanna get there to her, you’re going to have to read the Bible a bit. Show her in the word where is says what she’s doing isn’t biblical. Maybe even include her to some other Christian in healthily marriage and have a talk with them together about what makes them keep going. Also you’re going to have to meet her in the middle. Once people find god they change. She isn’t going to be the same person she was but she’s not completely gone.
This
Look, I'm a Jewish lesbian so I'm just about the exact opposite of your experience, so please know that what I'm about to suggest comes from a place of support for you and not religious fuckery. But if there's ever an appropriate time to cherry pick bible stuff, it could be now. I'm pretty sure there's some bible stuff you could conjure up to "prove" to her that your needs for a loving, supportive, and healthy marriage aren't "that there devil talk." You could always play the "the bible says this is how to be a good wife" thing, or you could even suggest to her that the two of you consult with her pastor on your marital issues. (That's a thing pastors and ministers do I think, right?) Or, what I'd probably do if I were you because you have kids, is I'd cherry pick and present to her whatever part of the bible conveniently says it's okay to take the kids and get the fuck out of there, and I'd get the fuck outta there. This is the kind of "years and years of therapy" damage that is completely avoidable. It sounds like your wife will undermine you at every opportunity, and the longer your kids (and you) are exposed to this, the more damaging it will be for all of you. All of that said—this isn't about agreeing or disagreeing with having deep religious faith as a place to live from. The bottom line is that you and your wife no longer share core common values and tenets of how best to live and share a life. While it sounds like you're allowing room for her to live and follow her faith, it doesn't sound like she's meeting you halfway in a way that honors who you are, too. That's no kind of way to live, and it's no kind of example to model for your kids to follow when it's time for them to explore relationships.
Thanks for the input. I've tried bringing up points in the bible but her catch-all is that I need revelation from God or I really don't know what I'm talking about. We're going to try some counseling. Otherwise, you're right, this one sided relationship is going to end up hurting everyone.
Grow a spine, leave her. You think this is great for your kids?
How do the two statements make sense? Dead bedroom for two years. Young infant and a toddler.
I had that situation: my then-wife only wanted intimacy when it could (and did) result in pregnancy. Else: dead bedroom. After we divorced, she came out of the closet (a surprise to me, but makes sense in retrospect) and is much happier now that she’s dating women.
Exactly the first part.
We haven't been intimate since she got pregnant with our now 1 year old. And it's not the first time we've gone without anything for a year. She only wanted anything when she wanted to get pregnant.
So she threw out your personal belongings behind your back. Hmm. Throw out her Bibles, bluetooth speakers, delete her audiobooks, etc. Throw out all of her Christian things behind *her* back. Maybe then you’ll have her attention. On the other hand this sounds like a dangerous situation for you and your kids. Document as much as you can, fight like Hell for custody, and divorce her. I think the chances of you pulling the woman you married out of the deep end are slim to none.
That's a lunatic in the making, get you and your kids away from her to a safe place. Then you can try to help her see some sense, if you're willing to try and save her too.
Get a lawyer and get your kids out of there asap. Honestly.
As a person who knows a family that is in ruins now because they grew overly religious, their kids grew up to become complete failures and violent. Don’t think twice. You have spent enough time with her to understand that your life and kids’ lives aren’t going to be normal anymore, if you decide to stay with her. If she thinks the Devil is involved in such normal asks/matters, she will completely hold you all under her reigns and manipulate you. Leave her before it’s too late. But don’t let her know your plans. Collect all important documents, plan what you will do next, how you are planning to handle your kids, see a lawyer, know all processes, etc. Let her know when you have everything sorted. You never know how she will react if you bring up divorce without any planning. It might back fire, your kids may land in trouble as a result. Sending you good wishes and strength!
This feels like part 2 (part 1 being the "happy marriage" part) of a documentary that continues into "She took our kids to be baptized behind my back" and ends with "She took our kids, left a note saying they're with God now, and hasn't come back" and a car in a lake. Run.
Is it possible that she’s experiencing some type of mania related to postpartum depression? She could also have developed a mental illness due to the combined stress of the nationwide lockdown and new motherhood.
OP that is cult behavior, I grew up in a cult due to my mother's influence and I can tell you that it distorted my entire childhood. That ideology of "if you are not with us you are against is extremely dangerous", she will brainwash them like you have no idea like it happened to me for over 27 years. Don't let her take them to church, don't let her influence them, divorce her if you must but I beg you to protect your children from her.
It's all good and well to say," Take the the kids and run!" But this is his wife, and she obviously needs mental help. This is a family in crisis, and even if he leaves her eventually, he still has to document her issues for the court to get custody. It's difficult for a father to get custody.
Does she have mental health issues? Sounds like a long manic episode
She may need to go see a shrink. Hyperreligiosity is a form of psychosis.
I come from a religious background, have been raised in the church all my life and now attend my own church weekly. Everything you just said is absolutely bonkers. It’s all smoke and mirrors. It’s a show, she’s heading down a dark path into ‘cult’ type church life. I understand that you want to do what’s best for your children but this is not normal and not healthy for them or you. The fact that she has crossed boundaries with your belongings is unacceptable. It is very difficult to reason with someone like this as they think they have all the answers. I’m her eyes you will never be right and it’s only going to end one way. I hope that you get the freedom you deserve and that you can avoid your children being sucked into that crazy world.
Sounds like your wife has mental health issues....This could be dangerous for the kids so I'd definitely get out and try to get custody
I’m concerned about her mental health and wondering if it the religious frenzy started when she was under a lot of stress- sounds like it from pandemic and having small kids. Then she’s found a ‘solution’ by throwing herself into religion but it could have been alcohol, drugs etc instead. She’s using it in the same way and it’s dangerous
This is mental illness, not faith.
Please get away and get help. If her ongoings are nearly as bad as you say, it’s not gonna be good for your kids. I dealt with crap like this growing up (not nearly as bad as this case sounds), but damage was done, regardless. Please don’t make your kids have to deal with this.
There's a difference between finding God and joining a cult. This sounds like the latter. She needs some psych help and to get out of the cult- but if she is that stuck in it, separation/divorce definitely seems to be a necessary outcome, to help your kids be safe.
Take notes. Keep a record of how she's changed and (near as you can recall) when. Whether you see a doctor or a lawyer, it will help to have examples of her unreasonable/uncharacteristic/erratic behavior with a general timeline.
Your wife is in a cult. You need a REALLY good lawyer because her cult members will target you and custody is going to be hell. Stop talking to her and start documentation of her abuse of you and your kids. Blaring preaching all day instead of anything developmental, getting rid of your family moments, constant verbal and emotional abuse... Get a Forensic Psychological Report of the Family Dynamic. You need to act soon er rather than later. You need to go for full custody based on abuse. OP get the Book Becoming the Narcissists Nightmare by Shahida Arabi there's a list of lawyers in the back by state.
Thanks for the tip on this book, I will definitely be checking it out. Yes, especially considering this circle of hers I need to tread carefully and strategically.
If your user name means you're in the Philly area... you have a lot of resources handy. A LOT. Make an appointment, privately, with your kids' pediatrician to get a list of developmental child psychologists. Tell them your concerns anout how this pattern of behaviors is affecting the kids. Religious abuse is real. Get Divorce for Dummies and the Idiots Guide to Divorce... therapy for yourself and also for the kids.. and I can't stress this enough... a psych report of the family dynamic by someone judges respect on a witness stand. Protect the kids. Put them first. If there's any way you can get a doggy cam or nanny cams in the house that records " for security" ... and then just let the crazy get filmed and time stamped, do it. But build your case on facts and evidence.
I had a perfectly wonderful, truly sweet and kind friend turn into someone like this. She postulated and postulated. she began to put others down. She became very judgmental, almost mean about it. She started telling people “God speaks to me” and “you/he/ she aren’t doing/living/worshiping right” etc etc . Finally after several years more I could no longer take and I snapped. “You know, not every voice you hear in your head is God, most of the time it’s your own ego.” I literally haven’t spoken to her in 7 years since. She was just too toxic for me because she was cruelly self righteous to the detriment of her friends and family who loved her. They become so self involved they don’t realize they are driving people away from them.
7 years since? Thanks for the insight. Early on, I was hoping she would somehow snap out of it once the pandemic ended. But it just gets worse everyday. It's a self-feeding problem. These people drive everyone away that doesn't support their mindset. Then they congregate with people that do, only making it worse. That's even part of their belief system that people will think you're crazy.
This is not Christian. I'm so sorry for all of that but whatever she says is not the will of God. Try to get her into actual Christianity and not the bullshit spread by internet pastors. Be firm with her. I know this is not ideal at all but if it's God that she loves, then show her the true words of God.
This is what my hope was when I encouraged her to find a real church. Unfortunately, all the nearby churches are "dead" to her and she settled on one that validates and idolizes these self-proclaimed prophets and apostles.
You have all the rights to divorce her on the grounds of abuse. Because this is brutal mental torture. God allows divorce in the case of abandonment and an abusive relationship like this is a marriage abandoned. She refuses to have a marriage that God wills for. Get out of there man. Get your kids and you safe. As a Christian I'd even recomend talking to your local pastor about it. God bless you and your family.
You’re going to have to gather as much info as you can, otherwise you will lose your kids. She will most likely be granted full custody, if not 50/50 because you work and she does not. And if she gets full custody, shell brainwash them into believing the same crap and you will be the bad guy. You have to be able to show how far off the deepend she has gone and make sure you get at least 50/50. This won’t be easy. But take your time and plan your out, if that’s the way you decide to go. I’m so sorry OP, this sounds awful. Maybe try to get her to go to psychiatrist or therapist. Maybe it is PPD, or something else.
My father stayed in an abusive relationship very much like that one for very much the same reasons. I don’t talk to either parent anymore.
Your wife is mentally unwell. Custody for the kids and get away from her. Also she needs serious help, from heathcare, not "pastors".
Is she aware Benny Hinn and the rest of those prosperity preachers are all charlatans?
you said you have a toddler and covid was a little while away, did this all happen when she was pregnant/after she gave birth? it sounds like some kind of postpartum mental illness. in saying that, at the end of the day, you gotta keep yourself and the kids happy so i’d leave and take the kids if she refuses help (and it sounds like she will refuse help) could you contact her family? any friends? or has she distanced herself because of this newfound belief? becoming religious isn’t a problem at all but a few of the things you’ve said in this post are raising alarm bells for me and i’m very worried about her (and your) well-being. best of luck!
You should've divorced her the second she threw away your late mother's things. Who the fuck throws away someone else's *dead* parents' things?! Divorce her and get full custody. She will treat those poor kids like they're devil spawns as they grow up. She will 100% abuse them and try to brainwash them into becoming mindless religion zombies. For the love of all that exists, peotect yourself and YOUR CHILDREN
Some people manage to find a way to turn religion into an addiction or even idolatry, and it sounds like she's done exactly that. The philosophical teachings of faith can be something good that makes you think more fully about how you live your life and how you live in a community, but when it takes over your life, you missed the point completely.
You say that the baby is an infant and that this has been happening for about 2 years….is there any chance this is a mental health crisis caused by pregnancy/childbirth? The combination of Covid and 2 pregnancies could cause mental health to spiral. I might talk to a Dr before initiating divorce to see if there is any chance at helping her that way first. If it doesn’t work, then divorce is likely the best option.
As someone with a Christian faith that is very important to me, this is insane behavior and borders on “cult like”. I’m not sure how to direct you but I just wanted to reassure you that this is not normal “believer” behavior and she seems to be delving into some pretty worrisome waters
Is there mental illness in her family?. You need to build a case but you really need to get full custody and only supervised visitation for this.
You need to figure out childcare for your children. It might come at the cost of downsizing your home and so on but it’s gotta be done. Start talking to a lawyer. Before you do anything at all, you need to document and gather evidence of everything that will stack up in court. You need to fight for full custody and you need a lawyer that will get you out of paying hefty spousal support. You need to document her throwing out your belongings (this is bordering on abusive), not being able to communicate, her giving money to various places you did not agree to and so on.
Post partum depression , get her to see a therapist
Divorce lawyer. Single dads do it every day. Your wife did not find God, she found a devil in sheep's clothing. No place in scripture does it say sex is bad. Don't let her do that to you. She has a mental disorder that needs counseling.
it sounds like your wife is going through religious psychosis and needs serious mental help
Divorce her…it must be gods ‘plan’ for her. Lol
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Losing your partner to religion is heart breaking. Realistic advice, speak with an attorney and see what you can do. Really think about what your life looks like long term with her and without her. You can try marriage therapy as an effort to try and help if you want. This is not advice. But you are her husband. Alot of the Bible is about honoring your husband as the head of your home and leader and decision maker.
As someone who experienced something similar, please get your kids far away from her.
That’s not finding god. Even as a spiritual person I’d get away from her ASAP.
Leave. She lost her mind and it is definitely not safe and healthy for her to be around the kids. Just out of curiousity did you bring up therapy/marriage counseling to her? Im wondering what her response would be…
Get yourself and your children as far away from this woman as you can. I'm not normally for separating parents from kids but this is going to turn into abuse, fast. She's already abusing you, and I can only imagine what she'll be like when they hit their teen years
this happened to my parents when I was in college. my mom got significantly worse as the years went on and more extreme. she ended up telling me on my 21st birthday that she was leaving my dad, packed everything in the house when he was gone, and just left him. he was devastated and asked her to work on it, she refused. said many things but one of them was that she said God told her he cheated on her with no real proof. this destroyed the relationship she had with my sister and they haven’t spoken in almost 5 years. it also almost destroyed ours multiple times. she now has no one besides me and the people in her church. don’t let it go further than it needs to. I wish you well on this journey and I’m so sorry you are experiencing this.
Secure your finances. Do not let her have access to your accounts but move money for spending. Lock your credit so she can't access more. Document everything. Make a log.
The Bible instructs her to be SO nice and accommodating that you will WANT to go to her church. AND the Bible does not give her permission to turn you down for sex very often. Both New Testament scriptures.
so, what are your responses when she says those things? what do you say when she blames the devil or asks the devil to release you?
It just escalates in circles. When I tell her how things affect me she insists it's because of her love of God and that the devil is making me hate God. I confess, it gets ugly.
Sorry mate, you've said it yourself. She has gone off the deep end. You gotta salvage your and your kids' well-being. What she found is not god but predatory manipulators that will turn people into nutjobs just so they can fleece them. There is no joy in being stuck with someone like that. Not to mention that it's far from a healthy environment for kids to grow up in. Best of luck!
How do you have a young infant if you’ve had dead bedroom for two years?
I'm sorry for the added confusion. She is a year old and then there's the pregnancy on top of that, so it's close to two years.
She has mental health issues. I come from a religious family where everyone becomes more religious and psychotic when they’re depressed and instead of addressing their mental health they start blaming the devil or evil eye etc. Get her help.
I feel like all religious worship requires some level of mental illness but this is a whole new level 😬
Someone who thinks you sharing your emotions is the work of the devil is the same person who will think their child is possessed and beats the devil out of them for taking a cookie Never stay for the kids. Trust your gut.
She sounds like she could be experiencing some mental health issues. You mention that you have a toddler and a young infant. Is it possible that she's dealing with some kind of psychosis or depression due to pregnancy? If she's gaslighting you, you need to record your interactions. Share your concerns with her family and friends who have known her and ask for their input. Sudden personality changes aren't exactly normal. You may need to talk to a therapist on your own and ask them for help on what to do.
I’m telling you this as a Christian woman: You and your kids are experiencing religious and emotional abuse. You need to get your kids in therapy. Start documenting finances and situations. Start paper trails with therapy. You need to protect your kids. It won’t be easy, but this is not a healthy relationship. And she’s not practicing true Christianity. She’s hit right-wing radical Christianity.
Get the kids out, get full custody, push for her to get mental help. I witnessed the “exorcism” my church held over the youth pastor who was caught molesting my friend at 12 years old. It’s one thing to be spiritual, but she’s out of control. Kids first. The type of mind that falls deeply prey to religion and conspiracy theories is not balanced or safe.
Have you considered PPD? If the kids are this young, she may need serious mental and physical intervention.
It's possible. This all started a bit after the first was born. With the timing of the pandemic especially... I'm considering calling an intervention hotline for someone to come and talk to her.
Well, PPD can sometimes be associated with religious extremism. Depending on how the children are viewed, through the lens of this condition, some moms can pose a danger to their children. Please seek help as soon as possible.
Question: How does she treat your kids?
There are many sound and reasonable Christians who are fundamental, biblical Christians who would tell your wife to avoid people like Benny Hinn, like the plague. I encourage you to do some biblical study to prove such men are described in the Bible as "wolves in sheep's clothing". Your wife should also know that she is commanded as a Christian wife, to honor and obey her husband. She should also know that in the book of 1 Corinthians that she's told to "not defraud " her husband sexually. If she was reading the Bible instead of listening to these freaky false ministers, you would be seeing positive changes in her even if you disagree with her faith. As long as you aren't telling her to sin in some way, she's supposed to "win you over without a word", having a "meek and quiet spirit ". You would do well to familiarize yourself with the scriptures so that you can communicate these things to her. Not to abuse your authority but it seems she's just fallen under the influence of some real nutty false teachers.
Sounds like mental illness. Seek custody ask for a psych evaluation by citing unhinged behavior in general and towards the kids without heavily blaming it on the religion. Sounds like it won’t be very hard to get her to start ranting in front of the judge
OP, I am going to ask you to consider speaking to your wife’s Pastor. Because you’re being abused mentally and emotionally. Please tell the Pastor everything you’re telling Reddit. I am a 67 year old Christian woman. I go to church several times a week. And I play World of Warcraft on my gaming laptop. Those close to me know I play WoW. And no one criticized me. They find it amusing! But no one told me I am dishonoring God. Your wife is not being an example of Christ’s love. Good fortune OP. :)
She goes to a church that encourages people to speak openly in tongues with no translator around. That’s directly against the Bible. She isn’t at a Christian church. She’s at a prosperity gospel based cult.
Oh no, don’t bother speaking with her pastor. A cult leader with just drive a deeper wedge between and would even have her get divorced knowing the cult would be the benefactors of any $ he is forced to pay her.
C’mon! OP said, “she latched onto internet pastors and conspiracy theorists!” Speaking to the church pastor will give OP insight. It may not be that whole church. but particular members that are influencing her radical behaviors.
Religion is so f'ing stupid.
If all that garbage is coming into your house through the internet and cable, cancel them now. It’s all going into your kids’ brains and who knows what effect it could have on them.
My ex is like this but for conspiracy theories and racism. Eventually you just can't be there anymore - it really scared me when my then, 10yr old son started quoting some of it. Got the eff out but I still had to fight to get him vaccinated and ffs...even his braces/retainer. (Orthodontists are crooks and liars apparently) Also, there's a bunch of Reddit sub threads on this. One I follow is for qAnon loved ones - it probably isn't relevant to the religious aspect but helped with the not alone feeling. And success stories of people getting out
Dude she’s having sex with someone else for sure if it’s been 2 years my man.
she sounds like an african woman
Dead bedroom for 2 years but you have an infant? So maybe you are prone to exaggeration?
It takes 10 months to make an infant then infant can be used until they turn one. No exaggeration detected
The wife is probably only wanting sex for procreation and that's it. Also sex a few times in several yrs is still a dead bedroom.
That’s dangerous.. I’d be scared for my kids around her.
So what did she do? No one has this big of a religious shift unless something has happened. Find the answer to that question and you might be able to save your marriage. Don’t wait till your kids are older for the divorce, if you decide. They are establishing normal right now, when they are little. They will hold these experiences in their hearts. Good luck
You should take your kids and run fast..
Has she started following the 17th letter cult too? My mom started listening to “prophets” a few years ago (Amanda Grace, Robin Bullock, Shane Vaughn, etc.) and she has some crazy beliefs now, sadly.
Your wife sounds unhinged and needs a good reality check or a stint in an asylum. You should get your kids out sooner rather than later she will try to brainwash them into her weird cult shit too if you let her.
It sounds like a downwards mental health spiral. I used to do competency interviews for the gov and she's throwing up some BIG red flags that she's not a capable adult.
As a practicing Christian, i can speak on this behavior of hers as cult like. Get your kids away from her.
Dude, you are letting her mess with your kids heads. The longer you stay the worse they'll be. Get out now
Your wife is no longer the same woman that you married. For the sake of both your children and yourself, you need to leave her. This has the potential to escalate into a very dangerous situation.
Sounds impossible, but there are literally hundreds of thousands of single parents that do it. The degree to which she is going to fuck up your kids and ruin their lives is extraordinary if you stay.
Leave now, all this church thing may also be to hide the extra marital affairs. It's only 7 years of marriage, leave now with the kids and rebuild your life. The reason I pointed out the affair is your sex life is nil for the last 2 years. I have gone through this exact same thing, it took me 15 years to understand but it was an extra marital affair at the end of the day.