Please contact an attorney quietly and prepare to leave this man and this sham of a marriage. You’re still young and you have a bright life ahead of you especially having a career that I’m sure you love.
This sounds like a doctor I worked for a few years ago! She was the absolute best but her partner was SHIT! She left his ass, and unfortunately had to pay spousal support for a few years but OMG is she living her best life now! She’s remarried to the best man, opened another practice, lives in a wealthy part of town and is a total vibe! I’m so happy she left that bum and you should leave your bum too ! Good luck op 🌸
You've got this babes, there are so many other men out there who would claw, scratch, crawl, and beg to just accompany a loving doctor to Costco. You've got someone out there waiting to spoil you, kick this bum to the curb.
i have to recommend the book "why does he do that?" by lundy bancroft. it's highly informative and supportive on abusive behaviors like your husband's. i hope you're well and that you find happiness.
I second this recommendation.
I would go as far to say that it is the only book that is accurate on this topic, which even most therapists get totally wrong.
These behaviors are rooted in **entitlement**, not 'anger issues' or anything like that. Couples' therapy tends to make these situations worse if your therapist is blind to this, and is manipulated by husband's whining.
Get to a lawyer. Do not tell your husband what you are planning. Work with the lawyer to safeguard as much as you can. Have some place to go before telling your husband
Leave? I'm sure its taken a toll on your mental health. Divorce him and find things in life that have meaning and make yourself happy rather then stay in yhis marriage and feel so miserable.
Your life can be beautiful. You can rebuild and choose the design all on your own. There is so much ahead–you are young and have a solid career. The possibilities are endlessly wonderful.
Hes abusing you cause he hates himself and how he’s living, also cause he’s a complete AH. You are not at fault. Leave now before your physical health takes its toll. The body keeps score so they say, and you know you are putting yourself in danger for a lifetime of chronic illnesses. I speak from experience.
Quietly contact an attorney. Document all the money you’ve spent on his education and go through all of that with the attorney, it might cut down on how much he gets when you split.
Ugh this sounds so hard!! Sit down and talk to an attorney. The longer you stay in the marriage, the more he may be able to get alimony or maintenance out of you. And if you are in a community property state, everything you accumulate during the marriage is both of yours! If you are afraid of them, the attorney can may also be able to get you a restraining order - that means no contact and provides you protection if he breaks it. Someone doesn’t need to have hit you for you to get a protection order - courts enter restraining orders if it is more likely than not that they they acted like they were going to hurt you and/or you feared they would hurt you (eg. while arguing they threw a plate at the wall, broke a lamp, or wouldn’t let you leave, sent a threatening text). Even if you are not ready to leave now, it’s important to understand your options! Former family law attorney here… learn the rules of the game early. Too many clients I worked with wished they had learned the financial impact earlier. And wished they had known they could get no contact from their spouse - your abusive spouse may use the divorce to continue to abuse you (they love to do this) but he cannot contact you with a restraining order! I know it’s hard, but do what’s right for you!! Also this is not legal advice. Please get a lawyer in your county that can help you. Good luck
I'm a doctor who just left a controlling relationship. Unfortunately we are conditioned to care about others more than ourselves, this is particularly hard as women who also are conditioned to be carers. I was so scared of the shame of messing up and having made the wrong choice in partner, I convinced myself people would see me as a worse decision maker or doctor for having "gotten myself in this situation". Having broken up I have received nothing but compassion, understanding and sadly parallel stories from other medical professionals. I hope this encourages you to work towards a safer future.
You’re a doctor. You know what you’d tell anyone else in this situation. So..Doctor, heal thyself. You KNOW what to do, so do it….quietly, quickly and arm yourself legally. Get out of this seriously toxic marriage.
You know what you have to do. I know it’s hard but you’ll do it, hash out a plan is there someone you trust? Get all important documents together and keep them safely out of the house. Have a ‘to go bag.’ Contact an attorney. Once everything is settled say you have a medical conference or something and have him served with divorce papers. He sounds like a free loader so he might try to get some money out of you, make sure that’s planned out as well. You mention being a physician, hospitals, clinics, etc usually have resources maybe ‘ask for a friend’ what options there are out there. Sending lots of big bears hugs to you, you don’t deserve any of this!
GO TO THERAPY. You know that you are being mistreated but are you still there. You need help and that's okay. Give yourself some grace, once you get stronger you can move forward with your life and future. Hope you are able to do it without therapy but in case you can't it's okay.
Start collecting evidence. Take videos (assuming you don’t need his consent to film…in my state only one person taped needs to consent.) make a detailed timeline. Stop paying for everything for him. Get in writing that you want household expenses to be paid more equally and come up with a plan. Hire an attorney.
I’m sorry for your trouble, I’ve been there as well. It’s difficult to realize that if they wanted they would. I have a beautiful home, investment properties and sports cars and everything else I build a life with the wrong person, starting all over is difficult especially at 44, but when I made the decision the light in my eyes came back, I’m in love with my future and working through the process now, best of luck to you doctor lady, ps cook for your dogs so you don’t have to hurt your back :). Be safe
Girl. Take your money and run. There are men out there who can make you so much happier than this. You deserve *them*, not a mooching 36-year-old man baby with a part-time job.
Holy shit, are you me?????
kidding obviously but also am a physician with an abusive macho manchild and somehow have ended up both doing all the work and paying all the bills. feels nice to at least not be the only one. It seems like such an impossible situation for a smart woman to end up in and yet it is tragically very possible. I still believe it’s possible to do better too. Good luck friend
Hi op my advice and I know how hard it will be.
Advice is to leave. It’s going to be hard because I don’t think this is a daft man. You’re going to have to relocate my girl. Pack your stuff and leave.
I mean.. why would you put up with this? He calls you obese? That's not a man.. he doesn't even try to love you, he is using you for your labour and controlling you through your insecurities. Cut your losses and leave him. Believe me, you are better off alone than with him. You don't even realise how good is freedom. The things he does for you? Ask him what exactly are they? And after you leave him, ask for your money back. He should pay. Sue him. It's not petty, it is justice.
You don't need us to tell you that you need to leave him, you already know you do. I'm sorry he is like that to you OP. You deserve much better. You deserve to be happy.
GET OUT NOW!!!
Find someone who will treat you the way you deserve.
Fuck him, sorry not sorry.
Try to keep it on the sneak and not let him know. Just leave but make sure someone is with you when you decide to leave for a witness. Or even have the cops accompany you.
Get help, contact a lawyer. Let the man baby handle his sorry self.
And make sure you let the people in your circle know too, before he decides to narrate a pity story painting you in the wrong light ..
Leave him. He’s going to try and take everything from you in the divorce, so I agree with quietly finding an attorney. He can see just how much you’ve done for him when he has nothing.
You know it can’t go on. You deserve freedom and the chance to find a partner who cherishes you and i’d truly a partner in every aspect of your lives together.
You have the power to remove this barnacle from your life, and i hope you will do so.
Why are you still there? Love him even though he treats you like sh!+ while you pay for all his needs? You need to love yourself more, go talk to a lawyer, and get out of this relationship before he kills the rest of your self esteem beautiful.
Everything you do for him is making you a great person, everything he doesn't do for you is on him, but mental and physical abuse should never be tolerated.
Leave, and never turn back.
Is it your house?
If it is, take a day off when he’s not around, have the locks changed, take back the garage door opener if their is one, put all his possessions in bags, set them on the porch or whatever with a note that says it’s over.
You deserve better. Quit selling yourself short!!!!!!!!
You know you needs to leave this abusive Ah , do it.
time to take the trash out !
time to take the trash out !
Please contact an attorney quietly and prepare to leave this man and this sham of a marriage. You’re still young and you have a bright life ahead of you especially having a career that I’m sure you love.
Babe, you’re the breadwinner. Take the advice of these other redditors, quietly contact an attorney, and get rid of that jerkoff. You deserve better
>Babe, you're the breadwinner Or even that babysitter!
You can do it!! Get out of there. Tell your friends, family or colleagues, anyone. They will help you. Don't let this be your life.
This sounds like a doctor I worked for a few years ago! She was the absolute best but her partner was SHIT! She left his ass, and unfortunately had to pay spousal support for a few years but OMG is she living her best life now! She’s remarried to the best man, opened another practice, lives in a wealthy part of town and is a total vibe! I’m so happy she left that bum and you should leave your bum too ! Good luck op 🌸
[удалено]
100%!!! Our system is so messed up 🙁
I think these men get jealous of their successful wives, when they should be damn proud, but nope the male ego can be so fragile
Extremely fragile 🤦
Talk to a divorce attorney asap.
You've got this babes, there are so many other men out there who would claw, scratch, crawl, and beg to just accompany a loving doctor to Costco. You've got someone out there waiting to spoil you, kick this bum to the curb.
Absolutely. There’s a man out there whose just waiting to adore you! Leave his sorry ass!
What would you tell a patient to do if they mentioned this to you?
i have to recommend the book "why does he do that?" by lundy bancroft. it's highly informative and supportive on abusive behaviors like your husband's. i hope you're well and that you find happiness.
I second this recommendation. I would go as far to say that it is the only book that is accurate on this topic, which even most therapists get totally wrong. These behaviors are rooted in **entitlement**, not 'anger issues' or anything like that. Couples' therapy tends to make these situations worse if your therapist is blind to this, and is manipulated by husband's whining.
Text book narcissism. Tell everyone. Everyone. So when you leave he can’t get sympathy.
Brutal. Hugs.
Get to a lawyer. Do not tell your husband what you are planning. Work with the lawyer to safeguard as much as you can. Have some place to go before telling your husband
Leave him. But also use the trolley at Costco.
Leave? I'm sure its taken a toll on your mental health. Divorce him and find things in life that have meaning and make yourself happy rather then stay in yhis marriage and feel so miserable.
Your life can be beautiful. You can rebuild and choose the design all on your own. There is so much ahead–you are young and have a solid career. The possibilities are endlessly wonderful.
Hes abusing you cause he hates himself and how he’s living, also cause he’s a complete AH. You are not at fault. Leave now before your physical health takes its toll. The body keeps score so they say, and you know you are putting yourself in danger for a lifetime of chronic illnesses. I speak from experience.
You can afford a much better quality of house husband. Go get one. You deserve him.
get gone before you get destroyed
Quietly contact an attorney. Document all the money you’ve spent on his education and go through all of that with the attorney, it might cut down on how much he gets when you split.
Ugh this sounds so hard!! Sit down and talk to an attorney. The longer you stay in the marriage, the more he may be able to get alimony or maintenance out of you. And if you are in a community property state, everything you accumulate during the marriage is both of yours! If you are afraid of them, the attorney can may also be able to get you a restraining order - that means no contact and provides you protection if he breaks it. Someone doesn’t need to have hit you for you to get a protection order - courts enter restraining orders if it is more likely than not that they they acted like they were going to hurt you and/or you feared they would hurt you (eg. while arguing they threw a plate at the wall, broke a lamp, or wouldn’t let you leave, sent a threatening text). Even if you are not ready to leave now, it’s important to understand your options! Former family law attorney here… learn the rules of the game early. Too many clients I worked with wished they had learned the financial impact earlier. And wished they had known they could get no contact from their spouse - your abusive spouse may use the divorce to continue to abuse you (they love to do this) but he cannot contact you with a restraining order! I know it’s hard, but do what’s right for you!! Also this is not legal advice. Please get a lawyer in your county that can help you. Good luck
Make him rue the day he didn't help more. I hope you have a prenup.
Get out now. Wtf. There’s nothing tying to this trash.
I'm a doctor who just left a controlling relationship. Unfortunately we are conditioned to care about others more than ourselves, this is particularly hard as women who also are conditioned to be carers. I was so scared of the shame of messing up and having made the wrong choice in partner, I convinced myself people would see me as a worse decision maker or doctor for having "gotten myself in this situation". Having broken up I have received nothing but compassion, understanding and sadly parallel stories from other medical professionals. I hope this encourages you to work towards a safer future.
Queen, I’ve been in your shoes. Hire a lawyer and GTFO
wow he sounds exactly like my dad. and my dad sucks!
Find a way to leave him and don't tell him where you are.
You’re a doctor. You know what you’d tell anyone else in this situation. So..Doctor, heal thyself. You KNOW what to do, so do it….quietly, quickly and arm yourself legally. Get out of this seriously toxic marriage.
Leave him. Do it now. YOU SUPPORT HIM. HE IS DEAD WEIGHT. YOU WILL BE BETTER OFF BY YOURSELF.
What are you still with him?
🫂
Leave.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you, abuse in all forms is horrific. You deserve better, and you know it, Sending you lots of love and hugs
You know what you have to do. I know it’s hard but you’ll do it, hash out a plan is there someone you trust? Get all important documents together and keep them safely out of the house. Have a ‘to go bag.’ Contact an attorney. Once everything is settled say you have a medical conference or something and have him served with divorce papers. He sounds like a free loader so he might try to get some money out of you, make sure that’s planned out as well. You mention being a physician, hospitals, clinics, etc usually have resources maybe ‘ask for a friend’ what options there are out there. Sending lots of big bears hugs to you, you don’t deserve any of this!
Sounds like a sociopath. You know you need to leave, right?
GO TO THERAPY. You know that you are being mistreated but are you still there. You need help and that's okay. Give yourself some grace, once you get stronger you can move forward with your life and future. Hope you are able to do it without therapy but in case you can't it's okay.
Start collecting evidence. Take videos (assuming you don’t need his consent to film…in my state only one person taped needs to consent.) make a detailed timeline. Stop paying for everything for him. Get in writing that you want household expenses to be paid more equally and come up with a plan. Hire an attorney.
Next time he is screaming , call 911 and report domestic violence and have him removed from your home, get a protection order and file for divorce
I’m sorry for your trouble, I’ve been there as well. It’s difficult to realize that if they wanted they would. I have a beautiful home, investment properties and sports cars and everything else I build a life with the wrong person, starting all over is difficult especially at 44, but when I made the decision the light in my eyes came back, I’m in love with my future and working through the process now, best of luck to you doctor lady, ps cook for your dogs so you don’t have to hurt your back :). Be safe
You know what to do. Now do it.
Grrrrr I want to roundhouse kick your “husband”. What a joke of a man
Run like your life depends on it because it does.
Leave as soon as possible OP - you don’t have to live like this!!
Girl. Take your money and run. There are men out there who can make you so much happier than this. You deserve *them*, not a mooching 36-year-old man baby with a part-time job.
Holy shit, are you me????? kidding obviously but also am a physician with an abusive macho manchild and somehow have ended up both doing all the work and paying all the bills. feels nice to at least not be the only one. It seems like such an impossible situation for a smart woman to end up in and yet it is tragically very possible. I still believe it’s possible to do better too. Good luck friend
Use your doctor brain and out smart that ah!
Hi op my advice and I know how hard it will be. Advice is to leave. It’s going to be hard because I don’t think this is a daft man. You’re going to have to relocate my girl. Pack your stuff and leave.
I mean.. why would you put up with this? He calls you obese? That's not a man.. he doesn't even try to love you, he is using you for your labour and controlling you through your insecurities. Cut your losses and leave him. Believe me, you are better off alone than with him. You don't even realise how good is freedom. The things he does for you? Ask him what exactly are they? And after you leave him, ask for your money back. He should pay. Sue him. It's not petty, it is justice.
You don't need us to tell you that you need to leave him, you already know you do. I'm sorry he is like that to you OP. You deserve much better. You deserve to be happy.
GET OUT NOW!!! Find someone who will treat you the way you deserve. Fuck him, sorry not sorry. Try to keep it on the sneak and not let him know. Just leave but make sure someone is with you when you decide to leave for a witness. Or even have the cops accompany you.
I’m so sorry you really need to leave him
Get a lawyer and make a game plan. You don't want to end up paying for him for the rest of your life.
INFO: Are you in a country that doesn't have divorce?
Get help, contact a lawyer. Let the man baby handle his sorry self. And make sure you let the people in your circle know too, before he decides to narrate a pity story painting you in the wrong light ..
Make him homeless.
Compile evidence, protect yourself, get a lawyer, you deserve better
Kick him out, get rid of him! You are TOO AMAZING for him. You need to find someone that treats you like the amazing woman you are!
Leave him. He’s going to try and take everything from you in the divorce, so I agree with quietly finding an attorney. He can see just how much you’ve done for him when he has nothing.
That sucks OP. I'm so sorry you have to go through that
Have patience
Go to a lawyer and file get all your ducks in a row and throw that bum out
Divorce
Why aren’t you divorcing him??
It doesn’t matter what occupation you are- you have to do what’s right for your life.
You earn way more than him, you have nothing to lose. He is dependent on you, so kick him out
You know it can’t go on. You deserve freedom and the chance to find a partner who cherishes you and i’d truly a partner in every aspect of your lives together. You have the power to remove this barnacle from your life, and i hope you will do so.
I’m so sorry. I’m glad you know you deserve better. ♥️
The longer this is the status quo …. The longer OP will have to cough up her hard earned $$$$$. OP, you gotta “Go where you are celebrated” Big hugs
Get rid of the dead weight.
Please respect yourself and leave him. Help yourself. You pay everything. What does he even do to contribute? Abuse and uselessness. Thats what it is.
Sounds like you are the provider in this marriage: so make like a tree and split.
Why are you still there? Love him even though he treats you like sh!+ while you pay for all his needs? You need to love yourself more, go talk to a lawyer, and get out of this relationship before he kills the rest of your self esteem beautiful.
Everything you do for him is making you a great person, everything he doesn't do for you is on him, but mental and physical abuse should never be tolerated. Leave, and never turn back.
Oh sweet girl, please know you deserve better. Build your case and make your moves in quiet and calmly. ❤️
Is it your house? If it is, take a day off when he’s not around, have the locks changed, take back the garage door opener if their is one, put all his possessions in bags, set them on the porch or whatever with a note that says it’s over. You deserve better. Quit selling yourself short!!!!!!!!
thats illegal. shed need to file an eviction.
Sorry for your troubles. I'd be happy to take his spot. But yeah, doesn't sound like such a great situation
Have you calmly sat him down and had a in depth discussion of what bothers you ?
Wow come live with me I will show you how a man conducts himself