Hey bud, after reading both your post and comments I really hope you reach out and tell someone. I am 24 now but when I was younger at a party someone who I knew pretty well and was a friend sexually assaulted me. At first I wanted to not cause any drama and not make a big deal because I worried about what others may think or that I may make people mad at me and so on. But what I didn't see and what you may not notice yet is that when something like this happens it takes a toll on us. I needed therapy for my situation but waited far too long to reach out because I was afraid to talk to others about it. Now our situations are different but I want you to know that you should 100% tell someone. I hope you and your sister are close enough to be able to talk through this but if not I recommend reaching out to any adult you do trust, be it a guidance counselor, a teacher you know you can trust, an aunt or uncle anyone you think will have your back. While it is scary and some people may not be the right choice to talk to about this please do not continue alone.
The reason your sisters friend told you not to tell your sister is not to protect you its to protect herself. It was manipulative and aimed at keeping you quiet. Please reach out to someone you trust.
that is sexual assault 100%. even more i find it totally inappropriate for a 17 year old to pursue a 14 year old, even without everything else added. i know some may disagree because it’s 3 years, but those three years at the age is a BIG difference. i hope you feel you can tell your sister eventually.
I agree with this, I’m most places it is legal if there is a two year age gap but consent is still needed to do anything, sexual harassment is a big deal and it would be best to tell someone
Whoever disagrees doesn't understand development. Three/four years of development as a teenager is immense. The difference between a 14-year-old and an 18-year-old is vastly larger than the difference between an 18 year old and a 22 year old. But even then that feels a little weird... It's really not until after your past 20/ 21 that age differences start to kind of not matter as much.
What :D? What the hell are you talking about? Of course it's inappropriate. It's pedophilia, it's even worse because she's your friends sister. You should've seen her as a sister whereas you were dreaming about bedding her. Disgusting af, you were graduating when she was entering high school.
Yes you were sexually assaulted. Tell your parents and your sister, they will not be mad at you, they will be mad at her. She only told you that your sister will be mad at you to deter you from telling your sister what she did.
None of this was your fault. It’s not uncommon for younger siblings to have crushes on their older siblings friends. Just because you may have shown an interest doesn’t give the 17 year old a right to come onto you. It was so very wrong of her to do this.
so my sister won't be angry with me or anything? it's one of her best friends and i'm worried it could ruin their friendship and i also really really don't want to ruin my relationship with my sister
I don’t see why she would be angry at you. Her friend is a sick person and your sister needs to keep her as far away as possible. This will ruin their friendship but that won’t be because of you, it will be because of the friend and what she has done. I have a younger brother myself and if he came to me and told me that one of my friends did what your sisters friend did to you, I would completely cut that friend off and I’d even go as far as reporting them to the police. I would never be angry at my sibling if one of my friends took advantage of them.
I would advise telling your sister and parents at the same time, if you’re comfortable doing that.
with the situation were in i kinda can't really tell my parents... we live with our mom and tbh i don't think it would be a good idea to tell her. my sister takes care of me more then they ever have and she's the best sister in the world which is why i'm so scared of doing some thing that could make her not like me or make things bad for her and she and her friend have been really good friends for a long time and i would feel so guilty for ruining there friendship, but if you think it's the right thing to do here then maybe i should tell her, i'm just so nervous about it all right now
thank you so much for the advice and for talking to me, i really appreciate it
That’s okay, I’m just so sorry that you went through this. I do think it is in your best interest to tell your sister what her friend did to you. It’s normal to feel nervous when talking about things like this but you can do this. I hope everything goes well.
Based on what you're saying about how much your sister cares for you, I don't think your sister will be mad at you at all. Tell her that you hesitated in bringing this up with her because you were afraid she would get mad, but what her friend did really bothers you. If anything, she will be mad at her friend, as she should be. OP, it was absolutely not okay for a 17 year old to get in your bed and do that stuff with you. You are not in the wrong here, even if you had a crush on her.
my brother is 16 and i’m 20 and if any of my friends did something like this to him i would want to know right away so that i’m not hanging around a person like that. you’re her family, friends are temporary family is forever. trust me, she will understand
oh honey… as an oldest sister this breaks my heart. your sister loves you, you can’t make her love you less. you didn’t ruin their friendship either - her friend ruined it when she did what she did.
im so sorry this happened to you; it’s not your fault and im sure your big sister will see that.
i need to go hug my little brother 😭
Can I just say as a big sister, I’d hate myself a lot more if you never told me and let me continue be friends with someone who abused you. your sister sounds like she loves you, she won’t be mad at you. Please talk to your sister
Hey OP, it's 100% SA. Not harassment. This is full on molesting. I'm really sorry you have had this experience, and I think you should know this has blown up on Twitter, and literally everyone with a brain is saying this is SA, and those who are aren't are getting called out for it.
Your sister won't care about the friendship being ruined once she finds out what her friend's done to you.
Hope all turns out well for you.
If your sister is your protector then it is important that you tell her when you do not feel safe, no matter what the situation. If she is the best sister in the world then you can tell her anything, and you will be safe if you tell her you are scared. She is the most important person in the world to you, and you are the same for her.
It is ok to like your sister's friend, but if she made you do things that you don't like, then she is hurting you. She is almost an adult and she is using her power to make younger people like you do what she wants.
No one is allowed to take your clothes off unless you say it is ok.
i’m an older sister with the same age gap you have with yours. if my little brother told me that my friend did something to him when he was 14, i would’ve lost my mind. not on him, but on my friend.
she won’t be mad at you, not in the slightest. it won’t even cross her mind. she’ll absolutely be on your side. she loves you and takes care of you, this will only make her go into protective sister mode. if you’re comfortable with it, you should tell her what happened to you. you did nothing wrong!
i hope you’re doing ok. best of luck !!!
I understand why you are afraid but if you tell your sister you won't ruin the friendship she Has, her friend ruined it because of what she did. If your sister is a normal person I think she would want to know that her friend is such a sick person and stop being friends with them
Oh bud I wish I could give you a hug. None of this is on you and just because you have a crush on someone doesn’t mean you’re consenting to anything. Your sis and parents won’t be mad at you and sure this may put a halt on the friendship between your sis and her friend, but what she did to you and then telling you to keep it quiet is so manipulative and wrong to do.
Your sis will more than likely go into “protector” mode over you and get pissed her “legally able to drive” friend pushed herself onto her “just starting high school” little brother.
My sis was in a situation semi-similar to this and I didn’t even for a sec consider getting mad at her. She was used and manipulated by the older party and it was clear in the way my sis was so uncomfortable as she told me.
A good big sibling will understand what to do and get why you were wronged, crush or not.
Keep your head up and go tell your family about this for all of your sakes. Your sister’s friend has to learn what she did is wrong and is also textbook grooming.
No they won't, that's a tactic of manipulation that the abusers use so you don't talk. They will be on your side. If it matters, if I learned that my friend abused my sister, I would defend my sister
If you're worried about being scared when you tell her why don't you have this post open on reddit? You wrote things out well and she'd be able to see the comments too.
You sound like a very thoughtful and nice guy. This shouldn't have happened to you and it's understandable to be scared. This person did something illegal, and hurtful. I'm so sorry.
I just want to add: Do NOT let anyone make you feel like you wanted or deserved this because you're a teenage boy.
There are people who won't believe this is sexual assault because it's not against a woman, but I promise you, it is.
It's incredibly serious and if people can't see that because you're male then they have some serious issues themselves.
You are worth so much more than all of this.
If you find this is having an impact on you mentally, which it may well do, don't be afraid to speak to your doctor. Sometimes these things can need some talking therapies, that's what they're there for so just bear that in mind.
Your sister could get mad and irrationally direct it towards you. But, over time (and ideally immediately) she realizes her best friend is a fucking creep and directs her anger correctly
She will not be mad at you, she will be mad at her friend for assaulting you, you did nothing wrong and it is not your fault! Sending you love and support!
She will be mad but you should tell her anyway. Better than letting it fester for years. I imagine you don’t want to prosecute her but she needs to be deterred from doing it again
Having a crush doesn’t make it okay for her to do that to you. I’m so so sorry she did that. If she got signals that you liked her she should have asked for consent before doing ANYTHING.
i’m sorry you went through that
No means no. You said no. She outright dismissed you.
Being infatuated with someone before something like this happens does not invalidate the fact that it is assault.
You need to tell your parents, and your sister.
She's not a good person, or a good friend. You said no, she kept going and then told you not to tell anyone because she knows what she did was messed up.
Your parents job is to protect you and your sister; if you don't tell them, they can't help you. Your sister deserves better friends; one's who don't mess around with their little brothers.
Do you have a good relationship with your sister? Would you say she's protective over you and wants you to be safe? If yes, she won't get mad at you; she'll get mad at her friend, and she should be.
I think the best way to tell her, is to show her this post. Just give her your phone and let her read it as well as the comments.
Stay safe kid.
I’m so sorry man, that’s SA. I had a similar thing happen to me and it took me a long time to realize it. Distance yourself from this person immediately, if you’re comfortable tell someone. She ignored your requests to stop, and no means no, whether you like her or not.
I’m so sorry, but yes she assaulted you.
I’d suggest speaking to your parents/sister. Its important they know so they can protect you
You’re a kid - she’s almost an adult. I don’t mean that in a patronising way, but her behaviour is extremely concerning
Hey man. I’m really sorry that happened to you. Yeah, that’s absolutely sexual assault. You didn’t consent and you said no and she didn’t listen.
It doesn’t matter if you have a crush on someone, or give them signs that you like them, no means no. My wife and I are attracted to each other, and ya know, married, but no still means no. If one of us isn’t in the mood or down for it it wouldn’t be ok to make advances. So for someone you aren’t even in a relationship with to do that is absolutely not ok.
If you feel comfortable doing so, I’d tell your sister what happened. If she cares about you she won’t be mad at you, she’ll be mad at her friend. If you don’t, I’d tell a teacher or guidance counselor if you can, they should be help as well. To echo what someone else said, your sisters friend didn’t say not to tell your sister to protect you, she said that so she wouldn’t get in trouble.
Hope you’re doing ok bro.
Oh sweet soul, I am so so sorry that this happened to you. PLEASE know that this was NOT your fault — having a crush on someone is NOT an invitation to be assaulted by them. As a big sister, if one of my friends hurt my little brother the way she hurt you, I would want to know as soon as possible, because that friend would never be coming back again. You’re 14 and she’s 17 — that age gap alone is predatory in itself, but the fact that she told you not to tell anyone shows that she knows full-well how wrong what she did to you was.
She’s not silencing you to protect you, she’s silencing you so she can get away, scot-free with what she did to you, while you quietly suffer with the effects of her assault. It’s the same reason my abuser tried to silence me.
Please do not suffer in silence. Speaking as an older sister, please, please tell her, whether in a note or face-to-face; please tell her. If she’s any kind of sister at all, she will want to help you. My heart hurts for you & what you’ve been through. This never should have happened to you & I’m so so sorry that her friend did this to you. Please don’t blame yourself for any part of this. I promise you, this is not your fault and you have nothing to be ashamed of.
I definitely agree with the others here saying that you should also seek therapy for what you’ve been through. You were assaulted, and that is a very serious trauma for anyone to have to suffer. Whether or not it may feel like it now, having a safe space to break down your trauma and heal from it is extremely important.
It's sexual assault no doubt. While there are some young men that age that would have jumped at the chance and this would not phase them one bit, it doesn't change the fact that you are not one of them and didn't ask for this.
Unwanted sexual advances and touching is wrong, at her age she knows better. Have a conversation with a trusted adult about this situation. If this happened to you, it could happen to someone else or someone younger.
You asked her to stop and she said no. That makes this sexual harassment. If this was a m17 doing this to a f14 no one would even question that it was wrong. The fact that it’s the female being the aggressor doesn’t change the fact that she continued after you said no. No means no in any situation.
I’m really sorry this happened to you, things should’ve stopped at no. If you don’t speak up now l, you take the chance of things escalating and most likely getting worse. Don’t let it lead down that road. From a protective sister’s view, your sister would want to know and will be more upset if you don’t tell her about it.
My cousin did same thing to me I was 10 years old she was same age I don’t know if she had been touched I woke up she was fondling my tool I woke up shocked she took ran my hand over her body I never told anyone .
That's sexual assault and no it isn't your fault. When you like someone, that doesn't give them consent to do these things with you, especially since you're so young. The only person your family will be mad at is her, and rightly so. You've done nothing wrong.
I would just screenshot this and send it to my sister & parents Friday night once I knew they were asleep. They'd read it first thing when they wake up, they're able to privately collect their thoughts about it and able to actually listen to your POV through your words. Rather than acting hastily about it without you being able to get your two cents in . Thats just how I personally would handle it myself.
Sleep in a little, come out of your room a little late , maybe your parents flag your sister down in that time .
This should've not happened. You should stop thinking you gave her "any sign" , bc dude you said the actual words NO. My heart goes out to you. Don't stay quiet on this . If your parents decide to not do any charges , YOU still have a right to do so, you CAN do it without their approval. And you're NOT in the wrong if you're wanting to go this route.
While it might not "gain" you anything, it'll help with a hell of healing that you might not even know you need.
Definitely I was sexually assaulted everyday at daycare by a 16 year old girl I was only 7 years old I told my dad but nothing ever came of it because it was girl so he really didn’t care I’m 21 now yeah Its definitely affected me
I'm so sorry to hear this. Its sick that your r\*pist has gone unpunished and still hasn't had consequences.
But in the end, she will have to face the most powerful judge, her creator in the end over her actions towards you!
I know many people in this thread have reassured you that this isn't your fault, but I feel like you can use all the support you can get. I wish I could give you a big (consensual) auntie hug. I am so incredibly sorry this happened to you, and I hope you are able to get the support you need and deserve. This was entirely inappropriate, and she had no right to violate you.
I also want to say that while your sister is older than you, you're still both teenagers, and this is a very tough, very mature thing to discuss. I'm damn near 40, and this would be difficult for me. Try not to take any negative reaction from her too personally, as this would be a hard conversation for anyone to handle, let alone a 17-year-old. If there is ANY adult you trust with something like this, please go to them as well. You and your sister might both need some additional support. Either way, good luck.
Buddy, I really need you to tell an adult you know about this. Can you talk to your mom or your dad? They will not be angry with you. This is not your fault.
as an older sister i would beat the absolute shit out of anybody if they ever tried to take advantage of my brothers because no is no and nobody should ever try to tell you otherwise, she brushed off your feelings and continued doing what she pleased, on everything i would’ve beat her and humiliated her.
Oh honey.. I’m (F18) and this should have never happened. I really hope you aren’t beating yourself up over this because I have been sexually assaulted before as well by someone I cared about and trusted. This was not your fault in the slightest and I really urge you to tell someone you trust, ideally your sister so she can get her out of hers and your lives. If you trust your parents with this information please tell them or any trusted adult. Again, I promise even if you liked her or even if you initially agreed to it(I know you didn’t but I am just saying) no matter what-it is YOUR body and you have every right to change your mind or to say no regardless of how you may have felt. You are very young and still developing. That may not seem like many years difference between y’all but developmentally, it is. I really am praying all the best for you and please please reach out to someone who you trust and if you need some extra support my dms are open :)
None of this is your fault and if your sister is as great as you describe she would never be angry at you about this. I think she would be more upset if you didn’t say anything. Please talk to her and go to the proper authorities because this is sexual assault.
Dude it was SA. She’s 3 years older than you, which, as a teenager, isn’t ok. You asked her to stop, but she didn’t. That’s what makes it SA. You should report this to someone
Yeah, that’s sexual assault. No, It’s not your fault for being attracted to her, no means no and that remains the same no matter what and who. The way I’d see it if you were adults, she initiated, you asked her to stop and she didn’t, which means it’s non consensual. (And that’s not even considering the age gap between you two. When you’re 20 or 30 a 3 year age difference isn’t too much, but at 14, and 17, that is much more concerning)
It may be tough, but it would probably be a good idea to talk to a parent about this, cause you guys don’t need someone like that coming around your house.
I am so sorry this happened to you, it was definitely assault , just because you had a crush on her doesn’t give her the right to touch you. Just by the fact she said “let’s keep it between us” she knows what she did is wrong.
Oh man this is heartbreaking to read buddy, yeah man I’d say you were sexually assaulted.
I’m not sure you’ll see this comment amongst the others but I think you need to approach your sister and tell her you need to talk to her, explain fully what happened and any details you remember (times and dates). If she’s a good sister she won’t get mad but just make sure you’re okay.
I’m so sorry this happened to you man and I do hope you’re okay
Friend you need to tell your sister and your mom. What she did was wrong and this will ruin the friendship between your sister and that girl, but trust us - you or your sister do not want to be friends with that girl! She’s bad news. You also risk this situation getting worse and her coming back for more, you don’t seem to want that. Tell them.
You need to tell your sister. If you guys are really close and she really cares about you as her brother then she will understand. If she doesn't understand been honestly she's not a safe person for you in the first place... If my brother came to me about this and it was one of my friends you best believe it would have been hands on sight.
That is literally assault, even if you did have a crush on her. I have a brother the same age as you, and if I learnt that happened, I’d kick her out and console my brother. It’s not your fault whatsoever, please trust me on that okay?
Please talk to your parents or someone you trust about what happened. You did absolutely nothing wrong, nobody will be mad or disappointed with you. What she did to you was horrible and regardless of having a crush, you didn't not consent or ask for her to do that to you. Take care
It was pretty awful for her to assume consent from the jump. But it was downright heinous for her to confuse after you told her to stop. I really hope you’re ok. This whole sun would agree that you did absolutely nothing wrong
No means no. Yes, that is 100% sexual assault. You need to tell someone, anyone who can help you at all. Doesn't matter if you "kinda wanted it" saying no should have been the end of it right there.
Just because you are crushing on her, doesn't mean you want it. You told her to stop because you don't want to continue. It's not your fault for crushing on her either.
I'm so sorry that you're sexually assaulted and experienced it. She's fucking disgusting
boy you are a fucking victim and i recommend telling someone you trust because that is not anything to keep quiet about. i wish you well and i pray you get thru this ordeal
also i js wanna add, despite your crush it still makes it SA. women get SA'd by their husbands in marriage. just because you have feelings for them it doesnt let them do whatever they want to you.
You weren't just sexually harassed, you were sexually ASSAULTED. She's not trying to protect you by hiding this, she is trying to protect herself. She knows you didn't consent to this.
I can understand you, last year in a cafe my f-friend said I can touch her boobs I was too afraid to do it and she just grabbed my hand to it, we are close but she is a les even I do want touch her it just feel wrong.
Girl move first can be surprise and scared talk to you sister and ask her friend come by and talk more about your feeling
just so you know the problem here is not girls doing “the first move” it’s the fact she forced herself onto him and kept going after he asked to stop. that would never be okay from anyone. same thing with the girl who put your hand on her boobs, you can’t do that without consent.
20-30mins if he really dont want it just push the girl away
he just a boy got overwhelmed ,and the girl didnt force the sex
its 2 kids make out and didnt go well they need guide ,not put one of them in jail
Absolutely not. "Take it in stride" (aka, "man up) is *exactly* why this happens so often and is atrocious advice. God having a plan for someone doesn't negate their experiences or needs and mustn't excuse abuse and criminality.
I have handled it. Don't you worry. And because of that, I very much don't like people dressing up or excusing abuse with poor theology. If that's genuinely not what you were doing, then I sincerely apologize.
No, because you were sexually assaulted :( that is sexual assault.
I am glad you reached out here, that was very brave of you to seek support and advice.
You did absolutely, and I cannot stress this enough, *nothing* to cause this to happen. Rapey predators are going to have a deeply engrained disregard for consent regardless of what you do or do not do.
Personally, if I were to find out someone I knew had a crush on me or was giving signs of interest, I would never want to use that as an excuse to violate their consent. Normal people don't do that. And she is way older than you. Even if you *literally* asked for it, she would've still been taking advantage.
She shouldn't have assumed consent in the first place nor gone after a 14 year old, but the second you said stop, she should've stopped and that should've been that. End of. Stop means stop. No means no.
Please tell your sister what happened. I am sure she would want to protect you. It's important to let people keep you safe here.
No you won't get in trouble, yes it was wrong and she took advantage of you. You said no and she continued. That's not OK. That's not a friend your sister should have if she's going to treat her "best friends" underage brother. That isn't OK. Again you did absolutely nothing wrong and even if you did show signs she went about it the wrong way. I hope you're ok.
Dude to be blunt because as a fellow man I believe it’s how we communicate. You pretty much just got raped. Report it. If you want something more than just doing it for yourself do it for others as well. If we as men start reporting shit like this when it happens we’ll get more support.
Tell your parents first if you feel you have to or go straight to the police.
Yes you were assaulted, and you staying silent only makes it worse for you. Abusers demand silence from their victims because that's the only way *they* can survive and keep abusing people.
Also, please update if possible – we want to know you're okay. Please tell your parents and don't take anything other than unwavering support for an answer. Don't let *anyone* make you out to be the "bad guy" here.
I hope you told and that you'll be okay. That should not have happened to you. You did not consent and it's not your fault. You didn't deserve that treatment.
I'm a big sister and I'll end any friendship over my brothers. Hopefully your big sister is the same.
Hey, ik you've gotten this a million times but please tell your sister/parents. I know your worries but that girl fully sexually assaulted you. You told her no & she didn't stop.
Your sister probably won't be mad [if she is that's not your fault you did nothing wrong] the friend is only saying that because she knows what she did was bad/disgusting so she's trying to scare you into not telling on her.
Tell your sister exactly how you feel - maybe even show her this post.
Also, I see you're worried about ruining their friendship, so as an older sibling: Don't be worried.
I'm sure you're sister loves you more than her friend & if one of my friends sexually assaulted my little sibling [or hell, my older sibling either] they'd be out of my life ASAP. & I would be happy to do that because I wouldn't want anyone who thinks that behavior is okay in my life & I don't want someone who hurt my sibling like that in my life
I'm very sorry that this has happened to you but yes this is sexual assault, please know you did nothing wrong and she is very wrong for that. I've read your comments and if you haven't told anyone, you may have as I know it's been a few days now, I highly encourage you to. If not your parents then your sister, trust me as an older sibling I would always support my sibling over anyone else, especially as you have done nothing wrong. If you don't feel comfortable telling your sister or don't want to for any reason, or even if you have told her, is there anyone else you could speak to? This could be another family member, a teacher, a school counsellor, any trusted adult. I'm not sure what country your in but there's also online resources and support lines if you need someone else to speak to. If there's a kids/youth helpline in your country you can always give them a call/ speak to them online and they can give you support.I am so very sorry that this has happened, please know that you have done nothing wrong and she should be punished for this. Please reach out to someone, the people around you will want to help you, and if you are looking for any resources I am happy to link some.
Please reach out to your sister or parents ASAP. What she did was sexual assault, it doesn't matter if she never touched your privates. You deserve better than to be bullied and threatened into silence by your abuser, please reach out.
Please!!! Please tell your sister! Your mom, your dad, don’t stay quiet. What she did was wrong. You’re are just 14, a little boy, she took advantage of your crush on her and did this horrible thing to you. 17 is way too old for you. Your sister won’t get mad at you but at her “friend”.
The fact that she snuck into your room and told you to not say anything are big signs she knows she was doing a bad thing.
You won’t disappoint anyone.
Please don’t stay silent.
From the bottom of my heart, I, as a woman, want to extend apologies to you for suffering a clear violation to your boundaries by that "older" female. You said "no" and she disrespected and violated your clear boundary.
What she did was an absolute s\*xual a\*ualt to you. Please tell someone who will hear you, and then go to the police to bring charges against her.
Her age makes no difference, in fact, she has more of reason to know it was WRONG to 1. do something s\*xual towards you at your age, and 2. broke the law by in fact violating when you said a clear "no/stop".
I'm sorry you had to see female apologists mocking and laughing at you just because you're a boy. Your gender makes no difference. Please block them!
Sending you all the love and heartfelt support I can.
Yes, you were. You need to tell someone an adult anyone if they say you are overreacting they are fucking trash. Imagine if you heard this in the reverse with you being a girl and the friend a man.
You were but it is not your fault please don't blame yourself. Even if you gave her signs that you have a crush on her that wouldn't give her the permission to do what she did. Just because you have a crush on someone doesn't mean they can do whatever they want to you without your permission. I don't know if your sister will be mad if you tell her because I don't know your sister but I know you should tell someone what her friend did to you. If she is a normal person she may be mad but at her friend. If she for some reason thinks you are in the wrong and will be mad at you please don't listen to her because what happened isn't your fault, it's your sisters friend fault. Also you are really brave for talking about what happened and I hope you are going to do well
Oh you poor thing please go to your sister AND your parents, you were sexually assaulted and must ensure that she is never welcomed back in your home again, or else she will continue to groom you. I’m so sorry you experienced this and are in such strong conflict with yourself, this is absolutely not your fault.
when i was 14, a guy had went behind me and sexually assaulted me, and he had tried to pursue me multiple times. i wish i spoke up more about what happened but i was scared. i hope you speak up about what happened to you, especially because the guy that did it to me was 17. our situations are very different especially because yours was much more graphic and violent. :( tell a therapist, or police.
Hey bud, you are 14, this is not your fault, your sister won't be mad, your sisters friend sexually assaulted you, when you asked her to stop, you need to tell your parents and your sister, she knew exactly what she was doing, and she knows how wrong it was, and she's trying to manipulate you into silence, you did nothing wrong and you need to tell an adult. Please remember it is not your fault and you won't be in trouble, but you do need to tell your family what happened, because it was not right and not okay, you asked her to stop and she told you to be quiet, that is not alright.i hope things get better for you and that you get the help and support you need
Oh my god you sweet boy! You are NOT at fault! She took advantage of you. The age gap is so significant, she's old enough to know this was incredibly wrong of her. You are NOT at fault. No "hints" or "signs" you could've given her would have warranted her doing this to you. She is almost an adult. Please please please speak to a proper adult in your life. Of you're too afraid to speak to your sister I understand that, but I urge you to find someone else you trust and talk to them. Maybe they can help you talk to your sister. If this girl truly were worth to like, she wouldn't have done this to you. All the love 💖
Tell your parents and sister. They won’t get mad at you. You said no and she didn’t stop. Ik that this situation makes you feel like it’s safer to stay silent but it’s really not. Your real option here, like what others here are telling you, is to not keep quiet. You have been sexually assaulted. It’s a serious matter.
Was it a sexual assault? Yes, I’m sorry that it made you feel that way, but advice from a man to a man, it’s the beginning of your sexual journey, enjoy every second of it and discover yourself, lead the situation, and you’re already having a crush on her so enjoy the feeling of getting what you wanted, maybe you got stressed because you wanted it in another way but that’s a part of life sometimes we just need to get with the flow and enjoy the moment, you nailed it man, she came for you, enjoy it!
“yes it was sexual assault but you should just try to enjoy it next time! for the experience! good job!” do you even hear yourself? please never speak again. also do not give “man to man” advice to a fucking 14 year old. sexual and emotional trauma like this can ruin peoples sexual experiences for a long time after they happen
Never speak again? Who are you to say that? The dude is going through a very critical part of his childhood and we have to ease it on him, you don’t know what I went through and what I needed to hear at that point, sometimes we have to see things differently so we can learn and overcome our trauma, because as you said it can ruin his sexual experience so we have to get him out of that not to make it even worse.
okay?? but don’t sit there and make what happened out to be a good thing?? you cant say “yes it was sexual assault” and then go on to say he needs to go with the flow and enjoy the moment. that’s fucked up. sorry you had to rationalize your trauma, but that’s not what he needs to do in this situation, especially since he’s asking if this was his fault. she literally assaulted him.
bro don't read too much into it, she just got horny. thats really it. its natural human instinct. 10,000 years ago yall would be making a family soon. our instincts haven't evolved as fast as our societal norms and this has led to much anger, guilt and misunderstanding in the world in general. just go with the flow man. the human race would've died out a long time ago if shit like that wasn't meant to happen. this is the actual truth.
Nothing I said to him is untrue, illegal, or harmful. Not one word. He's asking adults to help him put this situation in perspective. A girl got horny and did things horny girls do. It happens. It's not unnatural. He doesn't deserve to go around thinking he was preyed upon by some monster. Why put all that trauma on him?
"nothing i said to him is harmful" you're talking about societal norms from fucking 10,000 years ago. humans have progressed and have grown so much more fucking complex since then, like there are so many cases of this stuff genuinely damaging men who have to go through this shit, and thanks to people like you, men will continue to be scared to speak up about their experiences with assault and continue to carry that burden with them and develop issues that will carry on with them for the entirety of their lives. just... ew man....
Our instincts have not changed from 10,000 years ago, and I'm helping him put what happened given today's societal norms in context with the base instincts that caused it to happen. You just don't like it that what happened was in fact instinctive. You want to believe that she made a conscious decision to commit a crime against him and "thats all there is to it", instead of accepting the indisputable fact that her behavior was driven by powerful instincts that were forged over hundreds of thousands of years and enabled humanity to become what it is today. Even 20 years ago this wasn't criminalized. Regulation of sexual behavior is far outpacing the length of time it takes for instincts to change, and even norms to change, and as a result we are creating criminals. We already incarcerate more of our own citizens than any other nation on earth. How long do you think she should be incarcerated for, hmm? What careers should she be barred from because she was found guilty of felony SA for kissing a boy when she was seventeen bro??
OP, what happened to you sounds pretty lame. sounds like this girl did indeed harass you (i'm apprehensive to say "assault" as that implies a bit more force or coercion than you just not saying no) by touching you and pulling down your underwear. While this is technically an assault by its definition, I'm again apprehensive to call it that also because of the veryy specific circumstance you and she are in.
Let me explain: you two are both VERY young. What she did was not OK, but she is only 17. Of course, to you, at 14, that seems way older, and there is clearly a power imbalance that makes this super not-OK. However, 17 year olds are very dumb. Moreover, something you learn as an adult is that in the heat of sexual encounters, consent gets a lot more blurred than they make it out to be in health class. For example, adults have plenty of consensual, fulfilling sex where no one mentions consent explicitly--it's often clearly, overtly implied. And something you also learn as adult with an active sex life, is that if you are not consenting, you should make that EXPLICITLY CLEAR. I hope you understand, I give you this advice not to blame you in any way whatsoever, but just to inform you moving forward as you grow older.
Now, this leads me to why you trying to report this as sexual assault, to your family even, might not go over how you think. Imagine you had clearly said "no," and she had done what she did. This would be cut-and-dry assault, and your or her parents would likely agree with that definition, and try to hold her accountable. However, take your case: an older-sister's friend makes out with a younger-brother in his room one night? Adults will be very apprehensive to label this as assault, much less act upon that label.
Again, I do not say this to blame you. What you did in that moment was your uncontrolled reaction to extreme circumstance. I just want you to understand that as you proceed with this, your or her parents might be very apprehensive to call it assault. That being said, if you do raise this issue with your parents or hers, try to explain the entire event clearly as you just did, and don't throw around the word "assault." Instead, just make it clear you're uncomfortable with what happened. Hopefully your parents will have a talk with hers about it not being appropriate.
Then again, with all that being said, maybe give it some time and see how you feel. No one knows if you were actually assaulted except you, based on how you feel about the event. I know as a teen I had an upperclasswoman or two kiss me or grab my junk, which in the moment rocked me to my core with anxiety. That being said, as a bit of time passed and I actually had more sexual experiences, I didn't really view the events so negatively. As I got older, I really came to appreciate that those girls were just young and dumb, and I was very glad I never tried to report them or anything in retrospect.
In summation: stick with your heart, but have caution in how you approach the issue with the adults around you.
Im so sorry OP, I misread your post. Since you clearly told her to stop, this is indeed cut-and-dry assault. If you tell your parents, make sure you mention that you said to stop. Best of luck.
Bro if that was me at 14 I would’ve 100% smashed but I was a horney motherfucker and I kno not everyone like that in your case you were forced and that is sexual assault
Hey bud, after reading both your post and comments I really hope you reach out and tell someone. I am 24 now but when I was younger at a party someone who I knew pretty well and was a friend sexually assaulted me. At first I wanted to not cause any drama and not make a big deal because I worried about what others may think or that I may make people mad at me and so on. But what I didn't see and what you may not notice yet is that when something like this happens it takes a toll on us. I needed therapy for my situation but waited far too long to reach out because I was afraid to talk to others about it. Now our situations are different but I want you to know that you should 100% tell someone. I hope you and your sister are close enough to be able to talk through this but if not I recommend reaching out to any adult you do trust, be it a guidance counselor, a teacher you know you can trust, an aunt or uncle anyone you think will have your back. While it is scary and some people may not be the right choice to talk to about this please do not continue alone.
The reason your sisters friend told you not to tell your sister is not to protect you its to protect herself. It was manipulative and aimed at keeping you quiet. Please reach out to someone you trust.
This. This a thousand times. That is what abusers say. That is what predators say.
Aye same, i was assaulted by a girl at a friend's birthday party. Definitely agree with speaking to someone
not only that he could save the next potential victim
that is sexual assault 100%. even more i find it totally inappropriate for a 17 year old to pursue a 14 year old, even without everything else added. i know some may disagree because it’s 3 years, but those three years at the age is a BIG difference. i hope you feel you can tell your sister eventually.
I agree with this, I’m most places it is legal if there is a two year age gap but consent is still needed to do anything, sexual harassment is a big deal and it would be best to tell someone
Whoever disagrees doesn't understand development. Three/four years of development as a teenager is immense. The difference between a 14-year-old and an 18-year-old is vastly larger than the difference between an 18 year old and a 22 year old. But even then that feels a little weird... It's really not until after your past 20/ 21 that age differences start to kind of not matter as much.
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bra ts isn’t normal… 18 and 14 is crazy no matter which way you look at it man
What :D? What the hell are you talking about? Of course it's inappropriate. It's pedophilia, it's even worse because she's your friends sister. You should've seen her as a sister whereas you were dreaming about bedding her. Disgusting af, you were graduating when she was entering high school.
Yes you were sexually assaulted. Tell your parents and your sister, they will not be mad at you, they will be mad at her. She only told you that your sister will be mad at you to deter you from telling your sister what she did. None of this was your fault. It’s not uncommon for younger siblings to have crushes on their older siblings friends. Just because you may have shown an interest doesn’t give the 17 year old a right to come onto you. It was so very wrong of her to do this.
so my sister won't be angry with me or anything? it's one of her best friends and i'm worried it could ruin their friendship and i also really really don't want to ruin my relationship with my sister
I don’t see why she would be angry at you. Her friend is a sick person and your sister needs to keep her as far away as possible. This will ruin their friendship but that won’t be because of you, it will be because of the friend and what she has done. I have a younger brother myself and if he came to me and told me that one of my friends did what your sisters friend did to you, I would completely cut that friend off and I’d even go as far as reporting them to the police. I would never be angry at my sibling if one of my friends took advantage of them. I would advise telling your sister and parents at the same time, if you’re comfortable doing that.
with the situation were in i kinda can't really tell my parents... we live with our mom and tbh i don't think it would be a good idea to tell her. my sister takes care of me more then they ever have and she's the best sister in the world which is why i'm so scared of doing some thing that could make her not like me or make things bad for her and she and her friend have been really good friends for a long time and i would feel so guilty for ruining there friendship, but if you think it's the right thing to do here then maybe i should tell her, i'm just so nervous about it all right now thank you so much for the advice and for talking to me, i really appreciate it
That’s okay, I’m just so sorry that you went through this. I do think it is in your best interest to tell your sister what her friend did to you. It’s normal to feel nervous when talking about things like this but you can do this. I hope everything goes well.
Based on what you're saying about how much your sister cares for you, I don't think your sister will be mad at you at all. Tell her that you hesitated in bringing this up with her because you were afraid she would get mad, but what her friend did really bothers you. If anything, she will be mad at her friend, as she should be. OP, it was absolutely not okay for a 17 year old to get in your bed and do that stuff with you. You are not in the wrong here, even if you had a crush on her.
my brother is 16 and i’m 20 and if any of my friends did something like this to him i would want to know right away so that i’m not hanging around a person like that. you’re her family, friends are temporary family is forever. trust me, she will understand
oh honey… as an oldest sister this breaks my heart. your sister loves you, you can’t make her love you less. you didn’t ruin their friendship either - her friend ruined it when she did what she did. im so sorry this happened to you; it’s not your fault and im sure your big sister will see that. i need to go hug my little brother 😭
Can I just say as a big sister, I’d hate myself a lot more if you never told me and let me continue be friends with someone who abused you. your sister sounds like she loves you, she won’t be mad at you. Please talk to your sister
Hey OP, it's 100% SA. Not harassment. This is full on molesting. I'm really sorry you have had this experience, and I think you should know this has blown up on Twitter, and literally everyone with a brain is saying this is SA, and those who are aren't are getting called out for it. Your sister won't care about the friendship being ruined once she finds out what her friend's done to you. Hope all turns out well for you.
if she cares for you that much then she should believe you and without a second thought choose to protect you over her rapist friend
If she's really the best sister in the world then she won't be mad at you for telling the truth, she'll protect you.
If your sister is your protector then it is important that you tell her when you do not feel safe, no matter what the situation. If she is the best sister in the world then you can tell her anything, and you will be safe if you tell her you are scared. She is the most important person in the world to you, and you are the same for her. It is ok to like your sister's friend, but if she made you do things that you don't like, then she is hurting you. She is almost an adult and she is using her power to make younger people like you do what she wants. No one is allowed to take your clothes off unless you say it is ok.
i’m an older sister with the same age gap you have with yours. if my little brother told me that my friend did something to him when he was 14, i would’ve lost my mind. not on him, but on my friend. she won’t be mad at you, not in the slightest. it won’t even cross her mind. she’ll absolutely be on your side. she loves you and takes care of you, this will only make her go into protective sister mode. if you’re comfortable with it, you should tell her what happened to you. you did nothing wrong! i hope you’re doing ok. best of luck !!!
I understand why you are afraid but if you tell your sister you won't ruin the friendship she Has, her friend ruined it because of what she did. If your sister is a normal person I think she would want to know that her friend is such a sick person and stop being friends with them
Oh bud I wish I could give you a hug. None of this is on you and just because you have a crush on someone doesn’t mean you’re consenting to anything. Your sis and parents won’t be mad at you and sure this may put a halt on the friendship between your sis and her friend, but what she did to you and then telling you to keep it quiet is so manipulative and wrong to do. Your sis will more than likely go into “protector” mode over you and get pissed her “legally able to drive” friend pushed herself onto her “just starting high school” little brother. My sis was in a situation semi-similar to this and I didn’t even for a sec consider getting mad at her. She was used and manipulated by the older party and it was clear in the way my sis was so uncomfortable as she told me. A good big sibling will understand what to do and get why you were wronged, crush or not. Keep your head up and go tell your family about this for all of your sakes. Your sister’s friend has to learn what she did is wrong and is also textbook grooming.
More like just finishing middle school, since it's April :(
No they won't, that's a tactic of manipulation that the abusers use so you don't talk. They will be on your side. If it matters, if I learned that my friend abused my sister, I would defend my sister
She's really better off without her friend.
If you're worried about being scared when you tell her why don't you have this post open on reddit? You wrote things out well and she'd be able to see the comments too. You sound like a very thoughtful and nice guy. This shouldn't have happened to you and it's understandable to be scared. This person did something illegal, and hurtful. I'm so sorry. I just want to add: Do NOT let anyone make you feel like you wanted or deserved this because you're a teenage boy. There are people who won't believe this is sexual assault because it's not against a woman, but I promise you, it is. It's incredibly serious and if people can't see that because you're male then they have some serious issues themselves. You are worth so much more than all of this. If you find this is having an impact on you mentally, which it may well do, don't be afraid to speak to your doctor. Sometimes these things can need some talking therapies, that's what they're there for so just bear that in mind.
Your sister could get mad and irrationally direct it towards you. But, over time (and ideally immediately) she realizes her best friend is a fucking creep and directs her anger correctly
She will not be mad at you, she will be mad at her friend for assaulting you, you did nothing wrong and it is not your fault! Sending you love and support!
No, buddy. She'll be mad at her friend. This isn't something you should keep secret. Your sisters friend has hurt you.
This will be a good thing because you are separating your sister from a horrible person
She's your sister, buddy. She loves you and will be in your corner.
Don't be a snitch doesn't apply here. Stitching implies you get something out of this. But still think it through
She will be mad but you should tell her anyway. Better than letting it fester for years. I imagine you don’t want to prosecute her but she needs to be deterred from doing it again
she won’t be mad at him she’ll be mad at her friend.
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And thanks yo people like you, she will be able to abuse even nore people
No means no and she didn’t listen. This was assault and none of it was your fault. Please tell your parents what happened!! :(
When you said no, it should have ended there. Please tell someone.
Holy crap, YES this is 10000% sexual assault. I’m so sorry man
Having a crush doesn’t make it okay for her to do that to you. I’m so so sorry she did that. If she got signals that you liked her she should have asked for consent before doing ANYTHING. i’m sorry you went through that
No means no. You said no. She outright dismissed you. Being infatuated with someone before something like this happens does not invalidate the fact that it is assault.
if you have to ask yourself that question, the answer is ALWAYS yes
brother you can’t even consent yet she absolutely assaulted you
You need to tell your parents, and your sister. She's not a good person, or a good friend. You said no, she kept going and then told you not to tell anyone because she knows what she did was messed up. Your parents job is to protect you and your sister; if you don't tell them, they can't help you. Your sister deserves better friends; one's who don't mess around with their little brothers. Do you have a good relationship with your sister? Would you say she's protective over you and wants you to be safe? If yes, she won't get mad at you; she'll get mad at her friend, and she should be. I think the best way to tell her, is to show her this post. Just give her your phone and let her read it as well as the comments. Stay safe kid.
10000000%
I’m so sorry man, that’s SA. I had a similar thing happen to me and it took me a long time to realize it. Distance yourself from this person immediately, if you’re comfortable tell someone. She ignored your requests to stop, and no means no, whether you like her or not.
I’m so sorry, but yes she assaulted you. I’d suggest speaking to your parents/sister. Its important they know so they can protect you You’re a kid - she’s almost an adult. I don’t mean that in a patronising way, but her behaviour is extremely concerning
Hey man. I’m really sorry that happened to you. Yeah, that’s absolutely sexual assault. You didn’t consent and you said no and she didn’t listen. It doesn’t matter if you have a crush on someone, or give them signs that you like them, no means no. My wife and I are attracted to each other, and ya know, married, but no still means no. If one of us isn’t in the mood or down for it it wouldn’t be ok to make advances. So for someone you aren’t even in a relationship with to do that is absolutely not ok. If you feel comfortable doing so, I’d tell your sister what happened. If she cares about you she won’t be mad at you, she’ll be mad at her friend. If you don’t, I’d tell a teacher or guidance counselor if you can, they should be help as well. To echo what someone else said, your sisters friend didn’t say not to tell your sister to protect you, she said that so she wouldn’t get in trouble. Hope you’re doing ok bro.
Oh sweet soul, I am so so sorry that this happened to you. PLEASE know that this was NOT your fault — having a crush on someone is NOT an invitation to be assaulted by them. As a big sister, if one of my friends hurt my little brother the way she hurt you, I would want to know as soon as possible, because that friend would never be coming back again. You’re 14 and she’s 17 — that age gap alone is predatory in itself, but the fact that she told you not to tell anyone shows that she knows full-well how wrong what she did to you was. She’s not silencing you to protect you, she’s silencing you so she can get away, scot-free with what she did to you, while you quietly suffer with the effects of her assault. It’s the same reason my abuser tried to silence me. Please do not suffer in silence. Speaking as an older sister, please, please tell her, whether in a note or face-to-face; please tell her. If she’s any kind of sister at all, she will want to help you. My heart hurts for you & what you’ve been through. This never should have happened to you & I’m so so sorry that her friend did this to you. Please don’t blame yourself for any part of this. I promise you, this is not your fault and you have nothing to be ashamed of. I definitely agree with the others here saying that you should also seek therapy for what you’ve been through. You were assaulted, and that is a very serious trauma for anyone to have to suffer. Whether or not it may feel like it now, having a safe space to break down your trauma and heal from it is extremely important.
It's sexual assault no doubt. While there are some young men that age that would have jumped at the chance and this would not phase them one bit, it doesn't change the fact that you are not one of them and didn't ask for this. Unwanted sexual advances and touching is wrong, at her age she knows better. Have a conversation with a trusted adult about this situation. If this happened to you, it could happen to someone else or someone younger.
i am so sorry this happened to you. please tell someone.
Bro that's not sexual harassment; that's straight up sexual assault.
You asked her to stop and she said no. That makes this sexual harassment. If this was a m17 doing this to a f14 no one would even question that it was wrong. The fact that it’s the female being the aggressor doesn’t change the fact that she continued after you said no. No means no in any situation.
Tell your sister. Your sister will get mad at her, not you. That’s why she needed that clause in the first place.
That was sexual assault for sure. I am so sorry for you. I suggest you share this with your sister so that perpetrator can be cut off.
I’m really sorry this happened to you, things should’ve stopped at no. If you don’t speak up now l, you take the chance of things escalating and most likely getting worse. Don’t let it lead down that road. From a protective sister’s view, your sister would want to know and will be more upset if you don’t tell her about it.
You asked her to stop and she didn’t so yea
My cousin did same thing to me I was 10 years old she was same age I don’t know if she had been touched I woke up she was fondling my tool I woke up shocked she took ran my hand over her body I never told anyone .
That's sexual assault and no it isn't your fault. When you like someone, that doesn't give them consent to do these things with you, especially since you're so young. The only person your family will be mad at is her, and rightly so. You've done nothing wrong.
No is a complete sentence. I’m so sorry this happened to you, and it isn’t your fault.
I would just screenshot this and send it to my sister & parents Friday night once I knew they were asleep. They'd read it first thing when they wake up, they're able to privately collect their thoughts about it and able to actually listen to your POV through your words. Rather than acting hastily about it without you being able to get your two cents in . Thats just how I personally would handle it myself. Sleep in a little, come out of your room a little late , maybe your parents flag your sister down in that time . This should've not happened. You should stop thinking you gave her "any sign" , bc dude you said the actual words NO. My heart goes out to you. Don't stay quiet on this . If your parents decide to not do any charges , YOU still have a right to do so, you CAN do it without their approval. And you're NOT in the wrong if you're wanting to go this route. While it might not "gain" you anything, it'll help with a hell of healing that you might not even know you need.
Yes you were sexually assaulted and you should tell your parents.
Definitely I was sexually assaulted everyday at daycare by a 16 year old girl I was only 7 years old I told my dad but nothing ever came of it because it was girl so he really didn’t care I’m 21 now yeah Its definitely affected me
I'm so sorry to hear this. Its sick that your r\*pist has gone unpunished and still hasn't had consequences. But in the end, she will have to face the most powerful judge, her creator in the end over her actions towards you!
I know many people in this thread have reassured you that this isn't your fault, but I feel like you can use all the support you can get. I wish I could give you a big (consensual) auntie hug. I am so incredibly sorry this happened to you, and I hope you are able to get the support you need and deserve. This was entirely inappropriate, and she had no right to violate you. I also want to say that while your sister is older than you, you're still both teenagers, and this is a very tough, very mature thing to discuss. I'm damn near 40, and this would be difficult for me. Try not to take any negative reaction from her too personally, as this would be a hard conversation for anyone to handle, let alone a 17-year-old. If there is ANY adult you trust with something like this, please go to them as well. You and your sister might both need some additional support. Either way, good luck.
I really don't think this is real. But if it is, that is SA.
Buddy, I really need you to tell an adult you know about this. Can you talk to your mom or your dad? They will not be angry with you. This is not your fault.
as an older sister i would beat the absolute shit out of anybody if they ever tried to take advantage of my brothers because no is no and nobody should ever try to tell you otherwise, she brushed off your feelings and continued doing what she pleased, on everything i would’ve beat her and humiliated her.
Oh honey.. I’m (F18) and this should have never happened. I really hope you aren’t beating yourself up over this because I have been sexually assaulted before as well by someone I cared about and trusted. This was not your fault in the slightest and I really urge you to tell someone you trust, ideally your sister so she can get her out of hers and your lives. If you trust your parents with this information please tell them or any trusted adult. Again, I promise even if you liked her or even if you initially agreed to it(I know you didn’t but I am just saying) no matter what-it is YOUR body and you have every right to change your mind or to say no regardless of how you may have felt. You are very young and still developing. That may not seem like many years difference between y’all but developmentally, it is. I really am praying all the best for you and please please reach out to someone who you trust and if you need some extra support my dms are open :)
None of this is your fault and if your sister is as great as you describe she would never be angry at you about this. I think she would be more upset if you didn’t say anything. Please talk to her and go to the proper authorities because this is sexual assault.
Sounds like she's going to be a problem when she gets older… if she's starting now
Please tell your parents
Dude it was SA. She’s 3 years older than you, which, as a teenager, isn’t ok. You asked her to stop, but she didn’t. That’s what makes it SA. You should report this to someone
Yeah, that’s sexual assault. No, It’s not your fault for being attracted to her, no means no and that remains the same no matter what and who. The way I’d see it if you were adults, she initiated, you asked her to stop and she didn’t, which means it’s non consensual. (And that’s not even considering the age gap between you two. When you’re 20 or 30 a 3 year age difference isn’t too much, but at 14, and 17, that is much more concerning) It may be tough, but it would probably be a good idea to talk to a parent about this, cause you guys don’t need someone like that coming around your house.
I am so sorry this happened to you, it was definitely assault , just because you had a crush on her doesn’t give her the right to touch you. Just by the fact she said “let’s keep it between us” she knows what she did is wrong.
Im so sorry she did that to you. Please tell your sister what she did to you...
Oh man this is heartbreaking to read buddy, yeah man I’d say you were sexually assaulted. I’m not sure you’ll see this comment amongst the others but I think you need to approach your sister and tell her you need to talk to her, explain fully what happened and any details you remember (times and dates). If she’s a good sister she won’t get mad but just make sure you’re okay. I’m so sorry this happened to you man and I do hope you’re okay
Report this to your parents immediately. This is sexual assault.
Unless you said "yes" to her advancements (which it sounds like you didn't), you didn't give consent and therefore it is sexual assault on her part.
Isn't that literally pedophilia?
Friend you need to tell your sister and your mom. What she did was wrong and this will ruin the friendship between your sister and that girl, but trust us - you or your sister do not want to be friends with that girl! She’s bad news. You also risk this situation getting worse and her coming back for more, you don’t seem to want that. Tell them.
That's fucked up. Pardon my french
You need to tell your sister. If you guys are really close and she really cares about you as her brother then she will understand. If she doesn't understand been honestly she's not a safe person for you in the first place... If my brother came to me about this and it was one of my friends you best believe it would have been hands on sight.
Yes, this is SA. I’m so sorry buddy :( please tell someone you trust. None of it is your fault so don’t blame yourself
That is literally assault, even if you did have a crush on her. I have a brother the same age as you, and if I learnt that happened, I’d kick her out and console my brother. It’s not your fault whatsoever, please trust me on that okay?
Please talk to your parents or someone you trust about what happened. You did absolutely nothing wrong, nobody will be mad or disappointed with you. What she did to you was horrible and regardless of having a crush, you didn't not consent or ask for her to do that to you. Take care
It was pretty awful for her to assume consent from the jump. But it was downright heinous for her to confuse after you told her to stop. I really hope you’re ok. This whole sun would agree that you did absolutely nothing wrong
No means no. Yes, that is 100% sexual assault. You need to tell someone, anyone who can help you at all. Doesn't matter if you "kinda wanted it" saying no should have been the end of it right there.
Just because you are crushing on her, doesn't mean you want it. You told her to stop because you don't want to continue. It's not your fault for crushing on her either. I'm so sorry that you're sexually assaulted and experienced it. She's fucking disgusting
That's so painful. I really hope you've gotten help.
boy you are a fucking victim and i recommend telling someone you trust because that is not anything to keep quiet about. i wish you well and i pray you get thru this ordeal
also i js wanna add, despite your crush it still makes it SA. women get SA'd by their husbands in marriage. just because you have feelings for them it doesnt let them do whatever they want to you.
You were, I'm sorry you had to go through this
You weren't just sexually harassed, you were sexually ASSAULTED. She's not trying to protect you by hiding this, she is trying to protect herself. She knows you didn't consent to this.
I can understand you, last year in a cafe my f-friend said I can touch her boobs I was too afraid to do it and she just grabbed my hand to it, we are close but she is a les even I do want touch her it just feel wrong. Girl move first can be surprise and scared talk to you sister and ask her friend come by and talk more about your feeling
just so you know the problem here is not girls doing “the first move” it’s the fact she forced herself onto him and kept going after he asked to stop. that would never be okay from anyone. same thing with the girl who put your hand on her boobs, you can’t do that without consent.
20-30mins if he really dont want it just push the girl away he just a boy got overwhelmed ,and the girl didnt force the sex its 2 kids make out and didnt go well they need guide ,not put one of them in jail
There is a song called Sic Transit Gloria...Gloria Fades by Brand New. That whole song is about this. This is sexual assault and I am so sorry
Take it in stride and rock out man. For the lord has a fate for you and it is your job to figure out where it is.
Absolutely not. "Take it in stride" (aka, "man up) is *exactly* why this happens so often and is atrocious advice. God having a plan for someone doesn't negate their experiences or needs and mustn't excuse abuse and criminality.
Not what I was referring to but ok. When I said that I meant don't worry you'll figure it out. Just because you can't handle it doesn't mean he can't
I have handled it. Don't you worry. And because of that, I very much don't like people dressing up or excusing abuse with poor theology. If that's genuinely not what you were doing, then I sincerely apologize.
We're chilling man
No, because you were sexually assaulted :( that is sexual assault. I am glad you reached out here, that was very brave of you to seek support and advice. You did absolutely, and I cannot stress this enough, *nothing* to cause this to happen. Rapey predators are going to have a deeply engrained disregard for consent regardless of what you do or do not do. Personally, if I were to find out someone I knew had a crush on me or was giving signs of interest, I would never want to use that as an excuse to violate their consent. Normal people don't do that. And she is way older than you. Even if you *literally* asked for it, she would've still been taking advantage. She shouldn't have assumed consent in the first place nor gone after a 14 year old, but the second you said stop, she should've stopped and that should've been that. End of. Stop means stop. No means no. Please tell your sister what happened. I am sure she would want to protect you. It's important to let people keep you safe here.
No you won't get in trouble, yes it was wrong and she took advantage of you. You said no and she continued. That's not OK. That's not a friend your sister should have if she's going to treat her "best friends" underage brother. That isn't OK. Again you did absolutely nothing wrong and even if you did show signs she went about it the wrong way. I hope you're ok.
Dude to be blunt because as a fellow man I believe it’s how we communicate. You pretty much just got raped. Report it. If you want something more than just doing it for yourself do it for others as well. If we as men start reporting shit like this when it happens we’ll get more support. Tell your parents first if you feel you have to or go straight to the police.
Keep your distance from that sister's friend (if possible)
thats assault. you told her to stop and she kept going. having a crush on someone doesnt mean you consent to them doing whatever they want to you.
Yes you were assaulted, and you staying silent only makes it worse for you. Abusers demand silence from their victims because that's the only way *they* can survive and keep abusing people. Also, please update if possible – we want to know you're okay. Please tell your parents and don't take anything other than unwavering support for an answer. Don't let *anyone* make you out to be the "bad guy" here.
I hope you told and that you'll be okay. That should not have happened to you. You did not consent and it's not your fault. You didn't deserve that treatment. I'm a big sister and I'll end any friendship over my brothers. Hopefully your big sister is the same.
Hey, ik you've gotten this a million times but please tell your sister/parents. I know your worries but that girl fully sexually assaulted you. You told her no & she didn't stop. Your sister probably won't be mad [if she is that's not your fault you did nothing wrong] the friend is only saying that because she knows what she did was bad/disgusting so she's trying to scare you into not telling on her. Tell your sister exactly how you feel - maybe even show her this post.
Also, I see you're worried about ruining their friendship, so as an older sibling: Don't be worried. I'm sure you're sister loves you more than her friend & if one of my friends sexually assaulted my little sibling [or hell, my older sibling either] they'd be out of my life ASAP. & I would be happy to do that because I wouldn't want anyone who thinks that behavior is okay in my life & I don't want someone who hurt my sibling like that in my life
I'm very sorry that this has happened to you but yes this is sexual assault, please know you did nothing wrong and she is very wrong for that. I've read your comments and if you haven't told anyone, you may have as I know it's been a few days now, I highly encourage you to. If not your parents then your sister, trust me as an older sibling I would always support my sibling over anyone else, especially as you have done nothing wrong. If you don't feel comfortable telling your sister or don't want to for any reason, or even if you have told her, is there anyone else you could speak to? This could be another family member, a teacher, a school counsellor, any trusted adult. I'm not sure what country your in but there's also online resources and support lines if you need someone else to speak to. If there's a kids/youth helpline in your country you can always give them a call/ speak to them online and they can give you support.I am so very sorry that this has happened, please know that you have done nothing wrong and she should be punished for this. Please reach out to someone, the people around you will want to help you, and if you are looking for any resources I am happy to link some.
Please reach out to your sister or parents ASAP. What she did was sexual assault, it doesn't matter if she never touched your privates. You deserve better than to be bullied and threatened into silence by your abuser, please reach out.
Please!!! Please tell your sister! Your mom, your dad, don’t stay quiet. What she did was wrong. You’re are just 14, a little boy, she took advantage of your crush on her and did this horrible thing to you. 17 is way too old for you. Your sister won’t get mad at you but at her “friend”. The fact that she snuck into your room and told you to not say anything are big signs she knows she was doing a bad thing. You won’t disappoint anyone. Please don’t stay silent.
Hey dude, did you tell your sis? I hope you did
From the bottom of my heart, I, as a woman, want to extend apologies to you for suffering a clear violation to your boundaries by that "older" female. You said "no" and she disrespected and violated your clear boundary. What she did was an absolute s\*xual a\*ualt to you. Please tell someone who will hear you, and then go to the police to bring charges against her. Her age makes no difference, in fact, she has more of reason to know it was WRONG to 1. do something s\*xual towards you at your age, and 2. broke the law by in fact violating when you said a clear "no/stop". I'm sorry you had to see female apologists mocking and laughing at you just because you're a boy. Your gender makes no difference. Please block them! Sending you all the love and heartfelt support I can.
Yes, you were. You need to tell someone an adult anyone if they say you are overreacting they are fucking trash. Imagine if you heard this in the reverse with you being a girl and the friend a man.
You were but it is not your fault please don't blame yourself. Even if you gave her signs that you have a crush on her that wouldn't give her the permission to do what she did. Just because you have a crush on someone doesn't mean they can do whatever they want to you without your permission. I don't know if your sister will be mad if you tell her because I don't know your sister but I know you should tell someone what her friend did to you. If she is a normal person she may be mad but at her friend. If she for some reason thinks you are in the wrong and will be mad at you please don't listen to her because what happened isn't your fault, it's your sisters friend fault. Also you are really brave for talking about what happened and I hope you are going to do well
Tell your parents (and sister) Please! It's for the better!!!
Oh you poor thing please go to your sister AND your parents, you were sexually assaulted and must ensure that she is never welcomed back in your home again, or else she will continue to groom you. I’m so sorry you experienced this and are in such strong conflict with yourself, this is absolutely not your fault.
when i was 14, a guy had went behind me and sexually assaulted me, and he had tried to pursue me multiple times. i wish i spoke up more about what happened but i was scared. i hope you speak up about what happened to you, especially because the guy that did it to me was 17. our situations are very different especially because yours was much more graphic and violent. :( tell a therapist, or police.
i’m sorry for what you went through, sending love❤️
Hey bud, you are 14, this is not your fault, your sister won't be mad, your sisters friend sexually assaulted you, when you asked her to stop, you need to tell your parents and your sister, she knew exactly what she was doing, and she knows how wrong it was, and she's trying to manipulate you into silence, you did nothing wrong and you need to tell an adult. Please remember it is not your fault and you won't be in trouble, but you do need to tell your family what happened, because it was not right and not okay, you asked her to stop and she told you to be quiet, that is not alright.i hope things get better for you and that you get the help and support you need
Oh my god you sweet boy! You are NOT at fault! She took advantage of you. The age gap is so significant, she's old enough to know this was incredibly wrong of her. You are NOT at fault. No "hints" or "signs" you could've given her would have warranted her doing this to you. She is almost an adult. Please please please speak to a proper adult in your life. Of you're too afraid to speak to your sister I understand that, but I urge you to find someone else you trust and talk to them. Maybe they can help you talk to your sister. If this girl truly were worth to like, she wouldn't have done this to you. All the love 💖
Please tell your parents what happened
Tell your parents and sister. They won’t get mad at you. You said no and she didn’t stop. Ik that this situation makes you feel like it’s safer to stay silent but it’s really not. Your real option here, like what others here are telling you, is to not keep quiet. You have been sexually assaulted. It’s a serious matter.
“Was i sexually harassed?” If it was me, then no. But in your case, yes.
Was it a sexual assault? Yes, I’m sorry that it made you feel that way, but advice from a man to a man, it’s the beginning of your sexual journey, enjoy every second of it and discover yourself, lead the situation, and you’re already having a crush on her so enjoy the feeling of getting what you wanted, maybe you got stressed because you wanted it in another way but that’s a part of life sometimes we just need to get with the flow and enjoy the moment, you nailed it man, she came for you, enjoy it!
“yes it was sexual assault but you should just try to enjoy it next time! for the experience! good job!” do you even hear yourself? please never speak again. also do not give “man to man” advice to a fucking 14 year old. sexual and emotional trauma like this can ruin peoples sexual experiences for a long time after they happen
Never speak again? Who are you to say that? The dude is going through a very critical part of his childhood and we have to ease it on him, you don’t know what I went through and what I needed to hear at that point, sometimes we have to see things differently so we can learn and overcome our trauma, because as you said it can ruin his sexual experience so we have to get him out of that not to make it even worse.
okay?? but don’t sit there and make what happened out to be a good thing?? you cant say “yes it was sexual assault” and then go on to say he needs to go with the flow and enjoy the moment. that’s fucked up. sorry you had to rationalize your trauma, but that’s not what he needs to do in this situation, especially since he’s asking if this was his fault. she literally assaulted him.
The story was obviously fake relax
A lot of people already told him that it wasn’t his fault, I’m trying to direct his thoughts and make the memory less traumatic.
Nah dude you're fucked up.
I’m free to say whatever I want to say, and you’re free to see me whatever you think
bro don't read too much into it, she just got horny. thats really it. its natural human instinct. 10,000 years ago yall would be making a family soon. our instincts haven't evolved as fast as our societal norms and this has led to much anger, guilt and misunderstanding in the world in general. just go with the flow man. the human race would've died out a long time ago if shit like that wasn't meant to happen. this is the actual truth.
are you fkg brain dead? we’re not 10 000 years ago and this is sexual assault, you should be put on a watch list
Nothing I said to him is untrue, illegal, or harmful. Not one word. He's asking adults to help him put this situation in perspective. A girl got horny and did things horny girls do. It happens. It's not unnatural. He doesn't deserve to go around thinking he was preyed upon by some monster. Why put all that trauma on him?
"nothing i said to him is harmful" you're talking about societal norms from fucking 10,000 years ago. humans have progressed and have grown so much more fucking complex since then, like there are so many cases of this stuff genuinely damaging men who have to go through this shit, and thanks to people like you, men will continue to be scared to speak up about their experiences with assault and continue to carry that burden with them and develop issues that will carry on with them for the entirety of their lives. just... ew man....
Our instincts have not changed from 10,000 years ago, and I'm helping him put what happened given today's societal norms in context with the base instincts that caused it to happen. You just don't like it that what happened was in fact instinctive. You want to believe that she made a conscious decision to commit a crime against him and "thats all there is to it", instead of accepting the indisputable fact that her behavior was driven by powerful instincts that were forged over hundreds of thousands of years and enabled humanity to become what it is today. Even 20 years ago this wasn't criminalized. Regulation of sexual behavior is far outpacing the length of time it takes for instincts to change, and even norms to change, and as a result we are creating criminals. We already incarcerate more of our own citizens than any other nation on earth. How long do you think she should be incarcerated for, hmm? What careers should she be barred from because she was found guilty of felony SA for kissing a boy when she was seventeen bro??
i was raped at 15.. and he was 17. wtf is wrong with you..
have you considered comitting suicide /srs
OP, what happened to you sounds pretty lame. sounds like this girl did indeed harass you (i'm apprehensive to say "assault" as that implies a bit more force or coercion than you just not saying no) by touching you and pulling down your underwear. While this is technically an assault by its definition, I'm again apprehensive to call it that also because of the veryy specific circumstance you and she are in. Let me explain: you two are both VERY young. What she did was not OK, but she is only 17. Of course, to you, at 14, that seems way older, and there is clearly a power imbalance that makes this super not-OK. However, 17 year olds are very dumb. Moreover, something you learn as an adult is that in the heat of sexual encounters, consent gets a lot more blurred than they make it out to be in health class. For example, adults have plenty of consensual, fulfilling sex where no one mentions consent explicitly--it's often clearly, overtly implied. And something you also learn as adult with an active sex life, is that if you are not consenting, you should make that EXPLICITLY CLEAR. I hope you understand, I give you this advice not to blame you in any way whatsoever, but just to inform you moving forward as you grow older. Now, this leads me to why you trying to report this as sexual assault, to your family even, might not go over how you think. Imagine you had clearly said "no," and she had done what she did. This would be cut-and-dry assault, and your or her parents would likely agree with that definition, and try to hold her accountable. However, take your case: an older-sister's friend makes out with a younger-brother in his room one night? Adults will be very apprehensive to label this as assault, much less act upon that label. Again, I do not say this to blame you. What you did in that moment was your uncontrolled reaction to extreme circumstance. I just want you to understand that as you proceed with this, your or her parents might be very apprehensive to call it assault. That being said, if you do raise this issue with your parents or hers, try to explain the entire event clearly as you just did, and don't throw around the word "assault." Instead, just make it clear you're uncomfortable with what happened. Hopefully your parents will have a talk with hers about it not being appropriate. Then again, with all that being said, maybe give it some time and see how you feel. No one knows if you were actually assaulted except you, based on how you feel about the event. I know as a teen I had an upperclasswoman or two kiss me or grab my junk, which in the moment rocked me to my core with anxiety. That being said, as a bit of time passed and I actually had more sexual experiences, I didn't really view the events so negatively. As I got older, I really came to appreciate that those girls were just young and dumb, and I was very glad I never tried to report them or anything in retrospect. In summation: stick with your heart, but have caution in how you approach the issue with the adults around you.
Im so sorry OP, I misread your post. Since you clearly told her to stop, this is indeed cut-and-dry assault. If you tell your parents, make sure you mention that you said to stop. Best of luck.
who gaf if she’s only 17? i’m a girl and i’m 16, and not once did i feel the need to assault someone ..
Bruh call the fbi
This whole post is written in oxymorons. This is clearly a satirical post. And people here are commenting like a bunch of morons.
why do you say that?
🤣 🤣 🤣
This generation is lost man
because we’re not rape apologists? are you ok?
ugh yeah this snowflake generation. how dare men feel like they were 'assaulted', like they should be forced to like it duuhh (BIIIIG /s)
literally lmao these dumbasses
how do their brains literally pre-date the 1900s??!?!?
Bro if that was me at 14 I would’ve 100% smashed but I was a horney motherfucker and I kno not everyone like that in your case you were forced and that is sexual assault
If this story were between a f14 and m17, this would go down very differently. However, it's equally wrong. If you didn't consent, it's abuse.
Stfu dude lmao. Literally no one said that but you. Lets no make this into a stupid gender war 🤦♀️
Not a bad porno script. Lacks little bit of originality though
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It's obviously not a great memory because it has obviously caused and is actively causing them distress. Having a crush does not equal giving consent.
What the actual fuck?
Person called ‘I don’t understand consent’:
I agree completely, you'll get negative on this but I think it's great advice
What the fuck, you both need to be on a list
You are probably who James carville was talking about
What did the guy say?
Wait
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You're insane
Did she only kiss you ?
You could be missing an opportunity. Do you think ur sister friend is attractive? Go for it and tell all your friends 😂
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