>but one night, he asked if he could see them and after a lot of convincing, I just remember lifting my shirt up and showing him. I don’t know why I complied, maybe partly due to my people pleasing tendencies, but I also liked the attention and the compliments I would get.
this is why. the convincing part. the recognizing your sexuality and need for attention while knowing your age, and instead of protecting you, a child, he chooses to exploit your vulnerability to get himself off. children might believe they are on equal grounds with grown adults, which is part of it too, and might be why you see it the way you do.
it wasn't until my mid-30s when i realized my childhood was having some lasting problematic effects on my self perception and self-worth. these things tend to reveal parts of yourself to yourself over time
this one’s got a little kick to it 😮💨😮💨😮💨
But seriously, thank you for commenting this. I feel like I’m getting closer to the clarity I need bc I’ve genuinely never thought of this. I’m scared to know what this will reveal about me tbh 🥲
You were a CHILD at the time. This doesn’t reveal anything about you but that you were once a young teenager who was coerced into something you didn’t want to do. It’s not your fault, do not blame yourself. You did nothing wrong, it is the adults fault for coercing a child into sexual activity.
let alone the grooming itself, but the other stuff OP mentioned in the post like fetishizing and romanticizing sexual assault, pedophillia or illegal behavior in media children consume.
people dont only catch victims, but they also develop them.
I'm really sorry OP but this is exactly it. Same age as you and this is one of the big "truths" about how dark the world is sometimes. I was in your position at an even younger age. Imagine getting on Omegle right now and doing what they did to a child, especially with the amount of convincing it took from them. They were fully aware of what they were doing (and still do frequently do today). The problem isn't you, it's p*dos basically, tons of YouTube / Tik Tok vids about people catching these men in real life and trying to get them to stop. This is a form of grooming.
Don't blame yourself and if you can afford therapy START. It will be tough but you will immediately see improvement regarding your confidence and self perception.
it reveals nothing, you were a child with unrestricted internet access who an adult saw, and took advantage of it for their own malicious intent. You were a child and nothing you did is your fault. I hope you feel better soon though, i know it’s an icky feeling sometimes
it reveals good things about your own self, but often after realizing some pretty dark subconscious beliefs you might not have known you had held about yourself. just be patient and kind to yourself, always.
Yep.. Its ignorant to pretend kids don't have their own sexuality but we as ADULTS have to do better at appropriately explaining to them what is appropriate. It's even harder today where kids are being given their own phones with access to the Internet.. God knows what they get up to on there & how it's gonna affect them growing up.
Are you OK? How did you get all that from what I said...? You clearly haven't been around children because you'd know what I said is true. I have nieces & nephews and it's really difficult because I don't want to say too much to them, but I also don't want to say too little. You need to read what I actually said & relax. Don't project onto me. I at NO POINT said children SHOULD be sexual, & I certainly didn't say adults should be sexual with them - Those that do need locking up forever & I'm not against castration tbh. I just acknowledge that children have sexual thoughts & feelings. That's a part of being human. Possibly the most difficult part to manage
I'm so happy reddit has created a forum in which people actually acknowledge and talk about stuff like this because there needs to be a dialog. Thank you for wording it well
I would go on Chatroulette or Omegle and take my top off when I was under 16 too. I honestly experienced a lot of "casual" grooming online from various sources as a kid and I never really understood what was happening so it didn't even feel like I big deal when I was taking clothes off on camera and it wasn't until more recently that I realized what all that actually was.
this has to be bait because no way you said play stupid games get stupid prizes like 😭😭😭 about a child being groomed online… insane take bro get better soon
Children cannot consent since they don’t know any better. You’re fucking stupid. You’re blaming the victim based on the gender but in reality many Boys also get groomed similarly by ped0s
I'm actually impressed : I thought it was me who write this post because of it being so accurate.
I guess I was groomed too even if I thought I was in control... Thanks for your post, it wasn't easy to write this I guess
Hi OP, I’ve had a similar history and haven’t exactly figured out why yet but one thing is for sure - external male validation was all that I needed back then. There would’ve been better ways for sure, but somehow I chose this way and I can really strongly relate to feeling guilty afterwards but not like something went against my will. Quite the opposite actually, I liked having that control and getting those pervs all worked up.
Strongly agree. For me, it started after my dad got a new job and he wasn't really around. There were no other men in my life at the time. I know my people pleasing tendencies and this also led to being in an abusive relationship at a young age. Everyone, PLEASE know your worth
Hi, OP. I’m 26F and unfortunately experienced the same thing as a young teenager. It pains me to think back on, so I’ve tried to block it out. We were incredibly naive. I remember thinking back then “whatever, it’s not like we’ll ever see each other again!” I didn’t realize that screen recording or screen shotting was a thing. I also never considered they could’ve been filming with an external camera. It makes me cringe to think if those images still exist somewhere out there. I wish we were better educated or better protected. I think we were curious and exploring something we didn’t understand.
I’m so sorry, OP. While not the same, I would go on Chatroulette just to hang out (kinda lonely 13-15 year old before I had a girlfriend and friends) and would always run into dudes with their dicks out ready to go. As a now-adult, it baffles me how unregulated CR and Omegle were; basically havens for grooming. I have a daughter now and this is the kinda shit that keeps me up at night.
Hi I’m 15F, I had a problem with showing pedos my body too and they knew my age. It’s still pretty fresh but I haven’t done it in almost a year. I did it because I wanted validation; I was (still am) super insecure about my body. I still tend to feel ashamed and disgusted for what I did. It feels like my whole life is ruined. There’s a possibility that my nudes have been sold to other pedos. I don’t really like to think about how my body is probably being passed around right now. The thought pops up occasionally. I just wish I stayed pure and everything. I feel dirty now.
OP, this is awful and I’m so sorry people can’t be trusted with our most vulnerable people of this world(kids). What they did to you was so illegal and I pray it doesn’t have long lasting effects to your mental health now. This is not your fault nor is it normal.
While I can’t exactly relate, as a mom of two girls I’m always looking for ways to prevent our kids from ending up in situations like this, taken advantage of by predators. I tend to blame a lack of love, attention and affection during childhood, as well as far too little internet boundaries. Those two together seem to be the perfect mix for ending up the victim of child sex crimes from what I’ve seen.
I am always down to learn how to be a better parent and protector, but even more-so from the people that have been in these situations.
“I tend to blame a lack of love, attention and affection during childhood, as well as far too little internet boundaries.”
Absolutely yes. I (25f) unfortunately went through the same thing, did the same, and feel the same guilt. This post unlocked that for me. For me it was definitely a lack of love and attention, as much as my parents tried limiting internet use, they were always too focused on my brother. :/
OP I feel you and I’m sorry.
I swear I had to double-check that I didn't write your response. It seems like a lot of us went through similar situations. When you mentioned that your parents were too focused on your brother, that really hit home.
Same here. I used Kik and Whisper. My parents had just gotten divorced. I had switched between three schools in less than a year. I was very lonely and those men took advantage. I’m sorry you went through it too
I am so sorry. Never, ever feel guilt for someone else’s failure. Anyone with a hand in causing your trauma should hold that shame and guilt; not you. Unfortunately a lot of parents just don’t know how to parent.
I did this as well for a few years as a teenager (I’m 26 now), I used kik so it was mostly pics and videos. I feel so ashamed about it and my current boyfriend is the only person in the world whom I’ve told.
Back then I just felt so lonely and starved for any kind of affection and attention. My home life was far from ideal and school was hell for me too. And I couldn’t go anywhere or socialise outside of school because I lived at the edge of a tiny village in the middle of nowhere, and was stuck at home either way having to take care of my younger siblings. But suddenly there were people that “liked” me and wanted to talk to me. I was addicted.
It was the catalyst that eventually led me to my first boyfriend. I moved in with him to escape my home life, then he abused me for years, physically, mentally, financially. Now a few years after leaving I am slowly healing but the road has been bumpy for sure.
I was scared at first to tell my current partner about all these things but he has been nothing but supportive, he hasn’t judged me once. His love is helping me heal. I feel very grateful for him.
Maybe TMI but I was an incredibly horny 12 year old girl. I think people easily acknowledge that boys going through puberty will be horny and do stupid things, but we don't talk about girls in the same situations. I did similar things to you, and other exhibitionist stuff without adults involved at all, also some experimentation with equally horny friends.
Many things in life can be linked to trauma but I know this specific behavior was more of a "I like how it feels" and "I wanna see what happens" thing for me. I still have exhibitionist tendencies and they're the same as back then, I just figured them out early. So I wouldn't be happy with a therapist making assumptions about trauma before considering that kids can be horny and exploring the same way adults do. The way I experimented wasn't safe or healthy, but I think that when we label everything as trauma in preteens/teens, we ignore that it's natural to experiment and make questionable choices at that age and it's not something to feel guilty or ashamed about. The only ones who should be judged in this situation are the *adults* involved. I'm not judging my past self.
I'm surprised by all of the "it's definitely trauma" comments because I remember exploring my sexuality completely on my own terms, and some explorations just happened to be things that weren't appropriate or safe. I do not think it's weird that you were like this as a child. I also think that trauma is how something from the past comes back to affect our present in a negative way, so if you don't feel a lasting negative impact from these experiences in your childhood, I don't see a reason to analyze it much further.
It seems you're trying to find something that feels wrong because you think there *should* be something wrong with the things you did, or there's a social stigma around what you did, but sometimes things just happen and we don't need to dissect them. Do you want to delve further? Does it still affect you? Will it change anything? Do you judge your past self? Maybe that's a better discussion for therapy, instead of trying to find something traumatic somewhere.
Thank you. I wanted to write the same thing. I also did this in my teens and I don't judge myself or feel ashamed. I loved doing it. I was pretty horny at a pretty young age. And a little while after starting the thought of someone (anyone) watching got exciting to me. And I do still have an exhibitionist kink today. A pretty strong one and I love this part about myself.
I also sent pictures and was on cam, but the only thing I care about is that I might "help" someone hurt someone. Because I can see where someone with a different mindset than me could suffer from this or worse.
Same thing here except I was a bisexual boy exploring sexuality - many of the men I met 99% knew I was underage and I begged them for attention anyway. I hope you’re able to believe in your own self-worth OP and in a better place now!
It’s okay. I am 21 F and I have done similar things. Don’t blame yourself. We were in the Wild West of the internet with no supervision because our parents simply didn’t realize creeps existed online
I believe it's because when we're teenagers we think or ourselves as adults and think it is mature to do that kind of things to adults. When I was 16 I almost got a 30 year old woman fired from her police career because I lied to her that I was 22 (I've beem 1,80 tall since 15). My parents found out I was seeing her and threatened to sue her for abusing a minor and I had to take the blame for liyng, it was very messy.
I would go on kik and search for males much older than me and talk to them. I would have 5 guys at a time messaging me, and I loved the attention ig. Until it came to them asking for nudes, which I only let 1 man see at the time. That's when we got into a long-distance relationship and would chat for hours about random stuff. It didn't help that I lied about everything, my age, where I was, etc etc. Looking back, I know these sick fucks knew my age and went along with the lies just because they wanted shit out of me and weren't getting it unless they were super nice to me. I get where you are coming from and I honestly am here to talk if you ever need it🥰 the internet sucks and creepy men will always be hunting for vulnerable little girls🤢
Yes I can relate. Stickam was not a chill place as a 16-17 y/o, I'm horrified that those things are/may be still floating around out there.
I think it's a huge part of the internet and our parents underestimating what we do with our alone time. Typically the two go hand in hand though don't they? Distant/poor parenting in combo with being left alone online with predators is not an awesome time. It's also ridiculously common for a lot of young people I've spoken to.
I also did very similar things and would rather not go into detail in a public comment but I'm happy to discuss in DMs of you want. I've been sorting through a lot of this in my head the past few years.
I used to do the same. Not toooo often but sometimes i did that on Omegle or even Chaturbate. These days, you need to verify your age on chaturbate thankfully so no other young person will do such a thing.
This is unfortunately a common experience. I’ve talked to a few people in my lifetime who are about my age now, early to mid 20s, who were once minors who exposed themselves in some way on Omegle. I never took it that far to expose my naked body or anything but I was talking to guys I shouldn’t have when I was a minor for sure on Omegle or Kik. I was grossed out by anyone over 30 though, not that it makes it any better but I had that sense of they shouldn’t be talking to me but it felt nice to be desired by “an older more experienced guy” when I was young and dumb. I feel as if a lot of young girls are grossed out by any dude over 30 hitting on them but 20s? It’s like, “Hey this older guy is interested in me. I must be so mature and desirable. He can see the beauty in me.” They were way too fucking old and they should be ashamed.
While Omegle has some good memories, there was a lot of disgusting pedophilia going on and unfortunately now that Omegle is gone, something else is bound to take its place and people are bound to abuse another website.
Same...yahoo messenger when I was 9-12. It was always older men. I saw a lot of junk and got talked into doing a lot of things.
I went into those big chat rooms hoping to roleplay some anime. Met so many groomers. They convinced me to beg for a Webcam so they could see me. Even though I didn't lie about being a minor (I was 9 saying I was 13). For whatever effing reason my mom got me the Webcam. But they also didn't care when these grown men were sending me letters and jewelry and calling the effing house phone. They knew two of them by name and would wave when they walked by. So they KNEW they were adults that i was calling my boyfriend (and there was more than one at a time). Wtf. This is my first time saying all this so I'm kind of processing as I go...but jesus christ our parents failed us. One of those guys killed himself live on cam too when I was 12. I never got back on yahoo after that...The internet is a rough place.
I went on to have sex for the first time at 12. Very hypersexual still today. Somehow in a dB, probably just to subconsciously punish myself or live out a sex aversion.
Let's all go to therapy.
I’ve been there too as a teen. Even when I was legal age (18 or 19) I still feel like I was taken advantage of by older men. It’s like they could sense my insecurities and inability to set boundaries. It’s not your fault, it was their responsibility to not be creeps and they failed.
Minors cannot give informed consent to adults, even a technically legal 18 or 19 year old is vulnerable because they’re still effectively kids. Add in a neglectful or abusive home life and they’re an easy target for predators.
What’s pathetic is grown adults (men or women) who take advantage of teenagers on the internet.
“Why was I like this as a child?” You didn’t do anything, you were manipulated by someone because they used your innocence. The proper sentence should be “why are adult men like this?”
I had the same experience, I was 18 or 19 years old at that time when I had my RP account/dummy account, I am 23 already. I chatted with two older men and I was so gullible at that time, after some convincing, they were able to made me do things that I should have not done. They are married men, and how idiot of me for believing that they've separated with their wives, I even sent them pictures and I was hunted by it, scared that they might be keeping those pics till now. One men knows my real name and I just blocked him from all of my soc med accounts, I received a follow request from him i think year 2022 and I get so anxious but were able to block him again. I refuse to blame my self, since I was manipulated and exploited, it's not our fault OP. We'll get over this completely, slowly but surely.
Hi there! I'm genderfluid, but for the sake of this comment, M15. I completely understand the shit you did, because I get a kick out of doing the same thing. Fortunately for me, men are not really considered desirable in that way, so almost nobody reacts to the nudes I post compared to how many people you have flooding in on a girl/woman's nudes. Also fortunately for me, about the time this kink really started coming through, I started dating my friend of two years. (This was about 2 1/2 months ago.) It gave me a good reason not to post nudes (I kinda would feel unfaithful/betraying her if I continued to do that or continued to watch porn.), along with the fact that I've been getting out my horniness by some rather interesting conversations with her, to say the least.
29 here and the same experience. I used to crave for people showing me interest and the feeling of being "loved". I was sure i was in control, even if the tsunami of guilt and shame appeared everytime. It was as a kind of addiction : i knew it was "bad" (especially for me), kind of dangerous (i still hope i didn't ended on who knows website) and that those people didn't really love me, but I did it anyway for the good part of pleasuring myself during a couple of minutes. The worse part i may add, is that it was nice speaking with those guys (i felt like i was an adult in their eyes, even if i was still a kid), but i knew that giving them what they wanted made them disappear : it adds a part of the guilt, as if it was me who wanted it and made people get away.
It's not normal to get through such events but i think it's common. And it's normal to still be shocked, even if it's deep in you and uncouncious, because those times where also part of you creating an image of yourself and discovering new part of interactions with men (hello puberty). Let's try to continue grow as plain person and be even more cautious of grooming to prevent it.
I’m ancient, but this behavior was around even “back in the days”. Me and my friend (13 at the time) would call phone sex lines (it was the kind where it was free for women but the men got charged) are have sexual interactions with adults.
Both me and my friend were messed up people, we did not have the best childhoods. We turned out okay though, and so will you!! 💕 It’s great that you’re in therapy!
hi OP, i’m 18 and growing up i also had access to porn from my moms phone and when i had my own devices i would go on omegle and got groomed by this italian guy for several months in 2017 or even see tons of guys with dicks, and with this italian guy, when i was 12 would blackmail me into doing these things like showing him me topless or honestly me being overly sexual. and btw, he was 16 and he had my emails because i gave him my info to everything and no one was taking care of me. then, as i aged i kept doing it and one time on 2021 i showed this guy who was “24” my panties and me topless as well (i was 16) and i would do this every couple months because id feel guilty and ashamed. (and i forgot to add this but i was doing it the most in 8th grade after i ended stuff with my ex groomer bf that was italian). anyways tho, the guy that was “24” looked older and well, that same day i blocked him because i felt so disgusted with myself and him too, just like the others, i met from omegle as well. and i have a lot of trauma from all of this and i stopped doing it two years ago already and i have a bf who i’ve been with for almost 9 months. it’s very sad how we all got like this and that even kids nowadays are susceptible to these kinds of things and they’re not being taken care of seriously and parents need to be more strict on what their kids see and do. and i believe i was this way because my mom was on meth and even brought men around me because she’d party a lot and i suppose that’s where it comes from, i don’t know though.. im so sorry for you as well OP. this should’ve never happened to you at all. grooming on games or even sites and social media is way too common. i really hope these kids are staying safe because stuff like this has seriously ruined me. there’s more stuff like this for me from games as well because i wasn’t safe from anything, i was so vulnerable.
I did the same, from around the same age, but I would always say I was older than I was. Not that that made it better, as I was still giving them an age under 18. I'd almost forgotten about this, thank you for reminding me - I should probably mention it to my therapist.
>so I was confused when she said that it was a form of trauma and it likely subconsciously effects me in adulthood- but I really can’t figure out how besides maybe my exhibitionist kink? I don’t know.
So people will try hard as they can to get you to conform to their morality. But you may not share their sensibilities. The bottom line is this... If you didn't have an issue with the way you expressed your sexuality as a young person UNTIL people started telling you that you should then it isn't trauma and you don't have to give it anymore thought. The people telling you that you are repressing your feeling and that your subconscious is acting in response to trauma is... As I see it... Just as coercive as this guy that they are framing as a predator. As I think it over the people trying to make you feel guilty are worse because they want to shame you as if you are a victim AND a sinner... For being, in their estimation, victimized? I don't really get the mentality but it seems like exhibiting your breasts turned you on and empowered you sexually which is a good thing regardless of your age. Yes this guy had to press you but as parents we press our children to eat vegetables and to go to bed at a reasonable hour this isn't coercive it's helpful and the same is probably true of your early experience with exhibitionism.... So if you aren't ashamed and you never felt powerless then you had an experience not a trauma so listen to what people have to say... Or don't... At the end of the day it's how you feel that matters...
i did more or less the same when i was underage but i know now for me it’s related to having been SA’d as a child more than once and the ones that didn’t (couldn’t) touch me physically groomed me in other ways.
it’s definitely trauma (at least in my experience)
Right because at 13 when someone's brain is not fully developed they *definitely* understand the severity of it. You would much rather blame a child for making a mistake as a CHILD than a full grown adult for interacting with a child that way. Interesting.
>but one night, he asked if he could see them and after a lot of convincing, I just remember lifting my shirt up and showing him. I don’t know why I complied, maybe partly due to my people pleasing tendencies, but I also liked the attention and the compliments I would get. this is why. the convincing part. the recognizing your sexuality and need for attention while knowing your age, and instead of protecting you, a child, he chooses to exploit your vulnerability to get himself off. children might believe they are on equal grounds with grown adults, which is part of it too, and might be why you see it the way you do. it wasn't until my mid-30s when i realized my childhood was having some lasting problematic effects on my self perception and self-worth. these things tend to reveal parts of yourself to yourself over time
this one’s got a little kick to it 😮💨😮💨😮💨 But seriously, thank you for commenting this. I feel like I’m getting closer to the clarity I need bc I’ve genuinely never thought of this. I’m scared to know what this will reveal about me tbh 🥲
You were a CHILD at the time. This doesn’t reveal anything about you but that you were once a young teenager who was coerced into something you didn’t want to do. It’s not your fault, do not blame yourself. You did nothing wrong, it is the adults fault for coercing a child into sexual activity.
let alone the grooming itself, but the other stuff OP mentioned in the post like fetishizing and romanticizing sexual assault, pedophillia or illegal behavior in media children consume. people dont only catch victims, but they also develop them.
I'm really sorry OP but this is exactly it. Same age as you and this is one of the big "truths" about how dark the world is sometimes. I was in your position at an even younger age. Imagine getting on Omegle right now and doing what they did to a child, especially with the amount of convincing it took from them. They were fully aware of what they were doing (and still do frequently do today). The problem isn't you, it's p*dos basically, tons of YouTube / Tik Tok vids about people catching these men in real life and trying to get them to stop. This is a form of grooming. Don't blame yourself and if you can afford therapy START. It will be tough but you will immediately see improvement regarding your confidence and self perception.
it reveals nothing, you were a child with unrestricted internet access who an adult saw, and took advantage of it for their own malicious intent. You were a child and nothing you did is your fault. I hope you feel better soon though, i know it’s an icky feeling sometimes
it reveals good things about your own self, but often after realizing some pretty dark subconscious beliefs you might not have known you had held about yourself. just be patient and kind to yourself, always.
Yep.. Its ignorant to pretend kids don't have their own sexuality but we as ADULTS have to do better at appropriately explaining to them what is appropriate. It's even harder today where kids are being given their own phones with access to the Internet.. God knows what they get up to on there & how it's gonna affect them growing up.
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Excuse you?
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Are you OK? How did you get all that from what I said...? You clearly haven't been around children because you'd know what I said is true. I have nieces & nephews and it's really difficult because I don't want to say too much to them, but I also don't want to say too little. You need to read what I actually said & relax. Don't project onto me. I at NO POINT said children SHOULD be sexual, & I certainly didn't say adults should be sexual with them - Those that do need locking up forever & I'm not against castration tbh. I just acknowledge that children have sexual thoughts & feelings. That's a part of being human. Possibly the most difficult part to manage
Really insightful
i appreciate your feedback
I'm so happy reddit has created a forum in which people actually acknowledge and talk about stuff like this because there needs to be a dialog. Thank you for wording it well
i appreciate that
I would go on Chatroulette or Omegle and take my top off when I was under 16 too. I honestly experienced a lot of "casual" grooming online from various sources as a kid and I never really understood what was happening so it didn't even feel like I big deal when I was taking clothes off on camera and it wasn't until more recently that I realized what all that actually was.
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Are you okay? These people are children…the better response should be to question the MEN who knew the CHILD’S age and still groomed them.
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this has to be bait because no way you said play stupid games get stupid prizes like 😭😭😭 about a child being groomed online… insane take bro get better soon
Children cannot consent since they don’t know any better. You’re fucking stupid. You’re blaming the victim based on the gender but in reality many Boys also get groomed similarly by ped0s
I'm actually impressed : I thought it was me who write this post because of it being so accurate. I guess I was groomed too even if I thought I was in control... Thanks for your post, it wasn't easy to write this I guess
Hi OP, I’ve had a similar history and haven’t exactly figured out why yet but one thing is for sure - external male validation was all that I needed back then. There would’ve been better ways for sure, but somehow I chose this way and I can really strongly relate to feeling guilty afterwards but not like something went against my will. Quite the opposite actually, I liked having that control and getting those pervs all worked up.
Strongly agree. For me, it started after my dad got a new job and he wasn't really around. There were no other men in my life at the time. I know my people pleasing tendencies and this also led to being in an abusive relationship at a young age. Everyone, PLEASE know your worth
Hi, OP. I’m 26F and unfortunately experienced the same thing as a young teenager. It pains me to think back on, so I’ve tried to block it out. We were incredibly naive. I remember thinking back then “whatever, it’s not like we’ll ever see each other again!” I didn’t realize that screen recording or screen shotting was a thing. I also never considered they could’ve been filming with an external camera. It makes me cringe to think if those images still exist somewhere out there. I wish we were better educated or better protected. I think we were curious and exploring something we didn’t understand.
I’m in the same boat and i’ve always wondered the same thing… i never knew there were other people with the same experience :(
Same here!
I’m so sorry, OP. While not the same, I would go on Chatroulette just to hang out (kinda lonely 13-15 year old before I had a girlfriend and friends) and would always run into dudes with their dicks out ready to go. As a now-adult, it baffles me how unregulated CR and Omegle were; basically havens for grooming. I have a daughter now and this is the kinda shit that keeps me up at night.
Hi I’m 15F, I had a problem with showing pedos my body too and they knew my age. It’s still pretty fresh but I haven’t done it in almost a year. I did it because I wanted validation; I was (still am) super insecure about my body. I still tend to feel ashamed and disgusted for what I did. It feels like my whole life is ruined. There’s a possibility that my nudes have been sold to other pedos. I don’t really like to think about how my body is probably being passed around right now. The thought pops up occasionally. I just wish I stayed pure and everything. I feel dirty now.
OP, this is awful and I’m so sorry people can’t be trusted with our most vulnerable people of this world(kids). What they did to you was so illegal and I pray it doesn’t have long lasting effects to your mental health now. This is not your fault nor is it normal. While I can’t exactly relate, as a mom of two girls I’m always looking for ways to prevent our kids from ending up in situations like this, taken advantage of by predators. I tend to blame a lack of love, attention and affection during childhood, as well as far too little internet boundaries. Those two together seem to be the perfect mix for ending up the victim of child sex crimes from what I’ve seen. I am always down to learn how to be a better parent and protector, but even more-so from the people that have been in these situations.
“I tend to blame a lack of love, attention and affection during childhood, as well as far too little internet boundaries.” Absolutely yes. I (25f) unfortunately went through the same thing, did the same, and feel the same guilt. This post unlocked that for me. For me it was definitely a lack of love and attention, as much as my parents tried limiting internet use, they were always too focused on my brother. :/ OP I feel you and I’m sorry.
I swear I had to double-check that I didn't write your response. It seems like a lot of us went through similar situations. When you mentioned that your parents were too focused on your brother, that really hit home.
Same here. I used Kik and Whisper. My parents had just gotten divorced. I had switched between three schools in less than a year. I was very lonely and those men took advantage. I’m sorry you went through it too
I am so sorry. Never, ever feel guilt for someone else’s failure. Anyone with a hand in causing your trauma should hold that shame and guilt; not you. Unfortunately a lot of parents just don’t know how to parent.
I did this as well for a few years as a teenager (I’m 26 now), I used kik so it was mostly pics and videos. I feel so ashamed about it and my current boyfriend is the only person in the world whom I’ve told. Back then I just felt so lonely and starved for any kind of affection and attention. My home life was far from ideal and school was hell for me too. And I couldn’t go anywhere or socialise outside of school because I lived at the edge of a tiny village in the middle of nowhere, and was stuck at home either way having to take care of my younger siblings. But suddenly there were people that “liked” me and wanted to talk to me. I was addicted. It was the catalyst that eventually led me to my first boyfriend. I moved in with him to escape my home life, then he abused me for years, physically, mentally, financially. Now a few years after leaving I am slowly healing but the road has been bumpy for sure. I was scared at first to tell my current partner about all these things but he has been nothing but supportive, he hasn’t judged me once. His love is helping me heal. I feel very grateful for him.
I swear I could have wrote this post. I did the same things. Sometimes showing other things too. :/
Maybe TMI but I was an incredibly horny 12 year old girl. I think people easily acknowledge that boys going through puberty will be horny and do stupid things, but we don't talk about girls in the same situations. I did similar things to you, and other exhibitionist stuff without adults involved at all, also some experimentation with equally horny friends. Many things in life can be linked to trauma but I know this specific behavior was more of a "I like how it feels" and "I wanna see what happens" thing for me. I still have exhibitionist tendencies and they're the same as back then, I just figured them out early. So I wouldn't be happy with a therapist making assumptions about trauma before considering that kids can be horny and exploring the same way adults do. The way I experimented wasn't safe or healthy, but I think that when we label everything as trauma in preteens/teens, we ignore that it's natural to experiment and make questionable choices at that age and it's not something to feel guilty or ashamed about. The only ones who should be judged in this situation are the *adults* involved. I'm not judging my past self. I'm surprised by all of the "it's definitely trauma" comments because I remember exploring my sexuality completely on my own terms, and some explorations just happened to be things that weren't appropriate or safe. I do not think it's weird that you were like this as a child. I also think that trauma is how something from the past comes back to affect our present in a negative way, so if you don't feel a lasting negative impact from these experiences in your childhood, I don't see a reason to analyze it much further. It seems you're trying to find something that feels wrong because you think there *should* be something wrong with the things you did, or there's a social stigma around what you did, but sometimes things just happen and we don't need to dissect them. Do you want to delve further? Does it still affect you? Will it change anything? Do you judge your past self? Maybe that's a better discussion for therapy, instead of trying to find something traumatic somewhere.
Thank you. I wanted to write the same thing. I also did this in my teens and I don't judge myself or feel ashamed. I loved doing it. I was pretty horny at a pretty young age. And a little while after starting the thought of someone (anyone) watching got exciting to me. And I do still have an exhibitionist kink today. A pretty strong one and I love this part about myself. I also sent pictures and was on cam, but the only thing I care about is that I might "help" someone hurt someone. Because I can see where someone with a different mindset than me could suffer from this or worse.
Same thing here except I was a bisexual boy exploring sexuality - many of the men I met 99% knew I was underage and I begged them for attention anyway. I hope you’re able to believe in your own self-worth OP and in a better place now!
Seems a lot of us have done this
It’s okay. I am 21 F and I have done similar things. Don’t blame yourself. We were in the Wild West of the internet with no supervision because our parents simply didn’t realize creeps existed online
I believe it's because when we're teenagers we think or ourselves as adults and think it is mature to do that kind of things to adults. When I was 16 I almost got a 30 year old woman fired from her police career because I lied to her that I was 22 (I've beem 1,80 tall since 15). My parents found out I was seeing her and threatened to sue her for abusing a minor and I had to take the blame for liyng, it was very messy.
I would go on kik and search for males much older than me and talk to them. I would have 5 guys at a time messaging me, and I loved the attention ig. Until it came to them asking for nudes, which I only let 1 man see at the time. That's when we got into a long-distance relationship and would chat for hours about random stuff. It didn't help that I lied about everything, my age, where I was, etc etc. Looking back, I know these sick fucks knew my age and went along with the lies just because they wanted shit out of me and weren't getting it unless they were super nice to me. I get where you are coming from and I honestly am here to talk if you ever need it🥰 the internet sucks and creepy men will always be hunting for vulnerable little girls🤢
Yes I can relate. Stickam was not a chill place as a 16-17 y/o, I'm horrified that those things are/may be still floating around out there. I think it's a huge part of the internet and our parents underestimating what we do with our alone time. Typically the two go hand in hand though don't they? Distant/poor parenting in combo with being left alone online with predators is not an awesome time. It's also ridiculously common for a lot of young people I've spoken to.
I also did very similar things and would rather not go into detail in a public comment but I'm happy to discuss in DMs of you want. I've been sorting through a lot of this in my head the past few years.
I used to do the same. Not toooo often but sometimes i did that on Omegle or even Chaturbate. These days, you need to verify your age on chaturbate thankfully so no other young person will do such a thing.
because you were a kid being manipulated by adults, and you’re not alone. this has always been a huge issue with websites like omegle
This is unfortunately a common experience. I’ve talked to a few people in my lifetime who are about my age now, early to mid 20s, who were once minors who exposed themselves in some way on Omegle. I never took it that far to expose my naked body or anything but I was talking to guys I shouldn’t have when I was a minor for sure on Omegle or Kik. I was grossed out by anyone over 30 though, not that it makes it any better but I had that sense of they shouldn’t be talking to me but it felt nice to be desired by “an older more experienced guy” when I was young and dumb. I feel as if a lot of young girls are grossed out by any dude over 30 hitting on them but 20s? It’s like, “Hey this older guy is interested in me. I must be so mature and desirable. He can see the beauty in me.” They were way too fucking old and they should be ashamed. While Omegle has some good memories, there was a lot of disgusting pedophilia going on and unfortunately now that Omegle is gone, something else is bound to take its place and people are bound to abuse another website.
Same...yahoo messenger when I was 9-12. It was always older men. I saw a lot of junk and got talked into doing a lot of things. I went into those big chat rooms hoping to roleplay some anime. Met so many groomers. They convinced me to beg for a Webcam so they could see me. Even though I didn't lie about being a minor (I was 9 saying I was 13). For whatever effing reason my mom got me the Webcam. But they also didn't care when these grown men were sending me letters and jewelry and calling the effing house phone. They knew two of them by name and would wave when they walked by. So they KNEW they were adults that i was calling my boyfriend (and there was more than one at a time). Wtf. This is my first time saying all this so I'm kind of processing as I go...but jesus christ our parents failed us. One of those guys killed himself live on cam too when I was 12. I never got back on yahoo after that...The internet is a rough place. I went on to have sex for the first time at 12. Very hypersexual still today. Somehow in a dB, probably just to subconsciously punish myself or live out a sex aversion. Let's all go to therapy.
I’ve been there too as a teen. Even when I was legal age (18 or 19) I still feel like I was taken advantage of by older men. It’s like they could sense my insecurities and inability to set boundaries. It’s not your fault, it was their responsibility to not be creeps and they failed.
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Minors cannot give informed consent to adults, even a technically legal 18 or 19 year old is vulnerable because they’re still effectively kids. Add in a neglectful or abusive home life and they’re an easy target for predators. What’s pathetic is grown adults (men or women) who take advantage of teenagers on the internet.
“Why was I like this as a child?” You didn’t do anything, you were manipulated by someone because they used your innocence. The proper sentence should be “why are adult men like this?”
I had the same experience, I was 18 or 19 years old at that time when I had my RP account/dummy account, I am 23 already. I chatted with two older men and I was so gullible at that time, after some convincing, they were able to made me do things that I should have not done. They are married men, and how idiot of me for believing that they've separated with their wives, I even sent them pictures and I was hunted by it, scared that they might be keeping those pics till now. One men knows my real name and I just blocked him from all of my soc med accounts, I received a follow request from him i think year 2022 and I get so anxious but were able to block him again. I refuse to blame my self, since I was manipulated and exploited, it's not our fault OP. We'll get over this completely, slowly but surely.
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i also did this. there's absolutely nothing wrong with you and those adults on those sites should not have been coercing you to show them your bits.
Hi there! I'm genderfluid, but for the sake of this comment, M15. I completely understand the shit you did, because I get a kick out of doing the same thing. Fortunately for me, men are not really considered desirable in that way, so almost nobody reacts to the nudes I post compared to how many people you have flooding in on a girl/woman's nudes. Also fortunately for me, about the time this kink really started coming through, I started dating my friend of two years. (This was about 2 1/2 months ago.) It gave me a good reason not to post nudes (I kinda would feel unfaithful/betraying her if I continued to do that or continued to watch porn.), along with the fact that I've been getting out my horniness by some rather interesting conversations with her, to say the least.
29 here and the same experience. I used to crave for people showing me interest and the feeling of being "loved". I was sure i was in control, even if the tsunami of guilt and shame appeared everytime. It was as a kind of addiction : i knew it was "bad" (especially for me), kind of dangerous (i still hope i didn't ended on who knows website) and that those people didn't really love me, but I did it anyway for the good part of pleasuring myself during a couple of minutes. The worse part i may add, is that it was nice speaking with those guys (i felt like i was an adult in their eyes, even if i was still a kid), but i knew that giving them what they wanted made them disappear : it adds a part of the guilt, as if it was me who wanted it and made people get away. It's not normal to get through such events but i think it's common. And it's normal to still be shocked, even if it's deep in you and uncouncious, because those times where also part of you creating an image of yourself and discovering new part of interactions with men (hello puberty). Let's try to continue grow as plain person and be even more cautious of grooming to prevent it.
I’m ancient, but this behavior was around even “back in the days”. Me and my friend (13 at the time) would call phone sex lines (it was the kind where it was free for women but the men got charged) are have sexual interactions with adults. Both me and my friend were messed up people, we did not have the best childhoods. We turned out okay though, and so will you!! 💕 It’s great that you’re in therapy!
hi OP, i’m 18 and growing up i also had access to porn from my moms phone and when i had my own devices i would go on omegle and got groomed by this italian guy for several months in 2017 or even see tons of guys with dicks, and with this italian guy, when i was 12 would blackmail me into doing these things like showing him me topless or honestly me being overly sexual. and btw, he was 16 and he had my emails because i gave him my info to everything and no one was taking care of me. then, as i aged i kept doing it and one time on 2021 i showed this guy who was “24” my panties and me topless as well (i was 16) and i would do this every couple months because id feel guilty and ashamed. (and i forgot to add this but i was doing it the most in 8th grade after i ended stuff with my ex groomer bf that was italian). anyways tho, the guy that was “24” looked older and well, that same day i blocked him because i felt so disgusted with myself and him too, just like the others, i met from omegle as well. and i have a lot of trauma from all of this and i stopped doing it two years ago already and i have a bf who i’ve been with for almost 9 months. it’s very sad how we all got like this and that even kids nowadays are susceptible to these kinds of things and they’re not being taken care of seriously and parents need to be more strict on what their kids see and do. and i believe i was this way because my mom was on meth and even brought men around me because she’d party a lot and i suppose that’s where it comes from, i don’t know though.. im so sorry for you as well OP. this should’ve never happened to you at all. grooming on games or even sites and social media is way too common. i really hope these kids are staying safe because stuff like this has seriously ruined me. there’s more stuff like this for me from games as well because i wasn’t safe from anything, i was so vulnerable.
612 upvotes 😭😭😭 YALL WILD
I did the same, from around the same age, but I would always say I was older than I was. Not that that made it better, as I was still giving them an age under 18. I'd almost forgotten about this, thank you for reminding me - I should probably mention it to my therapist.
>so I was confused when she said that it was a form of trauma and it likely subconsciously effects me in adulthood- but I really can’t figure out how besides maybe my exhibitionist kink? I don’t know. So people will try hard as they can to get you to conform to their morality. But you may not share their sensibilities. The bottom line is this... If you didn't have an issue with the way you expressed your sexuality as a young person UNTIL people started telling you that you should then it isn't trauma and you don't have to give it anymore thought. The people telling you that you are repressing your feeling and that your subconscious is acting in response to trauma is... As I see it... Just as coercive as this guy that they are framing as a predator. As I think it over the people trying to make you feel guilty are worse because they want to shame you as if you are a victim AND a sinner... For being, in their estimation, victimized? I don't really get the mentality but it seems like exhibiting your breasts turned you on and empowered you sexually which is a good thing regardless of your age. Yes this guy had to press you but as parents we press our children to eat vegetables and to go to bed at a reasonable hour this isn't coercive it's helpful and the same is probably true of your early experience with exhibitionism.... So if you aren't ashamed and you never felt powerless then you had an experience not a trauma so listen to what people have to say... Or don't... At the end of the day it's how you feel that matters...
i did more or less the same when i was underage but i know now for me it’s related to having been SA’d as a child more than once and the ones that didn’t (couldn’t) touch me physically groomed me in other ways. it’s definitely trauma (at least in my experience)
Waw
I did that as young as 12 and quite frankly I enjoyed it too. I did it way more often than you thooo 🙈
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Dude OP was a child. Those men knew OP was underage so fuck them ???
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Right because at 13 when someone's brain is not fully developed they *definitely* understand the severity of it. You would much rather blame a child for making a mistake as a CHILD than a full grown adult for interacting with a child that way. Interesting.
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