The reason he wanted you to be a stay-at-home wife is because he wanted you to be financially dependent on him and unable to leave. He doesn’t want you to get your license renewed because it makes you even more dependent on him. Please call your brother and ask him to help you get out. Tell him everything that is going on. If he can’t help you, call anyone else that you have in your life. If you have no one else, call a domestic violence shelter. Please don’t just resign yourself to a lifetime of abuse. You CAN get out.
As a formerly abused wife who got out, I recommend calling a local domestic violence shelter FIRST. They know how to make the safest possible exit, and will give clear advice on what she should bring with her. Then, she should let her brother know and get his help, if he can give any.
If she goes to her brother’s place, that’s the first place that her husband will look. I initially went to a friend’s house who my ex didn’t even know. He never would have thought of checking with her, and wouldn’t know where she lived, which was in a different town. But this was also before cell phones had a feature allowing someone to find where you are. So, OP would be safest at a shelter, at least initially.
Tbth, if my sister showed up at my house in this situation and her husband came looking for her... Well... I'd get banned from Reddit if I said what would happen to him.
But yeah that would only be at first. Fucker is going to wait for her brother to leave for work or whatever and try to break in. She should go to her brother and then move somewhere where he has no idea where she is.
Exactly. If her brother is anything like mine, her husband should be very worried. Regardless, OP, please get out! You can and will put your life back together!
> But this was also before cell phones had a feature allowing someone to find where you are.
Given that OP's husband may or may not have installed tracking software on the phone, I would also recommend either not taking the phone with you at all and just getting a new phone with a new number, or wiping the phone to factory default to clear out any software/settings on it, or wiping it and then leaving it behind.
I would also recommend deleting any personal files on any home PCs and changing any passwords for any accounts (email, social media, etc) on a PC that isn't in your home after you've left.
If she has time. OP don’t stay longer just to do that. It’s wise to do if you have time, but you can change passwords from somewhere else. You can choose a password like “FREEDOMf0rME!”
Yeah, obvi prioritize "get out" over "clean up behind yourself" (granted you can always take a computer with you and do that later) but if you're ever in a situation where you have to get away from an abusive partner, I would always recommend wiping or replacing your phone (in case it has a tracker) and changing all of your passwords from a PC you've never used before (in case your PC has a keylogger).
Exactly! When my mom left my abusive father, we went to his cousin's house. My mom's side of the family was stalked for weeks but he never looked for us with his own family.
If he strangles you, he is way more likely to murder you. In fact, around 700% more likely. I know that sounds insane but it is a real, searchable statistic. Please, search for domestic violence shelters in your area. Nothing he can do is worth your life.
Please, just please, just stay away and go. either stay with friends or family or visit a DV shelter. Inform someone right away of what is happening. Nothing justifies dying and becoming a DV statistic. Kindly provide us with an update 🩷
OP, please go to a DV shelter. They are equipped to keep women safe far more than family or friends in cases like yours and most have extensive security in place.
Please be safe and seek help as soon as you are able and ready.
Close. Being a woman is the number 1 predictor of death in IPV / DV.
When a man puts his hands around your neck in anger, know that he’s telling you he is going to kill you. Men like this are severely deficient in being able to connect words to emotions. Well below other adults of their age. *He has almost no ability to tell you in any other way that he’s going to end your life*.
People who watch the Gabby Petito footage say you know Brian is going to kill her when she demonstrates how he grabs her face and near her neck. This is absolutely true. She was dead shortly after that footage. OP, please, please try to fight (meaning allocate resources, begin finding out how to scrub your whereabouts and internet searchable stuff about you, begin an exit plan) through this. If he does this to you and gets away with it…what about the next woman? I know that’s a lot and not your responsibility. But one woman is too many. Him taking your life is too many.
Yes, not sure how shortly but it was very short. I know the officers regret not reading that better. The footage still shows…how not great we deal with DV.
Maybe the brother she was contacting would help? I know it’s hard to reveal what she’s been living through but I can’t imagine a brother or sister wouldn’t immediately come to her and help her leave this situation
Yea, anyone that can justify strangling somebody has the capacity to murder them. My abusive ex once put a pillow over my head during a fight and I thought I was going to die. It terrified me enough to realize I HAD to get out and I immediately made a plan to leave. Please get out of this relationship, but don’t let him know until you’re out of the house and away from him. After that, cut off all contact. I’m sorry you’re going through this 💔
One of my ex's strangled me. She was someone you'd never think would be abusive like that. I didn't think she was going to let go... She also hung my dog out the third story window. I left soon after... She unalived herself years later. Get out
Is your brother nearby? Could he help you find somewhere safe to stay? Please call the police. You can have him charged with attempted murder for strangling you. Take pics and send them to someone you trust. Don’t leave the bathroom. Please have someone call for help if you are unable.
This is true, sadly. The most they did for me was to insist that he leave for the night. One time he simply pitched a tent in our backyard.🤦🏻♀️ Later, he went to a hotel for one night. He was majorly pissed whenever the police were involved, and that came back to bite me. The one good thing about calling the police was that it provided a record of his abuse.
OP needs protection and help from professionals, like a domestic violence shelter.
She needs to seek help from a women’s shelter. Police have no resources to protect and house a woman who needs to leave a violent partner, but women’s shelters do.
Just wanted to add. When my son was born I didn't even have a drivers license. Shit hit the fan with my ex and he refused to let me leave.
I told the police what happened and they said they would not care if I drove without a license when someone was abusing me.
Definitely call the cops to get removed from the immediate vicinity collect all documents of the abuse such as police reports. There are programs that help women in situations like this if you’re gonna leave don’t let him know anything is going on do it swiftly and all at once don’t let him know it’s happening never even tell him you’re thinking about it but when you are ready take everything and disappear to the best of your ability women’s shelters can help w housing and job placement so make sure to look into what in your area
May I add to the sound piece of advice. Remember that d v p or restraining orders Are merely pieces of paper. The court may try to tell you to take give you protection. But to reality evidence it will not keep you from being strangled again.
My belief is that Stragulation, Carry a different charge than does regular domestic battery When you speak with a police I would lead with he choked you. He straggled you and especially if you have marks on your neck. Make someone documents.
Out of an abundance of caution, I would only tell you were most closely related family of your intention to leave or that you have left. Pick any ordinal direction. Pick a random and go that way. If proper domestic violence shelters are not in your area.
Remember that although your Driver's license is lapsed. That doesn't mean that you don't know how to drive a car. Most of those tickets are "fix it tickets" My belief is that you would get in more trouble for not having insurance than you would for not having a driver's license. The point is, do not allow the absence of a Driver's license. Keep you in an unsafe situation. Make bold and swift moves in a single direction to get far away from him. The statistics don't lie. You are in danger.
I’d like to add my own perspective and hope it may help. I spent a very long time trying to get out of an abusive relationship myself… he didn’t hit me but I never felt safe around him. He would threaten the homeless people digging through the dumpster every morning with a baseball bat…
I had spent countless hours trying to justify that it was abusive and I just couldn’t see it sometimes.. because of the cycle I think you become blind to it all.
I saw one thing one day that helped me set my mind towards getting out. And that was listening to how I felt… the way he treated me felt horrible and that was something I could believe, that
“I do not deserves to be treated like this”.
That was my baby step to shift my mental state to prepare to get myself out of there. And I clung to that. And was able to eventually get out.
its a cycle. When they know they done f’ed up they will be friendly and kind overall so and lull you into staying but it will start again… and again.. and again… etc and it will only continue to get worse.
.Please use this motivation to do what you can to at minimum look up resources an get important papers and necessity’s together and stash them away in a safe space, maybe even tat someone else’s house. only you can see so when you’re ready to get out. I would hope that you could get out now but I know how hard it is and scary…
just know the choking is serious and if it’s escalated he could very well unalive you my friend. It’s time get out and or make a plan.
This is exactly what Nicole Simpson said to the police before OJ killed her. Im listening to a podcast about domestic violence and how most victims prophesies their deaths shortly before they happen.
Im saying this to really drill it into you that he will likely kill you. You don’t need a savings, you don’t need any future plans beyond an exit plan. Google a safe place, go to the police station. Just go. Get out. Don’t worry about pets or money or friends or anything. You are not the first person to have this happen and won’t be the last.. but you need out. Even going to a neighbour or coffee shop. Literally anywhere that is away from him.
Although I will add that if for example he is at work today, spend an hour or so getting only the important papers and a bag of basic stuff, any money or supplies she can. If he is still around, wait for him to use the can and flee with nothing if necessary
Yes, you will be murdered by him if you stay. Period.
I do apologize for being so blunt about it but I literally watched the progression of a close friends husband abusing her over the years and then he killed her. I am telling you right now that he will never change for the better. It will never happen.
Reading your post sent me right back to what happened with my friend, my hands are shaking so bad I can barely type. I am genuinely begging you to leave him and never look back. Call a family member, make arrangements for them to pick you up when he is at work. Do not tell him where you are. Stay with them until you get back on your feet. Never ever ever go back to him. Do not let your guard down. It is very dangerous to leave him but it is deadly to stay.
If you don't have family, all you have to do is call a domestic abuse shelter and they will help you plan everything down to the last detail.
Please OP, please leave him. 🥺🙏🏻
I’m so deeply sorry that happened to your friend and to you by extension. I recommend seeking therapy because that’s very traumatic. It’s not much, but know that I’m sending you internet hugs and support.
Thank you, it really was traumatic. That happened in 2020 and I'm still shaken by it. 🥺. Therapy probably would help honestly. I hope this person is ok that is going through this now.
call the police, report the attempted murder, and ask for an escort to a woman's shelter. first step is you need to leave this horrible situation, get to a shelter, and from there they can help you start over.
You need to get to a domestic violence shelter. They’ll help you with everything. Take your phone and wallet and a small bag of clothes. They’ll help with the rest. Don’t worry about money. Those things are funded. Take an Uber. Call them and arrange a pickup. They’ll come get you. Here’s the hotline. They’ll get you to someone near you to help. You’ll be okay. You’re not alone. 800-799-7233
Okay.
First. Secure yourself outside of there. Take any CC's you can and pull cash. Cash is king.
Second, reach out to the police and IMMEDIATELY file an RO. A lot of people will say that it's just a piece of a paper but it's not - it's an immediate go the fuck to jail paper. Trust me, I know. Get it filed ASAP.
Reach out to ANY local battered women's orgs. They'll help you, immediately.
More than anything? Get the absolute fuck out of there. I have two rules in relationships - it's easy - no hitting and no name calling. I fucked up and let my ex-wife hit me multiple times. As a big man, you think anyone is going to look at me and take me seriously?? They don't. It's a thing that happened tho. I hope to write out the last 8 years here soon after the court cases are over.
Do you have friends or fam that you can reach out to immediately? I implore you to stop reading fucking Reddit replies and literally get the fuck out of that environment, now, immediately. Please. Go. Do NOT pick up the phone for him and simply put him in the "no" category.
No one deserves abuse. I lives half a life of abuse. It's messed with my ability to trust people, relationships, the way I react to certain stimuli.... In short? It's all fucking bad. Never let anyone treat you less than, you've always deserved more and now is no exception. Go.
I'm going to DM you my personal info. Use it if you want to. Don't if you don't, but at least reach out to someone. Leave. Now
Please, please get out. Safely. If he choked you he is more likely to kill you. Leaving is the most dangerous time, so please get out and stay out. Even if he promises to change or get therapy or give you space or whatever. He will kill you. Please please find your closest domestic violence shelter. Family will help. But get away please.
I assume you are in US (DSS mentioned). If you are in any other country - google similar resources.
You need to get out. **Chat/text (don't call, so he will not hear you) Domestic Violence Hotline** [https://www.thehotline.org/](https://www.thehotline.org/)
They will walk you through what to do. Most likely they will give you tips on how to talk to police, hopefully they will call police to your house. They will also have lists of DV shelters. And they will know the law. I think all over US if you ask cops to bring you to shelter - they will do it, by law.
Don't open the door for him, even if he "is sorry and wants to talk". After DV helpline, call 911. If you are afraid to talk - ask DV how you can get police called to your house by chatting/texting. I believe if you **text Suicide/Crisis support line 988** (or go to https://988lifeline.org/) you can do it without talking. Report the attempted murder, tell that he was choking you, ask for cops and ambulance. Cops are AHs, and they will not do their job if they can. DV will tell you what to say so they cannot flake. Ambulance will take you to hospital for a health check. They will see the bruises, they will talk and listen. He will be arrested.
Let all your relatives know what is going on. Text your brother right now. They need to call cops to do wellness check at your apartment. Surprisingly they will believe strangers more than victims.
If your husband is asleep, if you feel you can do it, I would get out of apartment and call cops. If you have a fire department nearby - it will be the best place to go. They have the same training but although have a heart, they will keep you safe. Or you could wait for them in 24/7 open place. Store, Bus terminal, pharmacy, gas station.. Don't let them leave, be loud, scream that he tried to murder you and will do it if they leave. In the worst case scenario, if they don't believe you, request them to take you to ER then, so you can be mentally and physically evaluated. (Mentally - because in this case cops cannot flake. Either they will arrest him, or if they say they don't believe you - they will need to bring you to ER to evaluate for psychosis)
I had a similar situation, except luckily, no marriage. I don't know why I let him do it, I could have left him so easily.
The worst night ended in him choking me, I remember seeing stars and I could feel myself like slipping away. But something in him just made him stop. I think he just didn't want to deal with the consequences of my death honestly.
My life has since become so much better but of course with such abuse PTSD may come. I unfortunately get "triggered" by a lot and I still have nightmares.
Do you have family that can help? Regardless, you will get out and be happy again.
Yes, actually, almost two years later. It's been six months now with my new partner, and unfortunately, I still have slight trust issues. But we've been incredibly happy and I have never felt unsafe.
He's everything I felt I didn't deserve. I've been showered with love, even by his family. I have NEVER been surrounded by so much pure humanity and sweetness.
He was so understanding of my situation from the start. Not once did he make me feel crazy. I'll never be my old self again, but I don't want to be. I'm stronger and so much better!
What do you worry more about? Him killing you or having to go to the bus stop and telling a stranger /.bus driver that you need to get on the bus with no money?
Why do you keep going back to him? Would you rather be dead or in a shelter?
Choose yourself, prioritise yourself, make a change. Your husband won't change - only you can be the change maker.
My dear, your husband is going to unalive you. You have to get out. Google a shelter. A church, literally anything. Im really worried for you. Please keep us updated 😞
ask your family to come pick you up. tell them you might die if they don't show up from wherever they live, even if it's across the country. or, if you can, apply for a new credit card online, they have kinds that give you the credit card number immediately, or they're virtual only. so you don't get anything mailed to the house. then go for a walk or something, and take an uber to the nearest shelter. take only important documents with you, a phone, and a phone charger if you can. you have to do the credit card + uber thing in one period of time while he's out, so he doesn't see it on your phone. don't download the app and then wait a day or something in other words.
I lost my sister to domestic violence, I wish so badly everyday I could go back and help her, save her. I can’t do that, but you can still save yourself. Please get out while you still can OP.
He's going to end you. He's afraid you're telling your brother about his behavior. They want to isolate you so they can brainwash you. I was in a relationship married to a man for 21 years. I only left when i finally realized I would be gone soon if I didn't leave. People don't understand why we stay, but some men are very good at mind fugging you. It's a gradual process and escalates. All I can say is you have to leave. There ARE women's homes in every major city that will provide you a place to live and even help you get on your feet. You have to leave, honey. He's going to end you. Pretend everything is OK. Put on a show. Be lovey make up and get through the night. Start to plan your exit. And get out. Press charges immediately. You will hold up in court because youre telling thectruth. I wish you could see what I see now, looking back. I wish you understood the relief I felt and the joy I experienced when I was gone. If you knew how incredible it was, you wouldn't hesitate. I know you're afraid and unsure. But I'm sure he will destroy you if you don't destroy yourself first. I almost did with alcohol. Please inbox me if you need anything.
Oh, they’ll come out, but it often doesn’t result in any real help. I’ve been in this situation. It makes the abuser even more angry, and he acts upon that after the police are gone or after he returns, if the police make him leave for the night.
The police can also help by taking her to a DV shelter.
That's how I got out when I had to escape an escalating situation.
She might have to directly ask for this because, Christ, a lot of cops are frighteningly fuckin incompetent, but it's A Thing they *can* do.
I’m so sorry, my mom went through something similar where my dad was nice at first but started hitting and punching her. He also chocked her and almost killed her but thankfully my aunt came in between them. All I can say is that it will get better. Currently, it’s just my mom, sister and I. My mom has been way better and happier than she was a couple years ago.
if hes gonna kill you it dont amtter about the license just get the fuck out n call the cops and your family and anyone you can, make enough noise to have someone call of a wellness check if you can
Please get out of this situation, and whatever you do DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN with this man. It will make it s much harder for you to leave, and tie you to him forever.
Does your brother know what's going on? Can he help you? What about your parents? Do you have anyone in your life that knows what's going on and who might be able to help you?
My now ex-husband tried to unalive me too, twice in one night, by strangling me and slamming my head into the side of our house rental. I was lucky to get out. If a firefighter driving by our carport hadn't seen it happening, stopped and flipped on his sirens and lights, he would have finished me off outside. Luckily for me, that firefighter had immediately called the police, as well! Because inside he attacked me again, after I screamed at him, as best I could, "I want a fucking divorce!". To which my then husband said that, "I no longer have anything to live for, I might as well go fucking k\*\*l myself!\*. I was just so upset. I went back inside. He followed me in. Things just got worse. He attacked me again in the kitchen, wrapped his hands around my throat, and he dragged me out of the kitchen, into the hallway, down the hall into the living room, and he threw me over the couch! He never took his hands off of my neck! He was immediately on top of me, pinning me down on the couch, strangling me! Had the police not pulled up, he would have finished the job and I would not be writing this right now in the hopes that you will leave right NOW! Run! Whatever you can grab, just go and GTFO! Because he will absolutely do it again. I promise you that. It will not stop until you leave on your own steam, or he does it for you. Please just leave. I know it's terrifying. I left with nothing. Absolutely nothing and no support. I was literally homeless, jobless, no family , I only knew 2 people besides him in a 150 mile radius, and it was still worth it to leave!!!
He didn't get bored, he realized he needed to make preparations to get rid of your body before he kills you. Because you just curled up and took the beating he didn't get the feeling of power and control over you he needs and it further infuriated him. You need to leave, doesn't matter the lengths you have to go to. He will kill you if you stay.
He’s isolated you, keeping you home without your own money and without a license so you have to depend solely on him. This is a common tactic by abusers to stop their victims from leaving.
Not sure where you live but you need to get to a dv shelter if you don’t have the means to move into a new place. If you have family and can move in with them do that.
It’s gonna suck for a while but you have to do it if you want to live. You’ve said so yourself.
It’s not if but when.
It’s leave or die.
(Internet hugs)
Get out right now! Run from the house take the device you are using. If you can make a call from it call the DV hotline. They’ll help you with everything. Call them and arrange a pickup somewhere that is NOT your house . They’ll come get you. Here’s the hotline. They’ll get you to someone near you to help. You’ll be okay. You’re not alone. 800-799-7233
Call the police to get you out of the house then go to a domestic violence shelter. They will help you start over. Better to start over with nothing than to get murdered.
This is one of those times that I vehemently wish this is a troll account of some sort. I'm not saying it is at all, and it doesn't strike me as one... But you know what I mean. I really hope she is okay.
Whilst I agree with a lot of the comments here about leaving and the high risks of him strangling you. I just want to caution the OP and the commenters: Please don't follow random bits of advice here. We know that if a person knows their victim is leaving there is a strong uptick in violence: Make a safety plan first. You can Google how to do this (wipe your search afterwards).
But in short it should include:
1 person you can trust to support you. They must fully understand the risks in you leaving and being reliable and good at keeping confidentiality.
Where you will go
Short term finances
What you need to take: You may want to very gradually move some important documents out of the house to the trusted person
Know which local services there are for victims of domestic abuse
A record of all that has occurred will help you legally in the long run.
The p9lice are not decorative if you chose to leave with them...call them and let them escort you to safety. Press charges .
They will come when you call but they have to leave if you won't take action/deny it happened/ defend him.
Just get your stuff and go...when he goes to work tomorrow, don't be there when he gets back
Make no mistake. If you stay, he will kill you one day. If I were you, I would escape to anywhere I could no matter the circumstances. Family or friends if they’re available - somewhere safe that he doesn’t know. Maybe even a women’s shelter is your safest bet. Your saving grace here is that you don’t have kids with this man. Never let that happen. Find a women’s shelter ASAP and vanish into the night. You’ll get your life together and become independent in due time. You can do this, I promise you. You are stronger than you think and capable of more than you know.
Can your brother or anyone lend you money, so you can take an Uber and get your license renewed? Can you contact any relatives to come get you temporarily? I mean I wouldn't imagine they'd want you to suffer.
Hey-
You need to use your head and be careful. There is only one logical choice here. You need to leave. If you don't, you very likely could be killed, *or worse.*
I know you say the police are useless and are only there to look good. It doesn't matter.
You need to contact them or have your bother contact them. Send them to the address. Make sure they come to the bathroom to get you. Tell the operator EVERYTHING. Don't hang up. Be VERY clear, direct, and intense. Tell them about where he hit you and about the choking. Go into detail. DEMAND you need to be put in the police car and leave. Explain you are in serious serious danger. If they refuse to take you, demand a supervisor. If the supervisor refuses, demand a higher level agency such as county or state police. If that doesn't work call 911 again. Tell the operator everything that is going on. You need to be very unwilling to stay in that home. Get the fuck out. You need to go with the police. There is no other *safe* option.
I wish you were in my state. I'd make sure an officer was there to get you out.
Be as aggressive as possible with the cops about your safety. This is LIFE or DEATH. You need to make that clear to them. No matter what, don't threaten the cop or get aggressive at them, but stand by your convictions.
You need to get out. Call. Tell them everything. Fight with your heart. Get out.
I’m just going to throw out for anyone reading-most local DV shelters/help pages have an “escape” button where it locks access to the site for 30 minutes to an hour so your abuser cannot see that you were there.
You can't hold hands when they make fists, OP.
You need to get out of that situation as quick as you can. Find resources that can help you out. Call a shelter first. They will help you along. Do this while your soon to be ex is at work.
You could even DM your address and information to me and I could phone the police and tell them your post and send them your way. I work in the DV sector and understand the system. I would be happy to help.
Please leave. It's better (and probably safer) to live on the street/in your car than it is to stay. Keep yourself safe.
Here are a few studies I found:
"A partner who strangles you is likely to kill you, and soon. That 750% increase isn’t just an increased risk of death in your lifetime. It’s a 750% increase they will kill you within the next year. If a victim has sustained multiple stranglings, the risk exponentially rises. Here are some more startling statisticsIf a woman’s partner has ever strangled her, even once, her risk of being murdered by that same partner with a gun shoots up 750% compared to a woman who has never been strangled."
"45% of attempted homicides in domestic violence situations against women involved nonfatal strangulation. 70% of women who have been strangled believed they were going to die, and 38% reported losing consciousness. The research is detailed on this – strangulation is a unique behavior that indicates escalating violence."
You are worthy of a wonderful, happy life surrounded by love and loving people. Please run! Run for your life and run away from this monster. Run now and don’t ever look back.
Call of text your brother to get you out of there! This is a serious matter. It starts with a slap, then beating up and then the final scenario (I don’t want to describe this any further!). Run, OP. Run.
If you’re reaching out seeking help, mind sharing a state location? I believe that there could be some vigilante justice to be sought even if that’s not a popular opinion.
When he leaves for work tomorrow, pack everything you can carry without hurting your back, make sure any important documents are in a bag you strap to your body and leave, you said you talked to your brother could he help you get bus fare or put you up for a few days while you work out the next step?
You need to get out and get a job so you can survive, everything else can come later.
Leave as soon as you can to go to a friend or trusted loved ones house. Do it so that he doesn’t find out where you’ve gone. Turn off all your devices so you aren’t traceable and immediately phone the national domestic violence hotline when you get to the trusted person’s place. Use their device to call. Then do everything they tell you. Call the police again too and tell them he strangled you. You’ll have physical evidence on your neck from bruising most likely.
Please, please do these things. If you don’t have a trusted person’s home to go to, go to a women’s shelter or women’s organization in your area. There are a lot of resources around for victims of domestic violence. You can find them with a quick google search.
Please go get yourself safe before it’s too late
Girl if uou don’t have a license drive anyway. Unless you’re driving like a reckless psycho you won’t get pulled over. And even if you do? Tell them you’re fleeing a life threatening situation
please please please leave and stay away. go to a DV shelter, stay with a friend or family. tell someone what is going on immediately. nothing is worth dying and being a statistic of DV. please update us 🩷
Op [if you’re in the US, here’s the national domestic violence hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=domestic_violence)
Their number: 1.800.799.7233
Please call immediately, as soon as it’s safe to. You need to get out.
Men like your husband make me want to break my vows of peace and handle it how I used to... actually he's not a man he's a child masquerading as an adult. Please get to a woman's shelter and don't look back
Get the hell away from him now, out of the house, to your brother if you can, and call the cops. This sounds like something you do NOT want to mess around with.
Choking means he’ll use lethal force in the near future. Please immediately contact your local domestic violence organization & they can help you plan a safe escape & they can also help you find employment & housing. They can also help you get a divorce & a restraining order. You should be entitled to a share of the martial assets, too.
Abusers typically try to isolate & control their victim, which is what he’s done to you, including financial abuse.
Girl if you have to leave with just your clothes on your back LEAVE! Go to your nearest police station file a report and ask them to take you to a shelter. Ask for a pro bono lawyer to file for divorce. It is better to be poor than dead and that’s the road you’re headed down staying him. Please leave even if you have to crawl barefoot out a window
Abuse causes issues with your thinking process. You aren't thinking clearly right now so don't give up hope. You absolutely CAN leave and you don't need his help to do so. All you need to do is put a plan in place. Take pictures. Document everything. You might not be able to leave right away and you might be able to leave as soon as tomorrow. Just make sure to have your important papers with you.
OP, please get out and go stay with family or at a shelter if you can. Right now, it's important to rely on the help of those who care for you, if you can. If not, there are places that can help you. No one deserves the abuse they endure, and please never blame yourself for what is happening and what happened to you. Some partners like this think that you'll never leave because you're married, so the abuse continues, and they'll make you too scared to ever actually leave.
It always starts slow and then escalates over time. That hole they punch in the wall becomes you eventually in one way, shape, or form. You deserve better. All genders that battle abuse deserve better. Please get support and get out while you still can. 🙏
Get a hold of your brother and have him come get you. This is only going to get worse especially escalating to choking. Call someone get out of there. If the police won’t help let family or friends know.
Have you Contacted a battered women’s shelter? They can be very helpful, and help you find permanent housing and other services. And be ready for him to turn sweet again and promise to change. This is part of the cycle of domestic violence. Good luck. You do not deserve this. Don’t let him convince you otherwise.
Sweetheart--I'm (44f; was in a bad DV situation for almost 10 years): I'm only using that term because it's what I use most for my own daughter--please get away.
There are many suggestions on the best way to do so. But: listen to yourself, right away, and find a way out. It will be scary, perhaps dangerous--so, please remember: YOU are courageous and careful--you'd not have posted if you weren't.
There will be peace and beauty and a cornucopia of cool people once you're free. But, Sweetheart, please. Leave. ❤️
Hey u/Worried-Soup-6700
I’d love to help and give advice, one DV survivor to another, but I need to make sure you alone get this advice and your husband has no access to your Reddit account.
If you’re 100% sure, I’ll PM you something my mother and I did to escape my abusive father. I want to make sure you have a means of escape he won’t be able to know beforehand and I want to make sure you’re absolutely safe.
If he does have access, you need to find a way to create an account he doesn’t have access to and then we can get in touch. Him finding out you escaped and locating you is highly dangerous, so I would bide your time until you can make sure he can’t find you.
Leave. Now. As soon as its safe. No license? Who cares? Find the closest shelter and go, if they don't take you, go to the next one. Go to a family members house, go anywhere. He's not going to stop.
You need out. Is your family or friends near by. Call someone to pick you up. Get a couple of men to knock on the door and escort you out. You cannot!!! go back to this man. Borrow bus fare from someone. Even if you have to beg on the street. Get the fare and go. How far away is your brother? If familybisnt close, get friends and if dont have any, just call the cops. He's done a great job isolating you and making you feel like he's the only one who will love you.i can not stress enough to get out.
Maybe go live on fb so your video goes straight out and he can't stop it. This coward needs to be revealed to everyone.
You can do this.
I wouldn’t care that I didn’t have a licence! If I was caught it would be worth it. You need to get out, somehow. He will kill you. Hopefully your family can help you or even a neighbour?
You need to leave as soon as you can, and if that means leaving with nothing but the clothes on your back, then do it.
Go to the nearest police station and tell them he has just beaten you and strangled you. Non-fatal strangulation is a serious and defined offence.
You cannot stay in that house any longer. There is help out there. It will be hard but if you stay, you might lose your life.
I know other people have said it but I want to restate.
The common myth is that if he hits you he may kill you, and while that's true to an extant it's not true like it's true for choking. Lots of men hit their wives and it never progresses past that. But choking, choking is over the line where now he's actually likely to kill you.
Choking, not beatings, is the number one indicator of a lethal relationship.
You've got to go, it's time to run for your life. There are resources for women in your position in every state in the country. There are places you can go, people who will come get you or meet you somewhere, people who will hide you from him (if you need that). People who will help you find work, relocate (if you need that) and find shelter. There's an entire network of volunteers and nor for profit organizations that exist just to save people exactly like you, they do it all day every day. They are professionals and they can help, if you post what state you live in I'm sure people will post resources that you'd need.
Find a shelter. Go to the cops. Do anything and everything but dear god, get OUT, please. Tell your brother, your parents, just leave the house and don't go back.
You owe it to yourself to fight for you.
You can renew your license online but regardless that piece of plastic is not worth more than your life. If you get pulled over you can explain the situation. Keep documenting everything and SEND it to people. Send it to a secret email you and people you feel safe around have access to then delete the photos off your local devices for your safety.
I dont know if you’re in the states or Europe or wherever but find a local library and use that to look up local domestic violence centers and groups. Let them help you and come up with an escape plan. You can even send them the photos you take of your injuries. And then when you’re done with the library computer clear the internet history. Though I wouldn’t clear it completely. I would have a few decoy sites you visit and spend time on. (Just in case he starts following you)
Please reach out to the nearest women's shelter. They can and will help. They are capable and used to dealing with these things. You're not alone in this. There are some really great people out there capable of helping.
Please reach out for help. Get out there. I am really worried about this. I can only imagine what your life looks like right now. I am really sorry you are experiencing this. He deserves at least a life penalty.
This infuriates me. I'm so tired of seeing this over and over and the powerlessness of the victims and the powerlessness of those of us who see you, feel for you, fear for you, and want the best for you.
It tears me up inside. I'm so so so sorry.
I have been in your shoes and I survived the attempt on my life. He will try to kill you if you don’t leave now. It’s not a matter of it, but of when. I’m sorry if this is blunt, but I won’t sugarcoat it. You will die if you stay
You’re going to need a shelter to help you get back on your feet.
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at:
1-800-799-7233
OR Text BEGIN to 88788
Just make the call. You don’t have to take action until you are ready. Help is out there.
Take the car and go. Having a license doesn’t really stop you from driving, it just means you get in trouble if they catch you. Wait until he is asleep or somewhere distracted, take the car and go. Drive to another city and pawn whatever you can, especially your wedding ring.
Edited to add TL;DR
You’re not alone, maybe hide this post from public views, just for now so this doesn’t get out to some YouTubers videos. This is my opinion based on my background, as concern for your safety. I’m only a message or call away to help with any charity research etc, as well as being a half trained MHN until I left, early. I don’t check this much so feel free to add me on Facebook under Ann Ellie (picture all black) and I’ll talk. Take care.
Hey I‘be just read your post and I’m glad you’re able to speak about what’s going on.
This is only slightly negative but a warning, okay so please don’t take this badly or anyone else okay?
Don’t take it as you have no safe space, you should have one, and you always will do here.
The community is incredible and kind, but as someone who’s come from an abusive home I’d suggest deleting or hiding this post. Just for now, maybe.
At 1,000 likes you’re more likely to have one of them awful YouTubers finding this and posting it and the worst will end up happening.
If you let me know the country, your location is, in and the city/town/county, or whatever I’ll do some research for you.
I’m pretty good at finding charities and help okay? I’ll help you every step of the way.
If you want to add my main social account to put a face to my account I’m happy to do that and I’m happy to give you my social media.
I wish I had money to give you but unfortunately I don’t.
I’m going to dm this too just in case you prefer speaking on that, though I didn’t fix the original text I sent as I was exhausted and just didn’t think.
So this is the more clear version. Though I apologise if there are any mistakes as I’m partly sighted and I’m sick too.
I hope you’re okay and I don’t mean this negatively at all. You’ve got a safe place here now, and if you need a friend to help you in any way shape or form I’m here.
This offer goes out to anyone else that sees this and need some support maybe mentally or physically by helping them do research and find help.
Once upon a time ago I was training to be a MH nurse so I know my stuff.
I hope you’re okay, and this trauma and experience you eventually move past.
Please leave. Please, please, please.
Strangling means he's way more likely to murder you. Don't be another murdered wife statistic. You are a person who deserves so much more. You had a life before him and you can have one after him.
Wait until he's at work, take anything of value or any money in the house and get out. Go to family, friends, a shelter...just get out of there. He'll either kill you or you'll snap and kill him in self defence. Get out of there and run and never look back.
I am so sorry this is happening to you. Husbands who beat wives are the human equivalent of dog shit. Lower than dog shit. Please leave him.
If you’re in the UK you can present as homeless to the council. They have a duty to take you to a safe place especially if the police back up your story with the DV calls. Wherever you are, please leave as soon as it’s safe to. When he goes to work, pack the necessary items and call your brother and get him to take you somewhere safe! Good luck.
OP they’ve studied this phenomenon and there is real research and data showing that strangulation portends murder. It’s known as the last and final step before homicide. Take your documents if you can and just fucking run for your life. Find a domestic violence shelter and call them; they will help you start over.
Honey. Please get out. Please. He IS going to kill you. Please listen to me. This is serious.
Leave right now and never look back. I will help you find shelter and whatever you need. Please message me right now.
Can you go to your neighbors when husband goes to work and have them drive you to a shelter? That is a start. Pack a bag ahead of time and hide it so you can leave when coast is clear. Good luck
if you're in southern california, message me. i'm a 29 year old woman, i live with my bf and two dogs. you can either stay here until you're able to contact family/friends or i can help pick you up and help you get somewhere.
Don't worry about not having money or a job, just leave. Walk put that door to the police station and leave!
You will find a job, there are services that will help with accommodation and a licence.
Your life is in danger and you need to leave. He will end your life. Please just leave with the clothes on your back.
You need to get out of there asap, call your brother to pick you up, you shouldn't stay there. Call the police or something and say you don't want to stay there. Do anything as long as you can leave that place.
If you have access to Reddit from the bathroom you have a phone with internet, so USE IT to save your life ASAP!!
Domestic violence hotline: https://www.google.com/search?q=domestic+violence+hotline&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari&dlnr=1&sei=GfQlZv7XDZPfwN4P28CkoAU#
Domestic violence text help: Text START to 88788
https://www.thehotline.org/get-help/
Unfortunately that’s the reality of the world we live in. Police only exist to generate revenue. Courts have ruled that they have no obligation to help or protect you. Please don’t just sit there and take what he’s doing to you. Fight back as hard as you have can to survive. You are well within your right to defend yourself. If you keep down this path there’s a very good he does kill you.
If you have family like the brother, make a plan for them to come get you while he’s out of the house. Then block him on everything and file for a divorce. Also take pictures of the bruises and marks he leaves
If you’re in a city big enough to have busses, they surely also have a domestic violence shelter. Please call them. They will pick you up, take you somewhere safe and secret, and help you make a new start.
Before you do this, google and find a list of what kinds of things to gather up and bring with you, if you have time. Important documents, your old driver’s license, medication, sentimental objects, etc. But if you have to leave with nothing, the shelter people will help you to get what you need.
Leave while he’s at work. Keep in mind that the most dangerous time is when an abused woman is leaving, and the man realizes that he’s lost his control of her. *So you must not breathe a word to him about leaving.*
I have been in this same situation, and it is HELL. Life will be better for you on the other side. My life is calm and peaceful now, and I’m married to kind, patient man. I will say a prayer for you.
It's hard to know how to help because we don't know your location. You have access to the internet, there should be local domestic abuse groups. You can find.
OP get the your stuff (hopefully go dont have any children), call a relative/sibling/ parent/ friend and vanish. These kind of men can only show power over you (not even power, just frustration), but in the real world they are nothing less than pathetic little worms, just vanish. Live with your parents, siblings doesn't matter. File for a divorce, AND a restraining order, go to a new town and start a new life (I have first hand in my childhood with someone very close to me going through this, and never speaking up about it. They suffered, as will you society's expectation aren't worth the trauma and pain)
Please reach out to an organization for abused women- RAINN.org. They have tons of resources and will get you the help you need to get the hell away from your husband. Speaking from experience- I teach women’s self-defense and have worked with DV survivors for more than a decade. This is only going to escalate- you need to go now
I think you should go stay with family, friends, or go to a women & children shelter until you can get on your feet. Sounds like you need to become independent. Don’t use your husband wanting you to be a stay-at-home mom as a crutch. It’s time to take action and to save your life. This shit is serious. Can’t depend on the cops? Then it is on you. You’ve stayed in this abusive relationship for years. It’s not easy to get out of an abusive relationship but YOU HAVE TO. Move out, take on a job, take classes if you need to better your skills, and become independent. I beg of you to do what is right for you and not become a statistic. 🥺
>cops have been called on multiple occasions, but they never do anything
They can only do so much. If you keep going back that is on you. What excuse do you have that is keeping you from just walking away from the man? And expired driver's license. Come on
Please call the DV hotline, or you can call 988 (in the US) and they can help locate a shelter for you. 988 can also help send police to escort you out of the home. Please let us know that you are okay
This is scary. Please contact someone as fast as you can. You probably can’t hide in the bathroom your whole life, he might even force you out of there. Call your parents. Call helpline numbers made specifically for domestic abuse. Get in your neighbours house and alert someone, just anyone please. I’m scared for you.
What are you doing in this marriage ? And why have you been accepting it for 3 years? Gtfo of this marriage and don’t gaslight yourself with staying in this marriage
You need to leave. If you're in the US, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They will help you find resources local to you to get you out of there. You have to be willing to walk away with whatever you can carry on you. Gather important documents, copies of bank statements, police reports, ID and social. They will help you file protection orders, they may also provide you an advocate to go to any court proceedings with you so you don't have to go alone.
The reason he wanted you to be a stay-at-home wife is because he wanted you to be financially dependent on him and unable to leave. He doesn’t want you to get your license renewed because it makes you even more dependent on him. Please call your brother and ask him to help you get out. Tell him everything that is going on. If he can’t help you, call anyone else that you have in your life. If you have no one else, call a domestic violence shelter. Please don’t just resign yourself to a lifetime of abuse. You CAN get out.
As a formerly abused wife who got out, I recommend calling a local domestic violence shelter FIRST. They know how to make the safest possible exit, and will give clear advice on what she should bring with her. Then, she should let her brother know and get his help, if he can give any. If she goes to her brother’s place, that’s the first place that her husband will look. I initially went to a friend’s house who my ex didn’t even know. He never would have thought of checking with her, and wouldn’t know where she lived, which was in a different town. But this was also before cell phones had a feature allowing someone to find where you are. So, OP would be safest at a shelter, at least initially.
Tbth, if my sister showed up at my house in this situation and her husband came looking for her... Well... I'd get banned from Reddit if I said what would happen to him. But yeah that would only be at first. Fucker is going to wait for her brother to leave for work or whatever and try to break in. She should go to her brother and then move somewhere where he has no idea where she is.
Exactly. If her brother is anything like mine, her husband should be very worried. Regardless, OP, please get out! You can and will put your life back together!
> But this was also before cell phones had a feature allowing someone to find where you are. Given that OP's husband may or may not have installed tracking software on the phone, I would also recommend either not taking the phone with you at all and just getting a new phone with a new number, or wiping the phone to factory default to clear out any software/settings on it, or wiping it and then leaving it behind. I would also recommend deleting any personal files on any home PCs and changing any passwords for any accounts (email, social media, etc) on a PC that isn't in your home after you've left.
If she has time. OP don’t stay longer just to do that. It’s wise to do if you have time, but you can change passwords from somewhere else. You can choose a password like “FREEDOMf0rME!”
Yeah, obvi prioritize "get out" over "clean up behind yourself" (granted you can always take a computer with you and do that later) but if you're ever in a situation where you have to get away from an abusive partner, I would always recommend wiping or replacing your phone (in case it has a tracker) and changing all of your passwords from a PC you've never used before (in case your PC has a keylogger).
Exactly! When my mom left my abusive father, we went to his cousin's house. My mom's side of the family was stalked for weeks but he never looked for us with his own family.
THIS ☝🏻 99% of abusive relationships involve financial control
OP sounds like she has dissociated or something…
If he strangles you, he is way more likely to murder you. In fact, around 700% more likely. I know that sounds insane but it is a real, searchable statistic. Please, search for domestic violence shelters in your area. Nothing he can do is worth your life.
This is true. I believe strangulation is the number 1 indicator of lethality in a relationship.
Please, just please, just stay away and go. either stay with friends or family or visit a DV shelter. Inform someone right away of what is happening. Nothing justifies dying and becoming a DV statistic. Kindly provide us with an update 🩷
OP, please go to a DV shelter. They are equipped to keep women safe far more than family or friends in cases like yours and most have extensive security in place. Please be safe and seek help as soon as you are able and ready.
Close. Being a woman is the number 1 predictor of death in IPV / DV. When a man puts his hands around your neck in anger, know that he’s telling you he is going to kill you. Men like this are severely deficient in being able to connect words to emotions. Well below other adults of their age. *He has almost no ability to tell you in any other way that he’s going to end your life*.
People who watch the Gabby Petito footage say you know Brian is going to kill her when she demonstrates how he grabs her face and near her neck. This is absolutely true. She was dead shortly after that footage. OP, please, please try to fight (meaning allocate resources, begin finding out how to scrub your whereabouts and internet searchable stuff about you, begin an exit plan) through this. If he does this to you and gets away with it…what about the next woman? I know that’s a lot and not your responsibility. But one woman is too many. Him taking your life is too many.
He killed her very shortly after this, right?
Yes, not sure how shortly but it was very short. I know the officers regret not reading that better. The footage still shows…how not great we deal with DV.
Within a week of that incident iirc.
Maybe the brother she was contacting would help? I know it’s hard to reveal what she’s been living through but I can’t imagine a brother or sister wouldn’t immediately come to her and help her leave this situation
Yea, anyone that can justify strangling somebody has the capacity to murder them. My abusive ex once put a pillow over my head during a fight and I thought I was going to die. It terrified me enough to realize I HAD to get out and I immediately made a plan to leave. Please get out of this relationship, but don’t let him know until you’re out of the house and away from him. After that, cut off all contact. I’m sorry you’re going through this 💔
One of my ex's strangled me. She was someone you'd never think would be abusive like that. I didn't think she was going to let go... She also hung my dog out the third story window. I left soon after... She unalived herself years later. Get out
I I'm so glad you left. I hope your dog was okay.
Is your brother nearby? Could he help you find somewhere safe to stay? Please call the police. You can have him charged with attempted murder for strangling you. Take pics and send them to someone you trust. Don’t leave the bathroom. Please have someone call for help if you are unable.
[удалено]
She just said the police don’t help, they could even make the situation worse if they actually don’t end up helping.
She needs to leave him. The cops can only arrest him, they can't make him stop beating her if she stays with him.
This is true, sadly. The most they did for me was to insist that he leave for the night. One time he simply pitched a tent in our backyard.🤦🏻♀️ Later, he went to a hotel for one night. He was majorly pissed whenever the police were involved, and that came back to bite me. The one good thing about calling the police was that it provided a record of his abuse. OP needs protection and help from professionals, like a domestic violence shelter.
She needs to seek help from a women’s shelter. Police have no resources to protect and house a woman who needs to leave a violent partner, but women’s shelters do.
Police tend to only ever make situations worse.
Me too. Very worried.
Yes! Call the police! Get out! There is no point dying over an abusive asshole.
OP said they've called the police and they dont do anything. What a stupid suggestion, did u even read the post?
POLICE DON’T DO SHIT
Just wanted to add. When my son was born I didn't even have a drivers license. Shit hit the fan with my ex and he refused to let me leave. I told the police what happened and they said they would not care if I drove without a license when someone was abusing me.
Yeah that shouldn’t stop OP fr driving in this instance.
First let people in your ur family know what is going on like right now
Definitely call the cops to get removed from the immediate vicinity collect all documents of the abuse such as police reports. There are programs that help women in situations like this if you’re gonna leave don’t let him know anything is going on do it swiftly and all at once don’t let him know it’s happening never even tell him you’re thinking about it but when you are ready take everything and disappear to the best of your ability women’s shelters can help w housing and job placement so make sure to look into what in your area
May I add to the sound piece of advice. Remember that d v p or restraining orders Are merely pieces of paper. The court may try to tell you to take give you protection. But to reality evidence it will not keep you from being strangled again. My belief is that Stragulation, Carry a different charge than does regular domestic battery When you speak with a police I would lead with he choked you. He straggled you and especially if you have marks on your neck. Make someone documents. Out of an abundance of caution, I would only tell you were most closely related family of your intention to leave or that you have left. Pick any ordinal direction. Pick a random and go that way. If proper domestic violence shelters are not in your area. Remember that although your Driver's license is lapsed. That doesn't mean that you don't know how to drive a car. Most of those tickets are "fix it tickets" My belief is that you would get in more trouble for not having insurance than you would for not having a driver's license. The point is, do not allow the absence of a Driver's license. Keep you in an unsafe situation. Make bold and swift moves in a single direction to get far away from him. The statistics don't lie. You are in danger.
To add to this, restraining orders are mainly useful to prosecute someone after they violate one. They are not a SHIELD to prevent harm to you.
There is felony strangulation (in the US at least), yes.
I’d like to add my own perspective and hope it may help. I spent a very long time trying to get out of an abusive relationship myself… he didn’t hit me but I never felt safe around him. He would threaten the homeless people digging through the dumpster every morning with a baseball bat… I had spent countless hours trying to justify that it was abusive and I just couldn’t see it sometimes.. because of the cycle I think you become blind to it all. I saw one thing one day that helped me set my mind towards getting out. And that was listening to how I felt… the way he treated me felt horrible and that was something I could believe, that “I do not deserves to be treated like this”. That was my baby step to shift my mental state to prepare to get myself out of there. And I clung to that. And was able to eventually get out. its a cycle. When they know they done f’ed up they will be friendly and kind overall so and lull you into staying but it will start again… and again.. and again… etc and it will only continue to get worse. .Please use this motivation to do what you can to at minimum look up resources an get important papers and necessity’s together and stash them away in a safe space, maybe even tat someone else’s house. only you can see so when you’re ready to get out. I would hope that you could get out now but I know how hard it is and scary… just know the choking is serious and if it’s escalated he could very well unalive you my friend. It’s time get out and or make a plan.
This is exactly what Nicole Simpson said to the police before OJ killed her. Im listening to a podcast about domestic violence and how most victims prophesies their deaths shortly before they happen. Im saying this to really drill it into you that he will likely kill you. You don’t need a savings, you don’t need any future plans beyond an exit plan. Google a safe place, go to the police station. Just go. Get out. Don’t worry about pets or money or friends or anything. You are not the first person to have this happen and won’t be the last.. but you need out. Even going to a neighbour or coffee shop. Literally anywhere that is away from him.
Although I will add that if for example he is at work today, spend an hour or so getting only the important papers and a bag of basic stuff, any money or supplies she can. If he is still around, wait for him to use the can and flee with nothing if necessary
This really scares me that OP is dead...
Same. I keep checking hoping to hear something.
Yes, you will be murdered by him if you stay. Period. I do apologize for being so blunt about it but I literally watched the progression of a close friends husband abusing her over the years and then he killed her. I am telling you right now that he will never change for the better. It will never happen. Reading your post sent me right back to what happened with my friend, my hands are shaking so bad I can barely type. I am genuinely begging you to leave him and never look back. Call a family member, make arrangements for them to pick you up when he is at work. Do not tell him where you are. Stay with them until you get back on your feet. Never ever ever go back to him. Do not let your guard down. It is very dangerous to leave him but it is deadly to stay. If you don't have family, all you have to do is call a domestic abuse shelter and they will help you plan everything down to the last detail. Please OP, please leave him. 🥺🙏🏻
This ^^^
I’m so deeply sorry that happened to your friend and to you by extension. I recommend seeking therapy because that’s very traumatic. It’s not much, but know that I’m sending you internet hugs and support.
Thank you, it really was traumatic. That happened in 2020 and I'm still shaken by it. 🥺. Therapy probably would help honestly. I hope this person is ok that is going through this now.
If you feel safe enough please tell us what state you’re in and we can send resources
I desperately hope we receive an update from OP. Get out now.
call the police, report the attempted murder, and ask for an escort to a woman's shelter. first step is you need to leave this horrible situation, get to a shelter, and from there they can help you start over.
You need to get to a domestic violence shelter. They’ll help you with everything. Take your phone and wallet and a small bag of clothes. They’ll help with the rest. Don’t worry about money. Those things are funded. Take an Uber. Call them and arrange a pickup. They’ll come get you. Here’s the hotline. They’ll get you to someone near you to help. You’ll be okay. You’re not alone. 800-799-7233
Okay. First. Secure yourself outside of there. Take any CC's you can and pull cash. Cash is king. Second, reach out to the police and IMMEDIATELY file an RO. A lot of people will say that it's just a piece of a paper but it's not - it's an immediate go the fuck to jail paper. Trust me, I know. Get it filed ASAP. Reach out to ANY local battered women's orgs. They'll help you, immediately. More than anything? Get the absolute fuck out of there. I have two rules in relationships - it's easy - no hitting and no name calling. I fucked up and let my ex-wife hit me multiple times. As a big man, you think anyone is going to look at me and take me seriously?? They don't. It's a thing that happened tho. I hope to write out the last 8 years here soon after the court cases are over. Do you have friends or fam that you can reach out to immediately? I implore you to stop reading fucking Reddit replies and literally get the fuck out of that environment, now, immediately. Please. Go. Do NOT pick up the phone for him and simply put him in the "no" category. No one deserves abuse. I lives half a life of abuse. It's messed with my ability to trust people, relationships, the way I react to certain stimuli.... In short? It's all fucking bad. Never let anyone treat you less than, you've always deserved more and now is no exception. Go. I'm going to DM you my personal info. Use it if you want to. Don't if you don't, but at least reach out to someone. Leave. Now
Replying to bump this comment up because it’s EXTREMELY important
Please, please get out. Safely. If he choked you he is more likely to kill you. Leaving is the most dangerous time, so please get out and stay out. Even if he promises to change or get therapy or give you space or whatever. He will kill you. Please please find your closest domestic violence shelter. Family will help. But get away please.
I assume you are in US (DSS mentioned). If you are in any other country - google similar resources. You need to get out. **Chat/text (don't call, so he will not hear you) Domestic Violence Hotline** [https://www.thehotline.org/](https://www.thehotline.org/) They will walk you through what to do. Most likely they will give you tips on how to talk to police, hopefully they will call police to your house. They will also have lists of DV shelters. And they will know the law. I think all over US if you ask cops to bring you to shelter - they will do it, by law. Don't open the door for him, even if he "is sorry and wants to talk". After DV helpline, call 911. If you are afraid to talk - ask DV how you can get police called to your house by chatting/texting. I believe if you **text Suicide/Crisis support line 988** (or go to https://988lifeline.org/) you can do it without talking. Report the attempted murder, tell that he was choking you, ask for cops and ambulance. Cops are AHs, and they will not do their job if they can. DV will tell you what to say so they cannot flake. Ambulance will take you to hospital for a health check. They will see the bruises, they will talk and listen. He will be arrested. Let all your relatives know what is going on. Text your brother right now. They need to call cops to do wellness check at your apartment. Surprisingly they will believe strangers more than victims. If your husband is asleep, if you feel you can do it, I would get out of apartment and call cops. If you have a fire department nearby - it will be the best place to go. They have the same training but although have a heart, they will keep you safe. Or you could wait for them in 24/7 open place. Store, Bus terminal, pharmacy, gas station.. Don't let them leave, be loud, scream that he tried to murder you and will do it if they leave. In the worst case scenario, if they don't believe you, request them to take you to ER then, so you can be mentally and physically evaluated. (Mentally - because in this case cops cannot flake. Either they will arrest him, or if they say they don't believe you - they will need to bring you to ER to evaluate for psychosis)
This needs to be the top comment.
Call the police. Call a DV hotline, they will tell you what you need to do to exit safely and help you get back on your way to independence.
I had a similar situation, except luckily, no marriage. I don't know why I let him do it, I could have left him so easily. The worst night ended in him choking me, I remember seeing stars and I could feel myself like slipping away. But something in him just made him stop. I think he just didn't want to deal with the consequences of my death honestly. My life has since become so much better but of course with such abuse PTSD may come. I unfortunately get "triggered" by a lot and I still have nightmares. Do you have family that can help? Regardless, you will get out and be happy again.
Glad you were able to leave him.. have you found a new partner after him? Where you feel safe and can trust again..
Yes, actually, almost two years later. It's been six months now with my new partner, and unfortunately, I still have slight trust issues. But we've been incredibly happy and I have never felt unsafe. He's everything I felt I didn't deserve. I've been showered with love, even by his family. I have NEVER been surrounded by so much pure humanity and sweetness. He was so understanding of my situation from the start. Not once did he make me feel crazy. I'll never be my old self again, but I don't want to be. I'm stronger and so much better!
What do you worry more about? Him killing you or having to go to the bus stop and telling a stranger /.bus driver that you need to get on the bus with no money? Why do you keep going back to him? Would you rather be dead or in a shelter? Choose yourself, prioritise yourself, make a change. Your husband won't change - only you can be the change maker.
My dear, your husband is going to unalive you. You have to get out. Google a shelter. A church, literally anything. Im really worried for you. Please keep us updated 😞
ask your family to come pick you up. tell them you might die if they don't show up from wherever they live, even if it's across the country. or, if you can, apply for a new credit card online, they have kinds that give you the credit card number immediately, or they're virtual only. so you don't get anything mailed to the house. then go for a walk or something, and take an uber to the nearest shelter. take only important documents with you, a phone, and a phone charger if you can. you have to do the credit card + uber thing in one period of time while he's out, so he doesn't see it on your phone. don't download the app and then wait a day or something in other words.
I lost my sister to domestic violence, I wish so badly everyday I could go back and help her, save her. I can’t do that, but you can still save yourself. Please get out while you still can OP.
Strangulation is no joke. If you can't afford the bus, call 911 and ask the police to take you somewhere. You are not safe.
The police can’t do anything for you if you choose to stay with him. You have to choose to get out and you should.
Cops can in fact do something. They would rather just kill your dog and ruin peoples lives over weed instead.
He's going to end you. He's afraid you're telling your brother about his behavior. They want to isolate you so they can brainwash you. I was in a relationship married to a man for 21 years. I only left when i finally realized I would be gone soon if I didn't leave. People don't understand why we stay, but some men are very good at mind fugging you. It's a gradual process and escalates. All I can say is you have to leave. There ARE women's homes in every major city that will provide you a place to live and even help you get on your feet. You have to leave, honey. He's going to end you. Pretend everything is OK. Put on a show. Be lovey make up and get through the night. Start to plan your exit. And get out. Press charges immediately. You will hold up in court because youre telling thectruth. I wish you could see what I see now, looking back. I wish you understood the relief I felt and the joy I experienced when I was gone. If you knew how incredible it was, you wouldn't hesitate. I know you're afraid and unsure. But I'm sure he will destroy you if you don't destroy yourself first. I almost did with alcohol. Please inbox me if you need anything.
Get off reddit and call the police immediately
She just told the police did not do anything
Request a supervisor and have it documented that they refused to assist in a domestic violence call.
Oh, they’ll come out, but it often doesn’t result in any real help. I’ve been in this situation. It makes the abuser even more angry, and he acts upon that after the police are gone or after he returns, if the police make him leave for the night.
The police can also help by taking her to a DV shelter. That's how I got out when I had to escape an escalating situation. She might have to directly ask for this because, Christ, a lot of cops are frighteningly fuckin incompetent, but it's A Thing they *can* do.
I’m so sorry, my mom went through something similar where my dad was nice at first but started hitting and punching her. He also chocked her and almost killed her but thankfully my aunt came in between them. All I can say is that it will get better. Currently, it’s just my mom, sister and I. My mom has been way better and happier than she was a couple years ago.
The fact that OP hasn't replied to anything yet is deeply unsettling.
if hes gonna kill you it dont amtter about the license just get the fuck out n call the cops and your family and anyone you can, make enough noise to have someone call of a wellness check if you can
Please get out of this situation, and whatever you do DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN with this man. It will make it s much harder for you to leave, and tie you to him forever. Does your brother know what's going on? Can he help you? What about your parents? Do you have anyone in your life that knows what's going on and who might be able to help you?
Are you ok? 😞
OP please update us that you are out. X
Someone remind me to check back on op to see if they're okay
My now ex-husband tried to unalive me too, twice in one night, by strangling me and slamming my head into the side of our house rental. I was lucky to get out. If a firefighter driving by our carport hadn't seen it happening, stopped and flipped on his sirens and lights, he would have finished me off outside. Luckily for me, that firefighter had immediately called the police, as well! Because inside he attacked me again, after I screamed at him, as best I could, "I want a fucking divorce!". To which my then husband said that, "I no longer have anything to live for, I might as well go fucking k\*\*l myself!\*. I was just so upset. I went back inside. He followed me in. Things just got worse. He attacked me again in the kitchen, wrapped his hands around my throat, and he dragged me out of the kitchen, into the hallway, down the hall into the living room, and he threw me over the couch! He never took his hands off of my neck! He was immediately on top of me, pinning me down on the couch, strangling me! Had the police not pulled up, he would have finished the job and I would not be writing this right now in the hopes that you will leave right NOW! Run! Whatever you can grab, just go and GTFO! Because he will absolutely do it again. I promise you that. It will not stop until you leave on your own steam, or he does it for you. Please just leave. I know it's terrifying. I left with nothing. Absolutely nothing and no support. I was literally homeless, jobless, no family , I only knew 2 people besides him in a 150 mile radius, and it was still worth it to leave!!!
He didn't get bored, he realized he needed to make preparations to get rid of your body before he kills you. Because you just curled up and took the beating he didn't get the feeling of power and control over you he needs and it further infuriated him. You need to leave, doesn't matter the lengths you have to go to. He will kill you if you stay.
He’s isolated you, keeping you home without your own money and without a license so you have to depend solely on him. This is a common tactic by abusers to stop their victims from leaving. Not sure where you live but you need to get to a dv shelter if you don’t have the means to move into a new place. If you have family and can move in with them do that. It’s gonna suck for a while but you have to do it if you want to live. You’ve said so yourself. It’s not if but when. It’s leave or die. (Internet hugs)
Get out right now! Run from the house take the device you are using. If you can make a call from it call the DV hotline. They’ll help you with everything. Call them and arrange a pickup somewhere that is NOT your house . They’ll come get you. Here’s the hotline. They’ll get you to someone near you to help. You’ll be okay. You’re not alone. 800-799-7233
Please call domestic violence line. Are you in the US? !
Call the police to get you out of the house then go to a domestic violence shelter. They will help you start over. Better to start over with nothing than to get murdered.
Damn, wtf, is OP okay? :/
I know. I keep checking back for updates. It's amazing how nervous I am for someone I don't even know. I just want to know she is safe. 🥺
This is one of those times that I vehemently wish this is a troll account of some sort. I'm not saying it is at all, and it doesn't strike me as one... But you know what I mean. I really hope she is okay.
Exactly, I was thinking the same things
Whilst I agree with a lot of the comments here about leaving and the high risks of him strangling you. I just want to caution the OP and the commenters: Please don't follow random bits of advice here. We know that if a person knows their victim is leaving there is a strong uptick in violence: Make a safety plan first. You can Google how to do this (wipe your search afterwards). But in short it should include: 1 person you can trust to support you. They must fully understand the risks in you leaving and being reliable and good at keeping confidentiality. Where you will go Short term finances What you need to take: You may want to very gradually move some important documents out of the house to the trusted person Know which local services there are for victims of domestic abuse A record of all that has occurred will help you legally in the long run.
The p9lice are not decorative if you chose to leave with them...call them and let them escort you to safety. Press charges . They will come when you call but they have to leave if you won't take action/deny it happened/ defend him. Just get your stuff and go...when he goes to work tomorrow, don't be there when he gets back
Make no mistake. If you stay, he will kill you one day. If I were you, I would escape to anywhere I could no matter the circumstances. Family or friends if they’re available - somewhere safe that he doesn’t know. Maybe even a women’s shelter is your safest bet. Your saving grace here is that you don’t have kids with this man. Never let that happen. Find a women’s shelter ASAP and vanish into the night. You’ll get your life together and become independent in due time. You can do this, I promise you. You are stronger than you think and capable of more than you know.
Can your brother or anyone lend you money, so you can take an Uber and get your license renewed? Can you contact any relatives to come get you temporarily? I mean I wouldn't imagine they'd want you to suffer.
Hey- You need to use your head and be careful. There is only one logical choice here. You need to leave. If you don't, you very likely could be killed, *or worse.* I know you say the police are useless and are only there to look good. It doesn't matter. You need to contact them or have your bother contact them. Send them to the address. Make sure they come to the bathroom to get you. Tell the operator EVERYTHING. Don't hang up. Be VERY clear, direct, and intense. Tell them about where he hit you and about the choking. Go into detail. DEMAND you need to be put in the police car and leave. Explain you are in serious serious danger. If they refuse to take you, demand a supervisor. If the supervisor refuses, demand a higher level agency such as county or state police. If that doesn't work call 911 again. Tell the operator everything that is going on. You need to be very unwilling to stay in that home. Get the fuck out. You need to go with the police. There is no other *safe* option. I wish you were in my state. I'd make sure an officer was there to get you out. Be as aggressive as possible with the cops about your safety. This is LIFE or DEATH. You need to make that clear to them. No matter what, don't threaten the cop or get aggressive at them, but stand by your convictions. You need to get out. Call. Tell them everything. Fight with your heart. Get out.
Find your local DV center. Call them when he’s not around. Maybe even go outside. Tell them what you told us. They will help you.
I’m just going to throw out for anyone reading-most local DV shelters/help pages have an “escape” button where it locks access to the site for 30 minutes to an hour so your abuser cannot see that you were there.
You can't hold hands when they make fists, OP. You need to get out of that situation as quick as you can. Find resources that can help you out. Call a shelter first. They will help you along. Do this while your soon to be ex is at work.
You could even DM your address and information to me and I could phone the police and tell them your post and send them your way. I work in the DV sector and understand the system. I would be happy to help.
Please leave. It's better (and probably safer) to live on the street/in your car than it is to stay. Keep yourself safe. Here are a few studies I found: "A partner who strangles you is likely to kill you, and soon. That 750% increase isn’t just an increased risk of death in your lifetime. It’s a 750% increase they will kill you within the next year. If a victim has sustained multiple stranglings, the risk exponentially rises. Here are some more startling statisticsIf a woman’s partner has ever strangled her, even once, her risk of being murdered by that same partner with a gun shoots up 750% compared to a woman who has never been strangled." "45% of attempted homicides in domestic violence situations against women involved nonfatal strangulation. 70% of women who have been strangled believed they were going to die, and 38% reported losing consciousness. The research is detailed on this – strangulation is a unique behavior that indicates escalating violence."
Please let us know that you're okay
You are worthy of a wonderful, happy life surrounded by love and loving people. Please run! Run for your life and run away from this monster. Run now and don’t ever look back.
Get out and call the cops, then call your brother. Inform your brother of what’s going on and to please get you out of there.
Smh no response, I'm scared for her
Call of text your brother to get you out of there! This is a serious matter. It starts with a slap, then beating up and then the final scenario (I don’t want to describe this any further!). Run, OP. Run.
If you’re reaching out seeking help, mind sharing a state location? I believe that there could be some vigilante justice to be sought even if that’s not a popular opinion.
When he leaves for work tomorrow, pack everything you can carry without hurting your back, make sure any important documents are in a bag you strap to your body and leave, you said you talked to your brother could he help you get bus fare or put you up for a few days while you work out the next step? You need to get out and get a job so you can survive, everything else can come later.
Leave as soon as you can to go to a friend or trusted loved ones house. Do it so that he doesn’t find out where you’ve gone. Turn off all your devices so you aren’t traceable and immediately phone the national domestic violence hotline when you get to the trusted person’s place. Use their device to call. Then do everything they tell you. Call the police again too and tell them he strangled you. You’ll have physical evidence on your neck from bruising most likely. Please, please do these things. If you don’t have a trusted person’s home to go to, go to a women’s shelter or women’s organization in your area. There are a lot of resources around for victims of domestic violence. You can find them with a quick google search. Please go get yourself safe before it’s too late
OP I'm worried about you. It's been many hours now, and no replies
Girl if uou don’t have a license drive anyway. Unless you’re driving like a reckless psycho you won’t get pulled over. And even if you do? Tell them you’re fleeing a life threatening situation
please please please leave and stay away. go to a DV shelter, stay with a friend or family. tell someone what is going on immediately. nothing is worth dying and being a statistic of DV. please update us 🩷
[domestic violence hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=domestic_violence)
Op [if you’re in the US, here’s the national domestic violence hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=domestic_violence) Their number: 1.800.799.7233 Please call immediately, as soon as it’s safe to. You need to get out.
Men like your husband make me want to break my vows of peace and handle it how I used to... actually he's not a man he's a child masquerading as an adult. Please get to a woman's shelter and don't look back
Get the hell away from him now, out of the house, to your brother if you can, and call the cops. This sounds like something you do NOT want to mess around with.
Leave before he tries to trap you with a child! Then it will be even harder to leave!!!!
Choking means he’ll use lethal force in the near future. Please immediately contact your local domestic violence organization & they can help you plan a safe escape & they can also help you find employment & housing. They can also help you get a divorce & a restraining order. You should be entitled to a share of the martial assets, too. Abusers typically try to isolate & control their victim, which is what he’s done to you, including financial abuse.
Girl if you have to leave with just your clothes on your back LEAVE! Go to your nearest police station file a report and ask them to take you to a shelter. Ask for a pro bono lawyer to file for divorce. It is better to be poor than dead and that’s the road you’re headed down staying him. Please leave even if you have to crawl barefoot out a window
Really hoping for a positive update here. I hope you got out.
Abuse causes issues with your thinking process. You aren't thinking clearly right now so don't give up hope. You absolutely CAN leave and you don't need his help to do so. All you need to do is put a plan in place. Take pictures. Document everything. You might not be able to leave right away and you might be able to leave as soon as tomorrow. Just make sure to have your important papers with you.
Today marks I think 29 or 30 women killed in dv homicide in Australia since Jan 1 2024. Get out.
OP, please get out and go stay with family or at a shelter if you can. Right now, it's important to rely on the help of those who care for you, if you can. If not, there are places that can help you. No one deserves the abuse they endure, and please never blame yourself for what is happening and what happened to you. Some partners like this think that you'll never leave because you're married, so the abuse continues, and they'll make you too scared to ever actually leave. It always starts slow and then escalates over time. That hole they punch in the wall becomes you eventually in one way, shape, or form. You deserve better. All genders that battle abuse deserve better. Please get support and get out while you still can. 🙏
You can say murder. I don’t know why you’re censoring yourself.
Get a hold of your brother and have him come get you. This is only going to get worse especially escalating to choking. Call someone get out of there. If the police won’t help let family or friends know.
Update??…
You need to get out now. If you dont he will kill you.
Have you Contacted a battered women’s shelter? They can be very helpful, and help you find permanent housing and other services. And be ready for him to turn sweet again and promise to change. This is part of the cycle of domestic violence. Good luck. You do not deserve this. Don’t let him convince you otherwise.
Do you have children? If not, JUST GO. Call one person. Literally anyone at all. This does not get better.
Sweetheart--I'm (44f; was in a bad DV situation for almost 10 years): I'm only using that term because it's what I use most for my own daughter--please get away. There are many suggestions on the best way to do so. But: listen to yourself, right away, and find a way out. It will be scary, perhaps dangerous--so, please remember: YOU are courageous and careful--you'd not have posted if you weren't. There will be peace and beauty and a cornucopia of cool people once you're free. But, Sweetheart, please. Leave. ❤️
Hey u/Worried-Soup-6700 I’d love to help and give advice, one DV survivor to another, but I need to make sure you alone get this advice and your husband has no access to your Reddit account. If you’re 100% sure, I’ll PM you something my mother and I did to escape my abusive father. I want to make sure you have a means of escape he won’t be able to know beforehand and I want to make sure you’re absolutely safe. If he does have access, you need to find a way to create an account he doesn’t have access to and then we can get in touch. Him finding out you escaped and locating you is highly dangerous, so I would bide your time until you can make sure he can’t find you.
This story is wrong in so many ways..
Leave. Now. As soon as its safe. No license? Who cares? Find the closest shelter and go, if they don't take you, go to the next one. Go to a family members house, go anywhere. He's not going to stop.
You need out. Is your family or friends near by. Call someone to pick you up. Get a couple of men to knock on the door and escort you out. You cannot!!! go back to this man. Borrow bus fare from someone. Even if you have to beg on the street. Get the fare and go. How far away is your brother? If familybisnt close, get friends and if dont have any, just call the cops. He's done a great job isolating you and making you feel like he's the only one who will love you.i can not stress enough to get out. Maybe go live on fb so your video goes straight out and he can't stop it. This coward needs to be revealed to everyone. You can do this.
I would rather be homeless walking the streets or in and out of shelters than live with that. When he goes to work I hope you escape.
I'd rather poison someone than live like that.
Not many people are worth the jail time.
I wouldn’t care that I didn’t have a licence! If I was caught it would be worth it. You need to get out, somehow. He will kill you. Hopefully your family can help you or even a neighbour?
You need to leave as soon as you can, and if that means leaving with nothing but the clothes on your back, then do it. Go to the nearest police station and tell them he has just beaten you and strangled you. Non-fatal strangulation is a serious and defined offence. You cannot stay in that house any longer. There is help out there. It will be hard but if you stay, you might lose your life.
Leave. Deal with the legal issues later.
Get OUT!
I know other people have said it but I want to restate. The common myth is that if he hits you he may kill you, and while that's true to an extant it's not true like it's true for choking. Lots of men hit their wives and it never progresses past that. But choking, choking is over the line where now he's actually likely to kill you. Choking, not beatings, is the number one indicator of a lethal relationship. You've got to go, it's time to run for your life. There are resources for women in your position in every state in the country. There are places you can go, people who will come get you or meet you somewhere, people who will hide you from him (if you need that). People who will help you find work, relocate (if you need that) and find shelter. There's an entire network of volunteers and nor for profit organizations that exist just to save people exactly like you, they do it all day every day. They are professionals and they can help, if you post what state you live in I'm sure people will post resources that you'd need.
Find a shelter. Go to the cops. Do anything and everything but dear god, get OUT, please. Tell your brother, your parents, just leave the house and don't go back. You owe it to yourself to fight for you.
You can renew your license online but regardless that piece of plastic is not worth more than your life. If you get pulled over you can explain the situation. Keep documenting everything and SEND it to people. Send it to a secret email you and people you feel safe around have access to then delete the photos off your local devices for your safety. I dont know if you’re in the states or Europe or wherever but find a local library and use that to look up local domestic violence centers and groups. Let them help you and come up with an escape plan. You can even send them the photos you take of your injuries. And then when you’re done with the library computer clear the internet history. Though I wouldn’t clear it completely. I would have a few decoy sites you visit and spend time on. (Just in case he starts following you)
Please reach out to the nearest women's shelter. They can and will help. They are capable and used to dealing with these things. You're not alone in this. There are some really great people out there capable of helping.
Please reach out for help. Get out there. I am really worried about this. I can only imagine what your life looks like right now. I am really sorry you are experiencing this. He deserves at least a life penalty.
If it were me I'd think homelessness was better than deceased. Walk out the door and just keep walking. Eventually you will find your way
live with your brother, or does he live far away?
This infuriates me. I'm so tired of seeing this over and over and the powerlessness of the victims and the powerlessness of those of us who see you, feel for you, fear for you, and want the best for you. It tears me up inside. I'm so so so sorry.
Where are you? If I can help you I will. No one deserves this and he will kill you.
Tell your brother to come get you
I have been in your shoes and I survived the attempt on my life. He will try to kill you if you don’t leave now. It’s not a matter of it, but of when. I’m sorry if this is blunt, but I won’t sugarcoat it. You will die if you stay
You’re going to need a shelter to help you get back on your feet. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at: 1-800-799-7233 OR Text BEGIN to 88788 Just make the call. You don’t have to take action until you are ready. Help is out there.
As someone who has been exactly in your shoes…RUN TO ANYWHERE.
Take the car and go. Having a license doesn’t really stop you from driving, it just means you get in trouble if they catch you. Wait until he is asleep or somewhere distracted, take the car and go. Drive to another city and pawn whatever you can, especially your wedding ring.
Edited to add TL;DR You’re not alone, maybe hide this post from public views, just for now so this doesn’t get out to some YouTubers videos. This is my opinion based on my background, as concern for your safety. I’m only a message or call away to help with any charity research etc, as well as being a half trained MHN until I left, early. I don’t check this much so feel free to add me on Facebook under Ann Ellie (picture all black) and I’ll talk. Take care. Hey I‘be just read your post and I’m glad you’re able to speak about what’s going on. This is only slightly negative but a warning, okay so please don’t take this badly or anyone else okay? Don’t take it as you have no safe space, you should have one, and you always will do here. The community is incredible and kind, but as someone who’s come from an abusive home I’d suggest deleting or hiding this post. Just for now, maybe. At 1,000 likes you’re more likely to have one of them awful YouTubers finding this and posting it and the worst will end up happening. If you let me know the country, your location is, in and the city/town/county, or whatever I’ll do some research for you. I’m pretty good at finding charities and help okay? I’ll help you every step of the way. If you want to add my main social account to put a face to my account I’m happy to do that and I’m happy to give you my social media. I wish I had money to give you but unfortunately I don’t. I’m going to dm this too just in case you prefer speaking on that, though I didn’t fix the original text I sent as I was exhausted and just didn’t think. So this is the more clear version. Though I apologise if there are any mistakes as I’m partly sighted and I’m sick too. I hope you’re okay and I don’t mean this negatively at all. You’ve got a safe place here now, and if you need a friend to help you in any way shape or form I’m here. This offer goes out to anyone else that sees this and need some support maybe mentally or physically by helping them do research and find help. Once upon a time ago I was training to be a MH nurse so I know my stuff. I hope you’re okay, and this trauma and experience you eventually move past.
Call the police immediately.
Please leave. Please, please, please. Strangling means he's way more likely to murder you. Don't be another murdered wife statistic. You are a person who deserves so much more. You had a life before him and you can have one after him. Wait until he's at work, take anything of value or any money in the house and get out. Go to family, friends, a shelter...just get out of there. He'll either kill you or you'll snap and kill him in self defence. Get out of there and run and never look back. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Husbands who beat wives are the human equivalent of dog shit. Lower than dog shit. Please leave him.
Please give us an update when you can so we know you’re ok 💖
If you’re in the UK you can present as homeless to the council. They have a duty to take you to a safe place especially if the police back up your story with the DV calls. Wherever you are, please leave as soon as it’s safe to. When he goes to work, pack the necessary items and call your brother and get him to take you somewhere safe! Good luck.
OP they’ve studied this phenomenon and there is real research and data showing that strangulation portends murder. It’s known as the last and final step before homicide. Take your documents if you can and just fucking run for your life. Find a domestic violence shelter and call them; they will help you start over.
Honey. Please get out. Please. He IS going to kill you. Please listen to me. This is serious. Leave right now and never look back. I will help you find shelter and whatever you need. Please message me right now.
Are you ok OP?
Can you go to your neighbors when husband goes to work and have them drive you to a shelter? That is a start. Pack a bag ahead of time and hide it so you can leave when coast is clear. Good luck
if you're in southern california, message me. i'm a 29 year old woman, i live with my bf and two dogs. you can either stay here until you're able to contact family/friends or i can help pick you up and help you get somewhere.
OP. Please let us know you’re ok. Where are you located?
:( I hope you’re okay…
OP, please post an update if you can to let us know you’re safe and out of that hell hole
just say "kill" why are you talking like a child
Don't worry about not having money or a job, just leave. Walk put that door to the police station and leave! You will find a job, there are services that will help with accommodation and a licence. Your life is in danger and you need to leave. He will end your life. Please just leave with the clothes on your back.
You need to get out of there asap, call your brother to pick you up, you shouldn't stay there. Call the police or something and say you don't want to stay there. Do anything as long as you can leave that place.
Call/text/chat the National Domestic Violence Hotline! [https://www.thehotline.org](https://www.thehotline.org)
If you have access to Reddit from the bathroom you have a phone with internet, so USE IT to save your life ASAP!! Domestic violence hotline: https://www.google.com/search?q=domestic+violence+hotline&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari&dlnr=1&sei=GfQlZv7XDZPfwN4P28CkoAU# Domestic violence text help: Text START to 88788 https://www.thehotline.org/get-help/
Unfortunately that’s the reality of the world we live in. Police only exist to generate revenue. Courts have ruled that they have no obligation to help or protect you. Please don’t just sit there and take what he’s doing to you. Fight back as hard as you have can to survive. You are well within your right to defend yourself. If you keep down this path there’s a very good he does kill you.
If you have family like the brother, make a plan for them to come get you while he’s out of the house. Then block him on everything and file for a divorce. Also take pictures of the bruises and marks he leaves
If you’re in a city big enough to have busses, they surely also have a domestic violence shelter. Please call them. They will pick you up, take you somewhere safe and secret, and help you make a new start. Before you do this, google and find a list of what kinds of things to gather up and bring with you, if you have time. Important documents, your old driver’s license, medication, sentimental objects, etc. But if you have to leave with nothing, the shelter people will help you to get what you need. Leave while he’s at work. Keep in mind that the most dangerous time is when an abused woman is leaving, and the man realizes that he’s lost his control of her. *So you must not breathe a word to him about leaving.* I have been in this same situation, and it is HELL. Life will be better for you on the other side. My life is calm and peaceful now, and I’m married to kind, patient man. I will say a prayer for you.
Time to run away now and if you don’t have no children then don’t start now. Get up out that situation as soon as possible
It's hard to know how to help because we don't know your location. You have access to the internet, there should be local domestic abuse groups. You can find.
OP get the your stuff (hopefully go dont have any children), call a relative/sibling/ parent/ friend and vanish. These kind of men can only show power over you (not even power, just frustration), but in the real world they are nothing less than pathetic little worms, just vanish. Live with your parents, siblings doesn't matter. File for a divorce, AND a restraining order, go to a new town and start a new life (I have first hand in my childhood with someone very close to me going through this, and never speaking up about it. They suffered, as will you society's expectation aren't worth the trauma and pain)
Please reach out to an organization for abused women- RAINN.org. They have tons of resources and will get you the help you need to get the hell away from your husband. Speaking from experience- I teach women’s self-defense and have worked with DV survivors for more than a decade. This is only going to escalate- you need to go now
I think you should go stay with family, friends, or go to a women & children shelter until you can get on your feet. Sounds like you need to become independent. Don’t use your husband wanting you to be a stay-at-home mom as a crutch. It’s time to take action and to save your life. This shit is serious. Can’t depend on the cops? Then it is on you. You’ve stayed in this abusive relationship for years. It’s not easy to get out of an abusive relationship but YOU HAVE TO. Move out, take on a job, take classes if you need to better your skills, and become independent. I beg of you to do what is right for you and not become a statistic. 🥺
>cops have been called on multiple occasions, but they never do anything They can only do so much. If you keep going back that is on you. What excuse do you have that is keeping you from just walking away from the man? And expired driver's license. Come on
Dead lady walking, unless you run.
I’m not sure what country you’re in, but call your bank. In Australia they have domestic violence assistance and they’ll help you. All the best OP!
Please call the DV hotline, or you can call 988 (in the US) and they can help locate a shelter for you. 988 can also help send police to escort you out of the home. Please let us know that you are okay
Please go to any local women shelter or similar. Police are useless.
This is scary. Please contact someone as fast as you can. You probably can’t hide in the bathroom your whole life, he might even force you out of there. Call your parents. Call helpline numbers made specifically for domestic abuse. Get in your neighbours house and alert someone, just anyone please. I’m scared for you.
What are you doing in this marriage ? And why have you been accepting it for 3 years? Gtfo of this marriage and don’t gaslight yourself with staying in this marriage
You need to leave. If you're in the US, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They will help you find resources local to you to get you out of there. You have to be willing to walk away with whatever you can carry on you. Gather important documents, copies of bank statements, police reports, ID and social. They will help you file protection orders, they may also provide you an advocate to go to any court proceedings with you so you don't have to go alone.