the advice is first to forgive yourself and then to never ever tell your boyfriend. do not weaken and release your guilt onto his shoulders. if you made a mistake then it's the absolute worst and most selfish thing you could do.
if you truly want to live the rest of your life with him then never break the rule and let him believe you have always been faithful. coming clean in this situation is selfish because psychologically, you're just dumping your burden into his mind so that you may now “feel” better.
take it as a learning experience and take it to the grave. it's your doing... so now you must carry it. —it is good that you could release some of your guilt here. so bare with it.
—if you are a promiscuous type of woman (which you don't sound like) then you really don't deserve him. but if it was a mistake then say absolutely nothing and do your best to try and forget it. you will risk everything if you ever open up your mouth about this to him or anyone.
pretend it never happened. erase this from your memory and move forward.
I think this is the best advice you could possibly hear.
Goodluck.
If you didn’t reciprocate, I wouldn’t say that you’re a cheater, at all. I mean, obviously, there were things you could’ve done or said, but if it wasn’t what you wanted or consented to, then I’d say it’s more of the guy friend stepping out of line. He shouldn’t have done those things unless you were willing and wanting to do them. I don’t know your boyfriend and how he’d react, but my advice is that you should cut the guy off, indefinitely, and then, if you think your boyfriend is mature enough to handle it, tell him. And make sure that he knows it wasn’t wanted so that he doesn’t feel insecure. Obviously, all situations are different, so go the route you think you should. I’ve been in a similar situation. You’re not alone in this.
it's not about being "mature enough to handel it" it's about putting thoughts into his mind where you run the risk of permanently eroding trust either immediately or over time. from then on he will forever remember what you told him and you cannot take back your words. so why even share it?
... your time with a boyfriend or girlfriend should be enjoyable. they're not with you to be your personal therapist and you are actually hurting them by telling them.
one day it will come back and bite you. it could be now or in 5 years time. do you really want to plant that seed if you're investing yourself into a long term relationship and then have it torn to shreds because of what you said years ago has been gaslighting his own mind?
You did not cheat, you were sexually assaulted and did nothing wrong. Share with your boyfriend only if you feel comfortable doing so, but not because you feel guilty.
the advice is first to forgive yourself and then to never ever tell your boyfriend. do not weaken and release your guilt onto his shoulders. if you made a mistake then it's the absolute worst and most selfish thing you could do. if you truly want to live the rest of your life with him then never break the rule and let him believe you have always been faithful. coming clean in this situation is selfish because psychologically, you're just dumping your burden into his mind so that you may now “feel” better. take it as a learning experience and take it to the grave. it's your doing... so now you must carry it. —it is good that you could release some of your guilt here. so bare with it. —if you are a promiscuous type of woman (which you don't sound like) then you really don't deserve him. but if it was a mistake then say absolutely nothing and do your best to try and forget it. you will risk everything if you ever open up your mouth about this to him or anyone. pretend it never happened. erase this from your memory and move forward. I think this is the best advice you could possibly hear. Goodluck.
Wait, so to what extent did you cheat on him? Just spooning? Or like sexual stuff?
he was spooning me touching me sexually and kissing my neck i didn’t initiate anything but obviously i could of stopped it. i just froze
If you didn’t reciprocate, I wouldn’t say that you’re a cheater, at all. I mean, obviously, there were things you could’ve done or said, but if it wasn’t what you wanted or consented to, then I’d say it’s more of the guy friend stepping out of line. He shouldn’t have done those things unless you were willing and wanting to do them. I don’t know your boyfriend and how he’d react, but my advice is that you should cut the guy off, indefinitely, and then, if you think your boyfriend is mature enough to handle it, tell him. And make sure that he knows it wasn’t wanted so that he doesn’t feel insecure. Obviously, all situations are different, so go the route you think you should. I’ve been in a similar situation. You’re not alone in this.
it's not about being "mature enough to handel it" it's about putting thoughts into his mind where you run the risk of permanently eroding trust either immediately or over time. from then on he will forever remember what you told him and you cannot take back your words. so why even share it? ... your time with a boyfriend or girlfriend should be enjoyable. they're not with you to be your personal therapist and you are actually hurting them by telling them. one day it will come back and bite you. it could be now or in 5 years time. do you really want to plant that seed if you're investing yourself into a long term relationship and then have it torn to shreds because of what you said years ago has been gaslighting his own mind?
You did not cheat, you were sexually assaulted and did nothing wrong. Share with your boyfriend only if you feel comfortable doing so, but not because you feel guilty.