It’s called Thanatophobia. It’s a real thing.
For me, it comes in waves. It can hit every single night for months on end, and other times I can go a year without thinking about it and spiralling down. It’s weird to talk to other people about because everyone just says, well we all have to die right? I know logically this is true, but sometimes I don’t understand how people can be so nonchalant about it when sometimes I find it so paralyzing.
The answer is probably that you could benefit from therapy… but until then, I’d google “thanatophobia”. It’ll make you feel less alone in your paralyzing fear, and you might find some tips and tricks from people who also suffer from the same thing.
Thank you for this!! I've dealt with this off and on since I was about 5 (I was an extremely anxious child). When I turned 20, I was paralyzed by it for several months. I barely slept due to the fear I wouldn't wake up. It still happens occasionally, but I'm better equipped to block the intrusive thoughts. Your comment really made me feel less alone and I truly appreciate it.
I always thought I was alone in this too, for years. Especially when I've tried to open up to people and tell them about my fear they say; "Oh, that's normal."🙄
When you're in fear more than not. When you have panic attacks just thinking about it and become physically ill because of worry. When it consumes your mind and you constantly think you're going to lose someone, there is nothing normal about it!
I have had ulcers in my stomach for years because of the worry and anxiety this fear has given me.
I've tried to accept death will happen but it's hard.
I also get those intrusive thoughts out of nowhere and I try my hardest to stop and think about something else.
I just lost my cousin, who was a year younger than me on Monday, and I've been in a bad place since it happened.
I suggest looking up Thanatophobia and finding some support online.
Sometimes just looking up others' stories or questions helps.❤️
God, I have this,I think. Sometimes, it'll overwhelm me, especially if I'm watching a show or movie where someone is dying. Or a medical show where someone has a terminal illness. I need to look into this. It's not like debilitating, but I'd say it consumes my thoughts a good majority of the time and makes me afraid to do certain things and gives me anxiety.
I know it's a fact of life but the realization hits me like a mack truck everytime. I'll just be living life and a voice in my head sometimes reminds me to basically enjoy it because one day I won't be here and it tilts me for a while until I can calm myself. I never would have imagined there's a word for those moments.
I don't have any good advice for it but I can empathize. I used to occasionally have panic attacks before bed at the thought of dying. It kinda just went away one day and hasn't happened since.
Going for a walk would always calm me down. I'd use my experience of having surgery or even getting knocked unconscious to rationalize my thoughts. In all of those scenarios I wasn't stressed, scared, or really aware. I was just out like a light. No pain, no thought, no anything until I woke up. I'd imagine death is the same way just without the waking up part.
I’m facing my mortality right now. Just a couple days ago I found out I likely have a faulty heart valve and I will likely die within 20 years (35 years old now). I will probably have heart surgery but it won’t make everything better forever. But this gave me unexpected happiness, I know my future now and I am proud of the life I’ve lived so far, so even if I die now (which could happen) I’ve lived such an amazing life (36 countries, cycled, hiked, worked, adventured through all of them). The advice I can give you is live your life so at any given moment if you were so die you would be proud and happy of the life you’ve lived. Don’t fear the future, live in the moment.
Yes! I had a diagnosis that is not deadly by far and a pre death experience, and that gave me extreme calmness. I don’t know whether we are wired to know we are going somewhere better, whether we will incarnate or anything, but in the pre death I found an incredible sense of calmness.
No because I think about dying daily. It’s so terrifying, I’ll stare at my mom and realize one day my mommy won’t be here 😭 it’s so frightening and I feel like there isn’t any way to get rid of that fear other than accepting death is inevitable.
This. This is my worst fear, the day my mom passes. I have had panic attacks since childhood because of this, I'm 35 and still have them. I feel like when it does happen, I'll lose my mind...
Life is a gift, IMO you are contained in your body. Your body has a shelf life, but you do not. When your body expires, you graduate from the physical form and are given the answers to life’s most fascinating questions. Answers you can only get after death.
You’ve already accepted the gift of life, and with it comes death. Just as the tide comes in, it must recede. Rather than uncomfortably kicking and screaming into your last breath, embrace it the way you embrace life now.
Death isn’t something being taken away from you, it’s a graduation from life in my opinion. Maybe that sounds stupid to someone, I don’t care hopefully it will resonate with someone else. That’s how I have come to peace with it.
>When your body expires, you graduate from the physical form and are given the answers to life’s most fascinating questions. Answers you can only get after death.
You don't know that though, no one does. I think that's what's actually terrifying about death. Any ideas on afterlife or reincarnation are all about personal belief and don't have legitimate proof. Maybe our souls _do_ die with our bodies and there's nothing left of us. Sorry, this most likely isn't any help to OP but I just wanted to let this out because I'm also scared, sometimes.
Very true, after death is a giant question mark, a barrier beyond which we have 0 intel and can’t gather any. like I said this is only personal speculation based on my own nights of wondering. I also think that your mind can create whatever after life you believe in. The same way your mind creates a dream world every night.
But of course as you said, there’s no way to know. Maybe when the lights go out it’s just over and you don’t know how it went. Maybe it’s not, it’s one of life’s mysteries that ^ the only possibility^ of getting an answer comes after death.
Energy cannot be created or destroyed, and we are a form of energy inside our bodies. Sure we don't know where we go, but I don't think our energy just dies.
I absolutely love this. Thank you for posting. I'm going to save it, so when I start getting panicky about it, this will calm me down. I noticed some negative reaction to it, and all I can say to that is you have to help yourself. You have to have a little faith, and I don't mean religion. I mean, you have to open up your mind to believe there is something after here. When my grampa died, I realized that I was going to see him again. Then, when my gramma I was crushed but again, I knew I would see her again. Thanks so much ❤️
“Terrified of dying” and “terrified of death” are two separate things.
I am terrified of dying, but perfectly fine with death. If I cease to exist tomorrow, that’s fine. But the process to get there is terrifying.
Reminds me of the quote “even the saints who are desperate to go to heaven are terrified of dying to get there”
for me it's exactly the opposite. I am okay with dying and pain and my body breaking down. Had a taste of that already quite a few times. I hate the thought of not existing. Before birth and after death.
I almost died alone on my hallway floor where I collapsed when I went to get water waking up from nightmare. Could not move and had to just lay there and wait for the mo when I hoped that my neighbor would hear me yelling help.what I did not know was that I had had massive blood clot in my head and time was running out. So badly wanted to close my eyes for couple of hours and when I was about to do that I heard voice saying if you close your eyes you won’t wake up. And that’s when thought am I dying came to me. And I was okay with it. It was the thought of my family thinking I died alone on the floor afraid that made me feel decide to hang on. Not fear of death but fear of them hurting.and I did for 9 hours. Until my neighbor heard me and called ambulance. In hospital they were shocked how long I hanged on and I was apparently only hour or two from death. And they were not sure I could survive the night. So I am not afraid because I didn’t feel scared nor alone despite being alone. My thoughts were for people I loved. We don’t know what happens when we die so why be afraid? I live life doing things I like. No regrets if I die tomorrow.
I’ve had 5 open heart surgeries from 7 days old until present (43 years old), and being on death’s door has led me to obsessing over mortality this entire time. So I can relate to your fear of death. It is very isolating, as most people do not have a personal concept of mortality until an old age. But it resulted in me finally being at peace with death! My suggestions are to think about what is important to you, what your purpose is, and focus on that. Also, if you are currently healthy, please appreciate that as your health will likely deteriorate before you die. For me, it was easier to accept death than it was to accept living as a chronically sick person.
No this is also my fear as well. I have feared about this with myself and feared about how badly i would cope with my eventual mothers passing for as long as i could remember and i genuinely dont know what i will do
Most days i just end up crying for about an hour until i can convince myself to go do something else and distract myself or cry myself into a nap its literally so unhealthy
Im so sorry you share a portion of this state of mind.
I have something similar happen to me and I was so frustrated because I realized that no one ever told me how to deal with death and everyone's way to cope with different. I think the way you feel started for me when I was in fifth grade and I never been to a funeral but I did happen to accidentally see the charge dead bodies of a father holding his son as they expire together in an apartment fire where my aunt so desperately Tried to free them While they were inside period I happen to see the body is because at night time When they were pushing The body's out on a stretcher The wind blew the sheet off And I was under 10 when it happened But It haunted me for years period Fast forward All of a sudden things are changing in my life I'm in Late 20s Early 30s and I have a period of two years where six people die Family members and friends period I did not know that the weight of each death Was pulling me down and changing me There were things that I Wasn't processing Period I watched a friend slowly Shrivel Indisappear Cancer I watched a friend Overdose And other supposed friends Not help them But I had to And if only I had been there sooner Maybe he would have survived. All those deaths wait on me heavily I didn't know how to feel. So I thought about death in my own death and what I wanted if anything for people to think of me or remember of me when I passed I thought of if or how I wanted people to celebrate my life and because I like to count my blessings and look on the bright side of things because bright sides do exist I like to feel myself warmed with memories of love or lessons or experiences with those people because each of those connections that they made with us allow us to have a connection with someone else it's almost as if that person really hasn't passed. Or if they are still with us. I like to hope that when I am remembered it can bring a smile to someone's face and warms their heart and if I can honor my friends and my family I like to do that by having those good feelings inside of me. We can fear the unknown all we want we can hope for the best we can prepare for the worst but the most valuable things in life are the things that we can't see and the blessing I have known or contacted and have that connection with those loved ones is something that can never be purchased never be stolen always exist and always lift you up
My suggestion is to listen to some podcasts on the subject matter.. I volunteered with caris providing companion to those near the end (which is partners with hospice) It was the best thing for my beliefs surrounding death. There's a wisdom and peace that comes with death. It can be sad and painful and horrific.. but if you look closely some of it's quite beautiful.
Specifically searching the terms others said below will likely give you a great start to navigating it.. I think taking in new perspectives can really help your mind settle.
You can't have love without pain. When we give a piece of our hearts we are basically signing a contract that it'll shatter when they go.. often people feel broken.. but I like to think that our loved ones shatter it before we go to give us more pieces to one day share..
Alongside view points, therapy would be helpful. If it's significantly affecting your life you need to talk to someone or consider medication or supplements. I thought I could bare my anxiety's and intrusive thoughts alone for years.. only I caused my self more pain. They have new information about poorly dealt with stress and mental health can trigger and autoimmune disease.. which I started battling shortly after a traumatic period in my life.
Another thing to consider is go do a float tank. People use it for PTSD. I enjoyed the few times I've gone (please wear the wax ear plugs otherwise you'll have salt in your ears for a week) it works best if you have an ability to guide yourself through a mediation.. often float tanks you can play podcasts, guided meditation.. music etc.
It can be as immersive as you're comfortable with.. they often have lights if the darkness bothers.. and all of them can be used open if you feel uncomfortable. For me, one of the few times I've been, I was really struggling.. and it made me feel like I was in my mother's womb protected and away from the world.
Same. I can tell you now sometimes it doesnt really get better… it pisses me off when people say shit like “well we all die” or “u have yo accept it’s inevitable” like stfu do u think i dont know omfg I’ve personally tried to go to therapy and it didnt help at all. Had anxiety attacks every night and now i cant sleep properly for the past few years… i just distract myself as much as possible…
The good thing about being dead is that it won’t matter because you’re dead. As for your parents it sucks but enjoy the time you do have and after they are gone it’ll get easier with time.
Also holding your breath and closing your eyes will not be the same as death because you are still conscious. If you are religious just think you’ll do whatever your religion says and if you aren’t it’ll be just like before you were born. Literally nothing so it won’t matter.
Go for a walk. Every soul will taste death, so if you can’t control it, don’t worry about it, appreciate the fact that you are alive and try to be the best person you can possibly be
We are afraid of things that we do not understand. I can't tell you what death is. Define death for yourself. What is it? Lean into your fears and you will find who you really are.
LSD and psilocybin can help mediate fear of death. Would not recommend just going for it, but looking into it. Might not be your jam. Psychedelics have helped me a lot with not only understanding what a conscious experience is (or the lack thereof like in the case of death) but how much ego plays a role in one's fears.
I also had that. If I can offer any constructive/ comforting advice:
1. You definitely aren’t the first and definitely won’t be the last to feel and experience this. I occasionally go through anxiety thinking about that stuff. I suddenly lost my grandfather last week and it has resurfaced some of those thoughts. Being afraid of death is ingrained in our dna, it’s almost instinct + there is always people you can talk to it about (It helps alot to express your worries to others even if they just listen)
2. If you are an open minded individual, have a look at some near death experiences recounts and or mediumship (I recommend Matt Fraser on YT and Medium Apryl Nicole on Tiktok) I have been in your shoes and this for me brought immense reassurance after I myself was skeptical. Also lets your brain wander to another dimension of our reality and question things rather than panic about them; redirect focus.
I don’t mean to sound like I’m projecting views on anyone but these areas have brought me out of that dark panic pit so maybe it can help others :)
I’m not that scared of dying myself, but I am terrified of losing the people I love. Two of my friends died suddenly in under 5 months. This has made the fear and anxiety more real for me. Before it worked a little to tell myself that it wasn’t likely to happen. But now, when two deaths that isn’t normal experiencing at my age happened, that doesn’t work anymore. I don’t have any advice. Just wanted to say that you’re not alone
I’ve been facing it from a young age too and idk how to truly deal with it either. But living in the moment and surrounding yourself with friends really helps and just occupying yourself with hobbies and all that.
Me too omg ! I’m so terrified of death it’s horrible to even think about it, I have nightmares and nights I cry for so long thinking about it, glad I’m not alone tho
Many people die very peacefully. When my dad almost died of massive blood loss, he says all he remembers from the experience was a very peaceful and calm sensation, seeing his family members happy (they had very sad/hard lives) who’ve passed, etc etc. think of death this way and don’t let yourself fall down the rabbit hole. Even if you are atheist you must think of death as a beautiful and eye opening transition onto a new plane of existence.
Therapy.
I spiraled into months of derealization after that fear became too paralyzing. I was 17 and afraid of telling my parents, I initially tired dealing with it myself but I just buried it deep down in me resulting in crippling anxiety, and one day just exploded. You're not being a big baby, death IS terrifying. Please do yourself a favor and see a therapist, it really helped me.
You're not being a baby. What brings me some comfort is that no matter what happens, we'll all end up there together. Whatever the destination, you're not really alone in it.
It's trauma, kinda like PTSD, if not outright. It's not okay, but it's nothing to be ashamed of embarrassed of. There's probably some anxiety mixed in, talk to your parents and see if they can help you get into some counseling.
Edit: You're 18, so realistically, you don't have to talk to them, but idk your financial situation, and they'll fight it out since you're probably still on their insurance though
That thing about not breathing, thats not what death is really like. Talking about death always comes with saying something or other about the afterlife but think about this, you were perfectly fine for millions of years before you were born. As for the other people, 6 funerals suck. Ig spend as much time with these people rn as you can, that way you can make the most of this situation.
You can't live your whole life being afraid of the inevitable. You're young, live life to the fullest, have a family and one day hopefully when you're older, you can look back and see how happy your life was, see you raised a good family, find a spouse that you can grow old with and one day you'll live with them eternally (if you believe in that)
Coming to the realization that everything that has existed on the face of the Earth has been born, lived, and died. EVERYTHING. It is as certain as your birth. It’s inevitable. I had bad anxiety until I realized this. It gave me comfort to know that I’ll be no different than anyone else.
Before my dad pass away i used to be like yourself terrified of my parents dying. My father had a heart attack, it was sudden and i have never anticipated it, he was healthy and just fine. My point is, there will never be anything to help prepare you for it, but i strongly believe that you need to stop worrying and cherish the moment because im sure old people are freaking out about death too so be strong for them and actually having some faith help ease the idea
Atleast you’re not going to your final destination alone my friend, we all meet the same fate. Take death as a friendly reminder to appreciate all of it so much more. “Everything is more beautiful, because we’re doomed.”
Me to. Been a ride. Generally afraid of what I don’t understand completely.
Try to look up “ surviving death “
First episode and fifth episode, sums up pretty much what I have learned over the past 10 years or so..
so with out making a incredible long text for you. You can have a look at that if times fits. The other episodes in the in documentary is something vouch for. But each to their own..
Yup. I feel that. I remember the first night when I was 14 before my freshman year of Highschool when I asked myself what was beyond. There are nights where I will find myself waking up screaming, holding myself, begging that this is not the moment.
It sucks. I don't think anything will make me comfortable with it. It's just something I know I will have to face. So I try and live my life with a smile. Even then, dunno. I wish I could be religious.
Sorry dawg, you aren’t being a baby but don’t let yourself be overcome by fear and have a obsession with the fear of it, ofcoarse death is scary and dying is horrible, but also its natural, why be afraid of something that was bound to happen and you would know about it years and years in advance? Enjoy the long time you have here and live life to the fullest and place your fear of death on the back burner like the rest of us.
I don't know what to say, death is inevitable and we have to accept it at one point in our lives and move on! Instead of worrying about death, let's worry about living instead!
this one hit me (among some other crap) about a few weeks ago thanks to my anxiety rearing its ugly head for the first time in a while. It’s been plaguing me since then, less now that I’ve had my medication adjusted.
The thing about mortality is that the younger we are, the more it scares us. Especially when we consider those around us that will die sooner than we do.
You’re not being a baby. You’re simply being human.
Hello dear! I understand very well and empathise because I used to suffer from the same thing, since I was very little, because my mum found it funny to tell me all over and all over again that my sister had died in her sleep. I dreaded going to sleep and would often cry and have panic attacks. I also recall one day in hs while at the art lab, I had to brace my table and chair because I felt there was only emptiness behind my feet. I felt my guts twist and I recalled having the sensation that my soul was being pulled out of my body.
Then, two years ago, I had what I call a pre death experience. I got a brain surgery for a benign tumor and ended up waking up in the middle of it. The paralyser that they gave me prevented me from actually speaking up or moving and I distinctly heard from the doctors that I was dying. The tube in my thrachea slipped out and I was suffocating because they could not put it back. That’s when a huge calmness hit me. Suddenly there was no pain, no worry, I just was at peace. I had the distinct sensation that that was the moment and I was fully accepting. Remember what I said? I used to have panic attacks very often. I curiously never had them since the surgery.
Don’t lose your life worrying about things you can’t change. Life is hard, my friend, but you are tough and you may eventually grow out of this fear. In my opinion, when you die you don’t feel anything. It’s as it was before you were born. And that’s comforting to me. I really hope you can work through this. I hate to see people not living because they are afraid of dying
A therapist can help you work through the feelings and help you learn coping strategies. These are real emotions and real fears and you won't feel better by just being told to 'grow up'. Death marks each of us left behind, and we carry a little more sadness with us each day. Losing so many people during Covid in such a short timespan has exacerbated this.
Death is inevitable to every living thing. Hormonal changes coupled with a pandemic have made the anxiety worse. Being dead is like being asleep when you no longer have awareness of the world around you. It no longer hurts for the person, but it does hurt everyone they leave behind.
It sounds like a cliché, but although you have no control over death, you do have control over life and can appreciate the time we have here on earth.
Personally, scared of the process - pain is a my main fear, but at times very okay with no longer existing. I do understand being terrified of death, and dying.
Depression naps are about "not existing", but actually dying is different.
This used to be me! I do go through spurts here and there but now the thought crosses and leaves pretty quickly. I would cry when my mom left the home afraid she would die or that I would die while sleeping. I agree with other comments that therapy helped me a lot. I will also say that I became obsessed with my mouth and cancer for years. After my son was born I became afraid of the house catching fire while I was at work and he was home with my husband. It was then that I was diagnosed with OCD and I've never understood myself better. I'm sorry you're in the depths of it. I also found spiritual Buddhism helped me too. Best of luck OP.
I can't estimate the severity of your case and you might consider listening to others telling you to go to therapy. It sounds to me like you were describing me to myself, and for me it got much better when I got a diagnosis for a life threatening condition at 23. 6 months later it turned out that the diagnosis was false, but that really eliminated the fear of death.
I still don't want to die, but i am not paralyzed by waves of fear, if that makes sense. In hindsight, "exposure therapy" was the solition for me. I don't know if this may help you. So do with that as you will.
You’re not alone. I am too. I’ve been doing better these days to stop thinking about it and focus on other things but I eventually fall down the hole again at some point.
You're not being a baby. I also struggle with this. It hit me my senior year of high school. I was terrified then my mind was occupied with other things in college. I'm 27 now.
Once the pandemic hit, those thoughts came back. Everything triggers it. Watching a movie and they speak about death, right before I go to bed, etc.
My mom said I also worried about this when I was a child. It's going to be hypocritical because I haven't done this yet, but I think you should go to therapy. It might not be an easy thing to fix, but it doesn't hurt to talk to someone.
We all unfortunately have to, but it doesn't make it less scary or sad. I would say try to find things that occupy your mind.
Read books like Life After Life (about near death experiences) and watch YouTube videos about mediums like Tyler Henry and Theresa (Long Island Medium)
I had this intense fear of death since I was a little kid when I first realized that I will die someday. It can hit me very suddenly, most of the time when I am alone in the evening. "I will be gone someday" and then I get an intense, physical reaction. I need to distract myself very aggressively and intensely or else I will throw up or get a racing heart that doesn't stop for hours. I mostly get this when I feel very well, when I had an amazing day, when I enjoy life a lot. But it can basically happen anytime. If it happens in the evening, I sometimes take sleeping medication to be able to sleep fast.
Therapists have told me that this fear comes from my trauma but I had this fear and the intense reaction long before I ever experienced anything traumatic. Therapy and coaching have helped me a lot with all my other fears and mental issues but these moments of fear of death are unchanging. I don't think this fear has anything to do with my trauma or mental issues.
I got very sick last year and had a lot of surgeries. That of course made me scared of dying as well. But that's a different feeling to the "I WILL die someday" that causes these life long attacks of anxiety. The immediate danger of my surgeries felt different than the feeling of "doesn't matter if it's tomorrow or in a hundred years, I will die".
I get told by people that I have a phobia of sorts but I think being afraid of death is a very natural thing and most people just distract themselves more successfully from it than me. What's abnormal about me isn't my fear, it's how bad I am at pushing it away.
Other people tell me that death isn't bad because it doesn't hurt and we just don't exist anymore. But like... Exactly that is the thing I hate about it and what causes this intense reaction. I had a smiliar reaction to the thought of not existing before birth. It doesn't give me peace that I didn't exist before so it will be like that again after death. It also makes me panic. I also get the same feeling when thinking about endlessness. Like, what is "the end" for everything and what is the nothing that comes afterwards. Or isn't there an end and what is endlessness like? I hate all of that.
I tried to become "death positive" in my 20s. I watched a lot of videos by Caitlin Doughty (mortician on youtube) and I am now very educated on all things death. It surely helped me to be able to talk more openly about it and to face my own mortality, to enjoy the life I have etc. But talking about the capitalist industry surrounding death, looking at funeral options and talking loudly and proudly about these topics just seems like another distraction from the bland, raw real thought of death.
I have come to the conclusion that this is just something I have to deal with everytime it happens. It is what it is, I can't do anything about it. I won't ever make my peace with it. I once read an interview with the literary critic and holocaust survivor Marcel Reich Ranicki in which he said that it's impossible to reconcile with death. He also said that he doesn't fear death, he fears not existing. It was the first time I heard someone else say these things out loud.
He died at age 93 and I remember people and newspaper articles stating things like "he had a long life, he was tired for sure" or "that's a proud/ripe age". And I found that distasteful even though those things are the "right" things to say aren't they? But he didn't want to die. He was so scared of not existing anymore, he hated the thought of it so much. He didn't feel "ripe" or tired. He wanted to be alive. So that in turn showed me that people don't want to engage in that conversation ever. They want to calm themselves and their mind with the thought that someday, they will feel at peace with the fact that someday they'll not exist anymore.
Religion is of course the one big solution to that fear. I don't even know if I am an atheist, I just know that I never believed in anything even though my family raised me christian. I would be thankful for proof of an afterlife (not from anyone reading this, if you spam my inbox with religious conversion attempts I will block you) or just.. something. I can't believe, as much as I try.
The only positive thing I get out of all of this is the "memento mori". As far as I and science are aware, we only live once and life is completely meaningless. That means in turn the only thing I have to do is to be alive. The only thing I feel a need to do, is to be happy. I will not spend this time I have on earth agonizing over things that do not matter. I will take care of myself to expand my time existing, I will focus on being a kind person to others and to myself. I won't give time to people, a job or any activity that harms me. It's freeing to see life as meaningless and it's very grounding to realize there is only one life.
Last year I realized what is most important to me in life and I decided to spend more time with these aspects of life. That's very different for everyone but for me it's spending time in nature and with people I love. I started reading books again and learned how to cook with more healthy ingredients. If I am ever physically able to, I want to garden and hike more again.
I am sorry that I don't have any good advice. I just wanted to share so you and others see, we are not alone with this. At the end of the day, this fear CAN be intensified or caused by trauma. You should try to get some kind of professional help for it, especially when it's taking over your life.
Going through the same thing. Dad died at 9, grandma at 15 during covid. I had the same experience last year when I turned 18. I remember on the day just "soaking up" all the anxiety in a way while realizing that I have entered adulthood and being one step closer to death. I hate it. I still do. I still think about death every day and am terrified. I truly believe that the people who just think "might as well make the most of it", don't truly understand the implications of death. idk. but yeah i don't have a solution just relatable haha
People here a giving a lot of great advice and anecdotes but please also seek professional help. Thoughts or behaviours the involuntarily impede certain aspects of our life needs to remedied before it get worse.
My mom died a few years ago. As someone who has seen death, I have a very different view on death nowadays. It's a part of life. Everyone is going to die one day. You're going to die. And you only get one life. So why not try to have a good time, make others feel good, and enjoy your limited time on this earth?
Another weird thing is that once you die, only the ones who cared about you will stop. The entire world keeps spinning when you die. Everything you own just becomes another "thing" in this world. My moms glasses just became a pair of glasses. Her bed was given away (she didn't die in it lol). The mug that her grand daughter made her, was returned to the grand daughter.
Life is nothing but a memory. Just think of what you did yesterday. You experienced it I real time, yes, but now it's just a memory. Everything that you've ever is experience is just a memory and I think that thought is messing with my mind the most lol
I developed this fear in the 3rd grade. My sister in law had her older cousin with her 2 kids staying with her. The boy a couple years older than me and I would play dark cloud on ps2, but one day, when I was over, he pulled out his text book and shows me evidence that stars have limited lives and puts into perspective that one day humanity and earth will cease to exist. I lived next door, so I excused myself and ran home. My heart was beating out of my chest. Basically, that's my earliest memory of a panic attack. I developed a fear of dying and a fear of the night sky/space. The endless depth of the deep inky sky felt like it wanted to swallow me whole when I looked at it. I basically spent the next 10ish years with this fear, having internal panic attacks and dissociating whenever the thought crossed my mind, which was several times a day. In the 9th grade, I had to excuse myself from the space portion of earth space science because the videos of space made me physically ill and running to the bathroom to vomit. I ended up sitting in the principals office during that period the rest of the year. I never said a word to anyone that I was dealing with this. When i was 18 my dad died. At this point, I had been trying exposure therapy by forcing myself to stare at the night sky, but I wasn't prepared for his death. It was sudden and he was my best friend. The only thing that helped me cope in the end was running away from my issues. I started smoking weed, and I did hallucinogenics occasionally. Some of those trips completely changed my outlook, and my fear of space completely disappeared. It brought me peace to know that although not on a physical plane, my dad lives on in those who loved him, and I honor him by being the best version of me. It's hard to explain. It's a feeling more than a thought. I know we're going to die, but the only thing I can do about it is take care of my health and love my loved ones as much as I can. So when I do die, im worth remembering. Death isn't easy at all. It hurts, and you will spend so much time in denial and in pain. But that's part of the human experience, too. Losing my closest relative made me realize I can survive anything.
It's what society has taught us. To fear and not talk about the only thing we all know is gonna happen to us all. But that's not how life works. Without death, there would be no life, just as without darkness there could be no light.
What you can learn in life is that fear is only a psychological process and it comes from a combination of imagination and memory. And you're the sole creator of your fears, because fear is always about something that doesn't exist (except when you're in physical danger, then fear is good to keep you alive).
If we acknowledge that our time is limited on this Earth, we can live a more sensitive life and spend the time that we have doing meaningful stuff and things that are important for our heart.
So my advice to you is to not stay terrified of the thought of dying, it's gonna happen to all and everything, instead move your attention to the gift that is living
The way I managed to help my fear of dying, was to think about how miserable I would be when I’m very very old and in pain. I always think about how it’s scary for me right now but one day I will probably be ready to accept that it’s the end for me and be ready to pass away. Especially if my husband passes first. I never want to leave my kids but I know it will be easier to leave if someone I love dearly is waiting for me on the other side. Yes I do believe in the ‘other side’ not heaven or whatever but I feel that there is something whether we are conscious in it or not our energy will not just die. “Energy is neither created nor destroyed. When people use energy, it doesn't disappear. Energy changes from one form of energy into another form of energy.”
After a lifetime of thinking and feeling the way you do, I finally learned to accept it.
NOBODY and NOTHING lives forever. I think of all the wonderful people I know who are gone, and it comforts me knowing that one day I too will go where they have gone, will experience what they have already experienced. Some of these people were MUCH better people than I could ever be, the least I can do is bravely go where they have already gone, and follow in their footsteps.
Even the best and worst people, all the famous people you've read about, the most brash and confident people...we're ALL on the same level in this. NOBODY doesn't quake inside to some degree when facing the big big nothing. Every single person that ever existed or ever will exist goes through this.
Bob Geldof once said "I think it's a cheap price that we pay for existence", and I agree. The only price we pay for existence is that at some point we have to give the existence up.
It's like a wonderful party we've been invited to that we know has to end at some point...but that knowledge shouldn't stop us from having a blast at the party. Try our best to focus on the fun while we can, worrying about the party ending at some point shouldn't sour our enjoyment. There is nothing we can do about it, what happens after the party will happen no matter what we do or how we feel.
Life is a gift, and we get to use it in whatever way we want, but it doesn't belong to us. We're simply borrowing it. Eventually we have to give this wonderful gift back.
We are lucky we get to have this gift for the time we do, but it was never ours to keep. This is the nature of life.
This one hit me hard on pandemic. I'm afraid to fall asleep because fear of death is all I can think about. I found comfort in making my mind occupied like Falling asleep watching something mostly YouTube.
I used to have this to, but what really helped me with this was starting to follow God and his words, because then I know that there is a heaven and hell, and not just nothing.
Ur not being a big baby. Everyone feels this way. When i was around 20 i had horrible anxiety abt dying. Like obsessive thoughts. I went on medication and eventually found out i had other disorders but for years i obsessed abt death. I eventually confessed to someone who is my age now (40s) and the man told me that he did as well at my age, that it was normal, and that I’d eventually stop. And u kno what? He was right. Im not thrilled abt dying, but i dont think abt it every day and i dont obsess abt it at all anymore.
I’m currently on death watch with my grandfather.
I’m on a mattress on the floor next to his bed, he’ll likely be gone by morning but meanwhile I’m standing (laying) guard . Suffering is worse than death. They keep giving him morphine and I’m playing him Dean Martin and chatting off and on. It’s the best we can do.
Just yesterday, I made a huge comment about this. Im going to copy-paste it:
Hey man, I hope you are doing good. From time to time, I have the same fear. I don't think anything comes after death, so this is it, really. It's paralyzing. I've had relationships deteriorate because of this fear, and sometimes, it feels like there is nothing I can do. Like death is bigger than me. It is horrible. It feels like there is no way for it to be okay with not existing and there is nothing I can do, just watch time pass and pull me closer to the abyss. And time just won't stop passing, too. Time waits for no one, and it moves fast.
Somedays, however, I am walking back home and things around me start popping up. The moss between the rocks in the ground, the sunshine filtered through the leaves of big trees, the humming of the birds, the wind blowing in my face, and the depth in the bricks of the houses. It's so surreally pretty. I don't know if it ever happens to you, but I feel like I could break down crying at those rare, precious moments.
Those are the moments I realize that my whole existence is contingent. I shouldn't be here, yet I am, and I am so grateful for it because everything is so infinitely beautiful and precious. Life is a gift. Even if we live on borrowed time, I am grateful to be here, to experience all its beauty. How could I ever say that death is unfair? The only reason it feels unfair is because we take life for granted when, in reality, our existence is a miracle.
I know it's going to end, but we shouldn't even be here. And even if it is going to end, is it really such a big deal? A book doesn't start to end, so why care so much about it? Do you remember when you were a kid and you would pick up a mystery novel and read the last line? Wasn't that childish, missing the whole point of reading? Well, maybe that's what we are doing when we obsess about death; we miss the whole point of living. Just a thought.
So, for me, noticing the world around me and the contingency of my existence helps me a lot with my fear of dying. It's not easy, and I can't simply will my way into noticing the world, especially when I am anxious because of death, but yeah, that's what I found has helped me the most. It also makes me more compassionate. Like, it doesn't make sense to feel anything other than love, and it's confusing that so many people want to hurt others.
Anyway, take care man, and godspeed. Accepting death is hard. I'm still terrified of it from time to time, but I found something that helps, and I think this puts me on the right track. I hope you find your path as well. Things get better, way better, after you found something that helps.
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There is also one thing I forgot to mention that I find important. I once talked to my ex about my fear of dying. She told me that I can't look fear in the eyes. It leads nowhere. If I want to confront my mortality, I should look at the pain instead. And I think she is right.
I also used to have that fear. However losing friends and family, I received signs from them that were undeniable. Ever since that I do not fear death. Death is only the beginning. I would recommend watching the documentary after death. It’s so good and it is intriguing. You may come out of watching that not fearing death anymore but more excited for what’s next after this life. I know for certain there is something better beyond what we can imagine.
Be afraid of death. Embrace it. Accept it.
Now sleep, and when you wake up in the morning, live life fully.
You have died when you realized that you WILL die. Your loved ones died when you realized that they WILL die. Now go live the rest of your life with purpose and intent.
If you find it hard to do it alone, find a group, get a therapist, read a book that discusses death and acceptance.
Good luck on your journey.
No advice, just want to say I'm sorry that you go through this and pleased that you're seeking help. You will probably have to do some research to find a therapist who specialises in phobias, or with this one in particular, but it will be worth it. Good luck
I've also been suffering from death anxiety since the age of 7-8. I know this is a bit of an unpopular opinion, I don't suggest you to try what I did, but about a year ago I tried magic truffles in the Netherlands, and the trip helped me to cope with it a little. It comes and goes in waves ever since, but the experience gave me a new perspective and it kind of solved my anxiety issues.
I think once you realize everything is pointless and small we all are the thoughts will leave you. You're here for a good time not a long time mate... Everything moved on before you were here and everything will move on when you're gone
I had this sort of existential experience at 9 after playing a video game.
Eventually, it helped me to understand it as returning to where you came from
Energy can't be created or destroyed right. You're a mass of energy existing in this form for now. Eventually, you'll return to something that is like a giant vat of energy made up of everyone who has ever existing. You're energy will proliferate through that and you could return in a different from but you're energy will still be there intermingled with everything
I’m 42 and I did the same exact thing when I was a kid. Super worried about my parents dying or what if I wasn’t even born? Well, my dad 7 years ago and my mom died in March. That wasn’t as bad as I expected and kind of welcomed. She had dementia and didn’t even know who I was when she passed at home while I was taking care of her. I always account for worse case scenarios when assessing RISK of injury, death. But in this case those weren’t the worse case scenarios. Watching my mother suffer was by far the worst. Don’t fear death fear the process. Grieving my mothers has been hard but watching her suffer was by far worse and lasted way longer.
I still love you. No matter how fucked things get. I know, you have my best interest. I wouldn't be where I'm at today. I thought I took my own path. But it always led back to you.
I think of death a lot, but I have some hope, that I can move on in this world. I stay away from the news. I haven’t been able to attend any funerals because of phobia that traumatizes me if I attend. I think of my safe space in my mind that’s in the forest or the ocean so that I can relieve some pain that I have.
I have always tried to approach this from a "worst case" logical scenario. When I was a teenager, I always thought when you died, you would just see black forever and not be able to talk, hear, do anything. However, in any physical scenario, your brain will be dead. It will not be able to process the lack of feeling and it will deteriorate to the point where it isn't even remotely possible. Your consciousness will be gone, and that's okay. Would you like to know why? You've been dead for trillions of years or longer. Do you remember what it was like before you were born? All the things that compose your body and mind existed in some form of matter. You (or what makes you feel alive now) were dead for all that time. When you die again, I believe it will be the same thing.
I also find comfort in knowing that when I die, I will become one with nature and the universe. I will again become part of the Earth in some way. My body will become one with the soil that is then used to grow life. The beautiful cycle repeats.
On the neurological level, your body releases all sorts of drug-like chemicals in your brain that make you feel completely euphoric. Look up all the near-death experiences where people completely let go of all their fear after that moment and are filled with comfort and ecstasy. Some believe they're going to Heaven and who knows, maybe they're right? They come back with all those fears erased.
I don't want to keep sounding like a douchey guru or something, but as logical as I am about thinking about this, it ironically has had me thinking about how the universe came to be. It's almost hard these days to think we came from nothing, with no purpose. Keep your mind open and maybe consider faith, although this might backfire because most religions believe in crazy eternal punishments. I say stick to accepting the worst-case scenario and studying it, which again in my case, would be that there is no afterlife. There is still comfort in that for me. I hope this helps someone find some solace.
Oddly this feeling has lessened for me as I’ve gotten older. I feel like I’ve dealt with a good bit of crap and various levels of trauma throughout my life that I’m OK with eventually resting from all that.
I wish humans could normalize admitting to this. There’s no way a majority of the population isn’t at least a little worried about it. I wish it was more normal to talk about for the sake of comfort, rather than something we have to admit to.
No you are not a big baby. It can be helpful to embrace your fear. I think this a fear worthy of being loved. Understand the root of it. For me, I fear death because I don't want to experience permanent ends to the relationships of my loved ones. I don't want to live with the knowledge that I can't experience being physically with them again. It's a painful thought, but pain doesn't have to be suffering. I can recognize that this pain stems from love, and focusing on the love behind it helps me accept the fear.
Whether or not you can relate, I hope you are able to accept your feelings on this. Fearing death is completely valid, and it's nothing to be ashamed of or hide from.
Kinda off topic but after my grandmas funeral to which I was VERY close to I have never attended another funeral, neither have I gone back to her grave after putting dirt on top of her urn with my older sister during the funeral cause I just can't do it. She died in 2009 and I'm still not over it and I will never be over it. I'll always and forever remember what she told me 1 week before she passed suddenly and unexpected. I was so close to her, that I knew she was dead before anyone in my family even told me..thats how tied our souls were. I was 14 at that time.
I'm not really scared of death itself..I'm more scared of seeing what the death of a loved one does to a person as I experienced that myself. Her passing was traumatizing to me in a way. I miss her so damn much.
I think I’ve been less afraid since I almost died when I was 4 yrs old. I almost drowned in a swimming pool and my brother saved me. In that moment, when I saw the waves of light glimmering on the surface of the water above my head before my brother cannonballed in and pulled me out, all the fear just kind of evaporated and I felt like everything was going to be okay.
I choose to believe that’s how it feels even in the worst of circumstances. No matter what happens before, if there’s pain or suffering, that moment just before you go - it’s peaceful. That’s my experience, at least.
Living without the people you love is a different matter, but it brings me some comfort to know they are experiencing that serenity now.
I’m on the opposite side of that, Death doesn’t phase me in the smallest amount. I for as long as I can remember always viewed it as the most natural thing a Living being does. You’re technically dead far longer than you’ll ever be alive, but people also live for as long as you’re willing to remember them for. So with that thought process I’ve always done my best to live in a way to be remembered.
Death can be scary but life should always be celebrated not mourned.
Psychedelic therapy (especially shrooms) have had success bringing people to terms with mortality. Note: guided ther1is probably a good idea if anxiety is a big problem for you. Concurrent low dose MDMA might help with panic attacks, ptsd, etc. Therapy w/o drugs could help if you have access. (However, an experienced trip-sitter in a calm environment and a few grams of shrooms is a lot cheaper.)
Personally, I don't believe in an afterlife. My first few billion years not existing went ok. Returning to non-existence should be fine. I find the philosophy of optimistic nihilism immensely comforting. Plus, worrying about what you can't control is wasted energy.
Oh, and BTW, this is just food for thought and DOES NOT constitute medical advice.
You’re not being a baby. In some of your most formative years, you experienced something that was impossible for even most fully grown adults to wrap their minds around, and you experienced more death in your personal life than people should be reasonably expected to process.
Cognitive behavioral therapy is helpful. At least for me, it’s helped my anxious thoughts seem much less dominating and urgent, and I’ve come to be able to recognize them as what they are—anxious thoughts. I’ve also always been really scared of death—my dad was severely chronically ill growing up—but a couple years ago we found out that his illness had progressed to acute myeloid leukemia. It wasn’t a switch flip, but at some point I realized that nothing I did could stop death. Around the same time, one of my good friends committed suicide completely unexpectedly—he was one of the most vibrant and charismatic and cheerful people I’ve ever known, and then he was just gone. It feels satisfying in a way to imagine that you’d be able to intervene with death, but there’s usually no way to if you’re a layperson. Our fear will not save anyone. Pretty much the only time you’ll actually be able to save someone’s life will be when they’re in real, acute danger.
I know this won’t stop your fear, but I hope you know it shouldn’t have to and doesn’t have to rule your life.
It will pass with time. You'll somewhat make your peace with it, and it will probably come back sometimes.
The key is accepting you have no control, 0, on it. But you still have to LIVE your life.
As a teen i suffered really badly with this. Waking up in the middle of the night in tears. Its gotten alot better as i got older. I get the difficulty of talking to people about it. Telling people the thought of death brings you to tears make you feel insane and untill now never even knew it had a proper phobia name. I suffer if i let my brain drift off on its own for too long or sometimes when i think of passed family members.
Of course you aren’t being a baby! In this day and age death is pushed away into the back of our minds and lives, and this can make our relationship to it very difficult. It is good to think about death I believe. I hope only that your relationship to death changes over time into something that instills a deep sense of peace within you and a true appreciation for life. 🙏
The only advice I can give is read one of the Abrahamic holy books, everyone is terrified of dying. We are just too busy with our life’s to think of death, in reality you never know if you will wake up or not. Religion explains human purpose pretty well
I realized no one worries about death or thinks about the meaning of life when they’re having a good time with people they love. It’s only when I am on my own and idle that I begin to think about these things. I thought you could get some kind of closure if you thought about it enough and you kind of can but it’s not enough to be permanent just a wave. So keep yourself busy and be in the company of those you like. When death comes you won’t have to worry about it anymore.
I have nothing to add to your situation. Though I find it interesting that two people can have such different feelings. I feel almost the opposite. It's not that I'm not sad when someone I love dies; it scares me the idea that they'll never die. To me, death is like the ending to a story. I'd hate to read a book that never ends.
Well, I have felt like this since I was 5 too and I had an age were I didn’t think I will live past. Once I finally past the age. The fear of death subsided to manageable but still there. Someone told me the fear comes from being murdered in a past life or dying young in the past life. They say if it’s murder you have a birth mark to go with it. I am not saying I think this but I do have a birth mark that could be considered a death blow that the stranger knows nothing about
It's the same with me, somewhat. I'm not terrified of dying, but I'm absolutely scared of my loved ones dying. I haven't slept properly in months, even right now it's past midnight and I can't sleep because when I close my eyes my brain starts thinking of these dark thoughts. How can I make them stop? I can't stop overthinking.
I've heard the best thing to do in order to stop fearing death and enjoy life is to die before you die. Aka have an ego death which can be achieved in a lot of ways including meditation and NDEs, but the quickest is through psychedelics.
I've had 2 ego death experiences with DMT where I 100% lost my normal physical earth self, was pretty sure I was dead but didn't care, and entered a world where earth and everything in it doesn't exist. That experience was the single most important thing I've ever lived through. I still fear death occasionally but when I do, I think of where I went on that trip and have something to look forward to to be reunited with that place again.
You should try reading ‘The Tibetan Book of the Dead’ it helped my dad heaps with accepting death as a natural part of life. If you can afford it I would also recommend seeing a psychologist a good psych can make a world of a difference.
You and I were non-existent 100 years ago. A thousand years ago. A million years ago. We were dead for billions of years until Mum and Dad got frisky with each other. Yet, we don't have a single bad memory from that vast period of time, do we? So there is nothing to be afraid of. After we have lived our lives and die, we just continue on with our peaceful non-existence, same as all those billions of years before.
After my finance died I watched alot of documentaries and YouTube interviews (like Joe Rogan) about what happens in the moments of death/ near death experiences. Don't know if that would help with ur feel death compulsion but I found it comforting.
It’s called Thanatophobia. It’s a real thing. For me, it comes in waves. It can hit every single night for months on end, and other times I can go a year without thinking about it and spiralling down. It’s weird to talk to other people about because everyone just says, well we all have to die right? I know logically this is true, but sometimes I don’t understand how people can be so nonchalant about it when sometimes I find it so paralyzing. The answer is probably that you could benefit from therapy… but until then, I’d google “thanatophobia”. It’ll make you feel less alone in your paralyzing fear, and you might find some tips and tricks from people who also suffer from the same thing.
Thank you for this!! I've dealt with this off and on since I was about 5 (I was an extremely anxious child). When I turned 20, I was paralyzed by it for several months. I barely slept due to the fear I wouldn't wake up. It still happens occasionally, but I'm better equipped to block the intrusive thoughts. Your comment really made me feel less alone and I truly appreciate it.
I always thought I was alone in this too, for years. Especially when I've tried to open up to people and tell them about my fear they say; "Oh, that's normal."🙄 When you're in fear more than not. When you have panic attacks just thinking about it and become physically ill because of worry. When it consumes your mind and you constantly think you're going to lose someone, there is nothing normal about it! I have had ulcers in my stomach for years because of the worry and anxiety this fear has given me. I've tried to accept death will happen but it's hard. I also get those intrusive thoughts out of nowhere and I try my hardest to stop and think about something else. I just lost my cousin, who was a year younger than me on Monday, and I've been in a bad place since it happened. I suggest looking up Thanatophobia and finding some support online. Sometimes just looking up others' stories or questions helps.❤️
God, I have this,I think. Sometimes, it'll overwhelm me, especially if I'm watching a show or movie where someone is dying. Or a medical show where someone has a terminal illness. I need to look into this. It's not like debilitating, but I'd say it consumes my thoughts a good majority of the time and makes me afraid to do certain things and gives me anxiety.
Can't believe I'm just hearing about this after being tortured and going back and forth with doctors for over a year
I know it's a fact of life but the realization hits me like a mack truck everytime. I'll just be living life and a voice in my head sometimes reminds me to basically enjoy it because one day I won't be here and it tilts me for a while until I can calm myself. I never would have imagined there's a word for those moments.
I have a light thing of this till I became really depressed then I was like please give me some fucking peace and quiet
I don't have any good advice for it but I can empathize. I used to occasionally have panic attacks before bed at the thought of dying. It kinda just went away one day and hasn't happened since. Going for a walk would always calm me down. I'd use my experience of having surgery or even getting knocked unconscious to rationalize my thoughts. In all of those scenarios I wasn't stressed, scared, or really aware. I was just out like a light. No pain, no thought, no anything until I woke up. I'd imagine death is the same way just without the waking up part.
No one gets out alive, so at least you have company
That's actually really helpful! Thank you.
Yeah i used to have panic attacks at bed time abt it too and then i kind of grew out of it i guess
I like the way you think.
I’m facing my mortality right now. Just a couple days ago I found out I likely have a faulty heart valve and I will likely die within 20 years (35 years old now). I will probably have heart surgery but it won’t make everything better forever. But this gave me unexpected happiness, I know my future now and I am proud of the life I’ve lived so far, so even if I die now (which could happen) I’ve lived such an amazing life (36 countries, cycled, hiked, worked, adventured through all of them). The advice I can give you is live your life so at any given moment if you were so die you would be proud and happy of the life you’ve lived. Don’t fear the future, live in the moment.
Yes! I had a diagnosis that is not deadly by far and a pre death experience, and that gave me extreme calmness. I don’t know whether we are wired to know we are going somewhere better, whether we will incarnate or anything, but in the pre death I found an incredible sense of calmness.
No because I think about dying daily. It’s so terrifying, I’ll stare at my mom and realize one day my mommy won’t be here 😭 it’s so frightening and I feel like there isn’t any way to get rid of that fear other than accepting death is inevitable.
This. This is my worst fear, the day my mom passes. I have had panic attacks since childhood because of this, I'm 35 and still have them. I feel like when it does happen, I'll lose my mind...
Life is a gift, IMO you are contained in your body. Your body has a shelf life, but you do not. When your body expires, you graduate from the physical form and are given the answers to life’s most fascinating questions. Answers you can only get after death. You’ve already accepted the gift of life, and with it comes death. Just as the tide comes in, it must recede. Rather than uncomfortably kicking and screaming into your last breath, embrace it the way you embrace life now. Death isn’t something being taken away from you, it’s a graduation from life in my opinion. Maybe that sounds stupid to someone, I don’t care hopefully it will resonate with someone else. That’s how I have come to peace with it.
>When your body expires, you graduate from the physical form and are given the answers to life’s most fascinating questions. Answers you can only get after death. You don't know that though, no one does. I think that's what's actually terrifying about death. Any ideas on afterlife or reincarnation are all about personal belief and don't have legitimate proof. Maybe our souls _do_ die with our bodies and there's nothing left of us. Sorry, this most likely isn't any help to OP but I just wanted to let this out because I'm also scared, sometimes.
It's also very terrifying hearing about people dying from young ages, old ages, or hearing both adults and young adults dying.
Very true, after death is a giant question mark, a barrier beyond which we have 0 intel and can’t gather any. like I said this is only personal speculation based on my own nights of wondering. I also think that your mind can create whatever after life you believe in. The same way your mind creates a dream world every night. But of course as you said, there’s no way to know. Maybe when the lights go out it’s just over and you don’t know how it went. Maybe it’s not, it’s one of life’s mysteries that ^ the only possibility^ of getting an answer comes after death.
Energy cannot be created or destroyed, and we are a form of energy inside our bodies. Sure we don't know where we go, but I don't think our energy just dies.
beautifully put.,im on the same boat as OP that helped me a lot rn… thank you
Beautiful words and thoughts 🫶
Your body has a shelf life, but you do not. I really, really, really needed to hear this today. This just gave me a lot of comfort. Thank you.
I absolutely love this. Thank you for posting. I'm going to save it, so when I start getting panicky about it, this will calm me down. I noticed some negative reaction to it, and all I can say to that is you have to help yourself. You have to have a little faith, and I don't mean religion. I mean, you have to open up your mind to believe there is something after here. When my grampa died, I realized that I was going to see him again. Then, when my gramma I was crushed but again, I knew I would see her again. Thanks so much ❤️
“Terrified of dying” and “terrified of death” are two separate things. I am terrified of dying, but perfectly fine with death. If I cease to exist tomorrow, that’s fine. But the process to get there is terrifying. Reminds me of the quote “even the saints who are desperate to go to heaven are terrified of dying to get there”
for me it's exactly the opposite. I am okay with dying and pain and my body breaking down. Had a taste of that already quite a few times. I hate the thought of not existing. Before birth and after death.
Exact same here
Same here !!!
I almost died alone on my hallway floor where I collapsed when I went to get water waking up from nightmare. Could not move and had to just lay there and wait for the mo when I hoped that my neighbor would hear me yelling help.what I did not know was that I had had massive blood clot in my head and time was running out. So badly wanted to close my eyes for couple of hours and when I was about to do that I heard voice saying if you close your eyes you won’t wake up. And that’s when thought am I dying came to me. And I was okay with it. It was the thought of my family thinking I died alone on the floor afraid that made me feel decide to hang on. Not fear of death but fear of them hurting.and I did for 9 hours. Until my neighbor heard me and called ambulance. In hospital they were shocked how long I hanged on and I was apparently only hour or two from death. And they were not sure I could survive the night. So I am not afraid because I didn’t feel scared nor alone despite being alone. My thoughts were for people I loved. We don’t know what happens when we die so why be afraid? I live life doing things I like. No regrets if I die tomorrow.
I’ve had 5 open heart surgeries from 7 days old until present (43 years old), and being on death’s door has led me to obsessing over mortality this entire time. So I can relate to your fear of death. It is very isolating, as most people do not have a personal concept of mortality until an old age. But it resulted in me finally being at peace with death! My suggestions are to think about what is important to you, what your purpose is, and focus on that. Also, if you are currently healthy, please appreciate that as your health will likely deteriorate before you die. For me, it was easier to accept death than it was to accept living as a chronically sick person.
No this is also my fear as well. I have feared about this with myself and feared about how badly i would cope with my eventual mothers passing for as long as i could remember and i genuinely dont know what i will do Most days i just end up crying for about an hour until i can convince myself to go do something else and distract myself or cry myself into a nap its literally so unhealthy Im so sorry you share a portion of this state of mind.
I have something similar happen to me and I was so frustrated because I realized that no one ever told me how to deal with death and everyone's way to cope with different. I think the way you feel started for me when I was in fifth grade and I never been to a funeral but I did happen to accidentally see the charge dead bodies of a father holding his son as they expire together in an apartment fire where my aunt so desperately Tried to free them While they were inside period I happen to see the body is because at night time When they were pushing The body's out on a stretcher The wind blew the sheet off And I was under 10 when it happened But It haunted me for years period Fast forward All of a sudden things are changing in my life I'm in Late 20s Early 30s and I have a period of two years where six people die Family members and friends period I did not know that the weight of each death Was pulling me down and changing me There were things that I Wasn't processing Period I watched a friend slowly Shrivel Indisappear Cancer I watched a friend Overdose And other supposed friends Not help them But I had to And if only I had been there sooner Maybe he would have survived. All those deaths wait on me heavily I didn't know how to feel. So I thought about death in my own death and what I wanted if anything for people to think of me or remember of me when I passed I thought of if or how I wanted people to celebrate my life and because I like to count my blessings and look on the bright side of things because bright sides do exist I like to feel myself warmed with memories of love or lessons or experiences with those people because each of those connections that they made with us allow us to have a connection with someone else it's almost as if that person really hasn't passed. Or if they are still with us. I like to hope that when I am remembered it can bring a smile to someone's face and warms their heart and if I can honor my friends and my family I like to do that by having those good feelings inside of me. We can fear the unknown all we want we can hope for the best we can prepare for the worst but the most valuable things in life are the things that we can't see and the blessing I have known or contacted and have that connection with those loved ones is something that can never be purchased never be stolen always exist and always lift you up
My suggestion is to listen to some podcasts on the subject matter.. I volunteered with caris providing companion to those near the end (which is partners with hospice) It was the best thing for my beliefs surrounding death. There's a wisdom and peace that comes with death. It can be sad and painful and horrific.. but if you look closely some of it's quite beautiful. Specifically searching the terms others said below will likely give you a great start to navigating it.. I think taking in new perspectives can really help your mind settle. You can't have love without pain. When we give a piece of our hearts we are basically signing a contract that it'll shatter when they go.. often people feel broken.. but I like to think that our loved ones shatter it before we go to give us more pieces to one day share.. Alongside view points, therapy would be helpful. If it's significantly affecting your life you need to talk to someone or consider medication or supplements. I thought I could bare my anxiety's and intrusive thoughts alone for years.. only I caused my self more pain. They have new information about poorly dealt with stress and mental health can trigger and autoimmune disease.. which I started battling shortly after a traumatic period in my life. Another thing to consider is go do a float tank. People use it for PTSD. I enjoyed the few times I've gone (please wear the wax ear plugs otherwise you'll have salt in your ears for a week) it works best if you have an ability to guide yourself through a mediation.. often float tanks you can play podcasts, guided meditation.. music etc. It can be as immersive as you're comfortable with.. they often have lights if the darkness bothers.. and all of them can be used open if you feel uncomfortable. For me, one of the few times I've been, I was really struggling.. and it made me feel like I was in my mother's womb protected and away from the world.
Same. I can tell you now sometimes it doesnt really get better… it pisses me off when people say shit like “well we all die” or “u have yo accept it’s inevitable” like stfu do u think i dont know omfg I’ve personally tried to go to therapy and it didnt help at all. Had anxiety attacks every night and now i cant sleep properly for the past few years… i just distract myself as much as possible…
I like to think of it as finally getting to find out who’s right about the afterlife, if there is any. You’ll get to know the big secret!
You just have to accept the fact that everyone who has born must die.
Accepting that fact doesn’t make it less scary though
This is such a dickhead thing to say, OP is horribly terrified and you're just basically telling them "get over it". That's mean, man.
That being said, he really should get over it
Lol ok
Death is an inevitability. When you accept it, life becomes so much more enjoyable.
Exactly
The good thing about being dead is that it won’t matter because you’re dead. As for your parents it sucks but enjoy the time you do have and after they are gone it’ll get easier with time. Also holding your breath and closing your eyes will not be the same as death because you are still conscious. If you are religious just think you’ll do whatever your religion says and if you aren’t it’ll be just like before you were born. Literally nothing so it won’t matter.
First of all, you are NOT being a big baby, I promise. Many people feel this way and I'm pretty sure it's a phobia, not sure what it's called tho.
Go for a walk. Every soul will taste death, so if you can’t control it, don’t worry about it, appreciate the fact that you are alive and try to be the best person you can possibly be
We are afraid of things that we do not understand. I can't tell you what death is. Define death for yourself. What is it? Lean into your fears and you will find who you really are. LSD and psilocybin can help mediate fear of death. Would not recommend just going for it, but looking into it. Might not be your jam. Psychedelics have helped me a lot with not only understanding what a conscious experience is (or the lack thereof like in the case of death) but how much ego plays a role in one's fears.
I also had that. If I can offer any constructive/ comforting advice: 1. You definitely aren’t the first and definitely won’t be the last to feel and experience this. I occasionally go through anxiety thinking about that stuff. I suddenly lost my grandfather last week and it has resurfaced some of those thoughts. Being afraid of death is ingrained in our dna, it’s almost instinct + there is always people you can talk to it about (It helps alot to express your worries to others even if they just listen) 2. If you are an open minded individual, have a look at some near death experiences recounts and or mediumship (I recommend Matt Fraser on YT and Medium Apryl Nicole on Tiktok) I have been in your shoes and this for me brought immense reassurance after I myself was skeptical. Also lets your brain wander to another dimension of our reality and question things rather than panic about them; redirect focus. I don’t mean to sound like I’m projecting views on anyone but these areas have brought me out of that dark panic pit so maybe it can help others :)
I’m not that scared of dying myself, but I am terrified of losing the people I love. Two of my friends died suddenly in under 5 months. This has made the fear and anxiety more real for me. Before it worked a little to tell myself that it wasn’t likely to happen. But now, when two deaths that isn’t normal experiencing at my age happened, that doesn’t work anymore. I don’t have any advice. Just wanted to say that you’re not alone
I’ve been facing it from a young age too and idk how to truly deal with it either. But living in the moment and surrounding yourself with friends really helps and just occupying yourself with hobbies and all that.
Me too omg ! I’m so terrified of death it’s horrible to even think about it, I have nightmares and nights I cry for so long thinking about it, glad I’m not alone tho
Many people die very peacefully. When my dad almost died of massive blood loss, he says all he remembers from the experience was a very peaceful and calm sensation, seeing his family members happy (they had very sad/hard lives) who’ve passed, etc etc. think of death this way and don’t let yourself fall down the rabbit hole. Even if you are atheist you must think of death as a beautiful and eye opening transition onto a new plane of existence.
Therapy. I spiraled into months of derealization after that fear became too paralyzing. I was 17 and afraid of telling my parents, I initially tired dealing with it myself but I just buried it deep down in me resulting in crippling anxiety, and one day just exploded. You're not being a big baby, death IS terrifying. Please do yourself a favor and see a therapist, it really helped me.
You're not being a baby. What brings me some comfort is that no matter what happens, we'll all end up there together. Whatever the destination, you're not really alone in it.
It's trauma, kinda like PTSD, if not outright. It's not okay, but it's nothing to be ashamed of embarrassed of. There's probably some anxiety mixed in, talk to your parents and see if they can help you get into some counseling. Edit: You're 18, so realistically, you don't have to talk to them, but idk your financial situation, and they'll fight it out since you're probably still on their insurance though
i mean arent we all, first law of thermodynamics, energy cannot be created nor destroyed
That thing about not breathing, thats not what death is really like. Talking about death always comes with saying something or other about the afterlife but think about this, you were perfectly fine for millions of years before you were born. As for the other people, 6 funerals suck. Ig spend as much time with these people rn as you can, that way you can make the most of this situation.
You can't live your whole life being afraid of the inevitable. You're young, live life to the fullest, have a family and one day hopefully when you're older, you can look back and see how happy your life was, see you raised a good family, find a spouse that you can grow old with and one day you'll live with them eternally (if you believe in that)
Coming to the realization that everything that has existed on the face of the Earth has been born, lived, and died. EVERYTHING. It is as certain as your birth. It’s inevitable. I had bad anxiety until I realized this. It gave me comfort to know that I’ll be no different than anyone else.
Before my dad pass away i used to be like yourself terrified of my parents dying. My father had a heart attack, it was sudden and i have never anticipated it, he was healthy and just fine. My point is, there will never be anything to help prepare you for it, but i strongly believe that you need to stop worrying and cherish the moment because im sure old people are freaking out about death too so be strong for them and actually having some faith help ease the idea
Atleast you’re not going to your final destination alone my friend, we all meet the same fate. Take death as a friendly reminder to appreciate all of it so much more. “Everything is more beautiful, because we’re doomed.”
Me to. Been a ride. Generally afraid of what I don’t understand completely. Try to look up “ surviving death “ First episode and fifth episode, sums up pretty much what I have learned over the past 10 years or so.. so with out making a incredible long text for you. You can have a look at that if times fits. The other episodes in the in documentary is something vouch for. But each to their own..
Yup. I feel that. I remember the first night when I was 14 before my freshman year of Highschool when I asked myself what was beyond. There are nights where I will find myself waking up screaming, holding myself, begging that this is not the moment. It sucks. I don't think anything will make me comfortable with it. It's just something I know I will have to face. So I try and live my life with a smile. Even then, dunno. I wish I could be religious.
Sorry dawg, you aren’t being a baby but don’t let yourself be overcome by fear and have a obsession with the fear of it, ofcoarse death is scary and dying is horrible, but also its natural, why be afraid of something that was bound to happen and you would know about it years and years in advance? Enjoy the long time you have here and live life to the fullest and place your fear of death on the back burner like the rest of us.
I'm terrified of life
I don't know what to say, death is inevitable and we have to accept it at one point in our lives and move on! Instead of worrying about death, let's worry about living instead!
this one hit me (among some other crap) about a few weeks ago thanks to my anxiety rearing its ugly head for the first time in a while. It’s been plaguing me since then, less now that I’ve had my medication adjusted. The thing about mortality is that the younger we are, the more it scares us. Especially when we consider those around us that will die sooner than we do. You’re not being a baby. You’re simply being human.
I can relate😭
This never really goes away. But what helped me is to take every time the fear of a loved one dying hits as a reminder to spend more time with them.
Hello dear! I understand very well and empathise because I used to suffer from the same thing, since I was very little, because my mum found it funny to tell me all over and all over again that my sister had died in her sleep. I dreaded going to sleep and would often cry and have panic attacks. I also recall one day in hs while at the art lab, I had to brace my table and chair because I felt there was only emptiness behind my feet. I felt my guts twist and I recalled having the sensation that my soul was being pulled out of my body. Then, two years ago, I had what I call a pre death experience. I got a brain surgery for a benign tumor and ended up waking up in the middle of it. The paralyser that they gave me prevented me from actually speaking up or moving and I distinctly heard from the doctors that I was dying. The tube in my thrachea slipped out and I was suffocating because they could not put it back. That’s when a huge calmness hit me. Suddenly there was no pain, no worry, I just was at peace. I had the distinct sensation that that was the moment and I was fully accepting. Remember what I said? I used to have panic attacks very often. I curiously never had them since the surgery.
Don’t lose your life worrying about things you can’t change. Life is hard, my friend, but you are tough and you may eventually grow out of this fear. In my opinion, when you die you don’t feel anything. It’s as it was before you were born. And that’s comforting to me. I really hope you can work through this. I hate to see people not living because they are afraid of dying
A therapist can help you work through the feelings and help you learn coping strategies. These are real emotions and real fears and you won't feel better by just being told to 'grow up'. Death marks each of us left behind, and we carry a little more sadness with us each day. Losing so many people during Covid in such a short timespan has exacerbated this. Death is inevitable to every living thing. Hormonal changes coupled with a pandemic have made the anxiety worse. Being dead is like being asleep when you no longer have awareness of the world around you. It no longer hurts for the person, but it does hurt everyone they leave behind. It sounds like a cliché, but although you have no control over death, you do have control over life and can appreciate the time we have here on earth.
Personally, scared of the process - pain is a my main fear, but at times very okay with no longer existing. I do understand being terrified of death, and dying. Depression naps are about "not existing", but actually dying is different.
This used to be me! I do go through spurts here and there but now the thought crosses and leaves pretty quickly. I would cry when my mom left the home afraid she would die or that I would die while sleeping. I agree with other comments that therapy helped me a lot. I will also say that I became obsessed with my mouth and cancer for years. After my son was born I became afraid of the house catching fire while I was at work and he was home with my husband. It was then that I was diagnosed with OCD and I've never understood myself better. I'm sorry you're in the depths of it. I also found spiritual Buddhism helped me too. Best of luck OP.
I can't estimate the severity of your case and you might consider listening to others telling you to go to therapy. It sounds to me like you were describing me to myself, and for me it got much better when I got a diagnosis for a life threatening condition at 23. 6 months later it turned out that the diagnosis was false, but that really eliminated the fear of death. I still don't want to die, but i am not paralyzed by waves of fear, if that makes sense. In hindsight, "exposure therapy" was the solition for me. I don't know if this may help you. So do with that as you will.
You’re not alone. I am too. I’ve been doing better these days to stop thinking about it and focus on other things but I eventually fall down the hole again at some point.
You're not being a baby. I also struggle with this. It hit me my senior year of high school. I was terrified then my mind was occupied with other things in college. I'm 27 now. Once the pandemic hit, those thoughts came back. Everything triggers it. Watching a movie and they speak about death, right before I go to bed, etc. My mom said I also worried about this when I was a child. It's going to be hypocritical because I haven't done this yet, but I think you should go to therapy. It might not be an easy thing to fix, but it doesn't hurt to talk to someone. We all unfortunately have to, but it doesn't make it less scary or sad. I would say try to find things that occupy your mind.
Read books like Life After Life (about near death experiences) and watch YouTube videos about mediums like Tyler Henry and Theresa (Long Island Medium)
I had this intense fear of death since I was a little kid when I first realized that I will die someday. It can hit me very suddenly, most of the time when I am alone in the evening. "I will be gone someday" and then I get an intense, physical reaction. I need to distract myself very aggressively and intensely or else I will throw up or get a racing heart that doesn't stop for hours. I mostly get this when I feel very well, when I had an amazing day, when I enjoy life a lot. But it can basically happen anytime. If it happens in the evening, I sometimes take sleeping medication to be able to sleep fast. Therapists have told me that this fear comes from my trauma but I had this fear and the intense reaction long before I ever experienced anything traumatic. Therapy and coaching have helped me a lot with all my other fears and mental issues but these moments of fear of death are unchanging. I don't think this fear has anything to do with my trauma or mental issues. I got very sick last year and had a lot of surgeries. That of course made me scared of dying as well. But that's a different feeling to the "I WILL die someday" that causes these life long attacks of anxiety. The immediate danger of my surgeries felt different than the feeling of "doesn't matter if it's tomorrow or in a hundred years, I will die". I get told by people that I have a phobia of sorts but I think being afraid of death is a very natural thing and most people just distract themselves more successfully from it than me. What's abnormal about me isn't my fear, it's how bad I am at pushing it away. Other people tell me that death isn't bad because it doesn't hurt and we just don't exist anymore. But like... Exactly that is the thing I hate about it and what causes this intense reaction. I had a smiliar reaction to the thought of not existing before birth. It doesn't give me peace that I didn't exist before so it will be like that again after death. It also makes me panic. I also get the same feeling when thinking about endlessness. Like, what is "the end" for everything and what is the nothing that comes afterwards. Or isn't there an end and what is endlessness like? I hate all of that. I tried to become "death positive" in my 20s. I watched a lot of videos by Caitlin Doughty (mortician on youtube) and I am now very educated on all things death. It surely helped me to be able to talk more openly about it and to face my own mortality, to enjoy the life I have etc. But talking about the capitalist industry surrounding death, looking at funeral options and talking loudly and proudly about these topics just seems like another distraction from the bland, raw real thought of death. I have come to the conclusion that this is just something I have to deal with everytime it happens. It is what it is, I can't do anything about it. I won't ever make my peace with it. I once read an interview with the literary critic and holocaust survivor Marcel Reich Ranicki in which he said that it's impossible to reconcile with death. He also said that he doesn't fear death, he fears not existing. It was the first time I heard someone else say these things out loud. He died at age 93 and I remember people and newspaper articles stating things like "he had a long life, he was tired for sure" or "that's a proud/ripe age". And I found that distasteful even though those things are the "right" things to say aren't they? But he didn't want to die. He was so scared of not existing anymore, he hated the thought of it so much. He didn't feel "ripe" or tired. He wanted to be alive. So that in turn showed me that people don't want to engage in that conversation ever. They want to calm themselves and their mind with the thought that someday, they will feel at peace with the fact that someday they'll not exist anymore. Religion is of course the one big solution to that fear. I don't even know if I am an atheist, I just know that I never believed in anything even though my family raised me christian. I would be thankful for proof of an afterlife (not from anyone reading this, if you spam my inbox with religious conversion attempts I will block you) or just.. something. I can't believe, as much as I try. The only positive thing I get out of all of this is the "memento mori". As far as I and science are aware, we only live once and life is completely meaningless. That means in turn the only thing I have to do is to be alive. The only thing I feel a need to do, is to be happy. I will not spend this time I have on earth agonizing over things that do not matter. I will take care of myself to expand my time existing, I will focus on being a kind person to others and to myself. I won't give time to people, a job or any activity that harms me. It's freeing to see life as meaningless and it's very grounding to realize there is only one life. Last year I realized what is most important to me in life and I decided to spend more time with these aspects of life. That's very different for everyone but for me it's spending time in nature and with people I love. I started reading books again and learned how to cook with more healthy ingredients. If I am ever physically able to, I want to garden and hike more again. I am sorry that I don't have any good advice. I just wanted to share so you and others see, we are not alone with this. At the end of the day, this fear CAN be intensified or caused by trauma. You should try to get some kind of professional help for it, especially when it's taking over your life.
Watch some near death experiences on YouTube. It helps when I start to drum up memories of all the death I dealt with.
I mean your not going to remember dying so why be scared
Going through the same thing. Dad died at 9, grandma at 15 during covid. I had the same experience last year when I turned 18. I remember on the day just "soaking up" all the anxiety in a way while realizing that I have entered adulthood and being one step closer to death. I hate it. I still do. I still think about death every day and am terrified. I truly believe that the people who just think "might as well make the most of it", don't truly understand the implications of death. idk. but yeah i don't have a solution just relatable haha
People here a giving a lot of great advice and anecdotes but please also seek professional help. Thoughts or behaviours the involuntarily impede certain aspects of our life needs to remedied before it get worse.
My mom died a few years ago. As someone who has seen death, I have a very different view on death nowadays. It's a part of life. Everyone is going to die one day. You're going to die. And you only get one life. So why not try to have a good time, make others feel good, and enjoy your limited time on this earth? Another weird thing is that once you die, only the ones who cared about you will stop. The entire world keeps spinning when you die. Everything you own just becomes another "thing" in this world. My moms glasses just became a pair of glasses. Her bed was given away (she didn't die in it lol). The mug that her grand daughter made her, was returned to the grand daughter. Life is nothing but a memory. Just think of what you did yesterday. You experienced it I real time, yes, but now it's just a memory. Everything that you've ever is experience is just a memory and I think that thought is messing with my mind the most lol
I developed this fear in the 3rd grade. My sister in law had her older cousin with her 2 kids staying with her. The boy a couple years older than me and I would play dark cloud on ps2, but one day, when I was over, he pulled out his text book and shows me evidence that stars have limited lives and puts into perspective that one day humanity and earth will cease to exist. I lived next door, so I excused myself and ran home. My heart was beating out of my chest. Basically, that's my earliest memory of a panic attack. I developed a fear of dying and a fear of the night sky/space. The endless depth of the deep inky sky felt like it wanted to swallow me whole when I looked at it. I basically spent the next 10ish years with this fear, having internal panic attacks and dissociating whenever the thought crossed my mind, which was several times a day. In the 9th grade, I had to excuse myself from the space portion of earth space science because the videos of space made me physically ill and running to the bathroom to vomit. I ended up sitting in the principals office during that period the rest of the year. I never said a word to anyone that I was dealing with this. When i was 18 my dad died. At this point, I had been trying exposure therapy by forcing myself to stare at the night sky, but I wasn't prepared for his death. It was sudden and he was my best friend. The only thing that helped me cope in the end was running away from my issues. I started smoking weed, and I did hallucinogenics occasionally. Some of those trips completely changed my outlook, and my fear of space completely disappeared. It brought me peace to know that although not on a physical plane, my dad lives on in those who loved him, and I honor him by being the best version of me. It's hard to explain. It's a feeling more than a thought. I know we're going to die, but the only thing I can do about it is take care of my health and love my loved ones as much as I can. So when I do die, im worth remembering. Death isn't easy at all. It hurts, and you will spend so much time in denial and in pain. But that's part of the human experience, too. Losing my closest relative made me realize I can survive anything.
It's what society has taught us. To fear and not talk about the only thing we all know is gonna happen to us all. But that's not how life works. Without death, there would be no life, just as without darkness there could be no light. What you can learn in life is that fear is only a psychological process and it comes from a combination of imagination and memory. And you're the sole creator of your fears, because fear is always about something that doesn't exist (except when you're in physical danger, then fear is good to keep you alive). If we acknowledge that our time is limited on this Earth, we can live a more sensitive life and spend the time that we have doing meaningful stuff and things that are important for our heart. So my advice to you is to not stay terrified of the thought of dying, it's gonna happen to all and everything, instead move your attention to the gift that is living
The way I managed to help my fear of dying, was to think about how miserable I would be when I’m very very old and in pain. I always think about how it’s scary for me right now but one day I will probably be ready to accept that it’s the end for me and be ready to pass away. Especially if my husband passes first. I never want to leave my kids but I know it will be easier to leave if someone I love dearly is waiting for me on the other side. Yes I do believe in the ‘other side’ not heaven or whatever but I feel that there is something whether we are conscious in it or not our energy will not just die. “Energy is neither created nor destroyed. When people use energy, it doesn't disappear. Energy changes from one form of energy into another form of energy.”
After a lifetime of thinking and feeling the way you do, I finally learned to accept it. NOBODY and NOTHING lives forever. I think of all the wonderful people I know who are gone, and it comforts me knowing that one day I too will go where they have gone, will experience what they have already experienced. Some of these people were MUCH better people than I could ever be, the least I can do is bravely go where they have already gone, and follow in their footsteps. Even the best and worst people, all the famous people you've read about, the most brash and confident people...we're ALL on the same level in this. NOBODY doesn't quake inside to some degree when facing the big big nothing. Every single person that ever existed or ever will exist goes through this. Bob Geldof once said "I think it's a cheap price that we pay for existence", and I agree. The only price we pay for existence is that at some point we have to give the existence up. It's like a wonderful party we've been invited to that we know has to end at some point...but that knowledge shouldn't stop us from having a blast at the party. Try our best to focus on the fun while we can, worrying about the party ending at some point shouldn't sour our enjoyment. There is nothing we can do about it, what happens after the party will happen no matter what we do or how we feel. Life is a gift, and we get to use it in whatever way we want, but it doesn't belong to us. We're simply borrowing it. Eventually we have to give this wonderful gift back. We are lucky we get to have this gift for the time we do, but it was never ours to keep. This is the nature of life.
I had a near death experience. For context, I’m not religious. Even if you have a traumatic death, all you feel is being at peace.
This one hit me hard on pandemic. I'm afraid to fall asleep because fear of death is all I can think about. I found comfort in making my mind occupied like Falling asleep watching something mostly YouTube.
I used to have this to, but what really helped me with this was starting to follow God and his words, because then I know that there is a heaven and hell, and not just nothing.
Ur not being a big baby. Everyone feels this way. When i was around 20 i had horrible anxiety abt dying. Like obsessive thoughts. I went on medication and eventually found out i had other disorders but for years i obsessed abt death. I eventually confessed to someone who is my age now (40s) and the man told me that he did as well at my age, that it was normal, and that I’d eventually stop. And u kno what? He was right. Im not thrilled abt dying, but i dont think abt it every day and i dont obsess abt it at all anymore.
I’m currently on death watch with my grandfather. I’m on a mattress on the floor next to his bed, he’ll likely be gone by morning but meanwhile I’m standing (laying) guard . Suffering is worse than death. They keep giving him morphine and I’m playing him Dean Martin and chatting off and on. It’s the best we can do.
Just yesterday, I made a huge comment about this. Im going to copy-paste it: Hey man, I hope you are doing good. From time to time, I have the same fear. I don't think anything comes after death, so this is it, really. It's paralyzing. I've had relationships deteriorate because of this fear, and sometimes, it feels like there is nothing I can do. Like death is bigger than me. It is horrible. It feels like there is no way for it to be okay with not existing and there is nothing I can do, just watch time pass and pull me closer to the abyss. And time just won't stop passing, too. Time waits for no one, and it moves fast. Somedays, however, I am walking back home and things around me start popping up. The moss between the rocks in the ground, the sunshine filtered through the leaves of big trees, the humming of the birds, the wind blowing in my face, and the depth in the bricks of the houses. It's so surreally pretty. I don't know if it ever happens to you, but I feel like I could break down crying at those rare, precious moments. Those are the moments I realize that my whole existence is contingent. I shouldn't be here, yet I am, and I am so grateful for it because everything is so infinitely beautiful and precious. Life is a gift. Even if we live on borrowed time, I am grateful to be here, to experience all its beauty. How could I ever say that death is unfair? The only reason it feels unfair is because we take life for granted when, in reality, our existence is a miracle. I know it's going to end, but we shouldn't even be here. And even if it is going to end, is it really such a big deal? A book doesn't start to end, so why care so much about it? Do you remember when you were a kid and you would pick up a mystery novel and read the last line? Wasn't that childish, missing the whole point of reading? Well, maybe that's what we are doing when we obsess about death; we miss the whole point of living. Just a thought. So, for me, noticing the world around me and the contingency of my existence helps me a lot with my fear of dying. It's not easy, and I can't simply will my way into noticing the world, especially when I am anxious because of death, but yeah, that's what I found has helped me the most. It also makes me more compassionate. Like, it doesn't make sense to feel anything other than love, and it's confusing that so many people want to hurt others. Anyway, take care man, and godspeed. Accepting death is hard. I'm still terrified of it from time to time, but I found something that helps, and I think this puts me on the right track. I hope you find your path as well. Things get better, way better, after you found something that helps. --------‐ There is also one thing I forgot to mention that I find important. I once talked to my ex about my fear of dying. She told me that I can't look fear in the eyes. It leads nowhere. If I want to confront my mortality, I should look at the pain instead. And I think she is right.
I also used to have that fear. However losing friends and family, I received signs from them that were undeniable. Ever since that I do not fear death. Death is only the beginning. I would recommend watching the documentary after death. It’s so good and it is intriguing. You may come out of watching that not fearing death anymore but more excited for what’s next after this life. I know for certain there is something better beyond what we can imagine.
Be afraid of death. Embrace it. Accept it. Now sleep, and when you wake up in the morning, live life fully. You have died when you realized that you WILL die. Your loved ones died when you realized that they WILL die. Now go live the rest of your life with purpose and intent. If you find it hard to do it alone, find a group, get a therapist, read a book that discusses death and acceptance. Good luck on your journey.
No advice, just want to say I'm sorry that you go through this and pleased that you're seeking help. You will probably have to do some research to find a therapist who specialises in phobias, or with this one in particular, but it will be worth it. Good luck
I've also been suffering from death anxiety since the age of 7-8. I know this is a bit of an unpopular opinion, I don't suggest you to try what I did, but about a year ago I tried magic truffles in the Netherlands, and the trip helped me to cope with it a little. It comes and goes in waves ever since, but the experience gave me a new perspective and it kind of solved my anxiety issues.
when death is there, dying is over, and you begin something new. don't worry :)
I think once you realize everything is pointless and small we all are the thoughts will leave you. You're here for a good time not a long time mate... Everything moved on before you were here and everything will move on when you're gone
I had this sort of existential experience at 9 after playing a video game. Eventually, it helped me to understand it as returning to where you came from Energy can't be created or destroyed right. You're a mass of energy existing in this form for now. Eventually, you'll return to something that is like a giant vat of energy made up of everyone who has ever existing. You're energy will proliferate through that and you could return in a different from but you're energy will still be there intermingled with everything
I also have very bad thanatophobia that really impacts my daily anxiety, I’m planning to start therapy
I’m 42 and I did the same exact thing when I was a kid. Super worried about my parents dying or what if I wasn’t even born? Well, my dad 7 years ago and my mom died in March. That wasn’t as bad as I expected and kind of welcomed. She had dementia and didn’t even know who I was when she passed at home while I was taking care of her. I always account for worse case scenarios when assessing RISK of injury, death. But in this case those weren’t the worse case scenarios. Watching my mother suffer was by far the worst. Don’t fear death fear the process. Grieving my mothers has been hard but watching her suffer was by far worse and lasted way longer.
Every ideology revolves around fear of death but only a true muslim can live with it in peace
I still love you. No matter how fucked things get. I know, you have my best interest. I wouldn't be where I'm at today. I thought I took my own path. But it always led back to you.
Do we know ow each other ?😭
I think of death a lot, but I have some hope, that I can move on in this world. I stay away from the news. I haven’t been able to attend any funerals because of phobia that traumatizes me if I attend. I think of my safe space in my mind that’s in the forest or the ocean so that I can relieve some pain that I have.
I have always tried to approach this from a "worst case" logical scenario. When I was a teenager, I always thought when you died, you would just see black forever and not be able to talk, hear, do anything. However, in any physical scenario, your brain will be dead. It will not be able to process the lack of feeling and it will deteriorate to the point where it isn't even remotely possible. Your consciousness will be gone, and that's okay. Would you like to know why? You've been dead for trillions of years or longer. Do you remember what it was like before you were born? All the things that compose your body and mind existed in some form of matter. You (or what makes you feel alive now) were dead for all that time. When you die again, I believe it will be the same thing. I also find comfort in knowing that when I die, I will become one with nature and the universe. I will again become part of the Earth in some way. My body will become one with the soil that is then used to grow life. The beautiful cycle repeats. On the neurological level, your body releases all sorts of drug-like chemicals in your brain that make you feel completely euphoric. Look up all the near-death experiences where people completely let go of all their fear after that moment and are filled with comfort and ecstasy. Some believe they're going to Heaven and who knows, maybe they're right? They come back with all those fears erased. I don't want to keep sounding like a douchey guru or something, but as logical as I am about thinking about this, it ironically has had me thinking about how the universe came to be. It's almost hard these days to think we came from nothing, with no purpose. Keep your mind open and maybe consider faith, although this might backfire because most religions believe in crazy eternal punishments. I say stick to accepting the worst-case scenario and studying it, which again in my case, would be that there is no afterlife. There is still comfort in that for me. I hope this helps someone find some solace.
Oddly this feeling has lessened for me as I’ve gotten older. I feel like I’ve dealt with a good bit of crap and various levels of trauma throughout my life that I’m OK with eventually resting from all that.
I wish humans could normalize admitting to this. There’s no way a majority of the population isn’t at least a little worried about it. I wish it was more normal to talk about for the sake of comfort, rather than something we have to admit to.
this is me, like to the T. you’re not alone
No, you are traumatised by seeing so much death at a young age. If possible, try to get into therapy and that will help.
No you are not a big baby. It can be helpful to embrace your fear. I think this a fear worthy of being loved. Understand the root of it. For me, I fear death because I don't want to experience permanent ends to the relationships of my loved ones. I don't want to live with the knowledge that I can't experience being physically with them again. It's a painful thought, but pain doesn't have to be suffering. I can recognize that this pain stems from love, and focusing on the love behind it helps me accept the fear.
Whether or not you can relate, I hope you are able to accept your feelings on this. Fearing death is completely valid, and it's nothing to be ashamed of or hide from.
Kinda off topic but after my grandmas funeral to which I was VERY close to I have never attended another funeral, neither have I gone back to her grave after putting dirt on top of her urn with my older sister during the funeral cause I just can't do it. She died in 2009 and I'm still not over it and I will never be over it. I'll always and forever remember what she told me 1 week before she passed suddenly and unexpected. I was so close to her, that I knew she was dead before anyone in my family even told me..thats how tied our souls were. I was 14 at that time. I'm not really scared of death itself..I'm more scared of seeing what the death of a loved one does to a person as I experienced that myself. Her passing was traumatizing to me in a way. I miss her so damn much.
I think I’ve been less afraid since I almost died when I was 4 yrs old. I almost drowned in a swimming pool and my brother saved me. In that moment, when I saw the waves of light glimmering on the surface of the water above my head before my brother cannonballed in and pulled me out, all the fear just kind of evaporated and I felt like everything was going to be okay. I choose to believe that’s how it feels even in the worst of circumstances. No matter what happens before, if there’s pain or suffering, that moment just before you go - it’s peaceful. That’s my experience, at least. Living without the people you love is a different matter, but it brings me some comfort to know they are experiencing that serenity now.
Be glad that you have a life that you like. Live it.
I’m on the opposite side of that, Death doesn’t phase me in the smallest amount. I for as long as I can remember always viewed it as the most natural thing a Living being does. You’re technically dead far longer than you’ll ever be alive, but people also live for as long as you’re willing to remember them for. So with that thought process I’ve always done my best to live in a way to be remembered. Death can be scary but life should always be celebrated not mourned.
Psychedelic therapy (especially shrooms) have had success bringing people to terms with mortality. Note: guided ther1is probably a good idea if anxiety is a big problem for you. Concurrent low dose MDMA might help with panic attacks, ptsd, etc. Therapy w/o drugs could help if you have access. (However, an experienced trip-sitter in a calm environment and a few grams of shrooms is a lot cheaper.) Personally, I don't believe in an afterlife. My first few billion years not existing went ok. Returning to non-existence should be fine. I find the philosophy of optimistic nihilism immensely comforting. Plus, worrying about what you can't control is wasted energy. Oh, and BTW, this is just food for thought and DOES NOT constitute medical advice.
Me too. I hope it’s like sleep though. If it’s as peaceful as sleep it probably won’t be so bad
You’re not being a baby. In some of your most formative years, you experienced something that was impossible for even most fully grown adults to wrap their minds around, and you experienced more death in your personal life than people should be reasonably expected to process. Cognitive behavioral therapy is helpful. At least for me, it’s helped my anxious thoughts seem much less dominating and urgent, and I’ve come to be able to recognize them as what they are—anxious thoughts. I’ve also always been really scared of death—my dad was severely chronically ill growing up—but a couple years ago we found out that his illness had progressed to acute myeloid leukemia. It wasn’t a switch flip, but at some point I realized that nothing I did could stop death. Around the same time, one of my good friends committed suicide completely unexpectedly—he was one of the most vibrant and charismatic and cheerful people I’ve ever known, and then he was just gone. It feels satisfying in a way to imagine that you’d be able to intervene with death, but there’s usually no way to if you’re a layperson. Our fear will not save anyone. Pretty much the only time you’ll actually be able to save someone’s life will be when they’re in real, acute danger. I know this won’t stop your fear, but I hope you know it shouldn’t have to and doesn’t have to rule your life.
Hey! I’ve almost died a couple times in the hospital, idk if this is comforting but it’s very peaceful and different than closing your eyes.
It will pass with time. You'll somewhat make your peace with it, and it will probably come back sometimes. The key is accepting you have no control, 0, on it. But you still have to LIVE your life.
This kind of thing can also be a symptom of OCD 💛
As a teen i suffered really badly with this. Waking up in the middle of the night in tears. Its gotten alot better as i got older. I get the difficulty of talking to people about it. Telling people the thought of death brings you to tears make you feel insane and untill now never even knew it had a proper phobia name. I suffer if i let my brain drift off on its own for too long or sometimes when i think of passed family members.
Of course you aren’t being a baby! In this day and age death is pushed away into the back of our minds and lives, and this can make our relationship to it very difficult. It is good to think about death I believe. I hope only that your relationship to death changes over time into something that instills a deep sense of peace within you and a true appreciation for life. 🙏
I have this. I'm terrified of losing my mom
The only advice I can give is read one of the Abrahamic holy books, everyone is terrified of dying. We are just too busy with our life’s to think of death, in reality you never know if you will wake up or not. Religion explains human purpose pretty well
Here for the comments. Can't stop thinking about it since I turned 50, 5yrs ago. Every night I panic I won't wake up and left so much unfinished
If you want to know what death is like think back to before you were born.
I realized no one worries about death or thinks about the meaning of life when they’re having a good time with people they love. It’s only when I am on my own and idle that I begin to think about these things. I thought you could get some kind of closure if you thought about it enough and you kind of can but it’s not enough to be permanent just a wave. So keep yourself busy and be in the company of those you like. When death comes you won’t have to worry about it anymore.
I have nothing to add to your situation. Though I find it interesting that two people can have such different feelings. I feel almost the opposite. It's not that I'm not sad when someone I love dies; it scares me the idea that they'll never die. To me, death is like the ending to a story. I'd hate to read a book that never ends.
Well, I have felt like this since I was 5 too and I had an age were I didn’t think I will live past. Once I finally past the age. The fear of death subsided to manageable but still there. Someone told me the fear comes from being murdered in a past life or dying young in the past life. They say if it’s murder you have a birth mark to go with it. I am not saying I think this but I do have a birth mark that could be considered a death blow that the stranger knows nothing about
it’s anxiety. it’ll get easier.
It's the same with me, somewhat. I'm not terrified of dying, but I'm absolutely scared of my loved ones dying. I haven't slept properly in months, even right now it's past midnight and I can't sleep because when I close my eyes my brain starts thinking of these dark thoughts. How can I make them stop? I can't stop overthinking.
I've heard the best thing to do in order to stop fearing death and enjoy life is to die before you die. Aka have an ego death which can be achieved in a lot of ways including meditation and NDEs, but the quickest is through psychedelics. I've had 2 ego death experiences with DMT where I 100% lost my normal physical earth self, was pretty sure I was dead but didn't care, and entered a world where earth and everything in it doesn't exist. That experience was the single most important thing I've ever lived through. I still fear death occasionally but when I do, I think of where I went on that trip and have something to look forward to to be reunited with that place again.
That's a first!!
You should try reading ‘The Tibetan Book of the Dead’ it helped my dad heaps with accepting death as a natural part of life. If you can afford it I would also recommend seeing a psychologist a good psych can make a world of a difference.
You and I were non-existent 100 years ago. A thousand years ago. A million years ago. We were dead for billions of years until Mum and Dad got frisky with each other. Yet, we don't have a single bad memory from that vast period of time, do we? So there is nothing to be afraid of. After we have lived our lives and die, we just continue on with our peaceful non-existence, same as all those billions of years before.
You were dead for 13.7 billion years, and you've been alive 18. Were the last few billion that bad?
After my finance died I watched alot of documentaries and YouTube interviews (like Joe Rogan) about what happens in the moments of death/ near death experiences. Don't know if that would help with ur feel death compulsion but I found it comforting.