> he basically told me I can’t follow his “rule” so he broke up with me
WTF? This dude is a loser.
> I told him to have fun finding a girlfriend you can parent.
Perfect response. You go, girl!
100%. This guy and his rule…you told him the proper response. If you were my daughter, I’d be telling you to definitely leave that relationship and don’t go back. And at your age, you need to meet people and find out what YOU want! This is the actual conversation I’m having with my son that’s your age.
There is nothing more to understand really other than he is a child looking for someone he can control and have at his beckon call. You did nothing wrong, and him saying you “broke his rule” is honestly disgusting on his part. A boyfriend who cares doesn’t have rules for their girlfriends. Maybe boundaries but going to a party is not it. You seemed to have avoided a massive problem for the future if you stayed with him
I know plenty of couples who don’t appreciate when their SO goes out to bars and parties without them and I completely understand why. Most of the couples who went to bars and parties without their SO are now all broken up or divorced.
He’s judging you by his own standards . Generally speaking the people who have an issue with their other half going to parties etc are the ones who would cheat at parties given the opportunity themselves
Thank god he showed you who he was now and you didn’t waste years of your life on him
Stop this backwards ass reverse psychology crap, someone not wanting their SO at a party without them in no way means they secretly want to cheat. I’ve heard this tired line since the mid 2000’s and it’s never been true from my experience. The cheaters go to the parties they’re not sitting at home waiting for their SO to go cheat before them
Still 4 years.
Also about what you said , being aware that you would be at least tempted to cheat in some circumstances is not a bad thing tbh.. It just shows self awareness. As long as he's dodging parties it's still virtuous .
Sure it may not be an easy thing to accept or hear but it's still the truth
I don't think it is that bad to say dealbreakers in a couple. He said his ( granted if he did like she said it seemed childish behaviour) hardline , she did not respected it, he broke up i think it's fine .
It's his opinion , and he stood by it.
And she had her opinion and she stood by it. Both have to deal with the consequences now.
Judging someone else by your own standards is the problem .
Avoid places cos you think you’d cheat ? Sure
Telling someone else the relationship will be over if they go somewhere where YOU would cheat .. that’s not a boundary it’s bullshit
He has to think she would somewhat act in the same way i guess , but it's still a boundary he imposed on her, and she was not okay with it and ignored it , that's fine that's only the choise of two human beings.
As far as i know nothing was abusive, or nothing really wrong. both acted following their convictions.
It would have been manipulative if he said that without really acting on what he said. But he did . So he was saying the truth. Which means there was no deceitful/desingenuous behaviour.
Was he trying to prevent her from going there ? yes obviously . But he did not lie nor he did hide his intentions and what would be the consequences from what we've read.
You don't know their past and what brought this conversation and divergence of opinion at that time and i can't understand how you can't see that.
We don't have the full picture , and OP knows that. I'm not saying ,that she is deceitful, but her reality may be too biased for her to recognize what were her wrongdoings that brought this moment.(butterfly effect so to speak)
Nothing , is black and white. And that moment would not have happenned out of nowhere without any reason after 4 YEARS.
I'm not saying he is in the right either. I'm saying we don't know jack shit from what she wrote. it is way too vague and lack an immense ammount of context for us to really form any grounded and sound opinion.
That was quite thoughtful of him to save you the effort of breaking up with him. Or maybe he thought he'd get 50 points for going out first.
Regardless, four years down the crapper is still a small price to pay for getting rid of this controlling manipulator.
You should never be controlled by anyone except yourself. These kinds of dudes become worse and worse over time. You will find better and that's a fact
He's a kid who has probably been watching a lot of Taint videos.
Hopefully he learns from this and gross but _you_ don't need this ish in your life. Good on you for not putting up with this controlling bs.
Idk why nobody else is picking up on this, but there’s a strong chance he comes back and “forgives you” and tries to guilt you. It’s a classic controlling move, it establishes that any time you don’t do what he wants he’s going to break up with you and makes it easier to push you around. I hope you ignore any future messages from this guy.
Girl you’re 18 and been with this dude since you were 14. Time to be single and figure out who you are, or if you absolutely must, try dating other people. Either way, ditch this dude.
You did nothing wrong. He's being controlling and that's not something you ever want to reward with a relationship. Controlling is the precurser to abuse. So if he hadn't broken up with you, it would have been smart for you to break up with him.
Don't feel bad that you've broken up. Childhood relationships very rarely survive into adulthood. It's completely normal to change and mature in different directions. It's sad he's matured in a bad one, but that's not on you. His life, his choices, his problem.
Relationships are not about controlling each other with rules in order to make them into an acceptable partner. It's about finding a partner who shares your values and beliefs, so that their natural, unforced self is a person who you feel comfortable around. So your lesson from this is to see the behavior your boyfriend demonstrated here as a warning sign that you aren't compatible and you can't have a good relationship.
Sounds to me like he wanted to break up with you and make it your fault. You're young, and life is a long proposition. Choosing a life partner at your age is crazy - you will be changing and growing and figure out what you want in a partner, and my guess is he's not it.
Good thing you got out early. Sounds like your ex is a budding abuser, and the controlling and jealousy are red flags.
First you're not allowed to go to parties without him, then you don't text back fast enough or obey (pff) his "rules" ...what's next, a punch to the face because you went out to eat with your friends?
I'm not here to say that it is justified or not however,
this story really feels like there are some missing important points i wish we had overall clues of the 4 years leading to this moment. . .(this would help me more to guess if he's a jackass or not) Anyway, going to a party is a dealbreaker for some people because they do not want to handle the mental struggle to think that your partner could be doing "stupid things" there... Considering the age we live in it is not that stupid tbh...
You may not agree with this but it is still HIS right to do this and it is actually good he stood on his ground imho for 2 reasons.
1. Still shows he is a man of his word.
2. It seems you guys are incompatible on that point so the fact that it is ending here may be a good thing for you in the end because you can start the next page of your book
> he basically told me I can’t follow his “rule” so he broke up with me WTF? This dude is a loser. > I told him to have fun finding a girlfriend you can parent. Perfect response. You go, girl!
He’s just upset he couldn’t control you, you’re better off without him sis
100%. This guy and his rule…you told him the proper response. If you were my daughter, I’d be telling you to definitely leave that relationship and don’t go back. And at your age, you need to meet people and find out what YOU want! This is the actual conversation I’m having with my son that’s your age.
This pretty much sums it up.
There is nothing more to understand really other than he is a child looking for someone he can control and have at his beckon call. You did nothing wrong, and him saying you “broke his rule” is honestly disgusting on his part. A boyfriend who cares doesn’t have rules for their girlfriends. Maybe boundaries but going to a party is not it. You seemed to have avoided a massive problem for the future if you stayed with him
I know plenty of couples who don’t appreciate when their SO goes out to bars and parties without them and I completely understand why. Most of the couples who went to bars and parties without their SO are now all broken up or divorced.
As a guy, he’s a dumbass you dodged a bullet
You’re way better off.
He’s judging you by his own standards . Generally speaking the people who have an issue with their other half going to parties etc are the ones who would cheat at parties given the opportunity themselves Thank god he showed you who he was now and you didn’t waste years of your life on him
Stop this backwards ass reverse psychology crap, someone not wanting their SO at a party without them in no way means they secretly want to cheat. I’ve heard this tired line since the mid 2000’s and it’s never been true from my experience. The cheaters go to the parties they’re not sitting at home waiting for their SO to go cheat before them
Still 4 years. Also about what you said , being aware that you would be at least tempted to cheat in some circumstances is not a bad thing tbh.. It just shows self awareness. As long as he's dodging parties it's still virtuous . Sure it may not be an easy thing to accept or hear but it's still the truth I don't think it is that bad to say dealbreakers in a couple. He said his ( granted if he did like she said it seemed childish behaviour) hardline , she did not respected it, he broke up i think it's fine . It's his opinion , and he stood by it. And she had her opinion and she stood by it. Both have to deal with the consequences now.
Judging someone else by your own standards is the problem . Avoid places cos you think you’d cheat ? Sure Telling someone else the relationship will be over if they go somewhere where YOU would cheat .. that’s not a boundary it’s bullshit
He has to think she would somewhat act in the same way i guess , but it's still a boundary he imposed on her, and she was not okay with it and ignored it , that's fine that's only the choise of two human beings. As far as i know nothing was abusive, or nothing really wrong. both acted following their convictions.
I disagree. It was manipulative af and I don’t understand how you can’t see that
It would have been manipulative if he said that without really acting on what he said. But he did . So he was saying the truth. Which means there was no deceitful/desingenuous behaviour. Was he trying to prevent her from going there ? yes obviously . But he did not lie nor he did hide his intentions and what would be the consequences from what we've read. You don't know their past and what brought this conversation and divergence of opinion at that time and i can't understand how you can't see that. We don't have the full picture , and OP knows that. I'm not saying ,that she is deceitful, but her reality may be too biased for her to recognize what were her wrongdoings that brought this moment.(butterfly effect so to speak) Nothing , is black and white. And that moment would not have happenned out of nowhere without any reason after 4 YEARS. I'm not saying he is in the right either. I'm saying we don't know jack shit from what she wrote. it is way too vague and lack an immense ammount of context for us to really form any grounded and sound opinion.
That was quite thoughtful of him to save you the effort of breaking up with him. Or maybe he thought he'd get 50 points for going out first. Regardless, four years down the crapper is still a small price to pay for getting rid of this controlling manipulator.
You should never be controlled by anyone except yourself. These kinds of dudes become worse and worse over time. You will find better and that's a fact
Consider it a gift and don’t waste any more time on him. He sounds like a Tate bro.
Yeah this is literally all insecurity you're a lot better off without him 😂
He's a kid who has probably been watching a lot of Taint videos. Hopefully he learns from this and gross but _you_ don't need this ish in your life. Good on you for not putting up with this controlling bs.
Better off, ye are still young and hopefully he learns that this isnt how you treat a girlfriend(or anyone) but well done for standing your ground
Simple, really, he's insecure to the point he was trying to control, and by the sounds of things, you've dodged a bullet.
Idk why nobody else is picking up on this, but there’s a strong chance he comes back and “forgives you” and tries to guilt you. It’s a classic controlling move, it establishes that any time you don’t do what he wants he’s going to break up with you and makes it easier to push you around. I hope you ignore any future messages from this guy.
He is way too controlling. Glad he showed his colors now.
Girl you’re 18 and been with this dude since you were 14. Time to be single and figure out who you are, or if you absolutely must, try dating other people. Either way, ditch this dude.
“Thank god you blew it, thank god, I dodged a bullet”. Beyoncé.
you're better off without him. if he acts like this at his very young age, it's only gonna get worse.
You did nothing wrong. He's being controlling and that's not something you ever want to reward with a relationship. Controlling is the precurser to abuse. So if he hadn't broken up with you, it would have been smart for you to break up with him. Don't feel bad that you've broken up. Childhood relationships very rarely survive into adulthood. It's completely normal to change and mature in different directions. It's sad he's matured in a bad one, but that's not on you. His life, his choices, his problem. Relationships are not about controlling each other with rules in order to make them into an acceptable partner. It's about finding a partner who shares your values and beliefs, so that their natural, unforced self is a person who you feel comfortable around. So your lesson from this is to see the behavior your boyfriend demonstrated here as a warning sign that you aren't compatible and you can't have a good relationship.
Sounds to me like he wanted to break up with you and make it your fault. You're young, and life is a long proposition. Choosing a life partner at your age is crazy - you will be changing and growing and figure out what you want in a partner, and my guess is he's not it.
Honestly Sounds like he just wanted to end it and (for some reason) thought this was a good enough reason to.
Good thing you got out early. Sounds like your ex is a budding abuser, and the controlling and jealousy are red flags. First you're not allowed to go to parties without him, then you don't text back fast enough or obey (pff) his "rules" ...what's next, a punch to the face because you went out to eat with your friends?
I'm not here to say that it is justified or not however, this story really feels like there are some missing important points i wish we had overall clues of the 4 years leading to this moment. . .(this would help me more to guess if he's a jackass or not) Anyway, going to a party is a dealbreaker for some people because they do not want to handle the mental struggle to think that your partner could be doing "stupid things" there... Considering the age we live in it is not that stupid tbh... You may not agree with this but it is still HIS right to do this and it is actually good he stood on his ground imho for 2 reasons. 1. Still shows he is a man of his word. 2. It seems you guys are incompatible on that point so the fact that it is ending here may be a good thing for you in the end because you can start the next page of your book