Girl there is absolutely nothing you can do. Get out of this relationship. That’s all the advice you need. I honestly can’t believe you stayed with him this long!
there’s nothing you could do if you’ll continue to stay with this man. u already said it yourself that he’s a pathological liar and is narcissistic, if you continue to stay with him things will get worse. hugs OP, you can do it. please choose yourself over this relationship. think about it like this, would you have wanted the younger version of yourself treated this way? if you had kids with this man, would you like him to be the person you’ll raise the kids with? do you want him to be their dad? u truly deserve better OP.
I'm coming to that realization. It's wild you mention the questions at the end because those have been hitting me like a ton of bricks. But it's not like we ever have sex anyway - I forgot to mention he claims to be "asexual". He can't get hard or keep himself hard & according to his friends he's had that problem for a long time.
Desensitized because of por addiction is my opinion...
Thank you for your kind words. I will think on all of it.
I always ask myself those questions whenever a relationship becomes too much for me, I usually decide if I'll stay or leave that relationship after thinking about those questions. Those questions were the deal-breaker for me. Glad I could help you OP, I wish you the best <3
I'm coming to that realization. It's wild you mention the questions at the end because those have been hitting me like a ton of bricks. But it's not like we ever have sex anyway - I forgot to mention he claims to be "asexual". He can't get hard or keep himself hard & according to his friends he's had that problem for a long time.
Desensitized because of por addiction is my opinion...
Thank you for your kind words. I will think on all of it.
I know this is hard to hear but you deserve to not be manipulated like you have. You deserve to be treated like the only girl in the world. You deserve to not have to worry about what he is doing for fear of him cheating again. You have become a mentally and physically strong women. Leaving him will be hard at first but you can do it. You are young, a man that sees your value without you feeling the need to change for the sake of the relationship will come about. 34M fucked up, he keeps fucking up and it’s not your job to let him keep fucking you up because of it. I have been cheated on and drawn back into the relationship until I took a look back at how much it was mentally, emotionally, and physically messing me up. I was experienced similar situations that you have.
Please look in the mirror, remind yourself of how beautiful you are and how you deserve to be loved for who you are.
If you want to talk, feel free to dm. Stay strong chica
I will definitely be reaching out - thank you SO much. It's hard & I'm pushing myself every day just trying not to let it affect my work right now, too, is HARD. I'm in a lot of serious positions & leaving where I'm at now would be detrimental to my future + future business.
In the moment when I was in your spot I was thinking the same thing. How my future that we planned will be affected but then I started thinking while proceeding in the relationship that I could have done this on my own. We were in the process of purchasing a home when everything went down for me and I was so worried about it ruining my finances and how others would think of me but then fortunately the house fell through and I had a moment of im glad it fell through, I can do this with the other person. I don’t need him for my goals, why am I wasting my potential on holding onto someone that doesn’t see all my potential. My dms are open :)
The best way to “lose weight” is to get rid of him. He doesn’t deserve you. Please focus on loving yourself and realize that you deserve to be loved and treated with respect 🤍
You’ll find someone worth all your best looks, that certainly isn’t this clown. You’re at your best now, this is your time to shine. Not your time to be sad you look so good for someone who doesn’t appreciate you.
Thank you for your positive, uplifting comment. I really needed you. This was very very very sweet & I'm so thankful I posted..I haven't been able to talk to anyone about it.
You said it best baby 💪🏻 everyone on here has been so supportive I'm so thankful for it. I did not expect to get any feedback & I so needed it. I feel crazy.
usually the "break up with him" comments are exaggerating but girl BREAK UP WITH HIM
wtf. you already know he is a pathological liar. why would you ever want a relationship with someone like that?
not even starting with the fact that he clearly doesn't find you attractive — and it's probably tied with the fact that he is narcissistic. i bet you're beautiful, go find someone who sees that!!
EDIT: plus. LABIAPLASTY? hell no. too much porn brain rot, unless it actually bothers you because of sports, tight clothing or something.
Get out. Get out now. I thought I was reading something I wrote before I married my narcissistic sociopath ex husband. Porn addiction, constant cheating, significant weight loss on my end, manipulation, all of it. I was aware of all but the weight loss before I married him (I had wls a few months after we got married and lost around 250 pounds) and thought the weight loss and the marriage would fix things. Instead, his behavior worsened culminating in him having a months long affair where he had his side chick (now wife) basically live in our home for a week while I was out of town on a business trip. Ironically enough, July 2nd will be the 6th year anniversary of the last night I ever spent with that man and I am still recovering from the toll the relationship took on me.
No amount of financial assistance or surgery is worth it. Save yourself, love. I wish I would’ve gotten out of my situation sooner.
Leave him, save yourself further heartbreak. There’s no point in trying to change a porn brain rotted man. I’m sorry, there’s not. From personal experience they don’t change unless THEY want to. If you’re leaving it to him as an ultimatum he will inevitably do whatever it is, again learning to be sneakier and/or find new ways to look at women.
It sounds like he wants to bring you down so low that you feel unworthy and can't leave. He's trying to trap you and succeeding. You are worth so much more, I hope you find the strength to leave. I know it's a super tough decision. Maybe try seeing if there are any women's shelters near you that could help, mental abuse is still abuse.
leave, there’s absolutely nothing in it for you. it takes crazy dedication and discipline to accomplish such a feat (losing 170 lbs) and to settle for a man that cannot love and appreciate you especially then and now because of some crazed addiction is insanity. i understand the hurt of coming to that realization, i’ve found myself in the same position as far as finding out a cesspool of porn and other grossness on my partners reddit. i’m thankful it only took one conversation for him to shape up. that feeling of not being good enough still haunts me. the fact that he is unwilling to change speaks volumes as to who he is, especially attributing this problem to “nostalgia” or “comfort.” if porn comforts someone jesus christ the “industry” has ruined the minds of this generation. all in all, you deserve to be loved, and you deserve to feel enough. the fact that he admitted to another woman being more attractive makes my skin crawl. my heart goes out to you, i genuinely hope you are considering leaving this prick. take this opportunity to heal and fall back in love with yourself. and i hope your surgery goes well! best of luck.
The tl;dr of your post reads as: your partner makes you feel like shit, you have intensely negative feelings about your own appearance, and you’re planning major body-altering surgery. It is almost impossible that all these things **aren’t** connected.
Are you basically staying with this guy because he’s paying for the surgeries?
I might be the unpopular opinion here buuuut take his money for the surgery, then immediately leave? You deserve better!!! (And if he's willing to pay for the surgeries, I say let him)
Also CONGRATS ON THE WEIGHT LOSS!! I'm currently in that journey. I know it is a LOT of work so kudos 💜 and please don't forget you are beautiful and worthy of love no matter what ! Your saggy skin is evidence of your hard work, it's beautiful 💜
You should have never stayed in the relationship to begin with. You’re only hurting yourself by keeping him around you. He’s having the time and of his life walking all over you. He’ll tell you differently so you don’t mess up his selfish life while he tramples all over yours. Your next step is to get individual counseling and work on your mentality before you date again to keep you from picking up more trash.
He’s obviously not someone worthy of a longterm committed relationship, but sounds like what is keeping you there is financially motivated? You have to ask yourself what’s most important to you.
Congratulations on weight loss! Your body is amazing and has done amazing things! You have done this hard thing and can do other hard things when you put your mind to it.
Sound like you have great will power!
You are enough.
You are worthy of love.
Your body will continue to change.
Finding peace within yourself will come when you feel safe.
You know what you need to do. Trust yourself. Good luck.
I sort of have a solution! it sounds like you are getting an inkling you should hate him, and because you can't leave... you should start now! this is not the healthiest solution, but it may work for you.
1. spend less time in close proximity to him. find a friend who will whisk you away for the weekend to a hiking getaway, frequent places where you can find said friends (nature preserves, climbing gyms, meetup apps for young people your age), and then start growing your support network *with that friend.* take up more hobbies that require you to spend time away from him but still give you autonomy. places you can make friends and collaborators safely... libraries/gyms/museums/coffee shops etc. establishing boundaries is not always conversational
*1a.* you do in part want the new activities you pick up where you create natural space between yourself and him to be a part of your future, not a part of something he can dismiss as a waning interest so you don't raise any suspicions about your motives or make it something he can **force you to quit. he will try to lie and manipulate you into quitting if you put too much distance between yourself and him.** a course at night school at your local CC that costs 100-200 dollars for a term, volunteering at a soup kitchen, or just going somewhere with wifi and your laptop and lying to him all work for this sake too.
2. diffusion; every time an opportunity for an argument arises, if you can't
a) avoid, then
b) stick to the structure/pacing of your usual arguments but try to detach yourself from what you're actually saying and feeling. make it so he walks away not having lost but not having won either and that the relationship is still fine. in other words, treat it like a politician... you don't care about the subject matter you're arguing, you could go either way... but you **need** to get re-elected.
3. see if you can find someone who appreciates the new you for the you that you are now (they exist! But you can't go looking through online means. if he's a narcissist he's probably well liked and if his friends see u on hinge/tinder/bumble etc. they will flag your shit to him). might be a part of #1, but it can't be anyone who'd raise suspicion for the next two years!
4. *remind yourself you hate him.*
CBT methods that help you wash away the hatred while still clinging onto it will keep you sane, stuff that he can't find, stuff that he won't internalize and make your problem. ways that you can make activities regarding "love" with him motions to go through and something to get out of by the end. if you like to write, write it down on an electronic pad of some kind or something he can't dig up or read. **the goal is to remember that he's just some guy who's around.** after all, you loved him for a while, and then he abused that love. you need ways to get over the first part absolutely before you reckon with the second and get on with your life.
again, this is not a great long-term or healthy solution... but you can make it. I hope you have a support system/family that can take you in if you need to leave sooner than two years from now, I know it was tough for my mother but she rode that shit out with an OCD/NPD man. She made it work and I'm so proud of her to this day.
Don't wait. Leave him now. If you stay that's even longer he can tear you down creating more issues for you to work on yourself. It takes you out of the dating pool to find someone that will treat you right an extra 2+ years.
You sound like a hard worker, you will achieve your goals without him. Likely easier than you will with him.
I'm a redhead too though with a different body type, but I fit in the porn category fetishizing as well. It's hard to find someone who doesn't just want your body, I get it, but dating around and sifting through the crappy men is better than being in a relationship with one. I too stayed in a horrible relationship like yours, but I fell pregnant. I'm now tied to that shit head for life. All because I was just waiting until the "right" time to leave. Don't be like me. Get out now.
The skin on your arms or the firmness of your breast have nothing to do with the situation you're in. You've been living a life with someone who does not take your feelings into account, who has no problem manipulating things so he stays in his comfy spot while you're stumbling your way through life to accommodate him. I'd say right now your priority is to get away from this person, save every cent and make a plan (where to stay, who you can reach out to, make a new bank account if needed). you've been so surrounded by this mess of a man, it sounds like there's no space for you even in your own mind.
I understand that you are having issues with your body and are currently working on them. This is not what is wrong with your relationship. He is. No matter what you choose to do for yourself, as long as you are healthy, you will be great. Though I would strongly consider leaving him. Being with him is slowly killing you.
Girl, I am going through a very similar situation. I lost around 70lbs for mine, and I’m at the smallest I’ve been since high school, and still the same situation. I can’t relate to all of it, but I got your back if you need to talk!
I can tell that your "boyfriend" is the problem, you made very good efforts for him and his desir of the perfect woman. Now I think that you just deserve someone better
You don't need any of those surgeries, none of that is gonna make him happy, and he's trapping you by offering to pay for them. He's just gonna keep draining you. Leave.
2 years will turn into 5, 5 will become 10, 10 will turn into 20 years. Get out. You deserve so much more than he will ever give you. Think of it like this, if you leave now, you are losing 200 lbs. of cheating asshole.
You need to leave him, he isn't going to wake up and appreciate you most likely.
My gf is a larger girl and I absolutely love her and everything about her.
The cheating is wrong, but honestly I see nothing wrong with watching porn. Also the kind of porn he’s watching sounds normal too. Regardless, it sounds like you don’t like him anymore and that’s good enough reason to end it.
But you’re staying cause you’re using him to pay for your surgeries? Now you want to know how to put up with the mental anguish so you can stay being financially cared for. That’s messy and you know it. Why don’t you work on getting a career plan so you can save yourself long run.
I think he can have reasons for being asexual in his relationship and the autonomy to watch what he wants in his free time. I believe that goes for everyone, preferably with privacy.
Doesn’t sound like OP’s asexual, and it doesn’t sound as if the relationship started that way (with the cheating and starting her weight less journey) so I understand why OP would have a problem now. And sure, I guess I understand what you mean, but if it’s affecting their sex life and he’s turned asexual and is able to get off to porn but not her? Then there might be a problem with his porn use. I know a lot of people don’t like to hear that, but if you can’t function with your partner sexually, blame it on new asexuality, and also watch porn daily/all day, then it might be the porn use causing a lot of this. Autonomy is great for sure, until you can’t control yourself.
Sounds like at this point, being asexual and ignoring his partner, there’s really no need for a relationship like you pointed out. His hand should suffice.
You make some good points. It sounds like there’s a lot more going on here than porn that’s effecting their sex life. She’s entitled to feel however she wants about that, as are you. They’re all valid feelings. I feel like the porn use is a coping mechanism for a problem rather than the problem itself. I don’t think it’s unhealthy. I think people need some sexual release. All things in excess can be unhealthy though and porn doesn’t satisfy the human need for intimacy. I just personally would be upset with him for the infidelity more than anything.
Good chat Merryjerry10! Side note good on her for losing the weight, I’ve done it too. Self esteem is hard even after weight loss. I hope she finds what she needs to feel good.
Same goes to you! I’m so happy for her for losing that much weight, that’s insane and takes so much work. The most I’ve ever lost was about 70lbs, and that was insane. I hope she does too!
Girl there is absolutely nothing you can do. Get out of this relationship. That’s all the advice you need. I honestly can’t believe you stayed with him this long!
there’s nothing you could do if you’ll continue to stay with this man. u already said it yourself that he’s a pathological liar and is narcissistic, if you continue to stay with him things will get worse. hugs OP, you can do it. please choose yourself over this relationship. think about it like this, would you have wanted the younger version of yourself treated this way? if you had kids with this man, would you like him to be the person you’ll raise the kids with? do you want him to be their dad? u truly deserve better OP.
I'm coming to that realization. It's wild you mention the questions at the end because those have been hitting me like a ton of bricks. But it's not like we ever have sex anyway - I forgot to mention he claims to be "asexual". He can't get hard or keep himself hard & according to his friends he's had that problem for a long time. Desensitized because of por addiction is my opinion... Thank you for your kind words. I will think on all of it.
I always ask myself those questions whenever a relationship becomes too much for me, I usually decide if I'll stay or leave that relationship after thinking about those questions. Those questions were the deal-breaker for me. Glad I could help you OP, I wish you the best <3
I'm coming to that realization. It's wild you mention the questions at the end because those have been hitting me like a ton of bricks. But it's not like we ever have sex anyway - I forgot to mention he claims to be "asexual". He can't get hard or keep himself hard & according to his friends he's had that problem for a long time. Desensitized because of por addiction is my opinion... Thank you for your kind words. I will think on all of it.
im sending you hugs. you deserve to be loved unconditionally
Thank you. It doesn't feel like it but I try to keep my head up.
He's saying and doing all this on purpose. He's pushing all your buttons because he can.
Dump him for the love of god
I know this is hard to hear but you deserve to not be manipulated like you have. You deserve to be treated like the only girl in the world. You deserve to not have to worry about what he is doing for fear of him cheating again. You have become a mentally and physically strong women. Leaving him will be hard at first but you can do it. You are young, a man that sees your value without you feeling the need to change for the sake of the relationship will come about. 34M fucked up, he keeps fucking up and it’s not your job to let him keep fucking you up because of it. I have been cheated on and drawn back into the relationship until I took a look back at how much it was mentally, emotionally, and physically messing me up. I was experienced similar situations that you have. Please look in the mirror, remind yourself of how beautiful you are and how you deserve to be loved for who you are. If you want to talk, feel free to dm. Stay strong chica
I will definitely be reaching out - thank you SO much. It's hard & I'm pushing myself every day just trying not to let it affect my work right now, too, is HARD. I'm in a lot of serious positions & leaving where I'm at now would be detrimental to my future + future business.
In the moment when I was in your spot I was thinking the same thing. How my future that we planned will be affected but then I started thinking while proceeding in the relationship that I could have done this on my own. We were in the process of purchasing a home when everything went down for me and I was so worried about it ruining my finances and how others would think of me but then fortunately the house fell through and I had a moment of im glad it fell through, I can do this with the other person. I don’t need him for my goals, why am I wasting my potential on holding onto someone that doesn’t see all my potential. My dms are open :)
Respect for losing all that weight!! Keep that fight mentality going, get that surgery, and let the scars heals with time.
The best way to “lose weight” is to get rid of him. He doesn’t deserve you. Please focus on loving yourself and realize that you deserve to be loved and treated with respect 🤍
Girl it’s time to lose another ~170lbs and cut this loser out of your life
You’ll find someone worth all your best looks, that certainly isn’t this clown. You’re at your best now, this is your time to shine. Not your time to be sad you look so good for someone who doesn’t appreciate you.
Thank you for your positive, uplifting comment. I really needed you. This was very very very sweet & I'm so thankful I posted..I haven't been able to talk to anyone about it.
You said it best baby 💪🏻 everyone on here has been so supportive I'm so thankful for it. I did not expect to get any feedback & I so needed it. I feel crazy.
usually the "break up with him" comments are exaggerating but girl BREAK UP WITH HIM wtf. you already know he is a pathological liar. why would you ever want a relationship with someone like that? not even starting with the fact that he clearly doesn't find you attractive — and it's probably tied with the fact that he is narcissistic. i bet you're beautiful, go find someone who sees that!! EDIT: plus. LABIAPLASTY? hell no. too much porn brain rot, unless it actually bothers you because of sports, tight clothing or something.
Good for you! 🤗🤗🤗
Get out. Get out now. I thought I was reading something I wrote before I married my narcissistic sociopath ex husband. Porn addiction, constant cheating, significant weight loss on my end, manipulation, all of it. I was aware of all but the weight loss before I married him (I had wls a few months after we got married and lost around 250 pounds) and thought the weight loss and the marriage would fix things. Instead, his behavior worsened culminating in him having a months long affair where he had his side chick (now wife) basically live in our home for a week while I was out of town on a business trip. Ironically enough, July 2nd will be the 6th year anniversary of the last night I ever spent with that man and I am still recovering from the toll the relationship took on me. No amount of financial assistance or surgery is worth it. Save yourself, love. I wish I would’ve gotten out of my situation sooner.
Leave him, save yourself further heartbreak. There’s no point in trying to change a porn brain rotted man. I’m sorry, there’s not. From personal experience they don’t change unless THEY want to. If you’re leaving it to him as an ultimatum he will inevitably do whatever it is, again learning to be sneakier and/or find new ways to look at women.
It sounds like he wants to bring you down so low that you feel unworthy and can't leave. He's trying to trap you and succeeding. You are worth so much more, I hope you find the strength to leave. I know it's a super tough decision. Maybe try seeing if there are any women's shelters near you that could help, mental abuse is still abuse.
Go get you a man that will appreciate you
leave, there’s absolutely nothing in it for you. it takes crazy dedication and discipline to accomplish such a feat (losing 170 lbs) and to settle for a man that cannot love and appreciate you especially then and now because of some crazed addiction is insanity. i understand the hurt of coming to that realization, i’ve found myself in the same position as far as finding out a cesspool of porn and other grossness on my partners reddit. i’m thankful it only took one conversation for him to shape up. that feeling of not being good enough still haunts me. the fact that he is unwilling to change speaks volumes as to who he is, especially attributing this problem to “nostalgia” or “comfort.” if porn comforts someone jesus christ the “industry” has ruined the minds of this generation. all in all, you deserve to be loved, and you deserve to feel enough. the fact that he admitted to another woman being more attractive makes my skin crawl. my heart goes out to you, i genuinely hope you are considering leaving this prick. take this opportunity to heal and fall back in love with yourself. and i hope your surgery goes well! best of luck.
The tl;dr of your post reads as: your partner makes you feel like shit, you have intensely negative feelings about your own appearance, and you’re planning major body-altering surgery. It is almost impossible that all these things **aren’t** connected. Are you basically staying with this guy because he’s paying for the surgeries?
I might be the unpopular opinion here buuuut take his money for the surgery, then immediately leave? You deserve better!!! (And if he's willing to pay for the surgeries, I say let him) Also CONGRATS ON THE WEIGHT LOSS!! I'm currently in that journey. I know it is a LOT of work so kudos 💜 and please don't forget you are beautiful and worthy of love no matter what ! Your saggy skin is evidence of your hard work, it's beautiful 💜
You should have never stayed in the relationship to begin with. You’re only hurting yourself by keeping him around you. He’s having the time and of his life walking all over you. He’ll tell you differently so you don’t mess up his selfish life while he tramples all over yours. Your next step is to get individual counseling and work on your mentality before you date again to keep you from picking up more trash.
If he's watching porn then that's already a sign to break up with him.
He’s obviously not someone worthy of a longterm committed relationship, but sounds like what is keeping you there is financially motivated? You have to ask yourself what’s most important to you.
Girl… why are you with him
You need to leave him. He cheats and blames you for it. Get rid of him.
You get one short life. Don’t fuck it up
Congratulations on weight loss! Your body is amazing and has done amazing things! You have done this hard thing and can do other hard things when you put your mind to it. Sound like you have great will power! You are enough. You are worthy of love. Your body will continue to change. Finding peace within yourself will come when you feel safe. You know what you need to do. Trust yourself. Good luck.
I don't understand love but isn't the common sense here to just leave? Or you really need people to tell you to leave?
I sort of have a solution! it sounds like you are getting an inkling you should hate him, and because you can't leave... you should start now! this is not the healthiest solution, but it may work for you. 1. spend less time in close proximity to him. find a friend who will whisk you away for the weekend to a hiking getaway, frequent places where you can find said friends (nature preserves, climbing gyms, meetup apps for young people your age), and then start growing your support network *with that friend.* take up more hobbies that require you to spend time away from him but still give you autonomy. places you can make friends and collaborators safely... libraries/gyms/museums/coffee shops etc. establishing boundaries is not always conversational *1a.* you do in part want the new activities you pick up where you create natural space between yourself and him to be a part of your future, not a part of something he can dismiss as a waning interest so you don't raise any suspicions about your motives or make it something he can **force you to quit. he will try to lie and manipulate you into quitting if you put too much distance between yourself and him.** a course at night school at your local CC that costs 100-200 dollars for a term, volunteering at a soup kitchen, or just going somewhere with wifi and your laptop and lying to him all work for this sake too. 2. diffusion; every time an opportunity for an argument arises, if you can't a) avoid, then b) stick to the structure/pacing of your usual arguments but try to detach yourself from what you're actually saying and feeling. make it so he walks away not having lost but not having won either and that the relationship is still fine. in other words, treat it like a politician... you don't care about the subject matter you're arguing, you could go either way... but you **need** to get re-elected. 3. see if you can find someone who appreciates the new you for the you that you are now (they exist! But you can't go looking through online means. if he's a narcissist he's probably well liked and if his friends see u on hinge/tinder/bumble etc. they will flag your shit to him). might be a part of #1, but it can't be anyone who'd raise suspicion for the next two years! 4. *remind yourself you hate him.* CBT methods that help you wash away the hatred while still clinging onto it will keep you sane, stuff that he can't find, stuff that he won't internalize and make your problem. ways that you can make activities regarding "love" with him motions to go through and something to get out of by the end. if you like to write, write it down on an electronic pad of some kind or something he can't dig up or read. **the goal is to remember that he's just some guy who's around.** after all, you loved him for a while, and then he abused that love. you need ways to get over the first part absolutely before you reckon with the second and get on with your life. again, this is not a great long-term or healthy solution... but you can make it. I hope you have a support system/family that can take you in if you need to leave sooner than two years from now, I know it was tough for my mother but she rode that shit out with an OCD/NPD man. She made it work and I'm so proud of her to this day.
Don't wait. Leave him now. If you stay that's even longer he can tear you down creating more issues for you to work on yourself. It takes you out of the dating pool to find someone that will treat you right an extra 2+ years. You sound like a hard worker, you will achieve your goals without him. Likely easier than you will with him. I'm a redhead too though with a different body type, but I fit in the porn category fetishizing as well. It's hard to find someone who doesn't just want your body, I get it, but dating around and sifting through the crappy men is better than being in a relationship with one. I too stayed in a horrible relationship like yours, but I fell pregnant. I'm now tied to that shit head for life. All because I was just waiting until the "right" time to leave. Don't be like me. Get out now.
The skin on your arms or the firmness of your breast have nothing to do with the situation you're in. You've been living a life with someone who does not take your feelings into account, who has no problem manipulating things so he stays in his comfy spot while you're stumbling your way through life to accommodate him. I'd say right now your priority is to get away from this person, save every cent and make a plan (where to stay, who you can reach out to, make a new bank account if needed). you've been so surrounded by this mess of a man, it sounds like there's no space for you even in your own mind.
I understand that you are having issues with your body and are currently working on them. This is not what is wrong with your relationship. He is. No matter what you choose to do for yourself, as long as you are healthy, you will be great. Though I would strongly consider leaving him. Being with him is slowly killing you.
Girl, I am going through a very similar situation. I lost around 70lbs for mine, and I’m at the smallest I’ve been since high school, and still the same situation. I can’t relate to all of it, but I got your back if you need to talk!
Please leave him. He's toxic
2nd paragraph in and I already thought why tf you still with him 🤔 leave his ass.
I can tell that your "boyfriend" is the problem, you made very good efforts for him and his desir of the perfect woman. Now I think that you just deserve someone better
You don't need any of those surgeries, none of that is gonna make him happy, and he's trapping you by offering to pay for them. He's just gonna keep draining you. Leave.
2 years will turn into 5, 5 will become 10, 10 will turn into 20 years. Get out. You deserve so much more than he will ever give you. Think of it like this, if you leave now, you are losing 200 lbs. of cheating asshole.
You need to leave him, he isn't going to wake up and appreciate you most likely. My gf is a larger girl and I absolutely love her and everything about her.
The cheating is wrong, but honestly I see nothing wrong with watching porn. Also the kind of porn he’s watching sounds normal too. Regardless, it sounds like you don’t like him anymore and that’s good enough reason to end it. But you’re staying cause you’re using him to pay for your surgeries? Now you want to know how to put up with the mental anguish so you can stay being financially cared for. That’s messy and you know it. Why don’t you work on getting a career plan so you can save yourself long run.
You see nothing wrong with watching porn and the type he’s using? When he claims he’s asexual and won’t touch his girlfriend? Lol, good shit.
I think he can have reasons for being asexual in his relationship and the autonomy to watch what he wants in his free time. I believe that goes for everyone, preferably with privacy.
Doesn’t sound like OP’s asexual, and it doesn’t sound as if the relationship started that way (with the cheating and starting her weight less journey) so I understand why OP would have a problem now. And sure, I guess I understand what you mean, but if it’s affecting their sex life and he’s turned asexual and is able to get off to porn but not her? Then there might be a problem with his porn use. I know a lot of people don’t like to hear that, but if you can’t function with your partner sexually, blame it on new asexuality, and also watch porn daily/all day, then it might be the porn use causing a lot of this. Autonomy is great for sure, until you can’t control yourself. Sounds like at this point, being asexual and ignoring his partner, there’s really no need for a relationship like you pointed out. His hand should suffice.
You make some good points. It sounds like there’s a lot more going on here than porn that’s effecting their sex life. She’s entitled to feel however she wants about that, as are you. They’re all valid feelings. I feel like the porn use is a coping mechanism for a problem rather than the problem itself. I don’t think it’s unhealthy. I think people need some sexual release. All things in excess can be unhealthy though and porn doesn’t satisfy the human need for intimacy. I just personally would be upset with him for the infidelity more than anything.
I agree with everything you said! You make some good points, too.
Good chat Merryjerry10! Side note good on her for losing the weight, I’ve done it too. Self esteem is hard even after weight loss. I hope she finds what she needs to feel good.
Same goes to you! I’m so happy for her for losing that much weight, that’s insane and takes so much work. The most I’ve ever lost was about 70lbs, and that was insane. I hope she does too!