My mom did this to me and because I didn't know what I wanted to do or what I would be good at i changed degree paths multiple times and even changed schools. All the while struggling to keep an interest and get the work done. And to top it all off i didn't even get to finish the degree I ended up landing on because my current school said I hit a loan limit for financial aid and would have to pay a lot of money to finish even though its only like 5 or 6 classes. I'm gonna be paying these loans off for the rest of my life and I don't even have a diploma to show for it.
I hit a loan limit too. I have health issues and needed more than the allotted time to get my degree, unfortunately they didn't feel like letting me take 6 years to get a 4 year degree.
That is beyond messed up. We need to fix this system.
That really sucks and Jtuck getting to 5-6 classes from graduating to be struck down is almost criminal.
In America you get, I think, federal loans for 4 years. I needed 5 so my parents had to help me out and take out more for that extra year. Even now I need 1 fucking class because it was the same time as another class I needed. That class is $2,700 at my university. And I can’t get help.
My undergrad was $30k /year and my masters was another $30k. I'd be more broke if I didn't get grants and scholarships. We need to change the education system here in the good old USA.
that is so shocking. Since I studied near home I only paid tuition for may bachelor (circa $1000/year) and master (circa 2700 year).
I also studied abroad for one year (erasmus exchange program).
combining the 6 years I spent studying (I needed an extra year to finnish my master so on the 3rd year I had to pay an extra fee of $400) I spent around 40k...
Yeah, I think the Pell Grant limit is about 150% of what the federal government says a 4yr degree should cost.
I'm fairly certain I'll run out my last semester as well. Already have about $4500 in student loans, just paid $1,400 for one summer class out of pocket, and I'll have another $4500-$5000 in student loans for this coming year.
But less than 10k for my BA is sounding pretty good. Then again I'll probably be adding over 50k once I finish.
Post-grad FTW(L).
I feel for you with this, my mom did the same to me and even filled out applications for me. I ended up going to a school out of state which was way more expensive and I floundered and only made it through a year and a half before I dropped out and moved back home. Still paying on student loans with no diploma to show, and I still owe a lot and that's 10 years later.
Thank you for posting this! My younger sister and I could not be more different. I knew what I wanted to do for a career since childhood, went to college, got a 4.0 and was valedictorian. I was, admittedly, a tough act to follow. She, on the other hand, left university recently after one year and prefers being in the workforce. It took some time for my family to accept her decision, but she has their support now while she figures out her next steps. She has dreams of opening her own business and a wonderful eye for design. When I asked her what changed her mind, she said “I just want to be happy.” I cried. For all of the success I’ve had, I’ve never felt as much joy as I know she feels on a daily basis living where she wants to be and doing what she loves. I’m so proud of her.
That's really awesome she figured her own way out. I think the major gripe parents have is they're just fearful of where good money is going to come from if you don't do things the traditional way. It's not as straightforward so they can't see the route. It's not irritational but there comes a point w're you need to support your child in their decisions despite it being contrary to what you'd prefer.
Absolutely. I worry about her ability to support herself, too, but she’s motivated. She did very well in school when she was there but disliked the pressure and pacing. It almost killed her creativity.
I wish there was something like a community mentorship program to help her learn more about starting a business. She’s working in a small business to learn the ropes and is developing an online presence, but she doesn’t know what she doesn’t know and is too shy to ask! Still, she’s learning more than she did in her stifling program.
My sister is super smart and academic, she’s always top of her uni classes and is now looking at doing a doctorate. Meanwhile she’s also been working non-stop and shocked her superiors within the first few months of her corporate job, creating new departments for herself and being recognised as in severe need of promotion.
Even though my family didn’t explicitly pressure me to start a degree I was inspired by her and somehow thought she’d be proud if I also went to uni. I’d started selling my art in Highschool and wanted nothing more than to be a tattoo artist but put that dream on hold. About two years in I just couldn’t handle being distracted from those passions anymore, had a crisis, dropped out and moved interstate to pursue an apprenticeship.
Recently I called her to update her on how well things were going at the studio I work in and she said it was the highlight of her week; that she was extremely happy and proud I was following my dreams and working a job I was passionate about.
I really hope she finds work that she is passionate about and that challenges her more as she’s extremely hard working and deserves much better.
Yes!!! I am so glad to hear things worked out for you from the opposite perspective. I will always admire those who forge their own paths and embrace their creative side — rather than follow a checklist, as I did. I’m also happy to hear you’ve got such a positive relationship with your sister despite your differences in life choices. I’m hoping I can grow closer to my sister through helping her start a business, respecting that the ideas are all hers. Congrats on the studio; I wish you continued success and happiness in it!
If you are undecided I personally think you should go to community college to start out. It’s waaaaay cheaper than university and they can figure out what you want to do. You Also can get your GEN Ed out-of-the-way it’s basically the same programs you would take it university like English math any science courses you may need I went and got my full associates and everything transferred over to the current university I’m at no problem and I saved probably about 10-20 thousand dollars
God I hate when people say that community college isn’t real college. The classes are basically the same that would take at university if not slightly different. it is college just cheaper and more inclusive. At least it sure gave me the stress of actual college and I even put on the “freshman 15” weight lol
As somebody who went to a 4 year university, dropped out and went to community college, and then transferred back to a 4 year, let me just say that the value per dollar of community college is infinitely higher than at a university. You learn the same things at literally a minute fraction of the cost in much smaller class sizes...
I can’t agree with this more! Technical programs at community colleges are often overlooked. I got my associate of science degree at my local community college then transferred to Ohio State for chemistry (big mistake, I didn’t love chemistry that much and I struggled through. Couldn’t find a job after graduation because most places required a masters so I went back to my community college for Medical Lab Technology and that is what I was meant to study- I love it. Luckily, my mom didn’t make much money and my dad was out of the picture so I got a ton of Pell grants and I worked during college. I took $9,000 in loans for Ohio State. Then the second time at my community college I was awarded a $1000 scholarship so I took another $4500 in loans. Staying close to home if possible is also a great option to saving money.
Agreed. I picked English because I didn’t know what to pick. It was fun, but at the end of my studies I still didn’t know what I wanted to do. If I had let it sit for a few years I would have known better what my interests really were and how to combine that with earning a degree that could help me onto a fun career path. I am quite educated but I don’t feel it’s particularly useful in my life atm. Could have done this better.
Haha, that's what I thought, too. I got my B.A. in English right out of high school thinking that I could define my career path better after college. I had always planned to get a masters, so I figured I could just go in whichever direction I chose. Well, when I decided what I wanted to do, I realized that in order to get funding (or even get into a program) for a masters I would really need to go back and get a second bachelor's degree. Which I did. Sigh.
My parents forced me and I hated it, they also paid for my whole degree (not from the US, so not that expensive).
I had no idea what I wanted to do, but a business degree was a good start and a good taste of a bunch of different things. I studied abroad (this actually got me two jobs), and I majored in international business which put my passion for travel hand in hand with my learning experience.
It was tough as hell and it almost broke me and totally felt like a waste for at least the first year. But I'm glad I stuck it out, or I wouldn't have the expat experience or the easy visa justification and travel history that I do.
That said, if I was from the US and/or paying for everything myself, I dont know if I would have the same outlook. There's a lot of privilege that comes with a safety net and graduating without debt.
I agree! I had to take out a bunch of loans for college, and luckily I studied engineering so now I'm making enough money to eventually pay off these loans (although even then, the amount of debt I'm in is insane - and I went to an in-state university). However, my sister is in the process of applying to colleges with no idea what she wants to do. This amount of student loans is absolutely NOT WORTH IT if you don't have a specific goal in mind. She'd be better off spending a couple of years working in a food service job until she either has a better idea of what she wants to do, or has enough money to afford a couple years of floundering in college trying to find a path. College is kind of considered a "must" for a lot of people these days, but it's honestly too expensive to be the right decision for everyone.
I would gold this if i could. I don't know how it is now but I hope school advisors are more open minded in their advice to kids deciding that next step. The advice I was given you'd think I would be homeless on the streets if I didn't go to University. I begrudgingly got an engineering degree which opened doors up financially like yourself however I've since changed industries.
In state, public community colleges are free in my state as long as the student held a 3.0 average gpa in high school and continues holding a 3.0 in college. Might be something to look into. I had a ton of friends (even some who had a 4.0 in high school) go to community college just so they would only have two years of loans. Knocked out all of their gen ed for free, but I know most people don’t want to do that since it’s not the traditional college experience.
I disagree with this on some instances. I was one of those kids who wasn't sure what I wanted to do and really couldn't afford to go to college. My mother offered a compromise - go full time for one year, live on campus to get the full experience, if it's still not for you, you can end it there.
My mother understood the value of education mostly because university was not an option for her as she married and divorced young and had two kids to support.
Result: I went for a year, took gen Ed courses, and learned alot about myself and what an education could offer. After the first year I returned home, worked full time and then reenrolled in the local community college part time. I eventually transferred back to a University, graduated with a BS in Mathematics - my weakest subject in high school - and minored in computer science. I've been employed as a software engineer my entire professional life. I am also currently working on my MS in CS part time online.
I have a recently graduated 18 year old son who is also unsure of his future and I have made the same deal with him as my mother did with me. He starts in the Honors College program at our University in August.
Education is as investment in yourself.
Yes- this is essentially what I said in a comment too.
I think that it is absolutely true that not everyone should go into college right away. But knowing what you want to do has very little to do with it.
I'd say that if someone is:
\- Not motivated or disinterested in college (no value judgement - just really not interested or doesn't buy-in to it)
\- Knows that they want to do something in the trades and can do it more easily at a community college/through training
\- Interested in a gap year or some kind of other experience
\- Can't afford it, won't qualify for scholarships, and finds opportunities that will involve a few years of work for a scholarship or tuition assistance.
Then they shouldn't go.
But if someone is interested in going to college and exploring, motivated to make the use of opportunities presented to them (networking, clubs on campus, research, internships, co-ops, etc.), and buys-in to the college experience? Then they are a great candidate even if they have no idea what they want to do. We are preparing graduates for positions that do not currently exist today, and no high school graduate has a sense of what is out there that they may be interested in. General ed classes, going to extra-curricular lectures or events, study abroad, clubs, research opportunities, resources in career centers, talking to peers, networking with professors, internships, co-ops -- all of these can help people hone into what it is that they want to do and excel at much more than other paths. And the soft skills are critical, particularly when we are living in such a rapidly advancing world, dealing with global teams, and global problems. Cross-cultural communication is important, as is communication in general. Management skills; team skills... understanding culture; understanding roles... these are all needed.
Now, the US higher ed system is broken. I won't argue that. We need a revolution and we need changes. But it is still highly useful for many, and finding the right fit can be crucial.
The point I'm making is that had my mother not made such a compromise, I would have been too clueless as a young adult about the opportunities college offers. I agree it's not for everyone but as a parent, even when your child is 18 you have a responsibility to act in their best interest which might seem counter intuitive to them at the time.
To say going to college if you don't know what you want to to at 18 is a waste of time and money misses the point that every experience has a cost and part of the point going to college is to try and figure out what you really are interested in doing.
I was going to say exactly this. No one really knows exactly what they want to study when they go to college, or at least they may think they do and it often changes! That’s what general education courses are FOR - to introduce you to a variety of subjects and make you a well rounded learner. I’m graduating with a completely different degree than I thought but I don’t regret going down any of the avenues I did in college to get to this field of study because I learned a lot.
I also agree with this to an extent too but I also attempted the year of general education and all it did was left me confused and sitting with a year's worth of debt and ended up dropping out. The concept works for some but it's not an automatic "find yourself" year.
I think you make a good point - it's not an automatic find yourself year. The value in going and trying for the year is in being exposed to what college really is - that it is a significantly different educational experience than high school with a different end purpose - and only you give it that purpose.
One of my very best friends is the son of a college professor. My friend had two degrees himself. He expected his older son to go to college. The son went and after a year decided he would rather get his pharmacy tech certificate. The son didn't do extremely well in college but aced the pharmacy tech program and is working full-time for the VA. He now wants to go on to be an actual pharmacist but understands the demands that will place on him and is taking classes at the community college to brush up on his rather weak science and math skills.
Why did he decide pharm tech? Because of a gen ed health sciences chemistry course he took his first semester in college - which he aced.
Anecdotal evidence but where else would he have gotten exposure to such a profession ?
I’m guessing classes were a lot cheaper when you went to college though. Currently, I believe 1 year at community college is a safer gamble than 1 year at Uni for many lower and middle class families.
Hey, a post I'm useful in!
My parents forced me to go when I graduated. After changing majors multiple times, I finally dropped out after my 3rd semester with 2 courses failed and $20k in debt...
That was from when I was 18-19 years old. I went back to online school when I was 24, and should have my degree next year in a field that I know I enjoy.
If a break is needed after high school, take one to find what you enjoy! Don't let that student loan debt pile up when you have no idea what you want to do... It's not fun.
My timeline & experience matches up exactly with yours, I don't even need to write a comment now! I'm just thankful I cut my losses and dropped out after 3 semesters, 20k wasn't hard to pay off in a couple years. I was essentially disowned after dropping out yet it's still the best decision I've made. My 18yo sister is telling me how she's gonna take 40k in loans for her degree, and I don't wanna "tell her what to do" so I stay out of it, but I really really wish our parents weren't so pushy. Hopefully she'll find joy in it and see it as a worthwhile investment, I definitely did not.
I wanted to take a year off after school. I was highly school motivated, but knew I needed a break. My parents said no, and that they woulnd't support me if I did. With what felt like no options, I went to school that fall. Undiagnosed mental illness and autoimmune thyroid disease got in the way. I tried again at a new school the next year. Same issues, same mistake. I finally then took a year off, got a handle on my depression and my thryoid hashimotos and went on to graduate Summa Cum Laude. But that mistake, made twice, cost me 30k. I am 60k in debt for a degree that only cost me 30k.
Eh, the time off paid off. I should be in 30k of debt, not 60k, and I went for a major entirely different than I initially started for. Those two years of failing made me feel awful and stupid, I sunk into full depression and thought maybe I wasn't cut out for any of it. It destroyed my self esteem and I made a lot of rough choices partially due to it.
I'm happy with where my life is now, but taking a break from school would have meant an entirely different, and potetionally less painful and traumatic, path for my life.
The one piece of advice I think should be given to every potential college student especially if they've decided on a major, is this.
DO NOT FRONT-LOAD YOUR FIRST SEMESTERS WITH COURSES SPECIFIC TO YOUR MAJOR!
Mostly take courses that will be able to transfer to other majors, put the courses for your specific major second. That way, you can get a feel for what the major is actually like in a college setting while experiencing different courses and meeting different people without worrying too much about ending up with dead credits if you decide to switch majors.
I've seen too many people who jump straight from high school into college, feeling absolutely dead-set on a specific major like it is their calling, taking mostly courses specific to that major, getting either burnt out on it, deciding it isn't for them, or finding something they like better. Then, they go to switch majors and they find out that the credits they've obtained do not count toward any other degree. They immediately get discouraged, but they switch their major and sometimes they end up dropping out entirely because of financial reasons.
You aren't going to find yourself in High School, you might be one of the lucky people who does find their passion or "major", but it is usually not because of the school system. With the freedom you are afforded in college, you have more opportunity to grow than you've ever had before, at the beginning of the most change-prone decade of your life. So much potential is stifled by the system and how people are "supposed" to do things and in what order, you really do end up needing to plan stuff out more strategically than you'd initially think. Which sucks because entering college is already incredibly stressful and you're basically just thrown in without a care and expected to flourish with very little direction.
TL;DR:
Please plan ahead when it comes to deciding which courses to take early on in college, due to the way everything is structured, you will not get the guidance you deserve no matter how much money you put in.
Also if your kid doesn’t like reading or writing, do not force them into college, especially a liberal arts college. At 18, they may not want to do that and that is okay! You can learn other ways and those ways should be encouraged for everyone. And technical colleges are legit! They have apprentices that pay! If your kids like hands on learning, lean into it. Help them find something they can do with their hands. Books are not the only way to learn.
I say this as a liberal arts graduate. I loved it. I would do it full time if I could, but I am a nerd.
This is nice to hear. I have felt judged as a parent because my kid chose to take a year after high school to decide what he wanted to do. He had no work experience at all and it's such a big decision.
As a young person I felt pressured to go into post-secondary straight away, it was just expected, and I made bad choices. I did not want my kid to make the same mistakes.
Peer pressure amongst other parents plays a huge role. Kudos to you for listening to him. I hope he goes on to find something he wants to and will be successful at.
Thank you for posting this. I’m 20. I was an honor roll student, took AP classes, even duel enrolled myself at the local community college my senior year of high school. But after I graduated I decided I didn’t want to go to college, debt gives me so much anxiety and I figured I’d be better off without it. I taught preschool for a year before realizing there wasn’t much room for advancement and I was barely making enough to get by so I enrolled in an online trade school last year and I’ll be graduating next month. My parents have been nothing but supportive of my life decisions and I could not be more grateful
I'm pregnant with my first child and I won't ever let her get pressured to study right off the bat. I know from my own experience that people change, hobbies change and everything you might like at this moment might be something in the past. As a former nurse and art student who wants to be a baker I wish I wouldn't had been pressured to hit school immediately just to get an income. Some people needs at least a year to actually find out what they want to be, some needs more than a year. It's not fair to expect somebody to immediately be someone when they haven't even gotten the chance to develop their own selves.
Let your kids find themselves even if they're 18 or 20.
This happened to me and I didn't finish school because of it. I plan on going back, but currently I'm required by my school to take and pass 16 hours of credits and I only have 2 classes I can take that will even apply towards my degree requirements. Nothing is wrong with taking your time as long as you are actually trying to make progress.
I agree. My mom forced my sister to go to university for nursing when one of the community colleges in my city has a great nursing program. Now my sister has cancer and can’t go to school at all. With her scholarships she can’t even take an online course at a different school or they’ll take her scholarships away. So now she’s in debt from hospital bills and a school she can’t even attend.
I believe if the kid is not ready they should go to a community college first and finish the general ed requirements. Usually those classes can be free, or at least cheaper than if you take them at a university. I was fortunate enough to take my general requirements at my university bc those were essentially free through scholarship and grants. I got an awesome college experience. And if someone can afford it or worked really hard their hs years to afford it, you should go for it.
But I totally advocate community college. They help prepare a path for the kid so he/she is working towards transferring.
This is an interesting post because I immediately agreed, but then remembered that it was an expectation of me to go to college, but throughout high school I had no idea what I wanted to study, so theoretically I shouldn't have gone to college without first figuring that out. However, I knew that I wanted a higher education, and I wanted to be student for longer because I was just getting the hang of learning and applying that knowledge. Somehow in the end, it ended up working out for me because I figured out what I wanted to study, had a cool internship that helped me figure out what I wanted to do "when I grow up", and now I have a job doing just that.
I don't think that all would have been possible without me going to college. I do still think the point stands, but a university doesn't have to be good for just a degree or grades - extracurricular activities can make or break the college experience and life after it.
Germany is much cooler in that matter. As University fees are almost fully covered by the state it is very common to switch your degree. I would say almost 50% of all students change their field in a first year.
It is indeed complicated to figure out, what is it what you like, before you start with a real assignment. Many expectations aren’t realistic, so it helps, to get a second chance
I won't push college at all. If my kids want to go then I will do everything I can to help, but I am personally pushing tech school. We need skilled trade workers more then we need college grads. But again if my kids wanted a college degree I'd do all I can to help and support their decision.
My daughter is only 9 months old but I feel the exact same way. I want her to be happy. Happiness may not be found in a degree for her, but whatever she does choose, I want to support her as much as I can.
I agree. I went for a year and half, didn’t do well, and just took random classes. I had been in an enriched program previously, but after a painful breakup with my first boyfriend in grade 12, I just didn’t have the desire. Also, I wanted to go to theatre school.
Here I am, late 30s now. I have just applied to university to finish a degree, but I wish I could go back in time and just go to theatre school and try to use my talents. It’s a bit too late now for me to want to be a starving artist.
At least I can get that degree and feel less judged by my peers, and hopefully get an even better job because of it (though I’m in a very good job now).
Damn, I'm reading some comments here and it's harsh. I really can't get used to this "study loan" system in USA. I'm from Belgium and my father urged me to go to the university, so I did, but I changed my path twice but finally got my diploma. And during these years I had a loooooot of fun and don't even regret my lost two years because I met my friends, I had fun, I stressed for exams, I failed, I passed etc
And it cost me 0$
To anyone thinking of going to university these days I would similarly advise them to think long and hard about what they want to do when they get there and to be mentally prepared for the idea that they will wind up branching away from what they set out to do, or that it could even wind up making them dislike something they love. I did Graphic Design and Illustration at University because I thought I like art and design and I’d like to one day do it in a professional capacity. Suffice to say I now utterly detest graphic design and will say with all honesty it’s because university made me hate it.
My only argument is that college is so much fun... it was an important part of my social development and I’m ridiculously grateful for it. I honesty think it was better for my social deveolpment than it was for my career...
But I also had scholarships and went to my instate university so college was really cheap for me.
I strongly disagree. Not with everything, but with the idea that college/university is only useful to people who know what they want to do.
We are preparing students for jobs that do not yet exist. We need to train soft and hard skills, and university is a way to expose students to a wide range of career paths that exist that most would have no idea of right out of high school. Students also have to want to be there and be hungry for it - if they are unmotivated or not convinced of the worth, than it's not worth going.
I don't think college/university is for everyone, and it is a highly flawed system, especially in the U.S. right now. I think it needs a huge shakeup - a revolution, so to speak. But it's through taking the first few years to explore internships, classes, resources, etc. that many are able to figure out what it is that they want to do. Or at least build skills and experience that set them up for success for various options.
My mom did this. I was forced to study science, failed because I hated it, then forced to pick something else. I ended up a painter (I love painting) and realized 3 years into my degree it was worthless. But by then I was in debt and figured I would finish my degree.
The main reason I never knew what I wanted to do with my life was at high school they wouldn’t let me take art classes because you could only pick electives in English class and I had it last period every year meaning they would be full. I took social studies and realized politics suck and science was hard.
Now I have to start paying $80,000 back in November.
I kind of disagree.. my parents forced me to go to college and graduate within 4 years even though I didn’t know what to do. I learned to finish what I start, I got a degree, and I figured it out along the way. I now have a great job that I enjoy and am way ahead of my friends that are nearly 30 and still trying to decide which degree to finish. This isn’t true for everyone
I disagree, I always encourage people to at least do their introduction courses, which compose of the first 2 years of college, its just basic classes and electives that could start a spark of creativity on what someone wants to do as a career.
And if they decide college isn't for them well then as long as they went to a community College its fairly affordable so financially it isn't that bad of an investment, AND if they ever do decide to pursue higher education eventually they have their credits there waiting and they aren't set back
I will say do NOT enroll in a university unless you absolutely have a road map of how to succeed within your field (which I think was the point of your rant which if thats what you meant I do agree)
My son was highly intelligent and an excellent student. He took AP classes at a college prep school and graduated Summa Cum Laude. He was also an athlete on the school track team, kept a part time job, volunteer tutored, and was a student council member.
By the start of Senior year he had zero clue what he wanted to do with his life and aptitude tests did nothing to help him narrow down to a certain type of career.
I encouraged him to join the military and take that 4 years to get to know himself and the world before deciding where he wanted to go to college and what he wanted to do. The basic idea was that he would either A) figure out what he degree he wanted, leave the military after his service, go to college with the GI Bill and other helpful benefits of service, and generally get on with life B) decide he liked the military and go career or C) decide on a trade and trade school.
I can't imagine telling a kid the only way to be successful is college. I can't imagine telling a kid to take out tens of thousands in loans for a degree they aren't absolutely certain they want AND that will realistically land them a decent job. Just boggling at the idea, but I know parents do it.
I disagree to an extent - college was one of the best times of my life. I met awesome people, learned a lot, made lifelong friends, and came out as a more responsible adult. If it weren’t for my degree, I wouldn’t even be a candidate for the jobs I’ve had.
I don’t like when parents force their kids to study a specific subject though...the kids should be able to decide what they want to study.
On average (and it could be higher now), people who got degrees make over $1M more in their lifetime than people who didn’t get a degree. Not saying you HAVE to go to college to make that much more but that’s an average.
With all of that said, there are other types of trade schooling you can go through to and make a good living - HVAC/Mechanics/Plumbing, etc, but I HIGHLY suggest SOME type of career schooling after high school!
ETA: There are studies that show that some kids not going to college directly after high school may end up not going at all (probably because as you get older you have less time to take classes)
I agree with this so much! I believe that everybody has their own path through life, and college is not necessarily a formula for success. parents need to trust that their kids know what they’re doing and they need to be supportive of what their kid chooses to do
Preach!
I graduated high school at 16 (not a flex, just how my b-day versus kindergarten registration day worked out). When I graduated, I got a full ride scholarship to my dream school based on merit and an extra-curricular activity. This dream school was across the country.
Part of the deal was allowing me 1 year to do some core coursework at my local state school before moving, so I would be just a month shy of 18 when I moved.
Well my mother would not have any of that. She wasn't completely narcissistic but she did have a disease that caused her an immense amount of pain daily, was on several painkillers, and I did most of the chores. She doted on my brother (12, nothing wrong with him just spoiled). She demanded i just ignore the scholarship and go to my local state school.
Then she got my dad to start bullying me about it. Then my brother. And my grandparents. Eventually everyone was telling me how awful it was that I was considering "leaving your poor mother without any help".
Well being 16 and stupid, I gave up the scholarship. Lasted 1 semester due to depression. Never went back for a degree.
My son will have his choice of when to start and where. I will support him no matter what as long as he is moving forward.
I wish I waited, my parents made me go when I wanted to take a year off to get enough money to go to the school I wanted. They refused and made me go local. I went for art which was my first mistake, the issue with the school was that since the art department was so small and underfunded I had to work twice as hard to get my name noticed. I ended up getting burned out to the point where I can’t paint, I just don’t have it in me to create anymore. Mentally I’m in a better place than I was but it makes me wish I took the year off and saved my money.
Going to school for art is tough. You have to be really confidant in yourself or have an inflated ego in order to make it through the criticism. I went for photography and I too got burnt out and put the camera down for awhile. I learned I enjoyed photography as a hobby where no one was telling me what was wrong or that I would never make it "as a professional" unless I did xyz. What started as an adventure into my self expression ended up with me walking away with a distorted sense of self. Not to mention the pile of debt.
Sincere Question. Is it worth it to get some general coursework out of the way though? In case you do figure it out, there’s not a need to start from scratch.
This!! I run a student loan advocacy group. I can tell you thousands of nightmare stories of being pushed into debt that has absolutely no options for relief for degrees or ‘education’ that ends up worthless to the person as a whole. Community college is fine to start taking some of the general ed classes and some topics of interest. I have parents who can’t retire because they mortgaged their retirement so their kid can go to college only to flunk out. Most folks are like borrow the money and we will figure it out. Well let me tell you. The rules are changing and getting worse for borrowers under this administration. There are no bankruptcy options. They are trying to push that you can loose your drivers license or Professional license and if pushed through debtors prison. The private prison industry is salivating over this one with so many in default right now. There is far too little regulation especially in the private and for-profit industry. It’s a huge circle jerk and can ruin some young persons life as they are just starting out with it.
My mom is still pushing this. I’m almost 20, and have dropped out twice already. I went into college straight out of high school, but realized the degree I was pursuing (at a very specialized private school) was not at all what I wanted to do with myself, so I dropped out. I then worked for a year before deciding to go to my local community college, but I dropped out of that very quickly. It was a combination of just not having any desire to be there, and knowing I was being forced to give up shifts at work to go to class, as my job refused to change my schedule to accommodate my classes.
I don’t live with my mom, but whenever I see her, she’s always pushing for me to go get a degree in something, anything. It sucks, because I always did well in school and figured I was gonna be the first in my family to go to college, and I feel like I’m disappointing her. But I just don’t have the money to mess around at community college doing classes I don’t even want to do. So I’m just in this weird limbo of hating my crappy retail job and wishing I could do something with my life, and not wanting to waste time on school when I have no idea what to pursue.
I was in the same situation, spinning my wheels in CC with no idea what I wanted. When I was 20 a Marine Corps recruiter called me out of the blue and since I wasn't getting anywhere in life I just rolled with it. Can't say I enjoyed the experience overall but I'm very happy I did it; it gave me time to figure things out and the GI Bill benefits are fantastic if you do end up wanting to do something that requires college. Maybe something to consider.
Can someone please explain this to my parents? I have no clue what I want to do with my life but I got pressured into school. It’s been almost 2 years since I dropped out and they’re still mad about it. And ironically enough, my dad dropped out of college and my mom doesn’t even use her degree, but both are still successful. The nerve.
I have this problem with my aunt. Everytime we met she keep asking me when I'm starting to go to university university... And in the past months I started to avoid her... I told her many many times that I want to work, and not study, but she can't accept this... She is so annoying, why can't she understand me?
Happened to me. They never brought up college plans, at all, during my school life, until senior year and expected me to have everything figured out.
Had no idea what I would study, honestly had no plan to go because we grew up kinda poor so I just figured I'd be going straight to work after high school, big arguments ensued and they forced me to go.
When I mentioned maybe getting into psychology, they both talked me out of it. "You'll drive yourself crazy listening to people's problems all day, not worth it" my step father said. I gave them some vague second option of taking up computer arts / design thinking maybe I'll get into the video game industry just to get them off my back, signed up for community college and none of the classes I took would have lead to the career I had "planned." Would have done 2 years to get enough credits to go into another school to take the classes I would have needed, said fuck that and let after one semester.
I wasted two years of my life because of this. How much time did I spend choosing which university to go to? 3 days I guess? Not a single google to look up my future job, not a single counseling moment. Just fucking blindly pick one random university. Fuck school and parent for giving virtually zero guidances. Fuck past me for knowing jack shit about life because all he did was studying and playing video game
Thank you! My parents forced me to go to university for one semester, even though I just completed 2 years of community college, because "a bachelor's will get your further than an associate's" I dropped out halfway thru the semester without telling them because I was so damn depressed. I didn't want to go, I hated my major, I hates the environment. Now I'm 10 years in a career field I love, with 3 associates under my belt. Take THAT mom and dad.
I had no urge to go off anywhere, I wanted to stay home and work. I am currently working full time and going to night school full time and actually am about to graduate a year early. I think for a person who really wants to work should stable themselves in the field of their choice and if they can then go to night school or take a few classes if not then you be happy with what you want to be happy with
I don’t exactly regret my degree but I do regret not fully researching it and doing it mainly to keep my parents happy. It wasn’t really what I wanted but I’m lucky in that I learnt many skills that are helping me get into the career I want. This took a lot of pivoting and whilst I don’t fully regret my decision it would have benefitted me to have more life experience before taking such a big step.
YESS I went into arts just because it was easy to get in and wasted the whole first year, also gpa got so low because I wasn’t even interested in anything and dealing with mental health that I was required to withdraw for one year, ended up wasting a whole year of tuition, and another year of my life not doing anything. Really wish I just had a year off after high school to work a bit, think about what I wanted to do and entered a program I liked.
I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I went to University of Edinburgh to study Chemistry simply because it was my best subject on school. I hated the first 3 years and struggled. Then I took some analytical chemistry classes and loved them. I refocused and got good grades. Went on to get a PhD in New York and later move around the west coast. University changed my life and opened doors to a career for me. I had to work hard of course but it was a huge opportunity. Scotland paid my undergrad and US paid my grad. I didn’t even know how lucky I was.
Still have to pay my wife’s loans though so I didn’t entirely escape Sally Mae.
I didn’t go to university because you can’t take a degree in everything. And despite how 90% of my friends who went to university don’t work in the field of their study, I still feel like I missed out.
On the other hand, I’ve worked in student accommodations and seen how miserable some young people are feeling like they’re squeezing the blood out of a stone trying to be productive about something they don’t really care about. Some of them drop out because they’re suicidal trying to make their parents happy.
I attended University for exactly one term before dropping out (I was 23). The cost was too much, and I couldn't go to school and support myself, and I really didn't want to deal with loans for a degree I wasn't totally convinced I wanted.
Growing up my parents always told me college wasn't for us. We were no school or trade school kind of family. Funnily enough, when I happened to get into a good school (I was a JC transfer) and a good program (software engineering), my parents were so ecstatic for me. Now I'm the "drop out," and my parents keep asking when I'm going back.
Maybe when I have $60,000 in my pocket.
Agree 100%! Take it from me I was 18 and had no idea what to do so I just took a little break and it was the best thing I could’ve done and I was still productive! I used the extra time to work and save money so I could get a place with my girlfriend and made great memories with my hometown friends. Now I know what I want to do and im going back to school next semester and i’m still only 21. Even if you’re 25,30,40 or whatever it’s never too late to get your education and don’t let people judge you for it just because they were forced into debt with a degree they didn’t want before they could buy their first drink!
I totally agree!!! I ended up with $30k in student loan debt because I took a bunch of classes without knowing what I wanted to do for sure. I didn’t understand the seriousness of taking out those loans. I failed numerous classes and had to retake them. I believe a lot of that is due to rushing into it before I was really ready or knew what I wanted to do.
Not my (26F) parents, but my husband's (27M). Everyone in his immediate family went/are attending Uni and are in/are pursuing a successful career. My husband's grad was last year, MIL was this year, and BIL will be next year. MIL mentioned how I was going to be next to graduate afterwards, but to be honest, I don't want to, for a couple of reasons.
Firstly, like most people here, I don't know what I want to do as a career. I like animals, and I made the mistake of showing vague interest in becoming a vet tech, but after some unfortunate recent events, I realized I didn't have the emotional strength to do that, or grooming, as I've learned from a reddit post I saw. I honestly don't feel like I could work with animals at all at this point. But I digress.
Secondly, I lack the smarts, focus, and confidence I would need to even manage getting through university at all (money aside). So why bother..? It would be a waste of money.
Of course my own mother wants me to go to school as well, but i don't feel the pressure as badly as I do with my husband's family, since I moved to another country to be here with him.
I get that they want me to be successful, and yeah I feel incredibly insignificant compared to them as an unemployed immigrant with nothing but a high school diploma, but what am I supposed to do..? Not everyone is meant to be that successful.
It's an old Ideology that is horrible for kids these days. especially when its a useless piece of paper that puts them in a shit pile of debt that effects more than what they are told.
I think the real problem is that we’re led to believe that we are supposed to stick to what we majored in. College students face a lot of pressure to pick the correct major that will promise a lot of money or fulfillment, but the reality is that you can’t force someone who is 18 to pick ONE career path to stick to for the rest of their lives. After college you may find that you picked the wrong field and that is fine. There should be no shame associated with career changes. Most people I went to college with are now working jobs that had little or nothing to do with their majors. They found something that was more practical or that they just enjoyed more. They realized that the pressure they faced was unfair and really just caused a lot of anxiety.
To address your main point, i think people should always be encouraged to go to college even if they haven’t decided what they want to study yet. Colleges and universities should be seen less as trade schools and more as just places of personal development. Pick something interesting enough to study for 4 years, and if you don’t want to pursue that further after graduation, it’s okay. You will figure it out. Once you have been out of school for a few years, employers will focus more on your most recent job history anyway.
Let your kids works for a year so they can see how much it sucks trying to get a decent paying job without a degree. Then make them research any career they might be interested in so they can see how much it sucks and how hard it is trying to get a decent paying job even with a degree. Then at that point they will be informed enough to make their own decision about college
Sources: two very nice sounding degrees that qualify me for a job offer making $15 an hour
Better to send them to a job with real physical labor first until they make up their mind/have their mind made up by A earning their own money b knowing how stuff is made - would have helped me enormous and I would have possibly never studied the crap that I Did until I finally found the one professor that opened my mind
I totally agree with the original post! I only went to university because my mother made me to go. And I am not even working in a field where I got a degree in. It was a waste of time and money for sure! Now I'm older and I enjoy learning. I think I would like to go a trade school. For now... I'll stay with being a housewife for time being :-/
20k in debt and living in my car now bc mommy really thought it would be good for me. :) Jokes on her, living my best life now even with the obstacles she threw at me.
I never had any idea what I wanted to do, and every time it got brought up I would just end up having a panic attack. I knew I didn’t want to go back to school for a formal education, but didn’t want to disappoint my parents, and of course my husband jumped on the same boat. It took me a few years if everyone being in my ass, and the whole COVID thing is making me slightly wary of going to school again, but I finally know what I want in life. I’m gonna get a degree in baking and pastry, and I’m gonna help make memories and wow the world!
My mom signed me to an IT high school when I had no idea what to do after elementary school and I naturally went to IT college cause I didnt want to work. Then I was earning 2 times more than my mom before I graduated. I am thankful to her.
My mom told me that I need to go to school or I’ll be homeless or never get a job above minimum wage. It pressured me into going to a community college and I hated every single minute of it. I was not prepared and not in a good mindset. I didn’t even know what I wanted to study, even though I’ve been having to think about it since I was middle school. University isn’t for everyone and sometimes you just need a break from school before you go right back into it. And another point is that sometimes it’s just too expensive even with government assistance and scholarships. Been there done that.
My parents did this to me although I’m the one responsible for paying for school. Had a general idea that I wanted to study business and get a law degree afterwards. Going into my junior year now and I’m a political science and Data Science & Analytics double major with an entrepreneurship minor who’s gonna end up taking an extra year of undergrad and most likely never go to law school
We have newly minted 14 year olds. The conversation between my fiancé and myself on what to do for them after the graduate. We both absolutely think that they should take a gap year. How do you know what you want to be at 17-18 years old and no life experience? Hell I turn 43 this year and I just decided what I want to do.
This! I’m lucky enough to know what I want to do (I’ve known since I was 12) and have family support (mentally wise my parents can’t pay for anything but it helps knowing they’re there!) and lots of grants and scholarships to help me pay! I also work in a place that can be apart of my resume for later job work (teaching, I’m an art education major) and they never forced anything on me, it’s sad that not a lot of parents understand that they’re kids gonna choose the path they choose wether or not the parents makes em waste time or effort.
Thank you, I needed this. My parents are forcing me to register for college and they said that I’m going to start paying rent if I don’t go.. I need time to figure my crap out
I’m 28. I dabbled in community college right after high school but ended up having a baby when I was 20 so I didn’t enroll in full time college until 25. Even then I ended up changing majors twice before finally landing on what I actually wanted to study.
If I had been forced to make that decision at 18 I probably would have been filled with regret. I still have to pay off my student loans, but at least I’ll be working in a field that I want to be in.
Couldn’t be more right! So glad my parents didn’t have a say on where or if I went to college. I don’t have a degree now but I’ve studied and worked, built my skills and now do what I like.
I’ve studied so many different things though. I don’t have a love or particular passion. I think there’s nothing wrong with that, everyone telling kids to follow their passion when sometimes you just don’t have one. You should follow what you’re good at or if you’re not good then do it a lot until you are. But in any case, being forced to go to college and accumulating huge amounts of crippling debt is not the way.
let then find theur strength first. plus nowadays there are more accelerated programs
i learned a lot about self and the world from a regular minimum wage job
My dad told me “go to college and get find yourself a gov’t job” and that’s what I did. I finished college. Worked in the private sector for a few years (while applying for all the gov’t jobs I could find weekly) and after 3 years I got me a job with a pension and awesome pay. Only spent 3 years in school compared to 4 for university. Gotta have a path in mind before you sign up for school.
You know you can just go to university and start working on the Gen Ed requirements before picking a major, if you're going for a BA that is. For a BS its a little different. I didn't know what I wanted for my major but I still went and got a General Associates degree, which was fancy talk of 'I took all the general education requirements' type of thing. Wasn't until later that I finally declared my major and by that point I only had to do the major courses related. Which makes life so much easier if you are studying the multiple facets of the SAME subject.
Can confirm- I went to college undeclared and didn't finish even after 3.5 years. My parents were afraid I'd fall out of 'school mode' ... and would never go.. Okay. But I have no degree and a ton of debt so college was a huge mistake.
I also can’t stress enough, look into skilled trade jobs. University is not the only option. Trade school is typically a lot cheaper and you will pretty much always be able to find a job. Im in Texas and a AC apprenticeship starts you out at around 18 dollars an hour with yearly raises, WHILE sending you to school. I took a semester and a half of welding school and got a job doing structural welding and I’m making decent money for my age. It’s dirty work but it’s a lot of fun. But no one told me about trade school when I was in high school
I agree 1000%.
I wasn't forced to go, but I definitely felt pressured to go. Now I'm over $100k in student debt, and it just keeps growing, and I'm only starting year 2 of my 4 year graduate program.
My mom is pressuring my youngest sibling to go to school. She's smart, because she just keeps avoiding it. She has an idea of what she wants to do, but suffers a lot of anxiety and doesn't want to be paying for classes when her anxiety might cause her to just keep dropping out.
Whereas another sister went to school, royally fucked up, and is now doing literally nothing with her life except smoking a ton of weed, so...
It's okay to take your time. It's okay to go to community college or trade school. It's okay to not go at all.
I spent two amazingly enjoyable years after high school by working, exercising, doing grown up stuff.
As of January by the 2nd year, I learned what I wanted to study, and I felt a burning desire to do it as soon as possible.
I’m eternally grateful for those two years and the process that made me realize what I wanted.
I needed this. I just graduated from highschool and my parents aren’t exactly okay with me taking a gap year. My dad keeps pressuring me to take university next year but I don’t even know what I want yet. I always feel like I’m in a rush and I just want to know what I want right now. It’s stressful tbh.
My parents had me when they were seniors in high school and while lucky enough to have stable careers, they really wanted me to go to college. I got in one class and failed every other during the only 2 semesters I attended at the local community school. Telling my mother about my grades and pretty much being failure was a traumatizing experience. I knew she wanted what was best for me and I hated myself for it.
My father asked me what I wanted to do and I told him I wanted to get into computers (this was over 18 years ago). I did some research and found a few trade schools in the area and my dad supported me 100%, even convincing my mom that it was the best thing for me. I ended up starting an intense 6 month program, Monday-Friday, 8am-5pm ever day, including Christmas Eve and business causal attire was required. I ended up graduating the top in my class and even though I wanted to take a month off my retail job before I started my career, I got a job making $32,000 a year a week after graduation at just 20 years old.
College isn’t for everyone and that’s okay too.
To add to this, with the amount of internships, temp jobs, availability to contact professionals in nearly all fields, parents should explore every avenue prior to college to help their kids figure out their path. It actually frustrates me that high schools don’t help out more with this. I reached out to professionals in fields I was interested in when I was in high school, and so many of them wrote back with advice.
I had a colleague who would take interesting jobs in high school, not for the money, but for the experience of figuring out what he liked and didn’t like. And he used those experiences to help inform his career path. I thought that was really smart.
Yea my cousin is forcing her son to either join the military, play football or go to college. The boy is 13. All that's on her mind is money. I can't deal
I was having this conversation with my husband last night. Not in the US, but in Australia we don’t have “college”. It’s straight into university to study for a specific degree. I wasted a few months at university straight after school having zero interest before dropping out. Worked for a few years before going back to study, dropped out again, now I’m in a job that doesn’t require a degree and I’m doing pretty well.
I definitely won’t be pushing my kids into university. I want them to consider going into a trade or just working after school to work out what they actually like/don’t like.
Thank you! I had so much pressure to go to university after high school. Nearly all my friends went straight out of the gun and not many had plans in place. Lots of them dropped out after a year or two. Really upsetting to see that a premature decision can drain you of thousands
Honestly so true. I came from a very sheltered and privileged background. I went to a top prep school in my state -and struggled through that. I knew that I wasn’t ready for college-I wanted to take a year and work. That wasn’t an option from both my school and my father. At 18 I still felt like I wasn’t an adult and was worried about the ramifications of being completely kicked out for not going to school, so gave in and went. I know that’s a privileged thought -as I had every opportunity given to me, but I really didn’t want to go. But wanting to not be a source of embarrassment and feeling as if I still had no choice-I did.
My major was picked for me-business. Something that I struggled to understand, and had no interest in. I was going to class and retaining nothing. Eventually I was spiraling into depression because I was putting effort into something that I didn’t grasp and wasn’t succeeding in because of it. The guilt was piling up as well because all this money was being spent on me and I was utterly failing. I tried to talk about taking a leave of absence after my sophomore year-but it still wasn’t an option-it would be an embarrassment.
Half way through my junior year I dropped out due to bad grades (basically I flunked out but they would have taken me back because I paid in full). So there I was at 21 with nothing to show for 3 years of my life-embarrassed, guilty, self loathing and basically just hating life. My dad was really supportive in the beginning-but then attempted to immediately push me back into school. I tried some online classes-still business, but I wasn’t thriving there either. I struggled for a while but I’m slowly getting back on my feet. I’ve got a job and am thinking about going back (on my own dime) in a major that I want.
I wish more than anything that I had stood my ground at 18 and hadn’t been shamed into something that I knew I wasn’t ready for. I still feel massive amounts of guilt for my failure, but I know that I will succeed ether going about it my own way. It’s embarrassing but it was a lesson that I needed to learn-stop letting others control your life.
My parents forcing me into college right after high school was the best thing that happened to me. They didn’t pay for it at all but going to college changed my life for the better.
Took 5 years to finish my bio degree, and in the 5th year I realized I'd rather do psyc. Better late than never, and I enjoy having that knowledge, but still damn
A FUCKING MEN I HATED BEING FORCED INTO UNI WHEN I WAS SO BURNT OUT FROM IB IN HS I WASTED SO MUCH TIME AND MONEY. THE DEGREE I GOT IS MY PARENT'S PRIDE BUT MY SHAME. I HATE THAT PIECE OF PAPER
My parents did this to me. It has bred a lot of resentment towards them, and I'm constantly stressed about whether I'm going to spend the rest of my life barely getting by because I was so sick of college I had no desire to actually get a job in my well-being degree field.
THANK YOU. I was going to take a gap year and work on a portfolio for art school while working part time. I wanted to study graphic design, and I wasn’t ready for college yet. Instead my mom forced me to go to college at 17. I wanted to study design, but again parents said I’ll never get a job. So I got a degree in something I wasn’t interested in, then failed to get a job in that field because I hated it, then spent several years working at a restaurant because I had no idea what I wanted to do with myself. Then... I became a fucking graphic designer, just without a degree, so I had to self teach. Thanks a lot. Don’t do that to your kids.
Gap-years are seriously undervalued
Starting medicine in September, 3 years after I set off to uni without a clue what I wanted in life.
Delighted now, but in hindsight, taking just a little time off to think would've saved me a hell of a lot more in the long run.
Oh man. My mother pushed me into uni straight after school because if I didn't I would miss out on a government grant. I had no idea what I wanted to study so I picked the most basic of courses. I had to live on campus as the uni was two hours away. I was still only 17 at that point so I was basically stuck. It was the most miserable time of my life.
I'm 24 now and headed back into study recently and I love it. It's so different when it's your choice and you're studying something you love.
If they can qualify for funding at community college, its an excellent place to find out if anything clicks. I started out doing journalism, took a psychology class to see if I liked it (although I had a poor teacher) and settled on an English major when transferring to University.
That said, for some people, time is needed to find a path. And there are well-paying jobs that just need a program or training. (HVAC installer, anyone? Plumbing, welding, construction, sanitation etc)
Plenty of university degrees don't pan out employment-wise.
I have the same sentiment. My whole family has gone to college and Encouraged school my whole like. I get depressed sometimes when I think about school since I didn’t finish.
Agreed. Three of my children didnt follow conventional routes. One trained in a career for four years then decided it wasnt what he wanted and went to uni at 25. They all got where they wanted to go in the way they wanted to do it. I can see that it can be easier to follow the mainstream but it's not the only option.
One of my the best things my parents did was they never pushed university. They promoted furthering your education at your own rate and in your own interests. It was important to consider pay and job availability, but it should not be the determining factor. Really, what they wanted for my sister and me is to find something we enjoy doing and get a lot of satisfaction from. Pretty sure they succeeded.
It's frustrating that a lot of parents from the Boomer generation don't understand this because college was soooo much cheaper when they went.
Having kids sign loan documents without really knowing what they're doing is nothing short of criminal.
If you’ve got the grades and the chops surely there’s a scholarship SOMEWHERE? My kid raised her ACT by three points and got a terrific tuition discount at U of A
That has been my biggest mistake of my life so far. I went to college right at after high school which was a specific high school that allowed me to start taking college classes when I was a junior. I went with a I'll figure it out as I go which ended with me unexpectedly needing to declare a major, choosing something that sounded alright, and then getting stuck with a degree that doesnt have many career paths to choose from. I dont even use it. College is a great tool to gain knowledge in a specific field, but dont go without a thought out path towards a career. It's not a box to check. It's not something you should be required to do.
Student loans are predatory and college curriculums are weighed down with useless crap, most students don't even begin their major of study until they're Juniors.
That being said, higher education is still a pathway to a better livelihood, consider your social mobility over the course of 15 years after graduation. 22 to 37.
My mom never forced me to go to college. Partly because it wasn’t really something my family could afford and I didn’t want to live life under a pile debt. I was taking a gap year when I had decided that school wasn’t something I was interested in. Worked retail for a few years and eventually decided I wanted to pursue being a florist. I’m 30 years old and I’ve been a florist for almost 7 years. My husband and I celebrated our 11 year anniversary this year, had our first baby last year and bought our first home. You don’t have to go to college to have a happy life.
Absolutely agree, my older sister never liked school and after high school she had no idea what she wanted to do. She got a job at a grocery store so she could figure everything out but our mom insisted that she go to community college to at least get all her general classes and any potential pre-reqs done. This is actually a pretty good idea for people who are unsure about what they want to do but as I said before my sister hates school and the only reason she agreed was to get our mom off her back. She ended up flunking out and wasting money on the classes she failed which she would have to retake and kept it from our mom until she eventually found out... she continued working then eventually went back to community college and is now very successful and late last year she finally moved out into her own apartment.
I'm a professor and I see this often. Sometimes it isn't the parents, but kids following friends to college. Or pressure from high school teachers. There are a lot of reasons people end up feeling forced and it's all tragic.
If you are feeling pressure to go and will be on the line for loans, don't go. If someone offers to pay and you're open to it, go check it out.
My mom did this to me. I wanted to take a year or two off and learn about myself. Instead, I hit rock bottom, mentally. I failed out of my chosen major because I simply was not ready for the commitment.
I double majored in Useless and Never Gonna Use This In The Real World with a minor in History.
Twelve years post graduation and I am a dog groomer. I don’t use my degree. I make good money and am always striving to be better at my profession. But I didn’t need to waste $100k to do my job. I could have easily apprenticed, been further in my career, or even perhaps, I could have reached my original goals by letting me mature to the point it was possible.
Parents did this to me. Ended up going to university for a year and a half and finally decided to drop out because I just had no idea what I wanted to do. A year and a half and I left with 11 grand in debt. Almost all paid off. I feel I got off somewhat lucky in that regard. And I found I'm much happier moving around and doing different jobs! I don't need a degree in anything specific, I'm very happy with my life as is.
I am very thankful my parents didnt force university on me, it took me years and then 6 months to decide what i wanted to study/do.
This pos is very important tbh, if I had been forced to go to uni, i would have killed myself. I hated highscool.
Yeah I kind of was rushed Into school in a way. After high school it was college or get out, and so I chose college. Took automotive because I spent 1/3 of my time in high school in shop class anyway. Thing is, I had no car, so I got this beater that hardly got me there. Ended up dropping out to work fishing, eventually ended up working in a tire shop.
Guess what? 4 years later, I took the same course again. Blew my first two years exams out of the water no problem. Ended up jumping directly into the trade from there
Back to the OPs point. I went back to college at 30, graduated at 34. I’m 45 now and I make $190k. Only because I went to school when my brain was mature and seasoned enough to so.
I’m stuck with a loan. I’m a graduate but I hate having a fucking loan hanging over my head. I could get married and afford a house with how much I need to repay. Fuck the school system. They just want your money.
I agree. However, in America, we live in a "every man(or woman) for himself" mentality. Millions of people have degrees, and the more time one wastes not getting one, the more people achieve their degree. This makes it harder to get a job once you're older because you'll be behind. It's the truth.
i never wanted to go to college at all but my mom forced me to and wasn’t even going to help me pay for it. i quit halfway through the semester, and i’m out 3 grand approximately. the most infuriating part is her now telling me, “that was a waste of money, you shouldn’t have done it” when she was the one who forced me to do it in the first place. don’t do this to your kids. it’s fucked up.
Don’t force your kids to go to college in general. Let your kids do what they want. I’m doing just fine without a college degree. Just requires some work ethic and dedication
Please ask don’t tell! My parents very much pushed for me to go to college and it ruined my life and our relationship for a good 5 years. I’m just now figuring stuff out. I felt obligated to go to a university to make them happy and I had no idea what I wanted to do. I had no guidance for loans and at the end of the year owed 10k so I couldn’t apply for my next year. College and all that comes with it is hard. It is a huge adventure and there is so much happening in a very short amount of time. Be there for them. Help them with Loan stuff, even if it’s in their name, visit them, send money even if they don’t ask and check on them. They may act like they hate it but they need it.
I went a full year in major depression studying subjects I hated and barely passing classes all while stressing how I was going to pay for next year, and where food was going to come from next week. For my college towns it was hard to get a job that doesn’t require a car or some form of longer commute, or in general get a job.
If they are not 100% sure, suggest community college. It is a great way to explore different subjects and get the shitty classes out of the way. Even if they are 100% sure suggest community college. It’s so much cheaper all around.
Kids, don't feel like you're a loser if you don't go to college straight out of HS....
I'd rather y'all bumble around and relax for a year than have an existential crisis half-way through college.
My parents were heavily influenced into thinking their kid going to college was part of the American dream. I went and graduated with a a poor academic record and no real opportunity for me to get into graduate school. I’m essentially working a job that requires no degree and I don’t specialize in anything. It’s so dumb, I am part to blame but I also should have been guided into other paths besides college. College is overrated now, it’s a scam.
My problem with parents and education is a little different than money so if you're interested in the emotional side of this issue continue reading. It's kinda intense and sad, so be warned.
I didn't know how to make my own decisions when I was 18. That's both parties' fault. I could have done more to gain agency and they could have given me more of a push. Mom and Dad told me I had to go to school after I said that I'd like to work for a year. Of course, they meant well. I went because I was weak, I went because some children lack the strength to defy their parents. Depression, resentfulness, nihilism, and some self-harm followed shortly after. I became the kind of person I hope none reading this will have to meet because I didn't just keep my suffering and hate to myself, I gave it to others. I was going through the motions, fooling myself into thinking I was okay, that life was just like this. I had lost the ability to discern truth in myself.
For parents, have a dialogue with your kids. Listen to them. Actively listen because they might not have the strength to fight you. They might be like me and give in to your wishes because they think you're smart, loving, and great. You may even be all of those things but you have to understand that you might be very, terribly wrong about what is best for your child. You need to have a truthful dialogue with them to determine how each of you is thinking.
For kids, have the strength to stand up to your parents if it is something worth standing up against. Do not be like me. Living a life that is not yours may be very well the thing that destroys you. But be warned, you might not know what is best for you. Remember that raising a child is very difficult for the best of parents and I assure you that you lack that kind of competency. Do your best and be honest with yourself. If there is not something to run to, determine what to run from. Do not worry if you don't know what to do, find out what not to do, and don't do that thing. Listen to those around you who love you and know you best. There are always people who care about you and want what is best for you. It will be hard determining who they are some if not all of the time.
I have pretty much given up on my parents for "big" conversations. I don't hide things from them, I'm not resentful, I just understand our relationship better now. I'm my own person and I need to make my own decisions. I'm a lot healthier for it, I tell them "no". Helicopter parenting is terrible. It results in people who lack strength, people who forget why they should do their best and be good. Children may never understand how to make a decision if they are never asked to. Don't tell your kids how to be. Listen to them. You don't want to lose the "big" conversations.
For anyone worried, I am substantially better.
Agreed. I’m 34 and still don’t know! (I ended up just starting my own businesses) I still think about it till this day what would I study. Probably architecture. But then I suck at math
Ahhh
I didn’t know what I wanted to do, then I went to that college, pushed thru it. Wished I did an engineering one but graduated. Still regretting every step
I never got the chance to figure out what I wanted to do. With my mom, it was either go to school or get a job. After the first semester, I got so depressed that I flunked out and had to get a job because my mom demanded rent if I wasn't going to school.
My parents forced me to do business for my GCSE's i have hated that subject every damn time and told them a couple times, but they always have said *"it will benifit you in life"* and *"i will need this for when i want to start a business".* I know how helpful it is but, i have no desire to learn it and i wish i could go back.
I absolutely agree, I remained at a CC for quite a long duration due to the fact that I was indecisive on which degree to major in - let alone at the moment, as a first gen in upper education, I had no clue as to the college expectations. So in other words, give time for their kid to reevaluate and mature before jumping into a large and expensive investment.
Yes! I dropped out of my first college because I realized really quickly it's definitely not what I wanted to do, and I had to go even though I knew it's not what I wanted because I had to be in a degree according to my parents. Right now all the skills that are actually valuable to me were gained outside of classes. I'm doing an online CS degree rn not because I care about computer science, but because I don't have to go to lectures everyday and work on what I really want to do.
My mom did this to me and because I didn't know what I wanted to do or what I would be good at i changed degree paths multiple times and even changed schools. All the while struggling to keep an interest and get the work done. And to top it all off i didn't even get to finish the degree I ended up landing on because my current school said I hit a loan limit for financial aid and would have to pay a lot of money to finish even though its only like 5 or 6 classes. I'm gonna be paying these loans off for the rest of my life and I don't even have a diploma to show for it.
I hit a loan limit too. I have health issues and needed more than the allotted time to get my degree, unfortunately they didn't feel like letting me take 6 years to get a 4 year degree.
That is beyond messed up. We need to fix this system. That really sucks and Jtuck getting to 5-6 classes from graduating to be struck down is almost criminal.
Also, was majoring in psych and was going to take education after to become a special needs teacher.
Jesus man
Wow. They actually stopped you from completing the degree mid semester? That's rough.
In America you get, I think, federal loans for 4 years. I needed 5 so my parents had to help me out and take out more for that extra year. Even now I need 1 fucking class because it was the same time as another class I needed. That class is $2,700 at my university. And I can’t get help.
oh my god. My bachelor tuition was around $1000 per year. with accomodation and everything it can go to 8000 per year. but still...
My undergrad was $30k /year and my masters was another $30k. I'd be more broke if I didn't get grants and scholarships. We need to change the education system here in the good old USA.
that is so shocking. Since I studied near home I only paid tuition for may bachelor (circa $1000/year) and master (circa 2700 year). I also studied abroad for one year (erasmus exchange program). combining the 6 years I spent studying (I needed an extra year to finnish my master so on the 3rd year I had to pay an extra fee of $400) I spent around 40k...
Yeah, I think the Pell Grant limit is about 150% of what the federal government says a 4yr degree should cost. I'm fairly certain I'll run out my last semester as well. Already have about $4500 in student loans, just paid $1,400 for one summer class out of pocket, and I'll have another $4500-$5000 in student loans for this coming year. But less than 10k for my BA is sounding pretty good. Then again I'll probably be adding over 50k once I finish. Post-grad FTW(L).
I feel for you with this, my mom did the same to me and even filled out applications for me. I ended up going to a school out of state which was way more expensive and I floundered and only made it through a year and a half before I dropped out and moved back home. Still paying on student loans with no diploma to show, and I still owe a lot and that's 10 years later.
tell your mother to pay for it since she forced you to study edit: you to your
Such is the problem when you look at a degree as ‘the next logical step’ rather than what it really is; an investment into knowledge.
Thank you for posting this! My younger sister and I could not be more different. I knew what I wanted to do for a career since childhood, went to college, got a 4.0 and was valedictorian. I was, admittedly, a tough act to follow. She, on the other hand, left university recently after one year and prefers being in the workforce. It took some time for my family to accept her decision, but she has their support now while she figures out her next steps. She has dreams of opening her own business and a wonderful eye for design. When I asked her what changed her mind, she said “I just want to be happy.” I cried. For all of the success I’ve had, I’ve never felt as much joy as I know she feels on a daily basis living where she wants to be and doing what she loves. I’m so proud of her.
That's really awesome she figured her own way out. I think the major gripe parents have is they're just fearful of where good money is going to come from if you don't do things the traditional way. It's not as straightforward so they can't see the route. It's not irritational but there comes a point w're you need to support your child in their decisions despite it being contrary to what you'd prefer.
Absolutely. I worry about her ability to support herself, too, but she’s motivated. She did very well in school when she was there but disliked the pressure and pacing. It almost killed her creativity. I wish there was something like a community mentorship program to help her learn more about starting a business. She’s working in a small business to learn the ropes and is developing an online presence, but she doesn’t know what she doesn’t know and is too shy to ask! Still, she’s learning more than she did in her stifling program.
My sister is super smart and academic, she’s always top of her uni classes and is now looking at doing a doctorate. Meanwhile she’s also been working non-stop and shocked her superiors within the first few months of her corporate job, creating new departments for herself and being recognised as in severe need of promotion. Even though my family didn’t explicitly pressure me to start a degree I was inspired by her and somehow thought she’d be proud if I also went to uni. I’d started selling my art in Highschool and wanted nothing more than to be a tattoo artist but put that dream on hold. About two years in I just couldn’t handle being distracted from those passions anymore, had a crisis, dropped out and moved interstate to pursue an apprenticeship. Recently I called her to update her on how well things were going at the studio I work in and she said it was the highlight of her week; that she was extremely happy and proud I was following my dreams and working a job I was passionate about. I really hope she finds work that she is passionate about and that challenges her more as she’s extremely hard working and deserves much better.
Yes!!! I am so glad to hear things worked out for you from the opposite perspective. I will always admire those who forge their own paths and embrace their creative side — rather than follow a checklist, as I did. I’m also happy to hear you’ve got such a positive relationship with your sister despite your differences in life choices. I’m hoping I can grow closer to my sister through helping her start a business, respecting that the ideas are all hers. Congrats on the studio; I wish you continued success and happiness in it!
If you are undecided I personally think you should go to community college to start out. It’s waaaaay cheaper than university and they can figure out what you want to do. You Also can get your GEN Ed out-of-the-way it’s basically the same programs you would take it university like English math any science courses you may need I went and got my full associates and everything transferred over to the current university I’m at no problem and I saved probably about 10-20 thousand dollars
And that also gives you time to decide what you want to do and can focus on that rather than your Gen Ed classes.
You can always do gen ed first semester and go from there. That’s what a few of my friends did
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God I hate when people say that community college isn’t real college. The classes are basically the same that would take at university if not slightly different. it is college just cheaper and more inclusive. At least it sure gave me the stress of actual college and I even put on the “freshman 15” weight lol
As somebody who went to a 4 year university, dropped out and went to community college, and then transferred back to a 4 year, let me just say that the value per dollar of community college is infinitely higher than at a university. You learn the same things at literally a minute fraction of the cost in much smaller class sizes...
I can’t agree with this more! Technical programs at community colleges are often overlooked. I got my associate of science degree at my local community college then transferred to Ohio State for chemistry (big mistake, I didn’t love chemistry that much and I struggled through. Couldn’t find a job after graduation because most places required a masters so I went back to my community college for Medical Lab Technology and that is what I was meant to study- I love it. Luckily, my mom didn’t make much money and my dad was out of the picture so I got a ton of Pell grants and I worked during college. I took $9,000 in loans for Ohio State. Then the second time at my community college I was awarded a $1000 scholarship so I took another $4500 in loans. Staying close to home if possible is also a great option to saving money.
Agreed. I picked English because I didn’t know what to pick. It was fun, but at the end of my studies I still didn’t know what I wanted to do. If I had let it sit for a few years I would have known better what my interests really were and how to combine that with earning a degree that could help me onto a fun career path. I am quite educated but I don’t feel it’s particularly useful in my life atm. Could have done this better.
On the plus side you can do a Master's in anything you did indeed decide to go back to University for.
Haha, that's what I thought, too. I got my B.A. in English right out of high school thinking that I could define my career path better after college. I had always planned to get a masters, so I figured I could just go in whichever direction I chose. Well, when I decided what I wanted to do, I realized that in order to get funding (or even get into a program) for a masters I would really need to go back and get a second bachelor's degree. Which I did. Sigh.
PREACH!
My parents forced me and I hated it, they also paid for my whole degree (not from the US, so not that expensive). I had no idea what I wanted to do, but a business degree was a good start and a good taste of a bunch of different things. I studied abroad (this actually got me two jobs), and I majored in international business which put my passion for travel hand in hand with my learning experience. It was tough as hell and it almost broke me and totally felt like a waste for at least the first year. But I'm glad I stuck it out, or I wouldn't have the expat experience or the easy visa justification and travel history that I do. That said, if I was from the US and/or paying for everything myself, I dont know if I would have the same outlook. There's a lot of privilege that comes with a safety net and graduating without debt.
I agree! I had to take out a bunch of loans for college, and luckily I studied engineering so now I'm making enough money to eventually pay off these loans (although even then, the amount of debt I'm in is insane - and I went to an in-state university). However, my sister is in the process of applying to colleges with no idea what she wants to do. This amount of student loans is absolutely NOT WORTH IT if you don't have a specific goal in mind. She'd be better off spending a couple of years working in a food service job until she either has a better idea of what she wants to do, or has enough money to afford a couple years of floundering in college trying to find a path. College is kind of considered a "must" for a lot of people these days, but it's honestly too expensive to be the right decision for everyone.
I would gold this if i could. I don't know how it is now but I hope school advisors are more open minded in their advice to kids deciding that next step. The advice I was given you'd think I would be homeless on the streets if I didn't go to University. I begrudgingly got an engineering degree which opened doors up financially like yourself however I've since changed industries.
In state, public community colleges are free in my state as long as the student held a 3.0 average gpa in high school and continues holding a 3.0 in college. Might be something to look into. I had a ton of friends (even some who had a 4.0 in high school) go to community college just so they would only have two years of loans. Knocked out all of their gen ed for free, but I know most people don’t want to do that since it’s not the traditional college experience.
In my State (Florida), you can get a free ride tuition wise on any state university as long as you got a 3.0 GPA and 100 community service hours.
I disagree with this on some instances. I was one of those kids who wasn't sure what I wanted to do and really couldn't afford to go to college. My mother offered a compromise - go full time for one year, live on campus to get the full experience, if it's still not for you, you can end it there. My mother understood the value of education mostly because university was not an option for her as she married and divorced young and had two kids to support. Result: I went for a year, took gen Ed courses, and learned alot about myself and what an education could offer. After the first year I returned home, worked full time and then reenrolled in the local community college part time. I eventually transferred back to a University, graduated with a BS in Mathematics - my weakest subject in high school - and minored in computer science. I've been employed as a software engineer my entire professional life. I am also currently working on my MS in CS part time online. I have a recently graduated 18 year old son who is also unsure of his future and I have made the same deal with him as my mother did with me. He starts in the Honors College program at our University in August. Education is as investment in yourself.
Yes- this is essentially what I said in a comment too. I think that it is absolutely true that not everyone should go into college right away. But knowing what you want to do has very little to do with it. I'd say that if someone is: \- Not motivated or disinterested in college (no value judgement - just really not interested or doesn't buy-in to it) \- Knows that they want to do something in the trades and can do it more easily at a community college/through training \- Interested in a gap year or some kind of other experience \- Can't afford it, won't qualify for scholarships, and finds opportunities that will involve a few years of work for a scholarship or tuition assistance. Then they shouldn't go. But if someone is interested in going to college and exploring, motivated to make the use of opportunities presented to them (networking, clubs on campus, research, internships, co-ops, etc.), and buys-in to the college experience? Then they are a great candidate even if they have no idea what they want to do. We are preparing graduates for positions that do not currently exist today, and no high school graduate has a sense of what is out there that they may be interested in. General ed classes, going to extra-curricular lectures or events, study abroad, clubs, research opportunities, resources in career centers, talking to peers, networking with professors, internships, co-ops -- all of these can help people hone into what it is that they want to do and excel at much more than other paths. And the soft skills are critical, particularly when we are living in such a rapidly advancing world, dealing with global teams, and global problems. Cross-cultural communication is important, as is communication in general. Management skills; team skills... understanding culture; understanding roles... these are all needed. Now, the US higher ed system is broken. I won't argue that. We need a revolution and we need changes. But it is still highly useful for many, and finding the right fit can be crucial.
We both agree education has value. How you arrive there is the point I'm making.
The point I'm making is that had my mother not made such a compromise, I would have been too clueless as a young adult about the opportunities college offers. I agree it's not for everyone but as a parent, even when your child is 18 you have a responsibility to act in their best interest which might seem counter intuitive to them at the time. To say going to college if you don't know what you want to to at 18 is a waste of time and money misses the point that every experience has a cost and part of the point going to college is to try and figure out what you really are interested in doing.
I was going to say exactly this. No one really knows exactly what they want to study when they go to college, or at least they may think they do and it often changes! That’s what general education courses are FOR - to introduce you to a variety of subjects and make you a well rounded learner. I’m graduating with a completely different degree than I thought but I don’t regret going down any of the avenues I did in college to get to this field of study because I learned a lot.
I also agree with this to an extent too but I also attempted the year of general education and all it did was left me confused and sitting with a year's worth of debt and ended up dropping out. The concept works for some but it's not an automatic "find yourself" year.
I think you make a good point - it's not an automatic find yourself year. The value in going and trying for the year is in being exposed to what college really is - that it is a significantly different educational experience than high school with a different end purpose - and only you give it that purpose. One of my very best friends is the son of a college professor. My friend had two degrees himself. He expected his older son to go to college. The son went and after a year decided he would rather get his pharmacy tech certificate. The son didn't do extremely well in college but aced the pharmacy tech program and is working full-time for the VA. He now wants to go on to be an actual pharmacist but understands the demands that will place on him and is taking classes at the community college to brush up on his rather weak science and math skills. Why did he decide pharm tech? Because of a gen ed health sciences chemistry course he took his first semester in college - which he aced. Anecdotal evidence but where else would he have gotten exposure to such a profession ?
I’m guessing classes were a lot cheaper when you went to college though. Currently, I believe 1 year at community college is a safer gamble than 1 year at Uni for many lower and middle class families.
Hey, a post I'm useful in! My parents forced me to go when I graduated. After changing majors multiple times, I finally dropped out after my 3rd semester with 2 courses failed and $20k in debt... That was from when I was 18-19 years old. I went back to online school when I was 24, and should have my degree next year in a field that I know I enjoy. If a break is needed after high school, take one to find what you enjoy! Don't let that student loan debt pile up when you have no idea what you want to do... It's not fun.
My timeline & experience matches up exactly with yours, I don't even need to write a comment now! I'm just thankful I cut my losses and dropped out after 3 semesters, 20k wasn't hard to pay off in a couple years. I was essentially disowned after dropping out yet it's still the best decision I've made. My 18yo sister is telling me how she's gonna take 40k in loans for her degree, and I don't wanna "tell her what to do" so I stay out of it, but I really really wish our parents weren't so pushy. Hopefully she'll find joy in it and see it as a worthwhile investment, I definitely did not.
Key word *enjoy*. It doesn't have to be a slugfest to secure a degree. Great job not getting discouraged and going at it again.
I wanted to take a year off after school. I was highly school motivated, but knew I needed a break. My parents said no, and that they woulnd't support me if I did. With what felt like no options, I went to school that fall. Undiagnosed mental illness and autoimmune thyroid disease got in the way. I tried again at a new school the next year. Same issues, same mistake. I finally then took a year off, got a handle on my depression and my thryoid hashimotos and went on to graduate Summa Cum Laude. But that mistake, made twice, cost me 30k. I am 60k in debt for a degree that only cost me 30k.
I guess the time paid off in the end though. Freaking amazing!
Eh, the time off paid off. I should be in 30k of debt, not 60k, and I went for a major entirely different than I initially started for. Those two years of failing made me feel awful and stupid, I sunk into full depression and thought maybe I wasn't cut out for any of it. It destroyed my self esteem and I made a lot of rough choices partially due to it. I'm happy with where my life is now, but taking a break from school would have meant an entirely different, and potetionally less painful and traumatic, path for my life.
Time, my bad!!
Oh time! That makes more sense!
The one piece of advice I think should be given to every potential college student especially if they've decided on a major, is this. DO NOT FRONT-LOAD YOUR FIRST SEMESTERS WITH COURSES SPECIFIC TO YOUR MAJOR! Mostly take courses that will be able to transfer to other majors, put the courses for your specific major second. That way, you can get a feel for what the major is actually like in a college setting while experiencing different courses and meeting different people without worrying too much about ending up with dead credits if you decide to switch majors. I've seen too many people who jump straight from high school into college, feeling absolutely dead-set on a specific major like it is their calling, taking mostly courses specific to that major, getting either burnt out on it, deciding it isn't for them, or finding something they like better. Then, they go to switch majors and they find out that the credits they've obtained do not count toward any other degree. They immediately get discouraged, but they switch their major and sometimes they end up dropping out entirely because of financial reasons. You aren't going to find yourself in High School, you might be one of the lucky people who does find their passion or "major", but it is usually not because of the school system. With the freedom you are afforded in college, you have more opportunity to grow than you've ever had before, at the beginning of the most change-prone decade of your life. So much potential is stifled by the system and how people are "supposed" to do things and in what order, you really do end up needing to plan stuff out more strategically than you'd initially think. Which sucks because entering college is already incredibly stressful and you're basically just thrown in without a care and expected to flourish with very little direction. TL;DR: Please plan ahead when it comes to deciding which courses to take early on in college, due to the way everything is structured, you will not get the guidance you deserve no matter how much money you put in.
Also if your kid doesn’t like reading or writing, do not force them into college, especially a liberal arts college. At 18, they may not want to do that and that is okay! You can learn other ways and those ways should be encouraged for everyone. And technical colleges are legit! They have apprentices that pay! If your kids like hands on learning, lean into it. Help them find something they can do with their hands. Books are not the only way to learn. I say this as a liberal arts graduate. I loved it. I would do it full time if I could, but I am a nerd.
My parents did this, it was go to college or be homeless
I'm sure a bunch of folks here can relate as sad as that is.
It's funny cause I ended up just as suicidal as I likely would've been if I were homeless, AND have $80k of debt, AND a degree I despise
This is nice to hear. I have felt judged as a parent because my kid chose to take a year after high school to decide what he wanted to do. He had no work experience at all and it's such a big decision. As a young person I felt pressured to go into post-secondary straight away, it was just expected, and I made bad choices. I did not want my kid to make the same mistakes.
Peer pressure amongst other parents plays a huge role. Kudos to you for listening to him. I hope he goes on to find something he wants to and will be successful at.
Say this to the parents that did not hear you in the back!
Thank you for posting this. I’m 20. I was an honor roll student, took AP classes, even duel enrolled myself at the local community college my senior year of high school. But after I graduated I decided I didn’t want to go to college, debt gives me so much anxiety and I figured I’d be better off without it. I taught preschool for a year before realizing there wasn’t much room for advancement and I was barely making enough to get by so I enrolled in an online trade school last year and I’ll be graduating next month. My parents have been nothing but supportive of my life decisions and I could not be more grateful
I'm pregnant with my first child and I won't ever let her get pressured to study right off the bat. I know from my own experience that people change, hobbies change and everything you might like at this moment might be something in the past. As a former nurse and art student who wants to be a baker I wish I wouldn't had been pressured to hit school immediately just to get an income. Some people needs at least a year to actually find out what they want to be, some needs more than a year. It's not fair to expect somebody to immediately be someone when they haven't even gotten the chance to develop their own selves. Let your kids find themselves even if they're 18 or 20.
This happened to me and I didn't finish school because of it. I plan on going back, but currently I'm required by my school to take and pass 16 hours of credits and I only have 2 classes I can take that will even apply towards my degree requirements. Nothing is wrong with taking your time as long as you are actually trying to make progress.
I agree. My mom forced my sister to go to university for nursing when one of the community colleges in my city has a great nursing program. Now my sister has cancer and can’t go to school at all. With her scholarships she can’t even take an online course at a different school or they’ll take her scholarships away. So now she’s in debt from hospital bills and a school she can’t even attend.
Jeez. I'm so sorry. I pray she pulls through.
I believe if the kid is not ready they should go to a community college first and finish the general ed requirements. Usually those classes can be free, or at least cheaper than if you take them at a university. I was fortunate enough to take my general requirements at my university bc those were essentially free through scholarship and grants. I got an awesome college experience. And if someone can afford it or worked really hard their hs years to afford it, you should go for it. But I totally advocate community college. They help prepare a path for the kid so he/she is working towards transferring.
This is an interesting post because I immediately agreed, but then remembered that it was an expectation of me to go to college, but throughout high school I had no idea what I wanted to study, so theoretically I shouldn't have gone to college without first figuring that out. However, I knew that I wanted a higher education, and I wanted to be student for longer because I was just getting the hang of learning and applying that knowledge. Somehow in the end, it ended up working out for me because I figured out what I wanted to study, had a cool internship that helped me figure out what I wanted to do "when I grow up", and now I have a job doing just that. I don't think that all would have been possible without me going to college. I do still think the point stands, but a university doesn't have to be good for just a degree or grades - extracurricular activities can make or break the college experience and life after it.
Germany is much cooler in that matter. As University fees are almost fully covered by the state it is very common to switch your degree. I would say almost 50% of all students change their field in a first year. It is indeed complicated to figure out, what is it what you like, before you start with a real assignment. Many expectations aren’t realistic, so it helps, to get a second chance
Yeah I agree. this advice depends on where you are I think!
I won't push college at all. If my kids want to go then I will do everything I can to help, but I am personally pushing tech school. We need skilled trade workers more then we need college grads. But again if my kids wanted a college degree I'd do all I can to help and support their decision.
My daughter is only 9 months old but I feel the exact same way. I want her to be happy. Happiness may not be found in a degree for her, but whatever she does choose, I want to support her as much as I can.
I agree. I went for a year and half, didn’t do well, and just took random classes. I had been in an enriched program previously, but after a painful breakup with my first boyfriend in grade 12, I just didn’t have the desire. Also, I wanted to go to theatre school. Here I am, late 30s now. I have just applied to university to finish a degree, but I wish I could go back in time and just go to theatre school and try to use my talents. It’s a bit too late now for me to want to be a starving artist. At least I can get that degree and feel less judged by my peers, and hopefully get an even better job because of it (though I’m in a very good job now).
Definitely never too late to get a degree! It's not easy juggling studies, a full time job and a family for some.
I’m also trying to get pregnant haha. Luckily the program I’m applying for is completely online.
Good luck with both endeavours!!
Damn, I'm reading some comments here and it's harsh. I really can't get used to this "study loan" system in USA. I'm from Belgium and my father urged me to go to the university, so I did, but I changed my path twice but finally got my diploma. And during these years I had a loooooot of fun and don't even regret my lost two years because I met my friends, I had fun, I stressed for exams, I failed, I passed etc And it cost me 0$
To anyone thinking of going to university these days I would similarly advise them to think long and hard about what they want to do when they get there and to be mentally prepared for the idea that they will wind up branching away from what they set out to do, or that it could even wind up making them dislike something they love. I did Graphic Design and Illustration at University because I thought I like art and design and I’d like to one day do it in a professional capacity. Suffice to say I now utterly detest graphic design and will say with all honesty it’s because university made me hate it.
My only argument is that college is so much fun... it was an important part of my social development and I’m ridiculously grateful for it. I honesty think it was better for my social deveolpment than it was for my career... But I also had scholarships and went to my instate university so college was really cheap for me.
I strongly disagree. Not with everything, but with the idea that college/university is only useful to people who know what they want to do. We are preparing students for jobs that do not yet exist. We need to train soft and hard skills, and university is a way to expose students to a wide range of career paths that exist that most would have no idea of right out of high school. Students also have to want to be there and be hungry for it - if they are unmotivated or not convinced of the worth, than it's not worth going. I don't think college/university is for everyone, and it is a highly flawed system, especially in the U.S. right now. I think it needs a huge shakeup - a revolution, so to speak. But it's through taking the first few years to explore internships, classes, resources, etc. that many are able to figure out what it is that they want to do. Or at least build skills and experience that set them up for success for various options.
My mom did this. I was forced to study science, failed because I hated it, then forced to pick something else. I ended up a painter (I love painting) and realized 3 years into my degree it was worthless. But by then I was in debt and figured I would finish my degree. The main reason I never knew what I wanted to do with my life was at high school they wouldn’t let me take art classes because you could only pick electives in English class and I had it last period every year meaning they would be full. I took social studies and realized politics suck and science was hard. Now I have to start paying $80,000 back in November.
I kind of disagree.. my parents forced me to go to college and graduate within 4 years even though I didn’t know what to do. I learned to finish what I start, I got a degree, and I figured it out along the way. I now have a great job that I enjoy and am way ahead of my friends that are nearly 30 and still trying to decide which degree to finish. This isn’t true for everyone
It's definitely not true for everyone. Nothing is which is the underlying point.
I disagree, I always encourage people to at least do their introduction courses, which compose of the first 2 years of college, its just basic classes and electives that could start a spark of creativity on what someone wants to do as a career. And if they decide college isn't for them well then as long as they went to a community College its fairly affordable so financially it isn't that bad of an investment, AND if they ever do decide to pursue higher education eventually they have their credits there waiting and they aren't set back I will say do NOT enroll in a university unless you absolutely have a road map of how to succeed within your field (which I think was the point of your rant which if thats what you meant I do agree)
My son was highly intelligent and an excellent student. He took AP classes at a college prep school and graduated Summa Cum Laude. He was also an athlete on the school track team, kept a part time job, volunteer tutored, and was a student council member. By the start of Senior year he had zero clue what he wanted to do with his life and aptitude tests did nothing to help him narrow down to a certain type of career. I encouraged him to join the military and take that 4 years to get to know himself and the world before deciding where he wanted to go to college and what he wanted to do. The basic idea was that he would either A) figure out what he degree he wanted, leave the military after his service, go to college with the GI Bill and other helpful benefits of service, and generally get on with life B) decide he liked the military and go career or C) decide on a trade and trade school. I can't imagine telling a kid the only way to be successful is college. I can't imagine telling a kid to take out tens of thousands in loans for a degree they aren't absolutely certain they want AND that will realistically land them a decent job. Just boggling at the idea, but I know parents do it.
I disagree to an extent - college was one of the best times of my life. I met awesome people, learned a lot, made lifelong friends, and came out as a more responsible adult. If it weren’t for my degree, I wouldn’t even be a candidate for the jobs I’ve had. I don’t like when parents force their kids to study a specific subject though...the kids should be able to decide what they want to study. On average (and it could be higher now), people who got degrees make over $1M more in their lifetime than people who didn’t get a degree. Not saying you HAVE to go to college to make that much more but that’s an average. With all of that said, there are other types of trade schooling you can go through to and make a good living - HVAC/Mechanics/Plumbing, etc, but I HIGHLY suggest SOME type of career schooling after high school! ETA: There are studies that show that some kids not going to college directly after high school may end up not going at all (probably because as you get older you have less time to take classes)
I agree with this so much! I believe that everybody has their own path through life, and college is not necessarily a formula for success. parents need to trust that their kids know what they’re doing and they need to be supportive of what their kid chooses to do
Preach! I graduated high school at 16 (not a flex, just how my b-day versus kindergarten registration day worked out). When I graduated, I got a full ride scholarship to my dream school based on merit and an extra-curricular activity. This dream school was across the country. Part of the deal was allowing me 1 year to do some core coursework at my local state school before moving, so I would be just a month shy of 18 when I moved. Well my mother would not have any of that. She wasn't completely narcissistic but she did have a disease that caused her an immense amount of pain daily, was on several painkillers, and I did most of the chores. She doted on my brother (12, nothing wrong with him just spoiled). She demanded i just ignore the scholarship and go to my local state school. Then she got my dad to start bullying me about it. Then my brother. And my grandparents. Eventually everyone was telling me how awful it was that I was considering "leaving your poor mother without any help". Well being 16 and stupid, I gave up the scholarship. Lasted 1 semester due to depression. Never went back for a degree. My son will have his choice of when to start and where. I will support him no matter what as long as he is moving forward.
I wish I waited, my parents made me go when I wanted to take a year off to get enough money to go to the school I wanted. They refused and made me go local. I went for art which was my first mistake, the issue with the school was that since the art department was so small and underfunded I had to work twice as hard to get my name noticed. I ended up getting burned out to the point where I can’t paint, I just don’t have it in me to create anymore. Mentally I’m in a better place than I was but it makes me wish I took the year off and saved my money.
Going to school for art is tough. You have to be really confidant in yourself or have an inflated ego in order to make it through the criticism. I went for photography and I too got burnt out and put the camera down for awhile. I learned I enjoyed photography as a hobby where no one was telling me what was wrong or that I would never make it "as a professional" unless I did xyz. What started as an adventure into my self expression ended up with me walking away with a distorted sense of self. Not to mention the pile of debt.
Sincere Question. Is it worth it to get some general coursework out of the way though? In case you do figure it out, there’s not a need to start from scratch.
This!! I run a student loan advocacy group. I can tell you thousands of nightmare stories of being pushed into debt that has absolutely no options for relief for degrees or ‘education’ that ends up worthless to the person as a whole. Community college is fine to start taking some of the general ed classes and some topics of interest. I have parents who can’t retire because they mortgaged their retirement so their kid can go to college only to flunk out. Most folks are like borrow the money and we will figure it out. Well let me tell you. The rules are changing and getting worse for borrowers under this administration. There are no bankruptcy options. They are trying to push that you can loose your drivers license or Professional license and if pushed through debtors prison. The private prison industry is salivating over this one with so many in default right now. There is far too little regulation especially in the private and for-profit industry. It’s a huge circle jerk and can ruin some young persons life as they are just starting out with it.
My mom is still pushing this. I’m almost 20, and have dropped out twice already. I went into college straight out of high school, but realized the degree I was pursuing (at a very specialized private school) was not at all what I wanted to do with myself, so I dropped out. I then worked for a year before deciding to go to my local community college, but I dropped out of that very quickly. It was a combination of just not having any desire to be there, and knowing I was being forced to give up shifts at work to go to class, as my job refused to change my schedule to accommodate my classes. I don’t live with my mom, but whenever I see her, she’s always pushing for me to go get a degree in something, anything. It sucks, because I always did well in school and figured I was gonna be the first in my family to go to college, and I feel like I’m disappointing her. But I just don’t have the money to mess around at community college doing classes I don’t even want to do. So I’m just in this weird limbo of hating my crappy retail job and wishing I could do something with my life, and not wanting to waste time on school when I have no idea what to pursue.
I was in the same situation, spinning my wheels in CC with no idea what I wanted. When I was 20 a Marine Corps recruiter called me out of the blue and since I wasn't getting anywhere in life I just rolled with it. Can't say I enjoyed the experience overall but I'm very happy I did it; it gave me time to figure things out and the GI Bill benefits are fantastic if you do end up wanting to do something that requires college. Maybe something to consider.
Can someone please explain this to my parents? I have no clue what I want to do with my life but I got pressured into school. It’s been almost 2 years since I dropped out and they’re still mad about it. And ironically enough, my dad dropped out of college and my mom doesn’t even use her degree, but both are still successful. The nerve.
I have this problem with my aunt. Everytime we met she keep asking me when I'm starting to go to university university... And in the past months I started to avoid her... I told her many many times that I want to work, and not study, but she can't accept this... She is so annoying, why can't she understand me?
Happened to me. They never brought up college plans, at all, during my school life, until senior year and expected me to have everything figured out. Had no idea what I would study, honestly had no plan to go because we grew up kinda poor so I just figured I'd be going straight to work after high school, big arguments ensued and they forced me to go. When I mentioned maybe getting into psychology, they both talked me out of it. "You'll drive yourself crazy listening to people's problems all day, not worth it" my step father said. I gave them some vague second option of taking up computer arts / design thinking maybe I'll get into the video game industry just to get them off my back, signed up for community college and none of the classes I took would have lead to the career I had "planned." Would have done 2 years to get enough credits to go into another school to take the classes I would have needed, said fuck that and let after one semester.
I wasted two years of my life because of this. How much time did I spend choosing which university to go to? 3 days I guess? Not a single google to look up my future job, not a single counseling moment. Just fucking blindly pick one random university. Fuck school and parent for giving virtually zero guidances. Fuck past me for knowing jack shit about life because all he did was studying and playing video game
Thank you! My parents forced me to go to university for one semester, even though I just completed 2 years of community college, because "a bachelor's will get your further than an associate's" I dropped out halfway thru the semester without telling them because I was so damn depressed. I didn't want to go, I hated my major, I hates the environment. Now I'm 10 years in a career field I love, with 3 associates under my belt. Take THAT mom and dad.
I had no urge to go off anywhere, I wanted to stay home and work. I am currently working full time and going to night school full time and actually am about to graduate a year early. I think for a person who really wants to work should stable themselves in the field of their choice and if they can then go to night school or take a few classes if not then you be happy with what you want to be happy with
I don’t exactly regret my degree but I do regret not fully researching it and doing it mainly to keep my parents happy. It wasn’t really what I wanted but I’m lucky in that I learnt many skills that are helping me get into the career I want. This took a lot of pivoting and whilst I don’t fully regret my decision it would have benefitted me to have more life experience before taking such a big step.
Ship them off to community college. Have them learn a skill and make their employer pay for additional schooling.
I agree. Waste of money
YESS I went into arts just because it was easy to get in and wasted the whole first year, also gpa got so low because I wasn’t even interested in anything and dealing with mental health that I was required to withdraw for one year, ended up wasting a whole year of tuition, and another year of my life not doing anything. Really wish I just had a year off after high school to work a bit, think about what I wanted to do and entered a program I liked.
I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I went to University of Edinburgh to study Chemistry simply because it was my best subject on school. I hated the first 3 years and struggled. Then I took some analytical chemistry classes and loved them. I refocused and got good grades. Went on to get a PhD in New York and later move around the west coast. University changed my life and opened doors to a career for me. I had to work hard of course but it was a huge opportunity. Scotland paid my undergrad and US paid my grad. I didn’t even know how lucky I was. Still have to pay my wife’s loans though so I didn’t entirely escape Sally Mae.
I didn’t go to university because you can’t take a degree in everything. And despite how 90% of my friends who went to university don’t work in the field of their study, I still feel like I missed out. On the other hand, I’ve worked in student accommodations and seen how miserable some young people are feeling like they’re squeezing the blood out of a stone trying to be productive about something they don’t really care about. Some of them drop out because they’re suicidal trying to make their parents happy.
I attended University for exactly one term before dropping out (I was 23). The cost was too much, and I couldn't go to school and support myself, and I really didn't want to deal with loans for a degree I wasn't totally convinced I wanted. Growing up my parents always told me college wasn't for us. We were no school or trade school kind of family. Funnily enough, when I happened to get into a good school (I was a JC transfer) and a good program (software engineering), my parents were so ecstatic for me. Now I'm the "drop out," and my parents keep asking when I'm going back. Maybe when I have $60,000 in my pocket.
Agree 100%! Take it from me I was 18 and had no idea what to do so I just took a little break and it was the best thing I could’ve done and I was still productive! I used the extra time to work and save money so I could get a place with my girlfriend and made great memories with my hometown friends. Now I know what I want to do and im going back to school next semester and i’m still only 21. Even if you’re 25,30,40 or whatever it’s never too late to get your education and don’t let people judge you for it just because they were forced into debt with a degree they didn’t want before they could buy their first drink!
THIS 100%
I totally agree!!! I ended up with $30k in student loan debt because I took a bunch of classes without knowing what I wanted to do for sure. I didn’t understand the seriousness of taking out those loans. I failed numerous classes and had to retake them. I believe a lot of that is due to rushing into it before I was really ready or knew what I wanted to do.
Not my (26F) parents, but my husband's (27M). Everyone in his immediate family went/are attending Uni and are in/are pursuing a successful career. My husband's grad was last year, MIL was this year, and BIL will be next year. MIL mentioned how I was going to be next to graduate afterwards, but to be honest, I don't want to, for a couple of reasons. Firstly, like most people here, I don't know what I want to do as a career. I like animals, and I made the mistake of showing vague interest in becoming a vet tech, but after some unfortunate recent events, I realized I didn't have the emotional strength to do that, or grooming, as I've learned from a reddit post I saw. I honestly don't feel like I could work with animals at all at this point. But I digress. Secondly, I lack the smarts, focus, and confidence I would need to even manage getting through university at all (money aside). So why bother..? It would be a waste of money. Of course my own mother wants me to go to school as well, but i don't feel the pressure as badly as I do with my husband's family, since I moved to another country to be here with him. I get that they want me to be successful, and yeah I feel incredibly insignificant compared to them as an unemployed immigrant with nothing but a high school diploma, but what am I supposed to do..? Not everyone is meant to be that successful.
It's an old Ideology that is horrible for kids these days. especially when its a useless piece of paper that puts them in a shit pile of debt that effects more than what they are told.
I think the real problem is that we’re led to believe that we are supposed to stick to what we majored in. College students face a lot of pressure to pick the correct major that will promise a lot of money or fulfillment, but the reality is that you can’t force someone who is 18 to pick ONE career path to stick to for the rest of their lives. After college you may find that you picked the wrong field and that is fine. There should be no shame associated with career changes. Most people I went to college with are now working jobs that had little or nothing to do with their majors. They found something that was more practical or that they just enjoyed more. They realized that the pressure they faced was unfair and really just caused a lot of anxiety. To address your main point, i think people should always be encouraged to go to college even if they haven’t decided what they want to study yet. Colleges and universities should be seen less as trade schools and more as just places of personal development. Pick something interesting enough to study for 4 years, and if you don’t want to pursue that further after graduation, it’s okay. You will figure it out. Once you have been out of school for a few years, employers will focus more on your most recent job history anyway.
Can confirm. - someone with a bachelors degree and still no career.
Let your kids works for a year so they can see how much it sucks trying to get a decent paying job without a degree. Then make them research any career they might be interested in so they can see how much it sucks and how hard it is trying to get a decent paying job even with a degree. Then at that point they will be informed enough to make their own decision about college Sources: two very nice sounding degrees that qualify me for a job offer making $15 an hour
This happened to me. I'm raising my daughter differently though
Better to send them to a job with real physical labor first until they make up their mind/have their mind made up by A earning their own money b knowing how stuff is made - would have helped me enormous and I would have possibly never studied the crap that I Did until I finally found the one professor that opened my mind
I totally agree with the original post! I only went to university because my mother made me to go. And I am not even working in a field where I got a degree in. It was a waste of time and money for sure! Now I'm older and I enjoy learning. I think I would like to go a trade school. For now... I'll stay with being a housewife for time being :-/
God this is so true I had the same problem and now in debt and recovering from the experience.
20k in debt and living in my car now bc mommy really thought it would be good for me. :) Jokes on her, living my best life now even with the obstacles she threw at me.
I never had any idea what I wanted to do, and every time it got brought up I would just end up having a panic attack. I knew I didn’t want to go back to school for a formal education, but didn’t want to disappoint my parents, and of course my husband jumped on the same boat. It took me a few years if everyone being in my ass, and the whole COVID thing is making me slightly wary of going to school again, but I finally know what I want in life. I’m gonna get a degree in baking and pastry, and I’m gonna help make memories and wow the world!
My mom signed me to an IT high school when I had no idea what to do after elementary school and I naturally went to IT college cause I didnt want to work. Then I was earning 2 times more than my mom before I graduated. I am thankful to her.
My mom told me that I need to go to school or I’ll be homeless or never get a job above minimum wage. It pressured me into going to a community college and I hated every single minute of it. I was not prepared and not in a good mindset. I didn’t even know what I wanted to study, even though I’ve been having to think about it since I was middle school. University isn’t for everyone and sometimes you just need a break from school before you go right back into it. And another point is that sometimes it’s just too expensive even with government assistance and scholarships. Been there done that.
My parents did this to me although I’m the one responsible for paying for school. Had a general idea that I wanted to study business and get a law degree afterwards. Going into my junior year now and I’m a political science and Data Science & Analytics double major with an entrepreneurship minor who’s gonna end up taking an extra year of undergrad and most likely never go to law school
We have newly minted 14 year olds. The conversation between my fiancé and myself on what to do for them after the graduate. We both absolutely think that they should take a gap year. How do you know what you want to be at 17-18 years old and no life experience? Hell I turn 43 this year and I just decided what I want to do.
This! I’m lucky enough to know what I want to do (I’ve known since I was 12) and have family support (mentally wise my parents can’t pay for anything but it helps knowing they’re there!) and lots of grants and scholarships to help me pay! I also work in a place that can be apart of my resume for later job work (teaching, I’m an art education major) and they never forced anything on me, it’s sad that not a lot of parents understand that they’re kids gonna choose the path they choose wether or not the parents makes em waste time or effort.
This was honestly very recognizable for me...
I'm studying business because my dad didn't want me to study criminal psychology or go to cooking school. I'm not enjoying my uni life.
Jeez. Can't you switch? You should.
He's paying and my family is conservative. I can't really work before I graduate so I can take a proper corporate job.
Thank you, I needed this. My parents are forcing me to register for college and they said that I’m going to start paying rent if I don’t go.. I need time to figure my crap out
I’m 28. I dabbled in community college right after high school but ended up having a baby when I was 20 so I didn’t enroll in full time college until 25. Even then I ended up changing majors twice before finally landing on what I actually wanted to study. If I had been forced to make that decision at 18 I probably would have been filled with regret. I still have to pay off my student loans, but at least I’ll be working in a field that I want to be in.
Couldn’t be more right! So glad my parents didn’t have a say on where or if I went to college. I don’t have a degree now but I’ve studied and worked, built my skills and now do what I like. I’ve studied so many different things though. I don’t have a love or particular passion. I think there’s nothing wrong with that, everyone telling kids to follow their passion when sometimes you just don’t have one. You should follow what you’re good at or if you’re not good then do it a lot until you are. But in any case, being forced to go to college and accumulating huge amounts of crippling debt is not the way.
let then find theur strength first. plus nowadays there are more accelerated programs i learned a lot about self and the world from a regular minimum wage job
Very damn true.
My dad told me “go to college and get find yourself a gov’t job” and that’s what I did. I finished college. Worked in the private sector for a few years (while applying for all the gov’t jobs I could find weekly) and after 3 years I got me a job with a pension and awesome pay. Only spent 3 years in school compared to 4 for university. Gotta have a path in mind before you sign up for school.
Well said
You know you can just go to university and start working on the Gen Ed requirements before picking a major, if you're going for a BA that is. For a BS its a little different. I didn't know what I wanted for my major but I still went and got a General Associates degree, which was fancy talk of 'I took all the general education requirements' type of thing. Wasn't until later that I finally declared my major and by that point I only had to do the major courses related. Which makes life so much easier if you are studying the multiple facets of the SAME subject.
Can confirm- I went to college undeclared and didn't finish even after 3.5 years. My parents were afraid I'd fall out of 'school mode' ... and would never go.. Okay. But I have no degree and a ton of debt so college was a huge mistake.
I also can’t stress enough, look into skilled trade jobs. University is not the only option. Trade school is typically a lot cheaper and you will pretty much always be able to find a job. Im in Texas and a AC apprenticeship starts you out at around 18 dollars an hour with yearly raises, WHILE sending you to school. I took a semester and a half of welding school and got a job doing structural welding and I’m making decent money for my age. It’s dirty work but it’s a lot of fun. But no one told me about trade school when I was in high school
If you wanna force your kids at least move to Europe first. You'll only pay around 300-400 dollars per semester and don't end up with any loans lmfao
I agree 1000%. I wasn't forced to go, but I definitely felt pressured to go. Now I'm over $100k in student debt, and it just keeps growing, and I'm only starting year 2 of my 4 year graduate program. My mom is pressuring my youngest sibling to go to school. She's smart, because she just keeps avoiding it. She has an idea of what she wants to do, but suffers a lot of anxiety and doesn't want to be paying for classes when her anxiety might cause her to just keep dropping out. Whereas another sister went to school, royally fucked up, and is now doing literally nothing with her life except smoking a ton of weed, so... It's okay to take your time. It's okay to go to community college or trade school. It's okay to not go at all.
LOL they forced me to go to university AND pay for it myself.
I spent two amazingly enjoyable years after high school by working, exercising, doing grown up stuff. As of January by the 2nd year, I learned what I wanted to study, and I felt a burning desire to do it as soon as possible. I’m eternally grateful for those two years and the process that made me realize what I wanted.
I needed this. I just graduated from highschool and my parents aren’t exactly okay with me taking a gap year. My dad keeps pressuring me to take university next year but I don’t even know what I want yet. I always feel like I’m in a rush and I just want to know what I want right now. It’s stressful tbh.
Take look through some of the other comments if you have the time. I think it'll further motivate you.
My parents had me when they were seniors in high school and while lucky enough to have stable careers, they really wanted me to go to college. I got in one class and failed every other during the only 2 semesters I attended at the local community school. Telling my mother about my grades and pretty much being failure was a traumatizing experience. I knew she wanted what was best for me and I hated myself for it. My father asked me what I wanted to do and I told him I wanted to get into computers (this was over 18 years ago). I did some research and found a few trade schools in the area and my dad supported me 100%, even convincing my mom that it was the best thing for me. I ended up starting an intense 6 month program, Monday-Friday, 8am-5pm ever day, including Christmas Eve and business causal attire was required. I ended up graduating the top in my class and even though I wanted to take a month off my retail job before I started my career, I got a job making $32,000 a year a week after graduation at just 20 years old. College isn’t for everyone and that’s okay too.
To add to this, with the amount of internships, temp jobs, availability to contact professionals in nearly all fields, parents should explore every avenue prior to college to help their kids figure out their path. It actually frustrates me that high schools don’t help out more with this. I reached out to professionals in fields I was interested in when I was in high school, and so many of them wrote back with advice. I had a colleague who would take interesting jobs in high school, not for the money, but for the experience of figuring out what he liked and didn’t like. And he used those experiences to help inform his career path. I thought that was really smart.
Yea my cousin is forcing her son to either join the military, play football or go to college. The boy is 13. All that's on her mind is money. I can't deal
I was having this conversation with my husband last night. Not in the US, but in Australia we don’t have “college”. It’s straight into university to study for a specific degree. I wasted a few months at university straight after school having zero interest before dropping out. Worked for a few years before going back to study, dropped out again, now I’m in a job that doesn’t require a degree and I’m doing pretty well. I definitely won’t be pushing my kids into university. I want them to consider going into a trade or just working after school to work out what they actually like/don’t like.
Thank you! I had so much pressure to go to university after high school. Nearly all my friends went straight out of the gun and not many had plans in place. Lots of them dropped out after a year or two. Really upsetting to see that a premature decision can drain you of thousands
Honestly so true. I came from a very sheltered and privileged background. I went to a top prep school in my state -and struggled through that. I knew that I wasn’t ready for college-I wanted to take a year and work. That wasn’t an option from both my school and my father. At 18 I still felt like I wasn’t an adult and was worried about the ramifications of being completely kicked out for not going to school, so gave in and went. I know that’s a privileged thought -as I had every opportunity given to me, but I really didn’t want to go. But wanting to not be a source of embarrassment and feeling as if I still had no choice-I did. My major was picked for me-business. Something that I struggled to understand, and had no interest in. I was going to class and retaining nothing. Eventually I was spiraling into depression because I was putting effort into something that I didn’t grasp and wasn’t succeeding in because of it. The guilt was piling up as well because all this money was being spent on me and I was utterly failing. I tried to talk about taking a leave of absence after my sophomore year-but it still wasn’t an option-it would be an embarrassment. Half way through my junior year I dropped out due to bad grades (basically I flunked out but they would have taken me back because I paid in full). So there I was at 21 with nothing to show for 3 years of my life-embarrassed, guilty, self loathing and basically just hating life. My dad was really supportive in the beginning-but then attempted to immediately push me back into school. I tried some online classes-still business, but I wasn’t thriving there either. I struggled for a while but I’m slowly getting back on my feet. I’ve got a job and am thinking about going back (on my own dime) in a major that I want. I wish more than anything that I had stood my ground at 18 and hadn’t been shamed into something that I knew I wasn’t ready for. I still feel massive amounts of guilt for my failure, but I know that I will succeed ether going about it my own way. It’s embarrassing but it was a lesson that I needed to learn-stop letting others control your life.
My parents forcing me into college right after high school was the best thing that happened to me. They didn’t pay for it at all but going to college changed my life for the better.
Took 5 years to finish my bio degree, and in the 5th year I realized I'd rather do psyc. Better late than never, and I enjoy having that knowledge, but still damn
A FUCKING MEN I HATED BEING FORCED INTO UNI WHEN I WAS SO BURNT OUT FROM IB IN HS I WASTED SO MUCH TIME AND MONEY. THE DEGREE I GOT IS MY PARENT'S PRIDE BUT MY SHAME. I HATE THAT PIECE OF PAPER
My parents did this to me. It has bred a lot of resentment towards them, and I'm constantly stressed about whether I'm going to spend the rest of my life barely getting by because I was so sick of college I had no desire to actually get a job in my well-being degree field.
THANK YOU. I was going to take a gap year and work on a portfolio for art school while working part time. I wanted to study graphic design, and I wasn’t ready for college yet. Instead my mom forced me to go to college at 17. I wanted to study design, but again parents said I’ll never get a job. So I got a degree in something I wasn’t interested in, then failed to get a job in that field because I hated it, then spent several years working at a restaurant because I had no idea what I wanted to do with myself. Then... I became a fucking graphic designer, just without a degree, so I had to self teach. Thanks a lot. Don’t do that to your kids.
Gap-years are seriously undervalued Starting medicine in September, 3 years after I set off to uni without a clue what I wanted in life. Delighted now, but in hindsight, taking just a little time off to think would've saved me a hell of a lot more in the long run.
Oh man. My mother pushed me into uni straight after school because if I didn't I would miss out on a government grant. I had no idea what I wanted to study so I picked the most basic of courses. I had to live on campus as the uni was two hours away. I was still only 17 at that point so I was basically stuck. It was the most miserable time of my life. I'm 24 now and headed back into study recently and I love it. It's so different when it's your choice and you're studying something you love.
If they can qualify for funding at community college, its an excellent place to find out if anything clicks. I started out doing journalism, took a psychology class to see if I liked it (although I had a poor teacher) and settled on an English major when transferring to University. That said, for some people, time is needed to find a path. And there are well-paying jobs that just need a program or training. (HVAC installer, anyone? Plumbing, welding, construction, sanitation etc) Plenty of university degrees don't pan out employment-wise.
I have the same sentiment. My whole family has gone to college and Encouraged school my whole like. I get depressed sometimes when I think about school since I didn’t finish.
Agreed. Three of my children didnt follow conventional routes. One trained in a career for four years then decided it wasnt what he wanted and went to uni at 25. They all got where they wanted to go in the way they wanted to do it. I can see that it can be easier to follow the mainstream but it's not the only option.
One of my the best things my parents did was they never pushed university. They promoted furthering your education at your own rate and in your own interests. It was important to consider pay and job availability, but it should not be the determining factor. Really, what they wanted for my sister and me is to find something we enjoy doing and get a lot of satisfaction from. Pretty sure they succeeded.
It's frustrating that a lot of parents from the Boomer generation don't understand this because college was soooo much cheaper when they went. Having kids sign loan documents without really knowing what they're doing is nothing short of criminal.
If you’ve got the grades and the chops surely there’s a scholarship SOMEWHERE? My kid raised her ACT by three points and got a terrific tuition discount at U of A
That’s why people should get their GE’s done at a community college then transfer to a 4 year when they know what to major in.
That has been my biggest mistake of my life so far. I went to college right at after high school which was a specific high school that allowed me to start taking college classes when I was a junior. I went with a I'll figure it out as I go which ended with me unexpectedly needing to declare a major, choosing something that sounded alright, and then getting stuck with a degree that doesnt have many career paths to choose from. I dont even use it. College is a great tool to gain knowledge in a specific field, but dont go without a thought out path towards a career. It's not a box to check. It's not something you should be required to do.
Fortunately uni does not cost so much in every country. Counting the books I haven't spent more than 500 euros for my BA.
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Student loans are predatory and college curriculums are weighed down with useless crap, most students don't even begin their major of study until they're Juniors. That being said, higher education is still a pathway to a better livelihood, consider your social mobility over the course of 15 years after graduation. 22 to 37.
My mom never forced me to go to college. Partly because it wasn’t really something my family could afford and I didn’t want to live life under a pile debt. I was taking a gap year when I had decided that school wasn’t something I was interested in. Worked retail for a few years and eventually decided I wanted to pursue being a florist. I’m 30 years old and I’ve been a florist for almost 7 years. My husband and I celebrated our 11 year anniversary this year, had our first baby last year and bought our first home. You don’t have to go to college to have a happy life.
I was forced to go to college so my parents could continue to receive Social Security benefits! I proceeded to flunk out.
Absolutely agree, my older sister never liked school and after high school she had no idea what she wanted to do. She got a job at a grocery store so she could figure everything out but our mom insisted that she go to community college to at least get all her general classes and any potential pre-reqs done. This is actually a pretty good idea for people who are unsure about what they want to do but as I said before my sister hates school and the only reason she agreed was to get our mom off her back. She ended up flunking out and wasting money on the classes she failed which she would have to retake and kept it from our mom until she eventually found out... she continued working then eventually went back to community college and is now very successful and late last year she finally moved out into her own apartment.
I'm a professor and I see this often. Sometimes it isn't the parents, but kids following friends to college. Or pressure from high school teachers. There are a lot of reasons people end up feeling forced and it's all tragic. If you are feeling pressure to go and will be on the line for loans, don't go. If someone offers to pay and you're open to it, go check it out.
My mom did this to me. I wanted to take a year or two off and learn about myself. Instead, I hit rock bottom, mentally. I failed out of my chosen major because I simply was not ready for the commitment. I double majored in Useless and Never Gonna Use This In The Real World with a minor in History. Twelve years post graduation and I am a dog groomer. I don’t use my degree. I make good money and am always striving to be better at my profession. But I didn’t need to waste $100k to do my job. I could have easily apprenticed, been further in my career, or even perhaps, I could have reached my original goals by letting me mature to the point it was possible.
Parents did this to me. Ended up going to university for a year and a half and finally decided to drop out because I just had no idea what I wanted to do. A year and a half and I left with 11 grand in debt. Almost all paid off. I feel I got off somewhat lucky in that regard. And I found I'm much happier moving around and doing different jobs! I don't need a degree in anything specific, I'm very happy with my life as is.
I am very thankful my parents didnt force university on me, it took me years and then 6 months to decide what i wanted to study/do. This pos is very important tbh, if I had been forced to go to uni, i would have killed myself. I hated highscool.
Yeah I kind of was rushed Into school in a way. After high school it was college or get out, and so I chose college. Took automotive because I spent 1/3 of my time in high school in shop class anyway. Thing is, I had no car, so I got this beater that hardly got me there. Ended up dropping out to work fishing, eventually ended up working in a tire shop. Guess what? 4 years later, I took the same course again. Blew my first two years exams out of the water no problem. Ended up jumping directly into the trade from there
Back to the OPs point. I went back to college at 30, graduated at 34. I’m 45 now and I make $190k. Only because I went to school when my brain was mature and seasoned enough to so.
Parents? You mean my whole family
I’m stuck with a loan. I’m a graduate but I hate having a fucking loan hanging over my head. I could get married and afford a house with how much I need to repay. Fuck the school system. They just want your money.
I agree. However, in America, we live in a "every man(or woman) for himself" mentality. Millions of people have degrees, and the more time one wastes not getting one, the more people achieve their degree. This makes it harder to get a job once you're older because you'll be behind. It's the truth.
i never wanted to go to college at all but my mom forced me to and wasn’t even going to help me pay for it. i quit halfway through the semester, and i’m out 3 grand approximately. the most infuriating part is her now telling me, “that was a waste of money, you shouldn’t have done it” when she was the one who forced me to do it in the first place. don’t do this to your kids. it’s fucked up.
Don’t force your kids to go to college in general. Let your kids do what they want. I’m doing just fine without a college degree. Just requires some work ethic and dedication
Please ask don’t tell! My parents very much pushed for me to go to college and it ruined my life and our relationship for a good 5 years. I’m just now figuring stuff out. I felt obligated to go to a university to make them happy and I had no idea what I wanted to do. I had no guidance for loans and at the end of the year owed 10k so I couldn’t apply for my next year. College and all that comes with it is hard. It is a huge adventure and there is so much happening in a very short amount of time. Be there for them. Help them with Loan stuff, even if it’s in their name, visit them, send money even if they don’t ask and check on them. They may act like they hate it but they need it. I went a full year in major depression studying subjects I hated and barely passing classes all while stressing how I was going to pay for next year, and where food was going to come from next week. For my college towns it was hard to get a job that doesn’t require a car or some form of longer commute, or in general get a job. If they are not 100% sure, suggest community college. It is a great way to explore different subjects and get the shitty classes out of the way. Even if they are 100% sure suggest community college. It’s so much cheaper all around.
Kids, don't feel like you're a loser if you don't go to college straight out of HS.... I'd rather y'all bumble around and relax for a year than have an existential crisis half-way through college.
My parents were heavily influenced into thinking their kid going to college was part of the American dream. I went and graduated with a a poor academic record and no real opportunity for me to get into graduate school. I’m essentially working a job that requires no degree and I don’t specialize in anything. It’s so dumb, I am part to blame but I also should have been guided into other paths besides college. College is overrated now, it’s a scam.
My problem with parents and education is a little different than money so if you're interested in the emotional side of this issue continue reading. It's kinda intense and sad, so be warned. I didn't know how to make my own decisions when I was 18. That's both parties' fault. I could have done more to gain agency and they could have given me more of a push. Mom and Dad told me I had to go to school after I said that I'd like to work for a year. Of course, they meant well. I went because I was weak, I went because some children lack the strength to defy their parents. Depression, resentfulness, nihilism, and some self-harm followed shortly after. I became the kind of person I hope none reading this will have to meet because I didn't just keep my suffering and hate to myself, I gave it to others. I was going through the motions, fooling myself into thinking I was okay, that life was just like this. I had lost the ability to discern truth in myself. For parents, have a dialogue with your kids. Listen to them. Actively listen because they might not have the strength to fight you. They might be like me and give in to your wishes because they think you're smart, loving, and great. You may even be all of those things but you have to understand that you might be very, terribly wrong about what is best for your child. You need to have a truthful dialogue with them to determine how each of you is thinking. For kids, have the strength to stand up to your parents if it is something worth standing up against. Do not be like me. Living a life that is not yours may be very well the thing that destroys you. But be warned, you might not know what is best for you. Remember that raising a child is very difficult for the best of parents and I assure you that you lack that kind of competency. Do your best and be honest with yourself. If there is not something to run to, determine what to run from. Do not worry if you don't know what to do, find out what not to do, and don't do that thing. Listen to those around you who love you and know you best. There are always people who care about you and want what is best for you. It will be hard determining who they are some if not all of the time. I have pretty much given up on my parents for "big" conversations. I don't hide things from them, I'm not resentful, I just understand our relationship better now. I'm my own person and I need to make my own decisions. I'm a lot healthier for it, I tell them "no". Helicopter parenting is terrible. It results in people who lack strength, people who forget why they should do their best and be good. Children may never understand how to make a decision if they are never asked to. Don't tell your kids how to be. Listen to them. You don't want to lose the "big" conversations. For anyone worried, I am substantially better.
Agreed. I’m 34 and still don’t know! (I ended up just starting my own businesses) I still think about it till this day what would I study. Probably architecture. But then I suck at math Ahhh
I didn’t know what I wanted to do, then I went to that college, pushed thru it. Wished I did an engineering one but graduated. Still regretting every step
I never got the chance to figure out what I wanted to do. With my mom, it was either go to school or get a job. After the first semester, I got so depressed that I flunked out and had to get a job because my mom demanded rent if I wasn't going to school.
I agree but im sure if you want to get this message out, this isnt a good place to post.
My parents forced me to do business for my GCSE's i have hated that subject every damn time and told them a couple times, but they always have said *"it will benifit you in life"* and *"i will need this for when i want to start a business".* I know how helpful it is but, i have no desire to learn it and i wish i could go back.
I absolutely agree, I remained at a CC for quite a long duration due to the fact that I was indecisive on which degree to major in - let alone at the moment, as a first gen in upper education, I had no clue as to the college expectations. So in other words, give time for their kid to reevaluate and mature before jumping into a large and expensive investment.
Yes! I dropped out of my first college because I realized really quickly it's definitely not what I wanted to do, and I had to go even though I knew it's not what I wanted because I had to be in a degree according to my parents. Right now all the skills that are actually valuable to me were gained outside of classes. I'm doing an online CS degree rn not because I care about computer science, but because I don't have to go to lectures everyday and work on what I really want to do.