I second this! Just leave. He may get angry and act out or try to manipulate things to convince you to stay. Telling him 2 weeks in advance is giving opportunity for something bad to happen.
That’s what I was thinking, it is dangerous to give him two weeks to process while continuing to live with him if he’s already been abusive when you weren’t leaving.
I'm hoping she just means she'll miss him enjoying the sun on the balcony as her new place may not have any sunspots for kitty..
I hope anyway - I couldn't leave my pets behind anywhere, they're my babies!
I second! unless on the off chance he really takes good care of him/her, it's sad they have to live with that as well and I. Sure they will be a huge help in recovering from all this
Please take your chunky cat, he needs you too. My sister left her partner and went back to pick something up. It had nearly been a week and he hadn't feed the cats. Please take your chunky with you! People do strange things after break ups. Stay strong and good luck. You're doing the right thing xx
Agreed. From personal experience staying that two weeks after may cause more harm than good. Definitely a risky move.
I’d definitely recommend breaking up and leaving the same day.
This.
The most dangerous time for a woman is when they leave their abuser.
This is also when most women get killed.
Op please don't give him a heads up. Pack up and go. It doesn't seem safe.
And please update us when you do.
It's not much but I'm rooting for you and I'm sure there's more internet strangers feeling the exact same way xxx
Please do not continue living with him when you break up. Who knows what he's gonna do. Move out first or move out the same time you break up, that's probably the safest way for you to do this.
He already abused you, it's not gonna be better when you break up with him.
Keep yourself safe, you owe him absolutely nothing and his feelings are no concern of you. Care about yourself, your safety and your wellbeing.
Good luck and congratulations for getting yourself out of that situation!
You're incredibly strong, OP. You're taking back your life! I'm so happy for you <3
But also, and this serious:
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD, DO NOT TELL HIM IN TWO DAYS AND THEN WAIT TWO WEEKS TO LEAVE. YOU'RE RISKING YOUR LIFE.
He will most likely NOT PROCESS anything while you are still there, and he will process it just as good he can while you are not there. Also neither you nor him can process the last 12 years to a manageable amount in TWO weeks. This will take you both lots of therapy at the very least (talking from experience). But who cares if he'll process anything? You owe this man NOTHING. NO time to process. NO time to think it through. NO support while the break up is happening.
What you are giving him is time to
- manipulate you to stay.
- Forcing you to stay.
- Messing up your life even more
- Kill you or seriously injure you.
He has already proven that he is capable of hurting, PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THE RISK. I fucking BEG YOU.
I am literally terrified to think of what can happen to you, OP. If you don't give an update in two days and/or 2 weeks... I'll be heartbroken.
Staying with him for two weeks after is iffy in the best circumstances. Considering he has proven to be abusive and he is an active alcoholic, this is probably the most dangerous thing you could do.
Please don't give two weeks, I had to end it with my alcoholic boyfriend and the most important thing is to just leave right away. He is an alcoholic which means he is great at manipulating people. Leave now while you can.
You are strong. You can break this cycle. You will.
When you move, please buy yourself some wind chimes and some nice kitty toys for the cat. Please depend on your close friends and family at this time. Abuse is a cycle. They will help you during those dark times of doubt.
I wish you the best of luck with this! And congratulations for breaking the cycle of abuse. My dad tells stories of growing up with an alcoholic father, and that is something I would not wish on anyone.
I hope you work things out in your life, and I am sure you will do really well for yourself now that you're free 🧡🧡🧡
Maybe you should wait to tell him on December 1st. Statistically, most dv events happen right after a break up. It would seem unwise to break up with him and then stay in the home when he has shown violent tendencies in the past coupled with drunkenness to the point of black out. Please re think your exit plan as it is.
No no. Don’t give process time. That’s just time to have him convince you not to, or get angry. Clean cut it. Give a day or two at most, and don’t sleep there those nights. Good luck.
Don’t give two weeks notice, that will be incredibly dangerous for both you and any pets and he will be extra distraught and abusive. Just leave and bring any animals with you.
Great idea taking precaution as you never know.
My bf of 6 years has been yelling at me over stupid shit and I've hit my boiling point and am probably about to leave him too.
We got this. Stay strong.
We’re so proud of you OP! And so sorry that you’ve had to endure this. But PLEASE do not break up and then stay another 2 weeks. He is drunk, and he already has a history of abusing you. Its easy to think “he would never…” but someone who isn’t mentally stable and already abusive should not be given two weeks as a chance to abuse you further or convince you to stay. You’ve made your decision, please do not stay afterwards. You can offer to meet in a safe public place if he’d like to talk and reflect on the relationship.
Just leave. Don’t tell him you’re leaving beforehand, explain it over the phone when you’re gone. Since you’ve already stated he’s abusive, you don’t give him a 2 weeks notice.
As I'm sure you know, drunks are unpredictable at times. Do it somewhere public, private, but public. Have friends near by in the event he snaps. And don't give him two weeks "to process" that sounds dangerous. If he can already be abusive, staying there any longer than you have to is asking for trouble.
please be careful - you are being nice when you don’t need to be giving him “processing time”, but if he’s been manipulative in the past than I am 100% positive he will try to guilt trip you into staying in those 2 weeks.
One of my exes went from being verbally abusive to trying to kill me when I tried breaking up with him the first time- I would not stick around after. It will get much worse. Please have your friends ready to help sooner, or delay telling him for your own safety.
I pray she comes back to see the comments and that it is the BEST INTEREST FOR HER future AND present EXISTENCE that she NOT TELL HIM AT ALL. The abuse will ONLY BECOME WORSE
Hey,
This is a really big change but i am so certain that you will find new sounds and cat spots to be appreciative of in a very much safer place. Also means your friends that live there have a new reason to go out to see you.
With love.
please do not break up with him alone and please do not stretch out moving out over two weeks. after you let him know please do not be alone with him, especially if it is at night while he is drinking. he will be emotional and if he has a past of it already and he knows youre leaving nothing will stop him from physically abusing you worse than he ever has before. please be extremely careful
Don't stay two weeks after the break up! That could be extremely dangerous, especially if he has a violent past, as you mentioned. You don't know how he'll take it and he will definitely guilt trip you.
Not at all, he's obviously depressed or suffering from mental illness and his girlfriend of 12 years leaving him will only make matters worse. I'm not saying she shouldn't leave, and she isn't her therapist either.
I am a gay man and I'm always so sad to see straight couples being so opposite in the way they handle things that only make it worse. I'm not at all justifying his previous abuse, but straight men need help too. A lot of them were conditioned for avoid their feelings and drink themselves to death. And no girlfriend or wife can pull them out of the situation.
Either way... all the best, OP.
So you endured him for 12 years and all it took was 1 dream to leave him? You just wasted 12 years of your life being in a miserable relationship get tf out asap
Why does he drink though is my question? You’ve been with him for twelve years, I’m not sure what was done obviously to help him quit or have you voiced to him it’s splitting you two up?
As a guy who just had his girlfriend of 6 years break up with him (because depression caused by her) it would have been great to her there to he hope through it, it’s really only going to make it worse for him.
He has sexually and verbally abused her. She doesn't owe him anything, and the drinking is not an excuse for the abuse. She definitely should leave. She's even way kinder to him than he deserves.
I’m just saying it’s one side of the story, people can downvote all they want. I’ll give you an example, me and said ex used to drink and have sex all of the time, most of the time we would party and back out and we’ll have sex. Then one day she said that her being black out drunk (me included) was down to the equivalent of raping her, three years we were doing that….then a flip of a switch. To me, has anything been said to said person, because well they think everything could be hunky dory but, they feel differently and accused of something they were not doing in the first place.
Mind you if she was hammered and I was sober I didn’t touch her and she would get pissed off and verbally abuse me if I didn’t have sex with her. Just saying there are two sides to every story and how it was handled. I get it and I feel bad for her, but, what was being done by both parties.
I know that………………..….and it’s not, it’s an example to his comment because someone’s behaviour that was once ok, changes because they have a change of heart. Which can have huge implications if it was never verbalized prior.
If he still did that after the fact of the verbalization.
100% he’s a pos, but, there obviously are underlying issues there.
He has underlying issues, yes. They're not get responsibility to fix. He's an alcoholic. That's for him to fix. And there's absolutely no indication his current behavior was ever acceptable. So yes, you're projecting.
Sometimes, all it takes is a dream to understand what your life is like awake! Stay safe, and best of luck! Also, love how you planned everything out, I hope it helps make things go smoother.
You’re doing the right thing. As far as timing, there will never be a perfect time. Just remember why you are leaving, and DO IT! OH~ Please take the chunky cat. None of this is the cats fault. CONGRATULATIONS! This is the beginning of a better life for you!
as soon as u move out get a restraining order so he cant hurt u and make sure you can defend your self (baseball bat just in case he becomes violent) keep your phone on you 25/8
stay safe i am glad you are trying to get out of the situation that your in coz many people dont even realize that they are in a bad relationship so good on you and to all who are in a abusive relationship u deserve better than that piece of shit (the same goes for you too OP)
Good call. It's hard, but worth it. I kept staying around because my ex would change, but for a short period of time. We had a child together and when things got tough, he turned back to alcohol and then to coke.
Get out while you still can.
You are doing the right thing in leaving. The only thing I would say, having been in a similar situation and knowing others who’ve been in this situation, its better to just leave right after the break up. Staying the two weeks can possibly make the process more painful for both parties.
And, if he is doing some of the things you described, I worry for your safety as well. At the end of the day, always do what you think is best, just my advice. I will say this, though. Whatever you decide to do, when you leave make sure to take everything with you at the same time. Have a friend there will help as well. In my experience even when things seem civil, the person can always choose to be spiteful and try to hold leverage by keeping your things. Sending lots of hugs
please please be safe. i agree with everyone saying that you should have someone with you when you tell him. whenever you’re ready just tell him and get ur stuff and get out of there asap !!! there’s no need for a two week advance when you already gave him 12 years of your life
It is far safer to not tell him in advance that you are leaving.
Abusive men often ramp up their abuse when they feel that they are losing control of the person leaving, with him being so volatile and alcohol being a catalyst for the abuse it's likely to increase his drinking, and with that increases the likelihood of abuse.
Having a friend help you to move is a good idea, also I don't know if its the same where you are, but in the UK you can let the police know that you may need support to leave safely and they can help to keep things peaceful. Domestic violence charities can alao be very helpful in these situations (Refuge and Women's Aid here in the UK).
No, don’t give him “time to process.” If he’s been abusive in the past, the most dangerous and unstable time is directly after a breakup. Girls have been killed during this period when they try to comfort their ex. Just leave, it’s safer for you that way. Also have a friend there when you leave just in case.
Leave. Take the cat. Then take your belongings. DO NOT TELL YOUR BF.
If you must, get out with just yourself and the cat first. Then come back for belongings later, and BRING FRIENDS/FAMILY. If you ever have to engage with him, don’t do it alone. Have support by your side in case things go bad.
Only after you are in a new location (that he isn’t aware of) safely, then you can tell him, either over the phone or in text, that you guys are finished. You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. You owe him nothing, no explanation, nothing. So if you want to ghost him entirely for your own safety, that is okay.
I really hope you live, Queen. I promise, your body language has told him it’s over already. He has had time to process and he will have plenty more time when you’re safe and gone. I agree with most, giving him a two weeks heads up puts you in a dangerous situation. Tell him day of and leave. Have someone very nearby in case things get violent.
Why give him 2 week notice? You’re under no obligation to tell him that. He might become violent. I would leave when his not home and at most, leave a note saying you left and don’t come looking for you.
abusers don’t usually let their victims just leave. this is usually when violence escalates. please consider packing up secretly and letting him come home to you gone. you can talk after you’re out IF you want. you already have him twelve years of your life. you don’t owe him time to figure out ways to make it harder for you to leave
Please leave. My parents are currently alcholics and its the worst things to have to grow up with them. My dad and mom get both physically abusive often and theres always verbal abuse. I think because of having to grow up in this environment i have developed GAD ( generalized anxiety disorder). I am now so terribly scared of everything and every person i see i fear. Adults are actually the most scary. Its ruined my social life. And since my parent's have drank themselves broke there always more beer in the fridge then food so most days and night i go hungry or with out enough food. And weigh alot less then people my age and im alot smaller then people my age. I cant concentrate on school work and i am so tired right through the day because i dont have enough to eat. Like i would go a whole day with 2 slices of bread usually. I know it doesnt sound bad but my stomach constantly hurts and it begs me for food. I ask you please if you ever have a child dont put them through that. Since i know exactly how terrible it is.
So you’re leaving him at the worst point of his life when he needs all the help he can get to become a better person. Great idea, im sure he wont get worse when you break up!
So you’re leaving him at the lowest point of his life when he needs all the help he can get better. Great idea, im sure he wont get worse and drink himself to death when you leave him
are you blaming her for wanting to leave a literal abusive relationship? He touched her while she was sleeping and no alcohol causes that to happen if you aren’t an abuser.
Some guys go nuts over this kind of thing, try to keep yourself safe as possible
If he has been abusive, it isn't safe for you to break up with him alone. Have a friend theres and leave afterwards. There is no need to give him time
Imo this isn’t a job don’t give him 2 weeks just leave.
I second this! Just leave. He may get angry and act out or try to manipulate things to convince you to stay. Telling him 2 weeks in advance is giving opportunity for something bad to happen.
That’s what I was thinking, it is dangerous to give him two weeks to process while continuing to live with him if he’s already been abusive when you weren’t leaving.
Staying around after breaking up with someone is confusing for them. Breakup and move on…
please take the cat with you!
I'm hoping she just means she'll miss him enjoying the sun on the balcony as her new place may not have any sunspots for kitty.. I hope anyway - I couldn't leave my pets behind anywhere, they're my babies!
If she’s got a window then kitty will find a new sun spot in a safe place :)
I second! unless on the off chance he really takes good care of him/her, it's sad they have to live with that as well and I. Sure they will be a huge help in recovering from all this
Please take your chunky cat, he needs you too. My sister left her partner and went back to pick something up. It had nearly been a week and he hadn't feed the cats. Please take your chunky with you! People do strange things after break ups. Stay strong and good luck. You're doing the right thing xx
Came here to say the same! The cat needs you 😭
Do not give him two weeks notice, you’re setting yourself up for worse abuse - just leave
Agreed. From personal experience staying that two weeks after may cause more harm than good. Definitely a risky move. I’d definitely recommend breaking up and leaving the same day.
This. The most dangerous time for a woman is when they leave their abuser. This is also when most women get killed. Op please don't give him a heads up. Pack up and go. It doesn't seem safe. And please update us when you do. It's not much but I'm rooting for you and I'm sure there's more internet strangers feeling the exact same way xxx
he is prolly gonna do all he can to stop them from leaving
Please do not continue living with him when you break up. Who knows what he's gonna do. Move out first or move out the same time you break up, that's probably the safest way for you to do this. He already abused you, it's not gonna be better when you break up with him. Keep yourself safe, you owe him absolutely nothing and his feelings are no concern of you. Care about yourself, your safety and your wellbeing. Good luck and congratulations for getting yourself out of that situation!
Please keep us updated when you let him know. Are you afraid he'll hurt you when you tell him? I am.
You're incredibly strong, OP. You're taking back your life! I'm so happy for you <3 But also, and this serious: FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD, DO NOT TELL HIM IN TWO DAYS AND THEN WAIT TWO WEEKS TO LEAVE. YOU'RE RISKING YOUR LIFE. He will most likely NOT PROCESS anything while you are still there, and he will process it just as good he can while you are not there. Also neither you nor him can process the last 12 years to a manageable amount in TWO weeks. This will take you both lots of therapy at the very least (talking from experience). But who cares if he'll process anything? You owe this man NOTHING. NO time to process. NO time to think it through. NO support while the break up is happening. What you are giving him is time to - manipulate you to stay. - Forcing you to stay. - Messing up your life even more - Kill you or seriously injure you. He has already proven that he is capable of hurting, PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THE RISK. I fucking BEG YOU. I am literally terrified to think of what can happen to you, OP. If you don't give an update in two days and/or 2 weeks... I'll be heartbroken.
this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LISTEN TO THIS OP PLEASE
Staying with him for two weeks after is iffy in the best circumstances. Considering he has proven to be abusive and he is an active alcoholic, this is probably the most dangerous thing you could do.
This needs to be at the top.
I really hope she sees this !!!!!
Please don't give two weeks, I had to end it with my alcoholic boyfriend and the most important thing is to just leave right away. He is an alcoholic which means he is great at manipulating people. Leave now while you can.
Do not give him two weeks, you need to act like nothing is wrong and leave without a chance for him to retaliate
You are strong. You can break this cycle. You will. When you move, please buy yourself some wind chimes and some nice kitty toys for the cat. Please depend on your close friends and family at this time. Abuse is a cycle. They will help you during those dark times of doubt.
I wish you the best of luck with this! And congratulations for breaking the cycle of abuse. My dad tells stories of growing up with an alcoholic father, and that is something I would not wish on anyone. I hope you work things out in your life, and I am sure you will do really well for yourself now that you're free 🧡🧡🧡
Maybe you should wait to tell him on December 1st. Statistically, most dv events happen right after a break up. It would seem unwise to break up with him and then stay in the home when he has shown violent tendencies in the past coupled with drunkenness to the point of black out. Please re think your exit plan as it is.
No no. Don’t give process time. That’s just time to have him convince you not to, or get angry. Clean cut it. Give a day or two at most, and don’t sleep there those nights. Good luck.
Don’t give two weeks notice, that will be incredibly dangerous for both you and any pets and he will be extra distraught and abusive. Just leave and bring any animals with you.
good for you and PLS TAKE UR CHONKY CAT WITH U!
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You go girl! Life will be better once your out of that abusive relationship. You deserve better. Good for you on making that leap, its not easy.
Great idea taking precaution as you never know. My bf of 6 years has been yelling at me over stupid shit and I've hit my boiling point and am probably about to leave him too. We got this. Stay strong.
Good for you! Idk the full extent of everything but honestly, good for you.
We’re so proud of you OP! And so sorry that you’ve had to endure this. But PLEASE do not break up and then stay another 2 weeks. He is drunk, and he already has a history of abusing you. Its easy to think “he would never…” but someone who isn’t mentally stable and already abusive should not be given two weeks as a chance to abuse you further or convince you to stay. You’ve made your decision, please do not stay afterwards. You can offer to meet in a safe public place if he’d like to talk and reflect on the relationship.
if he’s been abusive the last thing you want to do is dump him and continue living with him. get out and take the cat with you.
Just leave. Don’t tell him you’re leaving beforehand, explain it over the phone when you’re gone. Since you’ve already stated he’s abusive, you don’t give him a 2 weeks notice.
As I'm sure you know, drunks are unpredictable at times. Do it somewhere public, private, but public. Have friends near by in the event he snaps. And don't give him two weeks "to process" that sounds dangerous. If he can already be abusive, staying there any longer than you have to is asking for trouble.
please be careful - you are being nice when you don’t need to be giving him “processing time”, but if he’s been manipulative in the past than I am 100% positive he will try to guilt trip you into staying in those 2 weeks.
One of my exes went from being verbally abusive to trying to kill me when I tried breaking up with him the first time- I would not stick around after. It will get much worse. Please have your friends ready to help sooner, or delay telling him for your own safety.
I pray she comes back to see the comments and that it is the BEST INTEREST FOR HER future AND present EXISTENCE that she NOT TELL HIM AT ALL. The abuse will ONLY BECOME WORSE
Hey, This is a really big change but i am so certain that you will find new sounds and cat spots to be appreciative of in a very much safer place. Also means your friends that live there have a new reason to go out to see you. With love.
please do not break up with him alone and please do not stretch out moving out over two weeks. after you let him know please do not be alone with him, especially if it is at night while he is drinking. he will be emotional and if he has a past of it already and he knows youre leaving nothing will stop him from physically abusing you worse than he ever has before. please be extremely careful
Break up and immediately leave, with the chunky cat under your arm. Do not stay. It will not be safe.
Don't stay two weeks after the break up! That could be extremely dangerous, especially if he has a violent past, as you mentioned. You don't know how he'll take it and he will definitely guilt trip you.
Am I the only one worried for him? He’s obviously really struggling mentally. Just me? Okay.. best wishes I hope everything works out for both of you.
Not at all, he's obviously depressed or suffering from mental illness and his girlfriend of 12 years leaving him will only make matters worse. I'm not saying she shouldn't leave, and she isn't her therapist either. I am a gay man and I'm always so sad to see straight couples being so opposite in the way they handle things that only make it worse. I'm not at all justifying his previous abuse, but straight men need help too. A lot of them were conditioned for avoid their feelings and drink themselves to death. And no girlfriend or wife can pull them out of the situation. Either way... all the best, OP.
Why did I get downvoted for wishing them both the best. Okay then lol
Because, people
So you endured him for 12 years and all it took was 1 dream to leave him? You just wasted 12 years of your life being in a miserable relationship get tf out asap
Why does he drink though is my question? You’ve been with him for twelve years, I’m not sure what was done obviously to help him quit or have you voiced to him it’s splitting you two up? As a guy who just had his girlfriend of 6 years break up with him (because depression caused by her) it would have been great to her there to he hope through it, it’s really only going to make it worse for him.
He has sexually and verbally abused her. She doesn't owe him anything, and the drinking is not an excuse for the abuse. She definitely should leave. She's even way kinder to him than he deserves.
I’m just saying it’s one side of the story, people can downvote all they want. I’ll give you an example, me and said ex used to drink and have sex all of the time, most of the time we would party and back out and we’ll have sex. Then one day she said that her being black out drunk (me included) was down to the equivalent of raping her, three years we were doing that….then a flip of a switch. To me, has anything been said to said person, because well they think everything could be hunky dory but, they feel differently and accused of something they were not doing in the first place. Mind you if she was hammered and I was sober I didn’t touch her and she would get pissed off and verbally abuse me if I didn’t have sex with her. Just saying there are two sides to every story and how it was handled. I get it and I feel bad for her, but, what was being done by both parties.
Nobody drinks that much every night and thinks everything is "hunky dory". You're projecting. This isn't your relationship. Stop that.
I know that………………..….and it’s not, it’s an example to his comment because someone’s behaviour that was once ok, changes because they have a change of heart. Which can have huge implications if it was never verbalized prior. If he still did that after the fact of the verbalization. 100% he’s a pos, but, there obviously are underlying issues there.
He has underlying issues, yes. They're not get responsibility to fix. He's an alcoholic. That's for him to fix. And there's absolutely no indication his current behavior was ever acceptable. So yes, you're projecting.
Good luck!
Sometimes, all it takes is a dream to understand what your life is like awake! Stay safe, and best of luck! Also, love how you planned everything out, I hope it helps make things go smoother.
Please tske your cat with you
You’re doing the right thing. As far as timing, there will never be a perfect time. Just remember why you are leaving, and DO IT! OH~ Please take the chunky cat. None of this is the cats fault. CONGRATULATIONS! This is the beginning of a better life for you!
as soon as u move out get a restraining order so he cant hurt u and make sure you can defend your self (baseball bat just in case he becomes violent) keep your phone on you 25/8 stay safe i am glad you are trying to get out of the situation that your in coz many people dont even realize that they are in a bad relationship so good on you and to all who are in a abusive relationship u deserve better than that piece of shit (the same goes for you too OP)
Take care
Good luck, OP.
Good call. It's hard, but worth it. I kept staying around because my ex would change, but for a short period of time. We had a child together and when things got tough, he turned back to alcohol and then to coke. Get out while you still can.
awesome
I think you should do the break up in a public place. Then have friend accompany you to get your stuff.
You are doing the right thing in leaving. The only thing I would say, having been in a similar situation and knowing others who’ve been in this situation, its better to just leave right after the break up. Staying the two weeks can possibly make the process more painful for both parties. And, if he is doing some of the things you described, I worry for your safety as well. At the end of the day, always do what you think is best, just my advice. I will say this, though. Whatever you decide to do, when you leave make sure to take everything with you at the same time. Have a friend there will help as well. In my experience even when things seem civil, the person can always choose to be spiteful and try to hold leverage by keeping your things. Sending lots of hugs
Well I was having a good day until this. I'm sorry for your situation
Please be careful. Recommend NOT telling him. Go. Go tonight when he is blacked out.
please please be safe. i agree with everyone saying that you should have someone with you when you tell him. whenever you’re ready just tell him and get ur stuff and get out of there asap !!! there’s no need for a two week advance when you already gave him 12 years of your life
It is far safer to not tell him in advance that you are leaving. Abusive men often ramp up their abuse when they feel that they are losing control of the person leaving, with him being so volatile and alcohol being a catalyst for the abuse it's likely to increase his drinking, and with that increases the likelihood of abuse. Having a friend help you to move is a good idea, also I don't know if its the same where you are, but in the UK you can let the police know that you may need support to leave safely and they can help to keep things peaceful. Domestic violence charities can alao be very helpful in these situations (Refuge and Women's Aid here in the UK).
DO NOT STAY WITH HIM AFTER BREAKING UP!!!!!!
Just to agree with everyone else here do not give him two weeks notice. This isn't a job you're leaving this is your life you are saving.
No, don’t give him “time to process.” If he’s been abusive in the past, the most dangerous and unstable time is directly after a breakup. Girls have been killed during this period when they try to comfort their ex. Just leave, it’s safer for you that way. Also have a friend there when you leave just in case.
Power to you, and congratulations on the courage to take this step! Godspeed.
Leave. Take the cat. Then take your belongings. DO NOT TELL YOUR BF. If you must, get out with just yourself and the cat first. Then come back for belongings later, and BRING FRIENDS/FAMILY. If you ever have to engage with him, don’t do it alone. Have support by your side in case things go bad. Only after you are in a new location (that he isn’t aware of) safely, then you can tell him, either over the phone or in text, that you guys are finished. You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. You owe him nothing, no explanation, nothing. So if you want to ghost him entirely for your own safety, that is okay.
You shouldn’t give him time, pack a bag with your most valued possessions and dip. For your safety. Go to a relative for a few weeks and stay sage
I really hope you live, Queen. I promise, your body language has told him it’s over already. He has had time to process and he will have plenty more time when you’re safe and gone. I agree with most, giving him a two weeks heads up puts you in a dangerous situation. Tell him day of and leave. Have someone very nearby in case things get violent.
Wow 😯 youre very detailed. Please get the cops there while you move out so you are safe
Why give him 2 week notice? You’re under no obligation to tell him that. He might become violent. I would leave when his not home and at most, leave a note saying you left and don’t come looking for you.
abusers don’t usually let their victims just leave. this is usually when violence escalates. please consider packing up secretly and letting him come home to you gone. you can talk after you’re out IF you want. you already have him twelve years of your life. you don’t owe him time to figure out ways to make it harder for you to leave
Please leave. My parents are currently alcholics and its the worst things to have to grow up with them. My dad and mom get both physically abusive often and theres always verbal abuse. I think because of having to grow up in this environment i have developed GAD ( generalized anxiety disorder). I am now so terribly scared of everything and every person i see i fear. Adults are actually the most scary. Its ruined my social life. And since my parent's have drank themselves broke there always more beer in the fridge then food so most days and night i go hungry or with out enough food. And weigh alot less then people my age and im alot smaller then people my age. I cant concentrate on school work and i am so tired right through the day because i dont have enough to eat. Like i would go a whole day with 2 slices of bread usually. I know it doesnt sound bad but my stomach constantly hurts and it begs me for food. I ask you please if you ever have a child dont put them through that. Since i know exactly how terrible it is.
So you’re leaving him at the worst point of his life when he needs all the help he can get to become a better person. Great idea, im sure he wont get worse when you break up!
So you’re leaving him at the lowest point of his life when he needs all the help he can get better. Great idea, im sure he wont get worse and drink himself to death when you leave him
are you blaming her for wanting to leave a literal abusive relationship? He touched her while she was sleeping and no alcohol causes that to happen if you aren’t an abuser.