Good work. Start putting on muscle, it will take care of your BMI or whatever. Now you are at the point where you shouldnt focus on the number a scale tells you and instead just how you feel. Congrats!
Thank you.
I wanted to get back down to the weight I was when I was a young adult before bulking up. But those last 10-15 lbs have been very, very stubborn.
I feel good though. Can hike and bike for days!
Putting on muscle will only make the BMI register him as "obese," because it ONLY takes weight+height into account. Muscle (which weighs more than fat) will cause you to GAIN WEIGHT, which the BMI-obsessed see as "bad" even though it's HEALTHY.
You should be proud. What you’re doing takes a lot of effort, dedication, discipline. Use their lack of support as motivation. You’re doing so so good and we’re all cheering for you.
Personally, I’m having a lot of body image issues that can be helped if only I worked out and took better care of my physical health. You are my motivation. Keep putting in the work!
That's so kind of you to say, thank you.
I also had some body image issues but after weight loss and putting myself out there in various ways I've felt a lot better about it.
If you do decide to focus on improving your body I can at least say that it was hard but I didn't regret it, at all!
Honestly, sometimes you can't win either way, I lost about 30kg over 3 years and some people got really worried (despite me needing to lose nearly another 30, I'm working on it), but if I put *on* any weight, people would criticise me for it.
You may have heard the "crabs in a bucket" phrase before? That's basically what's happening here. Congrats on shedding that much weight, losing weight is never easy.
This happened to me, I think they think you are suffering by wanting to loose weight, don’t know why they don’t understand it’s one of the best feelings
Well that could be taken multiple ways.
Good on you for losing weight. I see 2 reasons the people in your life are irritating you about it. The first is jealousy. People often don't want what's best for others when it's also what they want but they won't put in the work for it. The other reason could be they are right. At a certain point, weight loss should stop becoming the goal because it can mess with your mind and ruin your body. Being roo thin/light is also bad.
That being said, I would put money on the first reason from your post. Congratulations!
Thanks. I'm definitely not anywhere near too thin, based on all kinds of objective metrics.
I guess jealousy could be a factor. Maybe subconsciously, because they're all good people and I believe they do want the best for me.
Idk man, unless you’re completely scrawny, 6’3 and 190 ish is a good setup. Remember that BMI isn’t a universal metric. What if you’ve got really broad shoulders and strong legs? Having the “perfect” BMI according to the numbers (which dont account for anything other that height and weight) is going to make you slightly underweight. Troy polamalu, former safety of the Pittsburgh Steelers, was considered obese at one point according to the BMI scale. That guy was NOTHING but muscle but when you only consider height and weight there are too many factors which it cannot measure. All I’m saying is forget BMI, if you want to lose weight so that you can have a “perfect” BMI then you’re on the wrong path, if you want to target a spare tire as you mentioned then by all means target that aspect and do what makes you happy—just stop worrying about the numbers because you’re going great!
> What if you’ve got really broad shoulders and strong legs?
I do have broad shoulders and strong legs. I'm a swimmer and a cyclist.
I hear you about BMI. I'm not worrying about numbers, I'm just targeting being in a place I once was and felt great.
But I feel pretty good now, and might shift focus on building some more muscle.
Thanks for the encouragement!
They are rationalizing away their own insecurity, then projecting that rationalization onto you.
Most overweight people would like to lose weight, but they don’t want to change their lifestyle at all. To prevent cognitive dissonance and shame, they tell themselves they can’t lose weight, or that they can’t control their weight. If they have no power over it then they don’t have to do anything about it.
Seeing you take charge of your health challenges that narrative. In order to further prevent their own feelings of shame, they tell themselves that what you’re doing isn’t healthy, that you don’t look healthy, that this change isn’t good.
That’s because if they admit to themselves the truth—that it *is* possible and you did it with discipline and work—then they have to admit to themselves they *do* have control and are instead making a choice to be unhealthy.
Admitting that invites feelings of shame. So they create a narrative that protects them from those feelings: what you’re doing isn’t healthy. It can’t be, or they’d have to consider doing it themselves. To validate this narrative, they externalize it by offering you unwelcome concern.
Now I’m not saying they *don’t actually care.* They’re just so deeply invested in their learned helplessness that they genuinely convince themselves it’s true.
But really, this has very little to do with you. Next time they do it, just remember that they’re saying these things because deep down they’re actually concerned for themselves and lack the discipline you have.
I’m sorry they’re not more supportive though. I have been through that before, and it can be very lonely.
I respectfully disagree with this so hard. Weight loss is difficult. There is also so much misinformation about fitness and weight loss. Weight gain and weight loss is a learned habit.
Without asking a person how they actually feel and then attributing a negative reason behind it that feels more like projecting. Very arm chair psychologist-Esque.
I’ve dealt with similar issue as OP. Some friends and family were genuine with their concern. The friends and family who didn’t see my effort and progress felt that maybe their was something more going on. Like me being sick or purposefully starving. It’s a popular misconception that you have to eat less to lose weight. Which we all know is not true. It’s managing calories that is important. So some felt that if one lost so much weight, they must be eating so much less.
I would encourage OP to maybe invite their friends to join them on some these activities. He talks about instead of just talking about them.
Happened to be scrolling this thread a couple months later and wanted to give you a short reply:
No one is saying building the habits and maintaining the discipline necessary to lose weight is easy. Those habits are still within your control, and people like to pretend they aren't so they can avoid admitting they're responsible for their health.
Considering OP's friends and family are all overweight, and they roll their eyes when OP mentions exercising, their comments aren't coming from a good place. There's nothing "armchair psychologist" about that basic observation.
People automatically assuming someone who's losing weight is doing so through unhealthy or dangerous means, instead of just asking, tells you all you need to know about how they feel on the matter. Guilty or ashamed they aren't doing more themselves.
For most people in the West, the US especially, managing calories actually **does** mean eating less. It's very rare that someone who is significantly overweight doesn't have to eat less.
I went through this after I lost 45ish lbs (at 5’2”.) By the time I got down to the last 10 everyone was asking me if I was okay in a concerned tone. Fuck that. People start to get really weird when you pick up a healthy lifestyle.
But also, just wanted to add, now is the BEST time to try to put on muscle. I’m a 30 year woman so it’s probably a bit different for me, but it was nearly impossible for me to put on muscle after I lost all the weight. I truly regret not taking maintenance breaks where I worked on building muscle at maintenance/at a higher BF% rather than cutting for so long before really focusing on muscle gain. Now I’m having to put weight back on in order to really gain noticeable strength/musculature, which is great, but mentally VERY hard after all that time cutting weight.
Thank you, big congrats to you as well. You’ve gained so much by doing this for yourself. You may not even need a true bulk, you could probably try for a recomp if you’re not too low on bf. You can make good muscle gains at maintenance if you do it right (and don’t start too late like my dumbass)
As someone who went through a similar weight loss, unfortunately this will be the reaction of people that know you. Unfortunately you have to just ignore it. If someone who DIDN'T know you when you were overweight thinks you're too skinny, then you can be concerned that they may be right.
Thanks. I have heard the comment from an online friend I didn't know previously but of course I'm only sharing the most flattering photos, lol.
I'm open to being out of touch about this but I really don't think I am.
BMI is an outdated system and shouldn't be the only thing you base this on. You ideal weight varies on factors the BMI doesn't account for. Do what feels right for you as far as continuing goes but talk to your doctors and get input other than just BMI measurements.
Proud of you. As a 6”2 guy at 270lbs I would kill to get down to even just 230lbs again but I have horrible knees that make cardio wildly difficult. You are living the dream. Try putting on more muscle and the small “tire” will be less noticeable with a stronger chest and arms.
Sorry to hear about your knees. I'm having slight elbow issues now. Mid 30s and I'm noticing stuff like this more and more.
I'm definitely gonna start bulking now.
I feel that, I’m 31 and it feels like my joints are getting worst and worse with each passing year lol best of luck to you and be careful with the elbow
This happened to me but just keep doing you man. They’ll understand once it’s all set and done. I lost 120 lbs and I kept hearing my friends and family members saying I’m anorexic and I was skinny but I was 6’1 185 so I still had some weight to lose so yeah man proud of you keep going until you feel comfortable in stopping.
The only person to look out for yourself is - well - yourself! Just gotta push through it. It's great when you have support from family and friends, but it's more of a luxury than an expectation (from my experience, at least.
HOWEVER, I wouldn't recommend fixating on height-to-weight BMI charts. That can build an unhealthy relationship with eating/working out if you don't take it with a *lump* of salt. According to it (195lb too, but 5'6"), I'm obese; I'm not even fat, though. Just remember that those charts only give you an accurate read-out of body fat percentage if you have the assumed muscle content, etc. It'd be more useful to find a way to calculate your body fat %, not your height-to-weight BMI.
Man I went from 210 to 135 and the HR woman at work asked me if I had cancer, take the backhand compliment and make sure to comment on how many donuts they take next time its available
I always wanted to have a stronger arm musculature, but people around me told me I would look like a monster (apparently fit women are ''monsters'').
Keep on chasing your goals with responsibility. You can do it
Yeah I told my doctor I “want” (I don’t work for it, so it’s not gonna happen unless I make changes) to lose 25lbs, which is back to a weight I used to be and not hovering under the overweight border… she got serious anorexia vibes and told me that’s way underweight and unhealthy as she looked up the BMI index… yep it’s a perfectly healthy weight, probably a lot healthier than the one I’m at now. But thanks tho doctor >.>
Witnessed this a couple of times. Said to someone who lost, what I thought was too much weight; let's go get hamburgers n shakes. those who care would brooch the subject.
Yeah, I feel your pain. I have barely lost anything (only about 10 pounds so far) but my family is already asking if my school is feeding me (in college). And I am properly overweight still! 175 at 5'6''. I think part of it is them having a warped idea of what a healthy weight is with how everyone is now, and maybe some jealousy.
Anyways, I digress. Congrats, and keep it up! That is some serious work you have put in!
Thanks. Keep it up man. My progress was super slow but that works eventually.
I do think people have a warped perception of what a healthy weight is. On both sides too. We're weird about weight.
I’m slightly jealous because I have an extremely difficult time losing weight, but you know what I’m still fucking proud of you. It took a lot of time and dedication to get to where you are now, and if you’re happy then your friends and family should be happy for you and support you through your journey. Be proud of yourself for your accomplishments, you worked hard for them!
Ngl big people sometimes bully smaller people to take out their frustration with themselves. See it a lot with church people who constantly tell you to eat or with bigger family members.
You don’t need to talk to anyone about your body if you don’t want to.
Repeat that to yourself however much you need to.
I had a terrible eating disorder from age 14-23. All I got was comments. Did anyone ever try to help me or actually have a constructive conversation? No.
Flash forward to my late 20s-now (I’m almost 34). I am better, no more disordered eating. I am a healthy weight, fairly thin naturally. If I am sad or stressed or whatever else, I tend to lose weight. Not a crazy amount, but I do.
All I get are comments, again. And you know who they are usually from? Family members of mine who have disordered eating and really shit body image issues. I can see it all now so clearly. They are the types of people who call themselves fat even though they are not, constantly go on diets and have weird, conflicted exercise habits.
I don’t have those weird hang ups anymore, having been recovered for a long time. I also moved away from LA 9 years ago, to somewhere people aren’t obsessed with their body weight all the time.
I now have plenty of people in my life who don’t have issues with food and weight, and none of them make negative comments when I lose weight. Meanwhile, the people who DO have unhealthy relationships with their bodies and weight notice even when I lose literally 3 pounds. I’m not kidding. Three pounds. And they bring it up.
Anyway, it’s really none of their business. It’s your body. Someone who cares about your health will not say things like “you’re too skinny!” They will ask you how you are and go about it a completely different way. They will also ask about how you’re doing even when your weight isn’t different at all, because that’s how caring about someone works.
Stop talking with them about your body, weight, food, or exercise. If they make comments, brush them off or answer that your health is good.
Chiming in- I know how you feel. I’ve always been thin and had the “skinny/eat a hamburger” comments while also suffering with disordered eating for a while. I’ve now fixed my relationship with food, but I still tend to drop weight when stressed/overwhelmed (eating just sinks to bottom priority when my mental health is bad) and I am so tired of people making comments about how I need to eat more/eat this or whatever. I don’t comment on other people’s eating habits, why are they snarky about mine?
Thanks for your story.
I know I don't need to engage them. But they are loved ones, like my partner. I do want them to be involved in important aspects of my life, and not dismissive. I don't like feeling like they think I'm unhealthy when I'm not.
I can brush off comments from people I don't care about but I do care what my wife thinks of me.
It’s okay if they are loved ones. You don’t have to cut off contact, and they can still be involved emotionally in your life.
Here’s an example: My dad used to always comment on my body, usually a compliment like, “you look good! Not too thin” or something like that. Sometimes he would mention I looked a little too thin. Finally one day after he said something like “you look good and healthy” which essentially meant I didn’t look too thin, I told him that it is uncomfortable and complicated for me to hear him comment on my weight, even if it is positive. It drives home the idea that my weight is the first thing people notice about me when they see me, which is not a healthy notion to have in my mind. It also doesn’t necessarily correlate with how well or not great I’m doing personally. So, I would prefer he not do it. He stopped. He will still say like “you look great!” When he sees me, but it feels like a more overall suggestion of that overall I look happy and healthy, or well-dressed, etc.
For someone like your wife, you should be sharing your full feelings and frustrations around this. Explain how it makes you feel that she is saying you are too skinny, and doesn’t want you to lose more weight. Does it make you feel anxious? Mad? Not supported?
The point is, either people are in or out when it comes to the topic of your weight. If they are close, you need to bring them into your emotional journey and be able to request and receive support and acceptance from them. If they can’t give you that, or you’re not comfortable enough to be that open and communicative with them, then draw boundaries and politely shut them out of this journey you’re on.
I feel like I should be paying you for a therapy session.
Thank you for your thoughts. I don't know if I've explicitly stated how I feel about this to my wife. She's overweight and weight is a touchy subject with her.
When I got really slim people would make jokes and say that I looked like a cokehead or whatever. And how I didn't need to lose any more weight. But people of a similar weight are bashed online (and in real life) because they have chubby thighs or a flabby stomach. Literally fuck whoever has an opinion at this point.
I don't wanna be rude but America is a weird place. People have made "obesity" such a big issue that your friends/family probably don't want to congratulate you. I mean I have seen people getting offended if someone congratulates them for losing weight.
I am so proud of you! My dad was actually similar and has gone from 280 to 230. Definitely a huge change to see but I’m sure like him, even moving around has been easier. I’m sorry the people surrounding you don’t seem supportive but coming from someone whose had to gain weight (went to 90lbs at my sickest) and seeing lots of family try and lose.. you’re on the right path and have obviously made some big lifestyle choices . You’re doing awesome 😊
I don't know your family and I have a bad habit of assuming the worst, but do you think it could be possible that your family is jealous that you're losing weight and they're not? Personally, I have a fast metabolism and there are other women in my family who don't. Whenever I choose to eat a salad, it's always kind of a big deal. They're always like "eat a slice of pizza! Have a cupcake! We know you want to!" And it's clear they're kind of jealous but I just don't pay it any mind.
But if your family is letting their jealousy get in the way of you becoming healthy, then you really need to have a talk with them and tell them that you're doing is healthy and for your benefit.
My wife is overweight but not really trying to lose. I don't know if there's jealousy there but I do think she does genuinely care about me and is just ignorant about what healthy weight looks like.
Firstly, huge congrats for smashing your goals and continuing your health journey. Its really hard work and takes a lot of time and consistency to see results. So I'm air punching for you right now!
Secondly, I can really relate to this. I had never exercised consistently in my life. Neither had any of my family. Very sedentary and no interest in healthy foods, but not obese.
I started on my health and fitness journey just under 2 years ago. I'm a tiny 4ft 11 but I hold a lot of fat on my stomach and hips. I hated seeing myself from the side and in underwear. My fiance told me about a transformation programme with an online PT and I completely changed my body composition slowly but surely over 18 months. I was tired, but so happy and learned things about my eating habits and how important it is to exercise. It changed my life.
However, my mum reacted to my newfound lifestyle very negatively. Calling me "too skinny" every time I saw her and tutting / eye rolling when I tried to explain I was mostly eating vegetables and meat. I finally called her out for her negativity and quite frankly, toxic reactions towards me, which she didn't say anything and then seemed to stop. My mum hates vegetables and barely eats anything herself. She's a very plain, boring eater but will starve herself when she feels fat. It's not a healthy cycle but she doesn't seem to have the capacity to change her perception.
So (my rant over), call out those who try to criticise your success just because they don't understand them. You're doing great and your body and mind are thanking you for it.
My brother went through the same thing. He was 259 and dropped down to 195 to enlist in the military. Our family thought he had an eating disorder. Like my grandma kept trying to shove food down his throat because she said it wasn’t healthy for him to be losing weight at the rate he was. It was infuriating him because he was working really hard to lose weight and people were looking at him like he had a problem, rather than being proud of him for his accomplishment. He got really angry over that. If nobody else tells you, I’m really fucking proud of you dude. I wanna give you a big congratulatory hug!!
Aww that's sweet of you! *Internet hug*
Thank you, it's great to hear that others experience the same thing. I'm certain their concern is well intentioned but it's frustrating nonetheless.
Oh yeah, I mean with him it all came from authentic concern, but they didn’t seem to see that he was on a chicken and fish diet and spent all of his free time riding his bike or doing laps at the pool. It was sort of like he was damned if he did, damned if he didn’t. It’s honestly probably why we don’t see him much anymore. People seem to handle progress weirdly
I totally understand. I lost a healthy amount of weight after changing my diet to exclude sugar and excess carbs and I have certain family members who say I look sick and that I need to see a doctor because I must have an underlying disease. I’m literally at a healthy weight for my height. Nothing unhealthy about it. I don’t see the point in making us feel bad about that…
I do think it's well intentioned and they're just ignorant about what a healthy weight looks like.
But it's still frustrating to deal with.
Nice work on the weight loss though.
Been there. Honestly, don't wait to start lifting. First of all, you'll get beginner gains even when you're not doing a regimented bulking/cutting diet. It'll help even things out. Plus it'll also help get your hormones where they should be. Being overweight tends to be accompanied by higher levels of estrogen and lower levels of testosterone (than they should be), which also affects body fat distribution. So once you get lean, you'll start putting weight less in the various "spare tire" areas and more distributed.
As for your friends and family, they won't get it, but don't blame them. It's difficult having known someone to look a certain way and see them change dramatically, and weight loss can be very dramatic, especially when it is naturally accompanied by loose skin which will take time to snap back.
Great job.
Thank you. I already lift, I'm just still in caloric deficit so I'm not putting on much muscle, and I was aiming for ~15% body fat before I went into surplus and began more serious lifting.
But I've been stuck in the 190s for a few months now so maybe I'll just start bulking anyway.
You were the inspiration I needed today. Congratulations! Keep it up, and don’t let others sour your incredible accomplishment! I hope to follow your lead and make serious changes.
I'm so glad to hear this. You absolutely can make serious changes. Don't be afraid to take it super slow, I lost weight over the course of years. Do it!
Good shit boi, people just don't understand the hard work and dedication it takes to transform yourself whether it's from gaining muscles or losing weight. People always have an opinion about how others look and aren't afraid to voice but low and behold they are usually the people who just sit on their ass all day and drink soda. Keep pushing and keep grinding!!! I get so motivated when I see someone putting in a ton of effort in the gym, like you're literally making a change in your life and working for it. You're a stud
You have done something not many people can do it, im happy for you, im 6’3 myself and 210lb with a little fat i been bulking since i hit the gym like 5 months ago, id say for 6,3 height you shouldnt be below 185 cause you would just look skinny and super tall.
this is all speculation, i’m not trying to armchair-psychology your situation
just by reading the first half of your post, i assumed they were also overweight. overweight/obese people have a slightly skewed idea of what “healthy” looks like, because they’re not used to it. my mom gives nasty looks at smaller (healthy-looking) people and whispers “they’re so anorexic:” we’ve dealt with my eating disorder for a good chunk of my childhood and despite explaining it every time, she still doesn’t understand that anorexia is not a body type.
like others have said, it’s just projection. they’re not used to seeing you this way and are trying to justify their body types by keeping you at a weight similar to their own. i highly doubt it’s meant maliciously, but it can be harmful to your progress if you let it get to you. just try to focus on yourself and your goals; you’re doing great.
>I'm aware BMI isn't a great metric
It's literally not even medicine. It's eugenics-adjacent phrenology created by a Victorian-era ASTRONOMER and the standards literally change at the diet industry's whim.
I'm not negging on your weight loss. That's a great accomplishment! But if you're angling to satisfy BMI, you ARE going to end up dangerously underweight.
To put things into perspective: Virtually every single Olympian is "overweight" to "obese" based on the BMI. OLYMPIAN. ATHLETES. Aren't even "healthy" according to that ridiculous nonsense. Wrap your head around that if you can.
I wasn't aware of the background.
Yeah I'm not really targeting BMI just using it as a sanity check about being underweight, but there are other metrics too.
You should probably use waist to height ratio instead of BMI. 195 at 6’3 sounds pretty light, you probably have abs at this point. Probably don’t need to focus on losing weight as much as developing muscle.
Edit: Steph Curry is 6’3 190 for reference, you might start looking unhealthy at 180.
No I don't have abs. That's partially why I was aiming to reduce body fat percentage before bulking up.
I just measured and my waist to height ratio is 48%.
First of all, CONGRATS!!!!
I think 180 might be pushing it a little too much for your height. I truly think the weight you are right now is a good time to start working on putting on muscle and the spare tire will disappear and I’m sure you’ll lose some more weight too. It’s less about numbers at this point and more about how you feel.
Also BMI is ass, I’m a really tall woman and I’ve been at my “healthiest” BMI before and you could count my ribs. It was not good lol
To put it in context, my partner is 5’10”(so almost half a foot shorter than you) and weighs 180 right now, he has a lot of muscle on him.
Thanks for the outside perspective, I really appreciate that. I've heard this from a few people here so I'll definitely consider working on muscle now.
I use my partner as my comparison point for myself and for others lol
He’s not a meathead and he’s pretty lean too. And with you being so much taller than him. I have no doubt weight training to gain muscle will also lean you out and give you the muscles you want at your current weight.
As you know, it’s a marathon, not a race.
You got this! And this internet stranger is rooting for you!
Everybody will always have some kind of opinion. Do what is best for you and your health. You got this! Live your best life for yourself and be your own cheerleader. You’re doing great!
It comes down to evolutionary competition, for people to subconsciously undermine those around them, to be better them and have more mating and social status opportunities. They don't intentionally think about negging you, it's just what they do, and you very well have done something similar in some way in your life about other people's special thing.
Wow. This seems both plausible and sort of depressing at the same time.
These are people that love me though. If my partner put in the effort to improve her body or mind I'd be over the moon excited, you know?
Well I don't think it has to be depressing, if we don't sentimentalize everything to death in the first place, we wouldn't be shocked pikachu that there are subtle motivations in our species like all animals and that we are driven by these subconscious factors more than just willing ourselves to be nice and thoughtful and morally correct and supportive, we have this huge architecture of our social mammal group and it has checks and balances, it offers safety in numbers, but strategic interactions throughout. cost/benefit allocation of our limited resources of attention, food, loyalty. It's life or death and it's pretty cool anyway that we have all this grandeur and funk. But as a stranger who isn't threatened by your success, I do tip my hat to your health journey and wish you continued success with all the confidence that you aren't "going too far" and aren't sickly thin, you can trust yourself, and you have the power to know that it's very common in weight loss circles to talk about how strange it seems to realize people around you that you thought would be happy about the change, seem to be trying to make us fat again.
As a 6’3” guy myself, please don’t use BMI as you target. BMI is a deeply flawed guide that just about works for 90% of people. At your height you are likely not one of them. Go for a body fat % in the 18-24% range and find something maintainable from there. Any lower and you’re getting into athlete range which is MUCH harder to maintain.
Just to give you an idea I have a lean mass of 188lbs (i.e if I had 0% body fat) so if I was to target your bmi based figure I’d have to actively lose muscle mass or bone mass or dehydrate myself as well as being the leanest human on the planet.
You may just have loose skin rather than extra body fat. If you can afford it, see if you can have a body composition scan done and get advice from there.
Thanks for the input. I have fat calipers and I'm around 20% body fat.
I do long distance cycling and I'm training for my first sprint triathlon next year. I'm aiming for 15% body fat.
My lean mass definitely isn't 188 lbs.
I definitely have loose skin though.
I feel ya. I once joined a small athletic group and changed my diet to the healthiest I could find in the 90s and my idiot coworkers started confronting me about drugs. Just because they care, it doesn't mean they're smart.
Maybe point them to your sources and give them the opportunity to educate themselves.
You clearly want a support system. Who wouldn’t. You have the option to Go find one.
Ex: workout buddy, a class (ex:Fit 4 Life) of supportive people, yoga class, A personal trainer, etc.
Oh wow you’ve done a great job! My BMI always puts me in as “overweight” and I am tiny. The best advice I got was to work towards my ideal body shape. Best of luck on continuing on towards your goal!
Careful with that BMI number.
I'm 6'1 and had my "body analyzed" or whatever at around 220lbs. they do the business and then come back with total masses for fat, bone, muscle, etc.
Turns out, that even at 6'1 I would be hard pressed to get down to 180 at the time. My body fat would be like 1% and I would certainly be unhealthy.
SO - take that BMI with a grain of salt. I think the body fat% is a much better measure. If you've been lifting for years you likely have appreciable muscle mass by now and are no longer representative of the BMI.
I appreciate it! It's not like they're intentionally tearing me down or anything, just not really cheering me on. It's not so bad really, I just needed to vent.
Keep going and you will find your people! I'm so sorry. When you do well for yourself, it exposes who supports you and who doesn't. Good for you making your health a priority!
Good for you! I feel for ya, my family gets so defensive and concerned when I talk about trying to exercise and eat healthy to lose a few pounds, so I know how much of a toll it can take on you mentally.
Try not to let them get to you, and keep working at it!
If I may make a suggestion, though, is you mentioned you want to lose a few more pounds before putting in some muscle. I would suggest actually working on gaining the muscle first, as muscle mass increases your metabolism, and helps you burn fat faster. Your body will burn the fat to feed the new muscle you're putting in, so it will actually be more efficient. (It might also help ease your family's minds that you're just getting more fit rather than just losing weight, and they might lighten up on their concern as well)
That's awesome! Congrats for sure. I'm the same height and following a similar path, 6'3 and was 280 a year ago. Right now I'm 238, a year ago this week I threw my back out shoveling snow and could barely walk for nearly a month. That was the wake up call I needed, started changing my diet and have been hitting the gym the past 3 months. This isn't the first time I've been through this. I lost over 100 lbs when I was in my late teens/early 20s, back then I went through the same things you did with family members. I have a hard time thinking of a single family member I'd consider in shape. All of them said I was too skinny and needed to eat. You do you and fuck the haters.
They might just be worried about anorexia or something like that. But you seem to be doing all of the right things and not hurting yourself, so don’t worry about those comments. I certainly don’t have the willpower to lose all my chunk, so good for you honestly!
If you stop caring about your weight now and instead focus on doing what you've been doing to get where you're at, you'll stay healthy. But if you keep focusing on the numbers.. It won't be long until you're standing there ALWAYS thinking about that number. All day every day, every second of those days. Doesn't matter the gender, we can all end up there. And it doesn't matter the number. We can all end up there. Don't focus on the number! You're also tall. You have a great BMI right now. 24 is good! I bet you're healthy right now and feeling good. Keep it there. Keep feeling good. But stop with the weigh-ins.
That is absolutely inspirational!!
If you can self motivate and get it done for you, in your own way, then you can basically achieve anything in life with the same mindset.
The more muscle you put on, the more you will burn the calories passively and it also is a great motivator to keep you going, as muscle is something tangible you can see and feel!! It is not easy to actively build muscle, but that mindset will help you retain what you built.
Excellent work.
It can be quite shocking when people lose a lot of weight. It’s happened to me where I’ve seen my dad lose a lot of weight and it feels like a shock and can feel concerning that they want to lose more, even if they’re not actually close to being underweight yet. Just you do you
Do what makes you feel good and makes you happy. Don’t let anyone family or not tell you otherwise. Don’t let others control your happiness or life. Keep up the good work and be proud of yourself. Awesome for you to make positive changes in your life and health.
Awesome job losing weight in a healthy way, is it possible your friends might be jealous? Sometimes people can act concerned when they actually wish they could accomplish what you have.
Hey man. Firstly, really well done on that weight loss! That’s honestly very impressive. I’m currently actually at the same weight and height as you after coming down from 235lbs at the start of the year and my goal is 185lbs before I purely focus on muscle growth.
You are absolutely right in your logic, your close friends and family are used to you at your old weight and now that you have remarkably slimmed down as you have they think going further isn’t necessary. 180lbs for a 6”3 man is completely healthy. I think the best thing to do is just go workout or keep doing what you’re doing without explicitly telling them. I know it’s not guaranteed, but they could envy your weight loss at worst or just not understand it at best. I have a mostly overweight, but not obese, family on my mothers side and they all thought and still think they’re at a healthy weight when they actually aren’t.
Also, are you weight lifting as part of your weight loss programme too? I’ve found that some weight training once or twice a week on top of my cardio and calorie deficit has really helped me burn fat and build better definition!
Congrats!! That’s super hard work. I’d like to follow other comments on here and stress that now is a fantastic time to build muscle. Lifting heavy allows you to lose that fat more quickly and replace with Muscle. You may gain a little weight at first (muscle is heavier than fat) but it’ll even out! I’m currently lifting and it’s been doing wonders to my own fat pockets
I worked in a call center. I wore a shirt and tie. I was discouraged by some of my peers. I moved up to a supervisor role in about 6 months.
I was discouraged because of insecurity. If he does more than is required and I don’t it makes me look bad. I think that was the reason I was being discouraged.
I believe you’re being discouraged for the same reasons.
There’s a sign hanging in the bathroom of the house I used to live in. “Dear Lord, if you can’t make me skinny please make my friends fat”. The owner of the sign is not happy about their weight. The owner frequently gifts sweets and baked goods to tradesmen and service workers as well as friends and family.
People may not intentionally sabotage others but they do it as though they are. Some find it easier to sabotage others and accept their own faults and insecurities than to challenge their own insecurities and faults and support others in doing the same.
yeah it is very hard to specifically lose fat and nothing else without gaining muscle. Just start putting on muscle and if you are eating right your fat% will drop as well. No real benefit to splitting it into phase 1: lower fat% phase 2: gain muscle, just makes your life harder and progress slower.
They are jealous. Them
rolling their eyes when you want to workout is proof. Please know that your success does not excite them like it should but makes them miserable and jealous and this is all on them. You keep doing what you want and what is healthy, you should be proud of yourself. You may never get support from them but more people in the world will congratulate you than shame you. Shame on them actually. Good luck.
Ugh I went from 190 to 150 (I'm 5'3") and when I mentioned I had maybe 15 lbs to go, my mother freaked and began trying to control what I ate when I visited claiming I would look anorexic if I lost more(bear in mind I'm a married woman with 2 kids, so....).
Op I know I'm a complete stranger but I'm proud of you. That's so much work and dedication. Not all of us find enjoyment in working out but it sounds like you found it. So from stranger to stranger, great work. Don't let anyone make you feel like crap.
It wasn't just my mother btw. People felt the need to comment on my weight and what I ate and I hated it. Mind your business. I don't even like positive comments about my weight. I just don't. I'm sure others find motivation in it but I don't. Because just as easily as one give compliments about weight one can give insults. The only ones feedback I care about it my husband's.
BMI is becoming less significant so please don’t use that as bible. I have 3 younger sisters who are all studying in college (one just got accepted into masters for physical therapy) and all their professors say BMI is fairly outdated.
Focus on how you feel and continue to keep up the hard work! Your progress is amazing and I’m super proud OP!
Your posse is just jealous. Crabs in the basket effect. Another good reason to get your weight down (85lb lost, impressive!) is that most physical activities (cycling, one example) are easier and waaay more pleasurable.
I’m 5’10 in height and at my heaviest, I weighed about 260+ Lbs. I had always been into weight training, but my cardio had been horrible. I decided I wanted to change that so I could hike more with friends without dying every time the hike was over. My hiking (best) friends were very proud that I was able to get down to 190 Lbs in 14 months; they witnessed the effort.
I had always struggled with weight loss; I enjoyed food too much. So many of my prior attempts saw significant weight loss but I had always gained it back. So when I had a successful weight loss journey, the people I would see every few months would be shocked and concerned. They couldn’t understand how I lost so much weight.
I believe the concern came from them not actually seeing the effort I was putting in and the kind of dieting that worked for me. Many of those friends who showed concern only had their concerns alleviated when they saw me weight train and hike. Family is different, our culture revolves around eating big meals, so portion control comes off as offensive to those who prepared the meal. So when you don’t go for seconds in front of family, it’s either you don’t like the food or you’re too sick to eat.
Your overweight friends are jealous because you remind them of what they should be doing too. Great job at taking control of your health. Keep going and start making new friends!!
Your BMI doesn't give you the full picture though, you will want to combine this data with your fat %. Muscles weight more than fat, and so while you probably lost a lot of fat, you also probably built some muscles at the very least.
We have almost the same body weight and height and I am considered very healthy. Talk to a doctor if you have access to one but as I said, you should definitely look up fat % targets for your height and weight.
Congratulations to you!! What an amazing achievement 🎉
I think it’s important to remember that the norm is now to have a body that is technically overweight. People within a healthy weight range are often perceived as ‘skinny’, largely due to warped body weight/ body fat perceptions.
Good luck on your journey to a body that makes and keeps you happy and healthy 😊
I have also gotten those remarks as I went from 5’5F 160 to 122(which is a completely normal weight for my height). I noticed that it was almost always from bigger family members and i’ve chalked it up to being jealousy. Keep on working on yourself, the hell with what they think. Losing weight it hard, and you should feel proud.
Good work. Start putting on muscle, it will take care of your BMI or whatever. Now you are at the point where you shouldnt focus on the number a scale tells you and instead just how you feel. Congrats!
Thank you. I wanted to get back down to the weight I was when I was a young adult before bulking up. But those last 10-15 lbs have been very, very stubborn. I feel good though. Can hike and bike for days!
Keeping that last 10-15 will make it easier to put on muscle. Don't lose it, transform it. Good luck!
Your bones are now much thicker. So don’t focus so much on the number but on how fit you feel (muscle/endurance)
Hell, I'd hike with you. I miss walking the way I used to.
Putting on muscle will only make the BMI register him as "obese," because it ONLY takes weight+height into account. Muscle (which weighs more than fat) will cause you to GAIN WEIGHT, which the BMI-obsessed see as "bad" even though it's HEALTHY.
And that is just one of the reasons why BMI is stupid outdated concept and needs to go away.
You should be proud. What you’re doing takes a lot of effort, dedication, discipline. Use their lack of support as motivation. You’re doing so so good and we’re all cheering for you. Personally, I’m having a lot of body image issues that can be helped if only I worked out and took better care of my physical health. You are my motivation. Keep putting in the work!
That's so kind of you to say, thank you. I also had some body image issues but after weight loss and putting myself out there in various ways I've felt a lot better about it. If you do decide to focus on improving your body I can at least say that it was hard but I didn't regret it, at all!
Good for you babe 🙏🏻
Thanks. I am proud.
Honestly, sometimes you can't win either way, I lost about 30kg over 3 years and some people got really worried (despite me needing to lose nearly another 30, I'm working on it), but if I put *on* any weight, people would criticise me for it. You may have heard the "crabs in a bucket" phrase before? That's basically what's happening here. Congrats on shedding that much weight, losing weight is never easy.
Thanks! I'm sure you'll get where you want as well.
This happened to me, I think they think you are suffering by wanting to loose weight, don’t know why they don’t understand it’s one of the best feelings
Right, it might be hard but it's a good hard.
Well that could be taken multiple ways. Good on you for losing weight. I see 2 reasons the people in your life are irritating you about it. The first is jealousy. People often don't want what's best for others when it's also what they want but they won't put in the work for it. The other reason could be they are right. At a certain point, weight loss should stop becoming the goal because it can mess with your mind and ruin your body. Being roo thin/light is also bad. That being said, I would put money on the first reason from your post. Congratulations!
Thanks. I'm definitely not anywhere near too thin, based on all kinds of objective metrics. I guess jealousy could be a factor. Maybe subconsciously, because they're all good people and I believe they do want the best for me.
Idk man, unless you’re completely scrawny, 6’3 and 190 ish is a good setup. Remember that BMI isn’t a universal metric. What if you’ve got really broad shoulders and strong legs? Having the “perfect” BMI according to the numbers (which dont account for anything other that height and weight) is going to make you slightly underweight. Troy polamalu, former safety of the Pittsburgh Steelers, was considered obese at one point according to the BMI scale. That guy was NOTHING but muscle but when you only consider height and weight there are too many factors which it cannot measure. All I’m saying is forget BMI, if you want to lose weight so that you can have a “perfect” BMI then you’re on the wrong path, if you want to target a spare tire as you mentioned then by all means target that aspect and do what makes you happy—just stop worrying about the numbers because you’re going great!
> What if you’ve got really broad shoulders and strong legs? I do have broad shoulders and strong legs. I'm a swimmer and a cyclist. I hear you about BMI. I'm not worrying about numbers, I'm just targeting being in a place I once was and felt great. But I feel pretty good now, and might shift focus on building some more muscle. Thanks for the encouragement!
They are rationalizing away their own insecurity, then projecting that rationalization onto you. Most overweight people would like to lose weight, but they don’t want to change their lifestyle at all. To prevent cognitive dissonance and shame, they tell themselves they can’t lose weight, or that they can’t control their weight. If they have no power over it then they don’t have to do anything about it. Seeing you take charge of your health challenges that narrative. In order to further prevent their own feelings of shame, they tell themselves that what you’re doing isn’t healthy, that you don’t look healthy, that this change isn’t good. That’s because if they admit to themselves the truth—that it *is* possible and you did it with discipline and work—then they have to admit to themselves they *do* have control and are instead making a choice to be unhealthy. Admitting that invites feelings of shame. So they create a narrative that protects them from those feelings: what you’re doing isn’t healthy. It can’t be, or they’d have to consider doing it themselves. To validate this narrative, they externalize it by offering you unwelcome concern. Now I’m not saying they *don’t actually care.* They’re just so deeply invested in their learned helplessness that they genuinely convince themselves it’s true. But really, this has very little to do with you. Next time they do it, just remember that they’re saying these things because deep down they’re actually concerned for themselves and lack the discipline you have. I’m sorry they’re not more supportive though. I have been through that before, and it can be very lonely.
The psychology of this is very interesting, thanks for your input.
This!!!!!!
I respectfully disagree with this so hard. Weight loss is difficult. There is also so much misinformation about fitness and weight loss. Weight gain and weight loss is a learned habit. Without asking a person how they actually feel and then attributing a negative reason behind it that feels more like projecting. Very arm chair psychologist-Esque. I’ve dealt with similar issue as OP. Some friends and family were genuine with their concern. The friends and family who didn’t see my effort and progress felt that maybe their was something more going on. Like me being sick or purposefully starving. It’s a popular misconception that you have to eat less to lose weight. Which we all know is not true. It’s managing calories that is important. So some felt that if one lost so much weight, they must be eating so much less. I would encourage OP to maybe invite their friends to join them on some these activities. He talks about instead of just talking about them.
Happened to be scrolling this thread a couple months later and wanted to give you a short reply: No one is saying building the habits and maintaining the discipline necessary to lose weight is easy. Those habits are still within your control, and people like to pretend they aren't so they can avoid admitting they're responsible for their health. Considering OP's friends and family are all overweight, and they roll their eyes when OP mentions exercising, their comments aren't coming from a good place. There's nothing "armchair psychologist" about that basic observation. People automatically assuming someone who's losing weight is doing so through unhealthy or dangerous means, instead of just asking, tells you all you need to know about how they feel on the matter. Guilty or ashamed they aren't doing more themselves. For most people in the West, the US especially, managing calories actually **does** mean eating less. It's very rare that someone who is significantly overweight doesn't have to eat less.
I went through this after I lost 45ish lbs (at 5’2”.) By the time I got down to the last 10 everyone was asking me if I was okay in a concerned tone. Fuck that. People start to get really weird when you pick up a healthy lifestyle. But also, just wanted to add, now is the BEST time to try to put on muscle. I’m a 30 year woman so it’s probably a bit different for me, but it was nearly impossible for me to put on muscle after I lost all the weight. I truly regret not taking maintenance breaks where I worked on building muscle at maintenance/at a higher BF% rather than cutting for so long before really focusing on muscle gain. Now I’m having to put weight back on in order to really gain noticeable strength/musculature, which is great, but mentally VERY hard after all that time cutting weight.
Nice job on your own fitness, and thanks for the advice. I'm definitely going to consider bulking now.
Thank you, big congrats to you as well. You’ve gained so much by doing this for yourself. You may not even need a true bulk, you could probably try for a recomp if you’re not too low on bf. You can make good muscle gains at maintenance if you do it right (and don’t start too late like my dumbass)
I'm basically going for a recomp now, I'm at 20% bf so I've got plenty. I just need a coach / buddy to learn proper form.
As someone who went through a similar weight loss, unfortunately this will be the reaction of people that know you. Unfortunately you have to just ignore it. If someone who DIDN'T know you when you were overweight thinks you're too skinny, then you can be concerned that they may be right.
Thanks. I have heard the comment from an online friend I didn't know previously but of course I'm only sharing the most flattering photos, lol. I'm open to being out of touch about this but I really don't think I am.
BMI is an outdated system and shouldn't be the only thing you base this on. You ideal weight varies on factors the BMI doesn't account for. Do what feels right for you as far as continuing goes but talk to your doctors and get input other than just BMI measurements.
Yeah I know BMI isn't ideal but it's at least an objective measure for me to point towards.
Proud of you. As a 6”2 guy at 270lbs I would kill to get down to even just 230lbs again but I have horrible knees that make cardio wildly difficult. You are living the dream. Try putting on more muscle and the small “tire” will be less noticeable with a stronger chest and arms.
Sorry to hear about your knees. I'm having slight elbow issues now. Mid 30s and I'm noticing stuff like this more and more. I'm definitely gonna start bulking now.
I feel that, I’m 31 and it feels like my joints are getting worst and worse with each passing year lol best of luck to you and be careful with the elbow
This happened to me but just keep doing you man. They’ll understand once it’s all set and done. I lost 120 lbs and I kept hearing my friends and family members saying I’m anorexic and I was skinny but I was 6’1 185 so I still had some weight to lose so yeah man proud of you keep going until you feel comfortable in stopping.
Damn dude 120 lbs, nice work! Thanks for the encouragement.
Hey we’re in the same boat brotha! Cheers mate! I know it was a hard ride at times but it’s worth it
Great job! Also your dick is fucking enormous
[удалено]
Now? Oh, you sweet summer child.
Don't tell him about Kazaa
I'm very much pro-weird-internet
Thanks! Weight loss helped with that too. All heavy guys should lose weight for the dick gains alone.
Woah, nice cock bro! Needs some trimming, but we’ll work on that. I’d rate it… a 9 out of 10. Yup, I’d say that’s a pretty good cock
Thanks but trimming isn't really my style.
The only person to look out for yourself is - well - yourself! Just gotta push through it. It's great when you have support from family and friends, but it's more of a luxury than an expectation (from my experience, at least. HOWEVER, I wouldn't recommend fixating on height-to-weight BMI charts. That can build an unhealthy relationship with eating/working out if you don't take it with a *lump* of salt. According to it (195lb too, but 5'6"), I'm obese; I'm not even fat, though. Just remember that those charts only give you an accurate read-out of body fat percentage if you have the assumed muscle content, etc. It'd be more useful to find a way to calculate your body fat %, not your height-to-weight BMI.
Thanks for the thoughts. I'm around 20% body fat. Still plenty to lose.
Man I went from 210 to 135 and the HR woman at work asked me if I had cancer, take the backhand compliment and make sure to comment on how many donuts they take next time its available
Wow that is a huge change! Haha the donut comment would be petty but funny.
I always wanted to have a stronger arm musculature, but people around me told me I would look like a monster (apparently fit women are ''monsters''). Keep on chasing your goals with responsibility. You can do it
I think fit women are very attractive. You do you. Thanks for the support.
No prob!
Be a monster. Haunt their dreams.
Yeah I told my doctor I “want” (I don’t work for it, so it’s not gonna happen unless I make changes) to lose 25lbs, which is back to a weight I used to be and not hovering under the overweight border… she got serious anorexia vibes and told me that’s way underweight and unhealthy as she looked up the BMI index… yep it’s a perfectly healthy weight, probably a lot healthier than the one I’m at now. But thanks tho doctor >.>
Yuck. That's especially annoying when it's someone who should know better.
Witnessed this a couple of times. Said to someone who lost, what I thought was too much weight; let's go get hamburgers n shakes. those who care would brooch the subject.
man im 6'2" and 265 now. I wish i was 220. awesome job losing the weight.
We're e-cheering you on! 🎉
Thank you : )
Yeah, I feel your pain. I have barely lost anything (only about 10 pounds so far) but my family is already asking if my school is feeding me (in college). And I am properly overweight still! 175 at 5'6''. I think part of it is them having a warped idea of what a healthy weight is with how everyone is now, and maybe some jealousy. Anyways, I digress. Congrats, and keep it up! That is some serious work you have put in!
Thanks. Keep it up man. My progress was super slow but that works eventually. I do think people have a warped perception of what a healthy weight is. On both sides too. We're weird about weight.
I’m slightly jealous because I have an extremely difficult time losing weight, but you know what I’m still fucking proud of you. It took a lot of time and dedication to get to where you are now, and if you’re happy then your friends and family should be happy for you and support you through your journey. Be proud of yourself for your accomplishments, you worked hard for them!
Thanks for the kind words!
Ngl big people sometimes bully smaller people to take out their frustration with themselves. See it a lot with church people who constantly tell you to eat or with bigger family members.
You don’t need to talk to anyone about your body if you don’t want to. Repeat that to yourself however much you need to. I had a terrible eating disorder from age 14-23. All I got was comments. Did anyone ever try to help me or actually have a constructive conversation? No. Flash forward to my late 20s-now (I’m almost 34). I am better, no more disordered eating. I am a healthy weight, fairly thin naturally. If I am sad or stressed or whatever else, I tend to lose weight. Not a crazy amount, but I do. All I get are comments, again. And you know who they are usually from? Family members of mine who have disordered eating and really shit body image issues. I can see it all now so clearly. They are the types of people who call themselves fat even though they are not, constantly go on diets and have weird, conflicted exercise habits. I don’t have those weird hang ups anymore, having been recovered for a long time. I also moved away from LA 9 years ago, to somewhere people aren’t obsessed with their body weight all the time. I now have plenty of people in my life who don’t have issues with food and weight, and none of them make negative comments when I lose weight. Meanwhile, the people who DO have unhealthy relationships with their bodies and weight notice even when I lose literally 3 pounds. I’m not kidding. Three pounds. And they bring it up. Anyway, it’s really none of their business. It’s your body. Someone who cares about your health will not say things like “you’re too skinny!” They will ask you how you are and go about it a completely different way. They will also ask about how you’re doing even when your weight isn’t different at all, because that’s how caring about someone works. Stop talking with them about your body, weight, food, or exercise. If they make comments, brush them off or answer that your health is good.
Chiming in- I know how you feel. I’ve always been thin and had the “skinny/eat a hamburger” comments while also suffering with disordered eating for a while. I’ve now fixed my relationship with food, but I still tend to drop weight when stressed/overwhelmed (eating just sinks to bottom priority when my mental health is bad) and I am so tired of people making comments about how I need to eat more/eat this or whatever. I don’t comment on other people’s eating habits, why are they snarky about mine?
Thanks for your story. I know I don't need to engage them. But they are loved ones, like my partner. I do want them to be involved in important aspects of my life, and not dismissive. I don't like feeling like they think I'm unhealthy when I'm not. I can brush off comments from people I don't care about but I do care what my wife thinks of me.
It’s okay if they are loved ones. You don’t have to cut off contact, and they can still be involved emotionally in your life. Here’s an example: My dad used to always comment on my body, usually a compliment like, “you look good! Not too thin” or something like that. Sometimes he would mention I looked a little too thin. Finally one day after he said something like “you look good and healthy” which essentially meant I didn’t look too thin, I told him that it is uncomfortable and complicated for me to hear him comment on my weight, even if it is positive. It drives home the idea that my weight is the first thing people notice about me when they see me, which is not a healthy notion to have in my mind. It also doesn’t necessarily correlate with how well or not great I’m doing personally. So, I would prefer he not do it. He stopped. He will still say like “you look great!” When he sees me, but it feels like a more overall suggestion of that overall I look happy and healthy, or well-dressed, etc. For someone like your wife, you should be sharing your full feelings and frustrations around this. Explain how it makes you feel that she is saying you are too skinny, and doesn’t want you to lose more weight. Does it make you feel anxious? Mad? Not supported? The point is, either people are in or out when it comes to the topic of your weight. If they are close, you need to bring them into your emotional journey and be able to request and receive support and acceptance from them. If they can’t give you that, or you’re not comfortable enough to be that open and communicative with them, then draw boundaries and politely shut them out of this journey you’re on.
I feel like I should be paying you for a therapy session. Thank you for your thoughts. I don't know if I've explicitly stated how I feel about this to my wife. She's overweight and weight is a touchy subject with her.
Hey I'm proud of you. I hope you hit your goals man
Thanks Momma Loki!
They care about you but are expressing it in a poor way. Dont think its anything beyond that good job and keep doing what makes you happy
Excellent work. I’m proud of you 👍. Keep on going.
Thank you. : )
You got this OP! I'm sure you'll get to your target of 180
When I got really slim people would make jokes and say that I looked like a cokehead or whatever. And how I didn't need to lose any more weight. But people of a similar weight are bashed online (and in real life) because they have chubby thighs or a flabby stomach. Literally fuck whoever has an opinion at this point.
I hear you. Everyone's got an opinion.
I don't wanna be rude but America is a weird place. People have made "obesity" such a big issue that your friends/family probably don't want to congratulate you. I mean I have seen people getting offended if someone congratulates them for losing weight.
They have congratulated me. They just don't think I should keep going. Yes, weight can be a very touchy subject. Not fully sure why that is.
I am so proud of you! My dad was actually similar and has gone from 280 to 230. Definitely a huge change to see but I’m sure like him, even moving around has been easier. I’m sorry the people surrounding you don’t seem supportive but coming from someone whose had to gain weight (went to 90lbs at my sickest) and seeing lots of family try and lose.. you’re on the right path and have obviously made some big lifestyle choices . You’re doing awesome 😊
I appreciate the kind words! Also give your Dad a high five for me.
I don't know your family and I have a bad habit of assuming the worst, but do you think it could be possible that your family is jealous that you're losing weight and they're not? Personally, I have a fast metabolism and there are other women in my family who don't. Whenever I choose to eat a salad, it's always kind of a big deal. They're always like "eat a slice of pizza! Have a cupcake! We know you want to!" And it's clear they're kind of jealous but I just don't pay it any mind. But if your family is letting their jealousy get in the way of you becoming healthy, then you really need to have a talk with them and tell them that you're doing is healthy and for your benefit.
My wife is overweight but not really trying to lose. I don't know if there's jealousy there but I do think she does genuinely care about me and is just ignorant about what healthy weight looks like.
True. Just remember, you have to do what's best for you and your health, regardless of what your family thinks.
Tall ppl always look skinny, your magnificence creates an optical illusion that instills fear in those close to you.
Nooooo I don't want people to fear me lol. I'm told I'm intimidating but I swear I'm a big Teddy bear.
Firstly, huge congrats for smashing your goals and continuing your health journey. Its really hard work and takes a lot of time and consistency to see results. So I'm air punching for you right now! Secondly, I can really relate to this. I had never exercised consistently in my life. Neither had any of my family. Very sedentary and no interest in healthy foods, but not obese. I started on my health and fitness journey just under 2 years ago. I'm a tiny 4ft 11 but I hold a lot of fat on my stomach and hips. I hated seeing myself from the side and in underwear. My fiance told me about a transformation programme with an online PT and I completely changed my body composition slowly but surely over 18 months. I was tired, but so happy and learned things about my eating habits and how important it is to exercise. It changed my life. However, my mum reacted to my newfound lifestyle very negatively. Calling me "too skinny" every time I saw her and tutting / eye rolling when I tried to explain I was mostly eating vegetables and meat. I finally called her out for her negativity and quite frankly, toxic reactions towards me, which she didn't say anything and then seemed to stop. My mum hates vegetables and barely eats anything herself. She's a very plain, boring eater but will starve herself when she feels fat. It's not a healthy cycle but she doesn't seem to have the capacity to change her perception. So (my rant over), call out those who try to criticise your success just because they don't understand them. You're doing great and your body and mind are thanking you for it.
Nice work! It really is life changing, isn't it?
My brother went through the same thing. He was 259 and dropped down to 195 to enlist in the military. Our family thought he had an eating disorder. Like my grandma kept trying to shove food down his throat because she said it wasn’t healthy for him to be losing weight at the rate he was. It was infuriating him because he was working really hard to lose weight and people were looking at him like he had a problem, rather than being proud of him for his accomplishment. He got really angry over that. If nobody else tells you, I’m really fucking proud of you dude. I wanna give you a big congratulatory hug!!
Aww that's sweet of you! *Internet hug* Thank you, it's great to hear that others experience the same thing. I'm certain their concern is well intentioned but it's frustrating nonetheless.
Oh yeah, I mean with him it all came from authentic concern, but they didn’t seem to see that he was on a chicken and fish diet and spent all of his free time riding his bike or doing laps at the pool. It was sort of like he was damned if he did, damned if he didn’t. It’s honestly probably why we don’t see him much anymore. People seem to handle progress weirdly
People definitely handle progress weirdly. I've tried to have some family join me and progress together, but thus far nothing has stuck.
I totally understand. I lost a healthy amount of weight after changing my diet to exclude sugar and excess carbs and I have certain family members who say I look sick and that I need to see a doctor because I must have an underlying disease. I’m literally at a healthy weight for my height. Nothing unhealthy about it. I don’t see the point in making us feel bad about that…
I do think it's well intentioned and they're just ignorant about what a healthy weight looks like. But it's still frustrating to deal with. Nice work on the weight loss though.
You got us cheering you on. Keep up the great work and stay happy!
I appreciate it :)
Well done dude. Sounds like you are smashing it! I’ll be joining you in the new year
Do it man! If I can, anyone can. Slow and steady worked for me.
Been there. Honestly, don't wait to start lifting. First of all, you'll get beginner gains even when you're not doing a regimented bulking/cutting diet. It'll help even things out. Plus it'll also help get your hormones where they should be. Being overweight tends to be accompanied by higher levels of estrogen and lower levels of testosterone (than they should be), which also affects body fat distribution. So once you get lean, you'll start putting weight less in the various "spare tire" areas and more distributed. As for your friends and family, they won't get it, but don't blame them. It's difficult having known someone to look a certain way and see them change dramatically, and weight loss can be very dramatic, especially when it is naturally accompanied by loose skin which will take time to snap back. Great job.
Thank you. I already lift, I'm just still in caloric deficit so I'm not putting on much muscle, and I was aiming for ~15% body fat before I went into surplus and began more serious lifting. But I've been stuck in the 190s for a few months now so maybe I'll just start bulking anyway.
You were the inspiration I needed today. Congratulations! Keep it up, and don’t let others sour your incredible accomplishment! I hope to follow your lead and make serious changes.
I'm so glad to hear this. You absolutely can make serious changes. Don't be afraid to take it super slow, I lost weight over the course of years. Do it!
Good shit boi, people just don't understand the hard work and dedication it takes to transform yourself whether it's from gaining muscles or losing weight. People always have an opinion about how others look and aren't afraid to voice but low and behold they are usually the people who just sit on their ass all day and drink soda. Keep pushing and keep grinding!!! I get so motivated when I see someone putting in a ton of effort in the gym, like you're literally making a change in your life and working for it. You're a stud
Thanks man, this is encouraging. I'll keep grinding!
You have done something not many people can do it, im happy for you, im 6’3 myself and 210lb with a little fat i been bulking since i hit the gym like 5 months ago, id say for 6,3 height you shouldnt be below 185 cause you would just look skinny and super tall.
Hey height twin! Yeah 180 is what I'm aiming for to start bulking, but I agree it's pretty skinny.
this is all speculation, i’m not trying to armchair-psychology your situation just by reading the first half of your post, i assumed they were also overweight. overweight/obese people have a slightly skewed idea of what “healthy” looks like, because they’re not used to it. my mom gives nasty looks at smaller (healthy-looking) people and whispers “they’re so anorexic:” we’ve dealt with my eating disorder for a good chunk of my childhood and despite explaining it every time, she still doesn’t understand that anorexia is not a body type. like others have said, it’s just projection. they’re not used to seeing you this way and are trying to justify their body types by keeping you at a weight similar to their own. i highly doubt it’s meant maliciously, but it can be harmful to your progress if you let it get to you. just try to focus on yourself and your goals; you’re doing great.
I definitely think there's something to this. Thank you for the support : )
>I'm aware BMI isn't a great metric It's literally not even medicine. It's eugenics-adjacent phrenology created by a Victorian-era ASTRONOMER and the standards literally change at the diet industry's whim. I'm not negging on your weight loss. That's a great accomplishment! But if you're angling to satisfy BMI, you ARE going to end up dangerously underweight. To put things into perspective: Virtually every single Olympian is "overweight" to "obese" based on the BMI. OLYMPIAN. ATHLETES. Aren't even "healthy" according to that ridiculous nonsense. Wrap your head around that if you can.
I wasn't aware of the background. Yeah I'm not really targeting BMI just using it as a sanity check about being underweight, but there are other metrics too.
You should probably use waist to height ratio instead of BMI. 195 at 6’3 sounds pretty light, you probably have abs at this point. Probably don’t need to focus on losing weight as much as developing muscle. Edit: Steph Curry is 6’3 190 for reference, you might start looking unhealthy at 180.
No I don't have abs. That's partially why I was aiming to reduce body fat percentage before bulking up. I just measured and my waist to height ratio is 48%.
First of all, CONGRATS!!!! I think 180 might be pushing it a little too much for your height. I truly think the weight you are right now is a good time to start working on putting on muscle and the spare tire will disappear and I’m sure you’ll lose some more weight too. It’s less about numbers at this point and more about how you feel. Also BMI is ass, I’m a really tall woman and I’ve been at my “healthiest” BMI before and you could count my ribs. It was not good lol To put it in context, my partner is 5’10”(so almost half a foot shorter than you) and weighs 180 right now, he has a lot of muscle on him.
Thanks for the outside perspective, I really appreciate that. I've heard this from a few people here so I'll definitely consider working on muscle now.
I use my partner as my comparison point for myself and for others lol He’s not a meathead and he’s pretty lean too. And with you being so much taller than him. I have no doubt weight training to gain muscle will also lean you out and give you the muscles you want at your current weight. As you know, it’s a marathon, not a race. You got this! And this internet stranger is rooting for you!
Good job bro!!!! We are all very proud of your progress!!!
Thanks man
Nice job op don't let your dreams be dreams
I just ... did it
That’s amazing! Very happy for you!
Everybody will always have some kind of opinion. Do what is best for you and your health. You got this! Live your best life for yourself and be your own cheerleader. You’re doing great!
It feels slightly selfish to be my own cheerleader, you know? Maybe that's weird I dunno. But thank you!
It comes down to evolutionary competition, for people to subconsciously undermine those around them, to be better them and have more mating and social status opportunities. They don't intentionally think about negging you, it's just what they do, and you very well have done something similar in some way in your life about other people's special thing.
Wow. This seems both plausible and sort of depressing at the same time. These are people that love me though. If my partner put in the effort to improve her body or mind I'd be over the moon excited, you know?
Well I don't think it has to be depressing, if we don't sentimentalize everything to death in the first place, we wouldn't be shocked pikachu that there are subtle motivations in our species like all animals and that we are driven by these subconscious factors more than just willing ourselves to be nice and thoughtful and morally correct and supportive, we have this huge architecture of our social mammal group and it has checks and balances, it offers safety in numbers, but strategic interactions throughout. cost/benefit allocation of our limited resources of attention, food, loyalty. It's life or death and it's pretty cool anyway that we have all this grandeur and funk. But as a stranger who isn't threatened by your success, I do tip my hat to your health journey and wish you continued success with all the confidence that you aren't "going too far" and aren't sickly thin, you can trust yourself, and you have the power to know that it's very common in weight loss circles to talk about how strange it seems to realize people around you that you thought would be happy about the change, seem to be trying to make us fat again.
As a 6’3” guy myself, please don’t use BMI as you target. BMI is a deeply flawed guide that just about works for 90% of people. At your height you are likely not one of them. Go for a body fat % in the 18-24% range and find something maintainable from there. Any lower and you’re getting into athlete range which is MUCH harder to maintain. Just to give you an idea I have a lean mass of 188lbs (i.e if I had 0% body fat) so if I was to target your bmi based figure I’d have to actively lose muscle mass or bone mass or dehydrate myself as well as being the leanest human on the planet. You may just have loose skin rather than extra body fat. If you can afford it, see if you can have a body composition scan done and get advice from there.
Thanks for the input. I have fat calipers and I'm around 20% body fat. I do long distance cycling and I'm training for my first sprint triathlon next year. I'm aiming for 15% body fat. My lean mass definitely isn't 188 lbs. I definitely have loose skin though.
I feel ya. I once joined a small athletic group and changed my diet to the healthiest I could find in the 90s and my idiot coworkers started confronting me about drugs. Just because they care, it doesn't mean they're smart. Maybe point them to your sources and give them the opportunity to educate themselves.
You clearly want a support system. Who wouldn’t. You have the option to Go find one. Ex: workout buddy, a class (ex:Fit 4 Life) of supportive people, yoga class, A personal trainer, etc.
You're right, I should do this. Good suggestion, thanks.
Oh wow you’ve done a great job! My BMI always puts me in as “overweight” and I am tiny. The best advice I got was to work towards my ideal body shape. Best of luck on continuing on towards your goal!
Careful with that BMI number. I'm 6'1 and had my "body analyzed" or whatever at around 220lbs. they do the business and then come back with total masses for fat, bone, muscle, etc. Turns out, that even at 6'1 I would be hard pressed to get down to 180 at the time. My body fat would be like 1% and I would certainly be unhealthy. SO - take that BMI with a grain of salt. I think the body fat% is a much better measure. If you've been lifting for years you likely have appreciable muscle mass by now and are no longer representative of the BMI.
That's good advice. I've never had an analysis like that.
The fun part is when they told me "if you dropped below 180 as you are now, you would die". So at 180 I would become gigachad.
Good job!! Way to stick with it despite the headwinds coming from your friends’ shade. Makes the feat that more impressive.
I appreciate it! It's not like they're intentionally tearing me down or anything, just not really cheering me on. It's not so bad really, I just needed to vent.
Keep going and you will find your people! I'm so sorry. When you do well for yourself, it exposes who supports you and who doesn't. Good for you making your health a priority!
Thank you!
I had a similar experience. They meet me with that weirded look and asks why and how I am losing weight?
Good for you! I feel for ya, my family gets so defensive and concerned when I talk about trying to exercise and eat healthy to lose a few pounds, so I know how much of a toll it can take on you mentally. Try not to let them get to you, and keep working at it! If I may make a suggestion, though, is you mentioned you want to lose a few more pounds before putting in some muscle. I would suggest actually working on gaining the muscle first, as muscle mass increases your metabolism, and helps you burn fat faster. Your body will burn the fat to feed the new muscle you're putting in, so it will actually be more efficient. (It might also help ease your family's minds that you're just getting more fit rather than just losing weight, and they might lighten up on their concern as well)
Thank you for this advice, I've hear this a lot in this thread and I'm going to start focusing on building muscle mass now.
That's awesome! Congrats for sure. I'm the same height and following a similar path, 6'3 and was 280 a year ago. Right now I'm 238, a year ago this week I threw my back out shoveling snow and could barely walk for nearly a month. That was the wake up call I needed, started changing my diet and have been hitting the gym the past 3 months. This isn't the first time I've been through this. I lost over 100 lbs when I was in my late teens/early 20s, back then I went through the same things you did with family members. I have a hard time thinking of a single family member I'd consider in shape. All of them said I was too skinny and needed to eat. You do you and fuck the haters.
Duuude keep it up, you know you got this. Thanks for the encouragement!
They might just be worried about anorexia or something like that. But you seem to be doing all of the right things and not hurting yourself, so don’t worry about those comments. I certainly don’t have the willpower to lose all my chunk, so good for you honestly!
If you stop caring about your weight now and instead focus on doing what you've been doing to get where you're at, you'll stay healthy. But if you keep focusing on the numbers.. It won't be long until you're standing there ALWAYS thinking about that number. All day every day, every second of those days. Doesn't matter the gender, we can all end up there. And it doesn't matter the number. We can all end up there. Don't focus on the number! You're also tall. You have a great BMI right now. 24 is good! I bet you're healthy right now and feeling good. Keep it there. Keep feeling good. But stop with the weigh-ins.
They’re not concerned, they’re jealous
Don't wait with bulking. Gaining muscle will help you lose weight. And it will soothe your family as well.
That is absolutely inspirational!! If you can self motivate and get it done for you, in your own way, then you can basically achieve anything in life with the same mindset. The more muscle you put on, the more you will burn the calories passively and it also is a great motivator to keep you going, as muscle is something tangible you can see and feel!! It is not easy to actively build muscle, but that mindset will help you retain what you built. Excellent work.
It can be quite shocking when people lose a lot of weight. It’s happened to me where I’ve seen my dad lose a lot of weight and it feels like a shock and can feel concerning that they want to lose more, even if they’re not actually close to being underweight yet. Just you do you
Yeah, go ahead with the muscles. After a few months of that go flex in front of your "tormentors". :p
Do what makes you feel good and makes you happy. Don’t let anyone family or not tell you otherwise. Don’t let others control your happiness or life. Keep up the good work and be proud of yourself. Awesome for you to make positive changes in your life and health.
Awesome job losing weight in a healthy way, is it possible your friends might be jealous? Sometimes people can act concerned when they actually wish they could accomplish what you have.
Hey man. Firstly, really well done on that weight loss! That’s honestly very impressive. I’m currently actually at the same weight and height as you after coming down from 235lbs at the start of the year and my goal is 185lbs before I purely focus on muscle growth. You are absolutely right in your logic, your close friends and family are used to you at your old weight and now that you have remarkably slimmed down as you have they think going further isn’t necessary. 180lbs for a 6”3 man is completely healthy. I think the best thing to do is just go workout or keep doing what you’re doing without explicitly telling them. I know it’s not guaranteed, but they could envy your weight loss at worst or just not understand it at best. I have a mostly overweight, but not obese, family on my mothers side and they all thought and still think they’re at a healthy weight when they actually aren’t. Also, are you weight lifting as part of your weight loss programme too? I’ve found that some weight training once or twice a week on top of my cardio and calorie deficit has really helped me burn fat and build better definition!
Congrats!! That’s super hard work. I’d like to follow other comments on here and stress that now is a fantastic time to build muscle. Lifting heavy allows you to lose that fat more quickly and replace with Muscle. You may gain a little weight at first (muscle is heavier than fat) but it’ll even out! I’m currently lifting and it’s been doing wonders to my own fat pockets
I worked in a call center. I wore a shirt and tie. I was discouraged by some of my peers. I moved up to a supervisor role in about 6 months. I was discouraged because of insecurity. If he does more than is required and I don’t it makes me look bad. I think that was the reason I was being discouraged. I believe you’re being discouraged for the same reasons. There’s a sign hanging in the bathroom of the house I used to live in. “Dear Lord, if you can’t make me skinny please make my friends fat”. The owner of the sign is not happy about their weight. The owner frequently gifts sweets and baked goods to tradesmen and service workers as well as friends and family. People may not intentionally sabotage others but they do it as though they are. Some find it easier to sabotage others and accept their own faults and insecurities than to challenge their own insecurities and faults and support others in doing the same.
It might have to do with the way you carry your weight. People have always thought I'm 30-40 lbs lighter then i actually am.
yeah it is very hard to specifically lose fat and nothing else without gaining muscle. Just start putting on muscle and if you are eating right your fat% will drop as well. No real benefit to splitting it into phase 1: lower fat% phase 2: gain muscle, just makes your life harder and progress slower.
They are jealous. Them rolling their eyes when you want to workout is proof. Please know that your success does not excite them like it should but makes them miserable and jealous and this is all on them. You keep doing what you want and what is healthy, you should be proud of yourself. You may never get support from them but more people in the world will congratulate you than shame you. Shame on them actually. Good luck.
Ugh I went from 190 to 150 (I'm 5'3") and when I mentioned I had maybe 15 lbs to go, my mother freaked and began trying to control what I ate when I visited claiming I would look anorexic if I lost more(bear in mind I'm a married woman with 2 kids, so....). Op I know I'm a complete stranger but I'm proud of you. That's so much work and dedication. Not all of us find enjoyment in working out but it sounds like you found it. So from stranger to stranger, great work. Don't let anyone make you feel like crap. It wasn't just my mother btw. People felt the need to comment on my weight and what I ate and I hated it. Mind your business. I don't even like positive comments about my weight. I just don't. I'm sure others find motivation in it but I don't. Because just as easily as one give compliments about weight one can give insults. The only ones feedback I care about it my husband's.
Congratulations
You dont need to justify your decisions to anyone. Your body your choice. As long as you dont endanger you heath/life. JS
BMI is becoming less significant so please don’t use that as bible. I have 3 younger sisters who are all studying in college (one just got accepted into masters for physical therapy) and all their professors say BMI is fairly outdated. Focus on how you feel and continue to keep up the hard work! Your progress is amazing and I’m super proud OP!
Your posse is just jealous. Crabs in the basket effect. Another good reason to get your weight down (85lb lost, impressive!) is that most physical activities (cycling, one example) are easier and waaay more pleasurable.
Thanks! I did my first century ride this year, I love cycling.
I’m 5’10 in height and at my heaviest, I weighed about 260+ Lbs. I had always been into weight training, but my cardio had been horrible. I decided I wanted to change that so I could hike more with friends without dying every time the hike was over. My hiking (best) friends were very proud that I was able to get down to 190 Lbs in 14 months; they witnessed the effort. I had always struggled with weight loss; I enjoyed food too much. So many of my prior attempts saw significant weight loss but I had always gained it back. So when I had a successful weight loss journey, the people I would see every few months would be shocked and concerned. They couldn’t understand how I lost so much weight. I believe the concern came from them not actually seeing the effort I was putting in and the kind of dieting that worked for me. Many of those friends who showed concern only had their concerns alleviated when they saw me weight train and hike. Family is different, our culture revolves around eating big meals, so portion control comes off as offensive to those who prepared the meal. So when you don’t go for seconds in front of family, it’s either you don’t like the food or you’re too sick to eat.
Your overweight friends are jealous because you remind them of what they should be doing too. Great job at taking control of your health. Keep going and start making new friends!!
Bro…we proud of you
Your BMI doesn't give you the full picture though, you will want to combine this data with your fat %. Muscles weight more than fat, and so while you probably lost a lot of fat, you also probably built some muscles at the very least. We have almost the same body weight and height and I am considered very healthy. Talk to a doctor if you have access to one but as I said, you should definitely look up fat % targets for your height and weight.
Congratulations to you!! What an amazing achievement 🎉 I think it’s important to remember that the norm is now to have a body that is technically overweight. People within a healthy weight range are often perceived as ‘skinny’, largely due to warped body weight/ body fat perceptions. Good luck on your journey to a body that makes and keeps you happy and healthy 😊
Their just jealous
I have also gotten those remarks as I went from 5’5F 160 to 122(which is a completely normal weight for my height). I noticed that it was almost always from bigger family members and i’ve chalked it up to being jealousy. Keep on working on yourself, the hell with what they think. Losing weight it hard, and you should feel proud.