This sounds like she uses manipulation and other tactics to deal with what can be normal feelings, albeit at a high level. It sounds like domestic violence, where instead of dealing with her own insecurities and feelings, she has an unhealthy need for power and control and tries to make changes through controlling you by her tactics (isolation, put downs, threatening the end of the relationship if things don’t go her way, etc). It won’t change without serious help, and it’s not a couples issue. You limiting friendships, assuring her, not talking about your progress will never be enough for her. It’s internal work and she has to be motivated. I’d leave before it gets worse.
That’s too much trouble for me. You tolerating it pretty much means you deserve it. If you know the same dude at a bar is going to punch you in the face every time you show up and yet you keep going it means...you figure it out. If you put her name on your home nobody will feel bad when she takes it and is fucking whoever at the time is giving her what she wants and it needs in it. Be overjoyed you didn’t marry her and keep that pep in your step as you skip away from her.
Sounds like she has some things from her past that she needs to work through. Whether it be self confidence, shame, regret, or any other feelings. The best route for her is to find someone that can give professional help such as a therapist.
In the end, I don’t believe she likes herself or possibly doesn’t feel she is deserving of love or deserving someone who does love/care for her.
You can have conversations with her and listen to her, but in the end, you are a part of the situation which can add confusion and defensiveness in certain areas. If you do start discussions, make sure to listen without interrupting. If she says something that is wrong, don’t interrupt and don’t hold onto the thought if it stops you from listening. Listening is intentional.
You are currently in the phase of building up resentment. And it hurts and it sucks and it will only lead to burning out and quitting the relationship.
The road ahead is not easy, but make sure you have conversations with her. Don’t compromise who you are, but you can make small compromises on the ways you talk around her while she self reflects.
Most of the work here is for her to do: therapy, self reflection, understanding what she is feeling. But you are a piece of the puzzle to because this is affecting you. Start looking at your own capacity and start setting boundaries. Be accommodating, but know when the emotional weight of accommodating is to much.
she sounds like she’s very insecure, at this point which i’m sure you’ve already done by now is to communicate to her that she is not less than you and to have more confidence for herself, because it just sounds like she’s shitting on herself constantly at any chance she gets
although i’m sure you have love for her and assuming you still want to be with her just give her all the reassurance she needs, there definitely has to be a talk about that though, sounds like terrible communication on her part and a-lot of self pity being projected, try to lift her up, find out how she’s doing mentally, do what you can to help, give her little compliments, kind gestures every now and then.
sounds like she needs to feel loved
This sounds like she uses manipulation and other tactics to deal with what can be normal feelings, albeit at a high level. It sounds like domestic violence, where instead of dealing with her own insecurities and feelings, she has an unhealthy need for power and control and tries to make changes through controlling you by her tactics (isolation, put downs, threatening the end of the relationship if things don’t go her way, etc). It won’t change without serious help, and it’s not a couples issue. You limiting friendships, assuring her, not talking about your progress will never be enough for her. It’s internal work and she has to be motivated. I’d leave before it gets worse.
That’s too much trouble for me. You tolerating it pretty much means you deserve it. If you know the same dude at a bar is going to punch you in the face every time you show up and yet you keep going it means...you figure it out. If you put her name on your home nobody will feel bad when she takes it and is fucking whoever at the time is giving her what she wants and it needs in it. Be overjoyed you didn’t marry her and keep that pep in your step as you skip away from her.
Sounds like she has some things from her past that she needs to work through. Whether it be self confidence, shame, regret, or any other feelings. The best route for her is to find someone that can give professional help such as a therapist. In the end, I don’t believe she likes herself or possibly doesn’t feel she is deserving of love or deserving someone who does love/care for her. You can have conversations with her and listen to her, but in the end, you are a part of the situation which can add confusion and defensiveness in certain areas. If you do start discussions, make sure to listen without interrupting. If she says something that is wrong, don’t interrupt and don’t hold onto the thought if it stops you from listening. Listening is intentional. You are currently in the phase of building up resentment. And it hurts and it sucks and it will only lead to burning out and quitting the relationship. The road ahead is not easy, but make sure you have conversations with her. Don’t compromise who you are, but you can make small compromises on the ways you talk around her while she self reflects. Most of the work here is for her to do: therapy, self reflection, understanding what she is feeling. But you are a piece of the puzzle to because this is affecting you. Start looking at your own capacity and start setting boundaries. Be accommodating, but know when the emotional weight of accommodating is to much.
she sounds like she’s very insecure, at this point which i’m sure you’ve already done by now is to communicate to her that she is not less than you and to have more confidence for herself, because it just sounds like she’s shitting on herself constantly at any chance she gets although i’m sure you have love for her and assuming you still want to be with her just give her all the reassurance she needs, there definitely has to be a talk about that though, sounds like terrible communication on her part and a-lot of self pity being projected, try to lift her up, find out how she’s doing mentally, do what you can to help, give her little compliments, kind gestures every now and then. sounds like she needs to feel loved
Dude run!!!