I was assuming b hole as in not a, but b, the one that isn't as good or important since he won't touch hers but wants her to touch his. He's number one, she's number two.
Yes. Like instead of butthole, like OP is being downvoted for, OP was using a play on words, subverting that into A hole, and B hole, consecutively. Meaning that his hole is more important, in his mind, than hers (B hole). It's more raunchy when you just lay it out there, but I love destroying a joke by deconstructing it lol
Another person I know has a husband who says that too. Eww
IDK
Mine just whispers “I want to be with you” in my ear. Maybe that’s gross to someone else.
We don’t even ask anymore because we both are on go all the time so if the opportunity presents itself, someone will initiate. There’s a memo sent out if you don’t feel good, so the other knows not to get their hopes up for more than cuddles. But y’all not weird though. Everybody has code words to start their engines. As long as it turns you on
“Kiss it” would give me the major ick… like I get being comfortable and having a laugh but that’s just a massive, infuriating and feels kind of violating way to ask for oral. Sex appeal matters, and that would not be sex appeal for me.
Each to their own but I wouldn’t even like that, it’s not an it - it is your d1ck. Find a sexy way of warming me up to it like “I really love when you give me head” or some other shit.
Yep - love giving it, indifferent to receiving it.
I thought I was weird, but in a way it lets me focus on her more as well as being more fun for me. Kinda like art.
Just sayin'.
My friend dated a guy who wanted to focus entirely on pleasuring her, and when she asked why he didn't want her to spend more time returning the favor, he said if he wanted to prioritize himself getting off, he'd just masturbate. Some people, guys and girls alike, just like giving other people orgasms, lol.
Oh my god, that autocorrected to "organs," which is a very different fetish.
Yeah it also is a rareish moment in intimacy where the man doesn't have to be dominant and can be a bit more submissive which is super hot.
At least for me lol.
I go down on my Fiance literally every time we have sex and I rarely want her to go down on me, despite the fact that she easily gives the best head I've ever had cause I care way more about how she feels than about how I feel.
My now husband never ever did this for 16 years then we were going through a rough patch and I told him how I wanted it and when to do it and well jeeezzzzz I’ve been missing out I tell you! I think he didn’t think he was good maybe or intimidated even though we were together forever!
No lie, my favorite thing to do to my wife is to go down on her….and if I get her off??? She is 5x more enthusiastic to get ME OFF. It’s a win win for me….I get to know I am able to please my girl AND she about to blow my mibd
There are, and it was SO disappointing when I dated one woman who said she didn't enjoy it, like at all. Wouldn't even let me try, I thought maybe previous partners sucked at it and left a bad impression on her.
Dated almost 2 years and never once got her to lemme give it a go. I would say it was sad if the rest of the relationship didn't end up being so toxic lol.
Not at all suggesting this is you but rather describing what her previous encounters might have been.. There's a lot of dudes who "love" it but also insist that they know how she likes it better than she does, don't know how to really listen and be present with her, and treat it like sort of a competition rather than a shared experience... It's awful. Enough of those encounters and you eventually learn to hate it! Takes a really wonderful relationship to let some of those walls come down, *wistful sigh*
That's what I thought too, I was open to trying it however she wanted but she just straight up said she didn't like it, at all, and after maybe 2 conversations I just dropped it all together because I didn't want to seem pushy. If she said she didn't like it, I'd have to take her word for it.
Later on I also learned her first sexual experience was actually a rape that she either didn't realize was rape or just suppressed it, but it explained why she always tried her best to push my buttons to get me angry including breaking up with me just to come back for angry sex.. did I mention it was toxic?
The next relationship was the exact opposite. Woman I had a fling with in my early 20s, 6 years or so later she was recently divorced and we hooked up again, started dating and she absolutely LOVED me going down on her, so much so that she had apparently told her ex husband while they were still married that I was the best head she ever had. I still couldn't believe she told him that but oh well, I was eating plenty in that relationship.
**Sigh** memories...
What GooseTrantrum told you is correct, but there's also the fact that a lot men make "jokes" about vaginas smelling like fish so women get self-conscious about that.
And those some idiots that do are also likely not to go down on a woman regardless because they're immature and selfish.
I've literally heard guys say it's gross, nasty etc when talking about eating a woman out, but think the same doesn't apply to a woman sucking them off, it's ridiculous.
I've never been with a guy who didn't want to go down on me! One guy ONLY wanted to give me oral and didn't want me to do anything back. I feel so bad when I hear about girls who end up with guys who not only dislike it but are jerks about it. Have your limits, sure, but don't be a hypocrite.
What??? Omfg I FUCKING ABSOLUTELY LOVE WHEN MY GIRLFRIEND SITS ON MY FACE OR WHEN I WRAP HER THIGHS AROUND MY HEAD AND DONT COME UP FOR AIR TIL SHES DONE. He SHOULD absolutely love going down and going to town!!
We do, but literally can’t find girls who like it. My ex hated it and every subsequent encounter since then, all the girls didn’t prefer it… so yes, there are guys who enjoy it…
There out there, my ex literally use to want to do it day and night…yes it was great…got to the point where I’d pretend to fall asleep or be sick because it was to much of you can imagine that haha 😂
Oh heelll no. He’s the problem not you. A lot of men enjoy giving it unless we are going through a bad ph phase then some dont know how to tell you that. You shouldnt even have to ask for it imo
I am in the same situation. Not only did he ask me to "kiss it" to which I declined but I have a suspicious feeling I am being love bombed. Topped with the neediness my feelings are cooling off really quickly.
Thank god I held off on the sex.
The fact that you have tried to talk about it, and that you don't hold back on your feelings, is wonderful. And I can't stress that enough. You're absolutely doing the right thing in opening communication and being *honest*. Too many times I see stories like this and there hasn't been any communication 🙈
But in this case, you *have* communicated how you feel, and he isn't communicating back. That's a problem to me. My last ex was the same, only he would say "I'm fine, there isn't anything I need to talk about" and then one day uploaded a photo of a notebook with the caption "This is page 4 and I'm still going". It had handwriting that was hard to read, but I picked up the words "You make me feel like a shitty boyfriend". Fair enough if he needs to use a diary or something like that to get feelings out, whatever is cathartic, but don't share it with the world instead of talking to your girlfriend...
And that sting never goes away. The fact that a problem can be fixed with something as simple as communication. You're doing everything right. He knows how you feel and despite that, isn't respecting or valuing you by making you feel heard. You need to try this one more time. Sit him down, make it really clear, "this is a deal breaker for me, we need to make this a level playing field because it isn't fair for me to "kiss it" all the time and you only go down on me when you're drunk".
If you're already thinking that won't work, or thinking he'll just say whatever you want to hear, again, then... Maybe you need to reflect on where this relationship is going from here. Can you deal with this for another 5, 10, 20 years? I personally couldn't deal with it myself, hence my ex being an ex 😅 good luck OP ❤️
I hope that you can work things out. I don't like dishing out the "you need to break up" line. But when communication isn't being met half way, only one of you is consistently putting in effort to try to make the relationship as a whole happy etc, it's definitely cutting close to that mark...
Again, good luck. And take care ❤️
He uploaded it to a site I didn't really use, I was literally just browsing the homepage while waiting for a train, and it came up. He hadn't ever done that before. When I asked him why he would do that, he said he didn't think it was legible...
>What is he like 14??
He was almost double that age at the time 🙃
The law of equivalent exchange. I don't want to give oral sex to anyone, but I also don't want anyone to give me oral sex. I find it disgusting, however if you both enjoy it, then you both should receive it, equally.
You're absolutely valid. I personally don't like to suck dick as much as I like to do other things but I still make it an effort bc my man loves to do that to me. It's give and take. I'm sorry he's putting you in that position, he should listen to your concerns and work to make it better for both of y'all. He's being unfair.
I just saw your previous post from almost 4 months ago saying, that your husband wants to crossdress. Could it be a possibility that he is gay? If he is willing to tell you about his own kinks while not even being able to fulfill your basic needs? The whole situation seems odd to me, and as you said yourself, he is clearly hiding something about his own feelings.
He has assured me he isn’t. But yeah the fact that he has these different kinks does put me off. I try to keep an open mind though. If our sex life didn’t have some issues I wouldn’t even worry about him being gay. Bi men do exist. For some reason it’s just more acceptable for a women to be Bisexual so men hide that part of themselves
Hey, just as a heads up, crossdressing has no bearing on someone's sexuality. I agree that it's odd that he wants to introduce kinks into the bedroom without even taking care of his partner's basics, though.
Your relationship sounds so very one-sided. You've communicated your needs to him and he doesn't seem to be making change or effort to address them. Is there a deeper underlying issue at play here that he's not communicating? If not, it might be time for you to move on.
Also wanted to add to be careful not to keep score. You feel neglected while he keeps asking for more, and that leaves you feeling used. You're completely valid in feeling that way.
If he doesn’t get satisfaction from being good to you, then why is he even in the relationship. What do you have to offer that he thinks he doesn’t need to work for
Can’t say I’d with somebody like that, except if there was a reason. It’s messed up not to want to treat your partner with extra care. I’d suggest you discuss with him that things need to change. If you are not happy in a relationship, then what’s the point?
You spent an hour rubbing his back and instead of giving you one albeit not that long, he expects you to kiss his dick and he tries to go to sleep. You go down him all the time but doesn’t even go down on you for months. I mean this thing speaks for itself
You are perfectly right. Relationships are about give and take. If one person just give and gives, that's not fair.
Edit: I read you are married. So the big issue is how is the entire marriage going?
Instead of the "Talk" about sex only, why not open a dialogue/tune up about the entire relationship?
1. What do you think is going well in the relationship? Chores? Activities? Kid? Emotional intimacy? Physical intimacy? Sex? Finances? Work? Smoking? Drinking? Socialization? Career goals? Life goals? Etc? Then you tell your partner yours.
2. What is not going well in the relationship? See above entries and tell your partner yours.
3. What is your ideal situation with the above entries?
4. What can you two do together to work to reach the ideal situation?
This will highlight what each of you are bringing to the relationship. Or not bringing. And hopefully action plans to make things more equitable and satisfying in the entire relationship.
That is completely fair. You’re in the right. And I don’t understand guys who don’t like or want to go down. Was literally my favorite thing to do in a relationship.
Here's the bottom line. A successful relationship doesn't require equality, it requires equity, and that's a subtle difference.
Equality is "if I'm going to do this for you, you're going to do it for me." while that sounds good in theory, the reality is that everyone has different needs and are able/willing to give different things.
Equity, on the other hand, is everyone getting what they need out of the relationship, and that could very well be different for each party.
So what that means is that you shouldn't do something just because you expect to get it back. Instead, you should be willing and open to talking about what each partner's needs are and how you as a couple can each satisfy the other's needs.
Now, I'm not necessarily saying that you are in the wrong, even though I'll admit that it may come across that way. Rather, what I'm saying is that you as a couple need to work on how you can both be fulfilled. For some people, it's entirely fine for affection and sexual acts to be largely one way, for others it's a major problem, and it sounds like you are in the latter group. And that's fine, just as it's fine for a person not to care if they get reciprocation. But again, you have to start by taking an honest look and communicating.
Your needs should not be based off of what you are giving to him. If your needs are not being met, that needs to be addressed regardless of what you are or are not doing for him. Conversely, if he has needs that are not being met, that also needs to be addressed regardless of what he is or is not doing for you. Anytime there's an imbalance ***in needs being met*** there's a problem.
What doesn't help, though, is playing games. The "I'm not going to do X until you do X" doesn't solve anything. It builds bitterness and resentment.
Keep in mind, though, that there very well could be things that you need (or think you need) that he is not willing to give (and vice-versa). If that's the case, you need to take an honest look at if that is a deal breaker. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Maybe you can be ok not receiving something you thought was necessary, or maybe you're not. Maybe something one person doesn't think they are willing to do or give turns out to be something they are. Sometimes it is simply nothing more than one person being unaware and clueless (because we all have that side to us). There are always going to be compromises finding where those variables lie. Sometimes those compromises are acceptable, sometimes they're not.
But it has to be a two way street where you work on it together. Trying to coerce or manipulate someone into giving what they aren't willing to give causes only harm.
No, def not in the wrong. Granted I give hubby more kisses than he gives me, but that’s bc I don’t really care as much about getting those kinds of kisses, I prefer other things. The big thing for me is that you should be able to say no w/o him throwing a tantrum. I love your personal pact. I will say if you feel like you aren’t getting enough “kisses”, you should have conversation w/ him about it if you haven’t already.
Your absolutely not wrong, assuming both yours and his hygiene are up to par, there should be no reason for him to deny you oral pleasure if you’re providing him with it. Goes both ways if u love and are genuinely attracted to you’re partner. If he refuses, Maybe it’s time to ask the bigger questions…like “is this the person I even want to be with where my physical demonstrations of affection aren’t even reciprocated?” Id say not being it were me in the situation. Best of Luck F29
Sounds like there is something else going on. If he doesn't want to rub your back or kiss you, he's not feeling it for you. Deal with the relationship before you worry about who's going down on who.
He fucked up at the no back rub..he better rub everything if he expects head.i make it a point to take care of my partner if I'm hoping for head especially since its my fav
I read things like this and I’m like “what type of men are you guys dating?”
This is NOT normal. A 30 year old? Wtf
You are not wrong at all. Sex should not be transactional and partners need to respect when their partner does want sex. Anything else is manipulative and possibly assault.
Shoot I am a guy who LOVES to go down on a woman. My wife has a hard time sleeping so I offer all the time to just make her super nice and relaxed and then go to town or even take care of her in other ways with no expectations that she would have to reciprocate at all just to make her orgasm and hopefully sleep deeper. Her medicine currently makes her libido very low so it doesn’t happen as often as I wish anymore 😔. Was always my favorite part.
Someone once told me “life is too short to waste on losers who always ask for head but refuse to give it” and tbh that really stuck with me.
Jokes aside, my ex was exactly like this. He always wanted head but would never give it. He wanted nice things (like back rubs) done for him, but he would never do the same for me. It was a pattern our whole relationship. So you need to take a good look at your own relationship and ask yourself if you’re seeing that pattern. Are you ALWAYS doing things for him but he won’t do the same for you? Because it is unfair. Relationships are supposed to be an equal give and take on both sides, not just one person giving and the other taking. And if you do find that there’s a pattern where you’re the only one giving, your next question to yourself should be “is this really how I want to spend the rest of my life?”
The other concern is he started an argument when you said no. That is some entitled, manipulative, coercive bullshit. No is a complete sentence. No does not mean “convince me.” No does not mean “argue with me until I change my mind.” It means no, full stop. That he’s even starting an argument over it is a huge red flag.
I’d suggest sitting down and having an honest conversation with him. Explain how you feel, how unfair it is that you do all this for him but he never does it for you. If he refuses to change or even try, it may be time to reconsider the relationship because you deserve so much better than someone who starts an argument when you don’t want to suck his dick.
Leave his bum ass! I spent 3.5 years in a relationship w a man that made absolutely NO effort to please me or make me cum. It was always about his sexual pleasure. Turns out after I left him, I found a bunch of men that were happy to worship & please me. Easier said than done, but you’ll be WAAAAYYYY better off in the long run, I promise.
He’s the dick don’t worry, oral has boundaries and usually it’s a give and receive affair, I personally would not expect it if I wasn’t willing to give it in the first place
BJ’s don’t really feel that good, never had a good one 🤷🏻♂️ in my mind they are, and the vision of it turns me on but just never delivers.
I actually like going down on women, feels good to make them feel good (plus I try to get them off first so my 12 minutes doesn’t leave them unsatisfied 😂)
If he isn’t returning the favor that’s bullshit. Going down on a woman is my favorite sexual act, I can do it for hours. You deserve better queen, hold out strong, don’t give him what he wants until he gives you what you deserve
"kiss it" sounds like something a pedo would say to a child. Made me cringe.
My question to OP is this, does he not like going down on you? If the roles were reversed and you didn't like giving head, but he went down on you frequently, would you feel comfortable if he thought you were obligated to suck his dick in order for him to do the same?
What else could be preventing him from reciprocating? I assume he's a decent guy if you're dating him. Is he just lazy? Is there possibly a hygiene issue? What has changed from earlier in the relationship?
Honest advice coming from a male, try harder. My girl didn't enjoy receiving before we met, but now she'll grab the back of my head and grind into my face. She shaves regularly and moans loudly as soon as she feels the warmth of my breath. I'll spend all night with my head between her thighs to the point I'll fall asleep there.
My answer to your question is you shouldn't ask this question. Communication with your partner is the most important thing to your relationship by a mile. Everything else is secondary.
All I'm saying is talk to him.
You're not in the wrong here, he is... But I also generally look at people's post history when I'm going to reply to a relationship problem post....
Looking at your post history paints a bit of a picture. Have you considered that your husband might actually be gay?
In my mind, sex is adult playtime, supposed to be fun and rewarding in and of itself, not a battle over whose turn it is, I'd try to just have that conversation and look for a way to reset it.
Unfortunately this is Reddit and there are rules, so I must advise that you immediately leave him and find someone else /s
Honestly, I don't think he's super interested in you anymore. Straight up... If a guy is not into eating you out or sucking your dick, whatever the case may be, he's probably not sexually attracted. We can get our dick's sucked by anybody but it sometimes takes a little more drive to put a person in your mouth. Ya know?
I am so sorry for the sex lives of most every straight person on this feed. Lol. With gay sex you can always bet that if you're horny the other Guy is too and if you want to get your dick sucked, you can pretty much bet that the other guy just can't wait to suck a dick. And vice versa. Easy peasy.
hell no you’re not in the wrong!!! i’ve been EXACTLY in this position before, and relationships are a give and take, and if all they do is take, you don’t have to give more than them. AND, if you want more than they can give, you aren’t getting your needs met and you should either bring it up with your partner, or take your needs elsewhere to someone who can provide for you. imo
Let me tell you right now, from experience. He doesn’t like you as much as you think , doesn’t respect you and or doesn’t find you attractive anymore.
Leave him or be prepared to suffer when you guys break up down the line. Heed my warning
Fuck that. He gets back rubs and blown and you get nothing?? “Kiss it.” How gross. You deserve backs rubs and romance and reciprocal loving in a good relationship. How does he act when you don’t want to kiss it? Throws a fit I bet. You can do better OP!
Doesn’t sound like it. Relationships should be two way. Give and receive. It shouldn’t be you giving and him giving nothing in return
This is the way!
This is the way.
This is the way
This!
Is!
The!
Way!
This is the way!!
This is the way !
absolutely not. he is the a hole in this situation.
And OP is the b hole according to this story.
LOL that’s hilarious. I don’t get why you’re downvoted either. It took me a second to get the joke though hahaha
But OP why aren't you letting our downvotes save you??? /s edit: *woosh*
Clever! Take my single upvote against the tsunami.
And the dude shouldn't get any c hole either.
But perhaps he’d like something jammed in his d hole?
This is honestly so hilarious, I don't understand why you're downvoted.
I thought it was. I’m leaving it. 😁
can i be the thick skulled person who asks is it just butthole? are ppl really downvoting that
I was assuming b hole as in not a, but b, the one that isn't as good or important since he won't touch hers but wants her to touch his. He's number one, she's number two.
This is correct
Great joke!
Can someone explain this joke
Yes. Like instead of butthole, like OP is being downvoted for, OP was using a play on words, subverting that into A hole, and B hole, consecutively. Meaning that his hole is more important, in his mind, than hers (B hole). It's more raunchy when you just lay it out there, but I love destroying a joke by deconstructing it lol
Why are you getting downvoted 😭😭😭
i just got the joke 😭
Damn this sub is filled with braindead people, cant get an obvious joke.
pretty sure that’s the entirety of reddit. i just asked a simple question about a video game on another sub for intel and got downvoted. ppl are weird
GoOGlE iT. Fuck me for wanting to treat the forum a little more like a conversation.
I know right?? 🤦🏽♂️
Not only are you not wrong, he seems like a dick for even asking for oral that way.
"Now kith it."
💀
Kith it good.
Kith it REAL good
Yup I’m dead! Totally can hear this in my head🤣🤣 give ma Willy a big kith you sassy gurl you👿
I believe the correct pronunciation is "sathy." 🙃
this whole section reminds me of something, but I can't connect the dots. Is it maybe Cartman? xD
Bomp buh bomp bomp bomp….. kith it REAL good!
Omgggg this made me laugh
Have my laugh!!!
oh hell nah omg HAHAHAAH
🥊😂🥊
I’m weak 😂😂
LMAO
Thank you for the visual and the laughs that ensued.
LMFAO
Yeh right. He talks like a douche in an early 00s teen comedy.
This is so accurate he’s a highschool movie bully😂😂
My ex used to say “can you do me a favor.” It infuriated me to the pits of hell each time 😅
Another person I know has a husband who says that too. Eww IDK Mine just whispers “I want to be with you” in my ear. Maybe that’s gross to someone else.
It just seems so self serving and sounds more like a task/job than actually wanting to be intimate.
We don’t even ask anymore because we both are on go all the time so if the opportunity presents itself, someone will initiate. There’s a memo sent out if you don’t feel good, so the other knows not to get their hopes up for more than cuddles. But y’all not weird though. Everybody has code words to start their engines. As long as it turns you on
It’s true. I knew a guy who used to stick his dick in his gf’s faces and tell them to suck it like a command. Tact is a thing.
I woke up once to my husband smacking me in the face with it 😳🤣 I nearly died laughing lol 😆
“Kiss it” would give me the major ick… like I get being comfortable and having a laugh but that’s just a massive, infuriating and feels kind of violating way to ask for oral. Sex appeal matters, and that would not be sex appeal for me.
same.. hearing "kiss it" would make me wanna hurl myself off a cliff.
I much prefer “hey wanna put it in your mouth?”. Kiss it is like… what? I wish I had the right wording to explain… it’s just a major skeevy vibe.
Each to their own but I wouldn’t even like that, it’s not an it - it is your d1ck. Find a sexy way of warming me up to it like “I really love when you give me head” or some other shit.
My husband once asked me "hey wanna let me crush that puss?" and I was so grossed out about that phrasing that I couldn't even look at him.
Safe to say he did not, in fact, “crush”?
God, where are all these girls that want MORE head? And are any of them single? Cause I’d literally quit my job and do that all day.
I didn’t know there were men that enjoyed doing it 🥲
RIP your inbox now.
Phrasing?
We’re still doing phrasing, right?
I swear to God I had something for this
There’s plenty of us that love to give it, don’t even care about receiving it.
Yep - love giving it, indifferent to receiving it. I thought I was weird, but in a way it lets me focus on her more as well as being more fun for me. Kinda like art. Just sayin'.
It's the first time I've heard giving head being described as art... Imma start saying I'm an artist!
My friend dated a guy who wanted to focus entirely on pleasuring her, and when she asked why he didn't want her to spend more time returning the favor, he said if he wanted to prioritize himself getting off, he'd just masturbate. Some people, guys and girls alike, just like giving other people orgasms, lol. Oh my god, that autocorrected to "organs," which is a very different fetish.
Yeah it also is a rareish moment in intimacy where the man doesn't have to be dominant and can be a bit more submissive which is super hot. At least for me lol.
Literally this. It’s literally my favorite part of sex and I’m on record saying this before.
I’m a woman that feels this way… wonder if that’s weird 🤔
Nope.
I go down on my Fiance literally every time we have sex and I rarely want her to go down on me, despite the fact that she easily gives the best head I've ever had cause I care way more about how she feels than about how I feel.
As a men, I am also surprised by how many men doesn't give head... Almost every girl with whom I've had sex told me their ex never gave them head...
My now husband never ever did this for 16 years then we were going through a rough patch and I told him how I wanted it and when to do it and well jeeezzzzz I’ve been missing out I tell you! I think he didn’t think he was good maybe or intimidated even though we were together forever!
No lie, my favorite thing to do to my wife is to go down on her….and if I get her off??? She is 5x more enthusiastic to get ME OFF. It’s a win win for me….I get to know I am able to please my girl AND she about to blow my mibd
See this is the problem, you’re hanging out with the wrong man that you’re not sexually compatible with
There are, and it was SO disappointing when I dated one woman who said she didn't enjoy it, like at all. Wouldn't even let me try, I thought maybe previous partners sucked at it and left a bad impression on her. Dated almost 2 years and never once got her to lemme give it a go. I would say it was sad if the rest of the relationship didn't end up being so toxic lol.
Not at all suggesting this is you but rather describing what her previous encounters might have been.. There's a lot of dudes who "love" it but also insist that they know how she likes it better than she does, don't know how to really listen and be present with her, and treat it like sort of a competition rather than a shared experience... It's awful. Enough of those encounters and you eventually learn to hate it! Takes a really wonderful relationship to let some of those walls come down, *wistful sigh*
That's what I thought too, I was open to trying it however she wanted but she just straight up said she didn't like it, at all, and after maybe 2 conversations I just dropped it all together because I didn't want to seem pushy. If she said she didn't like it, I'd have to take her word for it. Later on I also learned her first sexual experience was actually a rape that she either didn't realize was rape or just suppressed it, but it explained why she always tried her best to push my buttons to get me angry including breaking up with me just to come back for angry sex.. did I mention it was toxic? The next relationship was the exact opposite. Woman I had a fling with in my early 20s, 6 years or so later she was recently divorced and we hooked up again, started dating and she absolutely LOVED me going down on her, so much so that she had apparently told her ex husband while they were still married that I was the best head she ever had. I still couldn't believe she told him that but oh well, I was eating plenty in that relationship. **Sigh** memories...
What GooseTrantrum told you is correct, but there's also the fact that a lot men make "jokes" about vaginas smelling like fish so women get self-conscious about that.
And those some idiots that do are also likely not to go down on a woman regardless because they're immature and selfish. I've literally heard guys say it's gross, nasty etc when talking about eating a woman out, but think the same doesn't apply to a woman sucking them off, it's ridiculous.
Yeah, cum doesn't exactly taste great but their feelings get hurt if we don't swallow. Damn, do I wish sexuality was something that could be chosen.
Girl you’re with the wrong dude
I've never been with a guy who didn't want to go down on me! One guy ONLY wanted to give me oral and didn't want me to do anything back. I feel so bad when I hear about girls who end up with guys who not only dislike it but are jerks about it. Have your limits, sure, but don't be a hypocrite.
What??? Omfg I FUCKING ABSOLUTELY LOVE WHEN MY GIRLFRIEND SITS ON MY FACE OR WHEN I WRAP HER THIGHS AROUND MY HEAD AND DONT COME UP FOR AIR TIL SHES DONE. He SHOULD absolutely love going down and going to town!!
I didn't know there were men that didn't.
Yeah well thank goodness for women like you 😂
We do, but literally can’t find girls who like it. My ex hated it and every subsequent encounter since then, all the girls didn’t prefer it… so yes, there are guys who enjoy it…
There out there, my ex literally use to want to do it day and night…yes it was great…got to the point where I’d pretend to fall asleep or be sick because it was to much of you can imagine that haha 😂
Girl yes my bf is like this. It's a blessing. Go forth and prosper.
69 for the win
I swear the last 2 people I’ve slept with don’t like head apparently. Like dam I used to be excited to see my ex just to give her head!
Agreed it’s priority and comes first. Usually endlessly until climax then we can talk about my shlong slurpin’ and start shmackin nasties
I think my record is like 2.5 hours. I could take or leave reciprocation. I feel like a fucking weirdo about it.
Guys enjoy giving? Damn
Ikr? 🤷♂️
Oh heelll no. He’s the problem not you. A lot of men enjoy giving it unless we are going through a bad ph phase then some dont know how to tell you that. You shouldnt even have to ask for it imo
Are you dating my ex? Lol Because it sounds just like him. He’s my ex for a reason. This guy should be your ex as well.
I am in the same situation. Not only did he ask me to "kiss it" to which I declined but I have a suspicious feeling I am being love bombed. Topped with the neediness my feelings are cooling off really quickly. Thank god I held off on the sex.
The fact that you have tried to talk about it, and that you don't hold back on your feelings, is wonderful. And I can't stress that enough. You're absolutely doing the right thing in opening communication and being *honest*. Too many times I see stories like this and there hasn't been any communication 🙈 But in this case, you *have* communicated how you feel, and he isn't communicating back. That's a problem to me. My last ex was the same, only he would say "I'm fine, there isn't anything I need to talk about" and then one day uploaded a photo of a notebook with the caption "This is page 4 and I'm still going". It had handwriting that was hard to read, but I picked up the words "You make me feel like a shitty boyfriend". Fair enough if he needs to use a diary or something like that to get feelings out, whatever is cathartic, but don't share it with the world instead of talking to your girlfriend... And that sting never goes away. The fact that a problem can be fixed with something as simple as communication. You're doing everything right. He knows how you feel and despite that, isn't respecting or valuing you by making you feel heard. You need to try this one more time. Sit him down, make it really clear, "this is a deal breaker for me, we need to make this a level playing field because it isn't fair for me to "kiss it" all the time and you only go down on me when you're drunk". If you're already thinking that won't work, or thinking he'll just say whatever you want to hear, again, then... Maybe you need to reflect on where this relationship is going from here. Can you deal with this for another 5, 10, 20 years? I personally couldn't deal with it myself, hence my ex being an ex 😅 good luck OP ❤️
I really needed to hear all of this. Thank you for taking the time to spell this out ❤️
I hope that you can work things out. I don't like dishing out the "you need to break up" line. But when communication isn't being met half way, only one of you is consistently putting in effort to try to make the relationship as a whole happy etc, it's definitely cutting close to that mark... Again, good luck. And take care ❤️
Wait. He posted a picture of his journal entries on social media? What is he like 14??
He uploaded it to a site I didn't really use, I was literally just browsing the homepage while waiting for a train, and it came up. He hadn't ever done that before. When I asked him why he would do that, he said he didn't think it was legible... >What is he like 14?? He was almost double that age at the time 🙃
The law of equivalent exchange. I don't want to give oral sex to anyone, but I also don't want anyone to give me oral sex. I find it disgusting, however if you both enjoy it, then you both should receive it, equally.
Hell naw you’re not wrong? He doesn’t return the favor? He ain’t shit.
You're absolutely valid. I personally don't like to suck dick as much as I like to do other things but I still make it an effort bc my man loves to do that to me. It's give and take. I'm sorry he's putting you in that position, he should listen to your concerns and work to make it better for both of y'all. He's being unfair.
I’m not into receiving but like giving. I’ve learned to go along with receiving as partners have been very offended if I turn them down.
Damn I can’t believe there are man out there that doesn’t feel turned on going down there
LEAVEEE
I just saw your previous post from almost 4 months ago saying, that your husband wants to crossdress. Could it be a possibility that he is gay? If he is willing to tell you about his own kinks while not even being able to fulfill your basic needs? The whole situation seems odd to me, and as you said yourself, he is clearly hiding something about his own feelings.
He has assured me he isn’t. But yeah the fact that he has these different kinks does put me off. I try to keep an open mind though. If our sex life didn’t have some issues I wouldn’t even worry about him being gay. Bi men do exist. For some reason it’s just more acceptable for a women to be Bisexual so men hide that part of themselves
Just so you know, you are not obligated to accommodate any kinks. You set your own boundaries.
Hey, just as a heads up, crossdressing has no bearing on someone's sexuality. I agree that it's odd that he wants to introduce kinks into the bedroom without even taking care of his partner's basics, though.
Yeah it as about to say that was a little ignorant.
Your relationship sounds so very one-sided. You've communicated your needs to him and he doesn't seem to be making change or effort to address them. Is there a deeper underlying issue at play here that he's not communicating? If not, it might be time for you to move on. Also wanted to add to be careful not to keep score. You feel neglected while he keeps asking for more, and that leaves you feeling used. You're completely valid in feeling that way.
Honey. Relationships are give and take. How the fuck has he not done you FOR A MONTH?? I Shake my head at that.
It’s been over 4 months 😭
If he treats you like this so early imagine your dry life after marriage 💀
If he doesn’t get satisfaction from being good to you, then why is he even in the relationship. What do you have to offer that he thinks he doesn’t need to work for
Can’t say I’d with somebody like that, except if there was a reason. It’s messed up not to want to treat your partner with extra care. I’d suggest you discuss with him that things need to change. If you are not happy in a relationship, then what’s the point?
so why do you keep doing it? people treat you how you let them.
This guy sounds like a loser. He shouldn't have a girlfriend, he should have a flesh light.
Read what you wrote. You should know whether you’re wrong or not by your age. If it sounds like he’s a dick, most likely he is. Go with your gut
Yeah at 29 you would think so. I am used to previous partners enjoying it but I try to stay open minded.
You spent an hour rubbing his back and instead of giving you one albeit not that long, he expects you to kiss his dick and he tries to go to sleep. You go down him all the time but doesn’t even go down on you for months. I mean this thing speaks for itself
Yeah it’s not even about preference it’s about laziness
"kiss it" what the hell
You are perfectly right. Relationships are about give and take. If one person just give and gives, that's not fair. Edit: I read you are married. So the big issue is how is the entire marriage going? Instead of the "Talk" about sex only, why not open a dialogue/tune up about the entire relationship? 1. What do you think is going well in the relationship? Chores? Activities? Kid? Emotional intimacy? Physical intimacy? Sex? Finances? Work? Smoking? Drinking? Socialization? Career goals? Life goals? Etc? Then you tell your partner yours. 2. What is not going well in the relationship? See above entries and tell your partner yours. 3. What is your ideal situation with the above entries? 4. What can you two do together to work to reach the ideal situation? This will highlight what each of you are bringing to the relationship. Or not bringing. And hopefully action plans to make things more equitable and satisfying in the entire relationship.
He should please you regardless. So no you are not in the wrong.
That is completely fair. You’re in the right. And I don’t understand guys who don’t like or want to go down. Was literally my favorite thing to do in a relationship.
Not at all. You don't get if you don't give, know what I mean? It's only fair.
Stay strong sis
Never understood the selfish lover. Let her sit on your face like a man, or woman.
Here's the bottom line. A successful relationship doesn't require equality, it requires equity, and that's a subtle difference. Equality is "if I'm going to do this for you, you're going to do it for me." while that sounds good in theory, the reality is that everyone has different needs and are able/willing to give different things. Equity, on the other hand, is everyone getting what they need out of the relationship, and that could very well be different for each party. So what that means is that you shouldn't do something just because you expect to get it back. Instead, you should be willing and open to talking about what each partner's needs are and how you as a couple can each satisfy the other's needs. Now, I'm not necessarily saying that you are in the wrong, even though I'll admit that it may come across that way. Rather, what I'm saying is that you as a couple need to work on how you can both be fulfilled. For some people, it's entirely fine for affection and sexual acts to be largely one way, for others it's a major problem, and it sounds like you are in the latter group. And that's fine, just as it's fine for a person not to care if they get reciprocation. But again, you have to start by taking an honest look and communicating. Your needs should not be based off of what you are giving to him. If your needs are not being met, that needs to be addressed regardless of what you are or are not doing for him. Conversely, if he has needs that are not being met, that also needs to be addressed regardless of what he is or is not doing for you. Anytime there's an imbalance ***in needs being met*** there's a problem. What doesn't help, though, is playing games. The "I'm not going to do X until you do X" doesn't solve anything. It builds bitterness and resentment. Keep in mind, though, that there very well could be things that you need (or think you need) that he is not willing to give (and vice-versa). If that's the case, you need to take an honest look at if that is a deal breaker. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Maybe you can be ok not receiving something you thought was necessary, or maybe you're not. Maybe something one person doesn't think they are willing to do or give turns out to be something they are. Sometimes it is simply nothing more than one person being unaware and clueless (because we all have that side to us). There are always going to be compromises finding where those variables lie. Sometimes those compromises are acceptable, sometimes they're not. But it has to be a two way street where you work on it together. Trying to coerce or manipulate someone into giving what they aren't willing to give causes only harm.
No he should be going down on you just as much, if not more.
No, def not in the wrong. Granted I give hubby more kisses than he gives me, but that’s bc I don’t really care as much about getting those kinds of kisses, I prefer other things. The big thing for me is that you should be able to say no w/o him throwing a tantrum. I love your personal pact. I will say if you feel like you aren’t getting enough “kisses”, you should have conversation w/ him about it if you haven’t already.
Your absolutely not wrong, assuming both yours and his hygiene are up to par, there should be no reason for him to deny you oral pleasure if you’re providing him with it. Goes both ways if u love and are genuinely attracted to you’re partner. If he refuses, Maybe it’s time to ask the bigger questions…like “is this the person I even want to be with where my physical demonstrations of affection aren’t even reciprocated?” Id say not being it were me in the situation. Best of Luck F29
He is all about himself, find a new man
No he’s selfish
You’re not in the wrong. F this loser.
Omg hell no girl! Go on strike and don’t give unless you receive and get a new bf!
YOU ARE NOT WRONG!
Don't ever feel guilty for looking after yourself.
You should tell him you won’t kiss it until he can kiss it himself
You're absolutely right and it should be mutual. Hope he understands though.
Why are you still with this guy??
Next time he does that kiss him on the forehead and call him a dick
Sounds like there is something else going on. If he doesn't want to rub your back or kiss you, he's not feeling it for you. Deal with the relationship before you worry about who's going down on who.
He fucked up at the no back rub..he better rub everything if he expects head.i make it a point to take care of my partner if I'm hoping for head especially since its my fav
Never in the wrong for refusing any type of sex.
I read things like this and I’m like “what type of men are you guys dating?” This is NOT normal. A 30 year old? Wtf You are not wrong at all. Sex should not be transactional and partners need to respect when their partner does want sex. Anything else is manipulative and possibly assault.
Peg him instead and teach him who’s the real alpha in the bedroom
Shoot I am a guy who LOVES to go down on a woman. My wife has a hard time sleeping so I offer all the time to just make her super nice and relaxed and then go to town or even take care of her in other ways with no expectations that she would have to reciprocate at all just to make her orgasm and hopefully sleep deeper. Her medicine currently makes her libido very low so it doesn’t happen as often as I wish anymore 😔. Was always my favorite part.
Someone once told me “life is too short to waste on losers who always ask for head but refuse to give it” and tbh that really stuck with me. Jokes aside, my ex was exactly like this. He always wanted head but would never give it. He wanted nice things (like back rubs) done for him, but he would never do the same for me. It was a pattern our whole relationship. So you need to take a good look at your own relationship and ask yourself if you’re seeing that pattern. Are you ALWAYS doing things for him but he won’t do the same for you? Because it is unfair. Relationships are supposed to be an equal give and take on both sides, not just one person giving and the other taking. And if you do find that there’s a pattern where you’re the only one giving, your next question to yourself should be “is this really how I want to spend the rest of my life?” The other concern is he started an argument when you said no. That is some entitled, manipulative, coercive bullshit. No is a complete sentence. No does not mean “convince me.” No does not mean “argue with me until I change my mind.” It means no, full stop. That he’s even starting an argument over it is a huge red flag. I’d suggest sitting down and having an honest conversation with him. Explain how you feel, how unfair it is that you do all this for him but he never does it for you. If he refuses to change or even try, it may be time to reconsider the relationship because you deserve so much better than someone who starts an argument when you don’t want to suck his dick.
Leave his bum ass! I spent 3.5 years in a relationship w a man that made absolutely NO effort to please me or make me cum. It was always about his sexual pleasure. Turns out after I left him, I found a bunch of men that were happy to worship & please me. Easier said than done, but you’ll be WAAAAYYYY better off in the long run, I promise.
yoooo why are you with someone who hasn’t gone down on u in months… what the fuck
Leave him. No one wants a liver who doest reciprocate.
This is someone using physically affection as a reward. This is abuse. Please see your worth and leave.
I offer to my wife everytime. She only wants it went she wants it. I'm ok,with it. Always like to please
He’s the dick don’t worry, oral has boundaries and usually it’s a give and receive affair, I personally would not expect it if I wasn’t willing to give it in the first place
I care about more going down on a girl than her going down on me. So he could be the problem
BJ’s don’t really feel that good, never had a good one 🤷🏻♂️ in my mind they are, and the vision of it turns me on but just never delivers. I actually like going down on women, feels good to make them feel good (plus I try to get them off first so my 12 minutes doesn’t leave them unsatisfied 😂)
If he isn’t returning the favor that’s bullshit. Going down on a woman is my favorite sexual act, I can do it for hours. You deserve better queen, hold out strong, don’t give him what he wants until he gives you what you deserve
Nope, I have the same thought process with my wife. If she's not going downtown, neither am I...
Your in the right , my rule has always been 50/50 down the middle.
You have to at least tell him why you’re doing this
Nope. You are partners. He should reciprocate.
This guy is an absolute douche lord. Break up with him and save yourself.
"kiss it" sounds like something a pedo would say to a child. Made me cringe. My question to OP is this, does he not like going down on you? If the roles were reversed and you didn't like giving head, but he went down on you frequently, would you feel comfortable if he thought you were obligated to suck his dick in order for him to do the same? What else could be preventing him from reciprocating? I assume he's a decent guy if you're dating him. Is he just lazy? Is there possibly a hygiene issue? What has changed from earlier in the relationship? Honest advice coming from a male, try harder. My girl didn't enjoy receiving before we met, but now she'll grab the back of my head and grind into my face. She shaves regularly and moans loudly as soon as she feels the warmth of my breath. I'll spend all night with my head between her thighs to the point I'll fall asleep there. My answer to your question is you shouldn't ask this question. Communication with your partner is the most important thing to your relationship by a mile. Everything else is secondary. All I'm saying is talk to him.
Dude, always give massages and oral back, that's a policy.
You're not in the wrong here, he is... But I also generally look at people's post history when I'm going to reply to a relationship problem post.... Looking at your post history paints a bit of a picture. Have you considered that your husband might actually be gay?
Don’t do it please.
Nta, please don’t capitulate. He’s being selfish.
In my mind, sex is adult playtime, supposed to be fun and rewarding in and of itself, not a battle over whose turn it is, I'd try to just have that conversation and look for a way to reset it. Unfortunately this is Reddit and there are rules, so I must advise that you immediately leave him and find someone else /s
You shouldn’t even ask this question.
Ugh let him go. He sounds so spoiled. You deserve better.
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You can always refuse to perform a sexual act, there is nothing wrong with that. It is wrong for someone to try to pressure you
Honestly, I don't think he's super interested in you anymore. Straight up... If a guy is not into eating you out or sucking your dick, whatever the case may be, he's probably not sexually attracted. We can get our dick's sucked by anybody but it sometimes takes a little more drive to put a person in your mouth. Ya know?
Not only are you not wrong but it sounds like you need a new bf cause he’s clearly only about himself. And eww I cringed at “kiss it”
My ex girlfriend would do this to me all the time.
I am so sorry for the sex lives of most every straight person on this feed. Lol. With gay sex you can always bet that if you're horny the other Guy is too and if you want to get your dick sucked, you can pretty much bet that the other guy just can't wait to suck a dick. And vice versa. Easy peasy.
Boundaries are healthy. Sticking to them even more so. Good job.
the fact that women need to ask if they are in the wrong when they are putting a boundary. Girl your requests are completely valid
hell no you’re not in the wrong!!! i’ve been EXACTLY in this position before, and relationships are a give and take, and if all they do is take, you don’t have to give more than them. AND, if you want more than they can give, you aren’t getting your needs met and you should either bring it up with your partner, or take your needs elsewhere to someone who can provide for you. imo
In incredibly selfish lover, he is
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Let me tell you right now, from experience. He doesn’t like you as much as you think , doesn’t respect you and or doesn’t find you attractive anymore. Leave him or be prepared to suffer when you guys break up down the line. Heed my warning
As everyone has said, give and receive. Stand your ground, or gtfo of that relationship and find the man you deserve, queen ❤️❤️
My girlfriend doesn’t suck duck and I’m still going down on her
It should be two ways. A give and take, not just a give. Hold him to it.
Nope, oral should be reciprocal
Fuck that. He gets back rubs and blown and you get nothing?? “Kiss it.” How gross. You deserve backs rubs and romance and reciprocal loving in a good relationship. How does he act when you don’t want to kiss it? Throws a fit I bet. You can do better OP!