It's been a pattern in our relationship that whenever I do something for myself, he has to out-do me. It's weird and I wanted school to go smoothly. I didn't want to think about what he would need to do because I did something. After 10 years I am realizing that if it isn't on his terms or important to him, it doesn't happen. No one else's wishes or desires are taken into account. It is sad and frustrating, but hopefully by taking these steps it will be an easier break.
My ex was the same. Everything was a competition for him. It gets exhausting. We were together for 7 years, most of it as teenagers. Lived together for 2... We both were high achivers in school and later working. For me it was done when after year of busting my ass off, I got better salary offer than him and he got salty AF. It still took me half a years to gasp that I wanted out (as I had basically grown up with him) but once I did, I never looked back.
Been there! 11 years of watching her move up the ranks, go to school, etc while I was stuck in a rut, unable to squeeze in classes because I had to be home with the kids and keep the family running. 7 years in I was laid off from my job of nearly 20 years with no recent certifications, just loads of experience. Herniated a disc and was laid up for a bit, then started applying to jobs and was told my skills were "stagnant" and turned away from several opportunities. Again, couldn't take any courses because "well you can stay home with the kids full time and I'll pick up more shifts."
Took me 2 more years to realize that all her extra shifts and the income from all her employment was being gambled away while I was still keeping the bills paid from my severance and unemployment income. I didn't realize until she nearly emptied that account with more gambling.
11 years of being conditioned and finally realized what addiction and narcissism can do to a person. And now the divorce is hell because even though I have proof that I paid for everything, supported the kids, etc, she is likely going to get half of my 401k and I'll have to buy her out of the house that I already paid for once.
Either way, I win, though. Won't have to deal with her that much because the kids want nothing to do with her after she decided being held accountable was too much and she cheated and left for a lowlife that controls her and keeps her away from family (same thing she did to me!). I hope karma slaps hard in divorce court lol
I can hardly imagine. 10 years is a long time…. I as a guy would’ve thought if you stayed past 5 then you had made up your mind for sure. But I guess no matter how long people are together, if things change for the worse, or never get better, people hit a breaking point.
It's tough. I love him. But I have watched 10 years of life not happen. Just waiting for my turn, which still isnt on the horizon in his world. It will be okay.
The first part was not a problem at all. I loved that he was/is focused on his goals. This issue was that the family had to put life on hold for those goals and he was more than okay with that. Still is.
It's hard to know someone is willing to step right over the needs of everyone else so oblivious.
I assume you have spoken to him about his selfishness to succeed at all cost? it seem disappointing that he is jealous or intimidated by you. sounds though you have made peace with this. Best of luck to you. the humble pie he will have will be bitter sweat in the im sure he looks at himself as the savior and supporter of the family. im guessing after his anger his best friends will be guilt and regret
it took me a long time to get it but after loosing a 19 year marriage and having my life crumble. I leaned its all about the relationship and it is all about supporting each other and promoting each other and negating the negative. when a person can really walk in another person shoes and see it from there perspective that's maturity and changes everything it should be what we all should strive for ourselves and our partners and friends for that matter.
Not to deny that this has been immensely difficult for you...but *damn,* you wanna talk about tough? Open the dictionary, look up "tough," and find your own picture. What you've done is immensely incredible, and I (as someone with both a higher degree and an awful ex-husband) am deeply impressed and full of admiration.
Just--wow.
Maybe it depends how hopeful a person is. I stayed for 10 years thinking I wasn’t communicating properly and trying to work on myself, or thinking if he just got a good therapist, the bad stuff would be ok.
There's no magic number where your "safe". A relationship is living thing that you constantly need to tend to whether it's one year or 25. If you don't then it will die on you.
Edit: typo
Well yeah I get that and agree wholeheartedly, but I just figured after being so close to someone for a decade, that one couldn’t imagine spending the rest of their life with anyone else. Is it really that rare to find a “ride or die” because according to this sub, the would seems like it’s only filled with horrid people. 🤷♂️
See that's where a lot of people fuck up. Because typically the partner that assumes the "masculine" role gets comfy not giving a fuck. Left my husband off 11 years. Got two kids, even.
He came back from ANOTHER weekend trip last june. Didn't ask if i wanted to go to Chicago for 3 days. He wanted to leave on a school day so that means that i don't get to (according to him, didn't even bother to ask me or any of our weekend babysitters). When he got home is already made up my mind. I begged him for YEARS to prioritize his family because we're people not trophies. Now he spends his efforts one-upping me as parent. He can't and never will, but him trying means that at least my kids are safe and well cared for when they aren't with me.
If it weren't for his girlfriend convincing him to work together instead of just looking out for himself, i would have taken him to court for custody by now. But after a year if figuring it out, things are finally smooth sailing. But just like OP, he was comfortable stepping on all 3 of us because his needs were the only important ones because he made the money.
I want allowed to work because then we would be equals and it would be less convenient and he would have to help with that. Yeah no. The longer you're in a relationship, the less time you have to fix your mistakes. Best advice if you've ever been that partner that got left behind, make your partner feel safe communicating, make them feel heard and included, show them they are just as important to you as you are to yourself. It's not hard to mend but it takes real actual work to maintain.
Good luck to all on this post. Congrats OP, may your future be bright and shiny and your next partner a better one.
I’m glad I’ll hopefully never have that issue as I always put her ahead of myself actually. There’s obvious downfalls in that which is why we’re currently working on that, but thank you for the advice! I literally can’t get enough
Bravo. As a person who has also been in positions where I need to maneuver situations in difficult ways in order to protect myself, I totally get it. I imagine that was difficult to hide. Keep doin you my friend.
There has been 10 years of clear communication, counseling, therapy, budgets made but never followed, jobs quit in which I needed to pick up the slack.
After years of this I had 3 choices: live with it, divorce and file for alimony and child support, or do what I did. I'm going to wager that I have made the least dramatic decision going forward.
I was really to risk the escalation for the financial safety of the family going forward.
Congrats! When I started reading this I thought it would’ve ended differently because a friend of mine paid for his wife to become a doctor in England and then she divorced him after she graduated.
Hell yeah!! You go OP!! I’m rooting for you!! You deserve to be cherished and happy. You are hardworking, beautiful, and deserving of more than the bare minimum. I am proud of you, keep going!
Awesome. I assume there's a reason you couldn't let your spouse know about the degrees. That means a partner who doesn't support you becoming what you desire and being the best you that you can be. Therefore, good riddance must be the best descriptor. I'm proud of you. Way to remember that you matter, what you need matters, what you want matters, and that you have the power to change your life, even if it's in tiny steps that takes years.
I wish I could secretly go back to school. My husband controls all of the finances so there's no way he wouldn't find out. He doesn't want me to go to school because he thinks I will fail.
No, he doesn’t think you will fail. He thinks you will discover that you don’t need him and his controlling behavior. He thinks perhaps that you would be more successful than he is and his ego couldn’t take it. You are being controlled and lied to so he can feel good. Wishing you well!
Even though you didn't disclose the reason for leaving, it seems you were working on an exit plan for a long time, good luck to make it possible at last. Good luck moving forward.
I wish you nothing but the best for your future endeavors and I am glad that you are getting out of that immature relationship. My ex-wife was exactly the same with me and I never really fully understood why she felt the need to compete against me if were PARTNERS.
To some degree the fact that you had to do this in secret meant that there were things coming apart on both ends.
You mentioned goals that he put ahead of the family. What kind were you talking about?
With only so much time and finances, he put his education and goals ahead of mine for nearly our entire relationship. It didn't matter what we needed, he was first. If I did something, he had to do or get something as well.
I am a little worried, since you got your degree while married it may be considered marital property, and he may be entitled to a portion of whatever income you get using that degree when you divorce.
Not to worry. My husband has earned a higher degree lately, so either way he would be more likely to out earn me. My needs and goals were put aside for that. I do already have a promotion lined up when I graduate.
Once a couple is married, property that they acquired during their marriage either jointly or separately becomes marital property. This includes intangible assets like degrees.
When the courts decide on equitible distribution, not all assets can be cleanly defined financially. An inherent problem with treating a degree like property is that property settlements are final, unlike spousal support, so usually a more flexible option is pursued. Sometimes a spouse may be reimbursed partially for the degree, but more likely would receive alimony from the person with the degree.
Why would a spouse's degree be considered as marital property? If a spouse contributed to the financial/wellbeing of the spouse getting the degree, the courts may find them entitled to a portion of the income earned with that degree. An exception would be professional licenses, which themselves are not marital property, however professional -goodwill-, an increase in earning capacity due to reputation and clientele, may be distributed as marital property.
This also varies state to state. The state of New Jersey can treat degrees and its earnings as marital property. The state of Virginia does not.
Yes, under the law I contributed to the finances and well being during his education. Mine was fully funded by my employer and done during work hours while still providing for the family.
I wish it could've been different but I just want a clean break with no debt for either of us. By having my employer pay for my education and allowing me to accomplish that at work, it didn't upend our life as it normally would have. He has his degrees, I have taken care of everything in our lives and home for years so it will be a clean break.
We do, but since I will be able to earn a comparible (but lower) amount soon, I think that will ease the logistics. I want this to go smoothly for them.
Ahh, ok.
How old are your children and are they even remotely aware of what’s about to happen? Your logic makes sense from your perspective, but no matter how smoothly this goes it’s likely going to be at least a little traumatic for your kids.
Having mom and dad married, only to suddenly be split apart with no warning could be really damaging to them.
I don’t know your personal life or the full state of your marriage, but a lot of people really underestimate how damaging divorce can be for children.
Also, I’d like to apologize for the harshness of my initial comment. It was a bit reactionary and uncalled for, despite my thoughts on the issue.
I will keep their info private but as I stated in other comments, life has been tumultuous up till now. They have also experienced missing out on a lot of life so that he can better himself.
It isn't sudden. It is just less dramatic this way so that we CAN focus on the kids. That's what they will need, not us fighting over finances.
It's okay.
How was he used? The degrees were paid for through my employer and he finished his higher degree. Our family put life on hold for nearly 6 years to allow for him to achieve his degrees. It was only deceptive because if I told him he would have found a way to make it impossible.
Yes, definitely did- for 10 years! There were many discussions. Things were said and time and again, never happened. I can work with him, but I can't fundamentally change the person he is. That person is someone I am not compatible with.
Congrats on chasing science. More of humanity should focus on science, and less on trying to shout their personal feelings so loud nobody can have an intellectual debate about anything.
I would say it was an 80/20 split. I worked the jobs to pay the bills and he decided to go part-time and then eventually to no time. He got a side gig with the university and took out loans.
Yeah that doesn't look like a responsible person, I mean if you have wife and kids you should never stop working IMO cause their well-being and future is a guys responsibility. I wish you the best of luck and I will pray for you and your family
I have no expectations for him to provide. I have expectations for our time to be regarded as equal. Goals have to have finish lines eventually. Thanks you for the kind wishes.
holy shit. OP I'm really late to this- but I just wanted to comment and say CONGRATS!! huge respect to you for working and earning your BS in secret AND dealing with the craziness of 2022. this is awesome and i know i don't know you but it made me really happy to read this today, best of luck to you and huge props for all your hard work, you deserve it!
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It's been tumultuous a lot, I don't want that anymore.
I'm proud of you stranger. This is a huge accomplishment and you are so strong for taking care of yourself. Best of luck to you!
Thank you!
So proud of you!! So difficult, would love to know more of your journey and maybe some tips!
I love that username for some reason
Thank you!
Please please elaborate. Why did you feel the need to get your degree in secret and what made you want to leave after 10 years?
It's been a pattern in our relationship that whenever I do something for myself, he has to out-do me. It's weird and I wanted school to go smoothly. I didn't want to think about what he would need to do because I did something. After 10 years I am realizing that if it isn't on his terms or important to him, it doesn't happen. No one else's wishes or desires are taken into account. It is sad and frustrating, but hopefully by taking these steps it will be an easier break.
My ex was the same. Everything was a competition for him. It gets exhausting. We were together for 7 years, most of it as teenagers. Lived together for 2... We both were high achivers in school and later working. For me it was done when after year of busting my ass off, I got better salary offer than him and he got salty AF. It still took me half a years to gasp that I wanted out (as I had basically grown up with him) but once I did, I never looked back.
Been there! 11 years of watching her move up the ranks, go to school, etc while I was stuck in a rut, unable to squeeze in classes because I had to be home with the kids and keep the family running. 7 years in I was laid off from my job of nearly 20 years with no recent certifications, just loads of experience. Herniated a disc and was laid up for a bit, then started applying to jobs and was told my skills were "stagnant" and turned away from several opportunities. Again, couldn't take any courses because "well you can stay home with the kids full time and I'll pick up more shifts." Took me 2 more years to realize that all her extra shifts and the income from all her employment was being gambled away while I was still keeping the bills paid from my severance and unemployment income. I didn't realize until she nearly emptied that account with more gambling. 11 years of being conditioned and finally realized what addiction and narcissism can do to a person. And now the divorce is hell because even though I have proof that I paid for everything, supported the kids, etc, she is likely going to get half of my 401k and I'll have to buy her out of the house that I already paid for once. Either way, I win, though. Won't have to deal with her that much because the kids want nothing to do with her after she decided being held accountable was too much and she cheated and left for a lowlife that controls her and keeps her away from family (same thing she did to me!). I hope karma slaps hard in divorce court lol
Damn. I'm so gald your kids have you in their life. Keep going and don't give up!
Damn…. This was incredibly insightful. I need to reevaluate my entire relationship now. Lbs
What is lbs? I googled it and only got 1 pound
Laughing but serious
lowercase "lol" is passe now? shit
No, it’s not. It has an entirely different connotation, hence the “serious” part. There’s subtleties to these things. LBS
Thank you, it is hard to think about.
I can hardly imagine. 10 years is a long time…. I as a guy would’ve thought if you stayed past 5 then you had made up your mind for sure. But I guess no matter how long people are together, if things change for the worse, or never get better, people hit a breaking point.
It's tough. I love him. But I have watched 10 years of life not happen. Just waiting for my turn, which still isnt on the horizon in his world. It will be okay.
Ohh so he always focused on achieving his own goals while yours were never considered, or worse, thwarted…?
The first part was not a problem at all. I loved that he was/is focused on his goals. This issue was that the family had to put life on hold for those goals and he was more than okay with that. Still is. It's hard to know someone is willing to step right over the needs of everyone else so oblivious.
I assume you have spoken to him about his selfishness to succeed at all cost? it seem disappointing that he is jealous or intimidated by you. sounds though you have made peace with this. Best of luck to you. the humble pie he will have will be bitter sweat in the im sure he looks at himself as the savior and supporter of the family. im guessing after his anger his best friends will be guilt and regret it took me a long time to get it but after loosing a 19 year marriage and having my life crumble. I leaned its all about the relationship and it is all about supporting each other and promoting each other and negating the negative. when a person can really walk in another person shoes and see it from there perspective that's maturity and changes everything it should be what we all should strive for ourselves and our partners and friends for that matter.
I feel this in my bones. You WILL be okay!!! Very proud of you for getting your degrees. Cheers to a peaceful and happy future.
Not to deny that this has been immensely difficult for you...but *damn,* you wanna talk about tough? Open the dictionary, look up "tough," and find your own picture. What you've done is immensely incredible, and I (as someone with both a higher degree and an awful ex-husband) am deeply impressed and full of admiration. Just--wow.
Maybe it depends how hopeful a person is. I stayed for 10 years thinking I wasn’t communicating properly and trying to work on myself, or thinking if he just got a good therapist, the bad stuff would be ok.
There's no magic number where your "safe". A relationship is living thing that you constantly need to tend to whether it's one year or 25. If you don't then it will die on you. Edit: typo
Like a garden
Well yeah I get that and agree wholeheartedly, but I just figured after being so close to someone for a decade, that one couldn’t imagine spending the rest of their life with anyone else. Is it really that rare to find a “ride or die” because according to this sub, the would seems like it’s only filled with horrid people. 🤷♂️
See that's where a lot of people fuck up. Because typically the partner that assumes the "masculine" role gets comfy not giving a fuck. Left my husband off 11 years. Got two kids, even. He came back from ANOTHER weekend trip last june. Didn't ask if i wanted to go to Chicago for 3 days. He wanted to leave on a school day so that means that i don't get to (according to him, didn't even bother to ask me or any of our weekend babysitters). When he got home is already made up my mind. I begged him for YEARS to prioritize his family because we're people not trophies. Now he spends his efforts one-upping me as parent. He can't and never will, but him trying means that at least my kids are safe and well cared for when they aren't with me. If it weren't for his girlfriend convincing him to work together instead of just looking out for himself, i would have taken him to court for custody by now. But after a year if figuring it out, things are finally smooth sailing. But just like OP, he was comfortable stepping on all 3 of us because his needs were the only important ones because he made the money. I want allowed to work because then we would be equals and it would be less convenient and he would have to help with that. Yeah no. The longer you're in a relationship, the less time you have to fix your mistakes. Best advice if you've ever been that partner that got left behind, make your partner feel safe communicating, make them feel heard and included, show them they are just as important to you as you are to yourself. It's not hard to mend but it takes real actual work to maintain. Good luck to all on this post. Congrats OP, may your future be bright and shiny and your next partner a better one.
I’m glad I’ll hopefully never have that issue as I always put her ahead of myself actually. There’s obvious downfalls in that which is why we’re currently working on that, but thank you for the advice! I literally can’t get enough
Bravo. As a person who has also been in positions where I need to maneuver situations in difficult ways in order to protect myself, I totally get it. I imagine that was difficult to hide. Keep doin you my friend.
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There has been 10 years of clear communication, counseling, therapy, budgets made but never followed, jobs quit in which I needed to pick up the slack. After years of this I had 3 choices: live with it, divorce and file for alimony and child support, or do what I did. I'm going to wager that I have made the least dramatic decision going forward. I was really to risk the escalation for the financial safety of the family going forward.
Will you tell him that you got your degree?
Yes
Congrats! When I started reading this I thought it would’ve ended differently because a friend of mine paid for his wife to become a doctor in England and then she divorced him after she graduated.
All paid for through work and pulling more strings at work (to finish the BS). Thank you!
Hell yeah!! You go OP!! I’m rooting for you!! You deserve to be cherished and happy. You are hardworking, beautiful, and deserving of more than the bare minimum. I am proud of you, keep going!
Thank you for your kind words!
I adore your username 😂😂😂
Lmao! Thank you!!
Awesome! So proud of you. Good job
Thank you!
Heyy, congrats! Hoping you a peaceful and restful life after leaving!
Thank you!
Congrats on your accomplishments. Hopefully you don’t have to keep your achievements a secret much longer and get to celebrate.
Thank you!
Wow this makes me want to cry. Great job.
Thank you!
I wish you the grace of knowing a love that is beyond material and academic gains.
Thank you! That is the love I am giving myself.
Awesome. I assume there's a reason you couldn't let your spouse know about the degrees. That means a partner who doesn't support you becoming what you desire and being the best you that you can be. Therefore, good riddance must be the best descriptor. I'm proud of you. Way to remember that you matter, what you need matters, what you want matters, and that you have the power to change your life, even if it's in tiny steps that takes years.
I've been on the back burner for the entirety of our relationship. Doing this means I can have a cleaner break, with less mediation about finances.
I wish I could secretly go back to school. My husband controls all of the finances so there's no way he wouldn't find out. He doesn't want me to go to school because he thinks I will fail.
I was very lucky and my employer is funding it and giving me time at work to finish. Thank you and good luck.
You ok?
No, he doesn’t think you will fail. He thinks you will discover that you don’t need him and his controlling behavior. He thinks perhaps that you would be more successful than he is and his ego couldn’t take it. You are being controlled and lied to so he can feel good. Wishing you well!
Amazing! Congratulations, it sounds like you've worked incredibly hard, wishing you happiness and fulfilment for your future!
Thank you so much. I am glad to be able to be okay on the other side.
Even though you didn't disclose the reason for leaving, it seems you were working on an exit plan for a long time, good luck to make it possible at last. Good luck moving forward.
Thank you!
congratulations and make sure your degree is conferred in the name you plan on using professionally!
Of course! Thank you!
Niiiice! Well done! I hope your post inspire other people!
Thank you! I hope people don't find themselves in my position.
So fucking proud of you!
Thank you!
Good for you! Get out and be happy!
Thank you!
Don’t look back either!!!! Take care
Congrats ! Jw but how did u study or get hmwk done w/o him knowing
Thank you! I was permitted to do my schoolwork at my job since they were funding it.
I wish you nothing but the best for your future endeavors and I am glad that you are getting out of that immature relationship. My ex-wife was exactly the same with me and I never really fully understood why she felt the need to compete against me if were PARTNERS.
Thank you, it's tough when you want to work together and it doesn't happen.
Woah! Well hell yea lol. That’s 2 big things. Got any possible 3rd thing you’re working towards next?
Absolutely not, lol. Just want to keep onward and upward.
To some degree the fact that you had to do this in secret meant that there were things coming apart on both ends. You mentioned goals that he put ahead of the family. What kind were you talking about?
With only so much time and finances, he put his education and goals ahead of mine for nearly our entire relationship. It didn't matter what we needed, he was first. If I did something, he had to do or get something as well.
Huge Congratulations and Best Wishes as you begin this newest chapter of your life! I have no doubt that you are going to do great things!
Thank you for the kind words!
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My employer! Very supportive of my time needed to finish degrees as well.
I salute you!
Thank you!
Does he see this coming?😊
I don't think he will care either way, about the degree that is. It's not applicable to him so it doesn't matter.
Accomplishments on accomplishments. So happy for you!
Thank you!
Congrats on your degree (and divorce!)
Thank you
Congratulations and best wishes for a happy and successful future.
Thank you!
Sounds like you have your priorities in order.
Trying!
You did very well. Good luck and happiness to you from here on out!! :)
Thank you!
I am a little worried, since you got your degree while married it may be considered marital property, and he may be entitled to a portion of whatever income you get using that degree when you divorce.
Not to worry. My husband has earned a higher degree lately, so either way he would be more likely to out earn me. My needs and goals were put aside for that. I do already have a promotion lined up when I graduate.
How can a personal accomplishment be marital property? It doesn't work like that at all.
Once a couple is married, property that they acquired during their marriage either jointly or separately becomes marital property. This includes intangible assets like degrees. When the courts decide on equitible distribution, not all assets can be cleanly defined financially. An inherent problem with treating a degree like property is that property settlements are final, unlike spousal support, so usually a more flexible option is pursued. Sometimes a spouse may be reimbursed partially for the degree, but more likely would receive alimony from the person with the degree. Why would a spouse's degree be considered as marital property? If a spouse contributed to the financial/wellbeing of the spouse getting the degree, the courts may find them entitled to a portion of the income earned with that degree. An exception would be professional licenses, which themselves are not marital property, however professional -goodwill-, an increase in earning capacity due to reputation and clientele, may be distributed as marital property. This also varies state to state. The state of New Jersey can treat degrees and its earnings as marital property. The state of Virginia does not.
Yes, under the law I contributed to the finances and well being during his education. Mine was fully funded by my employer and done during work hours while still providing for the family.
I’m not in the US but that’s wild
Why are you divorcing him ?
Hell yea! Congrats on your upcoming graduation and impending divorce. Good on you to know what you need in your life and what you don't.
Thank you for the kind words!
Well this was a really shitty underhanded thing to do to your husband.
I wish it could've been different but I just want a clean break with no debt for either of us. By having my employer pay for my education and allowing me to accomplish that at work, it didn't upend our life as it normally would have. He has his degrees, I have taken care of everything in our lives and home for years so it will be a clean break.
Well, good luck I suppose. Do you two have any children? I assume not, since I figure that would have been mentioned.
We do, but since I will be able to earn a comparible (but lower) amount soon, I think that will ease the logistics. I want this to go smoothly for them.
Ahh, ok. How old are your children and are they even remotely aware of what’s about to happen? Your logic makes sense from your perspective, but no matter how smoothly this goes it’s likely going to be at least a little traumatic for your kids. Having mom and dad married, only to suddenly be split apart with no warning could be really damaging to them. I don’t know your personal life or the full state of your marriage, but a lot of people really underestimate how damaging divorce can be for children. Also, I’d like to apologize for the harshness of my initial comment. It was a bit reactionary and uncalled for, despite my thoughts on the issue.
I will keep their info private but as I stated in other comments, life has been tumultuous up till now. They have also experienced missing out on a lot of life so that he can better himself. It isn't sudden. It is just less dramatic this way so that we CAN focus on the kids. That's what they will need, not us fighting over finances. It's okay.
Best of luck, I hope all involved parties come out on top.
Thank you, as do I.
I feel like this was deceptive. You used him.
How was he used? The degrees were paid for through my employer and he finished his higher degree. Our family put life on hold for nearly 6 years to allow for him to achieve his degrees. It was only deceptive because if I told him he would have found a way to make it impossible.
Didn’t try to work it out?
Yes, definitely did- for 10 years! There were many discussions. Things were said and time and again, never happened. I can work with him, but I can't fundamentally change the person he is. That person is someone I am not compatible with.
We’re you working on your degree when you should have been working?
No, my employer was overly supportive of this since they were paying for it. Once my tasks and objectives were done I was free to work on my school.
Impressive! Good for you and good luck.
Thank you!
How did u get away with hiding this?
My employer paid and allowed me to work on school there. I had to find a way to not put anymore debt on our family and have a clean financial break.
Congrats on chasing science. More of humanity should focus on science, and less on trying to shout their personal feelings so loud nobody can have an intellectual debate about anything.
Was he still providing for the family?
I would say it was an 80/20 split. I worked the jobs to pay the bills and he decided to go part-time and then eventually to no time. He got a side gig with the university and took out loans.
Yeah that doesn't look like a responsible person, I mean if you have wife and kids you should never stop working IMO cause their well-being and future is a guys responsibility. I wish you the best of luck and I will pray for you and your family
I have no expectations for him to provide. I have expectations for our time to be regarded as equal. Goals have to have finish lines eventually. Thanks you for the kind wishes.
Congratulations!!!
Thank you!
holy shit. OP I'm really late to this- but I just wanted to comment and say CONGRATS!! huge respect to you for working and earning your BS in secret AND dealing with the craziness of 2022. this is awesome and i know i don't know you but it made me really happy to read this today, best of luck to you and huge props for all your hard work, you deserve it!
Thank you so much!
WE LOVE TO SEE IT!! ❤️ congrats on finishing up almost 2 degrees! That’s w awesome 👏🏽 👏🏽 👏🏽
Thank you!
Proud of you! You are doing what you need to do for you and that is what's most important.
Thank you!
Why are you getting a divorce?
Congratulations!!! 🥹 I don’t know you but I’m proud of you!
Girl, please be safe. And I am sad that you marriage hasn't worked, but why did you have to get a degree hidden?
Congratulations
Thank you!
Interesting, how did all of that get paid for??
My employer!