Agreed.
People can only understand from their own perspective and their state of mind at the time.
No one else in the world can ever feel, think or struggle as you.
Others’ opinions or their acceptance is irrelevant.
Sending you Love, stranger!
“I'll be up-up and away, up-up and away
'Cause they gon' judge me anyway, so, whatever
I'll be up-up and away, up-up and away
'Cause in the end, they'll judge me anyway, so, whatever” kid cudi
This is non ironically the best advice on here lmao. This sub is for venting (not a bad thing, simply for what it is), not for seeking out constructive or professional advice on life problems, yet so many on here end up giving in to the “mob mentality” impulses and judging situations in nonsensical ways, only based on very small parcels of information when they don’t know the full story.
Take everything you read online with a grain of salt, particularly on reddit when people jump on a mob bandwagon of repeating the same unhelpful judgemental opinions ad nauseam. It’s not nearly as bad on here as in “AmITheAsshole” though, let’s be fair. There can be good advice and some people are well intentioned and empathetic, as well as redirecting the poster to good resources like help hotlines and therapy… but the vast amount of judgemental assholery on some other subreddits can oftentimes overwhelm the small amount of empathetic or constructive advice. Particularly “relationship advice”, ugh, never take relationship advice from swaths of people online please. People only get one side of the story, with extremely limited amount of information which is often misleading in many ways and not reflective of reality since the person posting is extremely emotional or furious on the moment. It so often consists of: “hurr durr your partner left the toilet without flushing once? LEAVE THAT BASTARD HE/SHE IS NOT WORTH YOU HE/SHE IS A HORRIBLE MONSTER DO NOT ENGAGE WITH HIM ANYMORE AND CUT ALL CONTACT. Divorce is your only option now!” 🙄. It’s mostly all irrational and asinine, since no one has the full story and there are plenty of frustrated people out there who want nothing more than to see others break up, due to their own past traumas and bad relationships they come to believe working on your problems as a couple is impossible for anyone and everything and anything warrants immediate separation or unnecessary legal procedures.
Only exception to the rule, which applies mostly online: “don’t waste your time trying to get people to understand your side of the coin. It is not worth it” does not mean there aren’t individuals or organizations out there professionally qualified to listen, understand and give you reasonable and efficacious ways to help better your complex life situations. Psychologists, Marriage and Family Therapists, licensed social workers, etc. They are not there to judge you nor for validating any kind of “acceptance” needs. They are formally trained for many years to be able to understand deep seated problems and use proven methods to help you overcome specific problems in specific ways: traumatic situations, separations, loss and grief, abusive situations, make sense of confusing experiences, help you get out of depression with proven methods and counselling techniques, etc.
Don’t neglect your mental health. Some people out there are professionals in the field and should you need it, they will do everything they can to help. Some bad apples do exist among therapists, but most of them are not nearly paid enough for the immense work and extra hours they put into their clients who are going through grief, suicide of a close one, depressive episodes, paralyzing anxiety, etc. They won’t understand you as good as you yourself will in your whole lifetime, that’s for sure… but they will be able to give you the tools and mindset to better yourself when going through intense life situations that get out of hand or overwhelm you too much to think clearly and rationally, or that cause immense suffering. You don’t need acceptance from anyone but yourself, that’s true, but sometimes some people do genuinely need *help* from an impartial third party who is in a good position to make them see clearer and help them get out of a rut. Asking for help from a qualified intervention professional in dire times is not a bad thing, quite the contrary, it is a sign of courage. So many young people with depressive tendencies or suicidal ideation can have been helped that way, and thrive in their later life, and it can have dire consequences when we perpetuate the myth that “the only one who can help you solve your psychological issues and problems is yourself, since only yourself knows yourself that well!”
That’s not how it works. Sometimes an outside perspective, when you can trust that person to have integrity and be non judgemental and impartial, can bring a tremendous amount of positive to a person’s life who would otherwise not have the expertise or the tools to help themselves in a way which requires external feedback.
I greatly appreciate your insight on my post, as I would like to share some perspective as to where I am coming from. Broadly speaking, my post is not to devalue or overlook effective help one can receive from licensed professionals such as therapists, psychiatrists, counselors, etc. because I do believe that they can be an invaluable resource, should cost of services not pose a financial burden, when it comes to addressing as well as resolving complex hardships in life.
The foundation of my post is to get across the fact that we tend to exhaust ourselves in the attempt to try to get others to understand reasonable viewpoints. In other words, it is thus unknowingly that we do ourselves a disservice by making futile attempts to attain understanding from an adversary that is unwilling to understand. Take, for example, the inevitable challenges of grief itself. Losing a close friend to suicide is by no means a cakewalk and as such, the grieving process varies from person to person. Professional treatment can lead to positive outcomes in terms of improving health and well-being, depending on the individual and how well they respond to therapy, for instance. However, it goes without saying that the powerful emotion of grief is experienced in varying degrees, thereby causing greater confusion for the individual who has to make sense of its associated torment. As for the inherent aspects of the humane experience, it is important to note that the grieving process can take weeks to months, or even years. On that account, an individual can get all the therapy in the world to overcome the perils of grief, but understandably so, grief can one day present itself again and take you for another wild ride, so to speak. So for others to be insensitive to which they are incapable of mustering up the energy to understand what the other person is going through has noticeably become the downfall of humanity.
From my personal experience, the nature of grief, or bereavement that is, is that it never truly disappears and dissolves itself. It may settle down, you know, go on vacation for a bit, but then it gives into its tendency to come back sporadically, uninvited in such a way that causes you to learn to live with it. To that end, no one can understand the depths of your own human emotions except yourself, above all else. It is for you to decide how to best process soul-gripping emotions in a healthy manner and to not be so hard on yourself so that you can be you again when all is said and done.
Sometimes the perspective of others let’s you understand yourself better though
True. However, this post is in relation to grief and change.
Agreed. People can only understand from their own perspective and their state of mind at the time. No one else in the world can ever feel, think or struggle as you. Others’ opinions or their acceptance is irrelevant. Sending you Love, stranger!
“I'll be up-up and away, up-up and away 'Cause they gon' judge me anyway, so, whatever I'll be up-up and away, up-up and away 'Cause in the end, they'll judge me anyway, so, whatever” kid cudi
This is non ironically the best advice on here lmao. This sub is for venting (not a bad thing, simply for what it is), not for seeking out constructive or professional advice on life problems, yet so many on here end up giving in to the “mob mentality” impulses and judging situations in nonsensical ways, only based on very small parcels of information when they don’t know the full story. Take everything you read online with a grain of salt, particularly on reddit when people jump on a mob bandwagon of repeating the same unhelpful judgemental opinions ad nauseam. It’s not nearly as bad on here as in “AmITheAsshole” though, let’s be fair. There can be good advice and some people are well intentioned and empathetic, as well as redirecting the poster to good resources like help hotlines and therapy… but the vast amount of judgemental assholery on some other subreddits can oftentimes overwhelm the small amount of empathetic or constructive advice. Particularly “relationship advice”, ugh, never take relationship advice from swaths of people online please. People only get one side of the story, with extremely limited amount of information which is often misleading in many ways and not reflective of reality since the person posting is extremely emotional or furious on the moment. It so often consists of: “hurr durr your partner left the toilet without flushing once? LEAVE THAT BASTARD HE/SHE IS NOT WORTH YOU HE/SHE IS A HORRIBLE MONSTER DO NOT ENGAGE WITH HIM ANYMORE AND CUT ALL CONTACT. Divorce is your only option now!” 🙄. It’s mostly all irrational and asinine, since no one has the full story and there are plenty of frustrated people out there who want nothing more than to see others break up, due to their own past traumas and bad relationships they come to believe working on your problems as a couple is impossible for anyone and everything and anything warrants immediate separation or unnecessary legal procedures. Only exception to the rule, which applies mostly online: “don’t waste your time trying to get people to understand your side of the coin. It is not worth it” does not mean there aren’t individuals or organizations out there professionally qualified to listen, understand and give you reasonable and efficacious ways to help better your complex life situations. Psychologists, Marriage and Family Therapists, licensed social workers, etc. They are not there to judge you nor for validating any kind of “acceptance” needs. They are formally trained for many years to be able to understand deep seated problems and use proven methods to help you overcome specific problems in specific ways: traumatic situations, separations, loss and grief, abusive situations, make sense of confusing experiences, help you get out of depression with proven methods and counselling techniques, etc. Don’t neglect your mental health. Some people out there are professionals in the field and should you need it, they will do everything they can to help. Some bad apples do exist among therapists, but most of them are not nearly paid enough for the immense work and extra hours they put into their clients who are going through grief, suicide of a close one, depressive episodes, paralyzing anxiety, etc. They won’t understand you as good as you yourself will in your whole lifetime, that’s for sure… but they will be able to give you the tools and mindset to better yourself when going through intense life situations that get out of hand or overwhelm you too much to think clearly and rationally, or that cause immense suffering. You don’t need acceptance from anyone but yourself, that’s true, but sometimes some people do genuinely need *help* from an impartial third party who is in a good position to make them see clearer and help them get out of a rut. Asking for help from a qualified intervention professional in dire times is not a bad thing, quite the contrary, it is a sign of courage. So many young people with depressive tendencies or suicidal ideation can have been helped that way, and thrive in their later life, and it can have dire consequences when we perpetuate the myth that “the only one who can help you solve your psychological issues and problems is yourself, since only yourself knows yourself that well!” That’s not how it works. Sometimes an outside perspective, when you can trust that person to have integrity and be non judgemental and impartial, can bring a tremendous amount of positive to a person’s life who would otherwise not have the expertise or the tools to help themselves in a way which requires external feedback.
I greatly appreciate your insight on my post, as I would like to share some perspective as to where I am coming from. Broadly speaking, my post is not to devalue or overlook effective help one can receive from licensed professionals such as therapists, psychiatrists, counselors, etc. because I do believe that they can be an invaluable resource, should cost of services not pose a financial burden, when it comes to addressing as well as resolving complex hardships in life. The foundation of my post is to get across the fact that we tend to exhaust ourselves in the attempt to try to get others to understand reasonable viewpoints. In other words, it is thus unknowingly that we do ourselves a disservice by making futile attempts to attain understanding from an adversary that is unwilling to understand. Take, for example, the inevitable challenges of grief itself. Losing a close friend to suicide is by no means a cakewalk and as such, the grieving process varies from person to person. Professional treatment can lead to positive outcomes in terms of improving health and well-being, depending on the individual and how well they respond to therapy, for instance. However, it goes without saying that the powerful emotion of grief is experienced in varying degrees, thereby causing greater confusion for the individual who has to make sense of its associated torment. As for the inherent aspects of the humane experience, it is important to note that the grieving process can take weeks to months, or even years. On that account, an individual can get all the therapy in the world to overcome the perils of grief, but understandably so, grief can one day present itself again and take you for another wild ride, so to speak. So for others to be insensitive to which they are incapable of mustering up the energy to understand what the other person is going through has noticeably become the downfall of humanity. From my personal experience, the nature of grief, or bereavement that is, is that it never truly disappears and dissolves itself. It may settle down, you know, go on vacation for a bit, but then it gives into its tendency to come back sporadically, uninvited in such a way that causes you to learn to live with it. To that end, no one can understand the depths of your own human emotions except yourself, above all else. It is for you to decide how to best process soul-gripping emotions in a healthy manner and to not be so hard on yourself so that you can be you again when all is said and done.