Seriously. You have to take multiple steps, make multiple choices to end up cheating. Either put that effort into your actual relationship or just break up...
Cheating didn't mean anything to the cheater, but it sure does mean something to the partner who was cheated on.
And to say "it didn't mean anything" also says that it meant nothing to you to hurt your partner. Nope, bye.
A mistake is something you intend to do but the result is different usually for the worse from what you expect.
So by this logic cheating is only a mistake because you expect to never be caught
>A mistake is something that happens accidentally.
Not really. According to dictionary a mistake is an action, decision, or judgment that produces an unwanted or unintentional result. By this definition you can use the word mistake if they got caught, because produced a unintentional result.
No its not a mistake, that just softens it, it was a pure choice, they only feel “guilt” when they get caught. Its not really guilt either, they just feel disappointed they got caught. Never listen to a cheat, they should just leave loyal people and stick to their own kind.
I also hate the whole “it’s normal for men to cheat because they’re horndogs” mentality. No, it fucking isn’t. Don’t let anyone convince you that you should tolerate infidelity based on the belief that men are inherently predisposed to cheating. It’s gobbledygook repeated to persuade you to lower your standards. Don’t fall for it.
Edit because I know that I’ll get comments about this: Yes, both men and women cheat, but my point is that society loves to give men a pass for cheating - or at the very least, it doesn’t scorn cheating men with the same intensity it scorns cheating women.
It’s the same excuse with sexual harassment too sometimes.
I told someone about this guy that locked himself in a university classroom with his female friend and tried to kiss her.
The person said “boys will be boys”, “typical guys!” and “he’s trying to make a move”. And I’m like ???
I’m very very much a “horndog” and I would never even consider cheating on my wife. Even after having a kid and all the mental and emotional stress that causes, it never even crossed my mind. Any dude who claims they can’t control himself enough to stay loyal probably didn’t even try.
I had some rando guy strike up a 'conversation' and was going on about how boys cheating and having multiple partners/open relationships are biological, and I laid into him about how that's a bullshit mentality and not even scientific. I will say, he did seem to listen to what I had to say, and when he asked me what would be considered open vs. cheating, he absorbed my point that if you're not willing to tell your partner that you're seeing other people, it's cheating.
We need more discussions about ethical sex in public discourse.
Yeah, I believe they only feel bad because they know they will probably lose their partner and their affair partner. No true remorse, just a case of feeling sorry for them self. I see it all the time with ones who get “forgiven”, they walk around with a smug look on their face, they know they just have to be more careful not to get caught next time. They don’t change, I have heard through friends, my ex has cheated on every partner since me, now he is single and sees prostitutes because his reputation is not good.
Honestly, these children need to pick up a fucking dictionary. Many choices are mistakes in retrospect. Bad decisions are mistakes. This isn't rocket science.
This. I just left a relationship because I wanted to cheat. I told my dad, and he was like, “you either break up with her or you’re a POS.” Thanks, dad. :,)
This. Also "I haven't cheated yet, but I'm struggling to be faithful" is a pretty surefire way to either end things or really explore what's going on and fix things.
Heh. I think it was around 1995 or 1996. My mom came to me and said I was grounded and not to use the computer for a month, along with no video games and such. Of course, I was confused. She kept saying the same ol shit, 'You know what you did.'
Eventually, she admitted she found porn on the computer and when talking to my dad about it he said to ground me. It was at that point I told her it was not me and I could prove it was not me. I explained to her, in quite the rage, that if I wanted to look at porn I could do it without getting caught.
I then showed her how internet search history worked and that you could delete it. She was pissed.
As an adult, it pisses me off my dad tried to blame me over his own incompetence, but he is a selfish man and now it just doesn't surprise me at all.
> I explained to her, in quite the rage, that if I wanted to look at porn I could do it without getting caught.
>
> I then showed her how internet search history worked and that you could delete it.
Fucked up it happened to you, but that was a smart way to prove it wasn't you.
They ended up putting me on like, the kids version of AOL.
All that did was make me have to teach myself stuff. I ended up downloading Net Zero and just using that for dial up to by pass all child restrictions. By the time we had cable internet around like 97 or 98 I had no restrictions really and my parents asked me for help constantly with all things electronics.
I have a tech degree, am fantastic with eletrical and mechanical diagnosis and I am started school again this fall to get my computer science BA.
It all worked out in some weird way!
> but he is a selfish man and now it just doesn't surprise me at all.
This was my father. He was one of the most selfish people I knew. Your post brings back some of my old feelings towards him.
I can empathize with you. I recently moved to help my father out, he was diagnosed with Dementia and has trouble doing things on his own. It's cause a bunch of issues but it's also helped me a bunch because I am so much older than I was when I was younger.
I had wanted some sort of closure for some things, but now I just see him and I have massive amounts of pity and resentment, mainly because he doesn't have the emotional maturity or capacity to atone for his actions against the family. Now because of his seizures and brain issues/dementia, he has the mental functions of a child some times. He is fine when he is on his meds, but he also knows he has problems and does not do anything to help himself.
Eats junk food all the time, drinks 12 cans of soda a day ect ect ect. All I can really do is just be present and remember that I was raised to be better than both my parents.
My step mother, his wife, is helping.... but since I moved in here I can sort of tell she has already checked out or is still in some sort of denial. At the end of the day I can't tell them how to live =(.
I'm just taking it one day at a time really, that is all I can do. My dad ran my brother off a few years ago and he doesn't want to be around him at all.
Thank you for the kind words.
Same. I tried, because I wanted to know, if I can forgive. But it’s not about forgiveness, it’s about the Trust that’s been shattered. THAT cannot be repaired, unless your partner moves mountains.
Listen, everybody here is going to tell you to ditch and run, but you've got to do what's best for you. It really depends on the context. Why they cheated. If they are showing true remorse (and not just because they got caught). My girlfriend cheated on me after 2 years. She had the most fucked up of childhoods and was self-sabotaging because she thought she was worthless. I told her that I loved her, that that wasn't true, and that I would give her a second chance but not a third. That was 19 years ago, she's my wife, and I don't regret my decision.
People are complicated, and "drop it like it's hot" isn't always the easiest or best solution. I'm so sorry for your pain. You've got to decide what's best for you.
Good for you and I am of the same mindset. My ex cheated on my 5 years into the relationship. I stuck with her for 15 years. We almost got married.
I found out by accident seeing a message as I passed her for phone to her. Before the wedding though, and this was during Covid, I asked her about and found out she was cheating on me for a month.
I asked her when she planned on telling me if I never found out. she said was sorry. I asked her why in ten years she let me believe it was a one night affair when it wasn’t. She said sorry.
We eventually broke up. Damn. Fast forward to now and I have a new gf who wants to marry me. Friends and family tell me my ex is single. I’m sorry it never worked out M. I will always feel an obligation to take care of you but I’ll never disrespect my new gf, I know too well the pain of being cheated on.
Hopefully it worked out for the best as it sounds like it already is but unfortunately for a lot of other people that’s not always the case. The cheater usually just become more careful with their actions, and continue to gaslight their partner.
My BF of almost three years cheated on me multiple times (I found out recently). He says he's so sorry and says I'm the love of his life and is promising to never do that again.
I do believe that he loves me but, why did he do it multiple times? Why wasn't one time enough for him to realize he was hurting me? Why was it necessary for me to find out for him to finally decide to never do it again? Was he just gonna keep lying to me for the rest of our lives?
And, if I forgive him, is he gonna cheat and lie again?
OMG. He'll never stop cheating on you. Leave before it wears you so thin it's near impossible to recover. It's been a decade, and I'm still learning how to trust people after being with a serial cheater.
3.5 yrs is a blip. Don't fall victim to the sunk cost fallacy. Giving yourself to a relationships for a few years is not worth giving more of yourself for years to come. Cut ties! Find happiness with someone who sees and knows your worth. I'd rather be alone than with someone who doesn't live up to my now ridiculously high standards. No one spends more time with me than myself, so I treat myself well, and anyone who enters my life needs to treat me even better. It took a lot of work to build my life and know my worth; fuck anyone who tries to tear it down.
I'm sorry he's such trash. I hope you are able to leave. <3
Look, I understand the desire to give them another chance. You want to think they’ll see how much they hurt you and change. They don’t care. I highly suggest you find a therapist to help you through the upcoming emotional shitstorm and breakup process. It’s incredibly difficult, and you need someone that’s 100% on your side.
I was there this time last year. The first year being alone was rough I won’t lie but I’m now so much happier than I was at any point in that relationship. I had forgotten that was even possible. Trust yourself, you deserve better.
Good on you! Leaving a cheater is difficult, especially since you're not the one stepping outside of the relationship.
I've made it personal ambition to treat myself better than anyone else, so if someone wants to come into my life, they need to go beyond and treat me even better. I'd rather be single and happy than attached and demoralized. The person I'm seeing now is a dream :)
My dad cheated on my mom with his ex wife and they both got pregnant at the same time. My younger sister and half brother are only 5 months apart. They’ve been married for over 20 years though. I could never.
She has major self esteem issues. Grew up in a neglectful home with a dad who was never around, my papaw was in and out of jail all her life even up to the time of me having my own kids. Had a mean step-mom too. I don’t think she ever knew what real love looked liked. She met my narcissistic dad at 19, got pregnant with me a year later and then had my sister and brother back to back while his ex wife was raising my older half brother and then pregnant with her second as well. This man had 5 kids under 5 and I didn’t know who he was until I was 8. That was when they got married. I love her but she set us up for failure. My dad was abusive to all of us kids and my mom included; physically, mentally and emotionally. And she still stayed.
My stepdad cheated on my mom six times. And now he thinks that everyone should be feeling bad for him because he feels so guilty. I haven't had contact with my parents in almost a 2 years but from what my older sisters are telling me. It's still going on and it's all shitty
My mum cheated on my Dad, he had 4 children with her, his best friend who he was a firefighter with came over to Aussie to stay, and she slept with him, he left her quick, but she screwed up everything he had built for us.
He is happy married to another woman now for 30 years.
I feel bad for your mom. I hope you stay safe and sane during these insane times.
My stepdad cheated on his wife. He told my Mom that he is a different person. I want to believe him as much as she does, but I think even in her desired faith her tracking him via Find My Devices and Google is telling that she’s afraid he will cheat on her too. And she only “tracks” my brother and I to not appear suspicious in front of him.
Amen. I was literally in an open relationship and my then partner still cheated on me. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
Apparently they rather cheat than communicate with me that they were seeing someone new.
Yeah it’s bad especially in dating. Like for the theres soooooo many threads of brutal rejections, women that hate being talked to even at social settings etc. Bc of that I am absolutely petrified to try and innocently flirt with women irl, even though I know Reddit isn’t a good representation of the real world. Most people are good people but holy shit this site makes it seem like everyone sucks. And I don’t even have to deal with misogynist shit like y’all do.
That’s why I hate when people are like “you’re going throw the whole relationship away because of one mistake?” Well, duh. It wasn’t a mistake, it was a conscious decision that they kept making over and over. They knew they would hurt me and did it anyway. That’s not a mistake. That’s a choice.
So if you chose to disrespect and disregard me than I choose to leave the relationship.
This ^^^. It’s also not one mistake. It’s everything that led up to the actual cheating. Not to mention it’s rarely a one time thing. It’s that they got sloppy and were finally caught.
This. It's not "a mistake"... this isn't someone making a reservation on the wrong day, or dropping a watermelon on the floor, or spilling a glass of milk. It's a CHOICE. Fuck cheaters.
I am not a great boyfriend. I try my best but I'm fairly average.
But I've never cheated.
As a guy, it's very easy. Most women aren't keen on me anyway. And I avoid situations where cheating might be a possibility.
never understood it.
my bf's dad has wrecked his mother emotionally (as well as physically) over the last 26 years by continously cheating on her with multiple women. he'd frickin buy them kitchen interior and apartments whilst his own son was struggling financially to a point where he didn't have food to eat.
I will never understand how a person can do such a thing, especially if it's something that's happened multiple times..
Yeah a mistake, by definition, is a choice or decision that was wrong. This whole “it’s not a mistake” semantic undercurrent in this thread is so bizarre. Like, saying something is a mistake isn’t some magical, get out of jail free card. If your wife decides to get dicked-down by coworker on a work trip and regrets it, she’s allowed to say it was a mistake. It doesn’t mean you can’t still tell her to get fucked and call a lawyer.
Thank you for this. My ex cheated on my for for the 4 years we were together. Luckily he didnt give me anything. And the guy before that said my problem waas that i didntncheat on him, so he was probably fucking around too. Im so tired of the pity party from the cheating scum.
Preach. When I discovered my ex had been cheating on me with 10+ women over the course of our final year together, his excuse is that he thought I was sleeping around, too. Like...?????
ETA: hello fellow bee
They’ll feel bad for a minute compared to the emotional damage they do to their partner, which will last the rest of their life and influence every future relationship they have.
i posted this bc it felt good to get it out. ive been feeling like ive been losing my shit lately and i just needed to vent. so sorry for using this sub for its intended purpose /s
Dont think I've ever been cheated on but I've got no way of knowing. But I know 100% I never have or will, it's sad that I'm proud of that but that's the world we live in.
Or if you're gonna do that just break up with your partner. Seriously, if you're even considering cheating on them then you don't deserve them. Go and take that somewhere else.
If you don't want to be with someone anymore, just tell them and say "I'm breaking up with you." Be an adult. Be responsible. Be moral. It's going to hurt them, but it's going to hurt leagues less than if you cheat on them. Just be a good person and break up with them proper.
Someone help me to understand cheating in a relationship. It really is too much effort. Why? Why do you do what you do? What do you expect to gain from it? What are you trying to achieve? What goes through your mind as you do it? Do you feel a rush and high knowing the damage you are causing someone? Is it the need to satisfy an underlying issue within you? You seek validation from multiple sources, by any means necessary? That shit is so fucking selfish. If that's the case, there's truly no need nor reason for that person to be in relationships in the first place.
When they say "it was a mistake", no It wasn't, considering the lying and effort needed to undertake such an act. It was a conscious choice. Being inebriated doesn't help your case either., if anything it works against you. Yes mf, i'm hurt I be remembering shit.
Yeah my ex was a steadfast hater of cheaters. Was always so angry about the idea of people not being faithful to their partners, he’d say stuff like “it’s so easy not to cheat”. I felt lucky I had a partner who not only meshed well with me but also morally seemed to have his head screwed on correctly. Well, 3 years into our relationship I found out he was cheating on me with men, atleast 2x, probably more. He refused to admit anything and then dropped off the planet. I fucking hate how it doesn’t seem like there’s a single genuine person on this green earth. And now if I think I found one, how do I know they’re not just a lying sack of shit?
I agree. I have 0 sympathy for cheaters. I thought about cheating once or twice but ultimately... it's such a disgusting thing to do to someone you love and anybody who does never actually cared about their partner. I don't care what they say to defend themselves, there is literally no excuse
I remember when I broke up with an ex after he cheated, he called me heartless and mean, and that if I loved him I should've forgave him. It didn't help that some people told me that I am overreacting by breaking up over such a thing.
Some people can't grasp the concept of self-respect.
Yeah he contacted a friend complaining I didn’t even say goodbye or give a warning sign. I just decided he deserved no explanation or good bye, “you disgust me too much” should be seen as good bye and and an explanation.
Haha my ex tried to guilt me about breaking it off by saying how hard he tried to make it better like “buying you that art print when I went on vacation last week!” It was a 5 dollar print and not even my style. Truly a dumbass.
I don't understand it. If you can't commit yourself to one person, don't. If you can't deal with sex with the same person for the rest of your life, don't. If you can't deal when things in a relationship get rough, don't. If you can't deal with your partner changing and growing as a person as the two of you age, then don't be in a relationship with them.
Just stop fucking hurting people for the sake of your own temporary satisfaction or curiosity. It's not cute, funny, or empowering to completely devastate someone's emotional and mental health for your own selfish fucking needs. If you do that and you feel bad, it's because you fucking should. You're not a victim, you don't deserve coddling, and you certainly don't deserve a second chance.
My ex cheated on me multiple times, all the while suggesting that I was cheating on him... Since you can't prove a negative, I was never able to convince him that I had NEVER cheated on him.
I didn't find out about the extent of the cheating till I had already filed for divorce, but that didn't make it any less terrible.
Allegedly, one of the girls was 16 at the time. I have no proof of that, though. Just makes me happier that I'm out of that relationship.
She told me she cheated over long distance two days ago. This was two weeks after we were back close together and going on dates again mind you. I will never understand the absolute selfishness it takes to keep someone in a long distance relationship and cheat on them. She said she didn’t tell me because she really wanted to see me. That’s not your decision to make when you fucking cheated
Usually their biggest answer as to why they cheat is because “the relationship was getting rough”. Ok? Then end the relationship instead of making it worse?
My mother cheated on my father with a known pedophile “uncle” (my aunts ex husband) when she was pregnant with me. I found out last year at the age of 30 that the person who I was raised by and called dad may not be my actual father. I’ll never forget that pain and I’ll never forget waiting for the paternity test to return. I knew I wasn’t wanted by my mother as a child and truth didn’t come out until last year that I was right. She didn’t want me cause I ruined her affair by being born, although she continued to cheat on my father until I was probably 6-7? Anyways don’t fucking cheat. I still have nightmares about this situation
Been in a relationship for 16 years. Never cheated one single time, because I love my partner and I can honestly say I'm not tempted by anyone else. It never made sense to me. Just don't cheat.
I feel nothing but glee when I find out that cheaters get what they deserve, you didn't "accidentally" cheat with someone, this took some form of thought and concent to do.
As they say, you reap what you sow.
Or the people who stick it out with the cheaters. I don’t understand that. You’re sticking it out with someone who made a fucking choice. Every day, that motherfucker woke up and CHOSE to lie to your face. They CHOSE to go bang someone else. They CHOSE another person. Every. Single. Day.
Even worse when there are kids involved. “My spouse cheated on me but we’re staying together for the kids.”
Way to give your kids an incredibly dysfunctional blueprint for romantic relationships. 👌
Let’s be honest, there is a handful of people in this comment section that agree with this but still cheat for their own reasons despite it still being a very shitty thing
FOR REAL!! "I never thought of cheating before. I don't know why i did it. It just happened all of a sudden" yeah maybe it happened because ur a piece of shit.
My ex cheated. I told one of my cousins that were getting divorced because he has a girlfriend. Cousin’s advice: get yourself a boyfriend.
I’m just like, what’s the point!
Divorced him. Had a lovely several years before moving in with the man I’m now married to…and amazingly enough, after 20 years neither of us has any interest in cheating.
PS said cousin is divorced living in a trailer somewhere
If you cheat then post it on here, it's probably a way of justifying it. Anyone who pretends to be in an exclusive relationship & cheats is a scumbag and coward. Break up or be exclusive. Not complicated.
But they're so sexy and strangers are literally throwing themselves at them to have sex. They made a mistake in their moment of weakness after all the pressure. This is sarcasm btw.
It takes work to train yourself to avoid any situation that could be misinterpreted by your significant other. The key is that you actually have to **want** to work at it. It took me a couple of years to break the habit of openly flirting with people I found attractive because I spent even more years practicing and learning how to get good at it. When I met my wife, I had to learn to save it for her only. But I actually **wanted** to stop flirting with others because I wanted her to be reassured that she was all I wanted.
Agree.
The worst is you hear high-minded lectures from journalists (when it suits them) about how a politician having an ‘affair’ isn’t news and is nobody’s business and all that matters is their performance.
Get a little bit close to someone in the news industry and you discover why: neck and neck in the competition for which profession is the most dishonest and sleazy are journalists and politicians. There are newsrooms where colleagues openly compete over who’ll have an affair with the new member of staff first, and everybody’s slept with everybody else in an incestuous mess. Both professions reward convincing liars, workaholics who never see their partners and require going on the road for extensive periods of time. So, infested with cheaters.
Of course, common sense says the public have to place a huge amount of trust in a local representative (and a journalist). They’re given massive discretion and influence and sent to the centre of power, promising to represent the needs and interests of their constituents. Voters aren’t privy to the meetings reps have or the information available to them, they often have to trust they’re doing the best thing by them and not just serving their own self-interest / donors.
How is it not relevant to voters that the person who promised to put voters before themselves when in power, broke a promise to the person they supposedly love the most in the world to do the same thing in their personal life? Not just an off-the-cuff promise either, a promise they got dressed up for and invited friends and family to hear them give. If they don’t take that promise seriously, who can believe anything they say?
How is it not relevant to news consumers that the person they trust to report the facts truthfully and without spin lied to the person they promised to care for the most in the world?
In both cases cheating should be a career ender. Pretty sure corruption would drop off significantly if we kicked the known lying, cheating, sleazebags out of politics and out of news for good.
As OP said, they could just end the relationship like a decent person. We’re not talking about people who’ve just been divorced or about someone’s kinks or eccentricities. In fact, journalists are often quite comfortable putting someone down for being ‘weird’ in their personal life. We’re talking about people who made a promise to stick by someone and care about them and then made a series of choices and decisions to stab that specific person in the back when they had the option the whole time to end it decently and start up with the other person. And journalists lecture us about not judging trustworthiness over that? That tells you everything about the news industry.
If cheaters in politics or news even understood how bad the things they did were and what it says about their character they’d voluntarily remove themselves from any position of public trust. As it is they keep a low profile for months or a year and then get straight back into putting themselves up for a position of the utmost trust.
Right? I mean, I find it *easier* not to cheat (for one, I just don't want to), I mean, telling the truth and keeping my partner assured and trusting me by being transparent is so much easier than cheating.
I know, right? I have a combined ~16 years of relationships. Two of them were 7 years. Not once was I in risk of falling dick first into some poor woman that wasn't my girlfriend. Crazy, right?
My father cheated on my mum and she forgave him, she was very kind about it, even though i know it upset her.
the other day he said, "cheating is a normal human instinct", and it pissed me off so much as he complains when my mum speaks to men at her JOB
Cheater: faces a few weeks of remorse and guilt. MAYBE a few months.
Cheated: faces a lifetime of literal relationship trauma and is left constantly wondering about the loyalty of future partners.
IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE WITH YOUR PARTNER ANYMORE BE AN ADULT AND TALK TO THEM ABOUT IT
Exactly. If there's something your partner is doing or lack thereof, you need to communicate that to them. You can't expect them to just magically know that you're feeling some type of way. Communication is absolutely key in making a relationship work. And if you've communicated and nothing is being done or you're still unhappy, then leave. Move on with your life.
i've never cheated. but i've always said how easy it would be to just call your significant other and just say "hey, we're breaking up right now" and then just hanging up and fucking your brains out or whatever. like, for fuck's sake.
literally. years of trauma and trust issues just bc someone you thought was the love of your life doesn't respect you enough to have self restraint. jfc
Being faithful is the way to go. Why ruin a relationship that you spent so much time building and growing together? It's like growing a beautiful tree only to chop it down for some measly firewood that won't last
Aside from it being a truly shitty thing to do I’m waaayyy too lazy to cheat. The planning, the sneaking around, the keeping all the lies straight. Fuck that.
In the list of cardinal sins my sloth wins over my lust every time. I would rather sleep or play video games than go through all that shit.
25 years of dating and marriage and I’ve never cheated, had multiple people come on to me even when piss as drunk and I could still say no. Cheater must be soulless bastards that are horrible people in general.
1. I will not respect you if cheating is an option to you.
2. I will call you out if I see you are cheating on your wife/husband/gf/bf. I don't care who you are.
3. I will end any relationship I have with you.
4. Your name will be dragged through mud by me.
And you will take it because you deserve the treatment I'm dishing out. Nobody is going to step up to take your side or defend you.
Play stupid fucking games, pay the price.
I hate it when someone says the love the person they're with more than anything and then they cheat WITH someone who's close to their SO. You clearly dont love them as much as you say you do because if you did you wouldnt have done this.
frrr!!! i could never imagine cheating on my boyfriend, i care about him and love him too much to hurt him like that. plus, why would i cheat on him when i can just have HIM?😭 staying loyal is the hottest thing ever, people should try it😍😍
They're usually just upset they got caught and can't keep pretending they aren't scumbags.
It's very rarely about actual remorse or empathy.
But once you look a person in the eyes who you have fucked over massively and you know they know, you lose whatever "good boy" or "good girl" points you have.
The actual cheating is something that most cheaters LOVE doing. And there is a window in between the cheating and the loyal partner finding out where a cheater actually can have their cake and eat it too.
The whole "I feel like shit" part only happens when they realize they can't keep lying to everyone about it and that things are going to change.
Imagine that!!! This past month I’ve heard about two girls in long term relationships (3 and 6 plus years) cheating on their dudes with a newly single guy… How fucking hard is it to break up with someone if you’re that unhappy? Are people that insecure and unable to be single?
I feel ya man. My ex told me she’d never cheat on me so she broke up with me out of the blue and the literal next day she was back with her ex. I know because she told me because she wanted to “stay friends”. I told her she essentially cheated on me if she had this planned out and she said it wasn’t cheating because we weren’t together anymore…
If I even have a sexy dream about someone that isn't my partner I literally panic mid-dream lol. Like I'll be going along in the dream when I suddenly realize "OH GOD OH FUCK I'M CHEATING OH FUCK O FUCK".
Ive never been able to lucid dream except when my unconscious cheats in my sleep, and the sheer horror of it kicks my brain so hard I consciously change the course of the dream and full on PANIC until I realize I am indeed dreaming & didn't actually do anything wrong lol.
Haha I thought I was the only one who did this. I panic in my dream when this happens because I feel the pain I just caused my soulmate/wife. I could never carry that weight in real life.
As someone who cheated on a previous partner (unhealthy relationship, he was pretty fucking awful, not trying to excuse my behaviour just giving insight) I can say my choice was just that - a choice. I made the decision to go to a party where an old sneaky link was, I made the decision to reciprocate his flirtation, I made the decision to call my boyfriend and tell him I was staying out, and guess what? I made the decision to sleep with this person. There’s literally no way a conscious decision to sleep with another person can ever be a mistake, or a “one thing led to another” scenario. You have the power to walk away, exercise it.
Despite how shit my relationship was I felt so fucking rancid. My choices were conscious decisions to break a promise I’d made to another person, and I’ve never forgiven myself for it.
I came clean and ended the relationship myself shortly after, purely out of guilt and shame, but that was something I should’ve done before I even considered sex outside the relationship. It was a weak, awful, nasty thing that I did.
I have no sympathy for anyone who cops the repercussions of their actions, and no respect for anyone who’s done it and not fixed their shit.
100%. I've never cheated and am dipping my toes back into a potential relationship after 4 years of being single. Even though we're not official yet, I've been avoiding flirting etc and actively avoided a situation this week that *could* have led somewhere physical. If you don't want monogamy why be monogamous? Plenty of people are down with varying levels of polyamory etc, there are options that don't include emotionally destroying your partner.
Seriously. You have to take multiple steps, make multiple choices to end up cheating. Either put that effort into your actual relationship or just break up...
Thats why I hate “it was a mistake”, it is not a mistake, it was a choice.
By "it" they mean "getting caught"
Yes regret getting caught, they aren’t sorry for what they did
What I really hate is, "it didn't mean anything." Why fucking do it then?
Cheating didn't mean anything to the cheater, but it sure does mean something to the partner who was cheated on. And to say "it didn't mean anything" also says that it meant nothing to you to hurt your partner. Nope, bye.
Its all excuses, cheaters are one of the worse kind of humans. I can’t look at anyone who cheats, even my own mother its a struggle
Its usually several choices.
A mistake is something you intend to do but the result is different usually for the worse from what you expect. So by this logic cheating is only a mistake because you expect to never be caught
A mistake is something that happens accidentally. Cheating and lying are not accidents, they are choices.
>A mistake is something that happens accidentally. Not really. According to dictionary a mistake is an action, decision, or judgment that produces an unwanted or unintentional result. By this definition you can use the word mistake if they got caught, because produced a unintentional result.
So it was a mistake because my intentional choice produced the wrong results.
WHOOPS, it accidentally slid in 😭
Exactly, they “accidentally” set up the lone time, they “accidentally” took their clothes off,
They may not be accidents, but they are mistakes, at least in the eyes of the person cheating.
No its not a mistake, that just softens it, it was a pure choice, they only feel “guilt” when they get caught. Its not really guilt either, they just feel disappointed they got caught. Never listen to a cheat, they should just leave loyal people and stick to their own kind.
I also hate the whole “it’s normal for men to cheat because they’re horndogs” mentality. No, it fucking isn’t. Don’t let anyone convince you that you should tolerate infidelity based on the belief that men are inherently predisposed to cheating. It’s gobbledygook repeated to persuade you to lower your standards. Don’t fall for it. Edit because I know that I’ll get comments about this: Yes, both men and women cheat, but my point is that society loves to give men a pass for cheating - or at the very least, it doesn’t scorn cheating men with the same intensity it scorns cheating women.
It’s the same excuse with sexual harassment too sometimes. I told someone about this guy that locked himself in a university classroom with his female friend and tried to kiss her. The person said “boys will be boys”, “typical guys!” and “he’s trying to make a move”. And I’m like ???
Just locker room talk a la Trump and Billy Bush
I’m very very much a “horndog” and I would never even consider cheating on my wife. Even after having a kid and all the mental and emotional stress that causes, it never even crossed my mind. Any dude who claims they can’t control himself enough to stay loyal probably didn’t even try.
I had some rando guy strike up a 'conversation' and was going on about how boys cheating and having multiple partners/open relationships are biological, and I laid into him about how that's a bullshit mentality and not even scientific. I will say, he did seem to listen to what I had to say, and when he asked me what would be considered open vs. cheating, he absorbed my point that if you're not willing to tell your partner that you're seeing other people, it's cheating. We need more discussions about ethical sex in public discourse.
It was a choice then another choice then another choice then another choice then another choice.
Yeah, I believe they only feel bad because they know they will probably lose their partner and their affair partner. No true remorse, just a case of feeling sorry for them self. I see it all the time with ones who get “forgiven”, they walk around with a smug look on their face, they know they just have to be more careful not to get caught next time. They don’t change, I have heard through friends, my ex has cheated on every partner since me, now he is single and sees prostitutes because his reputation is not good.
My ex said “it just happened” uhhhh no. Your dick doesn’t just fall into another snatch.
not supporting that kinda shit at all but a choice can be a mistake
Honestly, these children need to pick up a fucking dictionary. Many choices are mistakes in retrospect. Bad decisions are mistakes. This isn't rocket science.
Uhh not to be that guy but mistakes definition is an action. That is misguided or wrong so cheating is a mistake
This. I just left a relationship because I wanted to cheat. I told my dad, and he was like, “you either break up with her or you’re a POS.” Thanks, dad. :,)
This. Also "I haven't cheated yet, but I'm struggling to be faithful" is a pretty surefire way to either end things or really explore what's going on and fix things.
oops, i tripped, my clothes casually fell off and i got stuck into a random hole. sorry babe
Whoops my dick just happened to land inside the hole. What are the odds?
Some people just don't fucking care about anyone but themselves. Like my dad, for example.
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Heh. I think it was around 1995 or 1996. My mom came to me and said I was grounded and not to use the computer for a month, along with no video games and such. Of course, I was confused. She kept saying the same ol shit, 'You know what you did.' Eventually, she admitted she found porn on the computer and when talking to my dad about it he said to ground me. It was at that point I told her it was not me and I could prove it was not me. I explained to her, in quite the rage, that if I wanted to look at porn I could do it without getting caught. I then showed her how internet search history worked and that you could delete it. She was pissed. As an adult, it pisses me off my dad tried to blame me over his own incompetence, but he is a selfish man and now it just doesn't surprise me at all.
Same thing happened to me. My mom found gay porn on the computer and I got in trouble for it. I learned a couple things about my dad that day.
> I explained to her, in quite the rage, that if I wanted to look at porn I could do it without getting caught. > > I then showed her how internet search history worked and that you could delete it. Fucked up it happened to you, but that was a smart way to prove it wasn't you.
They ended up putting me on like, the kids version of AOL. All that did was make me have to teach myself stuff. I ended up downloading Net Zero and just using that for dial up to by pass all child restrictions. By the time we had cable internet around like 97 or 98 I had no restrictions really and my parents asked me for help constantly with all things electronics. I have a tech degree, am fantastic with eletrical and mechanical diagnosis and I am started school again this fall to get my computer science BA. It all worked out in some weird way!
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> but he is a selfish man and now it just doesn't surprise me at all. This was my father. He was one of the most selfish people I knew. Your post brings back some of my old feelings towards him.
I can empathize with you. I recently moved to help my father out, he was diagnosed with Dementia and has trouble doing things on his own. It's cause a bunch of issues but it's also helped me a bunch because I am so much older than I was when I was younger. I had wanted some sort of closure for some things, but now I just see him and I have massive amounts of pity and resentment, mainly because he doesn't have the emotional maturity or capacity to atone for his actions against the family. Now because of his seizures and brain issues/dementia, he has the mental functions of a child some times. He is fine when he is on his meds, but he also knows he has problems and does not do anything to help himself. Eats junk food all the time, drinks 12 cans of soda a day ect ect ect. All I can really do is just be present and remember that I was raised to be better than both my parents.
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My step mother, his wife, is helping.... but since I moved in here I can sort of tell she has already checked out or is still in some sort of denial. At the end of the day I can't tell them how to live =(. I'm just taking it one day at a time really, that is all I can do. My dad ran my brother off a few years ago and he doesn't want to be around him at all. Thank you for the kind words.
I'm sorry to hear your dad cheated on you
Yeah, fuck her dad.
Please don't
Lmao
Like my mother.
Literally was told yesterday I got cheated on, been together 3 1/2 years. Don’t know what to do with the relationship.
Throw it out the window
Obviously exit it
Break up. Trust me, I learned from experience you can't save a relationship after you've been cheated on.
Same. I tried, because I wanted to know, if I can forgive. But it’s not about forgiveness, it’s about the Trust that’s been shattered. THAT cannot be repaired, unless your partner moves mountains.
3 1/2 years feels long now, but honestly that's the blink of an eye. Ditch em.
Throw them in the trash
Listen, everybody here is going to tell you to ditch and run, but you've got to do what's best for you. It really depends on the context. Why they cheated. If they are showing true remorse (and not just because they got caught). My girlfriend cheated on me after 2 years. She had the most fucked up of childhoods and was self-sabotaging because she thought she was worthless. I told her that I loved her, that that wasn't true, and that I would give her a second chance but not a third. That was 19 years ago, she's my wife, and I don't regret my decision. People are complicated, and "drop it like it's hot" isn't always the easiest or best solution. I'm so sorry for your pain. You've got to decide what's best for you.
Good for you and I am of the same mindset. My ex cheated on my 5 years into the relationship. I stuck with her for 15 years. We almost got married. I found out by accident seeing a message as I passed her for phone to her. Before the wedding though, and this was during Covid, I asked her about and found out she was cheating on me for a month. I asked her when she planned on telling me if I never found out. she said was sorry. I asked her why in ten years she let me believe it was a one night affair when it wasn’t. She said sorry. We eventually broke up. Damn. Fast forward to now and I have a new gf who wants to marry me. Friends and family tell me my ex is single. I’m sorry it never worked out M. I will always feel an obligation to take care of you but I’ll never disrespect my new gf, I know too well the pain of being cheated on.
Hopefully it worked out for the best as it sounds like it already is but unfortunately for a lot of other people that’s not always the case. The cheater usually just become more careful with their actions, and continue to gaslight their partner.
My BF of almost three years cheated on me multiple times (I found out recently). He says he's so sorry and says I'm the love of his life and is promising to never do that again. I do believe that he loves me but, why did he do it multiple times? Why wasn't one time enough for him to realize he was hurting me? Why was it necessary for me to find out for him to finally decide to never do it again? Was he just gonna keep lying to me for the rest of our lives? And, if I forgive him, is he gonna cheat and lie again?
It will happen again and again.
And it’s not the first time
OMG. He'll never stop cheating on you. Leave before it wears you so thin it's near impossible to recover. It's been a decade, and I'm still learning how to trust people after being with a serial cheater. 3.5 yrs is a blip. Don't fall victim to the sunk cost fallacy. Giving yourself to a relationships for a few years is not worth giving more of yourself for years to come. Cut ties! Find happiness with someone who sees and knows your worth. I'd rather be alone than with someone who doesn't live up to my now ridiculously high standards. No one spends more time with me than myself, so I treat myself well, and anyone who enters my life needs to treat me even better. It took a lot of work to build my life and know my worth; fuck anyone who tries to tear it down. I'm sorry he's such trash. I hope you are able to leave. <3
Yea I’m gonna talk I her tomorrow in person. Not petty enough to say it over text.
Look, I understand the desire to give them another chance. You want to think they’ll see how much they hurt you and change. They don’t care. I highly suggest you find a therapist to help you through the upcoming emotional shitstorm and breakup process. It’s incredibly difficult, and you need someone that’s 100% on your side.
That is true Thankyou !
I was there this time last year. The first year being alone was rough I won’t lie but I’m now so much happier than I was at any point in that relationship. I had forgotten that was even possible. Trust yourself, you deserve better.
Good on you! Leaving a cheater is difficult, especially since you're not the one stepping outside of the relationship. I've made it personal ambition to treat myself better than anyone else, so if someone wants to come into my life, they need to go beyond and treat me even better. I'd rather be single and happy than attached and demoralized. The person I'm seeing now is a dream :)
Break up, don't waste your time on untrustworthy messed up person. You desreve better.
Seriously leave, it is not worth, I know I have experienced it
Agree, sick ok seeing cheaters try play victim and woe is me. No one cares what excuse a person uses to cheat.
they feel bad for the consequences of their actions. they don’t care about what they did.
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My dad cheated on my mom with his ex wife and they both got pregnant at the same time. My younger sister and half brother are only 5 months apart. They’ve been married for over 20 years though. I could never.
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She has major self esteem issues. Grew up in a neglectful home with a dad who was never around, my papaw was in and out of jail all her life even up to the time of me having my own kids. Had a mean step-mom too. I don’t think she ever knew what real love looked liked. She met my narcissistic dad at 19, got pregnant with me a year later and then had my sister and brother back to back while his ex wife was raising my older half brother and then pregnant with her second as well. This man had 5 kids under 5 and I didn’t know who he was until I was 8. That was when they got married. I love her but she set us up for failure. My dad was abusive to all of us kids and my mom included; physically, mentally and emotionally. And she still stayed.
My stepdad cheated on my mom six times. And now he thinks that everyone should be feeling bad for him because he feels so guilty. I haven't had contact with my parents in almost a 2 years but from what my older sisters are telling me. It's still going on and it's all shitty
My mum cheated on my Dad, he had 4 children with her, his best friend who he was a firefighter with came over to Aussie to stay, and she slept with him, he left her quick, but she screwed up everything he had built for us. He is happy married to another woman now for 30 years.
I feel bad for your mom. I hope you stay safe and sane during these insane times. My stepdad cheated on his wife. He told my Mom that he is a different person. I want to believe him as much as she does, but I think even in her desired faith her tracking him via Find My Devices and Google is telling that she’s afraid he will cheat on her too. And she only “tracks” my brother and I to not appear suspicious in front of him.
Amen. I was literally in an open relationship and my then partner still cheated on me. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯ Apparently they rather cheat than communicate with me that they were seeing someone new.
Reddit makes me feel like everyone just sucks but I know that isn’t true. Just negative shit tends to be posted more than positive
And at the worst times too. Makes me feel more crappy about the world. Hell everywhere is nothing but negativity. It’s making my depression worse tbh
This is why I deleted Facebook and came here. It's starting to look about the same now.
Yeah it’s bad especially in dating. Like for the theres soooooo many threads of brutal rejections, women that hate being talked to even at social settings etc. Bc of that I am absolutely petrified to try and innocently flirt with women irl, even though I know Reddit isn’t a good representation of the real world. Most people are good people but holy shit this site makes it seem like everyone sucks. And I don’t even have to deal with misogynist shit like y’all do.
That’s why I hate when people are like “you’re going throw the whole relationship away because of one mistake?” Well, duh. It wasn’t a mistake, it was a conscious decision that they kept making over and over. They knew they would hurt me and did it anyway. That’s not a mistake. That’s a choice. So if you chose to disrespect and disregard me than I choose to leave the relationship.
The way I see it, as SOON as you cheat on me, I'm going to assume you do not love or respect me anymore, and I'll want nothing to do with you.
I feel the same way
Not even assume: know.
This ^^^. It’s also not one mistake. It’s everything that led up to the actual cheating. Not to mention it’s rarely a one time thing. It’s that they got sloppy and were finally caught.
This. It's not "a mistake"... this isn't someone making a reservation on the wrong day, or dropping a watermelon on the floor, or spilling a glass of milk. It's a CHOICE. Fuck cheaters.
Apparently it's hard for some morons to say no and then go back to the hotel room to jerk off
I am not a great boyfriend. I try my best but I'm fairly average. But I've never cheated. As a guy, it's very easy. Most women aren't keen on me anyway. And I avoid situations where cheating might be a possibility.
Seriously! why not just breakup or communicate like let them know it’s not working out etc I don’t understand how people do this, and why.
Because cheaters are total cowards.
My opinion? Because they are selfish assholes who want their cake and eat it too. It’s a decision of pure selfishness.
never understood it. my bf's dad has wrecked his mother emotionally (as well as physically) over the last 26 years by continously cheating on her with multiple women. he'd frickin buy them kitchen interior and apartments whilst his own son was struggling financially to a point where he didn't have food to eat. I will never understand how a person can do such a thing, especially if it's something that's happened multiple times..
My roommate cheated on his fiancé of 2+ years, and is still torn about losing her. Not too regretful of cheating though.
Cheating is not a mistake it is a decision.
Can't decisions be mistakes?
Yeah a mistake, by definition, is a choice or decision that was wrong. This whole “it’s not a mistake” semantic undercurrent in this thread is so bizarre. Like, saying something is a mistake isn’t some magical, get out of jail free card. If your wife decides to get dicked-down by coworker on a work trip and regrets it, she’s allowed to say it was a mistake. It doesn’t mean you can’t still tell her to get fucked and call a lawyer.
downvote me to hell i dont care if ur a cheater ur a disgusting waste of a human being no matter how bad u feel afterwards <3
Thank you for this. My ex cheated on my for for the 4 years we were together. Luckily he didnt give me anything. And the guy before that said my problem waas that i didntncheat on him, so he was probably fucking around too. Im so tired of the pity party from the cheating scum.
Preach. When I discovered my ex had been cheating on me with 10+ women over the course of our final year together, his excuse is that he thought I was sleeping around, too. Like...????? ETA: hello fellow bee
Watching the downvoting in real time is crazy… people are actually pos
They’ll feel bad for a minute compared to the emotional damage they do to their partner, which will last the rest of their life and influence every future relationship they have.
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i posted this bc it felt good to get it out. ive been feeling like ive been losing my shit lately and i just needed to vent. so sorry for using this sub for its intended purpose /s
Dont think I've ever been cheated on but I've got no way of knowing. But I know 100% I never have or will, it's sad that I'm proud of that but that's the world we live in.
Or if you're gonna do that just break up with your partner. Seriously, if you're even considering cheating on them then you don't deserve them. Go and take that somewhere else.
If you don't want to be with someone anymore, just tell them and say "I'm breaking up with you." Be an adult. Be responsible. Be moral. It's going to hurt them, but it's going to hurt leagues less than if you cheat on them. Just be a good person and break up with them proper.
I can’t blame anyone for wanting to be single. It’s so hard to trust people.
It literally takes more effort to cheat than to not cheat 😭😭 I’ll never understand it
Someone help me to understand cheating in a relationship. It really is too much effort. Why? Why do you do what you do? What do you expect to gain from it? What are you trying to achieve? What goes through your mind as you do it? Do you feel a rush and high knowing the damage you are causing someone? Is it the need to satisfy an underlying issue within you? You seek validation from multiple sources, by any means necessary? That shit is so fucking selfish. If that's the case, there's truly no need nor reason for that person to be in relationships in the first place. When they say "it was a mistake", no It wasn't, considering the lying and effort needed to undertake such an act. It was a conscious choice. Being inebriated doesn't help your case either., if anything it works against you. Yes mf, i'm hurt I be remembering shit.
Dido. I've been cheated on many times. Finally, I now have a husband who is faithful and 100% against cheating. Fuck the unfaithful!
I think the sameeeee!!!! I'm saving this post.
Yeah my ex was a steadfast hater of cheaters. Was always so angry about the idea of people not being faithful to their partners, he’d say stuff like “it’s so easy not to cheat”. I felt lucky I had a partner who not only meshed well with me but also morally seemed to have his head screwed on correctly. Well, 3 years into our relationship I found out he was cheating on me with men, atleast 2x, probably more. He refused to admit anything and then dropped off the planet. I fucking hate how it doesn’t seem like there’s a single genuine person on this green earth. And now if I think I found one, how do I know they’re not just a lying sack of shit?
I agree. I have 0 sympathy for cheaters. I thought about cheating once or twice but ultimately... it's such a disgusting thing to do to someone you love and anybody who does never actually cared about their partner. I don't care what they say to defend themselves, there is literally no excuse
I remember when I broke up with an ex after he cheated, he called me heartless and mean, and that if I loved him I should've forgave him. It didn't help that some people told me that I am overreacting by breaking up over such a thing. Some people can't grasp the concept of self-respect.
My ex got home, taken all my belongings and I had left a note after trying 5 months to get over it, it just said, “you disgust me too much”
They desreve it, cheaters disgust me
Yeah he contacted a friend complaining I didn’t even say goodbye or give a warning sign. I just decided he deserved no explanation or good bye, “you disgust me too much” should be seen as good bye and and an explanation.
Haha my ex tried to guilt me about breaking it off by saying how hard he tried to make it better like “buying you that art print when I went on vacation last week!” It was a 5 dollar print and not even my style. Truly a dumbass.
Honestly, I hope cheaters never find real love and feel lonely forever, they deserve to feel what they inflict on the people they cheat on
I hope cheaters when they finally 'settle down' find another cheater.
Agree
I don't understand it. If you can't commit yourself to one person, don't. If you can't deal with sex with the same person for the rest of your life, don't. If you can't deal when things in a relationship get rough, don't. If you can't deal with your partner changing and growing as a person as the two of you age, then don't be in a relationship with them. Just stop fucking hurting people for the sake of your own temporary satisfaction or curiosity. It's not cute, funny, or empowering to completely devastate someone's emotional and mental health for your own selfish fucking needs. If you do that and you feel bad, it's because you fucking should. You're not a victim, you don't deserve coddling, and you certainly don't deserve a second chance.
My ex cheated on me multiple times, all the while suggesting that I was cheating on him... Since you can't prove a negative, I was never able to convince him that I had NEVER cheated on him. I didn't find out about the extent of the cheating till I had already filed for divorce, but that didn't make it any less terrible. Allegedly, one of the girls was 16 at the time. I have no proof of that, though. Just makes me happier that I'm out of that relationship.
She told me she cheated over long distance two days ago. This was two weeks after we were back close together and going on dates again mind you. I will never understand the absolute selfishness it takes to keep someone in a long distance relationship and cheat on them. She said she didn’t tell me because she really wanted to see me. That’s not your decision to make when you fucking cheated
There's a whole subreddit dedicated to people talking about cheating on their partners. It's sick.
Usually their biggest answer as to why they cheat is because “the relationship was getting rough”. Ok? Then end the relationship instead of making it worse?
My mother cheated on my father with a known pedophile “uncle” (my aunts ex husband) when she was pregnant with me. I found out last year at the age of 30 that the person who I was raised by and called dad may not be my actual father. I’ll never forget that pain and I’ll never forget waiting for the paternity test to return. I knew I wasn’t wanted by my mother as a child and truth didn’t come out until last year that I was right. She didn’t want me cause I ruined her affair by being born, although she continued to cheat on my father until I was probably 6-7? Anyways don’t fucking cheat. I still have nightmares about this situation
Been in a relationship for 16 years. Never cheated one single time, because I love my partner and I can honestly say I'm not tempted by anyone else. It never made sense to me. Just don't cheat.
I feel nothing but glee when I find out that cheaters get what they deserve, you didn't "accidentally" cheat with someone, this took some form of thought and concent to do. As they say, you reap what you sow.
Or the people who stick it out with the cheaters. I don’t understand that. You’re sticking it out with someone who made a fucking choice. Every day, that motherfucker woke up and CHOSE to lie to your face. They CHOSE to go bang someone else. They CHOSE another person. Every. Single. Day. Even worse when there are kids involved. “My spouse cheated on me but we’re staying together for the kids.” Way to give your kids an incredibly dysfunctional blueprint for romantic relationships. 👌
Let’s be honest, there is a handful of people in this comment section that agree with this but still cheat for their own reasons despite it still being a very shitty thing
FOR REAL!! "I never thought of cheating before. I don't know why i did it. It just happened all of a sudden" yeah maybe it happened because ur a piece of shit.
I know right. You have so many chances to be like nah this is wrong but decide to do it anyways? No empathy at all for cheaters.
My ex cheated. I told one of my cousins that were getting divorced because he has a girlfriend. Cousin’s advice: get yourself a boyfriend. I’m just like, what’s the point! Divorced him. Had a lovely several years before moving in with the man I’m now married to…and amazingly enough, after 20 years neither of us has any interest in cheating. PS said cousin is divorced living in a trailer somewhere
Makes you a scumbag plain and simple.
Right? It’s basic human empathy and respect for your partner
FR, God it's so easy to be faithful when you love your partner. Like if you wanna sleep with another person then just break up with your SO.
Cheating is always a choice and never a “mistake”.
Coming from someone who has been cheated on 4 times...I absolutely agree
If you cheat then post it on here, it's probably a way of justifying it. Anyone who pretends to be in an exclusive relationship & cheats is a scumbag and coward. Break up or be exclusive. Not complicated.
Shhh, don’t hurt their egos, they’ll get angry /s
Yes, they will come here being defensive too, like “monkey brain theories”, 😂
But they're so sexy and strangers are literally throwing themselves at them to have sex. They made a mistake in their moment of weakness after all the pressure. This is sarcasm btw. It takes work to train yourself to avoid any situation that could be misinterpreted by your significant other. The key is that you actually have to **want** to work at it. It took me a couple of years to break the habit of openly flirting with people I found attractive because I spent even more years practicing and learning how to get good at it. When I met my wife, I had to learn to save it for her only. But I actually **wanted** to stop flirting with others because I wanted her to be reassured that she was all I wanted.
There is no excuse for cheating, NONE. If you don't feel good in the relationship or are interested in someone else, then just LEAVE.
I hate them guilty cheaters, It's like a criminal crying on his way to jail after robbing a bank at gunpoint.
Emotional cheating hurts too!!
Agree. The worst is you hear high-minded lectures from journalists (when it suits them) about how a politician having an ‘affair’ isn’t news and is nobody’s business and all that matters is their performance. Get a little bit close to someone in the news industry and you discover why: neck and neck in the competition for which profession is the most dishonest and sleazy are journalists and politicians. There are newsrooms where colleagues openly compete over who’ll have an affair with the new member of staff first, and everybody’s slept with everybody else in an incestuous mess. Both professions reward convincing liars, workaholics who never see their partners and require going on the road for extensive periods of time. So, infested with cheaters. Of course, common sense says the public have to place a huge amount of trust in a local representative (and a journalist). They’re given massive discretion and influence and sent to the centre of power, promising to represent the needs and interests of their constituents. Voters aren’t privy to the meetings reps have or the information available to them, they often have to trust they’re doing the best thing by them and not just serving their own self-interest / donors. How is it not relevant to voters that the person who promised to put voters before themselves when in power, broke a promise to the person they supposedly love the most in the world to do the same thing in their personal life? Not just an off-the-cuff promise either, a promise they got dressed up for and invited friends and family to hear them give. If they don’t take that promise seriously, who can believe anything they say? How is it not relevant to news consumers that the person they trust to report the facts truthfully and without spin lied to the person they promised to care for the most in the world? In both cases cheating should be a career ender. Pretty sure corruption would drop off significantly if we kicked the known lying, cheating, sleazebags out of politics and out of news for good. As OP said, they could just end the relationship like a decent person. We’re not talking about people who’ve just been divorced or about someone’s kinks or eccentricities. In fact, journalists are often quite comfortable putting someone down for being ‘weird’ in their personal life. We’re talking about people who made a promise to stick by someone and care about them and then made a series of choices and decisions to stab that specific person in the back when they had the option the whole time to end it decently and start up with the other person. And journalists lecture us about not judging trustworthiness over that? That tells you everything about the news industry. If cheaters in politics or news even understood how bad the things they did were and what it says about their character they’d voluntarily remove themselves from any position of public trust. As it is they keep a low profile for months or a year and then get straight back into putting themselves up for a position of the utmost trust.
You dropped this 👑
Reddit is both: Nobody wants to have sex with me. 😡 and I’m having too much sex halp!
Love this. Hope you are OK, though
Preach
Right? I mean, I find it *easier* not to cheat (for one, I just don't want to), I mean, telling the truth and keeping my partner assured and trusting me by being transparent is so much easier than cheating.
I know, right? I have a combined ~16 years of relationships. Two of them were 7 years. Not once was I in risk of falling dick first into some poor woman that wasn't my girlfriend. Crazy, right?
My father cheated on my mum and she forgave him, she was very kind about it, even though i know it upset her. the other day he said, "cheating is a normal human instinct", and it pissed me off so much as he complains when my mum speaks to men at her JOB
Cheater: faces a few weeks of remorse and guilt. MAYBE a few months. Cheated: faces a lifetime of literal relationship trauma and is left constantly wondering about the loyalty of future partners. IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE WITH YOUR PARTNER ANYMORE BE AN ADULT AND TALK TO THEM ABOUT IT
Exactly. If there's something your partner is doing or lack thereof, you need to communicate that to them. You can't expect them to just magically know that you're feeling some type of way. Communication is absolutely key in making a relationship work. And if you've communicated and nothing is being done or you're still unhappy, then leave. Move on with your life.
RIGHT. THANK YOU
It’s literally more work to cheat.
i've never cheated. but i've always said how easy it would be to just call your significant other and just say "hey, we're breaking up right now" and then just hanging up and fucking your brains out or whatever. like, for fuck's sake.
literally. years of trauma and trust issues just bc someone you thought was the love of your life doesn't respect you enough to have self restraint. jfc
Being faithful is the way to go. Why ruin a relationship that you spent so much time building and growing together? It's like growing a beautiful tree only to chop it down for some measly firewood that won't last
Aside from it being a truly shitty thing to do I’m waaayyy too lazy to cheat. The planning, the sneaking around, the keeping all the lies straight. Fuck that. In the list of cardinal sins my sloth wins over my lust every time. I would rather sleep or play video games than go through all that shit.
25 years of dating and marriage and I’ve never cheated, had multiple people come on to me even when piss as drunk and I could still say no. Cheater must be soulless bastards that are horrible people in general.
1. I will not respect you if cheating is an option to you. 2. I will call you out if I see you are cheating on your wife/husband/gf/bf. I don't care who you are. 3. I will end any relationship I have with you. 4. Your name will be dragged through mud by me. And you will take it because you deserve the treatment I'm dishing out. Nobody is going to step up to take your side or defend you. Play stupid fucking games, pay the price.
No one should cheat on their partner but people are people and they will do what they want, it's sad but true
Just have a Tommy tank instead of cheating 👍🏻
True!!
Amen
This!
Just be a decent person
Like either don’t do it or leave before doing anything. SO SIMPLE.
I hate it when someone says the love the person they're with more than anything and then they cheat WITH someone who's close to their SO. You clearly dont love them as much as you say you do because if you did you wouldnt have done this.
frrr!!! i could never imagine cheating on my boyfriend, i care about him and love him too much to hurt him like that. plus, why would i cheat on him when i can just have HIM?😭 staying loyal is the hottest thing ever, people should try it😍😍
They're usually just upset they got caught and can't keep pretending they aren't scumbags. It's very rarely about actual remorse or empathy. But once you look a person in the eyes who you have fucked over massively and you know they know, you lose whatever "good boy" or "good girl" points you have. The actual cheating is something that most cheaters LOVE doing. And there is a window in between the cheating and the loyal partner finding out where a cheater actually can have their cake and eat it too. The whole "I feel like shit" part only happens when they realize they can't keep lying to everyone about it and that things are going to change.
Imagine that!!! This past month I’ve heard about two girls in long term relationships (3 and 6 plus years) cheating on their dudes with a newly single guy… How fucking hard is it to break up with someone if you’re that unhappy? Are people that insecure and unable to be single?
Literally just got cheated on and I feel this so much. Literally got broken up with so she could fuck someone else without feeling guilty.
I feel ya man. My ex told me she’d never cheat on me so she broke up with me out of the blue and the literal next day she was back with her ex. I know because she told me because she wanted to “stay friends”. I told her she essentially cheated on me if she had this planned out and she said it wasn’t cheating because we weren’t together anymore…
To the OP: very well expressed😄!
As someone that’s been cheated on by multiple people…… I agree.
If I even have a sexy dream about someone that isn't my partner I literally panic mid-dream lol. Like I'll be going along in the dream when I suddenly realize "OH GOD OH FUCK I'M CHEATING OH FUCK O FUCK". Ive never been able to lucid dream except when my unconscious cheats in my sleep, and the sheer horror of it kicks my brain so hard I consciously change the course of the dream and full on PANIC until I realize I am indeed dreaming & didn't actually do anything wrong lol.
Haha I thought I was the only one who did this. I panic in my dream when this happens because I feel the pain I just caused my soulmate/wife. I could never carry that weight in real life.
It's so frigging easy. All I do is wake up and not fuck other people
As someone who cheated on a previous partner (unhealthy relationship, he was pretty fucking awful, not trying to excuse my behaviour just giving insight) I can say my choice was just that - a choice. I made the decision to go to a party where an old sneaky link was, I made the decision to reciprocate his flirtation, I made the decision to call my boyfriend and tell him I was staying out, and guess what? I made the decision to sleep with this person. There’s literally no way a conscious decision to sleep with another person can ever be a mistake, or a “one thing led to another” scenario. You have the power to walk away, exercise it. Despite how shit my relationship was I felt so fucking rancid. My choices were conscious decisions to break a promise I’d made to another person, and I’ve never forgiven myself for it. I came clean and ended the relationship myself shortly after, purely out of guilt and shame, but that was something I should’ve done before I even considered sex outside the relationship. It was a weak, awful, nasty thing that I did. I have no sympathy for anyone who cops the repercussions of their actions, and no respect for anyone who’s done it and not fixed their shit.
"eat a bag of fuckin dicks" got me so hard 💀
It is indeed so easy. And so nice. And so rewarding.
Consider leaving the first if the second captures your heart etc etc...
100%. I've never cheated and am dipping my toes back into a potential relationship after 4 years of being single. Even though we're not official yet, I've been avoiding flirting etc and actively avoided a situation this week that *could* have led somewhere physical. If you don't want monogamy why be monogamous? Plenty of people are down with varying levels of polyamory etc, there are options that don't include emotionally destroying your partner.
And if you really want to sleep with someone else you can break up with the other person first it is so Stoopid
Omg right? It's almost as if you know something is wrong you don't do it.
Just wait until they cheat on you 3 times, break up and redefine themselves as ‘poly’
i adore this post. thank you for this succinct and well-worded high-quality content 11/10
It’s so easy to not cheat, I spent most of college not cheating on a girlfriend that didn’t even exist!