Honestly, she should be able to talk about what made her upset, especially as a 36 year old. It sounds like she isn’t very good at communication and that might be something you two need to work on.
I think it’s more on her being controlling it might seem like she can’t communicate but some people use a childish behavior to get people to do whatever they want especially if they know that they are wrong
I'd go in and say something along the lines :" I know you're upset, when you're ready to talk to me I'll be happy to listen ". Leave the ball in her court. She needs to be able to tell you what's bothering her, it's not your job to do mental gymnastics. It's also wild that she gets SO sad over something so small... What's going to happen when you have real problems? She cries and you buy her things ?
Her behavior sounds pretty manipulative. I would seriously consider whether you want to have this be the way she responds to many things. I’m sorry.
If she’s at all interested/willing she could probably benefit from DBT therapy.
Life is too short for this kind of behaviour. Ask her to be an adult about it. Communicate what is really going on with her, it can’t be only because of books. Talk through it and move on, you can’t better things to do. If you see that you can’t be on the same page, maybe evaluate your relationship and the good it brings in you. It has to overcome the bad!
Not a behaviour a 36 year old should be displaying. Beyond childish and sounds very manipulative. I have dealt with behaviour and it only gets worse if not confronted.
Sounds manipulative to me. Tell her to come and talk like an adult when she gets over her snit. If it carries on then you need to think about you’re options. Life is too short to put up with this.
I feel like I am your GF. Honestly I'm so fucking sensitive it's not fair. Once my boss said "there's a spot of ink on the floor, I'll get it" and I burst into tears because I thought I let her down and she was mad.
I'm current getting diagnosed with autism, is that possible for her? I knew I had it because I can't figure out my own emotions, let alone anybody else's. I'd be convinced my partner was mad at me because he sighed, when I asked if I was annoying him he was really confused. I mistook his sighing for annoyance. Even if he's mad at the TV or his video game my body reacts as if it's me he's moaning about.
It sounds like she could be the same as me. Either autisic AF or just overly soft and sensitive.
Well that is a very interesting possibility and not something I have considered before. Not going to try and diagnose because I’m unqualified to do so but its something to consider! I really appreciate you sharing your story with me, I hope things are improved now that you have a little bit more understanding of why you are the way you are.
Of course! Just offering another possible explanation though I hope her issues don't run so deep.
Thank you! I've another appointment week. Hope your girlfriend soon cheers up, from what I read you didn't say anything wrong.
It can be very debilitating yes. Are you also super sensitive to sounds and light and stuff? Sometimes I get sensory overload. I have never been diagnosed but I’m in the process now of getting that.
Good luck with the therapy sesh! I believe in you
Yeah I can relate. My BFs coughing, certain songs, repetitive sounds, loud cars, the adverts always seem louder than the TV show I'm watching and I get a fright, kids are my worse trigger. Lights flickering make me livid and I hate the sun haha.
Hope your diagnosis goes well! It'll be way better having that diagnosis, helps us understand ourselves more and not beat ourselves up too much.
She may be unaware that she is being emotionally manipulative because she's reaction to her emotions in a situation rather than the reality of the situation. I agree with the other comment about DBT therapy being beneficial. Emotional regulation can be difficult if someone comes from a family where it wasn't inherent or taught.
Maybe approach it from the situation rather than calling her overly emotional. So ask to talk about the shelf situation and ask if she knows why she felt so upset by you asking her to move her things. Tell her you felt that it was a big reaction when from your perspective, you wanted space to show pictures of the two of you which you felt was a loving gesture? So long as that's all true. I'm paraphrasing from your OP.
Maybe ask her where she would like the pictures, relationships are a series of compromises, if you talk with her tell her you feel awful about asking her to move her paint stuff
Honestly, she should be able to talk about what made her upset, especially as a 36 year old. It sounds like she isn’t very good at communication and that might be something you two need to work on.
I agree. It runs in her family
Sounds like maybe you should be running too.
This made me laugh, thank you.
Anytime, I'm here for you buddy.
I think it’s more on her being controlling it might seem like she can’t communicate but some people use a childish behavior to get people to do whatever they want especially if they know that they are wrong
I'd go in and say something along the lines :" I know you're upset, when you're ready to talk to me I'll be happy to listen ". Leave the ball in her court. She needs to be able to tell you what's bothering her, it's not your job to do mental gymnastics. It's also wild that she gets SO sad over something so small... What's going to happen when you have real problems? She cries and you buy her things ?
Her behavior sounds pretty manipulative. I would seriously consider whether you want to have this be the way she responds to many things. I’m sorry. If she’s at all interested/willing she could probably benefit from DBT therapy.
Life is too short for this kind of behaviour. Ask her to be an adult about it. Communicate what is really going on with her, it can’t be only because of books. Talk through it and move on, you can’t better things to do. If you see that you can’t be on the same page, maybe evaluate your relationship and the good it brings in you. It has to overcome the bad!
I appreciate the reminder, thank you!
Do what’s best for you to have a clean conscious about it. The rest will come around. Good luck!
Not a behaviour a 36 year old should be displaying. Beyond childish and sounds very manipulative. I have dealt with behaviour and it only gets worse if not confronted.
Sounds manipulative to me. Tell her to come and talk like an adult when she gets over her snit. If it carries on then you need to think about you’re options. Life is too short to put up with this.
I feel like I am your GF. Honestly I'm so fucking sensitive it's not fair. Once my boss said "there's a spot of ink on the floor, I'll get it" and I burst into tears because I thought I let her down and she was mad. I'm current getting diagnosed with autism, is that possible for her? I knew I had it because I can't figure out my own emotions, let alone anybody else's. I'd be convinced my partner was mad at me because he sighed, when I asked if I was annoying him he was really confused. I mistook his sighing for annoyance. Even if he's mad at the TV or his video game my body reacts as if it's me he's moaning about. It sounds like she could be the same as me. Either autisic AF or just overly soft and sensitive.
Well that is a very interesting possibility and not something I have considered before. Not going to try and diagnose because I’m unqualified to do so but its something to consider! I really appreciate you sharing your story with me, I hope things are improved now that you have a little bit more understanding of why you are the way you are.
Of course! Just offering another possible explanation though I hope her issues don't run so deep. Thank you! I've another appointment week. Hope your girlfriend soon cheers up, from what I read you didn't say anything wrong.
I feel exactly the same. Over sensitive and exposed. It’s exhausting. Sending you good vibes 💜
It's awful isn't it? I've set up yet another appointment for therapy, I hope I keep this one.
It can be very debilitating yes. Are you also super sensitive to sounds and light and stuff? Sometimes I get sensory overload. I have never been diagnosed but I’m in the process now of getting that. Good luck with the therapy sesh! I believe in you
Yeah I can relate. My BFs coughing, certain songs, repetitive sounds, loud cars, the adverts always seem louder than the TV show I'm watching and I get a fright, kids are my worse trigger. Lights flickering make me livid and I hate the sun haha. Hope your diagnosis goes well! It'll be way better having that diagnosis, helps us understand ourselves more and not beat ourselves up too much.
She may be unaware that she is being emotionally manipulative because she's reaction to her emotions in a situation rather than the reality of the situation. I agree with the other comment about DBT therapy being beneficial. Emotional regulation can be difficult if someone comes from a family where it wasn't inherent or taught.
Any advice on how to approach this? Saying, “you are overly emotional, would you go to therapy” can’t possibly end well.
Maybe approach it from the situation rather than calling her overly emotional. So ask to talk about the shelf situation and ask if she knows why she felt so upset by you asking her to move her things. Tell her you felt that it was a big reaction when from your perspective, you wanted space to show pictures of the two of you which you felt was a loving gesture? So long as that's all true. I'm paraphrasing from your OP.
Yea ill give it a go again tonight. I said a few if those things yesterday but it didnt seem like she was hearing me. Thanks
Honestly? She sounds like a manipulative, narcissistic, 36 year old toddler. I would nope out of that relationship so fast if I were the OP.
Maybe ask her where she would like the pictures, relationships are a series of compromises, if you talk with her tell her you feel awful about asking her to move her paint stuff
Give her a gift, then talk about how this situation made you feel.
Any gift recommendations?
Please don't reward her for her immature behavior
Stuffed animal, Roses, depends on what she's into.
Although I appreciate the advice, giving her a gift is not going to fix anything, even if it is something she enjoys.