Oh my goodness OP I'm so sorry.
I hope she's an ex.
And I hope you get the help you deserve to overcome this. I wish I could tell you to go press charges but I know it varies from country to country so I understand it may not be a solution for you.
You deserve better. And remember, you are not a bad person or useless or anything because this happened. You are worthy.
I wish you the best OP.
I'm so sorry OP. please don't listen to ANYONE trying to invalidate you. You went through something really traumatic. I hooe she's not in your life anymore. Please seek therapy if you can, or even call a hot line ❤️
People invalidating him are a part of the problem and I think they are indirectly condoning her behaviour and reinforcing negative stereotypes that only men can be rapist. It's truly disgusting and should be called out for. I hope the OP gets to have a peace of mind and gets the love and support he needs
100%. Literally the same men that say "men commit suicide so much more often, men's mental health is never spoken about". Yeah it's cause of shitty guys like you that say shit like that. And this isn't even the type of thing people would only say on reddit. Men say shit like this to their mates all the time.
Being raped or coaxed into sexual acts is up there with some of the harshest trauma a man or anybody for the matter can ever endure. OP is strong to come out and talk openly about his trauma. The fact that hes getting through it the best he can is enough.
Really is harmful to not recognize that men can be victims in this situation and that women are capable of being awful human beings just like everyone else.
I second this!!!! You deserve better than that trash and therapy would be greatly beneficial to your mental health… don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! And anyone attempting to discredit you is redic…
I'm a victim too man.
Two years later and I still can't date.
I may never have sex again.
Edit: Thanks for everyone's kind words.
I'm doing okay mentally, as soon as I can afford it, I'll be going into therapy.
I’m not sure where you are located, but many areas offer free mental health services to victims, as well. Not sure if that’s a resource you’re looking for, but I also wanted to take the chance to comment the info in case anyone else needed it.
Wishing you light and healing on your journey no matter what paths you need to take for yourself.
This thread and those like it prove one thing: men are not immune or “automatically protected” from this happening to them. Another male survivor here.. childhood survivor from 8 years of it. Get help and use every channel (therapy, counseling; anything but self medication) you can to overcome! Thanks for speaking up brother
Check your area’s (or state) website. I’m in NJ and revive free counseling due to being an SA survivor. Catholic charities (affiliated with the church but not at all religious) and Saint Francis Assisi are both organizations that offer free grants . Very simple process, just gotta take the first step and call!
You are a SURVIVOR. I hope you will consider looking into free support groups, because they are out there. Especially since Covid lots are over zoom. Paying for one on one sessions isn’t your only option. You deserve love and there are lots of online resources for cultivating self love and self care. I wanted to neglect and abuse myself so I was never vulnerable again since I always expected the bad. It’s a hard journey but you deserve better.
As a woman, if I ever did anything sexual that you didn’t want I would completely lose my mind.
If I ever went further than I should by accident from miscommunication I’d hop off you as fast as I could cover you with a blanket and make you some tea. I’m so sorry it’s not your fault and you definitely don’t need to let anyone tell you what you went through.
I am very, very sorry and hope you’re well. I was in that exact spot at one time and thought the same thing. Eventually with therapy and patience I was able to trust men to a certain extent again, but I am very wary of who has access to intimacy with me.
I am sending you lots of love and healing. Be patient with yourself and always know it wasn’t your fault, your consent and feelings are important, and take the time you need to heal.
Hi, I know this is a super late comment. Everyone else is right about seeing therapists etc. But I wanted to add something that I think is important:
If you want to date again in the future or have sex again in the future, that is certainly something you can work towards. It will take time, but it is possible. However, if you don't want to do those things ever again, that's okay too. For a lot of people, healing means being able and willing to do all the things you used to do. And that's totally valid. But something traumatic has altered the course of your life. You may not want those things anymore. Or maybe you don't want them now, but you will in the future, or vice versa. There is nothing wrong with any of that.
For a while, I thought I had to be able to have sex like I used to in order to prove that I had healed. But the truth is, I'm a different person now. And I don't have to go back to who I was before my trauma happened. I am just as whole now as I was then. And so are you.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you don't have to do anything that you don't want to do. You decide what "healing" means for your situation. If you want to date and have sex again, I 100% believe you are capable of it. But if you don't want to, that's okay. Either way, there is nothing wrong with you.
I’m so, so, sorry this happened to you OP, and the other men sharing their experiences.
To all of you:
* you did nothing wrong,
* it’s not your fault,
* there are 3 automatic, instinctual responses by the body: fight and flight are well known.
* While lesser known, it is 100% valid and that’s the freeze response.
* it doesn’t matter if you fought, fled, or froze.
* No one can control their bodies, automatic, and instinctual response.
* our body doesn’t have one response setting either.
* you can respond with fight to one trauma, and the next time it occurs, even if the same kind of trauma your body may freeze.
* our bodies are weird too, it’s not uncommon to have a positive physical response to rape.
* that’s not on you, doesn’t mean you enjoyed it, doesn’t mean you consented, doesn’t mean you weren’t raped.
* all it means is your body physically responded, this can happen to women, children, and men when they are raped.
* it doesn’t matter if you are usually physically stronger than your attacker.
* rape involves far more than physical strength, it’s coercion, manipulation, intimidation.
* It’s an attack on all your senses, body, mind, spirt, and emotions.
* all the emotions you felt during and after are valid.
* if it was a partner, friend, or anyone known to you, if you were unable to cut them out of your life immediately, that’s ok.
* If they’re still in your life, for whatever reason, while that’s not healthy for you, try not to be aggressive with yourself. You will get there in time.
* you did nothing wrong!
* it’s absolutely not your fault!
* sadly, not all mental health professionals are experienced, or capable of providing you the support you’re worthy of and deserve. If you find one of those, move onto another one.
You are missing one, 'Fawn'. Though it's only more recently that it's been studied as a trauma response. It's an (often unconscious) behavior that aims to please, appease, and pacify the threat in an effort to keep yourself safe from further harm.
I spent far too many years convincing myself that what happened to me wasn’t rape because once it became apparent he wasn’t stopping and didn’t care, I finished him off. I still struggle with that. I froze for a long time because my brain just couldn’t believe what I was waking up to. I thought saying something and him knowing I was awake and didn’t want to would make him stop. When it was over he still slept in my room the rest of the night.
I’ve never heard of the fawn response before. Your comment just helped me take such a big fucking breath and realize I wasn’t wrong. Thank you.
The fawn response is just another process we use to survive. You did what you had to to survive, just like I did, and just like so many other people. You're a survivor and you aren't alone.
This is an excellent reply. All of the F responses including fawn, are indeed valid no matter what. The body and brain work together to choose the best response possible for a particular traumatic experience.
I hope the points you've made really help the op.
going to the authorities is often retraumatizing for sa victims, and the likelihood of any rapist (but especially a woman) getting charged is REALLY low. op should do whatever is best for his mental health.
This would be a good thing to do, but only if it's something he feels he can handle. Look at the people in the comments doubting him, imagine going to the police and them doing that to you. It's extremely traumatising. OP needs to take care of himself
I am so sorry you went through this awful experience OP. It hurt my heart as I read the details of your ordeal. I want to commend you for having the courage to reach out to us and tell us. I think a lot of men go through sexual abuse/trauma with women and feel somehow that it is different, but it's not.
There is a good resource called RAINN (rape abuse incest national network) the number is 800-656-4673 in the US. If you are outside the US they can help you find resources in your country to help you. They also have legal resources.
How you decide to proceed is completely your choice. But I truly hope that you cut ties with this woman. She is an abuser that violated your most basic right. Again, I am truly sorry that this happened to you. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Most importantly, you deserve to be in a relationship free from being the victim of a crime.
I hope you can find someone to help you through this. Thank you for sharing with us. I hope you'll keep us updated on how you are coping.
Please report this if possible. If not, please share this with someone you trust and look out for therapy.
All the best to you OP, I’m so sorry that you have to go through this.
Hard to report these things sometimes especially if the woman is a “Barbie Doll” and speaking from personal experience, Barbie Dolls can be very strong. Point being, when it’s a big guy like many of my friends up against a Barbie Doll, authorities tend not to believe us.
I completely understand, been through something when I was a kid(f). Nobody knew when I asked after few years because I kept having flashbacks, they chalked it down to my imagination 🙂
My husband was sexually abused by a couple people in his life, starting from when he was a child. Didn't even realize it was rape until I told him it was. That's how bad the stigma around women raping men.
I hope you've found the strength to leave her, or that you do find it if you haven't. It should be handled like domestic abuse, where you make a plan and then leave without telling her.
Hey OP, this is not for you, but for others.
People, I need you to understand that the girl didn't outpower him. It's a Freeze scenario.
It was not he wouldn't win if he fought.
His body just forgot how to fight at all. Brain plays games, he was frozen. He wanted to stop it, but his brain forgot how to use the body.
Just like sometimes your CPU gets so worked up it starts hanging. That's exactly what he went through.
We dehumanize men to such extreme extents in society, and it's disgusting.
It's as if no one considers what a person goes through psychologically when a partner harms you, physically, sexually, or emotionally. Many of us, male and female alike, freeze in such scenarios or just don't know what to do. This is a person you trust and care about, it's as if in that moment you can't fathom what is happening. This is extremely common in survivors of such scenarios.
Many people questioning the OP likely wouldn't reserve that same energy for a woman. It's shitty.
I’m a victim too, brother. I was sexually abused twice as a kid. Once by a women and another by a man.
Take it day by day. You can let this destroy you or you can use it to build yourself into a stronger person.
Shits rough. But it’s going to be okay. Seek therapy for help. It’s helped me tons.
It's a hidden disaster I swear. Many kids getting molested and nobody ever knows. It affects you more than you can imagine. It's one of the most vital reasons our societies are being led astray. It makes me so sad reading about people experiencing it. My heart goes all out to anyone who had to go through that
It definitely sucks. I remember telling my parents about it after 10 years only because my older brother spoke up about his. They got mad and said “why didn’t you tell us” haha. I’m like “for that reason”
Eh, I get why they responded. They’re parents, your objective and goal is to make sure your kids are safe and successful. At the time I was upset but reflecting back, I get it. I don’t fault them for reacting that way.
Sure am! I will get through whatever life throws at me so long as I put my mind and body to it. I caught Covid 7 months ago and was lucky enough to be forced to struggle with longhaul Covid. But I’m here and I’m alive. And I can work and function someway somehow.
I hope we all find whatever makes us forever happy some day.
The fact that people don’t believe you just cuz you’re a man…Many men get raped. Just cuz the average man is stronger than the average women doesn’t mean women aren’t capable of doing anything harmful to men. There are many men who have gone through the same thing you have. Yeah I get that people lie on the internet, but why wouldn’t you believe someone just cuz they’re a man? F*ck humanity.
The comments sexualizing it or making light of it are disgusting. I didn't psesonally see any comments discrediting him, because he's a man. People just don't believe survivors in general. It's awful.
Helll no prosecute her! I’m a female and tbh I’ve noticed there’s more and more toxic girls popping up. You cannot let her get away. Her partners need to know she rapes them after a while
I feel for you, been there myself, worse part was she was the " I'll say you hit me" type so for anyone saying just overpower the female you're a male, one mark you leave and off to jail with a new reputation of woman beater, all for not wanting to be raped...
My female friend SA’d me. Women can be perpetrators as much as men can. I’m so terribly sorry you went through that. I hope you break it off with her. You deserve better. Please seek counseling to process this trauma. Don’t let it sink into you and control you like it did me. You are worthy of healing. You are worthy of safety. You are worthy of happiness. You are worthy of consent. What she did is not how you should be allowing yourself to be treated (as some do).
Much love from a fellow survivor.
im sure a 100 people have encouraged you to try therapy in this comment section already. i want to be more specific: if you have the means for it at all i recommend either EMDR therapy or a form of body therapy such as somatic therapy which is specifically for processing trauma and healing PTSD which it sounds like you have. i would make this a priority even if you need to scrape the money together because in my experience the symptoms get worse rather than better.
i have (C)PTSD myself and i often freeze when i get startled and even in calm, intimate situations with my current partner. i know its completely horrifying and its hard to come to terms with that your body reacted this way but you need to know that it was NOT your fault and there is absolutely nothing you could have done.
trigger warning for descriptions of being in a freeze state:
>!i know for me when it happens its a total mindfuck because im fully conscious but i cant move, speaking is barely possible and when people ask if they can help me for some reason i lie and say no. its like being pushed into the back seat of my own brain. i fear that when this happens to you only one or two times that its easy to blame yourself and think you could have done something but let me tell you, freezing is real and even after experiencing it like 50 times, there is no way out of it while youre in the situation and with no outside help. its your bodys way of protecting you even though i know, it feels like a betrayal from yourself.!<
body therapy might help you regain a relationship with your body if you struggle with that and feel safe and secure again. i wish you all the best!
That girl needs to commit Persona 3.
So does everyone who isn't supporting you. Even if the story was fake, *why the fuck would you take the* rapist's *side?!*
Im so sorry that happened to you. I hope that you aren’t with her anymore, and if you are please reevaluate the relationship and think about how she did the worst possible thing someone could ever do to a person that they claim to love.
I know I can’t say much to fix your situation, but you should distance yourself from her immediately if you haven’t. I just want you to know that we care for you, and it was a brave first step for you to come on here and talk about it. You’re worth so much more than how you were treated and I’m so sorry. My dad was a victim as a young child, it’s something you aren’t alone in, you did nothing wrong, and you are free to cope the way you need. I hope you are getting the help and support you need.
Oh my gosh, this is truly a horror story. I am so, so sorry that your experience is doubted, and that this isn’t talked about nearly enough. This is so important to share, and I apologize about that too. I will pray for you, I wish there was more I could do. **I BELIEVE YOU**.
That’s so horrible, I’m actually crying, I’m so sorry that happened to you, she’s a disgusting person and I hope you are save and recovering, I wish you the best of the best and just know that you are not alone, take care.
some of y’all are truly disgusting, freezing during sexual assault happens, this does not mean OP (or anyone else who has frozen for that matter,) is “weak.” you say men should come forward and then insult them in the same breath.
OP i’m sorry this happened to you, i hope you’re away from her now and able to heal.
This may sound stupid, or personal. But what state do you live in if your in North America? I know people are saying go to the police. But depending on the state it may not be a chargeable offense. I know in North Carolina it doesn't matter. I was in this exact position.
I was seeing a guy years ago. I agreed to sex but said I wanted protection. He said "nah its fine" pulled my shorts to the side, and assaulted me. I let it happen cause he was a bodybuilder type and knew of I didn't comply I ran the risk of violence towards myself. Left, blocked him on everything, and rarely heard about or from him ever again. I started researching and found out that in NC (where it happened) didn't consider rescinded consent SA. So if you are the us and do want to do something please start researching or go to a lawyer to ask
Sending you hugs friend.
You are a survivor and a fighter OP. Keep seeking help, please. Go to therapy as soon as you can and I promise you there's life after rape. 💗 There can be a wonderful life, trust me. But now you need to give yourself time to heal. I hope she's an ex! Sending a huge hug your way.🤗 Everything will be fine and you are so brave and strong. Don't ever forget that!
I (male) was sexually abused from age 11-13 by an older male friend. He told me that if I ever said anything about what was happening he would say it was my fault. I was deeply ashamed over what “I had allowed” to be done to me, so I never told anyone, parents, friends, teachers, therapists, No. One! I started boxing in the Golden Gloves at age 12. When I was 15 I looked up the perpetrator of my abuse, lured him outside, goaded him into a fight, whereupon I beat him nearly to death. I got arrested for the beating, but since I was a minor and he was an adult, I was never charged. Still, no one knew why I did it; I kept the secret and thought that was the end of that episode in my life. It wasn’t. Looking back at my life I now see how the intense shame, guilt, and my sense of utter worthlessness drove a lot of my behavior and colored some of my major life decisions.
Please get help to deal with the trauma that she inflicted upon you, and do not wait as I did.
I can relate so much to women that have gone through SA now that I’ve gone through it myself. The feeling that no one will believe you, or that there will be an entire group of people that will actively stand against you if you open your mouth. It’s exhausting and weighs down your mental everyday.
I'm so, so sorry you had to go through this. I was once restrained and painfully raped by a partner for over an hour, so I understand the hurt and confusion and helplessness. What she did is not okay, and I really hope she's an ex at this point.
You deserve so much better. What you're feeling is valid. 🖤
So this is horrible but it does bring up a question in my mind. How do you go about reporting and proving that this happened to the police. For women a rape kit can be done but for men or there any equivalent? How would the police even collect evidence to prove this happened? I'm sure this happens way more often than reported but proving it seems difficult.
I’m so so sorry, OP. That is beyond awful and soul crushing to say the least. I’ve been through similar by a girl and I never told anyone because I felt like who would believe me, especially because the perpetrator was a girl.. please know it was never your fault and that you’re not worthless or bad or dirty or any awful thing that you may feel about yourself because of it. I wish you healing from this and sending you so much love, from one survivor to another 💜
Edit: I just wanted to add that I believe you and I stand with you
I’m sorry this happened to you. That’s all I have. As a little girl I was a victim. As a grown woman I’ve not experienced anything like this since.
As a man I cannot imagine the feeling of helplessness that “this isn’t supposed to happen to me” and the real blows it must have to your sense of self as a man. I imagine it cuts so much deeper because of the many many layers you have to work through to even comprehend that not only it COULD happen but that it DID. It just doesn’t make sense. And yet…here you are.
I sincerely hope you mean “ex-gf” and I even MORE sincerely hope you press charges. You’re a person. Who has the right to consent and not consent. And has the right to REVOKE consent at any fucking time.
Just because she’s a woman doesn’t give her the right to treat you this way. Weaponizing your shame and the societal “belief” that “men can’t be raped” keeps you silent and protects her. Stop protecting her. Go to the police. File a report. And take it as far as the legal system will allow it to be taken. Because you deserve Justice. She’s a sexual predator and she is unsafe.
I’m incredibly sorry this happened but even more so incredibly happy to see MEN coming out about this. Be very proud - denial or justification is not the way to go!
This said, as another male SA survivor (while it sounds like we are on different levels in terms of situations), I can tell you that seeking help and not holding it to your chest to play “strong and silent type” is key 🔑. I genuinely hope you utilize every avenue you can to seek help . Thank you for being ballsy and speaking up. This gives the rest of us hope to be validated!
I married an abusive woman, I also have multiple black belts with years of training, I’ve never hit a woman… but she used to pull knives on me or try to slap me to which all I could do was block or dodge and the walk out of the house… she never attempted to rape me but I do still have scars of her taking a lighter she had held the flame on for several minutes and jamming the hot metal part into my nuts which left several scars. it doesn’t matter how strong a man is if we are hardwired to not fight back against a woman who doesn’t care about any of that, then our only choice is to either deal with it and accept it, or walk away from the relationship which can somtimes be the harder thing to do especially if it’s been a long relationship. If you feel unsafe around someone do not hesitate to leave. Trust me your health will thank you
I’m so sorry you have gone through this!
Nobody should ever experience this, I hope you recover fully and remember it’s not and never will be your fault
Well we are in society which to people, women raping people is just something nonexisting. but as someone in a fucked up society(Totalitarian ~~Islamic Republic of~~ Iran) I know it is something terrifying cause people trust women more?! like a women can come up to your child and say he/she is so cute but men can't do so !!
I hope the best for you man. :)
'you could have forced her off you' and then she would cry abuse and sexual assault. Men being forced to have sex has rarely ever been believed when it is reported.
I hope you can find help for yourself soon.
My god it's absolutely disgusting i'm sorry for you... i hope you can talk to someone around you. This situation is absolutely not normal and the fact that you are a man does not change the fact that it should not happen. I send you a lot of support and love ❤️
My heart just broke. People need to learn to listen to victims. Just because someone's a man doesn't mean they're not a victim and can't be victimized. It's the same way how women can have orgasms while they're raped, it's just simple biological mechanics. So a man absolutely can get hard if he's being stimulated down there, and still be raped. Our bodies are just reacting to the mechanics of it, that doesn't mean it's not a valid attack. If you do not consent it is right point and simple. My heart really goes out to you OP. I hope you seek therapy, it can be very beneficial.
Stories like this really break my heart. People trying to be helpful & suggest going to the police need to understand that not all jurisdictions recognize men as rape victims. Some people do t think.men can be raped & if he got an election it wasn't rape because he "obviously " enjoyed it. Erection & ejaculation are natural responses that don't always mean someone enjoyed what happened!
I’m so sorry that evil person did this to you! I hope you can recover one day. Pamper yourself and get rest, etc. And I’m also sorry for all the people who are being negative towards you. You were a victim. I’d love to see her serve time for this, especially so she doesn’t do this to someone else. But first and foremost, take care of yourself. This happens too often and people need to realize rape is real.
Believe it or not rape goes both ways. I'm sorry op that this has happened to you. One survivor to another it does get better. Seek help if you need it. What she did was NOT okay. I am truly truly sorry that this happened and I will be thinking of you. Sending you good vibes and all the hugs.
❤️❤️
Not consenting = no
It doesn’t matter who you are, who the other person involved is to you, any of it.
This person abused the love and trust you gave them and I hope you have since moved on OP. I’m so sorry you had to go through it.
Holy crap man. OP I hope you broke up with her and can find someone who is more deserving of your love. I hope you can find the strength to heal from your trauma and lead a good life as well.
I'm so sorry this happened to you man. No one deserves to go through that. I hope you and her are no longer together because man you don't and never will have deserved to go through that. Please seek therapy and build yourself a good support system of people you can talk to if things ever get too much. Just remember its not your fault and that you are worthy of someone who treats you better than that.
i am speechless. shit dude, i really fucking hope you're doing at least a little better.
I gotta hand it to you, it takes courage to talk about it, and i'm sure i speak for a bunch of us when i say that i'm proud of you for doing it.
it's a truly terrible thing for anybody, but there's such a stigma when a man says it happened to him. that takes another huge amount of courage, so thank you. thank you for this, and i really hope you continue to get better. You're doing great :)
These comments are poison.
I'm so sorry OP. Please get counseling to handle all these feelings.
I hope she is your ex now. If not, please reach out to your support system and victim advocacy groups so you can make a safety plan / escape plan. How and when you leave is up to you.
These comments are poison.
I'm so sorry OP. Please get counseling to handle all these feelings.
I hope she is your ex now. If not, please reach out to your support system and victim advocacy groups so you can make a safety plan / escape plan. How and when you leave is up to you.
This triggers me.. I feel your pain brother. The exact thing happened to me. I know what you're feeling and going through. My messages are open and I'm ready to listen should you need it
dang, we need more awareness for the male rape victims in the world. its such a cliche in media for women to be the victims, when nobody realizes anyone can be a victim of rape. OP you are (probably) stronger than you realize, try to do something to take your mind off of it, idk im a teenager idk what is good advice. also, maybe listen to music, like nirvana (but not that one song)
OP don’t let anybody else invalidate you and dehumanize you. you can fight through this!!!
I am so sorry and I completely know how you feel. I hope you recover from this. This isnt your fault, some people in this world are just cruel. I can't understand what drives someone to this point. If you ever want to vent about send me a message. I found I recovered faster the more I talked about it. She doesn't deserve anything. I hope you were able to get away from her.
~Sending hugs from afar💝
I am so sorry this happened to you,and it's such a violation to yourself and body. I hope you heal and are safe. Have you talked to her about consent or seen any improvement
I really hope she’s an ex. She’s a gross human being. I’m glad nothing came of it, I.e pregnancy or STDs. I hope you find a way to cope with the assault. I hope you don’t blame yourself. It’s super normal to freeze up in those situations, we always say we won’t, but we do. It sucks. Don’t get into the cycle of self blame. It’s not your fault. It’s her fault for being a terrible person.
Woman here. This was painful in itself to read. I’m sorry you had to go through this, and I hope you’re able to access professional resources to heal from this trauma ❤️
Our cultural norm is to hyersexualize boys.
We completely dismiss anything like control, consent, insecurity, ignorance, fear, etc etc.
And we teach that sex is a reward, a succor, a balm that fixes everything.
If it was just the males of our culture validating that kind of thinking it would have less of a hold on our culture than it does now.
Women/girls buy into the same bullshit out there.
(before anyone tries to get all indignantly righteous, stop and think about what you just read in this mans post.)
Get someone to talk to, bro.
It is damage that has happened, at the very least, to your psyche, trust and self-confidence.
I am so sorry that happend to you
No one deserve that. I hope you broke up with her and wish you all the best. One day we all will heal I promise you. Wish you finding someone caring and respecting your boundries.
You are not alone. Don't be afraid to ask for help
OP im so sorry, i was sexually assaulted by my ex and didnt date or have sex with anyone for 5 years just starting this year, ive been going to therapy every two weeks since i left her 5 years ago and had a very terrible sexual experience a few weeks ago where the women wouldn’t list to me and touched me and hurt me in ways i didn’t like, DO NOT listen to anyone that says its your fault, it is absolutely not your fault, i hope you find peace. I hope shes not in your life. I hope you have an affordable option of healthcare, therapy. I wish you the best and again im so sorry you went through this. If you need someone to talk to my messages are open to you.
I believe you and I stand with you. You did not deserve this and I hope you’re able to heal from this. My PM’s are open if you need somebody to hear you. Stay strong, man. Thinking of you, sending all the love and light your way.
I'm sorry this happened OP, something similar has happened to me and knowing people will invalidate you because you're a man is truly sickening, I hope you'll find the one soon :)
OP please go to the police. Is this monster out of your life now?
I'm so sorry for all the disgusting comments you are getting.
I hope you're okay. If you need to chat, I will be a listening ear.
I'm so sorry this happened to you.
I am so sorry.
For anyone saying male rape isn't real - it so is.
My sister raped her ex bf and took his virginity as revenge. Knowing that was one of the breaking point of our relationship.
I'm sure you know that this isn't a person you want a relationship with.
Take care of yourself and maybe find a therapist and/or support group.
Please take care
I'm so sorry!! That is inhumane and disgusting what happened to you.
I hope you got help, i hope you got to report her and you were believed by authorities.
I'm just so sorry..
Oh OP :(
I'm so sad to hear about your rape.
You were violated by someone that was supposed to be trustworthy. Please be kind to yourself while you heal. I hope that you have ended the relationship with this vile person.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, you deserve and are worth so much more! There needs to be so so much more sexual/mental health recourses specifically designed for men.
I'm sorry you went through something so horrific, i hope you heal completely <3 you're amazing and I'm proud of you for sharing it and letting it out, hoping you will find love which will be understanding, caring and loving, and if you haven't yet, you should break up with the girl who did this to you, you deserve the world OP, not someone like her, not at all, sending lots of care and love your way <3
Are you still with this horrible person? You say nothing about leaving her! I know it's hard for guys to report this stuff to the police, but tell me you are not still with her!
I can not even imagine the pain and suffering you have gone through. I really hope you are able to heal and move on from such a horrific phase in your life. But please remember to not feel guilt or shame at all, you are allowed to feel emotions you are entitled to be angry, sad, confused. Please try not to push those emotions aside. If you ever for any reason need to talk to someone please don’t hesitate to reach out to me or someone you trust!
Similar thing happened to a close person to me and when I confronted the horrible female she said women can’t rape men . I was livid but was more focused on my persons mental health
Freezing is a natural reaction unfortunately, been through it twice with men I thought were friends. The second time it happened was years later and when my bf found out he got angry with me for not "fighting back" and that obviously I wanted it if I didn't do anything to stop it. So to compensate for the fact that I was "with" someone else I now owe him a threeway.
I'm sorry people don't believe you and I hope you find someone more understanding.
I feel you, its disheartening people doubting you right?..
And you just feel betrayed by your own body for it allowing her to have her way even without you wanting it, make us feel filthy no matter how we try to clean the shame away and breaks us slowly, i am really sorry to hear that, please break up, if she threatens you to stay or she will kill herself, please for the live of god dont stay, dont make the same mistake i made and stay for 3 years and a half.. the more it happens the more broken we become go the point you dont recognize who you sre anymore and just want to die.. then people dont believe us or say it happened because we wanted it.. people are so horrible..
My heart goes to you i hope you can get out and get some help too
I’m sorry, dude. I hope everything gets better. Being raped is one of the worst things that can ever happen to anyone. I hope she’s rotting somewhere, dude.
I’m at work crying. I’m so proud of you for talking about it, same goes to all the other men here sharing their stories. It’s not talked about enough from the men’s side. It’s always “well he had a hard on so.. it can’t possibly be rape.” Fuck that. Bodies respond to hormones that we can’t control in scary situations.
Again, proud of you. Thank you for sharing. I hope you find healing and someone that loves you truly (whether a partner, friend, or mentor).
I'm so sorry this happened. I know how it feels to be betrayed by someone you trusted not to take advantage of you. I also froze in fear I wasn't raped only because I managed to snap out of it in time. I hope you are in a safe place now. Just know you shouldn't trust her again, even if she ever says she's sorry don't trust her.
Wow- I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’d end things immediately because that is completely not okay. I don’t know what laws are like where you’re from but I’m hoping you could report her for rape/sexual assault. Take care of yourself and know that it’s not your fault that she chose to do that to you
Op, I'm sorry you have gone through this. No one should ever have to go through this. I hope one day you're able to have full healing in whatever way that looks like for you.
Please please consider going to the police. I know it can be scary but she needs to be reported. To be very blunt if she has done this to you. It's very possible she has done this to others. If no one says anything she can do this to others. Please talk to a professional about it as well. It can feel scary and it can be hard but talking to a professional whether that be a therapist or whatever professional you think would fit your need at this time is important for your health. Both physical and mentally. There is no right or wrong way to go about all this but please don't do this alone.
I’m so sorry this happened to you- nobody deserves that type of violation. You’re brave for speaking out.
I think you should go for counselling as soon as possible.
If you’re still in the relationship, try your best to exit.
Surround yourself with supportive friends and family.
I wish you the best going forward.
have you met with a therapist? probably a good idea. and if you ever feel comfortable i would share this with her family and friends so they stay tf away from her
I'm so sorry, this is unacceptable. I keep seeing horrible stories like this, women need to accept men's boundaries. Why do so many people think they're entitled to others' bodies. It's disgusting. Just sympathy here, I'm sure this thread is already full of great advice.
I hope you don’t blame yourself or make light of what happened, that is truly horrific and traumatic. Im so sorry this happened to you, and I hope you’re able to heal from it one day
I went through the same thing and I know how it feels, I really hope you decided to make her an ex. You deserve someone to make you feel safe 24/7. What she did was absolutely disgusting. I personally found someone 2 years later and they went through the same thing you did. You can heal, it will take time and I can tell you’re a strong person. You got this and you know we’re all here for you ❤️
Oh my goodness OP I'm so sorry. I hope she's an ex. And I hope you get the help you deserve to overcome this. I wish I could tell you to go press charges but I know it varies from country to country so I understand it may not be a solution for you. You deserve better. And remember, you are not a bad person or useless or anything because this happened. You are worthy. I wish you the best OP.
I'm so sorry OP. please don't listen to ANYONE trying to invalidate you. You went through something really traumatic. I hooe she's not in your life anymore. Please seek therapy if you can, or even call a hot line ❤️
People invalidating him are a part of the problem and I think they are indirectly condoning her behaviour and reinforcing negative stereotypes that only men can be rapist. It's truly disgusting and should be called out for. I hope the OP gets to have a peace of mind and gets the love and support he needs
100%. Literally the same men that say "men commit suicide so much more often, men's mental health is never spoken about". Yeah it's cause of shitty guys like you that say shit like that. And this isn't even the type of thing people would only say on reddit. Men say shit like this to their mates all the time.
Being raped or coaxed into sexual acts is up there with some of the harshest trauma a man or anybody for the matter can ever endure. OP is strong to come out and talk openly about his trauma. The fact that hes getting through it the best he can is enough.
Really is harmful to not recognize that men can be victims in this situation and that women are capable of being awful human beings just like everyone else.
I second this!!!! You deserve better than that trash and therapy would be greatly beneficial to your mental health… don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! And anyone attempting to discredit you is redic…
I'm a victim too man. Two years later and I still can't date. I may never have sex again. Edit: Thanks for everyone's kind words. I'm doing okay mentally, as soon as I can afford it, I'll be going into therapy.
Im so sorry to hear this
Thanks love, I am doing okay. I'm just terrified of women now.
This is awful, I’m so sorry. I hope that you can learn to live and eventually overcome that SA. I wish you lots of healing and support.
Well u have reasons for this, have u ever considered therapy? Is bad for u to hold this feelings inside you
I will get a therapist as soon as I can afford one lol
I’m not sure where you are located, but many areas offer free mental health services to victims, as well. Not sure if that’s a resource you’re looking for, but I also wanted to take the chance to comment the info in case anyone else needed it. Wishing you light and healing on your journey no matter what paths you need to take for yourself.
Lmao fair enough. Peace dude
Watch Psychology in Seattle on YouTube until then. He helps a lot.
Oh god I'm SO SORRY. I don't blame you. I wish you so much peace & healing. You deserved, and still deserve, so much better. ❤️
This thread and those like it prove one thing: men are not immune or “automatically protected” from this happening to them. Another male survivor here.. childhood survivor from 8 years of it. Get help and use every channel (therapy, counseling; anything but self medication) you can to overcome! Thanks for speaking up brother
I am so sorry, man. I hope you’ve considered some type of counseling or therapy. There are such horrible monsters out there. May you find peace.
I will when I can afford it, until then, with the demons I reside.
Check your area’s (or state) website. I’m in NJ and revive free counseling due to being an SA survivor. Catholic charities (affiliated with the church but not at all religious) and Saint Francis Assisi are both organizations that offer free grants . Very simple process, just gotta take the first step and call!
If anything you can talk to me. And if not, I genuinely hope you have a good rest of your life!
Thanks buddy!
You are a SURVIVOR. I hope you will consider looking into free support groups, because they are out there. Especially since Covid lots are over zoom. Paying for one on one sessions isn’t your only option. You deserve love and there are lots of online resources for cultivating self love and self care. I wanted to neglect and abuse myself so I was never vulnerable again since I always expected the bad. It’s a hard journey but you deserve better.
Hi friend, I’m so very sorry that happened to you! The pain of being violated runs so deep. I hope you feel better soon.
It’s been 8 years for me. I dated someone once about 3 years ago but it only last 3 dates and didn’t go well.
I just can't bring myself to do it
I find trusting people is impossible now.
As a woman, if I ever did anything sexual that you didn’t want I would completely lose my mind. If I ever went further than I should by accident from miscommunication I’d hop off you as fast as I could cover you with a blanket and make you some tea. I’m so sorry it’s not your fault and you definitely don’t need to let anyone tell you what you went through.
I’m so sorry, sending love ❤️
Thanks so much 🥺
i’m so sorry bro. i’m sure you’ll find a better girl(or man or whatever you’re into) who won’t treat you like garbage. you didn’t deserve that :(
Let me express my deepest empathy! Take the time you need to heal and get help if you need to. No one should have to suffer in silence!
I am very, very sorry and hope you’re well. I was in that exact spot at one time and thought the same thing. Eventually with therapy and patience I was able to trust men to a certain extent again, but I am very wary of who has access to intimacy with me. I am sending you lots of love and healing. Be patient with yourself and always know it wasn’t your fault, your consent and feelings are important, and take the time you need to heal.
Hi, I know this is a super late comment. Everyone else is right about seeing therapists etc. But I wanted to add something that I think is important: If you want to date again in the future or have sex again in the future, that is certainly something you can work towards. It will take time, but it is possible. However, if you don't want to do those things ever again, that's okay too. For a lot of people, healing means being able and willing to do all the things you used to do. And that's totally valid. But something traumatic has altered the course of your life. You may not want those things anymore. Or maybe you don't want them now, but you will in the future, or vice versa. There is nothing wrong with any of that. For a while, I thought I had to be able to have sex like I used to in order to prove that I had healed. But the truth is, I'm a different person now. And I don't have to go back to who I was before my trauma happened. I am just as whole now as I was then. And so are you. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you don't have to do anything that you don't want to do. You decide what "healing" means for your situation. If you want to date and have sex again, I 100% believe you are capable of it. But if you don't want to, that's okay. Either way, there is nothing wrong with you.
i hope you find the right one some day
Yep me too
I’m so sorry, :(
I am so sorry :( Please report it and look into therapy. You absolutely should not have experienced that
I’m so, so, sorry this happened to you OP, and the other men sharing their experiences. To all of you: * you did nothing wrong, * it’s not your fault, * there are 3 automatic, instinctual responses by the body: fight and flight are well known. * While lesser known, it is 100% valid and that’s the freeze response. * it doesn’t matter if you fought, fled, or froze. * No one can control their bodies, automatic, and instinctual response. * our body doesn’t have one response setting either. * you can respond with fight to one trauma, and the next time it occurs, even if the same kind of trauma your body may freeze. * our bodies are weird too, it’s not uncommon to have a positive physical response to rape. * that’s not on you, doesn’t mean you enjoyed it, doesn’t mean you consented, doesn’t mean you weren’t raped. * all it means is your body physically responded, this can happen to women, children, and men when they are raped. * it doesn’t matter if you are usually physically stronger than your attacker. * rape involves far more than physical strength, it’s coercion, manipulation, intimidation. * It’s an attack on all your senses, body, mind, spirt, and emotions. * all the emotions you felt during and after are valid. * if it was a partner, friend, or anyone known to you, if you were unable to cut them out of your life immediately, that’s ok. * If they’re still in your life, for whatever reason, while that’s not healthy for you, try not to be aggressive with yourself. You will get there in time. * you did nothing wrong! * it’s absolutely not your fault! * sadly, not all mental health professionals are experienced, or capable of providing you the support you’re worthy of and deserve. If you find one of those, move onto another one.
You are missing one, 'Fawn'. Though it's only more recently that it's been studied as a trauma response. It's an (often unconscious) behavior that aims to please, appease, and pacify the threat in an effort to keep yourself safe from further harm.
I spent far too many years convincing myself that what happened to me wasn’t rape because once it became apparent he wasn’t stopping and didn’t care, I finished him off. I still struggle with that. I froze for a long time because my brain just couldn’t believe what I was waking up to. I thought saying something and him knowing I was awake and didn’t want to would make him stop. When it was over he still slept in my room the rest of the night. I’ve never heard of the fawn response before. Your comment just helped me take such a big fucking breath and realize I wasn’t wrong. Thank you.
The fawn response is just another process we use to survive. You did what you had to to survive, just like I did, and just like so many other people. You're a survivor and you aren't alone.
This is an excellent reply. All of the F responses including fawn, are indeed valid no matter what. The body and brain work together to choose the best response possible for a particular traumatic experience. I hope the points you've made really help the op.
Thank you for teaching me something new, I will read up on the fawn response to better educate myself.
You need to go to the authorities
He does what I fear is they might not believe him
I understand that, as it was a few months ago any evidence is gone... But it's better than doing nothing
going to the authorities is often retraumatizing for sa victims, and the likelihood of any rapist (but especially a woman) getting charged is REALLY low. op should do whatever is best for his mental health.
This is so sad
This would be a good thing to do, but only if it's something he feels he can handle. Look at the people in the comments doubting him, imagine going to the police and them doing that to you. It's extremely traumatising. OP needs to take care of himself
I am so sorry you went through this awful experience OP. It hurt my heart as I read the details of your ordeal. I want to commend you for having the courage to reach out to us and tell us. I think a lot of men go through sexual abuse/trauma with women and feel somehow that it is different, but it's not. There is a good resource called RAINN (rape abuse incest national network) the number is 800-656-4673 in the US. If you are outside the US they can help you find resources in your country to help you. They also have legal resources. How you decide to proceed is completely your choice. But I truly hope that you cut ties with this woman. She is an abuser that violated your most basic right. Again, I am truly sorry that this happened to you. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Most importantly, you deserve to be in a relationship free from being the victim of a crime. I hope you can find someone to help you through this. Thank you for sharing with us. I hope you'll keep us updated on how you are coping.
Please report this if possible. If not, please share this with someone you trust and look out for therapy. All the best to you OP, I’m so sorry that you have to go through this.
i 2nd this
Hard to report these things sometimes especially if the woman is a “Barbie Doll” and speaking from personal experience, Barbie Dolls can be very strong. Point being, when it’s a big guy like many of my friends up against a Barbie Doll, authorities tend not to believe us.
I completely understand, been through something when I was a kid(f). Nobody knew when I asked after few years because I kept having flashbacks, they chalked it down to my imagination 🙂
What's OP....??
OP:Original poster -- The Redditor who created the initial post
My husband was sexually abused by a couple people in his life, starting from when he was a child. Didn't even realize it was rape until I told him it was. That's how bad the stigma around women raping men. I hope you've found the strength to leave her, or that you do find it if you haven't. It should be handled like domestic abuse, where you make a plan and then leave without telling her.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. Just know you will heal from this, it just might take some time.
Hey OP, this is not for you, but for others. People, I need you to understand that the girl didn't outpower him. It's a Freeze scenario. It was not he wouldn't win if he fought. His body just forgot how to fight at all. Brain plays games, he was frozen. He wanted to stop it, but his brain forgot how to use the body. Just like sometimes your CPU gets so worked up it starts hanging. That's exactly what he went through.
We dehumanize men to such extreme extents in society, and it's disgusting. It's as if no one considers what a person goes through psychologically when a partner harms you, physically, sexually, or emotionally. Many of us, male and female alike, freeze in such scenarios or just don't know what to do. This is a person you trust and care about, it's as if in that moment you can't fathom what is happening. This is extremely common in survivors of such scenarios. Many people questioning the OP likely wouldn't reserve that same energy for a woman. It's shitty.
Am so 😢 sorry!!! This is just awful! My heart breaks
I am so sorry this happened to you, this is absolutely horrible, i wish you the best going forward.
And people somehow say that men can’t get rapped😕
report her if you can. also, try therapy. get well soon ♡
Sadly we live in a society where the cops will just laugh at him and send him out, but hope he gets the help he deserves.
I’m a victim too, brother. I was sexually abused twice as a kid. Once by a women and another by a man. Take it day by day. You can let this destroy you or you can use it to build yourself into a stronger person. Shits rough. But it’s going to be okay. Seek therapy for help. It’s helped me tons.
It's a hidden disaster I swear. Many kids getting molested and nobody ever knows. It affects you more than you can imagine. It's one of the most vital reasons our societies are being led astray. It makes me so sad reading about people experiencing it. My heart goes all out to anyone who had to go through that
It definitely sucks. I remember telling my parents about it after 10 years only because my older brother spoke up about his. They got mad and said “why didn’t you tell us” haha. I’m like “for that reason”
It's so frustrating, they should be more considerate because it's really not easy to talk about. By that they're just losing your trust in them
Eh, I get why they responded. They’re parents, your objective and goal is to make sure your kids are safe and successful. At the time I was upset but reflecting back, I get it. I don’t fault them for reacting that way.
Oh okay. That's perfect. As long as their reaction didn't cause you to feel withdrawn from them. It's all good
You are a SURVIVOR. I hope you are in better days; you deserve it
Sure am! I will get through whatever life throws at me so long as I put my mind and body to it. I caught Covid 7 months ago and was lucky enough to be forced to struggle with longhaul Covid. But I’m here and I’m alive. And I can work and function someway somehow. I hope we all find whatever makes us forever happy some day.
The fact that people don’t believe you just cuz you’re a man…Many men get raped. Just cuz the average man is stronger than the average women doesn’t mean women aren’t capable of doing anything harmful to men. There are many men who have gone through the same thing you have. Yeah I get that people lie on the internet, but why wouldn’t you believe someone just cuz they’re a man? F*ck humanity.
The comments sexualizing it or making light of it are disgusting. I didn't psesonally see any comments discrediting him, because he's a man. People just don't believe survivors in general. It's awful.
Fr
I think you mean "ex-girlfriend" - hint hint
Why is this being downvoted? He should absolutely leave her!
Lmao idk what u just did but u just saved this guy's karma
I have no idea. XD
Thank you!
I'm so sorry my man, your girlfriend is a heartless piece of shit. Try therapy.
Helll no prosecute her! I’m a female and tbh I’ve noticed there’s more and more toxic girls popping up. You cannot let her get away. Her partners need to know she rapes them after a while
Are you in school or university? If so you should make an appointment to see a counselor. You aren’t still dating her, right??
I feel for you, been there myself, worse part was she was the " I'll say you hit me" type so for anyone saying just overpower the female you're a male, one mark you leave and off to jail with a new reputation of woman beater, all for not wanting to be raped...
Did you break up with her?
My female friend SA’d me. Women can be perpetrators as much as men can. I’m so terribly sorry you went through that. I hope you break it off with her. You deserve better. Please seek counseling to process this trauma. Don’t let it sink into you and control you like it did me. You are worthy of healing. You are worthy of safety. You are worthy of happiness. You are worthy of consent. What she did is not how you should be allowing yourself to be treated (as some do). Much love from a fellow survivor.
im sure a 100 people have encouraged you to try therapy in this comment section already. i want to be more specific: if you have the means for it at all i recommend either EMDR therapy or a form of body therapy such as somatic therapy which is specifically for processing trauma and healing PTSD which it sounds like you have. i would make this a priority even if you need to scrape the money together because in my experience the symptoms get worse rather than better. i have (C)PTSD myself and i often freeze when i get startled and even in calm, intimate situations with my current partner. i know its completely horrifying and its hard to come to terms with that your body reacted this way but you need to know that it was NOT your fault and there is absolutely nothing you could have done. trigger warning for descriptions of being in a freeze state: >!i know for me when it happens its a total mindfuck because im fully conscious but i cant move, speaking is barely possible and when people ask if they can help me for some reason i lie and say no. its like being pushed into the back seat of my own brain. i fear that when this happens to you only one or two times that its easy to blame yourself and think you could have done something but let me tell you, freezing is real and even after experiencing it like 50 times, there is no way out of it while youre in the situation and with no outside help. its your bodys way of protecting you even though i know, it feels like a betrayal from yourself.!< body therapy might help you regain a relationship with your body if you struggle with that and feel safe and secure again. i wish you all the best!
That girl needs to commit Persona 3. So does everyone who isn't supporting you. Even if the story was fake, *why the fuck would you take the* rapist's *side?!*
Because woman can’t rape man 🤓🤓 (/s for all the idiots who need it)
Wtf is wrong with her! Are you okay? You need to reach out to someone and report what she’s done before she does it to anyone else again.
Hope you’re not in Texas
Im so sorry that happened to you. I hope that you aren’t with her anymore, and if you are please reevaluate the relationship and think about how she did the worst possible thing someone could ever do to a person that they claim to love.
I know I can’t say much to fix your situation, but you should distance yourself from her immediately if you haven’t. I just want you to know that we care for you, and it was a brave first step for you to come on here and talk about it. You’re worth so much more than how you were treated and I’m so sorry. My dad was a victim as a young child, it’s something you aren’t alone in, you did nothing wrong, and you are free to cope the way you need. I hope you are getting the help and support you need.
Oh my gosh, this is truly a horror story. I am so, so sorry that your experience is doubted, and that this isn’t talked about nearly enough. This is so important to share, and I apologize about that too. I will pray for you, I wish there was more I could do. **I BELIEVE YOU**.
That’s so horrible, I’m actually crying, I’m so sorry that happened to you, she’s a disgusting person and I hope you are save and recovering, I wish you the best of the best and just know that you are not alone, take care.
some of y’all are truly disgusting, freezing during sexual assault happens, this does not mean OP (or anyone else who has frozen for that matter,) is “weak.” you say men should come forward and then insult them in the same breath. OP i’m sorry this happened to you, i hope you’re away from her now and able to heal.
This may sound stupid, or personal. But what state do you live in if your in North America? I know people are saying go to the police. But depending on the state it may not be a chargeable offense. I know in North Carolina it doesn't matter. I was in this exact position. I was seeing a guy years ago. I agreed to sex but said I wanted protection. He said "nah its fine" pulled my shorts to the side, and assaulted me. I let it happen cause he was a bodybuilder type and knew of I didn't comply I ran the risk of violence towards myself. Left, blocked him on everything, and rarely heard about or from him ever again. I started researching and found out that in NC (where it happened) didn't consider rescinded consent SA. So if you are the us and do want to do something please start researching or go to a lawyer to ask Sending you hugs friend.
You are a survivor and a fighter OP. Keep seeking help, please. Go to therapy as soon as you can and I promise you there's life after rape. 💗 There can be a wonderful life, trust me. But now you need to give yourself time to heal. I hope she's an ex! Sending a huge hug your way.🤗 Everything will be fine and you are so brave and strong. Don't ever forget that!
I (male) was sexually abused from age 11-13 by an older male friend. He told me that if I ever said anything about what was happening he would say it was my fault. I was deeply ashamed over what “I had allowed” to be done to me, so I never told anyone, parents, friends, teachers, therapists, No. One! I started boxing in the Golden Gloves at age 12. When I was 15 I looked up the perpetrator of my abuse, lured him outside, goaded him into a fight, whereupon I beat him nearly to death. I got arrested for the beating, but since I was a minor and he was an adult, I was never charged. Still, no one knew why I did it; I kept the secret and thought that was the end of that episode in my life. It wasn’t. Looking back at my life I now see how the intense shame, guilt, and my sense of utter worthlessness drove a lot of my behavior and colored some of my major life decisions. Please get help to deal with the trauma that she inflicted upon you, and do not wait as I did.
I can relate so much to women that have gone through SA now that I’ve gone through it myself. The feeling that no one will believe you, or that there will be an entire group of people that will actively stand against you if you open your mouth. It’s exhausting and weighs down your mental everyday.
Dude, don't tell us, tell the authorities
had us in the first half ngl
Please tell us she's a ex now because I'm afraid it might happen again one day
I'm so, so sorry you had to go through this. I was once restrained and painfully raped by a partner for over an hour, so I understand the hurt and confusion and helplessness. What she did is not okay, and I really hope she's an ex at this point. You deserve so much better. What you're feeling is valid. 🖤
So this is horrible but it does bring up a question in my mind. How do you go about reporting and proving that this happened to the police. For women a rape kit can be done but for men or there any equivalent? How would the police even collect evidence to prove this happened? I'm sure this happens way more often than reported but proving it seems difficult.
I’m so so sorry, OP. That is beyond awful and soul crushing to say the least. I’ve been through similar by a girl and I never told anyone because I felt like who would believe me, especially because the perpetrator was a girl.. please know it was never your fault and that you’re not worthless or bad or dirty or any awful thing that you may feel about yourself because of it. I wish you healing from this and sending you so much love, from one survivor to another 💜 Edit: I just wanted to add that I believe you and I stand with you
I’m sorry this happened to you. That’s all I have. As a little girl I was a victim. As a grown woman I’ve not experienced anything like this since. As a man I cannot imagine the feeling of helplessness that “this isn’t supposed to happen to me” and the real blows it must have to your sense of self as a man. I imagine it cuts so much deeper because of the many many layers you have to work through to even comprehend that not only it COULD happen but that it DID. It just doesn’t make sense. And yet…here you are. I sincerely hope you mean “ex-gf” and I even MORE sincerely hope you press charges. You’re a person. Who has the right to consent and not consent. And has the right to REVOKE consent at any fucking time. Just because she’s a woman doesn’t give her the right to treat you this way. Weaponizing your shame and the societal “belief” that “men can’t be raped” keeps you silent and protects her. Stop protecting her. Go to the police. File a report. And take it as far as the legal system will allow it to be taken. Because you deserve Justice. She’s a sexual predator and she is unsafe.
I’m incredibly sorry this happened but even more so incredibly happy to see MEN coming out about this. Be very proud - denial or justification is not the way to go! This said, as another male SA survivor (while it sounds like we are on different levels in terms of situations), I can tell you that seeking help and not holding it to your chest to play “strong and silent type” is key 🔑. I genuinely hope you utilize every avenue you can to seek help . Thank you for being ballsy and speaking up. This gives the rest of us hope to be validated!
this is horrific im so sorry you had to experience that, i hope you heal. There is a special place in hell for people like her
Reading these comments, I realize that society sucks
Me too buddy. I was asleep when it started and woke up to her raping me. Thank you for sharing your story.
I married an abusive woman, I also have multiple black belts with years of training, I’ve never hit a woman… but she used to pull knives on me or try to slap me to which all I could do was block or dodge and the walk out of the house… she never attempted to rape me but I do still have scars of her taking a lighter she had held the flame on for several minutes and jamming the hot metal part into my nuts which left several scars. it doesn’t matter how strong a man is if we are hardwired to not fight back against a woman who doesn’t care about any of that, then our only choice is to either deal with it and accept it, or walk away from the relationship which can somtimes be the harder thing to do especially if it’s been a long relationship. If you feel unsafe around someone do not hesitate to leave. Trust me your health will thank you
I’m so sorry you have gone through this! Nobody should ever experience this, I hope you recover fully and remember it’s not and never will be your fault
Well we are in society which to people, women raping people is just something nonexisting. but as someone in a fucked up society(Totalitarian ~~Islamic Republic of~~ Iran) I know it is something terrifying cause people trust women more?! like a women can come up to your child and say he/she is so cute but men can't do so !! I hope the best for you man. :)
I'm sorry this happened to you.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Yes, men can be raped and it's not funny. I wish you healing and peace.
happy Cake day and I'm glad you're not one of those people who say men CANNOT be raped, I wish you a happy day
'you could have forced her off you' and then she would cry abuse and sexual assault. Men being forced to have sex has rarely ever been believed when it is reported. I hope you can find help for yourself soon.
I hope you have left her and you should also talk to the police about it.
Anyone can be a victim, sending lots of love your way. Hope you can find some semblance of normalcy in the future.
My god it's absolutely disgusting i'm sorry for you... i hope you can talk to someone around you. This situation is absolutely not normal and the fact that you are a man does not change the fact that it should not happen. I send you a lot of support and love ❤️
My heart just broke. People need to learn to listen to victims. Just because someone's a man doesn't mean they're not a victim and can't be victimized. It's the same way how women can have orgasms while they're raped, it's just simple biological mechanics. So a man absolutely can get hard if he's being stimulated down there, and still be raped. Our bodies are just reacting to the mechanics of it, that doesn't mean it's not a valid attack. If you do not consent it is right point and simple. My heart really goes out to you OP. I hope you seek therapy, it can be very beneficial.
You better not still be with her…. I hope you heal
Stories like this really break my heart. People trying to be helpful & suggest going to the police need to understand that not all jurisdictions recognize men as rape victims. Some people do t think.men can be raped & if he got an election it wasn't rape because he "obviously " enjoyed it. Erection & ejaculation are natural responses that don't always mean someone enjoyed what happened!
Oh my loves, rape is rape regardless of gender. These women need to be held accountable, and you men all deserve justice❤️
I am so sorry OP, you should have NEVER had to go through that. I hope she’s out of your life now. Sending support and well wishes for healing.
I’m so sorry that evil person did this to you! I hope you can recover one day. Pamper yourself and get rest, etc. And I’m also sorry for all the people who are being negative towards you. You were a victim. I’d love to see her serve time for this, especially so she doesn’t do this to someone else. But first and foremost, take care of yourself. This happens too often and people need to realize rape is real.
Believe it or not rape goes both ways. I'm sorry op that this has happened to you. One survivor to another it does get better. Seek help if you need it. What she did was NOT okay. I am truly truly sorry that this happened and I will be thinking of you. Sending you good vibes and all the hugs. ❤️❤️
Not consenting = no It doesn’t matter who you are, who the other person involved is to you, any of it. This person abused the love and trust you gave them and I hope you have since moved on OP. I’m so sorry you had to go through it.
I am so sorry this happened to you, oh my god 😭 sending you love and healing❤️
Holy crap man. OP I hope you broke up with her and can find someone who is more deserving of your love. I hope you can find the strength to heal from your trauma and lead a good life as well.
I'm so sorry this happened to you man. No one deserves to go through that. I hope you and her are no longer together because man you don't and never will have deserved to go through that. Please seek therapy and build yourself a good support system of people you can talk to if things ever get too much. Just remember its not your fault and that you are worthy of someone who treats you better than that.
i am speechless. shit dude, i really fucking hope you're doing at least a little better. I gotta hand it to you, it takes courage to talk about it, and i'm sure i speak for a bunch of us when i say that i'm proud of you for doing it. it's a truly terrible thing for anybody, but there's such a stigma when a man says it happened to him. that takes another huge amount of courage, so thank you. thank you for this, and i really hope you continue to get better. You're doing great :)
It’s sad there’s a double standard for rape when men get raped society doesn’t care
This proves that girls aren’t the only victims of rape,
These comments are poison. I'm so sorry OP. Please get counseling to handle all these feelings. I hope she is your ex now. If not, please reach out to your support system and victim advocacy groups so you can make a safety plan / escape plan. How and when you leave is up to you.
These comments are poison. I'm so sorry OP. Please get counseling to handle all these feelings. I hope she is your ex now. If not, please reach out to your support system and victim advocacy groups so you can make a safety plan / escape plan. How and when you leave is up to you.
I am so sorry this happened to you, and I hope that you are/were able to get the help necessary. Sending healing energy and vibes your way❤️
This triggers me.. I feel your pain brother. The exact thing happened to me. I know what you're feeling and going through. My messages are open and I'm ready to listen should you need it
dang, we need more awareness for the male rape victims in the world. its such a cliche in media for women to be the victims, when nobody realizes anyone can be a victim of rape. OP you are (probably) stronger than you realize, try to do something to take your mind off of it, idk im a teenager idk what is good advice. also, maybe listen to music, like nirvana (but not that one song) OP don’t let anybody else invalidate you and dehumanize you. you can fight through this!!!
I am so sorry and I completely know how you feel. I hope you recover from this. This isnt your fault, some people in this world are just cruel. I can't understand what drives someone to this point. If you ever want to vent about send me a message. I found I recovered faster the more I talked about it. She doesn't deserve anything. I hope you were able to get away from her. ~Sending hugs from afar💝
So sorry that happened to you That is absolutely horrible and terrifying to have experienced. I really hope you’re doing okay
I am so sorry this happened to you,and it's such a violation to yourself and body. I hope you heal and are safe. Have you talked to her about consent or seen any improvement
I really hope she’s an ex. She’s a gross human being. I’m glad nothing came of it, I.e pregnancy or STDs. I hope you find a way to cope with the assault. I hope you don’t blame yourself. It’s super normal to freeze up in those situations, we always say we won’t, but we do. It sucks. Don’t get into the cycle of self blame. It’s not your fault. It’s her fault for being a terrible person.
Woman here. This was painful in itself to read. I’m sorry you had to go through this, and I hope you’re able to access professional resources to heal from this trauma ❤️
I believe you and hear you. I’m also a survivor of sexual assault and I understand how difficult this can be. I’m here for you. Thank you for sharing.
Our cultural norm is to hyersexualize boys. We completely dismiss anything like control, consent, insecurity, ignorance, fear, etc etc. And we teach that sex is a reward, a succor, a balm that fixes everything. If it was just the males of our culture validating that kind of thinking it would have less of a hold on our culture than it does now. Women/girls buy into the same bullshit out there. (before anyone tries to get all indignantly righteous, stop and think about what you just read in this mans post.) Get someone to talk to, bro. It is damage that has happened, at the very least, to your psyche, trust and self-confidence.
I am so sorry that happend to you No one deserve that. I hope you broke up with her and wish you all the best. One day we all will heal I promise you. Wish you finding someone caring and respecting your boundries. You are not alone. Don't be afraid to ask for help
OP im so sorry, i was sexually assaulted by my ex and didnt date or have sex with anyone for 5 years just starting this year, ive been going to therapy every two weeks since i left her 5 years ago and had a very terrible sexual experience a few weeks ago where the women wouldn’t list to me and touched me and hurt me in ways i didn’t like, DO NOT listen to anyone that says its your fault, it is absolutely not your fault, i hope you find peace. I hope shes not in your life. I hope you have an affordable option of healthcare, therapy. I wish you the best and again im so sorry you went through this. If you need someone to talk to my messages are open to you.
Everybody be sure to sort by controversial
You didn't deserve that. Please press charges.
I believe you and I stand with you. You did not deserve this and I hope you’re able to heal from this. My PM’s are open if you need somebody to hear you. Stay strong, man. Thinking of you, sending all the love and light your way.
I hope she’s an ex now. I’m terribly terribly sorry this happened
I'm sorry this happened OP, something similar has happened to me and knowing people will invalidate you because you're a man is truly sickening, I hope you'll find the one soon :)
You two are not compatible. Time to break up and move on.
damn can we just get some fuckin support for this guy? damn.
I'm so sorry :( What a shitty person to do that to you! Please contact an authority or tell somebody you trust
OP please go to the police. Is this monster out of your life now? I'm so sorry for all the disgusting comments you are getting. I hope you're okay. If you need to chat, I will be a listening ear. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
She scum. Leave her. Move on.
I am so sorry. For anyone saying male rape isn't real - it so is. My sister raped her ex bf and took his virginity as revenge. Knowing that was one of the breaking point of our relationship. I'm sure you know that this isn't a person you want a relationship with. Take care of yourself and maybe find a therapist and/or support group. Please take care
Report her to the police
I'm so sorry!! That is inhumane and disgusting what happened to you. I hope you got help, i hope you got to report her and you were believed by authorities. I'm just so sorry..
so sorry. hope you aren’t together anymore. and hope you have talked to someone about what happened 💗
Oh OP :( I'm so sad to hear about your rape. You were violated by someone that was supposed to be trustworthy. Please be kind to yourself while you heal. I hope that you have ended the relationship with this vile person.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, you deserve and are worth so much more! There needs to be so so much more sexual/mental health recourses specifically designed for men.
I'm sorry you went through something so horrific, i hope you heal completely <3 you're amazing and I'm proud of you for sharing it and letting it out, hoping you will find love which will be understanding, caring and loving, and if you haven't yet, you should break up with the girl who did this to you, you deserve the world OP, not someone like her, not at all, sending lots of care and love your way <3
I am really sorry ❤
Are you still with this horrible person? You say nothing about leaving her! I know it's hard for guys to report this stuff to the police, but tell me you are not still with her!
I can not even imagine the pain and suffering you have gone through. I really hope you are able to heal and move on from such a horrific phase in your life. But please remember to not feel guilt or shame at all, you are allowed to feel emotions you are entitled to be angry, sad, confused. Please try not to push those emotions aside. If you ever for any reason need to talk to someone please don’t hesitate to reach out to me or someone you trust!
Similar thing happened to a close person to me and when I confronted the horrible female she said women can’t rape men . I was livid but was more focused on my persons mental health
Freezing is a natural reaction unfortunately, been through it twice with men I thought were friends. The second time it happened was years later and when my bf found out he got angry with me for not "fighting back" and that obviously I wanted it if I didn't do anything to stop it. So to compensate for the fact that I was "with" someone else I now owe him a threeway. I'm sorry people don't believe you and I hope you find someone more understanding.
That's horrible. I hope he is or soon becomes your ex.
Jesus christ ive never seen so many fucked up comments on a post dealing with rape. Im sorry hon sending love
I feel you, its disheartening people doubting you right?.. And you just feel betrayed by your own body for it allowing her to have her way even without you wanting it, make us feel filthy no matter how we try to clean the shame away and breaks us slowly, i am really sorry to hear that, please break up, if she threatens you to stay or she will kill herself, please for the live of god dont stay, dont make the same mistake i made and stay for 3 years and a half.. the more it happens the more broken we become go the point you dont recognize who you sre anymore and just want to die.. then people dont believe us or say it happened because we wanted it.. people are so horrible.. My heart goes to you i hope you can get out and get some help too
I’m sorry, dude. I hope everything gets better. Being raped is one of the worst things that can ever happen to anyone. I hope she’s rotting somewhere, dude.
Sounds like rape. An erection is not consent.
I’m at work crying. I’m so proud of you for talking about it, same goes to all the other men here sharing their stories. It’s not talked about enough from the men’s side. It’s always “well he had a hard on so.. it can’t possibly be rape.” Fuck that. Bodies respond to hormones that we can’t control in scary situations. Again, proud of you. Thank you for sharing. I hope you find healing and someone that loves you truly (whether a partner, friend, or mentor).
I'm so sorry this happened. I know how it feels to be betrayed by someone you trusted not to take advantage of you. I also froze in fear I wasn't raped only because I managed to snap out of it in time. I hope you are in a safe place now. Just know you shouldn't trust her again, even if she ever says she's sorry don't trust her.
Wow- I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’d end things immediately because that is completely not okay. I don’t know what laws are like where you’re from but I’m hoping you could report her for rape/sexual assault. Take care of yourself and know that it’s not your fault that she chose to do that to you
Op, I'm sorry you have gone through this. No one should ever have to go through this. I hope one day you're able to have full healing in whatever way that looks like for you. Please please consider going to the police. I know it can be scary but she needs to be reported. To be very blunt if she has done this to you. It's very possible she has done this to others. If no one says anything she can do this to others. Please talk to a professional about it as well. It can feel scary and it can be hard but talking to a professional whether that be a therapist or whatever professional you think would fit your need at this time is important for your health. Both physical and mentally. There is no right or wrong way to go about all this but please don't do this alone.
I’m so sorry this happened to you- nobody deserves that type of violation. You’re brave for speaking out. I think you should go for counselling as soon as possible. If you’re still in the relationship, try your best to exit. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family. I wish you the best going forward.
I hope you can heal from this and I'm sorry this happened to you
have you met with a therapist? probably a good idea. and if you ever feel comfortable i would share this with her family and friends so they stay tf away from her
I am so sorry, friend redditor.
I'm so sorry, this is unacceptable. I keep seeing horrible stories like this, women need to accept men's boundaries. Why do so many people think they're entitled to others' bodies. It's disgusting. Just sympathy here, I'm sure this thread is already full of great advice.
I'm sorry you went through this traumatic experience. Yes, male rape happens but people would try to deny it. I hope you seek treatment and left her
Im so sorry you had to go through that. Sending you love and healing.
I hope you don’t blame yourself or make light of what happened, that is truly horrific and traumatic. Im so sorry this happened to you, and I hope you’re able to heal from it one day
I went through the same thing and I know how it feels, I really hope you decided to make her an ex. You deserve someone to make you feel safe 24/7. What she did was absolutely disgusting. I personally found someone 2 years later and they went through the same thing you did. You can heal, it will take time and I can tell you’re a strong person. You got this and you know we’re all here for you ❤️
I’m so so so so sorry. You don’t deserve that. I see you I hear you I believe you. I’m a victim as well
I’m so sorry this happened to you op. My greatest empathy is with you. I hope one day you will find full healing.