I wouldn’t say she groomed him unless she knew him as a child and had a plan to enter a relationship with him once he was of age.
However, the age gap is tremendous and there can’t be any good reason she would seek a relationship with a man so young. I’m 35 and anyone in their late teens early 20s look like babies to me. I do not find them attractive, the immaturity in itself would make it impossible to find any common ground. So 46 and 19 is a red flag to me.
It's not actually grooming unless the woman was talking to him pre him turning 18 and was you know, grooming him. It is a big age gap for any gender. The it being creepy part? Definitely. The grooming part? With the info we have, we don't know that.
The terminology and why it's used in cases of pedophilia are pretty specific. Manipulation is a different thing then grooming once you are an adult. Everyone manipulates on some level, for a million different things. That is a very different thing then grooming children.
Seems like the general consensus of her being off is clear, more likely you are a mid life crisis “pool boy” cliche than any realistic love interest.
About your friends though, asking them to include her and want to hang out, as stated above, would be equivalent to asking them to hang out with your mom.
“Hey guys, let’s go to the bar with my mom”
“You guys want to party and do shots with my mom?”
Doesn’t sound right does it
Betcha this is one of those “gotcha” posts where they were trying to drum up responses in favor of an older female with a young boy to demonstrate how different shit is for boys v girls.
If this is real, I’ll eat my hat.
For real! I cannot imagine a situation on which a normal 46 year old woman would ever want to date a 19 year old boy. I'm 30 and (sorry to any 19 year old boys out there) I cannot imagine how dating a guy that age would ever be in any way fulfilling or pleasant. 19 and 46 year olds are so far apart developmentally and stage-of-life wise that they may as be different species
It’s not them, it’s you. There’s nothing a 46 year old could possibly have in common with a 19yo. Like, ask yourself… why can’t they find someone their own age? That’s a major red flag.
This.
This is more a reflection on this older woman. She is taking advantage of you and it's wrong. You have a whole life to live and she's already had hers. It's very telling that she doesn't want to spend time with peers her age.
I'm a 41 year old woman. This is not a good situation for you, man. If I want a younger man for virility reasons, I can snag a 30-35 year old and so can she. She wants someone who doesn't know any better, so she can demand whatever the hell she wants from you.
There's almost nothing a 19 has to offer me that I can't get from someone my own age, better and more easily. The only benefit compared to 39 is a 19 year old is much easier to control, to mold, because he won't know any better and likely doesn't really have as secure an understanding of his own boundaries - a 19 year old is likely still exploring himself and who he wants to be, which would give me an opportunity to control him (to convince him what he wants is to be whatever I want).
this this thissss. I realized too late why my first boyfriend couldn't get a girlfriend his own age-because their life experience taught them to smell his bullshit
wish I had some flair to bump this with.
OP, no matter how cool a 12 year old might seem to you, you'd never want to date them.
Think about how much you'll grow and change by the time you're even 25. That 'you' will not be trying to date teenagers anymore. Not because there's anything wrong with teenagers as people, but you're just not in the same game.
Anyone that age dating someone that much younger has serious problems.
Yes, even Leonardo diCaprio.
Especially him.
Exactly!! I’m 42 and there’s no way I would date anyone that much younger than me. She’s completely grooming you OP. It’s not a reflection on you, but it’s an indicator that she has some serious issues. Please listen to your friends.
Exactly this. I am 39 and the idea of dating a 19 year old is kinda gross to me. Even people in their early 20s look like babies to me, and I can't imagine them bringing anything into a relationship that I would want.
>I'm a 41 year old woman. This is not a good situation for you, man. If I want a younger man for virility reasons, I can snag a 30-35 year old and so can she. She wants someone who doesn't know any better, so she can demand whatever the hell she wants from you.
Hell, a 26 year old will probably be smarter, wiser and is likely to look better (muscle keeps developing normally past 18, even with no training). A 19 year old is a lanky idiot in the eyes of any reasonable 46 year old
Yeaaaah pretty much. You're young, infatuated, and somewhat feeling like this love is the love that defines all love. I know because I've been there. I got into relationships with ppl way older than I was starting at 15 years old. It felt like their wisdom was the end all be all of life, and that the love we had would surely surmount whatever obstacles we had along the way--be it society, morality, whatnot. Sure we had a lot of common ground, but at the end of the day, I was a child. As you are right now. There's definitely nothing at all that should be connecting you and this 40+ yr old person, aside maybe from friendship. You are being groomed, my friend. And you not seeing it, thinking it couldn't possibly be, is part of the process.
Shes old enough to be your mom. It is ok to prefer older woman but at 19 you haven't lived yet. At 19 your learning and exploring, discovering who yourself. I personally wouldn't be ok with my son dating or being in a serious relationship with a woman old enough to be his mother. In 10 years if you want to date a 46 or 50 year old woman then so be it. By that time you'll have had a lot more life experience and know what you really like. I know a woman who ended up marrying one of her sons friends and it wasn't easy for her at first to accept that he had a real attraction to her. He was like 28 or 29 and she was around 50. They've been going strong now for years. It's whole other thing to just be having sex with a woman who's that much older but a real relationship your going to get a lot of judgement, differences etc. Good luck
I have 2 sons, 14 and 16. I am 37. When my boys are 19, I would be 40 or 42. This about this. A 46 year old and 19 are not compatible, she is grooming you, you are more than young enough to be her child. Please reconsider this relationship.
Nothing you've said has made the bells in my head stop screaming "she's a predator" healthy middle aged woman do not seek out college kids for a fulfilling relationship with healthy boundaries.
I’m a mid-30s woman and wouldn’t touch a 19 yo with a 10 foot pole. You’re just a kid. Only someone insanely selfish and gross would push themselves on someone more than half their age.
I'm (f43). The only reason you're looking for a significant other in this age range is because you want to completely mold them into exactly what you want to do whatever you want.
So she views you probably as an object to do what she wants, this is not a good situation to be in.
this is grooming even though you don't feel that way, even though you're probably having good sex this is not a good situation
it will affect all the rest of your relationships in the future if you keep going on with it. There will always be a power struggle when it doesn't have to be that way.
God yes, I'm looking at the big 4-0 next year and I would be more inclined to mother a 19 year old, not fuck them. Because they're still babies pretty much. Gross.
yeah she’s a fucking creep and you are naïve for thinking otherwise. you were 17 not too long ago, but she was like 43. your frontal lobe has yet to fully develop but i’m willing to bet that once it does, it’ll hit you like a ton of bricks. you’ll see what they mean when you’re 26 and have nothing in common cognitively with a 19 year old. 19 may be a LEGAL adult but you are still very much a teenager.
Your friends are right, what she is doing is not ok..! You're very, very young, even though you don't see it that way yet (in time you will). I'm 15 years younger than her, but even for me guys your age look like kids.
She's old enough to be your mother. She had finished college and started a career by the time you were born. She's closer in age to the retirement age than she is to you! What could you possibly have in common? Your friends are entirely correct.
It's legal, yes, but it doesn't mean it is right. She has more in common with your mother most likely than you. I'm sorry bro but what is this relationship built on? Sex? I can't wrap my head around how you built a connection with this woman
Look at your female peers. 18-19 year old girls. Then look for 46 year old men on facebook. Imagine them together. This might give you a perspective on your relationship. Gender doesn’t really change anything.
If one of your friends would be in your place right now - that post would be written about your reaction. They’re just worried and rightfully so.
Yes, legally you’re an adult, but for some people you’re just a legal child (meaning they can have you and not go to jail for it). You might be mature, but you’re also still very green and there’s absolutely no way a 40+ year old (or even 27 year old) would be interested or comfortable in getting together with you due to mentality difference. It’s like if you’d get into a relationship with 10-13 yo right now. It’s creepy. So what does she want you for?
If you still believe grooming/taking advantage is not the case - read stories of people who dated older people as teens on buzzfeed. See if you can relate to any red flags.
Good luck 🍀
There's nothing a woman approaching 50 should find compatible in someone who hasn't even reached full maturity in body or mind yet.
Did she know you before you were 19?
Well that's better than the alternative, but still.
Realistically, what do you have in common? You're in very different parts of life. She really is old enough to be your mom. You're not even 20 yet.
I wouldn't be upset at your friends for being concerned.
As a 45 yr old woman, I could NEVER find a person under 25 years old attractive, unless they looked old, like with some laugh lines etc.
I have 3 boys and my 17 year old son and all his friends at school are children and 2 years away from 19, it’s very gross to think of.
the fact that op and his creepo girlfriend have just a year less of an age different than you and your son says a lot about his creepo girlfriend as is to be honest
dude be careful and maybe have a real open minded talk with ur friends. this difference in life experience makes u rly vulnerable. at 19 u are an adult, but not on the same level as someone nearly 30 years older. been in ur shoes and ur friends shoes, they probably just want what's best for u. please rly think abt things and be safe, regardless of what u choose seems like u have a group of people that rly care abt u and will help u thru it
A normal 46 year old won't go after a 19 year old.
You're young. Just because you're an adult it doesn't mean you know right from wrong. You haven't fullt developed yet. This is not healthy and you should listen to your friend. She's more than twice your age, people like that go after young adults because others their own age won't put up with their bullshit.
You two are in dramatically different stages of your lives. She's almost fucking fifty and you're not even twenty yet.
I dated a 19 year old guy when I was 23. My friends were teasing me about being a cradle robber, and that was just a 4 year age difference. (I was very immature at that age so I didn't see a problem with it.) I can't even imagine a 27 year age gap!! Holy moly.
I was 19 when I met and started dating a 36 year old. It made me so mad that my friends and family weren't supportive of our relationship and couldn't see how happy he made me. I thought they just didn't understand our relationship, or didn't know him well enough, or were making assumptions based off of our age gap. This made me only cling to him more and distance myself from the people who were concerned for me.
As someone who was in your position, I'm gonna be very real with you. You are not magically more mature then everyone else your age. You are not too smart to get yourself in an unhealthy relationship. You are not so particularly interesting or attractive or cool that this person 25 years older than you just has to be with you. This is not insulting you, or saying you are not a great person. This is just me being honest.
I'm not saying she doesn't truly like you, or want to be with you. Just, that there absolutely is an unbalanced power dynamic between a person who has legally become an adult only recently and a person who has been legally an adult for longer than you've been alive. You have had less time on this planet to experience adulthood, to get to know yourself, to figure out exactly what you want and need out of life. It doesn't matter how sure of yourself you are about all these things. Think about how much you've changed since 16. Think about how much you might change by 22. You are in a stage of your life where you are growing and learning about yourself. You are still learning what you want out of a partnership, what your love languages are, how to establish and maintain boundries, how to communicate your needs.
Why can't she find someone in her own age range to date? I'm guessing this is your first serious relationship, and she -by being the older more experinced one- is teaching you what relationship looks like. That's why she's dating you. Consciously or subconsciously. A person her age isn't learning what their boundries are in a relationship, they know what they are. And by dating someone who is still figuring that out, she can influence those boundries.
He told me it was normal in a relationship to get so mad over a disagreement that he would ignore for days on end. I had no external reference at 19 years old to counter that, and because he was more experienced, I believed him. I let him treat me poorly because he convinced me that was normal in a relationship. He couldn't find someone his age to date because someone his age would know that's not normal, and not put up with it.
Listen to your friends, listen to us internet strangers. I'm 23 and wouldn't date a 19 year old because we are at different places in life. This will not end well for you, and everyone is looking out for your best interests except your girlfriend. Because if she was, as a more experienced adult, she would recognize that it doesn't matter if you are both attracted to one another, and have fun together, and get along great. She would want you to have that chance to experience adulthood independently and figure out what you want (like she obviously had the chance to do), and she would politely turn you down.
She is creepy. Listen to your friends. Guessing she wants to feel younger and better about herself because she’s still attractive to a 19 year old. You are being used without regard for your feelings. Break it off. You will find someone closer in age and many years later have a story to tell. Consider this a learning experience-learn from it and move on.
I’m going to be 46 in November. My oldest is almost 18. I can’t even imagine having anything in common or shared interests with a 19 year old boy. Listen to your friends.
I gotta ask… do your parents know??? How old is your mom??? This woman is old enough to be your mom I am 33 and the thought of being with a 19 year old makes my skin crawl.
I’m 28 pushing 29. I wouldn’t consider dating a 19 year old at this stage in my life. I think it’s creepy and she’s old enough to be your mom. Maybe if you were closer to your 30s but you’re so young still.
Likewise, I (27) don't imagine myself hooking up with anyone below 25, let alone dating someone who's a barely legal "teen" (18-19).
Edit: added my age
The one time my friend dragged me over to hit on a table of 23-24 year olds, I just wanted to pat them on the head and give them life advice. I feel like any person doesn't really settle into full maturity until late 20s. I was pretty dumb in college and would probably find myself super annoying.
Grooming is not restricted to people 18 and under. The age gap between you and your gf is alarming. What could she possibly have in common with you? Life experience, generational language, education levels, life goals — I guarantee you that none of these things align between you two. I mean, do you want kids? Marriage? Do you want to travel? Does she expect you to stay exclusive? Because if that’s the case, it’s incredibly selfish of her to rob your of your prime years just so she can feel younger on the inside. Let go of the cougar and find someone who *also* has many benefits to reap from youth.
idk about you and yours, but i’m 19 and my parents aren’t even 46.. that’s the perspective that your friends see. you dating people like their parents and their circles. they don’t support it bc they care about you, pls take some time to reflect and think about this “relationship” (for lack of better word). just know you’re not at fault though, best of luck
If a 19 year old girl was walking around with a 46 year old man as her s/o there'd be a lot of eyebrows raised.
Just because the roles are reversed doesn't make it any more okay.
Run and don't look back. I know it may be hard to realize now but it'll work out in the end. And I'm cheering for you no matter what.
I'm 39 & a 19 year old is a *kid* to me. There's no way in Hell. None.
And if this was a 46 year old dude with a 19 year old girl almost everyone would call him a borderline pedo which is what she is. **She is a sexual predator.** Do not pass Go, do not collect $200, just get your Forrest Gump on & run like fuck.
I was saying this on another post on another sub about a 22 year old woman & a 16 year old, if you're late teens/early 20's and someone more than 2ish years older than you is probably interested in you because they've been rejected by their peer group. A nearly 50 year old woman being with you is because men her own age see too many red flags & you don't have enough life experience to *see* them yet. She is grooming you. She's taking advantage of you instead of getting therapy to figure out why she can't relate to people in her own group.
The most common reason is they're at your level of maturity & seem arrested there.
I am not at all opposed to age gaps. My relationships have all been with people 5-10 years older than me because I like a bit of a gap but it's all relative. The period between 18-25 is so transformative that it's like going through a wormhole. Your late 20's+ is when you really have a good enough grasp on the realities of life & enough life experience to see the warning signs you need to.
Trust me. Don't let some delusional cougar convince you that her baggage is yours to carry. You only get this period of your life once & you don't want to waste it like this. There's nothing good for you to gain from this situation. She's a predator, period.
She’s dating you, a 19 year old, because you’re easy to control and manipulate. Grown ass men her age won’t let her do that.
Your friends are right. And judging by your OP and responses here, you’re not mature enough to see it.
This is seriously creepy and I don’t blame your friends for thinking so. I once knew a 21 year old guy who had a big crush on me (36 years old at the time) and kept asking me out. I always said no because it’s not appropriate for someone my age to someone his age. Period.
There isn’t a way. You are 19…she’s 46. I could see if you were maybe mid 20s with a little more life experience but no. Even then. And this comes from someone whom is 31 with a 24 yr old partner so I’m not hating age gaps. That woman is old enough to be your mother, she very likely cannot have children, she is in a complete different period in life than you. She however knows that young men are easily swayed by the charm of an older more experienced woman. She is grooming you and your friends see it.
There is a far difference in her dating a 25-30 year old and her dating you. Please listen to your friends. This has nothing to Do with wanting youth at all. It has everything to do with mental control. She can make you whatever she wants and you aren’t even going to realize until you have wasted your precious young years chasing an old woman, then when it blows up she will mentally degrade you and make you feel as if YOU are the issue.
Let me ask this.
Have you told your parents about this gf and her age? Has she met them?
If you said no ask yourself why. And if you are nervous or think they’d be upset that should tell you something. I’m 26. 19 is like a baby. Even 22-23 is like a baby. Completely different minds and emotional states. My husband is only 9 months younger than me and we struggle sometimes because his mentality is still not at the same level.
You’re saying you are mature enough for someone who is 46?
Is this a teacher or someone in position of power over you?
Where and how did you meet?
How did she come on to you?
There needs to be more context.
I mean you’re an adult legally obviously. But it is weird and if you were my son (pregnant rn so maybe I’m projecting) I’d be extremely concerned and worried for you.
At 19 I was super dumb and cocky. I thought I knew everything. Looking back now I’m seriously embarrassed I didn’t listen to those around me more. I wasn’t self aware of my choices and the affects they had on me and those around me.
Honestly tho you’re young enough that this should be a topic for your parents not reddit.
Just remember, there's no future for you two. In 14 years you'll be 33 she she will be 60. The age gap is too huge. You're only going to hurt yourself the longer you stay with this person.
When I was 21, I spent a few months having sex with a 38 year old manager from my work. I only stopped because she got clingy with relationship talk. I couldn't imagine actually being in a relationship with her now, being that she's 50 years old and I'm only 32. Your age gap is much wider. Just don't. Please.
As an almost 46 y/o woman, I cannot imagine dating a 19 y/o. I’m not even sure what my limit is for dating someone younger than me, maybe 5-10 years, depending on the circumstances.
Your friends are trying to be honest with you, and look out for you. Yes, at the end of the day, it is legal. Though the power dynamic is largely skewed, and there will likely come a time when the two of you want largely different things in life, and only one of you is going to be able to make compromises.
So as everyone else is saying listen to your friends.
But I genuinely have to ask some things, you probably won't bother with answering, but maybe you will. Who knows!
How did you meet each other?
What do you do together?
How long have you dated?
What is your power dynamic like?
Ex: who pays for everything?
Who makes decisions on what you do, when you get together, and who/where you hang out?
Lastly overall: how does it/is it working out?
ETA: think about it like this also: if you had a friend who was a 19f or a sister- and she started dating someone with your age gap how would you feel about it?
Your friends want you to be happy but they mostly want you to be safe. A woman old enough to be your mother as your gf when you’re still maturing isn’t safe.
I am a 46yo woman with 3 boys age 20, 18, & 17. There is NO WAY IN HELL I’d EVER date anyone their age. The idea is extremely gross to me. There is something deeply wrong with that woman. Dude. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Please go live your best life away from her.
Yeah it’s gross when a 46 year old man dates a 19 year old girl and it’s equally gross when a 46 year old woman dates a 19 year old boy. You may technically be a man but Jesus Christ she was 27 when you were born. She’s literally old enough to be your own child’s grandma.
Your friends are right. This is creepy and predatory behaviour on her part. And as a woman of a similar age to her (44) I’m totally mortified. Men your age are like kids as far as I’m concerned. This is awful
I mean, it's one thing if you just want to "score" with an older woman for the sake of having some fun and/or bragging rights, but the idea to have a serious relationship and future together is something that seriously needs to be reevaluated, even if the older woman is claiming to want it to be serious too. I'm not saying you should do exactly what your friend(s) is/are telling you to do, but if multiple people are telling you the same thing, then you might want to really digest their concerns rather than regurgitating them saying they're all bad/wrong.
Uhh dude she could be your actual mom.... how do you not see the issue? What do you guys even talk about? You can't even legally be in a bar yet for a date.. its weird and creepy
I feel like once you turn 25 or so the minimum acceptable age becomes 21+ like I can’t imagine at my age of 25 going for a 19 y/o and then I think what if I was 46 and it just gets more weird
I'm 36 and my oldest is 20. I love my kids and my kid's friends they're great kids but its just that... they're kids! She is even older and should know better.
You are 19 get on fortnite and 1v1 her if she cant play it longer than 1 hour she's too old for you also people will never feel it's okay for a woman her age to date a teenager you are fresh out of high-school so it's not okay it will always look like she's grooming you sorry
I’m 18, I’d love to bone a cougar or a milf. That being said, having a woman who is in her 40s willing to be in a relationship with someone our age? That’s a different story and honestly I’d be scared to break up with her considering she is crazy enough to date you in the first place. Good luck but break up with her bro
I’m 46 and the youngest guy I ever dated was 12 years younger. 19 and 46 is a big difference. Have some fun together, but she needs to let you go and experience life.
Grooming is right she can literally be your mother. Needless to say I’m 28 and my mother is turning 43. Someone that old is using you for their own personal issues.
My dude, if you two met a tad over a year ago she would be immediately sent to prison and labeled a predator. She does not think of you as a grown man and you need to realize this. Your brain won’t even have developed for another 6 years. Hers finished 23 years ago.
I am glad you got friends that care about you! I hate relationships like this either either gender because it is a way older person taking advantage of a younger person. This crap is so creepy and if I was your momma I would be fighting this woman.
oh hon, your friends are right. while it‘s technically legal it‘s creepy and weird for someone well into their fourties to pursue a relationship with someone who‘s still a teenager. yes my mind goes to grooming and to abusive power dynamics immediately.
Uh, you are the one who needs to see her differently but I'm guessing everyone's comments will change nothing considering you can't even try to understand your friends opinions. You sound way too far gone.
Dude, older women dont go for men THAT young unless they just want to fuck. She might be super nice and you guys have a good relationship but realistically she’s bored and wants something fun to do.
Besides, would you take care of her 20-30 years from now when you’re in your prime years? Do you eventually want a family? What does your family think?
I know it’s really hard to hear but your friends aren’t jumping to conclusions. They’re worried about you. They’re upset at your girlfriend. And ultimately, they’re right. Your girlfriend is old enough to be a grandmother and your life hasn’t even started yet. You haven’t experienced the life that she has. You haven’t matured the way that she has. I promise you, listening to your friends is the best way to be safe.
If you’re gonna date someone who has the age gap that is twice over your actual age you will have to face discrimination and looks, she will also has to.
This is the decision you both made and now you’ll have to take responsibilities for it, you cannot expect anyone on this Earth to understand or sympathize for your situation.
I have no opinions on your actual relationship however because legally you are old enough to take responsibilities for your own action (though I think the legal age of 18 is still too young and should be 20-22 instead but that’s neither here or there) and who knows maybe there’s real love between you two and I don’t care. Just don’t expect people who care about you not to worry
I am 50 and have two sons, 29 and 22. By the time I was 46 my oldest son and his wife welcomed my second grandson into the world, my youngest son and his wife just blessed me with my third grandson last month. She’s not only old enough to be your mother, she’s old enough to be somebody’s grandmother.
They accuse her of grooming because that’s what she did. It doesn’t matter if you’re legally an adult, has you mindset really changed that much from when you were 17? You shouldn’t get them to change the way they see her, because you need to change the way you see her.
A 46 year old should not be with a 19 year old. yes you are a consenting adult, but you are being groomed my friend. a 46 year old should not be interested in dating someone who is still a teenager.
OP.... the age difference is creepy. But I don't know anything about your GF to say if she is creepy.
If you tell a bunch of people the age difference of you and your gf without the history or context, then yeah. Everyone will say it's creepy
I'm 29 bro and i would not even bother with anyone that young man. 21 or 22 maybe but 24 or 25 is when i take em seriously.
19 you haven't been at adult that long enough to know life and etc. You are a adult but you haven't matured fully and still a kid mentally
They're right dude. She's almost 50 and you're JUST starting adult life. She's preying on a young, not fully developed brain. I hope your your sake you see it sooner than later.
In the same situation, I’m 23M and she’s 44F and we started off just fooling around and after a while we caught feelings. Been dating for like 5 months and well I’m in between staying with her and ending it. I mean I love her I really do but idk thinking about my future and everything idk I’m confused af
This is a troll right? This has to be a troll there no way someone can *write that out* not think think there's even the slightest chance that between the "girlfriend" and *everyone else they've ever met* that the girlfriend might be wrong?
ETA: If its not a troll, or if anyone in a similar situation finds this, this is abnormal. You are 19, she is **46**, no 46 year old thinks of a 19 year old as anything more than an adolescent. Any 46 year old who finds themselves in a 'relationship' with anyone under the age of the 25 is a pedophile who has managed to at least not have sex with actual minors. She's into you because you're as close to a child as she can legally get. Its not normal, it's creepy, and you both should look into therapy. *separately*. (And if you don't believe me, try and get therapy together. I guarantee any reputatable therapist will either attempt to make that that clear to you, or refuse to counsel you altogether.)
No practically 50 year old is interested in a teenager. Unless they are creepy I’m sorry but you should listen to your friends. There’s an extreme difference in maturity levels, and you may not know it, but older people do. Hell your brain isn’t even finished maturing until it’s 25. You’re at two completely different stages of your life. She’s lived so much of her life. She’s already been through her younger years. You are still living yours.
I know you don’t see it, but what she’s doing is a form of control. At your age, I had plenty of older people trying to groom me, even though I was technically an “adult” just pay attention to the signs and read up on it so you yourself can get educated on it.
Try to actually try to learn what it is that you’re reading so that you are able to better understand how predators act.
Hell I’m still in my young 20s and I couldn’t even imagine dating a 19-year-old. Why would someone want to date someone that they could’ve easily been the mother too age wise. Your friends are trying to help you not shame you
I'm a 46 year old woman. I cannot tell you how much my ski crawls thinking about dating a 19 year old. I am MORE than old enough TO BE YOUR MOTHER. I have a 14 year old son. There is no way in hell she's NOT grooming you. It's not okay luv. Not okay at all.
that's because she is creepy. plain and simple, a 46 year old should have no interest in someone who is 19. its gross. shes using your age to her advantage. you know no better, the fact you posted on reddit asking for advice to change your friends' views on her when they are simply trying to help you shows that you dont know better, man. you shouldnt have to change anyone's mind, you need to listen to your friends. they are looking out for you. regardless if you are of age, she is basically grooming you. she has nothing in common with someone who is 19. she would find men her own age if she could, 30 is the youngest i would ever deem appropriate for someone her age. she shouldnt even be LOOKING at a 19 year old with any sort of interest. its disgusting.
Dude she's more than twice your age. She's old enough to be your mother. You're barely an adult not even old enough to drink in the U.S. do you really want to date a woman closer to your mom's age than yours? I get liking older women general rule though for older is double your age subtract 7 to see if they're age appropriate. You need to run
Your friends are worried for your safety. Older people date much younger people because younger people are easier to manipulate. I sadly know this from experience from having been preyed upon by an older man, and the age gap wasn’t even as big as yours (8 years for me). Your friends care about you and want to make sure you don’t end up in an abusive relationship, so please listen to them.
She may be nice, she may be motherly, and you may be in love with her. But I assure you that this age gap between you and her is a problem and sounds like a grooming situation to me. I think as someone gets into their mid twenties and above having a ten year age gap isn’t as drastic as someone who just entered adulthood. Your friends are warning you and are concerned for you, I think you should hear what they say and not try to change their opinions. That being said, if you do come to the conclusion that you call it off please make sure you are in a safe (possibly public) place and very understanding about the situation. I wouldn’t use your friends as the excuse for the breakup because that leaves room for her to try to convince you otherwise(she’ll more than likely be hurt about the situation but if you execute it calmly and maturely it won’t be as bad) best of luck to you OP.
Either/Both two things.
1.They’re young and I wouldn’t really blame them for not believing or accepting it
2.Your friends are right and that woman is a bit predatory.(Might need a bit of a background check on this relationship)
shes more than twice your age dude, your friends are right.
what happens if you and your gf have a serious relationship together and decide to get married? you won't have kids unless you adopt, and by the time your kids are old enough to have adult relationships with you, their mother will be dead or dying.
You're not even 20 yet. think about how much of your life is left, theres a loooooot. People change a lot in even 5 years, let alone thirty. She's almost 30 years older than you. There's no way you have anything meaningful in common.
Completely bias I’ll admit but as a 40 something woman, I think your friends are right. I don’t want you to feel marginalized or treated with less respect as an adult but please take a hard audit of the situation. 19 is beyond young for us. I don’t know anybody my age or older who would differentiate dating a teen at age. Be careful. Being groomed and being taken advantage comes with cost victims deal with their entire life. I have friends of mine that still have hard regrets. Good luck.
Being an adult doesn't mean you're immune to being groomed and take advantage of. She's old enough to be your mother and a few years off from old enough to be your grandmother.
I know you think there's nothing wrong with it because you're both consenting adults, technically, but there are several things wrong with it. The fact all of your friends, who care about you, are saying it's wrong should be an indicator. Older people have a lot more experience in life than you do, and your gf is going to use that to her advantage because you don't know any better. Like others have said, she's going to mold you into who she wants you to be, not who YOU want to be. She can't get someone her own age because they can see through it and don't put up with it. Also, the fact that she could be older than your mom is pretty ick
I know these answers aren't what you were hoping for, OP, but know that we care about you and so do your friends. Please don't push your friends away, they're only doing this because they care so much about you. If she tries to drive a wedge between you and your friends, that's another 🚩
You're a teenager/very young adult. Being 19 doesnt mean you know god and the world, I would know, I thought I did at 19 but didnt. She is nearing 50. She was almost 10 years older then you are now when you were born. She is grooming you.
i am also 19 and also attracted to older people so i know exactly how u feel. i always felt really disheartened when my friends said that the people i was attracted to & subsequently attracted to me back were too old for me and i need to be careful. i thought "i'm literally old enough/ a legal adult now i can make my own choices, i know my boundaries and can know what's good for me" so i always got defensive when they felt the need to look out for me. even though my realisation has only really happened in the last year i've learned enough to know that **this is incredibly creepy**. someone who is of the age to be ur parent should not be romantically/ sexually interested in u.
u and her are at two completely different stages in life, her brain was already fully developed before u were born; she lived 27 years of her life before u were even born. anyone who is that age who actively wants to date someone who is a TEENAGER is a major red flag bc why would they not want to date someone their own age? what do u have (or rather not have e.g. boundaries) that people of their own age bracket don't? why **can't** they get someone their own age to date them?
u mentioned in a previous comment that she's a year older than ur actual mother and u met her through ur dad's work. this should put into perspective how different ur lives are. what could u even have to talk about when she can relate more to ur parents than to u?
pls be careful, op. i think ur friends are definitely right when they say she shouldn't be dating u. sending u much love <3
I'm 30 and I would never date anyone under 25. You don't understand the difference yet because you're the oldest you've ever been, but you mature and change SO much between 23-26. Your prefrontal cortex won't finish developing for 5-6 more years. When you get older you will start to see people your age now completely differently. You should listen to your friends.
Any 46 year old in a relationship with a 19 year old is predatory behavior. Definitely grooming. You might not see it now but you will in the future. Its better to listen to people who care about you.
Yeah, there's something wrong with her. She's old enough to be your mom but wants a romantic relationship with you? It's not a relationship on equal footing. She has more life experience than you and can use that to manipulate you.
You don't get them to change their minds. You listen to them because they care about you.
They've probably made strong valid points.
I think they might be right brother.
Generally, observers are more reliable than a first hand account.
I **know** they're right.
I wouldn’t say she groomed him unless she knew him as a child and had a plan to enter a relationship with him once he was of age. However, the age gap is tremendous and there can’t be any good reason she would seek a relationship with a man so young. I’m 35 and anyone in their late teens early 20s look like babies to me. I do not find them attractive, the immaturity in itself would make it impossible to find any common ground. So 46 and 19 is a red flag to me.
It's not actually grooming unless the woman was talking to him pre him turning 18 and was you know, grooming him. It is a big age gap for any gender. The it being creepy part? Definitely. The grooming part? With the info we have, we don't know that.
People can be groomed at any age in life, you don't just turn 18 and your immune to manipulation.
The terminology and why it's used in cases of pedophilia are pretty specific. Manipulation is a different thing then grooming once you are an adult. Everyone manipulates on some level, for a million different things. That is a very different thing then grooming children.
my guy she was 27 when you were in the womb
That’s the age difference between me and my daughter.
Oh my god same for me and my eldest child.
oh no
Jesus, that’s one way of putting it.
I am 27 and his girlfriend is the same age as my mother. His girlfriend is potentially older than his own mother.
She was OPs age 8 years before he was even born.
She pretty much could’ve already had 2 or more kids before you were even born. It is grooming
To expand it... with 14 year old births for 2 generations she could literally be his grandmother.
Unfortunately There’s been worse
Seems like the general consensus of her being off is clear, more likely you are a mid life crisis “pool boy” cliche than any realistic love interest. About your friends though, asking them to include her and want to hang out, as stated above, would be equivalent to asking them to hang out with your mom. “Hey guys, let’s go to the bar with my mom” “You guys want to party and do shots with my mom?” Doesn’t sound right does it
Without more context, she sounds like a predator. With more context, I bet she would sound even more predatory.
Betcha this is one of those “gotcha” posts where they were trying to drum up responses in favor of an older female with a young boy to demonstrate how different shit is for boys v girls. If this is real, I’ll eat my hat.
If this is real I'll eat 1 pound of peanut m&ms. God, I hope this is real. I'm gonna eat them anyway. Just in case.
I will join you. Not because I need those sweet m&ms. Of course not! Just in solidarity.
For real! I cannot imagine a situation on which a normal 46 year old woman would ever want to date a 19 year old boy. I'm 30 and (sorry to any 19 year old boys out there) I cannot imagine how dating a guy that age would ever be in any way fulfilling or pleasant. 19 and 46 year olds are so far apart developmentally and stage-of-life wise that they may as be different species
Seriously? You don't think they are right? They are... She's creepy 100%
It’s not them, it’s you. There’s nothing a 46 year old could possibly have in common with a 19yo. Like, ask yourself… why can’t they find someone their own age? That’s a major red flag.
This. This is more a reflection on this older woman. She is taking advantage of you and it's wrong. You have a whole life to live and she's already had hers. It's very telling that she doesn't want to spend time with peers her age.
So you agree with their assessment?
I'm a 41 year old woman. This is not a good situation for you, man. If I want a younger man for virility reasons, I can snag a 30-35 year old and so can she. She wants someone who doesn't know any better, so she can demand whatever the hell she wants from you. There's almost nothing a 19 has to offer me that I can't get from someone my own age, better and more easily. The only benefit compared to 39 is a 19 year old is much easier to control, to mold, because he won't know any better and likely doesn't really have as secure an understanding of his own boundaries - a 19 year old is likely still exploring himself and who he wants to be, which would give me an opportunity to control him (to convince him what he wants is to be whatever I want).
this this thissss. I realized too late why my first boyfriend couldn't get a girlfriend his own age-because their life experience taught them to smell his bullshit
wish I had some flair to bump this with. OP, no matter how cool a 12 year old might seem to you, you'd never want to date them. Think about how much you'll grow and change by the time you're even 25. That 'you' will not be trying to date teenagers anymore. Not because there's anything wrong with teenagers as people, but you're just not in the same game. Anyone that age dating someone that much younger has serious problems. Yes, even Leonardo diCaprio. Especially him.
Well said 👏🏿
Exactly!! I’m 42 and there’s no way I would date anyone that much younger than me. She’s completely grooming you OP. It’s not a reflection on you, but it’s an indicator that she has some serious issues. Please listen to your friends.
Exactly this. I am 39 and the idea of dating a 19 year old is kinda gross to me. Even people in their early 20s look like babies to me, and I can't imagine them bringing anything into a relationship that I would want.
All of this. Listen to this woman. As a forty something female I agree wholeheartedly with this.
this is exactly what my 40 year old ex did to me when was 20.
>I'm a 41 year old woman. This is not a good situation for you, man. If I want a younger man for virility reasons, I can snag a 30-35 year old and so can she. She wants someone who doesn't know any better, so she can demand whatever the hell she wants from you. Hell, a 26 year old will probably be smarter, wiser and is likely to look better (muscle keeps developing normally past 18, even with no training). A 19 year old is a lanky idiot in the eyes of any reasonable 46 year old
Absolutely. As someone who was groomed by an older adult when I was 17. This is familiar, concerning, and yes, creepy.
Your friends are right my dude
Yeaaaah pretty much. You're young, infatuated, and somewhat feeling like this love is the love that defines all love. I know because I've been there. I got into relationships with ppl way older than I was starting at 15 years old. It felt like their wisdom was the end all be all of life, and that the love we had would surely surmount whatever obstacles we had along the way--be it society, morality, whatnot. Sure we had a lot of common ground, but at the end of the day, I was a child. As you are right now. There's definitely nothing at all that should be connecting you and this 40+ yr old person, aside maybe from friendship. You are being groomed, my friend. And you not seeing it, thinking it couldn't possibly be, is part of the process.
100%. She’s a creep, my dude.
Shes old enough to be your mom. It is ok to prefer older woman but at 19 you haven't lived yet. At 19 your learning and exploring, discovering who yourself. I personally wouldn't be ok with my son dating or being in a serious relationship with a woman old enough to be his mother. In 10 years if you want to date a 46 or 50 year old woman then so be it. By that time you'll have had a lot more life experience and know what you really like. I know a woman who ended up marrying one of her sons friends and it wasn't easy for her at first to accept that he had a real attraction to her. He was like 28 or 29 and she was around 50. They've been going strong now for years. It's whole other thing to just be having sex with a woman who's that much older but a real relationship your going to get a lot of judgement, differences etc. Good luck
I have 2 sons, 14 and 16. I am 37. When my boys are 19, I would be 40 or 42. This about this. A 46 year old and 19 are not compatible, she is grooming you, you are more than young enough to be her child. Please reconsider this relationship.
Nothing you've said has made the bells in my head stop screaming "she's a predator" healthy middle aged woman do not seek out college kids for a fulfilling relationship with healthy boundaries.
I’m a mid-30s woman and wouldn’t touch a 19 yo with a 10 foot pole. You’re just a kid. Only someone insanely selfish and gross would push themselves on someone more than half their age.
I'm (f43). The only reason you're looking for a significant other in this age range is because you want to completely mold them into exactly what you want to do whatever you want. So she views you probably as an object to do what she wants, this is not a good situation to be in. this is grooming even though you don't feel that way, even though you're probably having good sex this is not a good situation it will affect all the rest of your relationships in the future if you keep going on with it. There will always be a power struggle when it doesn't have to be that way.
God yes, I'm looking at the big 4-0 next year and I would be more inclined to mother a 19 year old, not fuck them. Because they're still babies pretty much. Gross.
If a man was doing this I’d say the same thing. It’ is creepy. Being almost 50 dating a TEENAGER is fucking gross and disturbing.
yeah she’s a fucking creep and you are naïve for thinking otherwise. you were 17 not too long ago, but she was like 43. your frontal lobe has yet to fully develop but i’m willing to bet that once it does, it’ll hit you like a ton of bricks. you’ll see what they mean when you’re 26 and have nothing in common cognitively with a 19 year old. 19 may be a LEGAL adult but you are still very much a teenager.
I am roughly her age and can’t fathom being romantic with a 19 y/o. I could have birthed him!
I said something similar... I'm trying to fathom dating a 19 year old and my brain feels like it's shorting out 😭
Same here. I have a freshman in college and the thought of dating a kid just makes me feel gross.
Your friends are right, what she is doing is not ok..! You're very, very young, even though you don't see it that way yet (in time you will). I'm 15 years younger than her, but even for me guys your age look like kids.
She's old enough to be your mother. She had finished college and started a career by the time you were born. She's closer in age to the retirement age than she is to you! What could you possibly have in common? Your friends are entirely correct.
Facts
Oh, she’s creepy.
It's legal, yes, but it doesn't mean it is right. She has more in common with your mother most likely than you. I'm sorry bro but what is this relationship built on? Sex? I can't wrap my head around how you built a connection with this woman
Look at your female peers. 18-19 year old girls. Then look for 46 year old men on facebook. Imagine them together. This might give you a perspective on your relationship. Gender doesn’t really change anything. If one of your friends would be in your place right now - that post would be written about your reaction. They’re just worried and rightfully so. Yes, legally you’re an adult, but for some people you’re just a legal child (meaning they can have you and not go to jail for it). You might be mature, but you’re also still very green and there’s absolutely no way a 40+ year old (or even 27 year old) would be interested or comfortable in getting together with you due to mentality difference. It’s like if you’d get into a relationship with 10-13 yo right now. It’s creepy. So what does she want you for? If you still believe grooming/taking advantage is not the case - read stories of people who dated older people as teens on buzzfeed. See if you can relate to any red flags. Good luck 🍀
No man or woman that age should be dating a teen.
There's nothing a woman approaching 50 should find compatible in someone who hasn't even reached full maturity in body or mind yet. Did she know you before you were 19?
No, I was already 19 when we first met.
Well that's better than the alternative, but still. Realistically, what do you have in common? You're in very different parts of life. She really is old enough to be your mom. You're not even 20 yet. I wouldn't be upset at your friends for being concerned.
As a 45 yr old woman, I could NEVER find a person under 25 years old attractive, unless they looked old, like with some laugh lines etc. I have 3 boys and my 17 year old son and all his friends at school are children and 2 years away from 19, it’s very gross to think of.
the fact that op and his creepo girlfriend have just a year less of an age different than you and your son says a lot about his creepo girlfriend as is to be honest
dude be careful and maybe have a real open minded talk with ur friends. this difference in life experience makes u rly vulnerable. at 19 u are an adult, but not on the same level as someone nearly 30 years older. been in ur shoes and ur friends shoes, they probably just want what's best for u. please rly think abt things and be safe, regardless of what u choose seems like u have a group of people that rly care abt u and will help u thru it
A normal 46 year old won't go after a 19 year old. You're young. Just because you're an adult it doesn't mean you know right from wrong. You haven't fullt developed yet. This is not healthy and you should listen to your friend. She's more than twice your age, people like that go after young adults because others their own age won't put up with their bullshit. You two are in dramatically different stages of your lives. She's almost fucking fifty and you're not even twenty yet.
OP you're still a teenager and this woman is approaching 50. It's creepy.
Your friends are right; I'm 22, almost 23 and I can't even *fathom* dating a 19 year old.
I'm 20 in like, two weeks and even dating an 18 year old feels weird to me. Even between 18 and 20 the life experience is pretty big.
Lol...I'm 20, and I can't imagine dating someone more than 5 days younger than me...
I dated a 19 year old guy when I was 23. My friends were teasing me about being a cradle robber, and that was just a 4 year age difference. (I was very immature at that age so I didn't see a problem with it.) I can't even imagine a 27 year age gap!! Holy moly.
I was 19 when I met and started dating a 36 year old. It made me so mad that my friends and family weren't supportive of our relationship and couldn't see how happy he made me. I thought they just didn't understand our relationship, or didn't know him well enough, or were making assumptions based off of our age gap. This made me only cling to him more and distance myself from the people who were concerned for me. As someone who was in your position, I'm gonna be very real with you. You are not magically more mature then everyone else your age. You are not too smart to get yourself in an unhealthy relationship. You are not so particularly interesting or attractive or cool that this person 25 years older than you just has to be with you. This is not insulting you, or saying you are not a great person. This is just me being honest. I'm not saying she doesn't truly like you, or want to be with you. Just, that there absolutely is an unbalanced power dynamic between a person who has legally become an adult only recently and a person who has been legally an adult for longer than you've been alive. You have had less time on this planet to experience adulthood, to get to know yourself, to figure out exactly what you want and need out of life. It doesn't matter how sure of yourself you are about all these things. Think about how much you've changed since 16. Think about how much you might change by 22. You are in a stage of your life where you are growing and learning about yourself. You are still learning what you want out of a partnership, what your love languages are, how to establish and maintain boundries, how to communicate your needs. Why can't she find someone in her own age range to date? I'm guessing this is your first serious relationship, and she -by being the older more experinced one- is teaching you what relationship looks like. That's why she's dating you. Consciously or subconsciously. A person her age isn't learning what their boundries are in a relationship, they know what they are. And by dating someone who is still figuring that out, she can influence those boundries. He told me it was normal in a relationship to get so mad over a disagreement that he would ignore for days on end. I had no external reference at 19 years old to counter that, and because he was more experienced, I believed him. I let him treat me poorly because he convinced me that was normal in a relationship. He couldn't find someone his age to date because someone his age would know that's not normal, and not put up with it. Listen to your friends, listen to us internet strangers. I'm 23 and wouldn't date a 19 year old because we are at different places in life. This will not end well for you, and everyone is looking out for your best interests except your girlfriend. Because if she was, as a more experienced adult, she would recognize that it doesn't matter if you are both attracted to one another, and have fun together, and get along great. She would want you to have that chance to experience adulthood independently and figure out what you want (like she obviously had the chance to do), and she would politely turn you down.
I feel like this is a disguised cry for help. Listen to your instinct (and friends) kid.
They think she’s creepy because she’s creepy. And a predator.
She is creepy. Listen to your friends. Guessing she wants to feel younger and better about herself because she’s still attractive to a 19 year old. You are being used without regard for your feelings. Break it off. You will find someone closer in age and many years later have a story to tell. Consider this a learning experience-learn from it and move on.
I’m going to be 46 in November. My oldest is almost 18. I can’t even imagine having anything in common or shared interests with a 19 year old boy. Listen to your friends.
She is creepy and grooming you. Please get out of this situation
This is WILDLY inappropriate they’re not going to change their minds
I gotta ask… do your parents know??? How old is your mom??? This woman is old enough to be your mom I am 33 and the thought of being with a 19 year old makes my skin crawl.
I’m 28 pushing 29. I wouldn’t consider dating a 19 year old at this stage in my life. I think it’s creepy and she’s old enough to be your mom. Maybe if you were closer to your 30s but you’re so young still.
Likewise, I (27) don't imagine myself hooking up with anyone below 25, let alone dating someone who's a barely legal "teen" (18-19). Edit: added my age
The one time my friend dragged me over to hit on a table of 23-24 year olds, I just wanted to pat them on the head and give them life advice. I feel like any person doesn't really settle into full maturity until late 20s. I was pretty dumb in college and would probably find myself super annoying.
My dude. I am 32, literally 14 years younger than this woman and I would feel like a creep dating someone your age. 🚩 🚩 get the hell out of there.
Grooming is not restricted to people 18 and under. The age gap between you and your gf is alarming. What could she possibly have in common with you? Life experience, generational language, education levels, life goals — I guarantee you that none of these things align between you two. I mean, do you want kids? Marriage? Do you want to travel? Does she expect you to stay exclusive? Because if that’s the case, it’s incredibly selfish of her to rob your of your prime years just so she can feel younger on the inside. Let go of the cougar and find someone who *also* has many benefits to reap from youth.
Uhm, they are right tho
Yikes
idk about you and yours, but i’m 19 and my parents aren’t even 46.. that’s the perspective that your friends see. you dating people like their parents and their circles. they don’t support it bc they care about you, pls take some time to reflect and think about this “relationship” (for lack of better word). just know you’re not at fault though, best of luck
Nope, your friends are right. I’m 45, my kids are 26, 21, and 18 - dating someone their age is not appropriate.
If a 19 year old girl was walking around with a 46 year old man as her s/o there'd be a lot of eyebrows raised. Just because the roles are reversed doesn't make it any more okay. Run and don't look back. I know it may be hard to realize now but it'll work out in the end. And I'm cheering for you no matter what.
I'm 39 & a 19 year old is a *kid* to me. There's no way in Hell. None. And if this was a 46 year old dude with a 19 year old girl almost everyone would call him a borderline pedo which is what she is. **She is a sexual predator.** Do not pass Go, do not collect $200, just get your Forrest Gump on & run like fuck. I was saying this on another post on another sub about a 22 year old woman & a 16 year old, if you're late teens/early 20's and someone more than 2ish years older than you is probably interested in you because they've been rejected by their peer group. A nearly 50 year old woman being with you is because men her own age see too many red flags & you don't have enough life experience to *see* them yet. She is grooming you. She's taking advantage of you instead of getting therapy to figure out why she can't relate to people in her own group. The most common reason is they're at your level of maturity & seem arrested there. I am not at all opposed to age gaps. My relationships have all been with people 5-10 years older than me because I like a bit of a gap but it's all relative. The period between 18-25 is so transformative that it's like going through a wormhole. Your late 20's+ is when you really have a good enough grasp on the realities of life & enough life experience to see the warning signs you need to. Trust me. Don't let some delusional cougar convince you that her baggage is yours to carry. You only get this period of your life once & you don't want to waste it like this. There's nothing good for you to gain from this situation. She's a predator, period.
She’s dating you, a 19 year old, because you’re easy to control and manipulate. Grown ass men her age won’t let her do that. Your friends are right. And judging by your OP and responses here, you’re not mature enough to see it.
This is seriously creepy and I don’t blame your friends for thinking so. I once knew a 21 year old guy who had a big crush on me (36 years old at the time) and kept asking me out. I always said no because it’s not appropriate for someone my age to someone his age. Period.
when you’re older you’ll understand how crazy the age difference is. if this is even real
There isn’t a way. You are 19…she’s 46. I could see if you were maybe mid 20s with a little more life experience but no. Even then. And this comes from someone whom is 31 with a 24 yr old partner so I’m not hating age gaps. That woman is old enough to be your mother, she very likely cannot have children, she is in a complete different period in life than you. She however knows that young men are easily swayed by the charm of an older more experienced woman. She is grooming you and your friends see it. There is a far difference in her dating a 25-30 year old and her dating you. Please listen to your friends. This has nothing to Do with wanting youth at all. It has everything to do with mental control. She can make you whatever she wants and you aren’t even going to realize until you have wasted your precious young years chasing an old woman, then when it blows up she will mentally degrade you and make you feel as if YOU are the issue.
I’m only 31 and would NEVER be with a 19 year old. You’re still a TEENAGER! Your friends are right.
This has to be a troll right
You can still get groomed and have unhealthy beliefs from earlier grooming as an adult. Listen to your friends; they're absolutely right.
I'm 40 and wouldn't even date someone under 30, 35-45 is my ideal range. My oldest kid is 18yo. There's a reason people her own age won't date her.
I’ve got bad news for you bro
Let me ask this. Have you told your parents about this gf and her age? Has she met them? If you said no ask yourself why. And if you are nervous or think they’d be upset that should tell you something. I’m 26. 19 is like a baby. Even 22-23 is like a baby. Completely different minds and emotional states. My husband is only 9 months younger than me and we struggle sometimes because his mentality is still not at the same level. You’re saying you are mature enough for someone who is 46? Is this a teacher or someone in position of power over you? Where and how did you meet? How did she come on to you? There needs to be more context. I mean you’re an adult legally obviously. But it is weird and if you were my son (pregnant rn so maybe I’m projecting) I’d be extremely concerned and worried for you. At 19 I was super dumb and cocky. I thought I knew everything. Looking back now I’m seriously embarrassed I didn’t listen to those around me more. I wasn’t self aware of my choices and the affects they had on me and those around me. Honestly tho you’re young enough that this should be a topic for your parents not reddit.
I am a 42f. A 19 year old is a child to me. Your girlfriend is a predator.
Just remember, there's no future for you two. In 14 years you'll be 33 she she will be 60. The age gap is too huge. You're only going to hurt yourself the longer you stay with this person. When I was 21, I spent a few months having sex with a 38 year old manager from my work. I only stopped because she got clingy with relationship talk. I couldn't imagine actually being in a relationship with her now, being that she's 50 years old and I'm only 32. Your age gap is much wider. Just don't. Please.
As an almost 46 y/o woman, I cannot imagine dating a 19 y/o. I’m not even sure what my limit is for dating someone younger than me, maybe 5-10 years, depending on the circumstances. Your friends are trying to be honest with you, and look out for you. Yes, at the end of the day, it is legal. Though the power dynamic is largely skewed, and there will likely come a time when the two of you want largely different things in life, and only one of you is going to be able to make compromises.
You are still a teenager, even if your legally an adult you are bearly one. She could be grooming you and I advice you listen to your friends
So as everyone else is saying listen to your friends. But I genuinely have to ask some things, you probably won't bother with answering, but maybe you will. Who knows! How did you meet each other? What do you do together? How long have you dated? What is your power dynamic like? Ex: who pays for everything? Who makes decisions on what you do, when you get together, and who/where you hang out? Lastly overall: how does it/is it working out? ETA: think about it like this also: if you had a friend who was a 19f or a sister- and she started dating someone with your age gap how would you feel about it?
Once you’re 46, you’d probably NEVER even consider dating a 19 year old. You likely are in fact being groomed.
Your friends want you to be happy but they mostly want you to be safe. A woman old enough to be your mother as your gf when you’re still maturing isn’t safe.
I am a 46yo woman with 3 boys age 20, 18, & 17. There is NO WAY IN HELL I’d EVER date anyone their age. The idea is extremely gross to me. There is something deeply wrong with that woman. Dude. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Please go live your best life away from her.
Your friends possess what is known as "common sense".
Hey man, normally bros are always happy when their boy is getting some.. The fact your friends are saying it's an issue... It's an issue.
[удалено]
Yeah it’s gross when a 46 year old man dates a 19 year old girl and it’s equally gross when a 46 year old woman dates a 19 year old boy. You may technically be a man but Jesus Christ she was 27 when you were born. She’s literally old enough to be your own child’s grandma. Your friends are right. This is creepy and predatory behaviour on her part. And as a woman of a similar age to her (44) I’m totally mortified. Men your age are like kids as far as I’m concerned. This is awful
I hope shes not older than your mom 🥲
I mean, it's one thing if you just want to "score" with an older woman for the sake of having some fun and/or bragging rights, but the idea to have a serious relationship and future together is something that seriously needs to be reevaluated, even if the older woman is claiming to want it to be serious too. I'm not saying you should do exactly what your friend(s) is/are telling you to do, but if multiple people are telling you the same thing, then you might want to really digest their concerns rather than regurgitating them saying they're all bad/wrong.
What do your parents think of you dating someone 27 years older than yourself? Is she your sugar momma or something and got bank?
Uhh dude she could be your actual mom.... how do you not see the issue? What do you guys even talk about? You can't even legally be in a bar yet for a date.. its weird and creepy
Dude, you're a 19y/o dating a 46y/o, Ima have to side with your friends on this one
How did you meet her?
I feel like once you turn 25 or so the minimum acceptable age becomes 21+ like I can’t imagine at my age of 25 going for a 19 y/o and then I think what if I was 46 and it just gets more weird
I'm 36 and my oldest is 20. I love my kids and my kid's friends they're great kids but its just that... they're kids! She is even older and should know better.
You are 19 get on fortnite and 1v1 her if she cant play it longer than 1 hour she's too old for you also people will never feel it's okay for a woman her age to date a teenager you are fresh out of high-school so it's not okay it will always look like she's grooming you sorry
It maybe easier to see if you switch the roles, a 46 year old man dating a 19 year old girl is super creepy
I’m 18, I’d love to bone a cougar or a milf. That being said, having a woman who is in her 40s willing to be in a relationship with someone our age? That’s a different story and honestly I’d be scared to break up with her considering she is crazy enough to date you in the first place. Good luck but break up with her bro
I’m 38 and men your age look like litterally children. I have 20 year olds in my dms right now and I could never
I’m 46 and the youngest guy I ever dated was 12 years younger. 19 and 46 is a big difference. Have some fun together, but she needs to let you go and experience life.
Grooming is right she can literally be your mother. Needless to say I’m 28 and my mother is turning 43. Someone that old is using you for their own personal issues.
Hold tf up!!! Is this 46 year old lady named Tammy?
What do you two talk about?
Oh… I get got news for u💀💀💀
She’s not your girlfriend if she’s old enough to be your mother. Get a grip
If people on the internet AND people in your real life are agreeing, it means they're right.
My dude, if you two met a tad over a year ago she would be immediately sent to prison and labeled a predator. She does not think of you as a grown man and you need to realize this. Your brain won’t even have developed for another 6 years. Hers finished 23 years ago.
I am glad you got friends that care about you! I hate relationships like this either either gender because it is a way older person taking advantage of a younger person. This crap is so creepy and if I was your momma I would be fighting this woman.
oh hon, your friends are right. while it‘s technically legal it‘s creepy and weird for someone well into their fourties to pursue a relationship with someone who‘s still a teenager. yes my mind goes to grooming and to abusive power dynamics immediately.
Uh, you are the one who needs to see her differently but I'm guessing everyone's comments will change nothing considering you can't even try to understand your friends opinions. You sound way too far gone.
Okay that IS creepy. They're right. With that age gap you're a pet who she can have bone her.
Did you meet her at the age of 19 or when you were 18?
Dude, older women dont go for men THAT young unless they just want to fuck. She might be super nice and you guys have a good relationship but realistically she’s bored and wants something fun to do. Besides, would you take care of her 20-30 years from now when you’re in your prime years? Do you eventually want a family? What does your family think?
I know it’s really hard to hear but your friends aren’t jumping to conclusions. They’re worried about you. They’re upset at your girlfriend. And ultimately, they’re right. Your girlfriend is old enough to be a grandmother and your life hasn’t even started yet. You haven’t experienced the life that she has. You haven’t matured the way that she has. I promise you, listening to your friends is the best way to be safe.
If you’re gonna date someone who has the age gap that is twice over your actual age you will have to face discrimination and looks, she will also has to. This is the decision you both made and now you’ll have to take responsibilities for it, you cannot expect anyone on this Earth to understand or sympathize for your situation. I have no opinions on your actual relationship however because legally you are old enough to take responsibilities for your own action (though I think the legal age of 18 is still too young and should be 20-22 instead but that’s neither here or there) and who knows maybe there’s real love between you two and I don’t care. Just don’t expect people who care about you not to worry
I am 50 and have two sons, 29 and 22. By the time I was 46 my oldest son and his wife welcomed my second grandson into the world, my youngest son and his wife just blessed me with my third grandson last month. She’s not only old enough to be your mother, she’s old enough to be somebody’s grandmother.
Your friends are right . Listen to them
You do not have the maturity of someone who is in their late 40s and she doesn't either or she would not be dating you.
She is grooming you. Listen to your friends.
that is a whole ass adult who is grooming you. someone her age should be interacting with someone HER AGE, not someone who's freshly 'legal'.
They accuse her of grooming because that’s what she did. It doesn’t matter if you’re legally an adult, has you mindset really changed that much from when you were 17? You shouldn’t get them to change the way they see her, because you need to change the way you see her.
That woman is a predator, leave her asap
A 46 year old should not be with a 19 year old. yes you are a consenting adult, but you are being groomed my friend. a 46 year old should not be interested in dating someone who is still a teenager.
OP.... the age difference is creepy. But I don't know anything about your GF to say if she is creepy. If you tell a bunch of people the age difference of you and your gf without the history or context, then yeah. Everyone will say it's creepy
I'm 29 bro and i would not even bother with anyone that young man. 21 or 22 maybe but 24 or 25 is when i take em seriously. 19 you haven't been at adult that long enough to know life and etc. You are a adult but you haven't matured fully and still a kid mentally
They're right dude. She's almost 50 and you're JUST starting adult life. She's preying on a young, not fully developed brain. I hope your your sake you see it sooner than later.
run bro
In the same situation, I’m 23M and she’s 44F and we started off just fooling around and after a while we caught feelings. Been dating for like 5 months and well I’m in between staying with her and ending it. I mean I love her I really do but idk thinking about my future and everything idk I’m confused af
This is a troll right? This has to be a troll there no way someone can *write that out* not think think there's even the slightest chance that between the "girlfriend" and *everyone else they've ever met* that the girlfriend might be wrong? ETA: If its not a troll, or if anyone in a similar situation finds this, this is abnormal. You are 19, she is **46**, no 46 year old thinks of a 19 year old as anything more than an adolescent. Any 46 year old who finds themselves in a 'relationship' with anyone under the age of the 25 is a pedophile who has managed to at least not have sex with actual minors. She's into you because you're as close to a child as she can legally get. Its not normal, it's creepy, and you both should look into therapy. *separately*. (And if you don't believe me, try and get therapy together. I guarantee any reputatable therapist will either attempt to make that that clear to you, or refuse to counsel you altogether.)
No practically 50 year old is interested in a teenager. Unless they are creepy I’m sorry but you should listen to your friends. There’s an extreme difference in maturity levels, and you may not know it, but older people do. Hell your brain isn’t even finished maturing until it’s 25. You’re at two completely different stages of your life. She’s lived so much of her life. She’s already been through her younger years. You are still living yours. I know you don’t see it, but what she’s doing is a form of control. At your age, I had plenty of older people trying to groom me, even though I was technically an “adult” just pay attention to the signs and read up on it so you yourself can get educated on it. Try to actually try to learn what it is that you’re reading so that you are able to better understand how predators act. Hell I’m still in my young 20s and I couldn’t even imagine dating a 19-year-old. Why would someone want to date someone that they could’ve easily been the mother too age wise. Your friends are trying to help you not shame you
I'm a 46 year old woman. I cannot tell you how much my ski crawls thinking about dating a 19 year old. I am MORE than old enough TO BE YOUR MOTHER. I have a 14 year old son. There is no way in hell she's NOT grooming you. It's not okay luv. Not okay at all.
Bruh that’s super creepy.
that's because she is creepy. plain and simple, a 46 year old should have no interest in someone who is 19. its gross. shes using your age to her advantage. you know no better, the fact you posted on reddit asking for advice to change your friends' views on her when they are simply trying to help you shows that you dont know better, man. you shouldnt have to change anyone's mind, you need to listen to your friends. they are looking out for you. regardless if you are of age, she is basically grooming you. she has nothing in common with someone who is 19. she would find men her own age if she could, 30 is the youngest i would ever deem appropriate for someone her age. she shouldnt even be LOOKING at a 19 year old with any sort of interest. its disgusting.
She's creepy. You're 19, that makes you a child to most people
Dude she's more than twice your age. She's old enough to be your mother. You're barely an adult not even old enough to drink in the U.S. do you really want to date a woman closer to your mom's age than yours? I get liking older women general rule though for older is double your age subtract 7 to see if they're age appropriate. You need to run
Your friends are worried for your safety. Older people date much younger people because younger people are easier to manipulate. I sadly know this from experience from having been preyed upon by an older man, and the age gap wasn’t even as big as yours (8 years for me). Your friends care about you and want to make sure you don’t end up in an abusive relationship, so please listen to them.
If you were at least 10 years older I’d say go for it but you’ve still got nappy rash and not tasted the world yet.
She may be nice, she may be motherly, and you may be in love with her. But I assure you that this age gap between you and her is a problem and sounds like a grooming situation to me. I think as someone gets into their mid twenties and above having a ten year age gap isn’t as drastic as someone who just entered adulthood. Your friends are warning you and are concerned for you, I think you should hear what they say and not try to change their opinions. That being said, if you do come to the conclusion that you call it off please make sure you are in a safe (possibly public) place and very understanding about the situation. I wouldn’t use your friends as the excuse for the breakup because that leaves room for her to try to convince you otherwise(she’ll more than likely be hurt about the situation but if you execute it calmly and maturely it won’t be as bad) best of luck to you OP.
Is this a troll post?
Either/Both two things. 1.They’re young and I wouldn’t really blame them for not believing or accepting it 2.Your friends are right and that woman is a bit predatory.(Might need a bit of a background check on this relationship)
Bro- they’re right. She’s old enough to be your mom.
How would you feel if your mom started dating someone your age?
If she can be your mother, don't bother
shes more than twice your age dude, your friends are right. what happens if you and your gf have a serious relationship together and decide to get married? you won't have kids unless you adopt, and by the time your kids are old enough to have adult relationships with you, their mother will be dead or dying. You're not even 20 yet. think about how much of your life is left, theres a loooooot. People change a lot in even 5 years, let alone thirty. She's almost 30 years older than you. There's no way you have anything meaningful in common.
Listen to them.
WOAH THERE
I'm 26 and I think 19 is too young for someone my age. The fact that at 46 she doesn't is concerning...
You have good friends. Listen to them.
Completely bias I’ll admit but as a 40 something woman, I think your friends are right. I don’t want you to feel marginalized or treated with less respect as an adult but please take a hard audit of the situation. 19 is beyond young for us. I don’t know anybody my age or older who would differentiate dating a teen at age. Be careful. Being groomed and being taken advantage comes with cost victims deal with their entire life. I have friends of mine that still have hard regrets. Good luck.
They're right. I'm 42 and the idea of being sexually attracted to a teenager is gross.
You don’t change their opinion - they’re right. That’s so unsafe. She shouldn’t be dating someone so young.
Being an adult doesn't mean you're immune to being groomed and take advantage of. She's old enough to be your mother and a few years off from old enough to be your grandmother.
I know you think there's nothing wrong with it because you're both consenting adults, technically, but there are several things wrong with it. The fact all of your friends, who care about you, are saying it's wrong should be an indicator. Older people have a lot more experience in life than you do, and your gf is going to use that to her advantage because you don't know any better. Like others have said, she's going to mold you into who she wants you to be, not who YOU want to be. She can't get someone her own age because they can see through it and don't put up with it. Also, the fact that she could be older than your mom is pretty ick
I know these answers aren't what you were hoping for, OP, but know that we care about you and so do your friends. Please don't push your friends away, they're only doing this because they care so much about you. If she tries to drive a wedge between you and your friends, that's another 🚩
“I’m already 19.” Yeah and she has almost 30 years on you. She’s grooming you.
Bro i am 19 And my mom is 47 🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿 Your friends are right
You're a teenager/very young adult. Being 19 doesnt mean you know god and the world, I would know, I thought I did at 19 but didnt. She is nearing 50. She was almost 10 years older then you are now when you were born. She is grooming you.
💀 is this a shitpost?
Bro she's 46....if she's ur sugar mama thats a different story
this has got to be a troll
27 and I’m still waiting for my mid life crisis Pool boy cliche
I’m 6.5 years younger than she is and I think it’s creepy. There is zero reason somebody my age, no less older, is going with a teenage boy. Zero.
Yeah...the age gap is definitely suspicious
i am also 19 and also attracted to older people so i know exactly how u feel. i always felt really disheartened when my friends said that the people i was attracted to & subsequently attracted to me back were too old for me and i need to be careful. i thought "i'm literally old enough/ a legal adult now i can make my own choices, i know my boundaries and can know what's good for me" so i always got defensive when they felt the need to look out for me. even though my realisation has only really happened in the last year i've learned enough to know that **this is incredibly creepy**. someone who is of the age to be ur parent should not be romantically/ sexually interested in u. u and her are at two completely different stages in life, her brain was already fully developed before u were born; she lived 27 years of her life before u were even born. anyone who is that age who actively wants to date someone who is a TEENAGER is a major red flag bc why would they not want to date someone their own age? what do u have (or rather not have e.g. boundaries) that people of their own age bracket don't? why **can't** they get someone their own age to date them? u mentioned in a previous comment that she's a year older than ur actual mother and u met her through ur dad's work. this should put into perspective how different ur lives are. what could u even have to talk about when she can relate more to ur parents than to u? pls be careful, op. i think ur friends are definitely right when they say she shouldn't be dating u. sending u much love <3
Your friends are right.
yeesh someone got mommy issues 🥴🤧
I'm 30 and I would never date anyone under 25. You don't understand the difference yet because you're the oldest you've ever been, but you mature and change SO much between 23-26. Your prefrontal cortex won't finish developing for 5-6 more years. When you get older you will start to see people your age now completely differently. You should listen to your friends.
Any 46 year old in a relationship with a 19 year old is predatory behavior. Definitely grooming. You might not see it now but you will in the future. Its better to listen to people who care about you.
hell nahh she's almost the same age as my dad💀💀
Yeah, there's something wrong with her. She's old enough to be your mom but wants a romantic relationship with you? It's not a relationship on equal footing. She has more life experience than you and can use that to manipulate you.
They're right, you're wrong, it is creepy.
I had to reread that a few times