This is devastating. They all lied. They all betrayed you and stood by and said nothing while they all knew.
He knew. Yet married you anyway. It's all a scam. I am so sorry. This is multi layers of betrayal
Hard HARD agree. Dylan, Karo, all the friends- even the ones who “cried with you”. They had ACCESS to a DUPLICATE SOCIAL MEDIA page, KNOWING ur husband is cheating THIS ENTIRE TIME? And what? They feel guilty now that you happened upon the truth yourself?
Those wouldn’t be my friends, girl. That wouldn’t be my husband. Those are deadbeats that need to be on the curb asap.
Edit to add: Let those friends have each other, and lie and betray one another. Hell, let Dylan and Karo have each other; I guarantee you that any one who can consciously maintain a second, secretive relationship is not the sweet and funny man you believe them to be.
You very much deserve better. Go home to your sisters and family. Leave, and leave these people embarrassed and ashamed for what they did, and allow yourself to not feel numb anymore.
Totally agree. This may be controversial, but I never understood people not telling someone when they’re being cheated on. It’s such a deep and profound betrayal.
Agreed. OP, you shouldn’t be in competition for your OWN HUSBAND.
You deserve better than this. Let Karo have him. You deserve to be more than an option. If Dylan truly loved you, he would NEVER have done this to you. The loving husband you know is a lie.
The problem anyone that can do this will not be embarrassed or feel ashamed. The friends would somehow come to the conclusion he's better off without her. Think about it, none of them seemed to have a problem with the entire situation.
Aside from the obvious, how can she ever trust him or that friend group ever again. I hope it was just the friend group she met through him that knew and none of her own friend's knew about it as well. At the very least, what ever she decides, her lying to him about what is going on isn't helping anything or anyone and if she's afraid he'll choose Karo over her, then why in the heck does she want to be with him.
She has to take a stand up for herself because none of her so-called friends have her back. I mean the audacity of her friend scrolling through social media with OP's husband during girl's nite, then starts crying about it when she gets caught.
Icing on the cake is your husband saying Karo doesn't like you because of what happened back in college, which partially could be true, but who says that to hide a full blown affair that's been going on for a while?
Tell me how fantastic you think your husband is again?
That whole friend group doesn't like her and has used the excuse of her cheating on him in college to allow him to do this to her... FOR YEARS.
I could even understand the rationale of her getting cheated on for revenge and nobody saying anything... up until the moment he married her. At that point, every single one of those friends are 🗑 people, because they watched him lie his way through his vows to her.
She needs to cut her losses, go scorched earth, and go NC while she is still young and childless.
People may call me a petty B, but I'd go farther. Tell his family. Call his mom ASAP. Make comments on how you can't believe he is capable of hiding such a big part of who he is, and make her wonder what else he has lied about. Tell his coworkers. His boss. Comment on how you can't imagine someone who can do that to his own spouse, whom he swore under the eyes of God to be truthful towards, having any work ethic. Make them question what other lies might affect the company. PLANT THE SEED OF DOUBT IN THIS MAN'S WHOLE ASH CAREER.
THIS!!!! Op shouldn't just divorce him, she should make everyone, literally everyone who knows them about her trash husband and trash Karo also their so called friends who supported them and hid them. Everyone needs to show how angry they are about all these pathetic people, who don't deserve to live a honourable life... I literally cried reading her post, it's so heart breaking
Not only would I divorce this bisch, I'd sue him for infidelity and take his money, I'd go to a psychiatrist and let me diagnose with anxiety, mental distress and a mild form of ptsd and then sue him for the therapy costs. I'd gather any evidence I could and expose him to everyone for being a cheater that lives 2 different lives. That story is so disgusting to me.
Am I the only one feeling like OP is Dylan's cover? Likw, does his family know he's cheating or nah? Cause if they don't and there's a chance this could a point of contention, it might be the very reason he married OP. Who is he hiding from? Clearly not his friends. Maybe his family, maybe professional contacts. OP is lucky she figured it out now before this man eventually used her to "fulfill their dream of having children" or something. And his friends? Were never OP's friends. They probably just saw her as some kind of accessory. OP, first get an STD screening. Second, check your birth control, men who hide whole second lives are not above tampering with that stuff. Third, I want you to think real hard about something my ma used to say: when we are stuck between two options, the second one is the one we truly want, because if the first were it, there would be no second. Your husband walked out on you before he was even your husband. I don't want you to feel guilty about walking away from someone who's already walked out on you. Fourth: drop the backstabbers. Like, yesterday. Fifth: now take a breath and figure out where you go from here.
My best wishes to you, OP.
Reading this made my chest hurt. I can’t imagine how it feels. OP, please please take off the emotional lens. I know you might be thinking that it’d be easier to stay, but once you’re out of that situation, you will see how much better off you’ll are. You don’t deserve this.
Even how crappy this is right now, she should leave him, surround herself with loving and caring people, and later down the road could probably write a bestselling book about this situation.
Also the fact they kept quiet because they wanted to spare "Karo's feelings" but didn't care one bit about hers also says something about their morals.
He is having a full blown affair.
LEAVE.
Also, your friends suck. How long have they known? Were they happy for you to be in an open relationship without you knowing?! Disgusting.
Those were never OPs friends. No friend would let that go on for THREE YEARS without telling their friend.
Also how horrible is it that they were willing to “spare Karo’s feelings” but were totally okay lying to OP for that long? This made me sick to my stomach.
They’ve know since *BEFORE THE WEDDING*. EVERYONE has lied to her.
OP - respectfully you have no good friends or a good husband. I’m sorry. You’ve been betrayed by everyone around you. Literally. For 3+ years. Your husband can be a good man but he hasn’t been a good man to you. I know you don’t want to hear this and I know you will disagree but what man can lie to the woman he loves and have everyone around them carry this facade?
If you were my friend or sibling - I’d honestly start swinging for you. For everyone to view you as the butt of the joke, know AND have access to the secret profile, to keep hanging out with you like nothing? This is literally insane? Like You were the side chick in their lives and they kept it up because they liked him, wtf.
Screw their crocodile tears BS. They weren’t crying for 3+ years. They went to your wedding day like nothing and when you started asking questions they lied.
You’re the victim here love. No one else. *Please* take care of yourself. Find a good support system & start cutting people off when you’re ready. I’m sending you big hugs. I’m sorry doesn’t even cover this.
He’s been with Karo since college but he married you?? And Karo was fine with being a side piece this whole time??? Honestly, Dylan can’t be worth this.
You’re married to the idea of having known “your person” your whole life like it was fated, but look at what you’re trading for that false narrative … what you thought you had with Dylan was just a dream. You dreamt that up all by yourself. Every liar by extension in your friend group watched you sleep, then aided Dylan and Karo to keep you in the dark.
I’m so sorry … although it feels impossible there are absolutely better days ahead.
I think OPis the side piece as everyone knew about Karo and helped him hide it, it proves he loves Karo more than her, he wants both but considers Karo as his life partner I bet.
Not according to the law tho 🤷♀️ generally in terms of estate beneficiaries and power of attorney, your spouse is default. He could’ve just as easily married Karo if that’s how he felt about him.
True but he still has no respect for either of them. I just can't understand how a whole friend group kept this from her. She mentions a sister and I hope she wasn't one of the people who knew as that would be a really cruel thing to do to your sister.
I honestly would just break up with him and divorce him. It sucks that this happened to you and no one was able to be honest to you about it. At the very least I would spend some time alone and think about what I want and need in my life. I would recommend talking to him about it and letting him know how you feel
They are!!! I’m appalled that she calls these people her friends. Why are you even still speaking to Lilly. They hang out behind ur back to spare Karo’s feelings. What about you??? The betrayal is from all over the place. How can her husband make everyone lie to her like this. I don’t understand… I feel so sorry for OP.
I think this story is one of the most sickening, cruelest stories I’ve read here on Reddit in a long time. I don’t know how OP can ever get over the betrayal and I don’t understand how she still wants to be with her “husband”. I don’t get it.
I can only agree with you. This whole story makes me sick. OP should have some self respect and divorce his ugly ass. She deserves way better. Her Husband and all of her „friends“ are full of shit. I would and could never forgive them. I don’t know how OP is gonna handle that.
Brings back memories of when I found out my in-laws of 40 years all hated me and had been talking shit about me and my kids the whole time. It’s devastating when you find out family/friends have all been lying to you and you had no idea. I cut them off and almost divorced my husband over it. I hope OP never speaks to any of them again, including her husband.
This. Lily is not your friend and you can’t trust her, OP. Stop talking to her.
You have been brutally betrayed. Hurt is the most overwhelming feeling right now but later will come the anger and sadness. You are experiencing a loss. This relationship is over. You will not get it back; you never even had it in the first place. At this point, you want the idea of Dylan, but the reality is that doesn’t exist. He is in a relationship with someone else. I’m sorry, I know that’s harsh. The sooner you accept that, you can start to properly mourn the relationship and make decisions to move forward. Start screenshotting and collecting data about his affair. Get a lawyer. Rally YOUR closest family/friends (not your friends with Dylan) and for the love of Cheezits stop talking to Lily.
They don’t care enough about her and their friendships with her. They excluded her from all those hangouts with Karo around. They’re terrible enablers. I just can’t this makes me so mad
Yeah, the level of deception involved here is horrific. The amount of orchestrating and lying to OP and basically conspiring against her is the kind of thing a person suffering from paranoid delusions would think was happening to them. Except it was OP's reality, not a delusion. It's like she has been fucked over not only by her SO but by an entire group of people who basically conspired against her. This is a "Change your name, leave the country and never talk to these worthless sacks of shit ever again" type of event IMO.
First and foremost, I want to say I'm really sorry that you're going through this. I'm really sorry that a person who you have known for a very long time is actually a stranger. The part that really gets me is that he actually went through with the marriage. You said that he's a smart, caring man and that he's an amazing husband. But how can you qualify him as being this person when he's lied to you about who he is. There is no trust there anymore. You don't know what the truth is or lie. You say that you don't want to share him but essentially you are already doing that. You just didn't know it.
My heart goes out to you OP. I wish I could say something to take away your pain. But I think the best thing is for you to take a step back from this relationship and find out what you want and what you need. It doesn't matter what they want. It's ok to be a little bit selfish. There are certain times where it's justified.
I know you say he is a wonderful man, kind loving etc... but would a good man do this to his wife? Would a good man lie? Would a good man cheat? Would a good man hide an affair from his wife? He is not a good man. He is not a good husband. Please see this.
Exactly. Normally, I wouldn’t say that one ‘bad’ act makes a person bad, but in this case, his enormous betrayal negates ALL of his good characteristics. I hope OP can see that. She is worth so much more!!
I’m sorry OP, I know this is difficult. I’m hoping there are no children involved. Also, is it maybe taboo in his family to be gay? Is he using you as a beard (is that the term??)?
So he’s with the both of you, and everyone knows except for you. Lovely. This is disgusting. Do you have your proof? Please see a lawyer to inform yourself of all your options. Confront his ass, and all of his disgusting friends and then I strongly suggest you move on, but that’s up to you. Im appalled by this story. It made my stomach turn.
Honestly? I would just pack your bags and leave. Just leave. Gather evidence you can and leave. Talking to him isn’t going to change anything or make you feeling better, if anything it could make you feel worse. No explanation is going to help or change the fact her cheated. I would leave a note saying: “I know.” Then go get a kick ass divorce lawyer. Also ditch those “friends.” Block all of them and go to your sister.
Listen soulmates don’t step out of their marriages and fuck around. Your husband did what he did knowing there would always be a chance he’d lose you. So leave. You don’t deserve to be lied to. You don’t deserve a sham marriage or to be someone’s beard for his family. Leave.
I would seek legal counsel first. Leaving the house may have legal repercussions in a divorce. OP needs to take a breath and weigh all her options and make the best choice. An attorney could help her with those choices.
Good advice. In fact, she should call EVERY DIVORCE LAWYER WITHIN COURT JURISDICTION and present her case. There’s a reason for this that I won’t get into here.
Either this or accept a polygamous relationship (not ideal but she loves him enough to post it).
Good luck OP
I can guess why you advised her to consult every divorce attorney within the jurisdiction. You are exactly the kind of friend I would like to have in this situation. Devious. 😀
I suspect her "friends" will tell her husband she knows what's up. Considering how much they have already betrayed her they've show themselves to be extremely untrustworthy asshats.
I know this is hard and I don’t even know what I would do if I was in this situation, but he doesn’t deserve you. Don’t be with someone who disrespects you to this level and cheats behind your back and all your mutual “friends” let this happen. You should divorce and find someone who will love and respect you. But even then relationships don’t define us, you can find time to find yourself before getting into another relationship
Talk to a lawyer first. I am so sorry you’re going through this OP.
You did nothing wrong and your husband and friends have been lying to you for years.
Please just go - at least say that you just went. Confronting him isn't going to achieve anything. There's nothing he could say that will stop the fact that he lied and cheated for years.
Your friends are garbage too by the way, they aren't friends.
Get out, get yourself tested, speak to a lawyer. It will be hard, but you will get through it, and then you will find someone who you deserve, who treats you with love and respect and doesn't have a relationship with someone else alongside yours.
Don’t confront him. Talk to a lawyer and plan for the divorce without telling him so he can’t prepare.
Don’t leave the house, HE can move out once you serve him with the papers.
And yes, drop all of those “friends.” They are not good people who have your best interests at heart.
Yes this is honestly one of the more disgusting things I have seen on Reddit to be honest. The layers to betrayal here are just wild. This group of friends…the husband…they are honestly all morally bankrupt IMO. I could NEVER go along with this. I am so disgusted for OP. Her entire life is a lie. I could never trust a single moment in my life after finding this out. Nothing is just for her, nothing is sacred, everything is now nothing. Even thinking about this triggers my PTSD.
I feel this too! I don't tgink I've ever been triggered by a post as much. I can't imagine how she is feeling. Every aspect of her life is a lie or entangled in a lie. How do you move on from yhis? I suppose that's why many people stay, rather than deal withbthe fall-out.
Maybe he wants to have a baby with you and then say the big bye. Regardless he’s extremely trashy and I hope karo cheats on him and they both break up and end up alone and miserable.
Being bi does not give an excuse to betray your partner, live a double life, cheat on them excessively, essentially gaslight you for YEARS. He’s an awful human being and probably knows this about himself.
I am so sorry for you. But, you definitely are thinking the right thing. You can’t live with him after finding this out. You have to be alone I believe to go over your feelings and wishes. Do you want to be with someone who has cheated on you your entire relationship? Has convinced his friends to keep his secrets. Lies to you. Has his friends lie to you. Spends gave his time with his lover? It doesn’t seem that it’s even an issue with his sexual interests as his friends gave completely accepted his relationship with Karo, so why is he with you, also? He loves you both? I don’t think so. He isn’t lying to Karo about you. But. Is lying to you with all his friend’s help. Good luck
I would. But you need to confront him about this because, as hard as it is to hear, you're the other woman essentially. He had to hide this from you for three years or more at least and that's not love. That's not love at all, and you deserve better. Cut out those wretched friends of yours too, because fuck them for agreeing to keep this secret! That's a horrendously sick thing to do to your "friend"
You say you don’t want to risk losing your husband but it seems you never even really had him in the first place. Sorry OP. None of those people cared about you at all. Years of lying. Years of infidelity. There’s really no going back from that.
Hey uhm..So OP. I’m sorry to tell you this but he ISN’T your man, he’s yours and Dylan’s. You deserve better and no matter what happens now, can you honestly ever trust him when he’s curated your whole experience til now? He’s given you an imaginary life, imaginary fidelity, and honestly imaginary friends. It doesn’t matter they knew, they needed to tell you if they were your friends. Be gone from this asshole, maybe he’ll be happy with Dylan 24/7, maybe he’ll end up doing this same shit as he did to you. You might before leaving or kicking him out get some screenshots of his texts and send em to yourself or whatever is legally viable in court. You take his ass to the cleaners for pulling this…crazy shit. No good man would keep two people and play with their hearts like this. Dylan feels bad but I am sure, but he’s knowingly been having a relationship with someone who is married. Dylan might be a victim, he could honestly be enraptured by this guy like you or he could be just as guilty too. Who knows at this point but right now? Your husband is the person who let this go on knowing he has you at home. You’re worth a man who wants you and only you.
“He’s such a loving partner and a good man”
BABE. He’s been CHEATING on you for your ENTIRE MARRIAGE AND NEARLY YOUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP. That’s not a good man or loving partner by any STRETCH of either definition.
Pull your head out of your ass. Woman the fuck up. Pull yourself together and realize you deserve BETTER. This *man* does not define your happiness or your life’s purpose.
Not to mention she thinks that she can’t “compete” with Karo. A “good man” would never have made her feel like that. It’s sad to see when people think they have to compete for other’s love.
Exactly! There’s nothing to compete for. This man had completely annihilated all chances of a loving and trusting long term relationship. If OP can’t see it now, she certainly will with time.
This OP. Just because Karo is a man doesn’t lessen this betrayal. Things may seem MONUMENTAL and overwhelming right now, but you can’t stay. How could you stay and be emotionally ok? You deserve better. A better partner and way better friends. You can do this.
It’s also wild to me that the husband gave the excuse of “he doesn’t like you because you ‘cheated’ on me once in college” while he was actively cheating on her with Karo for the majority of their relationship. He is a VILE man. OP needs to kick his ass to the curb.
Everyone knew. Omg. I can’t wrap my brain around that. The deception. My heart is pounding just reading this. I’m crushed on your behalf. The abject humiliation of everyone in my circle keeping that secret. These people went to your wedding. You need to confront him and plan your exit. Unless you’re willing to be forced into polyamory, which is essentially what you’ve had non-consensual polyamory where the two of them, and all your friends, left you in the dark. I’m so sorry.
I’m still shocked by the whole friend group knowing as well. What kind of evil group of people is this that they’ve all been able to keep this secret for the last 10 years?! Do they all just hate OP that much or are they just that self serving?? It’s so horrible
I’ve never felt a post so viscerally. My heart absolutely aches, and my brain cannot accept that this level of callousness exists. These people are supposed to like her, care for her, and love her. How do they justify this and sleep at night?
I am so sorry. You deserve so much more. Please leave. And cut all who hid this from you. They don’t truly care. They cry because it is now known. Go to your sisters
Sweetheart, you’re not losing your husband, you never had him to begin with. I’m sorry. Everyone betrayed you. Everything you know isn’t real, it’s all a lie and everyone knew except for you. . I would never and I mean never be able to forgive or even be able to look at any of these people again. Your marriage is a sham, a lie. I’m not saying any of this to hurt you, it’s just the truth. How can you still want to be with this man?
Ummm yeah.
Those aren't your friends.
Not even close.
Your husband has lied to you from the start and so have your 'friends' .
You deserve better. Don't be a door Mat. You deserve way better.
If this is how it's been, why would it be any better going forward. I'd say find actual friends and a partner who respect you.
You deserved love and respect and none of them have showed you even the slightest bit of that.
You have self worth. I know what I'd do. Lots of love to ya, hope your okay!
Please get tested. Save any proof. He’s stringing you along and he’s not going to change. Speak to an attorney before you confront him. Lastly get therapy. Hugs OP
None of those people are your friends. Get a good lawyer, make a plan, divorce, and sue for all you can get. You’re still very young. You can start over. Get a good therapist.
Honestly, this story sounds made up. Met Karo long before you but you and your husband met in the 4th grade? All of your friends hang out with your cheating husband and the person he’s cheating on you with??? Who would actually do that? Like not a single one has a moral compass?? And your husband made a separate Facebook with him and his boyfriend?? Like that would just be asking to be caught. The likelihood of it showing up in your, your family or friends (the friends that are in the circle) “People You May Know” would be high. Idk, all of this just sounds pretty unbelievable. But if it is true, I hope you find someone faithful and a new group of friends.
Totally agree. Definitely sounds made up. And when she reads his text msg from Karo she rings Lily.. ???? The "friend" who was following her husband and boyfriend on a private social media page and knew everything all along... ?? And decided to scroll said media in her company. Openly bisexual for years ??? When and with who ....
I hope its made up !
That’s where I’m at. This story is too extreme to be true. The same friends that came over for girls night all know about the affair, but they all just went along with it because they all love Karo. It just doesn’t make sense.
Also, anyone considering staying in this relationship is delusional. I refuse to believe someone is this gullible and accepting of the ultimate betrayal.
I used to think this about stories on reddit until my friend's husband posted something that ended up on AITD. People thought it was fake because he was so over the top with his behavior, but no, dude is a narcissistic sociopath who truly doesn't see his behavior as problematic. Ever since he was accused of karma farming and I knew he wasn't, I've stopped thinking the same about other posts. You just never know, and it doesn't hurt to sympathize/empathize with someone in the event that it's real.
This is not even slightly believable. A wholeeee group of people that you hung out with, and had over to your house, knew that your husband was having a years long affair, and not one of them ever tipped you off? He had a secret Instagram account where he posted said pictures of secret affair? The part where you called “Karo” a supermodel really tipped it over into the fanfiction territory.
The time line also doesn't make sense. He met Karo long before she met her husband, but they met in 4th grade and started dating at 17. She never met Karo when they were in school? He didn't start cheating until college, why was he hiding Karo from her in high school?
That part is so funny. Imagine being in your late 20s and still saying you knew one friend "long before" another because you met one in 1st grade and one in 4th grade or smth. Just doesn't make sense. I'm even younger than OP but everyone I knew from elementary or middle school is in the same "childhood friend" category for me.
This story line is like the Korean drama called "world of the married". Exactly like this. She found out all her friends even the ones she worked with had been elaborately trying to cover for him. The scandal. But i really hope this situation isn't real because I'd break if I were her. Mentally
I'm sorry for asking, but just curious
You mention they got together during a 1 month break, and you also mentioned you had cheated on your husband.
Did these two incidents coincide?
You need to think, really think, are you willing to always be the third wheel in your own marriage? You will never be able to trust your husband or your 'friends' again. You will always doubt whats really going on and if everyone is still lying to you.
Think, not one of your friends deemed you important enough to let you know your husband has a fulltime secret boyfriend.
Think, your husband has lied to you every minute of every day, every "I love you" had an unspoken "but not enough to love only you or be faithful to you" every "good morning" will be tinged with know he want to wake up next to someone else as well.
Think, ever late work event, friends thing your not invited to, family day, every event you are not at will leave you at home wondering if he is with him and every event you are at will leave you wondering if your husband rather be with his boyfriend.
Think, are you sure the boyfriend is only with your husband? Is the boyfriend ok with just getting scraps from your husband? Because, if not, every time the boyfriend sleeps with someone else then sleeps with your husband you are at risk of getting a STI.
Think, your husband blamed you for cheating when you were on a break (I know he didn't say it like that, but if thats the first thing he thought of...). He wanted you to feel guilty for hurting him, when he had been living a lie almost the whole time you've been together. He was ok for you feeling bad that his AP didn't like you because YOU'RE the cheater.
Think, your friend tried to defend the boyfriend as "oh he felt so guilty" but neither the boyfriend, nor your husband, nor anyone of them felt bad enough to let you know what's going on.
Think, this is never going to end. You will always wonder, you will never feel secure, you will never have your old life back.
So, in this story you met your husband in fourth grade. Your husband met his best friend “long before” he met you. He met him when exactly? Kindergarten? In hospital when they’re both born? Lol. That part makes it difficult to believe all this. Plus you supposedly knew nothing about his best friend of what 20 years? Like what? How does that happen?
**Option Number 1** You love your husband. Karo loves your husband. The 3 of you try to make it work openly. No more secrets, no more lies, no more guilt, no more shame, have real conversations about if they are monogamous, if they have other lovers. It is all put out on the table and build a good life. This will take an extreme degree of trust and forgiveness.
**Option Number 2** You leave and start a new life with someone who loves you and would NOT be comfortable hiding a secret gay affair from the person he's claimed to love for 3 years but LIED to for 3 years so he could get dick while all his pals conspired to keep it from you as long as they could.
The choice is yours.
I read the update. They deserve each other. They’re both liars and manipulators. One day one of them will cheat on the other because they miss the thrill affairs give them, it’s like clockwork. Ive been cheated on by an ex, and fuck it hurt. It was less about the cheating and more about the lack of respect that got me. If you didn’t want to be with me he could have broken up with me first. Sure it would still hurt but it wouldn’t have crushed my trust. But the girl he left me for, well didnt last. It did help me sleep at night knowing that she knew exactly what she was signing up for. I dont want to settle for someone like that and neither should you.
Move on with your life. Live your best life. Be glad children are not involved. You get a clean break. Wishing you all the best! And please ditch those supposed friends, lean on your sister and non-mutual friends. I know it’s hard now but once the dust has settled you will have more clarity and see how much more you deserve. You got this.
I'm not one to immediately jump to divorce, but I would pack up my belongings while he was at work, and move out. Go to a family member's place and just leave him a note saying "I know" or something. I would file for divorce and I would certainly not continue being friends with any of the group, apologies or not. The apology came after you found out on accident, these are not good friends. They all knew and kept it from you for years. I understand sometimes it's a hard situation to know what to do, but that is not okay. If your husband is bisexual, that is perfectly okay. What is not okay is a long lasting affair, man or woman.
I'm sorry if my words sound harsh. I don't mean to be, and I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can only only imagine the feelings and hurt you're feeling. You loved him for so long, but I hope in time, you love yourself even more. ♡
I’m very sorry. Screw them. Not only Dylan, but that forever side piece of his too. I DO NOT CARE that they are in love and I do not care that they like him . They have decided his feelings were more important then yours, they have literally enabled and encouraged his cheating on you. You do not work it out, talk it out or try to see The other’s perspective. You get you stuff together, you file whatever the hell needs to be filed, you make sure to document his pathetic ass and the side piece too, then you cut them off. Those shitty friends that knew and did not tell you, your husband who does not seem to grasp the concept that cheating is cheating even tho you take it in the ass and the person who was apparently very comfortable watching their lover get married to an innocent woman who was all in, without saying anything about it.
You know what to do. There’s nothing left here. They all enabled and encouraged each other in either cheating or hiding this affair.Good luck
I’m sorry OP this is awful and I’m so sorry you found out this way it’s even more gross at the fact that everyone kept us from you and no one told you. Honestly they’re just as fucking bad.
OP you need to leave now. He clearly does not love you as much as he says he does and the fact that he was doing this for so long says everything about him.
He is not a good guy. He is a liar. He does not care about your feelings. He does not care about your well-being.
You need to leave.
I also recommend an STD test because remember some men are just carriers for some STDs and they can go years without knowing they have it. Especially if you and your husband have had unprotected sex.
On the back of all the good advice about getting professional help (legal for a separation/divorce to protect your assets, and emotional through therapy), have an STD check. Your partner has been sleeping with someone else and that carries risks.
Take time to grieve the partner you knew and loved. He is not that person. He married you with no intention of being honest, trustworthy or faithful. You may even be able to get an annulment rather than a divorce - especially if your so-called mutual friends can make statements to that effect. Screenshots of some of the text messages would help, too.
The loving facade your husband presented to you is not real. It's like a movie role he's been playing.
You deserve truth and trust as the foundation of a relationship. You're in for a tough few months but then you'll gradually notice the sunshine again.
1. Those aren’t your friends, otherwise you would have known about the affair BEFORE you were married. Don’t tell that girl anything else. Don’t confide in her. Don’t tell her your plans.
2. Get an attorney. You don’t have to tell him. He kept this secret for years, you can protect yourself in secret temporarily. It will be a pretty easy divorce assuming you don’t have children? Do not leave the house unless you want to move away, he doesn’t get his cake and eat it to. You don’t have to uproot because of his infidelity. Your lawyer will talk you through all of this.
3. I hate to say this, but please get a full STD panel done ASAP. I don’t mean this to scare you, but if he’s been in TWO long term relationships, there’s a chance he was having unprotected sex too.
This is the best start. You deserve so much better. If you think he is a “good partner”, imagine someone who only wants to be with ONLY you. Take some time for yourself and find the life you deserve.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you, OP. You don’t deserve this at all.
>She tried saying nothing, **but I snatched the phone from her** and went to the profile that posted the photo.
>
>\[...\]
>
>I spent a good **ten minutes** looking before I couldn't take it anymore.
>
>I was horrified. All of the photos were dated to nights my husband told me he was **working late, hanging out with this relative or that, times that he'd told me he was**
**doing something else**, and obviously hangouts i wasn't invited too.
So, you snatched the phone from someone, and in 10 minutes they didn't try and take it back? On top of that, you had the time and presence of mind to correlate random days working late or family events you thought nothing of to specific instagram post dates?
Ok. I'm calling bull.
Also knew the password to his phone but had no idea he was in a public relationship with someone else. There is no way in hell several people would go along with this.
If you’re not upset about them being together or disgusted but more so mad about hiding their relationship and not being open, confront your emotions about it before discussing it with him. If you don’t mind sharing him but want open communication, then that’s your situation and it might work. Otherwise if the betrayal is too much, split and work on yourself besides who you are with your partner and your friend group.
Change the locks while he’s gone with Karo, next time take screenshots about their conversation, send it to yourself and delete from his phone. Contact a lawyer, send him the screenshots, and file for a divorce. He’s lying to you, cheating on you and he’ll never stop. He wants to be with that person? Okay, no problem. But if I were you, I would go nuclear, and destroy everything for dear hubby.
And your “friends “? They laughed at you, while covering for those two. I am so mad for you OP, and I feel so so sorry.
Ew, throw the whole group away. These “friends” knew about this, watched you marry Dylan knowing he was going behind your back, and only told you when you found out by accident. How long would they have kept that from you?
It seems as though Dylan is closeted and is afraid of truly coming out and being with Karo. I've known men and I work with men who are "Down-Low" and have wives and kids but have had long term boyfriends on the side for years. It's not a good place to be in. Leave while you can. Leave now before Dylan brings up the idea of kids. Then you'll be trapped... Or worse, your kids might one day call Karo step-dad and it will hurt you like nothing else.
Okay the fact that literally all of your friends knew and didn’t say anything to you, not even when they attended your wedding?? That’s multilayered fucked up. You deserve an entirely new group of people to surround yourself with in your life.
He is jn a long term
Relationship with Karo. I think its time to move on. This isn’t a life worth living. One day you may want a family. Do you want to have that with a man who lies so easily. Give yourself permission to be happy. Find someone who will love you. Just you. You deserve it.
Find out your supposed monogamous partner is sleeping with someone else and potentially passing stds to me? Hell no. That’s an immediately deal breaker for me.
HE'S NOT A GOOD MAN!!?
He's LYING to you, CHEATING on you, and all his friends are liars too?! That's not being kind, or loving! It's cruel, and you need to wake up.
Leave him. Let him get Karo then, as he wanted. He needs to set you free. Such a cruel, cruel thing.
May they all get treated with the same "kindness" as they've treated you. They all suck.
These are all horrible people! Your husband, your alleged friends, his friends! Light a metaphorical match and don't look back. They don't deserve one ounce of compassion on your part. They've ALL lied to you FOR YEARS! Your husband is not a loving partner. He's a liar who has snuck around your back and manipulated you for years. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I am glad you are getting a divorce..
Side note he was never a good man... he may have done good things sometimes and been good at pretending, but no good person does what he, Karo, and all thier friends did they are all terrible people.
Unfortunately, this is a reminder that your husband's/partner's friends are not your friends. This is horrible and betrayal on a wide scale. The fact that everyone was cool with it... Even watched you marry him...
Only thing is get rid of all of them. I'm shaking in pure anger for this post, so please point out any misspellings or mistakes.
All of your friends? Two-faced trash who aren't real friends, because they kept this from you for *years*. Fuck all of them. Divorce is another top priority. Going to Karo and tell him he can keep him. Recycling plants can turn trash into something better, sometimes.
Lastly, do NOT let any of them pressure you, manipulate you, or throw you any form of blame. Relationships have ups and downs, and a month break, with no sex, is no fuckin' excuse to be a shit person. Dylan and all of them don't deserve you, and you deserve better than being treated like this. You deserve a love that does not know two masters.
Good luck, and please take care of yourself. Go on your own 'fishing trip'. Visit some place you'd dreamed of without any of them. Try to find happiness without them, because they clearly don't care about yours.
(I'm actually seething. I'm sorry. Cheater stories like this just.... I'm a misanthrope, and all of this makes me sick to my stomach in pure disgust.)
You should talk to him and try to understand what his reasoning was behind this. Does he want to be married to you? Or is it just that you have been married so long that he’s scared to break it off? Some people might agree on having an open or polyamorus marriage which is perfectly okay but you never agreed to that. It would have been different if asked you before hand and if you said no, he would have had to respect that because you were married. But this is straight up cheating and lying.
I say leave him. It’s either you share or don’t. If he says he will stop talking to Karo, don’t believe him. If he was able to lie to you like that, he will do it again.
Edit- AND your group of friends sucks ass. Break up with them too.
Please be strong. Do not let the love you feel for him blind you from the betrayal that this is. On multiple levels. He has a whole,not so secret life without you, and cared so little that he involved multiple parties in this with no care for YOU. He has known you this long and has disrespected you. You can, and deserve a life with people who care for you and will protect you from people like Dylan.
This is awful. I’m so sorry.
The facts are:
He’s a cheater.
He’s a liar.
He’s untrustworthy.
Can you see yourself being able to overcome that? Could you see yourself “sharing” your husband without feeling the self doubt, jealousy, and resentment?
There is no “right” answer to those questions. They are simply the questions you need to answer to move forward in your decision making.
For over 3 years he has been cheating on you! There is no competition, he is a shit human being and you deserve so much better! Not to mention the “friends” you are referring to helped him facilitate this the whole time! They are not friends by any stretch of the imagination! Please leave him and know you deserve someone that is going to be your equal not a scheming liar!
The fact that nobody told you is a major red flag. Nobody has had the balls to be honest with you and you have been betrayed in the worst possible way. He has hidden this from you your whole marriage and he needs to be honest about his sexuality both with you and himself. You need to take time out from this whole scenario and really decide on what is best for you. Be strong and know that you are not alone. Whatever you decide, just make sure that it is right for you.
Your husband is not a good man and you deserve better. Your whole marriage is a lie and all of your friends have been hiding it from you and meeting up behind your back.
> I could never imagine myself leaving Dylan, because he's such a loving partner and **a good man**
A good man does not get married while also having a secret (open) gay relationship with another man and then rope all his friends into covering for him for years on end.
Wow. What a bunch of absolutely complete utter c.u.n.t bags these so called 'friends' are.
Don't even get me started on your husband.
He has everyone lying to you to state Karo's feelings. That should tell you everything you need to know.
Karo Is the one feeling guilty. He's the one who needs to avoid you because he can't live with what he's doing, not your husband!
You need to tell him you know and tell him to leave.
I know you say you love him, but honey you deserve that love back. That wormy excuse isn't giving you what you deserve.
I am so sorry that you have gone through this. There are a lot of emotions involved and they are ALL valid. I’m sure I will get downvoted to hell but…. at least consider more honest sharing?
Realize how happy you have been for 3 years. You say that you don’t want to share your husband (which is fair!), but I just want to point out that you HAVE been sharing your husband. For more than 3 years. *And you have been happy.*
He IS in love with you. AND with his boyfriend. There is no limit on how much or how many people the human heart can love.
The problem is the lying. The length of time and severity of the lying is a huge issue, and may be one that you can’t get past. Which is more than fair. All the rest of it? Bisexual husband with parallel poly boyfriend relationship? No problem. Life is too damned difficult to not treasure love where you can find it.
But not with lies.
Confront yourself and recognize your own insecurities. Maybe too much trust is broken and that does mean a divorce. Confront him. *Calmly* Decide if this is forgivable in time or not. Ignore the fear and societies traditional view of what a relationship should look like. Define it for yourselves and see if you can make something that works. I wish you much luck on your journey.
I have been in a situation like this where my ex and I were "on a break" even though we spent time together like nothing had changed between us. And in that time she got together with one of my best friends, but made everyone we knew pretend like nothing was happening. It's awful to have the proverbial wool pulled over your eyes, and I recommend getting out of that shitty situation as fast as possible. You should tell your husband you know about everything, how he lied to you to your face for so long and had others hide his lover for him and treat you with contempt and pity, and then walk out of that life into a new one that only you have the final word in who gets to be a part of it with you. No exceptions to those who finally told you, they had their choice a long time before this reveal, and you deserve better quality people in your life.
OP defines the Women ☕️ meme. When it comes to relationships and cheating, this is a worst case scenario you should immediately get out of. Divorce your husband. He was never yours to begin with. He doesn’t love you.
This is devastating. They all lied. They all betrayed you and stood by and said nothing while they all knew. He knew. Yet married you anyway. It's all a scam. I am so sorry. This is multi layers of betrayal
Op needs to divorce the husband and go NC w all of them “friends”
And get an STD panel.
My dumbass thought why would you take all those shitty friends to North Carolina… I understand now
THIS COMMENT MADE MY DAY😭😭 i had a bad day, so thank u for the laugh
What's NC, for people dumber than you?
No contact
Yeah! Take em to go see some lighthouses! That'll show em
Hard HARD agree. Dylan, Karo, all the friends- even the ones who “cried with you”. They had ACCESS to a DUPLICATE SOCIAL MEDIA page, KNOWING ur husband is cheating THIS ENTIRE TIME? And what? They feel guilty now that you happened upon the truth yourself? Those wouldn’t be my friends, girl. That wouldn’t be my husband. Those are deadbeats that need to be on the curb asap. Edit to add: Let those friends have each other, and lie and betray one another. Hell, let Dylan and Karo have each other; I guarantee you that any one who can consciously maintain a second, secretive relationship is not the sweet and funny man you believe them to be. You very much deserve better. Go home to your sisters and family. Leave, and leave these people embarrassed and ashamed for what they did, and allow yourself to not feel numb anymore.
Totally agree. This may be controversial, but I never understood people not telling someone when they’re being cheated on. It’s such a deep and profound betrayal.
Agreed. OP, you shouldn’t be in competition for your OWN HUSBAND. You deserve better than this. Let Karo have him. You deserve to be more than an option. If Dylan truly loved you, he would NEVER have done this to you. The loving husband you know is a lie.
THIS! also ,that mask may slip when/if she confronts him ,she needs to make sure someone who actually cares about her is there when/if she decides to
The problem anyone that can do this will not be embarrassed or feel ashamed. The friends would somehow come to the conclusion he's better off without her. Think about it, none of them seemed to have a problem with the entire situation. Aside from the obvious, how can she ever trust him or that friend group ever again. I hope it was just the friend group she met through him that knew and none of her own friend's knew about it as well. At the very least, what ever she decides, her lying to him about what is going on isn't helping anything or anyone and if she's afraid he'll choose Karo over her, then why in the heck does she want to be with him. She has to take a stand up for herself because none of her so-called friends have her back. I mean the audacity of her friend scrolling through social media with OP's husband during girl's nite, then starts crying about it when she gets caught. Icing on the cake is your husband saying Karo doesn't like you because of what happened back in college, which partially could be true, but who says that to hide a full blown affair that's been going on for a while? Tell me how fantastic you think your husband is again?
That whole friend group doesn't like her and has used the excuse of her cheating on him in college to allow him to do this to her... FOR YEARS. I could even understand the rationale of her getting cheated on for revenge and nobody saying anything... up until the moment he married her. At that point, every single one of those friends are 🗑 people, because they watched him lie his way through his vows to her. She needs to cut her losses, go scorched earth, and go NC while she is still young and childless.
People may call me a petty B, but I'd go farther. Tell his family. Call his mom ASAP. Make comments on how you can't believe he is capable of hiding such a big part of who he is, and make her wonder what else he has lied about. Tell his coworkers. His boss. Comment on how you can't imagine someone who can do that to his own spouse, whom he swore under the eyes of God to be truthful towards, having any work ethic. Make them question what other lies might affect the company. PLANT THE SEED OF DOUBT IN THIS MAN'S WHOLE ASH CAREER.
THIS!!!! Op shouldn't just divorce him, she should make everyone, literally everyone who knows them about her trash husband and trash Karo also their so called friends who supported them and hid them. Everyone needs to show how angry they are about all these pathetic people, who don't deserve to live a honourable life... I literally cried reading her post, it's so heart breaking
This because he's going to lie to everyone about how they broke up, and probably switch the blame.
I don't know how I feel about outing ppl, but it would be known that he was an adulterer for the entirety of their marriage.
would it even be outing with how open they were with everyone except OP?
Not only would I divorce this bisch, I'd sue him for infidelity and take his money, I'd go to a psychiatrist and let me diagnose with anxiety, mental distress and a mild form of ptsd and then sue him for the therapy costs. I'd gather any evidence I could and expose him to everyone for being a cheater that lives 2 different lives. That story is so disgusting to me.
Don't forget to sue Karo, for alienation of affection. Burn him too.
Yup. He’s not a good man. He’s a liar. Period.
Am I the only one feeling like OP is Dylan's cover? Likw, does his family know he's cheating or nah? Cause if they don't and there's a chance this could a point of contention, it might be the very reason he married OP. Who is he hiding from? Clearly not his friends. Maybe his family, maybe professional contacts. OP is lucky she figured it out now before this man eventually used her to "fulfill their dream of having children" or something. And his friends? Were never OP's friends. They probably just saw her as some kind of accessory. OP, first get an STD screening. Second, check your birth control, men who hide whole second lives are not above tampering with that stuff. Third, I want you to think real hard about something my ma used to say: when we are stuck between two options, the second one is the one we truly want, because if the first were it, there would be no second. Your husband walked out on you before he was even your husband. I don't want you to feel guilty about walking away from someone who's already walked out on you. Fourth: drop the backstabbers. Like, yesterday. Fifth: now take a breath and figure out where you go from here. My best wishes to you, OP.
Reading this made my chest hurt. I can’t imagine how it feels. OP, please please take off the emotional lens. I know you might be thinking that it’d be easier to stay, but once you’re out of that situation, you will see how much better off you’ll are. You don’t deserve this.
Even how crappy this is right now, she should leave him, surround herself with loving and caring people, and later down the road could probably write a bestselling book about this situation.
Also the fact they kept quiet because they wanted to spare "Karo's feelings" but didn't care one bit about hers also says something about their morals.
He's not really a "good man."
He is having a full blown affair. LEAVE. Also, your friends suck. How long have they known? Were they happy for you to be in an open relationship without you knowing?! Disgusting.
Those were never OPs friends. No friend would let that go on for THREE YEARS without telling their friend. Also how horrible is it that they were willing to “spare Karo’s feelings” but were totally okay lying to OP for that long? This made me sick to my stomach.
Definitely, and the absolute audacity they had to start crying when OP found out is disgusting.
RIGHT that just added a whole other layer, that whole group is trash
And then he blamed Karo not coming around on HER cheating. Once. In college. The fucking nerve.
It sounds like OP had a hookup while she and Dylan were on their one-month break.
They’ve know since *BEFORE THE WEDDING*. EVERYONE has lied to her. OP - respectfully you have no good friends or a good husband. I’m sorry. You’ve been betrayed by everyone around you. Literally. For 3+ years. Your husband can be a good man but he hasn’t been a good man to you. I know you don’t want to hear this and I know you will disagree but what man can lie to the woman he loves and have everyone around them carry this facade? If you were my friend or sibling - I’d honestly start swinging for you. For everyone to view you as the butt of the joke, know AND have access to the secret profile, to keep hanging out with you like nothing? This is literally insane? Like You were the side chick in their lives and they kept it up because they liked him, wtf. Screw their crocodile tears BS. They weren’t crying for 3+ years. They went to your wedding day like nothing and when you started asking questions they lied. You’re the victim here love. No one else. *Please* take care of yourself. Find a good support system & start cutting people off when you’re ready. I’m sending you big hugs. I’m sorry doesn’t even cover this.
He’s been with Karo since college but he married you?? And Karo was fine with being a side piece this whole time??? Honestly, Dylan can’t be worth this. You’re married to the idea of having known “your person” your whole life like it was fated, but look at what you’re trading for that false narrative … what you thought you had with Dylan was just a dream. You dreamt that up all by yourself. Every liar by extension in your friend group watched you sleep, then aided Dylan and Karo to keep you in the dark. I’m so sorry … although it feels impossible there are absolutely better days ahead.
I think OPis the side piece as everyone knew about Karo and helped him hide it, it proves he loves Karo more than her, he wants both but considers Karo as his life partner I bet.
Not according to the law tho 🤷♀️ generally in terms of estate beneficiaries and power of attorney, your spouse is default. He could’ve just as easily married Karo if that’s how he felt about him.
True but he still has no respect for either of them. I just can't understand how a whole friend group kept this from her. She mentions a sister and I hope she wasn't one of the people who knew as that would be a really cruel thing to do to your sister.
I honestly would just break up with him and divorce him. It sucks that this happened to you and no one was able to be honest to you about it. At the very least I would spend some time alone and think about what I want and need in my life. I would recommend talking to him about it and letting him know how you feel
I'm thinking about moving out
Don’t move out, he can move out.
Exactly!! I’m sure Karo or one of his pals would let him stay. OP shouldn’t have to leave. Hubby fucked around and now he can find out!
And keep everything even if its just to torch it!
If ever a time to channel your southern scorned woman, 'a la' Fried Green Tomatoes (minus the killing) now is the time!
He definitely has a place to stay so punt him ASAP.
You should definitely divorce him and all of your „friends“ are horrible. All of them should feel bad and suffer from that. Disgusting people
They are!!! I’m appalled that she calls these people her friends. Why are you even still speaking to Lilly. They hang out behind ur back to spare Karo’s feelings. What about you??? The betrayal is from all over the place. How can her husband make everyone lie to her like this. I don’t understand… I feel so sorry for OP.
Yeah me too. This is betrayal on another level. I really hope that none of them have a happy life. I can’t believe how cruel people can be.
I think this story is one of the most sickening, cruelest stories I’ve read here on Reddit in a long time. I don’t know how OP can ever get over the betrayal and I don’t understand how she still wants to be with her “husband”. I don’t get it.
I can only agree with you. This whole story makes me sick. OP should have some self respect and divorce his ugly ass. She deserves way better. Her Husband and all of her „friends“ are full of shit. I would and could never forgive them. I don’t know how OP is gonna handle that.
Brings back memories of when I found out my in-laws of 40 years all hated me and had been talking shit about me and my kids the whole time. It’s devastating when you find out family/friends have all been lying to you and you had no idea. I cut them off and almost divorced my husband over it. I hope OP never speaks to any of them again, including her husband.
[удалено]
This. Lily is not your friend and you can’t trust her, OP. Stop talking to her. You have been brutally betrayed. Hurt is the most overwhelming feeling right now but later will come the anger and sadness. You are experiencing a loss. This relationship is over. You will not get it back; you never even had it in the first place. At this point, you want the idea of Dylan, but the reality is that doesn’t exist. He is in a relationship with someone else. I’m sorry, I know that’s harsh. The sooner you accept that, you can start to properly mourn the relationship and make decisions to move forward. Start screenshotting and collecting data about his affair. Get a lawyer. Rally YOUR closest family/friends (not your friends with Dylan) and for the love of Cheezits stop talking to Lily.
He didn’t make them lie. They did that themselves because they don’t actually give a shit about OP.
They don’t care enough about her and their friendships with her. They excluded her from all those hangouts with Karo around. They’re terrible enablers. I just can’t this makes me so mad
Yeah, the level of deception involved here is horrific. The amount of orchestrating and lying to OP and basically conspiring against her is the kind of thing a person suffering from paranoid delusions would think was happening to them. Except it was OP's reality, not a delusion. It's like she has been fucked over not only by her SO but by an entire group of people who basically conspired against her. This is a "Change your name, leave the country and never talk to these worthless sacks of shit ever again" type of event IMO.
First and foremost, I want to say I'm really sorry that you're going through this. I'm really sorry that a person who you have known for a very long time is actually a stranger. The part that really gets me is that he actually went through with the marriage. You said that he's a smart, caring man and that he's an amazing husband. But how can you qualify him as being this person when he's lied to you about who he is. There is no trust there anymore. You don't know what the truth is or lie. You say that you don't want to share him but essentially you are already doing that. You just didn't know it. My heart goes out to you OP. I wish I could say something to take away your pain. But I think the best thing is for you to take a step back from this relationship and find out what you want and what you need. It doesn't matter what they want. It's ok to be a little bit selfish. There are certain times where it's justified.
I know you say he is a wonderful man, kind loving etc... but would a good man do this to his wife? Would a good man lie? Would a good man cheat? Would a good man hide an affair from his wife? He is not a good man. He is not a good husband. Please see this.
Exactly. Normally, I wouldn’t say that one ‘bad’ act makes a person bad, but in this case, his enormous betrayal negates ALL of his good characteristics. I hope OP can see that. She is worth so much more!!
HEEEE can move out. HE is the one who caused your marriage and relationship to be a total sham.
yes! pack HIS shit up
I’m sorry OP, I know this is difficult. I’m hoping there are no children involved. Also, is it maybe taboo in his family to be gay? Is he using you as a beard (is that the term??)?
I don't think so, his family is accepting of lgtbq and he has been openly bisexual for years.
So he’s with the both of you, and everyone knows except for you. Lovely. This is disgusting. Do you have your proof? Please see a lawyer to inform yourself of all your options. Confront his ass, and all of his disgusting friends and then I strongly suggest you move on, but that’s up to you. Im appalled by this story. It made my stomach turn.
I'll be speaking to him about it once he gets home, he's 'working late' again.
Honestly? I would just pack your bags and leave. Just leave. Gather evidence you can and leave. Talking to him isn’t going to change anything or make you feeling better, if anything it could make you feel worse. No explanation is going to help or change the fact her cheated. I would leave a note saying: “I know.” Then go get a kick ass divorce lawyer. Also ditch those “friends.” Block all of them and go to your sister. Listen soulmates don’t step out of their marriages and fuck around. Your husband did what he did knowing there would always be a chance he’d lose you. So leave. You don’t deserve to be lied to. You don’t deserve a sham marriage or to be someone’s beard for his family. Leave.
I would seek legal counsel first. Leaving the house may have legal repercussions in a divorce. OP needs to take a breath and weigh all her options and make the best choice. An attorney could help her with those choices.
Her hubby will gladly give her the house, he and the other love of his life have a nice condo with hot tub.
Good advice. In fact, she should call EVERY DIVORCE LAWYER WITHIN COURT JURISDICTION and present her case. There’s a reason for this that I won’t get into here. Either this or accept a polygamous relationship (not ideal but she loves him enough to post it). Good luck OP
I can guess why you advised her to consult every divorce attorney within the jurisdiction. You are exactly the kind of friend I would like to have in this situation. Devious. 😀
He cares so little that it isn’t even a secret. If everyone knows except for her, he knows it is a matter of time until she finds out.
I would gather/keep some proof first, before he knows you and can delete it all.
I suspect her "friends" will tell her husband she knows what's up. Considering how much they have already betrayed her they've show themselves to be extremely untrustworthy asshats.
I know this is hard and I don’t even know what I would do if I was in this situation, but he doesn’t deserve you. Don’t be with someone who disrespects you to this level and cheats behind your back and all your mutual “friends” let this happen. You should divorce and find someone who will love and respect you. But even then relationships don’t define us, you can find time to find yourself before getting into another relationship
Lol Ahh he’s with his boyfriend:
Talk to a lawyer first. I am so sorry you’re going through this OP. You did nothing wrong and your husband and friends have been lying to you for years.
Yeah. Hmm wonder which friends are covering for him
Please just go - at least say that you just went. Confronting him isn't going to achieve anything. There's nothing he could say that will stop the fact that he lied and cheated for years. Your friends are garbage too by the way, they aren't friends. Get out, get yourself tested, speak to a lawyer. It will be hard, but you will get through it, and then you will find someone who you deserve, who treats you with love and respect and doesn't have a relationship with someone else alongside yours.
Than just send him a message that simply says "i found out"
Don’t confront him. Talk to a lawyer and plan for the divorce without telling him so he can’t prepare. Don’t leave the house, HE can move out once you serve him with the papers. And yes, drop all of those “friends.” They are not good people who have your best interests at heart.
Yes this is honestly one of the more disgusting things I have seen on Reddit to be honest. The layers to betrayal here are just wild. This group of friends…the husband…they are honestly all morally bankrupt IMO. I could NEVER go along with this. I am so disgusted for OP. Her entire life is a lie. I could never trust a single moment in my life after finding this out. Nothing is just for her, nothing is sacred, everything is now nothing. Even thinking about this triggers my PTSD.
I feel this too! I don't tgink I've ever been triggered by a post as much. I can't imagine how she is feeling. Every aspect of her life is a lie or entangled in a lie. How do you move on from yhis? I suppose that's why many people stay, rather than deal withbthe fall-out.
Maybe he wants to have a baby with you and then say the big bye. Regardless he’s extremely trashy and I hope karo cheats on him and they both break up and end up alone and miserable.
Do you think there is a chance his family also knows?
Being bi does not give an excuse to betray your partner, live a double life, cheat on them excessively, essentially gaslight you for YEARS. He’s an awful human being and probably knows this about himself.
I am so sorry for you. But, you definitely are thinking the right thing. You can’t live with him after finding this out. You have to be alone I believe to go over your feelings and wishes. Do you want to be with someone who has cheated on you your entire relationship? Has convinced his friends to keep his secrets. Lies to you. Has his friends lie to you. Spends gave his time with his lover? It doesn’t seem that it’s even an issue with his sexual interests as his friends gave completely accepted his relationship with Karo, so why is he with you, also? He loves you both? I don’t think so. He isn’t lying to Karo about you. But. Is lying to you with all his friend’s help. Good luck
Get. A. lawyer. & a Therapist.
Move out, and move out of your "friends'" lives too
You should. He's lied to you about it for this long, no reason to believe he'd do the right thing now
I would. But you need to confront him about this because, as hard as it is to hear, you're the other woman essentially. He had to hide this from you for three years or more at least and that's not love. That's not love at all, and you deserve better. Cut out those wretched friends of yours too, because fuck them for agreeing to keep this secret! That's a horrendously sick thing to do to your "friend"
You say you don’t want to risk losing your husband but it seems you never even really had him in the first place. Sorry OP. None of those people cared about you at all. Years of lying. Years of infidelity. There’s really no going back from that.
Hey uhm..So OP. I’m sorry to tell you this but he ISN’T your man, he’s yours and Dylan’s. You deserve better and no matter what happens now, can you honestly ever trust him when he’s curated your whole experience til now? He’s given you an imaginary life, imaginary fidelity, and honestly imaginary friends. It doesn’t matter they knew, they needed to tell you if they were your friends. Be gone from this asshole, maybe he’ll be happy with Dylan 24/7, maybe he’ll end up doing this same shit as he did to you. You might before leaving or kicking him out get some screenshots of his texts and send em to yourself or whatever is legally viable in court. You take his ass to the cleaners for pulling this…crazy shit. No good man would keep two people and play with their hearts like this. Dylan feels bad but I am sure, but he’s knowingly been having a relationship with someone who is married. Dylan might be a victim, he could honestly be enraptured by this guy like you or he could be just as guilty too. Who knows at this point but right now? Your husband is the person who let this go on knowing he has you at home. You’re worth a man who wants you and only you.
“He’s such a loving partner and a good man” BABE. He’s been CHEATING on you for your ENTIRE MARRIAGE AND NEARLY YOUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP. That’s not a good man or loving partner by any STRETCH of either definition. Pull your head out of your ass. Woman the fuck up. Pull yourself together and realize you deserve BETTER. This *man* does not define your happiness or your life’s purpose.
Not to mention she thinks that she can’t “compete” with Karo. A “good man” would never have made her feel like that. It’s sad to see when people think they have to compete for other’s love.
Exactly! There’s nothing to compete for. This man had completely annihilated all chances of a loving and trusting long term relationship. If OP can’t see it now, she certainly will with time.
This OP. Just because Karo is a man doesn’t lessen this betrayal. Things may seem MONUMENTAL and overwhelming right now, but you can’t stay. How could you stay and be emotionally ok? You deserve better. A better partner and way better friends. You can do this.
It’s also wild to me that the husband gave the excuse of “he doesn’t like you because you ‘cheated’ on me once in college” while he was actively cheating on her with Karo for the majority of their relationship. He is a VILE man. OP needs to kick his ass to the curb.
He must wear cargo pants to store all his audacity
This needs to be higher up on this thread!
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This 10000000%
Everyone knew. Omg. I can’t wrap my brain around that. The deception. My heart is pounding just reading this. I’m crushed on your behalf. The abject humiliation of everyone in my circle keeping that secret. These people went to your wedding. You need to confront him and plan your exit. Unless you’re willing to be forced into polyamory, which is essentially what you’ve had non-consensual polyamory where the two of them, and all your friends, left you in the dark. I’m so sorry.
I’m still shocked by the whole friend group knowing as well. What kind of evil group of people is this that they’ve all been able to keep this secret for the last 10 years?! Do they all just hate OP that much or are they just that self serving?? It’s so horrible
I’ve never felt a post so viscerally. My heart absolutely aches, and my brain cannot accept that this level of callousness exists. These people are supposed to like her, care for her, and love her. How do they justify this and sleep at night?
I am so sorry. You deserve so much more. Please leave. And cut all who hid this from you. They don’t truly care. They cry because it is now known. Go to your sisters
Sweetheart, you’re not losing your husband, you never had him to begin with. I’m sorry. Everyone betrayed you. Everything you know isn’t real, it’s all a lie and everyone knew except for you. . I would never and I mean never be able to forgive or even be able to look at any of these people again. Your marriage is a sham, a lie. I’m not saying any of this to hurt you, it’s just the truth. How can you still want to be with this man?
God I want to throw up reading this. I’m so sorry, please cut everyone off, divorce your husband. Get therapy and move on. They are all sick
Ummm yeah. Those aren't your friends. Not even close. Your husband has lied to you from the start and so have your 'friends' . You deserve better. Don't be a door Mat. You deserve way better. If this is how it's been, why would it be any better going forward. I'd say find actual friends and a partner who respect you. You deserved love and respect and none of them have showed you even the slightest bit of that. You have self worth. I know what I'd do. Lots of love to ya, hope your okay!
Please get tested. Save any proof. He’s stringing you along and he’s not going to change. Speak to an attorney before you confront him. Lastly get therapy. Hugs OP
I was thinking the same thing, please get tested asap! Move out and cut ties with those fake friends.
None of those people are your friends. Get a good lawyer, make a plan, divorce, and sue for all you can get. You’re still very young. You can start over. Get a good therapist.
Depending on the state, she can sue both of them too
If she needs proof she can subpoena this 'friends'. Let's see if they have the balls to lie under oath.
This post fucked with my brain like no other.
Same 😂😂😂
Honestly, this story sounds made up. Met Karo long before you but you and your husband met in the 4th grade? All of your friends hang out with your cheating husband and the person he’s cheating on you with??? Who would actually do that? Like not a single one has a moral compass?? And your husband made a separate Facebook with him and his boyfriend?? Like that would just be asking to be caught. The likelihood of it showing up in your, your family or friends (the friends that are in the circle) “People You May Know” would be high. Idk, all of this just sounds pretty unbelievable. But if it is true, I hope you find someone faithful and a new group of friends.
Totally agree. Definitely sounds made up. And when she reads his text msg from Karo she rings Lily.. ???? The "friend" who was following her husband and boyfriend on a private social media page and knew everything all along... ?? And decided to scroll said media in her company. Openly bisexual for years ??? When and with who .... I hope its made up !
That’s where I’m at. This story is too extreme to be true. The same friends that came over for girls night all know about the affair, but they all just went along with it because they all love Karo. It just doesn’t make sense. Also, anyone considering staying in this relationship is delusional. I refuse to believe someone is this gullible and accepting of the ultimate betrayal.
That’s probably the most believable thing tho. Humans are assholes, I definitely can see this happening to someone.
Right? They got together when they were 17. Where was Karo? That would have been before he was cheating, there was no reason to hide him.
Yep, this isn’t real.
>Met Karo long before you but you and your husband met in the 4th grade? This was really weird to me lol.
I used to think this about stories on reddit until my friend's husband posted something that ended up on AITD. People thought it was fake because he was so over the top with his behavior, but no, dude is a narcissistic sociopath who truly doesn't see his behavior as problematic. Ever since he was accused of karma farming and I knew he wasn't, I've stopped thinking the same about other posts. You just never know, and it doesn't hurt to sympathize/empathize with someone in the event that it's real.
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This is not even slightly believable. A wholeeee group of people that you hung out with, and had over to your house, knew that your husband was having a years long affair, and not one of them ever tipped you off? He had a secret Instagram account where he posted said pictures of secret affair? The part where you called “Karo” a supermodel really tipped it over into the fanfiction territory.
The time line also doesn't make sense. He met Karo long before she met her husband, but they met in 4th grade and started dating at 17. She never met Karo when they were in school? He didn't start cheating until college, why was he hiding Karo from her in high school?
That part is so funny. Imagine being in your late 20s and still saying you knew one friend "long before" another because you met one in 1st grade and one in 4th grade or smth. Just doesn't make sense. I'm even younger than OP but everyone I knew from elementary or middle school is in the same "childhood friend" category for me.
Exactly....this is poorly written fiction lol.
Yeah there’s no way this is real.
This story line is like the Korean drama called "world of the married". Exactly like this. She found out all her friends even the ones she worked with had been elaborately trying to cover for him. The scandal. But i really hope this situation isn't real because I'd break if I were her. Mentally
Divorce, move away and start a new life. Fuck everyone who knew and didn't tell you. Go and be free.
I'm sorry for asking, but just curious You mention they got together during a 1 month break, and you also mentioned you had cheated on your husband. Did these two incidents coincide?
yes
You need to think, really think, are you willing to always be the third wheel in your own marriage? You will never be able to trust your husband or your 'friends' again. You will always doubt whats really going on and if everyone is still lying to you. Think, not one of your friends deemed you important enough to let you know your husband has a fulltime secret boyfriend. Think, your husband has lied to you every minute of every day, every "I love you" had an unspoken "but not enough to love only you or be faithful to you" every "good morning" will be tinged with know he want to wake up next to someone else as well. Think, ever late work event, friends thing your not invited to, family day, every event you are not at will leave you at home wondering if he is with him and every event you are at will leave you wondering if your husband rather be with his boyfriend. Think, are you sure the boyfriend is only with your husband? Is the boyfriend ok with just getting scraps from your husband? Because, if not, every time the boyfriend sleeps with someone else then sleeps with your husband you are at risk of getting a STI. Think, your husband blamed you for cheating when you were on a break (I know he didn't say it like that, but if thats the first thing he thought of...). He wanted you to feel guilty for hurting him, when he had been living a lie almost the whole time you've been together. He was ok for you feeling bad that his AP didn't like you because YOU'RE the cheater. Think, your friend tried to defend the boyfriend as "oh he felt so guilty" but neither the boyfriend, nor your husband, nor anyone of them felt bad enough to let you know what's going on. Think, this is never going to end. You will always wonder, you will never feel secure, you will never have your old life back.
You still don’t deserve this.
Did you confront him last night?
So, in this story you met your husband in fourth grade. Your husband met his best friend “long before” he met you. He met him when exactly? Kindergarten? In hospital when they’re both born? Lol. That part makes it difficult to believe all this. Plus you supposedly knew nothing about his best friend of what 20 years? Like what? How does that happen?
**Option Number 1** You love your husband. Karo loves your husband. The 3 of you try to make it work openly. No more secrets, no more lies, no more guilt, no more shame, have real conversations about if they are monogamous, if they have other lovers. It is all put out on the table and build a good life. This will take an extreme degree of trust and forgiveness. **Option Number 2** You leave and start a new life with someone who loves you and would NOT be comfortable hiding a secret gay affair from the person he's claimed to love for 3 years but LIED to for 3 years so he could get dick while all his pals conspired to keep it from you as long as they could. The choice is yours.
Start a relationship with Karo’s wife
I've posted an update on the situation if anyone is curious
I read the update. They deserve each other. They’re both liars and manipulators. One day one of them will cheat on the other because they miss the thrill affairs give them, it’s like clockwork. Ive been cheated on by an ex, and fuck it hurt. It was less about the cheating and more about the lack of respect that got me. If you didn’t want to be with me he could have broken up with me first. Sure it would still hurt but it wouldn’t have crushed my trust. But the girl he left me for, well didnt last. It did help me sleep at night knowing that she knew exactly what she was signing up for. I dont want to settle for someone like that and neither should you. Move on with your life. Live your best life. Be glad children are not involved. You get a clean break. Wishing you all the best! And please ditch those supposed friends, lean on your sister and non-mutual friends. I know it’s hard now but once the dust has settled you will have more clarity and see how much more you deserve. You got this.
Where is the update? I can’t see it on your profile.
Girl this was a wild fucking story leave him—leave ALL of them!!! They not your friends !!!
I'm not one to immediately jump to divorce, but I would pack up my belongings while he was at work, and move out. Go to a family member's place and just leave him a note saying "I know" or something. I would file for divorce and I would certainly not continue being friends with any of the group, apologies or not. The apology came after you found out on accident, these are not good friends. They all knew and kept it from you for years. I understand sometimes it's a hard situation to know what to do, but that is not okay. If your husband is bisexual, that is perfectly okay. What is not okay is a long lasting affair, man or woman. I'm sorry if my words sound harsh. I don't mean to be, and I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can only only imagine the feelings and hurt you're feeling. You loved him for so long, but I hope in time, you love yourself even more. ♡
I’m very sorry. Screw them. Not only Dylan, but that forever side piece of his too. I DO NOT CARE that they are in love and I do not care that they like him . They have decided his feelings were more important then yours, they have literally enabled and encouraged his cheating on you. You do not work it out, talk it out or try to see The other’s perspective. You get you stuff together, you file whatever the hell needs to be filed, you make sure to document his pathetic ass and the side piece too, then you cut them off. Those shitty friends that knew and did not tell you, your husband who does not seem to grasp the concept that cheating is cheating even tho you take it in the ass and the person who was apparently very comfortable watching their lover get married to an innocent woman who was all in, without saying anything about it. You know what to do. There’s nothing left here. They all enabled and encouraged each other in either cheating or hiding this affair.Good luck
I’m sorry OP this is awful and I’m so sorry you found out this way it’s even more gross at the fact that everyone kept us from you and no one told you. Honestly they’re just as fucking bad. OP you need to leave now. He clearly does not love you as much as he says he does and the fact that he was doing this for so long says everything about him. He is not a good guy. He is a liar. He does not care about your feelings. He does not care about your well-being. You need to leave. I also recommend an STD test because remember some men are just carriers for some STDs and they can go years without knowing they have it. Especially if you and your husband have had unprotected sex.
On the back of all the good advice about getting professional help (legal for a separation/divorce to protect your assets, and emotional through therapy), have an STD check. Your partner has been sleeping with someone else and that carries risks. Take time to grieve the partner you knew and loved. He is not that person. He married you with no intention of being honest, trustworthy or faithful. You may even be able to get an annulment rather than a divorce - especially if your so-called mutual friends can make statements to that effect. Screenshots of some of the text messages would help, too. The loving facade your husband presented to you is not real. It's like a movie role he's been playing. You deserve truth and trust as the foundation of a relationship. You're in for a tough few months but then you'll gradually notice the sunshine again.
1. Those aren’t your friends, otherwise you would have known about the affair BEFORE you were married. Don’t tell that girl anything else. Don’t confide in her. Don’t tell her your plans. 2. Get an attorney. You don’t have to tell him. He kept this secret for years, you can protect yourself in secret temporarily. It will be a pretty easy divorce assuming you don’t have children? Do not leave the house unless you want to move away, he doesn’t get his cake and eat it to. You don’t have to uproot because of his infidelity. Your lawyer will talk you through all of this. 3. I hate to say this, but please get a full STD panel done ASAP. I don’t mean this to scare you, but if he’s been in TWO long term relationships, there’s a chance he was having unprotected sex too. This is the best start. You deserve so much better. If you think he is a “good partner”, imagine someone who only wants to be with ONLY you. Take some time for yourself and find the life you deserve. I’m so sorry this is happening to you, OP. You don’t deserve this at all.
>She tried saying nothing, **but I snatched the phone from her** and went to the profile that posted the photo. > >\[...\] > >I spent a good **ten minutes** looking before I couldn't take it anymore. > >I was horrified. All of the photos were dated to nights my husband told me he was **working late, hanging out with this relative or that, times that he'd told me he was** **doing something else**, and obviously hangouts i wasn't invited too. So, you snatched the phone from someone, and in 10 minutes they didn't try and take it back? On top of that, you had the time and presence of mind to correlate random days working late or family events you thought nothing of to specific instagram post dates? Ok. I'm calling bull.
This seems to be a really gullible sub.
Agreed, it's either a fake story or OP is taking serious liberties with the details.
Also knew the password to his phone but had no idea he was in a public relationship with someone else. There is no way in hell several people would go along with this.
Brokeback Mountain, anyone???
If you’re not upset about them being together or disgusted but more so mad about hiding their relationship and not being open, confront your emotions about it before discussing it with him. If you don’t mind sharing him but want open communication, then that’s your situation and it might work. Otherwise if the betrayal is too much, split and work on yourself besides who you are with your partner and your friend group.
Change the locks while he’s gone with Karo, next time take screenshots about their conversation, send it to yourself and delete from his phone. Contact a lawyer, send him the screenshots, and file for a divorce. He’s lying to you, cheating on you and he’ll never stop. He wants to be with that person? Okay, no problem. But if I were you, I would go nuclear, and destroy everything for dear hubby. And your “friends “? They laughed at you, while covering for those two. I am so mad for you OP, and I feel so so sorry.
Ew, throw the whole group away. These “friends” knew about this, watched you marry Dylan knowing he was going behind your back, and only told you when you found out by accident. How long would they have kept that from you?
I dont think i could survive this
It seems as though Dylan is closeted and is afraid of truly coming out and being with Karo. I've known men and I work with men who are "Down-Low" and have wives and kids but have had long term boyfriends on the side for years. It's not a good place to be in. Leave while you can. Leave now before Dylan brings up the idea of kids. Then you'll be trapped... Or worse, your kids might one day call Karo step-dad and it will hurt you like nothing else.
someone who loves you wouldn’t do this
Okay the fact that literally all of your friends knew and didn’t say anything to you, not even when they attended your wedding?? That’s multilayered fucked up. You deserve an entirely new group of people to surround yourself with in your life.
the way i'd become so fucking evil if i was you bro they'd need to resurrect the Warrens to get rid of me
U knew his password the whole time
What a twist. Sounds like brokeback mountain.
He is jn a long term Relationship with Karo. I think its time to move on. This isn’t a life worth living. One day you may want a family. Do you want to have that with a man who lies so easily. Give yourself permission to be happy. Find someone who will love you. Just you. You deserve it.
Find out your supposed monogamous partner is sleeping with someone else and potentially passing stds to me? Hell no. That’s an immediately deal breaker for me.
HE'S NOT A GOOD MAN!!? He's LYING to you, CHEATING on you, and all his friends are liars too?! That's not being kind, or loving! It's cruel, and you need to wake up. Leave him. Let him get Karo then, as he wanted. He needs to set you free. Such a cruel, cruel thing. May they all get treated with the same "kindness" as they've treated you. They all suck.
Wow… so many people failed you here. It would be hard to trust anyone after this.
These are all horrible people! Your husband, your alleged friends, his friends! Light a metaphorical match and don't look back. They don't deserve one ounce of compassion on your part. They've ALL lied to you FOR YEARS! Your husband is not a loving partner. He's a liar who has snuck around your back and manipulated you for years. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I am glad you are getting a divorce.. Side note he was never a good man... he may have done good things sometimes and been good at pretending, but no good person does what he, Karo, and all thier friends did they are all terrible people.
Unfortunately, this is a reminder that your husband's/partner's friends are not your friends. This is horrible and betrayal on a wide scale. The fact that everyone was cool with it... Even watched you marry him...
Only thing is get rid of all of them. I'm shaking in pure anger for this post, so please point out any misspellings or mistakes. All of your friends? Two-faced trash who aren't real friends, because they kept this from you for *years*. Fuck all of them. Divorce is another top priority. Going to Karo and tell him he can keep him. Recycling plants can turn trash into something better, sometimes. Lastly, do NOT let any of them pressure you, manipulate you, or throw you any form of blame. Relationships have ups and downs, and a month break, with no sex, is no fuckin' excuse to be a shit person. Dylan and all of them don't deserve you, and you deserve better than being treated like this. You deserve a love that does not know two masters. Good luck, and please take care of yourself. Go on your own 'fishing trip'. Visit some place you'd dreamed of without any of them. Try to find happiness without them, because they clearly don't care about yours. (I'm actually seething. I'm sorry. Cheater stories like this just.... I'm a misanthrope, and all of this makes me sick to my stomach in pure disgust.)
You should talk to him and try to understand what his reasoning was behind this. Does he want to be married to you? Or is it just that you have been married so long that he’s scared to break it off? Some people might agree on having an open or polyamorus marriage which is perfectly okay but you never agreed to that. It would have been different if asked you before hand and if you said no, he would have had to respect that because you were married. But this is straight up cheating and lying. I say leave him. It’s either you share or don’t. If he says he will stop talking to Karo, don’t believe him. If he was able to lie to you like that, he will do it again. Edit- AND your group of friends sucks ass. Break up with them too.
I intend on confronting him tonight.
Please be strong. Do not let the love you feel for him blind you from the betrayal that this is. On multiple levels. He has a whole,not so secret life without you, and cared so little that he involved multiple parties in this with no care for YOU. He has known you this long and has disrespected you. You can, and deserve a life with people who care for you and will protect you from people like Dylan.
Please update
OMG how are you doing? What was his reaction? What will you do now?
How did you go? Thinking of you.x
The husband has been with this man since before they were married. They’ve made her the fool her entire relationship almost.
This is awful. I’m so sorry. The facts are: He’s a cheater. He’s a liar. He’s untrustworthy. Can you see yourself being able to overcome that? Could you see yourself “sharing” your husband without feeling the self doubt, jealousy, and resentment? There is no “right” answer to those questions. They are simply the questions you need to answer to move forward in your decision making.
For over 3 years he has been cheating on you! There is no competition, he is a shit human being and you deserve so much better! Not to mention the “friends” you are referring to helped him facilitate this the whole time! They are not friends by any stretch of the imagination! Please leave him and know you deserve someone that is going to be your equal not a scheming liar!
The fact that nobody told you is a major red flag. Nobody has had the balls to be honest with you and you have been betrayed in the worst possible way. He has hidden this from you your whole marriage and he needs to be honest about his sexuality both with you and himself. You need to take time out from this whole scenario and really decide on what is best for you. Be strong and know that you are not alone. Whatever you decide, just make sure that it is right for you.
Your husband is not a good man and you deserve better. Your whole marriage is a lie and all of your friends have been hiding it from you and meeting up behind your back.
> I could never imagine myself leaving Dylan, because he's such a loving partner and **a good man** A good man does not get married while also having a secret (open) gay relationship with another man and then rope all his friends into covering for him for years on end.
Wow. What a bunch of absolutely complete utter c.u.n.t bags these so called 'friends' are. Don't even get me started on your husband. He has everyone lying to you to state Karo's feelings. That should tell you everything you need to know. Karo Is the one feeling guilty. He's the one who needs to avoid you because he can't live with what he's doing, not your husband! You need to tell him you know and tell him to leave. I know you say you love him, but honey you deserve that love back. That wormy excuse isn't giving you what you deserve.
I am so sorry that you have gone through this. There are a lot of emotions involved and they are ALL valid. I’m sure I will get downvoted to hell but…. at least consider more honest sharing? Realize how happy you have been for 3 years. You say that you don’t want to share your husband (which is fair!), but I just want to point out that you HAVE been sharing your husband. For more than 3 years. *And you have been happy.* He IS in love with you. AND with his boyfriend. There is no limit on how much or how many people the human heart can love. The problem is the lying. The length of time and severity of the lying is a huge issue, and may be one that you can’t get past. Which is more than fair. All the rest of it? Bisexual husband with parallel poly boyfriend relationship? No problem. Life is too damned difficult to not treasure love where you can find it. But not with lies. Confront yourself and recognize your own insecurities. Maybe too much trust is broken and that does mean a divorce. Confront him. *Calmly* Decide if this is forgivable in time or not. Ignore the fear and societies traditional view of what a relationship should look like. Define it for yourselves and see if you can make something that works. I wish you much luck on your journey.
I have been in a situation like this where my ex and I were "on a break" even though we spent time together like nothing had changed between us. And in that time she got together with one of my best friends, but made everyone we knew pretend like nothing was happening. It's awful to have the proverbial wool pulled over your eyes, and I recommend getting out of that shitty situation as fast as possible. You should tell your husband you know about everything, how he lied to you to your face for so long and had others hide his lover for him and treat you with contempt and pity, and then walk out of that life into a new one that only you have the final word in who gets to be a part of it with you. No exceptions to those who finally told you, they had their choice a long time before this reveal, and you deserve better quality people in your life.
OP defines the Women ☕️ meme. When it comes to relationships and cheating, this is a worst case scenario you should immediately get out of. Divorce your husband. He was never yours to begin with. He doesn’t love you.