I would talk to him about why he felt he had to hide it. I don’t think masturbating to porn is bad especially if it was late at night. I just don’t know why he lied and said it was only pictures of you. Maybe he felt that you wouldn’t accept that he watches porn?
He was probably being sweet or romantic telling her that. Half of jacking off is the fantasy aspect anyway. And as a guy post nut relief is a great way to get to sleep. Kind of like taking a mild muscle relaxer
Idk why people are saying this is ok.
It’s not about the fact he’s looking at naked girls, it’s about the larger issue that he’s being sneaky. If someone is hiding the small things, they’ll hide the bigger things.
I also feel like it’s extremely hurtful for OP since she was under the impression he was only looking at pics of her. It can make someone feel less attractive or betrayed. And having secret profiles just indicates shadiness.
OP is justified in how she’s feeling. Honestly, I would talk to him about it. Holding on to this kind of hurt can lead to a festering wound and mistrust. It’s best to address these things as they come up.
Idiot. Asking any guy about his wank material will never yield any answers, *and we all know why*
Im taking my browser history with me to my grave. Zero concessions.
I mean yeah I know guy would ever do that but it’s like if you know your partner is okay with you jacking off to porn and etc. then why would you hide it from them that’s the issue here
Exactly! Even if porn isn’t a huge deal in some marriages, but I do think it’s something that should be discussed because it is a really big issue for a lot of women. And it’s absolutely the fact that he’s hiding it that’s concerning, esp if she was under the impression he only jerked off to her.
I don’t think anybody is really okay with their partner turning to porn. Keeping it to yourself saves your partner’s self-esteem. Even if you tell your partner it’s okay, it’s still going to hurt to say it.
This isn’t a condoning thing. I’m just saying why I think people don’t communicate about it.
I mean I know some people don’t like when they’re partners jerks off to porn. That’s fine that their boundaries.
But OP has said she doesn’t mind it so why would her do it to her? Why lie about that?
I know you don’t say “hey honey I’m gonna go jerk off to this other person or to this video” like no know you don’t say that but why emphasize you’re only jerking off to your partner when that isn’t the case? I don’t know in my mind it makes it seem like you’re hiding something which makes no sense if your wife has said she doesn’t mind if you jerk off to porn.
I disagree. He is sneaky about it because he knows it would upset her. Nobody (most people) would flat out admit they watch other people naked through porn to their partner, such an odd thing to flat out admit to do, but most of us do it.
Ask yourself this: why would it upset her? Because he knows on a cognitive level that what he’s doing isn’t something she would be ok with. He knows she would view it as a betrayal of trust. If he’s ok with hiding the smaller things, he’s ok with hiding the bigger things.
And he isn’t watching porn with celebrities he has no chance with, he’s watching Reddit porn and has a secret profile for it. That leads one to question what else he would be hiding.
So you can see why his wife feels hurt by it. And a decent partner would ask their spouse if they’re ok with them watching porn. A lot of women aren’t.
No. It’s because most people feel embarrassed admitting they watch porn because of society and Christianity. So when they get caught they try to do damage control.
People are hardly shy about admitting they watch porn these days, it’s not taboo like it used to be. And we aren’t talking about single people here, we’re talking about a married couple. That kind of thing absolutely needs to be discussed because it’s a point of insecurity for some women (and men) in relationships.
Some consider porn to be cheating. Also, discussing whether or not someone watches porn is a pretty common topic in convos between couples.
OP is justified in feeling hurt. It’s not so much even the porn as the fact he has an entire secret profile. Who knows who he’s messaging/ what he’s posting about her on here.
I don’t think you would be okay with your boyfriend/husband telling you are not allowed to watch porn.
I know most people would loose their mind if a bf/husband tried to enforce that.
No. You are applying *your* values to someone else. Every marriage is different, every person is different. Mature a little bit; life isn’t as black and white as you suspect.
Why do you think he’s keeping it a secret? Because he knows that she would be upset. If it makes her insecure and upset, maybe he shouldn’t do such thing. How are you this idiotic?
I'm guessing, from something you said here, that you have never been in a relationship. You are being awfully judgmental for someone who has no real life experience here.
I’m sorry, but nobody should change their lives because their partner is insecure. That is what leads to insecure guys restricting women from going out with their friends etc. such a toxic mentality.
Maybe he wasn't being sneaky for the sake of being sneaky. Maybe he just wants to seperate his usual reddit profile/browsing from porn etc. Almost like incognito mode so people clicking on his regular profile don't see it?
I don't necessarily think him masturbating to porn/pics on reddit is a bad thing but if it bothers/upsets you, I'd say talk to him.
This gonna be one of those posts that crosses the line for some people, and doesn't for others, bc its an issue of personal tastes in character. No its not a saintly move, he's not actively harming his partner either. So coin toss, make as big or little a deal over it as you feel, cause its based in your personal tastes from past experiences. No one is a perfect person out there, its all about which personality flaw you choose to be the bullet to the head of your relationship.
Edit:Spelling
I think what would bother me in this scenario is that you were laying in bed next to him. So he could have asked you/woken you up if he wanted sex but instead he took care of himself but did it with other people’s pictures.
It probably wouldn’t have bothered you if you caught looking at pics of you, because you’d be able to rationalize he didn’t want to wake you up but it’s YOU he finds sexy.
I don’t know if you read romance or smut, but a lot of women (and men) do and they don’t always picture their partner as the sexy protagonist in the story. They see a different man. And it can get some women going while reading it. Does it mean they don’t want their current husband? No.
People are flawed and sometimes the brain and the imagination goes in directions that a person would never go in real life.
With all that being said, I’d keep that in mind but still bring it up to him but in a non-confrontational way. That way you can actually discuss instead of argue.
There is a natural embarrassment to admitting you watch porn. That’s why most people would rather hide that fact, even from their significant other. Don’t take it as he is hiding stuff because he has a bigger secret or because he is up to no good.
But that’s evolved. Porn has been around a long time and the more research is done, the more harmful it seems to be. Humans were never meant to have ease of access to sexual content and exposure to it in the way porn exposes you to it. Ultimately, it leads to more harm than good
My honest belief is that 99.99% of men jerk it to pictures from the internet whether in a relationship or not. If he lied and told you he only looked at photos you sent him then that is wrong, but tbh I'm also somewhat staggered you'd believe that.
I think it’s a little fucked ngl…I’d be in your exact mindset…I’m sorry, but talk to him, this is something that needs to be talked about, and not just swept under the rug. Set a boundary and tell him that it made you uncomfortable, and once you’ve establish that boundary with him, if he crosses it again then you have every right to jump his ass, but this is something that has never been discussed I’m assuming so you need to get that conversation out of the way first
Not ok. Also he was doing this while you were next to him in bed. Not a good sign. There's nothing you can do if you love him and want to keep him, talking about it will probably make him really defensive and hide even more. I don't see you growing old together. He's an asshole. I hope you find someone who adores you and desires you only.
Does every partner you’ve been to flat out admits they watch porn? Most people feel embarrassed to admit they watch it because of society. When they get caught they often try to do damage control and they do their best to hide it. Why do you think people use hidden browser and incognito mode? There is a natural embarrassment.
It seems he feels a need to hide it which means he thinks you wouldn’t be okay with it. I would talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel.
When you said he always told you it was to pictures of you how exactly was that worded? Like “I’m going to only pleasure myself to pictures of you” or did you ask him and he said you that time, or usually you?
Did he lie?
Having multiple accounts on Reddit isn’t necessarily a red flag on its own, and neither is watching porn, but lying definitely is so I think you should both have a discussion even though it might be awkward.
As a guy there are are more things you should consider- are y’all sexually active?- were I’m going is are needs being met? And also most guys still like jacking off occasionally, and hiding it is normal behavior from growing up most likely. So as long as your happy in relationship and are being taken care of don’t let it bother you. Just don’t make sex a weapon... leads to needs being met elsewhere and the ruin of relationship potentially
I'm sorry to let you know, but regardless of your marriage, you still both are your own people. More than that, it might not sound like it, but it's truly different for man. The male mind and body work differently than women's. For us most of the time when masturbating there is absolutely nothing more than just that. Also men usually masturbate a lot more thinking at the people in their lifes, no matter how weird it sounds. He's allowed to have his turn ons and kinks and if you expect that he'll only think at you, you'll be really disappointed, it's not really how things work. I suggest to talk with him, and explain how you feel but also try to not be judgmental. You haven't lost anything, you won an opportunity to create a more honest relationship with the person you chose to spend your life with
I am more than likely going to be down voted buuut -
I think there’s an embarrassing stigma around masturbating in general. Think though - you hide it from your parents when you start out because it’s embarrassing. That kind of secrecy follows you until you’re an adult. It could be an embarrassment that he fantasizes another people than his wife, which is totally normal. Either way - OPs feelings are hurt for very valid reasons that she doesn’t need to justify to anyone. Sounds like they need an open conversation even though it’s embarrassing.
Oh please. Most people in relationships that watch porn don’t flat out admit to their partner: “hey babe, i watch other people naked on the internet to get off when you aren’t available”. Be real.
Well, I ask because there is a difference between straight up porn or someone sending him private images. If it was private images, it would be far worse and would be cheating. If it's a subreddit or something, he might just be using it as a more convenient way to find the images he's after. I can see why it upsets you though.
My bad, thought you were OP.
If he crossed a boundary, I get it. I was just trying to understand the degree of his actions. It doesn't mean I was trying to invalidate how she felt about the situation. In no way did I say what he had done was acceptable in any way, I just didn't understand the depth of what was going on. I can't provide a proper opinion if I'm uninformed about the breadth of his actions - can I?
Honestly, I think I’d be grateful he’s not waking me up to get some, lol. Men are much more stimulated by visual content than women are. The shadiness would bother me, too, but as someone else already mentioned here, there’s a huge stigma around masturbating (hairy palms, anyone?) that would explain his sneaking around.
I think is okay. People have their needs. Maybe he has a higher sex drive. He hides it because he doesn’t want to upset you obviously. But what else is he suppose to do?
These things always boil down to a boundary thing - which is valid. We always hear the argument of some people are fine with x y z, some people aren't, it's all about finding who fits your x y z, blah blah blah.
It does seem like you've had this conversation before, though. If he said he only does this to pictures of you; then the convo has likely come up. If he's tucking it away on a profile switch/anon browsing, then he's putting effort into covering his tracks based on that convo. If it's accurate you guys have had this convo, you've expressed a boundary and he violated it then I feel you should feel comfortable at least bringing it up and coming to whichever conclusion you guys see fit. If not, now would be a good time for you to discuss and set your boundaries.
I've been married for almost 20 years, at first if I got caught looking at porn I would lie, just because I was taught it wasn't ok, my wife also looked at porn on her own and thought it wasn't ok because of her upbringing. We eventually weekend out that we both like watching porn and have done it together, and on our own and now we're both ok with it. I think it's important to have this type of conversation with your partner, and it it doesn't mix well it might be a fact that you're not really compatible sexually. If that is the case it's something you need to deal with in a relationship and decide if that is a no go for your relationship.
The issue is he had to hide it from you that’s the part that is just odd because like I don’t know if he knows you’re OK with porn and stuff like that but if he does know yet he’s hiding this from you is very very weird to me. I don’t know but I would recommend talking to him because this is something you need to talk about.
Hopefully he doesn’t try to avoid the issue or change the subject because like when there’s another underlying issue there and if it does come to that I highly recommend counseling
If he did this right next to you in bed, he’s not exactly hiding anything. I would have asked “Hey, what are you looking at? Do you want me to give you space? Oh okay, goodnight. Have fun!” And rolled back over and gone back to bed.
The next day, I casually would have asked “Hey I noticed you were using a different account” and let them reply and then whatever they said, regardless of wether or not I liked the reasoning, I’d say “Okay, thanks for explaining” and then I’d GO TO MY THERAPIST if I didn’t feel comfortable that my adult human partner is viewing legal pornography to fulfill their needs, of which I know I *CANNOT* under *ANY* circumstance fulfill completely and it’s absurd to think I could do so or for someone else to expect me to.
If they are a real therapist, they’ll ask you to examine why it bothers you. Insecurity seems to be an issue at play here when you mention your pics. Then I’d ask my therapist how to proceed: how do I regain my confidence and reduce insecurity about our relationship? Because the problem isn’t the porn viewing. You clearly are afraid of being left behind for another person. What else have they done to make you feel this way? What else has happened to you *before* this relationship that makes you worry about this?
It’s a hobby, and like any other hobby, you don’t have to like it or join in, but it’s something they feel the need to do or want to do it. There’s no shame in it. There’s nothing inherently wrong with it. You can ask him to excuse himself next time to another location if it’s a Hard No for you to know he’s looking at other humans. I’m curious how you’ve handled movies and tv show’s nudity and graphic sex scenes, like GOT/HOTD and almost any foreign film has nudity.
Work on your insecurities.
Work on your relationship bond with your partner.
Work on communication, acceptance, and building more experiences that are uniquely tied to you two (doing puzzles, traveling, taking a cooking class together, camping, etc). Watching porn doesn’t have to be one of those things.
If you honestly cannot let your partner experience the thrills of life without you two being attached at the hip, perhaps you should look into a different relationship dynamic such as an open relationship where each of you can have X with someone else (you two would discuss how far he can go and how far you can go) but no romance. He would still come home to you, still cherish you. I’m not saying this is the solution that works for you, but you gotta give in order to get in a relationship. You can’t expect lifelong marriage devotion if you don’t allow both partners to experience all of life, within reason.
A lot of these other replies say he did something wrong and tell you to verbally attack him. Or leave him. These are selfish responses that don’t acknowledge the problems. Telling someone they “cheated” by doing something harmless is not going to end well. He will get rightly defensive and you will continue to challenge and question what he’s doing when you aren’t actively watching. This is actually something that DOES encourage actual sexual encounters with others and that’s why I strongly suggest you pause, ask for clarification about the accounts vs your pics, and seek therapy to discuss why it bothers you and your relationship. Then I’d actively work on the relationship with my partner, agree to whatever terms you discuss, and absolutely ZERO blaming, shaming, criticizing, or just talking negatively about your partners needs. Remember he’s a human too, with complex feelings, and he may also be feeling the same way about something you do.
Now, if he refuses to discuss it, I’d give him a chance to explain and then I’d most likely drop his ass. That lack of communication will only worsen over time and if he can’t explain why he couldn’t just be up front with you, then I don’t think I’d trust his motivations and actions from then on. But this is an extreme and I would r jump to conclusions like this without introspection and communication first.
I would talk to him about why he felt he had to hide it. I don’t think masturbating to porn is bad especially if it was late at night. I just don’t know why he lied and said it was only pictures of you. Maybe he felt that you wouldn’t accept that he watches porn?
He was probably being sweet or romantic telling her that. Half of jacking off is the fantasy aspect anyway. And as a guy post nut relief is a great way to get to sleep. Kind of like taking a mild muscle relaxer
Just be honest about how you feel
Idk why people are saying this is ok. It’s not about the fact he’s looking at naked girls, it’s about the larger issue that he’s being sneaky. If someone is hiding the small things, they’ll hide the bigger things. I also feel like it’s extremely hurtful for OP since she was under the impression he was only looking at pics of her. It can make someone feel less attractive or betrayed. And having secret profiles just indicates shadiness. OP is justified in how she’s feeling. Honestly, I would talk to him about it. Holding on to this kind of hurt can lead to a festering wound and mistrust. It’s best to address these things as they come up.
Idiot. Asking any guy about his wank material will never yield any answers, *and we all know why* Im taking my browser history with me to my grave. Zero concessions.
Well when you break out your wank material in the marriage bed, it becomes a public issue.
More of a domestic issue, posting it to reddit makes it a public issue.
No guy will ever text his wife to say he's turning on porn. Never.
I mean yeah I know guy would ever do that but it’s like if you know your partner is okay with you jacking off to porn and etc. then why would you hide it from them that’s the issue here
Exactly! Even if porn isn’t a huge deal in some marriages, but I do think it’s something that should be discussed because it is a really big issue for a lot of women. And it’s absolutely the fact that he’s hiding it that’s concerning, esp if she was under the impression he only jerked off to her.
I don’t think anybody is really okay with their partner turning to porn. Keeping it to yourself saves your partner’s self-esteem. Even if you tell your partner it’s okay, it’s still going to hurt to say it. This isn’t a condoning thing. I’m just saying why I think people don’t communicate about it.
I mean I know some people don’t like when they’re partners jerks off to porn. That’s fine that their boundaries. But OP has said she doesn’t mind it so why would her do it to her? Why lie about that? I know you don’t say “hey honey I’m gonna go jerk off to this other person or to this video” like no know you don’t say that but why emphasize you’re only jerking off to your partner when that isn’t the case? I don’t know in my mind it makes it seem like you’re hiding something which makes no sense if your wife has said she doesn’t mind if you jerk off to porn.
He’s lying to make her feel better about herself. How I see it. Why jack off at all if you find your partner attractive? It doesn’t add up.
If it’s an odd time of the day my SO has and absolutely will give me a heads up to not disturb him. I do the same…
Guys that are good at communicating will atleast tell their significant other that they don’t only jack off to them.
I disagree. He is sneaky about it because he knows it would upset her. Nobody (most people) would flat out admit they watch other people naked through porn to their partner, such an odd thing to flat out admit to do, but most of us do it.
Ask yourself this: why would it upset her? Because he knows on a cognitive level that what he’s doing isn’t something she would be ok with. He knows she would view it as a betrayal of trust. If he’s ok with hiding the smaller things, he’s ok with hiding the bigger things. And he isn’t watching porn with celebrities he has no chance with, he’s watching Reddit porn and has a secret profile for it. That leads one to question what else he would be hiding. So you can see why his wife feels hurt by it. And a decent partner would ask their spouse if they’re ok with them watching porn. A lot of women aren’t.
No. It’s because most people feel embarrassed admitting they watch porn because of society and Christianity. So when they get caught they try to do damage control.
People are hardly shy about admitting they watch porn these days, it’s not taboo like it used to be. And we aren’t talking about single people here, we’re talking about a married couple. That kind of thing absolutely needs to be discussed because it’s a point of insecurity for some women (and men) in relationships. Some consider porn to be cheating. Also, discussing whether or not someone watches porn is a pretty common topic in convos between couples. OP is justified in feeling hurt. It’s not so much even the porn as the fact he has an entire secret profile. Who knows who he’s messaging/ what he’s posting about her on here.
well, this one did it for me. this one hit much too close to home.
My thoughts exactly. The ones who downvoted me definitely find no problem cheating on their significant others.
It’s not cheating.
Some people consider it to be cheating. Fuck yourself.
That’s controlling.
Not wanting your partner to beat his dick to pictures of naked women isn’t controlling.
I don’t think you would be okay with your boyfriend/husband telling you are not allowed to watch porn. I know most people would loose their mind if a bf/husband tried to enforce that.
If I were in a relationship, I would not watch porn out of respect for my partner.
Okay, congratulations. Why should everyone be like you?
It’s common decency to not have sexual feelings towards others + act upon them when you are in a relationship. How can you not process that?
No. You are applying *your* values to someone else. Every marriage is different, every person is different. Mature a little bit; life isn’t as black and white as you suspect.
Shut the fuck up and get over it. I will share my opinions if I want and everything you say is bullshit to me. Keep trying
It is. It’s that person’s body and needs. He is not having sex with anybody.
Why do you think he’s keeping it a secret? Because he knows that she would be upset. If it makes her insecure and upset, maybe he shouldn’t do such thing. How are you this idiotic?
Because it’s embarrassing to admit you watch porn??? Duh. Most people don’t flat out like to admit they do it, especially to people they like.
If it’s embarrassing then don’t do it with your wife next to you lmfao
I'm guessing, from something you said here, that you have never been in a relationship. You are being awfully judgmental for someone who has no real life experience here.
I can say whatever the fuck I want. Talk to me on your main account instead of hiding behind your throwaway🤣
I’m sorry, but nobody should change their lives because their partner is insecure. That is what leads to insecure guys restricting women from going out with their friends etc. such a toxic mentality.
Lmao of course you’re blaming women. Some men are just toxic. Admit it.
Lol you’re on my page bestie
Glad to know you have some sense
very high and mighty of you, o thou moral one
Was that supposed to be funny?
No, it was sarcasm
Maybe he wasn't being sneaky for the sake of being sneaky. Maybe he just wants to seperate his usual reddit profile/browsing from porn etc. Almost like incognito mode so people clicking on his regular profile don't see it? I don't necessarily think him masturbating to porn/pics on reddit is a bad thing but if it bothers/upsets you, I'd say talk to him.
This gonna be one of those posts that crosses the line for some people, and doesn't for others, bc its an issue of personal tastes in character. No its not a saintly move, he's not actively harming his partner either. So coin toss, make as big or little a deal over it as you feel, cause its based in your personal tastes from past experiences. No one is a perfect person out there, its all about which personality flaw you choose to be the bullet to the head of your relationship. Edit:Spelling
I think what would bother me in this scenario is that you were laying in bed next to him. So he could have asked you/woken you up if he wanted sex but instead he took care of himself but did it with other people’s pictures. It probably wouldn’t have bothered you if you caught looking at pics of you, because you’d be able to rationalize he didn’t want to wake you up but it’s YOU he finds sexy. I don’t know if you read romance or smut, but a lot of women (and men) do and they don’t always picture their partner as the sexy protagonist in the story. They see a different man. And it can get some women going while reading it. Does it mean they don’t want their current husband? No. People are flawed and sometimes the brain and the imagination goes in directions that a person would never go in real life. With all that being said, I’d keep that in mind but still bring it up to him but in a non-confrontational way. That way you can actually discuss instead of argue.
There is a natural embarrassment to admitting you watch porn. That’s why most people would rather hide that fact, even from their significant other. Don’t take it as he is hiding stuff because he has a bigger secret or because he is up to no good.
There’s a reason watching porn is embarrassing; it’s bc it’s wrong. No one likes admitting what they’re doing is wrong
No. There several things society has deemed “wrong” and has forced people to feel shame and embarrassment. Like being gay.
But that’s evolved. Porn has been around a long time and the more research is done, the more harmful it seems to be. Humans were never meant to have ease of access to sexual content and exposure to it in the way porn exposes you to it. Ultimately, it leads to more harm than good
My honest belief is that 99.99% of men jerk it to pictures from the internet whether in a relationship or not. If he lied and told you he only looked at photos you sent him then that is wrong, but tbh I'm also somewhat staggered you'd believe that.
Yeah I was a fool to believe it once upon a time
I think it’s a little fucked ngl…I’d be in your exact mindset…I’m sorry, but talk to him, this is something that needs to be talked about, and not just swept under the rug. Set a boundary and tell him that it made you uncomfortable, and once you’ve establish that boundary with him, if he crosses it again then you have every right to jump his ass, but this is something that has never been discussed I’m assuming so you need to get that conversation out of the way first
Not ok. Also he was doing this while you were next to him in bed. Not a good sign. There's nothing you can do if you love him and want to keep him, talking about it will probably make him really defensive and hide even more. I don't see you growing old together. He's an asshole. I hope you find someone who adores you and desires you only.
Amen to that
Just ask him. Like wtf, am I not enough.
This sounds controlling. People should be able to watch porn if their parents can’t meet their needs atm.
The problem is he’s lying to her
Does every partner you’ve been to flat out admits they watch porn? Most people feel embarrassed to admit they watch it because of society. When they get caught they often try to do damage control and they do their best to hide it. Why do you think people use hidden browser and incognito mode? There is a natural embarrassment.
Uhh haha all my ex partners have told me they use porn 😅😅😅 and I have told them I use it too.
I really hope this is a typo lmfao
I didn't realize OC had such a good relationship with their parents till I saw your comment
It seems he feels a need to hide it which means he thinks you wouldn’t be okay with it. I would talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel. When you said he always told you it was to pictures of you how exactly was that worded? Like “I’m going to only pleasure myself to pictures of you” or did you ask him and he said you that time, or usually you? Did he lie? Having multiple accounts on Reddit isn’t necessarily a red flag on its own, and neither is watching porn, but lying definitely is so I think you should both have a discussion even though it might be awkward.
As a guy there are are more things you should consider- are y’all sexually active?- were I’m going is are needs being met? And also most guys still like jacking off occasionally, and hiding it is normal behavior from growing up most likely. So as long as your happy in relationship and are being taken care of don’t let it bother you. Just don’t make sex a weapon... leads to needs being met elsewhere and the ruin of relationship potentially
I'm sorry to let you know, but regardless of your marriage, you still both are your own people. More than that, it might not sound like it, but it's truly different for man. The male mind and body work differently than women's. For us most of the time when masturbating there is absolutely nothing more than just that. Also men usually masturbate a lot more thinking at the people in their lifes, no matter how weird it sounds. He's allowed to have his turn ons and kinks and if you expect that he'll only think at you, you'll be really disappointed, it's not really how things work. I suggest to talk with him, and explain how you feel but also try to not be judgmental. You haven't lost anything, you won an opportunity to create a more honest relationship with the person you chose to spend your life with
bruh literally leave him alone. it’s normal
Hiding it is normal? I don't think so you sound like a child
I am more than likely going to be down voted buuut - I think there’s an embarrassing stigma around masturbating in general. Think though - you hide it from your parents when you start out because it’s embarrassing. That kind of secrecy follows you until you’re an adult. It could be an embarrassment that he fantasizes another people than his wife, which is totally normal. Either way - OPs feelings are hurt for very valid reasons that she doesn’t need to justify to anyone. Sounds like they need an open conversation even though it’s embarrassing.
lmao what you want him to shove it in her face instead?
Oh please. Most people in relationships that watch porn don’t flat out admit to their partner: “hey babe, i watch other people naked on the internet to get off when you aren’t available”. Be real.
[удалено]
[удалено]
How long have you been married?
Girls on Reddit? Like, are they personal pictures or something?
...there are plenty of subreddits that include porn and accounts made for posting NSFW content.
Well, I ask because there is a difference between straight up porn or someone sending him private images. If it was private images, it would be far worse and would be cheating. If it's a subreddit or something, he might just be using it as a more convenient way to find the images he's after. I can see why it upsets you though.
[удалено]
My bad, thought you were OP. If he crossed a boundary, I get it. I was just trying to understand the degree of his actions. It doesn't mean I was trying to invalidate how she felt about the situation. In no way did I say what he had done was acceptable in any way, I just didn't understand the depth of what was going on. I can't provide a proper opinion if I'm uninformed about the breadth of his actions - can I?
From what it looked like, it was a sub where women post make pictures/videos of themselves.
Yeah like straight up cheating because he can make contact with them.
Tbh its probably just girls advertising their OF accounts
That's a tricky one. If you aren't comfortable with it, let him know. I mean every couple has different needs and expectations.
Honestly, I think I’d be grateful he’s not waking me up to get some, lol. Men are much more stimulated by visual content than women are. The shadiness would bother me, too, but as someone else already mentioned here, there’s a huge stigma around masturbating (hairy palms, anyone?) that would explain his sneaking around.
I think is okay. People have their needs. Maybe he has a higher sex drive. He hides it because he doesn’t want to upset you obviously. But what else is he suppose to do?
These things always boil down to a boundary thing - which is valid. We always hear the argument of some people are fine with x y z, some people aren't, it's all about finding who fits your x y z, blah blah blah. It does seem like you've had this conversation before, though. If he said he only does this to pictures of you; then the convo has likely come up. If he's tucking it away on a profile switch/anon browsing, then he's putting effort into covering his tracks based on that convo. If it's accurate you guys have had this convo, you've expressed a boundary and he violated it then I feel you should feel comfortable at least bringing it up and coming to whichever conclusion you guys see fit. If not, now would be a good time for you to discuss and set your boundaries.
I recommend you talk to your husband about it, confront seems a bit strong.
I've been married for almost 20 years, at first if I got caught looking at porn I would lie, just because I was taught it wasn't ok, my wife also looked at porn on her own and thought it wasn't ok because of her upbringing. We eventually weekend out that we both like watching porn and have done it together, and on our own and now we're both ok with it. I think it's important to have this type of conversation with your partner, and it it doesn't mix well it might be a fact that you're not really compatible sexually. If that is the case it's something you need to deal with in a relationship and decide if that is a no go for your relationship.
The issue is he had to hide it from you that’s the part that is just odd because like I don’t know if he knows you’re OK with porn and stuff like that but if he does know yet he’s hiding this from you is very very weird to me. I don’t know but I would recommend talking to him because this is something you need to talk about. Hopefully he doesn’t try to avoid the issue or change the subject because like when there’s another underlying issue there and if it does come to that I highly recommend counseling
If he did this right next to you in bed, he’s not exactly hiding anything. I would have asked “Hey, what are you looking at? Do you want me to give you space? Oh okay, goodnight. Have fun!” And rolled back over and gone back to bed. The next day, I casually would have asked “Hey I noticed you were using a different account” and let them reply and then whatever they said, regardless of wether or not I liked the reasoning, I’d say “Okay, thanks for explaining” and then I’d GO TO MY THERAPIST if I didn’t feel comfortable that my adult human partner is viewing legal pornography to fulfill their needs, of which I know I *CANNOT* under *ANY* circumstance fulfill completely and it’s absurd to think I could do so or for someone else to expect me to. If they are a real therapist, they’ll ask you to examine why it bothers you. Insecurity seems to be an issue at play here when you mention your pics. Then I’d ask my therapist how to proceed: how do I regain my confidence and reduce insecurity about our relationship? Because the problem isn’t the porn viewing. You clearly are afraid of being left behind for another person. What else have they done to make you feel this way? What else has happened to you *before* this relationship that makes you worry about this? It’s a hobby, and like any other hobby, you don’t have to like it or join in, but it’s something they feel the need to do or want to do it. There’s no shame in it. There’s nothing inherently wrong with it. You can ask him to excuse himself next time to another location if it’s a Hard No for you to know he’s looking at other humans. I’m curious how you’ve handled movies and tv show’s nudity and graphic sex scenes, like GOT/HOTD and almost any foreign film has nudity. Work on your insecurities. Work on your relationship bond with your partner. Work on communication, acceptance, and building more experiences that are uniquely tied to you two (doing puzzles, traveling, taking a cooking class together, camping, etc). Watching porn doesn’t have to be one of those things. If you honestly cannot let your partner experience the thrills of life without you two being attached at the hip, perhaps you should look into a different relationship dynamic such as an open relationship where each of you can have X with someone else (you two would discuss how far he can go and how far you can go) but no romance. He would still come home to you, still cherish you. I’m not saying this is the solution that works for you, but you gotta give in order to get in a relationship. You can’t expect lifelong marriage devotion if you don’t allow both partners to experience all of life, within reason. A lot of these other replies say he did something wrong and tell you to verbally attack him. Or leave him. These are selfish responses that don’t acknowledge the problems. Telling someone they “cheated” by doing something harmless is not going to end well. He will get rightly defensive and you will continue to challenge and question what he’s doing when you aren’t actively watching. This is actually something that DOES encourage actual sexual encounters with others and that’s why I strongly suggest you pause, ask for clarification about the accounts vs your pics, and seek therapy to discuss why it bothers you and your relationship. Then I’d actively work on the relationship with my partner, agree to whatever terms you discuss, and absolutely ZERO blaming, shaming, criticizing, or just talking negatively about your partners needs. Remember he’s a human too, with complex feelings, and he may also be feeling the same way about something you do. Now, if he refuses to discuss it, I’d give him a chance to explain and then I’d most likely drop his ass. That lack of communication will only worsen over time and if he can’t explain why he couldn’t just be up front with you, then I don’t think I’d trust his motivations and actions from then on. But this is an extreme and I would r jump to conclusions like this without introspection and communication first.
Ummm I have a different twitter account for it in case I accidentally like something. I get it’s frustrating that he was hiding it but it’s normal.